Substitute

by Freya

Disclaimer: Don't own, never did, never will. But I'd like to own Lauren ... or Syd ... or both ;)

Spoiler: slightly for 3x05

Summary: Being a substitute for another one can hurt in more than one way

Rating: R

Genre: Angst, Drabble-like

Feedback: Always greatly appreciated at smaria86@yahoo.com

Archive: At BoO, BTM and ASA, if they want it

Note 1: After two drabbles, one story and one half-way finished I wanted to write something in between. No real drabble, but no real story either. And this is the result ...

Note 2: This has no word count ...


Substitute
by Freya

The pain to see Vaughn like this, lying in the white sheets of the hospital bed, made her shudder with the sudden awareness that he was only human.

That he could die (had almost died, a small voice in the back of her mind reminded her) any day, any minute left her feeling cold and short of breath,
close to hyperventilation.

She had to get out of the suffocating awareness gripping her every time she looked at him.

Almost blind she stumbled out of the room, along the hallway, her only thought being putting some distance between herself and reality.

And then she ran into her, neither looking where they went.

They crashed into each other and when they realized it, there were no words between them.

They knew each other, if they liked it or not, and they knew exactly what the other one was feeling.

Because they both felt the same.

The same pain.

The same loss.

The same need to feel … something else.

*

Later, none of them could have said, if they had talked about the incident, who pushed who against the cold restroom tiles.

Whose head crashed against the wall with a painful thud as sleek fingers crawled up trembling thighs to settle over the hot center of the ache, slowly, almost more painful than the real hurt they were feeling.

Not forceful, but soft, teasing, a rhythm was set between them, drawing out the sweetness of the moment for as long as possible, escaping reality for a short span of time.

When they both stiffened, almost simultaneously, they clung to each other in the dim neon light, with their eyes closed.

They wanted to shut it all out, the pain, the loss, the feeling that there was nothing left.

Because they wanted there to be something else.

Even if it was just this moment, this fleeting bitter sweetness in the arms of each other.


~Fin~