Title: Because I Love You

Author: Kara Kirk

murdocks_chicka@yahoo.com

Rated: R

Archive: YES

Comment Card: YES PLEASE

Summary: A woman goes through something women should NEVER have to go through.

Warnings: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Please do not read any further if you do NOT approve. The F-Bomb has been dropped a couple times.

Notes: Some peeps feel very strongly about this situation and I don't want to be flamed. This story is based on personal experience. I was involved in an abusive relationship. And if it wasn't for my hubby, I would still be in it. It's not a very good description or story, but I hope it gets my point across.

Disclaimer: I don't own the boys I just write about them.

Copyright: I wrote this.
© Kara "Murdy" Kirk ( Murdocks_Chicka )

By Kara Kirk

"How long was it going to last this time?" I asked myself. All the yelling and the screaming. Things being thrown to the floor. I slid down the wall with my hands over my ears to drown it all out. But it was too late. Tim grabbed my head and pulled me up by my hair.

"I told you to cook me a meal, NOT ORDER A PIZZA!" He yelled as he shook me violently. I could feel his fingers bruise my arms as he squeezed harder.

"I'm sorry! I'm Sorry! I just thought it would be too late for me to cook. You said…"

"I KNOW WHAT I SAID. I SAID FOR YOU TO COOK ME A MEAL."

Then it started happening again. I saw Tim's hand coming towards my face, as if it were slow motion. Then pain after the connection. I couldn't protect myself. The more I tried, the more he beat me. And the more I begged and pleaded for him to stop, the more painful it got. I could feel the blood oozing from my nose and mouth. Shaking me more, he screamed and threw me against the wall. But the screaming was in a language I couldn't understand. There was a wild look of fear or sheer craziness in his eyes. I turned into the wall covering my face with my hands, and waited for him to start pounding on my back. But instead, he stormed out the front door. I couldn't control the tears anymore. They spilt over my eyes like a waterfall. I needed to be free of this monster, but I'm afraid. Afraid if I left, he'd find me, and hurt me more than ever. Possibly even kill me.

After I cleaned my face with a wash cloth and anti-septic, I needed to get out of here. I needed to go for a walk and clear my aching and confused head. So I grabbed my windbreaker and headed out the door.

*******

The night air was cool and fresh. It felt good against my cut and bruised face. I walked about three blocks and came to the VA Hospital. I love when it's lit up at night. Especially the flag. Seeing Old Glory being illuminated by the giant spotlight, reminded me that I'm supposed to be proud and free. But I was hardly proud, nor was I free. I'm just a worthless piece of trash. Not worthy to walk this earth. I'm weak. Tim tells me that. And it's even worse when he is in his drunken stupor. Sighing, I turned around to go home. But bumped into a tall, lanky figure with a faded, brown flight jacket and a blue baseball cap. "I'm…I'm terribly sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going."

"It's all right Muchacha. No harm done here. YOU ok?"

I pulled back as he went to touch me.

"Hey, I'm not gonna hurt ya."

Suddenly, alarm sirens from the VA sounded through the air and men in white uniforms came charging out of the doors.

"Come on baby, time to white paper it outta here." He took my hand and started running. I couldn't believe I was letting a man I just met guide me through dark alleys and side streets. For some reason, I felt safe with him. A feeling I hadn't had with Tim for ten years. We stopped in front of a big, beautiful house with a trellis of roses going up both sides of the porch.

"Wanna come in for a while and rest those feet of yours?"

"Oh I…I dunno."

"Aww come on. Just for a while? Please, please, please with sugar on top."

How could I say no to someone who jumps up and down making a scene? And his smile? "Ok." I said. "But just for a minute."

He knocked on the door and waited. Then he knocked again. "Facey, it's me. Are ya home?" When no one came to the door, he reached up the doorframe and pulled down a key. "Facey always leaves an extra key out. Good thing too. Must be on one of his hot dates." He said as he unlocked the door.

I followed the man into the dark house, knowing I shouldn't be here. But I didn't feel like going home to the house of horrors. If Tim finds out I'm here with another man, he'll kill me for sure and accuse me of cheating on him. The lights came on, and it took a couple of seconds to adjust. I put my head down. I didn't want him to see what Tim had done to me.

"My name's HM Murdock. What's yours?"

"Sierra. Sierra Malone."

He stood in front of me and lifted my head by my chin. " Are ya ok?"

Looking at his horrified expression, I had to think of something quick and at least a little believable. "No. No I'm not ok. I'm just having a bad day."

"What happened? Did someone hit ya?"

"Oh no. I ah…it's a funny story actually. I was carrying groceries into my house and wasn't watching where I was going. SMACK! Right into the door."

"Sierra, I know I just met ya. But honey, I KNOW the difference between runnin' into a door. And I can TELL ya didn't run into a door.

I lost all control of my emotions. I started to convulse and the tears poured down my cheeks. So I covered my face with my hands. Tim was right, I AM worthless and weak. I should take it like a man he said. I'm not a man. I'm a woman. And women aren't supposed to be treated like that are they? " It's my fault! It's my fault. I provoked him. I made him angry." I cried. I felt strong, protective arms gathering me in a warm embrace. And his soft, soothing words made me feel safe.

"It's all right darlin'. No one's gonna hurt ya anymore. My friends and I will see to that."

"I don't want to hurt…hurt anymore."

"I know. I know. I got an idea. Why don't ya go soak in the hot tub for awhile. It'll do ya some good."

I nodded my head. A nice soaking is what I needed right now.

"It's in the bedroom off to the left of the stairs. There should be some sweats or jammies in one of the dressers. Just don't wear the silk pink ones. Those are Faceman's favorite jammies."

"Thank you." I said as I cracked a smile. While heading up the stairs, I turned to look at the man standing in the middles of the living room. He was attractive and his brown eyes were cheery and bright. That was something I noticed about Tim when WE started dating. How his green eyes would shine like emeralds and how handsome he was. NOW, he's gaunt and haggard looking. His eyes are cold, no light in them. But HM. There was something special about him. I could feel it. I smiled again and proceeded up the stairs.

*******

"Yeah!"

"Oh BA, I like when ya talk tough to me."

"What ya want crazy man? The football game's on."

"Put Hannibal on the phone." Murdock could hear faint murmurs and shuffling sounds in the background, until Hannibal's voice echoed on the other end.

"Hello."

"Colonel, I think ya better get over to Faceman's house."

"Why? What's the matter? You all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. But I've gotta scared, pretty lil thing soakin' in the hot tub."

"Oh?"

"I think someone's usin' her as a punchin' bag."

"Sit tight. Face is here with us. So our ETA should be about 15."

The pilot hung up the phone and paced the room clenching his fists.

************

The hot water had felt so good on my skin. Taking some of the pain away and relaxing my tensed muscles. Standing naked in front of the full-length mirror in the corner, I could see bruises and scars all over my body. From cuts to burns, the scars are there to remind me. Why had I made him so angry? Maybe because I'm not good enough for him? Or maybe I don't DO enough for him. He wasn't like this BEFORE. I went over to the dresser and pulled a pair of sweats from the drawer. After I got dressed I headed back downstairs. When I got to the bottom step, I saw three other men in the living room. The one standing near the fire place mantle was very handsome and prestigious looking. Sitting in the recliner, was an older man with silver hair and the most piercing blue eyes I've ever seen. And the third man, well he was a different story. He was a very LARGE black man with a mohawk and gold jewelry stacked up to his neck. I don't think I would want to meet him in a dark alley.

"HM?" I questioned.

"Sierra, these are my friends. Face, Hannibal and the Bug Guy over there is BA. Guys this is Sierra Malone."

I walked over to the group of men feeling ashamed. I wanted to crawl into the deepest, darkest hole and never come out.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Face said as he took my hand and kissed it.

"Miss Malone, want to tell us who did this to you?"

I felt sick and I wanted to run. Could I tell them who did this to me? YES! And I'm going to. These men made me feel secure.

"My…my boyfriend of 10 years."

"What? The mans gotta pay. What he go and beat up a woman for?" BA slammed his fist into his other hand.

"Take it easy BA." Hannibal said.

"Why don't you sit down and start from the beginning."

"Facey's right baby. Tell us when it all started."

HM had led me over to the couch and sat beside me, his arm around my shoulders. "I met Tim ten years ago. He was my first love. In fact, so much in love we were going to get married after senior high school. It all changed when he went to Vietnam. He served two tours over there. I hoped and prayed he'd come home safely. And when he did, I was so happy. But he…he changed. He started drinking and taking drugs. Then he'd have horrible nightmares where he'd hide under the bed and scream in a language I didn't understand. I finally asked him what was wrong. That's when the screaming and hitting started. But I've been a terrible person to him. I'm worthless. It's all my fault."

"Does he tell you you're worthless and that it's your fault?" Face asked.

"Yes. I hit you because I love you is what he tells me. Maybe he's right."

"Listen Kid, none of this is your fault. Understand? It just so happens all four of us were in Nam. Things went on over there that shouldn't have. And there were things you wouldn't wish your worst enemy to see. Too much death and destruction. War does crazy things to a person's mind. Murdock here, is a prime example."

"Huh? I don't understand."

"What the Colonel means Sierra…"

"Is I'm insane. Completely and totally." HM had finished Faces sentence.

He gave me this devilish smile that melted my soul. But something in my mind told me he was more eccentric than insane. And I've only known him a few hours. "I just don't understand why Tim is so angry or why he takes it out on me."

"When you're in the military, they train you to pen up your feelings and emotions. No pain, no gain. And when those feelings and emotions are unleashed it gets ugly." Hannibal said.

"Then why does he persist on telling me I'm worthless and weak? He has it drilled into my head that I am."

"Ya not worthless and weak. Don't ever think that lil mama. He the worthless and weak one."

"The Big Guy is right. He ain't nothin' but a coward."

"I think we should pay this guy a visit hmmm?"

"Good idea lieutenant. We need to show this slimeball how we feel about men hitting women."

*********

I stood at the front door and took a deep breath. Pushing it open I saw Tim drinking a beer and watching television. "Tim…Tim I'm home." I don't think I've ever seen him move so fast.

"Where the FUCK have you been?"

"I went for a walk." He stood in front of me and grabbed my shirt.

"Where'd you get these clothes?"

"I borrowed them from a friend."

"I didn't say you could leave the house did I. DID I?"

"NO! No you didn't." He backhanded me and grabbed my shoulders.

"Why? Why do you make me hit you?"

"I…I don't know. You tell me." I said defensively.

"It's because I love you. How many times do I have to tell you that?" He threw me into the glass coffee table and it shattered. I screamed and started crying. Then I heard a loud crashing noise. I looked up and saw the guys.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own sex pal." Hannibal said.

"Yeah and that be us sucka."

HM was the first to lunge at him, swinging his fists. But Tim was quick. He grabbed his pistol from behind his back and aimed it at HM. "BACK OFF COWBOY!"

I had to do something before he hurt my new friends. So I slid across the floor and sweeped his legs out from underneath him. The gun flew out of his hand and landed beside me. I grabbed it from the floor and stood up, firing one shot into the air. The house was quiet.

"Come on SiSi. Put the gun down. I love you. And you love me." Tim said.

"NO! NOT ANYMORE. I SHOULD KILL YOU MYSELF." I screamed. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?"

"But I love you SiSi. Can't you see that? I only hit you because I love you."

"NO YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU HAVEN'T LOVED ME SINCE YOU CAME BACK FROM VIETNAM." Everything that had built up for several years was coming out. And it felt good.

"You shut you damn mouth about Nam." He came closer.

I cocked the gun. "DON'T YOU COME ANY CLOSER. I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Sierra, put the gun down." HM said in a soft voice.

"NO! HE HAS TO PAY. BA SAID SO."

"Not this way. It'll only make things worse. Put the gun down Chiquita."

"But…"

"But nothin'. It's gonna be ok. I'll be here for ya."

I slowly lowered the gun and Face took care of Tim. Actually he knocked him out. HM took the gun from me and held me while I cried. "It's over." He whispered. It's over."

************

It's been a month now and things couldn't be better. Tim is incarcerated and serving five to ten years for assault and battery. And me? I'm in a happy, abuse free relationship with HM. It's funny how an accidental meeting changes a person's life. I'm glad it happened to me. Hopefully when other women like me hear my story, they will get out. Get away from all the hurt and the pain. It's no one's fault but the person abusing them. Those women are people too and deserve a better life then getting thrown into a wall or worse. So my words to them, GET OUT and NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!

~* Fin *~