Reversed Roles 1: A New Childe

By shara_nesu

sharanesu@yahoo.co.uk

Series: Reversed Roles

Summary: Angel has become human so Spike saves him from that.

Website: http://www.shara-nesu.supanet.com/

Spoilers: Set after Judgement Season 2 then goes off completely on it's own.

Notes: I've avoiding trying to write Spike's cockney accent. I might be English but I have a midlands accent and I don't know a lot about how londerers talk. I didn't want to make Spike sound like he came from Birmingham or something so I avoided it entirely. Also this is written in Angel’s and Spike’s point of view.


Reversed Roles 1: A New Childe
By shara_nesu

Angel POV:

So this is what it means to be human. Haven’t been human very long and I don’t think I’m very good at it either. It was amazing when it started but then things started going down hill. I became human on morning after saving a pregnant woman’s unborn daughter. Guess she was to save the world or something. All I know is the next day at Cordelia’s apartment I’m living and breathing. It was different to what I expected. That first day Cordelia and I went to the beach. It was amazing. I sat there under the sun feeling warm and alive. Even tried out the water. Half way through the day Cordelia ran off and brought me some emergency sun cream. Guess 250 years out of the sun would make my skin hyper sensitive. I spent three days after that trying to avoid the sun.

I then turned to the new experience of eating. I discovered that rare steak makes me sick. I have no idea why but maybe it reminded me of my Angelus slice and dice days. Then there was chocolate. I loved the taste of that. I have to control eating it however because now I am human there is this strange thing called putting weight on. So now it’s vegetarian and salads.

The next experience was that of mortality. I discovered that I don’t have anything like the strength and speed I had as a vampire. It’s hard to adjust. I lived for 250 years knowing I could protect myself and everyone around me. Now I can’t. I can’t help anyone. I can hardly help myself. It was a few days after I became human that Angel Investigations when off to do what we always did. Fight evil. So there I was surrounded by half a dozen vampires and I had no hope. Every punch, kick was ineffective. They just kept coming laughing at my now human abilities. In the end Gunn saved the day. Me? I ended up in hospital with a strained wrist, bruised ribs, concussion and various lacerations and bruises. When I got out I went and joined a gym. I spent nearly 3 hours there everyday but still I couldn't regain that strength. In the end my hopes of still running Angel investigations were dashed. Wesley, Cordelia and I talked about what I could do. Believe me my skills were few and far between. I knew how to torture, kill and main. Couldn’t do it anymore but I remembered how. I knew a lot of languages but not the useful ones used to decipher ancient texts. Wesley suggested that maybe I should look for other employment. I could work as an artist or writer maybe.

For days after that I sat and brooded. I couldn’t believe that I - once Angelus scourge of Europe could be reduced to being a starving artist. Then I realised. I am not Angelus. I am not Angel either. I can’t be. I am not a vampire anymore. I am human with the entire range of human frailties and weakness. I am Liam again. That weak, hurting, useless man. A man brought down by his father and who couldn’t see a way out but to accept death from a beautiful woman. I decided then that me as human sucks. I was a failure as a vampire and now also as a human.

Cordelia tried to cheer me up. She suggested that maybe I wanted to find my old life I had left behind. She meant Buffy off course. It was strange but when I became human I never even thought of going to her. A few years ago it had been my - our dream. If I turned human then I could have given her all the things I had left her for. I could give her the sun, life, children. Whatever she wanted - I could do that now. Things had changed. I had changed and so had she. I realised that I still love Buffy but I am not *in* love with her anymore. She has moved on and now so have I. I decided to ring her and tell her the news. We had a long talk and she cried a little. Still I didn’t get the feeling I could come back to her and have things the way they were before. She was no longer *in* love with me either. We talked about seeing each other soon and she wished me luck with my new humanity.

So here I am jobless and alone. I still have my friends but I can’t work with them anymore. I don’t have the strength or the abilities. I was looking forward to becoming human one day. I never thought it would be now. I wasn’t ready for it. I don’t think I make a very good one either.

Spike POV:

I can’t believe it. It’s true what the slayer said - Angel is human.

I overheard the Slayer talking with the Witch. She was crying and saying how if this had happened two years ago everything would be different. If Angel had been human then they could have been together. I didn’t hear anymore after that. Just the *Angel* and *human* part. I went back to my crypt and just sat there on my bed all day. Angel is human. Human Angel. No matter how I thought about it - I couldn’t see it myself. My sire, the demon that made me was human? First I believed it was some big joke the scobbies were playing on me. So I decided to go to LA and see for myself. I found a nice little dark hiding place outside of Cordelia’s apartment and just waited. If Angel was human then he was sure to come out during the day. Dawn came and went and there was still no sign of movement. I was thinking about going over and banging down the door. Still I don’t think Cordelia would have invited me in. She would have left me to burn on her front door step. Still around 7am there was movement. A young man with sweats and a T-Shirt comes running out. At first I don’t recognise him. He’s tall with dark short hair. Damn fine toned body. Then he turns and I see his face.

Bloody Hell. There he is. Angel is human. I am seeing it with my own eyes and I don’t believe it. He’s just standing there in the sunshine. He bends over and stretches long muscled legs and arms. Seconds later he’s off on his morning run. I just can’t bloody believe it. My sire is human. My beautiful immortal sire is no longer. Now he’s human. Human. Wait a minute. Where did the beautiful part come from?

I don’t like Angelus never did. I don’t like Angel either. All brooding brow and no fun whatsoever. Angel who was all dark avenger. Working against evil and for atonement of his sins. Looks like he’s reached that part. He’s human now. He has his redemption. He can live as one of them; love, multiply, eat, breath and die. I laugh then. I just imaged Angel as an old man. No teeth, slack jaw, sunken eyes and wrinkles. Then he’ll die and...... Angel will die now. Not liking that thought. Angel will grow old and die. I wanted that didn’t I? Wanted him to die. Tried to kill him enough times. Run him through with pokers didn’t I? Well, actually I didn’t. I hired someone else to do but still I wanted him dead. I know I did. I’m sure of it.

Enough of this damn thinking. I want Angel dead. He’s human and he’ll die one day. That’s all good news to me. So why aren’t I celebrating? Why does it make me sick just think of him of getting old and dying? I don’t like him. I refuse to admit I like him. I don’t, far from it - I hate him. He’s my enemy. He tried to kill me. I had him tortured. I hate him... Yep. Nothing in here but good old Angel hate.

Now that’s strange. Angel’s come back from his run. He’s sweaty and tired looking. He stretches his warmed muscles and.. Suddenly there is a loud cracking sound. Gun shots. A car shots past and for a second I tear my eyes away from Angel. I see kids laughing and screaming in the car. Guns thrown about. Most likely they are all high or drunk. I turn back to look at Angel to realise he’s not there anymore. Strange. He’s human it’s not like he has vampire speed anymore. I move forward from my hiding place and then I see him.

I grab a blanket I brought with me just in case. Wrap it around my head and run out into the sun. It damn well burns but I can’t think about that at this moment. All I see is Angel. Angel lying there in the damp morning grass. His’ lifeblood stains his clothing. The bullet wound a large deep hole in his chest. I don’t even think about what I’m doing. I just run across to him. I grab his limp mortal body to me and lift him in my arms. Then I am banging, screaming at Cordelia to open the fucking door before I break it down.

“Spike? What the hell to you..” She stares at the body in my arms. Stares at her fallen friend.

“Fucking hell, invite me in!” I scream. She does. I push past her and ease Angel on to the couch. She starts mumbling about calling for an ambulance but I grab her arms. How can I tell her this? How can I tell her that Angel is dying and fast? I don’t. I grab the blanket of my shoulders and start ripping it into large pieces. One piece I press to Angel’s chest wound. I tell Cordelia to put pressure on the wound. She does it; but I don’t even think she knows what she’s doing. She just stares at Angel’s pale face. Her face slack and tears are running from her eyes like a river.

“Save him, please Spike... Please save him.” At first I don’t think I heard her right. Still the same thoughts are going through my own mind. Can I let Angel die? Do I want him to die? Isn't this what I wanted? I wanted Angel gone. I wanted him to pay for what he did to me. I want him to pay for abandoning me. I wanted him dead.. right? Cordelia keeps repeating and repeating her request. Great big sobs coming from her chest as she watches her friend die. I remember a day when I used to hope that Angelus could be my friend. He was my sire, my mentor, and my lover... He was my everything and then he left me. He abandoned me. He got a soul and he never cared about his family again. Still..

I touch his pale face. He doesn’t have much time left. With each beat of his heart he’s pushing more and more of his life’s blood out onto the carpet. I don’t have time to question it. I don’t have time to think about what I want. I just do it. I push Cordelia aside and press my mouth to his bleeding wound. Hot, Angel blood fills my mouth. It’s strange that he still tastes like Angelus did. Good job I didn’t need to bite him. Considering I can’t. The bullet has made a big enough hole for me to take my fill. I drink him down. The man that was my sire. No longer will that be true however. Things will change. I pull away from Angel when I feel his heart beat start to flutter and slow. I don’t even think about the consequences of my actions as I slash my throat. I press his slack mouth to the gaping wound. At first I fear that he’s not going to drink. That he’s too far-gone. I hold him close pressing his dying body to mine.

“Damn it Angel. Drink! I won’t let you die!” Where the hell did those words come from? Still even as they pass my lips I feel the pressure of his mouth on my throat. The blood flowing into him. I hold him tight as he takes great gulps of my tainted blood. When start feeling drained I pull him away from me. I see that for the first time his eyes are open and look into mine.

“Spike?” His voice is but a whisper. He only manages my name as his last breath fades. With that Angel the human dies.

Oh, bloody fucking hell. What have I done? I watched Angel get shot and then I turned him. I thought about him dying and I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t face a world without him in it. What the hell is wrong with me? I should have celebrated watching my greatest enemy die. I shouldn’t have tried to bloody save him. I turned him again. I made him into a vampire. I turned my sire. This chip must have made me deranged or something. I just turned my sire back... Wait a minute. I just turned my Sire. I have made Angel my childe. Angel is my childe. He’s not my sire anymore. He doesn't have control over me anymore. He can’t push me around. He can’t order me to do anything. I can order him. Hey, this doesn’t sound bad. I wanted revenge didn’t I? I wanted Angel to suffer for what he did to me. Now he’s my childe and by lore he has to do what I say. There are lots of possibilities here for revenge.. And other things too.

I have got to think what I am going to do with him first. He’s comfortable lying there dead on Cordelia’s couch. Still this is not where I want him to wake up. I want him all to myself. I don’t want his human friends around trying to help him again. No. First off I am going to make Angel recognise me as Sire. He won’t be awake for a while yet so I can still move him. I tell Cordelia that we need some chains just in case Angel wakes up violent. She looks at bit worried about that. I tell her that new fledglings are starving when they awaken and he could try to eat her. She decides that I have a good point and leaves me alone with Angel while she goes off to buy some chains. It’s dusk as she leaves and when I am sure she’s gone; I wrap Angel in a blanket and carry him out to my car. Luckily the Desoto isn’t far away since Angel is damn heavy. Must have put some weight on as human. I dump him in the back seat and now I have to decide where to take him.

While at Cordelia’s I noticed a file they had on an old Hotel called the Hyperion. It’s deserted, old and crumbling. It’s perfect. I make a beeline to the hotel and then drag Angel from the car. He’d better appreciate all this. He’s bloody heavy. Hope he’s not going to notice the bruising and a few knocks on the head. Still he’ll be a vampire - he’ll heal quickly. Its not like he can punish me now is it? Still I drag him into one of the good rooms with a bed still standing. Next necessity is blood. I don’t take long out and I come back with stolen blood bags. Oh, and some chains and other things I might need. Got to be ready for when my childe awakens.

Angel POV:

I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that Spike was here in LA and he was holding me. I remember his arms tight around my body. Holding my warmth body against his cold one. Almost like an intimate embrace. Then suddenly I remember the stab of pain in my throat as his fangs descent into my flesh. I howl at him and then sink my own fangs into his soft cool flesh. I come awake with a sudden gasp. A strange dream considering I’m human now. I don’t have fangs or a need for blood. I lay back on the bed and take a deep breath. Strange. Something wrong here. I lye there trying to work out what it is. It’s so quiet and peaceful. It’s like I don’t have a heartbeat... wait a minute. I don’t.

That’s the silence. My heart isn’t beating. It’s silent. I’m dead... again. No this is just a dream. It’s not possible. I was human. I walked in the sun. I go running every morning. I went running this morning.. Then I remember. The pain. I remember the bullet entering my human body. I remember the blood gushing out and I couldn’t do anything but try desperately to carry on breathing. I remember Spike holding me to his throat. Oh, my god. Spike. He turned me again. I’m a vampire. I’ll be all evil and Angelus-ly. Still I don’t feel like Angelus. I feel like.. Well me. Angel.

“I’m guessing you aren’t Angelus.” Huh? For the first time I open my new vampire eyes and look around. Strangely the world looks better to me than when I was human. It’s dark and filled with shadows. That’s the way I should see it. I never got used to looking at it in sunlight. It just wasn’t right somehow. I look in the direction of the voice and spot Spike sitting there in an old chair watching me. He looks the same as always. Bleached blond hair, black jeans, and leather coat. Nothing different there.

“No, I’m Angel.” I say amazed. I guess that when Willow restored my soul it must have been permanent or something. That even alive or dead I couldn’t lose it. Spike looks a little relieved. I don’t think he wanted the return of that insane creature anymore than I did. Still there is something different with me. I seem to be missing something.

“Hungry?” Spike asks. I nod and take the blood bag he offers. I drink down the cold animal blood. I realise then that I don’t have the demon’s bloodlust. It’s like I am remade without one. Maybe Angelus hasn’t returned and it’s just Angel inside this body - the soul. I put aside my empty blood bag and move to sit up. My clothes are all blood covered but I have others at Cordelia’s. I wonder briefly why I’m not there. Still now I can go back to my life. I can be Angel again - the dark avenger as Cordelia calls me. I can do my job. I can help the helpless and fight the evil. I can..

“Where do you think you’re going?” Spike stands before me; blocking my path to the door.

“Home. Thanks for the help Spike.” I move past him but he grabs my arm and pushes me roughly onto the bed. “Spike I appreciate you helping me but I’m not yours too...” He laughs.

“That’s the whole point you’re missing Angel. You are mine.” He laughs again. I’ve had enough of this. I jump of the bed and push him out of the way. I forgot that I am no longer a 250 year old vampire. I am but a fledging again and Spike is over a hundred years old. I didn’t stand a chance. He grabs hold of my shirt and throws me across the room. “I don’t think your showing proper respect for your Sire, Angel.” He stresses my name and I realise that he’s never called me by my name much at all. It’s always been sire, poof, peaches, bastard or something along those lines.

Spike’s punches and kicks come hard and fast. I have no hope in trying to stop him from hitting me. In the end I just try and protect vital parts. Still he doesn’t stop and I realise I have to stop this. He’s making a point and I haven’t shown him I’ve learned it yet.

“Please, Sire stop.” Spike stops in mid kick and withdraws. He moves back into his chair and watches me. I wipe my bloodied mouth with the back of my hand and push my pained body into a sitting position. I don’t say anything. A part of me is afraid too. Is this what Spike wants from me? Is this why he turned me back so he could have his revenge for what I did to him? Or roles are reversed now. I am no longer the Sire; the one in control - he is. I am now his childe - his property. I shiver as I remember what I did to him as a fledgling. How I taught him the rules and the lore. How I beat him for disobeying me. I think I would have been better off dying if Spike wants to repay me for what I did to him. I decide not to push my new sire and I sit silently waiting his command.

Spike POV:

Oh, shit. What am I doing? This was a bad idea. This whole taking a childe thing - an incredibly bad idea. I should never have turned him. I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t expect Angel to be all obeying and acting like a new fledgling. He knows all the ins and outs of being a vampire. Still I don’t know why but it infuriated me when he called me Spike instead of Sire. Then when he was about to leave and I couldn’t let him go. I threw him across the room and then started hitting him. I stopped only when he called me sire. The word brought me back in control and I threw myself in the chair just watching him.

Beat him up pretty bad too. He’s got a split lip, broken nose and other bruises. He’s staring at me with large liquid brown eyes. I know what he’s thinking. He’s thinking that this is some sort of revenge thing. Well, he’s got that right. He’s going to recognise me as Sire and recognise his place as childe. His eyes stare into mine for a moment and then he looks away. He brings his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around his legs. He looks so small and vulnerable like that. The truth is I don’t know why I was so angry. Yes, I wanted him to call me sire but when I thought he was leaving I just lost it. I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t bare the thought of him going back to his human friends and leaving me alone again. I won’t let him go. He’s mine.

I grab a fag (English slang for cigarette) from my pocket and light it up. I have to plan what I am going to do with him. How am I going to make him my childe? Back when Angelus was my sire and mentor he taught me with his fists, mouth, fangs and hands. It was sex when I was good and beatings when I wasn’t. It was a bite on the throat when I refused to submit to him and he would leave me half drained begging for him to forgive me. Still that was Angelus and now this is Angel. My Childe isn't that demon and yet when I look at him I remember our past. He looks the same as Angelus. He tastes the same but in his actions and words show he’s not the same. He’s still beautiful as he was then. All smooth, silky pale skin. Huge muscle defined body. Large melting chocolate eyes, soft kissable full lips... What the hell am I thinking off? I don’t like Angel. I don’t want Angel. He’s hasn’t got a gorgeous kissable body. He’s not got soft hair that I want to run my hands through. Stop thinking this instant!

Oh, Fucking hell. No! I refuse to accept this. I stand up and start pacing. I can feel Angel’s eyes watching me as I pace. Those soft chocolate eyes I want to glaze into. No they are not chocolate they are just plain brown. Nothing special about them. I kick the chair and it fly's across the room. Angel makes a soft gasp. His eyes are wide in surprise and his lips parted a little in an O shape. Angelus had the best mouth ever. Could kiss like a dream. I wonder if Angel can.. No. I have to stop thinking about him. This is about Angel being and acting like my childe. I don’t want him. I don’t love him. (When did love come into this?) No, I certainly don’t love him. I didn’t turn him because I couldn’t bear to see him die. No I turned him to have revenge. I want him to suffer what I did and that’s all. There was no other motive to turning him. Nope. None what so ever. No.. No.. Oh, god is he crying?

“Childe?” My voice is soft and completely unintentional. I kneel down before Angel and touch his shoulder. He draws away from me and I growl softly. Angel becomes stiff and he doesn’t move again. I run my fingers down his smooth cheek and tip his head up. “Do you want to see your friends?” I ask.

“Yes,... Sire.” I pull Angel up and tell him to get cleaned up. He comes back a few minutes later with a clean face and his wounds are nearly gone. I should really have brought him some clothes. The ones he’s wearing are covered in his blood. Still I assume he as some at Cordelia’s. He follows me to the car and doesn’t say a word. It’s a little annoying in a way. I want him to talk to me. Say something even if it’s to tell me go to hell. I don’t think I like Angel all broody over me. No.. Wait a minute. I don’t want him happy remember. I want him in to know his place and speak when spoken too. I have to remember the plan here. I am still the big bad. I am still an evil vampire and now I am Angel’s sire. He’s going to learn what it’s like to have the slayer killer as a sire. I set my resolve and tell him to get in the car.

“There are going to be rules Angel.” I decided that on the way to Cordelia’s that Angel is not going to be pushed around by his human friends. They are going to want him to move back in with them and work helping the helpless or some other crap. Leaving me is out of the question. I can’t properly train him if he’s not with me can I. It’s not because I want him around either. No. I am going to tell him his position and he’s going to learn it. I am the sire and he’s the childe. He’s going to obey me and live with me. He’s not leaving - ever!

“First you are mine. I am your sire and you will address me as such. Second, you ask my permission to do anything. Third, You aren’t going back to living with Cordelia. You pack your things and come home with me without an argument.” I can feel his eyes staring into the side of my head.

“Spike. I might be your childe but I was your sire once. I can’t obey you like that. I have a job to do...” He doesn’t get very far. I slam on the car brakes and I am pining him to the seat in a second. He obviously forgot who’s the stronger one here now. I grab hold of his hair and pull his head back exposing his throat. I shift into game face and sink my fangs into his soft skin. He gasps and tries to wriggle free but he can’t. My hold is like steel and I won’t let him go. He can’t fight my strength and will as well. I continue to drain him and he starts moaning with pain. I almost pull away from him but I can’t. I won’t let him win.

Angel POV:

Spike agrees to allow me to go to Cordelia’s. I am sure there I can sort this out with him. Show him that I can’t be his childe. I won’t submit to him. He has to realise that I was his sire once. In some ways I still am. I realise that he wants total control over me when he starts listing his rules. He can’t believe I’ll obey him does he? I was a vampire once; I know the lore. I know he has rights over me now. Still, why would he want me as childe? He never liked Angelus. Yes, he was his sire but he wasn’t a good one. He was cruel and unforgiving. He beat and shaped Spike into the vampire he became. He destroyed the boy William turned him into this creature beside me. A creature without care or feeling. A demon with a taste for destruction. The only reason why he isn’t killing everyone I know is because of the chip.

Still I have to wonder why he turned me. Why he saved me? From his rules I think I understand. It’s all about payback. He’s chipped and he can’t kill or even hurt humans. He’s prevented from being the vampire he was. He can hurt demons though. He’s turned me back into one now. He can hurt and punish me. Take all his aggression out on his Sire turned Childe. I won’t let him. I refuse to be his punching bag. I refuse to be his vessel of revenge for what Angelus did to him as a fledgling. I start to tell him too. Called him Spike and not sire. Maybe I pushed too far? In a move even I couldn’t see he’s stopped the car and got me pined to the seat in a second. His hands are hard in my hair and he pulls my head back hard. I try and break his hold but he’s like solid rock above me. Suddenly I feel the pain of his fangs ripping open my jugular and swallowing me down. My new vampire blood is being pulled out of my body at an alarming rate. I feel myself getting light headed and my limps become heavy and cold. I gasp in pain and try to beg him to stop but the words can’t come out of my frozen lips. I lose control of my body and I become limp in his grasp. He raises himself above me and cold blue eyes look into mine. My glaze is blurry but I can see his anger.

“You are my Childe, Angel. Don’t you ever forget that.” His fingers touch my cheek and for a moment I think I see something more in his eyes. No. I have to be wrong. Spike could never care for me. Not after all I did to him. I killed him, turned him and then destroyed whatever humanity remained in him.

So this is my punishment. Maybe the powers planned this all along. Maybe that’s why they turned me human so my victim could take his revenge. So I suffered for what I did to him - to all my childer. If that’s true then there is a bleak future before me. I don’t know if I can ever give the submission that Angelus demanded of Spike. I know in the end I am going to end up fighting him like he did me. Fighting even when I beat him, even when I raped him. Then I suppose when I am broken and dependent he’ll up and leave me like I did him. I feel tears prick my eyes and then Spike’s soft fingers wiping them away.

“You are mine, Angel.” I don’t know if it’s those words that cause me to cry or what they mean. Am I his? Do I belong to him to be punished and controlled? Or do I cry because I want him to want me as Angel and who I am not what I was. Suddenly without warning he’s kissing me. Even if I could respond I wouldn't. I would be in too much shock too. I wasn’t expecting this at all. I didn’t expect any kindness from him.

His tongue pushes his way deeper into my mouth and probes my teeth and palette. I can only gasp weakly under him. The fingers of one hand are still buried in my hair and he tilts my head to get deeper penetration. The kiss seems to go on forever. He tastes good in my mouth and I forgot how talented he was. I moan as his lips finally leave mine. Then they’re back again but this time when he trusts his tongue in I can taste his blood. Sire’s blood. Powerful, strong and seductive. It runs into my mouth and down my throat making me stronger. As soon as I am able I suck on his tongue forcible. My face changes and my lengthening fangs bite into him. I don’t take much and he rips my mouth from his.

I try desperately to kiss him again. Not because it’s kissing but because I want his blood. He knows this too. I need him. I need him as my sire to feed me and make be strong. There aren’t other motives. This is a trick used by a Sire to bind their childer to them. Feeding them a little of their blood from time to time; making the childe want it more and more. It was something I never tried as Angelus. I kept my blood to myself. This control method is working too. I desperately want to taste him again. He’s tastes better then chocolate; the sweetest ambrosia. Spike draws away grinning knowing his trick worked.

He reaches into the back of the car and grabs a couple of blood bags. I drink them down desperately. They help replace what he’s taken but they don’t taste like he does. I feel the strength returning to my body and sit up. My throat throbs from his bite and I rub it gently. He’s staring at me again. Watching my hand rub over his bite. He licks his lips and I suddenly want him to bite me again. I shake myself out of the thought and rest my hands in my lap. I won’t give him something else to use against me. I won’t let him know of my feelings for him. Of Angelus’s old feelings for him either. He won’t ever know that even the demon that couldn’t love cared for him. He wasn’t the perfect childe. He fought and screamed and raged but that made Angelus care for him all the more. I still feel that. Even when I was human the feelings remained. I denied them because the soul part believed them wrong. Wrong to care for a demon even though he was my childe. Now I have to deny them because if he knows he has another weapon to use against me. A weapon that I know will destroy me.

“Well?” Asks Spike breaking through my thoughts. I stare at him for the longest moment and then I say it.

“I am sorry, Sire for my transgressions.” The words sound strange coming from my mouth. Still it’s not enough. He’s still staring at me. “I belong to you and you alone sire.” That seems to please him and he starts the car again.

I have never felt so alone as I do now. Even when I spent a 100 years alone after I received my soul back did I feel like this. I feel cold and empty inside. I always thought before that I had family in the world. That I had sire and Childer. Now I feel I have nothing. It’s all gone - taken from me. I have nothing. I have a sire that hates me. A sire that wants me controlled and tethered to him as a slave. A part of me hoped that deep inside Spike he remembered William. He remembered that once he cared for me. Well I think he did. When years ago as Angelus; when I took him he would beg me to love him, touch him and I did. I held that thought through the lonely years. A thought that was obviously incorrect and misinterpreted. Did he say those words to placate me so I would be gentle? Spike hates me now and he has every reason to. Still strangely enough I cannot hate him. I never did. Not even when he tried to kill Buffy or me. I didn’t hate him. He was my childe. I know I never told him but I thought maybe he would know. Maybe he could tell that when I held him it’s because I wanted him; not because I wanted to control him. He didn’t see and now he has control over me. No longer am I the sire but the childe.

Spike POV:

Angel is quiet and withdrawn the rest of the way to Cordelia’s. He doesn’t move from being pressed up against the door - the furthest he can get from me. I know he hates me. I see it in how he won’t come near me. He won’t look at me and every time I catch his eye he turns away from me. I was stupid to ever believe that Angel or even Angelus could ever feel anything for me. Never once did he say I was a good childe or that he cared. I guess those times when he held me gently and loved me sweetly were just another way to control me. Well, that’s just fine. I don’t care about him and he doesn’t care about me. That will make this easier to do. Easier to show him who is the Sire here now and who is the childe.

Angel is still silent when we arrive at Cordelia’s. He doesn’t talk as I get out and then he follows behind. He’s looking like a puppy dog that’s lost his owner. All big sad eyes and tight-lipped. I can’t decide if I want to hit him or kiss him. I do neither. Cordelia lets him in with a cross and stake in her hand. Behind her are Wesley and Gunn.

“Are you still Angel?” Is the first thing she asks.

“Yes, Cordelia I am still have my soul; I didn’t go evil and its looks like Willow’s spell before firmly fixed my soul to me.” Cordelia immediately jumps into Angel’s arms and hugs him tight. He yelps as the cross touches his skin and she starts laughing and apologising. I don’t like the way she hugs him. All touchy feely. Going to have to put a stop to that in the future. I certainly don’t like how he’s responding either. He’s never hugged me like that. I am not jealous.. I refuse to accept that I am jealous. I am about to say something about there touching when Wesley approaches me.

“Well, thanks for the help Spike and saving Angel. Be sure to tell Giles Hello from me when you get back.” He puts his hand on my arm and guides me out of the front door again. I shake his arm of and stand next to Angel. I grab his arm and pull him closer. He doesn’t like it but I growl softly and he stops pulling away.

“Angel get your things now!” I order in the Sire tone he used to use on me. Angel looks as though he’s about to argue. I didn’t want to do this in public however it doesn’t mean that will stop me.

“Spike, I can’t do..” I don’t even give him chance to finish. I grab his hair again and sink my fangs into his neck. “Sire, Please.” He cries. I know it must hurt having your blood drained twice in one night. He tires to push me away but he’s still not recovered fully from the last time. I let him go when he’s knees finally buckle. Suddenly I am pushed away from Angel and the kid - Gunn presses a stake to my chest. Cordelia runs over to Angel helping him stand up. The stake breaks the skin when suddenly Gunn is pulled away from me.

“Don’t..” Gasps Angel. He’s weakened by the blood loss but he’s still stronger than a human is. He pulls Gunn of me and stands before me in a defensive manner. “It’s not what you think..” He turns to me and his eyes beg me to help him. “Please sire.” He’s on his knees before me. A part of me reveals in the fact I have control over him. I have Angel here on his knees before me. In front of his friends too. He’s begging me to help him. Me. Another part however feels ashamed of what I am reducing him too. Making him beg and plead with me. Making him kneel before me when he’s such a proud, strong man. Still the Sire part wins out and I decide I like him on his knees. If he can never love me then at least he can show me respect. (There’s that word again. Love - How did that word get inside my head. I don’t love anyone or anything. Okay!)

“Drink Childe.” I tell him finally. I offer him my wrist and his face changes. I nod when his eyes look into mine. He takes the offer and sinks his fangs into the artery. I allow him to take more blood that last time. I don’t know why but it feels so good to have him take it. The feel of my childe feeding from me. My childe needing me to survive. My childe wanting my blood even if he wants nothing else. I touch Angel’s hair softly as he feeds. I can almost feel his need through our bond. His body calls to mine. His blood sings to mine. My beautiful childe clings to me and I am loathed to push him away. I wonder if Sire’s have always felt this for their childer. This deep connection of blood, lust, desire and life. I don’t know because - not even Angel knows this - but he is my only childe. He is the only vampire I have ever created. He is my first and I don’t know if these experiences are because we share a unique past or it’s normal with other vampires too.

Damn it. I am going soft again. I push Angel off my wrist and along with that the feelings of desire and lust for him as well. I refuse to admit their real. They are just a side effect of the Sire/Childe bond. Something I will learn to ignore because I don’t want him and I don’t need him. What I want is for him to need me. No, that’s not right either. I have to stick to my plan. My plan to make him pay for what he did to me. Yeah, make him suffer. That’s the plan. Nothing else.

“Now childe get your things.” Angel nods and leaves the room. He doesn’t look at his friends and doesn’t stop when they call to him.

“Spike what are you doing?” Growls out Cordelia. I smile at her. She would make a great vampire. I wonder if one day I should turn her. Then I would have two childer to care for. No. One is enough. Angel is already a handful. Constantly needs watching and controlling. I can’t cope with two like him. I wonder why Angelus turned me at times. I mean Drusilla must have been a huge problem. She was insane and I doubt she was obedient. Then around twenty years later he turns me. I certainly wasn’t helpful and there was times when Darla wondered why he didn’t stake me. He never did though and sometimes I wonder why? No, it couldn’t be he cared more likely he enjoined punishing me after.

“I thought you off all people would realise what’s going on.” I smirk at them and light a fag. I blow the smoke into their faces and smile some more.

“You’re claiming your right as Sire.” Says Wesley more quietly. I think he actually gets it. “Your doing what Angelus did to you.” Oh Yeah, he gets it all right. Guess he’s more intelligent than he looks.

“What do you mean Sire rights?” Asks Gunn.

“When a master vampire is turned the one who turned them have certain rights. In many ways they own the new fledgling in mind and body. They raise, teach and guide them until they can care for themselves.”

“Angel knows all that.” Gunn interrupts.

“Yes, he does. The Sire has certain rights over the childe. If a sire refuses to let the childe leave him then he can’t. He has to obey. He’s drawn to obey the sire through Blood and lore. Spike’s using that right against Angel now and there isn’t a lot he can do about it now. He’s no longer Spike’s sire but his childe.”

“That’s right mate. Angel belongs to me. I decide where he goes and what he does. Just as Angelus did when he turned me.”

“This is about revenge isn't it?” Cordelia sneers at me. “Angel told me about Angelus and what he did to Penn. Angelus did that to you and now you’re making Angel suffer for it.” I don’t answer just grin.

“You can’t do that.” Says Wesley.

“Why the hell not? You can’t stop me treating my Childe anyway I see fit.”

“Angel has a soul. He’s not like other vampires. He’s not even the Angelus you want to hurt. The demon is gone if I assume correctly.” I don’t answer but Wesley takes that as a yes. Angel never lost the soul and when he became a vampire again he didn’t gain a new demon. The demon Angelus died when Angel became human. “You can never have revenge Spike because Angelus is already dead.”

“No he’s not. He’s right there.” I point to the guestroom. “He just has a soul now but he’s still the man that killed me. He’s still the man I....” Love? Was I going to say love? Nah. Hate. That’s what I meant. I hate him. Still I don’t continue as Angel walks into the room with a couple of suitcases. He walks up to me with his head down and stands beside me. I can feel the pain radiating from my childe. Feel his misery and suffering. Well that’s good - right? This is what I wanted. I want him to pay for what he did. Right? Right. I will not change the plan.

“You have everything?” I ask him. Angel nods. “Get in the car.” He leaves. Cordelia tries to follow him but I stop her with a hand. She pushes me off. “If you need Angel you can reach me at the Hyperion hotel.” I leave them standing there staring after Angel and me. I don’t look back. I don’t need to: I smell their fear and hurt.

I get in the car and look at Angel. He’s curled in the front seat with his head resting on his knees. I can feel his pain and misery through the bond. For an instant I wonder if this is right. I don’t want to destroy Angel; I want him to suffer. I want him to know what it was like for me as his childe. I want him to understand what he did to me. For an instant I think about letting him go. Letting him go back to friends that love and want him around. There’s that word again. That instantly changes my mind. No! If I can never have love than neither can Angel.

We don’t talk at all on the journey home. I’m too angry and Angel’s too hurt. Occasionally I look over at him. I catch him touching my bite mark on his throat. I wonder how it makes him feel? Hurt? Punished? Hated? Does he feel my anger at him - my pain? Still if he did why does he keep touching it?

Angel POV:

I can’t understand this. I can’t understand me. I know I should be fighting and screaming at Spike for how he degraded me before my friends. I know before I would never have taken that from anyone. So why am I doing it now? Is it this new bond between us? This childe/Sire thing. I felt it when he bit me at Cordelia’s. I felt his hurt and his anger. Also I felt jealously. I couldn’t understand what off. Was it because they were friends and cared for me? Or was it because I had them and he didn’t? Because I took away all his family and friends when I turned him so he’s taking mine. I think that must be it. Maybe that’s why I didn’t carry on fighting him. Why I stopped and obeyed him without question. I deserve this. I deserve to be punished and abused. I deserve to have my Sire hate me. Still when I touch his bite I don’t feel that. I don’t feel hate. I feel something else - something warm.

I take my hand away from my throat when I feel Spike watching me. I wait for him to question and ask what I doing but he doesn’t. I wonder if he felt it too? That difference when he bite’s me. I never felt that when I used to do that to him. When he was my childe; I never felt anything. This is something new. Something that I haven’t worked out what it means yet.

When we reach the hotel he tells me to take my things to our room and get ready for his return. I was going to ask where he was going but I don’t. From the look of anger in his eyes I would expect him to hit me. So I don’t and he doesn’t say anything more. I get out and take the suitcases with me. Spike puts the car into the gear and in seconds he’s gone. Strangely I do as he says. I am too tired to fight him.

It’s hard to explain about Sire and Childer. Their blood creates a bond between you. They created you; made you all that you are. They are like god to their new fledgling. A fledgling doesn't have the strength of will to usually disagree or even disobey their sires until they are much older. Maybe a year or more. I don’t have that. I am stronger maybe because I was a vampire before I became human. Still the bond is still there. It calls me to obey and follow where my sire leads. I feel it more keenly now Spike’s gone. The vampire Childe in me misses his presence, his directions. Misses the smell of his blood. The taste that calls to me. Blood given to the childe strengthens the bonds between them. It makes me need Spike; it binds me too him. Bonds that can only be broken by death - his or mine. I don’t want to kill him. I never did. I don’t want this to end in that way. I all ready have killed one sire and that nearly destroyed me. I grieved for weeks after because it left a whole in me no one could ever fill. Now my new sire fills that whole. I can’t do that again. I know I can’t kill him but I don’t know how I can live with him either.

Now all I have to do is wait. Wait for my sire to return and for whatever new tortures he has planned for me. I try and not think about how I raised Spike. How I treated and abused him. How I used him for my own pleasures. Is that what’s he’s going to do to me? Is that what I am waiting for? I don’t know but I can’t run from it either. Spike is my sire and no matter how hard I try and fight it; it’s always going to be true. I cannot kill him therefore I am going to have to accept him. I will never let him know why I can’t kill him. The true reason. The things I feel for him. I won’t let him touch that. I won’t let him destroy those precious moments when I loved my childe. I did love him. Angelus never did but when I got the soul back I did love him. That’s why I left. He couldn’t deal with a Sire that was an emotional wreck and wanted to love him. Demons don’t love and Spike could never have accepted me.

Spike POV:

I couldn’t sit in the car another moment with him. I had to get away. I stayed a whole day with Angel and found that I didn’t mind his presence. It was calming in a way - when I wasn’t planning on how to hurt him. I don’t like it. He’s playing with me. He’s using the mind tricks Angelus used to hurt me again. Trying to get me to feel for him again and then I won’t punish him. That’s were he’s wrong. I won’t let Angelus or anyone do that to me again. To make me love him and then abandon me.

I yell for another bottle of whiskey from the bartender and drink half of it down straight away. I had to get away from Angel for a while. I have to try and think straight. I left him at the hotel and came here to this stinking bar. I could have found somewhere better but I was desperate for alcohol. I wanted to wash the taste of Angel from my mouth. The taste of his sweet blood. The taste of his mouth under mine. The taste of his... Oh Fucking Hell, Shut up!! I have got to stop thinking about Angel. It’s all Angel this. Angel that. What Angel needs. What Angel’s done. I finish of the second bottle of Whiskey and scream for another. I am going to get drunk and that will stop me thinking about Angel completely. That’s my new plan and I am sticking with it. Get drunk - forget about Angel.

A couple of hours later I am stinking drunk but still thinking about Angel. I think about his beautiful face. His chocolate eyes. His soft welcoming lips. I think about how his body would fit next to mine when I lay him naked on the bed. How he would feel when I kiss and lick down his hard heavenly chest. How he would moan as I bite and tongue his nipples. How would he feel when I enter his tight little hole? Would he scream for me? Begging me to take him hard and fast. Woe, stop right there. What am I doing? Thinking about making love to Angel? No fucking way. There’s going to be none of that. No way is he going to see what I feel. No way is Angelus....

Oh uh, wait a moment. What did Wesley say? There is no Angelus. Oh, shit. No. That’s not right. What about my whole plan? What about the part where I get to pay him back for everything he did to me? What about making him suffer like he did me. Making me love (that fucking word again!) and breaking me into tiny pieces as he laughed at any show of emotion on my part. I denied my emotions everything just to please him. I caused massacres just to get him to smile at me. Bastard never did and now? Now, he’s gone. My sire is dead and I never got to say what I wanted to him. Haven’t decided what I did want to say. Was it I loved you and you never loved me - so now I want to kill you? Or was it why couldn’t you love me? Was it because I was a bad childe? Why?

If that’s true and this Angel is purely the soul then what do I do with him? Can I beat him and rape him like Angelus did me? Would that make me feel better? He looks like my sire I could believe that it was he. Oh bloody hell, why do I get myself into these messes? I have a childe now. A childe that needs me. I’ve made him need me. I’ve gone and given him a craving for the taste of my blood now. Damn it. What to do? I’ve given up on the getting more drunk part. It doesn’t stop me thinking about Angel it just confuses me more.

I’m not sure how I got home but I make it in just before dawn. Was cutting it a little close but hey I’m still in one piece. I manage the stairs of the hotel and go into the room I’ve chosen for us. There sleeping in the chair is my Angel. Wait.. Back that up. My Angel? No. I meant Childe. That’s it my childe. It looks like he’s done as I asked and was waiting for my return. That’s nice. Still it wasn’t how I had it planned. For one thing he’s still dressed. Not pleased with that at all. I shake of my duster and let it fall on the floor. Now what am I to do with a disobedient childe?

He looks so peaceful and relaxed sleeping. His face softens and he looks so much younger that his 250 odd years. I wonder how that works. Do I count how old he was before or start again. If I do then he’s only a day old. A baby still. I grin and look down at my childe. Nope, he’s no baby. I unbutton his shirt and let my hand wonder down his chest. He feels cold, hard and so damn good. Angel moans lightly in his sleep and his body presses into my hands. Never done that before. Angelus never pressed himself to me. Never showed he wanted me. Must be the sire/Childe bond thingy? Or the fact I’ve shared my blood twice with him? Hum. He smells good enough to eat. Think I will.

I move around to the back of the chair. I tilt his head to the side and sink my fangs into his exposed neck. Angel comes awake immediately. He gasps and moans in my grip as I take his blood again. I watch though half-closed eyes as his body writhes and bucks below me. I never dreamed it could ever be like this. Angelus never once after he turned me fed me his blood. Only did I ever taste that god’s blood once. The blood of my creator was forever denied me. Maybe I should deny him too but it feels so good. His taste is better than any I have ever tasted before. Then the feel of him drinking from me is as powerful as any aphrodisiac. Where did that thought spring from? I tell ya, this chip must be have scrambled my brain when it comes to Angel. Even thought I loved him once or twice today. Still at this moment I don’t fight it. I want him to bite me. I want him to taste sire’s blood. Above all I think it makes him easier to control. I draw away from his neck and look at my childe sprayed out before me. He’s panting and moans when I pull away. He unconsciously touches the bite wound and moans deeply in his chest. Now that’s interesting. Never seen that before. Does he like me biting him too?

I have to test my theory. I move down again and catch his hand pulling it away from his throat. I bite again but don’t suck this time. Angel moans loudly again and lets out a low purring sound. Never heard that sound from Angelus ever. I have no idea what’s happening between us. I can only assume this must be normal Sire/Childe relationship. The one I had with Angelus was the unusual one. It has to be. I refuse to believe that I feel for him. I don’t - I think I covered that before. I don’t love him. I don’t want him. I don’t.. Hey what’s he doing now?

“Sire... Please.” Angel whines in my ear. His body is arching of the chair and I can smell the husky scent of his arousal. What the hell? I put my finger to my mouth and bite into it. It hurt like hell when I scrape bone. Still I press my dripping finger to his lips and he takes it into his mouth. He sucks and worries the wound with his tongue but he doesn't bite. I lean back down to his throat and again sink my fangs in sucking desperately.

Angel comes with a scream and a moan. His body arches of the chair and I fear he’s going to break something. I pull away from his throat and pull my finger from his mouth. He’s bit into me and I can see the bone through his bite. Not pleased about that either. I push him from the chair and he stares up, startled at me.

“Strip and kneel beside the bed now Childe.” I growl at him. Angel hesitates for a moment but when he sees me raising my hand he quickly obeys. I watch as he strips out of his shirt and spoiled trousers. His naked body is hard, pale and beautifully smooth. Angelus was always a perfect specimen of Male beauty. Now I think he’s even more so. He’s more muscled now than before if possible. Looks like he took effort when human to keep in shape. All the other attributes are the same. Attributes that now belong to me. Hum? Where to start?

Spike’s POV:

I notice that Angel is trembling at bit and I realise I took quite a bit of blood from him. He wouldn’t have received a lot from my finger.

“Hungry childe?” I ask. He looks up at me with suspicious eyes. I see fear there. I don’t know why. Liar, off course I do.

“Yes, Sire.” He answers. So unlike the Angel before. His voice is soft and submissive. It’s a real turn on. He stares at me with wide eyes as I strip out of my own clothing throwing it carelessly to the floor. I stand before him with my hard cock next to his head. Surely he’s worked out what I want? Still he kneels there looking up at me. I don’t know if I want to hit him or hold him. Those large puppy dog eyes are staring into mine as if he’s never done this before. Hold on a sec.. Maybe he hasn’t.

“Open your mouth, Childe.” I order. He does and closes his eyes tightly. Oh god, he hasn’t. I don’t believe it. I just stand there staring at Angel naked, kneeling on the floor with my cock inches from his open mouth. Why don’t I just take him? I could. I could just think about all the things he’s done to me. All the things Angelus did to me. I sigh and fall down into the chair. I feel very sober at the moment and I don’t like it. I wish I had brought more whiskey.

Angel POV:

Spike comes home drunk and finds me sleeping. I have no idea why but somehow he ended up biting me. The worse part of it was I enjoyed it. I don‘t know why about that either. Angelus never let anyone bite him apart from Darla and as Angel neither did I. I always thought it was degrading and it shared my powerful blood with another, which I didn’t like the idea of. When Spike bites me everything is different. I feel good. I like it. It makes me feel wanted somehow. What I like even more is when I get to taste Spike’s powerful blood again. It’s warm and spicy on my tongue and I can’t seem to get enough of it.

I never expected to come from it. That was a complete shock to me and Spike too. When he bit me a second time and his blood filled my mouth it was overwhelming. The sensation of the pulling and the giving was too much. In the end it made me come like a horny teenager. Spike seemed amused and then angry about it. I couldn’t understand what I was seeing in his face. I could tell he was drunk but that wasn‘t it. Then to my horror he asked me to strip.

At first I forgot he was my sire and I opened my mouth to argue. I wanted to argue with him. I wanted to fight this control he has over me. This control that’s growing with every second I am with him. I don’t like it and I don’t want it but I can’t seem to fight it. Spike raises his arm as if to hit me, so I obey before he does. Soon I am prostrate before him on my knees. Spike seems to admire the view and enjoys this position. I can smell his arousal and he quickly undresses. Soon his cock is before my face and he’s asking if I am hungry. I answer truthfully. I fear what will come next. I know these games. I know what he’s going to do. Didn’t Angelus do this to him? I deserve how he treats me. I deserve so much worse. Yet it doesn’t stop me from being afraid. I do as he orders and open my mouth. I can’t face seeing him and the look of joy he’ll get when he takes me. So I close my eyes tight. I don’t want him to destroy the feeling I had for him long ago. I won’t look and I won’t feel this. It’s just punishment for what I did. Nothing more.

I wait and wait and after a moment I open my eyes. I expect for Spike to hit me but nothing comes. In fact he’s no longer standing before me. He’s sitting on the chair staring at me. I catch his eyes but look away. I don’t want him to change his mind because I looked at him wrong.

“You’ve never done this have you?” He asks. His voice surprises me. It’s no longer his Spike’s voice. The one that’s cold, hard and mocking. No this one has lost much of the cockney accent and he almost sounds like William. Strangely the thought of that makes me want to cry. Cry for all I have done and lost. For the warm-hearted boy I turned and then destroyed.

“No, Sire.” I continue to look down at the floor and not at him.

“How?”

“My sire.. My first Sire was a woman and I wouldn’t allow my childer to do it.”

“I was virgin when you took me too.” His voice is still William’s. He seems to be thinking about the past when he speaks. “I remember you as Angelus. I see you all the time. In my dreams and especially in my nightmares. I remember you hunting me down; taking me against my will. You took my virginity and my life. Then you took my dreams, hopes, desires, emotions and especially love. You took everything and gave nothing back.” Oh god, he’s going to kill me. My body starts to shake and I feel tears stinging my eyes. “Why are you doing this Angel?” He asks suddenly. I look up at him. The question surprises me. He doesn’t look like Spike now either. His face softens and his hair is messy from his fingers.

“Because you are now my sire.” I answer. I look down again at the floor and await my punishment.

“No Angel, why are you allowing me to use you? You are stronger than a fledgling vampire I can feel it. I bet soon you will regain all your strength of two hundred odd years and you could kill me just as easily as you could before. What I can’t understand is why? Why are you submitting to me?”

“Because I deserve it.”

Spike’s POV:

I don’t believe it. He told me the truth too. I can tell. His eyes haven’t left the floor and he still kneels before me. What does he think this is? The powers grand plan to make him pay for his sins. To have everything he did to his childer returned back on him. Believe me if they offered I would have done it. Unfortunately this isn’t Angelus. This isn’t the demon that did all those things. No matter how much, how desperately I want him to be he’s not. I really wanted to punish him. I wanted to make him suffer. All I am doing however is making Angel suffer and I get nothing in return. I think a change of plan is in order. Haven’t decided what yet but my plans are always great.

“Angelus does deserve it.” I stand up and move before him. I feel his body tense. I might not want to punish like Angelus did but I am still evil. I still like to see him squirm. “You aren’t Angelus though. You are Angel, my Childe and I intend to claim you.” That does make him react. He looks up with wide eyes and trembling lips. There are tear tracks on his beautiful face. My fingers follow the tracks of one. Yes, this is my Childe and I will have him totally to myself. Okay. The first part of my plan. Make Angel mine - willingly.

“Open your mouth Childe,” I purr to him. He does as I say and closes his eyes again. “Eyes open!” Okay, not totally willingly because where’s the fun in that. Claiming is about taking what is yours and making the other damn well know it too. I slide my long hard cock into his waiting mouth. His eyes close again but a light smack on the cheek makes him quickly open them. I think he’s waiting for me to thrust but I don’t. No, that’s not how I like it. He’s my childe. I am going to teach him how I like it. Not how Angelus did it - just by force - but my way.

Angel’s POV:

I think I’m going to shock. I must be. Spike’s just told me I’m not Angelus. I thought that this is what everything that has happened has been about. Isn’t this what he wants? Doesn’t he want to take revenge for what I did? Revenge because I never loved him. Because I hurt and betrayed him. Shouldn’t he be raping me by now? I don’t understand. I don’t know what he wants anymore. Before I knew. Before I thought I understood Spike. Now he’s a mystery to me. Maybe that’s always been the problem. I never knew him. Angelus never wanted to and when I got the soul I just ran away from him. I always believed that he was cold and vicious just as I was - as Angelus wanted him to be. That can’t be true though. I saw William in his face, his voice just moments ago. I saw the boy he used to be. I saw emotion, feeling in his eyes. I know I did. Could it be that this Childe of Angelus is not like him? That this demon I thought hated and despised me is capable of so much more than that? Didn’t he just say I am not Angelus? That he’s going to claim me as his. Claim me. Now there’s a word I haven’t heard in a long time. No one has ever claimed me. Angelus never let anyone claim him, not even Darla.

“Open your mouth Childe.” What? Not sure I heard that right. Wasn’t I just thinking that Spike wasn’t the vampire I thought he was? Does he really want to claim me? Does he want to formally recognise me as childe forever? No. This is a game; but it doesn’t feel like one. I have never felt this before. I have no idea what Spike’s thinking. I have no idea what the hell is going on between us. I always know. I do know I hate not knowing. I feel fear again and I close my eyes. Quickly my action is corrected by a sharp slap on the cheek. It’s not hard but just to get my attention. “Eyes open!” He orders. I do as he orders and watch as his long cock is fed into my mouth.

The fear rises again and this time increases because we both know I have never done this before. Whenever Spike did anything wrong with Angelus he was beaten for his transgression. I know how Angelus used to rape Spike’s mouth. I expect that now. That’s why I didn’t want to see it. Looks like Spike wants me to. The weight and taste of his cock is strange in my mouth. I almost expected it to be, well dirty. I expected him to taste bad, wrong somehow. He doesn't though. He has a musky almost spicy taste. Reminds me of the time Cordelia put cinnamon in my blood.

“This isn’t going to help if you don’t listen pet.” What? I think I just missed something important. I try and speak but kind of forgot my mouth was full of Spike. He laughs at my mumble and touches my hair. Is he being nice to me? I’d hate to tell him but I’ve never had sex with a man before. Well I have but not since before I got my soul. The only other time since then was with Buffy. When I got the soul back I thought myself too dirty, too unclean to touch anyone. It’s amazing I even managed to with Buffy. I always thought that everyone could see my damned soul. That my sins stained my appearance. Strange I don’t feel like that with Spike. Maybe because he’s a demon too. Or maybe it’s because he’s stroking my hair gently with one hand and my cheek with the other as if I am something precious.

He sees he as my attention and continues: “Put your hands on my hips, Angel.” I do. “Now have you ever sucked an iced lollipop?” I think back and remember that day on the beach with Cordelia. I nod. I can’t do much more. “Then think you're licking one, Childe.” He smiles at me. I do as he says. Long strokes starting from the top of his cock down to the short dark curly hair then back up again. I look up and notice that Spike’s eyes are closed and his mouth is slightly open. I decide to try something. I swirl my tongue around his foreskin and gently push at it exposing his slit. He groans deeply and his fingers tighten in my hair. I repeat the long licking strokes and the little pushes. It seems he’s enjoying it. “Hum Angel.” His voice isn’t above a whisper; but with vampire hearing I can’t miss it. I haven’t got any idea what this will do. I hum. A waltz to be exact. Does it matter what I hum?

I have got to point out that Angelus never had a blowjob like this. He liked to take and he would fuck his childe’s mouth. This is so much more intimate. Almost loving, tender. Spike seems to be enjoying my humming and he laughs softly when he recognises the tune. I continue to lick, hum and play with his foreskin. I feel him growing harder and more erect in my mouth. I can feel the vein under his cock beginning to throb on my tongue as I concentrate my licking there. “Angel you feel so good.” I take that as a compliment. I think. Still not sure about what Spike is up to. I don’t know this game. “Now relax your throat, just think you’re swallowing blood and keep swallowing.” I do as he says and he starts to thrust lightly in my mouth. The first time he touches my throat I nearly gag. I do as he advises and soon he’s in a got a rhythm going. Thrusting into my mouth and moaning as my throat squeezes around him as I swallow. It’s not long after his cock starts throbs inside my mouth and he comes shooting his cum down my throat. Finally when his finished I lick his softening cock clean and return to my place kneeling on the floor before him. It’s strange. I expected him to taste bad. It wasn’t. A little bitter but almost like cream.

“I am the first to come in your mouth, aren’t I Angel?”

“Yes, Sire.”

Spike’s POV:

Wow! His mouth is amazing. Never thought about teaching anyone how I like it. Always thought that no one would listen. Well, Drusilla never listened; neither did Harmony. Angel does. I like the part when he started humming a little waltz. Had to control myself. I didn’t want him to stop through being embarrassed. He felt so good; I never wanted him to stop. I ask him if I was his first. He says yes and for some reason that makes me proud. Don’t know what the hell is happening to me. I think that L word will be appearing again soon. Is this my new plan? Make Angel love me? Not just the Sire/Childe stuff. I want him to still accept me as sire but do I want his love as well? I did say that this isn’t Angelus before me. I think I believe that too. Angelus would never let me take his mouth. He would have swallowed Holy water first. If the demon still existed in Angel he would have fought to stop me. I would have felt it. Still I have to be sure.

I pull Angel to his feet and tilt his head to the side. I run my hand over my last bite mark. It’s going to scar him. I know that. I haven’t allowed it to heal since he was turned. Still I want him to scar. I want him to know whom he belongs to. The demon in me wants that. The part that is still human in me does too. I know how to find that out. I morph into my true face and bite into my childe’s neck again. He moans deeply and I feel his hands grasp my waist. I want to know what he’s thinking. I want to know who’s inside of him. Is it just the soul or not? Or is Wesley right? Is the demon dead and gone?

Angel’s moaning continues as I take more and more of his blood. I can feel his knees give out and I crush his large body to mine. He’s far to heavy and soon we are a heap on the floor. I don’t stop. I can’t. I have to know. Soon I feel sticky coolness on my chest. I know my childe’s come but I’m not angry with him. I like the control I have over him. The power I have to make him lose it. I continue to drink and I feel him growing weaker. Suddenly it’s like I’m outside of my body. I look down and I see two demons clinging to each other on the floor. One has his fangs buried into his childe’s throat. That must be me. Damn I’m handsome.

I had almost forgotten what I looked like. No mirror for over a hundred years. I can see now why Angelus turned me. I look around but I realise that I am alone. What does that mean? Surely if I am here Angel must be too. Then next to me I feel a warmth. I turn around but I don’t see him. In fact there’s nothing here but a light swirly thing before me. It’s beautiful and shining. Inside I swear I can see stars and clouds. I reach out and touch it. It’s warm to the touch. Almost like the sun. Well from what I can remember from being human. Suddenly the swirly thing moves forward and I am enfolded inside of it. It’s warm and it’s like being inside a feather pillow. Can’t explain it right. It’s almost like touching a cloud. It smells good too. Smells... Fucking Hell it smells like Angel! It feels like Angel too. Oh god. I am standing inside Angel’s soul. This is Angel. What he’s like inside. I’m me because I don’t have a soul. I am all demon so my body is the same. Angel does have a soul and this is it.

It doesn’t pass me by the implications of what I see. I am alone here with Angel’s soul. There is no other demon here. What Wesley said is true. The demon - my sire - Angelus is dead and long gone. My ability to have any sort of reconciliation with him is long gone. The demon I loved is no longer. A part of me feels pain and sorrow about that. I can’t understand why. I hated him with a fiery passion, but also I loved him. He was my creator and now he’s gone. Then I have another problem. Angel. This is Angel the soul whom I fought with and tried to kill on many an occasion. This is the man that I turned into a demon. He has the body of one - a vampire - but he’s not one. He doesn’t have the bloodlust or the demon inside him. He is still my childe however: I still have rights over him.

Can I love him? Do I love him? Can I love a human in demon’s clothing? Do I want to? I mean I am going to have to deal with his emotions and feelings. He’s going to want comforting and loving. He might never want to have demon sex with me. He might not want to share blood. I am a demon. I want these things. What if he never wants them? Can I still love him then? I am not human. I don’t have a soul. I won’t ever have a soul. I am evil. The big bad. I take joy in the suffering of others. I like a bit of pain in my fighting and my sex. Can Angel really accept that?

Suddenly the swirly soul thing of my childe starts to change colours. I realise that maybe I’m taking a little to much blood from him. I have to go back. I still don’t have my answers but I don’t want to kill him. Strange that. I have decided that I don’t want Angel dead. I want him as my childe. That’s the second part of the plan then. Take Angel. I feel my body pulling away from Angel and I am drawn abruptly back inside my own flesh. In my arms lies my Childe. He’s gasping and his body trembles from the blood loss. I stoke my finger down his face and marvel at the beauty that is mine. Mine for eternity. Even it I can’t love him or stay with him; he’ll always be mine.

“Drink Childe.” I whisper into his ear. I press my throat to his mouth. I was going with the wrist but somehow I want this more intimate. In desperate need he bites me. His hands rise up and cling to me. His fingers digging into my flesh no doubt leaving huge bruises in his wake. The sensations he’s causing inside are things I’ve never experienced. My childe’s teeth are the most sensual action I’ve ever experienced. The tugging at my veins is almost sexual. Is this what he feels when I take from him? No wonder he keeps touching the scar. Damn it, now when he does that I’m going to get hard. He continues to drink as I grab him to me and rub my cock into his stomach. I can feel his hardening length next to mine. He is feeling what I am. The passion and the lust. I don’t take long to come because these feelings are unbelievable. We both climax our semen mixing together, making a sticky mess on our chests. Finally I drag Angel’s fangs from my neck and fall down beside him.

I can still feel a connection with my childe. I can feel how content he is at the moment. I can also feel his underlying confusion at my actions. He doesn't really trust me. I can’t blame him. Before I knew the demon was no longer present I didn’t trust him either. I do now. Angel is an innocent in so many ways. Even if he does have the memories of the most evil, vicious vampire to walk the earth. He’s wondering if all this isn't just some elaborate plan to punish him. I know that no matter how many times I tell him in words - Angel is so pig headed he won’t believe me. Soon I feel sleep over take him and he curls into my side. It’s not intentionally but completely childlike. I remember when I was a fledgling I couldn’t bear to be without his touch at night. No let me rephrase that.. Without Angelus’s touch. The touch of the Sire makes you feel safe. It’s not love Angel’s showing here but a childe’s need.

Still I don’t mind. He feels soft and warm. What does surprise me is the soft purring he’s started. It rumbles up from his chest and makes soft vibrations all the way through my body. It’s soothing, peaceful. So much so it’s sending me to sleep. I wonder what it feels like if he purrs around my cock?

Angel’s POV:

I awake with sunset the next day to find to my surprise Spike sleeping next to me. On the floor. I don’t exactly remember how I go there. I remember Spike feeding from me then everything gets a little confused and hazy. From the taste in my mouth I know I feed from him again too. I wonder why he did that? Why did he give me his blood and not just some from the fridge? Spike is a strange sire; or maybe Darla was and me also. Maybe Spike paternal actions are what other vampires enjoy in their sires. I tasted her blood only once when she turned me. The same went for my childer. Darla told me sharing it would make me weak and them strong. I don’t think she got that right. It’s helping me regain my strength, yes but it’s binding me to Spike more and more with each swallow. I feel him inside me; I feel his power over me as my Sire. I know I want to be near him. I am becoming almost reliant on him. I don’t think that’s a good thing. When Spike tires of me I know he’ll leave. I don’t care what he says about me not being Angelus. He can’t believe that and in truth neither can I. I don’t know how I will feel when he leaves me. I don’t know if I can cope. Still I deserve it. What I did to him was far worse.

“Stop brooding! Fucking Hell Angel. I’ve just woken up. Can’t you do it later?” His hand gently, almost playfully slaps my arm and I sit up.

“Sorry sire.” It’s strange how he uses my name. I still can’t get used to it. Before he never used it. Ever. I can’t remember it ever passing his lips. It was always poof, peaches or some other demeaning comment. I will miss him when he leaves. I like the way he says my name. Almost as if it belongs to him. I stand up and grab my pants.

“Where are you going?” Asks Spike sleepily. I haven’t worked him out yet. I don’t know if he’s angry or what.

“Uh.. I thought I could get some blood..” I trail off. Spike’s staring at me getting dressed. I stop.

“Take them off Angel.” I think that was an order. I do as he says and drop my slacks. I stand and wait for his instructions. What is he doing? I don’t know these games he’s playing.

“Bloody Hell, Angel I don’t want a robot!” Huh? Spike jumps up and pads into the kitchen naked. He’s completely at ease with it; unlike me. I am feeling more than a little exposed here.

“Blood’s up!” He yells. I go to the kitchen counter and take the mug of warmed blood from him. I am surprised by the taste. I usually.. Well before when I was still a vampire I drank it cold. I never warmed it. It was part of my punishment to live off cold animal blood.

“Bet you took it cold.” Spike comments and it breaks through my broodi... No thinking. I don’t brood - I just have deep thoughts. I look at him and he laughs. He looks good when he laughs. His face softens, those cheekbones are not so sharp and his blue eyes sparkle. I never saw him like this. Never wanted him to be cheerful. I look away again but Spike grabs hold of my face.

“Can you smile Angel?” He asks. His eyes are almost serious. It’s a strange question. One I’m not sure how to answer. “Do you laugh?” His smiling again at me. Is he laughing at me? I glower at him and he kisses me. Not just a short sweet peck either. No. His lips press against mine and he tries to open them with his tongue. Before I realise it I’m opening my mouth and letting him inside. I should stop him. Stop me. He can’t love me. I can’t love him. We aren’t the people we think we are. He thinks that I’m not Angelus. I think he is William. Who’s right and who’s wrong? Do I really know who I am now?

That’s the whole problem isn’t it? I don’t know who I am. I can’t love Spike or William because I don’t know who’s doing the loving. Am I Angel or just Angelus with a conscience? Does Spike know who I am? Since he fed from me last night he’s different. He’s no longer the demanding sire he was before. He seems to want my co-operation now. I am no longer his sire. I no longer have a claim on him. Does he still want to claim me? Spike senses I am not kissing back. He draws away from my mouth and looks a little disappointed.

“What are you thinking, Childe?” His fingers run across my cheek in a tender way. I don’t know how to react to him. I don’t know what he wants me to say.

“Do you want to claim me?” Where did that come from? I’m sure I wasn’t thinking about that. It seems that Spike can get the truth out of me. Maybe it’s this new deep Sire/Childe bond. Maybe it forces me to tell him the truth.

“Yes, Angel. I’m going to claim you.” He laughs and with a force that surprises me grabs my arm and drags me over to the bed. What now? What the hell is going on with him? Spike seems almost happy. Is he high? I’ve never seen him this way. Not as Angelus or Angel. In my shocked state I hardly notice what he’s doing to me. I don’t even notice that he’s putting on a cock ring until he pulls it tight around my erect length. Where did he get this? I always did underestimate Spike’s abilities. Before I can complain about it; he starts kissing me again. Long, hard, deep kisses. Kisses that leave me breathless even though I don’t need to breathe.

“Lie down, Angel.” God, I love how he says my name. All breathy & sexily. I do as he says and his body covers mine.

Spike’s POV:

He’s shaking. Angel is actually nervous about having sex with me. I can feel him under me; little tremors pass through his body as I press closer to him. Oh yeah, no way can this be Angelus. Angel might have all Angelus’s memories but even then he’s never experienced someone making love to him. That’s what I am going to do. Decided this morning when I thought about what I experienced last night. When I saw his soul. Never seen a soul before but I’ve seen Angel’s. I have seen his most private and secret part. Off course it’s not going to be soft sex. No, I’ll love him but add a little demon in the mix. Also I want to mark him. Decided that before I knew Angelus was gone. I brought ink before I got drunk and I have my knife. I think everything’s ready now for claiming my childe.

First I want him relaxed. I don’t want pain just yet. There’s going to be plenty of that later. I start softly kissing his throat and scraping my teeth along his healing bite wound. Yep, right about that. Real nice scar. His body arches instantly into mine before he draws away again. I wish he will damn well just let go and stop thinking. I can see him brooding. Thoughts and ideas flicking through his mind. Most likely he’s trying to work out what my game is. Truth is I haven’t got one. Well, not yet. Still working on the plan. Doing the second part of that now. Claiming Angel I think it was. Going to enjoy it too.

I work my way down his body, kissing and biting as I go. I think I startled him on the first bite. He even yelled out as my fangs sank into his nipple. He liked it. I could tell from his huge monster of a cock pressing into my stomach. Good job I had the cock ring handy. I can’t have him coming too soon. I want to claim him first then he can come. Working down his body I miss his cock entirely. He doesn’t need anymore simulation there. I work my way down his stomach, thighs and legs. Licking and biting as I go.

“Mmm... Spike... Sire... Oh.. Yes... ohhh..” Like those noises coming out of him too. Angelus was far to quiet. Never showed when he approved but quick to beat when he didn’t. I won’t tell him but this is all new to me as well. Never made love before. Not sure if I’m going to like it. Still Angel has a soul and I want to claim him when he’s willingly. Well almost. Still I don’t think he’s going to like the idea of me marking his heavenly body.

“Turn over.” Angel doesn’t pause and flips over on his stomach. I think he liking this so far.

Angel’s POV:

Oh, god. I’ve never felt this before. I think Spike’s making love to me. Haven’t got a clue what he wants but at this second I don’t care. I really don’t. All I can seem to focus on his hands, his mouth, his tongue and oh.. His teeth. If nothing else, I think I love his teeth. When he bites it sends shock waves throughout my whole body. From my head to my toes. I think that’s why he put on the cock ring. I don’t think I could control myself if he keeps biting me. I never knew it could be so erotic. If I had I don’t think I would have ever left him. Even with a soul. If had he offered to bite me and I knew how good it was I would have stayed with my family. Still I didn’t. It’s strange because at this moment I am almost glad I left him. It brought us here - to this point in time. Where I am no longer the sire. I don’t have to control anymore. Now he’s the one controlling this little dance of ours. Good at it too. He’s no longer the childe. I realise that now. He wasn’t for a long time. Spike is a master vampire in his own right. I don’t know what I am and at this moment I don’t care.

Spike tells me to turn over and I do. His mouth returns to my skin and his hands rub over my shoulders. He moves lower and lower until he’s biting the small of my back. Suddenly his hands are on my butt cheeks massaging them. I moan deeply but with a little hint of fear. I know I can’t stop this happening. A part of me surprisingly doesn’t want to. I want Spike to take me. Another part is still thinking that this is some evil game where he’s going to turn on me soon. Still he doesn’t do anything more than just touch me. I get lost again in the sensation until he moves away.

“Sire.” I moan. I don’t care if Angel, the dark avenger shouldn’t sound like this. I don’t want him to stop. I’ve never felt anything like this. I’ve never felt the tenderness of the laying on of hands and just touching.

“Angel. I want you to grab the headboard and don’t move.” At first I don’t move. I realise now I've been a fool. I was beginning to trust him. I knew he would turn on me. Still he doesn’t force me when I don’t move he just leans over and whispers into my ear. “Angel. I am your Sire. I won’t hurt you. I will claim you and by that I am going to mark you.”

“What?” I squeak. Oh, god I sound like Wesley. I clear my throat and ask again.

“I want to mark you Angel. Just here.” He moves down and licks his tongue over the small of my back. I shiver. “Now grab the headboard because this will hurt.” I don’t think I just grab the headboard. I can brood later about why I trusted him. Why I believed him when he said he won’t hurt me. I know he didn’t mean physical pain; he meant emotional. I think that’s what surprised me into trusting him. I never expected that from Spike - ever. Not as sire, childe, lover or friend.

He’s right it does hurt. I almost screamed when his blade first cut into my skin. Still after a while it kinda changed. Changed from painful to almost pleasurable. Frightening in a way. I feared it because Angelus liked pain. I didn’t want to be like him. Maybe it’s just because we are vampires? Pain comes with the territory. Well, I can comfort myself with that. I have no idea what he’s doing. He’s very quiet and I can almost feel the intensity of his concentration. After the first few cuts however I recognise a pattern. It’s not something he’s drawing on me - it’s a name. His name. He’s cutting Spike in carefully marked out script in the small of my back. With each cut he pours into it a little ink. Then he moves on to the next cut. Finally he finishes the E and sits back on my thighs to examine his work. The best part comes when he cleans my back of blood with his tongue.

“Do you understand now Angel?” His voice is husky and I think he found this as arousing as I did.

“Yes, Sire.” He’s marked me as his. No one can take from me without seeing his mark. Spike moves back up my body to resume kissing and caressing my back. He leans into my ear and whispers.

“No one’s ever taken you have they Angel?” I shake my head. His hands run down my back to my cheeks. One-finger forces it’s way inside my hole and I gasp. “No one’s ever been here?” I shake my head again. It’s the most I can do. I can’t speak the feeling is too intense. “Keep hold of the headboard,” he whispers again before he moves back down my body.

This time Spike gently pushes my legs apart and settles between them. He grabs a pillow beside me and lifts my hips. He parts my legs a little more and I feel his hands caressing my cheeks again. He parts them and exposes my untouched hole. I never expected what he does next. His tongue touches my hole and pushes against the tight ring of muscles. I groan deep in my chest and Spike laughs softly. I don’t even think about what the laugh means. All I can think about is his tongue pushing inside of me. Oh, bloody hell - using his term - I think I would come if it weren’t for the cock ring. His tongue pushes deeper inside of me then retreats. Again and again he repeats the motion. I am sure he’s trying to drive me insane with desire.

“Sire! Please!” I have no control over my voice anymore. Not even sure what I am asking for. It’s doing just as it wants. Actually I don’t have much control over my body at all. Like if he wanted me to move my hands I couldn’t. They have forgotten in this extreme pleasure how to work. At this moment I am vulnerable to Spike in everyway. I am open to him in everyway. Mind, body and soul. If he wanted to destroy me he can do so now. I don’t care anymore. I just don’t want him to stop. Still Spike doesn't do as I expect. He doesn’t destroy me but he removes his tongue and replaces it with his finger. It a way it’s just as good. He can push deeper inside of me with that.

Suddenly I smell blood. Not mine but Spike’s. I realise then what he’s going to use as lube. His finger is withdrawn but seconds later it’s replaced by two slippery ones. The blood makes him able to slid into my hole harder and deeper. Soon I am pushing back against his thrusts. Don’t stop.. Don’t stop. That’s all that runs through my mind. I think I am saying it too but I can’t be sure. Without warning his two fingers are joined by another.

“Ahh.. Sp.. Sire.” I cry out as I am stretched more than I ever expected. His fingers continue to work me as he licks over the scar he’s made on my throat. Even without breaking the skin I find it incredibly erotic. I start to panic a little when Spike adds a forth finger. But my words disappear into a flurry of grunts and groans.

“Trust me, Angel.” Spike whispers into my ear. He continues to press four fingers into my hole. Making me gasp with each thrust. Suddenly when I think I am about to explode even with a cock ring - he withdraws. “Let go and turn over. I need to see your face.” His commands are swift and his voice strained. When I turn over I can understand why. He’s cock his purple with restraint and his eyes filled with lust and need. It surprises me. I never thought Spike could ever want me as much as this. He pushes my legs apart and holds me open.

“Open yourself for me Child,” he whispers into my ear. I pull up my legs to my chest and lift my hips. Spike groans as my opening is revealed to him. “Stay like that.” I am a little concerned about how he’s ever going to fit into that tiny hole. Still I don’t want him to stop. I want this feeling to continue. I think it’s love but I’m not sure. I still have my problems with Spike and his Sire claims over me. However I think I might just love him at this moment. I can see clearly from this angle Spike pressing the head of his cock to my prepared opening. I can’t help but moan with pain and pleasure as the head of his cock pushes at the tight ring of muscle. I look into Spike’s face and see he too is staring down at his cock. His face is a picture of concentration and restraint.

“Angel, Childe...” He moans as his cock pushes in. He continues to push in deeper and I watch as his cock disappears inside of me. Oh, god... it’s so strange and erotic. I am taking Spike’s body into my own. It feels a little painful but soon that’s replaced by red-hot burning pleasure as he moves deeper. He twists his hips a little moving from side to side. I howl in pleasure. Spike grins as I fling my head back and arch by body towards him.

“Nearly there luv,” He moans into my ear. I don’t realise it but I’ve started panting. Spike gives a final push and I scream out as he presses against something inside me. It sends shivers of painful pleasure all through my body.

“Please again, Spike. Sire, Please.” I don’t care that I am begging him but that was the most intensive feeling I’ve ever experienced. I have no idea what he’s done but I want it again. Spike withdraws slightly and the trusts in again. His cock pressing hard into that spot again. I rear up almost into a sitting position, my arms clinging to Spike’s body. Spike repeats the little thrust and I yell again. This is amazing. What the hell is he doing? I never thought my body could react like this. I never thought I would like having his cock up my ass.

Spike kisses me harshly and I feel his fangs cutting into my lips. The taste of my blood fills our mouths until Spike draws away. “Lie back down Childe. I can make this even better.” I have no idea how he can do that because it feels pretty damn amazing already. I do as he says because as he knows I’ve never been on the receiving end. I have to trust him on this. Spike grips my hips with both hands holding me still. He then withdraws until his cock head pops out and then slams back in again. The feel of his thrust and the sudden harsh pressure on that spot sends me into rapture. I think I start screaming a mixture of Spike/Sire begging him to never stop. This is beyond anything. Light flashes before my eyes and I think at any moment I am going to pass out. I don’t thankfully and Spike continues his hard thrusts.

Spike POV:

“Angel, you’re so bloody tight.” I compliment but I don’t think he can hear me. I know I am hitting that special nub inside him over and over and my childe is lost in the sensations. He’s never looked so beautiful and he’s all mine. I’m not going to ever admit to him he is the only man I’ve ever made love to. After Angelus I didn’t want to touch another man ever again. This is not just another man however this is my Childe. He feels damn amazing too. Fucking spectacular actually.

His body rears up to meet mine as I thrust deep and hard within him. His eyes are glazed with passion and his body trembles every single time when I hit that spot. I must say Angelus was good but Angel is a damn amazing lay. In fact I don’t think anyone has made me feel like this. No one has ever gripped my cock so hard and begged so much for me to thrust again. I notice his cock pressed between us; leaking huge amounts of pre-come over my belly. He’s prevented from coming however by the cock ring. I have this sudden urge I want to see him come like this. I want him to come with my cock thrusting in and out of his tight hole. I want to watch his face as he does and know its all for me.

I flick off the cock ring and fling it aside. Angel howls with the release and presses against me harder. He feels so fucking good that I never want to leave this place. I grab hold of his freed cock and jerk him off in rhythm with my hard thrusting.

“Come for me, childe.” I moan pressing my body against his. I want to see his face when he comes. Angel’s eyes open and he stares into mine. His whole body gives a delicious tremble as he arches into me and screams as a huge amount of semen covers my hand and stomach. Well that pretty much does it for me too. With a few more hard deep thrusts, I explode like there’s no tomorrow. Coming so much I can feel it fill his passage and leek out of his body. Finally his inner muscles milk the last few drops from me and I collapse on top of him.

Spike’s POV:

After a moment of just lying there, because I don’t have the strength to move I feel Angel’s arms encircle me. I didn’t expect that. Angelus was never one for afterglow or holding afterwards. It’s a strange feeling but one that I like. I smuggle into my childe’s chest and breath in his unique scent. I don’t want to move from this spot ever. It’s warm and comfortable. I feel safe. Something I haven’t felt ever since they implanted this fucking chip in me. I never dreamed that I could feel this with my former Sire.

I know now he’s not Angelus. Angel is just Angel. No one else. I can’t punish him for what Angelus did. Yes, they wear the same body but they are far from the same person. I know that Angelus would never have liked having his childe inside him. Angel seemed to enjoy it pretty much. Must have done because he’s not pulling away from me. I still have my semi hard cock inside him and he’s not trying to go anywhere. He feels pretty damn good too. Warm, soft and welcoming. He feels like home. He... Oh no. Oh bloody hell. I think I love him. Oh fucking hell why did I have to go and fall in love with him. This is not good. No, wrong word. This is a disaster. I am not going down that road again. I did with Drusilla and I am not doing it with Angel. I know how it’s going to turn out - badly. It always does with me and love. Time to change the plan again. I’ve claimed Angel and now I am going to let him go back to his own life. Back to his stupid friends and his stupid business.

I wake before Angel does. Never been like this with anyone before. I’m still tucked up inside of him and he feels warm and perfect. It’s a place I never want to leave again. Still I have to. Angel doesn’t love me. He never will. He’ll never really trust me. He thinks this is all a game. Well, it was to start with. Then it changed. That stupid Sire/Childe bond got in the way right at the start. I wanted him near me; I was jealous of everyone else who knew him. I was jealous of his friendship with the humans. Jealous because I had never had that with Angel or Angelus. Not when I was his childe and not now when he’s my childe. Our roles have been reversed but nothing has changed. We are still enemies and we still can’t love each other.

I roll of him and I miss his tightness. Felt like home if I would let it. I would stay their forever if it were possible. If Angel could ever love me. He can’t and he won’t. I get dressed and gather my things together. I don’t have much. I touch Angel’s clothing still in his suitcases. It smells of him. I’m sure he won’t miss a jumper or two. Its not like he’s going to fight his sire over it - now is it? I drink down my blood and get ready to leave. I’m doing the right thing. My plans are out the window. Angel isn’t mine and never can be. What I need is for him to want to be mine.

“Spike?” I hear my childe call me by my name. I will miss him calling me sire. “Sire?” Angel gets dressed in jeans and T-shirt and comes looking for me. I wait for him. I want to tell him goodbye. I know I should have left when he was sleeping but I need this. He spots me standing at the door, dressed and ready to go.

“Sire? You’re leaving?” Angel stares at me and the bag I’m holding. “You’re leaving me!” Well this was not the reaction I expected. I thought he would be pleased. We both know that he doesn’t like being submissive. We would have ended up fighting for control when Angel gets his full strength back.

“You don’t need a teacher Angel. You know how to be a vampire. Now I am going home back to Sunnydale and you can go back to your life.” I really want to kick myself. God, I sound depressed. What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t need to explain anything to him. Not now, not ever. I go to open the door but Angel beats me there. Ah, looks like he’s got the speed back. He slams the door closed and stands before it.

“You bastard!” He screams at me. “I knew this was some sort of game. I knew you were using me; hurting me because of what I did before. You Fucking bastard.” He hits me across the face and surprisingly throws me across the room. Looks like he’s got his strength back too. He stalks towards me his body ready to fight me. “You claimed me, made me love you and then you fucking leave me!” He hits me again and I with amazement I notice the tears in his eyes. “It’s because of what I did isn't it? You’re punishing me because I did that to you. I left you when you depended on me and now you’re doing the same.”

“You don’t love me Angel!” I jump you and swing at him. Hey, I’m still stronger. I guess being Angel’s Sire and all still gives me the advantage. Angel avoids the first swing but the second hits him in the gut. While he’s distracted I kick him in the head. He goes down with a huge thump. In seconds he’s up again in game face coming at me. “You aren’t really a demon, Angel. You have a human soul; you can never love a demon.” He hits me hard across the jaw. “You’re not Angelus any more, Angel. I know now that your soul can never love me like I love you. Its human love not demon love.” I hit him back and this time I throw him across the room and he lands on the bed. Surprisingly he doesn’t get up but just stares at me.

“You love me?” His face changes back to the beautiful planes I love. Okay, I love him. I will finally admit it. Doesn’t mean I like it. Large watery brown eyes stare into mine. “Why?”

“What do you mean why?” I snap at him. I have no idea why. Who knows why they love someone?

“You hate me. You despise what I did to you, how I used you and tossed you aside like nothing.”

“I did hate you. I hated the demon in you. My sire, Angelus. I never knew you Angel. Now you’re different - I’ve seen that. You aren’t the man who did those things the demon did. I never knew you - the soul. I don’t even know you as my childe, Angel. I wanted to but you can never love a demon. You’re more human than vampire. I’m not and will never be. I will always be evil, a vampire, a demon. I don’t want that to change. I won’t change it not even for you.” I grab a fag from my coat pocket and light it. It must be my age. I’m going bloody soft. Or maybe the chip’s malfunctioned. God, I make myself sick. I really am love’s bitch. The only problem is I never choose the right one. It’s always someone who will never feel for me the way I feel for them. Take Dru, the slayer, Angel. “Anyway enough of this fucking emotional shit. I’m leaving. It was nice knowing you.” I grab open the door and start to leave. Well, I try to leave. It’s just so damn hard to step through the door.

“Sire... don’t go.” His voice is soft and strained. I stop. What am I doing? I’m supposed to be leaving. I’m supposed to stop making an idiot of myself. I’m supposed to be leaving him for his own good. Yeah, right. The truth is more like: I can’t stand being near him and knowing he can’t love me. God, I’m sick. I just need to cut my heart out and maybe it will stop these stupid feelings. I’m the big bad. A bloodsucking evil fiend. I killed two slayers and want to kill my third. I tell myself not to listen to my childe, just leave and don’t look back. Still I don’t. I do the next stupid thing and turn back to look at him. His so damn gorgeous. Beautiful and mine. “Sire, please don’t leave me.” He steps away from the bed and falls to his knees before me. “Sire.. Spike I love you.”

“I think you need to repeat that.” I think I’ve gone deaf as well. Surely I didn’t hear that right?

“Spike, my once childe and now my sire I love you.” Never in my one hundred and odd years have I ever been speechless. Didn’t he say that earlier - the L word? I don’t think it registered though. Now he’s kneeling here before me telling me that Angel - defender of the hopeless loves me - an evil demon. “I don’t know who I am. I don’t care either. I am no longer anyone you named. I am not Angelus, not Angel or Liam. I am your Childe. I want you to claim me. I want you to be with me.”

Did I hit him in the head too hard? Maybe that last punch knocked something loose. I stoke his hair; just to make sure I haven’t given him a fractured skull or something. Nope, he’s head’s fine. Hey, maybe I’m dreaming. Maybe if I pinch myself I’ll wake up. OW! That didn’t work either. He watches my face silently. I think maybe he sees the fear and disbelief in my eyes. Then he does something I didn’t expect. Not from Angel. But this isn’t the same Angel as before. He’s just said that and now he’s proving it. Oh, bloody hell he’s just got my dick out.

He strokes me firmly and then covers the end of my cock with his mouth. I love his mouth. He feels wet and warm and then he starts to suck. I stub out my fag and wrap my hands into his soft silken hair. He’s getting better at the blowjobs and soon I’m spurting into his mouth. He swallows me down and licks me clean.

“Maybe we should discuss this in bed. I’m sure we can work something out.” Was that my voice? It sounded rough and husky. Angel grins from the floor and I pull him up. I kiss his mouth tasting my own essence there. Maybe he can love me. Maybe his soul has the ability to love me. I don’t know and at this moment I don’t care. All I want is to be back inside the sweet tightness of my childe. I know I won’t be leaving yet. I don’t know what the future can hold for a demon and a soul. But why worry; we can have eternity to work it out.

3 Months later:

I am still here living at the Hyperion with my childe. Never in a million years did I dream my life would turn out like this. I started out as the beaten and abused Childe of Angelus scourge of Europe. To please him I became William the bloody and later Spike. I let him control me and destroy my lingering humanity. I gave up hope and love to please him. Later he left me and got a soul. I loved another - my crazy Dru. Unfortunately even she couldn’t return my feelings and in the end she left me because I couldn’t kill the damn slayer. Then I came here to LA and see the body of my Sire human and filled with a new being - Angel. That body was killed and later became my Childe. I thought then that I could take the revenge I had wanted from Angelus. Make him suffer for what he did and how he abandoned me. I planned on hurting this Angel and destroying him. Things never go as I plan however and this was no exception. Instead I discovered the demon gone and I had fallen in love with the soul who had taken Angelus’ body.

Things are still stained between us. Still I know he loves me and I love him back with all the demon love I am capable off. Sometimes I wonder if it was just because of the Sire and Childe bond we created. That is a still a mystery to me. Angel still loves me to bite him and I receive the same feeling when he bites me back. I talked to Wesley about it but not even he couldn’t find anything recorded about a bond like ours. I wonder what did create it?

After I agreed to stay in LA. Angel investigations moved into the Hyperion. Angel’s human friends didn’t like or trust me but he told them I was staying and that was it. I think they know of our relationship. Sometimes they complain to Angel about my conduct. He tells them there is nothing he can do. I am his Sire now and he can no longer control me. I think that frightens them but it certainly pleases me. At least I am still the evil bloodsucking fiend to some people. Angel is on the road of accepting me as his Sire and lover. We still have our fights, disagreements, past issues, and many other varied problems. In front of the others he always calls me sire. Sometimes I wonder if he’s calling me lover in code. Okay, so it’s also one of the new rules I set for him. I call him Childe or I use his name. It’s strange I don’t use those nicknames for him (like poof and peaches) unless I am displeased. He likes me to call him Angel. Gets this stupid smile on his face.

Angel hasn’t changed much. He’s still broody and depressing at times. He still goes out there and fights the good fight but when he comes home; when we are alone - he is different. He acts like my Childe and lover. We make love or even have demon sex with lots of blood mixed in. We talk and we have become the friends we never were. It’s strange how life changes. How things can become reversed. I became the Sire and Angel became the Childe. It’s strange but I feel as though this is the way it should have been. Neither of us are alone any longer. We have both found a purpose and the love to go with it. Something neither of us had before. Now we have found a future and my future will be with my childe. My lover, my friend, my one and only.

Oh, bloody hell I’m going to be sick. Enough of this brooding. I’m off to find my childe and screw him into the mattress. Then I'll make him scream so loud that it will scare all the humans into having a half-day. Oh, yeah that sounds like a good plan. Going to work too.

“ANGEL! Daddy wants ya!”


The End.