Author: Co-written by Jay Narra & Liana Kerzner
Rating: R
Pairing: Batman/Joker
Fandom: Think "The Killing Joke," & "Arkham Asylum." Mildly BTAS. Some point after the comic "Death In The Family."
Feedback: Definitely! Appreciated!
Archive: Yes, certainly! Just let me know it's there!
Disclaimer: Batman & Joker are (c) DC! Not mine!
Summary: BATH TIME!! YAY!!
The Game We Play 14 - Time-Out
Co-written by Jay Narra & Liana Kerzner
Batman bent over quietly and tore a wide strip of fabric off the bedsheet. He folded it over a few times, then tied it around the Joker's face, making sure the shrewd green eyes couldn't see
anything.
Without bothering to speak, he scooped the Joker up and headed for the stairs. He noticed this time how light the waifish body was becomming... how little there was to actually hold onto.
Joker giggled every few steps, folding his arms over his chest. He resisted peeking, knowing it would only serve to enrage the somewhat calm Batman. So instead, he busied himself by humming, leaning into the strong arms that carried him.
Batman carried him up to the door the led into the mansion and paused. This was a huge risk. And the thing that scared him was that part of him -- a very large part -- wanted the Joker to figure
it out. But he couldn't bring himself to tell him.
It wasn't unlike many of the women in his life, he realized. How odd.
With that thought, he passed through the door into Wayne Manor. He carried the Joker through the study and out into the hall, where Alfred had just finished rearranging the linen closet. The old
butler turned to him with his trademark world weary expression on his face. It quickly changed to one of surprise.
Bruce shook his head. *Not a word.*
Alfred noticed the blindfold and rolled his eyes. *Is all of this really necessary?*
Bruce glared. *Yes, it's necessary.* He looked upstairs.
Alfred nodded, then sighed at the melodrama of the situation and headed up the stairs ahead of Bruce.
In a whiny voice, Joker asked, "Are we there, yet?" He squirmed a little bit, pulling his robe more tightly around him. "The air is warmer up here... and are those footsteps I hear ahead?" He giggled softly.
"I invited Robin over, since you like him so much." Batman snapped, hoping that would shut the Joker up. He jerked his head toward the Master Bedroom. The ensuite didn't have a window that looked outside, just a frosted glass panel that really led nowhere. The butler nodded and opened the door.
"Hello, birdie!" Joker greeted, waving at the air blindly. "Awful quiet today, are we? Je-" He cut himself off, realizing he was very quickly getting wound up over something Batman was probably lying about, anyway.
Alfred arched an eyebrow at the Joker as Batman carried him through the bedroom into the bathroom. What a strange little man. He hardly seemed dangerous, although the old man knew better. He mouthed the word "enjoy" and started to close the door.
"Get out!" Batman snapped, irritated at Alfred's ever present sarcasm.
The door closed.
Joker winced and made a face, bringing his hand up over Batman's mouth. "Shhhh... You'll scare the bird away!" He smirked and then shrugged, continuing with, "Ehhh, I suppose he already left,
though... didn't he? So ummm... where are we now? Oooooh... I'm so excited! I love new places!"
Batman set him down and locked the door before removing the blindfold.
A softly lit, tranquil bathroom was revealed. The color scheme was predominantly earth tones, with a few accents of Oriental red and black here and there. A deep, irregularly-shaped whirlpool bathtub dominated the spacious room, set against a custom-built frosted glass shelving unit which hinted at books behind the translucent panels broken up by Asian-style natural wood slats. Short polished granite steps led up to the mouth of the tub, the custom-made module a sand color with hints of black, brown and rust. The edges of the steps were left rough, giving the whole thing a natural, effortless appearance.
The nearby towel racks and forced air vents were also unstained wood, intricate carvings snaking along the surfaces. The shower stall was almost hidden from view in the corner, the front panel
connecting the walls almost seamlessly.
The sink and counter were made of the same granite material as the casing of the bathtub, and the faucets were an unobtrusive unpolished chrome. The towels and terry robes that hung from the walls at sat on recessed shelves were plush and soft-looking.
The whole room radiated calm.
"Ooooh! C'est si à l'aise" Joker exclaimed. "Somebody has a few dollars saved... am I right?" He leaned on the sink and took in the room's appearance, part of his brain instantly searching for clues on who Batman was hiding behind his cowl. He moved forward a step and smiled, taking in a deep breath. "I must say I'm impressed, dearest. Very tasteful. Had I a permanent address - not including my cell block - and the money for it, I'd want one of these."
"Make yourself at home." Batman said, feeling very strange, although thankful he didn't sound as uncomfortable as he felt. This room wasn't supposed to be part of the Bat's domain, but it was
unavoidable.
He couldn't help but feel like it was a start of something, a blurring of the lines he'd so carefully traced for himself. He didn't mind the idea: it was a promise of cohesion.
"But of course," Joker replied, already headed to inspect the bathtub. He hadn't been waiting for permission; he didn't feel he needed any at this point. The steps were a bit of a struggle, but he
managed. "Something tells me this is YOU," he commented softly. "It feels right. I get the idea that this is where you come to relax... like after you beat me up and throw me in Arkham. Y'know?" He flashed an innocent smile over his shoulder.
"Actually I usually shower downstairs and fall asleep wherever I drop." Batman responded, not confirming or denying the Joker's suspicions. "What does it matter who *I* am?"
"Hmph." Joker rolled his eyes and then sat down on one of the steps. "You're trying to be difficult, aren't you? I thought we were trying to play nice for once. Seeing as it's going to be the last
time we ever 'play'." He folded his arms and leaned forward, resting on his knees. "It matters to me who you are. I care about it."
Batman winced and lowered his head a little. That comment had penetrated his defenses. The Joker wasn't allowed to. . . stop playing. Not now.
"The man you know is the man you see." He said quietly.
"Wrong. The man I know is a mix of both, whether or not you choose to accept it." Joker stared at him intensely. "The one I can see is the dominant of the two, but... they're both still there. And
anyway, I don't want to argue at the moment."
"You started it." Batman said, sounding a little sulky.
"Oh, c'mon, Batsy! Don't be a party-pooper, alright?" Joker held out his arms invitingly and beckoned for him with his fingers. "I promise not to mention that I'm dying if you can promise to try and relax."
"I get the feeling you want to die." Batman said, not really latching on to the whole concept of trying to relax. "That bothers me."
"Fine," Joker mumbled, dropping his arms. He ignored the statements, turning to lean on the tub. Folding his arms, he scratched at the surface, blatantly upset and pretending to be bored.
Batman sighed, headed over to the tub and turned on the taps, ignoring the Joker's snit.
Joker watched patiently, poking at the water as soon as it filled the bottom. "I don't want to die."
"Then stop talking like it's an immediate eventuality." Batman snapped. However, it was more of a nagging outburst than an angry one.
Joker immediately snarled, "Are you the one dying?! Are you the one stuck wondering how many days you have left?! Answer that, Batman! I'll talk about it however I like!"
Batman froze. The Joker had a point. He could understand the anger and the helplessness.
"I've been there." He said seriously. "There have been times I thought I was going to die, times I should have died, and times I wanted to die. But I'm still here."
"No kidding," Joker giggled. He couldn't help it. It just came out. "You're a hard rodent to exterminate. I know. I've tried." He winked and batted at the water, feeling a world better after the Bat's confession. "But I'm happy you're still here. You know I was joking, don't you? That I tried? Because I wasn't."
"You weren't trying or you weren't joking?" Batman asked, watching the Joker intently.
Joker winced and ran the question through his mind several times. "What?" He raised an eyebrow and then cleared his throat. "I was joking about trying, dear. Pay attention." The words were said
with a light smirk.
Batman had the urge to hit the Joker for the first time that evening. He'd been doing fairly well up until that point. He watched the tub filling, trying to fight off his violent tendencies. The sight gave him an idea.
With a quick swat of his hand, he smacked at the water, splashing the Joker -- and a large portion of the floor -- with a small tidal wave of water.
There. He felt much better.
"Hey!" Joker protested, raising his hands to block the water already all over him. "You jerk!" he shouted half-heartedly... and then started laughing. With a quick movement, he returned the splash, aiming for Batman's face.
Batman leapt out of the way of the water and smirked at the Joker. "Missed me."
He almost stuck out his tongue. . . how odd.
"I won't this time!" Joker splashed again, hitting his palms in the water's surface as it rose. He started a tidal wave and then pushed it up out of the tub, sending a great amount of water everywhere.
"Damn it!" Batman snapped, his voice slightly annoyed. Ignoring the feeling of warm water soaking through his suit, he grabbed for one of the towels and dropped it onto the floor.
"I made a mess," Joker giggled. "Oops!" The tone to his voice said he didn't really care. Besides, he couldn't help but laugh at the sight before him... a wet Bat going to clean up the floor.
Priceless.
Batman scowled and threw a towel at him.
"And you're going to help clean it up." He grumbled. It was now dawning on him that the entire front of his suit was soaked and was sticking to him, making his skin feel clammy. The situation
reminded him of a few too many showdowns in the sewers with his old uniform.
Joker dropped the towel onto the floor and stepped on it. "There. Loosen up and learn to play a little, will you? Come on, we were having fun just two seconds ago."
"And then you flooded my bathroom." Batman grouched, getting down on his knees to try to stop the water from leaking under the door and into the carpet in his bedroom. Meanwhile, he was chastising himself for ever bringing the Joker up there in the first place. It had been a stupid, sentimental idea.
Joker pouted and slid down onto the floor. He sat in the puddle - soaking his robe - and stared intensely up at Batman. "I apologize."
Batman looked up.
"Excuse me?"
Joker folded his arms and repeated slowly, "I said I apologize. I'm sorry. I made you angry."
Batman looked at him suspiciously.
"Apology accepted." He said, despite his reservations. "Now are you going to take a bath?"
"Maybe." Joker shrugged and made no move toward the tub, or getting up at all.
Batman growled softly. "I'm tired of this."
He stood up, grabbed Joker under the arms, and plopped him in the tub.
"HEY!" Joker reached out to grab something, but was too late. Before he realized it, he was drenched and still wearing his robe. Angrily, he sat where he was dropped, glaring at Batman with horrified flashes of emerald. "I can't believe you just did that."
"Nothing is beneath me." Batman grumbled humorlessly as he stalked away, grabbing another towel on his way back to the mess on the floor. He crouched down, then looked over his shoulder to check on the Joker. When he saw the look on the Joker's face, he couldn't help himself. . .
He laughed.
"You look ridiculous." He pronounced.
"It's your fault," Joker answered. He pouted, folding his arms over his chest - and still neglected to peel away the robe.
Batman grinned. "Another job well done." He teased.
"Are you making a funny?" Joker asked lightly. "Because it's a nice change of pace." He gave up pretending to be upset and let his arms slide down into the water.
"You were scowling, so I figured I'd balance things out." Batman said flippantly.
"Hmmmm... well, now that I'm fine, again, you aren't allowed to return to being grumpy, kay? Because I might just splash more water over the side, otherwise." Joker grinned and then looked around the rim of the tub. "I want bubbles."
Batman snorted and shook his head as he stood up.
"Bubbles, huh?" He asked. "Let me see what I have."
He opened a cabinet and searched through various bottles and jars. Near the back he found a bottle of lavender bath. . . stuff a business associate had send him. . . and everyone else for Christmas.
"Ah ha." He said as he extracted the bottle. "Look, it's even purple."
He held the container out for the Joker's inspection.
"How exciting!" Joker waited patiently for Batman to pour it in, clapping his wet hands over the water.
Batman paused, then realized the Joker was suddenly incapable of opening a bottle. He sighed and popped the lid open, and poured the contents under the stream from the tap. The tub started filling with bubbles.
Joker began giggling excitedly, pushing the bubbles around the water's surface. "Now you get in! C'mon!"
Batman shook his head.
"No." He said firmly.
"Please?"
"Joker."
Pretty emerald eyes were batted pleadingly.
A dark cowled head shook decisively.
Joker frowned, determined to MAKE the Bat get in. "Fine... but let's see how long I can hold my breath!" He laughed and fell over backward, the sound drowned out by water filling his mouth.
"JOKER!" Batman bellowed. He leapt up the steps and knelt at the edge of the deep bathtub, fishing around frantically for something to grab and pull out. He knew the Joker wasn't bluffing -- he was crazy enough to drown to spite him. His fingers caught on something and he fished it out.
It turned out to be just the robe. What were the odds the Joker had undone it? No time to think about that now.
He plunged his hand back in again and grabbed the Joker by the hair.
Thin white hands latched onto Batman's arm, pulling him further into the water. Joker was doing a great deal of making things difficult, letting a few air bubbles rise to the surface... just for fun's
sake.
"Damn it Joker, this isn't funny!" Batman swore, stepping into the tub for greater leverage.
Inwardly, Joker congratulated himself. He could feel the displacement of water as the Bat joined him inside the tub... and quickly developed a plan. As fast as he could make his weakened body
move, he sat up in the tub, sending a crash of water toward Batman.
*
END