Copyright: December 2000 By Robin R. Neher

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED. FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT.

THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: Roy's Awakening

Author: Robin R. Neher

Rating: R

Pairing: N/A

Archive: Yes

Summary: Roy's high and mighty attitude is causes him to have a unique experience.

Content Warning: Harsh Language. Violence. Death. HANKY ALERT!!!

By Robin R Neher

As soon as the squad was in the bay, Johnny Gage got out and slammed the passenger door. Roy DeSoto did the same on his side.

"Gage, if you ever disobey my order like that again, you'll be sorry!" Roy growled. "I have more experience as a Paramedic then you do!"

"Screw you, DeSoto!" Johnny hissed. "I was doing what Dr. Brackett told me to do!"

"Yeah, popping the caps on the needles with your thumbs! You could stick yourself that way!"

"Roy, I know what I'm doing! I have the exact same training you do, remember?!" Johnny yelled. "Roy, the chances of getting stuck his almost none! Roy, stop treating me like I'm an idiot!"

"Why don't you stop acting like one?!" Roy countered.

Johnny growled and lunged at Roy, knocking him on his back. Roy's helmet flew off and Roy smacked his head against the squad's running board and all went black.

________________________________

When Roy regained consciousness sometime later. He found himself in a strange place.

Where am I? Roy wondered to himself as he looked around. As Roy got up, he found himself in a barn. Roy next noticed instead of his uniform, he now wore nothing but a pair of worn bib overalls. Roy screamed when his saw his reflection in an old mirror.

"Hello, Roy." A voice said from behind.

Roy turned to see Johnny's father, Eli Gage, standing before him.

"Welcome to Johnny's life!" Eli hissed. "Down there, you are dead!"

"Eli, why did you bring me here?" Roy asked.

"Because I think you need an attitude adjustment!" The elder Gage hissed. "The great Roy DeSoto! High and mighty Paramedic! Mr. Attitude! You treat my boy as if he knows nothing! My Son holds a college degree!"

"He does?" Roy stammered.

"Yep, A Ph.D. in Mathematics from UCLA." Eli smiled.

"I didn't know." Roy sobbed.

"There is more to John Roderick then meets the eye." Eli said. "Johnny was married once you know."

Roy gaped as Eli activated a screen.

"Roy, this is Debbie. She and Johnny had been married for six months when she died in an auto accident. Her death broke his heart." Eli stated. "He swore he'd never marry again."

____________________________

Johnny, meanwhile, was sitting in the waiting room at Rampart, feeling guilty about Roy's injury. He had not meant to hurt Roy. Dixie McCall came over and sat down next to him.

"Dix?" A fearful Johnny asked.

"Take it easy, Johnny. Roy's in good hands. Let's talk about why you attacked your partner." Dix said. "What did Roy do to deserve to be attacked?"

"He called me an idiot!" John sobbed. "Dix, I'm so sick of it! Roy and his high and mighty attitude! I know everything, Johnny's just a dolt!"

"Johnny, Roy's not like that." Dix soothed.

"The way he struts around the station! I see the way he looks down his nose at me!" Johnny sobbed. "Why can't Roy see me as an equal?!"

"Cause you're not." Dr. Kel Brackett replied, joining John and Dixie. "Roy has been in the fire service a little longer then you. He's seen more and done more. Johnny, Roy had every right to be angry. By popping those caps off syringes with your thumbs, you endanger your health! What if those needles had been contaminated?"

"I never thought of that." Johnny admitted. "Roy doesn't have to be so damn condescending though!"

"I agree there." Kel nodded. "When Roy's better, I'm gonna have a talk with him. Johnny, Roy is stable but in a coma. Use your suspension to learn about how to better deal with Roy. You need to learn how to be assertive with Roy, but not pushy. Johnny, Roy is an adult, capable of leading his own life, just like you are."

"Johnny, I think you have crossed the line when it comes to Roy." Dixie added. "Even friendship has it's limits. I think your demeanor has alot to do with Roy's behavior toward you. You're always in his face with this or that complaint. You're always giving advice when he doesn't want it. You're always over at his house. It's him you call when you get into trouble."

"Roy is your partner, not your crutch." Kel told him. "He's not there to keep you from falling over. He is not a puppet there for your amusement. And most of all, he is not a surrogate father."

"Johnny, you need to learn to be more self-reliant. In short, act your age!" Dix finished as she and Kel went to check on Roy. All Johnny could do was wait.

__________________________

Later that Afternoon, Johnny sat alone in his apartment, thinking over what Brackett and Dix had told him.

Maybe I am too dependent on Roy. Johnny thought. The other guys too. They have their own lives and don't need my problems dumped on them.

Then and there, Johnny decided that he was going to see a psychiatrist.

_____________________________

One day later, Johnny was sitting in the office of Dr. Henry Young, one of Rampart's staff psychiatrists.

"Mr. Gage, you say you attacked your partner, Roy DeSoto. Can you describe what in your mind, justified that attack?" Dr. Young asked. "What was going through your mind?"

"I was pissed off cause Roy called me an idiot." Johnny replied. "He always treats me like I'm an idiot!"

"Can you elaborate?" Doc Young prompted.

"Roy looks at me as if I know nothing! The big senior Paramedic!" Johnny answered.

"How is Roy senior medic?" Young asked.

"Roy was in the first class to complete paramedic training. I was in the second." Johnny replied. "Technically, we are both the same rank. There should be no seniority on his part."

"Johnny, he has had the medic training longer then you have. He's probably has more experience as a fireman then you have. I think there is a power issue here. What's going on between you and Roy is a control issue. You want to be the one in control and you feel threatened when you aren't. Roy does too I imagine." Young replied.

"Maybe I let him push me around too much." Johnny mused. "I let him have his way too much."

"Johnny, Roy should have some seniority. He became a medic first. He does deserve a limited amount of respect. On your end, you need to learn to listen and learn. Listen to those who have alot more practical experience have to say. You don't know everything, neither does Roy." Doc Young replied.

"I've been thinking about changing partners ever since this attack." Johnny told the Doc. "Maybe Roy and I have been together too long."

"I think a respite from Roy would be a good idea." Doc Young agreed. "Even friendships can stalemate from time to time. Even the best of friends get on each other's nerves now and again. Johnny, if Roy were here right now, what do you think he would say about you?"

"He'd say I'm too pushy." Johnny replied.

"What makes you think he'd say that?" The Doc asked.

"Cause I am. One time, Roy was considering buying a house. I begged him to go look at it. He wouldn't. So I bought the house. Roy got mad." Johnny remembered.

"Why do you think he was mad? Be honest." Young encouraged.

Johnny thought before he answered.

"Maybe cause he was thinking it over and I took that house away from him." Johnny guessed.

"Know what I think? I think Roy was mad cause he waited too long. He was mad at himself, not you." Young told John. "Is Roy married?"

"Yes, with two kids." Johnny replied.

"Johnny, I think that Roy felt he let his family down by not getting that house." Young mused. "I think Roy feels he's failing as a husband and father so he compensates for that at work by flaunting his seniority."

"Even Captain Stanley says he's senior medic." Johnny told the doctor.

"And that adds to Roy's feeling of superiority." Young told Johnny. "Johnny, let Roy know that he is not a Captain and that he has no authority over you. You need to remind Roy that you are his equal, not his underling to boss around."

"How do I do that without hurting him?" Johnny asked. Title: Roy's Awakening

________________________

As that first hour of therapy ended, Dr. Young decided he was going to visit station fifty-one, along with Johnny. Captain Hank Stanley scowled as Johnny came in the next day.

"Captain Stanley, can we talk, please?" Dr.Young requested. "John here has begun seeing me for counseling. We can best help him if we work together. What Johnny needs right now is understanding."

"And what about DeSoto?" Hank growled. "Gage knocked DeSoto into a coma!"

"I disagree, Captain. I think Mr. DeSoto provoked the attack." Dr. Young countered calmly. "He called his partner an idiot. I agree that Mr. Gage could've found another way to respond, but Mr. DeSoto is as much to blame in my view. Frankly, Captain, you are not blameless in this either."

Mike and the others watched as Cap's face went bright red with anger.

"Captain, it seems that Mr. DeSoto thinks he's a big deal because he was one of the first to complete Paramedic training. He makes Johnny feel worthless." Doc Young said. "You only promote this idea."

"Roy is senior medic!" Cap yelled. "Am I just supposed to ignore that fact?!"

___________________________________

Roy meanwhile was facing Eli.

"Roy, why do you think you're king of the station?" Eli asked.

"I never said I was!" Roy responded.

"You know what I think you need? I think you need to walk in my son's shoes. You're gonna be him. You'll live his life and he yours."

Roy screamed as Eli faded from view.

"Roy! Roy, can you hear me?!" Roy heard Dixie's say.

Roy opened his eyes to see Dixie smiling down at him.

"Dix?" Roy rasped.

"Welcome back to the world of the living." Dix smiled. "Johnny and Joanne have been worrying their heads off.

"Jo?" Roy rasped. "My poor Joanne."

"Uh, Roy, you're not married." Dix laughed. "You're the one that's always chasing my nurses."

"Dixie, I am married! Joanne is my wife!" Roy insisted.

"Roy, what are you talking about?" Johnny Gage asked. "I'm the one with the wife and kids."

Roy felt the blood drain from his face as Joanne came in and took Johnny in her arms.

An instant later, Roy found himself in a small apartment. Eli appeared to him again.

"Welcome to my son's world." The elder Gage grinned. "How do you like bachelorhood so far?"

"This place is a mess!" Roy exclaimed.

"All part of life as a single." Eli smiled. "Roy, let's if you can take care of yourself."

Eli waved his hand and Roy was soon in a pile of dirty laundry.

"Look in your bedroom closet, Roy." Eli snickered.

An exasperated Roy did just that and discovered the closet empty.

"Why don't I have clean clothes?!" Roy demanded. "Joanne!!!"

"Uh, Roy, Joanne is John's wife." Eli reminded him. "You see, like Johnny, you have nobody to blame but yourself if your clothes aren't clean. You're gonna learn to do your own laundry and take care of you're own needs, just like Johnny does every single day!"

"Eli, Joanne usually does this for me!" Roy cried.

"She does everything else too, Doesn't she?" Eli demanded. "Does she bathe you and wipe your ass for you too?!"

"No!" Roy sobbed.

"Then why do you expect her to do all the cooking and cleaning in your home?! Why is she the one that has to do everything around your house?!"

"Because, that is a wife's role!" Roy sobbed. "That's what my mom did!"

"Roy, Joanne is your wife, not your servant!" Eli told him. "Household chores should be divided among everyone! Now, I believe you have laundry to do."

Roy went to his knees and sobbed as Eli faded from his view.

_____________________________________

At his new home, Johnny was learning what it's like to be a man with a family. He was already at his wits end with the kids. Once the kids were led upstairs by Joanne to get ready for bed, his father appeared to him.

"How do you like married life, Son?" Eli asked Johnny.

"It sucks! Wife's nagging, kids are screaming, man, what a headache!" Johnny complained. "Joanne acts like she owns me!"

"In a way, she does." Eli told his Son. "You see, just like Roy, you are the bread winner here. Joanne and the kids depend on you to provide them with all they need. Your paycheck is all they've got."

"No wonder Roy got mad when I talked him and the guys into betting on a horse once." Johnny told his dad.

"Son, when you're a family man, every dollar means alot." Eli answered. "It's also the reason why you're the one sent on the riskier rescues."

"I never thought of that." John admitted as Joanne came back downstairs.

"Johnny, John, Jr. wants you to read him a bedtime story." Jo told him.

"Jo, why can't that kid read to himself?!" Johnny griped.

"Fine, I'll do it myself." Joanne sighed and headed back upstairs.

"Son, Young John wanted you to read to him." Eli said. "It's not the story the kid wants, it's time with you, understand?"

__________________________________

Johnny screamed as he awoke. Looking around, Johnny was relieved to find himself still single and in his small apartment.

Boy, what a dream. A shaking Johnny thought as he got up from his sweat soaked bed. Just then, there was a knock on Johnny's door.

"Coming!" Johnny called as he ran to answer the door.

Johnny opened the door and ushered Hank inside.

"Did I wake you, Pal?" Cap asked as he sat down on Johnny's sofa.

"Cap, I'm glad you're here." Johnny replied. "Would you like a beer?"

"That'd be great, Pal." Cap smiled. :"You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Actually, Cap, I've seen something alot more important. My dad appeared to me and made me live Roy's life." Johnny told Hank, handing him a bottle of beer, then sitting down next to him. "Cap, I was the one with the wife and kids while Roy was single."

"Sounds interesting." Cap softly replied, opening his beer.

"It was. Boy, do I see things differently now." Johnny said as he trembled. "I guess I never understood the pressure one faces when he has a family to care for. No wonder Roy acts the way he does."

"Pal, a family is a huge responsibility." Hank agreed. "That's why Roy is so protective at work. He just wants to be sure he makes it home in one piece. His wife and kids rely on him for their very survival. What do you think would happen to them if Roy died in the line of duty?"

"I imagine it would be hard for Joanne and the kids." John realized.

"Do you remember when Dick died?" Cap asked.

"I remember how dependent Molly was on us." John replied.

"She was dependent on Dick for everything. He even handled the shopping in their house." Cap reminded Johnny.

"I remember." Johnny nodded. "Joanne handles the finances at Roy's house."

"Yeah, but it's Roy's paycheck they live on." Cap replied. "Joanne would be in for a hard time if Roy was killed."

"What about life insurance?" Johnny asked.

_____________________

"Life insurance only pays so much upon a person's death. Joanne would have to support the kids herself." Hank replied. "You see, Johnny, Roy may act like an ass sometimes, but so do you."

"Yeah," Johnny admitted. "I just wish I could apologize now to Roy. I may have been mad, but he doesn't deserve to be comatose because of it."

"No, he doesn't." Cap agreed. "Johnny, Roy is senior medic. He has had the training alot longer then you. He was in the Army as a medic."

"I didn't know that." Johnny whispered. "It just bothers me that Roy bosses me around the way he does. He won't even let me drive the squad."

"Maybe that's because Roy is more comfortable driving then riding with someone else." Cap soothed. "Some folks are more comfortable in control than trusting someone else to be."

"Cap, I hurt Roy, I know that. He still had no right calling me an idiot." Johnny said.

"I can't disagree with that, but you could've walked away. Johnny, have you ever tried seeing yourself through our eyes?" Cap asked. "Have you tried walking a mile in Roy's shoes?"

"Cap, I know I can be a pain." Johnny agreed.

"Johnny, you can tax our patience!" Cap told him. "I know that you don't mean to, but the truth is, you act very juvenile at times, even bratty."

Johnny hung his head in shame, realizing that Cap had a point.

"Get some sleep, Pal. You're on duty tomorrow." Cap told Johnny as he left.

********************

The next morning, Johnny arrived at the station early. After Cap handed him his badge and Johnny changed into uniform, Johnny opened Roy's locker. Going through the things inside, Johnny entered the world of Roy DeSoto, in a way, becoming Roy.

The first thing Johnny came upon were Roy's uniforms. One hung with Roy's badge and name tag attached. As Johnny looked at Roy's civvies, hanging beside the uniforms, he saw Roy's wallet, stuffed in the shirt pocket. Taking the billfold out, Johnny opened it and sobbed when he saw a photo of the DeSoto family with Roy crossed out in crayon. Johnny sat inside the locker and shut the door for privacy.

I knew Roy and Jo were having problems, but not this bad! Johnny thought as he cried. Putting the picture back in the wallet, Johnny then took out a faded and worn note. Johnny opened it and began to read.

Dear Son,
If you are reading this, you know I am dead. My boy, Roy, I hope that as you grow up, you'll understand why your daddy wasn't around much. You see, my only son, your daddy loved his job and his friends at the station, perhaps too much. I loved being a fireman and the responsibilities that went with it. As I lay in this hospital dying, the nurse is writing this letter as I dictate to her.
Son, you have grown into a wonderful young man and for that I am grateful. It does scare me however that you wish to follow my career path and become a fireman. Roy, being a fireman is far from glamorous. From your twelve year old perspective, we must seem like superheroes. The fact is, we are human and people die sometimes even though we do our best. Firemen are not gods and should not be placed on a pedestal for anyone to admire.
Our lives are often lonely and boring. When we are at the station, life there is just like yours is at home. We have chores to do and things to learn and "siblings" to annoy. The main part of station life is getting ready for the next call and hoping you come back alive from it. It doesn't look like that happened this time for me.
Roy, god bless you in whatever you choose to do. I'm proud of you, Son.
Captain Charles Roy DeSoto, Sr.-Station/Engine 2-Norwalk, California

Johnny's tears flowed as he folded the letter and replaced it in the leather billfold.

END PART 7