Copyright: March 2000 By Robin R. Neher

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED.

FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT.

THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: Legacy

Author: Robin R. Neher

Rating: R

Pairing: Johnny/Roy

Archive: Yes

Summary: In this sequel to Extended Leave, Johnny's son tells of the effect of Roy's death on his father.

Content Warning: Hanky Alert!!!!

EXTENDED LEAVE 2: LEGACY

by Robin R. Neher

As I kneel by the grave of my father, I cry out of both pain and anger. Anger toward Royal DeSoto. Mr. DeSoto was the best friend of my father, John Gage. I am Roderick Roy Gage. My father and Roy were very close, being partners at station fifty-one for seven years. Their friendship slowly turned into an affair. My father loved Roy very deeply but Roy, in my opinion only wanted him for sex. I think after Roy's wife left him, he was so desperate for love that he turned to Dad.

Dad, at first was very happy with Roy, but the more sexually demanding Roy became, the further away he drove my father. They tried to get back together, but things only got worse, finally coming to a head when Roy tried to fuck Dad in the squad. Dad was so angry that he kicked Roy out of his life. Dad then married my Mom and I was born a year later. Dad and Mom were very happy until the day he got the call telling him that Roy was dead of an alcohol overdose.

Dad was never the same after that. He became distant and hostile toward my Mom and me. He would often times not come home after work. When he did come home, he would withdraw into his own world, shutting out my Mom entirely. Mom couldn't tolerate dad's distance, so she packed and left him for another man.

Dad barely noticed she was gone. It seemed like his world stopped when Roy died. I grew up without a father. I feel that John Gage died along with Roy DeSoto that day and all there was left was a shell of a man. I felt so powerless to help Dad, what could I do? The only time that Dad was ever happy was when he was working. I think he knew that a part of Roy was still with him at station fifty-one.

My Dad buried himself in his work as a way of dealing with his pain, grief and guilt. He never spoke of Roy after he died because it was just too painful. I remember one day, I was looking at an old photo album of Dad's. Most of the pictures were of him and Roy in happier days. As I looked at them, I finally came to understand why my father was hurting so much. It was obvious to me that he and Roy were more than friends. They were also brothers and lovers.

I guess that when you work together in a dangerous profession, you form bonds with your colleagues. You depend on each other for your very lives. My father and Roy's exploits are legend at Rampart General hospital at 51's. Dad never did like being the center of attention, preferring instead to stay in the background. When Dad was to be awarded the medal of valor, I agreed to accept it in his behalf, knowing that he would be uncomfortable being on display for all to see. He wouldn't even let us throw a party in his honor.

When he wore his formal uniform, he didn't wear the medal like alot of others would've. He instead buried it in a desk drawer not even taking it out to show others. When I asked him why, he told me that he felt that he wasn't worthy of that medal because he couldn't save the life of his best friend. Everytime he saw that medal, he was reminded of the one life he'd failed to save.

People always thought that dad was a womanizer and a louse, but they didn't know him the way I did. They never knew of the quiet man who who'd sit under a tree and meditate for hours on end. Nor did they know of the man who would take me for a ride in the old firetruck that he and Roy had refurbished years before, having bought it back from the man they'd sold it to. He loved that engine and he and I would work on it for hours.

As we worked on it, Dad would patiently listen to my problems and I to his. I was the only one he would ever completely open up to. He felt that he could tell me anything, the only thing he would never speak of was Roy. I understood and left that subject alone.

There were times where I would sit with him as he cried for his best friend. I would sit and listen to his stories of the many rescues that he'd participated in, but again, Roy was never mentioned by name. I would hang out at 51's after school and watch as Dad walked around the squad, touching every inch of it or sitting in the drivers seat. After the squad got too old to be useful to the department, Dad took it home with him. It still sits in my garage today.

********************

As I look at the squad, I smile with pride in it's history. My father and his best friend saved many a lives in the squad. I recently took it apart, then rebuilt it from the bottom up. Everything is all new, including the light bar on top. I'm glad to say that it will soon occupy a place of honor at the LA County fire museum, as part of a tribute to the dynamic duo, that's what I call Roy and my Dad. Their turnout gear and Captain's hats will also be there, along with the engine 51.

Dad retired from the department at the rank of Battalion Chief, after a massive heart attack one year ago. After that, Dad seemed to go even further downhill. His health gradually got worse. I think that leaving the department severed his last connection to Roy. It was like he was adrift after he retired, also unhappy. The department had been his whole life, his reason for living. When that was taken from him, he had nothing left, so he just gave up.

Dad got so sick, that I had to place him in a nursing home, where he died six months ago of a stroke at the age of sixty. He left me a legacy. I followed in his footsteps and became a Firefighter/Paramedic, eventually making the rank of Captain. I'm the commander of Station Fifty-one's A-shift. My people are all the sons and daughters of the men and women that worked with my dad.

My engineer is Michael Stoker, Jr, who goes by Mikey. He's as quiet and shy as his dad, Chief Stoker is. Unfortunately, he didn't inherit his dad's cooking talents, so he rarely cooks. My partner in the squad is McCall Brackett, daughter of Dixie and Kel Brackett. She is as beautiful as her mother, with Dix's blond hair and blue eyes, but she also has her mother's toughness and her father's sternness. If I say something that she views as sexist, watch out!

My engine crew are also a good bunch. First there is DeSoto McCall, the adopted daughter of Dixie from her relationship with Jennifer DeSoto prior to her marriage to Kel Brackett. DeSoto does not speak much of Dixie or to her for that matter. I don't think she can accept that her mother married the one person she despised.

Why she hates Kel, I don't know. All I know is that when she's injured, she won't let Kel near her. Dix has tried on many occasions to have a relationship with DeSoto, but DeSoto wants nothing to do with her. This must hurt Dix very deeply and I feel for her. DeSoto will not have anything to do with McCall either. I think that Mac is a reminder of her mother to DeSoto.

DeSoto has requested transfer several times, but I have always denied her request because I want my station to be a family affair, just like it was for Dad and Roy. People tell me that I try to replace my Dad too much, that I try to be what he was. I know I can never fill his shoes. Johnny Gage was one of a kind.

The second member of my engine crew is Chester Alan Kelly, he goes by Alan though. He is not the practical joker his father, Chester B. Kelly was. Alan is far more serious than his father, with the same curly hair a chubby cheeks of his father. I'm grateful that I'm not the gullible pigeon my father was.

Our resident clown is Joanne DeSoto, daughter of Roy and Joanne senior. The younger Joanne has her dad's shy smile and her mom's figure. I keep trying to get her to go out with me, but she always turns me down. I'm a decent guy. Why won't she go out with me? Am I too much like my Dad for her?

*************************

As I sit and watch Cap at the desk across from me, I wish I could open up to him and talk about my troubles with my Mom. I am DeSoto McCall, Dix's daughter and the newest member of 51's A-Shift. Dix adopted me when I was three along with her then lover, Jennifer DeSoto. When I was five, Jenny wanted free of my Mom, feeling that she was too controlling, so she left.

My Mom is hurt because I chose to follow in the footsteps of my grandfather rather then hers. Ever since I can remember, Mom planned on me being a nurse like her, but I thought that nursing was too boring, too routine. I wanted something with a lot more action, so I joined the department, being the first female member.

Think Mommy Dearest is proud? WRONG! Mom didn't even attend my graduation from paramedic training! She has never said she's proud of me! Just once, I'd like to hear her say that! Just one damn time!

Mom only wants a relationship with me if it's only on her terms. She wants me to give up firefighting, ha! That'll be the day! Mom was strict when I was growing up. I mean, she'd listen in on my phone calls for goodnss sake! She didn't even let me go to my Senior prom, fearing that her little baby would God forbid have sex! Like, I ever would!

I just wish my Mom would stop hovering like a fucking mother hen! I am twenty-one years old after all.

As for Kel Brackett, I absolutely despise him! Why? Because he's a prima donna. Always has to prove himself right, no matter what. He never listens to other people! He will chew a nurse out if she makes even the slightest mistake. He's even had nurses crying at the end of the day because of his yelling. Yo, Doc, take a chill pill!

As for Cap Gage, he's too busy chasing young Joanne DeSoto to notice me. Cap has the same rugged looks of his father. He even has Uncle Johnny's crooked smile. He doesn't know that I, DeSoto McCall, love him very much. Boy, wouldn't that piss Mom off, me dating Roderick Gage! Mom would faint if she knew how I felt about Cap.

Mom is so old-fashioned. She wants me to marry a rich man! That'll be the day! If I can't have Cap, then I want nobody. I just want to enjoy my life as it is now. No demands, no pressure. I just wish Mom would accept that. Uncle Johnny used to tell me Mom didn't used to be like that. He told me that Mom used to be a liberated woman.

I guess when I came along, she changed her views. I guess being a parent does that to you. I love my mother, don't get me wrong, it just that she drives me crazy sometimes.

*********************

As I sit in my office, I watch DeSoto as she walks by. I know she's in love with me. I want to approach her, but I'm afraid she will see me the way women used to see Dad, as a louse and sleazy. Why couldn't these ladies see Dad as a man who just liked to flirt? He never would do anything to hurt them. My Dad was, according to Roy, a man who was never happy with any one person for long. He got bored easily.

My Dad and my Mom were married for ten years. I have the feeling that if I hadn't come along, my father would have moved on when he got bored with her. I can't help but think that Mom got pregnant to trap Dad into staying with her. I could, from the age of five, tell that my Dad was tired of Mom.

When he would come in from work, he wouldn't even kiss Mom. He would barely say hello to her. He would however pick me up and play with me until my bedtime. I remember they would not even sleep in the same bed. Dad slept on the couch almost every night. Mom would tell me it was because my father snored, but I never believed it.

Another bone of contention was the fact that my father wanted a second child. My Mom, however did not. She wanted to return to nursing. My feeling is that Mom wanted a life away from Dad. She didn't want to be tied to him every minute.

My Dad was hurt because he wanted to be the sole provider for our family. He wanted to take care of Mom. Mom wanted her own life, not one that revolved around Dad. She wanted to contribute too.

Dad never got over that. He told me once that as a boy, he would dream of getting married and making sure that his wife never wanted for nothing.

************************

As I sit at my dining room table, I look at a picture of my son, Roderick, from the last time I saw him all those years ago. He was ten when Johnny and I divorced. My name is Sharon Walters Gage, Johnny's ex-wife. I was young and stupid when I married Johnny and I knew that the baby I was then carrying was his.

The man that is Roderick's father was not ready for marriage or a family, yet I dragged him to the alter. I thought that Johnny would grow to love me over time, but it didn't turn out that way. John would work lots of overtime just to avoid being with me. I guess his true love was Roy DeSoto.

Johnny was delighted when Roderick Roy Gage came into the world. After the baby came home from the hospital, Johnny took time off to be with his son. He did the changing, feedings, baths, etc. He would never let me do them. I was this baby's mother, yet I was not allowed to even be near him.

Johnny said it was because he had his son and he no longer needed me. Even when Johnny returned to work, Roderick was always taken to a sitter, he was not ever left with me. I guess to Johnny, I was just in the way.

Who could blame Johnny for not trusting me with the baby? I couldn't cook, I couldn't do laundry, all the things that a wife should be able to do. Johnny wanted a June Cleaver type wife, who would stay at home and be there when he came in with dinner on the table.

Me, I wanted my career. I didn't want my life to revolve around a fireman who was more like my infant son then my husband. He would throw temper tantrums if his food wasn't fixed the way he liked it or I wouldn't have sex with him when he wanted it. Sex was always about his pleasure, never mine.

Johnny shut me out completely when Roy died. When he'd come home, he take Roderick and go into his den and lock the door. I was alone, even when he was there. Then, he stopped coming home at all. I was divorced emotionally from him, even though I was still married to him. Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore, so I left.

I went down to the station and served him with divorce papers. He didn't even so much as cry. He just wished me the best and went back to work. I guess he knew that our marriage was one without love from the beginning. He didn't love me, I was just an object to him. I know that I didn't love him either.

From the journal of John Gage-12/30/81

Sharon left me, good riddance! She never loved me or I her. I was a young, stupid fool who fell into her trap! She used me and I let her. The marriage was a fraud from the beginning. It was based on convenience not love. She and I agreed that I would have sole custody of our son.

I feel bad for treating her the way I did. I wanted her to be something she couldn't be. She wanted her nursing career and I only held her back. She was no more ready to be wife and mother then I was husband and father. I acted childishly toward her, even more so then Roderick.

I admit to shutting Sharon out, especially after Roy died. People tell me that I should just move on and accept the fact that Roy was dead. How do you move on when it's your best friend that died and you killed him?

Roy DeSoto died of a broken heart which I caused. Roy might still be alive now if I hadn't pushed him away.

John

From the Journal of John Gage-1/1/82

Saw Dixie McCall today at the market. She asked if DeSoto could live with me for a while. DeSoto is seventeen and a nightmare. She is out of control, despite Dix's best efforts. Dix suspects that DeSoto might be using drugs and having sex.

When I asked Dixie if she talked to DeSoto, she replied that DeSoto refused to listen to her. Anyway, I told her that I could not have a rebellious seventeen year old in my home. I could not expose Roderick to that. Dix said that she understood and thanks anyway.

John

From the journal of John Gage-1\1\83

Saw Dix again at Rampart. Roderick is having his tonsils out tomorrow. I know he'll come though just fine. Dix says that DeSoto has kicked her drug habit but got arrested for prostitution. Dix asked if I'd go with her to court, I agreed. Things are terrible between mother and daughter. They're not even on speaking terms now.

I just wish there was some way to bring them together.

From the journal of John Gage-1\2\83

Roderick made it through surgery just fine, I take him home tomorrow. As for Dix, DeSoto refuses to even live with her now. She lives with Jenny now. DeSoto and Dix had a knock down drag out over this latest arrest. DeSoto broke Dixie's nose. Had to take her to Rampart for treatment.

I told Dix she should press charges against DeSoto, but she refused, stating that she had gotten her just deserts. Dixie feels that she failed her daughter somehow. She feels that she went wrong somewhere.

After she was released, I her to my place. As we were talking, I kissed her. I don't know why, I just kissed her. I was suprised when she kissed me back. After we parted, she told me that she liked the way I kissed. I like her kiss too. We kissed again, then made love.

John

From the journal of John Gage-1\3\83

It feels so good to be in love, To wake up in a woman's arms. I have not felt that since Sharon. I thought I'd never feel it again. Now that I do, I love it, too bad I have to go to work now.

John

From the journal of John Gage-1\5\83

Roderick is home from the hospital and doing as well as can be expected. My shift at the station went off without a hitch. A few minor runs, that's all. I'm up for promotion to Captain, I passed the exam, I'm just not sure I want to be in command of others. I also feel that if I took this promotion, that I'd break a promise I'd made to Roy long ago.

We'd promised each other that if we were promoted, it would be together or not at all. It would be so hollow to accept those bars, knowing Roy will never get his. He was senior partner and I feel that it wouldn't be fair to him if I got promoted. I know Roy is dead, but he still lives on in my heart.

John

From the journal of John Gage-1\7\83

After alot of soul searching and alot of prayer, I have turned down the promotion. I feel that I can barely be responsible for myself, much less others. I am nowhere ready to be a Captain. Dix supports my decision wholeheartedly. I will stay a paramedic for two years longer. Roderick is disappointed that I didn't accept the promotion. He says that I could do so much more as a Captain, but I doubt it.

I just cannot see myself standing there as others perform rescues. I also think that if I'd taken that promotion, It would not have been for myself, but to please others. I am no leader or administrator. Brice, on the other hand is, so I will let him have those bars, Congrats, Craig!

John

From the journal of John Gage-1\9\83

Station fifty-one had a visit from the Chief today. We passed inspection like always. I could tell when the Chief came to me that I had dashed his hopes by the look on his face. He had me groomed to be the next leader of station fifty-one. I don't care about that though. Roy told me once that if I was going to do something, put my best into it.

I feel that were I a Captain now, it would be a disservice to those under me, I would let them down. Those men deserve a commander who is confident in himself and his abilities. I'm certainly not that.

Marco Lopez sure is though, It's good to know that our new Cap will be an old friend. Things are hot and heavy between Dix and I. I actually look forward to going home now. Things on the DeSoto front are no better. DeSoto failed to appear in court and is now a fugitive. Dixie is taking it suprisingly well or so it appears. I'm sure she is hurting inside. I'm sure this was not what she had in mind career wise for DeSoto. All I can do is be there to support Dixie through this.

John.

From the journal of John Gage-1\10\83

The Chief called me to headquarters today. He told me that I was promoted to Captain, like it or not. I guess I have no choice now. The Chief then told me that I was to take over command of 51's. Dix knows that I am uncomfortable with my new rank and abided by my wish that no party or anything else be done in my honor.

I am wondering why I'm not as happy as I should be about this. Am I afraid of success? Am I afraid to leave the Paramedics? I did start out there eleven years ago. Am I like a fledgling afraid to leave the nest? No, it's not any of that. The fact is, I fear that not working on the squad will erase my memories of Roy. I know that I will be at the station, but my happiest memories of Roy are in the squad.

John

From the journal of John Gage-1\12\83

After my first couple of days as a Captain, I now know that I was right when I said I wasn't ready for this job. I blew it big time at the station, first when a call came in, I ran to the squad instead of the engine. I messed up again when I was acknowledging a call and wrote down the wrong address! It took another fifteen minutes to find the right house! After that screw up, I called in a replacement, then went home to talk to Dix.

Dix reassured me that it was just first command jitters and that things would be better next shift. They weren't. When I next reported for duty, station fifty-one was a shambles. My men were all at each other's throats. That only confirmed my unreadiness for command in my mind.

More confirmation came when we were working a structure fire and one of my men refused to follow orders. When we got back to the station, I chewed his ass out. He told me that he would transfer because he did not like being under the command of a medic who had never worked on an engine. I could tell that the others felt the same way. In their eyes, I was the enemy.

That did it for me, I called headquarters and told Deputy Chief McConikee that I wanted to go back to being a Paramedic. I explained to him that that was what I loved doing and hoped that he would understand. McConikee told me that he thought that Stanley had pushed me into Captaincy too fast He said he understood and that effective immediately, I was back to being a Paramedic.

When Marco arrived at the station minutes later, I gladly handed command back to him and took my rightful place in the squad. Now, how am I going to face Roderick? I know he'll be disappointed in me.

John

From the journal of John Gage-1\13\83

When I told Roderick of giving up my promotion, as I suspected, he was disappointed and mad. He is not speaking to me. I'm just leaving him alone for now, hoping that he'll cool down and understand why I did what I did.

Roderick asked me if it was possible that I wanted to fail at being a Captain so that I could stay in the safety of the paramedic program. I can't help but think he's right. Being a Paramedic has sorta been a security blanket for me. Being in that program made me feel needed and wanted.

Dix is a little more supportive of my decision. She understands that I need to be doing, not watching.

John

From the journal of John Gage-1/12/86

Was called into headquarters today. The Chief told me that in order to give younger fireman a chance at working on the squad, that I was promoted to Captain. The good news is that this time, I will get to keep my Paramedic certification. That makes me happier then I've been in a long time.

Tomorrow, I will report to my new post as commander of station eighty-six's Paramedic engine. A paramedic engine is an engine, just like engine fifty-one, except that it is staffed by two paramedics and two firefighters, the engineer and myself. This enables care to be started prior to the arrival of the squad and gives a patient a better chance.

I said good-bye to all my friends at 51's today. Man, that was hard! I tried so hard not to cry as did the others, but it was impossible. Tears flowed throughout the day. I also realized something. I realized that no matter where I'm stationed, I will always carry my memories of Roy in my mind and heart. I know Roy would be proud of me.

John

From the journal of John Gage-1/13/86

I started my new command today. I was pleasantly suprised when I learned one of the people under my command was one DeSoto McCall, fresh out of the fire academy. In the past couple of years, she had got herself straightened out by going to a psychiatrist regularly. Her relationship with Dix is still a rocky one, but at least they are talking on a fairly regular basis.

I think the discipline within the department will be of great help to her as well. Dix came to the station today and she and DeSoto talked in my office for over an hour. I think these two are finally finding each other again.

On a personal note, Dix and I are getting married. We hope to do it on Valentine's Day, schedules permitting. I proposed to Dixie a couple months ago and she eagerly accepted. I Can't wait until we are husband and wife. One person that won't be coming to the wedding is Dr. Kelly Brackett.

Dixie divorced him after finding him in their bed with none other then my Ex-wife, Sharon! Go figure! Dixie recently told me that if she ever caught me cheating, she'd take certain parts of my anatomy and after cutting them off, would stuff them down my throat! Boy, I'd better not even look at another woman after we are married!

John

PART 13 SOON