Copyright: May 2001 By Robin R. Neher

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED. FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT.

THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: On The Outside Looking In

Author: Robin R. Neher

E-mail: NRobin1027@aol.com

Rating: SLASH

Pairing: Roy/Johnny

Fandom: Emergency!

Archive: Yes

Summary: A divorced Roy deals his feelings about Joanne's marriage to another man and Johnny seizes the chance of a lifetime.

Content Warning: Some harsh Language. HANKY ALERT!!!

A suicide threat in this part. Graphic M/M sex.

On The Outside Looking In
by Robin R. Neher

"Pally?" Johnny asked quietly as he and Roy left the church where Joanne was getting married to someone else.

"Johnny, get me out of here!" Roy requested as they walked out to Johnny's Land Rover parked in the church parking lot.

"Okay, Pally." Johnny replied, understandingly. "We'll go."

Roy's tears started flowing as Johnny unlocked the truck. As soon as the doors were open, both men got in and starting the engine, Johnny pulled away from the church.

"I guess it's really over!" Roy sobbed. "I'll never love again!"

"Roy, don't say that." Johnny soothed. "I know that right now it hurts, but given time, you'll be able to love again. There are lots of other fish in the sea, ya know. One day, you'll find a person
who understands you and your job."

"Johnny, that's easy for you to say! You aren't going through what I am now! I loved that woman! I loved her!" Roy cried on the verge of hysteria. "I loved her!"

Johnny drove Roy to his ranch on the outskirts of LA. Once inside the house, Johnny took Roy to his bedroom and laid him on his bed.

"If I can't have Joanne, what's the use in living?!" Roy sobbed.

Johnny froze at those words.

"Roy, you aren't thinking of killing yourself, are you?" A concerned Johnny asked.

"I might as well! I can't live without her!" Roy sobbed.

Roy's threat sent Johnny into panic mode. Johnny, unsure of what else to do, called Dix who came over immediately.

"Dix, I'm sorry, but I didn't know what else to do!" Johnny told the nurse.

"You did the right thing." Dixie McCall reassured Johnny. "Let's go check on Roy."

Going upstairs, Johnny led Dix to his bedroom. Going in the saw a crying Roy, sitting on the bed.

"Roy, Talk to me." Dix ordered.

"Dix, my life is over!" Roy sobbed. "I can't live without Jo!"

"Roy, what makes you think that?" Dix asked, sitting down on the bed beside the distraught man as Johnny silently left the room.

"Jo's the only love I've ever had." Roy cried. "I can't stand the thought of her with another man!"

"Roy, look at me!" Dix commanded. "You knew this was gonna happen sooner or later. It's been a year since the divorce. Jo's moving on without you, the kids too! The sooner you accept
that, the better!"

"Dix, How can let my kids be raised by another man?" Roy sniffed.

"Roy, how can you raise or be involved with kids that are going to be living in England?" Dix asked. "Doesn't it seem strange to you that you're trying to hold on to a family that you hardly
spent time with when you and Jo were married? Did it take losing them to wake you up?"

Roy stopped crying as he realized his friend was right.

"I guess I made alot of mistakes." Roy realized.

"It's not too late to learn from them." Dix soothed. "You can marry again and have more kids."

"I don't know that I'll ever find the kind of love that Joanne gave me again." Roy sighed.

"You're wrong, Pally." Johnny whispered. "Love is right in front of you."

"Johnny, you mean you're in love with Roy?" A shocked Dix asked.

"Roy, I love you deeply." Johnny whispered. "I have ever since we first met."

Roy shuddered as John traded places with Dixie, sitting down beside him on the bed. Roy shuddered again as John reached out and caressed his cheek.

"Don't pull away, Pally." Johnny whispered, pulling Roy into his strong arms. "Don't be afraid of me or my love."

Dixie, confidant that Roy was in good company, quietly left the room, then the house. Johnny pulled a shivering Roy to him Roy cried quietly as Johnny softly kissed his lips.

"Let her go, Roy." Johnny whispered in his ear. "Let the pain Joanne caused leave you. Let me heal you. Let me mend your heart."

Johnny watched as Roy took off his wedding ring.

"Joanne, I'm letting you go." Roy whispered, holding the gold band in his hand. "I accept the fact that you no longer love me."

Johnny smiled as Roy then went to his car and retrieved his and Joanne's wedding album. Returning to Johnny's side, Roy placed both the photo album and the ring in the fire that Johnny
lit in the bedroom's fireplace.

"We can make love as they burn." Roy smiled. "Let this fire symbolize the beginning of a new life and a new love."

At this point, both men removed their clothes, then went into each other's arms. Both shivered in anticipation of the other's touch. As they looked into each other's eyes, both men knew now was the time. Johnny smiled as he cupped Roy's chin and brought his mouth slowly to his own.

As his mouth met John's for the first time, Roy knew this was right. This kiss started as just a peck, but soon it turned deep and hungry. As they kissed, their arms tightened around each other. A minute later, the kiss broke. Both men smiled at each other as their mouths met again, kissing like mad. Once this kiss ended, Johnny shoved Roy onto his back.

"Roy, I want to kiss you all over. I wanna love every strong, sexy inch of you." Johnny whispered, his brown eyes dark with desire.

Roy purred as Johnny began kissing his body, starting with the bald spot on his head. As Johnny then kissed his way down Roy's forehead, then over the closed eyelids, down the nose and both cheeks.

"Oh, Johnny!" Roy moaned as Johnny kissed, sucked and nuzzled his neck.

"Sssh, Sweetheart, don't talk." Johnny whispered. "Just feel."

Johnny then gagged Roy with the hanky in his shirt pocket to make sure he'd say nothing more. Roy squirmed and growled as Johnny then kissed and sucked his chest, stopping to worship Roy's nipples along the way. The feel of Johnny's hot mouth on him was a delicious feeling to Roy. He had never had anyone love him this way before, even his ex-wife.

Johnny smiled at the expression on his lover's face as he loved him.

"Oh, I adore that look." Johnny whispered to Roy. "I'm glad I'm the one doing that to you."

Johnny reached over at that moment and opened one of Roy's eyes.

"That's what I want." Johnny cooed. "I don't want you to see, just feel."

Roy's body spasmed Johnny nibbled it. All Roy could feel was the warmth of Johnny's body and the passion coursing through him. Roy only wanted more of what Johnny was doing to him. The next thing that Roy felt was John's hand wrapping around his erection.

"Very nice." Johnny purred. "Beautiful."

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Roy screamed around the gag as Johnny bit Roy's hardness.

Johnny pushed Roy back down as he arched upwards at Johnny's bite. Roy's penis leaked cum, which Johnny licked off.

"Lover, I want this to last all night." Johnny told as writhing Roy as he swirled his hot tongue around Roy's shaft.

 Roy continued to squirm as Johnny removed the gag from his mouth.

"God, Johnny!" Roy screamed as the younger man continued to lick Roy's cock "I never knew you were this great at lovemaking!"

"Shows how well you know me, Pally." Johnny teased as he softly kissed Roy's tip. "Roy, I can give you the love that Joanne never could."

Roy smiled as John again enveloped him with his body.

"Johnny, Joanne says I was never there, but the real question is, was she ever there for me like you are now?" Roy whispered, then kissed Johnny softly. "You were always there, Johnny. When I needed you, you were always there. I never thought I could love again."

"Sometimes love is where you least expect it." Johnny purred, his hands working Roy's body. "You don't need Jo or the kids. You have me and you always will. Roy, take a chance on me and I promise you won't regret it."

"I don't now." Roy grinned. "Johnny, I need you."

"And I you, Roy." Johnny grinned, crookedly. "I won't let you down."

At those words, Roy broke down, sobs of joy overtaking him. Johnny cried with Roy as they again kissed. Johnny then looked Roy in the eye.

"Roy, Can I love you? Can I be inside you?" Johnny whispered

Johnny was delighted when Roy got up on his knees and turned his ass toward him. Johnny positioned himself behind Roy and slowly entered him.

Roy moaned at the new sensations.

"Roy, you feel so good!" Johnny whispered, harshly as Roy's muscles contracted around him..

Roy hissed as Johnny began slow, rhythmic thrusts, burying himself deeper inside Roy.

"JOHNNEEEE!!!" Roy screamed, soaring at all he was feeling.

As Johnny's thrusts got harder and deeper, all Roy could do was enjoy the ride. A few minutes later, both men exploded, cum shooting everywhere. A few seconds later, both men collapsed.

"Baby, that was the best fuck I've ever had!" Roy grinned.

"Hey, Lover, what do you say we invite Miss Joanne over here and rubbed our love in her face?" Johnny snickered.

"Johnny, you are wicked, but a genius!" Roy smiled, evilly. "Use your phone?"

"Of course." Johnny smiled.

Roy grinned as he made the call. Twenty minutes later, the newly married Joanne arrived.

"This better be good, guys!" Joanne warned as she was ushered inside by John.

"Oh, it is, Missy." Her ex-husband smiled as he grabbed Joanne's luggage and opened it. "What's this? You're going to
fuck your new husband in the nighties I gave you? Do you honestly think that the new man will want you if I were to tell
him that you have a criminal record?"

"You wouldn't!" Joanne growled. "That's a lie!"

"Ah, but does he know that?" Roy persisted. "What does he really know, hmmm?"

"What do you want?!" Jo angrily demanded.

"I want you to leave with nothing. Everything in that suitcase I bought!" Roy told her. I want everything I ever gave you back!"

"It's only fair, Jo." Johnny added. "Roy gave up years of his life for you, now it's time that he got something in return."

Joanne paled as she realized that both men were kissing each other as they talked.

"You and Johnny?" She gasped.

"That's right." Roy purred. "Joanne, I gave you my heart all those years ago. You knew how much I loved you, yet you left
me. I know I wasn't always there, but neither were you! When we first met, you were nothing but poor white trash! I had
everything money could buy! You never loved me, you loved the fact that my folks were rich!"

"Was it so wrong?" Jo cried. "Was it so wrong that I wanted a better life?!"

"You wanted the good life, but you wanted Roy to give up his!" Johnny accused. "Roy never had anything he wanted, it was
always about you! You wanted Roy to live up to your ideals!"

"So? If he had had his way, Roy would've spent his career as a lousy fireman!" Jo yelled. "I was only trying to get Roy to move up in the world!"

"How? By pushing me into promotions I didn't want?!" Roy demanded. "The only way you would've been happy was with
me as a Battalion Chief!"

"Guys, I have a plane to catch!" Jo said

"Honey!" Johnny called, holding Joanne's plane ticket and passport.

Joanne turned around to see John see throw the things in the fire.

"Remember our honeymoon, Jo?" Roy asked as his ex wept. "You never showed up! I waited in Los Vegas for two weeks,
but you never came!"

Joanne wept hysterically at the burning of her ticket and passport.

"You abandoned Roy from day one, so now, your new hubby's abandoning you!" John hissed in Jo's ear. "You see, your marriage is not legal!"

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Joanne screamed and sobbed. "YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!! HOW COULD YOU????!!!!!"

"How could you hurt Roy the way you did?!" John countered. "Did his feelings not count?!"

"Jo, you always were and always will be nothing!" Roy took over, ripping the expensive suit that Jo wore from her body and adding it to the fire. "Now, John Roderick, what do you say we treat Jo like the spoiled little whore she is at heart?"

"You mean, give her a spanking?" John snickered.

"Precisely." Roy smiled, taking his belt from his pants which lay on the floor.

Johnny, meanwhile grabbed Jo by her hair and bending her over, yanked her lacy panties down.

"Hey, Roy, your ex has an ass on her!" Johnny whooped. "If she weren't your ex, I might have married her myself!"

"She is pretty on the outside." Roy agreed as Joanne begged for mercy.

"Please, Don't!" Joanne cried. "Roy, I'm sorry!"

The plea fell on deaf ears as Roy delivered the first blow with the belt. Jo screamed in pain and humiliation.. As Roy went to hit her again, a hand grabbed his from behind.

"ROY, STOP THIS!!!!!" Dixie McCall ordered, sharply.

Roy turned around to face both Dix and Cap, who yanked the belt from Roy's grasp. Dixie quickly wrapped a naked and weeping Jo in a towel and escorted her out to where a squad and ambulance were waiting. Johnny, meanwhile, went to his bedroom, leaving Roy to face Hank by himself.

"Roy, what has gotten into you?!" Stanley demanded. "Ever since Joanne left you for another man, you've been like a crazy man!"

Roy looked at his Captain, his blue eyes filled with a hatred that scared Hank.

"I'll never forgive her!" Roy yelled. "She hurt me! Don't you understand?!"

"So it makes you feel better to hurt Jo?!" Cap countered. "That's the mother of your children that you called a whore! Tell me, Roy, how are those kids gonna feel to know that that's what their dad thinks of their Mom?!"

Roy broke down crying at this point. Hank reached over and pulled Roy into his arms.

"Cap, I loved her!" Roy sobbed. "I loved her since the fourth grade! Do you have any idea what it means to love someone that much?!"

"Yes, Pal, I do." Cap whispered. "Darlene and I were about that age when we met and I can tell you, it hurt just as much when she told me she wanted a divorce last year, but I would never try to destroy her to make my hurt go away. Roy, you can't expect Joanne to stay against her will. That isn't love. Love that isn't returned isn't really love. Your love for Jo is one-sided now. Why not focus your love on someone who'll return it?"

"Like me." Johnny smiled. "Roy, I'm right here. I won't let you down. I'm yours, if you want me."

Roy looked at Johnny through his tears and saw the love in the young man's eyes. Johnny then pulled Roy into his arms. Roy cried loud, wailing sobs on Johnny's shoulder.

"Go ahead and cry, Pally. Go ahead and cry." Johnny whispered, rocking his lover. "Let's deal with your pain, once and for all."

"Roy, I expect to see you at work next shift, understand?" Stanley asked.

"Yes, Sir." Roy sniffed.

"Roy, life can't stop because Joanne left." Johnny said. "Ever since she left, you've shut down. It ends now. You can make it without Jo. You don't need her to live. Nobody needs anybody."

"John's right." Cap agreed. "If you were that dependent on Joanne, that means you've never known who Roy DeSoto was until now. You intertwined your life with hers and she with yours. You and Joanne were what are called codependent. You were like a child with Jo. You depended on her to do your laundry, your shopping, everything. You never lifted a finger,
did you?"

"No," Roy admitted in shame.

"Today, Roy DeSoto grows up." Johnny declared.

 ______

While this was going on, Dixie was with Joanne in the ambulance.

"Jo, as a woman, you bring shame to all women!" Dix told her. "I don't blame Roy for feeling as he does! You took advantage of him from day one!"

Joanne hung her head as Dixie glared at her.

"Didn't you know how much Roy loved you?" Dix asked. "Didn't you see the love in those blue eyes when he was with you?"

Joanne just cried quietly, not trusting herself to speak.

"How could you do what you did to Roy?!" Dix demanded. "Did you think of how he;d feel when he saw you in his bed, making love to another man?!"

"Dix, you just don't get it!" Jo wept.

"Get what?" Dix asked as she examined the welts on her ass.

"What it's like to be a fireman's wife!" Jo cried as Dixie covered her back up. "The long separations, not being able to have family time cause you never know if he's gonna be paged to a fucking brushfire! The fear that you're gonna get a phone call telling you that your husband has been seriously injured or god forbid killed!"

"Jo, you think being a doctor's girlfriend is any easier?" Dix asked. "I go through the same thing with Kel! A doctor's hours are just as long sometimes, but I don't whine and carry on about it! I know that medicine is what he loves, just like Roy loves being a fireman! Okay, so the job played hell on your home life, but did you have to cheat on Roy?"

"Dix, I was just so damn lonely!" Joanne wept. "I had needs, just like any normal woman does!"

"I know, but you could've talked to Roy about those needs." Dix insisted. "But you never talked to him about anything, did you? You just expected Roy to figure out what your wants and needs were."

"Alright! So I wasn't exactly open with him, but he wasn't with me either!" Joanne sobbed. "Everything I tried to do, he'd always find some excuse not to be there!"

"What do you mean?" Dix asked, gently.

"A couple of years ago, I wanted us to take a family vacation, just him, the kids and me. We'd decided to go to a farm. On the day we were to leave, I went ahead and took the kids up in my car. Roy said he'd meet me up there! Guess what? He never showed up!" Joanne told Dix. "I had to spend two weeks with two kids and nobody to help me handle them!"

"Where was Roy?" Dixie wondered as the ambulance pulled away from Johnny's house.

"I found out that Roy had spent those two weeks pulling overtime at 51's!" Joanne replied. "I guess I was just fooling myself if I thought Roy could pull himself away from Johnny for two weeks! I guess I just didn't want to see it! Roy fell in love with Johnny from day one! When Johnny came along, I no longer existed to Roy!"

"Jo, Roy told us about Jenny getting the measles and Chris getting poison ivy!" Dix insisted.

"And Roy put on his concerned act, right?!" Jo sneered. "Dixie, when I told Roy about that, he said I was their mother and that I could treat them myself!"

_____

Two days later, Roy reported for work at station 51. As he walked into the locker room, he was nervous. Setting his stuff down, Roy opened his locker. Even though he knew the station well, Roy felt like a stranger in a strange land. He didn't recognize any of the names on the other lockers expect that of John Gage.

"Mornin, Pally." Johnny greeted Roy. "Welcome back."

"Johnny, I don't know any of these names. Where are Chet, Marco and Mike?" Roy asked.

"Roy, they were all promoted just after you took your leave." Johnny told him. "Chet's an Engineer, Station 112 B-Shift. Marco, Engineer, Station 59 A-Shift. Mike's Captain of 51's B-shift."

"Man, have I missed alot." Roy sighed, unbuttoning his shirt.

"Uh, did you forget to sort your laundry like I told you?" Johnny asked, spying Roy's pink undershirt. "You cannot wash red with whites!"

"I forgot!" Roy snapped as the rest of the crew arrived.

As they all came in, they all noticed Roy's pink T-shirt and underwear.

"Well, what do we have here?" Asked Engineer Horace Wilder. "A new girl joining us?"

"Knock it off!" Roy ordered.

"Well, now, I believe Junior is pushing us around!" Teased Fireman Troy Roberts. "Gage, who is this fag?"

"That is Roy DeSoto!" Johnny growled. "My partner on the squad! Leave him alone!"

"Roy DeSoto? I thought he was dead!" Sneered Fireman Trevor Austin.

Roy paled at the insults hurled by his fellow fireman. The three bullies just continued to torment Roy, pointing and laughing at his underwear. Roy got back into his civvies and quietly left the station, humiliated, crying.

"Roy, wait!" Johnny called, running after him.

"Johnny, I don't need that shit in there!" Roy sobbed. "Things have changed too much. Have Cap find you another partner!"

"Roy!" Johnny argued.

"Johnny, go!" Roy sobbed as he got in his pickup and sped away as Johnny watched helplessly.

END PART 10