Title: To Love Is To Laugh

Author/pseudonym: kirasmommy (kirarose)

Fandom: Batman

Paring: Batman/Joker.

Rating: PG-13

Status: One of Two

Archive: WWOMB, KB's misc. fanfiction

Series/Sequel: Part one of two. Part Two will be called Dark Knight of the Soul.

Disclaimers: Disclaimer: No I don't own them. And No I don't make money off of them.

Notes: A few years ago there was a comic book (it's in the basement and I need a flashlight to get it and I have no batteries) It was one of those spotlight series where they spotlight a certain character. Well in this one they had the Joker. And he actually looked good! He also had real long hair in it. He was dreaming I think I recall about Batman and him in a fantasy world where he was King of Gotham. Someone actually had drugged the Joker. Well anyway the last panel has always stayed with me. He was looking wistful holding a rose and thinking about Batman and love. After all this time...this is the result of that comic.

Summary: Joker talks about what makes him tick.

Warnings: This is an Alternate Universe story.

To Love is To Laugh
By kirasmommy


"I love him you know. REALLY! It's true. Swear to god. Or to goddess depending on what you believe in. Me? I don't believe in anything. I don't even believe in you. You aren't here you are just a figment of my imagination. A flight of fancy. I have so many flights of fancy I should get
frequent flyer miles.

Where was I?

Oh YEAH! I love Batman. He is my dark lover. He just don't know it. Yet.

Why else would I still be around Gotham? Doing the things I do? It's all for him. Everything I do is for him. And on some level he knows it.

I killed that brat that was with him. The second Robin. Yes I could tell that he wasn't the original Robin. I'm crazy not stupid!

Lousy brat! Arrogant! And I should know, I have perfected arrogance to an art form. Oh wait I was telling you about killing the little birdie. Yep I killed him. With a crowbar. A crow for a bird."

The man behind the glass laughs uproariously. Then stilled himself with an effort as he pulled his long green hair out of his eyes with a swipe of his white fingers. The man sitting in front of him shifted in his seat and adjusted his tie. Visibly upset even in the darkness surrounding him hiding his features from the lunatic he was studying.

"Sorry I lose track so easily. My mind is always seven steps ahead of what I'm actually saying or doing. Let's see...Oh I hated that little brat. I killed him for Batman. Batman of course never appreciated it. He actually acted mad! But deep down it must have been a relief. It must have been stressful having Jason for a partner."

"Jason?" The man in the dark asked in shock.

"Yes that was his name...Jason. Oh didn't I tell you? I know their names. Their so called Real names. In truth......those names are not their real names either. Batman is real, Bruce is not. Bruce is the mask. Batman is the reality. Yes his real name is Bruce. I never go after him or his little birds in their disguise. It's not apart of the game!"

"Game?" The man asked as he scratched notes on the notepad in front of him.

"Of course it is all a game. You see he needs to catch me to have me! Really catch me. I'm not that kind of a boy." The Joker smiled sweetly then pouted and batted his eyelashes. "I'm not easy you know!"

"It's all a game yes. One he started really. He needs me you know. He needs me to keep him going. Everyone needs someone and everyone needs some sort of constant in their life. I'm Batman's!"

The man writing the notes cleared his throat. "Umm, you say you love him? If you love him why kill?"

The Joker laughed, "I kill for him. I kill for his love, I kill for his attention, I kill for his hate, I kill for his inattention, I kill for the need of his arms around me, I kill so he will kill me, I kill so I can kill
him. I kill to call him to me."

The Joker's eyes brightened as he grinned. It isn't true that his lips are always pulled into a smile. He just usually smiles and it has become apart of the lore around him that his mouth is stuck in that position. He can frown and now he suddenly proved it. "It doesn't always work though. Sometimes he goes away and all my work goes down the shitter. I'm sorry does my language bother you? Yes? Good! I like to bother people."

"I love him so much. He never smiles you know. So I smile for him. Now where was I? Oh yeah...sometimes he goes away with the Justice League or some bullshit like that. So then I'm sitting here with nothing to do. I have to wait till he gets back." The Joker stared at the wall and went quiet as he quite suddenly forgot about the man that had come to see him and learn more
about him.

"To love is to laugh my love so fair,
To take my hand to have an affair,

We laughed at how we kissed and did turn,
We loved the way our hearts did burn,

I needed you by my side,
I very nearly just did die,

When you left me for another,
When I could have had no other,

To love is to laugh to feel such pain."

The Joker spoke it to the wall in a voice of monotone. The man cleared his throat to catch the vacant eyed man in front of him attention.

"Oh back again?" He brightened. "It is nice to see you again! I don't get many visitors particular breathing ones. I much prefer the breathing ones the dead ones just stand there and look at you." The Joker played with a lock of his hair. "I think you are the only visitor I've ever had that didn't bother me really."

The man in front of the glass still in darkness crossed his legs and scratched more notes.

"What would you do if Batman ever returned...your affection?" the man asked suddenly.

"He already returns it. You just have to know what to look for. It's in the way he never quite kills me though I drive him to it. It's in the way he looks at me, It's in the way that he never does lasting harm on my person." Joker smiled affectionately while his eyes went hazy.

"Do you want a physical relationship with him?" The observer asked.

"I would say he's physical enough now. You know that expression don't trust someone as far as you can throw them...guess what? He can throw pretty far. Ouch!" He said with a giggle rubbing his rear. "Last time he caught me he proved that!"

"I meant...sexually."

"Oh that! I would be happy to be in his bed but I don't expect it. Sex isn't everything you know! In fact I've never really enjoyed it." He rolled his eyes suddenly.

"Oh?"

"Now now I don't kiss and tell!" Joker wagged a finger at him suddenly with a giggle before going back to playing with his hair. Twisting the hair between his fingers and feeling the texture.

"Besides I don't like thinking about it. It makes me sad and I don't like feeling sad." His lower lip quivered and he went back to staring at the wall.

"What is your real name?"

"Joker." He answered softly with a distracted air before spinning his seat around in a circle and coming to rest facing the wall again. Twiddling his hair with his fingers still.

The man scratched more notes. "What was your name before you were Joker?" He tried again.

"My name? Before Joker?" Joker pouted again. "Joker has been around for a long time really even before the accident." He gestured at his face. "But in the beginning Joker wasn't alone there were lots of us then. In here making noise. Joker killed them all off one by one until his was the only voice left. Well I guess that isn't true. There is one left but she is smart enough to keep quiet and he doesn't bother her. She's pretty strong herself and can usually hold her own on the occasions she has something to say."

"She? Her?" The man froze suddenly.

"Oh yes a female in here somewhere. She doesn't have much to say really. Once in awhile she will say that killing isn't the way to get Batman but what does she know?" He stared now at the ceiling. "Don't be such a prude! I'm an equal opportunity lunatic. Male and Female personalities are welcome. That is unless they annoy Joker then he will get rid of them. She just happens not to annoy him too much."

"So you have multiple personalities?" The man asked quietly.

Joker shrugged. "If you ask me she doesn't have much personality!"

"What about now? You keep calling Joker a separate entity. Are you Joker?"

Joker ignored him as he watched the ceiling.

"Joker? Joker?"

Joker tuned him out as he started to hum to himself. In his mind he was listening to the argument raging.

'tell him for goodness sakes!'

'KILL HIM'

'I like him!'

'Kill You!'

'That's your answer for everything!'

'fuck you you bitch!'

'well I would be the first person you've ever really fucked! Everyone else has fucked YOU!'

'Go to hell'

'oops too late already there asshole'

'shut up'

'no you shut up'

'Both of you shut up! He's asking questions and I can't hear him over you two!'

'kill him now!'

'killing him won't help'

'he wants to know about Joker'

'let me show him what I'm like! DEATH!'

'oh get over yourself'

'he wants to know about ME too!'

'we will protect you if you want but I think you should just talk to him'

'talk talk talk talk that's all you are good for, I should just kill you again and be done with it'

'try it clown and I'll kill both of us'

'noooo don't go don't kill yourselves...I'll be all alone...I need you two...'

"JOKER?"

"Hmm oh there you are! I'm sorry I left for a little while!" The Joker hummed to himself again.

"Where did you go just now?" The man's voice was gentle.

"The Bahamas!" He giggled.

"We've been talking about Batman...why do you love him?" He tapped his pencil briefly.

"Why? What's not to love? That incredibly sexy body, I've always loved him. I've loved him for so long now I can't imagine NOT loving him."

"How long has it been?" The man behind the glass asked carefully.

"Why since College! We went to college together."

The man behind the glass went very still.

The Joker floated off again in his own little world.

'Oh would you JUST tell him dammit!'

'Don't you dare tell him!'

'He already suspects...if he didn't he wouldn't be here asking!'

'I want to tell him but I don't think I should.'

'He should figure it out himself!'

'I think he already has! I think he's known all a long!'

'shut up'

'He knows he's just confirming it finally'

'shut UP'

'He has known all along, you know he has known it'

'Shut the hell UP!'

"Joker?" The man asked.

Joker began to hum to himself again as he listened to the internal power struggle within.

'Why are you fighting so much today?'

'Because it's your chance!'

'There is no chance for you!'

'Joker shut up you aren't helping!'

'Yes I am My job is to protect him from harm'

'As is mine'

Joker could feel the male persona drift back angry. He knew that it was just gathering strength.

'mother? Mother? Father is going to destroy you...again.'

'I will defend myself'

'mother? I need both of you'

'yes dear and I'll always be here for you'

'Mother? I'm sorry I didn't save you in time'

'Forget about it! At least your father didn't get away with it. And don't mind him...he's just sulking'

'I didn't want to kill daddy'

'It's okay honey, Your little friend is calling you.'

"Joker?" The man was tapping on the glass.

"Hello! When did you get back?" Joker asked easily.

"I just wanted to tell you I may be back tomorrow. I have to go now" He crossed the room and opened the door.

Joker walked to the glass and laid his forehead to the cool surface. "I'll see you then I guess."

As the man walked out the door Joker slid to the floor still against the glass. "I love you" he whispered.

As the door closed behind him the man lay against it and held the notebook to his chest. "I love you too Jack."

As he looked out the window and saw the batsignal he heaved an internal sigh and turned the vibrating pager off. So that's what Alfred wanted. Batman was needed.

He cast one last look at the door and headed out into the night.


To be continued in....
Dark knight of the Soul