LOVE/HATE

By Susanne

AUTHORS NOTE: This is my first fanfic so I am kind of nervous about posting it, but I have it on good authority that you will be kind to me! :)

I was inspired to write after reading Danielle's story about Resurrecting Doyle. I am from England and so when I got Danielle's first instalment season four of Buffy had not yet been screened and neither had Angel (Episode HERO has just been shown over here!).

This is an original creation, except obviously all the characters you know aren't mine except Destiny who I have created.

I realise that it is not very good and I am stuck for an ending, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :)

This is dedicated to Danielle, thanks, for the inspiration!

LOVE/HATE

By
Susanne

Slowly stretching in her sleep Destiny brushed her right foot against the leg of someone lying next to her. Only vaguely aware of this she snuggled down under the covers as the extreme coldness that had invaded her body the night before slowly began to disappear.

Through the depths of sleep, but not dream, realisation began to dawn on her and she groggily opened her eyes, trying to summon the energy to turn her head. She felt the body next to her move slowly and gently in its sleep, she became aware of a strong arm around her waist, although no power was being exerted through it, in fact the big hand moved gently and tenderly down her leg. Still unsure of what was going on, or even where she was, she tried to push the covers away from her that almost cocooned her. The room was dark, all the curtains and blinds were drawn; yet she could see that it was day outside. The cold harsh air struck her and she shuddered and began shivering instinctively. She felt so weak that the effort of pulling the covers greatly tired her. The sudden movement awakened the person next to her, the hand moved up to her waist and she heard a few mumbles as he, yes it was a he she could tell, and she knew that voice, and that touch. Suddenly energy flowed through her body and she spun around to face him.

"Are you OK?" he muttered before seeing the look on her face.

The events of the night before slowly came back to her, at least this part.

"Get away from me! What do you want?"

Overcome by coldness she began to shiver, she couldn't really muster the strength to defend herself should he attack again.

Ignoring her questions he reached around her, instinctively she recoiled,

"Relax, it's OK, I'm not going to hurt you" he gently puled the duvet around her shielding her from the chill and trying to stop the noise of her teeth chattering. Taking the duvet gratefully she pulled it around her, yet never took her eyes off him. She snapped, "What do you want? Why did you bring me here? Why didn't you just finish me off last night?"

She remembered their fight in the dark street; rain lashed them from all sides. To start with she was winning, using moves on him that she had learnt over a century before he was even born to the natural world, then, all of a sudden, in the middle of what would have been her victorious kick something happened. She fell to the ground, her energy drained and for the first time in centuries she truly felt alone and afraid. Fists and feet still came at her as he regained his footing, her only defence was to cower, to curl up and pray for her life, and then the darkness came.

"Dest, it's ok. That wasn't me - " he paused and looked away confused. "Well, it was me, but not me"

"I know exactly which part of you it was. ANGELUS!" ....

Angel winced and pulled back at the mention of his evil self. Destiny saw this and realised there was something else going on. If that had been Angel last night, he wasn't the same person now, but if it wasn't Angel then she was really confused.

"That wasn't me last night" he said softly. He still kept a respectful distance from Destiny and looked slightly off into the distance and said, "I never turned in to Angelus. I wasn't evil last night, - " he paused and looked Destiny in the face, "I had to fight whoever that was off of you" Destiny placed her shivering hand on his shoulder and their eyes met. He continued, "I don't understand how that could be, I mean he looked like me and he was pure evil, but not me." His eyes lost their focus with Destiny's as he tried to figure out in his own head what had happened.

"Angel" Destiny whispered. "Angel, it'll be ok. I really believed it was you. He was exactly like you when you, well when I first fought you after being turned into a vampire."

"He was pure evil, " Angel said again, "I could see the need, the want, the pleasure of the kill in him. He would have killed you."

Destiny gently squeezed his shoulder and smiled weakly and whispered, "thank you".

Angel was already wrapping the duvet around her and lying her back down. She was far from fit to take on some weird demon that was or wasn't what it appeared to be. The fear she had felt last night still plagued her, plus the fact that she couldn't figure out why she didn't fight back, she had fought Angelus before and won, even if it wasn't Angelus she was actually fighting she should still have beat the crap out him.

She rested her head on the soft warm pillow and drifted off into an unrestful sleep.

***************************

Outside in the sunny, well lit streets there was no trace of the fighting that had happened last night, and considering the sudden down pour there were relatively few puddles. Everything looked normal, normal that was if you weren't looking for anything other than normal.

Xander Harris walked down the street, he was greedily eating a chocolate bar and held two more in his hand, which he ate one after the other. He didn't really know where he was going he just knew he had to find Destiny, and Angel must have taken her some place around here.

Destiny bolted straight up in bed, her heart beating so fast she thought it would explode. Wildly she looked around her. In an instant Angel was by her side, she pushed his comforting hand away and glared at him, not like before when she thought he was Angelus, she knew he was Angel, but she also knew something else. Confusion spread over Angel's face.

"Get away from me" tears took their toll on Destiny and she began to sob, a sob that shock her whole body.

"Dest, it's me, Angel, remember?"

"I remember. I thought I knew you, but I was wrong"

"What?"

"All these years, centuries I thought you loved me, but I couldn't have been more wrong could I?"

Angel lowered his eyes as he thought of Buffy and how differently he loved her to Destiny, he had never loved Destiny in that way. Quietly he said "What are you talking about?"

"See!" Destiny shouted back, "You don't even deny it. You hate me. You Hate Me!"

"No... no I don't Dest, you know you are special to me."

"HA!" She spat back at him. "I know exactly how you feel, you Hate. Everyone hates me!" She stopped, breathing heavily and feeling groggy, and not quite sure of where all this was coming from. Slowly she whispered, "Xander..., Xander even hates me..."

Angel stood staring at his oldest friend as she seemed to be having some sort of break down that even she didn't seem fully aware of, she continued muttering to herself.

"He hates me because I'm Eternal."

He couldn't stand it any longer, he had to do something. "Dest, what are you talking about? I don't hate you, Xander doesn't hate you."

He stopped trying to reach out and comfort her as he could see that she didn't want his touch. He had never seen her like this before. What ever was going on had effected her in a major way.

"No! No!, NO! No I won't!" Destiny screamed, shaking her head and clutching her hands to her temples

Angel hung back no longer. "Dest, Destiny!" He grabbed her shoulders and gently shook her trying to get her eyes focused on him. At least she hadn't pushed him away, yet.

Suddenly gasping, Destiny's head shot up and she fixed Angel's worried eyes with her own panicking, painfilled eyes. "Angel," she barely breathed. "It's him." Angel tenderly embraced the trembling wreck, whatever happened he would be by her side. "It's him," Destiny continued to mutter, "He's back." Angel was not going to let her face him alone again, no matter how hard she insisted, things were different now and he was in a position to help.

--------------------------

"I don't understand how it can be him, I thought you killed him?"

"I knew I could never kill him. I knew there would be a risk of his return, but that could only happen if, ...." Destiny trailed off as she realised what had happened, "I did it, Oh God! I brought him back"

"You, How?" Angel handed her a mug of tea to try and calm her.

"The only way I could bring him back was if I felt hate. I was the only one who could bring him back. I never thought I could hate Angel. I'm Love, he's Hate. As long as my love is pure and untainted of hate he remains banished. Oh Angel, what have I done?"

Angel took her hands and held them in his, "Look at me" Destiny kept her head lowered, and sobbed quietly. "Destiny," He gently held her chin in his hand and raised her head. "It's going to be OK! We can fight this."

"No you don't understand" She looked at Angel with absolute terror in her eyes, "We, 'I', can't kill him, or even fight him." She sighed deeply, "Fighting him would be like fighting myself, if he dies, so do I. We are each others opposites. I'm Love to his Hate. Together we create an equal balance for humankind, one cancels out the other"

"But you can banish him, like you did before, right?"

Shaking her head Destiny rose from the bed and walked to the window. Night was falling.

"It took everything I had before to fight him"

"You're stronger now, and you've got me" Angel replied hopefully.

"You don't understand. Before I only had to fight him because he over stepped his boundary, it had nothing to do with me. His evil hatred was out balancing my good. This time it was me, 'I' brought him back, it was my hate. To fight him would be to fight myself. I don't know what to do. He feeds off hate and creates hate, he's already playing with my head."

Angel thought for a moment as he silently stepped up behind her and glanced out the window at the falling dusk. He sighed his non existent breath and said, "If you brought him back with hate, why don't you send him away with love?"

Destiny waited silently, thinking over what he had said and waited for him to continue.

"Think what caused you to hate and forgive"

Destiny sighed deeply and looked at Angel,

"It was you"

"What?"

"You, I hated you last night"

"Oh"

An awkward silence followed.

"But, that wasn't me last night. He may have looked like me but he wasn't me. He was like my evil self. My opposite, just like you and Hate"

"Yes!, Oh God! It's worse than I thought. It's already started." She looked at Angel, confusion was clearly written on him face, "For everything good, there is equal bad, or hate, an eternal struggle for dominance. Some how he's managed to split this and create two separate beings like me and him. To do this he must have help"

"And it must have happened before last night" Angel finished, "You hating I mean"

They're eyes met, panic rose in Destiny's. "But I don't hate anyone, I mean until last night. Do I?" ....

-----------

Loneliness, loneliness surrounded Destiny. She was experiencing things that she had never felt before, well not to this degree before. When she had first come to earth and took on her human form she had experienced a whole range of human emotions as she and her host melded together to create her immortality; but even then she knew they were not her own feelings but Catherine's, her host. She had to adapt to the changes in her life, from the rescue off her death bed and then to leave everyone and everything she loved behind. Catherine had felt frightened, alone, weak and out of control as her thoughts became at one with Love who was to become her greatest protector and friend. They saw, thought, felt, talked as one and over the centuries they truly had become one. So much as one that each was the other, memories merged and Love became Catherine and Catherine became Love and together they became Destiny, as they jointly agreed it was their 'destiny' to counteract the hate and bring love and happiness into people's lives. They had a path to follow, a Destiny.

Now that was fading. Destiny was loosing her identity. Love was fading with hate and Catherine emerging, alone, afraid and weak. They were each loosing their best friend, they were each loosing themselves.

However, this separation was not occurring due to Hate himself, they were doing it to themselves. Each felt scared, vulnerable, betrayed by themselves and each was retreating to their safe place, a safe place they both found and had well established long before they had met. Yet even though their minds were separating and they were becoming two distinct voices, they remained in one body, making it difficult to do anything other than be scared and alone together.

------------------------------------------

Hate joyfully chuckled to himself as he thought about his 'evil' twin Love. Right about now she must be realising that he was back and that it was her own doing, little-miss-goody-goody-two shoes could hate, hated enough that it had warmed his evil heart and allowed him to roam free once again creating havoc and hate where ever he so wished.

A dead boy's body lay next to him. The wonderful fool who had helped him escape. He allowed Hate to take over his body, though not joining with him, and then he had assumed the form of Angelus, the man, Vampire, that she loved oh-so-much. He knew that if he played it right and became Angelus at the right moment and attacked her claiming he hated her and how he would seek great pleasure in being the one to kill her, he knew that he could turn her and make her hate. That fine divide between Love and Hate would be crossed. She didn't have to hate him for long, just long enough to free him completely so he no longer needed the aid of this human body, a body that was weak and inferior to his superior state of being, simple existence, everywhere and no where at the same time, in no form recognisable to human eyes. It was so much easier to create havoc when he could see people's reactions as they had no idea what was going on around them. Why Love had chosen to remain in a human body was beyond him, and that name, Destiny, what was that all about? He hated her, her human form, her non-human form and her name, everything she stood for. He smiled to himself, hate was good, he could work with hate.

Slowly he once again took on a human form of his own accord, now he was free, he no longer needed a host to create a body. It was a human form that he had tried on earlier and hoped would take her completely off guard so he could revel in her pain, her agony and her misfortune, it would be a slow agonising, but pleasurable death. .......

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Trying to think past the scared voices in her head Destiny tried to think who she was. Was she Catherine, or was she Love? No! She, they were Destiny and they needed to work together. She needed to become focused, talk herself back into becoming one voice, one person again, for at least as long as it took to see and end to the evil known as Hate. She could do this, she had to do this, for all of humankind. Her powers were hopeless without Catherine, and, Catherine was nothing without her. They needed each other now more than ever. The time for being scared was over.

--------------------------------------------

Angel came in, he'd been out to see if he could get any information on the street about what was going on. He looked a little worse for wear, "Busy out there!" he said as he took off his coat.

"Busy?"

"A lot of demons out tonight. All say they can feel a rise in evil."

"Oh" Destiny was now standing in front of Angel looking up into his dark eyes, she read his every expression, she knew what he was thinking, and she knew that he knew and understood that she, they might not survive it. She smiled slightly in acknowledgement of his unspoken words and turned away from him.

"I've been thinking, about how to end this. It has to be me. I must exist how he exists, be everywhere at once and in everyone at once, only then will I be able to continually keep him in check."

Angel slightly nodded in agreement but never spoke.

"Only, ..." she continued, "if I do that, I die, Catherine dies, she can't live without me. I saved her from death, to leave her would return her to the state of health I found her." She turned to Angel, tears welling in her eyes, "I don't know if I can go on existing, knowing I was the cause of her death, and I don't know if I can live without her."

Angel looked at her, seeing her pain clearly written on her face, he wanted to hold her, tell her everything would be alright, but it wouldn't be.

"Isn't there another way?" He longed for the answer to be yes. She slowly shook her head. Sitting on the edge of the bed she began to cry, she cried for herself, she cried for Catherine, she cried for everything and everyone she'd never be able to see or be with again. Angel bent down beside her. They spoke without words as he looked deep into her eyes and she knew he would always be with her, and that no matter what he would stand by her side right to the end, if she even had a side when she changed from human form. They embraced each other, just like they had that night back in 1774 when she thought it would be the last time she would see him, as he was still mortal then and she had to leave Ireland to deal with Hate and refused his offer of help. For centuries she had hated herself for that as she had lost her best friend, not just to death but to a demon, but now, more than anything she was eternally grateful that he was here and was by her side, willing, and able now to help her.

Just then there was a knock at the door.....

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"Xander!" Shock and surprise plastered itself over Destiny's face as she rose from the bed.

"Hi! was in the neighbourhood, thought I'd drop by." he said casually. Destiny flung her arms around him, momentarily forgetting everything else. It was so good to see him again, she had only known him briefly when she was went to Sunnydale looking for Angel, Learning that he has already left she had no reason to stay and get to know him better, but the few days she had spent there she had begun to really like him, she never thought she'd see him again, not after learning about Buffy and Angel and there 'parting', but here he was, right in front of her. She had just been thinking about him, about how he hated her, yet here he was, he couldn't hate her that much if he was here, it was only Hate messing with her head.

Angel stood by the door, his hand still on the door knob, watching, he was trying to take it all in.

"How'd you know where I was staying?" he asked, he had never told anyone where he was staying since he left Sunnydale. Xander just shrugged and grinned, changing the subject he said, "So, how'd you been? Still pure Love?" His grin never faulted, Destiny's did.

"What?"

"You know, you being Love and pure, I thought I'd just check"

Angel knew now something was wrong, he slowly and silently moved up behind 'Xander' who was edging closer to Destiny.

"Yeah sure, fine Xand." she desperately tried to keep the fear out of her voice and not give the game away that Angel was onto him. Suddenly without warning he grabbed her arm and held on tightly. gasping at the pain, Destiny internally fought to keep herself together, she needed her wits about her, this clearly wasn't Xander. The question was, was it a part of Xander, separated from the original, or was it Xander's form and the real Xander was safe and sound?.

The moment 'Xander' touched Destiny, Angel was there, his leg came up and smacked Xander in the chest sending him across the room.

"You OK?"

Destiny quickly nodded as Xander came charging back, and this time he meant business.

------------------------------------------------------------

Walls vibrated as bodies slammed against them. Furniture broke as it was either used as a weapon or fallen on, either way chaos reigned. Throughout the din of the fight Destiny was vaguely aware of the 'phone ringing but no-one answered it.

'Xander' slammed Angel into the wall where he was dazed and incapacitated for a few moments, he turned his attention now to Destiny, the grin back on his face and an evil glint in his eye. Destiny stood her ground ready to fight.

"You know you can't kill me, not in that form?"

"So that isn't Xanders body, just a mask?"

'Xander's' grin broadened, "Pretty good, he? I knew I'd get your attention."

Destiny was cautiously backing away, she saw Angel stirring in the corner, trying to shake the headache away that came with having you head repeatedly pounded against the wall. He was silent, listening to the conversation and assessing the situation.

"So last night, - " Destiny began

"Ah! I don't believe I've thanked you for that" 'Xander'/Hate was becoming smug now, completely unaware of Angel behind him. "Thanks to you I am able to be here again today and I have to say it's been a while. A little too long." He shot a look at Destiny, and if looks could kill she would have been dead at least five times over.

"But, how? You couldn't walk the earth I -..." she faulted, recognising the pure evil in his eyes and wished he'd chosen a different form because seeing her sweet Xander's form dowsed in total evil totally freaked her out. He laughed. "I had a little help" He paused, either waiting for her next question or just for dramatic effect Destiny was unsure, unfazed he soon continued. "With the help of this wonderful little cult that I created way back when. I always knew it would come in handy and it did. Last night you were fighting their leader, I was merely along for the ride. He asked for my help in a little matter, trivial really, but I was more than happy to oblige and in return he allowed me to mask his body. I chose the wonderful form of your precious Angel as I knew your love could easily turn to hate if I prodded hard enough, and it did." He laughed at her. She was riddled with shame, for her she had committed the greatest sin, she had hated, it could never be taken back. Now she, and the rest of the world would have to live, and suffer with the consequences.

"However," he continued "Fortunately for me, the moment you hated I was released for real. In the transaction the leader of my wonderful cult was killed and you were weakened, alas so was I or Angel would be dead now, but her probably is by now anyway." Still being smug he did not turn around or he would have seen what was really going on.

It all began to make sense to Destiny, and she didn't like it at all. It had to end now! Drawing herself up she looked 'Xander'/Hate in the face and said, " So you haven't actually taken on a form? Xander, the real Xander isn't hurt, or involved, it's only a mask?"

He laughed at her again, this time a deep laugh, he was completely missing the point, which for Destiny was good. "As if I would join with a pathetic human for eternity. They are so weak, and vunderable, ... to death!"

He began advancing on her. Suddenly the air rippled beside his head and the broken leg of the table made impact with it. He hit the floor unconscious.

"So, you won't mind if I knock you out?" Angel said as he towered over the body and flung the table leg into the corner.

Like destiny he had a number of bruises and cuts, blood trickled down the side of his face. Breathing hard he looked up at Destiny. Then the telephone rang.

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"About time, where have you guys been?"

The telephone receiver in Destiny's hand crashed to the floor.

"Dest, what is it?" Angel was by her side in an instant. Her face was pale and eyes wide with terror, her breathing was fast and heavy.

"Hello? Hello? Angel?"

Angel heard the voice from the phone, recognising it as Xander's he understood Destiny's reaction.

"It's Ok." he gently touched her arm, and bent down for the phone.

"Hello Xander"

"What happened man?"

"Nothing, long story. What is it?"

"Giles is freakin' overhere, something is happening, something he believes is connected to Destiny. Is she with you? Anyway said you should be alerted, be on the look out for evil, you know the usual."

"Yeah, we looked, it came!"

"Urgh!"

"Thanks Xander, ask Giles to keep up the research, we need a way to stop it. It's Destiny's identical evil other, Hate. We need to get rid of it without loosing Destiny. We have him unconscious on the floor now, but we don't know how long that will last."

"Cool, what's he look like?"

"You."

"Destiny, you can't!" Angel grabbed her shoulders and looked squarely into her face.

"I have to. It's the only way."

Angel let go of her and walked away. A tear welled in Destiny's eyes.

"DO IT!" Catherine whispered to her "DO IT FOR ME, DO IT FOR HIM, DO IT FOR XANDER, FOR EVERYONE!"

A tear rolled down her check

"Angel, - " she started toward him but stopped, "I have to do this before he wakes up. You can't keep a formless being tied up."

Angel didn't reply. He couldn't. There had to be another way. Use him, he had to try something, he couldn't let her walk out of his life again,not now, not now he..... it dawned on him, yes, he loved her. He had always loved her, he knew that, he just didn't realise how deep it went. After their fight in 1882 when he was, well not himself, he thought he would never see her again, he buried his feeling deep, he knew she couldn't, wouldn't kill him because of her feeling for him, but he had moved on, hadn't he? A lot had changed, his heart was Buffy's whether he was with her or not, just like Destiny's was with him.

At that moment he would have done anything to take the pained look out of her eyes, to be able to reassure her that everything was going to alright, but he could never lie to her, she saw straight into his soul.

He felt her small warm hand on his shoulder. He turned and quickly hugged her refusing to meet her eyes.

"I know" he whispered in her ear.

They stood looking at Hate unconscious on the floor. Time was running out.

"When I go, -" Destiny began, she didn't dare move her eyes for fear the tears would come, "will you take care of Catherine?"

"What?!" Angel looked at her.

"Catherine. This body. She won't die instantly, she will revert back to her state of health before." She glanced at Angel, she longed to melt into those chocolate eyes that were staring at her. "Make sure she's comfortable, and that it's peaceful. And bury her Angel,that's what she wants."

He nodded. This was it, this was the end. Not a damn thing he could do about it. His eyes betrayed him as he looked at Destiny for one last time. She smiled at him and gently leaned in and kissed him. He returned the kiss with more passion than she expected, he gently pulled her closer to him not wanting to let her go.

"Goodbye" she whispered and suddenly the body in his arms went limp. He scooped her up and placed her on the bed. He turned to where the form of Xander had once lay, now there was nothing. A sudden wind rushed through the room and then all was still. The first woman he had ever loved had left him, again.

****

Catherine groaned in agony on the bed, she was dying, she knew that. Her eyes fluttered open and were met by Angel's. She smiled through her pain at him.

"Thank you" she rasped

"For what?"

"For letting her go. I know how hard it was, I lost her too."

Angel reached over her and gently wrapped the duvet over her. His hand touched her soft blond hair, his fingers strayed to her face and he traced his finger down her check.

"She truly loved you" Catherine said

"I know. I always knew. I loved her." There he had finally admitted it out loud.

Catherine's eyes closed. She strangled back a cry of agony and was gone. Angel stayed by her side, grief stricken. He'd watched the loved, leave him twice.

****

Angel stood in the graveyard, it was just passed sunset. It had been three days since Destiny left. He had buried Catherine just like she'd asked. On the headstone he had had inscribed "Catherine: There was always Love in her heart as she followed her Destiny." He knelt and traced the lettering with his cold pale fingers. A slight breeze scattered the fallen leaves. A figure appeared not far away. He looked up.

"Destiny?!" he exclaimed

She smiled. "Miss me?" she walked over to him and stood by his side gazing at the grave stone. She smiled, "It's perfect" she whispered as a tear fell.

"How - ?!" Angel stared at her. She met his eyes. She looked tired, drained, as if it was taking a lot out of her to appear before him.

"I can mask remember, just not fully take on human form. Catherine has helped me be here today, I inhabit her spirit, other wise I could never come back."

"Oh" was all Angel could say. Some of the sadness left his eyes, at least she was safe he thought. "How, do it go?"

"Oh, just a great big family reunion" she replied sarcastically. "I can't stay long, who knows what will happen. It's taking all I have to keep him under control. I just, ... I had to see you."

"Me?" Surprise rose in his voice, she smiled.

"Yeah, I wanted to give you this." she reached up and touched his face, tracing her hand down to his unbeating heart where it lingered. Angel looked at her then he saw what she meant. Images and emotions flooded him. Her love for him overwhelmed him. He saw images of their first meeting back in Ireland. He was sixteen years old, had his whole future ahead of him, could have been anything or any one he wanted to be. He met Destiny and his life was full of light, hope and promise. He was happy, later he was to fall to the darkness that was eventually to consume him, but at that moment he was happy. The birds sang in the trees as the bright afternoon sun shone down brightly on them as they sat amongst the roaming hills of Ireland. It was a perfect day. As he watched he realised that this was Destiny's most precious memory, it was of the two of them and she was sharing it with him again. "I will always be with you" he heard it whispered from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. He opened his eyes, his hand on his own unbeating heart, Destiny was gone. A smile crept to his lips and a tear rolled down his check. Destiny was gone but he would never be alone, for they would always share that perfect moment.