Copyright: January 2000 By Robin R. Neher

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED. FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT.

THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: Unhappiness

Author: Robin R. Neher

Rating: R

Pairing: N/A

Summary: Set six months after The Greatest Rescues of Emergency! The boys are unhappy with their new status

Archive: Yes .

Content Warning: Some harsh language. HANKY ALERT!!!! Angst.

UNHAPPINESS

By Robin R Neher

Roy DeSoto sighed as the alarm clock next to his bed sounded.

"Roy, Honey, it's time to go to work." Roy's wife Joanne said, shaking her husband's shoulder.

"Noooooo!!!" Roy groaned.

"Honey, why are you so unhappy?" Jo asked. "You're a Captain now. You have status."

"Cause I wanna be a medic!" Roy sobbed. "I miss the squad and Johnny so bad!"

"Honey, we all have to move on at some point. Honey, you can't be a medic forever. I know you loved that job, but you also have to think of your future, the kid's too. Honey, just give it time, things will be alright. Honey, any new position takes time to adapt to."

"Jo, it's been six months and I hate going to work now!" Roy sobbed. "I just want to walk away and say screw it, I'm going back to the medics! The Chief can find someone else!"

"Honey, when you took that test six months ago, you knew damn well what the test was about! You didn't go into this blindly, neither did Johnny!" Joanne told her husband. "Honey, you know what Chief McConnikee told you and John when he handed you those badges. If you go back now, you may not ever get this chance again. Honey, if you walk away from thus now, you'll be put back on the bottom of the list and chances are, your name will never come up again for the Captain's test."

"But do I have what it takes to command a crew?" Roy worried. "Will they see me as one of the guys?"

"Honey, you can't worry about how your crew will see you. You're there to do a job, not win a popularity contest. If your men don't like you, they can transfer out. That doesn't mean you approach them with a high and mighty attitude or with a lackadaisical attitude either. You approach them with a balance of friendship and discipline." Jo smiled. "Honey, you can do this. Just give yourself a chance. Being a Captain is alot like being a parent. Those guys will look to you to have all the right answers and to solve any problems they may have. They're gonna also look to you to keep the station in order."

"I guess you're right, Honey." Roy smiled. "I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself."

"And missing Johnny." Jo smiled, knowingly. "Honey, you and Johnny will always be friends and you can bring him here anytime you like. Honey, Johnny is a part of our family. Just because you will no longer work together doesn't mean that ends. Now you get dressed and I'll get your breakfast." Joanne smiled as Roy got up and headed into the bathroom to do his morning routine.

_______________________

Across town, at LaCoFd headquarters, Captain John Gage paced outside the Chief's office. Johnny too was unhappy with his new rank and status. He no more wanted to be a Captain then Mike Stoker had wanted to be. As he paced he thought of how he was gonna tell the Chief he wanted to go back on the squad. As Johnny was about to knock, the Chief opened his door.

"John, come in, Lad." Chief Edward McConnikee grinned.

Johnny nervously made his way inside.

"Sir, I really need to talk to you." Johnny told his superior. "It's about my promotion."

"What about it, Son?" The Chief prompted, motioning for Johnny to sit in a chair across from him.

"Sir, I'm not ready to be a Captain. I don't have what it takes to command a crew. I've only been in the fire service ten years." Johnny said. "I only took that test to see if I could pass! I didn't expect to score in the top five! Sir, the other candidates had alot more seniority then me and have been firefighters longer."

"Ah, but you had the best service record of any of them." McConnikee cut him off. "You know the ten year mark is usually when a fireman makes Captain. John, I know you didn't expect to pass that test, but the fact is, you did. Johnny, I think you're just nervous about your new rank and position, that's normal, every new Captain feels like that, I did."

"You, Sir?" A shocked Johnny gasped.

"Yes, me! John, I know you're used to being in rescue, but don't you think it's time you explored other opportunities? Johnny, I think you have talents that this will bring out. I think you have abilities that you haven't tapped into. You need to do things that are out of your comfort zone."

"I'm just not sure I have what it takes to command a station." Johnny worried.

"Don't you think that Dixie McCall, Kelly Brackett and Hank Stanley felt the same way you do when they were chosen for their jobs? Son, everyone new to management has felt that same anxiety that you do now. Do I have what it takes? Am I smart enough? Am I talented enough? It's normal." The Chief assured the young man. "You just can't let that anxiety hold you back and make you afraid to try a new challenge."

"I wonder if Roy feels the same as I do?" Johnny wondered.

"I'm sure he does, Son." The Chief smiled. "I'm not letting you go back to the squad if that's what you came to ask me."

"No, Sir, you changed my mind." Johnny grinned. "I guess this had to happen sometime."

"Yeah, It did." McConnikee agreed. "We take today's Engineer's, Captains, Etc. from the medics and hose jockeys of yesterday. Someone has to move up for the new kids to come in. You have the talent to lead, not to mention the attitude and the mouth. You've handled your relief work well, so I can't see why you can't run your own station."

"Where will I be assigned, Sir?" Johnny asked.

"Johnny, you know that Hank made Battalion Chief, Right?" McConnikee asked. "You're gonna take his place at 51's."

________________________________

Roy meanwhile was just arriving at station thirty-six where he would command A-shift. The other guys all looked at Roy as if he were from outer space as he made his way to the office, his office. minutes later, the shift's Engineer entered.

"Captain." The man nodded.

"Captain DeSoto." Roy introduced himself. "And you are?"

"You're not gonna be here long enough to care." The black man replied, disdainfully. "You have no fucking business being a Captain! Why don't you go back to kissing boo boos?!"

"What is that supposed to mean?!" Roy growled.

"Just what you think it means!" The Engineer hissed, walking out of the office. "If you're wise, you'll go back to the Paramedics."

Roy began to shake as the old fear welled up again, causing bile to burn his esophagus.

Am I command material? Roy thought, Do I have enough authority to be a Captain? Will this crew take me seriously? Remember what Joanne told you. You're here to do a job.

Roy sighed as he got up and went to the kitchen where his new crew was having their morning coffee. Just as Roy got to the kitchen door, the crew's conversation drifted out to him.

"So, Toby, you met our new Cap?" Fireman Chip Gould asked the Engineer as Roy listened.

"Yeah, I'm not impressed with this guy." Engineer Toby Granger replied. "He has no command experience whatever! He was only promoted six months ago!"

"What did he do before that?" Fireman Alan Dawes asked.

"He was a Paramedic with squad 51." Roy heard Toby reply.

"You're kidding!" Dawes laughed. "What moron Chief thought a Paramedic could lead us? All Paramedics are good for is to cart the injured to Rampart!"

Roy's jaw clenched as he went back to the office and called headquarters to request his replacement. That done, Roy left the station and drove away in his car toward home. Once there, Roy lit the fireplace in the living room and threw his Captain's bars into the flames as a stunned Joanne watched. Roy stared as the bars slowly melted. Roy then turned to his wife.

"Jo, I'm going back to the medics." Roy stated. "It's my career and my choice. I'm not ready to be a Captain. I'm not gonna be one to please you or anyone else. I don't care that I passed that damn test. Being a Paramedic is what I love. Call it selfish, call it lazy, but most of all, call it my job."

All Joanne could do was watch as Roy took off his Captain's hat and replaced it with his fireman's Cap.

"I'll be at headquarters." Roy said, walking out to his car.

Joanne just stood there as her husband drove away.

___________________

Upon arrival at headquarters, Roy turned in his Captain's badge. The Chief then called Roy into his office.

"I can't say I'm suprised." McConnikee said, shaking his head. "Gage did the same thing two hours ago. I must say I'm disappointed in both of you. I thought you two had what it takes to command. I was wrong."

"Sir, with all due respect, I'm not Captain material. I don't care that some test says I am. A true Captain is a man who knows he's ready to command in his heart. I don't feel that and I doubt I ever will." Roy answered. "If I accept those bars now, I'd be doing a great disservice to the department. Sir, I love being a Paramedic and I doubt I can ever give that up to be a Captain. If that disappoints you. I'm sorry."

"If that's how you feel, it's your choice to make. I just think you and Gage are making a big mistake." McConnikee replied.

"But it's our mistake to make, isn't it, Sir?" Roy asked quietly. "I don't like being pressured into anything by anyone."

"Are you saying I pressured you two?!" The Chief demanded.

"Only you can answer that, Sir." Roy replied. "All I know is that I'm happy for the first time in six months, truly happy and I don't need any rank to feel that. I'm doing a job I love and that makes me happy. I'll be at home."

With that, Roy walked out of the office.

_____________________

When Roy walked in his front door twenty minutes later, Joanne greeted him with a hug.

"You're not ashamed of me?" Roy worried.

"Roy, I'd only be ashamed of you if you didn't do what you believed was right." Joanne smiled. "Honey, this is your career, not mine or the Chief's. Honey, if you retire without promotion, that's alright. We'll just have to put off on that new house for awhile longer."

"Honey, I just wanna be able to give you the world." Roy told his wife. "I wanna make you happy."

"Honey, you do make me happy." Joanne soothed her husband. "I have everything I need as long as I have you and the kids. You are my world. So, you may never be promoted, big deal! It only matters that you're happy."

"Well, Johnny's going back too." Roy told his wife.

"Maybe that's best." Jo smiled.

"Why do you say that?" Roy asked.

_________________

"I think Johnny took that test for the wrong reason." Jo replied. "He took it cause he was afraid of being left behind. He doesn't really want to be a Captain. He doesn't have the maturity to command or the leadership experience."

________________

Meanwhile at station fifty-one, Johnny took his place on the squad.

"Johnny, I'm glad you didn't take that promotion." Engineer Mike Stoker said.

"Mike, I know I'm nowhere near ready for command." Johnny replied. "Command takes maturity, which I don't have."

"Well, Roy's coming back too." Mike told Johnny. "That should make you happy. Stanley hates his new job too."

"What? Why?" A stunned John asked.

"Cause I don't wanna be that far from you guys." Hank smiled, as he walked into the station.

"Me either." Roy added, entering through the bay. "This may sound dumb, but you guys are my family."

"You don't think I feel the same way?" Johnny replied. "I love you guys!"

"Us too." Mike agreed as well as Chet, Mike and Marco. "Why don't we agree that unless we can stay together, we won't even consider promotion."

Chet and Marco thought it over.

"Guys, in order to fill openings at other stations, someone has to be promoted!"Chet stated.

"Then we just won't take the test!" Johnny shot back. "No test is worth us being pulled apart. There are plenty of others who would be interested in advancing their careers."

All the guys thought it over.

"I'm happy as an Engineer." Mike said after a few minutes.

"I'm happy as a Captain." Hank added.

"I don't think I'll ever pass my Engineer's test." Chet put in.

"I never even thought of promotion." Marco admitted.

"Woof!" Barked Henry the dog from his place on the sofa.

"See? Even Henry wants us to stay a family!" John grinned.

"So, we're agreed. No more promotion exams?" Hank asked.

"Agreed!" The others replied in unison..

Later that afternoon, Chief McConnikee came to station fifty-one.

"Ten hut!" Hank commanded.

"At ease!" The Chief ordered. "Gage, DeSoto, why are you two here?"

"We are Paramedics, Sir!" Roy barked. "Here is where we belong!"

"What about station 112 and station 14? They need Captains!" The Chief yelled.

"Well, they just won't be us, Sir!" Roy replied. "You see, Chief, I saw the reality of what happens when Paramedics try to be Captains! My Engineer told his fellow fireman that I had no business being a Captain!"

"And you believe he's right." McConnikee guessed.

"Yes, Sir." Roy replied. "Chief, why should the men respect us? Johnny and I have spent our careers on this rescue squad. Even though we are trained as firemen, John and I have not actually fought a fire in ten years. That crew wants someone who has spent his career on an engine!"

"Do you agree, Gage?" The Chief asked.

"Yes, Sir." Johnny answered. "I just cant see myself as a Captain."

"Guys, I see your struggle, I do." McConnnikee told the guys. "But look at it from a departmental prospective."

"Sir, we don't want the damn bars!" Roy exploded. "Quit trying to shove them down our throats! Shove them up your ass instead!"

With that, Roy and Johnny stormed into the apparatus bay as McConnikee stood, gaping in shock.

"Ed, leave those boys alone." Hank said, quietly. "They are not interested in being Captains right now. Respect their wishes."

"Hank, what did I do that was so wrong?" The Chief stammered.

END