Title: Cops 'N' Robbers

Author: Dark Jester

Feedback: raytheoncentaur3@yahoo.com

Rating: G

Fandom: BTAS

Pairing: Bruce/Joker

Feedback: YES!

Archive?: YES!

Disclaimer: Sadly, they aren't mine. *cries*

Summary: THIS IS A COMICAL LOOK AT THESE GUYS! NO SEX! Read it for a
cute surprise ending! ^_^

~Cops 'N' Robbers~
By Dark Jester

Even upstairs, the repetetive ticking of the grandfather clock could be heard. A sprawling staircase connected with the massive second floor, leading into a shadow-filled hall. Shimmering vases and freshly watered plants decorated the area, providing the only real color in sight.

All was quiet in Wayne Manor.

Alfred had long since gone to bed, content that the cleaning duties had been performed. Dick was off living his own life, and Tim was safely at home. Thank heavens.

Because none of those three could ever be prepared for what emerged from the expensively constructed library.

A haunched form crept silently through the doors, barefoot on the carpeted hallway. It looked both ways, scoffed to itself and then pressed into a wall. *He'll never find me,* it thought pridefully. As the figure continued along, it passed through by a window, momentarily caught in the moonlight.

There was Bruce, donning nothing more than silk pajama pants and a heavy robe. In his left hand, he clutched a pillowcase, stuffed with what looked like randomly assorted objects. His right hand held a sturdy pose, forming a gun out of thick fingers.

There was a light smirk on his lips, sending a gentle crease down his chin. Mischievious glints of blue scanned the hallway, always watchful... but not at all serious. Not tonight, anyway.

"Cli-click!" a soft hiss sounded from around the corner.

It was quickly followed by ill-repressed giggles, and was far more than enough warning. Bruce ducked into the bathroom, holding his breath to keep from laughing. The soft patter of bare feet started somewhere behind him, but then died out as they passed through the hallway. He had managed to hide himself in time, pressing into the corner behind the oak bathroom door.

"I'm gonna get you!" the voice sang, rising into pitches only falsettos would dare touch.

"You'll never get me!" a deeper voice answered, tinged with waves of excitement.

In a whirl of robes, Bruce bolted down the hallway, going the same way the second person had come from. The pillowcase clanged and hit against his thigh, making his hasty retreat very easy to track. But then, maybe that was the intent...?

"Pchew! Pchew!" the second figure spat, pulling the trigger of an invisible gun. "Come back here right now! I'm taking you in!"

"You'll have to catch me first!"

"I've done it before! I can do it again!"

Two pairs of bare feet hitting carpet sounded through the Manor, and luckily enough, didn't disturb the old butler. Bruce retreated into the master bedroom and erupted into laughter, dropping his 'stolen goods' on the floor behind him. A quick movement behind him signaled the arrival of his follower, and he turned around to face him.

The two men giggled back and forth, trying desperately to keep straight faces as they had a stare-down. Bruce pulled back the invisible hammer and watched as the other man spun his 'chamber'.

"Alright, one-eyed Wayne... I'm takin' you in!"

"Am I supposed to be one-eyed? Sorry..."

"Shh! Play along!"

Bruce coughed and pleaded, "Oh, no! Don't arrest me, Sheriff Joker!"

"Gimme one good reason Ah shouldn't," the Joker's voice purred, heavily mocking a southern accent. He grinned triumphantly and cocked his 'gun', stepping forward as though moving to arrest the red-handed criminal. "You've stolen these here spoons fer the last time, one-eyed Wayne." The clown kicked Bruce's pillowcase aside, leaving a shiny trail of silverware behind.

"BLAM!" the billionaire shouted, jerking his hand a little. He fell to the ground as though to duck for cover, and pulled the nearby quilt off of his bed... and over his body.

"Ugh!" Joker exclaimed, disarmed and stumbling around. "I've... been shot!" He tactfully fell on top of Bruce, landing with a soft thud over him. Gasping, he clutched at his bare chest, his robe hanging open in an inviting sort of manner. He, like Bruce, was dressed in pajama pants. "You've... won..."

After a dramatic death scene, silence hung in the air.

A gentle squirming of thick muscles told Joker the game was over, and he broke into a horrific fit of laughter, rolling over onto the floor. "You!" he exclaimed, choking for air, "...were... were so...
f-funny!"

Bruce growled and grabbed for Joker, wrapping him up in the quilt as he searched for a way out. "Admit it! You had trouble finding me!"

"Yeah... hoo hoo hoo... but you should've SEEN the way you ran!"

"Be quiet!" Bruce demanded, shoving his companion onto the floor. He smothered him in the quilt and laughed at him.

"Make me!" the clown dared.

"I can do that."

"Does this mean we're going to play a new game?" Joker asked, peeking from under the heavy material on his face.

"Yeah. Horizontal Twister."

The two pulled together for a kiss, wrapping their arms around each other possessively. "Mmmm," Bruce sighed, trying to run his fingers through curled locks of jade. A bit of light from his left disrupted the moment, only momentarily distracting from the fact that Joker's hair wouldn't give way to his hands.

"Wha'ss... the... matterrr...?" he growled, sitting up in bed.

In bed...?

Bruce blinked a few times and glanced around his sun-filled room, very quickly soaking in the information being given to him.

"Ohhhhh, boy... no more Thai food at three in the morning."

*************
END