Title: Mirror On the Wall

Author: little Alex

Date: November 12, 2000

Fandom: "Angel the Series" and "Broken Hearts Club"

Disclaimer: Neither boy is mine. Lindsey McDonald belongs to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Mutant Enemy, WB, 20th Century Fox, and various people and companies that I can’t remember. Idaho Guy belongs to Greg Berlanti, director and screenwriter, Banner Entertainment, Meanwhile Films, and Sony Pictures Classics. Lucky Bastards.

Spoiler: Everything and anything in season one of AtS; none in BHC, you just need to know the existence of the man

Pairing: Lindsey McDonald/Idaho Guy [both played by Christian Kane]

Archive: Yes only to the lists this is posted to

E-mail/Website: litalex@yahoo.comlitalex@yahoo.com

http://members.dencity.com/litalex/fiction/fanfic/index.html

Ratings: NC-17, as usual

Warnings: PWP alert, and same actor slash weirdness

Story Notes: Written in IRC, not beta’d. And just to make it clear, Angel chopped off Lindsey’s right hand.

Personal Notes: Charles and Joey double dared me; it’s all their fault.


Mirror On the Wall
by Little Alex

Newly made the junior partner of Wolfram and Hart -- one of the most influential law firms in the country, if not the world -- Lindsey McDonald should have been happy beyond words. He should have been dancing in the midst of the crowd there with his clothes half off and all the boys ogling him. Instead, he just sat on his stool, nursing his tumbler of single malt Scotch.

Then again, he had been doing that quite a lot lately, had he not? For what else could he do in this world so keen on physical appearance? The moment the clothes came off, their eyes would widen and they would blush, muttering one excuse or another and then running out of Lindsey's apartment. Lindsey would rather that they had stood their ground and rejected him flat out -- the pain and humiliation would have been less.

Tonight, however, maybe, just maybe, he could find someone who would not run. Oh, he could have gone to the hustlers on the streets, or even called an escort. He knew that -- of course he did -- but, again, he could not bear the humiliation. He, whom everyone had been chasing, who had rejected so many men without so much as a glance, reduced to picking up hustlers.

Oh, yes, Angel had done Lindsey a grave disservice indeed.

He nodded at the bartender and the bear of a man, in full leather outfit, poured Lindsey another finger of Laphroaig. Lindsey downed the alcohol quickly and grimaced slightly, the warmth of the liquid sliding down. God, this was just so much better and smoother than what he used to get drunk on -- mainly something like, oh, Southern Comfort. "You might as well give me the whole bottle, Brett," Lindsey said loudly and clearly, shaking his head a little. Brett frowned at Lindsey for a half minute but finally acquiesced.

Lindsey flashed the leather man his best pretty boy smile, thankful that Brett was still indulging him. Their one-night-stand -- four? -- five years ago still counted for something, it seemed. Lindsey had been young, so very young and naïve then, and went home with Brett for some kinky experience. Who would have guessed, the leather man was as vanilla as the future productive and upstanding members of society in Hastings; went for missionary style, even.

It was all right, however, since Lindsey got himself an older man who would look after him -- not financially, of course not -- but on days like these, where he was drunk enough to fall of the damn stool, there would be Brett, taking care of him. And tonight, with its humid and warm breeze, was definitely one of those nights.

Then a strong back in a green tank top caught Lindsey's eye -- perfectly muscled, not too much bulk, but just enough definition. Lindsey shook his head, telling himself that no, the owner of the back would run away like the rest, and picked up his glass again. The man then turned around to face his companion and Lindsey blinked rapidly for several times. Strangely, the young man looked shockingly familiar.

For one long moment, Lindsey's alcohol-fogged brain could not place where he had seen that face before. Then the realization slammed through him and cleared away all the mist. Good God! That was his very own face there -- the strong jaw, the stylishly floppy hair, the deep blue eyes, and most especially the arrogant smile. Lindsey licked his suddenly dry lips. Oh, what a kick; that ultimate narcissistic fantasy; now he did not have to jerk off in front of the mirror.

With this surreal coincidence, maybe the young man would not run. Lindsey raked his gaze down the muscular body again -- oh, what a treat. He picked up his drink and sauntered over to the guy, who was talking to someone, but that particular someone hardly mattered now. The gym bunny did not notice Lindsey's movements at first, but immediately turned his head when the lawyer draped an arm over the enticingly broad shoulders. After the closer look, Lindsey realized that the handsome boy was not an exact replica but a very much younger version of himself.

Less than a second had passed as the thought flittered across Lindsey's mind, and the younger man, annoyance clear in his small but deep eyes, opened his mouth, probably to send Lindsey off, but immediately paused. No doubt the kid found a mirror image quite shocking, too. Then the 'O' of the boy's mouth turned into a smile and the original conversation partner disappeared. Turning toward Lindsey, the young man gave the lawyer the typical once over. His prosthetic hand in his pocket, Lindsey maintained his slouch and enjoyed the scrutiny. The smile morphed into a smirk and the kid kissed Lindsey full on the mouth.

Lindsey kissed the boy back, employing all he knew. A minute or two later, Lindsey finally pulled back and whispered, "I've got something to tell you." He had to put everything onto the table before any more advances this time. He could not bear being rejected inside his own home again, by himself, no less.

The younger man simply nodded and waited.

His mouth still near the kid's ear, Lindsey said just over the music, "I lost my hand in a car accident. What I have now is a prosthetic." He took a half step back so that he could look into the boy's face.

The young man merely blinked and, after a few seconds of frowning, shrugged. He then kissed Lindsey again.

Lindsey grinned against the boy's mouth and slid his arms around the muscular body. He had never thought that the moment of crisis would pass so easily. Another minute of hungry kisses later, Lindsey broke the embrace again but kept his hands on the younger man's face. "One more thing," he whispered against the kid's mouth.

The boy groaned. "What now? Don't tell me you've lost another appendage. That I can't shrug off."

Lindsey laughed. "No. Just where?"

The smile snaked back onto the firm, soft lips and the young man stroked the lapel of Lindsey's Versace suit. "Your apartment should be good, if it matches your clothes."

Lindsey dropped another kiss onto the kid's mouth, ran his hand through the boy's hair and down the well-muscled arm, and then took the younger man's hand. He quickly led the other man through the maze of masculine bodies and into the parking lot. They slipped into Lindsey's black Jaguar convertible and the lawyer drove rather recklessly home, the kid's head on his lap all through L.A.'s brightly lit streets. Lindsey was frankly and thoroughly amazed that none of the cops stopped them.

They were just inside the door when the boy blushed. Lindsey almost growled. God, no; please no. 'Don't you dare,' Lindsey almost yelled aloud. 'I told you beforehand. You should have said no then!'

The young man seemed able to read Lindsey's thoughts, for he immediately said, "Oh, no, I just want to ask if you mind topping me." He flashed another pretty smirk. "I know I don't look much like a bottom and you lawyer types always like being punished, but--"

This time Lindsey just clapped his hands onto the kid's shoulders and laughed heartily. The one was a treat, an absolutely treat. Capturing the half swollen lips again, Lindsey maneuvered the boy's legs around his waist and carried the younger man into his bedroom. The weight almost too much for him, Lindsey threw the kid into his bed and pounced.

An "Oof!" escaped from the boy as Lindsey landed on him. "Watch it!" the young man admonished with a chortle.

Lindsey made some non-committal noise as an answer and bent down to lick the boy's collarbone. The resilient and silky skin was just a bit wet and salty, the kid himself beautiful, simply beautiful -- and to think that Lindsey was not even being vain. Lindsey helped the younger man take off his tank top and stroked a hand down the well-developed chest. There the differences emerged. As expected, the boy was considerably more muscular than Lindsey, who was usually in his office or a courtroom. Oh, Lindsey went to the gym quite frequently, too, but gym bunnies like the young man right in front of him ate, slept, and breathed the gym and the lawyer simply did not have the time to do the same.

Laughing softly at himself, Lindsey took off the kid's shorts and briefs at the same time and whistled silently. It certainly looked exactly the same. For an insane moment, Lindsey was tempted to take measurements, but abandoned the notion quickly enough. Now *that* would have been tacky beyond belief and Lindsey was anything but tacky. The younger man was now gently tugging on Lindsey's suit jacket and the lawyer relinquished control of his clothing to the kid.

The boy worked from bottom up and soon, they were both naked except for Lindsey's prosthetic. The young man's hands hovered in the air for a few seconds, their owner's eyes asking for permission, and Lindsey nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. Gently, almost tenderly, the kid unbuckled the leather straps and put the plastic limb onto the nightstand. Lindsey watched it for the longest time before he felt a warm wetness on his stump.

His head sharply turned, Lindsey stared now at the boy, who was licking the hideously shaped flesh without the slightest trace of revulsion. Lindsey did not know if he wanted to cry or laugh hysterically. Neither, if he had any say in this.

The younger man looked up, his eyes clear, without emotions but also without judgment. "Does it hurt?" he asked, almost innocently.

"Not anymore," Lindsey murmured and guided the kid's mouth back to his own again. For the briefest second, Lindsey knew without doubt that if cutting off the boy's hand would give Lindsey back his again, he would have done it without so much as a blink. And that was just so horridly wrong and terrifyingly evil that Lindsey needed, yes, needed the taste of the beautiful young man to erase that thought completely away from his mind.

Breaking the kiss slowly, he placed his left hand on the boy's shoulder and looked down. His hand slid down to touch both their cocks and, stroking the two columns of flesh simultaneously, he studied the image for a few moments. Oh, yes, they looked and felt exactly the same and Lindsey's cock hardened even more. Glancing back up, Lindsey met the gaze of his doppelganger and the two young men grinned at each other.

Lindsey vaguely remembered the boy's saying something about topping and attacked the thick but graceful neck. The younger man's hands stroking his back, Lindsey sucked a necklace of hickeys around the kid's neck, each new mark eliciting gasps and long moans. Lindsey then bit gently and the boy ground out an expected, "God, yes!" An image of two random vampires having sex suddenly flashed in Lindsey's mind and a wry smile graced his lips. Lindsey licked back up to an ear and scraped his teeth across the earlobe, causing another bout of whimpers, and the younger man tightened his hold on Lindsey.

Almost snorting, Lindsey only kissed the tip of the kid's nose and then mouth, and the boy returned the kiss enthusiastically. Lindsey grinned again. The young man was completely lovely and reminded Lindsey so much of his Hastings self, literally. Lindsey shook his head slightly and broke the kiss. Softly clasping his hands onto the kid's face, Lindsey propped himself up on his elbows and simply looked, letting the amazement soak in.

The boy's eyes were serious for a change and the familiar face held the same solemn expression that Lindsey had seen so many times in a mirror. The coincidence was thoroughly mind blowing and Lindsey felt like bolting, knowing that he would never do so. This was a chance of a lifetime experience and Lindsey was hardly going to waste it. The younger man would be gone the next day like a wisp of mist and Lindsey thought that he should take a photograph just to prove to himself that it did happen. Yes, a photograph would be perfect; no, better yet, a video tape.

He flashed the kid their trademark smile. "You don't mind if I tape this, right?"

The boy abruptly sat up and opened his mouth, but stopped before any sound was uttered. After a moment of obviously serious thought, the young man nodded. "Of course not. Go on."

His expression now also somber, Lindsey set up the video camera swiftly and jumped back into bed. He cupped the boy's face and dropped a short kiss onto those luscious lips. This was insane, all right, and getting more so by the second, but no matter, for Lindsey was *so* going through with it. Watching that beatific smile, Lindsey straddled the younger man's hips and stroked his hand down the bewitchingly solid chest again. God, this could make a man's knees weak, and Lindsey's were definitely weak.

Bending down once more, Lindsey captured a nipple with his mouth. He licked and sucked expertly, enjoying the moans that the kid was panting out, and attempted an experimental bite. Receiving a startled yelp, Lindsey was minimally contrite and began to let go in order to apologize. The boy growled out a, "Don't stop!" and Lindsey had to let go anyway to laugh. This man was just amazing and Lindsey was most certainly narcissistic.

He moved onto the other hardened bit of protruding flesh and repeated the process, receiving pretty much the same moans and whimpers. Finally finished with the pebbled nubs, Lindsey licked across to the sternum and lightly bit the flesh there. This time, it earned him a breathless laugh.

"That really tickles," the kid informed Lindsey with utter seriousness.

Lindsey smirked and took on the ribs instead, which caused quite a number of giggles. Lindsey almost laughed in response, but picked up the boy's left hand and sucked in the left index finger. Of all the things he expected from gym bunnies, giggles certainly were not one of them, especially since Lindsey would never allow himself such undignified sounds. And yes, Lindsey completely knew that he was absolutely full of it, thank you very much.

The young man eventually pulled out his finger and tipped Lindsey's chin. "I want you to fuck me now."

An eyebrow artfully quirked, Lindsey cocked his head minutely and studied his own handsome face. The kid's expression slowly turned from confidence into the slightest bit of anger and confusion, and Lindsey grinned.

"Oh, don't worry. I'll fuck you so good that you'll be begging for more."

"God, I hope so." The returning smile was as mischievous as Lindsey's own.

Lindsey fished out the tube of lubricant from under his pillow and threw it across the short distance into the boy's hands. The obviously puzzled young man glanced at the tube and then looked back at Lindsey.

Lindsey sighed and licked his lips. "I want you to prepare yourself for me."

The kid snorted and rolled his eyes, but sat up and spread himself nonetheless. Eyes on Lindsey the whole time, he did exactly as the older man told him. Then the blue eyes abruptly closed and the mouth slackened, and Lindsey was absolutely fascinated. This was the very first time he had ever seen that particular expression on this face, for Lindsey had never bottomed in his whole life. And if things went his way, this would also be the last time he would ever see that expression, too, beautiful though the image might be.

Briefly in his mind's eye flashed the vision of the boy in the leather restraints hidden just under the mattress, but Lindsey discarded that idea readily. Fucking himself would be weird enough, but whipping himself would be -- Lindsey barked a silent laugh -- the ultimate sadomasochistic experience, no? Tempting, but no, for Lindsey could not stand seeing himself bound in any way. That face and body should be forever free: limitless, where Lindsey's life was set on only one path, boundless, where Lindsey was definitely and intimately tied to Wolfram and Hart.

Lindsey stopped his own thoughts just before they turned into true envy. This was a kid he was talking about, young and handsome, yes, but also young and stupid.

He must have been looking at the young man for too long, for the boy pressed in and touched his knuckles to Lindsey's cheek. "I know we look beautiful, hon, but could you do more than just stare? Like, oh, fucking me?"

Softly growling, Lindsey grabbed the young man and flipped him over. A condom hastily but safely rolled on, he shoved his cock into the kid without further ado. 'Oh, fuck! That's it; that's exactly it,' Lindsey's mind whimpered, though he himself merely sobbed out a breath. God, he could sell his soul for this: so smooth, just so smooth and tight and hot and Lindsey was sinking right in. Then he remembered that he had already sold his soul to Wolfram and Hart and merely snorted.

At last Lindsey noticed the boy's impatient mutters and licked the smooth bit of sweaty skin at the young man's nape. Abandoning it after another light bite, he ignored the disappointed groan and coaxed the kid onto all fours. His hand on the boy's left hip, he kneeled up and, slow and deep, pushed again and again into the beautiful body. After a few minutes, he spread the younger man's legs further apart with his knees and quickened his pace just the slightest. He could last hours this way, but tomorrow was Monday and Lindsey debated with himself the wisdom of wasting valuable sleep time on sex.

Then again, this was not merely sex, was it? After all, it was not every day that you get to fuck yourself, literally. He blinked and then sighed again. Ah, well. His knees steadying the lightly shaking body in front of him, Lindsey snaked his hand under the young man's abdomen and found the kid's erection, still firm and hard as if Lindsey had been sucking on it instead of fucking that gorgeous ass. Grinning, Lindsey absent-mindedly noted the breathless moan as his hand touched the boy's cock and closed his fist gently around it.

Now the one moan turned into a series of moans and pants, and Lindsey simply thrust a little deeper. What was that the younger man was trying to say? Lindsey could not really decipher, but he doubted that it really mattered at this point. It was not as if the kid could recite Shakespearean sonnets during sex, though one of Lindsey's sex partners could and did. Now *that* one was quite fun, for each kiss would bring on one random line and Lindsey had almost learned all the lines by the time they finished.

Lindsey exhaled slowly and finally realized that the boy was only panting something akin to, "Harder; faster." Oh, that Lindsey could follow and he
proceeded to do so exactly. The young man's words faded into harsh sobs of breath while Lindsey hummed his favorite bars from one of Chopin's Nocturnes, specifically Br. 108. The two sounds clashed strongly in the air, but meshed into an even more beautiful piece of music in Lindsey's brain.

Far too soon, Lindsey could feel his climax draw near and exhaled a slightly disappointed sigh. Too bad, he had hoped to fuck the kid longer. He stopped the movements of his hand and, again, ignored the boy's frustrated mutters. His palm now on the small of the younger man's back, he followed through with his last thrusts and came violently into the kid's body. Marvelous, truly marvelous, and one last spurt and then he was finished. With the boy's help, he rolled the young man back onto his back and grinned at the kid's glare.

He tipped the boy's chin and bent down to lick away the drop of sweat. His lips pressing against the soft mouth, he opened it with his tongue, the younger man's resolve finally melting. Just as abruptly, he dived down to the kid's still hard cock and sucked the whole length down. Noting the boy's startled gasp, Lindsey only sucked harder and was soon rewarded with a flood of semen down his throat. There, they had both come and the younger man ought to be happy now. Lindsey rolled back onto his back and mused over what color he should next paint his ceiling.

The kid rolled back on top of Lindsey and they lay exactly like that for minutes, limbs entwined and both men obviously exhausted. Lindsey eventually propped himself up on his elbows and pressed another kiss onto the boy's lips. "Stay the night."

The young man smiled back, almost sweetly. "I can't. I have to meet up with my boyfriend."

Lindsey raised an eyebrow, but did not protest. The kid did not know what he was missing; not Lindsey's loss.

The boy slipped off the bed and dressed quickly, a smile still on his lips. When he was fully clothed again, he walked around to Lindsey's side of the bed and kissed the older man. Lindsey wrapped an arm around the graceful neck and slowly sat up as the handsome young man straightened his spine.

Then Lindsey wrestled the kid into his lap. "Come on. Stay."

The boy frowned at Lindsey for a whole minute before replying, "Okay."

Lindsey grinned and watched the younger man climb back under the blankets. The kid put his head on Lindsey's shoulder and the lawyer put his arms around the boy. They drifted off to sleep and when Lindsey blinked his eyes open the next morning, the young man was practically clinging to him. Lindsey studied the younger version of himself and the idea he had so ruthlessly suppressed last night stabbed at his heart just as strongly.

'Imagine, Linds, just imagine,' the voice inside murmured. 'If you dragged the boy to the company infirmary, they could finish the operation under an hour and you will be whole and completely again! Imagine, your hand yours again!' But, God, how could he? How could he! Ruin this perfect and beautiful example of what Lindsey would have been if not recruited by Wolfram and Hart? Never. Untainted and pure, the boy was his innocence and Lindsey could never destroy it again.

He hastily extracted himself from the embrace and walked swiftly into the bathroom. After a long shower, he dressed and put back on his prosthetic while inside his bathroom and stared at his own reflection. No, Linds; *no*. He forced a smile at seemingly young and fresh face and strolled back out. The younger man was already dressed and ready to go, flashing a happy smile at Lindsey. They kissed again, lingeringly.

"I really have to go this time," the kid murmured against Lindsey's lips.

Lindsey broke the kiss and levered himself onto the granite kitchen counter. "See you around."

"Yeah." Still smiling, the boy waved goodbye and then was gone.

Lindsey stretched, jumping back down onto the ground, and put on his Armani suit jacket. He gracefully sank down into a chair and finished his strawberry-spread bagel. His feet on the chair, he sipped his Kona coffee and mused over the fact that he still did not know the young man's name. Too bad: the kid was such a treat.


~~finis~~