Copyright October 2002 By Robin R. Neher

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED. FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT. THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS
USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: Wanting a family

Author: Robin R. Neher

E-mail: NRobin1027@aol.com

Rating:R

Pairing: N/A

Archive: Yes

Fandom: Emergency!

Summary: Johnny and his wife are divided when Johnny wants to have a child, but she does not agree.

Content Warning: Harsh language.

Wanting A family
By Robin R. Neher

"What?" Johnny Gage asked, not believing what he'd just heard.

"I wanna have my tubes tied." The dark haired Native American lady repeated. "I don't want a child."

"Honey, why?" A troubled Johnny asked. "Is it me?"

"Honey, No." Leigh Gage assured her husband. "I don't think you understand what a commitment raising a kid is."

Johnny and Leigh Feather Horse were married six months before in a Native American ceremony arranged by the tribal chief.

"Go on." Johnny prompted.

"Honey, we are barely getting by as it is. I don't think we can support a child. I know you think that I must bear you a Son out of duty to our people, but I don't wanna ever be pregnant by you or anyone else." Leigh told him.

Johnny turned his back to her.

"I was afraid you would not understand." Leigh shook her dark head. "Johnny, you must realize that it is my body, not yours. I do not wish a child."

"Why did you marry me then?" Johnny asked, hurt in his tone.

"Don't talk to me like that, John Roderick!" Leigh hissed.

"How the hell did you expect me to react?!" Johnny demanded. "You wanna do a procedure that cannot be reversed! I have a right to father a child!"

"You have no right to anything, you worthless screw up!" Leigh shot back.

Johnny quickly turned to face her, his eyes wide and filled with pain. He then grabbed his coat and ran out of their house, slamming the door as he went.

*

Hours later, Leigh was waiting on a gurney at Rampart General hospital, waiting to be wheeled into the OR for her surgery. As she waited, she longed for her husband to be at her side.

"Leigh?" Nurse Dixie McCall called to her.

"Dix? What are you doing down here?" Leigh asked the ER head nurse.

"I'm here to see how you're doing." The blonde replied. "Johnny is downstairs and he's very hurt."

"Dix, I don't wanna have a baby. Why can't he understand that?" Leigh wondered.

"Leigh, he might have understood if you'd included him in the decision to have your tubes tied. Yes, it is your body, but he is your partner and as such, he has a right to be included in any decisions regarding family planning." Dix answered.

"I called him a worthless screw up." Leigh told Dix. "I know he's not, but he was acting as if I had a duty to be pregnant for him."

"I was wrong to act that way." Johnny said as he came in to the holding area. "When you told me you didn't want a child, it hurt. Every man wants to pass on his genes to a child of his own."

"I know that." Leigh answered. "I just don't want a kid right now."

"Why?" Johnny asked. "Kids are the future."

"Johnny, haven't you learned anything from Roy?" Leigh asked, referring to Roy DeSoto, Johnny's partner on squad 51 as well as his best friend. "Roy had two kids in rapid succession and he left them and his wife for another woman. He didn't want those kids, Johnny. Families should be planned, not on a whim. I'm getting my tubes tied, end of discussion."

Johnny just turned and left the holding area. Dixie followed him as he headed toward the nearby bank of elevators.

"Johnny, I'll keep talking to her." Dix promised.

"Dix, stay with her." Johnny instructed. "Maybe she's right. Maybe we have no business having a kid."

"Johnny, I know you're hurt, but try to see Leigh's side of this." Dix advised.

"Why didn't she tell me before we were married?" Johnny wondered.

"You two were married without a chance to date." Dix reminded him.

"We were married too quickly. I'm gonna go see the Chief." Johnny decided. "I'm tired of all this."

With that, Johnny got on the elevator and the doors shut behind him.

*

A few minutes later, Johnny met with the Chief of his tribe at a reservation two hours from LA.

"She wishes to be sterilized?" The Chief asked.

"Yes." Johnny answered. "She is adamant about it She says I have no say in the decision."

"Johnny, she is right." Chief Leslie Little Hunter said. "A woman's body is hers to do with as she wishes. Pregnancy and childbirth and the hardest thing a woman can endure. It's not just nine months of carrying that child, it is nine months of morning sickness, mood swings, cravings, heartburn, frequent trips to the bathroom due to pressure on the bladder, not to mention swelling in the feet and weight gain, not to mention trips to the doctor, backaches, sleepless nights and feeling tired all the time! Does that sound like a cakewalk, John Roderick?"

"Look, I know pregnancy is no picnic. I also know that giving birth is no easy feat cause I've delivered babies as a Paramedic. The first one I delivered was a preemie with RH problems."

"So you do know the risks that a pregnant woman faces." Leslie said.

"I do, but should I be robbed of a chance at fatherhood because of fear?" Johnny asked his longtime friend.

"Should a woman be pregnant just so you can be a dad?" Leslie asked of him. "Should a woman be made to have children she may not want?"

*

After two hours, Johnny returned home. He stayed only long enough to pack a few days worth of clothes, then went to Rampart. He was suprised to see his wife still in the holding area.

"I thought you'd be in and out of surgery by now." Johnny said.

"There was some kind of an accident." Leigh replied. "You going somewhere?"

"Honey, I'm sorry you feel this way about having kids, but I wish you'd told me before we were married. I could've found someone else." Johnny told her. "Honey, I have to move out for a while."

"I do understand." Leigh assured him.

"I'm not saying we should have a baby right now, but I'd like to someday." Johnny told her. "If you do this, you will be interfering with what the creator intended."

"Did the creator intend for the kids of ill-prepared parents to be abandoned by their father? Did he intend for thousands of kids to be left in foster care and in orphanages by parents who couldn't care about them or for them?" Leigh asked.

"I'll call you in a few days." Johnny said, then left.

*

A few minutes later, Johnny arrived at the home of Roy DeSoto.

"Roy, I don't know what to do." Johnny stated. "My wife wants her tubes tied."

"Isn't that a little extreme?" Roy asked as he brought his friend a steaming cup of coffee. "You two have only been married six months."

"That's what I think." Johnny replied. "She's at Rampart right now, waiting to have it done."

"Have you talked to her?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, but to no avail." Johnny sighed, between sips. "She absolutely does not wanna have a child."

"She said that?" Roy asked.

"Yeah," Johnny replied. "I can't change her mind about the tubal ligation."

"Johnny, I can't say that she's wrong." Roy stated. "Not completely anyway. I wish Joanne and I had waited to have our kids til we were a bit more established."

"Why?" Johnny asked.

"Johnny, a baby is a huge life change, not to mention a huge responsibility." Roy said. "When you have two within months of each other, it's even worse. You have very little you time with a baby. A baby is 24/7, nonstop. A baby is not gonna wait to be fed so mom and Dad can sleep at 4 AM. A baby can't schedule a diaper change around a football game or a night of drinking with the boys or girls nowadays. Johnny, Jr. won't be too happy if both his parents don't love and want him."

*

Back at Rampart, Leigh was being settled into a room at Dixie's request.

"Why have you stopped me from having my surgery?!" Leigh angrily demanded of the nurse.

"Because, I don't think you're doing it for the right reason." Dix calmly answered. "Leigh, what are you afraid of? Why has Johnny been relegated to sleeping on your couch or at station fifty-one? Why did he spend his wedding night at a strip club instead of with you? Why was your honeymoon spent in separate rooms and doing separate things during the day?"

"Just what the hell has he told you?" Leigh gasped.

"He told me you have a list of rules that you make him follow." Dix answered, consulting a notepad she'd brought with her. "Let's see, being naked in front of you is not allowed. He must be fully clothed at all times. The wardrobe must include a long sleeve shirt, pants, socks and shoes. The only thing he may remove at night is his shoes?"

"That's right." Leigh nodded.

"You won't even allow this man to take out his penis so he can pee? No peeing standing up? He has to sit down?" Dix read.

"Men always miss the bowl standing up." Leigh shrugged.

"No briefs? He can only wear boxers?" Dix gasped as she read on. "It's okay for him to rent porn and subscribe to playboy? Using escort services is okay? Lady, you have a very warped view of marriage and the human body!"

Leigh just laid there as Dix read on.

"No talking about sex or the body." Dix read. "No touching in public or at home? No kissing? No speaking to you unless you speak first? Gifts are to be left in a box at the post office? Cards and letters from Johnny are to be unsigned? Flowers are not allowed at all?"

"Dix, it's for his own good and mine." Leigh stated.

"You need help." Dix replied. "Johnny should not have to live like this."

"Dixie, I've only known Johnny six months!" Leigh shot back. "Why the hell should I want him prancing around naked if I've only known him that long?!"

Dix just shook her head as she left the room.

*

As Dix was leaving, she met up with Johnny, who'd just arrived back at the hospital.

"How's Leigh?" He asked.

"It hasn't been done yet." Dix assured the Paramedic.

"In there?" Johnny asked.

Dixie nodded, then left to see to other matters. Johnny then entered the room where his wife was.

"Hello, Wife." Johnny greeted as he shut the door.

"Husband." Leigh replied. "Johnny, what in the hell are you doing?! Put your clothes back on! You're in a hospital!"

"No." Johnny replied as he removed his shirt and undershirt, then approached the bed. "Look at me. Look at my body."

"John Roderick, no!" Leigh screeched as he removed his shoes and socks. NOOOOOOO!!!!"

"What are you afraid of?" Johnny asked. "The human body is not ugly. It's the most beautiful thing in the world to me next to you."

"Johnny, please, stop!" Leigh cried. "This is wrong!"

"Why is it wrong for me to be naked and to want you the same way?" Johnny asked. "There is nothing more natural than a husband and his wife, laying naked together in love. Sex is the act that symbolizes their commitment to each other."

"Do not use that word!" Leigh shrieked, then chucked a pitcher of water at him. "You know the rules!!!"

Johnny ignored her and took off his pants, than his boxers. Tossing them aside, he then climbed under the covers with his wife. She screamed and sobbed as she tried to push him off of her, but he held fast. She then cried quietly as Johnny began to nuzzle and kiss her.

"Why, Honey? Johnny whispered. "Why is this so wrong?"

"This is sinful." Leigh sniffed as Johnny kissed her softly on her lips.

"Who says?" Johnny prompted, then kissed her again.

"Mama and Father Neal." Leigh sniffed, only to feel Johnny's lips on hers again. "I went to catholic school as a child. The sisters and the Father always said sex was wrong and that I'd go to hell if I even thought about it, Mama too."

"I see." Johnny purred. "You were scared into thinking that any sexual act was a sin. Honey, sex between married people is no sin. It's the most beautiful way to show you love me. Making a baby is even more beautiful. Honey, I don't want a kid just now either, but there are other methods we can use til we both decide the time is right for a child. You don't have to have your tubes tied, at least not now."

*

Johnny kissed his wife several more times. Leigh had begun to return the kisses.

"What do you say, Princess?" Johnny asked, kissing her again and again. "Still want the operation?"

"YOU!!" A voice hollered.

Johnny and Leigh turned to see a nurse standing in the doorway. Her expression was drawn and her ice blue eyes shot daggers. She came in and bent Johnny's right arm painfully behind his back.

"C'mon, you Creep!" She growled, shoving Johnny toward the door.

"Can I at least get my clothes?" Johnny pleaded.

"OUT!" The nurse growled, shoving a naked John forward.

"NURSE FULLER!!!" Dixie yelled, coming to meet them. "Why are you treating one of our best paramedics this way!?"

"Miss McCall, he was trying to-to rape my patient." The nurse stammered.

"Rape?" Dixie repeated.

"Didn't you hear Miss Feather Horse screaming?!" Fuller demanded.

"Johnny, what was all the screaming about in there?" Dixie asked.

"I was trying to introduce my wife to the joys of being with me." Johnny explained.

"Your wife?!" Nurse Fuller laughed. "Yeah, right! Dixie, I say we call the cops to arrest this pervert!"

With that, Nurse Fuller pulled a stun gun out of her uniform pocket.

"Put that thing away!" Dix ordered.

"Nurse, that is Johnny Gage and he is my husband." Leigh intervened. "He was not trying to rape me."

All turned to see Johnny's wife fully clothed.

"Leigh?" Dix asked.

"Dix, If you don't mind, I just assume go home with my husband." Leigh stated. "He and I have alot to discuss and alot of time to make up for. I'd rather not do it in a hospital."

"I'll get the discharge papers." Dix smiled. "Miss Fuller, you go to my office and wait for me."

"Yes, Miss McCall." The shame faced nurse answered.

*

"Hey, Dix?" Johnny called as Dix was about to go deal with Fuller. "Don't be too mad at her. I would've thought the same thing if I'd been her."

"C'mon, Husband. You'd better get dressed before you really are dragged off to jail." Leigh teased, then gave Johnny's bare ass a teasing slap.

Johnny just laughed as he followed his wife back into the room. Once they were alone and the door closed, Leigh gazed up at Johnny, her eyes filled with love. He pulled her close and held her.

"Thank you, Husband." She whispered.

"For what?" Johnny asked.

"For opening my eyes and helping me to see that what I was doing was wrong. I was considering a very permanent procedure on as a way of dealing with what was going on in my mind." Leigh replied. "You and Mrs. Murphy helped me to see how selfish I was being."

"Who's Mrs. Murphy?" Johnny wondered.

"She was in the bed next to me in the holding area. She was there, waiting to have a D and C. She'd had a miscarriage. We got to talking. She told me that she and her husband had tried for years to have a child." Leigh replied. "I told her why I was there and she said that if I went through with the procedure, there'd be no going back. As I listened to her story, I realized that there are people out there who are desperate for a child. It made me sick to think that there are people like Roy DeSoto who could run out on the children they're so lucky to have when all the Mrs. Murphys out there would give anything to have one child."

"You're right, Hon." Johnny agreed. "It is sad that there are so many unwanted kids that are out there and parents who don't realize just how blessed they are."

With that, Johnny reached for his clothes, but his wife had other ideas. She went to her knees and much to Johnny's delight, took his penis into her mouth and sucked as he moaned.

"Is this what you want?" Leigh purred.

Johnny nodded, emphatically.

"Well, not here. Let's go some place more private." She suggested.

Johnny grinned as he dressed and quickly followed his wife from the room for the last time.

*

An hour later, Leigh was removing her husband's clothing in the bedroom of their home.

"My god!" Leigh breathed as she stepped back and admired a naked Johnny in the glow of candlelight. "To say that I'm a lucky woman is an understatement."

Johnny just smiled as he started to remove his wife's clothing.

"Not so fast, Johnny." Leigh told her husband. "No condom, no love."

"Honey-" Johnny protested.

"Husband, I do not wanna be pregnant right now! It is not my duty to carry a child for you or anyone else and if you can't understand that, John Roderick, then we should've never gotten together!" Leigh firmly stated. "There will never be a Johnny Jr or any other child! If you want a child so damn bad, Fireman Gage, you go adopt one and raise it yourself!"

"Fine!" Johnny snapped. "I may as well just go and live at the station and go find me a hooker, cause you sure as hell aren't behaving like a wife!"

"Go right ahead!" Leigh shot back. "You aren't that great of a husband either ya know! The only thing you married me for was sex!"

"Okay, I married you for sex!" Johnny shot back. "What the hell is wrong with wanting somebody to love?! What is wrong with wanting to make love to you?! Is it so terrible that I want a child?! You act as if everything I want is wrong!"

"You wanna know what I think is wrong?" Leigh quietly asked after a minute. "It's wrong that a supposedly grown man can't seem to grasp that there is more to marriage than what happens beneath the sheets. Marriage is built on love and mutual understanding. It's not about a wife servicing her horny husband, nor is it about giving him a child just because he wants one."

Johnny just shook his head as he redressed.

"I was hoping that I could finally feel myself inside you. I still haven't felt that yet." Johnny told his wife. "We've been married six months without sex. I'm a man, Leigh. A man who only wants to love you. You just won't let me be what a new husband should be. You won't let me be a husband. Tell me, what am I supposed to do with that? I think you're just playing me for a fool. Maybe you have your reasons, but I can't live that way, I just can't."

"Well, I can't live with a boy who can't control himself sexually." Leigh countered. "That's what you are, Johnny, an overgrown teenage boy. You're pure hormones. If you want only sex, go, find a hooker or a tramp of a woman who only wants a one night stand. If you want something besides the physical, call me."

Johnny just packed his clothes and belongings in an overnight bag and two suitcases. He then grabbed them and left without another word.

******

As Johnny walked out the front door, Leigh called to him.

"Your Mother must've fainted when she first saw you!" She taunted. "You head looks more like your ass!"

Johnny just got in his truck and peeled away from the house, tears of hurt nearly blinding him. As Johnny drove into the night, he began to feel as if he were unattractive. He also felt as if he wasn't worth loving.

As he drove on, Johnny began to wonder if he should just end it all right then and just drive over a cliff.

If I were dead, life would be better for Leigh. Johnny thought. She could marry the man she really wants without dishonor. Or she could just be single if that is what she wishes.

Johnny put the pedal to the floor and sped toward the cliff's edge as he did, he said a silent farewell to all he cared about. He said good-bye to all his friends at the station and at Rampart. As the cliff's edge loomed closer, Johnny suddenly slammed on his brakes. The Land Rover came to a screeching halt just seconds from going over.

"Johnny Gage, you open this door right now!" He heard Dix command, banging on the driver's door a second later.

Johnny numbly obeyed. Dixie then yanked him from behind the wheel.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Dix demanded.

Johnny just looked back at her, his eyes dark pools of pain. He collapsed in hysterical sobs as the nurse walked him to her station wagon.

"You're lucky I was keeping my eye on you." Dix said softly. "Did you and Leigh have another fight?"

Johnny nodded as Dix strapped him into her car's passenger seat.

"Well, you're coming home with me now." Dix said, softly. "I think there are some things that you don't seem to understand about love, much less marriage. Don't worry though, cause I'm here to teach you. I'm also here to tell you how much I care about you, along with Roy, Dr. Brackett, Dr. Early, and all your other friends at the station."

"Dix, nobody cares about me." Johnny sniffed. "Leigh thinks I just married her for sex."

*****

Minutes after stopping him from driving over a cliff, Dixie wrapped a freshly bathed Johnny in one of her bath towels in her bathroom, then led him to the mirror above the sink.

"Johnny, you are not ugly, hear me? You are not ugly!" Dix firmly told the upset paramedic. "Come with me."

Johnny again obeyed as Dix then led him to her bedroom and positioned him in front of a full length mirror attached to the back of her bedroom door. She then removed the towel from Johnny's naked body.

"Lesson two, this does not make you a man." Dix said, grabbing Johnny's cock and shaking it. "It's just a body part. What makes you a man is honor, a good sense of what's important and being kind to those you love as they are kind to you. That's what separates us from the apes."

"Dix, why won't Leigh love me? Why can't I have all a newlywed man should have? Why can't I be naked in front of her? She acts like my loving her is a mortal sin." Johnny sniffed.

"Johnny, she doesn't know you." Dix told him. "You and she are married strangers. Why should she wanna have sex with you? Before six months ago, you didn't know she existed. Are you sure that you didn't marry her for sex?"

"I'm not sure of anything anymore." Johnny sniffed. "I have dreams of having a wife, a home and some kids, just like everyone else. I'd like that someday."

"Why are you in a rush to have a kid now?" Dix wondered. "Why not wait a year or two?"

"I suppose we could wait." Johnny mused. "At the same time, I'm afraid that Leigh will try again for tubal ligation and I may not be able to stop her."

"Children may not be in her plans." Dix offered. "It seems to me that you're expecting her to carry a kid for you and to live your idea of married life. You want the house and the white picket fence and the baby and you want it now. Visons of John Junior started dancing in your head the moment that you were pronounced man and wife."

"Maybe." Johnny admitted. "I don't understand how any woman could not want kids."

"Kids aren't all wonderful." Dix replied. "They take alot of work and planning. Are you gonna be the one to get up for the 4 AM feeding or the 4AM changing? Are you gonna be the one that runs Junior to the doctor when he's screaming in pain from one of many ear infections? Are you gonna be able to handle a child that screams nonstop?"

"Look, I know that babies aren't all cuddling and sweetness." Johnny replied. "I'm so afraid that I will never get the chance to father a child."

"Would it really hurt you that much?" Dixie asked. "Why can't this child you want be adopted?"

"Dix, I don't believe in adoption." Johnny stated. "You always know that that child isn't biologically yours."

Just then, Dixie's phone rang and she went to answer it. A few minutes later, she returned.

"John, I think you'd better come and sit down." Dix said, quietly.

Johnny did so after wrapping the towel around his waist.

"That was Harbor General on the phone." Dixie began as soon as John was seated on her living room sofa. "A Dr. Lee, an OB/GYN completed tubal ligation surgery on Leigh two hours ago. He said the surgery was a success and that your wife is resting comfortably."

"I guess that's it then." Johnny said. "It's over. I will never father a child. She got what she wanted."

"Johnny, I know you feel sad over what Leigh did, but I think she was right." Roy said the next day as he and Johnny were dressing in station fifty-one's lockeroom. "I don't think you fully understand what pregnancy and childbirth involves."

Johnny sat down in his locker.

"It's not that." Johnny sadly replied. "It hurts, Roy. It hurts my heart to know that I'll never play with my Son or Daughter. I'll never know how a newborn baby feels and smells. I'll never have the chance to watch my kids grow up and follow their dreams. What hurts most is that when I'm gone, there won't be anyone to carry on the Gage name or to continue my legacy."

"So?" Chet Kelly prompted. "Do you really want any kid of yours to grow up, or in your case, not grow up the way you did?"

"Chet, this is no laughing matter!" Johnny spat.

"Who said I was joking?" Chet replied, seriously.

"My God, he's actually being serious for a change!" Marco Lopez gasped.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Chet was serious." Cap said as he came in to greet his men.

"I'm very serious." Chet told his friends. "Johnny, do you want your kid to face the same ridicule and abuse you did as a kid? The world is not kind to mixed race people. Also, do you wanna be a parent or playmate to this kid?"

"What do you mean?" John asked.

"As much as I hate to say this, John, you haven't grown up all the way yourself yet." Hank told him. "You do have some childish tendencies."

"Like?" Johnny prompted.

"Johnny, you can act very immature at times." Roy told him. "Especially when you're pissed off or challenged."

"Or when a girl says no to a date or dumps him." Chet added. "You stomp your little feet and throw tantrums like a two year old if someone just doesn't agree with you, Gage."

"I do not!" Johnny defended himself.

The guys just looked at him.

"Okay, so maybe I lose my temper at times, but you all do too." Johnny pleaded. "I can get a little loud at times, it's true."

"And how bout that cliff episode last night?" Roy asked. "Johnny, that scared us all, bad."

"I know and I'm sorry." Johnny apologized. "I was not feeling very good about myself then."

"Because of what Leigh said." Roy nodded. "That's what Dix said last night when she called me at home after she took you to her place. "Do you ever think you might just be better off going back to your old place to live for the time being? I think some time apart would help you both."

"Maybe you're right." Johnny admitted.

"Johnny, you married a total stranger six months ago." Roy said. "I think you did marry her for the sex, not the relationship and when she said no, you went nuts. This whole thing is not about any damn little baby, it's about a big one who finally heard the word no and met a lady who had the gumption to follow through with that. Your ego is bruised. That's what you're pissed about. You're pissed that you got rejected, despite the Gage charm. Leigh is a woman that you can't charm or manipulate and that hurts you, doesn't it?"

"It's more like a threat to him." Cap spoke up. "Johnny just met a woman who said no to him. I think Leigh saw John for what he really is. An overgrown, hormonal, insecure teenager. Now, roll call in five minutes."

"Wait a minute, Cap." Johnny spoke up. "What Leigh did was wrong."

"No, Johnny, it's her body." Cap told the young man. "No woman, including your wife, has to open her legs so you can put your penis inside her on demand. No woman ever has to be a baby machine for you either. If you haven't learned that by now, then you never will. Excuse me."

Johnny watched as Cap left the lockeroom for his office. Once he was gone, Johnny went to get ready for roll call.

"Frankly, I think that Cap and the rest are right, but I'm gonna give you my own two cents." Engineer Mike Stoker said in his quiet manner. "I think that the way you've treated Miss Featherhorse is a sin. You ordered her as if she were an item in some magazine, then you marry her without even getting to know her. To top it off, you expect her to give you a Son right off. This whole marriage is a sham to me."

Johnny just listened in silence as the Engineer continued.

"Johnny, just have this mess annulled before you hurt Leigh so bad, she'll never recover. For her sake and yours, go back to your hooker bimbos and your bachelor digs and let her marry someone she really loves. She deserves better than an immature, unstable, unsettled man-child." Mike advised.

Johnny nodded as Mike went to join the others in the apparatus bay.

****

An hour later, roll call was history and the morning chores finished. Johnny was silently checking the squad as Roy looked on. Roy saw the anxiety in his partner's face as he worked. He knew that maybe for the first time in his young life, Johnny was facing the hardest decision he'd ever had to make.

"Is there anything I can do?" Roy asked.

"Everyone is telling me that I should just give up on Leigh. I don't want to though." Johnny told his friend. "With my mixed heritage, she may be the only shot at true love I have. I don't know of many women that would marry a biracial man. Most white women would never understand my Native American ways."

"And the Native American culture frowns on white in their bloodline." Roy remembered.

Johnny nodded.

"And as Chet said, any child of mine would face the same horror and brutality I did growing up." The dark haired man said. "I don't want that for my kid or my wife."

"It doesn't have to be that way." Roy offered.

"No, it doesn't." Leigh agreed.

"Leigh, I thought-" Johnny stammered. "I thought you were in Harbor General!"

"I was, but I sorta sneaked out." Leigh smiled. "I had to see you."

"I don't think we have a thing to talk about." Johnny replied.

"What do you mean?" Leigh asked.

"Leigh, you interfered with that most wonderful God given right. How could you? How could you have your tubes tied?" Johnny asked.

"WHAT?!" Leigh exclaimed. "What the hell are you babbling about, John Roderick?!"

"Did you or did you not have surgery?!" Johnny demanded.

"I had my appendix out!" Leigh defended herself. "If you're gonna act like this, I may as well go back to the hospital!"

"Leigh, wait!" Johnny called as she turned to go. "Look, I'm sorry. Dix told me that-"

"Told you what?" Leigh wondered.

"She told me you had your tubes tied." Johnny whispered.

"There was a mix up." Leigh told her husband. "Those dumb clerks mixed up my records with another patient. I had an appendicitis attack and had to have my appendix out. Wanna see the dressing?"

"No." Johnny softly replied. "I feel like a horse's ass now."

"You should." Leigh replied. "Husband, you must learn to listen and not talk all the time. You'd learn far more if you'd shut up now and again."

"Like?" Johnny prompted.

"How much I love you." Leigh smiled. "Johnny, I've had alot of time to think things over. I was ugly to you the other night and I apologize."

"I was a jerk to you too." Johnny replied. "I was trying to force my ideas on you and that was wrong. The truth is, I was scared. This marriage thing is so new to me. I'm used to having girls date me, then dump me, just like everyone else in my life has."

"Johnny, I'm here to stay." Leigh assured him. "I took you as my husband and that is for keeps. I realized that you've never known any stability in your life. I think I can provide for you a home with alot of love and a sense of well being."

"Go on." Johnny prompted.

"We need to be more open with each other." Leigh said. "I know you'd like a Jr. someday, but wouldn't you rather have our child enter into a world with a loving and confident father? Doesn't that boy you dream of deserve a father who is strong and secure, not to mention mature?"

"I never thought of that." Johnny replied. "Cap told me I could be childlike at times."

"Well, not in those exact words." Hank remarked, between sips of coffee.

"Hank, it does not matter how it was said. It only matters that it was said." Leigh assured him. "Johnny is somewhat nieve, but not through any fault of his own. He didn't have any positive adult role models as a kid. There was nobody to guide him when he was in those critical formative years, especially when it comes to relationships."

"Leigh, how can you love a guy you hardly know?" Roy asked. "You don't know John the way we do. You have no idea what you're getting into."

"Roy, I knew what I was doing when I joined with Johnny. I'm not gonna give up on him because of some faults he has. We just started off badly, but I believe that with time, John and I can be what you and Joanne never were. I believe in my husband. I have faith that we can be strong through whatever comes." Leigh told Roy. "You whites have forgotten that marriage is for life. We in our culture just don't dump our spouses when there is disagreement or temptation. We stay because that person we marry we have made our spouse, forever."

Johnny smiled at his bride.

"Cap, can you get someone to replace me for a couple of shifts?" Johnny asked.

"Sure." Cap smiled.

****

Ten minutes later, Leigh watched as Johnny put the last of his clothes into the closet of the bedroom they shared. Johnny then swept his wife into his strong arms and teasingly nuzzled her neck.

"Johnny!" Leigh giggled as the feel of his cheek against hers. "My, you are a tiger, aren't you?"

"I can be a beast when I wanna be." Johnny grinned, picking her up and placing her on their bed. "I'm glad that we're back together again."

"Me too, Darlin." Johnny smiled. "Do you need anything?"

"Yeah." Leigh replied, patting the empty side of the bed. "Will you just lay with me and hold me?"

"Yeah." A shocked Johnny replied, joining her in bed and putting his arms around her.

Leigh smiled as she put her head on his chest.

"Why a fireman?" She asked after a few minutes. "You have the smarts and the devious mind to be anything in this world. You could've been the next Donald Trump."

"Stop, you're inflating my ego." Johnny laughed.

"Honey, you are an intelligent man with charm to boot." Leigh told him. "You could've gotten rich off of your stories or with your running skill."

Johnny again started to kiss, Leigh, but she stopped him before their lips could meet.

"Johnny, I've been lying to you." Leigh revealed. "When I said I loved you back at 51's. I meant I loved you as a friend, not romantically. I've had alot of time to think this through. As much as I wish it were otherwise, I'm just not in love with you. Do you understand?"

Johnny nodded.

"I don't think that you're in love with me either." Leigh continued. "I think that instead, you're in love with a desperate dream. You're afraid of growing older alone, so you married me and manufactured an ideal life so you wouldn't have to face those fears. I can't stay married to you knowing this."

Johnny was too numb to speak, so he just laid there on the bed as Leigh got up.

"You can have your house and your life as it was before the joining." Leigh continued as Johnny watched her pack her things. "I'll call Roy to come and be with you before I leave."

Johnny nodded. Leigh then closed the last of her suitcases. She then called Roy at the station. A few minutes later, he arrived and Leigh left for the last time.

"You okay, Johnny?" Roy asked, gently.

Johnny looked at his best friend as tears trickled down his cheeks. Roy gathered him in his arms.

"Go ahead and cry, Junior." Roy softly encouraged. "You're more than entitled."

Johnny cried quietly as Roy held him. Roy cried with Johnny as they embraced there on that bed. For the first time in his life, Johnny Gage understood what true pain was.

***

A few hours later, Johnny and Roy were at Roy's house, watching TV and drinking beer.

"Roy?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"Do you think that there is anyone out there for me?" Johnny asked.

"Johnny, I can't promise you there is. All I can tell you is that some of us are destined to be with a wife or husband while some of us are bound to be alone in the world." Roy answered. "There's no telling what the future has in store for either of us. All we can do is keep traveling down the road of life."

"I thought that Leigh was my true love." Johnny told his friend. "I really thought she loved me and I thought that I loved her."

"Johnny, she did love you, it just wasn't in the way you'd hoped." Roy soothed.

"Was I the only one who didn't see where that sham of a marriage was headed?" Johnny wondered. "Maybe I just don't know what love is. I just have no idea of how love is supposed to work."

"What do you think love is?" Roy asked the younger man.

"What you and Joanne once had." Johnny answered, quietly, between sips of his beer.

"We didn't work out either." Roy reminded John. "That's the thing about love. One minute, you're carrying her across the threshold of the honeymoon suite, the next, she's telling you she wants a divorce."

"Is there any such thing as living happily ever after?" Johnny wondered.

"Johnny, if you think love is like all those childhood stories, I think you'd better put away the books." Roy laughed, then got serious again. "No tribal Chief can find you a Miss Right, you have to go out there and find her yourself. She's not just gonna come along and take you to her castle to live."

"You're right." Johnny sighed. "Leigh was right too."

"About?" Roy prompted.

"She said that I married her so I could manufacture an ideal life. That's always been my pattern, hasn't it? Fall in love with a woman who either wants kids or already has them. Barbara, Valerie, Cindy's Mom." Johnny said, sadly. "I just now realized that I've been looking for the family I never had as a child, not for romance. I've been borrowing other people's families as a way of compensating for my lack of one."

"Bingo." Roy pointed his finger at his friend. "You just hit the nail right on the head."

"Oh, Roy, I've been so dense!" Johnny smacked his forehead with his palm.

"You aren't the only one who's been through this." Roy offered. "After Joanne and I split up, I came to realize that true happiness does not come from another, it comes from within ourselves."

"Really?" Johnny asked.

"Really." Roy smiled. "I had to learn that I could be happy without her as I was with her. It's all about looking to you for happiness, not to someone else."

"I was so stupid to think that a person I barely knew could ever love me." Johnny shook his head.

"Johnny, you can't order a mate to your specifications like you can a part out of Wheels and Gears. You also can't build a love out an arranged, quick marriage. You have to date first, get to know each other and allow love to happen slowly, naturally. Would it really disappoint you if you never had John Jr or never married? Is being married that important right now?"

"Roy, don't you ever get lonely?" Johnny asked. "Don't you ever wish you had more to come home to than an empty house?"

"Johnny, I was lonely even when I was married." Roy answered. "I was working so much and Joanne was busy with the kids. There was no time for any romance or togetherness between Jo and me. At this stage in my life, I'd rather be alone."

Johnny nodded.

"Marriage to a Fireman is no picnic." Roy added.

"Is it so damn wrong for me to wanna make love to a woman?" Johnny asked.

"Is it right to treat women as hookers?" Roy countered.

Johnny flinched and paled at that remark.

"That's the way you treated Leigh you know." Roy told him. "Whether you know it or not, I could tell that was how you saw her."

Roy watched as Johnny got up, finished his beer and left without a word in response.

****

"Maybe he just couldn't handle the truth." Chet Kelly said two days later as he closed his locker after changing into uniform.

"Kelly, Johnny just wants what we all want at some point in our lives, love and companionship." Captain Hank Stanley told him. "The trouble is that he moves right into the sexual and marriage arenas and tries to skip right past courtship."

"I'm not sure that Gage is really ready for a relationship." Roy mused. "I think what he really wants is someone to give him a roll in the sack."

"We all did when we were his age!" Cap laughed.

"Joanne and I waited til our wedding night." Roy remembered.

"My wife and I did too." Mike Stoker piped up.

"We did too." Hank added.

"The younger ones like Gage are under alot of pressure though. Everywhere they turn, the message is that you aren't a man unless you've made love to a chick." Marco Lopez remarked.

"He could be a virgin!" Roy gasped.

"It's possible." Craig Brice answered as he closed his locker. "He's also very immature."

Just then, the sound of a phone ringing could be heard. Hank ran to answer it.

"Gage needs to do alot of growing up before he can even go near the opposite sex." Brice remarked as Roy shot him a sour look.

Hank returned to the lockeroom just then, a grim expression on his face.

"DeSoto, Brice," Hank cocked his finger at both men.

The Paramedics followed as the Captain led them to his office.

"That was Dixie McCall at Rampart." Cap informed them. "Johnny's about to be taken to surgery, for a vasectomy."

Roy just about collapsed at the news.

"DeSoto, I think the procedure's a good idea." Brice offered. "Johnny Gage should be sterilized before he does some girl some real damage that can't be repaired. I don't think he'd use a condom."

"Brice, that's not fair." Hank admonished him.

"Captain, the way he treated Miss Featherhorse really shows that the vasectomy is indicated." Brice argued.

"Brice, this is a human being we're talking about here!" Roy yelled. "He may really wanna have a kid someday!"

"Look, If Gage wants a kid, he'd be settled down with a girl by now." Brice told him. "All he wants is S-E-X and hell do anything to get it. I 'm telling you, DeSoto, the sooner he has it done, the better."

"Brice, shut up!" Hank ordered.

"Yes, Captain." Brice replied, then left to get ready for roll call.

"Roy, I think Brice is right." Mike spoke up.

"Mike!" Roy protested.

"DeSoto, John measures women by one thing and one thing only. He doesn't look beyond how much sack time he can get with one." Mike quietly said. "He doesn't look beyond what goes on between the sheets."

"Mike, we were the same when we were his age." Roy offered.

"But, we didn't do everything short of exposing ourselves to get a girl, did we?" The Engineer asked.

"Mike, Johnny's different somehow." Hank replied. "It's as if he's desperate for a woman."

"But why?" Chet asked.

"Maybe he's afraid of never having something we all take for granted." Roy guessed. "Marriage, family, house. Someone to go home to."

"Cap, what Johnny wants is something to brag about." Chet chimed in. "He wants the sex without the benefit of love and marriage. That being the case, he should have the surgery, if not to protect himself, then to at least protect perspective partners against pregnancies they may not want."

"But, what if he does marry again and they both want kids?" Roy asked.

"There are couples who marry and never have kids." Chet offered. "I know two couples like that and they seem fine with it. It don't take a child to make your life worth something. Johnny married Leigh to fill a void, pure and simple. He was looking to make the family he didn't have as a kid."

The tones cut off the conversation with the first run of the day.

Squad 51, man shot at the market. 1010 Marquette. St. 1010 Marquette. St. Cross street: 101st. Police and ambulance are responding. Timeout: 07:55.

"Squad 51, KMG-365." Hank responded after writing down the address on a slip of paper.

After Cap and the slip to Brice, he in turn handed it to Roy. Brice the guided the squad from the station, code R.

*******

Meanwhile, Johnny Gage waited in Rampart's surgical holding area for his turn in the OR. As he lay on the gurney, he felt sure that this was the right thing to do.

"Mr. Gage? You have a visitor." A red haired nurse said.

"Hello, John." Leigh Feather Horse greeted.

"You have alot of nerve showing up here." Johnny replied, refusing to look at her. "You come to hurt me some more? You've got your annulment, what else do you want?"

"Johnny, the Chief denied the request for an annulment." Leigh informed him.

"I figured she would." Johnny replied. "Which is why I have written her a letter to the Chief of another faction of our tribe. I know he'll grant the annulment."

"Have you sent it yet?" Leigh asked.

"No." Johnny replied.

"Johnny, maybe I could've grown to love you in time, but from the time we were made man and wife, you were in my face for sex! I can't love a man who's that pushy and hyper! I can't love a man who isn't sure of himself first. You're not happy with your lot in life, so you use me and when I say no, you attempt suicide first, followed by this! What does that say about you?! It says to me that your both insecure and jealous of everyone else who has a girlfriend or is married! You're also angry at the whole world cause you were treated horribly by our tribe as a child!" Leigh told him.

Johnny turned to face his wife, tears of anger on his cheeks.

"You're damn right I'm angry!" Johnny wept. "I'm angry at you, at DeSoto, I'm angry at everyone who has someone to love! I'm angry cause I'm not one of them! I'm worth loving, Leigh! I'm worth being married to! I'm a good, decent man! Yet, every woman I go out with dumps me! They dump me!"

"Johnny, oh, Johnny." Leigh stammered, seeing her husband's hurt for the first time. "I never knew you were hurt so badly. Oh, Baby."

Johnny sobbed loudly as Leigh sat down on the gurney and gathered him in her arms.

"Leigh, Johnny is desperate to know that someone, anyone, cares about him." Dixie McCall said as she entered the holding area. "Your husband is a man who's been told that he's worthless, not only be his own people, but by others as well. When Johnny was saying he wanted to have a child, he was really saying that he was scared of actually having someone who loves him. He's afraid that you'll leave him, just as all the others did."

"Is this true, Husband?" Leigh asked Johnny.

Johnny nodded.

"John Roderick, you never have to be afraid again. I'm here and will be yours for eternity." Leigh whispered, then kissed his lips.

"You both need to learn how to make decisions as partners cause that is what you now are. Whatever one does affects the other. It's not about you, Leigh or you, John. It's about both of you as a team. That's what is takes to make marriage work. Think about it." Dix finished, then left.

"Johnny, I think that we need to get together and stay together." Leigh said after a minute. "Are you willing to give me a second chance?"

"Johnny, before you answer that, stop, think." A new voice chimed in.

"Doc." Johnny greeted Dr. Gloria Tang, the psychiatrist he'd been seeing since the suicide attempt.

"You must be Leigh." The Chinese-American woman guessed.

"Yes." Leigh nodded.

"Johnny, you are about to go through with a surgery that will alter you for the rest of your life. Once those cuts are made, you'll never be able to father a child." Tang warned.

"The urologist told me." Johnny replied. "I know that once I go into that OR, there's no going back."

"There are other methods of birth control out there." Tang countered.

"But none are 100%." Johnny replied. "Leigh told me that she has no wish to have my child."

"Not right away." Leigh answered.

"Why not?" Gloria asked her.

"I hardly know Johnny." Leigh answered. "Why would I wanna have sex with a total stranger?"

"Leigh, that's what married couples do!" Johnny countered. "I know that we haven't known each other long, but it's been six months and we haven't spent a night in one bed yet! You won't even let me so much as hold you!"

"Because, I know that if I let you hold me, it'll turn into let's make love!" Leigh shot back. "Seems like everytime you're around a woman, it's S-E-X!"

Johnny sat up on the gurney at those words.

"Johnny, I know all about your harem of nurses and female staff members here!" Leigh confronted him. "How many of them have you charmed into spreading their legs for you?! How many of them have you raped?!"

Johnny paled at the word rape.

"Is that what you think Johnny's trying to do?" Gloria asked Leigh.

"Doctor, all I know is that he has a history of putting the single women here through a revolving door of dates and sexual advances. After he's done with them, he tosses them away like garbage." Leigh replied. "So, I ask again, how many women have you forced into bed with you? Am I gonna be just another notch on your bedpost, Johnny?"

Johnny just sat there, unsure how to answer. A minute later, he ripped the IV out of his arm and sprang from the gurney. He then dressed and after shoving a nurse aside, ran out of the holding area. Dr. Tang quickly ran to a nearby phone.

"Hospital security!" Tang barked into the receiver. "Sgt. Shryer, this is Dr. Tang in in pre-op. A patient of mine just ran out of here......John Gage......G-A-G-E......Yes, that's right. Gage. ........Six foot one, dark brown eyes, long brown hair............He drives a white Land Rover with two red fuel cans on the back.......He's very upset........Good, thank you, Sergeant.......He's 25 years old......Wearing a plaid shirt, blue jeans and brown cowboy boots......Right....Thank you."

The doctor hung up the phone.

"Leigh, you stay here." Gloria said. "I think I know where Johnny is."

*****
Leigh meanwhile, left the hospital and returned to the reservation to see her father and mother.

"Leigh, why are you not with your husband?" Melani Feather Horse asked her daughter.

"Mother, Johnny is not a husband, he is an overgrown child." Leigh stated. "We are seeking to annul the marriage. It was a mistake. From the moment we were married all he wanted was to make love."

"Is that not what should happen on the wedding night, Daughter?" Ed Feather Horse asked her. "It is only natural that a young man should want to love his wife."

"Father, this is not a normal young man you speak of." Leigh told the handsome Native American. "The young man you have promised me to is more child than man. He tried to kill himself by driving off a cliff when I refused to give myself to him without a condom."

"Sound like John Roderick is troubled." Ed mused.

"He has been most of his life, Husband." Melani replied. "Daughter, the reason we thought that John Roderick would be good for you is that he needs the love and caring that you have. He needs someone in his life who loves him
as is."

"Mother, have you met him?" Leigh asked her.

"I have not." Her Mother admitted.

"Nor have I." Ed added. "We only know what our elder has told us of him. He is a young man that is caught between our world and the white one. He has been abused and mistreated by both throughout his life. He was not even welcome within his own family. Leigh, it seems to me as if you are not giving being his wife a chance. Beneath all the macho behavior may lay a confused and frightened man. He may fear that he may never get the chance at the life
his white friends have."

"Daughter, go back to him and be the wife he's now entitled to." Melani encouraged her. "Look at him and not what you see and hear about him from others. Do not let others influence you against John Roderick."

Taking that advice, Leigh returned home to LA and her husband.

"Johnny?" Leigh called as she entered the house. "Husband? Are you here?"

Leigh made her way upstairs as she called his name. She found him, naked on the bed in their bedroom and crying.

She slowly entered the room and sat beside him on the bed.

"John Roderick, I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me what you need." Leigh whispered.

"Need?" Johnny repeated.

"Yes, need." Leigh softly answered, softly. "I need to know what I can do to make you more secure in yourself and in us."

Johnny just kept his back to her.

"Johnny, how can I help if you won't talk?" Leigh tried again.

"Leigh, what I need you can never give me." Johnny replied, his voice muffled by a pillow. "You can't change the past I've had. You can't take away the hurt that others have inflicted on me. You can't give me the loving family I've never known. I've used you. I've used you in the worst possible way. When I left the hospital earlier, it was because it hit me that I used you. I used you by trying to get you to have a child against your will. I somehow thought that a kid could give me love and make me feel important."

Leigh nodded.

"I thought that you and I making love would make me a real man in your eyes!" Johnny wept. "I realize now how wrong I was."

"Husband, I was wrong too." Leigh admitted. "You made me your wife and that is a great honor for any woman, but you accepted me as is, I only wish that I had done the same for you. I regret not understanding how your childhood pain and trauma was affecting your adult perceptions of relationships. You are a man who still deals with Little Johnny's hurts."

Johnny nodded.

"Would you turn over and look me in the eye, please?" Leigh requested. "It is time to stop hiding now."

Johnny turned over and faced his bride. She smiled as she slowly stripped in front of him. His eyes were as big as saucers as he watched her. His heart pounded within his chest and his breathing became rapid.

"Oh!" He breathed.

Before him, his wife pulled down her underwear and taking them off, tossed them aside.

"W-what's happening?!" Johnny gasped as his body betrayed him.

"What should've happened six months ago." Leigh smiled down, gently. "You see, Husband, this is what happens when you let things happen naturally rather than with force."

"You mean that if I'd been patient rather than demanding, you would've?-" Johnny trailed off.

"Exactly." Leigh nodded. "Things are alot more fun when they just happen."

Johnny moaned as he became hard. Leigh laughed as she came down on top of Johnny and took him in her arms.

"Johnny, what are you feeling now?" She wanted to know.

"Honey, whatever you're doing, keep doing it!" Johnny gasped. "I've never had a woman, any woman this close to me before!"

"Never?" Leigh purred.

"No woman before you would ever do this with me!" Johnny gasped. "Most of them would slap me if I tried kissing them! They always made me wonder if I really was attractive? I would always think that with a little Gage charm,
they'd be falling for me. What a farce that was!"

"I do not agree. I just fell for you." Leigh offered.

"Come on!" John scoffed.

Leigh kissed Johnny of the mouth, firmly, deeply, much to his shock. After a few minutes, they pulled apart.

"Now do you believe me?" Leigh asked.

"Yes," Johnny replied. "I'm also scared at the same time. You left me twice, how do I know it won't happen again?"

"Johnny, I know that I've hurt you and you have every reason to be cautious, but I know now that you are more then worthy of me and my love." Leigh replied, then softly kissed Johnny's hardness. "I'm here to stay, My sweet brave."

Johnny cried happy tears as his wife held him. The feelings that he and Leigh were now sharing were so new to him.

"So, this is love." Johnny remarked.

"Yes, Husband, it is." Leigh answered. "Love is not just the act of sex, it's two people, sharing a wonderful, warm, deep affection for each other and making a lifelong promise to stay together. Two people are stronger together
than one is alone."

"You know, this is what I was afraid of as I was being brought to the alter for our joining six months ago. I didn't like the idea of being told who to marry and when. Then, when I saw you, standing there in that buckskin gown and your hair in braids and your headdress on, something inside me changed and I got to thinking that maybe it was time I settled down." Johnny told her. "Then, once it was done, I started to behave like a jerk and I almost lost you. I am sorry, Wife. I never meant to hurt or scare you."

"There is no need for shame, Husband." Leigh soothed. "Dixie and Mother told me how difficult your life has been, father too. When I heard that, I regretted the way I treated you. You deserve so much love and the opportunity to be a father someday. You deserve to have a chance at all the joy in the world and all the opportunity to succeed at whatever you try."

"Leigh, how can you love me after all I've put you through?" He asked her.

"Because, that is what love is all about." Leigh answered. "When you and Roy go to a fire, do you leave a trapped victim inside because you may be hurt yourselves?"

"Not if we can help it." Johnny answered.

"Love is much the same." Leigh said. "You don't leave or not give love out of fear. You love through the good and bad times."

"Leigh, you're driving me mad here!" Johnny gasped.

"I know, Sweetie, but it's just your body talking." His wife replied. "I'm having the same feelings, but it's just being close to a man that's doing it. See, John, just because we're turned on by each other doesn't mean we should have sex right now."

"Then when?" Johnny asked.

"When we both feel that it is right to do so." Leigh answered. "Honey, I'd like to love you that way someday, but right now, you and I both have so many other issues that need to be dealt with. We need to get to know and get comfortable with each other before sex can take place."

"Not to mention my reputation." Johnny added.

"Yes." Leigh acknowledged. "Johnny, I know that you would never force a woman into something she didn't want, but I think that the act of sex to you symbolizes manhood."

"Maybe." Johnny agreed. "All I know is that when I hear the guys at the station talking about their wives and girlfriends and how they make love to them, I feel like a little boy cause I'm still a virgin."

"You're afraid that they won't see you as a man." Leigh realized.

"I'm the youngest on A-Shift." Johnny told her. "I hear them laughing at me, especially Chet Kelly."

"Why do you care what he thinks? Why do his opinions mean so much to you? Why do Roy's?" Leigh asked him. "I don't think either of them is qualified to give opinions about your life."

"They are my friends." Johnny countered.

"I know, I know." Leigh replied.

"So, what now?" Johnny asked. "How do we live together now?"

END PART 24