Title: Lessons In Life 6: Chances

Author/pseudonym: Lyric

Fandom: Angel

Paring: Angel/Doyle

Rating: NC-17

Archive: Unless I already gave you permission, please ask first.

Series/Sequel: Part of the 'Lessons in Life' series. May be the last part, I haven't decided yet.

Disclaimers: Angel and Doyle are just spending a little quality time with me SAFE AND SOUND, before they return to people who don't love them as much as I.

Notes: This takes place a couple of days after 'Retreats'.

Special Thanks: Thanks to every one of you wonderful people who participated in the Doyle and Angel underwear discussion (you know who you are ^_^), it lent me a bit of inspiration...

Summary: Angel and Doyle move forward in their relationship. NAKED. Just like they were meant to . ^_^

Warnings: M/M sex. And, as always, angst. (gotta love that angst. Well, you don't, but I do.)

LESSONS IN LIFE 6: CHANCES

They had made it back just before dawn. The three weary friends drug themselves into the office of Angel Investigations, and promptly threw themselves into various vacant chairs.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each wrapped in their individual thoughts, when suddenly Cordelia moaned loudly. Both Angel and Doyle looked at her with tired concern.

"Are you all right, Princess? I thought you said you weren't hurt."

Cordelia looked over at Doyle.

"I'm not, but I just remembered that I have a national commercial audition in" she paused and looked at her watch, "three hours. And I smell like I've been chasing big hairy demons all night. Which, by the way, I _have_."

She looked pointedly at Angel, who did not appear to have been paying attention to the exchange. Instead, he was now staring at the slanted blinds that covered the windows.

Cordelia, immediately recognizing Angel's deep brooding expression, shook her head and focused her attention back to Doyle.

"Anyway, I better leave now if I want to have any hope of getting ready in time."

"All right, Cordy. Knock 'em dead."

"Please," she said as she slowly pulled herself to her feet," I think I've had all I can take of killing things for the day. Later."

Once Cordelia had left, Doyle turned towards Angel and said,

"So, alone at last, eh?"

He was given no reply in response as Angel continued to stare at the filtered light that seeped through the blinds. Doyle sighed and rubbed a weary hand over his face.

"Ok, Angel. I understand that you're a bit partial to the silent brooding, but I'm having a little trouble understanding what brought on this latest round. Sure, we had a rough night, but we got the bad guys without anybody getting hurt, for once. Seems to me that the only thing this case cost us was a little beauty sleep. Which, by the way, only one of us really needs. So what's up, man?"

"It wasn't as easy as you make it out to be." Angel responded quietly.

Angel had been contacted by members of a local neighborhood that had complained about a new gang that been terrorizing the residents. It turned out that the 'gang' actually consisted of rather large, and as Cordelia pointed out, hairy demons that were bent on creating general havoc wherever they went. But most of the trouble fell along the lines with disturbing the peace and the such. Nothing too hard core. It didn't seem that difficult a case, but there were at least a dozen demons that Angel had to track down and put a stop to. So, he had enlisted the aide of Doyle and Cordelia to locate all of the remaining demons.

They had spent the rest of the night tracking them down, and finally followed them into an abandoned warehouse that seemed to serve as their headquarters. From that point, they formed a plan. Angel was going to go in and put the fear of God, or, if you prefer, TPTB into them, while Doyle and Cordelia waited outside. Simple. What they weren't counting on were the demon's plans to upgrade their reign of terror by investing in weapons. Lots of weapons. In the end, it had taken Doyle and Cordelia's help to get him out of there and to stop the demons. There was a lot of fighting, some of it involving gunfire, all of it involving Angel's friends fighting for their lives. When Angel had turned and saw a gun levelled at an unsuspecting Doyle, Angel had lost control. He had killed the remaining demons in very few and very bloody moments. But before any of them could react to Angel's level of savagery, police sirens were heard and dawn was threatening to break, so they took off for the office.

Now, even after the initial rush had worn off, Angel could not shake the image of that gun pointed at Doyle. If Angel had waited a few more minutes before turning his head to look over, his friend would not be sitting with him now. Angel was protective of Cordelia as well, but Doyle had already moved beyond the simple role of friend. A few nights ago, in that peaceful clearing, hidden from the outside world, Angel himself had taken them well outside the realm of friendship. Since then, there had been a few shared kisses, but nothing on the same level as they had shared that night. Angel was still too busy working through his own feelings towards the half-demon to attempt to go any further. He had told Doyle that he needed time.

Tonight had been a brutal reminder that time was not always something you had enough of. Angel shifted his stare from the window to the floor. In a tired and pained voice he said,

"You nearly died tonight, Doyle. I could -- I could have lost you."

Doyle was shocked at this uncharacteristic display of emotion. He rose from his seat to quietly kneel before Angel. At first, the vampire did not raise his head to acknowledge him, so Doyle placed gentle fingers under his chin to lift his head. When at last their eyes met, the half-demon tenderly brushed his fingers across the cool pale cheek before him, before his hand moved to cup the back of Angel's neck. He pulled him forward until their foreheads lightly rested against one another.

"It's all right, Angel. I'm here."

Angel found himself pulling in a sharp breath at the quiet words. He lifted his head to look intently into Doyle's light eyes. He spoke with unconcealed urgency.

"Everything, Doyle. Everything that I have ever cared about, that I have ever --" he paused and shut his eyes tightly, "-- that I have ever ... loved. It is always taken away in the end. Don't you understand that?"

Doyle gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Yes, Angel, I do. All too clearly, I'm afraid. But there is something you need to understand as well. Suffering, hurting, that is the easy part. Losing everything is something that each being in this world is capable of doing."

Even with his eyes still closed, Angel felt Doyle lean closer before continuing in a lower tone.

"But it is losing all that you have, all that means everything to you, and then finding a way to smile again. _That_ is the hard part. That is the challenge."

Angel dropped his head into his hands once again, and dug his fingers into his thick dark hair. When he spoke it was through clenched teeth, and his words were a harsh broken whisper.

"All of this pain. I have lived with it for so long. It -- it has such a strong hold on me."

Warm gentle fingers covered his right hand and lightly tugged until that hand was wrapped between two smaller ones. Doyle pulled until Angel's hand rested against the half-demon's chest, directly above his heart. From that light contact, Angel could feel the strong steady rhythm beneath his finger tips, and that pulse seemed to rock through his own body like a physical assault. Doyle waited patiently, quietly, until Angel relented enough to open his eyes. Then, he whispered,

"Now I'm holding on to you, too. And I promise to hold on as long as I can."

And that was it. That whispered vow was all that it took to strip down all of Angel's defences, and allowed the vampire to view for the first time with clear eyes what was there before him.

He was not being offered a guarantee, but rather a chance. A chance to know pain and love at the same time. A chance to know how to hurt, but to also remember how to smile.

A chance he decided to take.

Angel brought his free hand up to cup the back of Doyle's neck in an unconscious imitation of Doyle's earlier action. All it took was a slight tug, and Doyle rose further up on his knees and leaned closer until their lips met.

This was not their first kiss, but the two men kissed as if it was the first time anyone had ever kissed; with questioning lips and curious tongues. As the kiss lengthened, they seemed to find their answers as the pressure became more insistent and degrees hotter.

Angel rose from his chair and brought Doyle with him, without breaking away from that deliciously hot mouth. He pulled back only long enough to allow the smaller man to draw in a few deep and slightly ragged breaths, and to ask a question with his dark eyes. The answer he sought was reflected back at him in perfect blends of blue and green, so he bent to capture once again the lips that were now starting to swell, and walked Doyle backward toward the elevator.

The pair made out like desperate teenagers the entire trip down to Angel's apartment, and it took them a few minutes to move again once the elevator had stopped. Later, they would never remember who started it, but clothes began to drop heedlessly to the floor as they made their way towards the bed. Doyle sat down as his knees bumped against the edge of the bed, but looked up in confusion when Angel did not immediately join him. Instead the vampire stood above him, looking at him with unhidden lust reflected in eyes that had nearly gone black with desire.

The vampire smiled when he saw the not so small shudder run through Doyle's body as the half-demon recognized the look for what it was.

The process of shedding their clothes was only half-finished, and Angel wanted to take care in finishing the task. He himself was shirtless, and the top few buttons on his black jeans were undone courtesy of Doyle's greedy hands. Doyle had lost his brown leather jacket and his yellow button-down shirt that had covered the white tank t-shirt that was still on, but now hung loose and untucked. His fair skin was impressively flushed, and his breath was coming out in thick gasps.

Angel momentary contemplated any and all possible ways to keep Doyle looking like that all of the time.

With less clothing, of course.

Speaking of which...

Angel leaned toward Doyle until his hands rested on the mattress on either side of his spread legs. The smaller man had scooted further back to allow room for Angel to join him, and stretched his inviting mouth upwards to receive the vampire's kiss. A mischievous smile broke out on Angel's face, and before Doyle had time to contemplate the full extent of his soon-to-be lover's devious nature, the vampire suddenly gripped the jean covered thighs and with a swift tug, unbalanced the unsuspecting half-demon and sent him falling to land flat against his back across the soft bed.

Angel swiftly slid his knees on the bed between Doyle's sprawled legs, and after pulling off the smaller man's shoes, attacked the zipper. Mindful of the sensitive and mighty impressive bulge that was hidden underneath, he undid said zipper, and pulled off the blue jeans in one quick pull. He threw the offending jeans somewhere over his shoulder, and in one of the few places in his mind that wasn't eaten up with the task of getting Doyle all naked, he heard a crash the indicated that the flying jeans had carelessly collided with and broken something in his bedroom.

Like he cared.

He ran his hands down the smooth sparsely-haired legs, and when he reached the ankles, he tugged off the remaining socks. Remembering the information he obtained a few nights ago, he brushed the pads of his thumbs lightly across the fine arches of Doyle's feet. He was answered with a whoop of surprised laughter, as the feet thrashed a bit in his grip.

Yep, definitely ticklish.

Doyle was looking at him with a mixture of longing, amusement, and wonder on his face, and then managed to pull himself up far enough to capture Angel's lips in a hungry kiss. Angel allowed himself to be lost in that kiss for a little bit, before pulling back far enough so he could pull the white t-shirt the rest of the way off Doyle. Now, the only thing that stood between him and a completely naked Doyle was a thin pair of boxer shorts. Boxer shorts that were covered in --

"Clovers?!?"

He hadn't even realized he had spoken out loud, until he heard Doyle's answering chuckle.

"_Four-leaf_ clovers, actually."

He pulled himself closer to Angel and whispered hotly in his ear,

"If where I am and who I'm with isn't proof of the luck of the Irish, then I don't know what is."

Then, his teeth closed on the edge of Angel's tender earlobe.

Now, it was was Angel's turn to issue a startled gasp, as that one action sent a wave of pleasure through him that was so intense, all humor was quickly dropped to the wayside. With their gazes locked firmly on one another, their faces only inches apart, Angel slowly lowered Doyle back against the bed. Once the half-demon's back rested against he mattress, Angel did nothing short of ravish the all too tempting mouth beneath him. Doyle met his kiss with equal passion, and Angel's world narrowed to the taste of the man clinging to him.

His feelings were leaving him shaken, both mentally and physically as his hands trembled even as he gripped the body closer to him. He could admit what he was feeling to himself, even if he could barely speak the words out loud.

Yes, he knew with certainty what it was he felt towards Doyle; Angel had known love before. But this was a different love then he had with Buffy. It was powerful, but it wasn't the all-consuming love he had xperienced with the Slayer. With Doyle, he did not give in to the foolish belief love would shield him from his pain. Instead, this love allowed that pain to exist along side of it. It was not the promise of escape, but a promise of solace and comfort. It was a light to cut streams through the thick darkness.

His hands slid down to finally dip under the band of the cotton boxers. They lingered a moment to caress the hidden flesh, before hooking on the band and tugging it down. He left the absolutely addicting heat of Doyle's body only long enough to work the shorts the rest of the way off, while Doyle's hands scambled to undo the remaining buttons on Angel's jeans. Once they were completely open, Angel took over the task and roughly shoved both his own dark boxers and his jeans at once, and impatiently kicked them off before covering Doyle's hot body with his cool one.

Their kisses grew more urgent as they began to explore one another's bodies with questioning hands. Angel relished in the feel of Doyle's hands and lips caressing his body, and nearly came when Doyle began to nibble on his neck. Wanting to prolong this a little longer, Angel distracted Doyle by capturing that torturous mouth in a fierce kiss. Later, he would have to have a talk with his lover about the sensitivity of a vampire's neck.

They continued their explorations, and when their cocks lined up against one another, they fell into a natural sensual rhythm as they moved purposely against each other. Angel felt Doyle's legs hook around his waist in an attempt to pull them even closer, and Angel moaned loudly at the intimate contact. He felt like he couldn't get enough of Doyle's touches, of Doyle himself, and he felt like he wouldn't get enough if they had forever as lovers.

But Angel no longer believed in forever.

He knew too much, had loss too much, to think in terms of eternity. What he had was the moment, and in this moment, he was holding a precious gift that he knew he didn't deserve, but he had elected to take anyway. He existed in a now full of passion and pain; holding love shaded with the ever-present threat of loss.

And if this knowledge, this desperation, caused him to hold Doyle just a little too tightly, then the only apology he could offer was his kisses.

When he finally let go and came, with Doyle only a few seconds after him, Angel knew happiness. It was not a perfect moment of happiness, because he would never be naive enough to experience that again, but it was happiness.

And for now, that was enough.

Angel lay awake for a long while after Doyle drifted into a sated sleep. The half-demon's head was resting against his shoulder, and the vampire couldn't help but smile as he listened to the soft sleepy snores. He could distantly hear the sound of rain tapping lightly on the outside of the building, and he absently thought about the weather forecast he had read saying that today would be filled with a mixture of sun and showers.

He thought back to the memories, that hurt just a little less to recall, of the days when he walked this world as a mortal. He remembered walking beneath the sun that ducked and darted between the dark clouds that spilled warm rain down upon the earth. He recalled these moments and their simple beauty; a balanced dance between darkness and light.

End