Title: Platinum

Author/pseudonym: Caroline Crane

Fandom: Big Wolf on Campus

Paring: Tommy/Merton

Rating: PG13

Status: new

Archive: yes to list archives

Series/Sequel: probably

Platinum
By Caroline Crane

"I can’t believe this," Merton muttered, ignoring the sound of the door slamming behind him and the look on his best friend’s face when Tommy glanced up from his desk.

"M-Merton?"

Merton rolled his eyes and headed straight for the mirror over the dresser, shooting a ‘don’t even say it’ glare in Tommy’s direction before he turned back to his reflection. "Unbelievable," he muttered under his breath, running his hands through his hair as he scowled at his reflection. He felt Tommy stop just behind him before he noticed the other boy watching him in the mirror, but he did his best to ignore the fact that Tommy even existed and went back to tugging at his formerly stylish hair. "What was I thinking?"

"You...you wanna tell me what happened, buddy?" Tommy asked in a tone that would have given Merton pause under normal circumstances. Given the major hair emergency he was having, though, he didn’t even hear what Tommy said.

"Why? Why did I even go out with her in the first place?" Merton asked his reflection. "Sure, she’s cute and she knows the Star Wars movies by heart. Okay, so she’s in the Roleplaying Club too, that's pretty cool. But she obviously knows nothing about hair."

If he’d been paying any attention at all to the boy standing behind him he might have noticed the look that passed over Tommy’s features at the mention of his latest girlfriend. In fact Tommy had been alarmingly silent on the subject of Alyssa since Merton met her two weeks ago, but Merton had assumed that Tommy was just preoccupied with football tryouts and their first semester of college. It was understandable; Tommy wasn’t a bad student in high school, but sometimes it took him awhile to catch on to new things. That was part of the reason Merton decided to come home and go to college with his best friend, because he knew how hard it would be for Tommy to adjust to going from being the most popular guy at Pleasantville High to being just another face in the crowd.

In the process of his own adjustment to college Merton had completely missed a few new changes in his best friend, including the fact that Tommy didn’t really want to hear about Merton’s girlfriend. He kept hoping that Tommy would meet somebody so they could all hang out together; at least that way he’d get to see Tommy and Alyssa and he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about ditching his best friend for his girlfriend. The truth was that he usually had a better time hanging out with Tommy than he did with some girl anyway, but Alyssa liked him and he was supposed to be dating. That was what college kids did, it was in the rulebook or something.

A pair of strong hands landed on his shoulders, squeezing slightly to get his attention. Merton looked up at Tommy’s reflection, bracing himself for laughter. What he found when he finally focused on Tommy wasn’t amusement, though...it was more like awe mingled with confusion.

"She was just supposed to do the ends," Merton said, answering the question Tommy hadn’t bothered to voice out loud again. "You know how she’s got those cool purple streaks in her hair? Well I thought if she just did the ends of mine...new school, new look, right? It wasn’t supposed to look like this."

"You were going for purple?" Tommy asked, raising his eyebrows at Merton’s reflection. One hand left Merton’s shoulder and reached up, Tommy’s thumb and index finger closing around a few strands before he realized what he was doing. "Can I...?"

A weird shiver hit the pit of Merton’s stomach at the idea of Tommy touching his hair, but he just shrugged and watched in the mirror as Tommy’s gaze dropped down to his scalp again. It was Tommy, after all, and he was a sensory kind of guy. So if he wanted to feel Merton’s hair for some reason it probably had to do with the werewolf instincts or something. Or Tommy was developing a new fetish, because he’d gone from simply stroking the shiny strands under his hand to gripping Merton’s hair between his fingers. It should have hurt; somewhere in the back of Merton’s mind he kept thinking that it should be uncomfortable to have Tommy tugging at his hair, only his touch was so gentle that it was actually starting to relax some of the anger out of him.

His eyes threatened to close and he forced them open again, keeping his gaze locked on Tommy as the other boy leaned a little closer and...wow. That was new, and Merton’s stomach joined his spine in a little tap dance that he knew wasn’t normal. He’d never given that much thought to the amount of time Tommy spent touching him – those kind of thoughts were dangerous, and besides it was just Tommy’s way of bonding. It didn’t mean anything, because they both dated girls all the time. Okay, all the time was a stretch at best and Tommy didn’t even date so much as he humored the girls that threw themselves at him. In fact the most interest he’d shown in a girl in ages was that time he fell for Becky, and that was because of a spell.

"Uh...Tommy?"

"Hmm?" Not so much an answer as a humming low in Tommy’s throat, and the shiver in his spine threatened to bring him to his knees, which was definitely not a good idea under the circumstances.

"Are you...are you sniffing my hair?"

"What? Oh, sorry," Tommy said, pulling back almost reluctantly. His hand didn’t seem too eager to release its hold on Merton’s hair, the grip loosening but going back to stroking instead of pulling away completely. Which felt really, really good in a way Merton was pretty sure should worry him. Tommy’s chest was still grazing Merton’s back, the hand that was still on his shoulder inching a little closer to his collarbone. He was pretty sure Tommy didn’t realize what he was doing, but he wasn’t sure whether to ask or just to ride out his friend’s latest whim. "It’s just...I didn’t expect it to be so soft."

It took a few seconds for Merton to realize that Tommy was talking about his hair, but when he did his whole face flushed and he pulled away and moved as far away from Tommy as he could. Considering the size of the dorm rooms allotted to freshmen that wasn’t very far, but even a few feet counted for a lot when Tommy seemed intent on petting him. And the thing was that it had felt good, way too good considering he didn’t remember drinking anything and the person touching him was the same person that slept in the bed right across the room from his.

"She used a really good leave-in conditioner," Merton said, reaching up self-consciously to run his hands through his hair. Tommy watched the motion of his hands, his pupils dilating slightly as he watched the progress of Merton’s fingers. The look on Tommy’s face did more interesting things to Merton’s stomach, and he wasn’t sure at all if he should stay in their room or make a run for it. He needed to go get hair dye; it was as good an excuse as any to get out of there, but he wasn’t really thrilled about the prospect of going out in public like this and anyway he was a little worried about what would happen to his hair if he dyed it again so soon after it had been stripped.

Tommy cleared his throat and looked away, and when he turned back to Merton the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach subsided a little. That was the Tommy he knew, the one that would make a crack any second now about how funny he looked. "How do you get from purple to blonde?"

Merton groaned at the mere sound of the word, closing his eyes and shaking his head as he resigned himself to the fact that he was, in fact, blonde. A freakish, unnatural blonde-gone-wrong kind of blonde, but blonde nonetheless. "In order to put the purple in you have to strip the color out of the hair first. She was just supposed to do the tips, but she got a little uneven on one side and by the time she evened it out...well, you can see what happened."

"Huh."

Merton probably would have felt better if Tommy was smirking, but the bemused half-grin he wasn’t really ready for. He didn’t even know what it meant, and the fact that Tommy kept staring at his hair with that look in his eyes...he shook his head to chase the thought away, telling himself he was imagining things. He had to be, it was the only explanation. He ran his hand through his hair experimentally, watching Tommy’s face carefully as his roommate’s smile faded and his eyes glazed over for a second. Okay, so Tommy had a blonde thing, maybe – he had dated Lori longer than any other girl Merton knew about, but that didn’t explain why he was looking at Merton that way. They were best friends – best male friends – and as far as he knew Tommy was straight.

A second later Tommy’s expression shifted to neutral and he crossed back to his desk, giving Merton as much room as possible as he closed the book he’d been reading. "I think it looks good," he said, and Merton knew he was imagining things now because he could swear Tommy’s cheeks were flushed. "Brings out your eyes."

His eyes? Since when did Tommy even notice he had eyes, let alone worry about whether or not they went with his hair? He sank to the edge of the bed closest to him, not even noticing that it was Tommy’s side of the room. He was still trying to get his mind around the fact that Tommy had just said he liked Merton’s hair. Maybe he was just trying to make Merton feel better about it, but that wasn’t what it had sounded like when Tommy said it.

"I look like a freak," he muttered.

He wasn’t even sure if Tommy heard him, because he’d been staring at the floor when he said it and Tommy seemed a little preoccupied with arranging the pens on his desk. Less than a minute later the mattress he was sitting on shifted, though, and then there was an uninvited hand in his hair for the second time since he’d gotten home. "You don’t look like a freak," Tommy said, way too softly for Merton’s comfort. It was weird and it was starting to freak him out a little, but there was a small, quiet part of him he’d never spent a lot of time thinking about that wanted to stay right where he was and see how this played out. "You look good, Merton. I swear."

Good. What the hell was that? He looked good...and now Tommy’s hand didn’t feel so much like it was stroking as petting, like Merton was a little kid or a dog that needed comfort. He reached up and caught Tommy’s hand before he realized what he was doing, flushing at the jolt of electricity that shot up his arm when Tommy's fingers closed around his. "You can stop trying to be nice, Tommy. I know what I look like. This color doesn’t even occur in nature, how could I not look like a freak?"

"Right, but purple’s a totally naturally look," Tommy said, his tone soft and tinged with something so close to hurt that Merton’s heart skipped a beat.

"There’s a difference." He knew what he was about to say would sound completely lame, but no matter how weird Tommy was acting he couldn’t stand the thought of hurting his best friend. They were stilling holding hands, though, and Merton’s face flushed again as he pulled his hand out of Tommy’s and looked down at his knees. "At least with purple everyone knows that you know it’s supposed to look that way. It’s a statement. This...this looks like I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I look like I’m trying to be Spike."

"Nah, Spike’s hair is turning this weird shade of green," Tommy said matter-of-factly, as though it was completely normal for a healthy eighteen-year-old boy to spend time actually contemplating the shade of blonde a 200-year-old vampire used on his hair. Not to mention his status as a fictional character from an overrated TV show. "Maybe back when he first showed up in Sunnydale, back when he was still cool. But ever since that whole ‘I love Buffy’ thing he’s not the same. Trust me, you look way better than Spike."

Merton was too stunned to put up a fight when Tommy went back to caressing his newly dyed hair between his thumb and index fingers. He started at the white-blonde tips, a smile Merton was positive he wasn’t even conscious of tugging at the corners of his mouth as his fingers moved down to the almost orange roots of his hair. It was going to take forever to grow this out, and the whole time he was going to remember this moment and wonder how the hell he’d spent a whole year being Tommy’s best friend and never known him at all. Not that he was going to forget this moment even after his hair finally grew out, because Tommy’s lips were slightly parted as he watched the progress of his fingers, and all Merton could think was that it would be really easy to lean forward and kiss him.

And where the hell had that thought come from? He’d never wanted to kiss Tommy before, at least not that he could remember. Okay, there was a little reaction occasionally when Tommy leaned really close to whisper something in his ear or hugged him especially hard after a fight, but he’d always chalked it up to adrenaline from fighting bad guys. Not that he ever did much actually fighting, but he liked to think of it as a contact adrenaline high. It was the only way he could explain it away, but this definitely wasn’t adrenaline and Tommy was still running his fingers through Merton’s hair.

"Um...Tommy? Is there something you wanna tell me here?" He hadn’t really meant to say that out loud, but it got him the reaction he wanted. At least he thought it was the reaction he wanted, but that didn’t explain the way his heart fell when Tommy yanked his hand away from Merton’s neck as though he’d just been burned.

"Sorry," Tommy mumbled, and now he was definitely blushing. There was no denying the color flooding his cheeks and neck, at least what Merton could see of his neck and chest peeking out from the top of Tommy’s shirt. As soon as he realized he was actually checking out Tommy’s chest he averted his gaze, wondering if he could get himself to believe that he’d caught a contact blush the same way he seemed to catch Tommy’s adrenaline rush whenever Tommy hugged him. "So is she gonna fix it?"

She...she...Merton was sure he should know who Tommy was talking about, but as hard as he tried to focus on the question all he could think about was the fact that Tommy looked like he’d just been caught cheating on a test or something. Merton ignored the stab of guilt he felt and shook his head to clear any more dangerous thoughts. "What?"

"Alyssa. Is she gonna dye your hair back or what?"

"No...I mean I’ve gotta wait a couple days at least or the chemicals might react. Then I really will look like a freak. Or that guy on Smallville." He grinned when Tommy looked up at him, his stomach flipping when Tommy grinned back. It was weird how comfortable they were with each other even though they were right in the middle of what had to be the weirdest conversation of Merton’s life. And considering his best friend was a werewolf that was saying a lot. "Anyway we broke up."

"You broke up? Because she bleached your hair?" Tommy looked surprised, maybe a little confused too, but Merton knew he was imagining the relief. He just knew it.

"Yeah...I mean not totally. Okay, so maybe I overreacted about my hair a little, but it wasn’t going anywhere anyway. Alyssa’s nice and she’s pretty cool but I think we’ll be better as friends."

"Oh." Tommy leaned back a little on the mattress, whether to give Merton breathing room or not he wasn’t sure. The fact that it just made Tommy look younger than he was and kind of sexy was a thought Merton was not willing to entertain, because he did not think his best friend was sexy. Yeah, he knew Tommy was hot in a classic way; it would be hard to miss with the number of girls that came on to him over the course of their friendship. Merton had even noticed the occasional guy checking Tommy out on campus in the past couple weeks, but he’d always figured that Tommy smiled back at them because he was clueless as to why they were looking. He’d always found Tommy’s naivete sort of charming, but he was starting to think that he’d never given his best friend enough credit. "You know you say that a lot."

"Say what?" Merton winced as he realized he’d been letting his mind wander again and lost track of what he assumed was supposed to pass for a conversation. He wasn’t supposed to be having thoughts like this – not about Tommy, and definitely not while they were sitting on his bed with their knees touching.

"That you’re breaking up with whoever because you’d be better as friends. I mean is it just that the girls that are into you are all wrong, or is it all girls?"

Okay, this was definitely not a conversation Merton wanted to have with Tommy. It wasn’t even a subject he wanted to contemplate, because he was pretty sure that he wasn’t going to like whatever answer he came up with. This was one of those life-changing questions that people spent thousands of dollars in therapy avoiding, and no matter how much he cared about Tommy he wouldn’t be the person Merton would choose to talk about this with. Only Tommy was the person he talked about everything with, so if he couldn’t discuss his girl problems with his best friend who could he turn to?

So he and Alyssa weren’t meant to be; they were only eighteen, it wasn’t the end of the world. It wasn’t like he was expecting to find Ms. Right on the first day of college, and anyway he and Alyssa didn’t really have chemistry. She was fun to hang out with and he could talk to her about the stuff that bored the hell out of Tommy, so it didn’t really matter that he wasn’t exactly attracted to her. He was just a late bloomer, there was nothing wrong with that. Kissing was okay and all but he and Alyssa didn’t need to slobber all over each other to enjoy each other’s company. In fact he hadn’t really even tried to kiss her; he’d just told himself that they were still getting to know each other and he didn’t want to rush into anything. At the time it had sounded pretty good, but now that he was sitting on Tommy’s bed while his roommate waited patiently for an answer he knew he couldn’t say that out loud.

He stood up abruptly, suddenly aware of the temperature in the room and the fact that Tommy was leaning forward again. "You know what, you’re probably right. Maybe I’m just being too picky or something, I better go over there and talk to her."

"Merton, wait," Tommy called after him, but Merton was already out the door and halfway down the hall before Tommy even made it into the hallway. He knew if he looked back that Tommy would be standing there in the doorway looking disappointed, and there was no way he’d be able to leave if he looked back and saw that. So he told himself he had to do this; that he needed some space from Tommy while he calmed down and that at the very least he really owed Alyssa an apology anyway. He just needed some air and a little distance from Tommy, because they’d been spending even more time together now that they were sharing a room. He hadn’t thought it was possible to spend more time with Tommy than he did in high school, but sleeping in the same room and taking classes together had made them practically inseparable. That was another good reason to have a girlfriend, because it gave him an excuse to get away from Tommy when things got a little too...intense.

This afternoon was just one example. Sure, there had been a few moments between them that Merton couldn’t quite explain away back in high school, but ever since he surprised Tommy by moving in with him his roommate had been acting...well, weird. And not ‘somebody might find out I’m a werewolf’ weird, this was something else entirely. Like Tommy had something on his mind that he wasn’t telling Merton, something he thought his best friend wouldn't understand. He was quieter than usual, for one thing, and even though Merton had tried to explain it away he knew the adjustment to college couldn’t be the only reason. Maybe Merton had avoided thinking about it for a reason; maybe he already knew the truth, and thinking about it meant actually having to deal with something he wasn’t sure he could face.

Then again, maybe Tommy was just trying to make him feel better and Merton was reading way too much into it. It was hard to explain away the way Tommy had touched him, though, or the look on his face when he’d watched the two of them in the mirror. He closed his eyes briefly to chase away the unsettling image, taking a deep breath before he opened his eyes again and forced himself to climb the steps to Alyssa’s dorm. He’d just focus on apologizing to her, and once he made things right between them everything could go back to normal. At least he hoped they could. If he’d known that sharing a room with Tommy was going to change everything between them he might have thought twice about coming home in the first place.

He didn’t even remember walking down the hall to Alyssa’s room, but when her door swung open she didn’t look surprised to see him. "I still think it looks good that way," she announced, standing aside to let him in.

So it was a consensus that he should leave his hair platinum blonde; an hour ago he might have cared, but at the moment that was the least of his worries. "Look, I just came to say I’m sorry about the way I acted. I didn’t mean it when I called you a hair butcher. And maybe I shouldn’t have said that thing about cursing your firstborn either."

"Don’t worry about it, Merton," she said, amusement clear in her voice as he threw himself down into a chair and let out a heavy sigh. "I knew it was the bleach fumes talking. You just needed to get used to it."

"I have a feeling that’s gonna take awhile," he muttered, glancing up at her as she took a seat on the bed across from him. "But if it makes you feel any better Tommy thinks you did a great job."

"It’s good to know he’s got good taste." She paused and smiled in a way that made Merton squirm a little and drop his gaze to the floor. He’d never spent so much time staring at linoleum as he had in the past hour, but he was starting to think it could become a hobby. Or a survival tactic. "But then I already knew that."

He was not taking the bait...he was not dignifying whatever she was getting at with an answer. No way, not after the weirdness he’d just run away from. "You barely even know Tommy."

The laughter ringing in his ears distracted him from his pathetic weakness for a second, but as soon as Alyssa got herself under control he went right back to hating himself for giving her the exact opening she was evidently looking for.

"Please, like I need to know him to know what’s going on. I’ve seen him look at you, and all you ever talk about is Tommy this and Tommy that. It’s pretty obvious what’s going on."

"There’s nothing going on." Denial was good; denial was the only thing he had left, because even if he could have believed that a day or even an hour ago he knew now that it was a lie.

"Don’t bother denying it, Merton. What’s the point? I mean it doesn’t bother me, that’s the whole reason I wanted to hang out with you in the first place. There’s no pressure this way, and you’re a pretty cool guy. It’s obvious you’re totally taken, even if you haven’t figured it out yet."

There must be some documented scientific evidence somewhere of bleach fumes causing hallucinations. Either that or he’d fallen through some kind of spacial distortion and now he was in an alternate universe where his girlfriend thought he was secretly in love with his roommate and Tommy went around petting his hair like that was a completely normal thing. "Did I lose consciousness at any point while you were ruining my hair?" he asked, his earlier attempt at an apology completely forgotten as he tried to find a logical reason for the strange, strange turn his life had taken.

Alyssa rolled her eyes and shook her head, and he had an irrational urge to wipe the ‘you’re not fooling anybody’ expression off her face in an uncharacteristically violent way. Then again he’d been pretty violent and more than a little scary that time Tommy accidentally turned him into a werewolf, so he knew he had it in him. Tommy was the only person he knew that was so nice and selfless that he could fight the natural urge of a werewolf to turn to evil. But he wasn’t thinking warm and fuzzy thoughts about his best friend, not while his so-called girlfriend was shaking her head at him like he’d suffered some brain damage.

"Look, I went along with the whole pretend couple thing for awhile because I thought it was kind of cute the way you deny how you feel about Tommy. But you’re gonna have to face it sooner or later."

Went along with the...wait a second. "Wait a second. What do you mean, ‘pretend couple’? We were an actual couple. I mean we dated. We went to Attack of the Clones together."

"Yeah, and the reason you went with me instead of Tommy was..." She trailed of and waited for him to fill in the blank, biting her lip to keep from laughing. It was obvious that she was having a great time torturing him, but it was either sit there and take it or get up and walk out again. And as much as that idea appealed to him, part of him kind of wanted to know how she’d leapt to the conclusion that he and Tommy were harboring secret feelings for each other.

"Tommy won’t go see it in the theater," Merton answered, not bothering to try to hide his impatience. "So what?"

"Why won’t he go see it in the theater?"

Merton rolled his eyes heavenward, pausing long enough to decide that staring at the ceiling wasn’t nearly as satisfying as staring at the floor. "He has to watch it alone. I don’t really know why, it’s just this thing he has. He wouldn’t seePhantom Menace with me either."

"So you would rather have seen Attack of the Clones with Tommy than with me." When he looked over at her she laughed and held up a hand to stop him from stammering through a denial. "Save it, it’s not like I didn’t already know you’d rather be dating Tommy. I told you, that’s why I hang out with you. No weird sexual tension. I don’t have time to get all dopey over some guy, not if I’m gonna make it through pre-med."

"Maybe you should steer clear of plastic surgery when you get to the internship portion of your education," Merton muttered, running a hand through his hair. "If you can’t even apply a little bleach without making me look like the poor man’s Spike I don’t think you should be trying to fix anybody’s nose."

"Trust me, you don’t look anything like Spike."

"Yeah, that’s what Tommy said," Merton answered before he could stop himself. He rolled his eyes at her knowing smirk and looked down at the floor again, distracting himself from his humiliation by contemplating whether the color of the tiles were closer to dirt brown or sand beige.

"What exactly did he say about your hair?" The sudden change in her tone made him look up, his eyebrows raised as he realized she actually wanted to know. There were still traces of amusement in her eyes, but she wasn’t smiling anymore. Instead she looked like she was trying to work something out, and as much as he dreaded the answer part of him was curious about where she was going with this.

"He said it brought out my eyes. Then he..." Alyssa clamped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing, but when he realized how that sounded he couldn’t really blame her. Well he’d already told her part of it, so he might as well finish his sentence and see whether any of his conversation with Tommy made any sense to her. "He wanted to touch it."

Her hand was still clamped over her mouth, her whole face turning an alarming shade of purple. Merton opened his mouth to ask if she was okay or if he should dial 911, but she just shook her head and closed her eyes. When she opened them again she took a deep breath, and when she looked back up at him the purple had faded to a less alarming shade of red. "Did you...did you let him?"

Okay, so coming clean with his ex-girlfriend – friend...ex-not-girlfriend...whatever – wasn’t really a good idea after all, because instead of feeling better about what happened with Tommy he was even more confused. She was supposed to tell him that it was just Tommy trying to make him feel better, she wasn’t supposed to accuse him of...whatever she was accusing him of. Finally he shrugged and looked away, focusing on a spot on the wall just over her shoulder. "It’s Tommy."

It wasn’t really an answer, but evidently it told her everything she wanted to know. "How did it feel?"

Merton scowled and glanced back at her, his stomach twisting in ways he didn’t think should be possible as he remembered the feeling of Tommy’s fingers in his hair. "What are you, a shrink? How did what feel?"

"You know I shouldn’t even be helping you, you’re just killing the messenger here. It’s not my fault you’ve been living in denial your whole life." She paused and let out a dramatic sigh, pushing her dark hair over one shoulder. Merton scowled at the sight of her purple streaks, each one placed exactly where she’d planned for it to go. It didn’t make any sense that she could do her own hair and have it come out like that and then completely destroy his. Before he had a chance to form any conspiracy theories about his so-called girlfriend and Tommy’s apparent blonde fetish she started talking again, and Merton stopped thinking about his hair issues and focused on her theory about him and Tommy. "Fine, if you need me to spell it out for you I will. When Tommy touched your hair, how did it make you feel? Did you like it, was it weird, did it feel like it usually does when Tommy touches you, or what?"

"Was it weird? It was a guy. Touching my hair. Of course it felt weird."

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"There’s a difference?" He was pretty sure his brain was going to explode any second now, but then again maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. At least if that happened he could stop remembering the feeling of Tommy’s fingers practically massaging his scalp. "I’m not gay."

"Gay, straight, bi," Alyssa said, waving her hand dismissively. "They’re just labels, Merton. You are what you are, and anyway college is all about experimenting. That’s why our parents send us here, so we can figure out who we are where they don’t have to witness it. So just forget for a second the fact that Tommy’s a guy and tell me if you liked it."

That was the thing, wasn’t it? Because he didn’t want to like it, he didn’t even want to think about liking it. If he was wrong and this was just Tommy being Tommy and Merton said something...he didn’t give up private school and move all the way back home just to lose his best friend over a bad dye job. "It doesn’t matter how it felt," he said, as much to convince himself as to convince her. "Tommy and I are friends. That’s all."

"Right. And friends go around feeling each other's hair all the time just for fun."

It would have been one thing if it was just the touching, but he couldn't tell her that Tommy had sniffed him too. That was definitely a werewolf thing, wasn't it? Tommy just liked to use all his senses more than most people, probably because they were heightened and he could get more out of a casual sniff than your average person. Which meant that he could probably tell how confused and scared Merton had been when he ran out of their dorm room like his hair was on fire instead of just blonde. He couldn't tell Alyssa about the werewolf thing, though, so she wouldn't possibly understand about the sniffing.

When he didn't answer she let out an exaggerated sigh and stood up. "I can see we're going to have to do this the hard way," she announced as she held out her hand. "Come on."

"What are we doing?" he asked, eyeing her hand warily.

"Proving my point. Come on, Merton, I haven't got all day. Stand up."

He had a feeling even as he slid his hand into hers that he was going to regret this, but considering how his day had gone so far he didn't think it could get much worse. As soon as he stood up she dropped his hand, and he ignored the memory of yanking that very same hand out of Tommy's less than half an hour ago. Tommy hadn't been holding his hand. He hadn't, it had just been some kind of reflex or something. "Fine, I'm standing," he said in a more exasperated tone than he'd intended. "Now what?"

She smiled and reached up, her hand landing in his hair and stroking much the same way Tommy had done. "Was it like this?"

"Um…pretty much," Merton answered, his cheeks burning as he realized what she had in mind. The worst part wasn't that she was reenacting the way Tommy had touched him, though. No, the part that really bothered him was that when Alyssa did it his stomach didn't do that weird little flipping thing, and he definitely didn't feel like his spine was melting. "This doesn't prove anything."

"Fine, you want more proof?" She raised an eyebrow in a silent challenge and slid her hand to the back of his neck, standing up on her toes to press her lips to his. For a second he was too stunned to move, but when he realized what she was doing he shook himself out of his shock and kissed her back. It wasn't the first time he'd ever kissed a girl, but it was the first time he'd really thought about what he was doing. And the thing was that for the first time he wasn't thinking, 'Wow, somebody actually likes me enough to let me do this'. Her lips were soft against his and she smelled nice, like warm soap and some kind of flowers. Only instead of wanting to pull her closer he found himself fighting back the urge to laugh.

As soon as he the thought crossed his mind she pulled back, smiling triumphantly as she reached up and patted his cheek. "Too bad, you're a pretty good kisser."

"How did you…oh no. This isn't happening." He sank back into his chair and buried his hands in his very blonde hair, closing his eyes and shaking his head. It couldn't mean what she was trying to convince him it meant, could it? The fact that he'd felt more from Tommy's hands on his shoulders than he had from kissing Alyssa just proved how weird things had gotten back in his dorm room. It didn't mean he wanted…no, it didn't matter what he wanted, because he wasn't risking losing his best friend over this.

"Merton, just go home and talk to Tommy. You'll be glad you did, trust me." He lifted his head long enough to scowl at her, but his heart wasn't really in it. None of this was her fault; well, technically his hair was her fault, and that was how this had all started. He had a feeling that it would have happened sooner or later, though, at least if the way Tommy had been acting lately was any indication. Finally he sighed and gave up trying to make sense of it. "Good luck," she said as she held the door open and let him brush past her. "You can thank me later."

"Don't hold your breath," he shot back over his shoulder. "And I'm not taking back that curse on your firstborn either."

She laughed and shut her door, leaving Merton to force his legs to carry him out of the girls' dorm and back across campus. Part of him sort of hoped Tommy wouldn't be there when he got back; maybe he'd decided it was a mistake as soon as Merton left and gone out, and when he came back they could just pretend none of it had ever happened. Merton was still blonde, though, and if nothing else that was going to be a pretty obvious reminder of the fact that Tommy had sort of come on to him. Hadn't he? The closer he got to his own dorm room the less sure Merton was, until finally he wasn't even sure if any of it had really happened.

He pushed open the door, his heart skipping a beat when he found it unlocked. So Tommy was still there, which meant dealing with whatever did or didn't happen between them. He stifled a sigh and let himself into their room, his resolve to play it cool dissolving the second he saw Tommy. His best friend was stretched out on his bed, flat on his back and staring at the ceiling. He didn't even look over when Merton walked in, and Merton wasn't sure whether that was a good sign or not. Part of him really, really wanted to just pretend nothing had happened, but there was a part of him that still wished he'd never run out on Tommy in the first place. He wasn't sure what would have happened if he'd stayed, no more than he knew what he wanted to happen now. He just didn't want Tommy to be mad at him, so he went with the safest course of action.

"Sorry I took off like that," he said, biting his lip nervously when Tommy still didn't look at him. "I…well, I don't really have a reason, it just seemed like the thing to do at the time."

"Forget it," Tommy said, finally looking over at Merton as he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of his bed. "I'm the one that should be sorry. I didn't mean to hit on you like that…I mean…I don't know what I mean. I should have just told you awhile ago, but then you were leaving anyway and it just seemed easier this way."

Merton wasn't sure how he made it all the way to Tommy's bed without losing his balance, but somehow he managed to sink down next to his best friend without embarrassing himself any more than he already had. The idea that Tommy had felt this way since before Merton left town…that hadn't even entered the realm of possibilities in his mind, not even when he'd let himself wonder about his best friend's overly affectionate personality.

"So you…?" God, he couldn't even say the words, and if they couldn’t talk about it there was no way they were going to stay friends after this. Only he wasn't even sure that that was what he wanted anymore, not after his conversation with Alyssa and the twinge of guilt he'd felt when she kissed him. Almost like he was cheating. On Tommy. "Are you sure about this?"

Tommy grinned self-consciously and glanced over at Merton. "I'm sure. I just didn't tell you because I wasn't sure how you'd take it, and then you came back and I was going to only you met Alyssa and I…" Tommy trailed off and looked down at his knees, his shoulders falling as he sighed. "I couldn't tell you I was jealous of your girlfriend."

Merton wanted to laugh at the idea that Tommy could be jealous of anyone, but he'd learned a long time ago that underneath the exterior Tommy presented to the world was a very sensitive guy. No way was he going to laugh when Tommy was finally being honest with him, especially not about this. "I'm sorry, Tommy. I had no idea."

"Yeah, that was the plan." Tommy's grin faded and his gaze shifted up to Merton's hairline, his eyes darkening a shade before he cleared his throat and looked down again. "I wasn't gonna say anything, but then you came in here before and you just look really hot with your hair like that and I guess I forgot I wasn't supposed to touch."

Tommy stopped talking abruptly, his cheeks turning the color Merton was sure his already were as he looked out the window of their room. And in what universe was it possible that Tommy Dawkins thought he was hot? Even if he'd known since the beginning that Tommy was gay the idea that he might find Merton attractive just didn't make sense to him. Funny, sure; smart and possibly even fun to hang out with. But hot? That was one of those words that described Tommy, not him. Especially not him with platinum blonde hair. The knowledge that Tommy actually meant it made Merton want to do something, but they were already treading dangerous ground and he wasn't even sure what exactly he wanted to do. Touching Tommy on the arm or the shoulder seemed too much like pity, and that definitely wasn't the message he wanted to send. He could lean over and kiss him, but he wasn't sure what would happen if they crossed that line. What if it turned out he didn't really like kissing guys any more than he liked kissing girls? Playing with Tommy's feelings would end up costing him their friendship, and that was the only thing in his life that he wasn't willing to risk.

Finally he settled for reaching over and covering Tommy's hand with his, his heart skipping a beat when Tommy entwined their fingers and looked over at him. "I'm not sure…I mean I've thought about it before, but I was kinda hoping it was just a phase or something."

The sound of Tommy's soft laughter actually relaxed him a little, and he summoned the courage to meet the other boy's gaze. There was no more denying the way Tommy was looking at him, even if he wanted to. That was the funny thing, though, because he didn't really want to deny it anymore. He was still terrified of what would happen if things didn't work out, but he knew if they didn't at least try that things between them would change anyway. There was no way they were going back to just friends, not now that they were sitting shoulder to shoulder on Tommy's bed holding hands. He summoned up all his remaining courage and leaned forward, his heart in his throat when Tommy inched forward to meet him.

He wasn't sure what to expect; the few times he'd done this in the past had been pretty much like kissing Alyssa, at least as far as his lack of enthusiasm was concerned. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy kissing, it was just that something had always felt a little off. Back in high school he'd chalked it up to nerves, but the second Tommy's mouth covered his he knew what had been missing. Later, when his brain was functioning enough to actually think about it, he wouldn't be able to say he was happy about this turn of events. It made life a lot more complicated, after all, and the fact that he and Tommy were living together complicated things even more than just the fact that he was attracted to his best friend.

For now, though, there was this…'kiss' didn't seem like an adequate word to describe what was happening between them, not after everything he and Tommy had been through together. He knew what kisses involved; lips and teeth and sometimes tongues and new, intoxicating tastes no one could ever really describe. He knew how they were supposed to make him feel, too; he'd watched enough movies and listened to Lori go on and on enough to know what was supposed to be romantic. The last working part of his brain thought that he should call her and tell her about this, because he was pretty sure she had no clue what 'romantic' really meant. She couldn't, because if Tommy had ever kissed her like this she never would have broken up with him. It was more than just mouths moving together; more than the feeling of Tommy's fingers carding through his hair or the thumb slowing stroking his cheekbone. It was more even than the overwhelming urge to keep kissing Tommy, forever if possible.

If he'd known…if he'd known this was how it could be he never would have stopped himself from thinking about this possibility. Maybe he would even have done this a long time ago, back when Tommy first started showing signs that he might be interested in seeing where this thing between them would go. As long as Tommy kept kissing him he didn't have to think about the future or anything else, really, because it was all he could do to keep kissing Tommy back without actually trying to think too. Too soon Tommy pulled away to gasp for air, but his hands didn't leave Merton's face as he pulled back to look at the other boy. As soon as their eyes met Merton's brain kicked back in again, all his fears and worries flooding back at once. He knew he probably looked as terrified as he felt, but he didn't even bother trying to hide it. There was no way he'd be able to anyway, he'd never been able to hide anything from Tommy.

It was too much at once, but even though what he wanted to do was get up and run again he knew he couldn't. He didn't want to hurt Tommy that way, but he knew if he didn't say anything that things could get out of hand a lot faster than he was ready for them to. "Tommy," he whispered, wincing as his voice cracked, "I'm…this is…"

He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed when Tommy's fingers stilled in his hair, but he managed to stifle a sigh when his friend pulled away and sat up straight. He watched as Tommy ran a hand over his face, his heart skipping a beat at the sound of a low groan coming from the other boy's throat. "Yeah. I understand, Merton. I mean it's not like I expected…"

In all the time they'd been friends Merton had never really found an effective way to shut Tommy up when he started babbling about football or Dean's TV schedule or whatever. The fact that he'd finally found a way that would probably work every time made him smile, and he leaned forward again and pressed his lips to Tommy's. It was just a chaste kiss and he pulled back almost immediately, but when he did Tommy looked startled and a lot less defeated than he had a few seconds ago. "I wasn't going to say it was a mistake. Just that it's all kind of fast."

"Oh." For a second Tommy looked like he didn't really get what Merton was saying, then his face lit up in that grin that Merton had grown so fond of. "Oh…yeah. Okay. Do you…I mean I can get out of here for awhile if you wanna think about…whatever."

It wasn't an unreasonable suggestion, but as soon as Tommy said it out loud Merton knew it was the last thing he wanted. Part of it was that he didn't really want to think too hard about what was happening between them; he didn't want to talk himself out of it, and he was afraid if Tommy left that was exactly what he'd spend the next few hours doing. "Do you want to go get something to eat? Together, I mean."

Tommy's smile alone was worth any confusion Merton was going to put himself through over the next few days, and he found himself relaxing a little when his best friend stood up and hauled Merton to his feet. "I could go for a pizza."

"Pizza it is then," Merton said, smiling indulgently as Tommy pulled his shoes on and tucked his wallet in his back pocket. They were halfway down the stairs outside the dorm when Tommy's arm settled around his shoulders, and Merton grinned at the familiar gesture. Only now that he knew exactly what feelings were behind it he found himself leaning into Tommy's touch, forgetting to care who saw them or what they'd think. When Tommy's grip on his shoulder tightened Merton glanced up to find Tommy smiling at him, his hand leaving Merton's shoulder long enough to stroke through his hair again.

"So are you gonna keep the new look?"

Merton was tempted to say no; he wasn't sure he wanted to wander around campus looking like a Goth Ken Doll just because Tommy thought it looked good. Then again, he couldn't really think of a better reason to keep the blonde, and it would be easier to let his natural color grow back out if his hair wasn't black. "I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask," Tommy said, his hand settling on Merton's shoulder again as they turned in the direction of the pizza place.

END