Title: Healing

Author: Lady Bard

Feedback: I'd be forever grateful

Type: ,drama, humor

Pairings: no

Rating: pg13

Archive: if you'd like

disclaimers: Not mine, no infringement intended, no money being made.

Warnings: discussion of what some might consider difficult topics. This has some slash overtones but not much spoilers: everything up to Angel Dark Demon Bright.

notes: this took a different turn than I wanted it to.

Summary: The crew of the Andromeda starts dealing with recent events while bonding with one another.

By Lady Bard

Harper stood outside captain Dylan Hunt's quarters afraid of the reception he would receive. He had provided the means to end 100,000 lives, Niadzscheans but still. They were intelligent, feeling beings and he had destroyed them. He had made the bomb, been the one planning on taking out the Niadzschean fleet. In the end, Dylan had agreed but he felt different almost dirty. His need for vengeance against the people that had caused him so much fear was now tempered by the knowledge that it didn't help. He wondered what would help him heal?

He started to knock then just slipped in. There was no lock engaged so he didn't feel as if he were intruding.

***

Dylan sat staring out at the stars trying to come to terms with all that had happened to him recently. He felt adrift torn from all he had known into this hostile world with not a friend in sight.

He reached out and pressed lightly on a panel on his desk and it slid open revealing a special compartment from where he pulled a bar of chocolate. /Yes,/ he thought, /This is cause for chocolate,/ and forced himself not to think of the man he had called friend who had betrayed him. The one he would have turned to now. He closed his eyes as a fresh wave of grief washed through him.

The events that had happened over three-hundred years ago still felt so fresh. Sometimes it felt as if he were dreaming and he would wake to find his old crew in tact. Then he could tell them all about this horrible nightmare he'd had. They would laugh and have a couple of drinks and all would be right with his world, but he never woke and the nightmare continued.

***

The opening of the door startled him back to the present. He looked and saw Harper standing before him. He bit back the angry welcome about privacy and respect on the tip of his tongue. Remembering the things Beca and Trance had told him about this young man, he didn't think privacy had much meaning with him.

"Can I help you Harper?"

"I just wanted to talk about what happened Dylan when we were in the past.

"Why not to one of the others?" Harper looked into the blue eyes and spoke, "They understand me. I don't need to explain to them and I can't sleep at night."

"What we did was," Dylan closed his eyes for a second, "the most horrific thing I've ever done."

"Even worse than when those kids blew up a solar system because of our technology, Harper agreed quietly. Then continued, "I thought it would help."

"It didn't did it? I wanted to explane my actions while we're talking. When I confined you to quarters it was because you were tampering with Andromeda in a situation where we were in danger not just because of the bomb." You're a great person, strong and brave and some one I'm glad to have on my team. I just couldn't have you running around when we didn't know what actions would change anything.",harper stared at him in shock for a moment then a brilliant smile touched his lips. "thank you Dylan! Not even Beca does that explane things like you just did. I'm usually supposed to figure it out on my own."

A tap on the door distracted him. "Dylan, may I come in?"

"Of course Rev. We're just sharing a bit. have a seat. You too Harper. On the bridge we have to keep some sort of structure but off duty I'd like to consider you all friends."

"Even Beca," Harper grinned suddenly, "And Tyr?"

"Yes trouble-maker!" Dylan found himself returning the grin, Even Beca and Tyr but I don't know I'll ever be able to trust him."

Harper shrugged not caring either way. Then noticed what Dylan was holding. "You holding out on us Dylan?" The amused voice startled him but he recovered quickly.

The item he held in his hand was slowly shoved into his mouth. "Harper? Uh...well, I was just dealing with` things." His voice was surprisingly hesitant.

Harper leaned forward a sorrowful look replacing the gleam that had been in his eyes. "Dealing." The word was said flatly, "Yea, guess we've had a lot of stuff go down with out much chance to contemplate. I'm glad we can talk."

"Whenever you need," Dylan mumbled mouth still full of chocolate.

"So you *deal* with chocolate?"

"Uh-huh, one of my few guilty pleasures."

You got any more? I've never had any *real* chocolate. I've always wanted to have some." His eyes dropped at the last and he leaned away from Dylan afraid but not sure of what. He'd been hurt for less but something about the Andromeda and his adoptive family relaxed him allowing him to just exist in the moment and not worry so much about surviving. He hoped he hadn't judged the captain too highly.

Dylan thought of his dwindling supply then covertly watched Harper all but shrink in to himself and his mind was easily made up.

"Shhhh! It's our secret ok? You can't tell any one."

"What would I say? Hey universe the captain of the Andromeda is a...a," he laughed, "chocolate freak."

They both started laughing and couldn't stop. Dylan reached out with a hand and handed him a gold wrapped package. Harper flopped on the floor still laughing and carefully unwrapped it taking a deep breath.

Rev watched them and felt happy. The road they were traveling was a hard one and would probably get worse before it got better but they were forming bonds here that would hopefully pull them through whatever came their way.

The only troubling factor was Tyr. He didn't know what to make of the Niadzschean. Rev saw something different in him but couldn't place it. He put those thoughts aside and continued watching Dylan and Harper.

"Oh god!" Harper groaned, "Feel better already. Rev you want some?" He shook his head.

"Try it Harper. Come on just." He leaned closer and harper's tongue came out to lick at the little square he held in his hand. a soft sigh escaped his lips.

take a little nibble you've got to saver it."

"Mmmmmm! Uh Dylan. This is soooo goood!"

Dylan laughed softly. "Now I know if I need to be cheered up I can just watch you eat this stuff but we don't have much."

"So we'll save it for rainy days." He licked his fingers of the last bit of chocolate allowing a contented sound past his lips.

***

Trance stopped outside the door and heard a soft sound that didn't come from Dylan. The figure at her side looked startled.

"Tyr maybe we should come back later? Dylan might be busy in there."

"I don't care what Dylan is doing." With those words he through the door opened and made a little sound catching Trance's undivided attention. She pushed past the tall figure and squeaked.

Dylan and Harper looked at each other not quite sure what to do. Then Harper mouthed the word "Secret?" and Dylan flopped on top of him muffling his laughter in Harper's shoulder.

Harper let out a whoosh of air, "It's not what you think! It's not. It's just," He whooped with laughter, "Get off, of me. Dylan come on. Shit..."

"We were bonding." Dylan spoke calmly all the while avoiding Harper's gaze."

Harper bit his lip bringing his emotions in check Trance spotted the little gold paper and picked it up and Harper lost it again. Mean while Trance was looking at the little paper.

"Harper! You'll be flying. You know your body can't take chemical inbalances. Honestly."

"It's chocolate!" Harper wined over Trance's lecture. "And besides, my amune system might be screwed up but it doesn't mean I can't have caffeine, in regulated amounts."

Dylan's eyes were slowly widening in a sort of horror-filled understanding. "It's the quick fix and the drop. Isn't it?"

"Yes. He's probably never been exposed to many stimulants so his body isn't used to it in large amounts."

Dylan looked at Harper watched the laughter leave his face and shrugged. "Will it *harm* him?"

"No but he'll be unstoppable and he might not react like most people."

"That's ok then." I can deal with bunches of energy. It's not like he'll get a hold of massive amounts of chocolate every day. If he gets out of hand we'll just cut back or something"

"I have coffee every day." Harper chimed in already starting to feel energy run through his system. "And talk to me I'm right here and I'm not a child!"

"that's true and I'm sorry for over reacting! I just don't want you hurting yourself." Trance said quietly.

He got to his feet and hugged her. Then spoke, "We really weren't you know...doing stuff."

"Then what were the two of you doing.??" Tyr asked feeling agitated for no good reason. The thought of Dylan doing *things* with Harper was unsettling and he didn't understand why.

At Tyr's question Harper found himself enraged beyond all reason memories of the horrors inflicted on his people overtaking his thoughts. "Not that it's any of your business but we were sharing being comrades! You know what that means Niadzschean?"

"Harper! Enough!"

"But Dylan he has no right... You don't know what his *people* have done. They're evil. I enjoyed blowing them up and I would go and blow up more niadzscheans if I could. I would! You know. They're the worse kind of traitors because they're really human just a bit stronger and more agile. Think about it Dylan..."

Trance put a hand on Harper's shoulder trying to calm him and smiled gratefully at Rev who moved closer to the still ranting Harper. Dylan found himself moving towards Tyr close enough to almost touch. He saw the quick flash of something he could not name on Tyr's face then it was gone.

"He has a lot of things he needs to deal with." Dylan spoke, his voice rapid and soft. "Please Tyr don't take it personal." He couldn't understand why he was trying to calm a man who would kill him if he would gain from it but he had a need to comfort this man very like and unlike his former best friend.

"It's alright, Dylan"

While they spoke Harper continued yelling, uncaring that his shouting had alerted Beca, passing the open doorway, that something was wrong.

Tyr moved a little closer and whispered, He has reason. My people committed atrocities. He has every right to be angry."

Beca poked her head in and saw Harper vibrating in place. "What is going on in here? Harper get hold of yourself. Stop all this yelling now!"

"what's going on," Trance said, "is that we have a lot of unresolved issues to deal with and Harper's on a chocolate high. He's running off at the mouth."

Beca walked to her friends and hugged them both. "Harper!" The sharp tone in her voice halted him in his tracks.

"I killed all those people Bec and it didn't make me feel better. I thought it would. I thought I'd change history."

"Harper that didn't help did it?" Rev bearly waited for the nod before continuing. "Your guilt will not go away by attacking more Niadzschean."

"Rev?" Harper hugged his friend who had moved away at Beca's entrance. Rev felt uncomfortable fighting his every instinct-but managed unwilling to push Harper away.

"what is it my friend?"

"I feel...I don't have the words.I never want to be put in a position where We need to make a choice like that again. I won't hit you or anything like I did after that attack on the maru Honest." Then as if to prove his point he tightened his arms around Rev, who smelled good, not like the other Magog. The thought of other Magog made him tremble but Rev murmured soft words he couldn't make out until he calmed enough to step away.

Trance, Beca, and Rev watched Harper carefully as he slowly got himself under control. He walked over to Tyr and Dylan letting his eyes meet Tyr's.

"I didn't mean what I said. I just get so angry sometimes. I feel like there's nothing I can do. Tyr, I don't trust you, don't know if I'll trust you as I've learned to trust Rev but I will respect you and your beliefs to the best of my ability. That's all I can promise. If you'll all excuse me. I'm going to go work out or something." With a wave he left.

***

"We need to do something about that. He needs an outlet for all the rage he's feeling or it will destroy him."

"We know that Rev!" Beca said hotly, "But what can we do? We haven't got the funds to get him help and I wouldn't trust Harper to just any one."

"She's right." Trance and Dylan murmured.

"Issues aren't dealt with all at once you know? It takes time to work through difficult subjects." Tyr's matter-of-fact tones made everyone listen.

"You'd know if any of us would." The compassionate note in Rev's voice didn't sit well with Tyr but he kept quiet.

"He's a pretty good kid. He works hard and goes above and beyond duty to make sure things run smooth on this ship," then added, "which makes sure we'll live."

Tyr added that as an after thought because Dylan was looking at him and he found it hard to think clearly.

"You Niadzschean are all alike." Dylan laughed able to feel amusement again at the Niadzschean priority list.

"What's so funny? Tyr asked eyes flashing.

"My best friend was Niadzschean and I would always tease him when he started talking about how survival was the be all and end all of existence. You just made me remember that with what you said."

"You found yourself able to laugh again. That is a good sign that maybe healing is not as out of reach as we think." Rev's words fell into the sudden silence making them all smile.

"Yea and Harper did say he was sorry and that he'd show respect." Trance added.

"That's a start." Beca said warmly. "I'd better get back to the bridge. you guys enjoy the bonding thing." Then added over her shoulder as she walked out, "I'll be sure to bond with you later Dylan.Oh, and I expect chocolate"

"What did you come to see me about before all this got started Tyr?" As Tyr spoke Dylan found himself watching him and wondering if Tyr needed healing and if he would be allowed to help.

end
November, 2000

What did you think? good,? bad? any comments welcome but no flames. please! I hate fire but constructive criticism is always welcome"