Apollo My Love

by Bianca Michaeli

Fandom: Battlestar Galactica Pairings Category Rating Warning

Pairing: Apollo / Starbuck

Rating: NC-17

Posted: 3rd February 2001, 12:00AM CST

Summary: After the first victory over the Cylons (pilot), Starbuck realizes how life can be short and decides to tell Apollo he loves him. Only Apollo punches him...

Author Notes: This is my first try in this fandom. The story hasn't been beta-ed. As english isn't my native tongue, there're probably mistakes. I hope you'll enjoy the story despite that.

Disclaimer: BSG belongs to Universal.

The party was in full swing when Starbuck left it. He had danced with half the women and men present, had received so many invitations to private quarters his book note would have been full if he had accepted them.

The Galactica crew was celebrating his victory over the Cylons and the Ovions after the dark hours of the destruction of the colonies. But Starbuck wasn't fully in the mood. The carefree young pilot wasn't as fully happy as he should have been. Of course he was mourning Zac, whose he had seen like his little brother. But more he was scared to death by the idea Apollo could have died during the first attack. Starbuck had always wanted to think that Apollo was invulnerable and the idea the dark haired pilot could be killed in a flash of light was unbearable.

Starbuck had been in love since the first day he had met Apollo in the Academy only he had never dared to tell him. He had quickly heard from public rumor that Adama's son was straight as an arrow. Other male cadets had tried their chance with him and Starbuck had seen Apollo refused them all.

Same sex relationships weren't something new or frowned in the colonies, and half the people were, had been or would be engaged with this kind of affair. Only Apollo belonged to the other half.

Starbuck had first thought his new interest for Apollo would fade quickly. Starbuck knew himself too well and his love stories never lasted more than a few weeks. Only with Apollo it was different. From a sheer physical fantasy he had turned into an obsession and from an obsession he had turned into love.

Starbuck had wisely hid his feelings to Apollo. He didn't want the man who was now his best friend to turn his back to him. He preferred a friendship without hope for more than nothing at all. When they were still in the Academy, Starbuck had been afraid Apollo had guessed his feelings. Knowing that Apollo would hear him, he had even tell Boomer, who was asking him about the dark haired man, that he only felt friendship for him.

He had been really sad when he had understood that he would never see young Zac again. Then he had felt deeply ashamed that his heart sang 'thank Gods, Apollo is alive!' Then he had become aware that life was short. Apollo could have been killed, too. Starbuck had always thought, deep in him, that one day he would take his chance and speak to Apollo. Only now Apollo seemed very fond of that young woman, Serina.

Until now Apollo had just had flirts but with Serina it could be serious. The beautiful young woman could be the love of his life and Starbuck just couldn't stand it.

@@@@@@@@

Apollo left the party as soon as he was sure his absence wouldn't be noticed. Starbuck, Boomer and himself had finally received the Golden Sun in a moving ceremony where, to Apollo's joy, his father was this time present, and then the party had begun. Apollo had danced with a few women but he was tired of the noise and quickly left. He ended in his quarters and stretched on his bed.

A soft chime made him jump and the door opened in front of Starbuck. Apollo sat up on his bed.

"May I come in?" the blond young man asked with an unusual politeness.

Apollo nodded. Starbuck sat down on the bed near his friend and absent-mindedly brushed a finger on Apollo's new decoration. "Suits you well," he noticed.

"What's the matter, Starbuck?" Apollo asked, frowning. "You'd be at the party, turning all the ladies mad. Do you have a problem?"

Starbuck shook his head no and nervously licked his lips. He needed to know. He needed to do it now. He put his hands on Apollo's shoulders and quickly leaning toward him, kissed him lightly on the lips.

Apollo's reaction was immediate. He pushed Starbuck away from him and punched his jaw hard enough to make him fall off the bed, his head banging against the wall. Starbuck closed his eyes for a brief secton. Then he got up, facing a stunned Apollo.

"I love you, Apollo," he simply said. "I needed an answer. I got it."

Then he left.

@@@@@@@@@

Apollo went for a walk in the Galactica's hallways. He needed to think. His knuckles still hurt from their contact with Starbuck's jaw. He had the bad feeling he had lost his best friend. How could he face the blond pilot after that? Starbuck and him had been friends since their first day in the Academy. Apollo had been left alone in the beginning because he was Adama's son, and only the blond young man had dared to come to him and to talk to him. Starbuck was already fearless. Despite their differences of character, they had soon become close friends, Starbuck bringing humor and joy of life in Apollo's life, Apollo tempering his new friend's excesses.

And now that kiss. Apollo would have liked to believe that Starbuck was a bit drunk when he had kissed him but he knew it was wrong. Starbuck had been even sober than usual, not playing his usual game. He had shown his true face and Apollo wondered if he had ever really known his friend of ten years.

Even if same sex couples weren't something rare in the colonies, Apollo had never been attracted to a man in his whole life, and he had always thought Starbuck wasn't attracted to him. They were friends for a so long time! If Athena had offered him to share her bed, he wouldn't have been more surprised and more shocked. He couldn't conceive Starbuck was in love with him. Apollo blushed when he remembered how he had reacted to the blond lieutenant's kiss. He was ashamed. He had acted like a moron. Starbuck had just tried to express his feelings and Apollo had endangered their friendship.

Apollo was so deep in his thoughts that he never saw Athena coming and collided with his sister.

"Apollo! What are you doing here?" she asked in an almost angry voice.

"Only walking," her brother answered. "What are you doing here? It's far away from you own quarters."

Athena frowned then smiled. Her brother always needed to be protective with her. "I was walking, too." She nibbled at her lower lip then asked, "Apollo... what happened to Starbuck?"

His brother immediately tense. "Why do you ask me?" he asked in his most neutral voice.

"He broke up with me," Athena revealed. "I thought it was because of Cassiopea, but he broke up with her, too."

"When?"

"A few hours ago, before the party. He told both of us he was in love with someone else and that would be dishonest to leave us hope."

"Nothing special happened to Starbuck," Apollo answered with a dry throat.

Athena looked at his brother. "You're lying. I can see it. You've never been a good liar. What happened?"

Apollo sighed and suddenly his urge to speak overwhelmed his usual need for privacy. He told everything to his younger sister.

"Wow!" Athena concluded as he ended his tale. "You punched him? Apollo, you're really a moron!"

"Thank you," his brother said, offended.

She had a tender, sad smile. "That confirms what Cassiopea said to me. I went to see her after Starbuck told me all was ended. I was angry. She told me that she thought Starbuck was in love with you. I refused to believe her, of course. Only she was right."

"I'm sorry, Athena," Apollo whispered. He felt as if he had robbed Starbuck to his sister's affection.

"Not your fault," Athena sighed. "I just wasn't the right sibling."

"Nothing will happen between Starbuck and me, believe me," Apollo said.

Athena looked at him with surprise. "Why? He loves you, Apollo. You should give him a chance."

"I don't love him that way. He's like a brother for me."

Athena tenderly smiled to her brother. "It's a pity you're so straight," she said.

@@@@@@

Athena left a very thoughtful Apollo. He walked back to his quarters and nearly bumped into Starbuck. The blond pilot seemed to wait for him. Before Apollo could tell one word, Starbuck had stepped in front of him.

"Apollo, I'd like to apologize," he said in a solemn voice that contrasted with his usual cheerfulness. "I hope what I did a bit foolishly didn't upset you too much."

Apollo couldn't help but smile. "A bit foolishly wasn't exactly the term I was thinking about. Totally crazy would be more suitable." He smiled again. "I don't bear a grudge against you, Starbuck. You've got the right to express your feelings."

"So..." Starbuck gave the feeling he was walking on eggs. "Can I hope we're still friends?"

Apollo sank his eyes into his friend's and Starbuck didn't disrobe his gaze. "I hope we're still friends," he said, putting a hand on his blond friend's shoulder. "I'm sorry I punched you. How about your jaw?"

"I've seen worse," Starbuck smiled. "Care for a drink?"

"Why not?"

@@@@@@

Their old friendship seemed to have been restored as before, to Apollo's relief, only the young captain knew that something had deeply changed. The dark haired pilot couldn't point it out but he felt it. There always had been a lot of touching before between them. Now Apollo didn't dare to put his hand in Starbuck's back when they entered a room, and he had noticed Starbuck was less familiar with him. And Apollo let drift his mind to Athena's words.

'It's a pity you're so straight,' she had said. 'He's like a brother for me,' he had replied.

It wasn't that true. A lost memory hit Apollo's mind as he walked in the Galactica's corridors. He remembered the first time he had seen Starbuck in the Academy. He had been astonished by his beauty and his cheerfulness and he had begun to look for the blond man's company. He had begun to have feelings for Starbuck that were beyond friendship until one day he had heard a conversation between the blond pilot and his other friend Boomer. They were talking about him and Boomer had asked Starbuck if he was dating Apollo, as they were often together. Starbuck had replied that no, they were just friends, and that he didn't think of the dark haired pilot that way. Apollo had been hurt and had fought hard his newborn feelings for Starbuck, stepping back into friendship.

Apollo sighed at the memory and walked in a firm pace to his quarters. He no longer wondered why he was now observing Starbuck with anger each time the blond pilot was chatting with another man.

"I'm not jealous," he said aloud in a firm voice. "Starbuck can date the whole male staff of the Galactica if he wants, I'm not jealous." Then he stopped and leaned against the wall. Honesty had always been Apollo's highest quality and he couldn't lie to himself any longer. "Oh Lords," he whispered. "I still love him. I always have loved him. And I rejected him."

@@@@@@@@

Starbuck closed his eyes, leaning against the metallic wall of the Galactica, enjoying the young cadet's ministrations on his neck. The boy was dark haired, with the same haircut than Apollo, but of course he wasn't Apollo.

He suddenly tensed when he saw Apollo coming towards them and gently pushed the cadet away. The boy looked at Apollo's angry face, looked at Starbuck's defiant one, and decided to leave in a hurry. "See you later," he babbled to the lieutenant who nodded.

"So what?" Starbuck asked in a lazy, vaguely threatening tone.

Apollo gave him an icy look. "That's a surprising behavior for someone who claimed he was in love with me a few days ago."

Starbuck crossed his arms on his chest. "That's a surprising reaction for someone who said no with such vigor a few days ago."

Apollo sighed, recognizing the truth in his friend's words. "I'm sorry, Starbuck. I've no rights over you."

"It's okay, Apollo," the blond pilot gently said, putting a friendly hand on his captain's shoulder.

Apollo's heart beat hard in his chest when he felt Starbuck's warm hand on him. The lieutenant's beautiful blue eyes were full of sympathy for him and he felt moved. Apollo slowly raised his hand and gently stroked Starbuck's cheek with the back of his fingers. The blond man's skin was incredibly soft and Apollo lost himself in the sensation. He didn't dare to say something. He couldn't speak. He just hoped that Starbuck would understand his gesture. Starbuck sank his gaze into Apollo's with surprise then smiled. He was about to speak when they heard loud footsteps.

"I'd better leave," Apollo quickly said.

"Apollo!" Starbuck called him.

The captain turned back and looked at his friend. "Yes?"

"Tonight... will you be at the party?"

Apollo nodded.

@@@@@@

Apollo watched his sister as she was dancing with a young pilot. She seemed healed from her deception about Starbuck. He watched Serina dancing with another pilot and smiled. He had been honest with her, telling her she couldn't wait more than friendship from him. Of course, he had added, he would still be a father for Boxey. He was deeply fond of the little boy and never intended to drop him.

Apollo felt on the edge of something he couldn't name. He had always seen Starbuck as his best friend, his almost brother and now he was confused about his new feelings. He had seriously thought about spending a night with Starbuck and a chill had run down his spine.

Now that Apollo had admitted that his feelings for Starbuck weren't only friendly he felt relieved. The captain liked clear situations and now, all he had to do, was to tell Starbuck he shared his feelings. He just hoped he hadn't screwed everything by his initial behavior. He hoped that the understanding between them a few hours ago wasn't only his imagination.

He looked at Starbuck who was seated next to him on the banquette in the corner of the lounge. The light were dimmed, the music slow and sensual and mostly of the people were dancing. It was around midnight and now the atmosphere had changed, turning into something sensual that gave Apollo the urge to act.

Now he was sure about his feelings, he just didn't know how to tell Starbuck. He looked at his friend who seemed to enjoy the evening. Apollo had a half smile and decided to use the old tactic. He stretched and his right arm came naturally to repose on Starbuck's shoulders. The other man clearly jumped but Apollo was looking on the dance floor.

"Apollo?"

The dark haired pilot looked at his friend who resumed, "You have your arm around my shoulders."

Apollo smiled. "I noticed that, too."

"Earlier you stroked my cheek. Now that. What kind of game are you playing?" Starbuck growled. But he wasn't really angry. Just prudent.

"No more game, Starbuck," Apollo answered in a low, sensual voice. He sank his gaze into Starbuck's and licked his dry lips. "I'm sorry I punched you the other time, Bucko."

"I already told you it was okay," Starbuck patiently replied.

"What I mean," Apollo answered, "is that if you'd do it again, I won't punched you this time."

Starbuck's eyes turned serious. "Are you telling me you... share my feelings?"

"Yes."

"Oh Lords!"

"Kiss me, Bucko."

Starbuck had the smile of victory and bending, he brushed his lips against his friend's. Feeling that Apollo wasn't against more boldness, the blond pilot licked his friend's lips that parted, allowing him a further exploration. Starbuck lost himself into the new sensation of kissing Apollo. He had dreamt about that for a long time, and now it was the real thing. He hugged the dark haired captain, sliding his fingers into the raven mane, his other hand tightening almost painfully on Apollo's waist.

Apollo felt a shock when Starbuck's hot tongue entered his mouth and began to duel with his. His member stiffened and a delicious shiver went through his stomach. He had kissed numerous women in his life but kissing Starbuck was like kissing for the first time.

When their mouth parted they were both breathless.

"I love you," Apollo whispered before his courage was gone.

Starbuck's face turned serious and he gently took Apollo's hand in his. "I love you, too, Apollo," he said with a tender smile. "Since the very first day I met you at the Academy."

Both men were suddenly uneasy and Starbuck showed the dance floor. "Wanna dance?"

Apollo looked at the dance floor, at Sarbuck then nodded. Starbuck brought him to the floor and laughed softly when Apollo looked a bit awkward. He had never danced with another man and he didn't know how to proceed. Starbuck wrapped his arms around Apollo's waist and put his head on the captain's shoulder as the dark haired pilot shyly put his hands on Starbuck's waist. They had dropped their jackets and Apollo felt almost naked against his wingman's body heat.

They danced a moment like that, Apollo breathing Starbuck's hair, the blond lieutenant slowly rubbing his body against his friend's. Then he lead the dark haired pilot to the darkest corner of the room, where couples were kissing and stroking without embarrassment and began another kind of dance. He turned his back to Apollo and slowly rubbed his body against his captain's, only this time Apollo felt his pants becoming too tight when Starbuck's muscled buttocks brushed against his groin. Apollo swallowed as Starbuck did it again and again and stopped him abruptly.

"Starbuck!" he exclaimed in a whisper. "Stop that!"

"Why?" Starbuck replied, hugging him and kissing his neck as they were slowly dancing. "You like that."

"I'm going to come into my pants!" Apollo growled.

Starbuck's hand immediately set out an expedition to check the problem and the blond pilot softly laughed. "My, it seems you have a big problem!"

He pushed Apollo in the corner of the room, where shadows could conceal his arousal and said he was going to retrieve their jackets. He managed to stay in the crowd enough to hide his own arousal and Apollo was relieved when he could leave the room his jacket in front of him. He noticed they weren't the only couple to exit in that state.

They almost rushed into Starbuck's quarters and Apollo, despite his little interest into decoration in general and right now especially, noticed once again how much Starbuck took care of his interior. The place was warm and cosy, decorated in soft tones that matched Starbuck's blond beauty.

They both seated on the bed, tossing away their boots and socks. Apollo's breath was quick. Starbuck helped him to take off his tunic and his black tee shirt, taking the opportunity to kiss his friend's muscled torso. Apollo let escape a moan. "Do that again and I come," he threatened. "Lords, I feel like a teenager again!"

"Great sensation, uh?" Starbuck teased him. "I feel like that every time I look at you." He pushed Apollo on his back and opened the dark haired pilot's fly. Apollo lifted his hips and Starbuck pulled his pants down to his knees before taking them off. Apollo's member was poking against his stomach and the throbbing organ was already oozing precum.

"Let me take care of you," Starbuck whispered, kneeling between his friend's legs. Apollo shamelessly parted his legs more, too far beyond arousal to be embarrassed. Starbuck would have liked to kiss every part of Apollo's beautiful body but he knew his friend couldn't last more and he focused on the rigid shaft that was begging for attention.

Starbuck gently pressed the heated sac between Apollo's legs to ease the pressure then took the rigid organ in his mouth, wetting the hard flesh with his saliva, teasing it with his tongue, eliciting a loud moan from the dark haired man. He had barely the time to suck a few times until Apollo came with a cry of pleasure, shooting jets of hot semen in the blond man's mouth who swallowed it, happy at last to have given his beloved a such intense pleasure.

Apollo's body was totally limp and still shaken by the afterwaves of his intense orgasm. Eyes closed, he crawled on the bed and caught his breath. He heard Starbuck undress and felt him lay down on the bed besides him but he was too under the shock of the overwhelming pleasure he had just experienced to simply speak.

His eyes fluttered open as he heard Starbuck moaning softly. He leaned on his elbow and a shiver ran down his stomach when he saw the blond lieutenant was pleasuring himself. Apollo bent over and gently kissed Starbuck's lips, his hand caressing the other man's fist.

"Let me do that for you," he whispered.

Starbuck spooned against him and Apollo wrapped his fist around the blond lieutenant's throbbing organ, pumping on it until Starbuck bucked his hips to better meet the thrusts and came in powerful jets that hit his chest.

"Apollo, my love," he whispered.

Apollo was deeply moved by those words and he kissed Starbuck's neck. He grabbed a handful of tissue on the nightstand and cleansed Starbuck's chest then hugged him closely, giving him little kisses on the shoulders. He was half hard again because of Starbuck's buttocks rubbing against his groin. The other man turned to face him and kissed him full on the lips. They stayed a long time on the bed, kissing and gently stroking each other.

"I want you," Starbuck whispered.

"You have me," Apollo replied, his hand letting feather strokes on the other man's back.

Starbuck had a mischievous smile. "I mean, I want to make love to you, Apollo."

The dark haired captain lowered his eyes for a brief second, his heart pounding in his chest, wondering if he had really understood. "You mean..."

"I mean fucking, Apollo," Starbuck laughed softly.

Apollo's manhood twitched at those words. He swallowed. "Make love to me, Bucko."

Starbuck smiled and stretched his arm, grabbing something in the nightstand drawer. Apollo blushed when he realized it was a tube of lube.

The other man laughed again. "I like that flush on your cheeks." He opened the cap and poured some of the transparent liquid on his fingers. "Do you trust me?"

"With my life," Apollo answered and he meant it.

Starbuck kissed his lips, then his neck and his chest as his hand went between Apollo's legs, teasing the dark haired man's hidden entrance with his coated fingers. Apollo started a bit then relaxed his muscles. He felt Starbuck's forefinger enter him and his arousal grew. Closing his eyes, he felt another finger entering him and stretching him carefully and moaned. When a third finger was added, Apollo was bucking his hips against Starbuck's fingers. The sensations were incredible and he wanted more. Too soon the blond man withdrew his fingers and handed him the tube of lube.

"Prepare me," he whispered.

They knelt face to face and Apollo poured a bit of lube in his palm then slowly took Starbuck's pulsing shaft in it, coating it carefully until he saw a drop of precum oozing from the other man's manhood. Starbuck smiled tenderly and wrapped his arms around Apollo's neck, making him lie on the bed and toping him. Without his eyes left Apollo's, he guided his hard member into his lover's entrance, pushing slowly, kissing the dark haired man when he saw it hurt until he was buried to the root in him. Apollo was panting, his own throbbing organ trapped between their stomachs. Starbuck thrust, slowly at first, to let Apollo adjust to his size, then more quickly as he saw the captain close his eyes and enjoy what he was doing to him.

Starbuck was lost into his sensations and closed his eyes in turn as pleasure was growing more and more in his whole body. He had never felt that good before and he was surprised. Supporting his weight on his left hand, he used his right one to stroke Apollo's shaft who moaned under the ministration. Even if Starbuck wanted to climax, more than that he wanted Apollo to totally enjoy their first love making and he lasted until he saw the spasms of the orgasm shaking Apollo's body as the dark haired pilot came into his hand. Then Starbuck allowed himself to come and he climaxed hard and deep into Apollo with a muffled cry.

He released his grasp on Apollo's body and disentangled his body from his lover's, surprised when Apollo opened his eyes and hugging him, kissed him fiercely.

"Was so good, Bucko," Apollo said in a hoarse voice.

Starbuck smiled and hugged his lover back. "I'm so incredibly happy," he whispered.

They softly laughed and quickly fell asleep in each other's arms, Starbuck having barely the courage to grab the covers and pull them up on their cooling bodies.

@@@@@@@@@

As usual, Apollo checked personally each pilot of his squadron before the launching. He had always did that, and even today his mind was far away from his duty, he did it again. He controlled Boomer's computer that had problems, and gave the pilot a friendly pat on the shoulder.

Then he walked towards Starbuck's Viper and was marvelled by the incredible beauty of the young man this morning. They hadn't had time to talk earlier in the morning when they had woke up, being in late, hurrying under the shower and rushing into launch bay after a so quick breakfast they were still hungry. Apollo's body was deliciously hurting and he had the feeling someone had beaten him during his sleep. And he didn't even want to think if he would be able to sit in his cockpit for more than five minutes.

Apollo climbed on the Viper's wing and smiled to Starbuck. "Ready?"

"All's fine," Starbuck muttered, yawning.

"Good. We just do a little mission today, barely the routine," Apollo told him. "Then you'll can go back to bed."

"With you I hope," Starbuck said with a mischievous smile.

Apollo smiled back and taking profit that Starbuck hadn't yet put on his helmet, bent and kissed his lover's sensual lips.

"With me," he answered then jumped on the ground, heading to his own Viper.

Starbuck dreamily stroked his lips. He would have never thought that Apollo would display such a mark of affection in public, in front of the other pilots and crewmen. Apollo was very secret about his feelings and hated being the center of attention. As Starbuck launched his Viper among the stars beside Apollo he had a large smile. He couldn't wait to be back to the Galactica to show his captain how much he had appreciated his gesture.

"Bucko?" Apollo's voice resounded into his helmet. He was using their private circuit so nobody could hear them.

"Listening."

"You said you love me since you met me at the Academy, right?"

"That's the naked truth," Starbuck answered.

"So why did you tell Boomer you only saw me like a friend when we were at the Academy?" Apollo asked.

Finis