Title: Time

By Morgana

Fandom: Babylon 5

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Susan Ivanova/Marcus Cole

Summary: A time rift bridges past and present

Disclaimer: No stories or pieces of artwork archived here are meant to infringe upon the copyright held by J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. or Time Warner Productions.

"It's a very unstable time rift, Captain," the young helmsman says, wishing he had better news to tell the Captain. Ivanova has a certain reputation and the last thing he wants is to find himself in troubled waters.

"Time rift?" I say, studying the phenomenon on the screen. Delenn asked me to have a closer look at the anomaly closing in on Minbar. Their scientists calculated it would pass the planet by without doing damage, but Delenn wants to make sure her people are in no danger. Although the present Ranger One often resides on Earth, her first concern is still for her own people. Sheridan asked me to humor Delenn with this exploratory mission.

"How the hell do we move a time rift away from Minbar?" I wonder stunned. If the scientists are wrong Minbar is about to face a catastrophe. I vividly remember my little trip in to the past to Babylon 4 and I have no desire to go through that scary experience again.

"Keep the Lenin at a safe distance," I instruct Dave, who clearly wishes he never asked to be assigned to the Lenin, but it's too late for regrets now. When they signed up they already knew the name of their Captain.

"Affirmative," Dave replies.

I swear relief shows in his voice. "I'll be in the briefing room. Should it change course inform me at once!" Quickly I leave the bridge. I need privacy.

The door closes behind me and I sink on to the couch. I would kill for a glass of excellent vodka, but that's a luxury I will have to indulge in later. First I need to find out why this time rift appeared out of nothing.

Melancholy, I stride over to the desk and hesitate before opening the drawer to look inside. My fingers move gently over the old, worn down paper and I barely hold the tear in check that almost slides down my cheek.

Taking out the chart I remember Marcus dashing in to my quarters, explaining his place in the Universe to me. He placed me at the center of everything, at the heart of his chart.

"I was so stupid," I whisper saddened. "I must have been blind to miss seeing his attraction to me."

How many times did I scold myself for my stupidity ten years ago? Only when it was too late I faced the truth that he loved me. Loved me enough to give me his life force.

"Damn you, Marcus! I never asked you to save my life! I accepted the fact that I was about to die! But no, you desert the White Star fleet to rush back home to hook yourself up to that damn machine!" I pause to regulate my breathing. "You died this day ten years ago."

I pretend holding a shot glass filled with vodka and salute him. "Ten years of misery, Marcus. Ten years of wondering if things had turned out different had I told you I loved you too. But I was too afraid to let you in, Marcus. Even now, I'm still keeping everyone out. My walls are even higher now thanks to you!" I sneer in hurt and fling the chart to the floor.

"I wish we had never met!" I hiss and sit down behind the desk. Feeling ashamed I pick up the chart and place it reverently in front of me. "This is all I've got left of you, Marcus. This and my memories…"

With every passing year the pain grows worse. People say that time heals all wounds, but… mine only deepens. Every year I'm reminded of the love I threw away.

"No, that isn't true, Marcus. You made me laugh… and I guess you helped save my butt more than once." I remember his suggestion to put a bucket over his head and pretend to be the ancient Vorlon god Booji. If it hadn't been for that remark I would never have thought of playing the First Ones like I did.

"You always came through for me," I whisper and close my eyes. Sometimes I can recall his face, his eyes, and the timbre of his voice. This isn't one of those times and his face remains hidden in the vortex of time.

"Captain? The time rift changed course and is now closing in on us," Dave says in an alarmed tone. "It almost seems like the White Star is its target."

"That can't be," I counter, wiping away the tear that escaped my eyes. I carefully put the chart away, straighten out my jacket and return to the bridge.

The time rift appears to have expanded and its color has changed from green to blue. "I don't like this," I state and walk up to the screen to study the gas like clouds.

"Lay in new course, starboard, ten degrees. Let's see if it has a mind of its own." Suddenly, I'm faced with a new problem. If this time rift possesses some sort of intelligence it presents a nasty threat. But then again… it might be 'persuaded' to leave Minbar and other inhabited worlds alone.

Briefly I wish Marcus were here to help me find a way to communicate with it, but I'm on my own, only backed up by a rather inexperienced crew, which just graduated from Earthforce Academy.

"Time rift changed course as well and is once again following us. ETA 5 minutes."

"Dave," I say, sitting down and digging my nails in to the chair, "Are you telling me that whatever we do that rift is going to catch up with us?"

"Yes, Captain… we might try to jump to hyperspace but I can't guarantee it will work."

I have to consider the lives of my crew. I should give the order to make that jump, but I fear the time rift will only sneak up on us again. "Establish connection to the President's office," I say and watch Dave's eyes grow big. "Just do it!"

"Yes, Madam," he replies and uses the emergency codes I gave him after we left Earth.

"Time rift is picking up speed… coming closer… It will hit us in 1 minute!"

Dave is panicking and I can't blame him. I wish Zathras were onboard to supply us with time stabilizers!

"Captain, I'm registering a unidentified vessel within the time rift… While the rift is suddenly changing course the unknown vessel is still heading our way. We're on a collision course!"

"Change course, damnit!" I curse and hurry over to the controls myself. "It's a White Star," I realize and quickly set a new course. "I had my fair share of collisions," I whisper privately, remembering the Earthforce destroyer ramming the White Star ten years ago.

"Hail that ship and tell it to report in!" Relieved and angry at the same time I reclaim my seat. "The Captain of that ship has a lot of explaining to do! It almost rammed us!"

"Hailing unknown vessel," Dave says, "No response this far."

"Keep trying," I instruct, "I want answers and I want them now!"

"This is White Star 1, please identify yourself."

I suck in my breath recognizing that voice. It can't be! Lennier has been missing in action for years!

"Lennier? Is that you?" I ask in a tense tone. "What are you doing out here? Why are you here?" I force myself to give him time to answer my questions, but first I've got to add one more thing. "You almost rammed my ship, mister!"

"Commander? Commander Ivanova?" Lennier says in a baffled tone, which immediately draws my attention.

"That's Captain for you, buddy!" I reply, but can't feel slightly amused. Delenn will be relieved to know Lennier is still alive. I know she missed him, although she'll never admit to it.

"Forgive me, Commander, Captain, but…"

"What's going on, Lennier?"

"We've got a visual now, Madam," Dave informs me.

"Then give me the damn visual!" I shake my head. These young officers still need to learn the ropes.

As Lennier's face appears on screen I momentarily forget to breathe. "But," I whisper. Lennier doesn't look a day older than ten years ago. I know Minbari age differently from humans, but this is ridiculous!"

"You cannot be here," Lennier says in a similar shocked tone.

I realize we're both stunned and I tap my fingers in a nervous attempt to regain my composure. "Why not?" I ask curiously.

"Because Marcus left you on Babylon 5! You are dying."

"Dying?" I repeat and then take to whispering so Lennier can't hear me, "But that happened ten years ago."

"Commander," Lennier says, falling back in to old habits, "Marcus took a shuttle to race back to Babylon 5 and I fear he might resort to drastic measures to… save your life."

"Okay, I give up," I moan and assume command of the situation once again. Apparently this time rift spit out the White Star Marcus was in command of during their final attack and now Lennier is chasing after Marcus. It's the only sensible thing I can come up with. "Scan for a shuttle," I command and then finally it hits me.

Marcus is still alive… the man who died for me is now on his way to the station and maybe… what if I can stop him? What if I can save his life? I would give my soul to see him one more time, to talk to him. I want to tell him I love him!

"And Lennier, get your ass onboard the Lenin. Just to warn you, I'm in a foul mood." I'm too scared to admit hope in to my heart again. Please find that shuttle and let him be onboard, I pray.

"I'm picking up readings emanating from a standard shuttle, Captain. Do you want to contact it?"

"Negative," I decide, "Lay in an intercept course. I don't want him to realize we're after him."

Dave nods his head and as I look at the screen Lennier is no longer there. I assume he's on his way over to the Lenin. Rubbing my hands I try to envision the look on Delenn's face once she sees Lennier. I know something bad happened between John and Lennier, but it has never come in the open. I can only assume Delenn was the reason for Lennier acting out of character.

"Intercept course laid in, Captain. Rendez vous in… 15 minutes."

15 minutes, I repeat to myself. Ten years ago Marcus made it to Babylon 5, died and was put in to a cryo tube at my command. He's still in cryogenic suspension. I hope that one day they will be able to revive him, but I always felt like doing the wrong thing. Marcus wouldn't want to be in cryo for so long.

My hands shake and I bite my lip to control my raging feelings. I can't believe Marcus is onboard that shuttle, alive and well. I can't be that lucky!

"A shuttle just docked, Captain."

"Good, tell Lennier to get to the bridge, ASAP!" I'm now counting seconds. Marcus is alive… those words run through my head over and over again. I can't let him die a second time.

The time rift is now no longer my primary concern. "Dave, drop a probe so we can continue to watch and study that time rift."

"Yes, Captain," Dave confirms. "Probe has been launched."

The door opens and Lennier steps on to the bridge. His worried eyes must resemble mine. Awkward, he approaches me and I get up to have a better look at him. "It's you all right," I whisper and act on impulse as I briefly hug him.

He shies away and his startled eyes make me smile. "I'm fine, Lennier, but… this will take some explaining."

"I do not understand. Only one hour ago I received an update on your medical condition. You are dying."

"No, Lennier, that happened ten years ago. See that?" I point at the screen, which still shows signs of the vanishing time rift. "That thing transported you ten years in to your future."

"Ten years?" Lennier gulps. "Oh Valen!"

"I hope Jeff isn't involved this time," I whisper as sudden revelation hits me, "But I wouldn't count it out!"

Lennier is trying to come to terms with this news and I leave him alone to check on the shuttle's position. "Only 3 more minutes, Marcus and if you're really onboard that shuttle… You're in trouble, mister."

"Faster, I've got to be faster!" I chide myself. I can't risk arriving at the station too late. I'm the only one who knows how to save Susan's life.

Bloody hell, why did Stephen have to go to Mars? He knows about the alien-healing device! Stephen could have given her bits and pieces of energy from volunteers, but he had to accompany them and now I'm stuck with this mess!

They will never let me get close to the alien-healing device without a fight. Stephen marked it as extremely dangerous, which it is of course, but that's the last thing I worry about. As long as it restores Susan's life force I'm willing to sacrifice mine.

The hard part will be switching it on, knowing I'll probably have to go all they way to save Susan. I'm not quite sure I'm ready to die.

I very conveniently forget that I already defied Delenn's orders by deserting the White Star fleet. They will win and they don't need me. Susan however does.

"Fine, in case I do survive this rescue mission I'll probably be booted from the rangers, but that's worth saving Susan's life," I whisper privately.

The short-range scanners are picking up an Earthforce vessel and cautiously I check the readings. This makes no sense. All of Clark's destroyers are supposed to be fighting light years away, so why is this one out here?

I set an evasive course, as I can't allow them to stop me now. "Just forget about catching me," I whisper and am stunned as the ship changes course accordingly. Looks like they want me pretty badly! "Why does this have to happen now?" I wonder frustrated.

"Shuttle, this is the Lenin. You are ordered to dock with us now or… prepare to be destroyed."

The man's voice sounds uncomfortable. I nod my head, a lot of soldiers don't really want to fight in this war, but are bound to carry out their superiors' orders.

"No way in hell I'm going to surrender!" I reply and double my speed. My shuttle is small and better manoeuvrable. Let them try and shoot me!

The scanners beep and I notice four Starfuries just left the Earthforce vessel. "Going to play dirty?" I whisper and realize my luck just turned. They are approaching in formation and forcing me to change direction so I am now heading for their docking bay.

Bugger, this means I'll never reach Babylon 5 in time to save Susan! Enraged, I momentarily consider blowing up my shuttle, but quickly dismiss that thought. Maybe somehow I can still be of service to Delenn now I failed to rescue Susan's life.

At regular intervals the Starfuries fire a warning shot and I know I've got no more choice.

"Dock that shuttle and then leave it, with your hands in the air. Your weapons will remain onboard."

It's the same voice as before and I notice the tension in his tone.

"That also includes disposing of your pike, ranger," the voice adds.

I questioningly raise an eyebrow. They are damned well informed about me. "Fine, we will do this your way," I say and already try planning my escape.

After docking the shuttle I place my pike on the control panel and open the shuttle doors. Four Earthforce soldiers await me, PPG drawn and aimed at me. I'm in trouble all right!

"Where are you taking me?" I want to know as they gesture me to walk towards the exit. Their PPG's remain aimed at me and it's obvious they mean business.

"The Captain wants to talk to you, ranger," one of the soldier replies.

I walk in between the soldiers, as they seem most intent on keeping me close. I keep quiet as my brain works high speed on finding a way to get back to my shuttle.

"The Captain?" I repeat, surprised that I'm not simply thrown in the brig as I could be considered a prisoner of war. Or are they after information? I shiver slightly, wondering who is wining the battle or have Delenn and Sheridan lost that war already?

"Get inside," the soldier says and then points at the door with his PPG.

I walk inside and am surprised as the door closes behind me. I'm alone in the office and I quickly study my surroundings. This is the briefing room.

"Hello?" I call out hesitantly. This move utterly surprises me.

"Marcus? Is it really you?"

Bewildered, I quickly turn around to locate the speaker. That voice sounds awfully familiar to me, but it can't be Susan! She is on Babylon5, lost in a coma!

I gasp seeing her stand in the corner of the office, clad in Captain's uniform. She looks older, her eyes are watered and her left hand opens and closes in a frantic way.

"I don't understand," I admit, trying to solve this mystery. "You are in a coma!"

Susan walks up to me, circles me and her eyes pierce my back. "Talk to me!" I insist, feeling lost.

"It is you," she says stunned.

"But who are you?" I question. This can't be Susan. Maybe it's someone using a changeling net to gain my trust and they don't know about her condition!

"Computer, what's the date?"

Stunned, I listen to the computer's reply. "That's the wrong date!" I maintain and back away from this creature who is playing some sort of sick game with me.

"What did you think you were doing, Cole, giving me your life force and condemning me to life?" she raves upset.

She points her finger at me and then presses her fingertip in to my chest. With a start I realize she's real and that I can smell her scent. This is Susan! I would recognize her scent any time, anywhere! Only then her words penetrate my brain. "Condemn you to life? What are you talking about?" My thoughts race. What if the date is correct and ten years passed? I've been involved in time travel before and I know it's possible.

"Did you ever stop and think about what you were doing, Marcus? How can you possibly expect me to go on living while you're dead?"

Her voice is edgy and sharp. If it weren't for her swimming eyes I'd assume she's going to space me. Upset, I start to babble. "I only want you to have a second chance, Susan. I don't know what happened to you! I'm, was, on my way to Babylon 5 when your Starfuries forced me to turn

about! Why don't you explain this situation to me first?" I demand and back away from her. I can no longer look in to her eyes as they show her fury.

"Ten years ago you made it to Babylon 5 and died to restore my life force. I'm alive, Marcus, but haven't felt alive since!"

Her words freeze the blood in my veins. "What went wrong? I want you to enjoy life, to take that second chance and find happiness and love!" I explain quickly turning desperate. I still don't fully understand what's going on, but her tone convinces me this is my Susan all right, ten years older and tremendously hurt. God, I hope I didn't cause that hurt! That was never my intention!

"Happiness and love?" she snarls enraged.

My back is now against the wall and there's no way I can escape her wrath. "Susan, please," I plead, but she isn't listening.

"Love? First you offer it to me and then you take it away!"

Her words run in circles in my mind. "You know I love you."

"Of course I do!" Susan exclaims. "Why else would I have thrown those roses at you? I know you're in love with me, damnit!"

Suddenly I forget about my reason for making it back to Babylon 5. I can't disconnect from her eyes and I cringe seeing the pain in them. "Are you telling me you… love me too?"

"Stupid man!" she says in a chiding tone and tears escape her eyes. "Yes, I love you! Why didn't you tell me? Why did you have to die for me?"

Confused, I stare in to her eyes. "Why didn't you encourage me to tell you?" I demand to know. I'm fed up with the games we are playing. "You act like you don't know, like you don't care. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to see you close and to know you don't want me?"

Susan sighs and takes a few steps towards her desk, giving me some breathing space.

"Susan, I'm sorry about the way that sounded, " I quickly apologize, still trying to put all pieces of the puzzle together. If everything she told me is true, this Susan had ten years to work through this.

"No, you're right," Susan admits, sitting down behind her desk. "But I was afraid! Afraid to lose someone I love again! I lost so many people in my lifetime that I felt like I couldn't try again. I was so wrong!"

Hesitantly I walk up to her. Suddenly I realize something. "I died in this time and left you behind." There is no longer a reason for me to return to the space station, as it holds no dying Ivanova.

"Yes, you died and ever since then I've been turning myself inside and out to understand why I let it come that far!" Susan looks up and tears swim in her eyes. "I should have told you…"

"Told me what?" I ask and amazed at my courage I allow my fingers to caress a lock of grey hair. She's still beautiful, my Susan and the few grey strands only make her more attractive to me. I clear my throat, realizing I'm about to speak the most important words in my life. "Can you forgive me, Susan? I acted on impulse when I left the White Star fleet to save you."

"I've still got a few questions and I'm not letting you off the hook this easily!" Susan states resolved.

I nod my head and lower myself to sit on my heels so our faces are almost level. "Ask them."

"Why die for me?"

"That wasn't my intention," I admit, "I was going to give you enough of my life force to ensure your recovery. Must have turned unconscious before switching off the machine."

Susan wipes away her tears and hesitantly places her hand on my fingers. She trembles at the contact and I'm keeping my breath unconsciously. "I love you, Susan… I never thought I would ever speak those words aloud, but…"

"I'm an old woman now, Marcus," Susan says.

I hear both the joking and hurt tone in her voice and shake my head. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"Marcus…" Susan is about to say something as an alarm goes off. Angry, she hits the reply button. "What! I told you not to disturb me!"

"It's the time rift, Captain. It's gone," Dave says.

"Time rift?" I repeat stunned, then realize it explains traveling through time.

"What about the White Star?" she asks while her eyes search my face.

"Gone as well."

"Lennier?"

"He's still onboard, Madam," Dave replies.

"Take us back to Earth," Susan commands and closes the connection. "Marcus, we still have to address a few matters and I'm still raving mad at you!!"

"You're still angry with me after ten years?" I say in a relieved tone. "That has to mean you really love me!"

"Not to mention that you're now younger than I am!" Susan remarks.

We both get to our feet and my heart pounds as I slide my hands up behind her back. I dreamed so many times of holding her like this and now…"I love you, Susan," I repeat in earnest.

"Marcus, I missed you so much!" Susan admits.

Her fingers brush my lips and I kiss the tips lightly. "I promise to never leave you," I say, meaning every word I say. I'll never know why the time rift only affected the White Star and my shuttle, but I'm not to question my luck this time.

As her lips touch mine I hungrily pull her close and vow to never let go of her ever again.

The end