It Is Done for You...

Author: Shara Nesu

Website: http://www.shara-nesu.supanet.com/index

Feedback: Shara-Nesu@supanet.com. Answer to a Challenge - good/bad?

Disclaimer: Joss & TV company owns them all! *Sigh* He just can't get the relationships right!

Spoilers: Set after the end of Season 2, goes off completely on it's own, everything is explained in the story. Just know that Buffy is dead.

Category/Pairings: Giles/Angel

Rating: R (yes, I've written an R - please don't die of shock) Warning: M&M implied sex

Distribution: Want, Have, Take.

Summery: Giles, who now lives in England, receives a letter from Willow. He fears the news it brings and the changes to his and his lover's lives. Will he go back to Sunnydale or stay?

Note: This is my entry for The Second Edition of the Slashaholics Song Fic Awards. Using the song - Everything I do (I do it for you) by Bryan Adams.


It Is Done for You...
by Shara Nesu


My lover sleeps. His eyes closed to the world, and he’s probably dreaming of what we did earlier. We touched, kissed and held each other. We talked and then found peace in one another. It’s while he sleeps the day away; that I open the piece of mail I’ve been dreading.

Dear Giles,

Buffy’s alive! I brought her back! She’s not all there, she’s having some problems getting over the horrors of hell. But she’s back, Giles! Buffy’s home. You should come home, too.

Call us to pick you up at the airport.

Love, Willow.

Such presumptuous children. I love them all so much. This news touches my heart. It makes me want to sing with joy, to laugh like a madman. But I don’t. I think about my lover lying in the next room. I think about the life I’ve found here. The life we have - together. Here in Torquay, Devon, England.

We have a house on the beach. When it’s brilliant sunshine, I potter around in the little garden at the back, or work on a little suntan. When it’s dark, and the air is warm - we go for a midnight swim and build sandcastles in the damp sand.

All that’s going to change now. Buffy’s back. Buffy is alive.

I rest my head on my hands and weep.

I cry for the girl I lost. The girl who was more a daughter to me than my own flesh and blood would be. I sob for the love that died with her. I snivel for the tranquillity I’ve found since her death. I weep for the guilt I feel. I wail for the lover I‘ve found.

Shall he leave me? Go home to the girl he loved. The only girl he’s ever loved, and shall continue to love until the end of time? I’ve never cared about that. I’m not a woman; his love for me is different. We are men... well, I am - he is vampire. I saved him when his grief became too much. I pulled him from the depths of delirium. At that time, I watched him every second of every day. I prayed that he’d never really end his life. We survived that. We came through to the other side and lived. He saved me, too. My beloved Angel.

I found him broken and starving in LA, all those months after he’d received the news of Buffy’s death. I didn’t go there for him - not at first. I went to help Wesley on a case. It was then I discovered the terrible state the ensouled vampire was in. He worked for his human friends, he went out and killed the demons for them. He never slept, never rested and never ate. When I first saw him, I was shocked beyond belief. I asked Wesley hoe Angel had taken the news of Buffy‘s death - “He’s coping,” Wesley had replied. It didn’t look like coping to me. All I saw was that Angel was dying and no one cared.

Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn continued to take advantage of his kind nature. Called him over sensitive and told him to get over it. They reminded him of darker times and how he’d promised not to betray their trust again. Angel would reply that he remembered, and that he would fulfil his duty.

I didn’t go home to Sunnydale. I stayed there in the Hyperion, watching Angel draw closer and closer to death. In the end, I could stand it no more. I packed his clothing and mine, and left. I took him away from his *friends*, I took him from America and all the places that hurt him. I brought him to my real home. I brought him to England.

It always confused me that Angel obeyed my wishes. Why, not once, during all the time I’ve known him, did he never argue with my decisions? He followed like a faithful puppy. He obeyed my every command. Then one night, after I had suffered a terrible nightmare, I found him weeping in his room. I had dreamed of my time with Angelus. The way the bastard had tortured me, both mentally and physically. I know I screamed for him to stop while I slept. I know I begged and howled his name - Olivia once told me.

It was then I realised, that I finally understood. Angel listened to me because of what Angelus had done. He felt guilty and ashamed for what his demon had visited upon my body and mind. Yes - THE DEMON. It’s been hard for me. So very hard to make that distinction. To realise that Angel is a soul and Angelus is a demon. For so *so* long, I couldn’t. I couldn’t see beyond his angelic features that they both shared. I saw Angelus there, every single time I looked at Angel. I remembered what Angelus did to me - said to me. And I hated him. Truly despised him. I abhorred his voice, his look and his face. But then when I saw the suffering and depth of his guilt over Buffy, I saw a man - not a demon. The man I loved.

So there he was, shivering in the corner of his room. Eyes wet with guilty tears, and sobs wracking his body. I held him, and told him that none of it mattered. I’ll forever scream and beg Angelus to stop. But that isn’t who Angel is. I called him my friend, my companion, and then I ended up kissing him.

I kissed his cool mouth. I held him in my arms. I spoke to him of love, commitment and friendship. He told me how I’d saved him. How I had made him feel again. It was true for both of us. Angel had brought me life when all I had wanted was death. I told him of how I had killed a human boy for Buffy, and I cried as he held me, because it didn‘t save her. I wept my grief, and he understood.

After that night, Angel slept in my bed. He held me during the nightmares. I comforted him during his. In a month, we were lovers. We made a life here, away from our guilt and miseries. I didn’t care that Angel gave up on his redemption. I didn’t mind that he doesn’t find true happiness within me. All that mattered was that he promised me that till the day I die, he’d be here.

But now that Buffy is alive. Is this the end of our relationship? Our love? Because surely, this is love. I gave up my adopted children for Angel. To be here with him. He gave up his redemption to come with me. I am worth it? Is he?

I leave the letter on the desk and return to the bedroom. Angel mumbles softly in his sleep, and I know a nightmare is coming. Maybe another dream of hell. I never thought - didn’t want to know - if he still had them. They torment his mind, and only a comforting, loving touch soothes him.

I lean over and turn on the radio beside the bed. Music sooths the wild beast within - the beast is fear. It’s only afternoon and I have no interest in sleep. Soft strains fill the air with a Victorian waltz. I never listen to the modern day rubbish, and have only ever tuned my radio to Classic FM or Rock and Roll classics. It’s either the The Who or Mozart for me. Usually, it ends up on Classic, since Angel isn’t one for head banging.

I lean over and touch his soft, cool face. Should I tell him about Buffy? Should I let him decide on his own what he should do? Angel shifts again, and dark orbs gaze into mine.

“Hmmm... Rupert,” he mumbles, leaning into my gentle touch. “Join me?”

“It’s only afternoon,” I answer, “I have work to do, and our friends are...”

Angel’s lips silent me. I can never get over how perfect they feel, how smooth, cool and wet. I plunge my tongue into his wet depths, and taste coppery blood and something purely Angel.

Tonight there is a party, my birthday party. Angel convinced me to have one. I’ve not celebrated one in years, considering myself to old for such a youngster’s idea of fun. Angel said he was 247 and was still celebrating birthdays at 150. I sure had a way to go. I had laughed and allowed myself to take joy in the event. I tell no one my age, and just pray they don’t ask.

Our friends shall be here too. They call Angel my boy-toy behind my back. To my face, they call him my Partner and he is. Even though I am the youth in our relationship, I don’t care. I’m proud that this beautiful young-looking man isn’t afraid of being known as my lover and friend. I would once have denied our relationship, but it doesn’t matter now. I’m no longer Giles, the Watcher, the teacher - the one who has to set an example. No, I’m just Mr Rupert Giles, who lives on the beach with his young male lover. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Hmmm... Just a moment then, please,” Angel begs, as our lips part.

I nod and grin, climbing into the bed beside him. His cool, naked body pressing against my clothed one. We share soft kisses, and mumbled words of devotion. Our bodies meld together and I rub against his hard erection. I love Vampire wakeup hard-ons. I slide a hand down to his lengthening shaft, rubbing my warm fingers over the solid flesh. He moans into my mouth, his tongue lapping at my lips. I caress, pump and stroke him. I swallow his moans and begging with sweet kisses. I revel in the power and sensitivity of this being below me, and I know I control it. Just as he commands me. Trust me, my body has never had so many erections in all its life. It’s a slave to Angel.

Ten minutes of caressing, and my lover cannot hold back any longer. He growls, fangs appearing as he howls his orgasm. Cool fluid covers my hand, as I continue to stroke him, milking him to the end of his climax. Finally, when he falls back onto the bed, his body sated, I bring my hand to my lips and lick away the dead, salty seed of my lover.

~*~*~*~

Angel showered after I had satisfied him, then helped me prepare for the coming party. I kept wondering all the time as he worked beside me in the kitchen. Should I tell him? Should I go? Should I let him go?

He cooked, prepared and made the most wonderful food for our guests. He kissed me each time that I passed him. I kept wondering though, why hasn’t he said happy birthday to me?

At 7.30, the first of the guests arrived. They greeted me, shaking my hand and giving me a small gifts. Lots of socks, ties and small garden plants. The English have much better ideas about useful presents. They smiled around Angel, asking him how his paintings were going. Angel stuttered with an answer, but was privately pleased they had asked him. I’m amazed to find that even a 247-year-old vampire can be shy at parties. People used to stare when he came up to me, and held my hand. Now my friends only comment on how lovely it is to see real love.

Is this real love?

At 8.30 the party was in full swing, food had been eaten in obscene amounts, and someone had decided to put a pop record on. I had forgotten I owned one. It’s quite old, and the songs aren’t offensive. Our friends started to dance to the loud music, grinding or swaying against each other. Even the older ones, in proper ballroom dance position, swing around my beach home.

“Can I have this dance?” a voice asks from behind me.

The song abruptly ends, and I turn to my companion. “Sounds like you’re a little late,” I reply.

“There shall be another,” Angel answers, still holding out his hand.

I’ve never danced with another man before. Who leads? Who acts as the female? I push these stupid thoughts aside and take his hand. Another song starts so much slower and harmonious than the others. Angel leads me into the centre of the room, pulling my body flush against his. I guess there doesn’t need to be a leader in how Angel dances. I just lean against him and we sway. I think I like Angel’s type of dancing.

//Look into my eyes - you will see

What you mean to me

Search your heart - search your soul

And when you find me there you'll search no more//

I see the smiles of those around us, watching these two men grind slowly against each other. We don’t move around the room, and just stick to *our place* on the floor, rocking together.

//Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for

You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for

You know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you//

I don’t think I recognise this song. Yet, the words catch me. They speak of events that have happened between Angel and me. The sacrifices and the choices we’ve made to be together like this. Suddenly, Angel pulls away and looks down into my face.

“Happy birthday, Rupert,” he whispers, to me alone. His lips are close to my ear, so over the sound of the music I still hear him. In his hand, he shows me a small black leather box. A jewellery box.

I open it very slowly, and carefully look inside. There in plush black velvet - nestles a ring. An Irish claddagh ring. I shiver. This is the same type of ring he gave to Buffy. I look up into Angel’s eyes.

“I am yours, Rupert.”

“You gave this to Buffy,” I mumble. I can’t wear this. I can’t...

“Yes, I gave it because of what it symbolised. Love, friendship, and loyalty. She was all that to me, but she moved on and then...” He can’t finish the sentence. After all this time, he can’t say that she is dead. “Now I’ve been allowed to move on, too. Whatever time we have Rupert, whatever comes, this is what you mean to me. You are my lover. You are my friend. You are my only companion.”

I swear that for the first time in so long, since Buffy’s death, my eyes fill with tears of joy.

//Look into my heart - you will find

There's nothin' there to hide

Take me as I am - take my life

I would give it all - I would sacrifice//

My god, the words are true. I stare into Angel’s eyes. I see his soul and heart. I know he’s hiding nothing at this moment, he’s baring his soul to me. He’s asking me to take this token of our friendship, love, and loyalty. Not just because he loves me, but because he wants to share his life with me. He’s asking me to take his life - to meld it with mine.

Oh Angel, such sacrifice.

For a moment, I look for a sign of Angelus in his eyes. I try and see if that demon is between us anymore. Yes, I’ll always hate and remember what happened, but I know - I’ve learned - the difference between them.

I look deep and I see only Angel’s companionship - his love.

“I’ve done wrong, haven’t I?” Angel steps away from my embrace, his hand falling to his side.

//Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for

I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more

Ya know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you//

I almost let him leave. I almost let him go, thinking I don’t want him. That he’s not worth fighting for. Then I hear those words. The song, a man calling to his lover, telling him/her that this is all he wants. Is this Angel’s way of saying that I am all he wants? That he wants this life with me, until the day I die? That he wants to share...

Angel turns away, the box slipping from his fingers.

//There's no love - like your love

And no other - could give more love

There's nowhere - unless you're there

All the time - all the way//

The music increases in power, and I grab his arm. I take the box, and with all my strength pull my stubborn vampire back into my embrace. With the box in my hand, I take out the ring and slip it onto my finger.

Angel’s eyes widen, but he says nothing because the music is booming around us. I know that here - with Angel - is my home, now. When he’s here with me, nothing matters. Angel completes me. He is friend, companion, lover, and so much more. He saved me, and gave me a reason to live again when Buffy was gone. He gave forgiveness when I told him about the boy I killed. He gave comfort even through the pain of knowing he - his demon - had hurt me. He gave himself - all of him. Isn’t that worth fighting for?

//Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for

I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more

I would fight for you - I'd lie for you

Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you//

I take my lover into my arms and sway. He holds me tight, his lips kissing my neck. Tonight, I think I’ll let him bite there. I’ll give my everything, too. Tonight, when he makes love to me, I’ll tell him I love him, and that I want him forever. I’ll ask him to bite, as he comes inside me. I’ll ask him to mark me as his.

//Ya know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you//

Yes, I know it’s true. Angel gave up everything to be with me. He left his redemption and humanity behind. He does everything for me. Can I do anything less?

As the music ends, I know my path. I’ll always love Buffy. She shall forever be my daughter, but this is now my life, and I want to live it. Just as she will have to learn to live hers. I shall trust in Angel to stay, because I’m not going anywhere. His ring is a sign of his devotion. I shall give my life as mine.

“Everything I have done is for you,” I whisper, “everything; I’m going to do is because I love you.”

Angel’s eyes close and he presses his cheek against mine.

“I love you, Rupert and I’m never leaving. Not even now. I don’t care that Buffy’s alive. You are my life. Without you, there is nothing I want.”



The end.

Anyone want the full story of the Angel/Giles get together?