Epiphany

author: annakas

fandom: Batman

Warning: pre-slash, mentions Slash Yaoi, bad grammar and spelling

Pairings: mentions of past Dick/Barbara, Dick/Tempust, and future Dick/Bruce

archive: the lists I send it to. Anyone else you will get a yes just let me know where you put it.

rating: I am not sure. PG13 or R definitely not over that. No graphic sex, soory guys. Can't write it to save my life.

A/N: Not betaed because it is a 15minutes drabble for the latest challenge "Tell me what you...." and for the word seduction and because I don't have one.I hope I am not disturbing anyone with my drabbles. Well I didn't write it in 15 but in two and half hours. LOL.

Epiphany
by annakas

"Tell me what you want from me? Because I really don't understand you anymore." asked Bruce from me with a tired and sad voice.

Well... damn, it was not my intention to make him sad when I started this whole thing with him. I just wanted him to notice me, you know, outside of the Nightwing. Notice me- Dick, his friend and all time companion, not Nightwing the sidekick. No not a sidekick anymore, that was when I was Robin, now I am my own man and Robin has been replaced by someone else.

But now he just sounds tired lost and sad. Well... shit maybe it was not the brightest idea of mine to start the great seduction. But who could blame me? When I left Robin behind and went in search of myself I thought I could leave Gotham and with that Bruce and Batman behind. Well I was wrong. One can not escape from their past because our pasts make us the way we are. And in the end I really didn't want to leave all that behind.

The farther I went the more I started to remember the good times with Bruce or even Batman not the bad ones that over shadowed everything we had done lately. I remembered the little things he made for me and never said anything about. Like buying the company that threatened to close my favourite hanging out place so that I would not lose it or when Bat hugged me once for comfort in the cave when we had returned from a really bad fight. And I remembered Alfred his presence, or Barbara. And then I understood I had a home already, I had a family of sorts, I had a place where I was always wanted.

So what disturbed me in the picture so much that I had to leave my home, my family, my life behind? It took some time before I understood in my great sojourn to world what made me so unhappy. It were the facts that I was a sidekick for Batman and a ward to Bruce when I wanted to be something far much more for them both. I wanted to be their equal. I wanted to be Bruces and Batmans mate because I had fallen in love with him.

I understood that if I had stayed he would have never seen me more than as his ward and sidekick. I could never have been more. It is funny how I subcounciously knew it when I left Gotham. I gave Bruce and others some excuse about finding myself. And what I found was one big surprise even for myself. I was in love and I couldn't aknowledge this even to myself before I had left. When I finally understood it I knew what I had to do.

I had to become my own man not Bruces ward or Batmans sidekick. I had to become an equal for both sides of Bruces life. And so I become a man from a boy. I got my independence, I could not run to Bruce or Bat for solving my problems. I had to do them by myself. Sometimes
with mistakes but I learned from them all. I became Nightwing, hero by his own standards not just a shadow for others.

What is really funny is how and when I understood that I was in love with Bruce/Batman and why I had left Gotham. It still makes me twitch that my subcouncious finally kicked my councious mind in such trastic measures.

I had given up dating women a couple of months ago after the start of my journey because they just didn't do it for me and everytime one of them wanted to go farther with me it didn't turn me on. I finally just had to accept that women were not for me. I was as gay as they came.

But men, well I definitely liked how they looked. So when Tempust asked me to a date I agreed. I liked how he looked and he was a good man in heart. We went out a couple of times. I really liked the guy but something always felt off. Like always I ignored the little voice in my head that said to me it was wrong. I had ignored it when I dated women until it kicked my ass, and I ignored it now when I dated Tempust.

And it wasn't like I didn't like the making out with Tempust. So when I was finally about to get my cherry plucked. Me and Tempust were about to get ready to dance the horizontal tango. We both were hot and bothered.He was preping me for his dick, his lubed fingers in my ass when the little voice I had pravely ignored before kicked me in my gut and screamed to me: "DICK YOU BLOODY IDIOT THIS FEELS WRONG BECAUSE THE WRONG PERSON IS ABOUT TO FUCK YOU!!! YOU WANT BRUCE TO BE THE ONE!!!!!!!"

Well... talk about a mood killer. My hard on just wilted before our eyes and I went all tense. Damn that was embarrasing. I had to explain to Tempust what was wrong. He was worried that he had hurt me and I had to explain that no he did not hurt me but I just had an epiphany of a sorts and sorry for teasing but it seems my dear friend you are the wrong person for me. I still can't look into his eyes when ever we pump into each other.

So the next couple of months I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I was in love with my former ward, my umm weird father figure and that Batmans costume bothered me not because it meant I was a sidekick but because I thought all the rubber was very very fuckable.Rubber nipples are hot. Well shit talk about issiues.

It was during these long months that I understood why I had left Gotham, Bruce, Batman, Barbara, Alfred and my mask of Robin behind. It was then that I understood that I had to leave because if I hadn't left I never would have become equal to Batman, I would never get the chance to become Bruces mate.

When I had come to terms with all of it. I decided that it was time to come back to Gotham and face some angry folks. See if the people I loved had some room to me in their lives and hope they forgave me for abandoning them.

Let me tell you it was not easy. I got the warmest welcome from Alfred. His words to me were:"I knew you would come back my boy." Then there was Tim. I got a lot of suspicion from him. He was I afraid that I would try to become Robin again and take his new found place away. After he understood I was not a threat to him he became friendly and accepted me back. Barbara a was hard one to face. I had dated her for a while and when I left things had kind of stayed unresolved between us. I had to do a lot of groveling and explaining to her but we became friends again and she understood why things didn't work out between us.

Ahh and then there is Bruce. Yepp still is not was. He hasn't accepted me back yet. He was not hostile towards me when I returned, but he wasn't warm either. I saw just a cold indiference. He is so frigging polite to me all the times now. When I saw the indiference I understood that I had hurt him bad. Bruce always hides behind the mask of indiference when someone he cares about hurts him.It's his selfdefence reaction. Then I understood I had to take things very slowly with him. And I even didn't know if Bruce swinged both ways.

So I decided to start my slow seduction. A sublte flirt here and there, some innuendos and a couple of comments about Bruces looks. All I got was this confusion in his eyes before he covered it with the indiference again. I danced around him for months like that. Slowly, carefully so that I would not scare him away. Scare you ask? Yeah scare would be the right word here.

Bruce is many things a killer business man at day, a hero-vigilante- dark-knight at night, an exellent fighter and a intelligent mind but he is not an emotions person. He can't handle them well. Emotions scare him because they can hurt him and he has no control over them. And when I left I hurt him badly so he was scared to trust me again, to let me in again. Can't say I blame him. So I had to go real slow. Act like he was a wounded animal who needed tender and slow care. I had to thaw his feelings out.

All I got for my try were these confused, lost and bewildered looks before he covered them up with the indiference again. So here we are now. In his office and he just admitted that he doesn't understand me anymore and he wants to know what I want from him.

Here it goes all or nothing. I am tired of dancing around him and I want to see if I should even continue trying or should I accept that the best place I could get myself in his heart is a friend.

I take a deep breath before answering him and then say:"Simple I want you." He only blinks after hearing that. I guess I really surprised him.

"Bardon?" he says with his husky voice a confused frown marring his face.

"I mean I want you. As a lover, as a mate, as my partner in all things. I am in love with you and I want the things that people in love want to have with the people they are in love with" I said in a rush.

Confusing? Hell yes but that is how I felt about it. There is even more blinking from him and then his face is a blank page. I can't read a shit from it. And then tere is the silence. Smothering
silence. Long silence. Ohhh shit what the hell have I just done? it was too soon. Bruce will kill me. Oh shit oh shit oh shit... Bruce is taking a deep breath. OH shit here it comes I am about to be a dead man.

"So when is the first date?" he asks quietly in a unsure tone.

What? What did he just ask me? Did he mention a date? A date with me? Yess yess yess. Dick calm down, just calm down or you will scare him away. You heard the mans voice. It is unsure you have to make him feel more secure about it. It is a slow seduction, a very very very slow seduction.

So I did the only thing a man in my position can do. I gave Bruce my most happy and relived smile and told him:" How about this Friday?"


-the end-