Title: Pout For Me, Baby!

Author: Scribe

Fandom: Austin Powers/X Files

Pairing: Scott Evil/Fox Mulder

Disclaimer: Do I really need to go through this again? *sigh* "I don't own them, I don't make any money." Happy?

Sequel/Series: The Evil Series, Sequel to Randy Newman Had the Right Idea

Summary: Scott pays a visit to Mulder in his hotel room.

Rating: NC-17

Fox Mulder sighed heavily as he unlocked his hotel room and stepped inside. *Well, THIS weekend certainly hasn't worked out like I planned. I thought I was gonna get to whoop it up with some hot CIA babe, with maybe a side dish of Scully. What do I get instead? Peyton Place with a short spy with bad teeth. Crap. It's gotta be the damn aliens, NO ONE could could have this kind of luck without outside interference.*

He frowned, noticing that the lights were on. Hadn't he left them off? Then he heard it... a sound from the bathroom! He pulled his gun and advanced cautiously. He kicked the door open.

Scott Evil, standing in front of the toilet, jumped and squawked, falling back against the wall, round eyed. "FUCK! Scare a guy to death, whydoncha?"

Very bewildered, Mulder did not immediately lower his gun. "What are you doing here?"

Scott waved his hands. "Uh, DUH? It's a toilet, man. What the hell do you usually do in a toilet? Damn, all I can say is one, I'm glad I peed BEFORE you kicked the fuckin' door in, and two, I'm glad I had it put away. Gettin' caught in the zipper is NOT my idea of a fun evening."

Mulder winced in sympathy. "Okay, what are you doing HERE? And where's Alex? And how did you get in?"

Scott scratched his chin. "He SAID you were a nosy bastard."

"Hey!"

"Don't get all touchy, Cutie. Okay, let's answer these one at a time. How did I get in? Simple. I snitched Alex's room key while he was sacked out."

Mulder frowned. "Damn, I didn't think he was that careless."

Scott snickered. "Well, he was more PASSED out than sacked out. We... uh... got kinda vigorous. Unless he's decided to get up and run around, he's at the Evil Compound, in my room, in my bed. Unless he rolled off again. Ya know, he's not all THAT big, but he makes a hell of a thump when he falls off a bed."

"I don't think I want to know how you found that out."

"Restraints broke."

"I said I didn't want to know."

"Tough titty. As to why I'm here, I wanna take a shower."

Mulder finally laid the gun aside on the cabinet. "Don't you have a shower at your place?"

"Yeah, but there's a clone stuck in the toilet right now, and the idea of gettin' naked in the same room kinda grosses me out, ya know? So I figured I'd come over here and sluice off." He lifted his arm and sniffed delicately at a pit. "I'm gettin' kinda ripe, and I'm all sticky. That canned whipped cream is wicked gummy if you don't get it all off." He pulled up his shirt. "Feel."

Mulder started to reach out, then jerked his hand back. "I can take your word for it."

Scott snorted. "That ain't what Alex said. He said you'd never be satisfied about ANYTHING till you got your hot little hands on it."

Mulder looked indignant. "Why, that..."

"Chill. He's got a great deal of interest in your hot little hands." He grabbed Mulder's hand and slapped it against his abdomen. "See what I mean?" The FBI agent froze, hand splayed flat against the teenager's belly. "Go on, try to move your fingers without peeling them up. You're pasted."

Fox stroked tentatively. "It IS a little tacky."

"Right. I need to shower before I have to use a solvent to get my clothes off." He skinned his shirt over his head. Mulder's hand stayed in place, and Scott looked down at it. Folding his arms he gazed at Mulder and said, "As long as you're down there, howsabout gettin' the buttons for me?"

"Uh... I don't know..."

"It's simple, man. Just kinda push on the side of each button, then pull the material to the other side, and they just s-l-i-d-e on out."

"That's not what I meant. I know how to open buttons." Scott smirked. "I do so!"

"Prove it."

"Fuck!" Mulder started jerking Scott's fly open, muttering to himself. "Act like I can't open a simple button..."

"Yeah, he said you wouldn't be able to resist a dare." Mulder stopped, scowling up at him. Scott's eyebrows went up. "Lose track?" Mulder finished working the buttons quickly. "Thanks." He pushed the pants down.

Mulder blinked, then cleared his throat. "Uh... no underwear?"

Scott pulled a pair out of his pant's pocket. "I only have one clean pair. Ya didn't think I was gonna put them on until I'm clean, didya?" Scott opened the shower and turned on the water. Testing it, he said, "Strip."

Mulder blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Strip and get in with me or get out of the room. I don't know you well enough for you to hang around and watch me shower."

"But you WOULD shower with me?"

Scott shrugged. "Different things, dude." Scott stepped into the shower. "Better hurry. Dad's working with some gadget to screw around with the electrical system of Las Vegas, and ya never know. He might actually succeed, and we'd lose the hot water."

Mulder could see a wavery image of Scott through the frosted glass of the shower door. The boy was whistling, scrubbing a bar of soap over his chest and shoulders. Mulder started to unbutton his shirt. Scott's hands moved down, rubbbing the bar around his crotch. A little surprised, Mulder looked down at his own crotch, and noticed a very definite lift in the fly.

"Whoops!" Scott tossed the soap onto the floor. "Dammit, dropped the soap!" He turned his back to Mulder and bent at the waist, giving a slightyly blurry, but very tempting, view of his butt.

Fox swallowed hard. "I... uh... I'll wait outside."

Scott sounded vaguely annoyed. "Suit yourself, man."

Fox went and sat on the edge of the bed, spread his knees, and stared down at his tented fly. "All right," he whispered. "We make a deal. You just be patient, and I'll get rid of him as quickly as possible, then we can watch something on the pay-per-view-porno channel." *Throb* "I said no! No teenybopper. We'll watch Forrest Hump, okay?" *Pulse* "Okay, how about Baby Oil Orgy: you liked that one last night." *Throb* "NO! He's a GUY, all right?" *PULSE!* "Jesus! Compromise: how about Backdoor Boys?"

Scott, wrapped in a towel, came out of the bathroom. "Mulder, are you talking to your dick?"

Mulder whipped his knees together. A little too quickly, as it were, because he got a pained look on his face. "No."

"Are you sure? Alex bet me ten bucks that you talk to your privates."

"He... You were discussing my privates?"

Scott dropped down on the bed beside him. "I'll discuss anyone's privates, as long as they're not too hideous, and you're definitely not that." He hooked a leg over Mulder's.

Mulder eased it back off (though he DID manage to get a good feel of firm thigh while he was doing it). "Scott, I don't think Alex would like you being here and... uh..."

"Coming on to you?"

"I guess."

"I'm glad you noticed. I was beginning to think you were even more socially retarded than I thought. Anyway, Alex wouldn't mind. He's a share the wealth kinda guy." Scott threw an arm around Mulder's shoulders. "Tell me the truth, Mulder." He held thumb and forefinger about an inch apart. "You're about THIS far from being a virgin, ain'tcha?"

"I am not!" Mulder was indignant.

"Oo, you ARE cute when you pout."

Fox resisted the urge to stamp his feet. "I DO NOT pout!"

"What-evah, sweetcheeks."

"I've had lots of sex!"

"How much of it was with other people?"

"Well..."

"Thought so. And how much of THAT was with guys?"

"None. I'm straight."

Scott rolled his eyes and said in a bored voice. "Fine. You're straight. You're a ruler. You're a plumb line. Your one of those funny-ass tube thingies with a bubble in the liquid that they use to level stuff."

"As long as we're clear about that."

"Check." Scott pointed at an open bag of sunflower seeds on the nightstand. "Can I have some of those?"

"Oh. Sure." Mulder started to reach for them.

"Don't bother. I can help myself." Scott reached across Mulder, snagging the celophane bag. He poured a small amount into his palm, then held up the bag. "Want some?"

"Just a couple." Scott shook two into Mulder's palm. As he laid aside the bad, Mulder put one seed in his mouth, cracked it with his teeth, spat out the shell into an ashtray, and munched the seed.

Scott watched this procedure. Fox repeated it, and Scott said, "Dude, you're wasting a lot of motion there."

"There isn't really any other way to eat them."

"Sure there is." Scott stood up. Before Mulder could protest, he'd straddled the FBI agent's lap, sitting down so that the towel rode up his thighs. One hand gripped Mulder's shoulder. "Relax, I just want you to be able to see this clearly." He popped the sunflower seeds into his mouth and handed the ashtray to Fox. Mumbling, "Hold this," he put his onther hand on Fox's other shoulder. "Watch."

Scott concentrated, and started making a face. Mulder could see his tongue poking at his cheeks. There was a muted crack. Scott bent his head and spat a shell into the ashtray, then chewed and swallowed. Then the tongue poking started again. Another crack. Spit. Chew.

Mulder watched, fascinated. "I don't believe this." The tongue was busily working again. Crack. "You're doing that with a bunch of them in your mouth, and you're NOT swallowing shells?"

Spit. Chew. "It's all technique, man." Scott's voice was a bit garbled, since he still had several seeds to go. "You should see what I can do to a marischino cherry stem."

"I've seen that done before. So you can tie a knot in it."

"I can do a sheep's shank." Poke. Crack. Spit. Chew. "That's it." He set the ashtray aside, then ran his tongue thoughtfully over his lips. "Mmm. That was good. I think they were a teeny bit too salty, though. Tell me what you think." Scott kissed Mulder quickly, pushing his tongue into his mouth. Mulder wilted all over, except his cock. That was at attention, stiffer than a Marine on dress parade. Scott pulled back. "Well?"

"I don't know. I need another example."

"Sure." Scott started to reach for the sunflower seeds.

"Not like that." Mulder grabbed him and fell back on the bed, dragging the boy down with him.

"All right!" Scott kissed him enthusiastically, squirming and wrestling.

Mulder came up for air, panting. "Yeah, a little salty." He looked down. "How the fuck did my shirt come off without me noticing it?"

"You were preoccupied."

"I can buy that, but what about the pants?"

"I was busy."

"And the shorts?"

"Look, I'm good, okay?"

"I just don't understand how we laid down on this bed with you wearing a towel and me fully dressed, and now you have on more than I do."

"I can take care of that." The towel sailed across the room. "Happy?" Scott rubbed their crotchs together. Mulder moaned. Scott looked between their bodies. "Well, PART of you is happy, anyway. What's the problem?"

"I told you, I'm straight."

Scott peered down. "Um, actually I think you curve just the TINIEST bit to the right, but that's not a problem."

Fox scowled. "Why won't you listen to me?"

"Oo, look at that bottom lip! Ya know, I used to think Austin was a geek, shouting 'Pout for me, baby!' at his models. Now I'm not so sure. Look..." Scott lay back on top of him. He propped his elbows on Mulder's chest and rested his chin in his hands. "I had this discussion with Austin. Most people are at least bi, if they meet the right person."

"But I never..." Scott moved his hips. Mulder groaned. "I mean, I haven't..." Scott ground slowly. "...yet..."

"Mulder, you've been working with one of the hottest studmuffins on the face of the earth. If you haven't at least THOUGHT about it, you need to have that doctor expartner of yours take a look at you, 'cause your hormones may need adjusting. Although..." He reached down and grabbed, "they seem to be functioning pretty well now."

Mulder was whimpering. "Ican'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan't..."

*Squeeze* "Got physical proof right here that ya can, dude. Still, if it's the whole Dominant/submissive/top/bottom/pitch/catch/I'm-not-gay-as-long-as-I'm-driving thing that's givin' you problems..." Scott roled off him, landing on his back and throwing his legs wide, "It's fine by me. Mount up."

Mulder, panting, looked sideways at him. "No protection."

Scott pointed. "Drawer in the night stand."

"What? How did you...? And why...?"

"Alex told me. He never goes anywhere without his supplies. You may have the boy scout mentality, but he's got that 'Be prepared' shit DOWN. Oh, and before you try to use THAT as an excuse, there should be lube, too."

Muttering to himself, Mulder opened the drawer and came up with the supplies. Scott held out his hand. "Gimme the tube. If I wait for you to get me open, we'll be here till Wayne Newton quits playin' the strip."

Mulder watched, fascinated, as Scott squeezed some gel out on his fingers, then reached down to spread his own cheeks. "I just can't understand enjoying that." He watched as one greased finger disappeared, then two.

"Then why are you drooling?"

Mulder touched his chin apprehensively. "I am not."

"Not there, dumbass." Mulder yelped as Scott reached out and stroked his prick, rubbing his palm over the head. "See?" He showed Mulder the slick smear. "Anyway," Scott groaned happily as he managed to work a third finger in. "Probably all you have to compare it with is a prostate exam. Florescent lights, a table with stirrups, and some guy in a white coat don't exactly make for a hot experience." He paused, "Well, not unless you're experienced enough to be into kink." He suddenly gasped.

"Shit! I knew it! You hurt yourself! Lemme get my cell phone, I'll call 911."

"Hold up, gallant rescuer. I just hit my prostate, that's all. Okay." He grabbed his knees and pulled back. "C'mon, stud."

"But... but...."

"Yup." Scott wiggled. "Butt, right here. Hurry up, I feel a breeze."

"Oh, man. I don't believe I'm doing this." Mulder moved up between Scott's legs.

"Ya believe in shit like world-wide conspiracies, alien abductions, demonic possession, and fuckin' GHOSTS, and ya can't believe you're about to get a little same sex ass? You're weird. Sexy, but weird."

"How should I...?"

"Works on the same principle as regular humping, man. Put it in and move." He paused. "NOW!"

"Gah, you're pushy!"

"Well, if you didn't procrastinate like... oooooo. That's nice."

*groan* "Um, thank you. You're..." *pant* "BOY, you're tight."

"Really? Glad to hear it, after the last few hours with Alex. Now, don't just STAND there. Put your ass in gear."

"Okay."

There were several minutes of increasingly vigorous activity. "Hey, Mulder, once you get used to the idea you're gonna be a real stud-puppy."

"You think so?"

Scott locked his legs around Mulder's waist. "Trust me. You managed to get past the 'omygawd he's a guy' thing. You can get past the other thing."

"I'm screwing you. I'd say I've pretty well overcome my inhibitions."

"Hi Alex." Mulder froze. Scott squeezed. "Hey, no letting up! Is he always this easily distracted?"

Alex shut the door and came over to the bed. "No, maybe it's just me. Hi, Scott." Alex cocked his head, "Hi, Mulder. Please, don't stop on my account."

Mulder had been flushed, now he looked like he'd spent five or six hours under a sunlamp. "Alex, this isn't what it looks like."

Alex sat down. "Mulder, it looks like you're fucking Scott. I can't think of very many other things it COULD look like."

Mulder started to pull away, but Scott had his ankles locked. "Scott, lemme, go."

"Uh-uh."

"Look, you gotta let me go!"

"Mulder, do you see this laying up along my belly here? Do you know what it is?"

"A... um, an erection."

"A fuckin' hard-on, Mulder. And it won't go away on it's own. Get to work." Scott blinked. "Damn, I can feel heat radiating off you. I haven't seen anyone blush like that since Number Two came up behind me while I was cruising the Steamy Studs Site on the 'net."

"Anyway, Scott," Alex said, "How do we stand?"

"You owe me ten bucks."

"Not twenty? I was surprised when I walked in on this. I figured it would've taken you at least a half hour to get him going."

"Just ten. You were right about him talkin' to his dick, so it brings it down."

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! You two were laying bets on me being seduced?" Mulder jerked.

Scott whooped. "Hot DAMN! Do that again!" Mulder scowled. "Aww, look! Alex, he's pouting again! I can't STAND it!"

"Mulder, will you relax? It wasn't so much a bet as a... um... Okay, it was a bet. I just thought it was about time you took the step. I figured Scott could help you get over your 'doin' it with a guy' taboo, and I was right. Now it's time for you to get over your other taboo." Alex got up and moved behind him.

"WHAT taboo?" Mulder jerked a few more time, causing Scott to writhe and coo (and, actually, he wasn't EXACTLY trying to get away by this time). "Sheep?"

There was the rustling of cloth. "Nope. Partners."

"HEY!"

Scott tightened his legs and mimed a kiss at Mulder. "Pout for me, baby!"

END