Copyright: January 2002 By Robin R. Neher

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED. FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT. THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS
USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: What is a man?

Author: Robin R. Neher

E-mail: NRobin1027@aol.com

Rating: R

Pairing: N/A

Archive: Yes

Fandom: Emergency

Summary: Johnny gets his arm and his heart broken, so, he sets out to change his reputation.

Content Warning: Harsh language. Violence.

What is a man?
By Robin R. Neher

The rain fell hard outside Rampart General hospital as did the tears from Johnny Gage's eyes as he lay on a bed inside said hospital. He only wanted to be left alone. Johnny Gage had been humiliated, so much so, Johnny now feared showing his face to anyone.

Outside, at the nurse's desk, one of Rampart's nurses was talking with head nurse Dixie McCall about the young Firefighter/Paramedic

"Dix, he just lays there." Complained Nurse Carol Williams as she put Johnny's chart back in the rack. "He hasn't said a word since he was brought in, not even to complain of pain. He threw a bedpan at Morton's head when he was on rounds with his residents."

"That's just not like Johnny." Dix agreed. "Carol, I'm gonna go sit with him for awhile. Maybe he'll talk to me."

Carol nodded. Dix then made her way to Johnny's room. Upon arrival, she found Johnny, standing by the window.

"You come to laugh at me too?" Johnny Gage said, his tone icy.

"No, I just thought you might like to talk." The blond nurse assured her friend. "Johnny, what happened?"

"My date broke my arm and my heart." Johnny stated. "Dix, what's the matter with me? Aren't I a man? Why can't I be happy like Roy is with Joanne and you are with Kel? I'm a Man!"

"Johnny, what happened tonight?" Dix tried again. "Come back to bed and talk to me."

Johnny got back into bed. It was then Dixie saw Johnny's tear-streaked face. She knew then that her favorite Paramedic's wounds were just not physical.

"Dix, I've had it! This is the last straw!" Johnny told her. "In high school, I was what you call a late bloomer. I didn't develop like the other boys in my class did. Know what those Son's of bitches used to call me? Pencil penis! Yeah, that's right, Pencil penis or when I was in the gym shower, it was, Johnny with the little johnny!"

"What does that have to do with tonight?" Dixie prompted.

"As I got older and developed I thought the torment had stopped, but tonight, it was like I was back in high school all over again!" Johnny raged. "You know Linda."

"The gym teacher you've been romancing?" Dix smiled.

"Yeah. I took her to dinner and a movie. I went to the concession stand to get us some popcorn and stuff. When I came back, she was in the car next to my Land Rover, kissing another man! Dixie, I was sore!"

"Naturally!" Dix agreed.

***

TWO HOURS EARLIER........

"Linda! What the hell is going on here!?" Johnny demanded of his date. "You're supposed to be with me!"

"Johnny, I changed my mind." The bleach blond informed the young man. "I'm a grown lady, you're a boy of twenty. Why would I wanna be with a boy when I can have James here? James has a man's cock and a man's body."

"Yeah, John Rod-less Gage!" Taunted James Wilder, a pro body builder. "I can bench press you, Skinny!"

***

PRESENT..........

"That's how I broke my wrist! He picked me up and threw me across the parking lot!" Johnny finished. "That didn't hurt near as bad as being called John Rod-less Gage! That's worse than pencil-penis!"

"That musta hurt." Dix understood. "Johnny, you are every inch a man."

"How would you know? You've never seen my, oh, wait a minute, yes you have." Johnny remembered. "You've had to put a foley catheter there on several occasions."

"And I have cut your clothes off in the ER." Dixie reminded Johnny. "That wasn't what I meant though."

"I know what you met." Johnny interrupted. "The problem is, how can I get a date when everyone thinks I'm a boy? Dix, I'm 24."

"Not everyone develops at the same rate." Dixie soothed. "As for Linda, she's a slut and any girl that could do what she did to you is not worthy of you. Johnny, stop comparing yourself to Roy or anyone else."

"Dix, do you think I try too hard?" Johnny wondered.

"To be honest, yes." Dix answered. "John, I've seen you with the nurses around here and to be frank, if you asked me out, I'd say no. I would not go with you cause you're too pushy."

Johnny flinched at those words.

"I'll bet if you acted like a man who just wants an evening of fun rather than sex, you might fare better at getting dates and maybe being asked for a second one." Dix advised. "Take it from a woman, we like to take it slow and easy when it comes to romance. You might also take that bed outta your truck. That would be a real turn off to me."

"Might give the wrong impression." Johnny realized.

"Exactly." Dix smiled. "For once, think with your head, not your cock."

With that, Dixie left the room and went to see to other matters. Johnny took Dixie's advice to heart. Johnny knew that if he wanted to be liked, that he'd have to make himself likable, so when his wrist healed and he returned to work some six weeks later, it was with a whole new attitude.

Roy and the others were shocked as Johnny marched into the station on a Monday. He was dressed in a shirt and jeans, but he also wore a sport coat. Roy was also shocked that John had let his hair grow out.

"Fireman DeSoto." Johnny greeted, casually as he took off his jacket and hung it neatly in his locker.

"Johnny?" Roy gaped, his jaw dropping. "Is that you?"

"The one and only and it's John now." Johnny grinned, then changed into his work clothes.

A shocked Roy too changed into uniform as Captain Hank Stanley came into greet Johnny.

"Welcome back, Pal." Cap smiled.

"Thank you, Captain." Johnny grinned.

"Johnny, what's with your hair?" Hank asked.

"Just decided to let it grow a little." Johnny grinned. "Don't worry, it's well within department regulations. I checked the manual."

"But, why?" Roy asked. "I liked the way you looked before."

"Can't a guy change his look if he wants?" Johnny grinned. "Can't a guy reinvent himself if he wishes?"

Both men gaped as Johnny went into the kitchen for coffee.

"Something's up." Roy suspected.

"Yeah," Cap agreed. "New girl."

Just then, they heard the familiar splash of a Chet Kelly water bomb. Roy and Cap were immediately concerned when they didn't hear Johnny's usual scream of Chet's name, so they got themselves to the kitchen quick. All were suprised as a dripping Johnny regarded his colleague.

"Thank you, Chester, I needed the laugh." Johnny said, patting Chet on the back, then going to change.

"What the hell?!-" A shocked Chet exclaimed.

"Was that Johnny?!" A just as shocked Marco Lopez asked.

"Has he been dropped on his head?" Engineer Mike Stoker wondered, quietly. "He looks like Gage, but he's sure not acting like him."

"No he's not." Hank agreed. "I wonder if something happened while he was recovering from the broken wrist. How did he break his wrist anyway?"

"I was being a jerk." Johnny revealed as he rejoined the other guys after changing into a dry shirt. "Cap, remember when you told me that if I kept treating women as I did that one day, I might get hurt?"

"Yeah. Is that what happened?" Cap asked.

"Yep,.I was thrown across the parking lot by my date's new boyfriend, literally!" Johnny winced. "I caught her kissing this man as I came back with our popcorn and candy!"

"Ouch!" Roy winced, sympathetically. "That's too bad, Junior."

"It happens. I don't need a slut like that." Johnny replied as the tones went off.

Squad 51, unknown type rescue at the strip club. 70 Sycamore Way. 70 Sycamore Way. Crosstreet: Higgins. Timeout: 08:10. Police are responding.

"Squad 51, KMG-365." Cap acknowledged as John and Roy got rolling, code R.

As the squad left, Chet shook his head.

"They always get the good calls!" Chet whined.

"Ah, the advantages of being a Paramedic, Pal." Cap smiled. "Besides, what would you do at a strip joint anyway when you can have roll call and latrine duty here?"

"That's better?" Chet joked.

***

Meanwhile, in route to their call, Johnny was readying himself for the day ahead.

"I didn't know strip clubs were open during the day." Johnny commented.

"Johnny, don't go there. We're on a job here." Roy warned.

"I know, Pally, I know!" Johnny replied as they arrived on scene. "Boy, this is a bad part of town. LA, Squad 51, what is the ETA of the police?"

Squad 51, ETA, 5 minutes. Police advise that you wait for them. Sam came back over the CB.

"10-4." Johnny replied, the hung up the mic. "I wouldn't wanna be here without an escort."

"Let's move down the street and wait." Roy advised, killing the lights and sirens and guiding the squad around the corner.

"LA, squad 51. We are waiting for police at the corner of Sycamore and Higgins." Johnny informed dispatch.

10-4, squad 51. Sam's voice came back over the radio.

"Now, we wait." Johnny sighed.

***

As they waited, Roy decided this would be a good opportunity for a talk with his partner.

"What else happened on that date?" Roy wanted to know. "We're not at the station, so you can talk freely."

"Roy, have you ever had anyone make fun of your body?" Johnny asked his best friend. "She said I had a boy's body and a boy's penis. Her friend was a bodybuilder. He called me John Rod-less Gage."

"So, that's it." Roy realized. "That's why all the big changes. You're like a bird who displays to get a mate. I take it Miss Dixie has something to do with this too."

"She gave me some advice." Johnny admitted. "Roy, six weeks ago, I looked like a boy."

"You think you look like a man now?" Roy asked. "And that scene back at the station with Chet, what was that about?"

"Roy, forget it! You don't understand!" Johnny snapped. "You can have any girl you want! Me? All I get is turned down and slapped!"

Roy cringed, dropping the subject for now. He'd just seen a whole new side of John Gage. One he wasn't sure he liked. The silence was broken by three beeps of the CB.

Squad 51, cancel.

"Squad 51." Johnny responded.

"We waited for nothing!" Roy groused.

"Hey, Pally, ease up. It's all part of the job." Johnny soothed as Roy steered the squad back toward the station.

Roy worried for Johnny as they rode along. He feared that John had somehow thought that being passive was the way to fit in with people. He thought of trying to talk with his friend again, then thought better of it. Johnny was on the defensive and Roy understood why.

When that girl and her boyfriend humiliated Johnny, Johnny must've taken that to heart. He must really doubt his manhood. Roy surmised in his mind. I bet it's not easy, being 24 and looking 18. Girls want guys who look like their image of a man.

"John, let's stop by Rampart for supplies." Roy suggested.

"LA, squad 51, 10-8 to Rampart for supplies." Johnny reported as he and Roy arrived at Rampart.

10-4, squad 51. Sam came back.

Making their way inside the ER, Roy stopped to get a drink just outside the lounge. Johnny heard the nurses inside talking through the door.

"I wouldn't go out with Gage if he were the last man on Earth." Johnny heard one nurse remark.

"Uggh! The mere sight of him makes my skin crawl!" Remarked another nurse. "Does he ever comb that rat's nest he calls hair?! And why don't he have a surgeon fix his nose?"

"Shoot, his mind is what needs fixing." Remarked a third nurse. "When it comes to us, all he thinks of is S-E-X! It wouldn't suprise me if he was a rapist or something!"

Roy paled at those last words and Johnny just stood, his face betraying nothing of his emotions.

"Johnny," Roy said, quietly

"No, Pally, it's okay." Johnny said, quietly. "After all, they're just three nurses. Why should I waste my time with them? Let them shoot me down."

With that, Johnny headed toward the nurse's station to get the needed supplies for the squad. Roy stood there, his concern for Johnny growing.

****

A few minutes later, Roy met Johnny in the squad. Roy could tell Johnny was upset by what had just taken place inside the ER just minutes before.

"Wanna talk?" Roy asked.

"I deserve it, you know." Johnny said, his voice almost a whisper. "Who could blame them for thinking that? I come on way too strong."

"Johnny, yes, you do come on strong at times, but I know you'd never force a lady into something she didn't want to do, would you?" Roy asked.

"If you have to ask, you think I do." Johnny quietly accused. "You're just like everyone else. You think I'm just hormones."

"Johnny, I never said-" Roy stammered, caught off guard.

"Roy, just do me a favor and shut up!" Johnny hissed as the CB beeped three times.

Squad 51, stand by for response.

Both men listened as a bunch of tones were sounded.

Engine 51, squad 51, station 86, truck 103, unknown type rescue at the bank. 502 E. Austin. 502 E. Austin. Timeout: 09:30.

"Squad 51, 10-4." Johnny replied as Roy again activated the lights and sirens, then guided the squad toward the scene.

The squad was met by a bank teller as it arrived at the bank, first on scene.

"A customer locked himself in the men's room!" The short man huffed. "He says he has a gun and plans to kill himself!"

"LA, squad 51, we have a possible suicide. Respond police and ambulance. Return all companies except engine 51." Johnny requested.

10-4, squad 51. All units except engine 51, return.

Exiting the squad, the medics got their gear and headed inside the bank. They found the men's room just inside the lobby. Roy tapped on the door.

"Who's there?" A man demanded from inside.

"Sir, I'm Fireman Roy DeSoto. I'm with the LA County fire department." Roy called to the distressed man. "I'm here to help you. Please, put the gun down and open the door."

"The name's Norman McBroom!" The man called back. "I swear, I'm gonna kill myself!"

"Norman, don't do anything stupid." Roy advised. "Let's talk about this, okay?"

"Roy, I know that man!" Johnny hissed. "He was my roommate at the fire academy!"

"You sure?" Roy asked, skeptically.

"I lived with him for 19 weeks. It was 19 weeks of hell." Johnny told Roy as Roy took Johnny into an alcove nearby. "You know what Chet's like, right?"

Roy nodded.

"Norm was ten times worse. He got expelled for putting poison ivy in my bed." Johnny whispered. "He said I'd pay for that."

"He blamed you for the expulsion." Roy guessed. "Look, I'll keep Norm talking. You get on the horn and get an ETA on the engine."

"Right." Johnny nodded, then headed back outside.

"LA, squad 51, what is the ETA on engine 51?" Johnny asked into the HT.

Squad 51, engine 51 is having mechanical difficulties. Do you need another engine?

"Negative." Johnny replied as officer Vince Howard arrive on scene with his partner.

"Roy inside?" Vince asked of Johnny.

"Yeah, he's trying to talk the man out." Johnny replied as Roy's voice came over the HT.

Johnny, the victim and I are coming out." Roy advised. Get on the phone to Rampart.

****

A few minutes later, all arrived safely at the hospital. Once Norman was in Brackett's capable hands, Johnny dropped his shields, letting his hurt out with tears and anger in the empty ER lounge. Roy put a comforting arm around his partner.

"It's about time." Roy stated, relieved that John was letting his emotions show.

"I'm tired, Roy!" Johnny yelled and sobbed. "I'm tired of people thinking that I'm a jerk or that I only want one thing from a woman! I'm tired of people like Norman blaming me for their own failures! Most of all, I'm tired of nurses calling me a rapist! Roy, I'd never hurt anyone that way, man or woman! Why do people think I would?!"

"It's called gossip, Johnny." Roy replied. "Some folks get their jollies by talking badly of others. As for Norman, you can't be responsible for his anger."

"Roy's right, John." Agreed Nurse Amy Hollingsworth. "Roy, could you excuse us a minute, please?"

"Sure." Roy smiled, knowing that Amy was about to reveal her secret to Johnny.

Roy smiled as he thought back to Amy telling him of her crush on Johnny.

Junior, you are in for a love like you've never known before. Roy thought to himself as he walked down to the nurse's station to chat with Dixie and have a cup of coffee. He also knew a replacement for Johnny may be in order too if Amy was successful.

***

Back in the lounge, Johnny was shivering as Amy kissed him, slowly, gently. For the first time, Johnny Gage was experiencing the genuine love of a woman. As the kiss broke, Amy smiled at him.

"Wow!" Johnny whistled. "No woman has ever done that to me before. How come you didn't speak up sooner?"

"Johnny, I loved you from the moment you first became a Paramedic. Trouble was, everytime I'd ask about you, my fellow nurses would tell me to leave you alone, that you'd only end up hurting me. I was stupid enough to listen." 5'5 Amy explained as she gently brushed the bangs off Johnny's forehead."

"Until now." Johnny smiled, holding this Red-haired beauty close. "Amy, I think you should know, some people don't think too highly of me."

"I know, but that's because they don't see you as I do." Amy replied.

"How's that?" Johnny inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"When I see you walking down these halls, Johnny Gage, I see a man who acts like a jerk to hide his true self. Deep inside, you're a man who wants someone to love him, I mean really love him. But most of the so-called women around here seem only to want a good time, not a serious relationship. They use you as a trophy, they don't look beyond your body." Amy replied. "Me, I see your soul in those deep brown eyes I see someone I could spend my life loving."

Johnny's heart leapt at those words. His heart sang as Amy kissed a nearby ear.

"So, what do you say, Johnny?" Amy purred. "Will you let me love you?"

****

Later that night, in an isolated cabin an hour away from LA, Johnny purred as Amy stripped him naked, then guided him into a tub of warm water. Johnny moaned as Amy joined him a second later. The mere sight of her ample breasts and firm body made Johnny rock hard.

"Beautiful." Johnny purred as Amy's fingers danced across his bare chest. "I've never felt anything like this before."

"That's because you've never let yourself feel before now." Amy replied. "I just want you to do nothing but feel."

Johnny groaned as Amy took his mouth with hers in a hungry kiss. Johnny Gage was in love and knew this was gonna be more than his usual one night stand.

As the kissing grew deeper, they were interrupted by the station's tones. Johnny bolted up in bed as the lights came on in the dorm. He instinctively swung into his turnouts and boots as did the other members of A-Shift.

Engine 51 with squad 8, possible heart attack. 777 W. Savannah 777 W. Savannah. Crosstreet: Clark. Timeout: 01:10.

"Engine 51, KMG-365." Hank responded in the apparatus bay,

Johnny lay back in his bed and listened as the engine roared out of the station. He let out a sigh as his dream began to replay in his mind.

It was real, so real! Johnny thought.

But he knew that it was only a dream.

Get real, Gage! I doubt that she'd go out with you! Johnny told himself as he lay quietly in the again darkened dorm.

Johnny looked over to Roy's bed, which was just to his left. The sound of snoring from it told John there'd be no talking to his partner about his dream, at least not then. John knew there'd be no more sleep for him that night, so getting up, he went into the station's rec room to watch TV. As he settled on the couch, the tones again sounded.

Johnny got up and dashed toward the bay.

Squad 51, man down. 821 E. Jacobs Place. 821 E. Jacobs Place. Crosstreet: Roberts. Timeout: 01:20.

"Squad 51, KMG-365." Johnny replied as Roy ran in to join him.

Johnny took the wheel as Roy got in on the passenger side. The lights and sirens were turned on and the squad guided from the station.

**

One hour later, Roy and Johnny were on their way back to the station.

"Squad 51, available." Johnny reported.

Squad 51. Dispatch came back.

"You okay?" Roy wondered.

"I just had a dream back at the station." Johnny yawned. "I was making love to this girl-"

"Stop right there!" Roy cut him off. "It's bad enough I have to live with you for 24 hours at a time, I don't need the play by play of your sex life as well!"

"Roy, is there a nurse named Amy Hollingsworth at Rampart?" Johnny asked.

"Why?" Roy asked.

"That was the girl's name in my dream." Johnny explained, then described to Roy as best he could what she looked like.

"I haven't seen anyone like that at Rampart. You might ask Dix next time we're there. She'd know the nurses better than I do." Roy advised. "Even if she's not real, at least you're getting some."

"Ha! Ha!" Johnny groused. "Very funny!"

Squad 51, stand by for response. Sam advised.

Both men strapped on their helmets as a set of tones were sounded.

Engine 51, Engine 112, engine 8, engine 13, squad 51, truck 127, structure fire. 148 Harris St. 148 Harris St. Crosstreet: Kelly. Timeout: 02:30.

"Squad 51, 10-4." Johnny sighed as Roy activated the code R response.

"Sorry, Johnny, Amy will just to wait." Roy smiled as the medics sped toward the scene.

***

Four hours later, Johnny and Roy were back at the station. Roy was taken aback when John, instead of going to bed, went into the kitchen.

"Where ya goin'? Aren't you tired?" Roy wondered.

"How can I sleep after I found out that Amy was real? I've got a love letter to write." Johnny grinned.

"John, you can write it later today." Cap tried stepping in. "We're all tired and would like some sack time."

"Trust me, let him write the letter now." Roy whispered in Hank's ear. "You know what he'll do if you don't let him."

Hank winced as he remembered Johnny's attempt at writing a letter to the Chief a couple of months before..

"Okay, but kept it VERY quiet, understand?" Cap asked.

"I will, Cap." Johnny assured his Captain as he sat down at the table.

Roy and the rest retired to the dorm for some sleep.

"Who's the girl this time?" Chet sighed as he collapsed on to his bunk.

"Amy Hollingsworth, a nursing student at Rampart." An exhausted Roy explained.

"What?! Her?!" Marco gaped. "I know her! She helped Dix take care of me when I broke my leg water skiing four months ago!?"

"What's she like?" Hank wondered.

"Was she that red head that was giving you that massage when I was visiting you?" Chet asked.

"That's her." Marco replied.

"She wouldn't go for Gage!" Chet scoffed. "She's too sophisticated for him and he's too childish for her!"

Before anymore could be said, the tones sounded.

Engine 51 with squad 110, man sick. 88 Brady St. 88 Brady St. Crosstreet: Munch. Timeout: 06:30.

"Engine 51, KMG-365." Johnny heard Hank respond as Chet and the engine crew ran into the bay.

Hank joined them a second later and the engine roared out of the station. Roy then joined his partner at the kitchen table.

"How's the letter coming?" Roy asked.

***

When Roy reported for work two days later, he arrived to find a discouraged John, sitting on a lockeroom bench next to his locker.

"You'd better get into uniform or Cap will have your ass." Roy warned his depressed partner.

"Who cares?" Johnny shrugged.

"Okay, spill it." Roy ordered. "What's your problem? Didn't you mail your letter to Amy?"

"I never wrote it." Johnny answered. "I couldn't get beyond dear Amy. I have no idea how to tell her how I feel without coming across as Johnny the jerk."

"Johnny, take my advice and forget her." Chet interjected. "She dates doctors."

"How do you know?" Johnny asked the short Irishman.

"Don't listen to him." Roy warned, sensing a Chet Kelly prank.

"Johnny, I've heard rumors." Chet replied. "Just forget her. She'd never go for an Indian fireman."

"Chet." Roy warned.

"I'm only trying to get John boy here to face reality." Chet shrugged, then made his way to his locker to change.

Johnny opened his own locker and started to change. Roy finished dressing then made his way over to Chet.

"What have you got against Johnny?" Roy asked of the mustached man, leaning against Chet's locker. "Why must you crush his self esteem at every turn?"

"I don't." Chet answered. "Johnny over there thinks he's God's gift to women and I'm trying to knock him down a peg. Hear that, Gage? You're not cute. You're plain ugly!"

The whole lockeroom went silent as Roy and the rest waited for the young Paramedic's reaction. Johnny just threw his street shirt in his locker, shut it, then went to inventory the squad.

Chet was about to finish dressing himself when Cap came up behind him.

"My office......NOW!!!" Hank hissed.

Chet swallowed as he faced his Captain.

"Yes, Sir." Chet meekly replied, following Hank.

****

As the office door shut, the tones went off, signaling the first run of the 24 hour shift ahead.

Squad 51, woman trapped. Rampart General Hospital. Timeout: 08:10.

"Squad 51, KMG-365." Johnny acknowledged as Roy ran in and dashed into the passenger seat.

Johnny smiled as he guided the squad from the station, Code R.

"Boy, is Cap chewing on Chet." Engineer Mike Stoker shook his head. "I've never heard him yell like that."

"Chet asked for it." Fireman Marco Lopez shrugged. "He shot off his big mouth again."

"What is Kelly's problem anyway?" Mike wondered.

"He's jealous of Gage, pure and simple." Marco answered. "Johnny's tall, handsome, popular with women."

"And Chet?" Mike queried.

"When was the last time you saw Chester B. with a girl?" Marco replied.

"Touche," Mike quietly conceded. "I'll just bet Chet was a dork in high school."

Before Marco could answer, Cap and Chet emerged from the office. Both men watched as Chet handed over his badge to Hank.

"I don't wanna see you here again til I get a call from the department psychiatrist, clear?" Hank asked.

"Crystal." Chet quietly replied, then went to clean out his locker.

"Cap?" Marco asked.

"We'll be doing without Kelly's services for the time being." Hank informed his men.

"You didn't suspend him, did you?" His Engineer asked.

"That's exactly what I did, Pal." Hank replied, firmly. "I will not tolerate put downs or personal attacks in this station, is that clear?"

"Yes, Sir." Mike quietly replied.

"Yeah, Cap." Marco nodded.

A few minutes later, the three men watched as Chet left through the back door, head hung, his things under one arm. Shortly after, Cap went to request Chet's replacement.

"That poor guy." Marco shook his head..

"Marco, if anyone deserves your sympathy, it's John." Cap told him. "I feel horrible about letting him down. He's one of the best Paramedics this department has and he's saved my ass more times than I can count, yet when John Gage needed me to step up to the plate, I failed him."

"Cap, you didn't fail anyone." Marco soothed. "You stepped in when things were going too far and you took decisive action. Any Captain worth his bugles would've done the same."

"But, why didn't I do it sooner?" Hank asked of nobody in particular. "I know cause I'm a lousy Captain! McConnikee knows it and now I know it!"

"Cap!" Marco gasped.

"That's it, I'm a bad Captain!" Hank decided, his paranoia kicking in again. "Any Engineer who can burn his Captain's hat will never be a worthy Captain!"

With that, Cap retreated to his office and slammed the door.

"This is gonna be a long shift." Marco decided.

The squad's back." Mike announced, hearing it backing into the bay.

"Squad 51, in quarters." Johnny was heard to report.

Squad 51. Sam returned.

A minute later, Roy came into the kitchen.

"Hey, Roy, where's Johnny?" Mike asked.

"In the dorm, cleaning himself up." Roy sighed. "He's really upset right now, so no teasing, okay?"

"What happened? Did Johnny meet Amy?" Marco wanted to know.

"Where's Chet?" Roy asked, looking around.

"Suspended by Captain Stanley, pending a visit with the department shrink." Mike sighed. "Cap's in his office, feeling guilty over what Chet did earlier."

"Then I guess it's safe to tell." Roy decided. "We get to the hospital. A nurse was locked in the ladies room. After we got her out, I decided to introduce Romeo Gage to Miss Amy Hollingsworth."

"What happened?!" An excited Marco pressed, now on the edge of his seat as was Mike.

"Well, Amy had barely said hello when John's nerves got the better of him. In answer to her greeting, he vomited, all over himself, then fainted right in front of her." Roy revealed.

"Poor Johnny, he must be so embarrassed now." Mike shook his head.

"I feel like a damn fool!" Johnny griped, joining his friends in the kitchen, clad in only his Popeye the sailor boxers and an undershirt.

"Feeling any better?" Roy asked his friend.

"All I want is a glass of Seven-up and my bunk." Johnny solemnly replied, opening the fridge and pouring himself a glass of the soda. "I'll be in the dorm."

All watched as Johnny retreated into the dorm. Roy was very concerned for his partner, but had little idea of how to help, so he turned to the other single men of A-Shift, Mike and Marco.

"We gotta do something." Roy told them. "John will be in a funk all shift if we don't."

"Leave it to me." Mike smiled, getting up and heading toward the dorm. "Johnny, we know you don't feel well, but we'd like it if you'd join us out here. We promise not to laugh, don't we, fellas?"

Roy and Marco joined Mike at the door to the dorm. Roy was the next to speak.

"John, I understand how embarrassed you must feel now, but remember what Brackett told you? He said you fainted cause you got nervous, same thing with the vomiting. There isn't one man on the earth that hasn't felt the same way around girls." Roy added. "Chet's suspended, so he's not here to tease you."

A few seconds later, Johnny emerged from the dorm, dressed in his turnout pants and boots, the glass of soda in hand. All were on pins and needles as John sat down in a kitchen chair. Roy, Mike and Marco joined him a second later. All three waited for Johnny to speak.

"Roy, were you ever nervous around Joanne?" Johnny asked of his partner.

"Sure, lots of times." Roy answered. "I sure was the first time we kissed. We were fourteen at the time, but I knew then that I felt the same way about Joanne as you feel about Amy now."

"I can understand vomiting, maybe fainting in front of a girl as a teenager, but a grown man? I've been with lots of women, and that's never happened before." Johnny protested. "Why did it happen now?"

"Johnny, you dreamed about this girl, right?" Marco asked.

Johnny nodded.

"When you found out that Amy was really at Rampart, how did you feel?" Mike asked.

"I have to admit, I was shocked." Johnny replied. "To think that a person you thought only existed in your dreams was real-"

"Go on." Roy prompted.

"Now, I have to face her everytime I go into the ER." Johnny finished. "What if Chet's right and she dates doctors?"

"Don't listen to Chet." Marco advised. "He doesn't know what he's talking about. You should know that by now. Johnny, Chet puts you down because it makes him feel big. He wins everytime you take what he says to heart."

"Really?" Johnny asked.

"Don't you know that the more you get get mad at Chet when he plays his pranks, the more he's gonna play them?" Mike replied. "The more you rant and rave about getting even, the more ammunition you give him. It's the same when he makes fun of you. He sees you've been hurt by his remarks, and keeps attacking cause he knows he can hurt you."

"He's right," Agreed a new voice. "Fireman Patrick Kelly reporting for duty."

"Cap!" Johnny called.

Hank emerged from his office, scowling when he saw Chet's replacement.

"You look alot like Chet." Roy noted.

"I should. I'm his older brother." Pat smiled. "Captain Stanley, I presume?"

"That's right." Hank nodded.

"Fireman Patrick Kelly reporting for duty, Sir." Pat smiled, extending his hand.

Hank was careful as he shook the man's hand, knowing what Chet was like.

"I'm not like Chester." Pat assured all. "Most of the Kelly clan are not pranksters."

"I can see that, Pal." A relieved Hank smiled. "Welcome to station fifty-one. These are your stationmates, Roy, DeSoto, John Gage, Mike Stoker here is our Engineer, and this is Marco Lopez.

All shook hands with the taller, skinnier version of Chet.

"Please, call me Pat." Pat grinned. "Cap, can I talk to you a sec? In the office?"

"Sure." Cap replied, leading the way.

Once the door was shut, Pat began.

"I'd like to apologize for Chet." Pat told Cap. "I know that he's caused alot of trouble for you and the guys. He doesn't mean to."

"Pat, what I don't understand is why Chet is like that. Is there something I'm doing wrong as his Captain?" Hank wondered.

"Hank, right?" Pat queried.

Hank nodded.

"Hank, Chet's always been that way, even as a kid." Pat explained. "His teachers in school had the same problems with him that you do now. Our Mom and dad always had to go to the school and explain Chet's bad behavior to some teacher or principal. They took alot of flack for what he did. He was expelled from a number of schools for his pranks."

"His childhood wasn't easy." Hank guessed.

"Far from it." Pat replied as the tones sounded.

Pat and Hank ran from the office to the apparatus bay.

Squad 51, Child injured at the school. 8000 Bethal St. 8000 Bethal St. Crosstreet: Elm. Timeout: 09:15.

"Squad 51, KMG-365." Hank responded as Roy and John sped toward the scene in the squad.

****

As soon as the squad was gone, Pat and Cap retreated to the safety of Hank's office.

"Can I give you some advice?" Pat asked as they were once again seated.

"Shoot." Hank invited.

"Stop mother henning the guys." Pat advised. "Don't you think Johnny and Roy can acknowledge their own calls?"

"Yeah, but it gets them rolling quicker if I do it." Hank replied. "Do you really think I act like a mother hen?"

"Yes, with Chet and Johnny especially. You've gotta let these two have their conflict, without an audience. Let them get hurt." Pat encouraged. "Let them prank each other to their heart's content. If you do, they'll eventually tire of it and maybe learn to work together."

"How do you know?" Cap asked.

"That's what our parents did with us." Pat smiled.

"Yeah, but if they hurt themselves, I could be held responsible." Cap worried.

"Cap, they're adults." Pat persisted. "They are physically anyway, I'm not so sure about emotionally. What I'm saying is you need to keep out of Chet and Johnny's prank war, the others too."

Before Cap could answer, the tones sounded again.

Engine 51, engine 210, engine 86, station 110, structure fire. 9214 Casey. 9214 Casey. Crosstreet: Amber. Timeout: 09:45.

"Engine 51, KMG-365." Cap responded as Pat and the rest suited up and got aboard the engine.

Cap joined his men a second later and they raced toward the own scene.

***

Roy and John meanwhile, had just turned their victim over to Dr. Early's care. As they did, Johnny spied Nursing Student Amy Hollingsworth, talking with Dixie at the nurse's station.

"That her?" Roy whispered to Johnny.

Johnny nodded.

"She sure is pretty." Roy smiled. "I think you've picked a winner this time."

"I hope she thinks the same about me." Johnny worried, running his fingers through his dark hair.

Roy watched as Johnny buttoned his workshirt to the top button, then clipped on the blue tie that they usually only wore on special details Johnny then made his way toward Amy. Roy could only stand and watch as Johnny approached the red head from behind.

"Hi," Johnny squeaked out. "Remember me?"

The startled nursing student whirled around with the chart she had in her hand, smacking poor Johnny in the nose. Johnny went to the floor in pain as she glowered down at him.

"You clumsy oaf!" Amy yelled. "Don't you know not to sneak up on people from behind?!"

"Amy!" Dixie yelled, getting to Johnny's side first. "Johnny, move you hands so I can see."

Johnny did so.

"Amy, don't stand there, get a wheelchair over here!" Dix ordered.

***

An hour later, Johnny, broken nose and all, returned to station fifty-one. As soon as he was out of the squad, Johnny again retreated to his bunk in the dorm. Roy had never seen his best friend crushed as he was now. After a few minutes, Roy too went to the dorm. Upon arrival, Roy heard muffled sobs from Johnny's bunk and went over.

"Johnny?" Roy gently asked. "C'mon, turn over and talk to me."

"I dreamed of her, Roy! I dreamed of Amy!" Johnny cried.

"And reality bit you in the ass." Roy finished. "Rude awakening, huh, Junior?"

Johnny nodded.

"You thought she'd be like in your dream, but she wasn't." Roy understood. "You learned a hard lesson the painful way."

"Yeah, that women just don't dig skinny guys like me!" Johnny sniffed.

"No, that you can't order a woman with the options you want like you do a car." Roy answered. "Johnny, we live in an off the rack world. None of us can just expect things to be like we'd like them all the time. Did it ever occur to you that you're looking in the wrong places for love?"

"Like how?" Johnny sniffed.

"I mean, you haven't looked to John Gage." Roy replied. "Think it over, huh?"

With that, Roy got up and left Johnny to rest.

***

You mean, she actually broke Johnny's nose?!" Marco gaped, when he and the rest found out about Johnny's from Roy for hours later.

"It was an accident. Johnny's crushed beyond belief." Roy replied

"Poor guy." Hank shook his head as he finished his lunch. "I'm gonna go check on him."

As Hank got up from his chair, the tones sounded.

Engine 51 with squad 86, people trapped on a ride at the amusement park. 410 Peters Rd. 410 Peters Rd. Crosstreet: Miami. Timeout: 13:25.

"Engine 51, KMG-365." Cap acknowledged, then once again joined his crew on the engine.

As they were rolling out, Amy Hollingsworth came into the station through the back door.

"Miss Hollingsworth." Roy greeted. "What brings you here?"

"I came too see Johnny. Is he here?" Amy inquired.

"That depends on why you wanna see him." Roy answered, his eyes now narrow slits.

"It's alright, Pally, I'll see her." Johnny intervened, nasally.

"You sure, John?" A concerned Roy asked.

"I'm sure." Johnny assured Roy, leading Amy into the rec room.

"Please, sit down." Johnny invited, indicating the sofa. "Excuse us, Henry."

Henry didn't moved a muscle as Johnny moved him.

"Johnny, I'm here to apologize." Amy began as she petted the station's lazy basset hound. "I was wrong to yell at you back at Rampart."

"That's okay. I was wrong to sneak up on you like that." John blushed.

"Johnny, I'd really like to know you better." Amy admitted. "I think you are the cutest Paramedic in this department, broken nose and all."

Johnny blushed again as Amy kissed his cheek.

"Thank you." Johnny stammered.

After a nervous silence, Johnny spoke.

"Listen, I get off at eight tomorrow morning. Why don't we meet at Davey's dogs for breakfast?" John suggested. "They make the best chili dog in LA. After that, we'll just play it by ear."

"Great." Amy smiled. "8:30 okay?"

"Perfect." Johnny grinned.

****

A few minutes later, Amy left and Roy joined a now smiling Johnny in the rec room.

"She likes me, Roy!" Johnny grinned. "She really likes me!"

"Don't blow it, Junior." Roy warned. "Treat her like a lady."

"Oh, I have no intention of blowing it." Johnny grinned. "I have the feeling that by the time tomorrow's over, she'll be in love with me."

"Ah, the Gage charm." Roy understood. "Just be careful, John."

"I know what I'm doing, Roy." John assured his friend.

I only hope so. Roy thought as the tones went off.

Squad 51, man injured. 9100 W. Lynch St. 9100 W. Lynch St. Crosstreet: Newman. Timeout: 13:50.

"Squad 51, KMG-365." Roy replied, then got behind the wheel of the squad.

"Duty calls." Johnny grinned as he and Roy sped from the station.

***

When Squad 51 arrived on scene a few minutes later, Officer Vince Howard came to meet it.

"You guys aren't gonna believe this one." Vince said. "The victim's an LA city fireman. His wife stabbed him, then herself."

"Oh man!" Johnny groaned. "LA, squad 51 at scene. Respond additional squad and ambulance."

10-4, Squad 51.

Johnny and Roy then grabbed their equipment and followed Vince into the house. Johnny was shocked to find Chet Kelly tending to the injured woman.

"Chet." Johnny greeted, softly. "What do we have?"

Chet just stared straight ahead without answering. Johnny snapped his fingers. Chet started.

"Johnny, these are friends of mine." Chet told the Paramedic, obviously shaken. "Take good care of them, huh?"

Johnny watched as the distraught man stepped outside. This was the first time he'd seen Chet so close to breaking. As the additional squad arrived, Johnny turned his victim over to those Paramedics, then went outside to Chet.

"You okay?" Johnny asked, sitting down beside Chet on the stoop.

"Johnny, I used to be so jealous of you." Chet said, softly. "Roy too."

"Why?" Johnny asked.

"You guys always get to do rescues and save lives." Chet replied. "You guys always get the kisses on the cheek, the pats on the back. I never realized, until now, just how hard your job is."

"The man is a fireman." Johnny remembered.

"A Fireman/Paramedic out of LA City. Station 102." Chet sniffed. "I used to think that failing the Engineer's test was the biggest heartbreak in the world. Now, seeing two of my friends hurt, that doesn't seem like such a big deal now."

"Funny how priorities change when someone we know is sick or hurt." Johnny agreed.

"Johnny, I know that I can be a real jerk at times, but, I never mean to be." Chet said after a few minutes. "I guess when I see girls all over you., it brings out the worst in me."

"Do you think that's easy for me?" Johnny asked. "Everytime I take a girl out, I always wonder if she likes me for me or because I'm a fireman. That happens, Chet."

***

An hour later, squad 51 was back at the station. As it backed into the bay, both medics frowned as the smell of harsh disinfectant in the air. John and Roy immediately knew what was going on.

"Enough's enough!" Johnny decided, stomping through the bay into the kitchen.

A second later, a loud slap filled the air. Roy ran into the kitchen in time to see Johnny slap Hank again. This time, Hank's nose began to bleed.

"Why don't you be a real man for once?!" Johnny hissed, slapping Cap with every word. "McConnikee is your Chief, get the fuck over it!"

Mike Marco and the rest rushed to pull Johnny off Cap, but Johnny just slapped Hank over and over, knocking him silly.

"Johnny, stop!" Roy yelled.

"You're nothing but a paranoid asshole!" Johnny yelled. "These men need a leader, not you! Why don't you do these guys a favor and go back to being an Engineer or better yet, a fireman?! You obviously can't handle being a Captain!"

"Johnny!!!" Roy bellowed. "The squad.. NOW!!!!!"

Johnny stopped at the sound of Roy's voice. As the realization of what he'd just done sank in, Johnny started to shake.

"Cap, I'm sorry." Johnny stammered as Roy pulled him away. "I'm sorry, Cap! I'm sorry!"

Cap just lay in a pile on the floor of the kitchen, bleeding and bruised as the rest of the guys knelt down to him.

"Cap?" Mike asked. "You okay?"

Cap just lay there for a second, then rose to his feet and bolted from the station.

****

In the apparatus bay, Johnny sat slumped on the squad's running board as Roy waited for him to speak.

"I just can't take it anymore." Johnny said. "I can't stand a Captain who falls apart at the mere mention of a Chief. The leader of a crew should be strong and self-assured."

"Okay, but ain't a Captain allowed to be human too?" Roy asked of Johnny. "You sound like you wish all Captains were machines."

"Not at all. A Captain should have some backbone to him. He shouldn't be a coward when a Chief is around or at inspection time, nor should he play mother hen to those under him." Johnny said, quietly.

"But shouldn't any Cap care about those under him?" Roy asked. "You say that Hank Stanley can't make it as a Captain because of his paranoia around McConnikee. Question, aren't you just picking on one aspect of the total man? Henry Gordon Stanley is alot more than just the paranoia. You've seen him on calls. He's calm then, when it really counts."

"Maybe, but he goes too damn far with the inspections!" Johnny hissed. "Everything has to be spotless! Not one hair out of place!"

"Would you rather have a Captain who didn't give a rat's ass about us?!" Chet Kelly countered, entering the station to get some things he forgotten after he was suspended days before. "There are Captains just like that in this very department, ya know!"

"C'mon!" Johnny scoffed.

"You try working over at 60's sometime." Roy suggested. "I filled in there once. That Captain stayed in his office and didn't even know his men's names. After you work there for a shift, you come to appreciate Hank Stanley. Mark my words, you'll be begging Hank to be your Captain again after a shift there."

As Johnny though that over the tones sounded.

Squad 51, possible drowning. 32 Smith Ave. 32 Smith Ave. Crosstreet: Wells. Timeout: 15:10.

"Squad 51, KMG-365." Roy responded as the replacement Captain arrived.

The new Cap barely acknowledged the medics as they left the station, code R.

***

The next morning, Johnny arrived at Davey's dogs to find Amy waiting patiently for him at a picnic table.

"Sorry, I'm late. Had to endure a royal butt-chewing from the Chief Engineer at HQ." Johnny apologized.

"Well, you did let loose on Captain Stanley pretty good." Amy grinned.

"Word gets around." Johnny smiled.

"We're the ones that had to clean up after your little slug fest, Dix, Dr. Early and I." Amy explained. "You not only cost that man a few teeth and a broken nose, you also left him with a nasty concussion. Johnny, I know that you've already been handed your ass over this, but why?"

"Why did I slug him?" Johnny asked. "Amy, you don't know Cap the way I do."

"Then you can tell me about him while we eat." Amy smiled.

After ordering two chili dogs, fries and cokes, Johnny proceeded to tell Amy all about Hank and his Paranoia.

"Ah, it's harmless." Amy smiled. "I've had alot worse bosses than him. It's better that he worry about pleasing the Chief than not. I'd rather have Hank or Dix for a boss than a Brackett any day."

"Brackett can be a pain." Johnny agreed. "I guess I should thank my lucky stars I'm not unemployed right now."

"Enough about them, lets focus on us now." Amy smiled, taking Johnny's hand. "You sure do have pretty eyes."

 ***

After finishing their breakfast, Johnny and Amy agreed to leave her car in Rampart's parking lot. Arriving there minutes later, Johnny decided he just had to see Cap.

"Johnny, I don't think that's a good idea right now." Amy hedged. "I think you're the last person he'd wanna see right now."

"Amy, I won't feel right unless I apologize." John protested.

"I don't think your feelings or opinions matter much to Hank Stanley or his wife and kids right now." Amy said. "If you care about Hank the way you say you do, stay away for now. Give him the space and time he needs to heal. Johnny, you are a very caring man, but I think you're also very selfish."

Johnny started to argue, but Amy put her finger to his lips.

"Just listen, Please?" Amy requested. "What I mean by that is that you're caring as long as your concern benefits you in some way. For example, why do you wanna apologize to Cap?"

"I feel bad about what happened." Johnny replied.

"You feel bad." Amy repeated. "You wanna say you're sorry to ease your guilt. Trouble is, while that makes you feel better, it won't ease Hank's pain. His pain is not only physical, but emotional too."

"How so?" Johnny asked, softly.

"Hank spent the last thirteen years of his life building his career and getting where he was. He scraped and clawed his way up the career ladder of the LA County Fire Department, making it to a position of respect and responsibility. Then, in one swoop, he's slapped around and told that he's isn't worth anything as a Captain because he gets nervous around his boss." Amy explained. "It's made worse by the attacker then telling him that he should go back to the bottom of the ladder he started climbing thirteen years ago. Tell me Johnny, how do you think Hank feels now, not only as a fireman, but as a man too?"

Johnny hung his head.

"He must feel so worthless now." Johnny realized. "He must think that his wife is ashamed of him, his kids too. I know I'd feel that way if I were him."

"I think anyone would if they were told that." Amy agreed. "Johnny, I think you and Hank share that in common. Somewhere along the way, someone, somewhere, made you feel worthless. You carried that low opinion of yourself into adult life."

As her words sank in, Johnny's knee's began to shake. Amy helped him down onto the ground. Neither cared right then that they were in a hospital parking lot. All that existed for them was each other. As Johnny looked into Amy's eyes, a change began inside him. Johnny began to feel sensations that he'd never before experienced.

"Oh, my god!" Johnny gasped. "I'm falling for you!"

Johnny's breathing grew heavy as Amy caressed his cheek. His pulse quickened as she then took his mouth with hers. All Johnny could do was return the kiss as passion overwhelmed him. As the kissed, Johnny's need grew urgent as did Amy's.

"Amy," Johnny mumbled after what seemed like an eternity. "We'd better take this somewhere else."

"Oh!" Amy squealed as they whirled around to face Dix.

"Uh, Dix, we can explain." Johnny stammered, praying for his erection to go down.

"No need." Dix grinned. "Johnny, I can see that Amy is doing something right."

Dixie then grabbed Johnny's manhood through his jeans and gave him a wicked jerk, then went back inside the ER. A loud groan escaped Johnny as his cock twitched inside the tight confines of his jeans.

"Amy, Please! I need you!" Johnny cried out, his eyes rolling back into his head.

"Okay, Babe, but we need to get somewhere a little more private or-," Amy trailed off as Handcuffs were applied to both her and Johnny. "Officer."

"You have the right to remain silent." A second officer read as Amy and John were led to a waiting police car.

***

A few hours later, they were released. As they were leaving the jail, Roy ran over to them. He was not happy.

"Hope you're real proud of yourself, Gage!" Roy hissed. "You brought a real good image on the department! Making out in a hospital parking lot, really!"

"Leave me alone! You're not my Daddy!" Johnny hissed walking out with Roy and Amy at his heels. "How was I supposed to know someone would call the cops?!"

"It's called common sense, Johnny!" Roy yelled.

"Roy, please, shut up." Amy requested. "Johnny needs a friend, not a father and he isn't one of your kids. It was my fault we got arrested, not his. Also, Johnny is not in the station, so he hasn't affected the department in any way."

Roy gaped, then turned and walked out to his car, got in it and left the police station.

"I have the feeling Roy has never been spoken to like that before." Amy laughed as Johnny tickled her. "Johnny!"

"Now, young lady, let's go to my place and finish what we started!" Johnny growled, nibbling her neck and sweeping her into his arms.

Amy smiled as Johnny carried her to his Land Rover.

***

A few minutes later, Johnny gently deposited Amy on the bed in the privacy of his apartment. Amy reached up and put her arms around Johnny's neck as he eased his 6'1 frame down onto her 5'2 frame.

"Oh, Johnny, I adored you from a distance for the longest time." Amy cooed in his ear. "I really am sorry for getting you arrested and hitting you the other day."

"Don't worry about it. I deserved both." Johnny shrugged.

"Johnny, you deserve nothing but love and kindness." Amy told him as he kissed her gently. "Stop blaming yourself for the whole world's problems and stop trying to be what everyone else wants. Just be John R. Gage. Thinking?"

"I was just thinking that for the first time in my life, I'm not making love just for the sex." Johnny smiled. "I'm falling deeper in love with you by the minute. This isn't just gonna be wham, bam, thank you, Ma'am. Will you be my girl?"

"Yes." Amy smiled as she gently unbuttoned Johnny's shirt and removed it and his T-shirt. "You sure are a sexy man, Johnny Gage. You're doing all kinds of things to me with just your smile."

"Let me show you what I can do with the rest of me." Johnny grinned as Amy took off his pants and boxers.

Johnny smiled even bigger as he began his lovemaking by running his hand under Amy's skirt and up her thigh.

"Oh, no panties. I like that." Johnny purred, running his fingers over her warm wetness.

END PART 17