Title: Unforgiven VI

Author: kirasmommy

Fandom: Batman

Pairing Batman/Joker

Series: Engraved Metal Hearts

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or song nor do I make any money off of this.

Rating: NC-17 just to be sure...most likely hard R, um a little bondage

Summery: Batman recalls his real relationship with Jack

I watch him leave the room and can't help but feel bad. I've always known how Dick feels about me. I've known since he was about sixteen.

But as much as I would have loved to make him happy. I will forever consider him my son. First and foremost he is the son I've never had. I love him with all my heart but just not in the manner he wants. It is a line I can't cross.

One of my old Masters that taught me how to fight also taught me how to meditate. He told me if the mind was not clear that nothing could be won. A fight could not be won if the mind was full. And rarely have I ever had a fuller mind.

I know why I felt I had to save the Doctor now. He reminded me of Jack. Jack from before his downward spiral. The Jack from before he walked out on me. No one had ever truly managed to hurt me the way he had. Not even Green Arrow when he decided a relationship with Black Canary was worth pursuing.

He's in there right now. The man that tore my heart out and stepped on it. I don't think I've ever forgiven him and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will.

God I'm being so petty. If I want to be angry at the bastard I've got more than enough reason! Instead what do I do? I concentrate on him leaving me for some woman!

What was it he said back then? Oh Yeah. His father wanted him to get married and continue the family line.

He had always become a little boy around his father. I had only met the man once. Jerk. Overbearing JERK! But then I think I resented the fact that Jack wouldn't grow up when he was around him.

What if what he said about his father is true? That he was a twice murderer that would have killed his remaining kids?

I don't really want to think about it. I would feel worse than I already do.

I still can't believe that he had balls enough to send me a fucking invitation! What kind of asshole sends his ex lover a damn invitation to his wedding?

I didn't go of course. Heard though later that his wife was killed in a freak accident. She was pregnant too. Oh Fuck. I am feeling more and more like an asshole. Of course it wouldn't be the first time. Nightwing often calls me that when he thinks I can't hear.

Come to think of it, it wasn't too long after she died that he became the Red Hood.

I could have helped him. I know I could of. I choose not to. Oh God how petty is THAT?

Batman the Dark Knight has been acting just as spiteful and petty as any catty woman has.

I suppose that with him I was always a bit possessive. Then again I don't think he minded that much. More than once he said he felt like I protected him.

He always let me take the lead even in sex.

Oh god the sex was always good. And his mouth? Ah the most gifted mouth I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing.

A fantastic tongue was attached to that talented mouth.

Over the years I've tried not to think about it. But damn no one could ever compare.

He always started out with little nips around my neck. He liked it a little rough sometimes. I was always happy to oblige.

He liked being bit on the shoulder and I was always more than happy to do what he wanted like that.

He would have me tie his hands together over his head and I would straddle his chest while his mouth did all the work.

His tongue would move around me while his lovely mouth would create the most delicious suction.

Oh I shouldn't be remembering this. All it is doing is making me anxious.

He also liked me to tie his hands to the headboard while I entered him roughly. There were even times he didn't want lubrication but I finally convinced him I needed it for myself to enter him.

But oh once inside. He was so tight and hot. And being only about 18 or 19 at the time. I could go two or three nights. I'm surprised that I got any studying done. I'm surprised either of us passed a class.

He even managed to make me forget to train for a while. For a while I was able to let go of my rage over my parents' death. I stopped having nightmares during that time. Jack became my life in a way.

I guess I was obsessed. No one can truly withstand my love because of that obsession. They become my world and they can't take that. He couldn't apparently even though he said he could he said that he wanted it like that.

When he left me he took my heart with him. And for that I've never forgiven him. Killing Jason was icing on the cake of course but I resented him long before then.

I missed the touch of his hand. I missed the way his eyes would sparkle when I entered the room. I missed the way he looked when he fell asleep. His hair always fell into his face and I would always have the compulsion to brush it out of his face. Damn it I miss holding him. I miss him.

I hate him.

I love him still.

And I hate him for that.

=30=