After Life

By Sioux

Fandom : Angel

Paring : Angel/Doyle

NC17

Disclaimers: Characters belong to Joss and David, I'm only playing. Anyone wants to say anything to me, preferably constructive, you can reach me on Sioux_s@hotmail.com

Archive : http://www.sioux.org.uk and Makebelieve ; anyone else please ask

Summary : Doyle's take on living and working with Angel

Right, where was I? Oh yes, telling you about my relationship with Angel.

Well, this particular night, we'd just got back after a hell of a scrap with a couple of nasties we'd tracked to a disused warehouse over the other side of town. Cordy had brought the car back whilst Angel and me had tramped back through the sewers - and on the way found the pals of the first two we'd despatched. For some reason the second fight had wound me up even more than the first. So there we are, the tension, sexual and every other kind, vibrating all around. I'm nearly bouncing off the walls, despite the good Irish whiskey Angel was pouring into me by the glassful. Cordy, very sensibly, had slipped away after a couple of sips pleading a date with her girlfriends. Angel must have been in a similar state to me but he's had a couple of hundred years more practice at covering it up. He even suggested that we go out and find some company. Him, suggesting that! Mr tall, dark and brooding. I said I wasn't in the mood. Well, a bit of a lie. I was in the mood alright but not for polite conversation and a pleasant evening out.

Anyway, it wouldn't have helped him much would it? He couldn't risk his soul for a one-night stand, not unless he was sure there was no risk.

After another glass Angel started to stammer something, not that I was paying much attention you understand; when suddenly what he was trying to say penetrated my brain. I turned and fixed him with an incredulous look.

"Bad idea. Forget it," he said very clearly and topped up his glass.

I stood there and thought, well, why not? OK, it's been quite a while since I've done anything like that. Alright, a hell of a long time ago, but it was maybe exactly what I need. Yes, he still has the teeth and knows how to use them but he also has a soul and we do at least have a degree of affection for each other. Better than making it with some total stranger.

"Er, just supposing we did, what about your little soul problem?" I asked curiously.

He gave a sour smile as he replied,

"I don't love you that much, Doyle! I was talking about good old fashioned stress relief."

Then he turned his back to me, clearly embarrassed.

Ah, so that was part of the equation. Decided, I walked over to where he was brooding in front of the kitchen table. I walked around him and took the bottle off him, topped up my own glass, put the bottle down and then grabbed him by the back of the neck, pulled his head down and kissed him thoroughly, lips, teeth and tongue. After a couple of seconds of absolute surprise he was responding and kissing me back.

When we finally pulled apart, me a little breathless, I said, "Good idea. Offer accepted."

I turned to lead the way to his bedroom.

"Bring the bottle," I threw over my shoulder and nearly bumped noses with him he was so close behind, and with the bottle in his hand. I grinned.

This might turn out to be a good night after all.

It wasn't too long after this point when I got to wondering about the sensualist aspect of the vampire. Not in a very academic way, you understand, just in a sort of out of breath, otherwise occupied sort of way.

I mean, does the vampire enhance the sensuality that is already there or does the vampire choose them because they are already like that in the first place? Not having seen a before and after scenario I couldn't tell you for sure. It was also about this point when I discovered how oral the boss is.

He loves kissing. No objections here to that one. He doesn't just limit himself to lips either; nipples, cock, legs, feet, hands, neck, shoulders, back and every other point of the compass. Chest hair is another point of fascination for him as well, probably something to do with him being the smooth skinned type. I think it was when he was running a hand over my chest and I was running my tongue over his neck, damn erogenous zone for someone with fang tendencies let me tell you, when he decided that now was a good time to move things along. A hand, anointed with a lot of cold lube, landed between my legs and I gasped at the ice cold sensation.

"Sorry! I’ll warm it a bit."

"How are you going to manage that?" I asked, putting the hand back where it would do most good. He smiled then.

"Suits you," I said.

"What?"

"Smiling," I replied going back to my exploration of his neck. When the chest against mine began heaving and the growling started I reckoned I’d outstayed my welcome there and moved onto his collar bones. Just then he found his mark with two fingers and now I was the one doing the deep breathing exercises. He stopped immediately.

"Doyle?"

"S'OK, OK, " I gasped.

"You sure about this? We don't have to do that."

Who was he trying to kid?

"Been a while, that's all. Take it slow, eh?"

And bless him, he did. He was so gentle and patient in no time at all he was spooned up behind me, his large, cool body draped over me, driving us both home very nicely. I was climbing higher, pushing back onto Angel and then pushing forward into the hand he had thoughtfully provided for me.

I couldn't have said which was best when I felt him scrape his teeth along my shoulder. Not his normal teeth either, razor sharp, Angelus type fangs.

"Angel?" I said unsteadily, digging my nails into his thigh, my hard-on wilting like snow in summer sunshine.

"Shh, shh," he whispered trying to soothe me, running his hands over my chest, tweaking at my nipples, then carefully massaging the family jewels.

"Trust me, you'll enjoy this," he growled throatily while not once losing his rhythm.

Could be interesting, the stone cold sober part of my mind thought. A Brachan demon vampire. Under the steady onslaught of Angel massaging my prostate from the inside and his hands doing magical work to the rest of me on the outside, thinking did not last too long, I was far too close.

As I began to hunt for my pleasure again, moving with him, my vision started to white out and he slid his fangs into my shoulder. 'Enjoy' was not the word. I thought I was going to die of ecstasy. My heart was hammering against my ribs, shaking us both. Colours exploded across the backs of my eyes and distantly I could hear some eejit screaming his head off. My last, semi-coherent, thought was if Angel stopped what he was doing to go and rescue whoever it was making the godawful noise, I'd stake him myself.

After that I didn't remember any more.

A while later I opened my eyes and found I was looking into Angel's worried brown gaze. I smiled at him slowly. My lips felt about three times their normal size and I was tingling all over with the huge overdose of endorphins flowing through my system, totally sated and content. I leaned forward the necessary few inches and kissed him gently.

"You're right, I did enjoy it," I murmured.

"Are you alright?" he asked, looking a little less worried.

"Couldn't be better, " I replied, sleepily.

He sighed heavily and turned onto his back, pulling me with him so I was half covering him. He wrapped his arms around me and I put my leg between his and settled down.

"You could have warned me," he said, as he was settling down.

"I did say it had been a while."

"And you could have mentioned that a lot earlier on as well. I meant you could have warned me you’re a screamer."

"I am not a screamer," I said laughing.

He turned a look of disbelief on me before saying, "My ears are still ringing! I didn't know if you were coming or going."

"Well, I wasn't too sure myself at the time," I admitted.

"Then you stopped screaming and passed out. If you hadn't been breathing so hard I would have called 911. I'm not sure I can stand the strain….."

There was obviously a definite down side to being draped comfortably across a post-coital Angel. Once he got started he could turn into a wittering old woman at the drop of a hat. After the mind blowing sex we'd just enjoyed I wasn't in the mood to listen to him going on, and on. They say necessity is the mother of invention and it was certainly true at this point. He found
it amazingly difficult to keep on talking with my tongue in his mouth, so I carried on kissing him for quite a while. Have I mentioned how oral he is?

"I had a fantastic time Angel. Stop worrying and go to sleep."

"You are sure you’re OK?" he asked again. I must have really worried the big lump.

"Could not be better," I confirmed, putting my head down on his shoulder.

A little while later on I asked, "The biting thing…"

"Sorry about that, thought you'd enjoy it."

"Stop apologising! I did! I was just wondering, is it as good for you as it was for me?"

Angel grinned, suddenly looking years younger and a lot cheekier.

"The biting thing? Does it every time for us."

"Really?"

"Really!"

********

Let me tell you now, it wasn't all like that between me and the big fella.

No, there were some times when we just sat and talked and other times when we just sat and didn't say a word.

One of those times he came to my apartment. He knocked diffidently and waited. I opened the door and let him come in and then stood by the closed door waiting for him to speak.

"I'm not disturbing you, am I?"

"No."

He nodded and looked around curiously, trying to find out what I'd been doing, I think. His glance landed on the bed. I don't know if he could sense the remains of my body heat from where I'd been laying or if it was just a lucky guess when he asked,
"I didn't wake you, did I?"

I shook my head. I think that really confused him. I’d only switched on one tiny lamp when I answered his knock, the rest of the room was in darkness. The window was slightly open and the rain was cascading down the panes, mingling with the noise of the traffic outside like a long drawn out sigh.

"I'd better go," he said finally, my unusual silence unnerving him and making him feel unwelcome.

"You don't need to leave," I said quietly, going to stand very close in front of him. I took his coat from him, turned slightly and laid it across a nearby chair. He brightened at this, thinking he was on familiar territory. As I turned back he leaned in and kissed me. I kissed him back, briefly. I didn't want sex, even though I knew he would happily oblige. I switched the lamp off, letting light from outside illuminate the room.

He tried to kiss me again, but I put a finger on his lips. In the low level light he looked very confused.

"Shh."

Taking his hand I led him to the bed, banked up all the pillows and encouraged him to lie down on his side, facing the window, then I lay behind him, so I could still see the rain running down the glass. I put my arm under his arm, undid a couple of buttons on his shirt so I could rest my hand on the centre of his still, cold chest. Gingerly, waiting for any negative sign, he twined his fingers in mine, like a new player in a game who isn't sure of the rules. We lay on my bed in silence for a while before he said,
"You were sleeping, weren't you?"

"No," I replied honestly, "I was just lying here and listening to the rain."

"It reminds you of something?" he asked, fishing.

I waited a while before I answered, "My mother. The rain always reminds me of her. She used to tell me about playing out on grand soft days in Ireland when she was a little girl."

I felt him smile.

"Aye, it's a grand soft night," Angel replied, a tiny hint of his original brogue surfacing. "A bit too soft, perhaps."

"She used to tell me that all those soft days make Ireland so green and God's own country."

"She was probably right. Where is she now?"

I didn't answer him, instead I continued to talk about the rain.

"You must have played in rain."

"Aye and worked in it too, before…."

He let the sentence trail, remembering his life before he'd become a vampire. I squeezed the fingers in mine, letting him feel my sympathy.

"Have you ever been back?" I asked.

"A couple of times. It didn't seem the same somehow."

********

We lay in companionable silence for hours. Angel was quiet and seemed happy to remain so and I didn't particularly want to talk. I realised he'd fallen asleep when his grip on my hand slackened off. Carefully I pulled away from him, intending to close the window and pull the curtains across so that when the sun rose he would be safe. His voice out of the darkness startled
me.

"I should go," he said.

"You could. Then again you could take your shoes and pants off and get into bed and go back to sleep," I replied, taking off my vest and pants and getting under the covers.

I didn't mind sharing a bed with Angel, oddly enough, despite his angst ridden soul, he was a peaceful sleeper. He lay and considered my offer then got out of bed, toed his shoes off, dropped the rest of the clothing on the floor and got back into bed with me. He went to sleep very quickly. I stayed awake a lot longer. I hadn't answered Angel's question about my mother for one simple reason, I didn't know where she was. When my demon half had presented itself in time for my twenty first birthday, in one of my more freaky phases, after Harry and me had split up, well, alright, after I'd driven Harry away, I'd sought my mother out and blamed her for everything. I'd called her some names I'd rather not remember as well. Then, after a couple of years, when I'd calmed down a bit, I'd gone back, to apologise mainly. Only she hadn't been there to apologise to. She'd
completely disappeared. Not even the few relations I had back in Ireland could help me. Or maybe it should have been would help me. I couldn't even find it in my heart to blame them either. That's why I lie in the dark and listen to the rain, it brings back the melancholy ache, the guilt and the sad worn out anger of when I called my mother a whore for giving me life.

I hadn't even realised that I'd started to cry until a cold thumb wiped the tears off my face. Without saying a word, he carefully wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down into the bed, holding me like the most precious crystal until I'd cried myself to sleep.

***********

Towards morning The Powers That Be woke me with another mind numbing vision.

Poor Angel! Don't think he knew what had hit him. One second peacefully sleeping the next he had an armful of wriggling, struggling Irishman.

Give him his due though, he wakes up quickly and completely, or maybe he didn't have much choice. Mercifully this vision was of the short but not so sweet variety. All I got was a roomful of humans being guarded by three demons in a very unpleasant part of town. And I also got the impression the demons were intending to have a big meat fest when the sun went down. Why is it usually the nastier part of town? Why can't I have a vision of a beautiful and available woman in trouble in a mansion in Beverley Hills? Not for me to reason why, it is for me to do or die. Or rather it is after this damned head pain dissipates. Angel was pushing a glass of water and pills at me as he asked what I had seen. Seconds later I was dressed and waiting for him.

Angel was uncharacteristically slow getting into his clothes. When I asked what was wrong he said, "Nothing."

I put it down to being jerked out of a nice warm bed after a broken night's sleep. We detoured back to the office picking up weapons and leaving a note for Cordy then hit the tunnels. Needless to say this exercise did not go quite to plan. We rescued the folks in the room and saw off one of the demons alright, but got caught in the process. The two remaining demons shoved us into the recently vacated room where the people had been kept, then back handed me into unconsciousness just for good measure. Then the pair of 'em left. I eventually came around to find the boss curled in a corner, as far away as he could get from a broad band of sunlight laying along the floor. The little room they had locked us in was supplied with two barred windows, very high up. One of which faced onto the exterior of the building, and it was another bright and clear Californian day.

"Doyle, are you OK?" he asked.

"I'll let you know," I grunted, trying to lever my abused body into a sitting position. "How are you," I asked belatedly.

"Been better," he replied shortly.

I opened my eyes and, with an effort, focussed on him. He didn't look too well at all.

"Give me a minute and we can have a go at the lock on that door," I said.

"All ready tried it. It's solid."

As he spoke he shrank even more into the shadow as the sunlight moved nearer. We certainly couldn't be staying in here too much longer.

Carefully I stood up and even more carefully walked to the door.

Calling on my demon half I changed and then put all my effort into throwing myself at the door. It rattled and I felt a bit of give. Encouraged I continued until I was out of breath and my shoulder was aching. With a little more strength something would shatter and let us out.

"Come on Angel! Game face on. We can do this."

He shook his head minutely and stayed where he was. Now I do know sunlight takes some of the strength out of a vampire but not to this extent.

"Angel we need to get out of here. There's no telling when those two are going to be back, maybe with some of the their friends. In case you haven't noticed, they don't mean us well."

My sarcasm was completely lost on him. I crouched in front of him and asked, "What is wrong with you?"

"Just feel so weak," he whispered.

I put my hand on his forehead. He didn't feel as if he had a fever or anything. "Are you ill?"

He shook his head. The mystery began to clear.

"When did you feed last?"

He glanced at me and replied almost inaudibly, "Two, three days ago."

I sighed. No wonder the big eejit was feeling so weak, he needed blood, and there was only one possibility if we were going to get out of here. I took my jacket off and started unbuttoning my shirt.

"No Doyle!"

"You need blood, I've got plenty. OK, not all human but you've drank from me before."

"That was different, I'd fed not long before and we were, umm, being, errm, intimate."

At times Angel could be such a prude.

"You'd fed? What? Every time?"

"Well, no. But I've never been this hungry before."

He was trying to tell me something here.

"What do you mean, exactly?"

He closed his eyes, a pained expression on his face as he said, "I might not be able to stop before I take too much."

What a mess! However, that didn't change a thing. He still needed blood, I still had plenty.

"If you kill me, I'll come back and haunt you."

"This isn't a laughing matter Doyle!" he growled, switching into game face.

He really did need to feed desperately.

"Look, just do it! If you go too far try and get me to some medical help, but just get us out of here before our friends get back and decide to crank up the barbecue early."

"Doyle!" he growled pleadingly.

I ignored his tone and knelt astride him, pulling my shirt away so he could get to my neck. He lasted about two seconds before grabbing me to hold me steady. A lot different from when he'd held me and gently sipped to give us both pleasure. When his fangs ripped into my throat I nearly screamed from pain, then he was drawing my blood out very, very quickly. I was getting
extremely dizzy when suddenly I was being flung away hard. I landed flat on my back and gasping for breath. Angel was still sitting in the corner but now he was trembling as he fought to bring his demon under control again.

"Doyle?" he asked.

"Let's get that door open," I said breathlessly and then changed.

I felt marginally better in demon form, but I knew he'd taken quite a lot of blood out of me. He scuttled to his feet, still in game face. Don't know how he did it but he still managed to give me those spaniel eyes, even then!

On the second attempt the door splintered around the lock, the third attempt saw us free and me going downhill fast. Angel half dragged and half carried me down and into the sewer tunnels. The journey back to his place was a nightmare. I felt as if I was moving through treacle. All I wanted to do was lie down and go to sleep. I have never been so pleased to see the dingy, dark inside of Angel's basement flat!

The next time I opened my eyes I knew I was in a hospital somewhere.

There is just something unmistakable about the smell.

"Mr Doyle, can you hear me?" the nurse asked.

"Mmmm," I replied intelligently.

"You're in hospital. Do you remember what happened?"

"Not really," I lied.

"Well, we can't find any evidence of head trauma," she continued.

As soon as the nurse said this I tried to move my arm to feel my skull.

An action which brought forth an immediate, "Don't do that!"

I looked to my left and saw a drip stand with an intravenous line running into my arm.

"You're receiving blood to make up your blood loss. Your friends brought you in. They said you'd been attacked by an animal. We're preparing some rabies shots as well."

"Are my friends still here?"

"I think so. I'll send them in."

As it turned out just Cordy had been sitting in the waiting room. It being full daylight outside, Angel had already departed.

She was full of questions. Angel hadn't hidden the truth from her, he'd admitted he was the culprit, but not all the whys and wherefores.

Apart from a perfectly natural desire to stake him, she had gone along with his idea of getting me to a hospital. The story of the animal attack had been her idea. I had to fill in the details for her, not all of them, of course.

I still had hopes of getting it together with Cordelia at some point.

Cordy stayed with me until they had finished all the treatments, including some incredibly painful rabies shots, then she took me back to the office in Angel's car. The medical staff had been reluctant to release me without some assurance that there would be someone at home to look after me. I was enjoying her sympathy too much to object when we arrived back at the office.

She didn't consider my apartment decent enough for a sick man, she didn't want me at her place, her sympathy didn't extend that far! So that left Angel's place. As he was the cause of my predicament, she considered it more than appropriate. Needless to say the boss didn't see it like that at all. He helped me onto the sofa, spread a blanket over me then set about arguing with Cordelia in a heated whisper. I could have told him he wouldn't be changing her mind in a hurry, but I thought I'd lie there quietly and enjoy the entertainment but I promptly fell asleep, thereby making all debates as to where I would be staying rather a moot point.

Much later on I awoke tucked up in Angel's bed, alone. Someone had undressed me, I hoped it was Angel. Borrowing his robe I padded through to the lounge in search of either a note or the man himself. Sure enough, His Broodiness was sitting in the semi-dark on the sofa.

"Bed's big enough for two," I said.

"Didn't think you'd want me in there with you."

"Angel, stop this! I'm here and I'm fine. You got me to hospital in time and I was the one who told you to take my blood. You didn't force me."

"You don't understand," he replied quietly.

"Suppose you enlighten me," I snapped.

"If you hadn't pushed me away I would have killed you. I couldn't stop myself!"

"I didn't push you away. You flung me away."

He shook his head.

"Yes, you did," I continued. "I felt you push me back, hard."

"Wasn't me."

"Well something did."

"You shouldn't have to run that risk. That something, whatever it was, had to step in to save your life. If you don't want to work with me anymore I'll understand."

I laughed and said, "I don't think that's up to you, or me, for that matter. We're stuck with each other. Anyway, maybe it was the vampire in you that threw me away. Perhaps it doesn't like the taste of demon blood."

His lips twitched in a parody of a smile before saying, "You taste mostly human."

We were silent for a while before I said, "Your bed is more comfortable than the sofa."

He fixed me with those eyes before shaking his head. "No thanks. Not a good idea."

"You have fed, right?"

He nodded without looking at me.

"So there's no problem."

He didn't answer, or look at me.

"Angel, you've no need to feel guilty over this."

"No? So, next time I'm feeling peckish you'll think it's OK for me to snack on you or Cordy?"

"Don't be ridiculous! That isn't what happened. It was an emergency situation and you know it. Come on, show that you forgive me for forcing you to drink from me."

"You don't need forgiveness, Doyle," he snorted.

"Alright! I won't ask for absolution if you quit with the remorse. Deal?"

When he didn't answer I held my hands up and said, "And your body is safe tonight. I just want to sleep."

Finally he looked up at me. I held out my hand to him. Eventually he took it and followed me back to the bedroom. Just before I took off my borrowed robe he held me close, not saying anything. Then he got undressed and settled into bed with me, pillowing his head on my chest. I stroked his hair saying nothing about the bitter tears soaking into my skin until finally I couldn't
take it any longer.

"Angel, enough!"

I slid down so I could look onto his eyes and kissed the tears away. He hung onto me with the desperation of a drowning man, all the while muttering, like a mantra, "I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry…..," until I kissed his mouth.

He was frantic for the touch of a human being. He was kissing me with tooth clashing ferocity, holding me tightly as if I alone could anchor him to this world.

"Shh, shh, it's alright, I've got you. It's OK," I murmured to him.

Gradually he calmed a little, his mouth gentling on mine. When I began to kiss my way down his chest, intending to take him in my mouth he got agitated again.

"No! no!" he gasped as he pulled me back up so that he could look into my face again.

"Shh. I'm not going anywhere," I reassured him, dotting dry little kisses all over his face.

I reached between our bodies and took both our hardened dicks in my hand.

Angel began thrusting immediately, seemingly more in pain than pleasure. I released him and leant away to look into his face. I wasn't going to hurt him as some form of idiotic retribution. He bit his lip then opened his eyes. He took my hand and began to lave my palm with his tongue. He took each of my fingers into the cool cavern of his mouth and sucked on them, running his tongue around the nail area, then tickling my fingertips with a pointed tongue. God, I was so dry mouthed with lust at his performance I could hardly breathe. Once he'd got my palm good and wet he pushed my hand down, very deliberately closing my hand around us again, then putting his hand around mine. This time it was gentle. The friction building slowly to a spine shattering climax. We both drifted into one of the most peaceful nights rest I have ever had. I think that was the closest we ever came to making love.

Not long after that night Harry came back into my life to ask for a divorce so she could marry her demon fiancé. Nice family, if you didn't take their first husband brain eating ways, too seriously. Angel was there protecting me again. Then Angel was human for a day with Buffy. Shame I don't actually remember that. It would have been nice to meet Angel as a warm skinned human. Not too long after that I burnt myself to crisp aboard the 'Quintessa'. I still remember Angel trying to convey a wealth of feeling with that grip on my shoulder, without queering the pitch between me and Cordelia. Poor Cordelia! Don't think she's ever forgiven me for my parting gift to her. Do I regret giving my life up? No, I don't. I had a lot to atone for as well. And I couldn't really stay around too long after I went and slugged the big fella, now could I? Did I love him? Now that's a question and a half. As a good friend, yes, I did. Alright, we shared bodies, beds and blood on more than one occasion but I was lways
making it with a friend rather than making love to a lover. Doesn't make sense when you put it like that, does it? But that's how it was. Now I really did like Cordelia in the way of a lover.

Sounds very cheesy but I went to disarm The Scourge's weapon to give them another chance, all of them, Cordy, Angel and the half-breed demons stuck in the hold of that ship. Funnily enough it didn't seem such a bit sacrifice, just the right thing to do.

Now don't imagine I lost interest in Angel and Cordy once I got here.

I still look in from time to time. When the darkness was threatening to overwhelm Angel, I was there, walking with him. Even though he didn't know I was there. Well, I don't think he knew. And now, when Willow has told him about Buffy. I've been sitting with him for all the hours he's been curled up in a frozen ball of grief on his bed. I've stroked his hair and lay beside him but there's absolutely nothing I can do for him, or for any of the rest of them, and now I've got to go. I'm being called back.

Just for a second I regret that I'm not corporeal any more. A touch can communicate so much more than words. I lean down and grasp his hand.

His eyes fly open when I touch him. I look down and can see my translucent flesh against his skin. For a second he stares at my hand then he looks up.

"Doyle?" then more strongly, "Doyle!"

"You're not alone, Angel," is all I have time to say before I fade again.

In my heart I thank whatever made that possible and then I ask for something else.

'Give him a measure of peace. Let him sleep.'

I am able to watch for a little longer as Angel subsides back onto his bed.

A few minutes later his eyes close and his brow smoothes out as he slides down into peaceful oblivion.

'Thank you,' I murmur as I answer the gentle, inexorable call.

You thought it was all resting on fluffy clouds and playing the harp this side? Well let me tell you, you shouldn't go believing all the fairy stories you hear!

END