TITLE: Becoming

AUTHOR: Will

EMAIL: wmj166@msn.com

WEB SITE:

RATING: NC-17

Pairing: Angel(lus)/Xander, Angel/Xander

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the rights to BTVS or ATS Joss does

FEEDBACK: Yep, yep, yep

DISTRIBUTION: Archive list

SPOILERS: Up to Seasons 2 & 3; after that it's A/U......Willow and Xander never kissed

SUMMARY: Angelus decides to have fun with one of the Scoobies

Okay guys, let me know what you think.....

A/N Prologue is from Seasons 2.... Becoming Human 2 and Season 3 Revelations with some MINOR changes, after that it is strictly A/U. However, most of Angel the Series did happen....with some minor changes. Cordelia Chase NEVER became a higher being, Lindsay never left Wolfram and Hart.


Becoming
by Will


Prologue


Becoming Human 2

Sunnydale May 1998

Screams rang harshly through the mansion. Drusilla danced happily, humming merrily to herself as Spike watched her disgustedly.

Again screams rang, broken by muffled sobbing, followed again by screams of pain.

"Nonononononono," Xander chanted silently, helplessly to himself as his body rocked under the increasingly savage thrusts. He could vaguely feel his broken rib each time HE rammed into him. Tears of fear....of pain, fell unceasingly down his face.

Angelus grinned savagely down into the boy's face, enjoying the pain he was causing as he slammed brutally into the boy's blood slicken ass.

"Not so cocky, now are, boy? Where's that quick wit, those sarcastic comments, huh boy," he gasped out, plowing into the boy's defenseless body. Cold pleasure suffused his eyes, his face as he drank down the boy's agonizing screams, dark joy filling him at each scream, each sob from his little fuck-toy.

"Why havent' you told Buffy yet," Angelus growled down into the boy's face, each word punctuated by a short brutal thrust.

Gloating as he gazed into the desperate eyes, loving each hate filled look on the boy's face. He loved taking the boy this way, face up so he could stare into the boy's terror filled eyes---so that the boy would always know who was fucking him. He chuckled hoarsely, looking down into the boy's eyes he groaned with pleasure thinking of the Slayer's face when she found he was fucking one of her precious little friends

He rewarded the hatred he saw in the boy's eyes with a particularly brutal thrust, relishing the agonizing scream that he ripped from the boy.

"Where are all your little smart comments now boy," Angelus taunted him hoarsely, as his hips drove deeper into the boy. He licked the helpless tears of rage, of pain from the boy's face as he continued riding the boy.

When the boy had first confronted him in the hospital where that Slayer bitch lay sick, he had wanted to rip the little fucker's head off, but like the boy had said, there were too many people around. Retreating in fury, he made his way back to the mansion and viciously fucked Drusilla. But her screams just didn't do anything for him anymore, oh sure it was fun banging her and watching the helpless rage on Spike's face but it just wasn't ringing his bell anymore.

And it was only when Dru started babbling about a baby that he began to get a glimmer of an idea of how he could further fuck with that stupid bitch! He had at first thought of the little red-head but decided that she would be way to easy to break; then he thought of Giles, before his mind wandered to the boy.

And a plan was formed. Considering how the majority of the young males were constantly trying to prove what 'men' they were, it should be fun when the Slayer found out that she wasn't able to protect her little friends and, as an added bonus, he got to make the little smartass his bitch. But the boy had proven to be surprisingly elusive to his hunting, and he was surprisingly good at fighting. It had taken both he and Dru to subdue the boy. Angelus realized then, that it was only around the Slayer that the boy was inept.... but any human would look inept compare to her deadly grace.

He knew the girl would only blame herself for this, all because she wanted his accursed souled self back. He frowned darkly, but the boy had proven tougher to break than he had anticipated. He had been so sure that after the first time, the stupid fool would have run sobbing to his precious Slayer. But here it was four weeks now and still the fool boy kept his goddamn mouth shut. Maybe he would need to up the ante a bit more, he grinned cruelly into Xander's face punishing the boy with another hard thrust as he finally flooded the boy's inside with his come.

"I asked you a question boy," Angelus smiled pleasantly, brutally slapping Xander face. Again and again he slapped the boy, watching with dark unmitigated joy the bruises blooming on the boy's tearstreaked face.

"Oooh, I forgot," he smirked maliciously, "Dru hasn't removed the spell yet, hmmmm? Maybe I'll have her change the spell a bit---how about I make you come to me in the school library and I fuck you right there, in front of all your little pathetic friends," he hissed, watching the fear flood the boy's eyes before it was rigidly controlled.

He was grudgingly impressed by the boy. Under normal circumstances he would have probably brought the boy into the family, but looking down into the boy's eyes, he knew Xander would be far to dangerous as a vampire. He knew, demon or not, he would be the demon/boy's first target. Besides, his grin widen, it was such fun hurting the boy, making him BLEED. His screams were like a beautiful symphony, he thought with a smile.

"Hmm, you wouldn't like that, would you boy," he mused, pulling his bloody cock roughly out of the boy, the moan of pain made him glad that he had chosen the boy over the Watcher.

Soulboy should be grateful, should be thanking him for putting the boy in his place instead of whining, the boy had annoyed Soulboy as much as he annoyed him. But instead all he got was 'Whine', 'Whine', 'Whine' from the dumbass, like he had forgotten what he/they had did with William, with Drusilla.

He strolled naked across the room and into the shower, feeling the water wash the blood from his body from where he had pressed against the boy's lacerated chest. Watching the bloody water swirl down the drain, he frowned, if the boy would only tell the Slayer what he was doing to him, he would have the bitch chasing her ass for a few more days until it was too fucking late.... Acathla would open and would be 'Bye Bye, Sunnydale, Welcome to Hell!' Beside, he sulked, he wanted to see the shame and humiliation on the boy's face when he told her, he wanted to see the horror and pain on the Slayer's face----he wanted the BOY to tell the Slayer what he was doing, it would be no fun at all if he HE had to tell her.

He'll just have to come up with a new way to distract the Bitch, he thought as he dried off and strode back into his bedroom. Ignoring the boy chained to the bed, he dressed and grabbed a flask off the dresser. It tasted terrible, but worked like a charm on the stupid boy, partially healing him for more fun and games, he smiled sadistically.

Strolling over to the bed, he straddled the boy, forcing his mouth open. Smiling at the naked hatred that boiled off the boy, he shivered with pleasure, nearly tempted to fuck the stupid boy again. Pouring some of the liquid down the boy's throat, he watched cruelly as the boy coughed and choked on the foul drink. He saw with critical eyes, some of the bruising around the boy's face and throat faded a little, as the lacerated flesh became a little less red and inflamed.

Climbing off the boy, he yelled for Dru to get him the fuck out of here and take him home.

Drusilla danced into the room, "Daddy, is it done?!" She was so excited! She would at last have a baby sister or brother and she would hold it and love it and stroke it forever and ever.

For a minute Angelus looked blank before his expression cleared and a fond indulgent smile crossed his face, "Not yet, I think a couple more go's should do the trick, whaddaya say, huh Wheels," he smirked at Spike.

Spike sneered around his fag, "Stupid Ponce, I bloody well don't see why ya ain't killed the boy," he snorted. "Ya ain't gonna get a kid like that, Princess," he said coldly, relenting as her lip began quivering and bloody tears fell from her eyes. He glanced surreptitiously at the boy with an inward smirk. Dru wasn't the only one that knew how to mix up a brew. With a bit o' luck, what his Sire just poured down the whelp's throat might break the spell on the boy! That'll distract the bastard enough to slow him down, if not, he'll get the Slayer to finish off the stupid wanker, he thought sullenly. He liked this fuckin' stupid world, ain't no way he was gonna let Acathal open and ruin all his fun.

"Ah, c'mon now, Pet, ya knows I was just only funnin' ya," he said with a smile, trying to get her to stop crying, wincing at her wails.

"But, Daddy said it'll work and I can have one," she pouted, stamping her foot.

Both Angelus and Spike exchanged weary looks. They had each tried again and again to make her understand that one: Vampires could not have children; and two: two males could not produce children! But she was fixated on her insane idea and badgered Angelus until he gave in and let her work her magic on both him and the boy. Beside her magic wasn't gonna work anyway, so what was the point of getting upset?

The only extra thing he made her do was lay a spell on Xander, forcing the boy to come to him, every week. After the first week, he had her do another spell, silencing the boy's angry curses, allowing him only to scream.

"Fine, Dru, whatever, just take the boy and dump him, but remember NO snacking on him until I say so," he warned her sternly.

*

Xander lay bloody and bruised on the bed praying that soon they would all slip up and accidently fall on a wooden picket fence, or maybe absentmindedly walk into the afternoon sun. There were time when he hated Buffy with all his soul, with a black foulness that sometimes took his breath away. Lost in his thoughts he was distantly aware that he was being picked up and the sensation of movement.

If it wasn't for her and her obsessive love for Angel, he wouldn't be in this fucking mess. If she had staked him like she should have, he wouldn't be hoarse from screaming; his body wouldn't hurt from the blows and he wouldn't have been....he flinched mentally from thoughts of his other
injuries.

He didn't know if he could take anymore of this. It took every ounce of will power not to run to her and throw himself at her feet, crying----telling her what Angelus was doing to him, week after week. But he was afraid.....afraid that he would see hatred and contempt in her eyes for being so weak, the fear that she would blame him....the fear that she still wouldn't kill Angel.

Sometimes he wanted to scream at them whenever they mentioned the fucking pictures that Angelus drew of them sleeping, it was a fucking picture for God's sakes! He was the one getting raped! His thoughts shudder to a halt as he admitted the truth to himself.

Raped.

That was what Angelus was doing to him, raping him. Something that he never thought would happen, at least not to HIM! Clawed, bitten, gutted, and everything in between, but never RAPED. Maybe it was stupid of him to believe it, but men just didn't get raped. Feeling fresh tears welling from his eyes.

Vaguely he was aware that movement had stopped and he felt himself lowered slowly to the ground. He was barely able to bite back the groan of pain behind his clenched teeth, glaring murderously at Drusilla. God, how he wished he had some sort of supernatural eye power, like....like fire, just to see her and Angelus shrieking and burning, maybe not Spike, he thought grudgingly, but on a matter of principle he might as well make it a 3 for 2 sale. He chuckled silently, he was aware that Angelus was planning on killing him eventually, but not until he had finally broken him. One reason why he was holding on so tightly to his sanity, that and trying to figure out a way to kill Angelus.

Drusilla carefully arranged his legs, brushing gently at the tears falling down his face. She frowned in puzzlement, "Why are you so sad, Kitten? I thought you would be pleased. You and Daddy will make a beautiful baby and I'll be the bestest sister in the world. I've been practicing, see," she said with hushed excitement.

Drusilla twisted and pulled a battered doll from a pocket, shoving it into his face, "See, Daddy gave me this to practice on so I can be ready when the baby is finally here." Drusilla hugged the ratty looking doll to her chest, her dream of holding the baby soon to come true, remembering what Miss Edith had promised her.

Xander rolled his eyes, cursing the spell that made him unable to put together two words. Each week he fought the spell, trying to force the truth out to the sanity challenged vampiress. But all he could force out from his mouth was "Nnnnnnnnhhhh," shaking his head frantically. You stupid bitch! Men can't have babies! He screamed silently to her.

"Oooh, pool lil'l Kitten, getting' all worked up," Drusilla crooned, stroking her Kitten's damp hair away from his face, "Miss Edith and the stars told me that you'll make a wonderful papa. I can't wait," she giggled softly, madness shining in her eyes. "Bye bye Kitten, I'll see you next week," she singsonged, waving merrily at him before swiftly leaving him there. She knew he would be perfectly fine, afterall no demon in his right mind would dare to touch the property of Angelus, his smell was all over her sweet lit'l Kitten. A frown disturbed her face, but Kitten wasn't being
very nice, she pouted. He got to play with Daddy more than she did, she thought sulkily. She brightened, maybe one Daddy has the baby, he'll let me eat him! Happy with that idea she darted home, eager to tell Daddy, forgetting everything the stars and Miss Edith had told her.

*

Lying in the cemetery Xander could feel the spell loosening it's grip on him. He was surprised, usually he had to remain in whatever position Dru put him in for at least 3-4 hours before he was able to move and make his way slowly home.

He glanced up at the lightening sky, sensing the approach of dawn and felt hope rising for the first time in weeks as he slowly wiggled his fingers. Nearly crowing with excitement as he felt the tingling sensation spread throughout his body, very much conscious of the absence of pain. Heh, heh, heh, that dumb fucker must have gave me too much of that shit, he thought meanly. Deep inside, he could even feel the loosening of that other spell that force him to go to the mansion like clockwork every fucking Friday! Well that bastard gonna get a real nasty surprise next Friday when I throw a gallon of Holy Water at his undead ass and shove a stake in his chest.

He stumbled home, planning elaborate strategies of torturing Angelus, each one more gruesome and vivid in his mind until he became grossed out by the images. Like he would ever have the strength to do anything to Angelus. But if he ever found a way to get rid of Angelus---permanently, he was gonna take it and deal with the consequences later.

He finally reach home just as dawn broke over the treetops, stumbling up the stairs as quietly as he could, reaching his room in safety. Grateful at least that his father wasn't home yet, he couldn't deal with the 20 questions right now.

Stripping off his clothes with a weary sigh, carefully avoiding looking in the mirror, he grabbed clean clothes. Putting on his robe he headed for the bathroom to wash the filth from his body. Nobody must know!

*

Mr. and Mrs. Harris sat at the breakfast table, silently determined to have it out with Alexander. They weren't stupid despite what the kids thought; they were determined to stop Alexander from treading the path he was on and especially from hanging with those hoodlum friends of his.

Mrs. Harris shook her head, and that Willow? I always thought she was a nice girl, too! Well just goes to show you that appearances can be deceptive, she thought.

"Is he still.....," Mr. Harris said uneasily. While he dreaded this confrontation, he was resolved that they put Alexander back on the straight and narrow!

"Yes, he still in the shower. This is his fourth just this morning," Mrs. Harris frowned and sighed.

About 15 minutes later, Xander bounded down the stairs with a cheerful mask on his face.

"Good morning, parental units! Mom, you didn't cook breakfast did you? 'Cause, man I am starving. Dad, please tell me you cooked," Xander pleaded.

"Of course I cooked," his father snorted, "As if I would let your mother near the stove. I've almost finished paying off Christmas three years ago." All three shuddering, remembering the flames shooting out of the stove. The kitchen had to be totally remodeled.

"Alexander, sit down, we need to talk," his father said heavily.

"Sure, what the sit," Xander nodded agreeably, tensing imperceptibly at the grim looks on his parent's faces.

"The sit?" Mr. Harris frowned, these teenagers with their weird language. Whatever happened to old-fashioned communication?

"Situation," Xander explained briefly.

Mr. Harris nodded, "Alexander, we know what's going on and why you've been sneaking around at night," he glanced at his wife before continuing, a stern look on his face at his white-faced trembling son.

They know! Xander shrieked and began to shake in horror.

"Alexander, dear, we don't blame you," Mrs. Harris assured her son, "We blame those rotten kids you're hanging with." She nodded sagely, "We all know that musician are always into that kind of life and we all know how rich kids thing that normal rules simply don't apply to them," she paused for breath as Mr. Harris took over smoothly.

Xander sat there blinking, his panic subsiding into total confusion. Musician? Rich kids?! Oz and Cordy?! I am so not getting any part of this speech, he thought.

Mr. Harris took a deep breath, "Tell us, Alexander, is it that marijuana or...or that Crap," he demanded.

"Crack, dear, it's called Crack," Mrs. Harris murmured.

"Crap, Crack it's all the same! I won't stand for in my house," Mr. Harris said sternly. Then both he and his wife watched as Xander began laughing hysterically.

"Drugs?! You think I'm doing DRUGS?!" Xander managed to gasp out, feeling like crying. Here he was, night after night, patrolling with Buffy, getting raped by the psychotic nightmare version of Buffy's boyfriend and they thought he was using drugs?!

"Mom, Dad I can assure you that I am not, and have not voluntarily ever taken drugs of any sort," Xander solemnly swore, his lips twitching in morbid amusement.

"Uhm, good son. I'm, uhm, glad we had this little talk," Mr. Harris said slowly watching his son anxiously.

"But dear," Mrs. Harris protested faintly.

"Honey the boy say's he's not using drugs," Mr. Harris rounded on his wife angrily. "Let's give him the benefit of doubt, okay."

"Okay," she said quietly, her eyes widening nervously.

Xander frowned, lately his parents had been arguing more than ever. His father's temper getting steadily worse, he blamed it on the job, but Xander wished his father would cut back on his drinking. He shivered, remembering the loud nasty arguments that happen then.

Determined to push the ugly events waaaaay back in his mind, he forced a cheerful grin to his face, "Me and Wills is supposed to be meeting with Buffy at the library for our midterms, okay if I go?" Rising to his feet he glanced inquiringly at his parents. He desperately need to be in the
sunlight, to feel the rays caressing his face and knowing no vampire could harm him then.

"Sure, and how's that Mr. Giles doing," Mrs. Harris asked sympathically, Alexander had told her about that poor woman's death.

Xander sighed, "He's seems to be doing better, I guess," he shrugged not wanting to revisit the scene of Ms. Calendar's death, knowing that soon it would be his if Buffy didn't get up the nerve to take Angelus down. He wished she would get over the fact that Angelus and Angel were two fucking different people, HE even got that point. He didn't like Angel but he loathed Angelus.

"Go on boy, you need all the help you can get," Mr. Harris suggested, besides it'll give us time to search his room for the drugs. His boy was gonna be somebody and not end up like his old man or any of his deadbeat relatives!

"Thanks dad, I'll be back before dark," Xander darted out the door.

Xander and Cordy met up in the library. Watching Willow literally bounce in the room he said, "Uh oh, looks like Wills hit the caffeine pretty hard," he teased his bouncy friend.

Willow looked at him with a wide grin, "We found it, we found the way to curse Angelus back to Angel!"

Xander froze in horror, barely able to breath. Distantly he was aware of Giles talking.

"What are you saying?"

Buffy said, "The curse, this is it," extending the printout.

"Looks like Ms. Calendar was trying to replicate the original curse. To restore Angel's soul again," Willow added excitedly.

"She said it couldn't be done," Giles said in disbelief, staring at the printout.

"Well, she tried anyway. And it looks like it might have worked," Buffy said quietly.

Xander said harshly,"So he killed her... before she could tell anyone about it. What a prince, huh?" He looked away in disgust, trying to hid his fear.

"This is good, right? I mean, we can curse him again," Cordy said tentatively, glancing around at the tense faces, watching Buffy pace.

"Um, well, this, um... certainly points the way, but... the ritual itself requires a greater knowledge of the black arts than I, I, I can claim," Giles stuttered.

"Well, I've been going through her files and, and researching the black arts, for fun, or educational fun, and I may be able to work this," Willow said proudly, quickly looking sheepishly at Mr. Giles.

Giles narrowed his eyes sternly at the young girl, "W-Willow... channeling... such potent magicks through yourself, it could open a door that you may not be able to close."

"I don't want you putting yourself in any danger, Will," Buffy said, her eyes quietly concern, she bit her lip....but she so wanted Angel back.

Willow looked at her, "And I don't want danger. Big 'no' to danger, but I may be the
best person to do this."

Xander looked at them in disbelief, "Hi! For those of you who have just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person. So this spell might restore Angel's humanity? Well, here's an interesting angle. Who cares?," he said harshly.

"I care," Buffy said quietly.

Xander looked at her with a cool expression, "Is that right?"

"Let's not lose our perspective here, Xander," Giles said quietly trying to forestall the argument he knew was coming.

Xander saw Willow looking at him as if she couldn't believe what she's hearing from him.

Xander, set his jaw, "I'm Perspective Guy. Angel's a killer," they had to see the truth.

Willow blinked, "Xander...," she didn't know what to say.

"It's not that simple," Buffy said quietly, pain evident in her eyes.

Xander made a sound of disgust, "What? All is forgiven? I can't believe you people!"

Cordelia had been thinking, listening to them argue, "Xander has a point."

Xander tightened his jaw and looked at her, "You know, just for once, I wish you'd support me, and I realize right now that you were, and I'm embarrassed, so I'm gonna get back to the point, which is that Angel needs to die."

"Curing Angel seems to have been Jenny's last wish," Giles said quietly, pain washing over him at the thought of Jenny.

Xander looked at him in disbelief, "Yeah? Well, Jenny's dead," he said harshly, unable to believe that Giles, of all people wouldn't, understand!

Giles stormed up to Xander, his eyes flashing angrily, "Don't you *ever* speak of her in that tone again!"

"Can't you hear what I'm saying?" Xander looked around, they had to understand! The only way they could be safe was with Angel/Angelus dead.

They begin to argue heatedly, before Buffy ran over and got between them.

"Stop it! Stop it!" She screamed at them in frustration.

They shut up and glared at each other for a moment. Xander saw Buffy turned away and go over to Willow, very upset. Flickering his eyes, he saw Giles paces away, also very upset.

Then in disbelief he heard Willow say, "What do you wanna do?" He couldn't believe it, they were fucking going to do it!

Buffy sighed, quietly, "I-I don't know. What happened to Angel wasn't his fault."

"Yeah, but what happened to Ms. Calendar is," Xander had to add, they had to see how fucking wrong this was.

He watched Buffy and Willow stare at him in disbelief, and he harden his heart, to their stares.

Xander looked at them both, coldly, "You can paint this any way you want. But the way
I see it is that you wanna forget all about Ms. Calendar's murder so you can get your boyfriend back." As soon as the words were said, he wanted to recall them seeing the hurt in her eyes.

He knew he had already lost the battle even before Buffy walked out.. He saw Willow and Giles staring at him in surprise and shock; he sighed and went back to his chair at the table, ignoring them. He knew nothing good was going to come out of their stupid plan.

He took deep steadying breaths, they could argue all they wanted but Angel...Angelus had to die, he thought staring blankly at the table. He cast sidelong looks at the angry Watcher and Willow. Of all people, he thought at least Giles should have been on his side, sharing his desire for Angelus' death. He sighed quietly, he knew Willow would do whatever Buffy wanted, she would cast the spell just to make Buffy happy. 'But what about me!' he wanted to scream at them, 'what about me feeling happy, me feeling safe?!'

Willow looked at her best friend in concern. This was so not like him, the dark moods, the look of misery that she had been seeing on his face the past couple of weeks. After this was all over she was determined to get to the bottom of whatever was bothering him. Whether he liked it or not!

* * *

Xander stood by Willow's bed, gazing down at her still, white face, feeling terror squeeze his heart. If only I had told her, if only I had told somebody, maybe this wouldn't happened. Tears stinging in his eyes, he took a short walk to clear his head and returned. His eyes narrowed, seeing someone walking surreptitiously towards Willow's room and he raced to get to her, to protect her. Touching the person on the back he was surprised to see who whirled around....Buffy!

Buffy hugged him tightly, "Xander! Ohhh..."

Fear for Willow, fear for them all overcame him and he hugged her back, and they held each other for a long moment, then Buffy let go.

"I was so worried, I didn't know if you were okay. The cops were...," Buffy broke off, blinking back tears.

Xander looked at her and said quietly, "Yeah, I, I heard them chase you out. I was just coming out of it." He grinned suddenly, "Souvenir," showing her his cast.

Buffy looked at him blinking back her tears, dreading her next question, "What about the others?"

But just then, Xander sees two police officers come into the hall behind her.

"Are they okay?" Buffy asked, praying silently, Please let them be okay, please God!

She jumps when Xander grabbed her in a tight hug. Baffled, she goes along with it, but wonders what's up. But as soon as she saw the cops she understood and she hid her face in Xander's shoulder while the cops headed down the hall in the direction that she came in. As soon as the police cleared the hall, they separated again.

Buffy tries to act brave, "Okay. That was about equal parts protecting me and copping a feel, right?"

But Xander doesn't smile back, he turns his face away, looking down and very worried.

Buffy looked at his drawn face, fear clutching her heart, "What is it?"

*

Silently they enter Willow's hospital room.

Xander stood looking down at the still figure, "The doctor said it was head trauma that she can wake up at any time, but, um... the longer it lasts, the... less likely it is," he almost broke into tears, never to see her smile, her face.

"I never should've let her try to do that curse. Angel must've known," Buffy said , guilt clutching at her. It was all my fault!

She reaches up to Willow's face and brushes back a few stray hairs, "Where are her parents?"

He shrugged, well used to Willow's uncaring parents, "With relatives in Phoenix. I gave them a call. They're...they're getting on a plane back."

"Does Oz know?"

"Oh, man. Um... I didn't even think. Um... I'll call him," Xander said quickly, realizing that he forgot to call him.

Buffy hears some footsteps behind her and turns quickly to see who it is. Xander looks over his shoulder, too, and they see Cordelia come in. He goes over to her.

"Hey," he said softly, seeing the distraught look in her eyes.

Cordelia, "Hey," feeling comforted as he held her.

They kissed and held each other close.

"How is she?" She sighed, as they separated and looked down at Willow, "The doctor told me that...," she couldn't finished.

Xander blinked against his tears, "Yeah. We're, uh... still waiting."

"You okay," Buffy asked, still seeing the fear on her face.

Cordelia looked away, "I ran. I think I made it through three counties before I realized nobody was chasing me. Not too brave," she said self-mockingly.

"It was the right thing to do," Buffy said quietly.

Xander glanced over at Cordy, "Did Giles keep up with you?"

"I didn't see Giles," she looked at him in dawning fear.

Buffy felt fear tearing at her heart, "You mean he's not in the hospital?" Please God, let him be here, oh please God!

Xander was scared, "No," fear filling him.

They looked at each other with fear in their hearts. Before Buffy rushes out to find Giles.

*

Cordelia asks quietly, "Do you want some coffee?"

"I don't wanna leave. She might, uh...," he looked helplessly torn.

"I'll get it," she said with a smile of comfort.

Xander looked up at her and smiled, "Thanks."

They hold hands briefly for comfort before Cordelia goes to get some coffee. Xander looked at Willow again, deep in thought. He leaned over to the bed and gently took her hand in his. Trying with sheer will alone to make her wake.

"Come on, Will. Look, you don't have a choice here. You gotta wake up. I need you, Will. I mean, how am I gonna pass trig, you know?" He chuckles, "And who am I gonna call every night... and talk about everything we did all day? You're my best friend. You've always...," believed in me he silently whispered to himself.

He looks at her for a long moment, looks away for an instant and then at her again, struggling with his emotions.

"I love you, you're my best friend, Willow; please don't leave me!"

Her face twitches and her hand gives his a squeeze. Xander's eyes widen in hope.

He whispered, "Willow?" Hoping, praying.

She takes a few breaths before responding, her eyes still closed, "Oz? Oz?"

Xander leaned away, taken aback and Oz hears her as he walks into the room.

"I'm here," Oz says quietly.

Xander looked back at Oz, "She's just starting to wake up."

He moves to let Oz get to her, watching as Oz takes her hand and leans over the bed.

Willow eyes are still closed.

* * *

Willow sat up in her bed with Oz in the chair next to her. With Xander taking the chair on the far side of the room.

Cordy begins pacing "So Buffy's going for the big showdown, huh? Wish we could help." She turns to Xander in an aside, "You know, without dying."

"I don't see how", he raised his brows.

"I wanna try again," Willow said quietly, looking down.

"Try what," Oz blinked, looking slightly confused.

"The curse. We never got to finish it. Maybe we *can* restore Angel's soul," Willow said, looking up, getting a little excited.

Xander frowned, "I don't like it. You're talking about messing with powerful magic, and you're weak." He had to figure out a way to stop her; Buffy had to destroy Angelus. They would never be safe, he would never be safe if she didn't!

I'm okay," she cheerfully lied.

He narrowed his eyes at her, "You don't look okay," he turned to Cordy, "Does she?"

Cordy looked at Willow critically, "You should listen to him. The hair, it's so flat, and the lips..." she blinked at the look Xander gave her.

"Could we stay on topic here, honey?" Xander said in frustration, frantically trying to think of a way to stop this.

Cordy blinked, "What?"

"Look Willow, it's not a good idea," Xander said quietly, he couldn't let her risk her life like that again.

Willow looked at him confidently, "There's no use arguing with me. Do you see my resolve face?" She gave him the LOOK "You've seen it before. You know what it means. This can help Buffy. If we turn Angel back soon enough, we can stop him from ever awakening Acathla."

Oz gets up, "Okay, I pretty much missed out on some stuff, didn't I? Because this is all making a kind of sense that's... not."

"Go with Cordy to the library and get my things. She'll fill you in," Willow said, smiling at him.

Still unsure of what was going on, but he trusts Willow, "Sure, I'll drive." Well acquainted with Cordy's driving method or the lack thereof.

He left the room with Cordy closed behind and Xander gets up to try to convince Willow of the badness of this idea.

Willow looks to him, "Xander, go to Buffy. Tell her what we're doing. Maybe she can
stall."

"But I...," Xander tries to say.

Willow points to herself, "Resolve face."

Xander sighs and pretends to give in, "Be careful." He leaves for the mansion, maybe if he was very very slooooow, Angelus would be dead by the time he got there! Cheerful again he made his way to the mansion.

******

Buffy walked to the mansion with the sword wrapped in a cloth, determined to finish this once and for all, feeling like her heart was going to shatter. She heard the bushes rustle and took a reflexive step back, startled as Xander came running out of the bushes into the street.

"Xander!"

"Cavalry's here. Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but it's here," he said, inside shaking with fear, too close! Too close to the mansion!

Buffy smiles briefly and holds up a stake, Xander tosses the rock aside and takes the stake.

"That's better," he said with a smirk.

Buffy looked at him sternly, "You're not here to fight. You get Giles out, and you run like hell, understood? I can't protect you. I'm gonna be too busy killing," she said with grim resolve.

"Now, that's a new look for you," Xander said indicating the sword.

Buffy shrugged, "It's a present for Angel."

Xander struggled with himself, "Willow....Uh, she told me to tell you...," he faltered beneath the sudden hope in her eyes.

"Tell me what?" She prayed that Willow would be able to come through for her.

Inside of Xander a war was going on, one side screaming, 'she'll hesitate and he'll kill her, then he'll be after everyone else, after me, Cordy and Willow; the other side screaming 'tell her the truth', she's your friend, she'll be able to stall him long enough for Willow to do the spell!' Then a
image of Ms. Calendar and then Willow flashed through his mind and without a second hesitate he lied.

"Kick his ass," he said, guilt eating at him inside. I can't do it, I can't tell her the truth. She had to kill him! And he watched the hope died in her eyes, leaving them lifeless and empty before she turned away.

And without a word Buffy continued walking, hope turned into bitter ashes. Xander hesitated a moment looking at her back, at the way she wore the weight of the world on her shoulders, swallowing convulsively he followed her into the mansion.

* * *
Xander sneak through the mansion, fear nearly overwhelming him; he felt like he would throw up at any second. Be brave, Xander! You can do this! he chanted to himself. He could hear the fighting going on in the other room as he pushed aside a curtain and finally found Giles tied to a chair.

Relief rushed through him, "Giles!" seeing Giles' head tilted back, he bit his lip anxiously, he looked so dead.

He called his name again, "Giles!" hoping, praying for a response.

He saw Giles lift his head slowly, feeling his heart lift. He ran and crouched behind the chair, swiftly undoing the ropes.

"Xander," Giles looked in amazement at the boy, then he refused to believe his eyes, remembering how Drusilla tricked him last time.

"Can you walk," Xander asked urgently, looking around anxiously.

"You're not real," Giles said to the figment, frowning it felt so real though.

Xander looked at him in shock, "Sure, I'm real."

Giles shook his head, "It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see things I want."

Xander finished undoing the ropes, and frowning looks into Giles' face, "Then why would they make you see me?"

Giles blinks, "You're right. Let's go."

He groaned in pain as Xander got under his arm and helped him from of the chair.... to freedom.

* * *

Sunnydale August 1998

ANNE

They endured the summer without Buffy. Patrolling the demon population, keeping things in check, waiting for her to come home. Praying that she would return.

Finally Buffy came back...but things had changed, they had taken over patrolling, he and Cordy had broken up. It was awkward at first, trying to talk, trying not to be negative of her but of course with the Zombies and things showing up, it felt like old times and they felt like things were slowly getting back the way they use to be.

Xander slowly woke up and lay perfectly still, he didn't want to have a repeat of last week's incident. Slowly but carefully he rolled out of bed and padded over to his dresser, avoiding the mirror. He didn't have to look anymore to know what was wrong with him. The only one that had a clue about his situation was Oz and he made him swear not to breath a word to anybody, especially Willow. He didn't need their pity or for them to look at him like he was a freak.

He swallowed convulsively, feeling his stomach roil and rushed for the bathroom, retching miserably into the toilet. Hearing his mother calling anxiously to him from outside the door, asking if he was okay.

"Yeah, mom, just ate to much last night," he lied convincingly. Wearily he climbed to his feet and flushed the toilet. He turned on the shower and got in, knowing that it wasn't just the shower that was causing the wetness on his face. Feeling broken inside, he finally sank to the floor of the stall and cried.....for himself.....for his fucked up life.......for everything. Praying that the the shower muffled the sound of him crying.

* * *

Sunnydale September 1998


FAITH, HOPE AND TRICK

* * *
Faith, the new Slayer arrived and boy oh boy, was she different than Buffy! Playful, aggressive, just the kind of female he would have chased months ago. They had fun with her, while she wasn't Buffy, she was still tons of fun. Especially telling about HER slaying days, he especially like the one about the nude slaying, Xander grinned.

His smile fading, another time, another place maybe him and Faith would have have something, Xander thought desolately, but now....

* * *

REVELATIONS

* * * *
Xander was trembling with rage. He couldn't believe it! If he hadn't seen it with his own eyes......He couldn't fucking believe it! After everything they had did for her, welcomed her back with open arms, well at least without arms with pointy objects in them.....she had to go and lie!

Willow watched him cautiously, having never seen him like this before. She could see the anger, the rage roiling off of him in waves. She exchanged glances with Cordy, her onetime nemesis, feeling a kinship with the girl now that she and Xander had broken up.

Why they had broken up, Xander refused to tell her, just saying that things changed. He had changed so much over the summer, his clothing different, everything was so different about him. He even acted differently around her as if he was trying to keep a secret from her. Her eyes narrowed, remembering her promises months ago, to find out what was wrong and to help him.

Oz watched Xander with a wary eye, smelling the rage pouring off him. He sniffed, and fear?! What had Xander spooked other than his.....condition?

"Xander, do sit down, nothing will be accomplished by your incessant pacing," Giles said firmly as they all waited for the reason for this impromptu meeting.

They didn't have long to wait. Behind him, he hears the door opens and someone walk in.
Turning he see that it is Buffy and calmly he gets up from the chair....now they can begin

Buffy bounces in, "Lagos is out of luck. I got the magic mitten thingy," she announces cheerfully. She looks around the room, seeing that Cordelia, Oz and Willow are all sitting at the center table looking as glum as Giles always does, Xander simply looks at her with no expression at all.

"What's with all the tragedy masks?" she asks warily, feeling strained tension in the air.

"Better take a seat, Buffy," Giles said, gesturing to a chair.

She watches as Xander gets up out of his chair and nudges it over a bit so it's at the head of the table, and steps away to stand to the side.

Buffy slowly walks over to the chair and sits, asking, "What's going on?" This was seriously giving her a bad case of the wiggins.

Giles said calmly, "We know Angel is alive," he watched the shock cross his Slayer's face adding, "Xander saw you with him. It would appear that you've been hiding him and that you lied to us."

Buffy looked away, trying to gain time to absorb this new turn of events.

"Nobody's here to blame you, Buffy. But this is serious. You need help," Willow said gently.

Buffy looked at Willow, "It's not what you think."

"Hope not. Because I think you're harboring a vicious killer," Xander said coldly.

Buffy gasped, she couldn't believe Xander's callousness.

"This isn't about attacking Buffy. Remember, 'I' statements only. 'I feel angry.' 'I feel worried'," Willow said trying to calm the rage she felt swirling through the air.

Cordy raised her brow, "Fine. Here's one: I feel worried... about me! Last time around, Angel barely laid a hand on Buffy. He was *way* more interested in killing her friends."

Xander gave her a surreptitiously look of agreement.

"But he's better now," Buffy protested.

Xander scoffed, "Better for how long, Buffy? I mean, did you even think about that?"

"What is this, Demons Anonymous? I don't need an intervention here," Buffy said angrily, getting up to leave.

Giles lifted a brow, "Oh, don't you?" Buffy stopped and faced him. "You must've known it was wrong seeing Angel or you wouldn't have hidden it from all of us."

"I was going to tell you, I was. I-it was just that I... I didn't know why he came back. I just wanted to wait," Buffy knew she sounded desperate.

Xander looked at her coldly, "For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy?"

"I'm not going to...," she raised a pleading hand to him, "We're not together like that."

"But you were kissing him," Oz said quietly, watching her.

Willow gave Oz a quick look and looked at Buffy, worried.

Buffy eyes narrowed, thinking about the implication of Oz's accusation and looked at Xander in accusation.

Buffy, in beginning rage, "You were spying on me? What gives you the right?"

"What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?" Cordy gave her a cool dismissive look.

Buffy said defensively, "It was an accident."

Xander sneered, "What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?" He couldn't believe he was standing here listening to her try to justified her lying.

"It was wrong, okay? I know that, and I know that it can't happen again. But you guys have to believe me. I would never put you in any danger. If I thought for a second that Angel was going to hurt anyone...," Buffy said, trying to explain her actions.

Xander just looked at her, "...you would stop him. Like you did last time with Ms. Calendar."

Buffy was completely taken aback by Xander's totally insensitive and unfair attack and she couldn't utter a word in response.

Willow felt it was time to intercede, nervously she said, "Buffy, I feel that when it comes to Angel, you can't see straight. And that's why we're, we're all gonna help you face this."

Buffy said strongly, "But he's better now. I swear. Look, you guys, he's the one that found the Glove of Myhnegon. H-he's keeping it safe for us in the mansion."

Xander looked at her in total disbelief. "Right! Great plan. Leave tons of firepower with the Scary Guy, and leave us to clean up the mess," he said mockingly.

He made to leave the library, intent on doing something, anything about this...he just had to get the hell out of this room, he couldn't listen to her lies any longer.

He felt someone grab his arm and spins him around to face her, Buffy.

"You would just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?," Buffy said stridently, anger in her eyes.

Xander gave her a harsh look, "I don't need an excuse. I think lots of dead people actually constitutes a reason."

"Right. This is all nobility. This has nothing to do with jealousy," Buffy sneered and instantly wishing she could take the words back, seeing the look in Xander's eyes.

Xander gave her a haughty grin, this was tearing him apart. All summer he felt safe, relatively secure and now......

Cordy looked at her, "Hello? Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet?"

"Don't you start with me," Buffy narrowed her eyes at Cordy, grateful to turn her attention away from the horrible look in Xander's eyes.

Cordelia looked at Giles for support.

"Giles, no one's doing the 'I' statements!" Willow was upset, nothing was going according to plan.

Giles raised his voice sternly, "That's enough! Everybody. Now, Buffy knows our concerns, and her actions, however ill-advised, can be understood. Our... priority right now is to retrieve the Glove of Myhnegon and try to destroy it. Now, all of you, back to classes."

As everyone turned to go, Giles asked to speak with Buffy.....privately. The others exchanged glances, they hoped Giles would talk some sense into her.


* * *

Later that night, Xander goes to the Bronze, deciding to play pool to get his mind off his problem social and otherwise.

He made his breaking shot at a pool table, going over to the pocket where he accidentally sank his cue ball, he fishes it out and walks back around the table to continue practicing.

Groaning silently at the sight of Faith approaching the table.

"You look pissed," she said, glancing at him sidelong. Man, if boytoy would just wear some tight clothes he would have the women jumping him left and right.

"Rough day," he said without looking at her as he chooses his shot.

"Tell me about it," Faith gives him an enticing smile.

Xander continues to play, "Rather just shoot."

Faith looks at him angrily, "Don't think I don't know what you and your pals were talking about behind my back today."

"Yeah? And what was that?" He looked for his next shot.

"More about this glove deal than you're saying," Faith said, her eyes narrowing trying to read his face.

Xander flicks a look at her, "The Glove of Myhnegon? Right." He aims his cue stick, "How'd you like a hit of some real news: Angel's still alive."

He took his shot and started walking around the table again, trying to see his next shot well aware of the wide-eyed look of surprise on Faith's face.

"The vampire," she said half-questioning, she couldn't believe it!

Xander said coolly, "Back in town. Saw him myself. Toting the popular and famous glove."

He bends again to taking aim at his shot.

Faith said flatly, "Angel."

Xander made his shot and watched the balls ricochet.

"Guy like that, with that kind of glove, could kill a whole mess of people," Faith said cautiously giving his a look. She was well aware of just how tight the Scooby gang was, anybody coming in had to do some serious jumping to get inside. But, despite his hatred of Angel, she wondered if she could trust him.

Xander gave her a quick look, "Said the same thing to Buffy myself. Weird how she didn't seem to care."

"Buffy knew he was alive," Faith couldn't believe it, Little Miss Perfect Slayer hiding her demon lover. Oh this was good!

Xander took his shoot.

"I can't believe her," she wanted to laugh, little Miss Perfect got her hands caught in the cookie jar, she smirked.

Xander walked around the table, "She says he's clean," he said flatly.

"Yeah, well, I say we can't afford to find out." She smiled, she had Xander's full attention now. "I say I deal with this problem right now. I say I slay."

Xander smiled nastily, "Can I come?"

Putting down his cue stick and they took off.

* * *

Faith and Xander barged into the library and headed for the cage, and the weapons cabinet within.

Xander smirked, "Good old Sunnydale library. Fully equipped with reference books, file cards... ," pulls open the cabinet doors, "And weapons." They exchanged twin smirks.

"Beauty," Faith said, reaching in the cabinet.

"I call crossbow," he muttered, snatching at it.

"You got it," was the reply.

They grabbed an array of weapons with Xander grabbing some bolts for the bow. Closing the doors when they have all that they want.

"All right, ready to go," he asked.

Faith gave him a smile, "That I am."

They started out, when Xander heard a moan......coming from Giles' office?!

"Wait," he said and hurries into the office.

"What?" Faith blew out an exasperated breath before following.

Xander pales and sets the crossbow down when he sees Giles on the floor and kneels help him.

"Oh, my God. It's Giles! Giles, can you hear me? What the hell happened?" He looked frantically around the room for an idea.

"Gee, let me guess," she said sarcastically.

Xander looked at her, "Stop. Hold it. Just think a minute." I must not panic! he thought to himself.

"Yeah, I'm thinking. Thinking Buffy's ex-meat did this," she sneered, anger boiling in her.

Xander, grabbed the phone, saying quickly, "It's not Angel's style," dialing 911.

Faith snorted in disbelief, "The guy's a demon! How much more proof do you need?"

Xander said distractedly, "Bite marks would be nice." "Yeah, I have a medical emergency. Sunnydale High," he said into the phone.

"Screw this waiting crap," Faith turned to go.

"Faith, if we leave, Giles could die!" Xander looked down at the fallen Watcher.

Faith glanced back, "Yeah, and he's gonna have a whole lot of company, unless *I* do something permanent." She turned to go again, hearing Xander cry of "Wait".

"For what? You to grow a pair?" She was angry,......with Buffy......with this boy...... with this whole fucking situation, "You handle the baby-sit, and I'm gonna kill Angel."

Xander saw the door swinging, "Damn it!" He had a definite bad feeling about this night.

He waited holding Giles' head, for the 911 operator to come back.

* * *

"Giles is gonna be psyched that we showed up stuffy old Mrs. Post," Buffy exclaimed bouncing happily as they entered the library.

Both she and Willow froze abruptly, seeing the paramedics there with Giles on a gurney. Buffy tosses the battle-ax over the counter.

Buffy, "Oh, my God." She runs to Giles' side frantically.

Paramedic, into her radio, "Sunnydale Medical..."

"What happened," she asked, looking around for someone to answer her question.

Paramedic, into her radio, "...Caucasian male, mid-forties..."

"Giles...," Buffy said tremblingly, hearing what the paramedic was saying.

Paramedic, "...blunt object head trauma. Notify ER, we're bringing him in."

Buffy asked softly, dreading the answer, "What happened?"

Paramedic gave her a look, "No time for this," and starts to wheel him out.

Giles called out feebly, "Wait...," the paramedics stop, "Buffy, you must... must destroy the glove."

Paramedic, sternly, "You want him to live? Get out of the way."

She and her partner try to quickly roll Giles from the library.

Giles called louder, "Use... Living... Flame..."

Paramedic said harshly, "Move!"

The paramedics rush from the library with the gurney and turn down the hall. Willow turned to look at Xander, worry and needing to know what had happen. Buffy watches until the gurney has disappeared, then also turns to Xander, looking for an explanation.

Xander gives her a blank stare.

"What happened," she asked when no response was forthcoming.

Xander looked at her coolly, "Maybe, your boyfriend's may not be as cured as you thought," he finally replied.

"What makes you think that Angel had anything to do with this," she looked at him blankly, how can he believe Angel did this.

"We saw what you saw," was the cold reply.

Buffy looked at him angrily, "So you just assume?"

"I didn't. Faith did," he said looking at him. At every turn, she always chose Angel over the rest of them.

Willow gave Buffy a concerned look, wondering how Xander could be so cold and heartless.

Buffy was very worried now, knowing how Faith was, "What did you tell her?"

"Only what everyone knows. She's a big girl. Came to her own conclusions," Xander simply looked at her. He sighed, I don't know how much I can take. He knew that Angel had nothing to do with this, but just once he would like to matter to her.

Buffy looked at him angrily, "How much of a head start does she have?"

"Ten minutes."

Buffy turns to Willow, too mad at Xander to look at him any further, "Go through Giles' research. Figure out how to destroy the glove."

She glares at him for a second, how could he actually do such a thing. She ran from the library and Willow watched her go, turns an accusing look at Xander. He looks at her and tries to explain, to say something, but Willow doesn't let him get a single word out.

"Shut up and help me," she said angrily, heading for Giles' office, with him following close behind.

*

In grim silence they are grind and mix the powders for the spell to invoke Living Flame.

Xander asks quietly, "Think we got it?" He hated having this....this silence between them. He didn't think he was wrong for wanting Angel gone, but he realized that he may have gone about it the wrong way.

"Well, it's either the catalyst for Living Flame or just some really smelly sand," Willow said worriedly. She hated the silence between them, wonder what had gone wrong.....when it had gone wrong. "We'll have to test this."

"I'll double-check," he said, tentatively offering her an olive branch, one that she seized eagerly. Maybe things will work out okay, she thought smiling at him, after this they need to talk, a real-sit-down-spill-you-guts kinda talk.

As he read through the book and Willow saw his suddenly intent stare, in alarm, "What?"

Xander looks up grimly, "I know what the glove does."

He spins the book so she can read and pointing to a single passage. Her eyes widening in alarm as she quickly absorbs the information.

"There's no time to test this," urgently she said, quickly grabbing a plastic bag and pulling it open.

Xander blows out the candles on the table, grabbing the grinding bowl and pours the mix into the plastic bag. Willow spins the neck of the bag to seal it, and they both race out of the library to the mansion.

*

After the fight, Xander slowly pulled himself up, groaning at the assorted bruises that he knew would be decorating his body tonight, for a brief moment forgetting where he was as he pressed a hand to his stomach. Guiltily he put his hand down and glancing around to make sure no one noticed he looked up and was fixated by Angel's incredulous stare and flushed, turning away from the vampire's intense stare.

Angel looked in disbelief at the boy, the images from Angelus reign flashing through his mind. Seeing the boy screaming....seeing the blood......seeing the shame, the hatred in Xander's eyes. A hatred that he well deserved, he thought in numb shock.

His eyes drifted down to Xander's stomach in shock, the scent had to be wrong! It was impossible! It had to be impossible!

Xander cast a sidelong look at the vampire, seeing him still staring at him a look of shock on his face. He couldn't take it anymore and he had to get away, feeling all the stability.... the peace he he had achieved within these few short months was gone----was crumbling away into nothingness. His world was going to end and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop it.



Chapter 2

Xander made it home safety, pausing outside just his front door, please God, let him be asleep, he prayed. Ever since his father had lost his job a couple of months ago, things had changed drastically for the Harris clan. His temper, increasing viciously with every drink he took; taking out his frustrations...his anger on both his wife and son. Verbal abuse became the norm around their house, when he was drunk----both mother and son were useless, his wife was having affairs, his son a waste of skin, he was good for nothing---nasty vicious words. But when he was sober, he was so sorry about the things he said, the things he did, that they always forgave him. But, Xander sighed, the sober times were becoming few and far between. So far, had just been words that his father screamed at him, but he could see in the drunken rage in his eyes that things were getting worse. That look was scaring him more than anything....soon they were going to come to blows!

His father wasn't even bothering to look for a job now, preferring to just sit on the couch with empty cans of beer scattered around him....his mother scuttling around in the kitchen, babbled endlessly about nothing. He could see the fear and desperation lurking in her eyes and, he was sure that if he looked in a mirror he would see far worse in his.

Swallowing convulsively, he quietly opened the door. Peering inside, relief flooding through him at the sight of his father passed out on the couch. He carefully snuck past the man and up the stairs, making sure to avoid the squeaky step. Exhaling as he reached his room, he gathered a pair of pajamas and a huge T-shirt he had just bought and quietly made his way to the bathroom and turned the shower on. Carefully hanging a towel over the full length mirror behind the door, and satisfied that the mirror was fully covered, he carefully stripped, stepped in and began to wash his shoulders and arms. Closing his eyes tightly, he bent and washed his legs. Taking a deep breath, he carefully washed his stomach, feeling his insides tighten at the disturbing sensation, and for the first time in months he opened his eyes gazing upon his stomach, his very pregnant stomach!

He moaned softly, why him?! Why did these things have to happen to HIM all the time?! Hyena, Soldier, Mummy Girl what the hell was he, some kinda magnet for all the evil in the world?

Pregnant, he thought feeling the hysteria rising quickly before he clamped a lid on it. He, Xander Harris, was fuckin' pregnant?! He sank to the floor of the shower, he was fuckin' knocked up and not the other way around. I mean, he thought in panic, if he had knocked up a girl, he would do the honorable thing and....and marry her. But who ever heard of a guy getting knocked up....and getting married to another guy?! Not like he would want to marry Deadboy....or The-Evil-Vampire-Formerly-Known-As-Angel because, his eyes rounding, I'm not Gay!!

Sweet Mother of God, he had to get out of this town before anyone else found out. He didn't know how long Oz would be able to keep his mouth shut, but Deadboy.....Deadboy would probably blab to Buffy and mess everything up, he grimaced. Maybe if he left now, go someplace.....he'll be safe, he thought hopefully. He had over $3,000 saved up, maybe he could go to L.A. or something, find a cheap place to stay, at least until he expelled this demon seed thing growing inside him, his mouth twisting at the irony.

"See," he whispered to himself, "You're gonna do fine. All you gotta do is just avoid Angel and get the hell out of dodge by the end of the week. Just stay calm, no matter what. I am CalmXander, ZenXander, OzXander.....ummmm ummmmm." He rose carefully to his feet, turning off the water and he stepped out of the shower. Deliberately he removed the towel from the mirror, taking a deep breath and looked at himself.....okay...okay, enough looking, he thought hastily, covering up his swollen middle, feeling his stomach turn at the sight. Turning his back, drying off and sliding on his pajama bottoms and T-shirt; felt his burgeoning stomach----gonna hafta invest in some bigger pants soon. Opening the door, he slipped quietly back into his room and fell deeply asleep.

*

Angel stood in shock, staring at Xander's pale face with Buffy looking at him anxiously. He glanced down at her and knew the boy hadn't told her or she wouldn't be looking at him with so much love and hope in her eyes.

["Or maybe she would, Angelus said cynically to his souled self, After all you/I killed that bitch and tortured her Watcher, what makes you think she'll stop loving you after finding out I/you fucked the boy?"]

[Shut up, Angel snarled, Buffy loves her friends!]

He glanced back up, but the boy was gone.

"My God," he whispered, "It worked?!"

"I know," Buffy said quickly, "I didn't think the glass would make the glove thingie so....," she shrugged helplessly.

"Whooshy," Willow said helpfully, standing up carefully from where Angel had tackled her.

"Whooshy, whooshy is good. Hand comes off, everything goes whoosh," Buffy said brightly, glancing up at Angel.

Angel looked down frowning, what the hell were they talking about, he had to find Xander!

"My God," he whispered again, still in shock, Xander was pregnant, with his child!

"Uhm, Angel, I think we just about covered that," Buffy said, uneasy with the look in his eyes.

"So this is the boytoy that got everybody freaking out," Faith sauntered over, glancing at him approvingly.

Angel started forward, his one thought---find Xander! They had to talk.

Buffy held Angel back, "Angel, calm down. Faith didn't mean to attack you! They thought that you had attacked Giles," she explained rapidly, she definitely didn't like that look in his eyes!

"Speak for yourself, B. We're Slayers, girl, it's what we do....kill the demons. But if they all look like your boy here," she licked her lips, "I might....have to hesitate a couple of hours myself." She ignored the flashing anger in B's eyes.....man, was he one big piece of fingerlicking hot flesh, she could see why Buffy was so strung out over him. Hell, the ride might even be worth Angelus coming out, she smirked, too bad for B.

"Besides Xander said you didn't do it, I ignored him," she shrugged carelessly, wondering about that odd flicker in the vamp's eyes.

"Yeah Buffy, Xander did say that Faith jumped to conclusions, not him," Willow said in a rush, trying to protect Xander; she blinked at the look of gratitude that flashed in Angel's eyes, before smiling nervously, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"Fine, but he shouldn't have pointed Angel out as the Bad Guy No. 1," Buffy groused, still upset over that point. Why couldn't Xander understand that Angel had changed?! He wasn't evil Angelus anymore.

Angel was still in a state of shock. A father?! I need to sit down, he thought dazedly, his legs collapsing under him.

"Whoa, there big guy. I think you need to get stronger before you start fighting again," Buffy said, guiding him to the coffee table. She was worried about the dazed expression still on his face. She flashed a helpless look at Willow, who shrugged, equally helpless.

"Angel, are you going to be okay," Buffy crouched to peer into his face, concerned about the blank look in his eyes, but needing to run and see about Giles.

Angel blinked as Buffy's face suddenly entered his vision. He looked in her beloved face and thought despairingly, 'How can I tell her....how can I tell her that I raped one of best friends?!'

[You stupid moron, get off your fuckin' high horse, Angelus snorted disgustedly, I fucked the little bastard! Like you would ever have the balls, he sneered. So the mad bitch's magic worked after all, who'd thunk it, he grinned maliciously, We're gonna be daddies, he smirked.]

Angel sighed, "I'll be okay, besides I have some thinking to do," he said quietly, searching her eyes, seeing the love and concern. [Angelus made gagging noises]

"Go," he said standing up.

She looked at him uncertainly, "If you're sure, I'll...I'll come back after I see Giles," she questioned hesitantly, moving slowly to the door.

"I'll be okay, go see to your Mr. Giles," he said and watched the three girls dart off. He sighed before he, in turn, left; swiftly following Xander's scent until he was standing outside his house. He climbed swiftly to the boy's window, peering in at the lightly bruised face turned towards him, a low growl coming from his lips, shocking him. He watched the exhausted face for a few minutes longer, before jumping down from the roof and striding away. He would talk to the boy tomorrow, he decided.

*

Xander glanced over his shoulder for the fifth time, feeling as if someone was watching him. Dammit, I knew I should've went home instead, here I am of patrolling, putting my life in danger once again, he thought angrily. I bet Buffy's right now sucking face with soon-to-be-daddy dearest, he thought spitefully.

It had been several days since their encounter after the glove incident and he was congratulating himself on making sure he was never left alone or anywhere near Deadboy. He wasn't stupid, he saw the look in the vampire's eyes and he knew...he knew Deadboy wanted to talk to him.... badly. Well, too fuckin' bad, he thought harshly, another couple of days and it's goodbye
Sunnydale and hello L.A. He had already found a cheap hotel to stay in and figured out how he was gonna have some money until the baby was born.

He had already sold his comic book collection for a cool $2,500 and he had another dealer sending him $3,000 for his baseball collection. He rubbed his hands with glee, that'll give me a whooping $8,500....ka-ching! Thank God for normal relatives, he thought. Cash in a couple of those bad boy bonds Grandma Sara left me and we should be all set, he stopped abruptly realizing what he was thinking, I said we, didn't I?! There's no WE in this, it's just me, myself and I. NO WE! he said sternly to the baby. Soon as I get rid of you....I'm heading back to Sunnydale where I belong.

Happy in his thoughts again, he didn't see the dark shadow creeping up behind him, but Angel did and swiftly staked the vampire before it reached Xander.

Startled, Xander spun around too quickly and felt the earth continue moving around him, Angel caught him before he could fall and guided him safely over to a picnic bench.

I've got you now, Angel thought. He had been close to tearing his hair out in frustrated rage at how elusive the boy was. He knew Xander realized that he wanted, needed to talk to him but every time he thought he had the boy cornered, somehow the boy would slip away. He knew Xander was terrified of him, who wouldn't be, so he tried to keep some distance between them, but he needed to talk to the boy and if he had to knock Xander out and tie him down.....he flashed to an image of Xander chained and bloody in the mansion and shuddered, okay no tying up, but just locked in a room. A big room.....a really, really HUGE room.

He watched anxiously as the boy took several deep breaths and moved away instantly as the shoulder he held tighten and the fear scent increased.

Xander watched him warily, knowing he was no match for the vampire's speed, not in his present condition, actually not in any condition, his mouth quirked. "So, Deadboy, nice meeting you, thanks for catching me, gotta go," he said rapidly jumping up, hoping Dead-And-Won't-Stay-Buried would let him leave.

Crap, he thought as an iron hand grabbed his shoulder, pushing him back down.

"So, Deadboy, nice night----what do you want," Xander said nervously, glancing around at the empty playground, which of course should be empty 'cause of the whole kids and daytime thing, he babbled to himself, looking everywhere but at the figure now in front of him.

Angel waited patiently, know that eventually the boy would give in, he smiled as he caught and held the nervously flickering gaze.

"How about we talk about you, me and baby makes three," he said dryly.

Xander said tentatively, "How about we don't?" knowing there was little hope that Deadboy would let him get away.

He sighed, stood up and put a little distance between them, "Don't worry I ain't going nowhere yet," STUPID! he silently cursed himself for that slip of the tongue.

Angel's eyes narrowed, catching the slip and putting together two and two, "So, you were going to run away," he stated quietly, his eyes searching.

Xander grinned cockily, "Hey, didn't you get the memo? It's what all the cool kids are doing! Besides, it worked for Buffy and so I thought I'd give it a try."

"Buffy came back home," was the quiet reply, from the still figure.

Xander trembled slightly, lifting his chin, "And so will I once this....thing is out of me."

Angel tilted his head slightly and glided closer to the boy, "And where will you leave *our* child," he said softly, stressing the fact that it was a *child* and his child also.

"Th...th..there are places that take newborns," Xander stuttered, shaking with fear at having Angel so close to him and backing away. While he knew it wasn't Angelus, they still wore the same face and body.

Angel raised an brow inquiringly, "And how do you plan to deliver the child," he asked gliding around the now shaking boy, smelling the fear roiling off Xander in waves.

Xander mind shut down, God dammit, he yelled silently, I knew I forgot about that.

"Shit," he burst out.

"No, that's not how you'll have my child," Angel said dryly, circling back around, seeing Xander flinch. He sighed and steeped back, the fear smell dissipating slightly.

"I have an offer for you," he began abruptly. "I have an apartment in L.A. and I have tons of money to support the child. I know several capable demon doctors, well experienced in delivery of children. If you choose to come back to Sunnydale, I will hire a nanny and nurse for the baby and you will have liberal visitation rights; or should you decide to stay with *our* child, I will have the same liberal visitation rights," he said carefully. He had come around quickly to the fact that it was Xander that carried his child and not Buffy. It wasn't what he would have wanted for either of them but he would seize the gift in both grateful hands.

Xander met his eyes with a startled jerk, understanding what Angel was carefully not saying: that he recognized his fear and was trying to be accommodating to it, but he would be a part of his child's life. Xander couldn't stop himself from being wary of the offer---if only he could trust him!

"The apartment is somewhat large, with five bedrooms so that we could both be there without stumbling over each other," he said quietly persuasively. He wanted Xander to take his offer, he wanted them both to be part of their child's life. He hoped that Xander would see this as a win-win situation.

Xander still watched him suspiciously, there was a catch! There was always a catch, this offer was way to good to be true, "What's in it for you and what would I have to do," he said warily, he didn't know if he could do this!

"What *you* would have to do is continue your education, develop a vocation. You are far too intelligent not to at least get your high school diploma. After that, you may do whatever you like, go to college or stay at home with the baby. Whatever you decide to do, I will support you and your decision financially, either way," Angel said quietly.

"You haven't said what's in it for you," Xander said suspiciously, narrowly eyeing him.

Angel looked away, "You young people don't realize just how good a life you have." He glanced back at Xander, "What I want is what every man wants, a chance to be a father. I want to be the kind of father that my father could not, would not be. My father was a stern, cold man that never smiled, never praised me for anything good I had done. No matter what I did, no matter how I tried, it was never good enough for him. So, I finally gave up trying to gain his approval, his love, his attention and started having fun....doing all the mischievous things that young lads like to do. And you know what? I finally got his attention, negative attention to be sure, but attention never the less. There were days where I couldn't sit down, I had been whipped so hard," Angel smiled thinly at the recollection.

Xander looked at him in alarm, "You will not be whipping my child," he said angrily, his hands going to his belly, instinctively protective.

Angel smiled inwardly, Xander had made his decision already, it seems. But which one: to stay or go?

Xander looked at Angel and sighed, "When do I leave," he said in resignation.

"Whenever you are ready, just come to the mansion....," he was interrupted by Xander's sharp 'NO'.

"Just give me the addresses and keys, I'll find my way there," Xander said coldly, inwardly shuddering at the thought of being cooped up in a car with Angel, oh hell NO!

Angel silently cursed himself for suggesting that idea, knowing how the boy felt about him, "Very well, I'll give you the address, keys and the names of the doctors, say two nights from now?" He suggested with an inquiring tilt of his head, continuing at Xander's nod, "I'll also give you money for food and anything else you will need."

Xander lifted his head proudly, he was NOT gonna take Angel's money until after the baby came, he had plenty of money. Not until the baby was born would he take one red cent!

"I have money saved up," he said proudly, "So thanks, but no thanks."

Angel looked at him, "Living in L.A. can be expensive," he warned, "You'll probably need medicine, food, cloths and other stuff," he said quietly.

"That's alright, I have about $5,500 all ready and another $3,000 coming in tomorrow. Plus I have some bonds that I can cash in," Xander said fiercely proud, flushing at the warm approval in Angel's eyes.

Angel looked impressed, "How did you manage to gather so much money," he was interested to know.

Xander glanced down a little shyly, "Well, I managed to save almost all my birthday money, Christmas money and Easter money from all my relatives. Plus my uncle left my his comic book collection that I finally sold last week, and my grandfather left me his baseball collection that I sold for about $3,000. The bonds are from my Grandma that I can cash in when I turn 18, that'll net me about $14,000," Xander said, looking proud.

Angel was a little stunned! "You seem to have thought this all out rather carefully," he murmured.

"Well, I had nothing but time to think when I found out that I was pregnant... that and having hysterics," Xander said ruefully. "The bond money wasn't gonna be for me if I can help it. I was gonna set up a little account for the baby so that it'll have something when he or she turns 18," Xander said in a rush, embarrassed at how much he cared about the child he carried.

Angel smiled slowly, "It looks as if you have everything under control. You were planning on leaving without saying anything to me, though," he asked, his eyes coolly intent on the boy.

"I...I....I thought it would be for the best, you know," he said awkwardly.

"Best for whom," Angel question with a raised brow, becoming perfectly still, totally focused on the boy.

"Best for Buffy," Xander admitted quietly, his eyes suspiciously wet, "She loves you and this'll give you, give the two of you time to fix things, especially without me around, interfering," he continued with painful honestly. "If I stayed, needless to say, they'll find out and then she'll feel bad and stuff, so...." he shrugged, looking down in discomfort.

"....so you go to save her pain," Angel finished for him softly, before sighing. "Xander, I don't know if things can be fixed between us or even if there is an 'us'. I spent 500 years in hell because of her." Angel said, looking away.

"No," Xander interrupted him quietly, his heart pounding, "Because of me, you were sent to Hell, my doing not hers," he straightened, trembling with fear.

"What do you mean you did it, not her," Angel's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"I mean that I lied and told her that Willow said to kick your ass; I panicked and couldn't take the risk that she would stall, would hesitate in killing Angelus, that he would....," he couldn't go on and turned away unwilling to let Angel see the hot, bitter tears falling down his face.

"...that he would kill her," Angel finished softly, dangerously..... feeling the hot rush of fury towards the boy, even stepping forward angrily, his fists clenched. He stopped as the boy's fear increased and realized just how terrified the boy must have been that day. For himself and for the rest of his friends. He thought of what Angelus had done and would have done if he continued running around.

"Xander, were I in your shoes, I probably would have done the same," he admitted quietly. "For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing."

Xander turned around slowly, his eyes wide in amazement, "Y...yo..you're not mad," he stuttered out.

"Should I be mad at you, who lied to protect himself and his friends?" Angel shook his head, his eyes intent on the slightly tearstreaked face, "I'm mad at Angelus who tortured and raped you," he saw the boy flinch at his words, "I'm even a little 'pissed' at Buffy, who forgot her duty. But mad at you? Why should I be? You were scared and you felt that Buffy to go through with killing or stopping Angelus," he shrugged, "So you forced the decision on her, leaving her with only one option."

Xander looked at him in astonishment, dimly aware that he was doing a very passable imitation of a fish.

"How did you guess all of that," he whispered, stunned.

"I like to think that I know you," was the quiet reply, "And I definitely know Buffy. It was a....logical conclusion to make," he paused, seeing the boy absorb his words.

"So, are we all set, then? All confessions gotten out? Anything else you might be inclined to tell me," he asked with a tiny smile, seeing the flicker of a smile on the boy's face.

"I'll bring the addresses and keys to the library in Saturday night, I'll even spring for two cell phones so that you can reach me at any time," he said a little hopeful.

Xander looked at him and said carefully, "If I need you, I'll call you," feeling a flicker of guilt at the crestfallen look on Deadboy's face before it was blanked out. They both knew that Xander would not be making that call.

"Xander, I want to be there for the birth; I want to be a part of my child's life," he carefully enunciated his wishes, wanting to be perfectly clear on what he expected. "Do we understand each other," he said quietly, his eyes narrowing in warning.

Xander swallowed and stood quietly, he understood the threat implicit in Angel's tone: he would be part of their child's life whether Xander wanted him to or not!

He regarded the vampire narrowly, praying he wasn't going to regret his bargain with the devil. He knew he had some issues to work through, while his conscious mind recognized the differences between Angel and Angelus, his subconscious was backed in a corner, a stake in each hand.....gibbering in fear, chanting 'kill, kill, kill! It was the one that want to kill Angel
before the vampire had a chance to kill him.

Every time Angel stepped closer, his subconscious seized control and immediately backed away or froze in terror, as if Angel couldn't see him if he froze.

They eyed one another silently, before slowly retreating, each thinking of a way around the fear: Xander knew if he wanted to be a part of his child's life, he would have to overcome his fear of Angel; Angel knew that if he and Xander had any hope to work together as parents he had to be slow and patient in overcoming Xander's justifiable fear of him.

Unaware that their well conceived plans were about to blow up in their faces.

*

Friday morning arrived, bright and clear. Xander threw back his bedsheets with a renewed enthusiasm for life. Bounding out of bed, whistling a merry tune as he showered, talking and patting his bulging belly, telling the baby about all the wonderful things they were going to do together, how much fun they were going to have. He stopped abruptly, realizing what Angel had
already guessed.......he had no intention of ever coming back to Sunnydale.

Once he was on his feet from having the baby, he would find a job and put the baby in daycare? he thought tentatively, then rejecting the thought of entrusting his baby to the care of strangers. Maybe he'll accept Angel's generosity, he thought on the way to his bedroom, this way he won't have to work for a while and he could be a stay-at-home dad and could he possibly sound more girly, he grimaced. He was a guy, a man, okay a man having a baby, but still a man. He struck a classic manly pose in the mirror, smirking at the unmanly belly he was sporting. He turned and pulled a pair of elastic pants and a loose shirt. Thank God the fashion for guys was wearing clothes loose and baggie these days.

He was sadden at the thought of leaving Willow behind, she was still his best friend. Maybe someday, I'll call or write to her....explain things, have her visit us, he thought wistfully. Maybe pretend that your mother is dead and I'm being a responsible father, he thought hopefully to the baby, which is not far from the truth except the father in your case is Angel and he *is* technically dead, and I am still being a responsible father, he thought half-guiltily for thinking about lying to Willow.

He sighed, his cheerful mood now gone and went down the stairs. His father sat at the breakfast table, unshaven and drinking his breakfast. Xander wrinkled his nose slightly in disgust and carefully avoided making eye contact, not wanting an argument to start his day and ruin his mood further.

Opening the cabinet door he was amazed at the amount of food now stocked in the cabinet, he gave a suspicious stare at his grinning mother as his father sat morose and silent. Xander shrugged and grabbed a box of Cap'n Crunch with Berries, of course, and a bowl, opening the fridge.

"Good Lord," he stared in awe at the bulging fridge, at all the food packed in it, he shot a disbelieving look at his frantically grinning mother.

"Isn't it wonderful," she exclaimed happily, "You father, bless his heart, had a tidy stash of money hidden away and yesterday we paid all our overdue bills plus the four months of back payments on the mortgage. Isn't that marvelous!" She pressed a quick kiss to her husband's cheek that he jerked away from, grunting something under his breath as he shuffled out of the kitchen, the beer bottle clutched in his hand.

"Damn, so dad came through with some dough, huh," Xander said eating rapidly.

"Don't talk with your mouth full and yes he did," she said misty eyes, "I know we haven't told you about how bad things were, maybe we should have. But maybe thing's will get better around here," she ended hopefully.

Xander hesitated, looking at her, but he knew it was for the best that he leave, there was no way he could make his parents freaks along with him.

"Yeah, maybe things will change," he murmured sadly and kissed her cheek lightly before grabbing his knapsack and heading for school.

Okay, today the banks stay open later, 'til about 7 pm, he thought on the way to school, so after school I'll stop at the library, do the research thing and then scoot over to the bank around 5 or 6, empty the account and get some Travelers checks. Everything's packed and locked up, ready to go. I just need to leave notes for Giles, the parents and the girls and then it's Hello L.A. here comes the Xan-man, he looked down, plus one. His good mood slightly restored, he bounced to school.

*

It was about 3 pm that everything began to unravel.

Cordy sat in the library thumbing idly through a magazine, ignoring Queen B and her sidekick, Faithless.

"Hey you know I saw something curious going home last night," she remarked in a bored tone.

"What was that," Buffy said breathlessly, blocking a punch from Faith, "A 3 for 1 sale on all leather goods?!" She looked at Faith and they both started giggling.

"Ha, freakin', ha," Cordy retorted, without glancing up from her magazine, "No, it was Xander and Angel talking, talking quite calmly, I might add." She turned another page, silently Ooohing over a pair of Prada shoes, I have got to get me a pair of those, she thought.

"Hmmm, I wonder what they were talking about?" Buffy looked thoughtful, "Both him and Willow were so not giving him a chance...," she broke off, she didn't want to remember what had happened, aiming a side kick at Faith.

"....when your boyfriend turned into a homicidal, pyscho maniac after you guys did the bump 'n' grind," Cordy finished for her, still looking at the magazine.

Buffy gave her a cold stare, "Thank you, Cordy," she said bit out.

"Don't mention it," Cordy waved a hand, "Actually, it was more Xander than Willow, that was so dead set against Angel. Willow still wanted to help," she said in boredom.

"What do you mean, Willow still wanted to help? Xander said that she said to kick his ass," Buffy said in confusion, dodging a punch from Faith.

Faith was listening avidly, finally she was about to get the lowdown on Angelus, Angel's alterego. Every time she had tried to steer the conversation that way, it was very obvious that it was a subject that NO ONE wanted discussed. She looked up gleefully as Willow bounced cheerfully in.

"Uhm, Willow," Buffy said slowly, "You remember when Angel was Angelus?"

"Do I?! How could I forget, he killed my goldfish," she said indignantly.

"Oh please, let's not forget about Ms. Calendar," Cordy remarked, her attention caught by a black slinky dress, "I sorta think a human rates a little higher than goldfish," she finished dryly, that dress will go great with those shoes, she thought.

Willow looked abashed, "I try not to think about her," she said quietly.

"Willow, what did you tell Xander to tell me," Buffy said, bringing the subject back, her eyes narrowing as beginning anger stirred in her soul.

Willow was taken aback by the grim look on her friend's face," I..I ..I told him to tell you to stall," she stammered out, "Until Angel's soul was restored," she glanced helplessly at the coolly composed Cordy and the smirking Faith.

"You didn't tell him that you wanted Angel's ass kicked," Buffy demanded, rage forming in her eyes.

"What?! I wouldn't....I couldn't ....I didn't," Willow stammered out before straightening haughtily, "There was no ass being kicked or otherwise," She nodded firmly to Buffy.

Giles walked into the Library, "Oh oh, good, I see that you're...uhm... all here... where is Xander?" He peered around, expecting to see the boy emerge from somewhere in the library.

"That's what I'm waiting for, Xander to show his lying backstabbing ass," Buffy grated out.

"Buffy Summers," Giles exclaimed in shock, taking off his glasses and polishing them furiously.

"Well, that's what he is," she said stubbornly, turning back to Willow, "He told me that you said 'kick his ass' before I went to fight Angelus," Buffy shouted angrily.

"But I didn't," Willow wailed.

"You didn't what, Willow my girl," Xander bounced in, smiling cheerfully, spreading the Love. He was in a relatively happy mood, he was proud of his letters to them all. Not to mushy, in a manly in a gonna-have-a-baby sorta way.

There was absolute silence in the library as even Cordy pulled her attention from the magazine.

"Queen B here," she waved a hand to the fuming blond Slayer, "Just found out that you lied about Willow saying 'kick his ass'." She stared at him thoughtfully, something about him was.....different.

Xander looked helplessly at the angry blond Slayer and the disappointment in Willow's eyes.

"I...I...," he tried to say and spread his hands helplessly, not having the words.

Buffy stalked over to him.....CRACK!

The sound was shockingly loud, echoing in the horrified library.

Slowly Xander turned his head, to look in her furious face, a trickle of blood oozing from the corner of his lips.

"Buffy," Willow breathed in the shocked silence as the two stood toe-to-toe.

"Is that all you got?" Xander said flatly, staring with empty eyes at a now horribly uncertain Slayer. "Because if it's not I suggest that you hit me again; get it all out of your system, because this will be the last time, I allow myself to be hurt for you.....because of you," his voice was wintry cold.

Buffy tried to bluster her way out of what she recognized as her mistake, "Don't you dare try to turn this around, you were the one that lied. I sent him to Hell because of you lied to me," she shouted, her words dropping in the cold silence spreading from Xander.

He looked at her coldly, then Giles and finally at Willow. He held her eyes the longest seeing the disappointment and anger apparent in her eyes, before he looked back at Buffy and spoke.

"And if you had failed and he won, what then Oh Mighty Slayer, what then?" Bitter sarcasm lacing each word, like a cold icy dagger in the heart of the listeners

She opened her mouth and was frozen by the icy glare he gave her.

"The only thing that you three cared about was making poor little Buffy happy! You, Giles, you lost the woman you loved and yet you agreed that okay let's bring Angel back; and Willow, my oldest friend, you didn't give a goddamn about me, my opinion or my fucking feelings. It was Buffy this, Buffy that," he said angrily, watching Willow flinch and Giles look away. "Buffy is a fucking 17 year old kid, yet you all defer to her as if she's this All Mighty General or something."

"Is that what this was all about, you were jealous," Buffy sneered, instantly aware that her words were a very BAD mistake and tried to take them back.

"Xander, I...I..," she stammered, extending a pleading hand, stiffening in shock at his next words.

"Fuck you, Buffy," Xander said quietly, his eyes cold and empty, he turned to leave.

"Xander! Where are you going," Willow cried out, pushing past the shocked Buffy.

"Away from all of you," was the quiet reply as he strode away.

"What have I done," Buffy whispered in shame, her eyes stunned.

Willow stood staring at the empty doorway before she whirled and CRACK! "If anything happens to him....," she warned her coldly.

Buffy nodded, holding her stinging cheek as tears gathering in her eyes, "What do we do now," she whispered, painfully looking to Willow.

"Give him time to cool down and then we grovel, for as long as it takes," Willow said with a sigh. All her anger and disappointment leaving her....empty of all but the guilt. Xander was right, as soon as Buffy became part of their little circle she did have a tendency to defer to her a lot. Maybe it was because her two best friends had been guys and now for the first time, she had a female friend. She sighed, excuses, that's what they were nothing but a bunch of excuses. The real truth was: she had let Xander down, he had always been there for her and she had let him down. Except for that Cordy thing, he had always been there for her.

Buffy nodded again, thinking of her Xandershaped friend. Remembering all the times that he willingly gave her his support and strength unquestioning, never complaining. He had been a better friend to them than they had been to him. He was always there with a joke and smile, taking the pressure of their nightlife off of them, making the night seem not so scary anymore. Maybe he
was right, maybe she would have hesitate and Angelus would have killed her instead.

Giles sighed, pulling off his glasses and polishing them slowly. The boy was entirely correct, he did tend to defer to his Slayer as if she was the elder with more experience and knowledge. He eyed the distraught Buffy speculatively, traditionally Watchers watched while the Slayers did the, uhm
slaying. But Buffy was not a traditional Slayer, perhaps, it was time to train her to Watch as well as Slay.

Cordy broke the silence, "Boy, is he mad at you," and she went back to her magazine, thinking: first chance I get, I'm getting out of Sunnydale and away from these losers, she hoped Xander did the same.

*

Xander stormed out of the school. Furiously angry at the girls and Giles, but especially at Willow, okay maybe he shouldn't have involved Willow in his lie but she was his oldest friend! But as soon as the Great Buffy came along, oh no, suddenly he wasn't good enough for her. He knew that wasn't really how the situation was, but hell it was his mad, wasn't it?

He stormed around town, shaking off his bad mood and suddenly noticing the time and quickly hot-footed it to the bank with 30 minutes to spare.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Harris but you don't have enough funds in your account to cover this transaction," the teller said quietly.

Xander looked at the man in disbelief, "Whaddaya mean, I don't have enough money?! There's over $8,000 in that account. You obviously made a mistake," he gritted out.

"I'll check again," the teller said quietly, tapping at his computer, "It says here that a withdrawal was made yesterday for $8,483 at around 1 pm," he said.

"Ha! Now, I know you're wrong. I was in school all day yesterday," Xander exclaimed triumphantly, attracting the attention of the manager.

"Can I help you with something," he said smoothly to the obviously angry young man.

"Yes! He," pointing to the poor teller, "Keeps tellin' me that all my money's gone and that I took it out yesterday."

"Why don't we go over to my desk so these other people can get their transactions completed," he said soothingly.

"Fine, but I still want my money," Xander said stubbornly, sitting where indicated.

"Okay, here we are," the manager announce, pulling up the account screen, "I presume you are Mr. Harris, then," he peered at the fuming Xander.

"Of course I am," Xander rolled his eyes, big D'uh!

"And I presume, you are the son and not the father, whose name is also on this account," the manager said delicately, wincing in sympathy as the boy froze in his seat. He sighed, just as he thought when he first pulled up the account screen.

"He couldn't have....he wouldn't have," Xander said in a daze of confusion, hearing his mother's words repeating in his mind......'and we paid off all our overdue bills'.

He looked at the manager, "And you just gave it to him," he said. He was so mad he was shaking!

The branch manager spread his hands helplessly, "Mr. Harris your father's name is on this account thus making it a joint account. Any joint account is accessible by either or both parties whose names appear on the account. If this account had only your name on it, then no, we would not have released the funds into his hands. I'm sorry but it is a law that we must follow. I cannot tell you how many times in the midst of a divorce, either the husband or wife will come in, withdraw all the money in their joint account and leave the other penniless. I'm truly sorry," he said quietly to the obviously distressed young man.

Xander waved off his apologies, it wasn't his fault it was that son-of-a-bitch father of his fault, he thought angrily.

He left the bank and strode home, slamming into the house in a tearing rage, looking at his father furiously.

"Where is it you, fucking bastard," he yelled angrily at him, vaguely aware of his mother's shocked 'Alexander LaValle Harris!'.

His father ignored him, raising the beer bottle to his lips and taking a long pull.

"What's gotten into you? Alexander, you apologize to your father this instant," she said sternly, her eyes flashing angrily, a stirring of unease in her heart.

"Not until he gives me back my money," he spat out.

"Money?! What money? I'm sure that your father will give you money if you just asked him politely for it," she said in a reasonable tone, her uneasy feeling growing.

"All $8,483 of it," Xander said watching his father, he saw the flicker of guilt flash across the man's face and growled.

"Jack?! Jack, what is he talking about...," she stammered to a halt seeing the half-guilty expression on his face. Remembering all the bills they had paid off yesterday and today, over $8,000 worth of overdue bills. She sank bonelessly into her chair, stunned.

"You stole money from your own son," she whispered incredulously, "How could you you, why would you?!"

"The lil'l bastard been holdin' out on us," he slurred out, standing up. He glared with bloodshot eyes at Xander, "We been behind wit' the bills for the pas' three months and the lil'l fucker had all that goddamn money just sittin' around, beggin' to be taken, so I took it," he grinned and tilted the bottle up.

"You rotten filthy bastard," Xander screamed, "It was my money that I had saved up. You've been drinking and pissing yours away," he stormed over to the slightly inebriated man.

Jack's face darken with congested fury, and he swung a heavy-handed blow to Xander's face, knocking him into the wall. He hit him again and again, taking out all his frustration on him. Punching him in the face, ignoring his wife's screams as he hit the boy again, his fury tainted with shame, with guilt.

Xander doubled over, desperately trying to protect his child.

Macy broke a vase over Jack's head, making him back off her son. She trembled with fury as she helped Xander to his feet. Her rage increasing at the shockingly livid bruises on her baby's face, the broken nose, the cuts, the black eye.

She whirled on her husband, who stood there shocked at what he had done.

"Get out or so help me God, I'll kill you," she snarled, ignoring his pleading eyes. "You have gone too far, Jack. You obviously need help, help that I can't give you. I have tried everything in my power to help you, now I want you out."

Xander stood dizzily, he had to get out of here! He sidled warily to the door, keeping a watchful eye on his father and dashed to the door, ignoring his mother's shout.

He ran, instinctually to Willow's house and stopped abruptly remember her anger, the disappointment in her eyes and headed for the only place he knew that offered a measure of safety.

*

After sunset and drinking his dinner, Angel strode into the library, halting at the glum and guilty looks everyone was wearing.

He eyed them cautiously and asked warily, "Is anything the matter, that I should know about?"

They all shook their heads, before Cordy said with an exasperated sigh, "They're all afraid that you're gonna go postal because Xander lied to Buffy to get her to kill you."

Buffy gasped and looked nervously at Angel, "He did it for the best. He...he..felt that, uhm, Angelus...was a....a..killer and...and....," she stuttered to a halt, unnerved by his blank expression.

Oz sat up slowly, feeling rage growing in the vampire.

Angel closed his eyes, "Please tell me that you didn't confront Xander?" When no answer came, he slowly opened his eyes.....they were pure gold! They sat frozen in dread.

"Sweet Jesu! Ya did, ya sodding fools," he hissed before running out the door leaving six very confused people in the library.

"Well, that went rather well," Cordy remarked to the room.

Buffy rounded on her angrily, "Oh, and how do you figure that?"

"Well, we're still alive," Oz said.

*

Angel rushed to Xander's house, stood outside the front door. He could smell the rage and BLOOD! Xander's blood! He growled softly, sniffing the air. Running, following the scent trail until he came to.....the mansion?!



Chapter 3

Quietly, he opened the door and found Xander curled up in front of the empty fireplace, he sniffed lightly, smelling of blood and tears.

Carefully, he shuffled his feet, giving the boy time to compose himself.

Xander hastily wiped at his wet face at the noise and turned to look over his shoulder. He sure as hell didn't want Deadboy to catch him crying, he was not a little boy, 'he was a man, dammit!' unaware of how just how battered his face looked.

"Hey Deadboy, long time no see," he tried to joked cheerfully, failing miserably----recognizing the hollowness of his own laughter. He lowered his head, gazing at a broken piece of brick on the flagstone of the fireplace, vaguely aware that Deadboy had walked past him silently.

He was startled to then see him crouched in front of him, reaching for him and drew back in fearfully.

Angel looked at the alarm on Xander's face and silently held up the wet washcloth, "Your face is pretty messed up," he said quietly; and gently, despite the way the boy trembled with nerves, he washed Xander's face.

"Oh," was the muffled reply as Xander squinted his eyes, not daring to blink with Deadboy so close. He had to be able to move fast, just in case.

Angel was aware of the wariness in the boy's eyes and decided to ignore it for the time being, more interested in finding out where and why he was here and why so bloody. His nose flaring at the intoxicating scent.

Xander drew back in alarm at the slightly golden tint to Deadboy's eyes, "Hey, Deadboy, don't you go losing it on me, 'k," he said shakily, "I got a stake and I ain't afraid to use it."

Angel froze, realizing that he was sniffing the air around Xander, "Sorry, it's just...," he said, dropping his eyes, and seeing the stake held in Xander's tight knuckled grip.

"Yeah, I know. Maybe it's my new aftershave!"," Xander said hopefully, trying to make a joke, "

Angel gave him a faint smile, knowing the boy didn't shave and moved away from the boy, "You want to tell me what happen," he asked softly.

"Uhm, no," Xander said hesitantly, his eyes widening slightly.

"Xander," Angel warned, "If we are ever going to get along, you have, we have to start trusting each other a little."

Xander looked startled, "Why? Being a suspicious bastard has been working just fine for me and I don't see any reason to change," he said reasonably, startling a bark of laughter from Angel.

"Okay, how about I tell you what I know and you fill in the blanks, okay?" And at Xander's hesitant nod he began, "You went to the library, they found out you had lied...you all fought, you went home, got into another fight, with perhaps your father," he questioned, "You got hit, quite a few times, went to Willow's house, then came here. How am I doing so far," he said, a faint smile on his face.

"Well, you did pretty good, except for the part about going to the bank to find out my father stole all of my money," Xander said with a sigh, looking down, "And I told Buffy 'Fuck you', thus destroying any chance of reconciliation with them."

Angel shook his head, "You apparently have had a very full day; but Xander, your friends....Buffy isn't lost to you. She still cares, she was trying to defend you against me," he said with quick smile.

He looked at the downcast boy, "Do you want me to kill him for you?" He meant it as a joke, but he was startled to find out that he really wanted to kill the the boy's father.

Xander looked up startled, his lips twitching despite his bruised face, "Nah, Mom already took care of him for me, she coldcocked his ass with a vase," he laughed, his merriment fading as he realized the gravity of his situation: he had absolutely no FUCKIN' money now!

He sighed, his head lowering, "Is the offer still open about the money?" He hated this, he really, really hated this!

Angel looked at the downbent head, "Of course it is. Tell you what, why don't I give you the money your father took, that way you'll start off almost exactly the way you wanted." He didn't want this...this already complex partnership that they were about to embark on to start out so unequal, they had enough problems facing them already.

Xander looked at him firmly, "Uh uh, no way Jose! Just so you understand, this to be a loan only," he stressed, "I intend to pay you back as soon as possible and I want it written down that I owe you the money." He had his pride! He may have to BORROW money from Deadb...Angel, but he intend to pay it back, he was not gonna start his new life taking handouts. He already knew he had an uphill battle just being AROUND the vampire.

"If that's what you want," Angel nodded, impressed with the boy...with Xander's fierce pride, his need to stand on his own two feet.

"Did you want to stay here tonight, or would you rather I put you up in a hotel, I assume you don't want to go home again," Angel asked.

"Could....could we go to the apartment...tonight," Xander asked in a small voice, picking at a loose string on his pants. Faintly shaking at the thought of being cooped up with Deadboy for hours and no way out.

"If you like, but Xander, running away without a word of explanation isn't the way you want to start your life off. With regrets, with unresolved issues behind you. I would have thought you would have learned from Buffy's mistakes if nothing else," Angel said to the bent head, hearing the heavy sigh from the boy. He could see the faint tremors and smell how afraid the boy was.

"Wasn't gonna do that," was the muttered reply. "Wrote 'em letters and stuff, not mushy stuff either," Xander sniffed, furiously blinking back tears, surreptitiously wiping his eyes.

Angel kindly ignored the wet drops he saw falling on the bo...Xander's pants. "Did you want me to give them the letters," he asked and saw the head shake.

"No, if you gave them to them, they'll know that you know where I am and I don't want them to see me like this," Xander said harshly.

"So you want me to sneak the letters into their mailboxes then," Angel said hesitantly and was rewarded by a slight nod, he sighed, "Fine. Let me find the keys and the addresses of the doctors and we'll be off."

"Can we stop at my house, I gotta get my stuff," Xander said quietly.

"Of course," was the easy reply as Angel pushed himself from the floor and disappeared into the bedroom, returning shortly with keys, a small locked case and an address book.

"You ready," he asked the boy standing by the door, touching his shoulder lightly feeling his tense only slightly before Xander pulled away.

"Yeah, I'm ready," Xander said looking at him.

They drove throughout the night, making brief stops at everyone's house, leaving his farewell letters for them all, retrieving his stuff from his home before finally saying farewell to Sunnydale.

*

And as promised, the doctors Angel recommended were very good. Handling his already shaky nerves with calm patience. Who cared if they were green and scaly, certainly not him, no sirree, he was perfectly fine with green scaly doctors. Of course by the time his first appointment came, he made damn sure Angel was right there with him, squeezing his hand, during his examination.
Better the demon you know, he thought with swiftly rising hysteria.

*

The next several weeks in Sunnydale were, to say the least, extremely stressful between warring Scoobies..... the yelling, fingerpointing, slapping and name calling. Each time they met in the hall, killer glares were exchanged, the Library becoming a cold chilly place within to research each time the remaining Scoobies met, working with each other in grudging silence; each, blaming the others.....swearing up and down that they were not the ones that drove Xander away.

But it was Cordy who finally pointed out that they were ALL the blame for Xander's leaving: Buffy for not having the strength of will to destroy Angelus and doing her duty; Willow for not sticking up for Xander; Giles for entrusting Buffy with, in her opinion, waaaaay too much responsibility; and Xander for lying and running. He should have learned from Buffy's mistake, that running never solve anything; the problems were still gonna be there when you return.

Her clear insight, which Angel silently agreed, left them stunned and speechless. They had all made mistakes, some mistakes were worse than others, but running never solved the problems. He was pleased to see that after Cordy's blistering tirade, they slowly began to heal and work together. But, as promised, he remained silent on the whereabouts of Xander Harris. He suspected that Oz knew that he knew and he had a quick conversation with the boy, swearing him to secrecy.

And every other weekend, Angel would disappear and no one could find him.


The L.A Story - The Angel Years

Angel found that keeping Xander amused in his lonely self-imposed exile proved to be, strangely enough, not that particularly challenging. He helped the boy study for his G.E.D. and found things to interest him, video games, books, movies and music. Angel discovered that there was actually a fine analytical mind lurking under that the unruly mop of hair.

And it was first in self-defense that he began teaching the boy Go, Chess and other strategic games to keep them from annoying each other so much; finding that their games were something he was beginning to look forward to and finding, that as the months past, that winning was becoming challenging.

He kept the boy abreast of what was going on in Sunnydale, telling him that Buffy had rescued his father from vampires and encouraged the boy to begin talking with his mother. Hearing the boy crying in the phone to his mother felt.....really good. Hearing the news that Xander's father had joined AA made him...happy for the boy. For his next amazing feat, he smiled wryly, he was going to get Xander talking to the Scoobies.

Gradually, gently they were easing their way to.....not so much as friends but were tentatively feeling their way to the point of not being.....adversaries towards the end of Xander's pregnancy.

Angel reflected on how...not-enemies they were slowly becoming and who knows, maybe they could even become friends. And he had at last realized something important about Xander: without Willow and Buffy around to constantly compare himself, to reinforce his negative opinion of himself he was growing and proving to be surprisingly intelligent and insightful.

During the long months of the pregnancy they had even begun to have civil discussions. . He had told Xander about Spike's return and despair over losing Drusilla, which sparked an intense discussion about love and their definition of it. He didn't want to admit to Xander about just how confused Spike's words had made him feel about Buffy and their relationship. And he discovered that despite Xander's propensity for the female flesh, what he truly wanted was not burning passion, that fiery aspect of love because when the fire was gone what did you have left.....ashes. But what Xander wanted was a steady burning enduring love, a love that would stand the test of time.

And he had realized that when the First had tried to drive him crazy, it was the thought of losing his child, of never seeing his child that kept him from succumbing to it, to the visions.

* * *
Angel was sure he had broke all speeding laws getting back to L.A. when Xander called him, screaming, as he went into labor two weeks early. He was there coaching Xander, encouraging him when the contractions began rippling visibly through Xander's belly, he was there explaining 'Yes, I am quite sure that we explained that he is human and HE DOESN'T HAVE A NATURAL BODY OPENING!' and he was there when they finally pulled his daughter out and placed her in his arms. He wish he wasn't there when the doctors congratulated him, assuring him that he and his mate would produce many fine children.

He heard Xander mutter, "Yeah, like that'll be the day!"

They named her Holly Marie Harris and they were assured by the doctors that their fears that she would be born a vampire were groundless.

He stayed several weeks this time, getting acquainted with his daughter, making sure Xander got the proper rest that the doctors order. Both he and Xander took shifts caring for her. He naturally took the nightshift, while Xander took care of her during the day.

And she was slowly driving them insane!

Nothing they did was right, the only time she stopped crying was when she was sleeping, but even then she would lie there whimpering piteously.

They were the worst parents!

"We need help," Xander whispered, afraid to wake the finally sleeping child.

"We need a female," Angel muttered exhaustedly, slumped on the couch.

"We need a mother," Xander felt like crying himself, his eyes were gritty from lack of sleep.

"You have a mother," Angel looked at him, desperate pleading in his eyes. "Call her," he begged, with dawning hope.

So Xander made the call hesitantly, swearing his mother to secrecy and begging her to come. He was alone when they arrived, his father facing him with fearful eyes unsure of his welcome; he saw the battle his father was facing each day to overcome his own demons.

And he welcome them into his home.

He sat them down and nervously tried to explain about the nightlife in Sunnydale; you know, the things that went bump in the night? Well, they really did go BUMP and THUMP in the night. Looking in their eyes, he could see they really didn't believe him, just humoring him as they nodded their heads. He sighed, maybe when Angel got home, he'll show them.

Mr. and Mrs. Harris turned as they heard keys jiggling in the door and saw a beautiful young man enter, struggling with bags of groceries and blinked seeing Xander rush forward, helping with the bags. And a horrible suspicion began blooming in Jack's mind, and he clenched his jaw.

"Uhm, Mom, Dad, this is Angel....uhm this is his place...that, uhm I staying in," Xander stammered out, flickering a nervous look at his father's iron jaw. Uh oh, he thought, what the hell did I do? He glanced at Angel in confusion before taking the bags into the kitchen.

"You guys'll stay for dinner, won't you," he said. "Angel's cooking, not me," he said, with a crooked smile, he had inherited his cooking skills from his mother.

"Uhm, Macy obviously, the uhm boys seem to have everything under control, so why don't we go check into a hotel, freshen up and come back for dinner," Jack said uncomfortably. Macy, looking bewildered, reluctantly agreed.

Angel narrowed his eyes thoughtfully on the man's face, at how uncomfortable he looked.... how he avoided looking him in the eye and slowly smiled realizing what was the problem.

"But I thought you were going to stay here," Xander protested. "Angel said it would be okay, there's plenty of space," he assured them eagerly, "I had the room all made up for you," he looked at them with his best puppy eyes, and seeing his mother weakening, he turned his most potent weapon on his father, "Pleeaaase," oh yeah, he still got it, he gloated watching his father cave in.

"Please do stay," Angel added his pleas to Xander, his demon wickedly taking over, "Why don't I show you around?"

Macy nodded eagerly, my what a fine young man, Alexander is very fortunately to have him as a friend.

Silently, Jack followed them, not daring to comment on his son's, he choked to himself, alternative lifestyle. He glared angrily at Angel, his son was far too young for making such a crucial decision. He knew exactly who to blame.

Angel smirked, he could feel the man glaring holes in his back. "This is the room you'll be staying in," he said opening the door to the room, his eyes narrowing to cold slits as Mr. Harris brushed past him. He leaned against the doorjab watching Mrs. Harris exclaim over the beautiful room, coldly smiling as the senior Mr. Harris looked around the room, knowing that serious dollars went into the decorating.

He faced the silent Angel, "This room is kinda ritzy," he smiled, more of a grimace than anything.

"I have plenty of money," Angel said with an cold smile, turning his head as he heard Xander coming down the hallway.

"Mom, Dad you should see my room," Xander said excitedly. "Angel let me do anything I wanted to, within reason of course," he added hastily, seeing the glare on the vampire's face.

Jack twisted uncomfortable, he really didn't want to see the room where his son and l...lo...lover slept, but he couldn't resist the pleading look in his wife and son's eyes. Stomping with ill grace, he peered into the room, blinking at the wild decoration adorning the room. He looked bewilderedly at the icy and composed Angel, trying to picture him in this bedroom with his son, he just couldn't imagine it.

Angel stepped closer to him, "Perhaps you would you like to see *my* bedroom," he whispered coldly in the man's ear, emphasizing the fact that he and Xander had separate room, his eyes glittering at the relief that shone in the man's eyes.

"And what's that room," his mother said, pointing to the last door, wondering about the strange tenseness in both boys, before a wailing cry came from beyond the door. Angel looked at Xander and opened the door into the nursery, picking up the crying baby.

"Uhm, Mom that's the other thing that I, that we needed to talk to you about," Xander said wretchedly. He sighed as he beckon his parents into the room, taking the fretfully wailing baby from Angel. "This is Holly Marie," he said to them showing them the baby.

"Oh Alexander, she's so beautiful," Macy gushed, taking her from Xander, rocking her crooning softly to the baby. "Yes you are, yes you are just the most beautiful baby, oh yes you are," she crooned to the now cooing baby.

Angel and Xander exchanged bewildered looks, "How did you do that?" they both demanded.

Xander tried to explain, "We've been trying to get her from crying for weeks. The only time she's not crying is when she's sleeping or eating."

"Well, she probably wants her mother," Macy said, looking down into the baby's face. "Yes you do, you want your mommy don't you, precious, yes you do," she said to the baby and at the silence from the boys she looked up, "Where's her mother? For shame if she left the baby here for you too to take care of."

Jack saw the uncomfortable looks the two exchange and knew that something strange was going on.

"That's part of the something that we need to talk about," he said anxiously, turning his head to look at Angel, who silently nodded.

"Let's go into the living room where it's more comfortable and I'll explain," Xander said with a sigh; oh man, is this gonna be a nightmare.

"Certainly, Alexander," Macy said looking down at the cooing baby, "But what about the mother, will she be joining us," she saw the strange looks Alexander and that young man gave each other before her son sighed.

"Not precisely," he said and bit his lip. Her eyes narrowed at that betraying nervous gesture, something was definitely wrong here.

They retreated to the living room and Angel went into the kitchen to prepare a bottle for Holly.

Xander waited until he came back, watching as Angel took Holly gently from Macy and began feeding her.

"You remember about what I was saying about Sunnydale," Xander began hesitantly, "I know that you don't believe me but it's true." He took a deep breath, "Holly is my daughter, there's no mother," he watched his mother gasp and tears come to her eyes and knew she misunderstood. "Mom before you go all teary-eye, understand: there never was a mother only me, I had Holly, I gave birth to her."

He waited for the explosion, closing his eyes tightly. When there was only silence he cautiously opened one eye and seeing the look of terror on their faces and sighed opening both eyes.

"You just had to go grr didn't you," he accused the now gameface Deadboy, "Didn't we agree, no grring around Holly? I'm pretty sure that I was apart of that conversation, or was it just my imagination?"

"They weren't believing you, anyway, so I gave them proof," Angel said calmly, a wicked glint in his eyes.

Xander huffily crossed his arms, "I was doing just fine!" And he was, not as well as Angel's demonstration had been but he was getting there.

"You were taking to long," Angel pointed out smugly, they were both ignoring the senior Harris's.

"Alexander, get away from that....thing," Jack shouted jumping up and trying to pull his son away from that creature. He believed! Dear God, he believed!

"Dad, chill okay," Xander protested, seeing Angel beginning to growl softly, hearing Holly begin wailing.

"Now look what you've done," he rushed to take Holly from Angel, trying with limited success to stop her crying. "I hope you are happy now," he glared at his flabbergasted father. "We're never gonna get her to stop crying now, that's one of the reasons why we needed you here, Mom."

"B...but...," Jack sputtered pointing at Angel, who had shifted his face back. Macy was torn, looking back and forth between Xander and the crying child. Her decision made, she rushed to the wailing baby and her son.

"Talk to her," she urged him gently, "Make her feel like she's loved."

"But we do love her," Xander protested, bewilderment in his eyes, ignoring his father's sputtering.

"Remember that song I used to sing to you when you were a little, sing that song to her," she said quietly, "Remember how it made you feel?"

Xander tentatively began singing and to his and Angel's amazement, it worked! Xander looked sadly down at his daughter and swallowed hard, realizing that he had some serious issues to still work through, loving Holly just wasn't enough.

"Mom, Dad, Angel's a vampire," Xander said offhandedly as he looked down at the now cooing Holly and reluctantly shifted her into Angel's arms, who gave him a questioning look.

"You need to sit down," he said, turning to his parents with a grim face.

"Yes demons and things like that do exist; does exist, especially in Sunnydale. There was a demon running around Sunnydale almost a year ago, he wanted to hurt Buffy and everyone else; he came very close to destroying the world," he admitted huskily.

They caught their breaths, "How close," Jack whispered.

"Dad believe me, you really, really don't want to know," Xander said quietly. "This vampire was the one that killed Ms. Calendar; my broken arm... his people caused; Giles and Willow's hospital stay....his doing. He wanted Buffy distracted so he began terrorizing her friends," here Xander paused, looking uncertainly at Angel, who nodded slightly, they needed to hear the whole truth.

"So he captured me and...and...," Xander looked down, "And he raped me." He heard the exclamations of shock and horror from his parents. He really hoped that they wouldn't make the connections.

Jack's eyes narrowed, looking at Angel, looking at his son; remembering all the telltale little gestures or the lack of contact between the two. How Xander always seem to kept some distance between him and the...the vampire.

"And yet you entrust your child to a vampire," he said quietly, a terrible truth taking shape in his mind.

And Xander met his eyes slowly, "It's his child too," he said quietly, shaking under the stress, the memories.

"You raped my son," Jack growled to the coldly composed Angel.

"Not him, Dad, Angelus," Xander whispered softly, feeling his nausea rising.

"Angelus, Angel, what's the fucking different," Jack roared.

At that, Angel smiled coldly, "If you ever met Angelus, you would know the 'fucking' difference."

"You'll be dead is the difference," Xander added quietly and ran to the bathroom, heaving his guts out.

Jack was shaken, seeing the truth in both of their eyes. He sat down, shocked that his son had been going through this...nightlife all this time and they, he never noticed?! What kind of parents are we, he thought in despair, holding his head.

Angel looked coolly down at the distraught man before making a decision. He gently handed Holly to the shaken Macy.

"One of the reasons why I, why *we* asked you here was for several reasons: Xander wanted you away from Sunnydale; two, we obviously don't know how to raise a baby and you two have done a fine job of raising Xander; and three, Xander is alone in this city and he needs encouragement to get out and he needs someone to talk to. Right now he needs a sense of stability, of normalcy. With you here, you can pretend to be a happy family, do things in the daytime. I've persuasion to get him to go out, but he always comes up with some flimsy excuse, or has a panic attack every time he's forced to leave the apartment. I was hoping that you would help and possibly stay here with him," he ended quietly.

They were stunned! Live with a vampire?! They were taking their son and grandchild HOME!

Angel smiled inwardly at the look of horror on their faces, "I'm normally not here other than every other week for only about two days. This is the longest I've stayed since we came up here, Xander wasn't up to doing too much after having Holly."

They exchanged glances, "Does Alexander know that you've asked us to stay," Macy said tentatively, glancing down into Holly's face.

Angel hesitated, "He knows that we need help, he doesn't know about the other reason. Mr. and Mrs. Harris, the Xander I knew last year is a far cry from the young man he is now. He needs help that I can't give him; despite everything that Angelus did to him, it's a miracle that he can stand to be in the same room with me."

"Jack, we're staying," Macy said turning fiercely to her husband, staring him down.

"But my job," he sputtered before swiftly caving in at the look from his wife.

"Excellent. Perhaps Mr. Harris I can help you bring your luggage up," Angel offered coolly, he needed to talk to the man

Jack took a deep breath, well if we're staying I guess I gotta get used to him sometime.

"Sure," he said with false enthusiasm.

They left the apartment and went down to the garage, making idle conversation.

Angel halted the man, slamming him up against the wall, "Mr. Harris, before we go on I would like to make one thing clear," his polite words at odds with visible menace in his face.

Jack looked up in fear, what in the hell, seeing the demonic face shift Angel's features.

"You may have fooled your wife into thinking that you are clean and sober, that you have stopped drinking but you have NOT fooled me! If you ever so much as touch a drink while in MY home, I will bounce your sorry miserable ass out of my home and if you ever, ever so much as raise a hand to Xander, I will KILL you," he hissed quietly, his eyes a glowing hot gold.

"I'm sober! I haven taken a drink in months, I swear. I'm clean, I tell ya," Jack cried in panic, his heart racing with fear.

"Please, Mr. Harris do not insult both of us with your lies! I can smell the stench of alcohol on your breath and body. Vampires are extremely sensitive in smell," Angel bit out with a snarl.

He knew! Jack thought in panic, he couldn't lose his family, not when he just reconnected with them. He hadn't dared told Macy that he had stopped going to AA or she would suspect he had started drinking again. He couldn't lose them again! He just couldn't! He moaned softly in his throat.

Angel looked down into the wet eyes of the mortal and sighed, this was Xander's family and he would try his best to help them, "Mr. Harris, I know someone in the city that can help you, however, I will keep tabs on you," he warned the shaking man softly, "And if when I come up the next time and I find that you're drinking....," he left the threat unsaid.

"Anything, I'll do anything," Jack promised shakily, "I don't want to lose my family again over this, I can't."

Angel eyed the man coldly, "I will not allow you to bring harm to my daughter or while Xander remains under my protection. A drunken fool is something that I will not tolerate in my home."

"You obviously care a great deal about my son," Jack said quietly as the made their way to his car.

Angel slanted a look at the man and remarked dryly, "Not quite in the way you imagine. Vampires are highly possessive when it comes to mates and their Childer. Xander falls somewhere between a mate and a Childe. He is not a 'mate' in the traditional sense, however, he IS the father of my child, which makes him...mine in a way that I don't believe you can understand yet." He shrugged, "Besides, your son is strictly heterosexual, his fondness for females usually gets him into trouble all the time."

"And what are you," Jack asked quietly, grabbing a suitcase, casting a look at the other.

"What am I," Angel repeated, he turned and looked at the man, eyes turning gold, "I'm a demon."

And Jack let the conversation lapse, instinctively knowing better than to go further, returning thoughtfully up to the apartment.

Xander looked warily at the two men returning, with Angel meeting his eyes with a bland expression and a arched brow. Hmmm, I know he's up to something, Xander thought suspiciously, I just know it!

It was during dinner that he found out what was going on, his parents were moving in!

His head jerked to Angel, his mouth opening in protest as Angel said quickly, "Xander, think about this for a minute. You need help that I can't give you in the daytime and also with Holly. Your parents are perfect, you'll have built-in babysitters and someone to help you with Holly....your mother to teach us all the things we need to know about raising a baby."

Xander slowly closed his mouth and looked at the hopeful gleam in his parents eyes and sighed, "You're right, I guess. I hate you," he muttered with little heat.

"Alexander LaValle Harris," his mother exclaimed.

Angel smiled, oh I'm gonna love this!

*

They all settled in a comfortable routine, before Xander sent him back to Sunnydale, back to Buffy.



Chapter 4

It was several months later quite by accident one night, that they found out about Xander's other little problem and Holly why didn't seem to be gaining weight.

They were laughing one night in the kitchen, when Xander made a joking remark and vanished for several minutes, reappearing shaken by what he had seen in the other place. Angel, panicking for those few moments, searched frantically through the apartment for Xander holding a screaming Holly.

When Xander had appeared, bruised and looking shaken, it took everything Angel had in him not to grab the boy and chain him to his side.

"Just what the fuck just happened," he yelled furiously, rocking the crying baby, pacing angrily back and forth.

"You're asking me," Xander yelled back, waving his arms in the air, "I was talking to you and POOF! I'm someplace else, with all these strange looking people. If you wanna call them people. I was wandering around for hours, trying to figure out a way back home, when POOF! I'm back." He shuddered, "Those people were worse than New Yorkers!"

"You are going to see some people I know, I will not have you POOFing all over the place without knowing what the hell is going on," Angel roared angrily, his gameface on.

"Don't you go 'Grr' at me and stop cursing in front of Holly," Xander yelled just as angrily, "Like I knew what the hell happened; and fixed your face, you're scaring Holly," he snapped.

Angel opened his mouth, looked down at Holly and froze, "Uhm, Xander, you better come here," he said still looking at the baby.

Xander rushed over alarmed, peering down at his daughter, "But they said she wasn't gonna be a vampire," he protested taking her gently in his arms looking down into her face....at the delicate ridges on her brow and the soft golden eyes. He sat down heavily, rocking her gently until her face changed back to human. "And I've had her in the sun, dozens of times," he added bewilderedly.

"I'll call the doctors, tell them we're on our way," Angel said immediately, rushing to the car. They rushed to the doctor's office, grateful that the doctors kept demon hours, staying open 24 hours a day. They anxiously waited for the prognosis, sitting side by side with Xander clutching Angel's hand for support: not a vampire, but a dymphire. And the reason why the lack of weight gain....she needed blood, not a lot, just a small amount in her food.

Angel and Xander glanced at one another dismayed, "Mom and Dad are so gonna freak," Xander moaned, slumping against Angel.

He smiled at the dark head resting against his shoulder and slowly put his arm around Xander's shoulders, feeling his dead heart stir....it was a start.

Surprisingly enough the senior Harris' took the matter of a dymphire granddaughter in stride, with Macy fixing blood bottles for Holly and making bloodlaced cookies for Angel to eat on the way back to Sunnydale.

Keeping his word, he also dragged a furiously protesting Xander to see a knowledgeable friend.

It was there that they found out that Xander had the ability to 'Travel' through various dimensions. The physically older he got, the more dimensions he could travel to and as a side benefit, it was rumored that the majority of Travelers did not age while in other dimensions. So what could be years in another dimension would be the equivalent of maybe minutes, hours or even days here, Angel's friend told them.

His friend remarked, "It's good that you brought him here, I know of another Traveler that can begin training him immediately. It's very dangerous to have an untrained Traveler running around, they can sometimes be literally dragged to other worlds and spend years trying to get back, and by years, I mean our years," he added soberly and at this Xander looked terrified. "You are extremely fortunate, young man, that you managed to return by yourself, however, next time you may not be so fortunate," he said sternly seeing the mutinous look on Xander's face.

"But what if I don't do this Traveling thingie," Xander protested. He definitely didn't want to be going someplace else, he had enough problems getting around L.A. for Pete's sake....and who the Hell was Pete that everybody was saking?

"Xander, he said you might not have a choice about going," Angel said quietly, casting him a sidelong look.

Xander blinked at seeing the fear lurking in his eyes, "So, when do I start learning," he said grudgingly, and saw relief flare in Angel's eyes before they resuming their normal noncommittal expression. So it was arranged that Xander would begin to study with Cruz, a human Traveler. Thank God that Cruz was also a teacher, he was able to switch his G.E.D. class to studying with Cruz otherwise he would have been totally trashed by the time he got home in the evening.

But what Angel didn't know was that Xander's teacher was also a Natural mage.

Cruz, when he realized that in addition to being a Traveler, Xander was a Natural mage, tried to explain just how dangerous being a Natural was, "Naturals are individuals born with an innate magic as opposed to those that acquire a linkage to magic. Some people can go their whole lives unknowing of what's inside of them. HOWEVER, if that individual ever use their magic JUST once, they had to continue to use the magic, they couldn't afford to stop. To give you an analogy, magic is like a.....river of power, if you will. As long as you continues to use your magic, the power will flow clean, calm and effortlessly; now imagine you stop, saying that you won't use the magic anymore, shutting the door effectively....the power can't go forward and it can't go back. What do you think will happen," he said into the horrified young man.

"It'll spill over," Xander whispered, his eyes wide in alarm.

"Precisely, it will spill over into every portion of your body, seeking an outlet," he paused added softly, "I hear this manner of death can be excruciatingly painful."

Shuddering, Xander grimly threw himself into his studies, determined this was NOT gonna happen to him; but on the plus side Cruz, began taking him to different dimensions to learn various ways to defend himself, physically and magically. And finding the means to do a single spell preyed on his mind.

*

Angel, with the Harris' providing company for Xander and Holly, once again began traveling between Sunnydale and L.A.

Shuttling between Sunnydale and L.A., keeping Xander abreast of what was going on in Sunnydale was....interesting, Angel thought. Because he was now outside of the loop, discussing problems with Xander brought a new perspective to situations. It was Xander that came up with the idea to trick Faith, once he was told what was going on and what they suspected Faith was doing. He continued to talking to the boy, watching the pleasure shining in the dark eyes as he was once again involved in the Scooby gang's activities, although in a clandestine way, which thrilled the boy to no end. He was fond of strutting around the apartment saying, "Harris, Alexander Harris" in the worst British accent he had ever heard.

Xander stumbled out of bed at the sound of Holly whimpering---despite his parents being there he knew that he, well Angel too, was responsible for her. Afterall, they were the parents, he grimaced. Even after all this time, the weight gain, the unstable moods swings---he still was a little freaked to think of Holly with two fathers, especially considering that he was the other father in this little twisted family.

He staggered into Angel and recoiled instinctively, a flash of fear that he quickly suppressed at the sight of the other. He heard Holly's contented murmurs as she sucked vigorously on her bottle.

"Go back to bed, I got her," Angel ordered softly, holding the contented baby against his chest and settling in the rocking chair in the nursery, softly singing an Irish lullaby to her. Reminding himself why he fought so hard, why he needed to make sure that he survive the upcoming Ascension in Sunnydale. This would be his last chance to be with her before he had to leave for Sunnydale again.

Xander watched the tender scene for a few moments before quietly, thoughtfully going back to his bed. Lying there, he made a grim vow to redouble his efforts at practicing. There had to be a way, there had to be a way to do the spell! He just needed to work harder and turning over, he fell restlessly asleep.

Two days later, Angel left again for Sunnydale.

Angel reflected, on the eve of Graduation Day, how it was Xander that finally convinced him to go to Buffy's prom, telling him that he needed to go, to resolve things with Buffy. That after everything the two had went through to be together, they needed an...ending to, as Xander put it, to their Fractured Fairytale Romance. Yelling at him that if he wanted to end things with Buffy then just fuckin' do it, man. Their tortured affair was only hurting her....holding her back from finding true love; someone to possibly grow old with; someone that it had became painfully clear, wasn't going to be him.

He smiled slowly, remembering how angry the boy had been that he couldn't go back, to be a part of this battle....to be with his friends in their time of need. But one of them had to stay, to remain behind for Holly; better to have one actual living parent than to truly become an orphan. Fortunately, he had the Harris' on his side, he smirked.

He was truly grateful that they had agreed to stay. He watched as the boy hesitantly began spreading his shaky wings with his parents loving support and growing more secure each day, slowly developing into confident young man he was meant to be; he never thought he would be glad to see the old snarky Xander re-emerged.

Turning over in his bed, he prayed that he would make it back home safe and fell asleep.


SUNNYDALE-GRADUATION DAY 1999

"Willow, Oz let's take 'em down," Buffy yelled, above the screaming crowd, reaching into her jacket and pulling out a stake.

Willow also pulls a stake out of her dress and yells, "Everyone, hand to hand!"

Angel, in gameface, sends a vampire flying--then taking care of two others. His group is driving the vampires back up the steps, into the waiting stakes of the Sunnydale graduating class.

He sees one of the vampires turn and yell, "Get the kids!"

"Oh hell, no, not on my watch," he growled. He saw the other vampires turn to follow the other's lead only to find theirselves confronted with a mass of armed and angry teenagers toting baseball bats, crosses and stakes. Obviously, the students had the situation was well in hand. And who says that the youth today have no sense of responsibility, he smirked.

He saw a blond girl get attacked and another girl start whaling on her attacker with a bat.

Whirling around he saw Willow, struggling with another vampire and ran to help her yelling, "Right flank close in. Close!"

But she managed to push the vampire off, "Jason, Paul, you guys are right flank!" Making her voice heard over the confusion.

Angel punched another two vampires and he saw from the corner of his eye, Cordy staking a vampire with impressive style.

All around him, students were fighting, screaming. Some were even dying, but they fought on.

Suddenly the grounds were rocked with an explosion and Willow and Angel looked, falling backward.

More explosions erupted from the school as everyone ducked down protectively and he wrapped his arms around Willow as they looked at another explosion.

More explosions ripped all around the school. Raining debris all around them, bricks, glass, steel----and chunks of the former Mayor of Sunnydale splattered around them, on them....

....it was finally over.

*

Police cars and fire trucks were parked in front of the school. The air was dark and smoky as two fire men wheeled a gurney with a groaning Wesley over to an ambulance. Angel watched the people racing by helping the injured into the other waiting ambulance. He could just see Willow and Buffy talking, strolling past Wesley. He sighed as he saw Buffy looking around, he knew who she was looking for and he wasn't sure should actually go to her and say goodbye or simply disappear into the smoke.

He swallowed hard as she suddenly she turned around hesitantly, with a slight frown on her face, and their eyes locked. He watched as confusion crossed her face before understanding filled her eyes and her face fell. His vision of her was at first obscured by some firemen walking by, then by a cloud of smoke. As the smoke wafted between them, he came to his decision.

Stepping back, he turned slowly and walked away.

He could still feel her gaze on his back.

*

Xander paced restlessly back and forth, anxiously waiting for either Angel to call, letting them know that everything and everyone was safe or for him to arrive. He frowned, realizing just how much he missed in not being with his friends....his girls. He paced, muttering darkly to himself that they all had better be all right, including Deadboy, or he was gonna....he stopped abruptly at that thought, wondering when had the vampire had come to.....mean something to him, putting in Deadboy up in the category of....a good friend? he thought in puzzlement. Sure they had Holly in common but did that make them....friends, compadres, amigos or were they simply allies? He had always thought that he hated Dea...Angel for what Angelus had done and it was so not fair for him to really start liking Deadboy, he thought angrily. Stupid feeling always sneaking up on a guy, he sulked.

His parents watched his pacing and muttering bemusedly---they had thought the two would come to blows over the fact that Angel was refusing to let Alexander go back to Sunnydale, to be a part of the graduation activities. Having been a part of the conversation and planning of the Graduation battle, they were firmly on Angel's side in this.

It had taken all three, plus Holly to convince Alexander to stay away and wait for Angel to either call or come back. It was a crushing blow to their son's pride that he was not going to be part of the attack, to defend his friends from harm. They had at first been shocked and horrified at the situation developing in Sunnydale, the urgent way that Angel and Alexander planned the attack had finally convinced them just how dangerous Sunnydale had become and the dangers that their son had been putting himself through for years.

*

In the early hours of the morning as he was half-asleep on the couch, did Xander finally hear keys jingling in the door and shoved himself to his feet just as the door open. Feeling an agonizing relief fill him seeing Angel's bruised and battered face, to see the slow smile appear, silently letting him know all his friends were safe.

Shakily he sat down feeling his knees grow weak, exhaling slowly at the overwhelming release of the tension he had been feeling ever since Angel had left. "You didn't call," he accused shakily.

For an answer, Angel held up his shattered cell phone.

He looked up at the silently worried Angel and swallowed convulsively, "Now don't get the wrong idea, 'k," he said, standing and wiping sweaty palms on his pajamas, looking at Angel nervously.

Angel frowned, looking at him blankly and managed to get out "Wha....oomph," before Xander grabbed him in a quick tight hug before stepping back swiftly, looking immeasurably relieved.

"Just glad that..uhm, you are okay....you and everybody are, goodnight," Xander babbled quickly and ran to his bedroom, leaving a bewildered Angel alone in the living room.

He sighed and ran a weary hand through dirty hair, one of these days I'm really going to have to sit down and figure that boy out, still feeling the tingling warmth of the tight enfolding embrace.

Lying sleepless in his bed, thinking of the days' events, Xander finally realized just how cutoff he had felt knowing that the Scoobies and Angel were out battling the forces of evil, he grinned to himself, while he had to stay home. He realized WHY Angel made him stay back but...but, he sighed, these were his FRIENDS. Willow had been, was still his best friend yet he cut her out of his life because of what he thought were his hurt feelings, never giving her the opportunity to know....to understand the rapid changes going on in his life. Maybe she would have understood, maybe she wouldn't, but he never gave her the chance.

Waiting in the lonely hours for Angel to get home, something had finally clicked inside of his screwed up little mind: he hadn't left Sunnydale because of hurt feelings....he had left because he was ashamed! Ashamed that he had been raped.

He had always thought that if he was smart like Willow or strong like Buffy that maybe, just maybe he would have figured a way out of Angelus' trap or better yet, been able to kick his ass. But he hadn't been and that fact had been gnawing at him like a rat.... it could have just as easily have been Willow or even Buffy in his place with the same results...and that's when it hit him WHY Angelus had chosen him...because Angelus thought it would be more devastating to break him. He was not to blame that he had been raped and Buffy was not the blame for not saving him from Angelus--- the only one to blame in all of this was Angelus.

Angel had proven to him time and again, that no matter how much he was provoked, that he was not Angelus, that he was not going to hurt him, yell at him a lot but never physically hurt him. And with that realization, he felt as if a huge invisible weight had lifted from his shoulders, falling asleep for the first time, it seemed in years, without nightmares.

*

Jack stumbled into the kitchen yawning, carrying Holly, a little startled to see Angel sitting at the kitchen table.

" 'Lo," he mumbled, opening the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of bloodlaced milk and warming it slightly. Sitting down, he looked gratefully at Angel, who had poured him a cup of coffee and was taking Holly from him.

"So, how did it go yesterday," he asked after taking his first appreciative sip, give a quick kiss to his wife as she entered.

"It went pretty much okay," Angel said quietly, watching as an unusually sober Xander entered the kitchen. He arched a brow at Xander who flushed a little, both remember the quick, impulsive embrace last night.

"Yeah, Alexander wouldn't go to bed until you got home," Jack teased, watching his redfaced, sputtering son.

"Oh yes, he was pacing back and forth up a storm, for hours," Macy chuckled, ignoring Xander's strangled "Mom!" "Every little noise we heard outside had him rushing to the door, hoping it was you. It was so sweet," she shook her head amusedly at her embarrassed son.

Determined to ignore Mr. and Mrs. Blabbermouths, Xander closed his eyes and took a deep steadying breath and turned to Angel. Flushing at the amused gleam in Angel's eyes.

"So tell," he urged, grabbing cereal and milk, kissing Holly's cheek.

"Well, surprisingly enough it was Willow that manage to organize the entire graduating class in quite a formidable army," Angel began.

"Yea Willow!" Xander said with an excited, pleased grin.

"Cordy and Oz got the school wired and the school went Boom! Oh, by the way, Principal Snyder got eaten by the Mayor," Angel added as an afterthought.

Xander shook his head in mock sorrow, "It couldn't have happen to a better man."

"Alexander," Macy started laughing, remembering the stories Xander told of the horrible little man.

Xander gave her an unrepentant grin before he looked down at the table.

The others exchanged bewildered looks, knowing that something was wrong with him this morning.

Xander took a deep breath, saying casually, "Hey Angel, I was thinking about seeing a head shrinker, think you know any," he said looking up with a shaky smile.

Angel blinked, "No, but I can find one," he said huskily, sharing a pleased look with the senior Harris'.

"Thanks Deadboy," Xander felt the tension seep out of him, he should have know that Dead....Angel wouldn't make an issue out it.

Now, one more thing to do, he thought pushing back his chair and picking up the phone, he dialed a familiar number.

Taking a deep shaky breath at the sleepy 'Hello' at the other end, he said, "Hey Wills, I heard you guys had a pretty explosive graduation."

At the other end, Willow sat up with a jerk, disturbing the still sleeping Oz, "Xander," she whispered, wondering if she was still dreaming.

"Yeah, it's me," she heard the familiar voice and began crying, hearing him start crying too.

And behind Xander, the others looked at each other with pleased smiles and quietly snuck away.

*

After that first initial call, he and Willow spent long hours on the phone, with him telling her a carefully edited version, okay a great freakin' lie, about why he left.

Since she couldn't see him, she had no way of knowing that he was lying through his teeth. She would be mad later on, but hey, he'll deal with that later.

They spent well over two months, just talking on the phone. Struggling to reconnect with each other, trying desperately to rebuild the friendship they once shared. Of course, he felt guilty with his big lie, but he just didn't want to mess things up and he didn't know he would have the courage to tell them the truth.

So, the edited version was: Angelus had hurt him really bad and he just couldn't stay in Sunnydale anymore, feeling like he had let them down. He shouldn't have run, he should have stayed and talked with them, blah blah blah. He had to practice his lie several times before he was able to do it convincingly enough.

He made it kinda clear that other than that brief statement he really didn't want to discuss it any longer. And Willow, being the sweet, naïve girl that she was--allowed him to get away with it. Thank God she was nothing like Cordy, she would have badgered him to death until he told her the truth. That was one reason why he was staying the Hell away from Angel?s other apartment, he shuddered, like he really wanted to run into Cordy. Angel had already told him about how she wiggled her way into making Angel hire her. He smiled, that?s his Cordy!

They talked and talked. He made sure that they understood that he would not be returning to Sunnydale, he had a new life now. Of course he had to do some fast talking just to kept them from visiting him, and definitely making sure that they didn't surprise him with a visit.

It was only after Buffy threatened to find out his address that he promised to come back to Sunnydale for a visit.

So, reluctantly he headed for Sunnydale in late September and after a round of arguing with Angel, which he had won, Yea me! he took the Greyhound to Sunnydale, leaving Angel and his parents to look after Holly.

He sniffled, leaving Holly had to be the hardest thing he ever did. Sure he knew his parents would take care of her, but he made Angel promise to stay at the apartment anyhow. He just didn't want Holly to be totally without both her parents.

She was getting to be a real handful anyhow. Already crawling around the apartment, getting into things when no one was looking. They had quickly made the apartment babyproof, especially making sure that all the electrical outlets were covered, he shuddered, if Angel hadn't seen what she was doing....

He smiled proudly, remembering how Mom and Dad said that she was pretty big for her age; they thought that Holly would begin walking within any minute. He just hoped that she didn't decided to begin walking until he was at least home. It was too bad that he couldn't share this with Buffy and Willow, he just hoped that Oz wasn't around to blow his cover. It was going to be a long two weeks of constantly dodging their questions, he sighed as the bus pulled into the depot.

As he was collecting his bags he heard a squeal and had just enough time to turn and brace himself before he had his arms full of a happy redhead and a screaming blonde. Over their heads he saw a couple of the men give him envious looks. He smirked and pulled Buffy and Willow closer, just inhaling their scents, feeling a little tearful himself, but manfully controlled his tears.

"You big poopyhead," Willow said tearfully, pulling back and pinching him, ignoring his wince of pain, "How dare you run away like that?"

Buffy smacked him on the back of his head, "Yeah, what she said! You got a problem, you come to us before you take off and do something stupid like that." She looked searchingly at him, "Running away don't really solve your problem, you know," she said softly.

"Yeah, I kinda figured that out after the first two months," he said, quickly grabbing a bag while Buffy grabbed another and headed for the car and the Summers' house.

They had him settled in the Summers' spare bedroom, quickly explaining that she and Willow would be sharing Buffy's bedroom.

He tried on a leer for size, "Oooo a little girl-on-girl action. Maybe you girls would like to make a Xander sandwich, with nothing but Xandergoodness inside," he rubbed his hands with glee. God, how he missed his girls!

Willow and Buffy looked at each other and fell on him with screams of joy. Pelting his cringing, laughing body with pillows. Feeling all the warm connections snap into place. They missed him so much!

Downstairs, Joyce and Giles had just arrived and exchanged please smiles, and hurried up the stairs eager to greet the returning young man. Stopping in wonder a the scene in the bedroom.

"Uhm, Mom, I can explain," Buffy said hastily, blowing a feather from her lips. She looked around at the feathers floating all over the place and groaned silently.

Xander and Willow had froze, looking like downy chickens. All three were liberally covered in feathers.

Despite themselves, Joyce and Giles felt their lips twitch in amusement at their guilty, feathery faces.

Sternly, Joyce said, "I want this room cleaned up before you come downstairs....and Xander is good to have you back," before she and Giles hurried away. They just made it to the kitchen when their giggles erupted.

Buffy listened closely, relaxing as she heard them laughing downstairs.

"You think they're really mad," Willow said in small voice, clutching at Xander's hand.

"Nah, I can hear them cracking up, but we might not get any pizza tonight if we don't get this room cleaned," Buffy said glancing around at the feather decked room.

"We?! Whaddaya mean 'We'? I," Xander took a haughty tone, "Did not have a pillow, I was not beating a poor defenseless young man with a pillow, I...," he was interrupted by Buffy who leaned over....

"....will get a good whack upside the head if you don't shut up and make with the cleaning," she threatened.

Xander looked thoughtfully at the stern Buffy and the resolved face Willow was wearing, "Ah, excellent point."

With laughter, they quickly cleaned the room, fetching more pillows for the bed, before taking themselves downstairs, feeling the call of the Pizza God, luring them. They talked, laughed around slices of pizza with Xander giving them the same story he had told Willow. Unfortunately, he could see by the tensing around her eyes that she didn't believe a word out of his mouth. He breathed a sigh of relief that she let it go, but he knew by the look in her eye that she would soon be demanding the truth.

*

Xander sighed as he got into bed after making a swift call home on his cell phone to check on Holly. Reassured by Angel that everything was okay, quietly asking him how was he doing. With a shaky breath he poured out his thoughts and feeling, knowing that Angel was listening and understanding his uncertainty and fear. Feeling surprisingly comforted by Angel's understanding, he finally hung up after saying Goodnight to his parents and Holly.

He heard a know on the door and called, "Come in." He was not very surprised to see Willow and Buffy standing in the doorway.

"Hey, big boy, we couldn't sleep, so we thought we would make your dream come true with a Xandersandwich," Buffy said sexily as she shashayed over to the bed.

Willow gave him her best 'Come hither' look, crossing her eyes and stumbling to the bed. Smiling at the choked laughter from Xander.

She and Buffy pounce on their wiggling, laughter friend. Tickling him unmercifully, settling down with a guilty start as they heard Buffy's mom shouting at them to 'Go to sleep!'

Hushing each other between fits of giggles, they pulled all the covers off the bed, spreading them on the floor. With Xander in the middle, they talked long into the night before the pauses between their words became longer and they fell slowly to sleep. Life was good.

*

Joyce woke up, showered and changed. She tapped lightly on Buff's door, calling to the girls to get them up for breakfast and school. Then tapping lightly on Xander's door, calling him to get up.

She swiftly finished making breakfast and frowned as she failed to hear feet stumbling around upstairs. She went back up and tapped again on Buffy's door, then opening it....no Buffy or Willow.

With a thoughtful frown, she went to Xander's room, hoping that he would perhaps know where the girls had snuck off and when had they left. Knocking lightly on his door, then peeking in, her frown deepen as she saw the stripped bed. She quietly entered the room and looked on the other side of the bed and her frown cleared.

A soft smile lit her face as she took in the sight of the three heads cuddled under the covers. She quietly backed out of the room. Maybe Buffy and Willow can miss a couple of days from school.

*

Despite his separation from Holly plaguing him, he had fun once again just being with Buffy and Willow. He was surprised to hear that Cordy was had left Sunndydale. Of course, it only made sense seeing as how her parents were now broke. Come on now, who ?accidentally? forgot to pay the IRS? for years?

He heard about the Parker incident and totally agreed that Buffy should've kicked his sorry ass. He even offered to go find the son-of-a-bitch and give him a good ass whooping. But Buffy had said that she had already move on and said that she would introduce him to the New Guy.

He even got to sit in on their classes as school, all their teachers were really nice to him, he frowned, except for that Psych teacher. She was a real cold ass bitch though. He didn't let on to Buffy either just how much he detested that Riley dude. There was just something about that big guy that set off all his instinctive alarms. He just wanted to grab Buffy, Joyce, Willow and Giles and get the hell out of Sunnydale.

He just hoped Buffy dumped the asshole as soon as possible. He had a feeling that ole wily Riley was dangerous, really dangerous.

*

Finally, his two weeks came to a regretable end. There were tears, hugs and kisses from his womenfolk and a manly handshake from Giles, before he was pulled into a swift non-regulation British hug.

"Hey, G-man, you kept this emotional hugging thing going and they might just revoke your Britishness. Remember, 'Stiff upper lip' pip pip," Xander joked shakily, feeling his eyes stinging.

He peeked at Giles and sighed in relief, at least he wasn't the only guy feeling emotional and teary eyed.

He hugged them one last time before boarding the bus. Waving frantically, until they fell behind and he was on his way home.

Hopefully, he would get enough courage to finally confess what really had happened last year.

*

September passed slowly. For once, Xander was grateful for the slow and lazy month because when Spike arrived, chasing after Angel for that Gem of Amarra all he did was bring trouble down on everyone. And that great big idiot, Angel never even bothered to call him to let him know the stupid fucker was in town until after it was all over. Showing up like that all covered in bruises and holes, nearly gave him a heart attack, and he was much to young to die like that.

Angel pulled the ring off Marcus' finger and watched as he turned to dust in the blazing sun. He stared as the ring before slowly putting it on his hand, and hesitantly steps out from under the pier blinking at the sun, looking around in wonder. Distantly he could hear Cordy asking him if he was alright and replying to her that he was okay.

He looked at Oz, "Thanks for the help, man. You were key."

"You're - - incredibly pale," Oz said looking him up and down.

He lost himself in feeling the warmth of the sun on his face, his hands and slowly closed his eyes. He could still hear them talking. And the one thing that Cordy said struck him like a whiplash...

"Look, you should lie down. We should take you home," Cordy said worriedly.

Doyle quietly said, "Just give him a minute."

He finally turned to them, "There's something, someone that I have to go see. You guys go home, I'll see you tomorrow. And Oz, thanks again."

He raced to the apartment arriving just as Xander was dressing Holly, quickly explaining what had happened. Just giving the boy time to admire the ring before grabbing Xander, Holly and her diaper bag, dragging them the park.

They stay at the park for half the day, with Xander eating hot dogs, simply watching the people parade past. Then they went shopping for clothes for Holly. Every day things that a father did for his daughter. Before returning to the park.

Xander watched Angel staring at the setting sun, cradling Holly.

"So beautiful," he heard Angel whisper.

Quietly he asked, "How long has it been between sunsets?"

"200 years, give or take," was the equally quieter response.

"Well, you got to be feeling pretty damn good then, huh? I mean this ring - it changes everything, don't it? Yeah, it's spectacular, I know. But I do promise that there will be another one exactly like it tomorrow," Xander was puzzled by the sadness he could feel coming from Angel.

Angel swallowed hard, "Not for me."

"Whaddaya mean, not for you? It's not like the city will be hit by a meteor before tomorrow night or....," he stopped looking quickly at Angel, praying that he was wrong.

"No," Angel whispered, holding Holly closer, knowing that this was the last time he would be able to share this moment with her.

"No, don't even say it, man. This is your chance....your perfect opportunity to walk in the daylight with Holly, to take her to school and stuff," Xander whispered, "Don't do this."

Angel sighed, "I'm not going to wear the ring, besides she has you to do those things with." His mind was made up.

"Anybody tell you that you got a real addiction to the brooding part of life, huh?" Xander poked at Angel's shoulder in irritation.

Angel blinked and laughed softly, "Once or twice." He watched the colors of the sunset change, deepening.

Xander sighed before sinking into in the grass, "Talk to me, Deadboy. Explain it to me. I thought this ring was part of your redemption. Ain't what you've been waiting for?"

"Nah, it just looks like it," Angel shook his head, stroking Holly's back.

Xander voice was soft, "Angel, man, think what you're saying."

"I have, I've thought of it from every angle, and what I figure is I did a lot of damage in my day, more than you can imagine." Angel voice was level as he finally glanced over at Xander, seeing the distress on the boy's face.

Xander frowned at him, "So what, you don't get the ring because your period of self-flagellation isn't over yet? I mean think of all the daytime people you could help between 9 and 5."

"They have help. The whole world is designed for them, so much that they have no idea what goes on around them after dark. They don't see the weak ones lost in the night, or the things that prey on them. And if I join them, maybe I'd stop seeing, too." He saw Xander shake his head in firm refusal.

Xander tried another approach, "And who'd look out for all the insomniacs?"

"I was brought back for a reason, Xander, and as much as I would like to kid myself, I don't think it was for 18 holes at Rancho."

They watched the sun sink below the horizon.

With a sigh, Angel handed Holly to Xander. Taking off the ring, he picked up a big rock and smashed it.

At the green flash of light, he gave one last wistful look around the park, fixing the sunfilled day in his memory before turning to Xander.

"I don't know about you, but I had a nice day. You know, except for the bulk of it, where I was nearly tortured to death."

"Yeah, well, you stood up," Xander rolled his eyes at Angel as they walked back to the apartment.

"Oh, god. I was this close to telling him everything. I mean, one more hot poker and I was giving him the ring, your mom, everything. Oh, by the way did your mom make some more cookies?"


A month later....

Xander had a feeling that his quiet peacefulness wouldn't last for very much longer. He had finally found a balance with taking care of Holly, making sure her busy little fingers didn't get into Angel paperwork, going to college part-time and studying with Cruz . With his little monster now walking, she was twice as active, stumbling around the apartment. Her favorite place being the kitchen and removing all the pots and pans, enthusiastically banging on them. For some crazy reason, his parents found her antics totally amusing which he totally didn't get, he was never this bad when HE was a kid. He would remember if he was. Holly was running him ragged. He needed a vacation.

He frowned darkly, allright, it was time for Angel to do his fatherly duty and take care of her while he took a day off.

With that decision made, he had nearly finished giving Holly her bath when his mom called him to the phone. Sighing, he looked around at the wet bathroom, at the happily splashing girl and just gathered her up in a towel. Cleaning could wait until he got her into bed.

He handed her to his mom and took the phone, jerking it away from his ear at the scream he heard from Willow when he said hello.

"Willow, calm down! Just calm down, take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong," he shouted into the phone.

Macy turned her head, hearing him shouting at Willow. She saw his face pale alarmingly and he swayed where he stood before gently putting the phone back down in the cradle with a blank look on his face.

"Alexander. Alexander, what is it," she asked softly and gasped at the look of despair in his eyes.

"They know Mom, they know," Xander said softly. He took Holly gently from her arms and disappeared in his bedroom.

She heard the lock click.

She immediately called Angel and explained what had happen, breathing a sigh of relief when he said he was on his way..


Xander sat crosslegged on his bed playing with Holly. If Angel could be the King of Brood, well he was gonna be the Prince of Brooding. He was aware of his parents and Angel standing outside his door, but he ignored them. Preferring to play with Holly, letting the adoration in her eyes comfort him. If he lost Willow and Buffy over this then.....then the Hell with them both!

Holly loved him, his parents loved him and Angel was kinda, sorta his friend.

He blew a raspberry on Holly's stomach and her shrieks of laughter went a long way to healing him. He knew that eventually he would have to face his parents and Angel. He just needed a little more time to come to grips with the telephone call and get the strength to face Willow and Buffy.

It took some encouragement before Xander finally crept from his bedroom, looking lost and alone. Angel closed his eyes in rage at the unthinking actions of the Scoobies. He carefully did not allow his anger at the Scoobies to show on his face, well aware of the fierce loyalty the boy had for his friends. It took a good couple of days of steady talking before that awful look went away in the Xander's eyes.

Angel had the feeling that it was the unconditional love from Holly that eventually pulled the Xander out of the shell he had retreated. Maybe now, with the truth out in the open, Xander could fully heal himself.

*

It took some time before Xander felt strong enough to make the call to Sunnydale, to Willow just to talk to her before he finally asked her to meet him in L.A. He didn't know if seeing Willow, now that she knew part of the truth, would make all his old insecurities resurface.

But he had to do this, that dumbass Spike had spilled the beans about Angelus, about the rape. Sure he was stronger after all these months of therapy but it still threw him when she had called and started screaming into the phone about the lies Spike was telling them about Angelus, asking him, begging him to deny everything Spike had told them. All he could do was hang up the phone and that was answer enough.

He was savagely glad that Spike had been chipped, he just wished that they had put a fuckin' muzzle on the bastard too! He had begged her not to tell Buffy that what Spike had said was true, but he could tell by the silence that it was too late.

Buffy already knew.

He sat restlessly shifting in his chair in the restaurant, waiting for Willow. Something made him glance up and he saw the maitre'd pointing him out to Willow. He stood up apprehensively, searching her eyes as she approached. At the sight of her tears, he opened his arms and felt the solid weight of her land against his chest. Feeling the sobs shake her too slender body.

"Shh, shh, Willow," he kept trying to calm her down, vaguely hearing her muffled 'I'm sorry' repeated over and over. He knew that the restaurant was no place for this meeting and signaling the waiter, with one arm still wrapped firmly around her shoulders, he signed the check and left the restaurant.

"Where are we going," he heard Willow say and he stopped.

He gave her a wary look, "My place if it's okay with you," and waited for her reply.

Willow wiped hastily at her face, "Will we talk there," she asked huskily, searching his eyes seeing him dropped his gaze uncomfortably.

He sighed heavily, before looking at her, "Yeah, we'll talk."

Between crying and yelling, they talked and talked.

With Willow finally getting a glimmer of what Xander must had gone through, struggling without support of friends or family, trying to build a with a new life for himself and a child.

To know that Xander had to practically go through all this alone, shamed her despite his reassurance that Angel had helped him. Here she was railing at him for not telling her, them the truth while all the time he was struggling through an almost unbearable situation. A young man raped, an impossible pregnancy and then forced to depend on someone that wore the face of his rapist, someone he once considered an enemy. She shook her head, Xander had more courage and was far stronger than he realized.

And despite still wanting to kill Angel or hurt him really, really bad, she was?grateful as she saw the changes in Xander. He had changed so much, no longer the goofy friend she grew up with, he had finally grown to become the man she always knew he could and would be.

Holly was one lucky little girl, she thought as she left L.A.

*

Xander lay in his bed, still dressed staring blankly at the ceiling. He heard the knocking on his door, and tried to ignore who ever it was. He felt the sleeping Holly stir restlessly on his chest and patted her back, soothing her back to sleep.

"Xander, I know you're in there so I'm coming in whether you like it or not," he heard Angel say.

Sheesh! Can't a guy get an angst in peace for once. When Angel wants to brood do I interrupt him and try to get him to talk about his problems, he thought indignantly. Hell no, I figure if the guy wants to talk then he'll talk when he ready, in a roundabout, indirect kinda way. He was pretty sure there was an unwritten, double underlined rule about it....Men did just NOT talk about their feelings! They let their problems gnaw at their insides until either they developed an ulcer or got a big bloody hole in their side.

The door opened spilling light into the darken bedroom.

"So Willow left," Angel said, trying to get Xander to open up. He was concerned since the boy was always talking and when he didn't talk....it made him feel anxious.

Xander sneered. There's nothing like Angel stating the freakin' obvious...again. He sighed almost silently.

"Look Xander, I'm just trying to help," Angel said softly, trying carefully not to wake Holly. He struggled silently with the Man Code for a few moments before he heard himself blurt out, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Xander turned his head incredulously at Angel, "What did you just ask me?" He couldn't believe that Angel broke the rule. Oooooh, THEY were so gonna kick Angel out of the club for sure!

Angel rolled his eyes, "I said did you want to talk about it," he was determined to get this over and done with. He had learned quickly that Xander's constant talking was like a barometer of his mood. A Talky Xander -good. Quiet moody Xander ? not good.

"So what happened," Angel said softly, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed.

Xander sighed, looking at the ceiling again, "Apparently, Spike smelled me on you about a month ago with that Gem thingamabob. Buffy pissed him off one too many times and to get back at her, he spilled the beans about Angelus....and me." No sense letting Dead...Angel hang out there by himself, he might as well join him outside the Men's Club.

"Sh..," Angel bit off the word before it had a chance to leave his mouth, he could see the gleam of tears in the boy's eyes. "So, how did they take the news, then," he said with enforced calm.

"Well, Buffy will probably be heading your way with a stake in one hand and a gallon of Holy Water in the other. Giles, on the other hand is a sneaky bastard, I imagine he will be gifting you with a two-by-four and maybe a crowbar in a dark alley, so you better be careful. I think I managed to get Willow from turning you into a frog, but I'll still watch myself if I was you, especially if you feel the desire to start eating flies," Xander tried to joke, feeling tears clog his throat.

Angel said softly, "And by Spike's smelling you on me, they figured out that you're with me."

"Give the man a cigar," Xander said smiling mockingly, feeling tears trickle down from the corner of his eyes. "I called Buffy with Willow here.....this time I don't think we can make things right between us. It's gonna take something powerfully strong to make me even think about talking to her again." He blinked furiously, trying to steam his tears. He still couldn't believe some of the things she had screamed at him, that she called him.

"What did she she say," Angel said quietly, rage seething inside him. Holly stirred restlessly, making tiny whimpering sounds.

Xander glanced down at the fretting baby, before looking up, "Will you calm down," he whispered fiercely. "That's why I didn't want to tell you anything, you're always overreact. If I talk to much, you want me to shut up, if I don't talk you hunt me down and make me talk. You're just about to cross that line, buddy!"

Angel blinked under the torrent of words, his rage forgotten, "What line?"

Xander blew out an explosive breath, "The unwritten rule that Men. Don't. Share. Their. Feeling. They are supposed to hold them inside until the feeling either turn into an ulcer or gnaw their way out. Sheesh! For someone as old as you, you should know these things by now." He gave a sidelong look at Angel, glad to see the rage die down a little in Angel's eyes. The last thing he needed right now is for Angel to get medieval on Buffy.

Angel bowed his head in mock repentance, "Please do forgive me for my unseemly lapse in judgment," he said before looking up, seeing the relief in Xander's eyes. "You still love her, don't you," he said quietly watching stroking Holly's back absently.

"I don't love-love her, if that's what you're getting at," Xander said thoughtfully, releasing Holly into Angel's custody. He sat up, wrapping his arms around his knees, "I was in love with a dreamBuffy, the golden girl that I imagined her to be. Not that I'm saying that the real Buffy not worthy of being loved and stuff, it's just that being the Slayer and all...," he shrugged uncomfortably.

"She just has to do a lot more growing up to do," Angel finished for him, watching the startled understanding flicker on Xander's face.

"Yeah, she does," Xander sighed quietly, looking down at his bed.

He heard more than felt Angel get up and leave. Leaving the door ajar, spilling a little light in his darken bedroom.



Chapter 5

Actually it took Buffy four days to make her way to L.A.

The first Angel was aware was his office door nearly being ripped off it's hinges. He looked up startled as a furious Slayer came charging into the room.

Despite his words to Xander, he was still pissed off. At the sight of Buffy, all his pent up rage ignited. But he tried for Xander's sake to rein in his temper.

Calmly, he asked Wesley to take a long walk, he was thankful that at least Cordy wasn't here.

"What's the matter, don't want your precious friends to know what you did," Buffy sneered at him, her eyes full of rage and guilt.

He looked at Wesley, "Go on, it's OK," watching as the man hesitated before leaving hastily.

"Why don't we si...," he began to say when she punched him full in the face. He snarled as she hauled back to hit him again, but this time he wasn't going to be her punching bag. He blocked her punch and backhanded her through the open door.

Growling, he cut loose.

Buffy ducked a punch from him and came up behind him, swinging. He spun around blocking her return blow.

"Coming back, pretending like you loved me, like you gave a damn about any of us," she snarled.

He blocked another jab from her and punched her in the face. Following up with a left hook, and snarling as she lost her balance and almost fell down. He grabbed her by the back of her coat and threw her into the wall.

Both of them snarling, spitting words at each other.

"I cared, just not as much as I used to care," he growled. "But, you fucked this all by yourself, Buffy."

She rolled around to her feet and came at him again. She swung at him, but he blocked and punched her instead, followed by backhand punch and she hits the floor again.

"I should have killed you when I had the chance," Buffy panted, staggering to her feet. She looked at him, then kicked him in the face, following up with a punch to the side of his head.

"Yeah, you should have fuckin' done your duty like a good little Slayer," he growled as blocked her next swing, rapidly punching her in the face and gut. Grabbing at her again to throw her, but this time her footing is solid and she quickly caught her balance. So, he kicked her in the face and watching as this time she fell to the floor.

In response, Buffy leaped up and kicked him in the face, watching as he arched backward and then snapped forward. But she was waiting for just such a move from him and kneed him in the chin and delivered a series of sucker punches to his gut, ending by slamming her fist into his jaw.

"Well, there's no time like the present," she gasped, pulling a stake out of her pocket.

She leaped forward tears of rage, of guilt glittering in her eyes....

He leaped forward, snarling in fury....

.....and they slammed into an barrier they couldn't see. They couldn't get within five feet of each other. Both of them snarling in rage, furiously struggling to reach each other.

Angel straightened up slowly and regarded her with frosty narrowed eyes.

Buffy lowered her stake and staring at him puzzled as to why she can't reach him.

"Willow," Angel bit out.

Buffy blinked, trying to clear the red hazy mist from her eyes. Distantly hearing a telephone ringing in the lobby. She watched as Angel stalked over and snatched the receiver up, speaking shortly to whoever was on the other end.

Angel growled into the phone, "What the hell are you trying to pull, Willow?"

"It?s Xander and I'm trying to save the both of you," Xander said shakily, trying to do this spell was nearly about to kill him. "Willow just called me hysterical, telling me that Buffy went AWOL. It didn't take a genius to guess where she was heading. Angel, please let it rest," he begged quietly, hearing the other snarl on the phone, "Please Angel, just walk away."

"She's not going to let this drop," Angel snarled, looking at her.

He heard the sigh from the other end, "Let me talk to her then," he heard Xander say.

"The barrier will have to come down," he replied cunningly, happy that once it was down, he could kill her.

"Whaddaya think I am stupid? You just move out of the way and slid the friggin' phone to her," Xander retorted, his shaking increasing. He wasn't fazed as he heard the low growl from the other end and smiled knowing what Angel had intended to do.

"Promise me that you won't hurt her once the barrier is down," Xander pleaded quietly. He could hear Angel's breath rasping in the phone before he got the grudging promise that Angel wouldn't attack her, unless she attacked him first..

"Buffy, Xander wants to talk to you," Angel said reluctantly, backing away from the phone, watching as she cautiously stepped forward. He tested the barrier with deadly hands, Nope still can't reach her.

"What the hell do you want," she snapped into the phone.

"I want you to get the hell away from Angel," Xander replied calmly, despite his pounding heart. "You made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. So go home Buffy, and leave us alone."

Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing, "How can you stand to be around him, he raped you?!" She whirled around when she heard Angel growl savagely. "So you two are an 'us' now, is that it?"

"No," came the quiet reply, "Our daughter is us."

"Oh my God," Buffy whispered into the phone, her eyes wide in horror.

She heard him sigh wearily, "Buffy, when you're ready to hear me, ready to listen...call me. But in the meantime, go home. There's nothing for you here. Giles, Joyce and Willow are waiting. Just go home, Buffy."

He hung up the phone, and dropped the barrier. Not able to take the strain and stress any longer. Praying that they didn't attempt to kill each other.

Numb, Buffy dropped the phone back into the cradle hearing the dial tone.

She looked up with blank eyes to Angel, "Baby?"

Angel heard everything Xander told her, "Buffy, when you're ready to listen, to hear what Xander, what we have to say call us. But right now, you need to leave." He had calmed down considerably, he still wanted to kill her, but only if she threatened his family.

"I...I...need to think," Buffy whispered, her eyes wet.

"Don't think too long, Xander may have infinite patience, but I don't," Angel warned her, his eyes a solid yellow.

He watched her walk away.

*

Now it was Willow that kept Xander up to date on what was happening in Sunnydale. He was aware of the growing estrangement between Willow and Buffy. God only knew that it was just about all Willow could talk about, that and the fact that she caught Oz cheating on her.

He had immediately invited her to stay with him. He knew just how depressed she was, maybe with some time away, she could recover. Maybe that girl she was hanging with, what's her name, could pull her out of her dump.

Of course it threw him for a loop a month later when she said that her and Tina....Tara were dating. Willow a lesbian? His Willow a lesbian? He almost keeled over in shock. Of course, having Angel laughing at him, calling him a homophobe really didn't help matters much. It made him more accepting, cause he would be damn if he was gonna let Angel make fun of him!

Every time she came to visit, she had to bring that...girl. He saw the revulsion in her eyes every time she saw Holly, so reluctantly he stopped inviting Willow and putting her off from coming to L.A. If he had to see that look one more time in that girl's eyes.....he didn't know what he would do to her. He had a nasty feeling that Willow suspected his true feelings, especially when she told him that Tara girl didn't like her doing magic and stuff.

He recalled that frustrated, crazy conversation they had on the phone....

"No, you'd do wonderful in the Army, following orders. Hey, do you think the umbilical cord between you and Tara can stretch that far," he sneered, gripping the phone tightly in his hand.

Willow: "I knew it! I knew you hated her!"

He remarked snippily, "Look, I'm not the one being judgmental here. I'll leave that territory to you and Buffy."

Willow screeched into the phone, "Judgmental?!" He jerked the phone from his ear, wincing in pain "If I was anymore open-minded about the choices you two make my whole brain would fall out!"

"What brain?!," he replied coldly.

"Stop it! What happened to you, Xander?" Willow whispered, blinking back tears.

He let go of some of his rage with a sigh, "Willow, things have been wrong for a while! Don't you see that?"

"What do you mean wrong? You and Buffy just can't handle Tara being my girlfriend," Oops! Willow thought guiltily, Xander didn't know about that.

"Well, they certainly haven't been right since I left. We have to face it," he said quietly into the phone, then he frowned, "And what the hell do you mean, Tara's your girlfriend?"

Angel came into the room at the tail end of that, "Bloody hell!"

Willow stammered, "Enough about that...all I want to know is do you want to help, right? Be part of the team?"

Xander shook his head he just wasn't sure anymore about this..."Wills, I don't know anymore. I don't feel wanted by either Giles or Buffy."

Willow raised her voice in disbelief: "So, you're gonna let her walk into that cave alone, by herself. Hey, maybe that's the secret way of killing Adam, ya think?!"

Xander blinked at the biting contempt in her voice, "Willow...." he began.

Willow, angry and hurt now, "Is that it? Is your hurt feelings is worth more than saving the world? You're not answering me, Xander Harris! Well, is it?!"

She regarded the wall silently for a moment, listening to the silence at the other end, before saying, "So . . . I guess I'm starting to understand why there's no ancient prophecy about a Chosen One...and her friends." She waited a beat, before continuing, "I've come to far with Buffy to let her down now. Whether she wants me or not, I'll be there." Her voice was quiet and somber as she spoke.

She added, "And if we need help, I'll find someone I can count on."

She hung up the phone.

*

Xander thought over her words for most of next day before making the decision to call her, realizing that she was right, hurt feeling really didn't compare to saving the world....again. He reluctantly joined in, making her promise to keep his involvement a secret, telling her of what had happened and how Buffy tried to kill Angel.

Willow guiltily decided not to tell him about her desire to kill Angel too. No need to worry the poor dear.

Xander took an active part of the planning via the speakerphone at Giles' place.....

"We certainly don't lack of supplies. I just wish I knew which ones would kill Adam," Giles said in frustration.

"Well, Buffy said according to Riley, his power source is uranium core embedded somewhere inside his chest. Probably near the spine," Willow said hesitantly, thinking out loud. Tara really didn't want her hanging out with Buffy and Giles anymore. But Tara had to understand that when it came to end of the worldish kinda things, you just had to take a stand.

Xander said sarcastically, "Great, so we just ask him to lie down quietly while we do some exploratory surgery."

Willow put out a tentative thought, "What about magic? Some kind of, I don't now...uranium extracting spell?"

Giles just looked at her in disbelief; that thought even had Xander at the other end shaking his head.

"I know, I know, I'm reaching," Willow sighed, looking down.

Giles stood up and went over to his bookcase.

"Hmmm, perhaps a paralyzing spell would work," he said mused, pulling a book off and scanning through it, before sighing, "Only I can't perform the incantation for this."

Willow got up and looked at the spell, "Right. Don't you have to speak it in Sumerian or something?"

Giles raised he brow, "I do speak Sumerian. It's not that, only a...an experienced witch can incant it, and you'd have to be within striking distance of this object."

There was silence in the room and on the phone before Xander spoke again, "See what you get for takin' French instead of Sumerian, Willow?"

Willow rolled her eyes, "What was I thinking?"

She and Giles exchanged smiles.

"So no problem, all we need is combo Buffy--her with Slayer strength, Giles' multi-lingual know how, and Willow's witchy power," Xander said jokingly.

There was silence at the other end of the phone, "Hey guys, I was only joking, you know," he said nervously.

Giles looked at the wall, thinking.

Xander sighed, "Yeah, don't tell me. I'm just chockfull of helpful suggestions," he muttered

Giles smiled, "As a matter of fact, you are."

*

Giles and Willow presented the idea to Buffy, who grasped eagerly at the quasi-workable solution. They didn't tell her that Xander was going to be deeply involved at his end in L.A. Logistics wasn't a problem with his part of the spell---Buffy, Giles and Willow were the one that really had to be close.

They stealthily made their way into the underground base and were swiftly captured, a few minutes later all hell broke loose as Adam released the containment units. They fought their way to where Willow thought Adam might be and prepared for the spell.

Buffy took off after making sure the room was secure and Willow and Giles had everything they needed.

*

Willow and Giles settle inside of room 314.

Giles lit the candle and called Xander on the cellphone, "We're ready."

Willow begins chanting, "The power of the Slayer and all who yield it. Last to ancient first, we invoke thee. Grant us thy domain and primal strength. Accept us in the power we possess. Make us mind and heart and spirit joy. Let the hand encompass us. Do thy will."

Xander intones, "Spiritus...Spirit," laying a card before him in his living room.

Willow says quietly, "Animus...Heart," giving Giles a card.

"Sophus...Mind," Giles whispered staring into the candle, hearing Willow whisper, "And Manus...,"

Willow softly spoke, "The hand...," envisioning Buffy.

Distantly they could hear the screams of the fighting and dying soldiers....

Willow stared straight ahead, "We enjoin that we may inhabit the vessel...the hand and...daughter of Sineya...first of the ones... we implore thee, admit us, bring us to the vessel, take us now."

Then all three felt a tremenduous surge rush through their bodies, joining with Buffy, seeing what she saw....becoming one with Buffy....

Buffy came out from behind her concealment and saw Adam.

He blows up the console and looking for Buffy and sees her standing up, eyes glowing orange.

His head tilts, "You can not last much longer."

"We can. We are forever," she said.

Adam head tilted, this was illogical. Human voices did not have such harmonics. He processed her words?.'we' did not compute. There was the only female designated as Buffy, however, this female's eyes were were orange. Buffy Summers' profile indicated blue eyes. More data was needed.

The female began speaking in a foreign language.

Adam, testing his theory remarked, "Interesting,? before firing at Buffy. But his shot was blocked by some sort of force field.

She continued speaking in a foreign language.

He scanned his data banks trying to match up the language from all the ones he had assimilated. This was not one of the languages he understood, "Very interesting."

He fired his mini-gun at the female designated as Buffy Summers. No effect.

He fired a rocket at her.

She holds her hand up, "Kur."

The rocket bursts into three birds. She holds her hand up again, and his rocket went back inside him.

This did not compute. He rerouted to another program, attacking her, but she blocked every punch.

She kicked him in the stomach, and as he fell, she grabbed his head.

He could not understand, "How...can you--,"

Xander, his eyes softly glowing, "You could never hope to grasp the source...." speaking simultaneously with....

Willow and Giles in the room, "....hope to grasp the source...."

Buffy, "....of our power."

She punched him and he goes flying to the ground. She picked him up and slammed him up against the wall.

She reached into his chest, pulls out the uranium and tilts her head, "But yours is right here."

She released Adam, watching as he fell to the ground.

They/she sees the one called Riley walking up.

They/she hear him say, "Buffy."

They/she levitates the uranium, speaking Sumarian, and the uranium disappeared.

Buffy's eyes return to normal just as the room spins and goes black.

Riley managed to catch her before she hit the floor, unconscious.



Inside of Room 314.

Willow and Giles dropped, exhausted from the spell.

"Wow! That was--," Willow breathed.

"Yeah, I'll see your Wow and raise you an Oh yeah," Xander said faintly lying limp on the floor of the living room.

The door breaks down and a demon comes rushing inside just as she was about to respond.

Spike charged in and broke the demon's neck. He smirked when the demon fell to the floor.

Spike cockily, "Nasty sort of fellow. Lucky for you blighters I was here, eh?" He hoped they hadn't figured out that he had been working for Adam.

"Yes, thank you," Giles said coldly, standing up stiffly.

So much for that ideal, Spike thought wryly.

"Although your heroism has been slightly muted by the fact that you were helping Adam to start a war that would kill us all," Giles continued crushingly.

Willow narrowed her eyes, "You probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake you right here."

"Did it work?" He arched a brow before continuing, "Well, then everything's all right. And we all get to be not staked through the heart. Good work, team."

Buffy and Riley pushed open the door.

"Buffy," Giles breathed a sigh of relief.

Willow smiled and ran to hug her, feeling all right with the world.

"Wasn't it amazing," she asked excitedly, nearly bouncing off the walls.

Buffy smiled, "You were great," and she meant that sincerely, she looked around spotting the cell phone on the floor, "We were great."

She had felt Xander's spirit powering part of the spell. Despite the way she had treated him, he came through for her, for them.

Riley looked at her, seeing her distraction, "We still got men out there."

"Well, let's go save 'em, by gum," Spike said anxious to make sure they didn't stake him.

"You guys get to the exits and get 'em open," Buffy said taking charge. She glanced at Riley, "Organize the soldiers and pull 'em back. I'll take point." She started walking out.

"Are you up to this?" Willow asked quietly, putting out a hand to stop her.

Buffy replied quietly, "I am now." They looked at each other, before Buffy looked away first.

She had some hard decisions to make and some deep changes to make within her if she wanted to be part of Xander's life again. She knew this time, she had to make the first move. She just prayed that he would still let her in.

She knocked a demon out in passing.

*

She took a good, long hard look at herself...and she didn?t like what she saw. Who she had become. She knew that the next move was up to her, that SHE had to be the one this time to reach out to Xander. It would take some sort of drastic calamity for Xander to set foot in Sunnydale again.

Despite the fact that her mother and Giles seem to be acting like idiots, in her opinion, over the baby she had so far refused to see the child.

Her mother acted like Holly was HER granddaughter, constantly taking clothes and stuff up to Xander and Angel. Mom and Giles fighting with the Harris', each trying to outdo the other in buying presents for Holly.

She heard about that little dustup between them from Willow and her lips twitched in an involuntary grin, recalling how hysterical Willow thought it was. The apartment was looking like a warehouse with all the baby things that Giles, her mom and the Harris' were buying. People could barely find a place to sit! And Xander, not wanting to hurt anyone's feeling kept silent. Xander was too embarrassed to tell either set of adults that Holly really didn't need three more Tickle Me Elmo, two playpens, another crib, two walkers, three strollers, two more car seats, or more two highchairs. The poor baby had more clothes in her closet than a store.

Finally, Angel had to sit them all down and put a stop to the competition explaining that Holly already had enough clothes and toys. Yes, if they want, they can each have a car seat in their car for Holly, but everything had to be returned.

She sobered, she couldn't see how everyone was so....so accepting of that?.thing---that baby! Xander had been raped, how could everyone act like it was normal? Initially, whenever anyone mentioned Holly, she would just get up and walk away. She had refused to accept the product of Xander's rape, feeling that if she acknowledge it, recognized Holly she condoned the way she was conceived.

It took her a while to understand, to realize that no one condoned the way Holly had been conceived, what they accepted was simply that Holly was Xander's daughter.

But it was hard for her to accept Holly, because if she had been doing her job, doing what she was supposed to do, then none of this would have happen. It was her guilt that held her back from accepting Holly.

So, with a lot of recriminations, yelling and angry hangups on Xander's part they slowly began extending their hands to each other. It was a very fragile thing, this new friendship that they now had between them. Something that, with the slightest remark, capable of breaking the delicate bond. So they worked out a solution that allowed their friendship to grow stronger, no mention whatso ever of Angel or Holly. Any information Buffy received about the two came from Willow, Giles or her mother.

Someday..... someday soon, she hoped she would be able to accept her guilt....her shame. Only when she had accepted her failure would she be able to accept Holly fully into her life, into heart without looking at the child in revulsion. She knew that if she ever did that to Holly, it would be the last time she ever saw or spoke to Xander ever again.

She was extraordinary grateful that he was giving her this opportunity, this time to come to terms with herself.

She grimaced, of all things, what she really couldn't quite get was how the situation was reversed. It used to be Xander urging everyone to kill Angel and her defending him. She let out a bitter laugh, funny it was NOT! Nothing like getting knocked up to switch your loyalties. She immediately felt guilty and ashamed of letting that thought cross her mind. It was good
that Xander had changed, grown up?.now all she had to do was do the same.


2 Years Later.......

Xander looked around the restaurant anything to avoid looking at the person sitting across from him. He was still not clear on how his life got to this point. His relationship with Buffy at least gotten to the point where that their friendship was getting much much better. Not perfect, but hey at least they are communicating, he grinned briefly at how adult he sounded. Things weren?t perfect between him and Buffy but at least they were on a little more solid ground. The table shook slightly as the other occupant brushed against the leg of the table, recalling Xander to the present moment.

He looked down at the table and fiddled nervously with his silverware, wondering how in the Hell had he been persuade to come on a date, he darted a swift look at the calm eyes gazing at him, oh yeah this was such a freakin' date, no matter how much HE said it wasn't.

It was all Oz's fault, he thought with swift rising hysteria. If he hadn't gotten caught with his pants down with that bitch, Willow wouldn't have turned lesbian with that Tara since Buffy had been pushing her and Giles away and had hooked up that Initiative and she was lonely...Willow that is, was lonely, not Buffy since she had Riley, the Initiative guy, but not anymore though. And if her and Tara hadn't had that fight about magic and Willow hadn't stormed off and Tara decided to stop using magic cold turkey and died and Willow was so upset that he invited her to stay after his parents, who for some stupid friggin' reason, decided to move to out-of-state and she brought that stupid Spike with her he would have never thought for one friggin' minute that HE was interested in him, like really, REALLY interested despite that kiss....Stupid Spike and his stupid nose, he sneered.

"Stupid vampire," he muttered under his breath.

"Me," Angel questioned, he could smell Xander's rising panic. "Xander, this isn't a date remember," he said softly.

"HA! I say again HA and double HA HA! Which to the casual observer may sounds remarkable like a laugh but it isn't," Xander said, leaning forward, "Candles, secluded corner table, romantic music and you're trying to tell me this isn't a DATE?! HA!"

"You could have said 'No', you know," Angel said quietly, looking down and away from Xander. Why the hell did he agree to let Spike make the arrangements, he had been doing just fine slowly courting Xander; letting him get used to him, regaining his trust. He was well aware of why Jack and Macy had left, they were aware of his growing feelings for Xander and they felt they were in the way. That's why they had left, knowing that as long as they were staying in the apartment Xander would always have someone to hide behind.

And for two weeks they were once again on their own with Holly, after three years of being together, Xander was far more comfortable around him; even going so far as to rest against him whenever they watched videos late at night.

Maybe things would have gone on that way for a while if he hadn't made a stupid, bonehead mistake and kissed him late one night. Looking down into lush, chocolate eyes, at the smile curving Xander's laughing face, he felt all his will power vanished like so much smoke, and the next thing he knew, he was kissing him!

Feeling those luscious lips soften under his, hearing that tiny gasp from Xander only made him more anxious to find out what other sounds he could pull from him; and he drank deep from Xander's mouth, feeling the boy's tongue shyly dart out to touch his, shuddering at that erotic liquid caress. Pulling apart, he stretched out just above that supple body....he needed to feel the boy moving against him, to feel those hands touching him, caressing him, pushing against him....he froze realizing that Xander was trying to get away!

He scrambled off and tried to apologize, but Xander just gave him one terrified look and ran to his bedroom. Even from here he could hear the lock click on the bedroom door and Xander shuddering sobs; he had never felt so much despair in his life. To be so close to what he had been desiring for so long, to be so close to heaven....only to lose it, to lose HIM. The look in Xander's eyes played endlessing in his mind....he never wanted to EVER see that look in Xander's eyes again and that thought sent him over the edge that night.

And it took him almost four weeks to come back from that edge. And he, like a fool, played right into Wolfram and Hart hands. All the things he had did during those weeks: acting like a lone wolf, ignoring his friends, firing Gunn, Wesley and Cordy; it all culminated in fucking Darla. Reasoning, that if Xander believed he was a monster then he might as well become one in truth and laying beside her, he at last realized his mistake and staggered out of the room....and both of them surprised by the non-appearance of Angelus, which eventually resulted in a rather nasty vicious fight with her, before forcing her out of the hotel.

Coming to his senses, determined not to be the monster he still imagined he was in Xander's eyes, he literally groveled at the feet of Cordy, Gunn and Wesley until they let him rejoin the team. Then he finally went back home, back to Xander. Half-afraid that that boy wouldn't even let him in the front door, thinking Xander might have even changed the locks.

He was pleasantly surprised when his key fit easily into the door, he was even more surprised to see Willow sitting on the couch and he was disagreeably surprised to see Spike saunter out of the kitchen with Xander....he froze as raw jealousy ripped through him, Xander belonged to HIM! For half a second, his eyes gleamed gold as Spike looked up startled.

"Oi, Peaches' the boy said you were gone," Spike said, looking uneasily at Angel. Unlike the noseblind humans, he could feel the rage simmering under Angel surface and he slid a casual glance at Red hoping she had a clue that she might be willing to share.

Willow glanced at the coolly composed face of Angel, blinking slightly with nervous tension. She glance over at unmoving figure of Xander and wandered what in the name of the Goddess was going on.

"Uhm, maybe you too would like to be alone," she stammered out, rising to her feet and sitting abruptly down at Xander's shout of 'NO!'

"If you wouldn't mind Willow, I would like to speak with Xander privately," Angel asked quietly, if Xander didn't want him around, then maybe they could agree on how to share Holly. He would miss being part of his family but he had only himself to blame.

"No," Xander said stubbornly, crossing his arms, "Anything you have to say, you can say in front of Willow and Spike." HA! There was no freakin' way was he gonna be alone with Angel, no tellin' what he might do next time!

Spike watched Angel cautiously, seeing the flicker of gold in his eyes, "Uhm, that's alright, me and Red can go into the bedroom like," he leered absentmindedly at her, keeping a wary eye on the silently fuming Angel.

"Oh no, you're not," Xander grabbed his arm and summoning his power, forcibly marched the protesting vampire to the couch forcing him down, before turning defiantly to Angel.

Angel sighed, obviously Xander needing to have this confrontation out in public not trusting him NOT to jump him again.

Willow and Spike exchanged uneasily glances, feeling the silent tension in the air. They didn't dare move.

"Xander, I wanted to apologize for attacking last month," Angel said straightforwardly, getting all the ugliness out in the open. Guilt and remorse clearly evident in his face and eyes.

Willow gasped, after everything she had heard about Angel from Xander she was surprised to hear him say that he had attacked Xander! And Xander didn't even mention it! She twisted to look at Xander who had a slight frown on his face.

Xander was startled to see just how guilty Angel looked, he didn't remember him ever looking so.....broody when he and Buffy were dating, even during the worst of their angsty moments. Surely it wasn't because of him?! Just because of a stupid kiss!

"Uhm, you didn't attack me," he protested uneasily, "Y...yo..you just startled me a little and I didn't know what to do," he said looking at Angel.

"I didn't mean to scare you like that," Angel said softly, looking down. "I could hear you crying in the bedroom that night," he confessed without looking up.

Ah, geeze louise, Xander thought, did he overreact to Angel? He thought he was doing so good with the therapy and all, "Maybe running and locking the door wasn't exactly the most mature thing to do," he grimaced in disgust, "It was only a kiss, after all."

By this time the had effectively forgotten the other two in the room and it wasn't until they heard Willow's gasp that they recalled the two sitting quietly on the couch with wide eyes.

Willow felt like she was about to pass out....finding out that Angelus had raped Xander---check, already dealt with; finding out that Xander had been pregnant and had a child---ooookay, a little harder to deal with but hey look at her dealing, she was dealing so well she was even babysitting.... of course, Xander DID have to sit on her to keep her from going after Angel, but she was dealing, she was the Queen of Dealing. Yeah, she was still having a little trouble believing that Xander was getting along amicably with Angel, yeah sure, they had a child together but Xander's legendary hatred for vampires was like...like.. like him and Spike having some secret, hot blazing affair. It was possible, in somebody's twisted fevered imagination, but this was reality. And Angel.....Angel was gay and hitting on Xander?! Boy, oh boy was Buffy so gonna freak....heh heh heh and smiled slowly, you're a bad girl Willow Rosenberg, a horrible, dirty, bad girl!

Spike looked surprised, Chubs an' the Poof?! Awright! Peaches tryin' t'get a leg over. He felt like applauding but settled for giving them both a smarmy look.

Xander looked at Willow and blushed...where was a hole when you needed one?! Man, what he wouldn't give for a nice little portable hole, one that he could crawl in whenever he liked. No more embarrassing moments for him, uh uh, no way!

Angel, after one quick look at them, focused back on Xander and confessing his sins. "The look in your eyes," he swallowed, "It made me see myself for the monster that I was, the monster that I am and I did some horrible things, Xander." He couldn't bare to look any of them in the face, for fear he would see contempt in their eyes. Despite his friendship with Gunn, Wesley and Cordy, the only ones that he felt truly knew him was Xander and maybe even Spike.

Xander blinked and sat down slowly, dread growing in his heart. He didn't....he wouldn't've...oh God please tell me that he didn't, Xander thought in despair. If he did what he thought he did, there was no fucking way was he letting him back in this apartment and near him, near HOLLY!

Angel finally raised his head, "I got so lost, that I fired Gunn, Cordy and Wesley."

Xander eyes narrowed, "Go on," he said quietly, praying silently.

"You remember me telling you about Wolfram and Hart?" Angel waited until he got Xander nod before continuing, "They brought back Darla," he said huskily.

"They brought back Darla," Spike exclaimed and was soundly hushed by Willow's fierce glare, subsiding angrily....if it wasn't for this bleeding chip, he'll give her what for!

Angel looked straight in Xander's eyes, "And I wanted to be the monster in truth that I saw in your eyes, so I....I...slept with Darla," he finished in a rush, waiting for Xander to scream and rage at him, call him a fool.

"You what?!" Willow exclaimed, jumping away from him. "Are you out of your ever loving mind?! Don't you remember the last time what happened, Mr. I'm-Too-Sexy-In-Leather-Pants. You KNOW what will happen," she paused, "Wait a minute, why didn't Angelus come out?"

Angel shrugged, "It surprised me too, I don't know. Maybe it's because I wasn't in love with her, maybe it was because I was at such a low point in my life....," he was interrupted by Xander.

"Or maybe it's because I made your soul permanent," Xander said calmly. He was still waiting for Angel to get his last confession over, if he killed anybody, anybody at all....he was out of his life and out of the apartment.

"What?!" came the chorus from the other three.

Xander glanced around startled, "Whaddaya mean 'What'?! If you think I'm going to be walking around, living with Angel without some permanent guarantee that Angelus was not gonna creep up on me in my sleep, you got another think coming. I may be a lot of things but suicidal I am NOT!"

"Bu..but where did you get that much power," Willow stuttered, she thought she was the only Witch in the Scoobies.

"I'm a mage, sorta like a Witch, but a guy," Xander admitted, "One of the first things I did once I got enough power was to make Angel's soul permanent."

*

"Wait a minute! That fight with Buffy, it was you that stopped us, wasn't it? But it would take years to get that much power to make my soul permanent," Angel protested, his eyes narrowing at the suddenly uncomfortable look on Xander's face.

"Alexander LaValle Harris, what have you done," Angel roared out.

"Geeze, Mom much? And I didn't do anything, it was all on the up and up," Xander said glancing at the three glaring faces. He sighed, "Look, there's something that I haven't been exactly straight with you about, Angel," and he looked shamefaced at the vampire.

"When I dimension travel, I can stay there as long as I want without aging a day. I've spent a lot of time, and I mean a LOT of time learning in a couple of places, searching to find enough power to make sure Angelus never comes out," Xander said in a low tone.

"How much time have you spent over there," Angel asked, his curiosity peaked.

"Uhm, you promise you won't yell at me," Xander asked hesitantly, peering at Angel's narrowing eyes, oh uh, this was so not good. Angel's gonna kill me, turn me and then dust me, he silently screamed.

Angel eyes narrowed even further, "How. Long. Were. You. There," he growled, his eyes slowly lightening. Spike made sure he wasn't in the line of fire and pulled a protesting Willow off the couch.

"About 113 years," Xander admitted in a small voice, he was so dead!

"113 years?!" Willow screeched, echoed by Angel's thunderous voice and Spike's surprised shout.

"It took you THAT long to learn how to anchor my soul," Angel said incredulously, his eyes narrowed suspiciously, Xander was hiding something.

Xander squirmed, "Uhm, no, altogether that only took about 15 years, the rest was learning how to fight, and partyingwiththegang," he said in a rush.

"Repeat that last part more more slowly," Angel ordered with narrowed eyes.

Xander took a deep breath, "I said that I was partying with the gang," he admitted reluctantly.

There was a charged silence in the room before Angel spoke again.

"Okay, so let me see if I got this straight," Angel said with inhuman calm, ticking off the points on his fingers. Xander and Spike watched him with fascination, exchanging wary looks; they weren't fooled, this was only the calm before Hurricane Angel hit. Even Willow was watching him.

"You are a Traveler, a Traveler mage as a matter of fact, it took you 15 years to learn to anchor my soul, something you didn't bother to tell me about and for the for the rest of that time, you were learning to fight and PARTY?!" Angel roared, jumping to his feet angrily, forcing Xander to his feet too.

"What do you think, that I learned how to do the spell overnight," he yelled back, "It took me three of MY years to learn how to do the spell without killing you, without destroying your soul. You have no idea how hard it was to section off the amount I needed to do the spell without killing you in return. They made me practice endlessly before I was able to get it right. Every time I thought I had just enough magic to do the spell, something would go wrong and BOOM! the room would blow up! Man, I was wiggin' out big time! It had got so bad that none of my spells weren't working, so they sent me out to have fun, to relax me, hoping that would work----'cause the more scared I got, the tenser I became and .....," he shook his head, letting everyone know what happened after that.

"For me trying to do this spell was one of the hardest things I've ever done," he admitted huskily, "I just didn't want to be scared of Angelus anymore and I wanted you to be able to at least get a happy without worrying about the Return of Angelus Part II," he took a slow shuddering breath.


"Every time I failed, it made me more determined to succeed; I just wanted to give you something for everything you've given me over the years, I just wanted to give you a nice surprise," he ended quietly, blinking away his stinging tears. "I was gonna tell you last month, but...." he shrugged awkwardly, they both knew what happened.

"I attacked you," Angel admitted in a quiet voice; he had calmed down considerably being familiar with magic and if Xander was as powerful as he was implying, trying to do the spell must have been a nightmare for the boy. He looked up, "So you do care....I've always wondered," he said quietly searching Xander's eyes.

Willow and Spike tried to remain a quiet as possible, this was better than Passions, the drama, the angst.....

Xander looked at him bewildered, "You've been looking out for me for the past three years, you're the father of my daughter, you've helped me become the man I am by believing in me.....how could I not care? You're my friend," he said holding Angel's gaze, seeing the slow smile start in the warm dark eyes.

"Friends, huh," Angel murmured, slanting a look at the blushing Xander both of them remembering that he did kiss him back.

"Friends, buddies, compardes, amigos, take your pick," Xander said firmly, waving a hand.

"How about lover," Angel said with a raised brow.

"See, there you go again!" Xander jumped up to point a finger furiously at Angel, "You just can't leave well enough alone, can you. Allow me to point out a few things to you; One, my hair is brown not blond like your last three flirts: Darla, Buffy and that Kate woman; Two, I'm a guy; and Three, I'm not GAY!," he said triumphantly.

"Uhm, Xander, just to point out to you," Willow said hesitantly, "Buffy's hair was actually a browny kinda color when she started school in Sunnydale."

"Well, my hair used to be brown," Spike admitted with a smirk.

"See! You see that! That's why I don't wanna have anything to do with you," Xander yelled, pointing a trembling finger at the snickering Angel, "You have this evil power that change all the people you...you...get groiny with into blondes and I absolutely refused to change my hair color," he stated firmly, glaring at the laughing people.


Chapter 6


Angel came back to himself with a start, silently grateful that Xander hadn't noticed him in LaLa Land, he smiled as he watched Xander look around nervously again. It had been three weeks since that revealing conversation.

He smirked to himself, those three bumbling idiots honestly thought they had him fooled, they seem to have forgotten that they lived with the Informer. Every time he came home, his sweet precious little informer just couldn't wait to tell him about Daddy being hurt, Spi' got a booboo, Aunty 'Illo' hurt her leg all in a very solemn little voice and a slow shake of her head.

He knew they were sneaking off every now and then to different dimensions, he saw the bruises and smelled the blood in the apartment whenever he came home even without Holly telling him and he knew where every weapon in the apartment was hid. A casual call to the senior Harris' netted him the info that Xander had cajoled his parents into taking care of Holly. At least he wasn't leaving Holly to the Summers' residence. While he didn't have a problem with Joyce, he still did not want Buffy around him. He knew Xander was still trying to rebuild their relationship and he silently tried to stay out of it. He feared that Xander was simply setting himself up for a fall with Buffy, he only hoped that she didn't destroy his Xander too much.

And he had a very interesting conversation with the Oracles. Apparently, he wasn't the only Warrior in the family serving them. It appears that the Oracles weren't exactly pleased with Xander and his refusal to drop everything, namely Holly, and take care of some stupid business of theirs. If it couldn't be taken care of by Spike or Willow, then he wasn't going to be constantly dumping Holly on his parents while he ran off. Possibly getting killed in the process.


Xander was anxiously waiting for Willow and Spike to arrive. They were the only reason why he came on this...date, they promised to be here and where were they?! He thought in rising panic, what he wouldn't give for a great big Trolth demon right now to come crashing through the ceiling. He looked up hopefully. Damn demons, where were they when a guy needed a good fight?!

"Xander, calm down," Angel urged the young man softly, wondering when did he fall in love with Xander? And why? What drew him so to Xander time and again? Was it the warm beautiful eyes that put him in mind of chocolate sin, and I don't even like chocolate, he protested to himself. Was it the indomitable spirit the boy always exhibited, silently telling the world 'I will bend but you'll NEVER break me'. Could it be that caused him to notice the boy, even when he was with Buffy.

Or maybe it was the smile, slightly crooked and surprisingly sweet, or maybe it was Xander body, remembering the day he had walked in Holly's room and stood awestruck at the slender, graceful boy dancing in the sunlight with the tiny baby held in his arms. He stood unnoticed in the doorway, watching the sunlight caress the slowly dancing figure, highlighting a shifting muscle here, ghosting over flexing skin there and had it not been for the deadly sun he would have joined the two. As it was, he merely called Xander's name, watching the boy spin around with a delighted smile, eager to show him Holly's latest trick.

Whatever the reason, he just knew that it was love that he felt for Xander and he couldn't imagine how he could have existed without him in his life.

Angel watched the candlelight play softly over the sunkissed face, seductive shadows gliding across the soft lips he had tasted so briefly, he nearly growled at the aching hardness pooling between his legs.

"Deadboy," Xander whispered fiercely, "You're starting to growl and freak me out. So cut it out! I'm not on the menu tonight," he added firmly, willfully ignoring the betraying shiver that danced down his spine, Willow may be batting for the Team Homo but I'm NOT! He glared at Angel, who had a faint smile on his face.

"Where are they," Xander was now growling, he was getting sick and tired of everybody thinking they knew better than he what he wanted.

"Xander, nothing has to happen that you don't want," Angel said quietly. He sighed and reached for one of Xander's nervously tapping hands, tightening his grip against the reflexive jerk, ignoring Xander's 'You're damn skippy nothin' gonna happen!'

"Xander, I'm not going to lie to you...I want you. It's been so long since I've wanted anything or anyone as much as I want you," he tried to explain to the swiftly lowered head.

"You want me, like you wanted Buffy," Xander asked in a small voice, his heart fluttering like crazy. Why was he even asking that stupid question anyway, he distinctly remembered telling himself that he wasn't gay! He did not WANT Angel, no way, no how, there would be no gayness going on with Xander Harris, he shouted angrily to his stirring cock.

Angel could smell the boy's fear, but underneath that was a faint smell of need, of want and that gave him hope.

He swiftly switched seats, sitting next to Xander, hearing the slight hitch in the boy's uneven breath.

"No, not like I wanted Buffy," he said,lifting Xander's face to meet his eyes, "I want you like I want to walk unharmed in the sun, I want you like I want to feel air filling my lungs, I want you like I need blood to live," he lowered his lips to Xander's and breathed gently, watching the nervous flicker of the boy's tongue wetting his lips and groaned.

Xander's eyes widen at hearing that hungry sound of desire? Just to be sure, he hastily assured himself shakily, he slowly licked his lips again, watching Angel's eyes turn impossibly darker with desire.

He had time for one squeak before his mouth was thoroughly plundered under Angel's cold lips and felt a fire ignite deep with him and his mouth parted helplessly under the crushing onslaught of Angel's desire.

Angel swept inside of the intoxicating heat, the taste exploding on his tongue. The whimper of need from Xander almost made him lose control....but he remembered what happen the last time and this time he was going to make Xander want him until he could think of nothing but him. So with that in mind, he began pressing light teasing kisses on the parted lips, his checks, loving the desperate hitch in Xander's breath as his lips made contact with his neck, the needy grip the boy had on his hair.

He smiled before plunging back up, into the hot tempting mouth, hearing the thready moan of desire from Xander.

Good God! was all Xander could think as he was ruthlessly kissed within an inch of his life. He had to have more! He opened his mouth and caressed Angel's invading tongue. Delighted with the responsive shiver and moan from Angel, he did it again.

Angel moaned at that first shy contact, feeling triumphant when the hesitant caress was repeated. Hungrily, he probed deeper into his boy's wet and willing mouth, feeling all his dead nerves begin burning with life. Pulling his boy tighter to him, he couldn't resist the golden arched neck. Before swiftly returning to Xander hot luscious mouth.

Xander was distantly aware of someone whimpering as he sank into Angel's icy heat. His conscious and subconscious having a knockdown drag out fight over his non-gayness versus his gayness when Angel did this THING with his tongue, which very effectively shut his conscious up leaving both urging him on.

'Go Xander go' he could vaguely make out. 'Course he really didn't have to tell himself twice as he leisurely went back to his pleasurable task of getting kissed senseless.

"Ewww, you two get a room," came an irritated voice.

Angel reluctantly pulled away from Xander's tempting mouth, pulling the clinging arms from around his neck as he slowly came out of his lust induced state. Definitely going to have a problem walking, he thought cheerfully, glancing down at his lap and so will Xander. He smiled, firmly resisting Xander's hands trying to pull him back.

Xander whimpered, More kisses! More smoochies! He wanted more dammit! he though angrily and tugging Angel back down to his pleasurable task of kissing his socks off. He tried to climb into Angel's lap to get closer to those tantalizing lips.

It was only the low chuckle that cut through his fog...he blushed crimson as he met Angel's heated amused gaze. He moaned piteously and dropped his head to Angel's chest, feeling the low rumble of laughter from him.

"It's so not funny," he mumbled angrily. There was absolutely no freakin' way was he moving his head. They were in a public place for crying out loud and he was trying to climb into Deadboy's lap. Maybe he could dash into the men's room, climb out the window and run home, he thought hopefully.

He heard chairs being moved. Nope, not gonna look, he damn well did NOT want to see that peroxide blond smirking at him.

"They're not going to go away," Angel whispered in his ear amusedly, hearing the boy moan again, his smile widen.

They?! There was a THEY?! Xander thought in panic, Take me now, Lord!

"Xander, come on ignore him, " he heard Willow say comfortingly and he sagged in relief, at least she wouldn't be horrified by him and Angel sucking face after all now they were sorta on the same team, he thought with a relieved sigh and cautiously raised his head, sliding back to his seat.

"Xander," Willow chided him softly, waiting to see his eyes dart up to hers before giving him her best smile, seeing him relax visisbly.

"C'mon mate, what the hell did you think we would do, seeing you locking lips with the poofer anyway," Spike said indolently, relaxing back in his chair. "Peaches is a great kisser, ind'ne," he teased, snickering at the embarrassed flush crawling up the boy's face.

"Ow!" He cried out, rubbing angrily at his head, "Wot cha do that for," he turned to Red, "Ow, ow, ow, let go of me ear," he said in panic.

"And what did we discuss on the way here," Willow said sweetly, a firm grip on his ear. "Didn't you say, didn't you promise that you wouldn't make fun of Xander?!" Her voice dropped dangerously

"Ow, ow," Spike tried to remain perfectly still, every movement pulling painfully at his ear. He snarled silently well aware the boy was laughing at him. "But I was just funnin' with the bloke, teasin' like, ya know," he protested.

"Then maybe I'll just tease you later tonight, how about that," Willow said brightly, releasing his ear.

Spike shot her a narrowed glance, he sighed, she would do it too.

"Fine, no teasing," he spat out, a bloke can't have any fun around here anymore, he sulked in his chair.

Xander gaped at them and then his eyes began to slowly narrow in suspicion, remembering all the little glances, the little touches between those two, "You traitor you," he gasped out, pointing a trembling finger at Willow.

Willow blinked, gave him her best innocent look, "Sorry?" hoping that Xander wasn't talking about......

"Don't you give me that look, missy," Xander snorted, "I'm the one that taught you that look, remember?!"

He leaned forward menacingly, well aware that they were all looking t him with varying looks of amusements, "And how long has this been going on," he asked sternly, waving an expressive hand between them.

"That you've been waving," Willow guessed mischievously.

"That you've had hands," Spike had to add with a quick look at Willow.

Angel couldn't help but add "That you play ping pong?"

"Ha, bloody, ha," Xander said, giving him a flat look, "How long have you two been...," he trailed off.

Willow sighed, busted! "About a week," she said quietly, tracing invisible patterns on the tabletop, unable to meet his accusing gaze.

"Then all that moaning and screaming from your room....," he gasped, looking horrified. Willow blushed and smiled, no words needed to be said.

"And you didn't think to tell me," Xander said, hurt in his eyes. Angel rubbed his back comfortingly.

"You were so wiggin' out about Angel, that I didn't want to push something else in your face, like me and Spike," Willow said in a low voice.

Xander's faced soften, "Wills, didn't you learn anything for me? Those types of secrets are dangerous."

Willow peeped up at him, slowly smiling at the love and acceptance in his eyes. Then a curious thought entered her mind, "What did you think I was doing in the bedroom, then?"

Xander blushed, "Well, I thought that you had one of those....," he whispered embarrassingly, gesturing with his hands.

Willow just looked at him blankly, before slow comprehension stirred in brain, "Oh.....OH! Oh Goddess no!" she exclaimed, turning crimson under Angel and Spike's shouts of laughter.

"Mate, she's got the real thing, she don't need plastic," Spike said smugly, wrapping an arm around the blushing Willow.

After a leisurely dinner and they went home, returning to their quasi-separate bedrooms.

And the following months were a source of secret terror and delight for Xander as Angel stepped up his courtship. He couldn't believe it. He, Xander Harris was being courted!

To his secret delight, Angel never missed an opportunity to touch him, to steal kisses...to make him feel like the most important, desirable person in the world to him.

Teaching him to cook required Angel to stand right behind him, shirtless...to show him the proper way to stir, of course. Researching cases took on a whole new meaning as many times he got distracted by Angel's mouth nibbling on his fingers or neck. All those deep tongue kisses had him climbing into Angel's lap, eagerly returning the kisses, research be damn.

Angel made sure that Holly was definitely away before he instigated a longer, more thorough make out session on the couch. Usually by the time they came up for air, they were both shirtless, moaning writhing bodies.

Movie watching took on a whole new meaning, especially when they watched the movies in Angel's room. Within 30 minutes into the movie, they were usually stretched out in the bed kissing hungrily. Dear God, he never thought his nipples could be such a source of pleasure. Sometimes Angel would play with them until he came in his pants from Angel's tonguing and sucking on his nipples, they were that sensitive. And then Angel would start the whole process over again until he was ready to give Angel anything he wanted and then Angel would pull away, resettling Xander by his side, both of them hard as rocks.

And the gifts....Angel certainly knew the way to his heart. The Glock gun, beautifully made, all gleaming steel. Spike had already tried to steal it several times. The sword, the way it was so balanced, he knew it had been custom made....for him.

Angel for his part, had so many cold showers, that he felt he was seriously in danger of becoming waterlogged. He loved watching Xander find an erotic rhythm under his touch, his caresses. He kept seeing himself between Xander's long legs, riding that hot, undulating body ramming himself do deep, so hard, that he barely had time to take himself to the bathroom before he came. He didn't know how much more he could take, all he wanted was that hot, crackling release deep within Xander tight body. They both knew that all the sensual love games they were playing were leading them to one place....

He knew the key to Xander was through his senses, to make Xander want him more than he feared him. Each time progressing a bit further in their love play, each caress lingering a little longer here, each touch straying there until Xander wasn't tensing at his touch...was rising eagerly to his caresses.

There was no need to take Spike's advice of 'Just throw him on the bed and shag the boy, already!' He knew that their pheromones were driving Spike crazy; of course Willow, from what he could hear was extremely happy about a pheromones crazed Spike, witnessing the repeated times he dragged her to the bedroom. But his plan was working very, very well indeed! He had Xander simmering to a slow boil, now to just turn up the heat.....to a steady boil.


Xander was ready to scream!

If Deadboy so much as....looked at him, he was gonna knock him on his ass and drag him to bed! Didn't he know that men could only be teased for so long before they exploded?! It'll serve him right if he came home to find bits and pieces of him all over the bedroom, he thought sulkily. For three friggin' months that.....that tease had been teasing him, revving him up until he thought he would have a heart attack from so much pleasure and then...then he'd bring him down slowly, just before he came......Bastard! Oh sure, he would let him come a time or two, but it just wasn't enough anymore. He wanted something more.

Week after frustrating week he kept playing, toying with him, he was surprised that his aching balls hadn't turned a permanent shade of blue, he checked almost every other day just to make sure. Hell, that saying had to come from somewhere?

The next time Deadboy crept in his bed, waking him up like that....he..he..was gonna do something but somebody was NOT leaving his bed until he got what he wanted!



Xander slowly woke to half-consciousness, arching his body with a sigh of pleasure. Something cold and wet enclosing him, making him moan in bliss. What a way to wake up, he thought with a mind hazy with pleasure. A soft wet tugging at the head of his cock, something that felt so goooood, that he couldn't help but cry softly in pleasure, arching into that wet icy grip, wanting to go deeper into that wet sucking mouth.

"Angel," he moaned as a cold hand ghosted over his chest, playing with his nipples, rubbing, caressing them into hard pebbly points. He moaned, his hips undulating slowly, feeling a cold hand stroking over his shaft and playing with his balls. He was desperate to give in but he wanted to savor the moment for as long as he could before Angel began to bring him down from the peak he was climbing.

"An....gel," he whimpered in frustration, knowing what was next, but this morning Angel surprised him....

"Come for me, mo gra," was the husky whisper against his aching flesh, before he was thoroughly, hungrily devoured.

And with those words, Xander felt his body swelling, tightening....oh God, God! there....that icy heat, that wet, measured tug just on the head...just the tip of hi....he cried out, his body twisting in pleasure.

He trailed his hands in Angel's slowly moving head, feeling the short strands brushing rhythmically between his spread thighs.....whimpering, his head flung back as he flexed his hips again and again, blindly following the pull, the tugging of lips and tongue, his body arching, writhing, pumping into the wet sucking mouth. Too much, too much, he wanted to scream but he wanted, needed more, need to be deeper into that icy wet heat, needed to be caressed by Angel's tongue wrapping around his shaft, then just..... sucking on the tip, nothing more...just slowly sucking the head....a soft.....steady.....sucki.....

And he came, arching desperately into the icy enfolding heat, screaming.....until he was drained. Nothing left but Angel....stroking him gently, lovingly.

He looked up, panting with dazed eyes as Angel came over him and kissed him, tasting himself in Angel's mouth. Gasping softly, feeling himself rolled to straddle Angel and startled at the first caress of their naked flesh, their cocks brushing gently together. And a tiny strangled cry escaped his lips at the erotic caress and he felt himself stirring again.

Hardening at the glittering, blazing heat in Angel's eyes, a silent question in the dark gaze and for an answer he leaned down and kissed him, heating up immediately at the intoxicating sensation sweeping through him as Angel began caressing him, touched him again igniting the fires again.

And the room again became filled with moans of passion, as they rocked and writhed against each other, tiny gasps from the mortal deep groans from the other, as their need for each other spiraled higher and higher.

The feel of Angel's hand touching him, stroking him had him arching into the caress, tensing as Angel's fingers paused at the bottom of his spine, lightly brushing between his cheeks, and he pulled back slightly to look down, feeling Angel's wet finger raspy against his tender flesh and determinedly relaxed into the caress.

"Beidh tu i mo chroi go deo," Angel whispered huskily, his eyes speaking the love he felt for Xander.

Xander trembled at the soft husky words.... uncertainty warring with desire, an urgent voice yelling at him to run away, Angel would hurt him. He fought his fear, remembering all the pleasure that Angel's touch always brought him.

"Mo anam," Angel whispered against Xander's lips, "Mo beatha." His finger gently caressed the clenching muscles, feeling his boy slowly allowing him entrance.

"Mo ionuin, fan liom go deo," each word caressing Xander's lips softly, until at last with a cry Xander sank down onto Angel's chest frantically kissing those lips that sang to him, feeling Angel invading finger brush against something in him that made his nerves dance.

He tore his mouth from Angel, panting, looking down with wild, dilated eyes, feeling that finger press....

He screamed at the pleasure shooting through him, his eyes dazed as Angel pulled him back down to his lips, willingly giving himself over to Angel and the ecstasy, fear beaten down by the pleasure overtaking him. The friction, the burn only added to the fierce sensations shooting through him as an increased fullness slowly entered him. At a twist of Angel's fingers, a low keening sound escaped his lips. Feeling them expanding, flexing deep within him he moaned deeply into Angel's mouth, thrusting his hips back into Angel's encroaching fingers, his wet stomach creating an easy glide path as he writhe between the dual sensation.

Thrust back.....icy, hard fingers caressing him causing brilliant white sparks to dance behind his closed eyes.....

Rock forward.....hard aching flesh brushing against its counterpart, thrusting his hips back....

Rocking against the hard flesh beneath him, groaning as he was filled again, thicker, harder whimpering as his desire spiral higher and higher.....

Angel watched in awe as Xander writhe against him gleaming with sweat, the scent of desire, of sex filled the air making him harder. He thrust his fingers harder into Xander, loving the low cry from the boy as he caressed the nubbin of flesh until finally he had to be inside that hot tight heat gripping his fingers.

Reluctantly, he pulled out but not before giving one last sweet caress within the tight sheath, listening to the whimper his boy made with a tight smile of pleasure. Slipping on a condom, he rolled them over and holding Xander's gaze, plunged into the loosen sheath, groaning as the blistering heat encasing him, hearing his boy moan and arch against him with a shudder of desire.

And slowly, he began to make love to his beautiful boy, withdrawing until just the crown rested within the encircling flesh, feeling Xander's muscles contract, desperately trying to hold him within, trying to pull him back inside. And he hissed at the incredible sensation of almost painful pleasure.

"No," Xander moaned, anxious to keep Angel inside him, "Oh God, Angel please," he could hear himself begging, pleading. And Angel began to move, to thrust deep in him, each time hitting that sensitive spot deep inside him as he arched his hips, as Angel moved with a slow, easy motion. It wasn't enough, he need more of.....something, what he didn't know...just more.

"Angel, please," he whispered brokenly, his body rocking under the graceful, glide as Angel pressed him down into the mattress with every stroke of his hips.

"Please what, mo luachmhar," Angel gasped out, struggling to maintain his easy pace, Xander wasn't ready yet, he had to want this, want him more than anything.

"I don't know, just I want.....," Xander cried out, writhing desperately in Angel's steely grip, he wanted move faster, he wanted.....

"What do you want," Angel groaned, his hips thrust harder into the boy's tight heat, pulling an ecstatic cry from Xander, "Do you want this, or do you want....," and he slammed deeper into the clenching muscle with a wicked twist of his hips, "This," a savage smile of pleasure on his lips at the keening cry from the boy."

"Yes! Yes! That, all of that," Xander gasped out, his head thrown back as his hips pumped with increasing vigor as Angel began to drive into him hard and fierce. Reaching a shaking hand to grip his cock, fisting it in time with Angel fierce lunges, as each corkscrew motion of Angel's hips hitting that fleshy nub deep within.

He groaned and panted for air as he looked up at the sound of a growl, seeing Angel's face shift into his demon face, as the sharp jagged teeth came down and the ripples at his brow only added to his excitement, his pleasure. And when Angel kissed him, cutting his tongue on the sharp teeth he could only moan, his body rocking violently in the bed under the increasingly harder thrusts slamming into his hungry body. He could only groan in a mixture of pleasured pain when Angel plunged his teeth into his neck and at the first suck....

He convulsed in a raw, blinding spasm of hot burning pleasure so violent he screamed!

Spewing his come between their bellies, his muscles clenching around the hard flesh that still filled him again and again with relentless movement. Hearing Angel howl as his muscles tightened around him in his orgasm and felt a warm flood christen his insides.

They finally collapsed tangled on the bed, muscles quivering in exhaustion, in the aftermath of their pleasure. Angel, had just enough strength to pull the covers over them. Thank God, Holly was still at her grandparents it wouldn't be a good idea for Holly to come running in and finding her fathers naked.

Xander, breathing raggedly could only wonder, "Am I still alive? I can't move my arm, Angel," he said huskily.

"Silly buachaill," Angel laughed raggedly, "That's because I'm laying on your arm," and he rolled off to rest tiredly on his back. Snaking out an arm, he pulled his wet sticky boy to his side.

Xander absently caressed the firm chest he was resting on, "What did you just call me," he asked softly, a pleasant lassitude easing through him.

"Buachaill?"

"Yeah, bua...what you said, is that some sort of demon language," Xander asked, trailing a finger down Angel's chest, feeling his pillow bounce up and down with Angel's laughter.

"No, it's Gaelic, and buachiall means boy in Gaelic," Angel chuckled, stopping the curious hand against his chest, holding it flat.

"You were saying a lot of that....earlier," Xander whispered in a low voice, blushing as he recalled what they had been doing, "What were you saying," he twisted up to look at Angel, his hand went up to absently finger his bite mark.

"Mo gra means 'my love'," Angel began in a husky whisper, looking down into his boy's face seeing the light shining in those beautiful brown eyes, "Beidh tu i mo chroi go deo means 'You will be in my heart forever', Mo anam....'My soul'.... Mo beatha....'My life'...Mo luachmhar....'My precious'...... Mo ionuin, fan liom go deo....'My beloved, stay with me forever'," Angel ended, watching Xander face glow with pleasure before the boy ducked his head.

Xander fiddled with the covers, pulling them up to his chest, not quite able to meet Angel's eyes.

"Am I....am I all those things," he finally glanced up at Angel, a slight tremor in his body, his need to believe Angel's showing clearly in his eyes.

For an answer Angel pulled him up and kissed him possessively, feeling his need and hunger for Xander stirring again, before he released him, resettling his boy back on his chest, feeling Xander's ragged breathing easing.

"I guess that means 'Yeah', huh," Xander said shakily, tried to joke to cover his mushy feelings. He could feel his lips curving involuntarily.

Angel could feel Xander smiling and gently smoothed his hand down his boy's back, "Yeah, I meant everything I said," slowly stroked the smooth back until he could hear the slow breaths signaling sleep before letting joining his love......


Had Xander been awake he might have noticed the invisible weaving of magic around Angel and himself. As it was, he had a very nasty shock the next morning.....


Angel rolled over in the bed, looking down at the beautiful young man lying beside him. Gently touching Xander's face, wondering how in the hell he had gotten so blessed to finally have Xander this close to him, and the profound love making that they had indulged in....he smoothed a shaking hand down Xander's neck, gently touching his mark. MINE, he thought possessively, leaning down and kissing his mark. And he was as much as Xander's as Xander belonged to him..

Dear God, he wanted to wake Xander up to another couple of hours of kisses and caresses, he especially wanted to be back inside Xander tight body, but he knew it was a little too soon for that and Xander would be feeling the aftermath of their prolonged session from last night. Maybe Xander knew a healing spell and they go have another go, or maybe he needed to get the hell out of the bed and hit the showers before he started hitting on Xander again, was his wry thought.

With a sigh of regret and a last backwards look, he padded into his shower.



Xander moaned softly as he woke up to someone slow caresses, rubbing at his chest then trailing down to cup and stroke his balls, then slowly pulling on his eagerly rising shaft. He opened his eyes, expecting to see Angel playing with him but other than him the room was empty. But someone was still touching him, stroking him, pulling on his cock with wickedly hard fingers. So he did what any self-respecting man would do....he screamed. Instantly feeling the invisible touch stop and Angel come running out of the bathroom soaking wet, hard, stiff and ready to battle for his mate.

Xander blinked as for a brief second he saw himself sitting up in bed with an astonished look on his face.

"Whoa, now that was freaky," he muttered, running a hand over his face, for the moment ignoring Angel's panicky questions of What the hell did you scream for, What's wrong, You're not answering me.

He swayed in the bed, he could FEEL Angel's panic. He raised frightened eyes to Angel and saw him shake his head violently as if trying to clear unwanted thoughts from his head.

"You're scared because I yelled," he said tentatively, kneeling up in the bed watching Angel with wary puzzled eyes.

"And you're scared because...you can feel what I'm feeling," Angel said hesitantly, stepping closer to the bed, his eyes on Xander.

"I woke up to feel someone touching me, stroking me," Xander said crawling to the other side of the bed, his eyes firmly fixed on Angel.

"I was in the shower, thinking about you, touching myself, stroking myself," Angel admitted huskily, now standing in front of Xander.

Hesitantly, Xander reached out a hand and stroked down the side of Angel's face, gasping at the dual sensation he felt. He trailed his hand down Angel's chest, feeling the invisible touch on his chest. He closed his eyes at the disturbing sensation and biting his lip, he gently touched Angel's stiffening cock, groaning as he felt the same touch on his. His eyes flashed open at Angel's groan.

"What do you feel," he asked shakily, his body hardening under the dual caress. Slowly stroking Angel's hard shaft, whimpering in pleasure at the echo in his body.

"I feel," Angel groaned low in his throat, "I feel your hand touching me, I feel you being touched, your response. God Xander!" Angel's head fell back with a moan, slowly undulating his hips in the warm tight palm. "What's happening to us," he whispered, his pleasure echoing back to him.

"I don't know, right now and I don't care," Xander whispered back, stepping closer to Angel gasping softly at the contact between their flesh. Desire spiraling dangerously out of control as they lost themselves the intensity of their passion.

Backing Xander back to the bed with long deep kisses, he dropped to his knees when Xander hit the bed falling backwards and took the hard cock deep into his mouth, loving the low mewl of passion from his boy. Feeling the sucking on his cock as well. Two for the price of one, he thought in pleasure, I could get used to this.

"No, no, want you inside," Xander panted out, his muscles twitching anxiously at each sucking pull of Angel's wet mouth. He could feel the sensations echoing between them, he heard Angel's thought about two for the price of one.

"No, you're too tender for that, later though," Angel replied huskily before going back to his pleasurable task of making Xander totally mindless. He wet his finger quickly and eased it between the boy's cheeks, circling gently until the tensed muscles relaxed letting him in. He could feel the same sensation burrowing between his asscheeks as well and nearly passed out from the pleasure.

"An....gellll," Xander mewled, his hips thrusting helpless into Angel's mouth, this was too much, too fucking much! he thought as he felt the dual sensation ricocheting back and forth between them. He was moaning and babbling promises to Angel if he would just let him coommmmmm......

His body stiffened under the liquid caress on Angel mouth, the hard finger caressing that kernel of pleasure deep in him, flooding Angel's mouth as he rocked back on the burrowing finger. Vaguely he heard Angel grunt around his flesh, now caught up in the sensation of Angel's helpless climax against the bedsheet and he could feel himself coming again with a scream.

Reluctantly, Angel backed off knowing that his touch was now a little to much for Xander.

What the hell just happened to us, he thought in confusion.

//I have absolutely no fucking idea// came the reply.

Angel froze, "What did you just say?"

"I said I have no fucking idea," Xander said tiredly, still trying to catch his breath.

"Xander, I didn't say anything though," Angel said quietly, watching as Xander stiffened. He climbed to his feet and sat on the bed.

Xander began to shake, "Of course you did, you said 'What the hell just happened to us'. I distinctly heard you say that," he insisted.

"I only thought that, I didn't speak those words out loud," Angel said gently, he could feel the panic rising in the boy.

"I gotta call Cruz, he'll know what going on," Xander said in a rush, scrambling across the bed to reach the telephone.

In his haste, he kept fumbling the number until Angel took the phone from him and dial Xander's teacher, giving him the phone at the first hello.

"Cruz? It's Xander....something strange is happening," Xander began in a rush of tumbling words, "I woke up this morning and all of a sudden I can hear Angel's thoughts and I really not liking this and what can I do to make it stop, can he hear me when I'm thinking, 'cause I gotta tell ya I'm not happy, not happy at all, and I really don't want people hearing me cause I've been through that once already and it was NOT umpf....." he could feel Angel's astonishment at his torrent of words.

Faintly Angel could hear Cruz trying to talk and finally taking pity on the two he covered Xander's mouth and put Cruz on speakerphone.

"Cruz? This is Angel," he said calmly, "Can you tell us what's happening and why?" Slowly he removed his hand from Xander's mouth with a cautionary look at the boy to remain silent.

"Angel? You're Xander's Angel?" Cruz was startled, true he hadn't seen the boy in the past couple of weeks but this was fast for even Xander, but he really didn't think it was what he was thinking.

"Yes," came the calm reply a note of amusement in the tone, "I'm Xander's Angel," he could faintly hear some scuffling noise at the other end and a sharp 'Xander, stop it!' and Xander's faint 'But I want to talk to him to!' Maybe he was wrong.

"Well the only thing that I can think us that would allow the two of you to hear each other is for you to be Xander's Traveling Mate," he could practically hear the electrified silence at the other end and he closed his eyes and shook his head. Yep, Xander's done it now.

"Explain please," a hint of strain underscoring the calm polite request.

Angel held up a hand sharply to Xander when the boy opened his mouth and closed it with a sulky look. He turned his attention back to Cruz who was explaining what a Travel Mate was.

"When a Traveler goes to a new different dimensions, we need a anchor...a point of reference to return to this world. If we don't have someone to link to it's possible that if we go somewhere new, it would be very difficult for us to return home without a point of reference to guide us back. I've long suspected that Holly was somehow Xander's anchor whenever he traveled. But there is another way for a us to create an anchor and that's by taking a lover, a mate to anchor us. It is extremely rare for us to do so, though and it typically is not a conscious decision for us. We pick someone that we trust, someone that we know will always be there for us, someone that we are very close to. And you can't get any closer than having sex with someone," Cruz smiled into the phone.

From the heavy silence a the other end he figured out exactly what had happen last night.

Xander flopped down on the bed, wondering just how much more fucked up his life was going to get.

Angel gave him an annoyed look, he had caught that thought. "Can we control it, do we ever stop hearing each other," he asked.

Xander felt his body stirring again and he cast an interested look in Angel's direction....a slow smile on his face. Naked Angel, hard Angel...MY Angel. He crawled over and began nibbling on Angel's neck. Feeling the shudders go through them both.

"Oh sure, it's just very concentrated for the first couple of hours after that it'll settle down and not be so strong the next time. So if I were you I would definitely avoid any type of...physical contact," Cruz said delicately, "It'll just restart the process over again." He heard the low gasp from the other and smirked, he had a pretty good idea of what was going on.

"So, hypothetically, how many hours are we talking about," he heard Angel asked calmly, and manfully controlled his desire to laugh himself silly. Man, when Xander got going, the boy REALLY go going.

"I'd say about four to six hours," he managed to choke out, "So, hypothetically a Traveler and mate just need to stay as far apart as possible. The need for the other can be desperate," he heard Angel sharp, 'Stop that Xander, you heard what the man said!'

He quickly put the phone on Mute before cracking up, hearing Xander's whine 'But An...gellll!' Hitting the Mute button again after he had himself under control, "But I would suggest that you put as much distance between you two, get out of the apartment as soon as possible before the urge to mate overrides you." He heard Angel's short, 'Xander, no!' before he heard the dial tone.


Angel managed to get in his clothes in record speed, despite Xander's caressing hands and mouth touching him and he fled out the door. Racing through the sewers to the Hyperion hoping that that would be sufficient distance so that the urge to return back to the apartment and fuck Xander's brains out eased with distance.

He breathe a sigh of relief as the cravings eased as he entered the hotel. Giving a quick hello to everyone, he headed upstairs to his room, ignoring Cordy's 'What the hell is his problem'.

Quickly dialing home, he waited until Xander picked up the phone and tentatively asked how was he doing.

"Oh beyond the fact that I'm gonna die of embarrassment the next time I see you for acting like slutboy, I'm doing surprisingly well," Xander said ruefully. Oh my God! He didn't know if he could live with the shame of acting like a....a....cat in heat. He practically attacked Angel! If Angel hadn't been strong enough he probably would have thrown him down and rode him like a bronco. He winced at the imagery, considering just how sore he was now, that would not have been a very good thing.

"Hey, you heard what Cruz said, the need can be pretty fierce," he heard Angel's low voice say, trying to calm him down.

"Yeah, well believing and feeling is two different things!" he snapped, falling back on the bed, "I can't believe I acted like that, God! Angel I don't know how you managed to control yourself. I'm still feeling twitchy," he muttered.

"Xander, love, I've had over 80 years denying and suppressing my sexual urges," he heard Angel say dryly, "I've got in a lot of practice."

Xander smiled at that, "Well, thank you for not taking advantage of me, my good sir," he said flippantly and wondered at the silence at the other end.

"Does this mean that last night was a one-time event," he heard Angel ask in a calm voice. But he could hear the underlying pain.

He hastened to reassure him, "No! No, I still want you and last night was wonderful," he blushed and lowered his voice as if someone would hear him, "And I can't wait to do it again and as many times as we can before the bed breaks," he tried to joke as he felt the emotions, the feelings from last night center in his heart.

He smiled softly into the phone, "I can't wait until tonight," hoping that Angel understood his message.

"Me either," came the low response, "Then I'll see you tonight, okay."

Feeling a sharp stab of pleasure, "I'll be waiting for you tonight," Xander hurriedly hung up the phone after saying goodbye and ran to take a long cold shower.

*

The next few months passed quickly for Xander and Angel. Every three weeks Xander would take Holly to his parents, while he and Angel would spend the entire day in bed. Slow, sensual months of nothing but pleasure as Angel took him to heights of ecstasy time and time again.

Not to say that real life didn't rear it's ugly head a time or two with him, Spike and Willow having to go out on an assignment or two. But at least this time Angel fully knew about it and there was no sneaking around anymore. They even got to spend some time together. Of course when Spike insisted on going if Peaches was going, even though he wasn't assigned to this case. With a sigh, Xander felt he might as well give in and make it a 'family' vacation.

So bundling up Holly, he shifted them all to his and Willow's next assignment, making sure that Spike, Angel and Holly were comfortable.

It was a really beautiful place he thought as he ducked under a knife wielding demon, slamming a Power enhanced fist into its unprotected side, following up with a roundhouse kick to the other demon sending it flying into the wall. Gorgeous scenery, beautiful mountain view he mused as he sliced open his second demon before turning to attack the third demon with a swinging middle Power enhanced punch to the demon's torso. What could possibly go wrong? Goddamn those fucking Oracles!

"Doing okay, there Wills," he yelled, hearing her grunt of pain. He couldn't take his eyes off his opponent though to make sure she was okay.

"You just worry, ugh, about your demons," Willow shouted back as her demon slammed her into the wall. She pushed back and did a full spin against the wall and finishing with a backhand punch to the demon's face. She did a high kick followed by a right Power enhanced punch to the third demon, slamming him back. She jumped into a high roundhouse kick and a front snap kick back to her first demon, spinning around as he fell, slamming her blade down into his unprotected neck.

Spinning around and she narrowly escaped a savage sword strike at her unprotected back. Tumbling forward, she gave a Power enhanced kick at the sword carrying demon, sending him flying across the floor.

They had to hurry before the high priest completed his spell or this world was going to be kneedeep in Fior demons.

Landing back on her feet, she raced to finish her demon off, slamming her blade into the demon's chest, hearing it's death shriek.

She whirled around to see if Xander needed any help and pain blossomed in her ribs as the fifth demon took this opportunity to slam a ham-size fist into her side, sending her crashing again into the wall. She fell into a crouch, her blade still gripped tightly in her hand and looked up. With a growl eerily reminiscent of Spike, she charged at the demon with Power enhancement speed, knocking it down.

It got back to its feet in a rush of speed, wrenching a sword from its fallen companion and grinning wickedly at her with sharp, jagged teeth.

She could vaguely hear Xander fighting and the High Priest chanting over the dying scream of one of Xander's opponents as she face off with her demon.

She thrust at it with her sword, but it parried her blow and swung around with a thrust of its own that she parried. They clashed blades several times and she ducked under a wide arcing swing from it. They faced off again and traded blows, one thrust and parry after another; it tried another arcing swing from above, but she easily sidestepped out of its range, punching her fist into its side.
Growling, it aimed a savage, brutal stroke at her again and she blocked its attempt again with her blade, feeling the power behind that blow in her trembling arm. Again they trade several swinging blows and it tried a wide swing again, this time managing to cut her superficially on the arm. It tried to take advantage of her distraction and came at her with its' sword held high, intending to swing from above. She dropped to the floor, rolled towards it and arching up, thrust her sword through its' unprotected chest.
"Xander the priest," she screamed, spinning around to see the priest just about to finish its' chant.

"Kinda busy here, Wills," Xander said hoarsely, "You know, with the fighting and trying to save my life and all," he added as he traded a couple of blows with the last remaining demon.

He and the demon faced off in front of the High Priest. And from the corner of his eye he could see a small tear beginning to appear in the space in front of the High Priest, as he blocked another swing from the demon, ducking under it and escaping to the side. He jumped up on a low table to gain the advantage of height and swung at the demon again. Dammit, don't these things know when to fuckin' lay down and die, he thought angrily as the demon parried his blow and swung at his legs. He jumped up and over the demon's blade, landing on the floor, kicking the demon's legs out from under it in a sweeping scissors kick and scrambling back up.

He whirled to face it while it was on its' knees and swung at it three times in rapid succession, all of which it parried. The demon got to its feet and swung at him, this time he knocked the sword into the table with his parry and pinned it there. Yea me, he thought triumphantly.

And the demon backhanded him in the face and he spun away, almost losing his sword. He remembered all the lessons he had been taught, 'No matter what, never let go of your weapon' and took a tighter grip.

It pulled its' sword from the table and swung it hard at him. He blocked the sword and Power kicked it in the gut, making it grunt and double over. He jumped over it into the clear and raised his sword to continue the fight as it straighten up. He swung at it brutally and it parried his stroke. He kicked at its sword arm and it stumbles back a step, just before the High Priest.

"Xander, get down," Willow shouted, raising her hands in the air a fireball blossoming between her hands.

Xander didn't even think, he just hit the dirt as the fireball whooshed over his head. He didn't dare breath, feeling the heat of the flame passing over his back. He heard the shrieks at the demon and High Priest were caught up in the intense flame and turning his head cautiously, seeing the two figures gyrating and shrieking, covered in flames
.
Damn, when Willow cuts loose, the girl is dangerous, was his fond and painful thought. He could feel his back blistering from the heat.

Finally the flames and demons were gone. He carefully got up with Willow's help, he knew by the squeak of alarm that his back must be pretty awful and he heard her quick muttering before blessed coolness washed over his back, soothing the burning.

"Okay, next thing on our list to do is practice your control," Xander said sternly to the sheepish Willow.

"Well, I said get down," Willow muttered, kicking at the dirt.

Xander merely raised a brow, "How much further down do you think I could have gone?" He regarded her and then smile, "But you did good. We just need to finish stopping the portal from opening."

They turned and regarded the tear that was slowly getting bigger. Xander and Willow turned and regarded each other, "Well, go on. It's your turn to close a portal," Willow pushed Xander in the direction of the tear.

"Give me a minute willya," Xander protested. He really hated closing dimensional openings, they had a nasty tendency to try to suck him in.

Cautiously the pair crawled up the to pedestal where the High Priest was standing, and peeked over the low wall into the portal, quickly ducking back down.

"This is so not good," Xander remarked to Willow with pretended calm, "I might even go as far to say it's very Bad."

"I knew I should've stayed home this time," Willow muttered, shaking in reaction to what they had seen in the portal. All those creatures poised and ready to invade this world.

"Do you think they saw us," Xander asked anxiously. Man, those were some evil looking things!

"Please God, no," Willow whimpered. Who knew Fior demons could look so...so....nasty?

"Okay, here's what we do," Xander said in a rush, his heart racing from the...things on the other side. "I grab the book, give it to you and shield you when you run. You find a way to reverse the spell and I'll keep it from opening any further, deal."

"You realized just how dangerous that is, right, and that Angel will probably kill me if I came back without you," Willow said shakily, her breath coming in fear induced pants.

"Hey, we're Heros and danger is our middle name, that and Panic," Xander said with a crooked smile, "Besides, if you find that spell quick enough, there won't be any Angel killing you."

Willow looked at him, "Good point."

They heard the voices muttering becoming louder and knew that they had to move fast.

"On my mark," Xander whispered, reaching up a hand, just grasping the book and erecting a shield around Willow.

At the increased loud muttering, he shouted 'Go!' and snatched the book, handing it book to Willow who streaked off with the book, just making it to the corner when she was hit in the back with a power bolt of lightening, staggering her before she made it around the corner.

Xander gathered his will and power, erecting a much thicker shield around himself before standing up. Holding his hands the width of the tear, he began to push his hands together as lightening play off of his shield, slightly staggering him. Sweat glisten then poured down his face as he concentrated on narrowing the tear, making sure that none of the creatures could step through.

Closer, tighter he pushed with all his might, seeing the fury in creature on the other side as it fought as hard as it could to prevent him. He lost himself in his struggle, feeling his heart racing with the effort of just holding on. He ignored the fire blazing around him, the ground shaking under his foot, the bolts of power cascading over his shield....

He had to hold on!

Trembling, shaking he held on....

Abruptly, the godawful pressure was gone and he fell to his knees, gasping. He looked up in a daze to the sight of Willow's anxious eyes bending over him. Her face as tired and as strained as his.

"It's okay, I found the spell and closed it," she murmured in exhaustion, wearily helping to get him to his feet, looping his arm over her tired shoulders as they staggered out to the temple.

"You know, Angel's really gonna kick your ass when we get back, right," Willow said as they stumbled their way back to the hut they were all sharing.

"Well, he can wait until after I kick those goddamn Oracles asses!" Xander said exhaustedly, "Easy job my ass! No wonder Angel can't stand to work with them. Man, as soon as I find who's in charge, I'm gonna send a Stern Note of Protest to their bosses! I want to see some reprimands in their files about the way they treat people," Xander finished with a firm nod, catching himself from falling over.

"Dear Mystical Bosses of the Oracles, Your people stink!" Willow snickered and Xander joined in, both of them making up imaginary letters to the Mystical Bosses of the Oracles. Relief and stress making them giddy as they stagger back to their family.

But he couldn't help but shivered remembering the fury in the eyes of the other before the rift close.




Angel slowly lifted his head and looked over at Cordy working at her desk. Okay, now is the time to tell her about Xander and me. Yep, I'm just going to get up and walk over there and tell her. I'm gonna say 'Cordy, there's something that I've been meaning to tell you for the past 4 ½ years, Angelus raped Xander' oh yeah, she'll stake me faster than a heat beat. Lost in his inner musing he was barely aware of the conversation going on around him.

//Just do it already, it's not like she'll really kill you// Xander said.

//Oh really, and how would you know, Nostrodomos// Angel said sarcastically.

"That he would be like a normal man?" Fred was excited, maybe Angel would want to marry Cordy and have beautiful babies, they were spending a lot of time training downstairs. She kinda thought that maybe Cordy and Angel were sweet on each other.

Wesley raised a brow, wondering about the look on Fred's face, "Er, yes."

"Wow. What would we do if that happened," she asked, turning to Cordy.

Cordy remarked from her desk, "I'd buy him some plaid shirts and take him to the beach. The boy needs some color."

Fred lowered her eyes, disappointed, and goes back to typing on the laptop. That was not all romantic like. She mutters to herself in disjointed sentences, 'There. That came out better. - Oh. No it didn't. It's still very preliminary, but - if these calculations are correct, this bad thing should already be here. Well, I-I guess not right here, but - here in LA."

Angel walked into the reception area and sat down, taking an unneeded breath. Okay, here I go. Wait maybe I need to do this in private. Yeah, that way when she stakes me, nobody'll stop her? Oh boy, think of a better plan you idiot.

//Stop being such a baby and tell her already. Remember YOU were the one that insisted that she know right now, I wanted to wait and gently break the news to her I wanted to wait for reinforcements but OH NO, not Mr. Big Bad Vampire who's not afraid of a freakin' mortal.// He could feel the smirk in Xander's voice.

//Hey, I did not say freakin'// Angel protested.

"Hey," Cordy gives him a faint smile wondering about the nervousness of the man.

Angel felt like really dying, or better yet putting a stake to his heart, "Hey."

Cordy gives him a narrowed eyed look, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Ah, no reason," Angel sighed, chickening out. I'm supposed to be the Scourge of Europe and I'm letting a her scare the hell out of me.

After a moment Cordy got up and walked past Angel to pour a cup of coffee. Watching him with a sidelong glance, as he kept watching her, "Okay. It's getting creepy now."

Angel jumped, "Uhm I was just thinking about things. - People. You know. How they relate. Take you and me for instance. We're very different. *Very* different. Obviously, you are a human while I am a vampire. Vampire. Woman. Man."

"Has someone been putting vodka in your blood," Cordy looked at him suspiciously.

Angel forced a laugh out, "See? You're funny! And I, well I get off a good one every once in a while, but you..."

"Angel, are you trying to say you love me," Cordy asked with raised brows, sipping at her coffee.

Angel blinked, "What?"

"I love you too," Cordy responded with a quick smile.

"Uhm you do? When did this...," Angel stammered, what was she talking about? He just wanted to make sure she didn't stake him when he told her about him, Xander and Holly.

Cordy yelled towards Wes open office door, "Angel loves me. I love him....."

"Oh, my god!" Angel jumped up in panic, what the hell...

"You guys love us and we love you," Cordy yelled to the rest of the group.

And he could hear Fred, Wes and Gunn chorused, "We love you Angel."

"They were all saying it earlier. Just in case this prophecy comes true and we all die.....you're not gonna wanna hug, are you," Cordy remarked with a worried smile.

Angel cleared his throat and sat back shaking his head, "No," no worries on that.

Cordy went back to her desk, "God knows we've been through a lot together."

"That's really all I was trying to say, that we've been through so much together, you and me, as *friends.* You've seen the - good, - and the not so good," Angel said quickly trying to get back on track.

Cordy glance over at him, "Just like you have in me. And for the record: the good I've seen far outweighs the bad."

Angel blinked, "Thanks. You, too," he struggled to make his confession before something else went wrong.

"Hey, what are friends for," Cordy gave him a wide smile.

"If you ask me, they're for knocking you up and leaving you high and dry," he looked up at that voice to see a very pregnant Darla standing on the top landing leading down into the lobby from outside.

I am soooo fucking dead, he thought in horror looking at her stomach.

//Angel, what's going on? Angel, what's happening?// Xander said anxiously.

//Not now Xander, wait till I get home and I'll tell you later. Please trust me. I love you, never forget that please// Angel thought back desperately.

//Angel, please don't bullshit a bullshitter. I'll be waiting when you get home// Xander replied and faded out.

"Hello, lover. Long time no see," Darla said lazily.

Angel looked at her flatly, "Darla."

Cordy looked up, "Darla?" Wondering if she should go for her crossbow under her desk.

"Darla!" Wesley jumps up.

Fred looked around puzzled at the motionless figures, "Who's Darla?"

Gunn said in an aside, "Angel's old flame from way back. She's a vampire."

"Y'all have a chart or something?" Fred whispered and gave an interested look at the frozen figures, she could feel the tension vibrating in the air.

"In the files. I'll get it for you later," Gunn whispered back.

"Well, when did this happen," Angel asked, gesturing at her stomach. Please don't say it's mine, please, he begged.

"You know *exactly* when it happened," Darla sauntered down the steps, her nostril flaring.

Angel's eyes narrowed at that gesture but he remained silent.

"Angel...did...you and Darla...?" Cordy was stunned, being to get a little pissed off. He lied!

"Uh..." Angel tries to think of something to say, something that won't get him staked by Cordy.

Cordy turns to look at him reading the truth in his face.

"This is impossible, there's no magic involved," Angel trying to figure this out. Xander is definitely going to kill me if Cordy doesn't.

"Tell me about it - daddy!" Darla snarled, she could help wonder about the delicious scent of humanity wafting from him. It smelled familiar, maybe....

"You slept with her?" Cordy asked quietly, seething rage bubbling in her. Oh he was one dead vampire.

Angel said quickly, "Vampires can't have children, at least not without a great deal of magic involved, right Wesley?"

"Ah, no, he's right. It's not possible," Wesley took a careful step back from the furious Cordy.

"That's not what I asked," Cordy snarled at them. Men! Always trying to help each other.

"You know we can't. I know we can't. But...we did," Darla could help but twist the knife a little more in Angel, watching him squirm gave her pleasure for what he put her through for the 8 ½ months.

"I wonder if this might not be that bad thing we were expecting," Fred said to the room.

Darla snarled, "What did you do to me?" Punching Angel across the face and watching him stumble back into the cabinet.

"Stop that!" Cordy jumped between the soon to be embattled duo.

Angel said quickly, getting up from the weapons cabinet, "It's okay. It's alright. I'm okay." His eyes widening at her next words....

"You'll hurt her! Haven't you done enough?" She turned to Darla, "Here, sit down. You should get off your feet."

Cordy led Darla over to the round settee, then looked back at the others.

"Can we get her some water," Cordy asked impatiently.

Fred turns to go get it.

"Uhm, Cordy that's *Darla.* Maybe you don't want to..." Angel began to say.

Cordy pointed a finger at him, "Did you or did you not look me in the eye and say that you would *never* do a thing like this with her?"

"Oh, he lied? What a surprise," Darla sneered at him.

Fred carried a glass of water to Darla, "Hi. I'm Fred. Is water okay, or did you want some blood?"

Darla blinks at the strange girl as she takes the water.

Wes gently pulled Fred back away from Darla.

"Cordy. I'm sorry I lied. It was just....it was a very dark time." Angel tried to explain.

Cordy sneered, "Oh! You used her to make *you* feel better during *your* dark time. Well, that makes it *all* heroic."

"It wasn't like that. It just.... happened. It wasn't like I went *evil* or anything, I just..." he gave up seeing that she wasn't going to listen to anything he said.

Cordy sniffed, "You just went male." She turned to Darla, "Have you been to a doctor?"

Darla gave her blank look: "No. But I have been to every shaman and seer in the Western Hemisphere." She gave Angel an arch look, "Perhaps, Angel knows of a good doctor to recommend me too." Loving how he squirmed, she had a very interesting conversation with Drucilla after the daft girl turned her.

Wes looked up, interested, "And what did they say?" This was simply fascinating! A vampire, giving birth. Absolutely marvelous.

Darla gave him cool look, "They don't know what it is. They don't know what it means. Nothing like this has ever happened, between two vampires. 'Course I've heard tales of a vampire and a mortal giving birth," she stared meaningfully at Angel and watched him squirm some more. Bastard! She wanted to scream at him.

"Maybe it's an hysterical pregnancy," Angel said hopefully. Oh Xander definitely was going to kill him over this, he thought morosely.

"You wanna feel it kick," she said, yeah you just come over here and I'll kick you!

Cordy watched her, "Does it kick a lot?"

"Like crazy," Darla looked around, she really didn't want to be around these creatures any longer.

Angel said hesitantly, "Well, now wouldn't that be the first sign of hysteria?" If he had been human, he would have flushed at the look Cordy gave him. He gave up the battle, this was his child.

"What can we do for you," Angel asked quietly.

Darla snarled, "Well, you can get you little gang of supernatural detectives to find out what the hell is happening to me and how to stop it."

Cordy looked at Darla, "Are you gonna take some responsibility here? Angel?"

"Of course I am....Wes, lets get on this right now," Angel said trying to remain calm, fighting off hysteria. This gotta be in the record books....two kids. I'm going to be a father for the second time.

"What do you suggest," Wes looked at him interestedly, what the bloody hell did Angel expect him to do? This was a first for him as well.

"I suggest you use your books and find out what's going on. What, do I have to think of everything," Angel asked impatiently.

Wes picked up a book from the counter and opened it, "Oh, here it is."

Both Darla and Angel perk up, and Angel walks over to Wes.

Wes gave them a angry look, "It says 'I have absolutely no idea what's going on.'" He slams the book close, "We should talk to the host."


It took him a long time to find Darla before he tracked her to the amusement park. And even longer to convince her to return back to the hotel with him, that and the fact that she was earnestly trying to kill him.


With a quiet sigh, he helped Darla lay back down on the bed back at the hotel and hands her a mug to blood to drink.

Darla takes a gulp and makes face, "Pig's blood?" she looked at him incredulously.

"You need to keep yourself nourished. You'll get used..." Angel began to say when Darla threw the mug against the wall, shattering it and splashing the wall with blood.

Angel gritted his teeth and tried for patience, "You're not alone in this anymore. We'll deal with this together."

"Gosh. I'm the luckiest vampire girl in the whole world. Get away from me and go home to your other child!" She laughed harshly at his flinch, "Oh, did you think I didn't know? I heard about the rape, I know about the little magic spell that Dru cast, I even know about your precious little boytoy," she hissed at him spitefully.

"Try and get some sleep," Angel requested quietly, remembering how temperamental Xander was during his pregnacy.

"How's Xander? Maybe he wants come and visit. Why don't you bring the little kid," she laughed bitterly. Fucking little bastard! I should have killed that dumbass boy years ago.

Angel gave her a cool look before leaving the room. Angel walked up to Gunn, standing outside the room holding a loaded crossbow.

"She goes near Cordy, or Fred...," Angel said quietly.

Gunn simply lifted his bow, "I know."

Angel shook his head, "Don't underestimate her. The woman is stronger than all of us right now." He hesitated for a moment, "I need to go out, I'll be back before sunrise, okay?"

Gunn looked at him in concern, "You okay man."

"Yeah, I....I....just have to go see someone," Angel said quietly, turning away.


Standing outside the apartment door, Angel took several unneeded breaths. He knew that he was going to lose Xander over this.

He quietly let himself inside, immediately noting the absence of Spike, Willow and Holly. His stomach tightened ominously. Putting his keys on the countertop, he made his way into their bedroom, stopping at the sight of Xander sitting in the chair waiting for him. And for the first time, he wasn't able to read anything on Xander's face.

"So, are you ready to tell me what's going on," Xander said quietly, his stomach churning in fear. He was practically drowning in the waves of sorrow, regret, fear and anger coming from Angel.

Angel nodded his head and sat down on the bed, "Darla's back," he said quietly, hearing the quick indrawn breath from Xander. "And she's pregnant."

Xander took a deep shaky breath, "Is it yours," watching as Angel nodded his head somberly. He watched as Angel kept clenching and unclenching his hands, finally understand the emotions that Angel was projecting.

Angel didn't know if he could handle the silence any longer, just when things were going so well between us Darla has to come and fuck things up. He sighed, knowing that he lied. It wasn't Darla fault it was his, for being such a dumb stupid asshole.

He was startled as the bed sank nest to him and he glanced sideways, seeing Xander's legs next to his. He didn't want to look up and see the disgust in Xander's eyes.

Xander bumped his shoulder gently against Angel's, "Hey, what did you think I was going to do, kick you out of your own home? Angel, we've been through some really nasty shit to get where we are now. I...I...really don't want to throw it all away," he said quietly, looking down and plucking at a loose thread.

Angel couldn't believe it! "Xander, you...you....still want me around?" He looked up in disbelief, watching Xander's head come up and that beautiful smile cross his face.

"Yeah, I kinda got use to you being around and stuff," Xander smiled before pressing a brief kiss to Angel's surprised lips.

"You don't mind about Darla and the baby," Angel stammered.

"Angel, I would be more worried and upset if you didn't take responsibility for your child," Xander said softly. "We weren't together when you and Darla did the nasty. I'll admit that this would not have been exactly what I wanted to hear but Darla's pregnant and there's no going back from that. What's more important is what are you going to do about Darla and the baby?"

Angel looked away from Xander's probing eyes, "I want to take care of both of them," he admitted hesitantly. "I especially want to take care of my child if Darla let's me. Right now, she's lashing out because of the baby has a soul that it's sharing with her. It's making her....difficult to get along with and she's already attacked Cordy. I just want to do the right thing," he whispered.

"And what do you want me to do," Xander said calmly, despite his racing heart, I will not cry, crying is for girls, he sternly told himself.

Angel looked startled, "Will you stay....stay with me until this is over," he half-whispered, "I know that it'll be difficult, but it won't be for very long, Darla's about ready to have the baby already!"

Xander smiled, seeing Angel's normally composed face naked with emotion gave him a true indication of just how shaken Angel really was, "Did you really think it would be that easy to get rid of me," he whispered to Angel before he attacked his mouth.

Angel slowly smiled under the teasing biting kisses. "Mo ionuin, fan liom go deo," he whispered feeling the answer whisper in his mind //Don't worry Angel, I'm not going anywhere//



He managed to kept Darla alive and relatively safe no matter how much, Gun, Cordy, Fred and Wes tested his patience. They were even making him jumpy with the crossbows, stakes and crosses.

And Darla, with her constant threats to tell them of his other child almost had him wishing that someone would 'accidentally on purpose' fire a crossbow into her fuckin' heart.

His only comfort was his almost hourly talks with Xander, letting the boy provided him with the strength not to literally snap all of their necks, including Darla's.

If it wasn't Gun with the loaded crossbow, which he thoroughly approved of, it was Wesley prattling on about the Nyazian Scroll prophecy he was about to lose his mind! Right now all he really cared about was making sure that Darla delivered the baby. Everything else was just gravy.

It wasn't until Wes mentioned that his child was mentioned in the prophecy that fear clutched at him dead heart. His first thought was My God, Holly?! He almost felt a sense of relief knowing that the prophecy was about Darla and the unborn child. And he felt ashamed of that feeling and began to pay closer attention then, trying to figure out what horrible things was coming after them now, to protect both children.

Tuning back into the conversation when Wes threatened to chop the baby's head off as soon as it came out and Gun's comment about using a flamethrower.

"Are you all freakin' nuts?" he almost yelled in disbelief looking around at their guilty faces. What was wrong with these people?

"There will be no chopping of heads and there will be no throwing of flames. Nobody's gonna do anything until we know exactly what's going on. Now, if anybody has a problem with that they should leave - now," he stated firmly and pulled Darla back into the room.

"You stay here!"


It took some doing to convince everyone to just stop with the arguing, the chopping and he thought he had them convinced until Cordy felt the need to add to the confusion by punching Darla in the nose.

And the next thing they all knew, Darla was in labor!

With all Darla's constant moaning even he was getting twitching, this was nothing like when Xander went into labor.

"Guys, we got to figure out what's inside of her now, before it skitters out," and he clapped his hand to his forehead in shock at hearing those words pop out.

//I can't believe you fuckin' said that// Xander exclaimed sounding stunned.

//I can't believe I said it, either// Angel groaned.

//You gotta take her to the doctor, Angel// Xander said anxiously.

//Which one? Or have you forgotten that the demon clinic burned down about six months ago because some stupid human saw something going in an torched the place? There are NO demon doctors in L.A.// Angel said savagely then apologizing. He knew Xander was only trying to help.

//Sorry, I forgot// Xander said in chagrin.

//Not your fault and I'm sorry I snapped at you// Angel said as he tuned back into the conversation. Perking his ears up at what Gunn was saying, thinking quickly.

"We should get a demony doctor in here. You know, someone who understands how her vampire girl parts work. You know what I'm saying, girl," Gunn said irritably at Cordy's withering look

Cordy looked thoughtful, "Well, didn't she already try that whole shaman, voodoo, witch doctor thing?"

"I don't suppose she ever went to like a normal doctor or a hospital," Fred asked hesitantly.

Cordy looked impatient, "Hey, there's an idea: hospital. Oh, wait, they don't admit vampires."

"Who says we have to admit her?" Angel said slowly, his words dropping like stones in the silence.

Wes smiled slowly, "Of course. We don't need the right doctor, we just need the right equipment."



//It's was a boy!// he yelled to Xander and he could practically feel Xander's smile through their link.

//Congratulations, Daddy of two// Xander smirked.


Though they had to fight off that crazy cult of vampires, trying to steal the baby, it still didn't diminish his joy. A father for the second time, he ought to go down in the record books.

Of course, escaping with their lives sorta added to his joy, that and seeing that look on Darla's face when those loony vampires told her, now how did the vampire put it...oh yeah 'Then we will nourish you, slice you open, wear your entrails as a belt and consume your eyeballs before we worship the miracle child'.

She got up real quick then, ready to fight. He could still hear Xander laughing his ass off over that.

Fred surprised him though with her quick thinking, since the loonytune vampires worshipped the unborn child, threatening to kill the baby would certainly make them back off. He was almost sure she was bluffing, but just in case, he was going to kept his eye on her.

Both Xander and Cordy said simultaneously, "It's always the quiet ones."

It was only when he ran back to the hotel to get the Nyazian Scroll, seeing the bodies that littered the floor that he finally understood where the danger was coming from.

It wasn't a demon it was....

"Holtz. - My god," he whispered, feeling Xander trying to hear what was going on. And helplessly, he tried to lock Xander out, not wanting him to see the memories flashing through his mind.

Holtz looked enraged for a brief second, "You have no god, demon."

Angel said quietly, "The Tro-clon - the prophecy - raised up from darkness to bring darkness. That's you. Holtz, whatever brought you here..."

Hardly aware as some of Holtz' gGapplar demons grabbed him and chained his wrists and neck in some metal clamps on the ends of long sticks, holding him fast.

As dark memories cascaded through his mind...

....remembering being Angelus and going to Holtz's house with Darla;

....the sweet coppery taste of the wife's blood sliding down his throat;

....the sight of Darla biting into the little girl's throat, Turning her as a mocking warning to Holtz;

....and the sound of an infant's crying and Darla returning from the room, wiping her mouth;.

He was barely aware of his conversation with Holtz, operating solely on autopilot. All he knew was that he had to get the hell out of the hotel, praying that no one knew about Xander and Holly.

//Calm down, Angel and focus// he could hear Xander softly repeating in his mind as he finally began to focus.

//Didn't I tell you that I wasn't going anywhere?// he heard Xander say softly and felt something...love, strength, devotion flow through their link.

And somehow, he managed to get free and escape.


Despite everything....Holtz making his life miserable, Darla dying to give birth to Connor, they made it. They held on tightly to each other, giving each other the strength needed when one would falter.

Finally, Angel brought the baby over to the apartment and it felt like they were family. Holly immediately wanted to hold her little brother and they sat her on the couch and carefully put Connor into her arms.

Listening to her whisper to Connor all the things that she intended to teach him, she was gonna be the bestest big sista in the whole wide world.

Spike just gave the baby a disgusted look, telling them to call him when the lil'l bloke's a bit older. Willow enjoyed playing with the baby almost as much as Holly.

Angel watched as Holly and Willow played with Connor, feeding him, holding him and rocking him anytime he cried. This was going to be one spoiled little boy, he thought fondly.

He walked over to Xander and wrapped his arms around Xander's waist, pressing a kiss on the side of his face.

"Happy," he asked softly.

Xander held his hands tightly over Angel's, watching their family, "Very," before twisting up and stealing a quick kiss from Angel before stepping away and picking up Connor from the girls.

Ignoring their protesting cries, he merely said, "I haven't got the chance to hold him yet," firmly disregarding their pouting and sulking faces.

Hey, us men got to stick together, he thought to the little boy.

They had a fun filled day before Angel finally had to take Connor back to the hotel, with Xander's words ringing in his ears....'I want another baby'.



Chapter 7

"Hey Angel, you gotta visitor," Cordy poked her head around Angel's bedroom door, seeing him changing Connor's diaper, a disgusted look screwed on his face.

She frowned jealously, at least he didn't have to breathe when he changed Connor.

Seeing Angel's narrow at the sight of Buffy standing just behind her, Cordelia looked over her shoulder at Buffy, blinking at expressionless look on the Slayer's face.

She turned back around and recoiled slightly at the hot flash of gold in Angel's eyes before she realized the look wasn't directed at her.

"Hello, Angel," she heard Buffy say quietly behind her.

"Buffy," was Angel's terse response.

"May I come in," Buffy asked quietly.

"You got any stakes on you this time," Angel asked sarcastically, his eyes a light brown.

"That's alright, I frisked her myself," Cordy said happily, ushering Buffy into the room.

Hooho, well, well well, looks like something happened to drive the WonderTwins apart, she thought happily at the charged atmosphere in the room, before shutting the door behind Buffy.

Oh well I'll just nag Angel until he tell me, she smirked as she strolled back down the stairs.

She keep looking up at the stairs every few minutes expecting to hear yelling, screaming something. She remembered Wesley telling her about the last time Buffy was here and how the two had fought. It took days to fix the place back up and to this day Angel still refused to tell her what happen! The least he could have done was made her pay for the damages. Mean old dead guy, she snorted to herself trying to focus on her filing.

A couple of hours later Buffy came down the stairs slowly, a weary look in her eyes. She looked almost as if she had been crying, Cordy thought in shock.

What happen to Little Miss Mary Sunshine and her 'woe is me' attitude, she wondered.

"Buffy," she heard Angel call from the top of the stairs, she could feel the sadness pouring off him. Oh goody another brooding vampire moment, she rolled her eyes in disgust. Buffy turned to him, the two getting lost in their 'moment', Cordy wanted to gag. God when will he get over that stupid bitch and move on?! She wondered when Angel was going to dash down the stairs and swept Buffy into his arms.

But to her surprise, Buffy just nodded her head and slipped out the door.

Hmpf! I wonder what happened upstairs, she thought in curiosity. Had she seen Angel at that moment she would have probably died of raging curiosity....

"Willow? It's Angel, Buffy was here....," he began.

Willow collapsed in the armchair listening to Angel talk, her eyes dazed and uncomprehending. "Oh Angel," was all she could managed to get out.



"Wha' kinda flippin' nonsense is this," Spike shouted, ducking under a heavy handed blow from the huge demon. Punching it savagely in the chest and spinning away as it collapsed, a look of horror on it's face, and he faced another demon.

"Wasn't supposed to be only *three* demons attacking the temple," he yelled at Xander, jumping away from vicious talons of his newest opponent.

"You heard the fuckin' same as me from the Oracles," Xander yelled back, backflipping away from the enormous demon reaching for him.

"Wha' now the damn popsicle people can't count," Spike yelled incredulously, slamming his fist into an unprotected side, and sounding getting a backhand blow to his face.

Goddamn those fucking Oracles! Always sending them on some dumbass missions. He was starting to suspect that something was definitely wrong. It was seeming like every mission that they undertook was almost getting them killed, or in Spike's case, permanently killed.

This assignment was supposed to be a simple one: guard the temple until reinforcements arrive. There was only supposed to be three fuckin' demons attacking! Would it have killed the damn jerkoffs to have told them that the reason WHY there were only three demons attacking were because they were No'sorm demon? Like, 'Oh by the way, Mr. Harris, the No'sorm demons are large because they can split into two separate demons'! C'mon now would it have really killed them to provide this critical piece of information?!

Damn, but he missed the days when Giles made them research demons before they went out to hunt it. Despite all their bitching and moaning, Giles stayed firm: no slaying until they knew what they were facing.

Next time, he ain't gonna be moving his ass until sufficient research was done on the demon of the week: its weak points, strong points and, especially his all time favorite, how to kill the sonavabitches!

He slammed a brutal kick at the demon to the left of him, sending it smashing into a half- wall hard, before swiftly facing the oncoming demon, distantly aware of hearing a sickening crack before the wall gave away and the demon's wail of terror as it went over the edge.

Jumping into the air, he lashed out vicious with a Power enhanced kick of his heavy boot, smashing through the demon's mouth, rapidly following through with his other boot. Using magic to keep him airborne as with one final brutal kick, he took the demon's head off and landed, breathing hard.

Looking wildly about, he charged his next opponent, calling in his sword and felt it slap into the palm of his hand. Ducking under a heavy handed, he sliced into the demon's side leaving it howling as it's guts spilled steaming on the ground and continued to hack and slice his way back to Spike's side.

"Sword?" he panted out, blasting at a demon reaching for him, seeing it reel back, it's face gone.

"Naw, mate, got me sumptin' betta'," with that Spike pulled out a short stick, and with one shake, transformed it into a deadly Bo stick, glittering with jagged spikes at both ends. He rammed it into a oncoming demon's chest and twisted it viciously, listening to the howl the creature made as it's internal organs was turned into chopped meat and it dropped heavily to the ground.

"Cool!" was all Xander could say as they were forced to separate.

Four down, two to go. Dear God, please let it be two to go, he prayed.

He whirled to face another demon, this one holding a sword. They traded parries and blows as they danced across the grounds outside the temple. Again deflected and blocked the demon's strikes and blows. He could hears screams of pain behind him, but he remained focused on his opponent.

He felt pain blossom in his thigh as the demon's sword swept under his guard. And he lunged back, falling gracelessly to the ground and rolling away, narrowly avoiding the sword that bit into the ground a fraction from his face. He jerked hurriedly to his feet, lunging in a counterstroke and felt the tip of his sword bite into soft flesh before he was knocked to the side and gritted his teeth as the other's blade torn an opening along his ribs.

He reeled back, swinging his sword with grim determination, in a angle that bit across the demons torso, seeing bright purple blood flowing down it's abdomen.

Smiling in cold satisfaction at hearing it's bellow of pain.

He aimed low as he drove forward, sending the point of his sword forward. He heard it's screech of pain, and feeling resistance, he jerked back and felt another violent blow across his shoulder. He could barely restrain his cry of agony at the snapping of his collarbone and lurched away, his left arm dangling...useless he knew. He just managed to swing his sword up blocking another vicious blow from the demon.

Dropping to one knee, he summoned his remaining strength and dived forward again with the point of his sword aimed straight for the demon. And time seemed to slow as he saw the tip of his sword lodged itself into soft flesh, feeling it part under his sword and going deeper, deeper still as time resumed its march as he fetched up against the demon and, looked into it's glazing dying eyes.

It was over.

"C'mon on mate," Spike said quietly, at the frozen boy, "Let's get that shoulder taken care of," was all he said as he steered the silent boy into the temple for the healer to fix his collarbone, ribs and wound in the boy's thigh.

He guided the boy to a seat on one of the wooden benches within the temple, concerned over the frozen expression in the boy's eyes.

Xander started as he felt a hand clap him on his right shoulder, hissing in pain at the assorted bruises and aches, realizing that he was now inside the temple.

Spike blinked as he regarded the frozen brown orbs that slowly came up to meet his gaze.

"I can't do this anymore Spike," he heard the boy whisper. "Every time they send us out, we keep nearly getting killed because they keep giving us misinformation on the situation. Me, Wills and you have almost bit the dust too fuckin' many times for this to be some sorta fluke. And I ain't going nowhere until I get some fuckin' answers!" Xander finished savagely, hot anger melting his frozen stillness, seeing the answering flame in Spike's frozen blue eyes.

"Too right, mate," Spike breathed softly, his eyes becoming molten gold. The boy was right, he hadn't wanted to say anything, he was having too much fun letting his demon cut loose, but Willow was coming back hurt and battered and that was something that he wouldn't stand for.

"Me and Wills been looking for clues to the Oracles bosses, 'cause we figure somebody gotta be over those two dickheads but we ain't found shit yet," Xander said with cold quiet rage burning in his eyes. "Every place we visit, we try to find something, cause those two shit-for-brains is gonna wind up killing us and we don't even know why! We would at least like to know what the fuck we did wrong if somebody gonna kill us! We think that's only fair, don't you?" he looked at Spike inquiringly.

Spike shook his head in wry amusement, only those two featherbrains would actually think like that, that they were owed some sorta explanation before someone killed them. Hell, he killed hundreds of people without telling them why!

"C'mon mate let's g'home," he said quietly to the boy, urging the other to his feet.

"Lousy stinking Oracles," he heard the boy mutter under his breath as they recovered their strength and walked out. "One of these days we're gonna find their bosses and I hope they get a serious case of whoop ass!"

And a light flared in the healer's eyes before it disappeared.



Two weeks later Xander was sitting in his bedroom trying to brush Holly's hair, getting her ready for her first day of daycare.

"Sweetie, hold still," Xander said in fond exasperation as he was braiding Holly's hair.

"You're 'urtin' me," she whined, wiggling impatiently. Wincing and catching her breath, "Ow!"

Blinking, Xander regarded the brush in his hand a good foot away from Holly's head. Sighing softly, he rolled his eyes, and I wanted another child! I can barely handle it when Angel brings Connor over.

"Daddy?" Holly asked quietly, leaning comfortably back between his spread legs, "I tink d'wanna go daycare, n'more."

Xander lowered the brush and swept her hair back from her face, "Sweetie, we talked about this already. Didn't you tell Poppa that you *wanted* to go to daycare?" He asked softly, pulling her into his lap and looking down into her big brown eyes.

"Yeah, but dat was looooong time 'go," she insisted, crossing her arms defiantly with her lower lip sticking out mutinously. A brooding expression on her face as she thought of the unjustice of her Daddy forcing her go to daycare when she CLEARLY did not want to go.

Xander's lips twitched in response at that miniature brooding expression, Oh Lord, he had a mini-Angel on his hands.

"Honey, it was just last week," Xander reminded her gently, brushing her hair and braiding it swiftly.

"See?! A long time 'go," Holly said triumphantly, her expression indicating that he had to agreed.

Xander regarded her tiny face for a few seconds sensing something else was bothering her, "You were so eager to go to the school last week, seeing all those kids playing and laughing...what changed? Don't you want to go to daycare, baby?" He hugged her gently, peering down into her face.

Holly was silent for a few seconds before speaking in a low whisper.

"Daddy, wha' if dey do'n lik me," she said looking up with uncertain gold eyes and a gently ridged forehead.

"Oh sweetie," Xander pulled her closer, "Your Poppa looked all over for a daycare that we were sure you could be happy. A lot of the kids are half-demons like you and some are even full demons. No one gonna make fun of you and I'm sure that all your teachers will love you just as much as your Poppa and I love you. You are a sweet, beautiful and lovable little girl, no matter what face you show. You're gonna make whole bunches of friends," Xander kissed her nose, trying to instill confidence in her worried eyes.

"But I only wan two bestest friends, lik Aun Willow and Buffy," Holly said softly, her eyes till uncertain, but desperately wanting to believe her Daddy.

"And I'm sure you'll find a friend just like Willow and Buffy," Xander smiled gently.

"Ya tink so," she said hopefully.

"I know so," he hugged her softly, "After all, who could resist being friends with such wonderful loyal little girl like you."

Another thought occurred to her and she look down, worry in her heart.

"Daddy.....now dat Poppa got Connor, will I a'way be you and Poppa lil'l princess," she whispered, fiddling with his shirt button.

"Baby girl, no matter how many children Poppa and I have, you'll always be our little princess. Just imagine being the oldest and a big sister. Think of all the things that you can teach Connor. Like how to tie his shoes, put on his clothes, there's all sorts of cool stuff you can teach him," Xander tilted her to look seriously into her worried eyes.

"I can," she breathe, her eyes softly glowing, "I'm gonna be the bestest big sister in da world!"

"Yes you will," Xander laughed at the look of pride and determination on her tiny face.

"Luv ya daddy," Holly wrapped her arms around his neck in a swift hug.

"Love you more, baby girl," Xander hugged her and tickled her stomach rolling her on the bed, laughing with her as she finally scrambled off the bed and ran out into the hall. Xander sighed as he watched her giggling figure bounce out the bedroom door. He could faintly hear Holly shouting to Willow 'I'm gonna get me some friends at daycare'.

He sighed, she was growing up so fast. Pretty soon she won't be a baby and won't need him anymore....he grinned, thank God that would be a long time coming.

He heard Willow exclaim and praise over how pretty Holly looked in her new outfit. He smirked, if he didn't know any better he could swear that somehow Holly had gotten some of Cordy and Buffy's DNA into her, because she certainly didn't inherit *his* fashion sense.

He groaned as he heard the familiar argument start in the hall between Holly and Spike and wearily got up to mediate.

"Not a baby n'more! I can walk, you put me down!" Holly yelled and giggled at Spike's mock growls. She growled back, shifting her face.

Willow and Xander carefully avoided looking at each other, Holly's tiny growls always sending them into fits of laughter, which Holly hated.

"Spike, don't mess up her clothes, she's supposed to be leaving for daycare in about 20 minutes," he said pointedly, well aware of what Spike was trying to do.

" 'Ere now, ain't gonna muss up the lil'l bird now," Spike immediately went on the defensive, looking indignant. Frowning at the twin looks of disbelief on Xander and Willow's faces.

He sulked, "Don't see why the lil'l niblet gotta go to some poofy school, is all," he muttered, nuzzling at Holly's neck, smiling at her squeals of laughter. "Seems t'me that we could teach her right fair 'ere. We're clever enough," he began, eager to push his campaign to keep Holly at home, safe.

"See, I figure Red here could teach Science and Computer learning, me and Peaches could like teach the history seeing as how we lived through a right lot of it, and we can hire somebody to teach the niblet math." He looked triumphantly at them, pleading with his eyes.

"Spike," Willow said gently, tugging at his arm. She knew that he was only trying to protect Holly, he knew the dangers of the world outside and only wanted to keep his little sister safe. "She needs to learn how to be around other people, people her own age, her peers. She needs to learn how to socialize, love." She stroked his face softly and he released one arm around Holly and pulled Willow closer to him.

He sighed, he knew she was right but he just wanted to keep the lil'l bit safe, and out there in the sun he couldn't do anything but die. And looking in the patient eyes of Xander and Willow he realized that they understood and faced the same fear as he, but were still willing to let her go, to let her grow.

The phone rang in the living room and Willow tensed slightly at his side. She exchanged a pregnant look with Spike who immediately put Holly down and watched her bounce into the living room for her Powerpuff Girls bookbag.

"I'll get it," Willow said quickly, dashing past Xander, who raised a bemused brow at her flying figure.

"Okay, okay, no need to knock me down," he muttered slipping back into his room for his shoes and car keys.

Sitting down, he put on his shoes just as Willow poked her head around the door.

"Xan, it's for you. It's Buffy and she sounds a little...upset," she looked at him with grave, worried eyes.

Xander looked up, startled, "Did she say what she wanted," he asked hurrying out the room to the phone, fear in his heart.

"No. Look, why don't I take Holly to daycare and you take the call," she suggested, turning to the excitedly bouncing Holly, "You'll like that won't cha sweetie," she smiled at the little girl.

"Yea!" Holly jumped, her eyes sparkling. Next to Poppa and Daddy, Willow and Spikie were her favoritest people.

Willow took the keys from Xander as he was picking up the phone. She glanced back at Spike who nodded and ducked into their bedroom. Taking the excitedly chattering Holly by the hand, she left the apartment.

At the Hyperion, as Angel was walking past her, Cordy heard his cellphone chime. She continued playing with Connor, making kissy faces at him, while keeping an eye on Angel and his suddenly unreadable expression. All she could make out from his low voice was '...talking now?' and then '...be there' before he closed the cell and turned to her.

"Cordy, I hate to ask this of you but could...," Angel began but was interrupted by her calm voice.

"...Take care of my little sweetie, yes I can! Oh yes, I can," she made more faces at the gurgling baby, "Go on, do whatever you have to do and I can have some uninterrupted time with my little man. How long do yo think you'll be," she asked without looking away from Connor, who was clutching her finger.

Angel looked torn, she knew it had to be something vitally important to make him want to leave Connor. Usually anytime he left the hotel, he always took Connor with him.

"A couple of hours, maybe even a day...I really don't know," he said shortly, needing to leave. He could feel the rising distress in Xander.

"Go, I'll tell the others to expect you back when you get back, okay," Cordy waved him off, watching with a puzzled frown as he kissed Connor and raced for the sewers.

"Damn but he's getting weirder and crazier every year," Cordy muttered, "Yes, he is....your daddy is a crazy man," she singsonged to Connor, rubbing her nose in his fat belly and laughing at his gurgles.


Back at the apartment Xander stood frozen listening to to Buffy venomous words, barely able to thinking. At first he thought she had been joking when she said that she couldn't pretend to be happy for him and Angel, to accept their unnatural relationship much less Holly....

"Look Xander, I'm sorry but I tried to accept that you and I were still friends, but I just keep coming back to the fact that you *said * you were raped by Angelus and that you always hated Angel, but yet not only do you run to him, you even give birth to his child and you're even fucking Angel now! And I can't help but to think that you've been playing all of us for the past couple of years. Lying your ass off to everyone, claiming that you were raped!"

"Buffy, how can....," Xander began to stammered out, his eyes wide in bewildered pain.

"I think you were secretly lusting after Angel all the time I was dating him! And you know what else I think?! I think that when he turned into Angelus you thought this was your perfect opportunity to take what's mine. I figure you must have liked getting your ass fucked by him and being on your knees sucking his cock so much that when Willow went to do the spell you didn't want Angel to come back to me, to tell me what a little whorish slut you were with Angelus, ain't that right?! Man, you must have shit bricks when you found yourself knocked up and that Angel was back. I bet it was all your idea to run away, playing on his sense of honor, making him fall for that 'oh woe is me' shit that you do so fucking well," she raged at him on the phone.

Xander moaned low in his throat, his stomach heaving with sickness, "Buffy no...please Buffy no....," he managed to choke out.

"You probably hustled Angel out of Sunnydale so you could get him alone and show off your talented little ass and mouth, all the nasty things that Angelus taught you, isn't that the fucking truth," she screamed into the phone, hearing his rapid breathing.

"Well, you've made your little fucking bed, you fucking whore," she snarled viciously into the phone, hearing a low moan from him, "But you and the thing you call a daughter had better stay the fuck out of Sunnydale or I'll kill you and that creature...," ~CLICK~ she heard the dial tone on the phone and stood there frozen, staring blankly at the wall until the phone was removed from her hand.

Turning, she met the shocked and horrified eyes of Giles, and then her mother's before she turned and raced up to her bedroom



Xander stood frozen at the vile words spewing from the other end, shaking, shuddering as a cool hand gently took the phone from his white-knuckled grip.

Spike listened a moment to the filthy, foul words, his face hard and cold and a muscled jumped in his tightly clenched jaw, before replacing the receiver gently in the cradle. His actions at odds with the raging fury in his eyes.

Turning he regarded the shell shocked boy with unreadable eyes then guiding the stumbling, pale boy back into his bedroom. Sitting Xander down on the bed, frowning as he felt the clamminess of the boy's hand and face.

Swiftly removing Xander's shoes and clothes, he arranged the long limbs under the covers, darting to the closet and spreading two blankets over the boy.

"Xander?" he called softly, no response.

He crept closer, still no recognition in the boy's wide eyes. Just emptiness and endless despair. He had known this was a fucking bad idea when they first told him. He knew he had the right idea: hop on a plane and blow the fucking Watcher's Council to hell. Was never any need to put the boy thorough this shit or he thought grudgingly, Buffy either.

Fuck! He sat in the armchair, worry in his eyes until he heard keys jingling in the door and Angel dashed into the bedroom.

"How is...oh shit," was Angel's low voice exclamation.

And at the sound of his voice, Xander reacted, shivering and whimpering as he tried to burrow into the mattress, covering his head. Low piteous moaning could be heard and soft sobs from under the blankets.

Angel and Spike exchanged worried looks before retreating out the door, leaving Xander alone.

"How bad?" Angel said tersely, glancing back into his bedroom.

"I don't know where she got the strength or words, but it was rough," Spike growled, his eyes beginning to turn gold in rage.

Angel sighed, closing his eyes in pain, "Where's Holly? I don't want her to see Xander like this."

"Red took her to daycare," Spike said shortly, his eyes a hot gold staring at Angel.

"Have Willow cast a spell around the room, it might get a little loud later on," Angel asked wearily.

"You gonna fix this," Spike growled, his eyes hot and angry. He wanted to punch something, someone...preferably a Watcher.

"Yeah, I gonna fix this," Angel said quietly and shut the door.

Regarding the shivering form with troubled eyes, he stripped and slid carefully into bed trying not to spook Xander more than he was already. To his surprise and joy, Xander immediately rolled over and pressed against him, convulsive shudders traversing his body.

Holding his boy tightly in his arms, feeling tears prickling at his eyes, he kept his shields firmly in place, not wanting Xander to see the rage in his mind.

Faintly he could hear Xander mumbling into his chest, but it wasn't until he felt the tears wetting his chest that he understood what was being said. And it took everything in him not to give into the rage....'M'not a slut' '...didn't want it' 'm'not a whore!'

"You're not any of those things," he whispered fiercely, holding tightly as Xander began to cry in earnest, choking words out between his sobs.

"S'said gonna kill Holly and me," he sobbed out, holding tightly to Angel, feeling his heart breaking.

"She what?!" Angel asked startled, feeling the dark head nod against his chest.

"Said I was a slut and wanted you for myself," Xander wailed, now struggling to get free, "I didn't want it! He hurt me so bad, Angel I wanted to die." He could stop crying, every time he thought of what she said it started back the tears of rage and shame again. He wanted to be free of Angel's comforting embrace but at the same time tried to press closer.

Angel held him tightly as he finally cried himself to sleep, with Buffy horrible words following him into restless sleep....'Slut!', 'Whore!', 'Fag!'

And Angel held Xander long after the boy had fallen into an exhausted sleep, slight hitches in his breath as he slept uneasily, stirring every now and then with a tiny cry of distress.

Remembering his unexpected visitor two weeks ago....

***FLASHBACK***

"Hey Angel, you got a visitor," Cordy poked her head around Angel's bedroom door, seeing him changing Connor's diaper, a disgusted look screwed on his face.

Angel looked up, his eyes narrowing as he saw Buffy behind Cordy looking at him with no expression in her eyes.

He forcefully reined in his anger when he saw Cordy flinch when she looked at him.

"Hello, Angel," Buffy said quietly behind Cordy.

All he could manage was a terse, "Buffy," in response.

"May I come in," she asked quietly, waiting with cool patience.

"You got any stakes on you this time," Angel asked sarcastically, struggling to keep his anger under control. Afterall, she and Xander were still trying to mend things between them.

"That's alright, I frisked her myself," Cordy said happily as she ushered Buffy into the room and shut the door behind her, her face brimming with curiosity.

Angel grimaced slightly, he saw that look on Cordy's face and knew that she was going to nag him to a permanent death for details after he got rid of Buffy.

"Buffy," he said again through gritted teeth, bracing himself for another attack.

"Relax Angel," Buffy said with a tired smile, "I'm not here to hurt you, just the opposite in fact. I came to warn you about something." She thought for a moment, "Though it may seem like I'm out to hurt Xander but I'm....," her words were choked out as Angel rushed at her and slamming her against the wall with his forearm pressed against her neck. Face twisted and fangs bared.

"If you even fucking THINK about hurting Xander I will rip your goddamn throat out," he hissed into her face. Smelling her fear.

He released her when she nodded.

~"Angel, what the hell just happened,"~ Xander said anxiously as he paused, feeling a sharp emotion gripping Angel. He and Spike were getting ready to shift for their assignment for the Oracles.

~"Nothing, Xan...I just stubbed my toe," Angel replied, glaring at Buffy. "Ain't you supposed to be going on assignment about now?~

~"Yeah, you just worried me there for a minute," Xander chuckled. "I'll see you when we get back, 'K?"~

~"Count on it," Angel sent back accompanied by an image of a wantonly sprawled Xander of black silk sheet. Hard, erecting and drooling pre-cum.~

~"Angel!" He smiled faintly at the loving mental slap then silence.~

"What the hell do you want Buffy," Angel asked coldly as he stalked back to Connor, thankful that with Xander gone there was no chance of his boy knowing what was going on and witnessing his rude behavior.

"Is that your other child," Buffy asked, trying to gather up her shaky courage.

"Yeah, now get to the point and get the hell out of my home," Angel said shortly, disappearing into the next room and putting Connor in his crib. Stroking the baby gently as Connor snuffled and went to sleep.

Angel sighed as he walked back into the room, "Buffy look, I know that you and Xander are trying to patch things up between you two. But I just don't trust you or want to get involved with you. You have consciously hurt Xander too fucking much for me to get past that. So, if you're looking for forgiveness from me, you're gonna be old and gray before you get it from me," he said calmly with cold and flat eyes.

"And what about you, Xander has obviously forgiven you for raping him," Buffy shot back, getting angry.

Angel looked at her until she flushed and looked away, "Oh please tell me *you* are so not trying to cast stones around here, especially not after the way you excused everything that Angelus did by saying it wasn't me?! Buffy, let me tell you something, it took Xander years of hard work with a therapist to get where he was comfortable with me, years in which we built a relationship on friendship... long before we became lovers. And even then, it took me months to get him to trust me, to allow me into his bed and Buffy, not meaning to hurt you or anything, but he's the best thing that ever happened to me," he ended quietly.

Buffy looked at him, at the love shining in his eyes, "You really care for him don't you?" she asked in soft wonder.

"Yeah, I do," he answered just as quietly, watching her.

"The last time I came up here, were you two..ah...together then," she asked uncomfortable with the question.

"No, we weren't lovers if that's what you want to know," Angel replied calmly, still watching her.

"Oh," was all she seemed capable of saying as she wandered around the room, touching things here and there.

Angel let her wander for a few minutes sensing something was wrong with the way she was moving and acting.

"Buffy, why are you here," he asked softly, watching her back stiffen.

"Like I said before, I'm here to help you. Or at least help Xander," Buffy said without turning around.

She sighed and turned around, "May I sit down? This is gonna take some talking and I'm gonna need your opinion, too."

"My opinion?!" Angel gestured her to sit in the chair while he sat on the bed.

Buffy sat down and hesitated, "The Council of Watchers summoned me about a week ago. Apparently, they know about you, Xander and Holly."

Angel's eyes narrowed in sudden thought and an uneasy feeling ran down his spine, "Yeah so," he shrugged trying to deny his uncomfortable feeling.

Buffy cleared her throat, "I was ordered to find Xander, retrieve Holly by any means necessary and give her to the Council," she said quietly fiddling with her purse strap.

Angel froze, "What the fuck did you just say?!"

"You heard me," Buffy sprang to her feet, talking rapidly, "Before you get medieval on me, I told them to go to fuck off!"

Angel checked his instinctive rush to her, to regard her suspiciously, "Fuck off?! What the hell do you mean you told them 'to fuck off'? Like they're gonna let you tell them no. I'm sure they have something else in mind," he said sarcastically. "Like the fuckin' Council gonna let a little slip of a girl tell 'em to fuck off!"

Buffy blinked and looked away, "Well, they did have a couple of alternatives that I could choose," she said with false brightness, trying to hold back her pain.

"Oh, please do tell," Angel mocked her, pacing angrily.

Buffy cleared her throat, "Behind door Number One, I could steal Holly and give her to the Watchers," she began....

"Like I or anybody gonna let you do that," Angel snorted, eyeing her coldly.

she continued as if he hadn't interrupted, "....or behind door Number Two, they could bring in another slayer to do it."

"Bring in another slayer, but...," he frowned in puzzlement, his eyes growing wide as he looked at her, really LOOKED at her.

"Oh fuckin' hell....what did they do to you," he breathed looking at her.

Buffy attempted a brave smile, "Well, I always wanted to be a normal girl," and her eyes filled with tears that she refused to shed.

At least until Angel pulled her into his arms and she broke down into harsh racking tears of pain.

"God Buffy!" Angel whispered, holding and rocking her in his arms. "I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say something to us, we could have helped or done something."

"Hey, I was the Slayer remember?! It's my job to protect people. Beside, there was no way I could have done something like that, especially to Xander and lived with myself." she sniffed back tears.

Angel gave her a couple of tissues before saying seriously, "Buffy, if you had done it, there would be no way you could have lived period," and for a second his eyes were a sold gold.

"Angel, it wasn't for fear of you that made me tell them to fuck off. It was the look that would be forever in Xander's eyes or voice if he ever lost Holly. I've hurt him in so many ways, so many times that I don't know how he's ever let me back in his life and there was no fuckin' way I was gonna pull some shit like that on him no matter what I was threatened with," Buffy said evenly, her head held high and meeting his gaze steadily.

"Your mom, Giles what did they say," Angel questioned quietly, secretly amazed at her courage in facing him down. Maybe Xander was right about how strong Buffy was.

"I hadn't told them yet," Buffy admitted in a small voice, looking down.

"Well, I'm sure that they're supportive of your choice," Angel said comfortingly.

Buffy shook her head, "No, they didn't know anything, not about the Council calling me, not about me not being a Slayer anymore. The only reason they know now is because I had to call Giles to come pick me up. It took almost three days for me to recover the strength to get out of the bed without pain."

"You mean you didn't...," Angel sat down heavily on the bed, looking at her in shock.

"No, they thought I had just went away for the weekend," Buffy said quietly. "After the screaming and yelling from Mom and Giles, they realized that the important thing was that Xander and Holly were protected. I know that he's all Mr. Magic Man and stuff but he can still be hurt. This was MY decision, Angel and I made the only one I could think on to keep them safe!" Her eyes were fierce in determination.

"Buffy, if anything, Xander's taught me is that a problem shared is a problem cut in half, that's what friends are for," Angel sighed looking at her. "I can't fault you for your decision but you should have talked to us, Giles, Xander, somebody instead of trying to bear this on your own."

"Angel, you know how Xander is," Buffy said softly, her eyes intent on his face, "What do you think he would have done if he found out?"

Angel gave a short bark of unamused laughter, "Angelus did call him your White Knight. Fuck!"

"Yeah, I can just picture Xander riding on his white horse to my rescue, shining armor and all," Buffy said with a watery chuckle.

Angel smiled sadly, "Yeah, he would do that, no matter the cost. Christ! What a fuckin' mess!"

Buffy lifted her head, "So you'll help me then?"

"Help you? Help you do what?"

"I don't think they know exactly where Xander and Holly are. I think that they are getting help from someone or something to find Holly; sooooo, I said a lot of nasty things about Xander and Holly to convince the Council that I hated them," Buffy said, hanging her head in shame, her stomach churning at what she had told the Council.

Angel looked at her warily, "Like what?" he almost didn't want to know.

Buffy sighed and faced him, "I told them that I hated Xander, that he was nothing but a little fuckin' fag, a slut, a whore; that he must have loved what Angelus did to him since he couldn't wait to run and fuck you; I told them that Holly was an abomination and if Xander ever called my house again that I would tell him exactly that; I told them that I had a long time to think about the situation, I just couldn't accept the sick relationship between you and Xander, that if I ever saw Xander or that creature he called a daughter...I would kill them both," she said in a low controlled voice, swallowing heavily.

Angel's mouth dropped open during her recital, made even more vile and vicious because of the calm and quiet voice in which she spoke.

"My God," was all he was able to whisper in horror and Buffy dropped her eyes in shame, tears trickling down her cheeks.

"I had to make them believe me, that I hated Xander more than anything in the world. They think that you are my weakness and would never buy that I would turn on you. Hey after all, I never rejected you despite all the deaths Angelus caused, so why would I quibble over a little rape? But Xander was the one I figured they would think I would hate because after all he's the one that took you away from me and gave you something I never could: a child."

"And do you," Angel asked harshly, his eyes a solid gold.

"Angel, any lingering fondness I might have felt for you was gone the instant I found out that Angelus raped Xander," Buffy said just as harshly, her eyes cold and gleaming. "And those deaths, even Ms. Calendar's death didn't mean as much to me because I didn't know them."

"But Xander," her eyes were distant, looking into the past, "Xander and Willow took me into their lives and hearts the day we first met. They were better friends to me than I have *ever* been to them. Xander, especially was always there for me, supporting me, believing in me, giving me the strength to go on when sometimes all I wanted to do was just lie down and let the world pass me by."

Her eyes snapped back to Angel's face, "I've failed him twice already," she grated out, "And I will be damned if I fail him again! I don't care if he hates me for the rest of his life I will not allow harm to come to him or his daughter because of me. Not again."

And her face was set with cold determination.

Finally, Angel saw what Willow and Xander saw in Buffy, something that he had lost sight of when he cut ties with her and his anger towards her for her behavior with Xander. What had made her such a powerful Slayer, the same thing that he saw in Xander and Willow: a stubborn will to never give up, to continue fighting to the end, no matter the cost to themselves.

"Do you know who they will call," he asked quietly, changing the subject.

"Yeah, I've already met her," she looked at him soberly, "And so have you. It's Faith Angel," and she looked at him with something like distress in her eyes.

"Faith?! But I thought you put her was in a coma before the Mayor Wilkins' would-be Ascension," Angel was clearly startled.

"No, she came out of it a little over a year ago, I just didn't tell you about it 'cause I was already dealing with a lot of shit myself. After she came out of the coma she found a little present that Wilkins apparently left her. She came over to my house, put a whammy on me and the next thing I know, we've switched bodies. We fought, she escaped, she slept with my boyfriend, I found her and she escaped again. The Council captured me, thinking I was Faith but I managed to escape them and found a way to switch our bodies back, and this time the Council took Faith away. Five days ago was the first I've seen her since they took her away," she said shivering, remembering the look in Faith's eyes....there was something very wrong with the dark hair Slayer.

She sighed and continued, "At least this will give me an appreciation of how Willow and Xander survived living on the Hellmouth," she gave him a undefeated grin, belied by the sadness lurking in her eyes.

"You're staying," Angel looked at her in amazement.

Buffy smile changed subtly, steel encased in velvet, "I was born a Slayer and I'll die a Slayer. I was give the Sunnydale Hellmouth to protect and guard, and despite what the that fuckin' idiot Thumbold says, I have every right in the world to stay. It's my home and my territory. And until I feel Faith is capable of doing the job, I'm staying!"

"I just came here to warn you, so that you'll be there when I tell Xander that I never want to see or hear from him again," Buffy stated quietly.

Angel closed his eyes in mute horror of what that would do to Xander, "It'll kill him," he whispered at last.

"No it won't," Buffy protested strongly, "You're not giving Xander enough credit Angel! Yeah, it'll hurt him like hell but he's Hellmouth born and bred, he'll survive with you, Wills and, God I can't believe I'm saying this, Spike helping him to recover," she continued rapidly, crouching at his feet and looking up at him with pleading eyes.

"He will get through this with *your* help, Angel, but he has to hate me enough to stay away from Sunnydale, to break all ties with us."

"Us?!" Angel blinked, hissing at the answer in Buffy's eyes.

"Us, Angel," she responded sadly, "Giles and my mom can't contact him either."

Angel sprang to his feet, pacing agitatedly, "Buffy NO! There's got to be a another way," he growled. He couldn't be a part of this, he couldn't be a conspirator in hurting Xander like this.

"But there isn't another way. Holly is doubly unique being born from a male and she's half-vampiric. They want to mold her into some sort of super Slayer," Buffy said quietly getting to her feet, "And if they can't change her nature, they plan to kill her."

"The Council sees everything in Black and White, Angel. There are no shades of gray for them. They can't even see that something is wrong with the way they are thinking," she added sadly.

"And you," Angel asked quietly, pausing in his pacing, "What do you see?"

And at that question, a brilliant smiled crossed her face, "I see a rainbow," she answered simply. "Between Willow, Giles and Xander, I've learned to see a rainbow of colors. Nothing is ever Black and White."

Angel looked at her somberly, she had finally grown up, "They thought that I was your weakness," he said quietly, watching her intently, "They never understood that while you may lose sight at time, there's almost nothing you wouldn't do to protect your family and friends."

They shared a grim smile of understanding before Angel said quietly, "He's gonna hate you to the bottom of his soul, you know."

Buffy swallowed hard, "Hey, I can live with that. Besides, it'll be a small price to pay to keep Holly and him safe, doncha think?" she looked at him with determined cheer.

With one final hug, drawing strength from each other, Angel escorted Buffy out of his room. Watching as she walked slowly down the stairs.

"Buffy," he called, trying to find a way to tell thank you and finding himself at a loss for the words to convey his gratitude and his sorrow for her loss.

They stared at each other, as he searched for the words....and Buffy just nodded her head no thanks were necessary between friends and slipped out the door....out of his life.

Angel walked heavily back into his room and sat on the bed for several minutes, blankly staring at nothing. Slowly he picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Willow? It's Angel, Buffy was here," he began, "The Council know about Holly and they want her...badly enough to remove strip Buffy of all her Slayer abilities and install Faith as the new Slayer in Sunnydale. Buffy was here with the warning that they're gonna try to take Holly away."

Willow collapsed in the armchair listening to Angel, her eyes daze in horror of what Angel was saying. "Oh Angel," was all she could managed to get out, reluctantly agreeing to becoming a conspirator with Angel and Buffy. Her mouth was set in a thin bloodless line, and if she was going to do this then so was Spike.

***End Flashback***



Back in Sunnydale, Buffy lay shivering in her bed, under mountains of blankets, tears falling ceaselessly from her eyes. Feeling the bed shift and sink down, she huddled deeper into her cocoon of safety, wanting to die.

Joyce gently pulled the blankets away from Buffy's tight knuckled grip and with a wail of bottomless despair, her arms were full of a sobbing child.

"Oh God, Mom! I said some horrible things to him," Buffy gasped out between fresh sobs, feeling the sheltering arms tighten fiercely around her.

"I know, baby, but it was for the best," Joyce said helplessly, flashing a look at Giles hovering in the doorway.

"Yes, Buffy, what you did, you did to protect Holly and Xander, and above all, the other," Giles came into the room tentatively to gaze down at her with pain filled eyes, feeling as lost as she.

"He'll never forgive me," Buffy moaned softly.

"Should he find out the truth, he will forgive you," Giles said quietly, "You know Xander and how much he cares for you. Do you honestly think that once he know the truth he won't forgive you?" Smiling confidently down at the look of dawning hope in her eyes.

"Now come, Faith will be here with her Watcher and we mustn't give them the impression that you've been crying or are upset," he said bracingly, nodding his approval as Buffy slid off the bed and padded from the room.

He ignored Joyce's frown as he watched Buffy disappear.

"Giles, don't you think you were a little unfeeling," Joyce said carefully, "All that British 'stiff upper lip' maybe fine for you British type people but we're Americans. If she wants to cry all day, I say we should let her!"

Giles rounded on her angrily, his eyes flashing behind his glasses, staring at her in furious silence before he sighed and removed his glasses. She didn't know the whole truth.

"The new Slayer is Faith," he said tiredly, rubbing at the bridge of his nose in distraction.

"Goddammit!" Joyce said forcefully, clapping her hand over her mouth with a guilty start, her eyes still furious over her hand.

Giles looked at her with cold amusement, "Precisely. Buffy knows that she cannot be seen as weak despite what the Council has done to her. Your daughter knows the stakes are far too high in this deadly game, far higher than you realize. She is determined to protect Holly and Xander at all cost."

Joyce shivered at the hard, ruthless look in Giles' eyes. Despite falling in love with him, she realized that there were just some parts of him that she didn't know about. And as Buffy padded back into the room and looked to Giles, she realized that her daughter knew the darker side of Giles far too well. For the first time, getting a glimmer of what her daughter and the others had been up against for most of their lives.



Slowly Xander swam to full consciousness and Buffy's strident vile words immediately running though his mind. He moaned in distress, feeling cool arms tighten protectively around him. He just wanted to forget!

He looked up desperately at Angel, "Make love to me," he begged softly, ducking his head and planting frantic kisses over Angel's chest, feeling cool nipples harden under his lips.

Angel squirmed, "Xander, as much as I love how your mind works," he shivered and moaned under the boy's skillful caresses, his body tightening in arousal. He gripped Xander head and drew the hot, wet lips away from his chest.

"Xander, I don't think this a very good idea," he tried to say evenly, gasping as warm fingers ran eagerly over his rising cock.

"I just need to forget, to know that this," Xander gestured to the room, to the bed, "This is love. That you do love me and this isn't wrong," he pleaded, his eyes lost and uncertain.

Angel froze before he melted under that look, "Xander, I love you," he said with quiet intensity, backing up his words with sweet, gentle kisses on swollen eyelids.

"When we are together, it's done in love and joy. It's not just about sex, sex I can get anywhere but that's all it'll be just sex. Cold, empty and emotionless sex. I had years of that with Angelus, but when we're lying together sated I'm filled with so much joy and love that it just overwhelms me. It's love in every touch of our bodies, I can hear it in every cry that you make when I'm deep inside you. I don't think I have ever loved another as much as I love you. If my soul wasn't permanent, I think that Angelus would be free every time I look at you."

Angel smiled down into Xander's wide eyes, drowning in the chocolate drop eyes and proceeded to show his ionuin, his love just how much he adored him.

Bringing Xander to the edge time and again, until the boy was babbling nonsense, his hips working helplessly in need.

"Angel, please," Xander begged hoarsely, needing to filled, to be complete. He knew that Angel loved him but sometimes it just felt....more sacred when Angel was making love to him. To have Angel so deep inside him that he could feel him in his throat.

Angel pulled back, ignoring the protesting mewl from Xander and pulling a condom over his raging hardon, he carefully spread the long limbs apart and began a deep hard ride inside his boy, determined to erase Buffy's cruel words and spurred on by Xander's screaming encouragement.

"Yes! Oh God, Angel! Harder! Yes...oh...oh...more...more...yes! Give it to me harder..harder...deeper...yes! Go deeper, oh God Angel," Xander shakily chanted out under Angel's demanding thrusts, his body rocking under the serious pounding he was receiving. Almost every stroke brushing over his prostate, he could feel each long icy thrust of the huge cock deep in his ass as Angel would deliberately change the angle of his thrusts.

Abruptly Angel let go of his legs and pulled out, flipping him over and plunging back in the clenching rosette with a scream of pleasure from Xander, feeling the boy's hips writhe demandingly. And quickly Angel complied, ramming his hard cock deep in Xander's tight ass and reaching around, stroking the hard velvety cock in time with this thrusts. Feeling his balls began drawing up and the increasingly bucking from the ass in his hands, he knew they were both close to coming.

"Faster! Give it to me harder....yes....yes....oh God YES! Uh...oh....oh...Deeper Angel!....Yes, like that....give it to me....oh....oh...yes....uhg....YESSSSSS!"

And with a long howling scream of ecstasy, Xander came, flooding Angel's hand. Hearing Angel's cry of release and feeling him flood his insides with his cum he felt complete...and above all, loved.

With a slow release of his breath, Xander collapsed on the bed under Angel's cool weight, breathing raggedly, feeling his muscles still twitching in the aftermath of his climax.

Angel rolled them slightly, so that they rested on their sides and slowly pulled out, both of them hissing at the friction on their now sensitive flesh.

"Okay now," Angel cuddled Xander close and was not surprised when the boy twisted in his embrace and to lay against his chest. Going with the easy motion, he shifted so he was on his back, with Xander sprawled over him and stroked the long back with gentle fingers, feeling the shiver of response from the tired, sticky and sated boy.

"I'm getting there," Xander muttered, looking up at Angel, "I thought we were doing so good. Why would she say such horrible things about me..to me," he asked, bewildered pain in his dark eyes.

Angel closed his eyes against the anguish in the dark liquid eyes. "Xander, I'm sure she must had had her reason. Maybe it was too much for her to accept, us being together and with a child. Hell, I don't know what to tell you, mo gra," Angel said helplessly, stroking the soft dark head.

"I guess you were right all along," Xander said quietly, resting his head back on Angel's chest, staring at nothing, "You warned me not to get my hopes up with her," he whispered rubbing at the ache in his chest.

"Xander, you weren't the blame for any of this. You are one of most loyal men I've known. You give your love unstintingly and are always there for the people you care about," Angel spoke passionately, tilting Xander's head up and looking into the boy's sad miserable eyes.

"That's one of the things that I love and admire about you," he said softly. You're loyal, compassionate and you make a wonderful friend to have. Your courage and honesty shines through you, and anyone that can't see that gotta have rocks in their heads."

Xander blushed at the high praise from Angel," Ya think so, huh," he smiled shyly.

Angel pulled him close and kissed him, "I know so! Now let's get up and see what mischief your daughter has gotten into," and he slapped his hand on Xander's ass eliciting a surprised 'Ow!' from the other as he hurriedly rolled the squirming boy off of him and got out of the bed.

"Hey, no fair! Why is it that whenever's she bad, all of a sudden she's only *my* daughter," Xander complained loudly, climbing out of the bed and padding naked after his smirking mate to the shower. "And she's being good, which is not that often, she's your precious little daughter?"

Angel smiled under the stinging caress of the shower, he had hoped that he could count on Xander's natural tendency to bounce back, he knew that they still had a long road ahead of them but with the proper help, they would make it. He just hoped that Buffy would make it also.



Slowly Xander began to heal under the loving attention of Angel, Willow and Spike. He stayed especially close to Willow knowing that she was hurting too over the abrupt cessation of their friendship with Buffy, choosing to stay with him. He had tried to be fair, telling her that it was okay with him if she still wanted to hang with Buffy, he could help but feel relieved when she gently told him that she was staying.

Shuttling back between the hotel and the apartment, Angel looked on with pride and love as Xander began to recover over the next couple of weeks his natural joy of life. He could still see the haunted darkness lingering in the brown depths of the boy's eyes, the pain lurking deeply within, especially when he thought no one noticed. But gradually the darkness and pain began to recede, giving him hope that the crisis was over.



Slowly, he thrust deep into hot blistering heat, looking down into dark glittering eyes, as Xander worked his hips, spurring him to greater efforts. Erotic blandishments in those liquid dark eyes, promises, whispers of untold delight in the supple body writhing under him. Unconsciously he began to ram his cock harder, deeper into the boy's tight clenching asshole, seeing the chocolate eyes becoming blind at the feel of him jamming his hard aching shaft deep, deeper still into the tightest hole he had ever been buried in.

Listening to the open mouth gasping cries from his boy, the low keening sounds of delight, of pleasure, he eyed the golden column of Xander throat as the boy arched his head violently back into the pillow. He could see the pulse beating wildly under the golden skin, calling him....whispering to him just below Xander's screams of pleasure.

Harder and harder he fucked Xander, ramming his cock brutally into the spasming hole eyeing the pulsating vein beating in the bared throat, it's siren call luring him closer...closer....

As as he felt Xander coming, screaming under his increasingly harsh ramming cock, he struck! Tearing at the pulsating vein as they both came. Gulping down mouthfuls of delicious hot blood, spiced with pleasure, burning with desire as Xander held his head tightly against his neck.

And he came back to himself, idly sucking at the gaping wound, tearing at it each time Xander attempted to close it, finally feeling Xander frantic hands in his hair trying to force his mouth away.

Alarm coursing through him, he hurriedly moved away, watching with horrified eyes as the ragged wound glowed and slowly began to close.

Panting, Xander sat up against the pillow wincing in pain as he moved, and regarded his horror stricken mate.

"Mind telling me what was that all about," he managed to say mildly all the while his mind was racing for answers.

"Not that it wasn't good, mind you," he said hastily as Angel opened his mouth, a distressed look on his face, "You just kinda had me worried when you didn't want to let up on my neck, ya know." He watched Angel carefully, not know whether to Shift his ass the fuck outta here or what. Love or not, he had no intention of being anybody's punching, or rather munching bag.

Angel ran a hand over his face, moaning softly as he felt blood smeared around his mouth.

"Xander, I don't know what came over me," he said at last. "All I remember is how good it felt being inside you, then it was like something came over me and your blood was calling me." He shuddered convulsively in reaction of how close he came to really hurting Xander.

Xander eyed him before sighing as he crawled over to Angel, hissing slightly in pain and cradled Angel in his arms, for once being the comforter.

"Hey, it's okay," he murmured soothingly to the dark head. "A little blood between mates is always a good thing. Beside it wasn't so bad, as a matter of fact it felt kinda...sexy," he wiggled his brows lasciviously and leered at Angel drawing a choked laugh from him.

"Only you, mo gra, would find humor in this," Angel gestured to the bloody pillow, Xander's bloody shoulder and chest.

"Bite your tongue," Xander said sharply, an impish gleam in his eyes, "I would never laugh about sex. Especially not sex with you," he purred, a seductive glint in his eyes, reaching for Angel, but wincing at the stab of protest from his sore ass.

"And maybe not," he said ruefully, squawking in surprise as Angel flipped him over onto his stomach. Whimpering as he felt blissful cool wetness glide across his sore pucker, sighing and mewling with pleasure as the cool caressing tongue began to burrow deeper into his greedy ass.

Angel tongued deeper into Xander's hungry little ass, intent on making up for hurting his lover and a slow smile crossed his face, from the way Xander was pushing back his hot little ass, he was doing a damn fine job! He settled himself between the eagerly spread legs for a prolong bout at one of his favorite activities: Driving Xander Insane.



A few angsty days later, distantly he could hear Fred arguing with someone on her cell phone. He brooded slightly over changes he had been noticing in Wes and in himself. Casting a surreptitious look at the silent man, he couldn't help feel that something majorly bad was bothering Wes, something that the other was hiding.

He turned his attention back to the chortling Connor, smiling at his little boy, knowing that Connor could help draw Wesley out of whatever slump the man was in.

"Ah, huh? You like that broadsword? That's your old man's favorite," he confided to the baby casting a sidelong look at the silent Wes.

"Hey, Wes! He's gonna be crawling in no time. We got to start baby proofing this place just...," catching himself in time before he said '...like we did with Holly.

"Here take him," he gave Connor to Wes, and spoke to the baby, "It's alright. It's your uncle Wes. Yeah, he loves you bunches!" He snickered, "He's just - English."

He ignored the mock offended look Wesley gave him, hiding a smile as he turned back to the weapons cabinet, frowning on how to babyproof the cabinet from Holly's curious little fingers. The girl had an amazing ability to climb up walls and such, and was much stronger than a normal five year old. He shuddered, just imagining her opening the cabinet and an axe falling on her head.

~"Just chain them up, why don't you," Xander said sleepily.~

Forgetting for the moment, Angel exclaimed, "Chain 'em up?!" Startled at all the faces turned to him.

"What?!" Fred looked at him as if he was crazy.

Stammering and thinking fast, he said, "I say we put a chain and a combination lock on the weapons. Better safe than sorry," he looked down at the chortling Connor in Wes' arms. "Isn't that right, buddy? He likes you. I can tell," he looked at Wes' glad to see a small smile on the man's face.

~"Oooh, good save," Xander said smirking.~

Silently, Angel threw a frown at him, Xander in turn threw an image of him naked, horny and dripping wet on the bed. Gritting his teeth he shut down their link, hearing an echo of Xander's laughter.

Tuning back in to hear Wes say, "I like him, too. As a matter of fact I was thinking, perhaps I'd take him to the park or the beach, just the two of us. Maybe there'll be some time in the next day or two."

Angel smiled at the hopeful look in Wes' eyes as he took Connor back, "Sounds great. Yeah. Count on it." Once again, Connor has saved the day. Gonna be a hero like your old man and stepdad, he thought proudly.



Despite his outward appearance, he was shaken by his behavior when they came up against the Wraith-ers. He could see the confusion in Gunn's eyes and smell the uneasiness from Fred. And he tried to turn the situation into something normal, something that would lighten their mood, because their fear and confusion was causing something to stir and shift in him.

"That was fun," he said turning to them trying to make his gameface disappear and knowing he was unsuccessful at Fred's slight gasp, guiltily he tossed aside the band leader's arm.

They headed back to the Hyperion in uneasy silence with him struggling to control his increasing rage.

Striding into the hotel he was met with Lorne.

"So, how'd it go," Lorne asked with a smile, that was slowly fading as he looked from one grim face to the other.

"The Wraith-ers are no more," Gunn announced walking past him.

Angel muttered, "Tore 'em apart."

"Literally," Fred stammered out, her eyes wide.

Angel walked around the counter, opened the little fridge and poured himself a glass of blood, eyeing them all silently over his glass, switching his attention to

Lorne when the demon began to talk.

Lorne looked down at Connor, "He has been so good the whole time his daddy's been gone. Do you miss your daddy? He's right here. Hey, Angel, I think Connor needs some papa-love."

"He needs a lot of things. All day, every day," Angel nearly snarled out, inwardly wondering where the hell did that come from.

"Well, yeah. That's kind of how kids...," Lorne looked at him in confusion.

He felt like someone was in control of him as hateful word spewed out of his mouth, "Connor needs a bath, Connor needs a bottle, what Connor needs is to grow up!"

"Uhm, is something wrong," Lorne asked in the growing silence.

Angel spoke through clenched teeth, "Gosh, no, Lorne, everything's just great! I got a kid that cries, pees and moans, and never gives me a moment to myself."

And Connor's crying was seriously aggravating his nerves, setting them to vibrating with rage.

He could feel something frantically beating on a locked door, screaming to be let in.

"Oh, it's alright," Lorne told Connor in a hushed whisper.

Angel snarled, "It's really not. Connor, shut up!"

"Don't yell at him. He's just a baby," Fred yelled back at him, trembling with fear and anger.

"He keeps it up he's not gonna be a baby for long!" Angel growled low in his throat, staring at Connor. With that Angel threw the glass at the wall, shattering it and spattering blood everywhere.

And with a tremendous rush, the door was ripped open and Xander was swarming through him, trying to still the rage in him.

"You better get a grip right now," Gunn shouted angrily, holding up his crossbow and putting himself between Angel and the others.

Angel stared at the blood dripping down the wall, looked at the guys then back at the blood. He turned to look at Lorne.

"What's wrong with me," he asked quietly, feeling the rage calming under Xander's stroking mental touch.

"Something's not right," Angel shook his head wearily, feeling calmer under the waves of peace Xander was sending.

Gunn said dryly, "No shit."

Angel noted that the man didn't move from his protective stance.

"Ah, I couldn't help but notice - when did you start drinking so much blood," Lorne asked quietly.

"I don't know. A few days ago," Angel shrugged, feeling himself beginning to tense up as Xander began to take an active interest in the conversation.

Fred looked at him, "Where did you get it?"

"Same butcher as always. It's - it's pig's blood. This last batch just seemed so much more...," Angel said, almost helpless to describe the feeling how this blood made him feel.

Gunn's eyes were narrowed, "What?"

Angel swallowed hard and said quietly, "Tasty."

Gunn, put his crossbow down on the counter, looking thoughtful, "You were all hyped this morning. Then you went all Tyson on those demons. Then you kinda crashed. Then you had another drink, then you started throwing things."

"Mm-hmm, just like my aunt Viola and her Southern Comfort," Fred said quietly.

~"Yeah, that's exactly how it was," Xander said softly.~

"Hey," Angel said, pointing to himself, "Vampire. Need to drink something red. Doesn't make me a blood-aholic."

Lorne said quietly, "Not unless someone's spiking your drink."

And they all look at the blood spattered wall. Fred handed Connor to Gunn.

"Let's find out," she said, her face grim with determination.

He watched Fred work at the microscope almost not hearing Gunn step close to him, he knew what she would find. And he could feel Xander waiting with him, giving him strength.

"You wanna hold him? He's sleeping," Gunn asked softly.

Angel regarded his sleeping son, "Maybe that's not such a good idea right now."

He stiffen when Fred straightened up from the microscope, know what she was going to say.

"So, there is more to pig's blood than meets the eye.There's just a trace of...."

Angel looked at the blood splatter wall and said quietly, "Human blood in it. I can feel it. It's his. - It's Connor's."

~"Holy shit!" Xander exclaimed in shock.~

"How do you know that," Gunn asked startled.

Angel looked away, "The past couple of days he's...smelled like food." He wrapped his arms around himself, feeling Xander holding him safe sending waves of love to through him, calming the sickness in his heart.

Lorne said thoughtfully, "So, they've been feeding you your own son's blood so you'd get the taste of it and want more."

"Who's 'they'," Fred asked puzzled.

Angel looked at her grimly, "Who do you think?"

And now he figured out just who had been playing with him, maybe it was time for him to pay a little visit.

And he came away from his little tete-a-tete with Lilah unsatisfied. The only thing that kept her alive was Xander holding him back, calming him. Whispering that they could find more by staying calm. Xander's idea worked, well not as good as they wanted it to work, but at least they had a name to start, Sahjhan, some fucking ethereal time-traveling demon.

He returned to the hotel, seeing Wes holding Connor against his shoulder. He frowned slightly at the look of nervousness in Wes' eyes.

"Angel," Wes said with a slight hitch in his breath.

"Where is everybody?" Angel looked around the lobby.

Wes said rapidly, "Fred and Gunn went for food. Lorne - had to go out. I'm watching the baby. In fact, I packed up some overnight things. We talked about me taking Connor to the park and the one across from my place is... It's always full of kids. I thought he could spend the night with me." He had an almost desperate smile on his face.

Angel regarded Wes silently, before sighing, "That's - probably a really good idea."

"You wanna say good-bye?" Wes gave Connor to Angel carefully.

"Okay. Hey. He-he. Sleep tight, big guy," he smiled at Connor and gave him a kiss, "Daddy will see you real soon. Just keep an eye on him, I check on him a lot during the night. You got his pediatrician's number, his baby formula?" He questioned briskly, trying to will away his nervousness, he didn't know how Xander handled letting Holly out of his sight.

Smiling at the rueful answer, ~"It's never easy the first time, lover."~

"I've got all that," Wes said.

Angel could almost hear the impatience in the man's voice and realized that he was being a trifle overprotective. He quickly changed the subject.

"You ever hear of a time-traveling demon by the name of Sahjhan?"

Wes looked puzzled, "No."

"The guy that brought Holtz here. He thinks I'm his sworn enemy. I don't know him from Adam. Can you hit the books before you go," Angel said at the dawning of understanding in Wes' eyes, turning slightly as the doors opened and Fred and Gunn came strolling in.

"Hey. Where is Lorne? He better show his green face pronto, or Fred'll eat his hoagie," Gunn said loudly, baiting both Fred and the absent Lorne.

Fred looked indignant, "I will not! I already had two. - Unless he's really not here?" she looked hopeful.

Angel looked on in amusement, well aware of Fred's voracious appetite, "He had to go out."

Gunn looked up from dividing up the food, "Where?"

Angel turned to Wes inquiringly, "Where did you say he went?"

Wes shrugged, "I don't know. He didn't say - exactly. I think he had to see a client. You know, I've got better reference materials for your demon at home, and Connor is getting sleepy. Why don't I look into it there?"

Angel looked from Wes to Connor, to Wes outstretched hands, back to Connor and slowly let Wes take his son. Feeling a tearing loss as if this was the last time he would ever see his son, gratefully leaning into the comfort that Xander was sending him.

"Ah, okay. Just call me if you find something," he said quickly, his hand lingered on Connor's soft silky head as Wes slowly stepped away.

"I guess, ah - I'll see everyone tomorrow," Wes spoke a little uneasiness, that Angel put down to nerves at having Connor all to himself.

Angel stood up quickly, he had almost forgotten, "Hey, Wes?"

Wes looked over his shoulder at him, a question on his face.

"What's the closest emergency room to your place," Angel asked rapidly, to test him ignoring the snickering from Xander.

Wes looked at him as if he was crazy, "Drew Medical. One minute away. Top infant care center. Don't worry." And he left the hotel.



After the fight with Holtz's men and finding out that Wes had stolen his son, only one thought remained in his mind: Finding Connor...and killing Wesley. Okay, that was actually two thoughts.

He seized one of the Hum-Vee and made his way to the location that the man said, seeing all the other Hum-vees surrounding a Wes' vehicle.

He jumped out of his car and ran as he saw Holtz getting Connor out of the back. Distantly aware of something trying to stop him and irritably shrugged whatever it was off. Freezing at Holtz's next words....

"Come any closer and I'll snap his neck!"

He saw commandos jumping out of their vehicles, guns cocking all around him, and fear began to rise, mushrooming inside him. He could feel the panic almost beginning to spiral out of control until Xander forced him to focus on the matter at hand. Panic wasn't going to do them any good. Barely aware of Holtz and Lilah's conversation as he and Xander plotted the best way to get Connor back.

Tuning in as Lilah demanded his child, instinctively he cried, "Don't!"

Lilah looked at him mockingly, "That's cute. You'd rather see the fanatic with the baby than us?"

She turned back to Holtz, "Those are automatic weapons pointed at you. They didn't have them in your time. They fire sixteen bullets per second."

"And if they were going to use them they would have already. They want the baby alive," Angel growled, his eyes turning a molten gold.

"Something we all have in common," Holtz looked at them all mockingly. Afterall he had the upper hand.

The air shivered and Sahjhan appeared.

"Not all of us," he said dryly. Turning to Lilah, "You do not want the child alive. You want the child dead. That was our arrangement."

Lilah looked him with equal parts contempt and boredom, "Yeah. I'm a lawyer. Have you met me? We have a new arrangement. I'm keeping the baby."

"You can't do that," Sahjhan yelled in rage.

Lilah turned to the commandos, "Ignore the loud mouth with the bad skin. He's impotent in this dimension."

"We're leaving," Holtz announced calmly backing away.

Lilah's eyes narrowed, "No one's going anywhere."

One of the commandos stepped closer, and Angel knocked him down, ripping the weapon away from him and turning it on Lilah.

"Don't shoot," Lilah cried in alarm.

Angel looked at her dryly, "Yeah. You really don't want to. Your bullets won't kill me. But mine will kill you - and her first."

Angel looked over at Holtz and Connor, considering his option.

Holtz looked at him coldly, "He'll be dead before I hit the ground."

"I know," Angel said softly.

Holtz looked around, "So. I'm going to leave now, right? With me, he gets to live, anyone tries to take him, he dies."

Angel blinked under a string of words from Xander before saying, "Take him." Ignoring the howl of protest from Xander.

"Woah! No! What is wrong of you people," Sahjhan shouted furiously.

Holtz continued speaking to Angel, "I will take good care of him, as though he were my own son. He'll never even know you existed. Don't come after me. - You will though, won't you? Maybe I should just..."

"No. Please," Angel begged, his eyes wide in alarm, "Take him," conceding defeat.

Sahjhan enraged, raised his hands, "Lekko najine forkahdio!"

~"Oh fuck no," Xander yelled, bracing himself.~

There was a big explosion with bright sparks and a hole opened in the air. Past the burning edges Angel saw a turbulent, blood red sky.

Sahjhan looked around calmly, "What you are looking into is the Quortoth, the darkest of the dark worlds. So - I can widen the portal and you can all be swallowed up by a world you can not begin to imagine - or you can keep your word and kill that child. Now!"

~"XANDER!" Angel shouted.~

~"Shut UP! Can't you see I'm already doing something,"~ Xander snapped impatiently as he Shifted into the area keeping carefully in the shadows and out of sight.

When no one moved Sahjhan spread his arms wider, "Don't say I didn't warn you."

The opening in the air grew bigger.

Lilah turned to her men, "Kill it." issuing her order flatly.

Angel shouted, "No!"

Sahjhan frowned as the opening began to grow smaller, "What the....," he looked searchingly around for the source.

The commandos and Angel stood there with the weapons aimed at each other.

Out of the corner of his eye, Angel saw Holtz grab Justine and push her away from him then run for the hole in the air. Turning, Angel dropped the gun and ran after him.

His screams mingling with Justine, "Daniel! Daniel!"

"No! NO!"

And with horror, he saw Holtz jump into the roiling red air of the portal and disappear from view. Desperately he tried to jump after him, but was thrown back by a lighting bolt lashing out from the portal and slamming into his chest. He flew backward, landing with a hard thud and rolled to look back at the portal.

Sahjhan looked around, "Wow. I so did not count on that. Kinda takes care of my problem."

Sahjhan raised his hands to closed the portal, "Forkahdio....," but the hole in the air quickly shrunk to a pinpoint and disappeared.

"All right then," he said shaken. He looked down at Angel, who was still staring at where the portal used to be, "Look, I could have taken them both your children. Don't forget to have a good summer," he said mockingly.

With that he disappeared into thin air.

Lilah looked down at Angel, who hadn't moved, "Hmph! Well, I'm looking at a mountain of paperwork."

She turned to go, thinking on Sahjhan words, 'both your children'. Perhaps tonight wasn't a waste after all, she thought brightening up.

Angel was barely aware of what was going on around him, it was taking all his strength to recover from that black bolt. Vaguely aware of conversation around him, as Xander poured strength into him desperately.

"Should we do something about..." he heard someone say.

And heard Lilah's cold cutting reply, "Yes, we should. - We should let him suffer."

He heard them all drive off and Xander crept out of the shadows to help him up as he rolled over onto all fours and looked around him, clinging desperately to Xander's shoulder.

He saw Justine drive off in Wes' car and nearly took them both to the hard ground, once again facing towards where the portal used to be...where he had last seen his son.

Well congratulations you fucking bitch, I'll make sure I put in a good word to your bosses, he thought viciously before being consumed by his loss of his son.

"Connor."





Chapter 8

Shivering and nearly at the end of his strength Xander got into the car with Angel, his stomach roiling at the seesawing emotions rioting through their link: stomach turning rage then bottomless despair.

His hands clenched spastically on his thighs as Angel drove, his nausea growing steadily worse at the turbulence raging through Angel became stronger, swamping his shield.

"Stop the car!" he gasped, putting a hand to his mouth.

Angel drove on, staring fixedly ahead, on autopilot.

"Stop the fuckin’ car," Xander screamed, and when Angel flashed him a startled look, Xander frantically started undoing his seatbelt, getting it off in time to hang his head out the window and began to throw up.

Angel hurriedly pulled the car over, slightly shocked out of his rage, by the sounds of Xander being sick.

"Xander?! Xander?! Are you okay," he asked urgently, glancing quickly around the street. Empty….good.

"No," he heard Xander’s muffled response.

Xander drew his head back into the car, slumping into the passenger seat, he dragged his shirt up and wiped his mouth with a grimace of distaste. He couldn't stop shaking and shuddering under Angel’s emotions and in desperation he threw up a shield between them, immediately starting to feel his shaky feeling easing, his thinking becoming clearer and easier.

"What happened out there," he said huskily, turning his head wearily to look at Angel, seeing his mate's face turn into stone, cold mask.

"Wesley took Connor and gave him to Holtz," was the icy response.

"Oh, shit no," Xander breathed, his eyes widening in horror as he remembered Holtz jumping through the portal with…..

His eyes shot to Angel, who was staring fixedly out of the windshield, "The portal," he whispered.

Angel silently nodded his head.

Xander swallowed hard, "Wh..wha…what are we gonna do," he said almost inaudibly.

Angel turned and gave him a blank look as if the answer was obvious, "Get my son back, of course," and he started the car back up.

Xander looked at him, a troubled look in his eyes, beginning to feel a nameless dread creeping up his spine.

"Can Cruz open a portal," Angel asked, thinking out loud as they arrived at the apartment. He didn't bother to ask Xander if he could, it wasn't exactly the type of work Xander did.

Xander shivered, "Not to Quor-Toth," he said quietly, staring at the floor. He struggled to control his fear, his panic.

"Do you know anything about Quor-Toth," Angel asked with little inflection in his voice.

Xander shook his head, continuing to stare down at the floor as small shudders keep rippling through him.

"Could you find out anything you can about the Quor-Toth," Angel said quietly, his eyes intent on the empty space before him. And at the continuing silence from Xander, he finally glanced at him and Angel’s face softened slightly as he looked at the downbent head, seeing the shudders that were rippling through his mate.

He knew Xander had to be at the end of his rope to be showing so much tension and stress, "Go inside and get some rest. I’ll come by before sunrise."

He wasn't surprised as Xander exited the car quietly, his mind immediately switching to how to get Connor back and he didn’t see the look Xander cast him, fear in his eyes as he drove off.

Arriving at the hotel, he slowly mounted the stair to his bedroom. Pushing open the door, he stepped inside and surveyed the darkened bedroom at the silent empty crib before smashing everything in sight, harsh grunts of pain...of raged escaping his tightly compressed mouth.

CRACK! Went the coffee table as he threw it against the wall, shattering to pieces--- calling to his mind the crack, the shattering of his friendship with Wesley, the betrayer.

SMASH! As he hurled Connor's favorite book at his dresser mirror, not even noticing the silver glitter of glass cutting into his face and hands, his eyes wild feeling as if his dead heart was shattering into a million pieces.

Clawing...ripping at his bed, tufts of cotton flew through the air under his raging fingers as emotions surged within him, ripping at his insides until he wanted to just howl his fury to the heavens.

Spiraling, circling out of control...friend, betrayer....bastard you took my son! MY SON! And he fell to his knees, doubled over with the sheer immensity of the pain he felt. He stayed on the floor for several minutes, simply rocking back and forth before he slowly stood up, feeling oddly calm.

He simply refused to believe that he would not get his son back, it was absolutely unacceptable, so therefore the thought was instantly discarded from his mind.

Walking down the stairs, he could hear Lorne, Gunn and Fred arguing about why did Wesley take Connor. Why were they arguing? Why Wesley took Connor wasn’t crucial, getting him back was the most important thing.

As he entered, he simply said, "I don't care why."

He had his sketchpad in his hand in which he had sketch Sahjhan's face from memory.

"All I care about now is getting my son back. Then I'll deal with those responsible. They'll all pay…including Wesley." For half a second, hot, sick rage broke through his enforce calm, and he knew it must be showing on his face from the look Fred and Gunn gave each other as they backed away.

He ignored them, turning to Lorne, "The Quor-Toth dimension. Ever hear of it?"

Lorne simply shook his head, his eyes puzzled.

Angel hesitated as something teased at his memory. He shook his head slightly, before continuing, "That's where the portal led. That's where my son is now. Quor-toth. I need you to find out everything you can about it."

Lorne nodded, "I'm on it," he said and left the hotel.

Angel started moving to the office hearing Gunn ask, "We're goin' there?"

"I am," he said quietly without turning around.

"You're NOT going alone," Fred said fiercely behind him.

He hesitated slightly and turned to regard them, as Gunn also voiced his assent. Their care and concern almost broke through his calm. Almost.

"Good," as he moved swiftly around to the desk, knowing that Gunn had something else to say.

He heard the hesitancy in Gunn’s voice, "It's just... "

Angel stopped and looked at him, "What?"

"Well... Don't we need to open one of those portals first?" Gunn said quietly.

Angel raised a brow, "Yes."

And looking at Gunn, Angel was sure that he wasn’t going to like what else came out of the big man’s mouth.

"Right. But the last time we had to do that... I mean... well it wasn't any of us that knew how. The guy who figured it out...," Gunn finally broke off his delicate tiptoeing around Wesley’s name and burst out, "Look man, how are we gonna do this without... "

Angel cut him off, "We don't need him."

Fred looked at him in astonishment, "We don't?"

"No. We're going to find the sonofabitch who opened the portal in the first place," Angel announced with cold deliberation as he opened his sketchpad to the drawing of Sahjhan.

Fred picked it up and studied it before showing it to Gunn.

Angel was still in his cold zone, "His name's Sahjhan and he's some kind of fuckin' interdimensional demon. And he's been behind all this since the beginning...."

Gunn and Fred exchanged looks, knowing it was research time.


Xander walked slowly into the apartment.

Willow looked up from her curled position against Spike's side, "Hey Xan, what happened? You flew outta here like a bat out of...," she broke off at Holly's interested look, "You left really fast," she finished lamely.

Instead of answering her, Xander looked Holly, "Lil' bit, why don't you give your daddy a hug and then I think it's time for you to be in bed."

Willow sat up slowly, something was wrong. She exchanged looks with Spike feeling him tense against her. So it wasn't just her imagination, he felt it too.

Holly glanced from one face to another and heaved a weary sigh, "I know, I know, grownup talk."

Willow hid a smile at Holly's tone, but her eyes were still worried.

Holly trudged over to Xander and gave him a brief hug, before slowly walking to her room with a couple of backward looks at them.

They heard the bedroom door open and close.

Spike held up a hand just as Willow opened her mouth, "Holly, ya Da said go to bed."

There was a gasp in the hall before the quick patter of footsteps, then the bedroom door opened and closed noisily.

Spike tilted his head, then nodded sharply.

"Wot t'hell happen," Spike said quietly, his eyes intent on Xander's face.

Xander sighed and dropped onto the loveseat. Holding his head in his hands, he said, "Wesley kidnapped Connor, gave him to Holtz for some reason, some crazy looking demon open a portal and Holtz jumped through with Connor."

Willow gasped, "My God, Xander, is Angel alright? Is he waiting for us downstairs or the hotel? We can take Holly to your mother and....," her mouth was gently covered by Spike.

"Luv, the Whelp wouldn't be 'ere if there wasn't somethin' else that got mucked up," Spike said gently to her, before looking at Xander drooping head.

"How's Angel doing," Willow swallowed at the look in Xander's eyes.

"I don't know," was the quiet reply.

"Xander what happened," Willow got off the couch and knelt in front of him.

"I couldn't handle all the emotions that Angel was feeling through the link. It took a lot out of me to close the portal, and his emotions was literally making me sick," Xander whispered.

"Okay, Xand why don't you rest here and send us to the where ever...," Willow's words trailed off at the slow shake of Xander's head.

Xander swallowed and looked up, "That crazy demon opened a portal to Quor-Toth."

And if Willow hadn't been kneeling down she would have fallen to the floor, as it was she put out a quick hand as she felt the floor moving.

Her wide disbelieving eyes were locked on Xander's face in stunned horror.

"Xander," Spike said as he sat down slowly, "Tell me that you didn't say what I thought you jus' said." His eyes were dazed as he muttered, "No one or nothing's that crazy."

"Apparently he is," Xander said and began to shake, "And apparently, so is Angel. He's trying to figure out a way to go after Connor."

At those words, Willow moaned low in her throat, doubling over as if in pain.

"Xander, he can't," Willow whispered her eyes distant on some horrible vision. "He can't open a portal to Quor-Toth by himself," she said slowly, looking at him eagerly, "And no one's crazy enough to open it for him, you told him that, right."

And there was something in Xander's tense averted face that gave her his answer.

"You didn't tell him, did you," Willow said quietly, sitting back on her heels.

"No," was the choked response.

"Oh Xander," she said softly and pulled him into her arms, where he began crying.

"God, Willow what am I gonna do when he asks me again about Quor-Toth? I won't lie to him and I can't open a portal for him," he said brokenly.

"Tell him the truth," Spike said quietly from his seat on the couch. "Just tell him the truth, he'll understand."

"With Connor's life at stake, you think he wants to hear anything I say? Yeah, right," Xander pulled back from Willow to glare at Spike.

Spike rolled his eyes, "Look, you explain to the poofer why you can't do it... he'll understand why the two of you can't go. We'll just hafta look for another way inta Quor-Toth, right? With a bunch of bloody genius' like us, we're bound to come up wif n'answer, eh?"

And Spike was rewarded with a bright smile from Willow and a wobbly one from Xander.

"Right! Then let's get on wif it," Spike jumped to his feet.



Books and files were strewn about, Angel slammed another book closed. His calm thinning as he ruefully reflected back to his Sunnydale days and the research sessions then. At least they more often than not were much more successful.

"I gotta go make a call," he said getting up and going to the desk at the counter. Quickly dialing Cruz's number, he waited impatiently for Xander's mentor to pick up, absently tuning in to the conversation in the office.

"I'm not finding anything on the name ‘Sahjhan’. Are you sure that's what you heard," Fred called out to him in frustration.

"I'm sure. Maybe you're not spelling it right," Angel yelled back.

"Angel, I've tried every permutation. In English, anyway. Could be it's a nick-name.
Which would probably be cross- referenced in "Phisto's Dictionary Of Demons and Dimensional Spirits," Fred continued to talk distractedly.

"Okay," he said impatiently as he heard the phone pick up and Cruz say 'Hello'. He turned his attention to the phone.

"Cruz? It's Angel," he began a little impatiently..

"Xander's Angel," Cruz said and smirked at the huff he heard at the other end, he loved twitting the vampire.

Angel gritted his teeth, "Yes, Xander's Angel. Look, I need some help and I asked Xander but I just wanted to make sure about what he told me."

"Sure, what's the problem," Cruz said easily, his brows pulling in a slight frown.

"My son's been kidnapped and taken to another dimension. I asked Xander if you if you could open a portal, and he said no," Angel explained rapidly.

"Xander told you that?!" Cruz said in some astonishment, why would Xander lie about something so serious?

Angel could feel his numbness fading rapidly, "Does that mean that you can open a portal to Quor-Toth," he asked eagerly, a sickening fury filling him at the thought of Xander lying to him.

Another betrayer, he was surrounded by them.

Angel blinked at the absolute silence from the other end, "Cruz? Cruz? You still there?"

At the word Quor-Toth, Cruz had froze, "Quor-Toth? Angel, I'm afraid that Xander was correct. I can't help you," Cruz hung up the phone and sat down heavily.

Angel looked at the phone in disbelief, Cruz had hung up on him! He angrily redialed the number back, and at the tentative 'Hello' he growled, "What the hell is going on?! First you act like you can help, then you say you can't. My son has been kidnapped! And you and Xander apparently know something about Quor-Toth."

Cruz hesitated, "Angel, I’m sorry but I can’t help you," and he hung up the phone again and walked away as the phone started ringing again.

Angel growled, his eyes a deadly maelstorm of emotion. He wanted answers and a cold twisted smile flash across his face, he knew just where he was going to get the answers.

He started for the office.

He could hear Fred and Gunn in the office still looking for answers.

Fred looked to Gunn, "What about the files?"

"They're in English... Cordelia's filing system isn't," he said dryly.

"I know she was keeping some kind of list of time/space shifting entities," Fred narrowed her eyes in thought.

Gunn looked suddenly hopeful, "Okay. So's that under "time" "space" "shifting" or "entities?"

Sharing a relieved smile, Fred said eagerly, "Let's check all of it."

She started digging into files along with Gunn, stopping with a sudden thought, "It's Monday. What time is it in Mexico?"

Angel frowned as Fred reached for the phone and he grabbed the receiver from her.

"What are you doing," he asked her with a frown.

Fred looked at him, startled, "Uhm, calling Cordelia?"

Angel’s frown became heavier, "Why? We're not going to ruin Cordelia's holiday."

Even to himself that sounded slightly insane and slowly he put the receiver back into the cradle.

"Angel... Don't you think she'd want us to call? Shouldn't we tell her what happened? Maybe she could help...," Fred asked tentatively.

Angel shook his head, "No," and he could hear the madness, panic and grief that's been lurking just under the surface was trying to creep into his voice.

He just stared at Fred.

She stared back, her face soften in empathic pain, "Angel..." and reached out a hand to him.

Distantly he said, "She'll be back soon... and when she does she'll... she'll have presents. For Connor." He choked out, "And he's gonna be here so she can give them to him. Okay?" He heard the raw desperation in his voice.

He looked wide-eyed at the mess around him, "I'm sorry... This isn't working. Look, just... forget all this. I gotta go."


Willow and Spike flitted through the apartment, as they searched desperately for answers. Checking every source they knew, while Xander stayed behind sending them where ever they requested. Every piece of information they brought back, he wrote down, looking...
searching desperately to find a pattern in words.

There had to be a way in to Quor-Toth! So distracted in his search, he was barely aware of Willow collapsing on the couch, her eyes haunted from the amount of Shifting she had been doing. She never realized the toll Shifting so rapidly played on a body and her respect for Xander soared. She seen him hundreds of times, Shifting so rapidly that his movements would sometime resemble a freeze frame effect.

Spike Shifted in and passed his Stone over to Xander who took it absently. Spike gave a exhausted look at Willow, seeing the dark circles under her eyes and the faint tremors that shook her frame.

"Xander, how's it going?" Willow asked anxiously, giving Xander her Shifter Stone as well. "Is the information that we're bringing back helping any at all?"

Xander blinked and sighed, settling back on the loveseat, "Some, but not enough." He pushed the papers angrily across the coffee table, rubbing his forehead in pain. He was so exhausted powering Willow and Spike’s Stones that he could barely think straight anymore.

"Every piece of information keeps coming back to the same thing, Angel needs a Traveler to open a stable portal," he said in angry frustration, looking up with redden eyes.

They looked up at the sound keys in the lock and the door opened. Xander took one look at Angel and froze, his heart stuttering in dread.

Angel regarded Xander with a cold light in his eyes before switching his attention to Willow, to Spike in turn whose face slowly morphed in game face, then back to Xander.

"The bedroom now," came the harsh whisper.

Willow made an involuntary movement and Xander grabbed her, simply looked at her with a slow shake of his head, before he came to his feet.

Xander swallowed heavily as he entered their bedroom, feeling for the first time in a long while like he was being hunted as Angel paced soundlessly behind him. Entering their bedroom, he swiftly crossed to the window and stood looking out with unseeing eyes, shaking.

Angel regarded the shaking back of his mate with hooded empty eyes, "You lied to me."

Xander nodded without turning around.

"You sat right in the car and fuckin' LIED!" Angel roared, sickening rage surging through him as he watched Xander, "Were you jealous of Connor for some reason that you wanted to get rid of him?!"

Xander whirled around stunned, this question came as a surprise to him.

"Jealous? Jealous of Connor, " he stammered, "He’s only a baby, why would I be jealous of a baby?"

"I have no idea," was the icy reply, "I do know that all of a sudden after I brought Connor over you were demanding another child."

"And you jumped to that conclusion," Xander’s voice raised incredulously.

Angel ignored that and grated out, "Can you open a portal?"

Xander nodded hesitantly, his eyes fearfully as he looked at Angel, seeing a cold stranger standing before him.

"Will you open the portal to Quor-Toth," Angel demanded with frozen calm, his eyes empty of the love they shared. He couldn't afford to love someone that betrayed him so thoroughly, he resolutely shut his mind to the tiny voice whispering a denial of Xander's betrayal. He was sure that it was only Xander's trying to weaken his resolve to find Connor.

Xander ran a hand through his hair in tired frustration, "Angel, it’s not that simple, you don’t know what you’re as….," he came to a abrupt halt at the low growl from Angel.

"You are the one that don’t understand! And this is a simple Yes or No question," Angel shouted, he was so enraged at Xander’s betrayal that he could barely see or think straight.

"Can you open the portal to Quor-Toth, Yes or No," Angel repeated his demand with deadly patience.

Xander paled alarmingly and swayed slightly, fear and exhaustion finally catching up with him, "No, I can’t open the portal to Quor-Toth," he said evenly.

"Can’t or won’t," was the next low question.

"In this case it means the same," Xander said quietly, "I can’t and I won’t open a portal for you." Then he tried again to explain, "Angel, if you just listen to me for a minute...," he started forward and froze at Angel’s next words.

"When I return with Connor, I want you out of this apartment," Angel said quietly, his eyes dead, his ears closed to Xander's lies. "I will allow you liberal visitation rights with Holly at the hotel but you will not be allowed to take her outside the hotel, is that clear?"

Xander looked at him shaken and beginning to get angry himself, "Angel you don’t know what you’re saying and if you would just listen….," he trailed off as Angel turned around and left the room. Taking a deep breath, Xander followed after him into the living room.

Angel looked at Spike who had his arm around Willow protectively, then at Willow, "Can you open a portal to Quor-Toth?" he demanded of her, watching as her eyes went behind him.

"Don’t look at him for the answer," he snarled to her, his eyes a frozen gold.

Willow jumped and pressed back against Spike, "N…n…no I can’t open a portal to Quor-Toth," she stammered.

"Do you know of anyone that can," Angel demanded, watching as again her eyes went to Xander and he growled.

Spike had had enough and growled back, "Why don’t you listen to the boy instead o’tryin’ to make him do something he ain’t supposed to."

Angel was deaf to him, focusing his attention on Willow, "As I said to Xander and now I’m telling you, when I return with Connor, I want you all out of this apartment."

He was surrounded by betrayers! He now wondered when Gunn, Fred and Lorne would show their true colors. And with that he stalked out of the apartment leaving silence in his wake.

Willow’s disbelieving eyes went from the closed door to the Xander’s broken eyes, "He can’t mean that," was all she could whisper.

Spike snorted, "Right now the guv’nor ain’t thinking properlike. When he comes down off his mad, he’ll be sorry," he said reassuringly to Xander who just looked at him with devastated eyes.

Xander just shook his head and stumbled back into the bedroom to collapse on the bed. He felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. Maybe he was having a heart attack, he thought with little concern.

He tried to reach out to Angel using their link. For a minute he thought he had gotten through, then he was rudely thrown out and the door slammed shut.

Grabbing Angel’s pillow, he curled into a ball of pain, trying to control his shudders and tears. And at the touch of warm hands stroking his back, his shudders intensified but he never made a sound as he fought for control over his emotions. Shunting them aside as he focused on the bigger problem: Angel’s determination to open a portal to Quor-Toth.

Narrowing his link to Angel to a fine thread he gently slid under the barrier that Angel erected between them.

Willow and Spike exchanged uneasy glances, then Spike disappeared out of the bedroom ceding the care of Xander to her, while he would maintain a watchful eye on Holly.


Xander was there, watching everything that Angel did throughout the night. Shivering when Angel abducted Linwood and roughed him up. Unlike Lorne, who soon appeared, he knew that Angel was dead serious about torturing the information from Linwood on how to open a portal to Quor-Toth.

He watched as Angel and Lilah entered Wolfram & Hart’s White Room, shuddering at the sight of the little girl...so much ancient power contained in such a small form. And he knew that she somehow sensed him but she was coldly amused at the turn of events to keep his presence a secret.

"Angel. Lilah," the little girl said, then she looked again at Angel with clear amusement in her eyes before switching her attention to Lilah.

Angel looked at the girl in confusion, this…this little girl was the one that he sought.

He heard her say to Lilah, "Your fingernails are pretty. I love red."

He looked stonily at the girl when she turned her attention to him, "You have a taste for red too. And revenge. I know, it's so much more fun than forgiveness. So, what's up?"

"A demon named Sahjhan has taken my son," Angel said tersely.

The little girl said mockingly, "Ahhhh, does he want his little baby back?"

Cold rage boiling in him and he started to take a step towards her to rend her from limb to limb to really show her the color of red, when Lilah put her hand on his arm.

"Oh god, don't," and he heard the fear in Lilah's voice.

The girl smiled approvingly at Lilah before switching her attention back to Angel, "Baby's gone. You want Sahjhan. He's a Granok....nowadays you can walk right through 'em, but in the past they were something else...they were all about torture and death."

She smirked at him, "I'm sure you can relate. Well, they caused a lot of trouble. Don't get me wrong, I like trouble -- but I hate chaos. So we changed 'em."

Angel said slowly, finally sensing the power in the childlike form, "You made them immaterial."

"Smart boy," and she gave him an approving look you would give to a bright child, before she continued, "Now they can only watch...and they can no longer touch." The malevolence in her smile was truly unsettling on the childish features.

"How do you capture him?" Angel said frostily.

"Well, there's your special Resikhian urn...," she began with a cool smile, "But you don't want his essence in a jar. You want someone you can sink your teeth into, and like a wounded wolf, you’re lashing out at everyone around you." She stared at Angel with a raised brow, a coldly adult look on her face.

Angel ground his teeth and glared at her, a look that she returned with narrow eyed look of her own before she turned to Lilah.

"That's a yes," Lilah said dryly with a smirk at Angel.

The girl face was expressionless, "You know these things always come with a price….kill her."

Lilah had time for one quick gasp as Angel grabbed her by the throat and began applying pressure.

And the little girl looked at him with no emotion, "That's good for now. I can see why he respects you…but vampire, some prices are much harder to pay than others."

Angel slowly released Lilah, staring at the little girl, sensing some hidden meaning behind her words.

//Xander and the childlike creature exchanged level looks before he slowly nodded. Pulling away from Willow he sat up slowly, his face composed. He knew the price Angel would pay and he was determined to stop him….any way he had too.//

The girl switched her attention back to Angel, "Now, your demon made flesh. Big ritual, it's all here." Holding out her hand with a folded piece of paper in it.

As Angel reached for the paper it was suddenly in his hand.

//Xander took a deep breath, preparing himself and a voice echoed in his head, 'Can't wait to see how it turns out....' his immaterial eyes shot to the girl.//

"Can't wait to see how it turns out. You have a web site," she nodded her head, with a twist of her lips.

And Angel found he and Lilah back in the elevator.


Spike glided quietly into Xander’s bedroom the next afternoon and regarded the seemingly sleeping Xander with brooding eyes. The boy had already taken Holly to his parents before coming back and collapsing into bed early this morning. Willow had finally stumbled to bed two hours ago, wearily assuring him that Xander was asleep before crashing herself.

It wasn’t his imagination that Xander’s face seemed more finer drawn than the night before. He was growing increasingly uneasy over the boy and the entire situation, not that he would ever admit that he was worried about the silly git. But to himself he could admit just a little scared and concerned he was for the pup.

The boy had been kind to him and good to his Willow, and as for Peaches, a silent snarl lifted Spike’s lips, well the bloody wanker could dust himself for all he cared.

He saw a brief smile flicker across the boy’s face and hoped that he was at last having a pleasant dream. Quietly he retreated to the armchair and settled into his watch of Xander.


Xander knew Spike was in the bedroom with him but he couldn’t pay too much attention to him since Angel started the ritual.

He watched intently when Angel focused on the pentagram traced on the floor, then he heard Lorne enter the hotel. And once again, Lorne start trying to convince Angel not to do the ritual. He smiled, if he had been there he would have told the demon to save his breath for the screaming and running away.

And if he got Angel out of this mess he knew that he was gonna make damn sure that Angel NEVER came anywhere near that damn bitch. All she was doing was egging Angel on, helping him do the ritual, apparently fascinated to see what would happen next…Xander almost snorted aloud, didn’t she know that there was a practical REASON why crazy people weren't allowed to play with loaded guns? If she had any common sense, she shoulda knocked Angel out, tied him up some dark place and waited until he came to his senses.

He was totally in agreement with Lorne that not speaking would look great on the crazy bitch.

Dammit, Angel was almost finished with the ritual, this was sooo not good.

Angel said distractedly, "How's that?" He hadn't heard a word Lorne said since he walked in.

"Looks about right," Lilah said, a cool smile on her face as she glanced sidelong at the bound Linwood tied to a chair.

Angel looked at the pentagram, "What's next?"

"What's next is we stop and reconsider this. Angel, you're messing with primordial powers of darkness here," Lorne said with hopeless desperation.

"Next?" Angel repeated impatiently to Lilah again without looking at Lorne.

Before Lilah could answer, Lorne moved swiftly into Angel's face, forcing Angel to look at him, really look into his eyes and said quietly, "Is this really how you wanna get Connor back?"

Angel looked at him, with little xpression on his face before switching his attention back to Lilah, "What's next?"

Lorne stepped back and exhaled in frustration, knowing that nothing he could say would sway Angel from his dark path. He glanced around and saw that there's no talking sense to anyone here. He backed away into a corner and braced himself for what was to come.

Lilah looked at the instructions, "Human blood."

Angel just looked at her.

She smirked and picked up the ceremonial knife amid all the magical ingredients that had been set out on the counter and sauntered over to Linwood with an cool unreadable smile.
He was still her boss, but he did tell her to give Angel whatever he wanted...and right now Angel wanted human blood.

Lilah held Linwood eyes, raised the knife...

....and drew the blade sharply down her palm---never breaking eye contact with Linwood.

Lilah moved to the pentagram and squeezed her fist over the center, dripping blood onto the pentagram.

Angel faced the giant pentagram and began intoning, "Corpus Granok Sahjhan Demonicus."

The lights flash.

Beams of light shoot out from the candles, converge in the center of the pentagram. A form takes shape, a translucent sphere of light. It grows to a couple of feet in diameter.

Angel stepped back and reached for his battle-axe, preparing himself for whatever was going to appear before him.

Everyone squinted, averting their eyes from the brightness.

And suddenly it burst like a bubble, releasing a shock wave of wind and light that nearly knocked everyone onto their collective asses.

Then silence.

Angel looked into the center of the pentagram with wide disbelieving eyes...this was his only hope to get his son back.

No Sahjhan.

And anger began bubbling, seething through him, trying to break through the numbing ice that surrounded him and he began growling ominously.

He stalked over to Linwood, "Where is he?" He could smell the fear, the terror from the man and for the first time in a long while reveled in being the one to inspire the dread emotions in another instead of Angelus.

Linwood looked frantically around, this definitely wasn't what he was expecting.


In the apartment Spike sat forward in the chair watching Xander, he had already been soundly hushed by Xander's sharply raised hand.

Xander frowned and concentrated, the Angel's spell should have worked, where in the hell was that damn demon anyhow?

His eyes snapped open, "Willow!" he shouted springing off the bed and running for the door.

Willow hurried into the room almost slamming into Xander, "What?! What happened, is Angel okay," she asked hurriedly, worry and fear in equal measure in her eyes. Despite what Angel said, she knew that he was just lashing out at her...at Xander....at anyone that he felt was standing in the way of getting his son back.

Xander grabbed her hands, "Willow, you remember that location spell you did a couple of assignments ago, you know the one where you located that crazy Priest that was killing all the 'unbelievers'? Can you do it again? On a demon? Angel just did a spell on Sahjhan to make him material like, but for some reason the demon didn't appear in the hotel...but the spell shoulda worked, I know it shoulda," his words were panicky and distracted as he kept imaging that freaking demon running around L.A..... he shuddered at the coming chaos it would cause.

"I..I...don't know," Willow stammered, "But I'll try, what does the demon look like."

And Xander gave her a rapid fire description of the demon. Tossing instructions over her shoulder for Xander to get her a large bowl of water and for Spike to clear off the kitchen table she ran to her bedroom for the magical ingredients.

Charging into the kitchen with the boys watching her anxiously, she quickly prepared the spell and they leaned over the bowl watching the cloudy depths clear---- just in time to watch Sahjhan get hit by a truck, then the truck slam into the side of a family station wagon. Each of them instinctively wincing in sympathetic pain at the horrified look on the truck driver's face and look of terror on the family in the station wagon.

Willow muttered a quick spell, preventing the car from catching on fire from the spilled gasoline while Xander in turn also said a rapid spell, healing the family of their multitude of injuries.

And then their mouths dropped open in shock to see the truck rocking then flipped over on it's side as Sahjhan stood between the car and truck...only a small cut on his head to show he had been hurt.

Xander face settled into grim lines, this was the direct result of Angel's meddling with things he didn't understand. Now made flesh, he knew Sahjhan would go on to cause more pain and destruction where ever he went.

"Xander," Willow said quietly her eyes wide, "What's going on? I'm definitely getting a very bad feeling from all of this."

"Too right," Spike agreed with a low growl, "Wot's wrong with the bloody poofer?"

Xander pulled out a kitchen chair and sank into it tiredly, "Angel's done lost his fuckin' mind is a start. He's determined to get Connor back from Quor-Toth and he still won't listen to a damn thing I keep trying to say!"

"So, whacha goin' to do 'bout it," Spike asked in a low voice, his eyes intent on Xander downturned face.

Xander took a deep breath before looking up with a face etched in harsh lines of pain, "Stop him."

Willow and Spike shivered, exchanging worried looks....if Xander had to kill Angel, he might as well kill himself. They had never seen a person so in love with another as Xander was with Angel and the guilt alone would eventually kill him.

"Willow, Spike," Xander said in a low voice, "We may need to move real fast, if I have to stop Angel. Will, could you call the daycare and let them know that Holly won't be in tomorrow?"

"Don't worry about it Xander, I'll take care of it," Willow tried to soothe the pain in his eyes, "Why don't we see what's Angel's doing, maybe he's coming to his senses," she said brightly with no real conviction in her voice.

Both Xander and Spike snorted at her words and she flushed, "Well, it could happen!"

She waved a hand over the bowl and they gasped as it revealed Angel pulling Linwood up the stairs still tied to the chair. The look in Angel's eyes sending shivers down their spines....

Angel was numb, lost in his despair....he lost his son and even his own mate betrayed him, turning against him---he had nothing left to lose.



Linwood glared at Lilah, "Do something," he shouted furiously at her. He groaned as she calmly took out her cell phone and turned away, dialing. Probably calling for her nail appointment, he thought in disgust.

"Angel, killing this creep isn't gonna solve anything. Please, trust me, you don't wanna do this," Lorne said desperately, looking up at Angel.

Angel said quietly, "That's where you're wrong," and he kept dragging Linwood up the stairs.

"We had a deal, Angel. I gave you everything you asked -- what more do you want from me," Linwood shouted over his shoulder.

Angel paused, "I want my son back."

Linwood started to panic, he knew there was no way that he could get the kid back and he looked desperately at Lilah who was still turned away, yakking away on her phone.

"Lilah..," he shouted angrily. He was so going to fire her ass for this!

Lilah held up a hand, saying, "Hey! Whoa! Flag on the play!"

They turned to see Lilah still on her cell, twisting around and tossing an explanation to them as she listened.

"The firm's tech team just registered a sever bio-plasmic disturbance on Taber and National, same time as the spell," she explained.

"Sahjhan," Angel hardly dared say the name.

Lilah raised a brow, bored, "Whatever it was, it flipped a two-ton truck like a Tonka toy."

Angel released his grip on Linwood's chair, watching with little emotion as it and Linwod tumbled down the stairs.

Calmly, Angel strode past the lawyers and headed to the front door as, Gunn and Fred rush in.

"Angel, we need to talk," Fred said urgently.

Angel, impatient to get to Sahjhan, merely says, "Not now." This time Sahjhan wasn't going to escape him. He moved to sidestep her, but she moved with him and his attention moved to her.

He growled softly, his eyes flaring gold, "Fred....,"

"Angel, please, there's something you need to know before you...," Fred began desperately as Angel sidestepped her again, quicker this time and headed for the door. He made it within a few feet of the stairs, when Fred blurted out...

"The father will kill the son!"

Angel froze, his back to them before he turned slowly, waiting.

Fred and Gunn both move towards him.

"There was a prophecy in the Nyazian scrolls. Wesley checked the translations, the commentaries, he even went to mystic oracles but he couldn't disprove it," Fred continued now more quietly.

Gunn looked at in empathic pain, "They'd already fed you Connor's blood, bro. You said it yourself, he smelled like food."

Angel just stood there his mind whirling, screaming denial of what they were saying, holding on to his rage, his anger....if he let go now he knew he would be lost. It was the only thing holding him up---rage...grief. That and the ice.

He heard their voices distantly, heard Fred say softly, "Wesley was trying to protect Connor." No! Wesley STOLE his son...he wasn't trying to protect Connor!

Then Gunn's voice, "He was trying to protect you. Same as we're doin' right now."

He refused to listen, to hear their soothing, calming lying voices.

Angel looked at them, then turned, rejecting their words....denying them.

Fred ran past him to the stairs and got in front of him saying desperately, "Angel, the prophecy..."

He looked at her stonily, "It's a lie. I'd never hurt Connor."

"How can you know that for sure," Fred asked him quietly.

"I'd never hurt someone I care about," he said with a soft growl, giving her warning that he was just about to break that rule, starting with her as he added, "Now move."

He was relieved when she stepped aside and he left the hotel.

//...Xander, Willow and Spike exchanged grim looks. Angel was slowly sliding out of control. Willow and Spike looked at Xander and he nodded slowly in acknowledgment, it would be his call to make but they would be there to support him. They turned back to the bowl and continued to watch, praying that Angel would finally stop and understand what everyone was trying to tell him.//

As Angel stalked across the street, he heard the high pitched whine of an arrow coming at him and managed to duck in time, seeing it fall harmlessly to the ground. Twisting around he saw one of Holtz little soldiers and growled, recognizing her from the night Holtz disappeared with Connor.

He rolled out of the way as Justine fired another arrow at him, but the third time he didn't manage to get clear in time, grunting as it slammed into his shoulder.

He managed to yank the arrow painfully out of his shoulder just as four of Holtz's men converged on him at once. Feeling an almost savage joy as, finally, he was able to rid himself of some of the sickening rage that he felt. Landing devastating blow after blow on the men and whether they lived or died under his hands, he no longer gave a goddamn.
Until finally they lay crumpled, sprawled on the ground.

It wasn't enough...he could still feel the hot rage just simmering under the surface of the thick ice that encased him.

And as he turned to go, he was punched in the face by Justine.

Breathlessly she smirked, "Don't run off now. The fun's just startin'."

He didn't have time for her bullshit and when she lunged with a stake, he disarmed her roughly and slammed her hard against the wall. He put the bloody point of the arrow that he pulled from his shoulder at her throat, gently caressing her with the sharp point, watching the fear, the terror bloom in her eyes as he regarded her dispassionately.

With soft menace he whispered, "I'm not your boyfriend. Find somebody else to smack you around."

And he grabbed her by the jacket and hurled her away from him as he turned to leave. .

//Xander's eyes were deadly, power was crackling between his fingertips as he watched Justine start to get up, looking at Angel's back with an unreadable expression on her face. Angel was his to deal with and no jumped up wanna-be fighter was going to touch him. They watched the array of emotions playing across her features and then Justine scrambled to her feet, runs.//

//"Smart girl," Xander whispered, turning his mind and attention back towards Angel. Starting at Willow's low cry, switching his attention back to the bowl of water. Frowning as Fred and Gunn exited the hotel, spotting Justine making off in Wesley's car. Sudden comprehension flashed in Willow and Spike's eyes: Justine had to know where Wesley was. Grimly the three observers focused on Fred and Gunn, following Justine. Xander, keeping a mental watch on Angel just in case he did something even stupider, he watched Gunn and Fred track Justine back to some sorta cave.//

"Where's Wes," Gunn demanded as Justine turned puzzled eyes on them.

"He's not comin' back," she says almost softly to herself, turning back to her own thoughts.

Gunn exchanged a worried look with Fred, "What?!"

"It was all lies. Every bit of it. All he wanted was that kid. To punish Angel. He never cared about anything else," Justine said in a low monotone, 'Not even me' was left unsaid and Fred's eyes widen in sudden understanding.

Gunn looked at Justine impatiently, "Look, I'm talkin' about Wesley. His car's parked up top here, you obviously took it from him, where is he," he demanded again glaring at her.

Justine looked away and both Gunn and Fred step closer to her.

Fred says softly, gently, "We just wanna hear his side," trying to convince the obviously distraught woman to help them.

"His side?" She laughed bitterly, "His side's kinda funny: he sacrificed everything he believed in to save that kid."

"By helping Holtz take him to hell? I'd like to hear it from the horse's mouth," Gunn said harshly.

Justine's eyes flashed angrily before she said quietly, "Your friend's innocent, the only one of us with nothing to gain, but everything to lose."

"Is he alive," Fred asked softly, fearing the answer.

Justine looked up at Fred, before looking away. The memory of slashing Wesley's throat still haunted her and she could feel her gorge rise as the image flashed through her mind.

Fred continued, pleading gently, "Where is he? Will you please just tell us."

Justine took a deep breath, knowing that with her next words she was signing her death warrant and was fiercely glad, "Heaven... Hell... I slit his throat."

Gunn held her gaze in disbelief.

And suddenly, CRACK! Fred slapped her brutally across her face. Justine instinctively threw an opened hand blow back at Fred but Gunn caught her punch and threw her tumbling over the chair.

The fight between Gunn and Justine was quick and furious before Gunn slammed her to the floor.

"Stay down," Gunn warned her with a low growl, eerily reminiscent of Angel.

Justine bared her teeth in a fierce grin, "Um, no," before she lunged at Gunn.

He again beat her down to the ground, hard. And Fred moved up next to him to stare down at Justine. They watched with hard faces as she pulled the hair out of her face and stared up at them, blood trickling from her nose down to her lips.

Justine looked up at them and said simply, "I trusted the wrong man."

Gunn stepped over and grabbed Justine by her jacket, jerking her roughly to her feet.

"I don't give a fuck who you trusted, you're takin' us to Wesley and he better be alive," he warned her with deadly menace.

And a voice came from behind them, "You call that a fight?"

//"Oh shit," Xander muttered in soft dismay, his eyes wide.//

//"You can say that again," Willow whispered, her eyes intent on the images in the bowl.//

Gunn and Fred turned in alarm towards the gate, instantly recognizing Sahjhan from the picture Angel drew of the demon.

"Fuck," Gunn said softly.

"Let me show you how we used to do it," Sahjhan grinned evilly. Whoever made him corporal, he was going to give that person a big huge thanks before ripping out their heart.

Gunn, Fred and Justine backed slowly away as Sahjhan moved towards them.

Sahjhan smirked, "So, my home, uninvited guests, this can't end well."

Sahjhan peered at Justine recognition finally dawning in his eyes, "Now, I remember you! One of Holtz's groupies, you tried to cut off my head."

And he backhanded her viciously, sending her flying into the wall with an audible thud before crumpling.

Fred and Gunn winced in sympathy.

Sahjhan turned to Gunn and Fred, "Man, I can't tell you how much I missed doing that!"

"Now for some more fun and games," and begins to stalk towards them.

Fred fumbled in her pocket for her cell phone and across the chamber, Justine slowly began to comes to.

Gunn and Fred continued to step back away from Sahjhan, around the table even as Fred kept trying to dial her cell.

Sahjhan looks at them with a cold dark hunger, "I also missed gravity, friction and smashing things to pieces," as he grabbed a chair and smashed it on the table, holding onto a big thick club-like leg.

Fred fumbled the phone and she squeaks as it falls.

Gunn's ready to protect Fred, with his life if necessary.

Sahjhan smiled mirthlessly, "Let's start with your skulls."

"Let's not," Angel said coldly as he stepped into the chamber.

//Xander and Willow nearly collapsed in relief, gratefully that Angel had made it in time. Maybe this will help him release some of his pent up rage and despair. Break that numbing ice that he had encased himself in.//

//Spike muttered, "Knew the silly poofer wouldn't let his people down."//

//Xander gave him a disbelieving glance, "Yeah, right!" before turning his attention back to the bowl.//

Sahjhan turned and watched Angel stride toward him, giving no notice to the slowly stirring body of Justine.

Neither demon noticed her and she, seeing her chance, bolted out the door to freedom.

//"Whoa, whoa...whoa," Spike said indignantly, "Ya see that?! She just ran away! She's not even gonna help 'em?!"//

//"HUSH!" Both Willow and Xander said fiercely, their eyes intent on the bowl.//

//"I'm just saying, is what," Spike muttered under his breath.//

Angel regarded Sahjhan with an almost emotionless stare.

Sahjhan smiled broadly, "Angel, I'm guessing I have you to thank for the whole mortal coil thing."

"Yeah, tell you what, take me to the Quor-toth world, help me find my son -- we'll call it even," Angel said quietly, with a very unamused smile.

Sahjhan's eyes widen in feign enthusiasm as he breathe, "Really? You and me, buddy cop summer release? We iron out our wacky differences and bond?"

His face abruptly sobered turning dark, "I don't think so."

"You're takin' me there," Angel said through clenched teeth, feeling the numbing ice start cracking under the terrible strain to holding back his rage and grief.

Sahjhan shook his head, "Couldn't even if I wanted to. The only ones capable are Travelers and even the crazy ones ain't that crazy. The others are just a bunch of do-gooders."

Angel's eyes had narrowed as he spat out, "You're lying!"

"No, that, I'm telling the truth about. Whole universe could go kaplooie. Bad for me, bad for America, didn't he tell you," Sahjhan raised his brows.

Fred eyes had narrowed in thought, "So what are you lyin' about?"

Sahjhan smiled modestly, "Oh, well. I don't like to brag but... read any good prophecies lately?"

A light went on in Gunn's mind, "You wrote the prophecies," he breathed his eyes wide at how Wesley had been played.

"More a re-write," Sahjhan said proudly.

Fred recited from memory in a hushed voice, "The father will kill the son."

"Bingo! Yeah, I flitted back and forth in time, changed the one that threatened me, polished some others," he smiled looking around to see if they appreciated his cleverness.

He frowned, "I flitted in a manly way. Just so we're clear." He turned to Angel, "You're not really my enemy. You're in my home and I'm so gonna kick your ass but you were never really the point."

"It was Connor," Angel said quietly, finally understanding.

Sahjhan shook his head mockingly, "Boy, can't put one over on you, can you? Oh wait, already did. It's pretty freaky the first time you see your name in a true prophecy, all carved in blood on an official scroll. 'The one sired by the vampire with a soul shall grow to manhood and kill Sahjhan.' Me. Now I couldn't let that happen, could I," he said with a horrible smile.

"So you planted false prophecies. That Angel would kill his son... and Wesley believed them," Fred whispered unsteadily, her eyes dark with pain for Wesley.

"Thank God he had some spine, he wanted to raise your kid as his own. Holtz was totally useless. Here I am living' with a knife over my heart for eleven hundred years and he's into some twisted revenge. If he'd just killed the thing while it was still in its mother we coulda avoided all of this...," Sahjhan words were cut off as Angel charged him.

But Sahjhan was ready and had used his words as a goad. He blocked Angel's initial rush and swung the chair leg, catching Angel across the neck.

Gunn rushed Sahjhan and took a swing, slamming his fist into Sahjhan's face, buying Angel a moment to recover.

Sahjhan grabbed Gunn and threw him headfirst towards a burning braziers.

//Xander's hands flashed brightly and the brazier tips over before Gunn reaches it.//

Angel and Sahjhan hammer at each other as Fred picked up one of the braziers and hurled the hot coals into Sahjhan's face.

He howled in pain, glaring at her, "Do I look like I need more skin problems?"

Sahjhan tries to punch her and his blow is deflected by....something, he blinks in astonishment.

//Willow's eyes flash brightly, shielding Fred from Sahjhan.//

Then Angel slammed into him hard from the side, their bodies sending Fred stumbling to the floor.

Angel threw another punch at Sahjhan and kicked him, but Sahjhan caught his leg launching him across the chamber.

Gunn got up and tried to grab Sahjhan but got kicked in the head for his trouble, going down for the count.

Sahjhan put his hands on his hips, "Okay, look I don't know who you are or why you're getting involved, but you had better stop this bullshitting around. If I want to kill somebody, you had better stay your hands out of this," he said to the air.

Angel could vaguely hear Sahjhan yelling at someone, but dear God he hurt so bad. He needed to hurt, to make the physical pain match what he feels on the inside.

//Xander's face was like flint as he watched. And from then on out, it's not so much a fight as a beat down as Angel just kept coming and coming. Sahjhan kept bashing him, until he finally smashed Angel into the table, then kicked him across the room. //

This time, Angel didn't get up. And Sahjhan stepped over to a busted chair, grabbed a stake-sized piece and turned back to Angel with a cold smile as he glanced around.

//Xander's face was hard and cold, his hands glowing and half a second before he unleashed on Sahjhan, Justine rushed in carrying an urn.//

Sahjhan heard her enter and looked at her before dismissing her as no threat before turning back to Angel

//Xander blinks, "What the hell does she think she gonna do with that," he said to Willow in puzzlement.//

//Spike snickered, "I bet the silly bint thinks it's one those Reskie urn."

//Xander and Willow exchanged glances before Willow's eyes began glowing softly, slowly the urn in Justine's hands began changing, shifting.//

Fred crawled to Gunn on the floor, "He's gonna...," she whispered watching Sahjhan standing over Angel.

Angel was barely conscious as realized he can't even save himself, remembering his words to Fred earlier, 'I'd never hurt someone I care about,' he had said and even as those words left his mouth he knew them for the lie they were. He had hurt someone that he cared about....Xander.

All Angel could do was watch as Sahjhan raised the stake above him.

Sahjhan smirked, "I hadda put your boy down. Pity, kid had a big future. I mean big. Well we all gotta go sometime, besides you got a spare."

We now see what she's carrying. It's a Resikhian urn. A duplicate of the one in the Flashbacks.

Justine opens the now Resikhian urn. A stream of liquid floats up and out, streams over to Sahjhan, swirls around him.

Sahjhan stared in disbelief as the liquid flowed over him, "No way! That's impossible...
no, no... don't do that!" He yelled in outraged fury, he had gotten one of Holtz's stupid demons to get rid of the damn thing.

He tried to finish staking Angel but the liquid covers him and the stake fell to the ground as Sahjhan is sucked into the urn.

From within the urn a tiny voice could be heard, "You freakin' cheaters! Not fair!"

Justine replaced the lid on the urn as Gunn and Fred moved carefully to Angel.

Both men are beat up as they all struggled to their feet and Angel looked at Justine, the urn in her hands, a puzzled look on her face.

"Holtz left it," she muttered distractedly, turning the urn over, "But this isn't the same one as before."

Angel blinked and says simply, "Thanks," opening his link tentatively and feeling a hesitant warm thought echo to him.

//Xander's eyes widened as he felt the link open and tentatively sent his gladness through the link.//

Justine sat the urn down, she's emotionally and physically exhausted.

"What about Wesley?" Fred eyed her quietly.

"The park next to his place... that's where I... left him," Justine said in a low voice, her head down.

Angel face stills as he realizes the night isn't quite over yet and gently closes his link to Xander, feeling a echo of sorrow through it before the link shut down.

//Xander sighed and bit his lip, praying that things would settle down now. Maybe Angel would finally listen to him.//



Angel, Gunn and Fred go to the park next to Wesley's apartment looking for evidence of Wesley, frustration rising in each at the lack of a body.

"Maybe she was lying," Fred wanted to hit something, anything preferably Justine.

Angel didn't look up from his study of the ground, "No...he was here," he said quietly.

Fred looked at him, "How can you--," she began before stuttering to a halt.

Angel just looks at her and he could sense the warm tide of color flooding her cheeks.

"Right, the blood," Fred mumbled, embarrassed.

Gunn came over to them,, "We need to get going. Sun's coming up," he said, squinting a little at the brightening sky.

Angel stared into the distance, wrestling with his emotions of the last few days, feeling the ice that surrounded him for the past few days cracking...shattering. His mind washed in sadness...in grief...in...

"He can't be dead," he finally whispers into the still air.

Fred looked at him earnestly, "We'll keep looking. Lorne's been calling hospitals all night."

Gunn glanced towards the east, seeing the sky turning yellow, "Need to get your indoors, man....we'll find him," he assures Angel confidently.


Xander, Willow and Spike relaxed with a tired sigh it was over...it was finally over. They finally stumbled to their beds in exhaustion from the rollercoaster of the days events.


Angel stood in the darkened room of Wesley's office just staring at the man's desk. It wasn't right...none of this...it just wasn't right.

He heard someone come in, his head tilted to the side...quickly identifying Lorne.

Lorne, "I...uh...cleaned the Pentagram as best I could. The dried blood... well, it's starting to be a look out there," he said trying to relieve some of the overwhelming sadness that was coming off Angel in waves.

Angel, "Thanks," he said simply, losing himself in roiling emotions.

"You know me, like to keep busy. I'd crochet a new pillar if I could afford the yarn," Lorne said with desperate cheer.

Angel stood silent and motionless in the office, disregarding Lorne again.

"It's not right," he finally mumbled.

"Figure of speech. I'm aware you can't crochet a pillar.....and I'm aware that's not what you're talking about," Lorne said quickly.

Angel turned around, "All I could think of was getting my hands on Sahjhan; Fred and Gunn tried, he tried to tell me, to keep me from...," he ground to a halt.

"Going too far," Lorne said quietly, looking sympathetically at Angel.

Angel nodded, "Yeah and I nearly got them killed."

"Yeah, you did. Glad it didn't work out that way," Lorne said with quiet conviction. He waited, something was still troubling his friend.

Angel turned back to Wes' desk, idly picking up and looking at items on the man's desk, hesitant to ask his next question.

"You think Wes is...," he faltered to a stop, blinking quickly and taking a deep unneeded breath.

"I don't know. I hope for the best. Angel, there's a bigger picture here. And in that bigger picture there's a glass," Lorne began to say.

Angel's mouth twisted in a painful half smile, "If the words "glass is half full" are about to come out of your mouth, don't," he warned the other quietly.

Lorne rolled his eyes, "No, this is more a "glass half full of spiked blood." If Sahjhan and that lady lawyer had pulled off their feeding plan you'd have Connor's blood on your hands," he said fierce resolution.

Angel looked at him for a few moments, before saying quietly, "Don't I anyway?"

"No! You think there was something more you could have done? You did everything you could with the knowledge you had...," he paused before saying with quiet conviction "...just like Wesley."

Angel held Lorne's gaze, before slowly looking away, not wanting to commit himself to that particular idea.

Lorne continue, "Maybe the way to start forgiving yourself is by starting to forgive him."

He watches Angel before the phone begins to ring.

Lorne reached over and picked it up on the second ring.

"Angel Investiga-- hey, Fred. They did?! And...? Okay, where? He's right here. I'll tell him. Thanks," Lorne hung up turning around to Angel but knows by the look on the other's face that he already knows.

"They found Wesley... ," Angel murmured, his eyes going distant.

Lorne watches him, "Yeah. At St. Patricia's. He's in pretty bad shape. But he's alive.
Maybe you should pay him a visit," his words were quiet as he continued his narrow eyed watch of Angel.

Lorne simply held out the piece of paper to him with the address to St. Patricia.....


Back at the apartment, Xander Shifted to his parents house and retrieved Holly. Assured his parents that everything was fine, yes Angel was okay..no there was no big emergency...no I don't know when we're gonna have another child and hurriedly Shifted back before they thought of some more questions to throw at him.

They sat in the kitchen eating bowls of cereal, since Spike refused to cook for them. All three mortals muttered darkly at the vampire before grabbing bowls for a breakfast of cold cereal.

Spike serenely warmed his blood in the microwave, "Look, me and Peaches told you two to take the blo...the friggin' cooking classes," he muttered well aware of Holly's interested eyes.

Both Willow and Xander sneered at him before exchanging a look that clearly said, 'They were spoiled and they liked it like that'.

Spike rolled his eyes, when Peaches came back they were definitely gonna hafta do somethin' about their humans...he sobered, if Peaches came back. He looked at Xander who was regarding him with a look of pain in his dark eyes before ducking his head and attacking his cereal.

Spike silently cursed the bloody fool for hurting the boy.

There was the quiet silence of food being seriously addressed, interspersed with quiet conversation.

Gunn and Fred stood outside Wesley's room as Angel strode down the hall towards them.

Angel doesn't know why he finally came, maybe it was the look in Lorne's eyes...that Lorne was going to start beating him across the head if he didn't go. Things are just unsettled in his mind, too many emotions were racing through him.

He came to a stop next to Fred and Gunn, looking a Wes's closed door, vaguely aware that Gunn was talking.

"It's good you came, man," Gunn said quietly watching his friend.

Angel looked hesitant, "He ask for me," he asked, looking at Gunn.

Gunn shook his head, "Nah, he can't speak yet, his trachea's all messed up and he's lost a lot of blood. But I'm sure he'll be glad that you came."

"He's not completely out of the woods yet. You being here can only help," Fred looked at him anxiously.

Again, Angel looked at the door, "Can I see him," he asked in a quiet voice.

"I'm sure he'd like that," Fred smiled softly.

Back at the apartment, Spike said quietly to Xander, "Do you think Peaches gonna listen now," he keep a watchful eye on Holly, well aware of her amazing ability to eavesdrop. Sneaky little chit, he thought fondly.

"I can only hope and pray," Xander replied back just as quietly, "I know that there's gotta be a way to Quor-Toth without killing us." He looked frustrated at his lack of answers, feeling an unnamable tension ghosting up and down his spine.

"Maybe we should call Cruz, see what he knows," Willow offered tentatively, her eyes worried.

Xander looked relieved, "Yeah, good idea," a sick look deepening in his eyes as his eyes lost their focus.

Spike and Willow exchanged worried looks, "Pup? Xan? Xander?!" Spike said sharply, reaching out a hand to shake Xander roughly.

Xander finally turned dazed eyes to them, before jumping up and rushing to the sink, spewing his stomach into it, the link between him and Angel bursting violently open.

Gunn and Fred hung back as Angel stepped into the room and shut the door.

Angel looked at his erstwhile friend lying damaged...wounded in the hospital bed, eyes closed. Where it not for his hearing or the the monitors displaying Wes' active vitals it'd be easy for him to believe the other was dead.

Angel's eyes wandered over Wes' bandaged throat, imaging savage wound in the other's neck. His eyes drift over to the tubes and IV's hooked into Wes' arm.

In the back of his mind a silent whispering began: you should have trusted me, you were innocent, you were set up,....

Angel walked carefully over to Wes' body and hovering by the bedside of the injured mortal. Watching as Wes' eyes open, sensing his presence, no fear, just calm acceptance of his fate.

"Hey, Wes...," Angel whispered staring down into Wes equally pale face, "I just... I want you to know I understand why you did it. I know about the prophecies and I know how hard it must have been for you to... do what you did."

....growing louder: you should have trusted me, we were friends, how could you do this to me....

Wesley just stared silently up at Angel, no emotion visible on his face, only his eyes were alive, burgeoning with hope, begging for forgiveness.

Angel said hesitantly, "You thought I was going to turn evil and kill my son. I didn't turn into Angelus. It's important to me that you know that. This isn't Angelus talking to you, it's me, Angel. You know that, right?"

He looked down at Wes', wanting the other to know that he wasn't Angelus. It was very important right now that Wes understood that significant fact.

Wes blinked and slowly nodded.

"Good," Angel whispered, his eyes intent on Wes' face as he picked up a pillow.

....a now it a scream or rage: you betrayed me, you stole my son, MY SON!

"That's good," he whispered again, "It's important that you understand that."

He moved in closer and almost lovingly covers Wes' face with the pillow, smothering him. Holding on with a cold empty face as Wes started to futilely struggle.


Back in the apartment, Xander had sank to his knees in the kitchen, gasping for breath, his eyes blind to Willow and Spike hovering over him.

CRACK! Spike's blow landed viciously on his cheek, bringing him back to the apartment, finally realizing that it wasn't his hands holding the pillow over Wes' face.

"Change," was all he was able to gasp out to Willow as Spike helped him to his feet. Taking a deep breath, he shook off Spike's hand looking down at the floor. When he looked up, both Spike and Willow stepped away from him in alarm.

"We have to get to the hospital, NOW!" he barked to Willow and Spike, a long black coat flowing over him, the hem almost reaching the ground.

Willow blinked, glancing at Spike before her robe shifted and flowed becoming a pair of dark green pants and a long black/green duster, simply fastened with a single chain just under her breast.

Spike waited and sure enough, when he glanced down he was in his familiar fighting garb of tight black jeans, black T-shirt and black duster.

"Grab Holly and let's go," Xander said softly, his face hard and dangerous as Willow gently took the now trembling child's hand and they stepped, Shifting with Xander....

....coalescing in Wes' hospital room, monitors beeping urgently. A simple spell and the room was sealed as the nurses rebounded against the door. Another quick spell by Willow prevented Holly from seeing what was happening as both Spike and Xander attacked Angel, beating him away from Wesley.

Xander yelled, "Angel," and using Power enhanced strength he tried to pull Angel away from Wesley.

Willow anxiously watched as the monitors went haywire, Wesley's pulse was spiking, his oxygen was dropping rapidly. Muttering a quick spell, she watched at the monitors resumed their normal quiet beeping and the desperate gasps of Wesley as he struggled to breath easing muffled whimpers.

Xander and Spike tried to pull Angel off of Wes, without killing him.

Xander kept shouting, "Damn you Angel, STOP IT!" tears were falling down his face.

And at first Angel had just assumed that Xander was some figment of his imagination, so he ignored him, determined to finish the job on Wes. It wasn't until Spike finally managed to pry him loose and punched him, sending him flying across the room that he realized that Xander, Holly, Spike and Willow were actually in the room with him.

Angel's eyes finally focus, seeing Xander, pleading with him, "He took my son, he took my son! He deserves to die!" His anger, his sense of helplessness demanded that Wes pay for what he did, for taking his son.

"Stop it, you don't know what you're doing," Xander shouted, still trying to get Angel to listen to reason, to listen to him.

Angel managed to slide past Spike and latched on to Wes again, "I'll never forgive you, never... I'LL KILL YOU! You're a dead man. YOU HEAR ME!! DEAD!"

Xander summoned his power and with a gestured sent Angel flying, slamming into the opposite wall.

Willow quickly removed the pillow from Wes'.

Wes' blinked sluggishly, blearily focusing his dazed mind on the image of Willow. Turning his head painfully, he regarded a dark haired man yelling at Angel.

Outside, Gunn and the others could hear the terrible shouting going on in the room. They exchanged alarmed looks as they heard the awful commotion inside and Angel screaming.

They heard more shouting and then someone getting thrown against a wall hard.

Angel staggered to his feet, a trickle of blood on his lips, "Why do you care? You turned your back on me," he sneered at Xander.

Xander was shaking, "You wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell you...," he began.

"Skip it," Angel growled, "All you're gonna do is just lie to me again, so you might as well shut the hell up. You wouldn't help me, that's what I know, that's what I remember. You betrayed me along with that other piece of filth," he spat out casting a ugly look at Wesley.

At that Xander's face changed, shutting down.

Wesley turned away with a low moan of pain, in trying to do the right thing he had lost a beloved friend.

"You still refuse to listen, maybe it's time I showed you," Xander said softly, his eyes austere and hard.

For the first time, Angel felt uneasy looking into Xander's cold face, this wasn't his sweet and sexy bedmate, the boy that loved to laugh and play games with Holly.

And, without a backwards look, Xander Shifted them, removing the spell on the room, leaving Wesley behind.

Alone.

A broken man. Trying to breathe.



Chapter 9

Angel blinked and turned slowly around as he gazed at the twilight world that Xander had Shifted them to.

A shiver took him unawares as he regarded the grim, desolate landscape, the overturned rocks and boulders tossed about as if from a child's careless tantrum. The land looked raped and ravaged as far as he could see and he wondered if there was any life on this dark, depressing world that Xander had brought them to.

His head jerked sharply to the left when he heard something scuttling and moving in the darkness beyond. Even with his enhanced vision, he was barely able to make out a dark shape that was crawling rapidly away.

Then at a low feral growl from his right, he turned swiftly to face the potential threat, unnerved to see two huge orange eyes glowing in the darkness and stumbled back when a third eye opened above the two. And he instinctively ducked as he felt the passage of some huge creature, flying above...the wailing screech it gave made him want to find the nearest bed and hide under it.

"Xander, where are we," he asked in a hushed voice and he almost jumped out of his skin when he felt something touch his hand. He drew it quickly away before he looked down into Holly's sad, startled eyes.

"Poppa," she looked up at him, her eyes glistening with incipient tears. She didn't know why everyone was so upset with her poppa, all she knew was that her daddies were fighting, and it scared her to death.

Angel looked down into his daughter's eyes and everything he had done over the past couple of days came to him in a rush. In his struggle...in his rage and grief he forgot one of the most important reasons why he continued in the Light's service: to make the world a better place for her, so that she could walk the streets in relative safety. So that she could rest knowing that there were no monsters to harm her in the closets, under the bed or on the streets.

Kneeling down, he drew her into his arms, burying his face into her neck...just inhaling the sweet baby scent that still clung to her. And feeling her tiny arms lock about his neck, it was all that he could do not to scream for all that he had lost.

Xander regarded his mate with dispassionate eyes, feeling a slight softening of his heart when he saw Angel's shoulders shaking as he hugged their daughter.

Holly drew back and held her poppa's face in her tiny hands, trembling at the sight of tears in his eyes, "Poppa, don't be sad," she said earnestly peering into his eyes. "Dis good place, with lots of people to play with. It's fun!"

Angel looked at her and smiled, "I believe you, poppet," as he stood up.

Holly slipped her hand into his, "I show you, okay? We have lots of fun," she peeked up at him impishly, bouncing happily. She couldn't wait to show off her Poppa to her friends!

"Okay," Angel quietly agreed before looking at Xander, slightly taken aback at his mate's grim attire.

"Xander, where are we?" he asked again, searching Xander's shadowed eyes.

"Home," was the simple reply, before Xander whirled around and began walking away.

Angel had no other choice but to follow along, especially with Holly tugging at his hand.

"No matter what you see or what you hear, don't ever stray from the path," Xander tossed over his shoulder, the long black coat flowing out on either side of his legs as he walked.

"Why," Angel asked, his brow furrowing in puzzlement as he looked around at the empty landscape.

"Because, things here are not quite what they seem," Willow said quietly behind him, startling him into halting in shock.

He had forgotten that she was behind him!

His mouth almost dropped open as he took in her grim expression and her clothes, almost identical to Xander's except she had only a chain holding the two sides of her coat together as the material swept down at an angle, baring the rest of her torso to the top of her lowriding pants.

He regarded the cool look in her eyes, this wasn't the Willow that he was used to seeing...with her ready smile and friendly eyes. He hadn't even realized that she was behind him until she spoke.

He looked at Spike who regarded him with unreadable icy blue eyes...feeling relieved that at least Spike still seemed familiar.

Spike looked at him coolly for a few moments before extending his hand, "Here, put these in your nose, it'll help cut down on the smell as you get closer," he said quietly, before taking another pair and inserting them into his own nose.

"Why," Angel looked suspiciously at the oblong objects.

"S'blood," was the simple reply.

Reluctantly, Angel took them and gently inserted them in his nose.

"C'mon Poppa, we gotta hurry," Holly tugged insistently on his hand.

"Do you know where we are going, Holly," Angel said quietly since it seemed no one else was going to answer his question.

"Yep!" Holly said, skipping in excitement. "We're goin' to the Hall."

"Where's the Hall," Angel asked patiently as they strode along, he marveled at the fluid way Xander was walking, wondering when had his mate developed that particular mode of moving. It reminded him of a sleek black panther...graceful, beautiful and deadly.

"Right there," Holly said eagerly, pointing to a huge building as they rounded a corner.

"Holy shit," Angel breathed softly, staring at the building in awe.

"Oooooh, Daddy?Poppa said a bad worrrrrdddd," Holly singsonged, her eyes glittering with mischief.

Angel rolled his eyes, "Sorry sweetie," he said with a quick smile, his eyes returning to the huge building and the steps leading up to the immense double doors. He stiffened as he observed four huge, monstrous figures guarding the doors.

Willow swiftly bypassed the gawking Angel, while Spike remained behind Angel. Side by side, Willow and Xander swept up the stairs, their coats trailing behind them like shadowy wings until they reached the top of the stairs.

Angel eased Holly behind him, trying to grab her when she wiggled away from him and darted up the stairs.

"Allors! Lookit, my Poppa came with us this time," Holly boasted to the huge guard, who unbent slightly to peer at her with one eye.

"So I see, little one," he boomed out, reaching out a claw and gently stroking flyaway hair from her face.

"Perhaps, your Poppa will visit us more often then, yes," came a silvery trill from another huge guard, a black carapace covering her body.

"Ooooh you think so, Lida," Holly turned to the other guard that spoke and by this time Angel had reached them.

Angel uneasily wondered what type of demon these were, he had never seen demons quite like this before.

"Lida, Allor, Sadi, and C'ka," Xander said quietly, indicating each of the guards, "This is my mate, Angel."

The guards eyed Angel for a long time, before the biggest one covered with brindled fur stepped forward, "Any mate or friend of journyman Xander is welcome here," he growled to Angel. None of them extended their hands, paws or claws to Angel, something that he noted with a faint uneasy feeling. They called Xander a journeyman, Angel wondered, journeyman of what?

A smaller door opened in one of the huge doors and they walked through. Again Angel looked around him with a slack jaw, marveling at the immensity of the structure before he looked away and met Xander's unreadable eyes.

Angel looked around him at the multitude of creatures walking the halls, engrossed in their conversation and paying no attention to the humans in their midst other than quick grimaces that he hoped were smiles to Spike, Willow and Xander.

Holly tugged on Xander's hand, "Daddy, can I go find Meldy and play with her," she begged.

Xander looked down, "Don't you want to say Hello first to Master Zed," he asked with a smile, knowing the answer before her squeal of joy.

"YES! Unca Zed first, I want to show him the necklace that Grandma gave me," she bounced eagerly.

"Master Zed," Angel said quietly, his eyes intent on Xander, "Who's Master Zed?"

At that Xander's eyes went blank, "You wanted to know about Quor-Toth didn't you? Well, he's just the person you need to speak to."

Angel didn't move, there was something wrong here that was teasing at his senses...the demons that walked the halls, the building...everthing shouted wrongness to him.

"I thought you said that Travelers were not permitted to go into Quor-Toth," he said quietly, his face wary.

Xander looked at him with no expression, "And I thought you wanted to know about Quor-Toth," he repeated with a raised brow.

Holly looked back and forth between her fathers, feeling that same sensation of badness rising between them.

"Poppa, don't you wanna met Unca Zed? He's really nice and smart too," Holly pleaded, looking up at Angel.

"Fine, let's go met this Master Zed," Angel sighed, holding Holly's hand.

"Xan, if you don't mind, me and Spike are gonna go to our bedroom. We'll see you at dinner, okay? Tell Zed that we'll be by early tomorrow morning and tell him that he had better be prepared to get his ass kicked in chess tomorrow too," Willow's eyes had narrowed in anticipation of the challenge, before Spike dragged her away.

Xander just rolled his eyes as he, Angel and Holly left the hallway. He was well used to the competitive nature of the two, sometimes they would go for days before one would grudgingly concede defeat.

Angel couldn't help but look around him with a sense of wonder at the way all the various demons were getting along. This was like a demon utopia, he thought with an inward smile.

He watched as Xander paused in front a desk manned by a blue and yellow striped demon.

"Chala, how's it going," Xander said enthusiastically, shaking the paw the other extended.

"Xander and little Hollycat," Chala snarled out, standing erect on his four legs, "When did you two get here?"

"We just got here," Holly piped up from Angel's side, jumping up and down in excitement, eager to see her Unca Zed.

"And you really want to see Master Zed," Chala said shrewdly, watching the bouncing figure and chuckling.

"YES!" Holly shouted in joy, her eyes sparkling.

Chala and Xander laughed, before Chala waved them through a door that was opening.

As they stepped through the doorway into the red lit room, Angel could definitely smell the distinct scent of blood, silently thanking Spike for giving him the nose plugs, otherwise he would have been frothing at the mouth at the scent of so much blood. He frowned, where was it coming from?

"Zed," Holly shouted excitedly, running along a path and stopping in the center, "Look at what my Granma gave me," she wrestled her locket out of her shirt and held it up in the air.

"Very pretty," came a low voice around them.

Angel started and Xander gave him a cool glance. Angel cast a look around the room, his uneasy feeling growing as he took another look around the room, peering at the electricity playing along the spidery tracks in the walls. A soft breeze was rhythmically blowing back and forth across his face, accompanied by a muted thumping sound.

"Master Zed, this is my mate, Angel," Xander bowed, smiling at Holly's shout, 'And my Poppa, too!'

He turned to her, "Sweetie, why don't you run along and wait outside with Chala while we talk with Master Zed, okay? Then when we come out, we'll find Meldy and you two can play in the garden."

He smiled at the eagerness on her face as she ran out the door, his smile fading as he met Angel's eyes.

"Master Zed, Angel wishes to know about Quor-Toth."

Angel shivered as the breeze blew a little faster across his face.

"Ahhhh," came the sigh in the chamber, "What do you wish to know, mate to Xander?"

"I was told that a Traveler could open a portal into Quor-Toth, but I was also told that no Traveler would be foolish or crazy enough to take me there," Angel spoke, looking around, growing unsettled as that damn drumming sound seem to speed up a bit.

"Both are equally correct. A Traveler can open a portal to Quor-Toth, however, if the Traveler was very fortunate, he or she will die in the attempt along with their Travel Mate."

Angel froze before saying unsteadily, "And if they weren't fortunate, then what?" feeling a horrible sense of dread as he waited for the reply.

And a strong breeze nearly blew him over, "Then they live for a very long time."

"That's no answer," Angel shouted angrily, his eyes furious.

"It is the only answer that I will give you," was the cold reply, "I would suggest that you heed your mate's advice and give up your foolish quest into Quor-Toth."

"My son is in Quor-Toth," Angel growled, his eyes turning gold.

"Then you have my sympathy. However, no sane Traveler will venture into Quor-Toth. It is a nightmare realm of shadows and demons where very few humans can survive," came the quiet response.

Angel sneered {,} as he lost his temper, "Well, I would imagine that the lot of you would do well in Quor-Toth."

Behind him, Xander winced.

The chamber went silent except for the steady muffled thumping noise as even the gushing wind stopped blowing for a minute about the room.

"Goodbye, mate of Xander," was the cool response.

Xander sighed, "Let's go Angel," and tugged Angel from the room.

As they exited the room, Angel muttered, "Well, it's true, you would think with all these demons running around, that one or two more demons wouldn't matter in Quor-Toth."

Holly looked up at Angel's muttered comment and laughed, "Silly Poppa, you and Spikie is the only demons here! Daddy, Chala sent a message for Meldy to c'mere, can I stay until she gets here," she anxiously waited for Xander's reply, not noticing the frown on Angel's face at her earlier words.

"Chala, is it okay if Holly waits here for Meldy," Xander called over to the other.

"Certainly, she can help me with my homework," Chala smiled, revealing a mouth full of sharp serrated teeth.

"Okay, Holly you can stay but you had better mind, Chala," Xander warned her sternly. "If I hear one bad thing from him or anyone else while we're here , you will be sitting in your room for the rest of our stay, is that clear?"

Holly heaved a put on sigh, "Dadddyyyy, I'll be good."

"Fine, then you can stay," Xander said giving her a quick hug and kiss before he left with Angel with a few warning looks back.

They walked along for several minutes with Xander greeting a number of individuals by name, clasping hands/paws/claws with them or enveloping one or two in a hug. Quietly introducing a discomforted Angel to everyone that stopped him.

"Well, it's finally nice to meet you," said one rather crotchety individual with a hard carapace on his back and spindly legs. "You hafta get the boy to bring you more often instead of hiding you away."

Angel was silent, remembering the many occasions where Xander had asked him to come to several different functions, how each time he had put him off; the times Xander asked him to meet some of his friends and he had claimed that he had a lot of work to do. And it struck him that Xander didn't bother to ask him or try to tell him about what he did as a Traveler any longer.

He cast a sidelong look at Xander's averted profile, silently noting the lines of tension in Xander's face and the squared shoulders as they walked.

"It hurt you every time that I refused to come with you here, didn't it," he finally said quietly.

Xander shrugged, "I got used to it," his answer was equally quiet and still he refused to look at Angel.

"That's not what I asked," Angel responded evenly, stopping in his tracks.

"Angel, just let the matter rest, it's not important anymore," Xander said with a tiny sigh as he continuing on.

"Fine, let's talk about something else then," Angel said, swiftly catching up with the other. "What did Holly mean when she said that me and Spike were the only demons here? What the hell is everybody else here," he demanded quietly, blinking as they reached a door.

Xander opened the door, gesturing Angel inside where Spike and Willow were sitting on a couch talking.

"They're humans," Xander said quietly, he nodded to Spike and Willow in acknowledgement.

Angel whirled around, his face shocked, "Humans?! But they look....," he stuttered.

"...like demons, I know," Xander nodded his head as he crossed the room heading for another door and opening the door into a huge bedroom awash in sunlight.

Angel blinked and stood at the doorway, away from the deadly sunlight.

Xander's mouth twisted, "It's not real sunlight," he assured Angel with unreadable eyes. After everything he had been through with Angel the past couple of days, he wasn't sure if he wanted to share a bed with him tonight or ever again.

Sure he told Angel that it didn't matter if the other came with him or not to the Hall, but it did. It ate and festered inside him like a vicious rat trying to chew its way out. Everyone brought their mates and husbands or wives to watch them advance in ranking but him. It wasn't enough for him to just have Willow, Spike and Holly watching and cheering him on, he wanted Angel there beside him, sharing his triumphs.

And with every refusal by Angel, the feeling of being nothing more than a sex toy for his Mate grew until finally he stopped asking, choosing instead to be content with whatever Angel choose to give him.

He was brought back by Angel's demand, "If they're humans then how in the hell do they look like that," Angel's mouth was twisted in distaste.

"Way, way back, there was an island of a bunch of proud arrogant people. Just about everyone on the island were Travelers," Xander began, unbuttoning his coat and tossing it on a chair. "Really tiny experiments had shown them that Quor-Toth was an extremely dangerous dimension so the leaders had vowed to never to Travel or even open a portal to that dimension. One day the most powerful and arrogant Traveler decided to see what was within Quor-Toth, calling anyone that tried to convince him to stop 'a bunch of old fools'.

"About 200 men and women decided to heed the omens of danger and put out to sea before the portal opened. The portal opened and managed to suck the island into Quor-Toth before the people on the island could close it again. And they remained stuck in Quor-Toth for several centuries before their mages were able to push the island out of Quor-Toth and into this pocket of NoWhere. And here they have remained for thousands of years. About 17,000 people either died or went mad from the effects of what Quor-Toth did to their bodies," Xander gazed steadily at Angel as he toed off his shoes.

"This Hall," and he waved his hand, indicating the immense structure, "Was built to house Master Zed as a warning and a reminder to all Travelers. All Travelers are descended from the 200 men and women that left the island."

Angel swallowed thickly, fearing the answer but knowing he had to ask it, "Whe...where is Master Zed?"

Xander regarded him steadily, "You were just in him."

And he turned and walked into the bathroom, sitting on the side of the tub and running the water. He didn't turn around even though he knew Angel stood behind him.

"That chamber," Angel began unsteadily, "The thumping sound...," his voice rose slightly.

"....was his heart beating, the wind that you felt was him breathing," Xander said quietly without looking around at the other, swirling his hand in the water.

Reaching into a cabinet, he removed a canister of fragrant herbs, great for soothing fretful babies and upset parents, his mouth twisted in a wry grin as he fought to control his tears.

Angel stood frozen, his mouth nearly dropping open in shock at the revelation.

"Why didn't you tell me this before," he asked quietly, trying as best as he could to not sound so
accusatory.

"Angel, how many times did I ask you to come with me here," Xander asked in a quiet voice as he leaned forward and shut off the water. "If you had come with me, I wouldn't have had to tell you anything, you would have known. But every time I asked you to come with me, you were always too 'busy'," Xander looked down, trying not to show just how much it had hurt.

Angel watched the averted profile with brooding eyes, he had seriously fucked up! If he had only listened to Xander when the other tried to talk to him, when his mate had virtually begged him to listen. But noooo, a big stubborn galoot like him couldn't be bothered to listen, so focused and intent on getting his son back that there was no room in his heart for anything else.

"Would it help if I said that I was sorry," Angel finally whispered, feeling an awful pain in his chest
when he tried to open their link and Xander slammed it shut again.

"No, because they'll be just words," Xander shook his head slowly, "Once we leave here, you'll probably be back to acting the same way, with me as your little piece of ass. Good for nothing but a good fuck!" He bit his lipsavagely as his anger and hurt almost escaped him.

"Go away, Angel and let me take a bath in peace," he finally said when he had himself under control.

Angel stumbled from the room in shock. He didn't treat Xander like that, did he, he questioned himself desperately. He loved Xander! He would never hurt his mate, or dismiss him so casually.

He walked blindly out of the room, not noticing several other people in the room as well, coming back to himself with a start as he heard his name called.

"Angel," Willow said quietly, touching his arm, "This is Brand," she indicated a silvery haired young man with merry gray eyes, "And his husband Zeln," indicating a bigger black haired male regarding him with cool eyes.

Angel looked at the big man with narrowed eyes, sensing hostility in the man before grudgingly extending his hand.

"Greetings, mate of Xander," Zeln said coolly and cold gray eyes appraised the vampire before him.

"Be nice," Brand hissed at him, his gray eyes sparking with temper.

Zeln looked down at his mate with a bland face, "I am always nice," he reminded the other, dropping Angel's hand and dismissing the vampire.

Angel retreated against the wall, watching as the huge room swiftly became crowded. Everyone here, he realized in some amazement, was here to greet Xander, Willow or Spike! He tried to count the shifting people and finally gave up after he had reached 80 and when Xander finally came out of the bedroom dressed in a pair of skintight brown pants and a sheer top, he nearly fell over in shocked lust at the sight.

Grabbing a glass from a table, he retreated to the darkening balcony away from the crowd of chattering people. He didn't know any of these people, unaware of the swift look of pain that Xander threw him before the other turned around with a bright smile to his friends.

But Zeln saw and understood.

And he would help his young friend as the other helped him to see the truth.

Casually he picked up a bottle and joined the other on the balcony.

"Your mate and I have been friends for a very long time," he began coolly, "He helped me out of a very difficult spot some years ago and I have been searching for some way to repay him."

Angel cast the man a cool look in return, "Oh, please do continue," he said sarcastically.

Zeln looked at him with little change in his eyes, "You will lose him to another if you are not careful," he warned the vampire very quietly.

Angel's eyes narrowed, "Like you," his words were a soft hiss of menace.

"I am married and extremely faithful to my husband," Zeln stated calmly, sipping at his drink.

"However, I was once in a similar position as you," he continued, staring out over the landscape. "And Xander opened my eyes to what was going on in my life."

"Oh, and how did he do that," Angel said, with mocking attention.

"On my world, sex between two males is something that is strictly forbidden...it is the only crime that is punishable by death," Zeln began quietly. "My people were always aware that Travelers existed and it was the highest honor that anyone could obtain. Travelers were powerful and mysterious, helping others, protecting the weak until they were strong enough. Every one in our village was overjoyed when it was discovered that Brand was a Traveler. Female after female was paraded before him for years in hopes that he would find a suitable Travel Mate but to no avail. And when the parents died he was extremely...distraught when he came to tell me of the news. I had always been there for him, you see, despite our age differences," Zeln looked gravely at Angel.

"He lay trying not to cry in my bed, simply needing to be held and to be comforted. He didn't come to me for sweet kisses, for a passionate rendezvous with me but that was what he found and that night I became his Travel Mate. And in the morning, I found that I had lost my home, my wife and children as our family turned their backs on us....and I placed all the blame squarely on him. I punished him for over 50 years by whoring around with any female I could find, feeding everything I felt, the pleasure, the ecstasy back through our link, shoving it in his face. And he silently took all my abuse with nary a word to defend himself. But every mission that he undertook kept getting riskier and riskier, but I in my arrogance couldn't see what I was doing to him. I had always vowed to protect him, to guard him with my life and was now the one hurting him, slowly killing him with my indifference and cruelty. The only time that I ever went to him was when my need for him overrode my senses, but then I went right back to punishing him even more harshly."

Zeln looked at Angel and how silent he had become, "It wasn't until Xander came, did I realize just how far I had gone with him, what I had done to him. They came back from a mission with Brand halfdead, it was only Xander's desperate hold on his life that kept him alive. I fought to reach my Mate and managed to punch Xander before he beat me to within an inch of my life that day. I lay on the floor barely able to breath, feeling near death and he came to me, whispering that the way I felt was only a fraction of what Brand endured from me, wanting to die but not able to."

"Xander wouldn't let me anywhere near Brand for the next several months, somehow he figured out how to block our bond with each other. He began introducing Brand to other people that would care for him, love him, to give him the support the way I refused to do. And it wasn't until I heard Brand's laughter that I realized just what I was throwing away. I don't know where I found the strength to break through whatever barrier Xander placed between us, but I managed to link back with Brand and begged him to be my husband. Which is what I think Xander was trying to guide me towards anyhow," Zeln's mouth twisted up wryly.

Angel finally stirred, "All this because your people won't accept a male bonding," he asked in a harsh whisper.

"No, all this because Brand is my younger brother," Zeln said quietly, his eyes sparkling with laughter at the look on Angel's face.

"Your brother," Angel managed to wheeze out, his eyes wide.

"Yes, I probably could have accepted a male in my bed, with a lot of protesting of course, but I would have accepted him, but my younger brother was a lot harder to accept as a Mate," Zeln shook his head. "That's why I asked him to marry me, this way we can't leave each other," he announced in tones of extreme satisfaction.

Angel stood still, "What exactly do you mean by that," he said carefully, his face neutral.

Zeln looked at him with cool amusement in his eyes, "I mean that the Traveler initially mates with someone that they are very close to, someone that they know will keep them safe. However, should they find someone else better suited to the task they can discard the first mate in favor of the second mate. But it is up to the Mate to make the bond more....solid. That is why it's called Mate's Choice, it is the Mate that makes the bond...the link permanent. And it will be very difficult for you to do that should Xander sets you aside, don't you think?"

And he gave Angel an icy smile before he walked away, leaving the vampire stunned.

Of course, Xander would never unBond with the vampire nor had a Traveler ever discarded a Mate, he chuckled to himself, and wasn't it a shame that the vampire didn't know that? He hoped it would make the vampire look at Xander with new eyes and appreciate what he had in Xander.

"What did you do," Brand whispered fiercely to his husband, easily recognizing that look on the other's face.

Zeln looked down with innocent eyes, "Me?! Why I was just getting to know Xander's Mate a little better, that's all," he said with an injured tone.

"Like Xander says, 'Pull the other one'," Brand snorted, "We'll discuss this further when we get home," he said firmly. Where their friends and family were concerned, he didn't trust Zeln one bit.

Not if I distract you first, Zeln thought with a inward chuckle.

When Angel came back inside, his eyes narrowed at seeing an extremely beautiful dark haired male hanging on to Xander like a lifeline. And remembering what Zeln had said, his eyes slowly began to fade to a cold, deadly yellow as he stalked towards the two.

And he was intercepted by Spike before he made a fool out of himself.

"Peaches, hold it," Spike warned him with a slight hiss, easily recognizing the jealousy that lit Angel's eyes.

Angel turned to him with a low growl, causing the guests to look around uneasily at him.

"What," he said through clenched teeth, inwardly raging at the thought of another putting their hands on his Xander.

"Xander and T'Mar, it's not what you think," Spike said rapidly. "T'Mar's not exactly right in the head, ya see and when his brother and his sister-in-law hafta go out on assignment, he gets a little... upset and nervous about being alone."

Angel gave Spike a disbelieving glance before taking a good long look at the man, finally noticing the vague look in the other's eyes. His brows contracted into a frown at the faint look of panic on T'mar's face whenever Xander moved more that five feet away from him.

He gave a short nod to Spike for the warning before he began to glide closer to Xander.

Xander looked up at feeling T'mar's tail tightening around his waist and he patted the nervously, shifting tail soothingly.

"Angel, this is T'mar," he said quietly, feeling the other trembling against his back. "T'mar this is my mate Angel, you remember me telling you about him," he said softly, twisting to look at the other behind him.

Angel blinked at the look of fear in the other's soft purple eyes and extended his hand slowly, trying not to frighten the young man unnecessarily.

T'mar blinked slowly, trying to remember what Xander said, "Mate?" he said softly, pressing tightly against Xander.

"Mate," Xander agreed, "Remember how I taught you to greet people," he prompted the other.

T'mar's face lit up with a wide smile, "Yes!" he cried enthusiastically. He thrust out his hand and pumped Angel's hand vigoriously and with his other hand maintained a firm grip on Xander's shirt.

"Up, down, up, down, stop," he muttered, watching his hand carefully and quickly withdrawing it when he reached the word ?Stop?.

"Very good," Xander smiled warmly at the other.

T'mar beamed with pride, his chest puffing out but still clutching firmly at Xander's shirt.

Angel raised his brows, "I'm very pleased to meet you also, T'mar," he said quietly, watching as the shy eyes darted to his face before the other looked down.

"T'mar, could you go get Willow for me," Xander said quietly and pointed to Willow on the other side of the room.

And for a minute T'mar looked fearful before taking a deep shaky breath for courage. Then unwrapping his tail and moving off slowly, he frequently turned to look back at Xander for reassurance.

Xander continued to smile encouragingly and spoke rapidly to Angel from the side of his mouth, "Look, Angel, I'm sorry to have to do this, but Tamen and his wife, Shelby had to go out on an assignment early this evening and left T'mar by himself. He's getting better about being alone but if we're here he's gotten used to sleeping with us until they come back. So either I can go stay at their apartment or he stays here." Xander looked anxiously at Angel.

Angel hesitated for a few seconds, "Xander, whatever you think would be best, I'm okay with it," he said quietly. "I don't want to cause any problems for you here, so do whatever you need to do and I'll just follow after you."

Xander looked at him suspiciously, "Okay," he said slowly, wondering what game Angel was playing now. He sighed, well he would soon find out.

Angel saw the suspicious look cross Xander's face and regretted that his mate had sufficient cause to feel that way. But no matter what, he was going to show Xander that he cared....about him....his work.....about everything that his mate did.

Gradually the party wound down and finally the last person left. T'mar had slowly relaxed and was chattering to Holly as everyone cleaned up the place before preparing for bed.

T'mar accompanied Xander into the bedroom, laughing and talking about everything that had happened to him that day while Xander listened interestedly and asked questions.

Angel frowned behind the young man, wondering why was he in the bedroom with them.

"Xander, I know that this is going to sound kinda stupid but I don't have anything to wear," he said
quietly.

Xander glanced at him and turned away, "I brought some clothes here a long time ago for you."

Angel blew out a slow breath, again he fucked up. Obviously, Xander had been wanting him to come to this place for a long time and he couldn't be bothered.

Xander grabbed a pair of pajamas out of the dresser for himself, "Okay, T'mar which pair of jammies do you want to wear," he asked the smiling man.

"Ooooh, can I wear the ones with the pretty boxes on them," T'mar said softly, his eyes wide.

"Yep, here ya go," Xander said as he fished the pajamas out of the drawer.

Angel blinked as the young man quickly shucked off his clothing, his mouth dropping open in shock to see smooth skin between his legs before the pajamas were swiftly pulled up.

T'mar ran and quickly jumped into the bed, bouncing excitedly and making Xander laugh.

"He's sleeping with us," Angel asked quietly to Xander, his eyes uncertain.

"Uhm, yes," Xander said, blinking, wondering if Angel was going have a fit. "It's what we usually do."

"You sleep together," Angel said slowly, wanting to make certain he understood matters correctly.

Xander waved his hands, "We just sleep together, we don't actually SLEEP together," he stressed.

Angel nodded as if he understood the illogic of that statement, "Right. You only sleep together."

"You got it," Xander said with a swift nod, before climbing into bed behind T'mar.

Angel looked at the two dark hair males sprawled in the bed and sighed, clearly this was going to be a very long night.

T'mar watched Angel get into bed with them with wide eyes, "He's gonna sleep with us," he asked Xander in a loud whisper, propping himself up on one elbow.

"Yes," Xander assured him, pulling him down onto his chest.

"Why?" T'mar peered at Angel with suspicious eyes.

"Cause he's my mate," Xander said with slight exasperation. "Now close your eyes and go to sleep."

"Tamen and Shelby don?t like me sleeping with strange people," T'mar said worriedly.

"I'm right beside you," Xander rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah," Tmar said quietly, his tail snaking around and curling around Xander?s waist for comfort.

Angel regarded the duo with wary eyes as he lay down next to Xander, he could feel T'mar's eyes firmly fixed on him, watching him warily even after he blew out the candles.

"T'mar, go to sleep," came Xander's firm voice out of the darkness.

Slowly all three fell into a restless sleep before a few hours later Angel was awakened by movement in the bed.

Opening his eyes, he made out T'mar slipping from the bed and exiting the room.

Laying still for a few moments until curiosity got the better of him, he carefully eased himself out of the bed and followed.

Quietly he walked into the kitchen area and regarded T'mar swiftly making a sandwich. A big, huge freakin' sandwich, Angel marvel at the size and height.

"Would you like me to heat up some blood for you," T'mar said smoothly, without looking up from what he was doing.

Angel blinked, "Uhm, if you don't mind," he said uncertainly wondering what happened to the halting way the other spoke previously.

T'mar flashed him a quick smile, cool intelligence glinting in his eyes, "I bet you're probably wondering why I seem a little bit more intelligent now," he challenged Angel quietly.

Angel mouth twisted, "You got that right. Spike said that you were slow," he stated quietly.

"I am slow. It takes me a while to process information in my brain. My brother and my mate have adjusted to the way I am as have all my friends. During the day I'm slow, but usually around this time my mind has processed information and I'm able to hold intelligent conversations. My family have adjusted their lives to my condition." He quickly heated up blood for Angel and brought it to the table along with his sandwich.

There was silence in the kitchen as T'mar eyed Angel with calm intensity, "So, we finally get to meet the Great Angel, mate to Xander. It was getting so that we actually thought that Xander had made you up," he murmured, eying Angel steadily.

Angel looked down and remained silent.

"You know, you surprise me," T'mar said at last, "Had my brother came home and found me in bed with some stranger, he most likely would have killed that person then asked questions, yet you calmly accept me in bed with Xander. Most remarkable," he shook his head mockingly.

Angel looked at T'mar in askance, "You're mated with your brother?" he finally questioned with wide eyes, these people were crazy!

T'mar eyed him coolly, "I take it that that disturbs you? More than the fact that Xander is sleeping with a dead person," he raised his brows. "Take heart, my brother and I are most definitely NOT mated in the sense that you and Xander are. Shockingly enough, I'm also Travel Mated with his wife."

Angel opened his mouth and then closed it, not wanting to ask just how did that work considering that the man didn't have a dick or anything.

T'mar smiled calmly, knowing what was on the vampire's mind, "My people come in three sexes. Male, female and neuter. All children are born neuter. However, when they reach approximately 15 or 16 years of age, their bodies change and become the sex that they are closely drawn to. My brother and I were separated when we were children, he to one of our aunts and I to our uncle after the death of our parents. Unfortunately, no one realized until too late that our uncle was an
extremely sick bastard with a sexual craving for neuters. Repeated beatings and rapes by my uncle damaged my brain, which made my body develop even slower than normal."

"And since I feel more closely aligned with the male aspect, I choose to consider myself a male, of course it would serve my brother right if I become a female," T'mar smirked before his smirk slowly faded away.

"But like I said, both of my mates probably would have killed you then asked questions if they found me in bed with you, but you calmly ignore another male in bed with your mate. We've always thought vampires were more territorial than that," T'mar raised a brow, his eyes challenging.

Angel's eyes narrowed, he was definitely feeling a lack of welcome from this male, "I trust Xander," he said stiffly.

T'mar snorted, "You don't even know Xander enough to trust him!"

Angel growled low in his throat at the male, his eyes slowly turning gold.

T'mar regarded him unblinkingly before pulling his sandwich to him. Keeping his eyes on Angel, he slowly unhinged his jaws and opened his mouth wide, revealing a double row of teeth within his mouth. He shoved the sandwich in his gaping maw, opening his throat wider to fit the sandwich in.

Angel, his anger forgotten, watched the bulging throat ripple and he shuddered as the sandwich bulge slide further down T'mar's throat until the huge mass was gone.

T'mar regarded him with cool eyes, a small smirk playing on his face, "There are a lot worse creatures in the world than vampires."

"Tell me, Angel, did you know that Xander will probably get his Mastery within the next 20 years, making him one of the youngest Masters? Did you also know how many times he's almost died on his missions? Were you aware that one time he was so badly hurt that it took him almost five months just to learn how to walk again? And yet we know more about you, about your fights for the Powers That Be than you apparently know about Xander. Interesting, don't you think?"
T'mar tilted his head, regarding the shell shocked vampire sitting across from him.

"Xander almost died," Angel managed to whisper out, his eyes stunned and horrified.

"When did this happen," he asked urgently, snatching at T'mar's arm.

T'mar's eyes slowly began to deepen in color, "Take your hand off my arm, NOW!" he hissed, his tail hitting the floor with a solid sound in his anger.

Angel hastily removed his hand, "I'm sorry I just....just," he ran a hand through his hair. "This is the first I've heard of any of this," he said helplessly.

"Well, perhaps you should have been listening to Xander when he tried to talk to you," T'mar said coldly, his eyes glinting with anger.

"All three have been hurt brutally in service to your vaunted Powers That Be. One of the reasons why they refuse to work for them any longer was because misinformation was the leading cause of both Xander and Spike almost dying, and Willow losing a child."

Angel blinked, "Willow was pregnant? By Spike?!" It finally began to sink in just how cut off he was from them and he raised tortured eyes to T'mar, flinching at the contemptous look the other gave him.

"You're such an idiot!" T'mar snapped. "As if Spike would allow another male to touch her!"

"Wh....whe..," Angel tried to clear the dryness in his throat. "When....how was Xander hurt," he asked hoarsely.

"Why don't you ask him yourself," T'mar said cruelly, his eyes icy and hard, "You're the one that apparently didn't have enough time to listen to him when he needed you. Who knows, maybe he won't find the time to listen to you when you need to talk to him!"

With that he got to his feet, "I'm going back to bed," and stalked away, his tail lashing angrily behind him.

Angel sat in the kitchen in stunned silence, first I lose my son because of Wesley...will I also I lose Xander through my arrogance that he's somehow less than I? He got to his feet like an old creaky man....losing Connor brought him to his knees and almost drove him over the edge. And if he lost Xander, he shook his head wearily...he would truly be one of the walking dead, a mere caricature of a vampire.

Xander gave his unlife meaning, a purpose...his mate brought laughter and sunshine into his dark cold world. It wasn't truly for his Shanshu that he served the PTB, it was because of Xander and Holly. And without Xander in his unlife he would simply be going through the motions of pretending to be animated while inside he was nothing but a rotting corpse.

Somewhere along the way he lost sight of the true reason why he sought his Shanshu, he could only pray that he wasn't too late. His lips quirked in a painfully rueful smile, he had no pride at the thought of losing Xander and if he had to beg, grovel and plead for Xander not to leave him he would.

Quietly he opened the bedroom door, sensing that both T'mar and Xander were fast asleep. Carefully, he eased into the bed trying not to disturb Xander, surprised when his mate murmured softly and rolled over, curling against him.

"Where were you," Xander muttered sleepily, pulling Angel's arm around him.

"Kitchen," Angel softly replied, cradling the other against his chest.

"Better now," Xander mumbled, without opening eyes, draping himself over Angel.

"Yeah," Angel said quietly, stroking the tumbled locks of hair, gentling his mate back to sleep. Taking some encouragement from the warm weight sprawled over him, he hoped that he had another chance to make things right. He would take comfort in the fact that Connor was alive somewhere in Quor-Toth and pray that Holtz kept his word and took care of his little boy.

"Uh...sleep good," Xander mumbled, sighing softly as he fell back to sleep.

Angel smiled, "Yeah, sleep good." And suiting actions to words, he joined Xander in the world of slumber.

*

Waking was extremely painful, however, what with the huge sword held steadily at his throat. He lay immobile in the bed, looking up at....T'mar? His brows drew down into a frown of puzzlement.

"Who are you and what are you doing in bed with my brother," T'mar asked coldly, giving the unmistakable impression that he really didn't care what Angel said, he was going to kill him anyway.

Angel's eyes shifted to the side and saw a hard faced woman glaring at him with icy artic eyes, her tail lashing back and forth.

Angel closed his eyes quickly as the bed stirred, fearing the sword would 'accidently' slice his throat with the shifting bed but the man had better control than that, easily moving the sword away to avoid damage...or at least more serious damage.

"Tamen!" T'mar shouted happily before he jumped over Angel's prone body and into the open arms of his brother.

Tamen staggered back slightly before turning and sitting on the bed.

Angel pulled his feet over to make room and slowly sat up, a wary eye on the woman now holding a sword in her hand. His attention shifted between the two males and he started, finally connecting the pieces. He stared, barely aware of T'mar's babbling words to his fascinated brother.

Twins!

He thought in wonder, inhaled softly at the astounding beauty of the normal brother. He blinked, seeing the woman's attention shift as she listened to the spate of words coming from T'mar.

"....and we had a party," T'mar exclaimed with a wide smile, curled up in his brother's lap.

"And how long did you stay at our apartment," Tamen asked with a stern expression, stroking his brother gently.

"Uhm, a long time?" T'mar said hesitantly, peering up into Tamen's face then looking up at Shelby. "A real long long time before Xander came," and he nodded determinedly.

Shelby smiled, crouching to his level, "You think you'll be able to stay by yourself pretty soon, hmm?"

"Yep," T'mar smiled happily, feeling safe and warm with his brother and Shelby.

"Now, what have we told you about strange men," Tamen said quietly, his eyes intent.

T'mar sat up and looked earnestly into Tamen's face, "But he's not strange, he's just Xander's mate!" He twisted to look at Shelby, becoming upset and on the verge of tears.

Angel's lips twisted at that remarked.

Both Tamen and Shelby looked at Angel with cool eyes and Angel sighed, yep, definitely not feeling the love here.

"Hi, I'm Angel, Xander's mate," he said, extending his hand to them. He pulled it back when they just regarded him blankly.

"Like this," T'mar exclaimed, seizing Angel's hand, "Up, down, up, down and stop."

Angel blinked, watching the light dawn on the faces of the other two and his hand was seized and pumped precisely like T'mar instructed.

Xander strolled out of the bath, stopping and stepping back into the bathroom to grab his robe.

"Hey, when did you two get back," he smiled at two more of his favorite people.

"About a few minutes ago," Tamen said, standing up and hugging T'mar to him. "Thanks for looking out for T'mar. If it wasn't a critical situation we would never have left him and we almost didn't but he said he would be okay to stay by himself," he looked fondly down at his cuddly twin before planting a soft kiss on T'mar's forehead. His tail was wrapped tightly around T'mar's waist and twining with Shelby's.

"And I did," T'mar shouted, almost bursting with pride. "Yep, pretty soon, I'm gonna be able to stay all by myself." He looked at them with proud eyes. "But not right now though, okay," he added hastily, clutching firmly at Tamen and Shelby's hands.

"Cool," Xander replied, "You guys met Angel," he gestured to his mate still in the bed.

"I introduced them," T'mar boasted, "And I taught them to shake hands!" His chest was puffed out in pride.

"Way to go, dude," Xander exclaimed, looking at T'mar with a suitable expression of amazement, his smile growing at the flush of happiness that filled T'mar's face.

"Xan, we'll let you and your mate alone," Shelby said quietly, "Do you want us to watch Holly while you're here?"

Xander looked at Angel swiftly and then away, "Nah, we got it covered," he said quietly, "But thanks for the offer."

"The offer is always open, my friend," Tamen said equally quietly, "Thanks for everything."

"Bye Xander," T'mar twisted and waved, then looking between Shelby and Tamen he started back telling them everything he did since they left on their mission.

There was silence in the room before it was broken by Angel.

"I thought when I woke up that Tamen or Shelby was going to cut my throat," he said wryly, rubbing at his neck.

"Probably they would have if you hadn't been in my bed," Xander said quietly, going over to the dresser and pulling some clothes to put on.

Angel had froze, his eyes slightly narrowing on the sleek back wondering?.

"Your bed," he said softly, climbing from the bed and padding over to Xander.

Xander frowned, turning around to ask, "Did I say my bed? I meant our bed," he said hastily at the look on his vampire?s face.

Angel stood in front of him, watching Xander's eyes. He reached out, hoping that Xander would talk to him through their link and felt the door closed gently between them.

"Angel, don't," Xander said quietly, his eyes sad. "Just don't."

Angel winced at the flare of pain in Xander's eyes, "Xan, I know that I screwed up big time, but please don't give up on me," he whispered. "You and Holly are my world, you mean everything to me. Yeah, I was lost for a while and treated you like a...a...minion, but Xander I don't...I can't bear to lose you. Or Holly."

Xander searched Angel's remorseful eyes, blinking at the depth of emotions filling the beautiful brown eyes gazing at him steadily. He lowered his head, unsure if this was a good idea, wondering if he was just setting himself up for another fall. Maybe it was his fault for not trying hard enough to get through to Angel, for not forcing his mate to SEE and HEAR him.

Angel tilted Xander's face up, "Xander, I'm serious," he said quietly. "What ever you want me to do, I'm willing to do it. If you want me to bark like a dog, jump through hoops of fire?I'll do it. Just give me another chance," he ended in a whisper, stepping closer.

"How do I know this time you'll listen to me, be there for me," Xander asked hesitantly, looking into Angel's worried eyes, searching for the truth as his hands tightened on his mate's shoulders.

"Well, if I screw up again, throw a brick at me...and I can promise you that I'll get the message loud and clear," Angel tried to smile into the worried eyes of his lover. "But I do love you, Alexander LaVelle Harris. But you need to tell me, to talk to me when I do something wrong and stop trying to hide shit because sometimes I really *don't* know what's wrong or when I screw up. I think that our problem is that we're both too afraid of getting kicked out of the Men's Club....again."

Xander exhaled shudderingly, a brief smile crossing his face at Angel's attempt at humor. He nodded quickly and the dawning smile of happiness that grew in Angel's eyes sent warm tingles of heat through him. It felt like it had been forever since he had seen that look on Angel's face directed at him.

"Bed now," he said hopefully, peeking at Angel beneath his lashes. Wanting, needing the familiarity of touching...the comfort of being close to Angel in bed...of his mate loving him, of Angel being a part of him when they made love.

And considering their sex lives, he was very much surprised when Angel smilingly shook his head in refusal.

"Mo gra, in order for this to work, to rebuild your trust in me I want to take us back to the beginning, when I courted and proved my love to you. I want to be that same man that you fell in love with and I want to you to know that you can believe in me, depend on me...love me," Angel quietly stated, his face softening at the look of confusion in Xander's wide brown eyes.

"For how long," Xander said suspiciously, frowning at the thought of no nookie with Angel.

"For as long as it takes," was the calm response despite the heat burning in Angel's dark gaze.

Xander thought a moment, "Okay, I'm convinced! Bed now," he demanded, trying to pull Angel to the bed and growling angrily when the laughing man refused. Bed was the only place he felt able to connect with Angel, to feel needed by his mate. He felt tears come to his eyes and turned away hastily, unwilling for Angel to see him cry.

Angel inhaled softly, feeling like pounding his head against the wall. Only after he had laughed, had he seen the desperation in Xander's eyes and remembered what his mate had said about the only place he felt needed or wanted was in bed.

"Xander, don't," he pleaded quietly, reeling the stiff body back to him and wrapping his arms around the angry body of his lover.

"Don't start imagining this into something that it is not. I never want you to feel that I'm taking advantage of you or that I think that you are nothing but a sex toy. I want to show you how much I value you....your smile, your love...the way you light up a room with laughter. I don't want you to have any doubts about yourself, me or us. I want you to be sure of my continuing love and devotion to you, to our family. I just thought that by NOT having sex would prove to you that I treasure YOU and not just your body. I treasure what makes up, Alexander LaVelle Harris," and he stroked gently over Xander's heart feeling the rigid body soften against him.

"But I said that I was convinced," Xander muttered, turning around and looking at Angel.

"Are you sure," Angel replied softly, peering into Xander's eyes and nodding to himself as his mate looked away.

"When you are sure, I mean 100% sure of me, of my love for you and not just for your body, then we will make love," Angel stated with quiet finality.

"Fine," Xander spat out, feeling angry for no particular reason. "Then I hope you have fun sleeping alone," he sneered before turning to storm away.

Angel snatched him back against him, "And who said that I will be sleeping alone," he retorted softly, his eyes glittering with rising desire.

"Oh no, my pretty, you will be right beside me when I'm sleeping," he breathed and kissed Xander hungrily. Both of them stirring to hard arousal before Angel managed to pull away.



Chapter 10

It took some doing, and a hell of a lot of cold showers, but Angel's plan was working. Focusing on their family, helping to take care of the various
children that were dropped off when their parents were called on assignments was an...experience.

That first day, which he still blamed Xander, he almost killed one of the kids. Somebody should have warned him, was all he would growl.

*

Coming slowly awake as bright, faux sunlight flooded the room. Angel frowned as he patted the empty side of the bed. Yawning he sat up, blinking at Xander side of the bed.. No Xander. No warm, cuddly body to snuggle up to. Flopping back down on the bed he growled softly, he wanted his snugly Xandybear and he wanted him right now! He waited, sulking silently when Xander didn't come running into the room to join him under the warm covers.

Grumbling to himself and yawning he rolled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. Angel stood blinking sleepily at the sight of a clear gelatin ball quivering in front of the shower but shrugging, he decided to simply ignore it. He turned to the sink to begin brushing his teeth. Frowning, he thought he saw some flicker past him from the corner of his eye, though when he looked around there was nothing.

He raised a brow in bemused wonder. Okay, he thought slowly, maybe they have mice. Shrugging again he resumed his dental work. And shifting to demon mode, he re-brushed the extra length of teeth. It wouldn't do to kiss Xander with nasty teeth and blood breath. Rinsing and spitting out, Angel froze as a scuttling noise came to his ears.

And peering carefully from side to side, he grew more puzzled when he failed to see or hear anything else. I'll ask Xander what the hell is going on, he decided in an afterthought.

He shucked his robe on the floor and stepped into the shower, and swiftly turning it on he lathered up quickly. Absently Angel hummed a few bars of Mandy then he started frowning again. Were the hell did that ball come from and why is it now by the toilet? I could have sworn that I saw it in front of the shower. And opening the shower curtain, he looked down and there was the ball, quivering in front of the shower.

Right! I am officially insane, he thought with a inward chuckle. First, I'm hearing things, then imagining Holly's toys are moving...I have got to get
focused.

Stepping out, he quickly dried himself before strolling back into the bedroom. Unaware of small creature that scuttled across the ceiling and out the
bedroom door. Or the clear ball that rolled rapidly after him. It swiftly turned and headed out the open door as well.

Dressing, Angel made his way to the kitchen, hearing Xander and Willow arguing with Spike on the best way to cook pancakes. Spike was obviously winning since neither Willow or Xander knew how to cook. Actually, Xander knew in theory but no sane person would let the boy near an open flame.

But Willow....and Angel shuddered remembering some of the concoctions she had came up with. Things that she actually had the nerve to call 'food'! She was another person that was on his list of people that should be banned forever from trying to cook.

He opened the swinging kitchen door to see the three arguing over the stove. And a huge monstrous insect dangling by a thread, slowly descending over his Xander!

Angel froze, his eyes fixed on the creature as he crept closer.

Holly eyed her father when he came in, closing her mouth at a single finger to his lips to her. And she watched him, hardly breathing for excitement as Poppa crept up on Daddy, and she bounced eagerly in her seat. Ooooh, she loved it when her daddies played!

Closer Angel crept...

Holly clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle her chortles of glee, as her eyes widened delightedly.

....and closer the creature came to Xander.

Angel stalked closer to his mate, moving with the eerie silent grace of a true predator. His narrowed eyes intent on the huge creature descending
relentlessly towards his mate's unsuspecting head.

And Holly simply couldn't stand the suspense anymore...

“LOOK OUT, DADDY! POPPA'S GONNA GET YA!” she shrieked, standing in her chair.

Xander whirled around with a gasp, just as the insect on him.

Wondering about Angel's strange look, Xander plucked Jala from his head and staggered back with mock scream of horror, “Ah, you got me!”

Jala chittered with laughter at how she had surprised him. She clutched at his face with her truehands. “Did I feared yous?” She asked excitedly, wrapping her midhands around his forearm.

“Ooooh, I almost had an heart attack!” Xander exclaimed, laughing down into her tiny face. “But hey, aren't you guys supposed to be downstairs
playing?” He looked her sternly then threw a glance at Duba, who was quivering in the corner.

Duba rolled around the table and extended a clear gelatinous head out of the rounded ball he normally assumed. “We's were playing hide and find, but yous know how Jala gets detracted all the time!” He said in disgust.

Angel stood in opened mouth shock. It talked! It moved! And it was in the bathroom while I was naked!

Willow hid her smile as she bent and picked Duba up. “Now, Duba you know that wasn't very nice thing to say.” She scolded him gently, but poor Jala had the attention span of a fruitfly.

“No, it wasn't!” Jala twisted her head around to squeakily yell at her best friend. “And I don't get atracted all da time. Yous da one dat wanna to see Xander's mans!” She twisted back to Xander and said confidingly, “Him got scared when yer mans woked up. Duba rolled into da bathroom but der was no place for him to hide. Him's a baby!” And she broke into jeering chittering laughter when Duba turned a muddy brown in Willow's arms.

“Jala....” Spike's mouth was twitching even as he spoke warningly. “Now ya remember what yer Da said? If ya don't wanna stay in the Nursery, ya gotta be good.”

Jala froze, then pushed and scuttled down Xander's body. She skittered over and up Willow's body to pat Duba gently.

“Sorry, Duba. Yous not a baby...I was scared too. I hided on da wall and den runned far aways too,” she said nicely, giving Spike a quick anxious look. And her entire carapace turned a bright yellow in pleasure at his approving nod.

“*I* tink she should go to Nursery,” Holly announced importantly still standing in her chair. “I tink they BOTH go to Nursery cuz dere both a couple of a babies 'nways,” she continued, speaking from her very advanced age of 5 compared to Jala and Duba's 3 ½ years of age.

“Oh, you do, huh?” Xander replied with a chuckle. He grabbed Holly out of her chair and handed her to a still stunned Angel.

“Angel, could you get her dressed? She has pre-school a couple of floors down in about 90 minutes and I need to check on the other kids. Thanks! Love ya.” And with a quick kiss, Xander whirled around and dashed out a door on the right side of the room.

“Angel, let me get these two back downstairs, then I'll come up and help you with Holly,” Willow said cheerfully and left as well.

Spike regarded Angel for a few seconds. “Wot's the matter? Ya look likes ya seena ghost,” he said impatiently, flipping pancakes onto a plate. A
perfect golden brown, he thought in triumph. Soddin' fools tellin' me I don't know how ta make pancakes.

“What...I mean who....” Angel tried to say, still holding a wiggling, impatient Holly.

Spike waved a spatula. “Ya mean the kids? Ya didn't meet their parents yet. Jala's folks just Shifted in last night and had ta go onna assignment. A shame, really. They didn't even get a chance to relax or nuthin'. Usually when the Travelers come here, parents drop the little tykes with friends or stick 'em in the Nursery. And about Duba, his parents are Second Generation of the original people here.”

“One of its parents is a Traveler?” He nearly screeched in astonishment. He shuddered slightly at the thought of someone mated with a...with a...with a whatever it was.

By this time Xander and Willow had returned upstairs to hear Angel's words. Xander's lips twitched before he strongly controlled his desire to laugh at the confused look on his lover's face.

Spike and Willow started laughing uproarously. And Spike was still snickering as he turned back to the pancakes, muttering softly,“What a ponce!”

“Angel, why don't I take Holly to get dressed while you and Xander talk?” And taking Holly's hand Willow strolled out.

Xander emptied a packet of blood into a small pot and quickly heated it for Angel. Pouring the rich crimson fluid into the mug, he grabbed it and snaring Angel by the arm, he walked them back into the pseudo sun-lit living room.

“Here, hold this,” he gave Angel the mug and opened the sliding glass door, stepping onto the dark twilight balcony.

Bemused Angel followed, sitting gingerly on the patio furniture.

“Okay, I know that you understand some of how a Traveler operates, right?” Xander began and at Angel's hesitant nod, he continued. “A Traveler's Bond does not necessarily have to be based on sex, it can be based on mutual affection, friendship....uhm... whatever. Anyway, as long as strong positive emotions like Love, Respect...you know, something like that...are tied into the bond.”

“Take for instance, Tamen, T'mar and Shelby. T'mar is Tamen's Primary Traveler's Mate. But Tamen fell in love with Shelby, took her as his Secondary Mate and married her. Then somehow, Shelby developed into a Traveler and fixated on T'mar as also her Traveler's Mate. Which normally is impossible, you know, for a Mate to have two Travelers focusing on him or her.”

Angel nodded soberly like he knew this, but he still had no clue what the hell Xander was talking about.

“But somehow, and nobody really knows how, T'mar is able to handle it. Now about Jala's biological parents and her Traveler parent. Brucus, is a
Traveler and he got stranded on a world when his Mate and wife, Sina, became horribly injured. S'cha, who's Jala's father, found them. He began taking care of them, but she died anyway and poor Brucus was stuck on that world. S'cha almost lost his life trying to protect them from his people. He did lose one of his legs fighting off his people. And how, why or when, a Bond began forming between Brucus and S'cha. *They* don't even really know, but it did. Which was a good thing otherwise the man would have been stranded there forever or until one of us realized he was still missing and went after him.”

Xander looked at the confused look on Angel's face and sighed. “You didn't understand a word I said, did you?”

“Uhm, some of it. Part of it was in English and the rest was in Xanderspeak,” Angel shook his head rapidly when Xander opened his mouth. “NO! Let me see if I got this straight. Okay, Brucus is a human-type Traveler and he had a human-type female Mate, right? They went to a world and she died there. Brucus was stuck because...” he trailed off, looking inquiringly at Xander.

“Because he didn't have a link back to either his home or to this dimension,” Xander supplied the missing information.

“Now S'cha found them and tried to take care of them from it's own people, right? And somewhere along the line Brucus Bonded with S'cha?” Angel's voice rose in disbelief.

Xander nodded solemnly, though his lips were twitching. “Yep, Brucus kept repeating that there was no sex in the sha-painrom.”

Angel gave him a sharp look. “Xander that wasn't even remotely funny!”

The mortal male raised his hands in defense. “I'm serious! Sha-painrom is what their homes are called.”

Angel gave him a blank look, then began to helplessly laugh. And after a few second of keeping a straight face, Xander joined in the laughter.

“God, Xander...either you or this place is going to drive me completely insane,” Angel finally managed to regain control of his laughter. “I can't wait to see what's next!”

Was he curse? Was this his punishment? If so, for what? Angel laid on the couch in a state of complete exhaustion. Dear God, how did Xander do it, he wondered in weary confusion. He cleaned the apartment, washed, folded and put away the clothes, managed to get Holly off to daycare, fixed the broken bookcase, three chairs and he even managed to get dinner ready.

Then he whimpered piteously when Holly yelled for the fifth time that she wanted a drink of Koolaid. Why was she up? She was supposed to have been asleep three hours ago! Xander left him a list.

He was a great believer in lists. And the list clearly stated that Holly was supposed to be asleep! But uh uh, for some crazy reason it was either she
wanted something to drink or she needed to go to the bathroom. Her bedtime was at 8 pm...three hours ago! It said so. On the list. The list that Xander left for him. He even showed Holly the list. But she just smiled and whispered that they hadn't learned reading yet.

He stumbled to his feet and firmed his jaw. And Angel gave a slight hitch to his pants. He was solidly determined that enough was ENOUGH. No more drinks and no more trips to the bathroom.

I'm gonna march in there and put my foot down. Tell her... no more drinks! If Xander could do it, then so can I. I'm the daddy and she's the child. His eyes were narrowed grimly and his face was set with look of stern parental warning as he walked into Holly's bedroom. And his face was still stern as he gave her a cup of juice.

But he did get her sweetly voiced promise to go to sleep.

Why did I agree that I could handle Holly by myself? He moaned as he sank into a overstuff armchair. WHY?! Raising his eyes beseechingly heavenward, he silently waited for an answer.

Did I really need to prove to Xander that I was capable of taking care of my own child? She's my daughter for Christ's sake, of course, I should be
able to handle her. She only a freakin' five year old kid...I mean, like how hard can it be?

He jumped and yelped at the sound of a bell. His eyes were wild in alarm as he hesitantly crossed the room and opened the door.

T'mar....oh thank you, God! He closed his eyes in relief as the shy man cautiously entered the apartment.

“Angel...Tamen and Shelby had to go on assignment and I...uhm...I...I...was wondering...if...uhm, is Xander home?” T'mar asked in a rush as he fiddled with the tip of his tail and blinked wide, purple eyes at Angel.

“Sorry, T'mar but Xander, Willow and Spike had an assignment too,” Angel answered with a tired yawn.

“Oh....” T'mar responded softly, looking down at his feet. “Uhm, is uhm...uhm, theys coming back soon?” He wanted to know and peered up at Angel.

“God, I hope so...” Angel muttered, then whimpered slightly at Holly's yell.

“Poppa, I gotta go t'da baaaaafrooooooom,” floated out a cheerful voice.

T'mar frowned, that was wrong...

“Xander never lets her stay up this late.” His voice was soft and hesitant as he spoke, peeking up at Angel. He still wasn't quite sure of this man yet.

“Well, I probably wouldn't either but she keeps asking for water, juice or some Koolaid and then she needs to go to the bathroom,” Angel replied wryly before shouting to Holly. “Go to the bathroom and then get back to bed!”

T'mar blinked, “But water, juice and Koolaid just makes her go to the bathroom that's why Xander, Spike and Willow won't let her have any before bedtime.”

Angel froze. “You mean that little....HOLLY!” He whirled around and shouted. “Get out here...NOW!”

T'mar flinched and jumped back in alarm.

Holly wandered into the living room and squealed happily at the sight of T'mar, and ran excitedly to him.

“Hold it right there, missy!” Angel said sternly, looking down at her with stern eyes.

“Yes, Poppa....” Holly stopped and smiled up at him winsomely. Her eyes were big and so beautiful, he nearly melted...awwwww she's so cute!

And for a minute Angel hesitated, then quickly covered his eyes. “Does Daddy let you have drinks before bedtime?”

He felt a tug on his pants leg. “Poppa, why you hide yer eyes? Move yer hand,” a small insistent voice demanded sweetly.

“Nuh uh, just answer the question first,” Angel responded quickly, keeping his hand firmly over his eyes.

Then was silence and Angel dared to peek down at her. His eyes narrowed the scheming calculation on her tiny face.

Oh, he recognized that look of extreme vexation on her face....it was pure Spike.

My god! And she's only five!

“You just wait 'til your father gets home, young lady!” Angel breathed angrily and marched her straight back into her bedroom. “And don't you dare ask me for another thing tonight. You better believe Daddy is going to get a full account of your little mischief, Holly Marie Harris!”

“But Poppa...,” Holly sniffled, looking up at him with a tragic, woebegone face. And she forced tears into her eyes... ooooooh, Daddy gonna be mad!

He resolutely ignored the tears on her face, silently chanting 'I must be strong! I must not cave in'. Spike had warned him that *they* could sense your weakness but he didn't listen. Angel hurriedly shut the door on pitiful sniffles and he slumped heavily against the door. Then he stood straight and tried to walk confidently back to T'mar.

But meeting those worried, soft purple eyes, his macho posture faltered. Hell, who was he kidding?! Even T'mar was smarter than him.

“Sorry about that,” he admitted sheepishly. “And thank you. If it wasn't for you, she would have probably had me hopping up and down getting her drinks for the rest of the night.”

“I did good?” T'mar blinked and smiled hesitantly, but with a pleased look on his face.

Angel nodded. “You did real good,” he assured the other.

“I'm not too sure when Xander and the others gonna get back, but you're still welcome to stay, if you want,” Angel offered tentatively to the shy man.

“And I'll be real grateful if you can help me keep Holly in line,” he continued with a slow smile.

T'mar blinked rapidly, then smiled as well. “Ooooh, yes!”

So it was settled and Angel found a most unlikely friend in T'mar. Smart T'mar or Slow T'mar, it didn't mattered. During the night hours, he had intelligent conversations with Smart T'mar and during the day, Slow T'mar brought an unexpected laughter into his unlife as they explored Traveler's Hall while Holly was in pre-school. Showing him points of interests that he missed when he wandered the Hall with Xander. By the time the others returned, Angel and T'mar were fast on their way to a lasting friendship.

*

Upon Xander's return Angel resumed his steady courtship of his love, who he felt was responding quite nicely to the long walks through the corridors. Hours, days were spent just talking as they each relearned each other. Weeks went by as they created a strong foundation in rebuild a solid life together. They were on their way to a new beginning and this time...this time was for keeps. He wasn't gonna let nothing and no one come between them. Not this time.

*

Three weeks later a low growl rumbled in Angel's throat. He eyed the man that was standing a little too close to Xander. And brief thought flashed
through his mind: The best laid plans of mice and men. When he had initially decided to court Xander, it never crossed his mind that anything or anyone would interfere. He should have guessed that things would go arse-up. Over the past several weeks, every last one of Xander’s 'friends' were constantly coming by just to introduce an ‘acquaintance’ to his Xander.

He directed a cold, venomous look at Tamen who merely allowed a brief smirk to cross his face before he turned away to chat with an excited T'mar. Goddamn bastards! Who the fuck do they think they are, throwing those grotbags at his Xander?!

Xander belonged to him and no fuckin' arse-hole was gonna take his lover away from him. And his thoughts were becoming increasingly dark as he smoldered with rage. His lip lifted up in a silent snarl of fury before he managed to control himself and presented an appearance of civilization to the room.

Xander blinked and backed away from the man in front of him uneasily. Gah! Didn't the man know nothing about personal space, for crying out loud?! And now he's making with the touching....ME! Ewwww! What the hell was wrong with these people? He shuddered slightly and backed into a hard firm chest. And he almost screamed until he realized who it was.

Angel...oh thank God!

"Nolan, have you met my mate Angel? We have a little girl. Yep, my mate. And that’s my daughter... iiiiight over there. Angel, shake the man’s hand," Xander babbled nervously. And when Angel didn't move fast enough for him, he grabbed a broad cool hand and held it out himself for Nolan to shake. While they were shaking hands he made a quick getaway. Hell, let Angel deal with the lunatic...his lover was certainly a lot more intimidating than he.

"Spike, what the hell is going on around here?" Xander whispered frantically to the blonde vampire.

"Eh luv, wha' got you upset?" Spike raised a brow and sipped at his dinner. Both he and Willow were about to bust a gut over Xander and Angel. He suspected Angel knew what was going on but Xander, the poor cabbagehead still didn't have a clue. The boy was so Angel-dazed that he couldn't recognize all his friends were bringing potential mates to him. Which, of course, was getting the poofer all worked up inta real tizzy of a jealous rage. That and the fact the Angel and his boy hadn’t been playing hide the sausage for the past several weeks or however long they've been
here.

He turned his snicker into a light cough. This was lots more fun than his soaps. It was the only part about coming here that he didn't like…no radio
stations or telly reception. Oh sure, if you had CD's or tapes you could listen to your favorite song, but no Passions. But this...he eyed the confused look in Xander's eyes and the hot yellow eyes of his grandsire....oh yeah, this way better than Passions.

Xander's eyes narrowed. "Spike, you tell me what the hell is going on or the next time we go onna assignment, I swear to God, I will leave your dead ass right there!" He was adamant about this as he warned the blonde in a low furious whisper. Spike knew something! He would stake his last Twinkie on it.

"Now pet, if I knew what was going on don't you think I would tell ya?" Spike said reasonably.

"Hell no! Especially not if you could get a good laugh out of it," came the cynical reply.

Spike chuckled. "Yer learning, boy."

"And stop calling me boy, I'm only 47 years younger than you," Xander growled in a low voice. His eyes flashing angrily.

"Still younger," Spike retorted smugly before he slipped away with a silent chuckle.

Xander stood there fuming and Spike was across the room before he realized the peroxide bastard never answered his question. He snarled silently as the blonde vampire met his eyes with a knowing smirk.

And huffing in pure annoyance, he stomped to the kitchen...though he did make sure Nolan was nowhere around. Arrrgh, why did he ever agree to go to this stupid party that Brand was having?

Unfortunately, he was so lost in his pissy mood he didn't notice the door opening....and Nolan gliding into the kitchen.

Nolan regarded the pacing figure with a decidedly lascivious gaze and slowly licked his lips. All that beautiful, delectable body wasted on that frozen-face mate of his. Maybe it was time the young man ‘explored’ his options and found himself second mate.

*

He figured that once he was mated with the young human, he would first get rid of that sour-faced Angel. Then while Xander was distracted, he would go after the child. Dump her in a school somewhere. Making the young Traveler doubly distraught and finally he would eliminate that pesky, annoying red-headed female as well as her mate. And when the young human was nicely isolated, he would ‘convince’ the other to take him anywhere he wanted...nothing and no one would be beyond his reach.

He smoothed his blonde hair and prowled closer, pouring out lust-inducing pheromones at an astonishing rate. As part of his people's sexual lures, he found it very effective on many of different races he came across in this place. He didn't think he would have a problem with Xander. And a slow smirk played across his face.

“Xander...” he breathed. A slight smile played on his lips as the young man whirled around with a startled yelp.

“My apologies, oh beautiful one. I had no intention of causing you alarm.” Nolan glided closer, trying to capture Xander’s eyes with his hypnotic, crystalline eyes. He increased the amount of pheromones he was producing, annoyed and puzzled as to why it was not having the usual effect on the human.

Xander backed away from Nolan and tried to avoid throwing up on the man. God whatever cologne the man used, he really needed to switch... like NOW! Maybe he could talk to Willow and suggest something for the smelly man. He muttered a quick smell and sighing in relief as fresh air seemed to circulate in the kitchen.

“Nah, you didn’t really alarm me…scared the shit outta me would be more like it. So, uhm...what can I do for you?” Xander asked with a nervous smile at the big blonde and tried to sidled away. He just had a bad feeling...a very weird, shit's-gonna-hit-the-fan kinda feeling that if Nolan got too close bad things were gonna happen.

He blinked and yelped again as Nolan seem to just appear right… in… front… of…him. Oh SHIT! And his eyes widened in pure alarm at the intent look on the man’s face.

“In fact, I just was trying to get to know you a little…better,” Nolan whispered seductively pressing closer to Xander. And he bracketed the smaller human between his raised arms against the wall.

Arrrrrgh! And Xander’s eyes almost popped out of his head as a lightbulb finally went on in his brain. He’s trying to seduce me! And he ducked from within the encircling arms and tried to beat a hasty retreat only to have his arm seized in a tight grip.

“Look, dude, I’m really sorry for any impression you may have gotten that I am or even was remotely interested in you but I have a mate already and a daughter that totally satisfies me, my mate that is not my daughter, cause that’s like ewwww you know what with the daughter thing and being her father not to mention that's she's a baby. But anyhow, Angel has a very nasty streak in him and he wouldn’t take kindly to you manhandling me that is if you are a man but with all that long hair, I dunno...but anyhow he’s gonna really….,” Xander’s babbling words were cut off when the man pressed him against the wall and thrust a slimy tongue down his throat. And gagging, he promptly tried to bite the intrusive organ off just as the door burst in and Angel stalked into the kitchen with a low, rumbling growl of rage.

And curious partygoers crowded the open door.

With a yelp of pain, Nolan lifted his head. But didn't release his tight grip on Xander's arm.

“Uh oh,” Xander muttered and tried to frantically detach Nolan’s grip on his arm.

“Fear not, my love. I shall protect you from him.” The blonde smirked arrogantly down into Xander’s worried face.

“Protect me?! Bucko, he ain’t going after me...it’s your blood he wants! And I'm ain't talking about for dinner either!” Xander yelled as he finally freed himself with a spark of Power to Nolan’s fingers. Just before Angel plowed his fist in the blonde’s smirking face.

“Now, now Angel, you really want to calm down. Nothing happened in here, so just chill…” Xander said in his most soothing voice which was really working until Nolan had to open his big mouth.

“Not true, Xander. I wish to declare my intent to become your secondary mate,” the man raised his head proudly, despite the orange blood flowing down his face. He sneered at angry dark mate of Xander’s. He knew he could easily defeat the other. After all, he was bigger and obviously much stronger than his would-be adversary. Obviously Angel got in a lucky blow.

Besides, he hadn’t seen the foolish creature going out on any assignments. Apparently the other would rather stay behind and mind the children. Clearly he was the superior fighter. Perhaps this would persuade Xander to look in favor on his advances.

Xander rolled his eyes and stepped away. Stupidity had it's own brand of punishment...and today it was called Angel.

Angel growled and leapt at Nolan. And the blonde was startled at the swiftness of the brutal blows crashing into his torso and face. They were coming so fast and furious that he could barely muster a defense or retaliate.

Nolan raised his arms...and his ribs were savagely pummeled. He guarded his ribs and Angel took the lack of defense to batter his face into a new shape.

And then there was the growling and gnashing of teeth snapping at him. And in his face was this insane looking creature raging at him with a mouthful of jagged, sharp teeth. And utterly terrified, he tried to scramble away.

But Angel wasn't having none of that! There was no way he was gonna let his prey escape him...let him go after his mate again.

“MINE!” Angel roared down into the horrified face of his would-be rival. His eyes were savage and molten with a primal fury. A low rumbling snarl filled the room as he slowly stood up. And keeping one foot firmly pressed against Nolan’s throat he sniffed for his mate.

Someone challenged him for his mate. Dared to try to take Xander from him!

His head jerked back around to his rival’s aghast face with a very extremely inhuman hiss of wrath and his hands, claws extended, were in a downward slide. Aimed straight into the blonde’s face.

“Angel...” came a soft voice from the doorway and his head jerked sharply to right. Then he slowly directed his attention back to his challenger.

A lesson must be taught.

And a vicious, twisted smile crossed his face that had Nolan trying to scramble away in panic.

And the gathered crowd could only watch in first puzzlement, then dawning, fascinated amusement as Nolan screamed in rage as he was covered in thick, green, horribly smelling condiment. But a warning growl from Angel and the foot pressing harder on his throat stilled his struggles to escape while the foul smelling liquid was poured liberally over his body.

“Angel, it’s time to go,” Xander said quietly. He held out his hand and was shaking at the deluge of emotions crashing through his mind. It was so bad that he almost didn’t know where he stopped and Angel began. But he knew that he had to stop Angel from killing the idiot, at least in front of witnesses.

And with that eerie swiftness that he sometimes witnessed in both vampires, Angel was in his face. Sniffing him with a low purling sound that seemed to make him melt in a puddle of goo.

“Mine....” Angel purred, looking at Xander with hot, golden eyes.

“Yours....” was the low voiced agreement.

Angel blinked. Simply staring at Xander before licking softly at the tender lips. Erasing the taste of his rival from his mate.

Then Xander yelped in surprise as the vampire threw him over a broad shoulder and swiftly departed the now amused gathered crowd.

“Hey, Xand, we'll be staying with Tamen for tonight!” Willow waved to him merrily and he could only growl as he was swiftly carted off.

“Angel, I am not amused by this behavior! Now put me the hell down,” Xander yelled furiously. He struggled mightly to get free…and all he got for his efforts was a swat across his ass.

Xander peered up at the now chuckling faces, before dropping his head with a miserable groan of shame.

“Xander? Dear boy, is that you?” Came a quivering voice from old Master Tansl. Xander groaned softly, it was one of his former mage instructors.

“Uhm...hello Master Tansl.” Xander tried hard to pretend that there was nothing wrong with having a conversation while tossed over his mate's broad shoulder.

“Yeah...yea...I've...uhm...been meaning to stop in and say hello to you. Mom said that she'll make you some a batch of brownies next time she comes to visit and Dad still wants to go fishing with you,” he babbled nervously and twitched slightly at a low purling, growl from Angel.

Tansl blinked all six of his eyes and grasped his cane a little more firmly. These young people these days, and he shook his head in amusement. Young love, he thought mistily.

“Sorry sir...gotta go!” Xander yelled back at his old teacher as Angel strode off. Groaning at the look of clear amusement on Tansl face.

“Angel, I'm gonna count to five and you had better put me down the instant I reach five or...” he warned his lover ominously and began counting.

“Angel, I have reached five, and I am STILL ON YOUR SHOULDER,” he screamed in sheer embarrassment.

Then he yelped as he was swiftly flipped and set on his feet. He swayed lightly, blinking as he took in he sight of their living room. Then he threw an angry glare at the amusement glittering in the golden eyes before he turned and marching haughtily into their bedroom.

“Embarrassing me like that...” he muttered furiously, searching for his favorite pair of pajamas as he angrily threw off his shirt. “Why I oughta... man, oooooh, just you wait Mr. Angel...you just wait, I'll fix you!” And his eyes were narrowed meanly, thinking of the best way to get back at Angel.

And he started as a cool arm wrapped around his waist.

“Ohhhhh, now you wanna cuddle, huh? Well, tough noogies buster! You done shot your chances of getting a piece of dis tonight!” Xander snarled and slapped his ass meaningfully. He whirled around to glare up at Angel...then gulped at the incredibly lustful and horny gleam in those golden eyes. Oooooh, Xander, I don't think he's listening, he thought almost hysterically. And felt his body stirring hungrily to life. It had been a looooong couple of months of non-sexual activity for them.

And at the first brush of Angel's lips, he whimpered and eagerly parted his lips. Hardly aware that he was gently guided to the bed until he felt himself lowered to the soft surface. He ignored the rustle of clothing, simply assuming that Angel was undressing.

“Do you remember your promise, Xander?” Angel whispered throatily. “No magic in the bedroom.” Bending his head to kiss and suck at the tender neck.

Promise? What promise? Did he care? Hell no! He would probably agree to just about anything just as long as Angel continued to kiss him. “Yesss....” Xander arched at the cool, wet caress.

He was vaguely aware that his arms were lifted over his head and a soft material wrap around his wrists. But he really didn't care because Angel was rocking against him. And when that delightfully hard bulge rubbed his aching hardness, the only thing he could think: 'Finally, I'm gonna get some!'

And Xander moaned in heady excitement as he was gently urged to his knees then he felt Angel settle behind him. “Oh God, yes Angel,” he cried out joyfully, eagerly rubbing his ass against his lover.

Huh? He frowned abruptly, coming partially down from his aroused high.

Tugging lightly at his wrists, his frown growing increasingly darker as he looked up and saw his wrists bound together. He eyed the narrow stripe of fabric, belatedly recognizing it from his robe. He trailed the cord up and realized with fast rising indignation that he was tied to the bedframe.

“Angel...” he growled, slowly looking around into the amused and aroused eyes of his lover. “If you don't release me THIS INSTANT...well, you are so gonna be sleeping on the couch for the next fifty YEARS!” He yelled furiously. Then he screamed for a different reason as Angel neatly slit the front of his pants, curved around him and swallowed him down whole.

“Ohhhhh...ohhhh...omigod...omigod...oh Angel...omigod YESSSS!” Xander shouted, his eyes blind with the sheer intensity of the moment. And his hips began thrusting eagerly into the cool, rippling wetness of Angel's mouth. He moaned in dismay as his cock was slowly released with caressing licks to the turgid shaft.

“You were saying...” Angel drawled huskily, crawling around to sit up and kiss his Xander. And excited by the sweetness within, he probed the heated interior with ravenous intent. He growled and crush his mouth into the warm luscious lips, feeling Xander's body twisting and rubbing sensuously against him. And he groaned as their tongues played an erotic came of tag. Sucking greedily at the warm sleek tongue that curled
around his. Holding Xander's head firmly as he invaded the searing cavern, sliding a hand down and fondling his boy's thick, silky length. Delighting in the muffled groan of lust into his mouth from the conquered land.

Delving one last time in the torrid heat, Angel twisted and slid behind Xander again so that his precious love could no longer see him. And kneeling,
he rubbed his hands with greedy anticipation then began a wicked, carnal exploration of the warm mortal body. Mapping the well familiar body with his mouth, his tongue, his hands. He knew all the while that his lover's every sense was heightened to a screaming tension by this light bondage.

Xander's head feel back on his shoulder and he gasped when he felt Angel behind him. A soft mewling sound came softly from his throat when another ripping sound came to his ears. Then he felt cool air brush across his bared ass and Xander squirmed with lewd excitement as Angel probed every part of him thoroughly. And he bucked hungrily into the cool, heated touches. Writhing enticingly against the exploratory fingers, inviting more caresses...more of the seductive stroking.

His body arched alluringly with each tantalizing foray of Angel's hands and tongue. Every sensation was heightened by his seemingly helplessness. He couldn't touch...he could only feel the incredibly intimate caresses thrusting deeply within his body. He didn't want Angel to stop. Never, ever.... ever to stop. Whatever Angel was doing, was fine by him...Xander just wanted his lover to continued doing him forever.

He shimmied for Angel. Parting his legs seductively, silently offering his body to Angel. And he moaned for his dark, immortal lover in his aroused need. His passionate cries of need...of desire, dueled with the slick wet sounds as Angel's hand glided up and down his drooling shaft.

And he sighed as the remnants of his pants were removed. He willingly gave his nakedness to Angel...his body, his soul. Just as long as Angel
never stop touching him. Never stopped loving him. Ever.

Xander rocked backward with a short cry of delight as long cool fingers rested deep within him. Splayed and probing just where he wanted to filled by Angel. And he felt the other cool hand slowly make the journey from his aching shaft to his stiffly peaking nipples. Tweaking, pinching them lightly to hard, throbbing points of pleasure.

Forcing ecstatic moans of pleasure from him. Again and again. Cool fingers plucked his nipples to a state of harden awareness. And he was tortured further by the twin electrifying touches from both ends of his body....sparking a colorful bursts of light behind his tightly closed eyes.

A hoarse sob came from his mouth as the tormenting fingers finally left his painfully tight nipples. But the fingers in his ass were still playing...still
thrusting, setting off brilliant shards of splintered pleasure. He was helpless to stop his hips from arching and bucking into the spangling touch. His
involuntary response each time his nerve nodule was caressed and stroked again and again.

Angel wound himself around the simmering body of his lover, kneeling on the bed facing him with his knees on either side of the corded, trembling thighs. And he still played his fingers delicately in the heated, quivering aperture. Maintaining Xander in a state of smoldering excitement.

Slowly Angel took one taut nipple into his mouth, mouthing...sucking gently...harder...teasing the upthrusting flesh to an even harder peak. Then it was the other's turn...and he gripping Xander's hip tighter as he feasted on the hard, succulent point. Back and forth he went between the two nipples. Pressing Xander closer and closed his massive erection, stroking his drooling length against a trembling thigh. And Angel chuckled at the hoarse, pleading groans Xander continuously made each time he suckled the harden nubs and probed the silky spasming chute.

All Xander could do was moan and rock lustily between Angel's avid mouth and hard fingers, demanding more and more of the ravenous sucking and thick digits. Fucking himself on the hard digits.

The sensation intensified, spiced by the erotic feel of thick fingers thrusting into his ass and the ravenous mouth at his nipples; his head fell back in
sheer wanton abandonment. Then he felt the sweet bliss when Angel began pushing, thrusting that big pulsating, granite length between his legs. Xander straddled then close his legs eagerly around the thick, rigid pole....trapping the cool, throbbing organ between his thighs. And his thoughts were lost in a streaming river of pleasure every time Angel circled his hips and pumped that massive shaft between his legs.

And hungrily, he bore down on that thick pleasure-giving rod. His own hard shaft was caressed between their writhing muscled chests and stomachs. Pulling soughing sighs of blissful desire as pre-cum spurted from the head, coating them in the fragrant aroma, spurring them on. He cried out hoarsely when Angel's turgid length glided under his balls. Brushing seductively against his bottom cheeks, parting them with a wet, blunt head. And each lewd thrust caressed his ass, coating him with liquid hungry intent as a cool hand guided his writhing hips.

Angel continued his rhythmic carnal feasting on the lush nipples. Drawing each one tightly into his mouth, prodding them with his tongue and shaping them to a tighter bud of flesh. And his fingers continued their teasing strokes in the spasming yielding entrance.

Soft gasping cries poured endlessly from warm, tender lips as Xander squirmed with alluring grace against the ramrod length. Wantonly, hungrily pumping his body against the thick fingers as Angel pushed him...pulled him with cool hands and erotic mouth. And with a low moan, he simply abandoned himself to the hard suckling of his nipples, the wickedly knowing fingers and the power of that sleek marbled shaft gliding, coaxing his wet aching balls with cool liquid.

Slick. Wet. Wild.

And it didn't stop; it moved and centered in his lower belly and radiated outward. He screamed his need....his desperation. And Angel finally removed his mouth and pressed Xander closer to the hard, cool length of his body.

Angel drew himself against the wiggling, hungry body and slanted his mouth ruthlessly over the trembling lips. Conquering the lush heat with a long and relentless kiss of pure greed. It had been so long...so fuckin' long. Why the hell did he think he could stay away from Xander's delectable body? He could feel the sleek, muscular body give against him as he took the lush, sensual mouth just as he had taken his boy's nipples and delectable ass with his fingers.

Xander squirmed helplessly against Angel. He was powerless to push his lover away, still at the mercy of those long probing fingers that inched his body tighter and tighter against Angel's and the cool heat of that thick shaft.

Angel wanted Xander to feel his cock, to know its primitive force and potency, to beg to be possessed by him. He wanted to drive his ravaging staff so deep and hard into Xander's sweet, silken heat that his boy would know forever to who he owed his joy. To feel that velvety channel yielding...surrendering to his staff. No one else could give Xander so much pleasure....nor ever will. This is where Xander belong, impaled with Angeldick deep within that hot, steamy passage. This was where they both belonged ...to each other. And if he had to fuck Xander all night long to prove his point...and he smiled tightly...well he had nothing planned for tomorrow.

And it was in his kiss. His wild, ravishing kiss as they knelt tightly sealed against each other. Pressed together body to body. So close there was not a even breath came between them. His knowing hands continued feeling...pushing Xander's hips more tightly against his raging hardness. Pillaging the warm mortal lips sultry eroticism. Taking possession of the quivering pucker with potent carnal intent.

“Who will you wait for, naked and willing, whenever he desires you?” He breathed hoarsely against Xander's swollen lips as he broke his ravishment of his lover's mouth.

Xander leaned heavily into Angel's touch, panting with disorienting fire. Rubbing his engorged shaft against the hard muscled wall of a washboard stomach. But he still had enough mind, enough mischievous spirit that compelled him to be contrary. “Mmmmm...I can't seem....”

Angel ruthlessly seized the willing lips as Xander gyrated with wanton need against him. Begging with every shift of the lithe beguiling body for his
caresses.

“Hmmm,” he murmured and moved his mouth a tantalizing lick away from Xander's beckoning lips. “You are mine...you belong to me and no other. No one will ever touch your nakedness other than me. No one will ever see your nakedness but me.”

“Yesss,” Xander whispered, angling his face upward again for a kiss...his reward for being good and giving the correct answer. “Please...now...”

And Angel briefly fitted his mouth against warm mortal lips again before twisting around behind Xander. He removed his teasing fingers from the spasming entrance, then slowly....deliberately he thrust his shaft within the sweet, grasping interior. At the throaty groan Xander gave to welcome him home, he smiled and pulled out. His smile becoming tighter from the contricting heat that was making him so want to slam heavily into the beckoning core.

“Is this what you want....” was whispered in Xander's ear. But he could barely hear above the thunderous rush of his pounding heart. All he could do was moan and arch his ass back greedily. Trying with limited success to impale himself on the rigid shaft just grazing his sweaty clenching entrance.

“Gimme! Gimme! Gimmeee!”

Angel slowly eased back into the fluttering channel. Gritting his teeth when Xander fiercely locked around to him...then glided out. Ignoring, for now, the despairing wail from his desperate lover before he carefully inched back into the narrow, spasming passage...and just rested there. Not moving and certainly not giving Xander anymore of his dick.

Xander grasped the belt with grim hands and rested. Panting for breath at the pulsating fullness that spread his asslips. But it wasn't enough. He wanted all of that massive cock deep inside him. Goddammit, that big, fat dick belonged to him! And he wanted it right fuckin' NOW!

Angel could feel the muscles quivering along Xander's back and he pulled out. Just before his lover thrust his horny ass backwards, trying to capture his dick...and he spread Xander's cheeks, watching the fluttering lips snap futilely at the air. And he pressed a quick kiss of apology to the puckered flesh.

“Damn you!”

Then Xander let out a long gratified sigh when Angel once again partially filled his nether hole...and again he tried to thrust back for more. But again the fat cock was withdrawn leaving him empty again. Then slowly Angel filled him again...but this time he learned not to try to take what he craved. He just held on, waiting with trembling anticipation for more of that granite length that was currently just resting within his ass. But he couldn't still the mad tremors that rippled up and down his back as he waited with strained patience to be completely filled.

“Good boy....” was sighed against his neck. “You're learning...”

As a reward, Angel gave him a another thick inch before withdrawing with torturous slowness. He heard the muffled cry Xander made. This was as difficult for him as it was for his boy, he could feel the quivering in his muscles. And he definitely didn't know how long he could go on teasing Xander, before he slammed his way into the heated opening.

And Angel gave himself to the hungry pleasure of watching him. Watching as his mate squirmed and writhed enticingly, wantonly for him...only for him. He deliberately made Xander wait for him, every instinctive screaming at him to slam himself into the boy's tight, blistering heat. But he couldn't get enough of just watching that beautiful body gyrating lewdly, lustfully for him. Only for him.

And even though he was ready to come, just by touching his boy's almost pliant flesh, he ruthlessly controlled himself and eased more of hardness into Xander's gripping flesh. Gritting his teeth against the need to just pound into the supple, rippling ass.

Xander whimpered slightly, as he felt Angel just resting there. He had almost forgotten just how big Angel was and with just over half of the lengthy organ inserted into him, he instantly felt the surging power that Angel held rigidly in check. But not for long...not if he could help it.

Angel hissed tightly, feeling Xander wanting to push back. Desperately wanting him even deeper. Wanting to take instead of waiting. His boy was always such an impatient lover. But it had been so long since he had been inside Xander and he wanted to take his time. To remind Xander just how good they were together. He wanted Xander to feel him glide slowly into his ass. Inch by long, powerful inch and he pushed himself deliberately inside the steaming honeypot.

He gave Xander another inch....and slid in deeper. Feeling Xander brace himself, opening wider to take him...enfold him. And he rested there, for a long endless minute. Just letting Xander feel the iron hardness filling him, the heaviness, the power. All for him....only for him.

"Oh...oh...GOD, ANGEL," Xander groaned thickly, his head falling back on his shoulder. Keening softly as Angel breech him further with another bone-hard throbbing inch. He moaned because there was just so much of Angel to take and he felt like his ass was being split in two. His body felt so hot and his cock was like iron, and Angel...oh God, Angel! This was where he belong...this is where they belong... together. He panted heavily, loving the thick length of flesh easing into him.

He squeezed deliberately around Angel's rockhard, jutting flesh. Trying to entice his lover to come further within his tight heat. He needed to feel
Angel's hard throbbing length undulating, thrusting into his needy center. And Xander arched his back with a lewd, wiggling movement that never failed to drive Angel insane, gyrating wickedly on the huge shaft resting within him.

Xander trembled with the need not to thrust back when Angel glided then stopped halfway in. If he tried to thrust, all that would get him was emptiness. And he bit through his lip savagely in an effort to control his desire to simply fuck backwards on that huge spear and take what he wanted.

Angel's eyes widened, then narrowed at the scent of blood and his hips involuntarily jerked deeper into the grasping channel, drawing a keening wail of joy from his lover. And he lost it.

He clenched his teeth against the warmly grasping channel, feeling his dick stiffening impossibly more at the sight of the wanton, squirming body. Every impulse, every instinct screaming at him to just RAM into the tight, wet heat. It was where he belonged. He had to...Xander was too fuckin' tight not too...he was so open...so...maybe just one stroke. And he reared back...just one hard thrust...he grasped Xander's hips...and he jammed himself savagely, deep into Xander's tight, clinging heat.

Xander howled, long and loud, as Angel took him with that final lunge, piercing him to the core...he was in. Omigod he was in....so deep, so fuckin' in him. And he panted harshly, feeling the wiry brush of hair against his trembling ass...and he knew Angel was finally home. He held onto the belt with desperate hands, shuddering still from the force of that deep powerful lunge.

Angel growled softly from the tight, sultry heat as he ground his hips against Xander, trying get deeper still into the wonderfully, sweet entrance. He pulled back and slid back inside his baby with deliberately lascivious, hard strokes, making them both moan in delirious ecstasy. And he began to move almost involuntarily into Xander, rhythmically within the body before him. His speed increasing with each glide into the heated channel.

Pushing himself deeper within the scorching warmth, Angel tugged Xander's head back, possessing the succulent mouth. Feasting greedily within the slick interior, groaning at the sweetness he found. Delving deeper into the lush warmth as their tongues twined sleekly against each other. Sliding his hand down and cupping the thick, pulsating organ. Letting the force of his thrusts to push the hard shaft back and forth in his fists.

Xander tore his mouth away with low cry and leaned forward. Letting his bound wrists take his upper weight as low, stuttering moans of pleasure escaped his mouth from the thick strokes he was receiving from Angel.

"YES!.... yes...oh God YES!" He kept crying as his body was battered relentlessly from the pounding Angel was waging on his ass. He felt like everything in him was focused on Angel, Angel's need, his demands, his...he gasped feeling his body shuddering under the ceaseless thrusts that had him arching his greedy ass like a cat in heat.

Mutely, eagerly he begged for more, more of Angel touching him, more of that wonderfully huge throbbing tick sliding over his pleasure spot. This was what his body craved, his heart desired. Where nothing mattered but their mindbending climb to ecstasy. He could feel his body stretching to welcome Angel home, to take every last rock-hard inch of his lover...his mate...moving like a jackhammer in him. He felt every hard, glorious stroke. And he knew in pleasuring Angel, he in turn soared to new heights of ectasy. He only wanted to give back to his mate all the sensation
that he was feeling, all the pulse pounding bliss that was consuming him. And Xander felt Angel's fingers dig deep in his hips tighter, burrowing deeper into him...

But even the mighty Angel couldn't hold on to his rigidly controlled desire and he began to piston almost uncontrollably into Xander's tight, velvety
passage until his straining body couldn't hold on. In one last powerful thrust, he rammed himself hungrily, firmly into the hot writhing body and felt himself convulsing in a long, aching release.

Xander screamed his climax. His body stiffening... gyrating in his shattering orgasm. His eyes blind to everything but the wracking rapture raging through him as a geyser of cum arched from his cock. Ropes of cum shot striped his chest, droplets dripped from his face and Angel's constricting hand.

And finally, panting hoarsely Xander twisted, looking up at Angel with wild eyes and tentatively wiggled his hips, cum was slowly oozing around the thick shaft still embedded in his behind...

....and Angel was still fuckin' hard as a rock deep in his ass. God, how he loved vampiric stamina!

"Not done yet, my love," Angel whispered huskily in Xander's ear. He was still hard. And he ready to push the boy against any available surface and pound that sweet ass to mush. His desire for Xander burned through his body as he shifted within the boy's fluttering sheath. And slowly, he began arching lazily into Xander, loving the tiny gasp his horny baby made.

He whispered in Xander's ear, "I'm gonna be deep inside you every waking moments. Hmmmm, maybe with you on your back with your legs wrapped around me or like this...do you like when I fuck you like ike this? On your knees. Do you like feeling my big dick ramming in your tight little ass? Oh, my sweet darling boy, I might need to pull up the carpet in our bedroom to prevent your getting rug burns. I think I'm gonna be bending you over every flat surface for the next several days to make up for lost time. I want to see you naked. Begging and screaming for me...for what only I can give you...my big, fat cock rammed in that tight, greedy little hole between your pretty cheeks. Baby boy, I gonna fuck you into next week."

At those hot, sizzling words, Xander whimpered and involuntarily tightened around Angel. Thrusting back eagerly, trying to take more of that big weapon probing his ass.

Angel groaned as Xander squeezed his cock painfully. "So fuckin' tight...yes, that's it baby. Oh yessss, take it! Take it all..." he breathed. He pulled
Xander tighter onto him and undulated slowly into his mate with a long, pulsating stroke that caught them both by surprise. His hand drifting down, drawing a pleasurable sigh from Xander when he began fondling the loose, hanging balls.

"An...gel...oh...oh...God...harder!...yes!...yes...oh God!...oh!...oh!...oh God...." Xander couldn't stop the helpless grunts of bliss when Angel began to move, to thrust again and again in him. His body was rocking, shuddering in time with the achingly hard lunges. He was ready for whatever Angel was doing to him...giving to him. Xander squirmed sensually at the hot surge of excruciating wildfire that surged through his body and he arched his back to meet Angel's increasingly heavy fuckthrusts.

Endless minutes later they surrendered once again to the blinding heat between them, stiffening with hoarse shouts release.

But Xander's torturous pleasure had only begun.

From somewhere, and Xander still wasn't too clear on this part, Angel had found some...toys. To be more specific a cockring and a soft, little brush.

And after two hours of the intense stimulation Angel had subjected him too Xander was in near tears. Sweat was pouring down his face. Harsh, ragged breaths came from his mouth...so close to sobs that even he couldn't tell.

Xander groaned low in his throat, his breath rasping as he watched Angel sitting cross-legged on the bed. And that look of extreme concentration on the pale face as a Angel welded the brush over his thrusting shaft. Xander threw his head back with a scream of pleasurable pain, writhing at the caress of the horrible, torturous brush.

At that Xander's scream, Angel looked up. Observing closely the look of ecstatic rapture on the glistening body above him. He looked down again at the angry purplish organ....and began to stroke his brush gently over Xander's aching shaft.

Back and forth.

Up and down and around the drooling, painfully hard length.

He couldn't come with that damn cock ring around his dick. He couldn't use magic to free himself. He couldn't do a damn thing....all he could do was suffer.

Suffer divinely in a state of ecstatic pain.

The more Angel stroked, the hungrier and desperate he became. But his mate was extremely clever. Each time it was became almost more than he could tolerate, Angel glance at him then withdraw that fuckin' brush away from his aching hardness. Giving him precious seconds of respite. But he found himself torn between relief for the rest and the need for the exotic stimulation. And need would weigh out and he was soon arching towards it.

“You're killing me....” he hoarsely moaned in distress, his hips snapping against that damn brush.

And shortly, it truly became more than he could bear. Tears were spilling freely from his eyes, as he thrust his hungry cock towards the brush. He had lost every shred of pride or dignity a long time ago.

Then he cried out hoarsely in agonizing pleasure when Angel's huge cock once again filled his quivering entrance, his body jerking from the demanding thrusts deep within his hungry body. And he finally understood the sensuous torturous game Angel was playing with him.

Nothing to brace himself or to anchor him. Nothing to stop his fall...to stop him from losing his *self*. Only the knowledge that Angel would always be there for him...to help him put himself back together again. To love him. Always and forever.

And he yielded Angel's need...surrendered to the passion that would always be their bedrock.

Gladly.

Greedily.

Seductively.

Xander reveled in Angel's gluttonous possession of his body even as he clutched desperately at the belt that stretched his arms above his head. Surrendering to the need that raged through him. And in surrender, he found strength...his center and his power.

Control.

Rocking, arching...sinking as far as he could on the iron shaft filling him with such intense glorious pressure. The breathy grunts Angel made in his ear with each forceful thrust. The harsh moans he pulled from his lover with every twist of his body, the sighing sounds of pure ecstasy when he clenched around the throbbing length.

“Marry me....” Xander thought he heard moaned in his ear.

“Oh God....Omigod!...Harder Angel...fuck me harder!....Deeper....fuck me deeper!....Yes!...God yessssss!....Like that!...Oh!....give it to me!.... Like that!....Like that!” Xander wailed rocking forward. Almost helpless to stop his hips from writhing uncontrollably from Angel demanding
movements.

And this time, he knew he hadn't mistaken what he heard. Especially not when Angel fingered the cockring meaningfully. Repeating his earlier words, “Marry me....”

And those words were followed by a quick caressing lick to his ear as if to encourage his compliance. The sweet jackhammering thrusts increased, forcing sharp staccato cries from him as his eyes glazed over in pleasure...in a voluptuous rush of sensation. Fire raged in his belly, burning hungrily...consuming everything in its path as it sweep through him. Spreading outward from his core. He wanted nothing more than to cum and cum until he was nothing more than a dried out husk...

“God yessss! Anything...just let me cum! Just let me cummm....” he howled in incandescent need. Screaming his gratitude as that damn thing was removed from his shaft. And he came in a blazing inferno of orgasmic lust. His body tightening almost brutally around the thick length plowing repeatedly into his ass.

Xander moaned with pleasure as Angel sank his fangs in his neck. At the first sound of swallowing he stiffened again, and his overstimulated cock spurted weakly as Angel seem to flood him with him with a gallon of cum.

Jerking again and again into spasming flesh, Angel sucked gently at Xander's neck. Then released the fragrant flesh with a quick caressing stroke to close the wound.

Xander felt a jerk in his bound wrists. Then his weakened limbs fell heavily, along with his upper body, to the wet, cum-drenched bed. Leaving his ass in the air for the jerking hips to thrust against and for the still spurting cock to deposit copious amount of cool seed. Then came Angel's long groan of release in his ear before the heavy weight of his lover rested along his back.

Endless minutes later, he felt his body gathered in a loose embrace. He was tugged onto his side, with Angel still deep within him, and they fell in a
boneless heap in the middle of the bed.

And now Angel knew he could never forget the scent of him, the taste of Xander. His lover and mate.

His beautiful angel would forever be branded in his mind. He would never forget those lush, pouty lips, the beautiful responsive body or that delightful place behind Xander's ears that made his lover shiver all over.

Angel lay pressed against Xander, just listening the shuddering breaths his love was taking. Pressed along the sweaty back, he could feel muscles twitching just under the skin. He rode the rippling aftereffects of the long-sought orgasm with closed eyes as the silken sheath fluttered around his shaft. And in the darkness of his mind, he could still see the tears glistening in wide brown eyes...salty drops rolling down Xander's face as he begged and screamed to be allowed release from the intense sexual heights.

Xander panted, his breath catching on the odd sob as tears filled his eyes from the mind-shattering experience. He felt like his soul had been taken
apart and put back together again... and he wasn't sure it was fitting right. It felt bigger...more *more*. He arched slightly and hissed when Angel
slid from within him. He felt the mattress shift as Angel left their bed and he swallowed heavily, feeling scared for some reason. Angel had never behaved like this, not in the two and a half years they had been lovers and mates.

He heard water running in the bathroom, then shut off. And he felt Angel’s cool body ease back into the bed and turn him over to gently began to clean off the residue of their orgasms. Glancing up into the downturned face, he tried to catch Angel’s eyes, but the vampire kept his eyes lowered and slightly averted. Then he was turned over, and felt the cool caress of the cloth removing Angel's cum from his throbbing backside. Xander tried to squirm away from the cloth, feeling it irritate his sore ass even further. But Angel restrained him easily and finished wiping away the excess bodily fluids.

Cleansed, he was guided back onto his side and the wet cloth tossed to the floor before Angel spooned against his back, tucking him gently to a cool chest. And staring sightlessly at the blank wall all Xander could think of was 'Why?'

Unaware that the word had escaped him.

“Because I didn’t think I could bear to lose you,” Angel whispered and slow, bloody tears slipped down his face. “Sleep now, mo gra…we’ll talk later.” He pressed a gentle kiss on the sweaty tousled head as he felt the body in his arms drift off into an exhausted sleep.

But he was still awake hours later, feeling almost as mad as Drusilla as he slipped from the bed and walked out onto the balcony. He sat in the chair as finally his churning emotions came under control and his thoughts becoming clear …leaving only one thought remaining.

*

Xander stirred some time later, feeling a weary sorrow filling the room. He winced slightly as sore and abused muscles strongly protested the idea of moving. And slow, totally satisfied smile crossed his face as he recalled the intense session Angel put him through. Though he didn’t understand what the hell happened but hey…it was Angelsex and it’s all good. Then he remembered what sparked the sexual marathon and felt like his heart was going to break.

He reached back a hand hesitantly for Angel and frowned when he encountered emptiness. Sitting up carefully, he looked blearily around the room,
blinking as he noticed the open balcony door. And grumbling to himself, he grabbed his robe and slid it on, then limping slowly he yawned as he made his way outside.

Uh oh, he thought regarding the brooding profile of his mate, it was worse than he thought. He glided closer and eased into Angel’s lap, wincing then sighing as a long cool arm slid around his waist. He wiggled and squirmed carefully for the best position before relaxing against the firm chest. If this was going to be their last time, then he wanted to savor this moment for as long as he could.

“Talk now?” He asked softly as he remembered the previous night’s promise and a shiver ghosted down his spine.

“I’ve been thinking,” Angel began slowly, stroking gently at Xander’s smooth back.

“Am I gonna like what you’ve been thinking?” Xander asked suspiciously, arching into the soothing caress.

“Depends...” Angel muttered cryptically.

Oh shit! It was even worser than he thought...crypic guy was back. And Xander waited, his heart pounding with dread...it was no use trying to push Angel into speaking before the other was ready.

“I’ve been thinking that maybe you need to send me back. Xander, let me finish, please,” he pleaded hastily when he felt the other stiffen in his lap.

“I’ve lost so much lately, friends…Connor. Hell, I tried to kill Wesley even knowing that he was only trying to save my son’s life. A life he believed I would take and yet still I tried to kill him. And last night, last night I acted like a fuckin’ jackass. I embarrassed you in front of all your friends and
tortured you for hours last night.

He swallowed hard, blinking back tears. “Last night, what I did to you was inexcusable. I can’t even blame Angelus for my loss of control. I think that it would be best for all concerned if you sent me home and found a new mate...someone that would treat you far better than I could. Someone that could give you the type of love you deserve and need. If I’m not here then you can find someone without worrying that I’ll go bonkers in a jealous rage.”

“All I ask is that when you do find another mate, please don’t come back to me smelling of him or her. Spike knows of certain plants can mask the smells of humans from vampires, so all you need to do is just, maybe, keep a stock of them. And when you want to visit, take a bath and I won’t be able to smell your other mate,” he said hoarsely.

“And maybe in time I can learn to share you with your new mate and you can introduce me to whoever you choose. I don’t want to lose you and I’ll do anything you ask if it makes you happy. Xander, I’ve never seen you happier than here among your friends. You belong here. So, send me back and keep on looking for a new mate. Just please don’t marry him or her,” he begged shakily and drew a deep shuddering breath.

Xander had his eyes tightly closed throughout Angel’s speech. Dear God, he had Angel begging! He had reduced his proud man to begging.

“Okay,” he whispered softly, stirring in Angel’s lap.

Angel exhaled slowly, closing his eyes in blind despair. One last time, he thought, at least I had one last night in bed with my mo gra and that would
have to last me for a long while.

“When do we leave?” He asked quietly, inhaling Xander’s precious scent.

“Well, first we need to tell Willow and Spike,” Xander began thoughtfully resting his head on Angel’s shoulder. “Then I need to find a nice dress for
Holly, though I probably should leave that up to Willow. Her fashion sense is lots better than mine, Spike’s fashion sense is better than mine. Oh God! We need to send out invitations. Uhm, maybe Spike could probably could handle that. I know Shelby would definitely have a fit if we didn’t let her plan the reception. And definitely Mom and Dad will fuckin’ kill us if they are not here.” He frowned in concentration, trying to figure out how to get everything done in the shortest amount of time. Oh well, I’ll leave that up to Spike, he’s good at planning shit like that.

Angel was bewildered, why does Holly need a dress. And why in the hell did invitations need to be printed? Is that how mates are usually found?

Xander continued talking, “So I figure about two weeks tops, before we can go on our honeymoon. You think that’s too long?” He asked peering up at Angel uncertainly.

Angel was stunned, then he said carefully, “Xander, I’m letting you off the hook. It was totally unfair of me to force an agreement from you using sex.”

“Well, I’m not letting YOU off the hook,” Xander said aggressively, his eyes narrowed in challenge. “You asked me to marry you and goddamn it, you’re going to marry me if I have to drag and chain you to the altar! And I can flat out guarantee that both Willow and Spike will have SuperSoakers filled with Holy Water aimed at your back! And so will Mom and Dad... see if they won’t!” He nodded firmly, he was getting married and that was that.

“Bu..but you’re happy here,” Angel stammered, his eyes wide.

Xander rolled his eyes, slumping against Angel. “D'uh! God! When you get to brooding you can be so dense, ya know? Did it ever occur to you that the reason WHY I’m happy is because you’re here? Now, are you gonna marry me or not?!”

Angel smiled, feeling the truth resound in his soul, and the sorrow in his eyes faded. “Well, when you put it like that...Hell yeah!” He pulled Xander to him for a joyful, bone crushing hug.

“Beside we didn’t use any protection last night,” Xander whispered shyly, lowering his eyes. “And I could be pregnant again.”

Angel tilted his head up, searching the warm dark eyes. “Would you mind having another baby?”

“Would you mind sticking around and helping me raise him or her?” Xander questioned Angel, his eyes quietly serious.

“My love, being around Holly these past couple of months made me realize that I missed out on a lot with her and what you dealt with for the past five years. If you are pregnant, I don’t want to miss out on anything. Not from seeing your belly grow large with our child nor his or her first tooth falling out,” Angel replied gently, easing his hand into Xander’s robe and stroking the flat belly.

“Have I mentioned how much I love you?” He asked tenderly to the flushed face gazing up at him.

Xander lowered his eyes coyly. “Oh, once or twice.” He slid out of Angel’s lap and seductively walked towards their bedroom with an extra sway to his hips that had Angel mesmerized.

Casting a smoldering look over his shoulder he asked, “Maybe you can you show me again how much you love me....” And with a laugh he darted to their bed with Angel in hot pursuit.

*

Hours later, resting in the huge bathtub between his vampire's thighs Xander brought up another subject hesitantly.

“Uhm...Angel?” He played with nervously with Angel's fingers. “I got something to tell you but you gotta promise you won’t get mad or go all Grrrrr.”

“Is it something bad?” Angel lifted his head from the backrest in the tub and regarded Xander’s wet head with narrowed eyes.

“I dunno, it depends of how you look at it,” Xander shrugged helplessly, his eyes darting around the bathroom uneasily.

“And you’re not gonna tell me unless I promise?” Angel raised a brow, twisting Xander around to face him in the water, ignoring the sulky pout on his lover’s face.

“Was gonna tell you anyhow, just don’t wanna be yelled at. I’m really sensitive, ya know. And I might be pregnant again,” came the petulant reply.

Angel huffed in fond exasperation, then smiled. “All right, I promise not to yell.”

“Or get mad.” Xander hastened to remind his lover.

Angel rolled his eyes. “Or get mad.”

Xander peeked at him to make sure his lover was telling the truth, then he took a deep breath....

“The Elders think that there might be a way to get Connor back but they’re not sure cause it’ll take a really long time so they really didn’t want to say anything to you and raise your hopes just in case they failed, getting Connor back that is, not your hopes cause hope doesn’t really failed, they just get let down or something…,” he mumbled the rest against Angel’s fingers, his eyes wide.

“Stop…just nod your head when I repeat what you just said,” Angel said tersely sitting up in the tub with Xander straddling him.

Xander nodded frantically.

“The elders think they know of a way to get Connor back,” he waited until Xander nodded hesitantly. “They think it will take a long time and that it might just fail,” again Xander nodded.

“But Angel, they don’t know if it’s possible to do it and the plan might not work at all,” Xander said quietly. “Half of them didn’t want to tell you
because...” and Angel interrupted him bitterly.

“Because they don’t like me, no doubt,” Angel leaned back and closed his eyes.

“No, it was because half of them felt that to give you hope only to snatch it away would be an act of extreme cruelty,” Xander repeated carefully. And at the disbelieving expression of Angel’s face, he sighed.

“Angel, think for a moment exactly where you are. These people have literally gone through hell. There are days when some of them can’t get out of bed for the pain of their bodies. They know what it is to have hope only to get disappointed time and again. And they just didn’t want you to go through what they went through, to be so full of hope and only to have it snatched away.”

“So, when did you become the Old Wise Man On The Mountaintop?” Angel said huskily, his eyes glittering with suppressed emotion.

Xander smiled slowly, trying to look both wise and mysterious. “Oh, I have my moments.”

Angel pulled him into a bear hug. “Well, if you talk to them, tell ‘em thank you from me and that I’ll see Connor when I see him,” he choked out into Xander’s neck.

“I will, I will,” Xander promised, holding his mate tightly in his arms as he felt a suspicious moisture fall on his neck. For Angel's sake, he prayed they would be successful.

*

After getting dressed, Angel headed for the kitchen to cook breakfast for everyone as Xander headed for Spike and Willow’s room.

And peeking at the peaceful scene of the two sleeping people he let out a whoop of excitement and jumped on the bed, waking them up.

“I’m getting married! He asked me to marry him, Willow!” He screamed joyfully.

Willow’s eyes popped open at Xander’s first scream. Then she screamed along with him and jumped up as well, and they began the Snoopy dance in their excitement.

“Uh, pet....” Spike drawled out, lighting up a cigarette and resting comfortingly back against the pillows. “Not that the show ain’t sexy, but ya might
want to put on some clothes,” he leered up at her.

Willow looked down...Xander's robe was totally open and judging by what she could see she saw exactly why Angel was in love with him.

Xander looked down....Willow apparently didn't see the need for nightwear, he thought in shock.

And with a gasp, bodies went flying.

Willow screamed as she dived under the covers, Xander ran to the door babbling apologies, and Spike fell out the bed laughing his head off.

*

Angel smirked at the two red-faced humans sitting at the kitchen table. Having heard what happened in the bedroom he realized both were too embarrassed to look at each other.

“So ya saw Willow nekkid? Big deal!” Spike snapped impatiently at them. He had long since grown tired of their stilted awkwardness with each other. “It’s a beautiful sight, now get over it,” he growled angrily.

Holly looked up, “Daddy saw Aunt Willow nekkid? I’s seen Willow nekkid zillions of times, so what?” She looked curiously around at the adults, before shaking her head and climbing down from her chair. As she left, she muttered under her breath, “Adults are so weird...no WAY I'm gonna grown up!”

Xander peeked at Willow. His lip twitching at Holly’s comment only to find her sneaking a laugh filled glance at him and they both started laughing.

“Your face! It matched your hair....” Xander howled as he pointed at her, tears of mirth falling from his eyes.

“I thought…you were… gonna faint....” Willow banged on the table, barely able to speak for laughing.

But they sobered up hurriedly at the low chime that echoed through the room.

“Angel Harris, Willow Rosenburg and Tamen n'Zend, please report to the briefing room,” a low mellow voice filled the room.

Angel’s brows rose as he hesitantly got out of his chair. “Uhm, Xander what am I supposed to do?”

“Well, if I was you I would get my ass in gear cause Master Donly don’t like to be kept waiting when he’s giving out the assignments,” Xander smirked as he finished his cereal.

“Angel, will you c’mon...” Willow called him impatiently. She grabbed the vampire by the arm and hastily dragged him out of the kitchen.

*

12 hours later, they were back. Angel had his arm slung over Willow’s neck as she helped him into the couch. Other than a bruise on her cheek, she looked perfectly okay.

Xander raised his brow and looked at Spike then they both looked at Angel. Angel on the other hand looked like he had been dragged through the bushes backward, fell off a cliff…twice. He looked like he took on the assignment single-handedly.

“What hell happened to you?” Xander burst out increduously.

“Blood, just get me some blood....” Angel moaned piteously, clutching at his sore ribs.

Willow just shook her head wearily.

“I'm sorry Xander, but your man's an idiot! Angel, the next time I tell you to duck, I want to see you quacking and eating worms, you understand?!” Willow was looking at Angel with stormy eyes as she berated him.

“She’s insane...” Angel whimpered. He regarded Willow with wide eyes.

Xander and Spike shook their heads sorrowfully.

“She used a fireball, didn’t she?” Xander sighed.

Willow flushed. “Don’t start with me, Xander Harris! I had perfect control of the damn fireball until Mr.-I-Have-To-Save-Helpless-Willow threw himself at me,” she shouted angrily.

“The guy had a freakin’ sword,” Angel enunciated his words carefully. “What the hell did you think I should do, let him kill you?!” And his voice nearly rose to a high pitched shriek.

“Yeah....well, look at what happen anyway! We went over the cliff and you fell into those damn bushes,” Willow shouted back, her eyes stormy.

“I noticed that you didn’t fall,” Angel retorted nastily. He yelped as Xander tried to ease his coat off.

“I have magic...” Willow retorted, a smugly superior look on her face. “And didn't I tossed you a rope. Which I might add, helped you climb back up the cliff.”

Angel eyed Willow stonily. “It broke!”

At that both Spike and Xander lost control, falling to the floor in helpless laughter. Every time they looked at the angry faces of their two mates they
started laughing again. Angel blinked, recalling the serious of events that led up to him falling off a cliff and almost catching on fire. He started
snickering, holding his ribs in pain thinking about his first mission.

Willow glanced at the three laughing males with an annoyed look that gradually deepened into a smile before she slowly started chuckling.

“Fifteen men popped up right in front of me with Willow and Tamen almost a 100 feet away. God, they pounded my ass big time before Willow and Tamen could get to me,” Angel gasped out, holding his sore ribs.

“Then a tree branch fell on Angel....and...kn...ocked ...him into the fire...he..a...a...al...most went w...w...whoosh!” Willow howled between gasping breaths. She collapsed on the couch with Angel, tears of laughter falling from their faces. “He... was...run...ning a...round... s....screa....ming... 'Help! Help! I'm on fire!' And T....T...Ta...men and me had to...chase...him ...to put out...the fire.”

“You try catching on fire and see how you react!” Angel managed to wheeze out, wiping at his eyes.

“Ready for another mission?” Xander snickered, finally getting his laughter under control.

“Bring ‘em on!” Angel smirked almost drunk with laughter. “Me and Willow can take ‘em with our hands tied behind our backs.”



Chapter 11

Between all their friends it took them only about 12 days to prepare for the event. Twelve extremely stressful days for Angel wondering if he and Xander would be able to make it to the ceremony in time. Or better yet, if they would survive the trip to the event.

While the Masters were pleased at Xander's upcoming nuptials, that didn't exactly mitigate the fact that there was work that needed to be done. Worlds, people that needed their help. There were only a finite number of Travelers, but almost an infinite numbers of worlds screaming for help...help that they provided. Training, defending, feeding and sheltering nations and people until they were able to stand on their own.

And either he or Xander were running off to do battle with some jacked up warlord in some crazy ass dimension. Often coming back so bruised and sore that all they wanted was the feeling of having the other wrapped around them like a security blanket.

And when Mom and Dad Harris arrived to help with the wedding, he thought he was a gonner for sure...

“Here let me get that for you,” Angel hurried forward and eased the suitcase from Macy's hand. He threw a triumphant smirk at Tamen's annoyed face, who was also reaching for Mrs. Harris' suitcase as well.

Tamen hissed and almost slapped Angel across the face with his tail when he caught M'Dear's stern look. And instantly tried to look as if all he was going to do was brush a speck of dust off Angel's back with his tail. He relaxed slightly when she turned that frown on Angel. Now it was his turn to sneer at the discomforted vampire.

“Boys...I want you to stop this nonsense right now! Tamen, now is that the way you want T'mar to see you acting? You know how much he idolizes you and mimics everything you do. Shame on you! Angel, you are an adult and father. Is this anyway to behave around Holly?!” Macy admonished the two sheepish men sternly, nodding at the fascinated Holly and T'mar watching the mild confrontation.

“Yes, ma'am,” Angel muttered, shooting a scowl towards Tamen.

“Sorry M'Dear,” Tamen mumbled, sliding a disgusted glance at Angel.

“That's okay, Xander's mom. Angel's my friend and I wouldn't hurt him cause friends are supposed to be nice to you and you're supposed to be nice to them, too,” T'mar assured her solemnly. He picked Holly up. “Holly's my friend, too!” And he gave a wide guileless smile to Macy Harris.

Her face softened as both she and Jack strode past the two other men. “Now, T'mar how many times do I have to tell you to call me Mom, hmmm?” And she wrapped her arms around the sweet young man. Almost out of all Xander, Willow and Spike's friends, T'mar was their favorite. Smart or slow he was truly a wonderful, loving person.

“How you doing, son?” Jack said gruffly to T'mar, patting him on the back. “You been practicing that cast like I showed you? Cause me and Tansl are going be going to Lake Omchean after the wedding for some premium fishing. Be glad to have you tag along.” And he smiled at the way the boy's eyes lit up. If he and Macy had another child, he would be proud to have had T'mar be his son.

T'mar turned wide anxious eyes to his brother. “Tamen, can I go?! Please?! Can I? Can I? I'll be real good, I promise!” He was almost bouncing as he begged to be allowed to go with PoppaJack.

“Of course, you can go! Besides, me and Shelby bought you a little present that we think you'll love. Did you bring it?” Tamen looked eagerly to Jack, who smirked as he pulled a round circular case from behind his back.

“Here ya go, my boy!” And handed the case to Tamen, who presented it T'mar.

T'mar's face wore a puzzled look as he put Holly down and fumbled the case opened. Then a look of awe transfigured his face as he pulled out the three connecting sections of the fishing rod.

His mouth moved soundlessly when he looked up at his brother. Then he jumped into Tamen's arms with a shriek of happiness. Wrapping his tail and arms tightly around his wonderful brother, and squeezing him tight.

“Angel! Angel! Lookit! It's just like Master Tansl's but it's not! It's mine! Shelby and my brother bought it for me! Isn't it beautiful?” And a fierce look of determination crossed his face. “I bet I can catch all the fish in the lake with this!”

And he couldn't stop touching his fishing pole with possessive pride as they walked back to the Harris suite of rooms. Angel shared a smile with Tamen at the self-important strut now in T'mar' walk.

Once they were in the suite, the senior Harris' quickly settled in. Willow, Spike, Shelby and about eight others were waiting tensely in the living room for M'Dear, to present their individual ideas on the wedding.

Angel was changing clothes in the bedroom when he heard a knock on the door. Fastening his pants, then sliding on a shirt he called for the knocker to come in.

“Angel...can we talk to you for a minute?” Macy poked her head around the door with a charming smile.

“Sure, come on in,” he smiled back at her. Then he grunted when he was slammed high into the wall as Macy entered with a small glowing gemstone held in her left hand. Angel looked at her in wild disbelief. Then he transferred his attention to Jack coming in behind her.

“Now that we have your attention, there's a couple of things that we needed to clear the air.” Jack sat easily on the bed and regarded Angel with a unwavering look. “You hurt Alexander and you hurt Holly. Not intentionally, not maliciously but because you wanted them to have something better in their lives than a vampire for a mate and a dead father for Holly. You had a goal in sight. Which is good...that of having a goal of reaching your Shanshu, that'll kinda make you human from what Spike says. And like any good father and mate you wanted only the best for your loved ones. But you forgot one simple fact: in their minds, you are the best. For them, there is no one better to love them or could love them. You hang the moon and the stars in the sky for them.”

Then Macy began speaking. “Angel, you have two of our most prized possessions in your hands. They are fragile, easily hurt because they love you. I like you Angel, I really do. But if you hurt my son and granddaughter again, I will make every nightmarish mother-in-law story you ever heard sound like a Mother Goose fairytale. And you will never, EVER see either one again. Is that understood?” And in her eyes stood a snarling, raging motherwolf protecting her young.

She slowly clenched her hand. Angel fell to the floor with a muffled thump and wincing he sat up. He looked at the cool, angry looks on both the Harris' face and bit back his instinctive words.

“I know. Believe me, I know that. I think...I hope that I have managed to rebuild Xander's trust and faith in me. I don't want to take the risk of losing him again. Losing either of them. Not now, not ever.” And slowly Angel got to his feet, his face hardening to a cold mask. “I respect you, Mr. And Mrs. Harris...but don't you ever threatened to take my family away from me again! What's between me and Xander, stays between me and Xander. I've made mistakes, something I've discussed and talked over with Xander... as a family. But no one is gonna take my family away from me...not even you.” And it took everything in his power not to shift to his more demonic guise. This wasn't about threats...this was about standing his ground. Marking his territory.

And there was a cold, vibrating tension between them...then slowly Macy relaxed. “Good. I don't like it, but I was hoping that you would react like that. If you love our son enough, you'll fight for him, for them...even against us to hold on to them.”

Angel blinked. He felt like he had been standing on solid ground and now it had crumbled beneath his feet, and he was frantically trying to stay upright.

“You mean this was all a test? To see how much I love them? Couldn't you have done something a little easier, like make me swallow Holy Water to prove my love?” He looked at them in disbelief.

“Yeah, we could have...but where's the fun in that?” Jack gave him a crooked, Xandergrin and Angel saw where his mate got his oddball sense of humor.

“But we needed to be sure. And the only way we could do that was threatened you with something you value more than your unlife...losing Alexander and Holly. You would gladly bathe in Holy Water for their sakes...but if you loved them enough, you would move heaven and earth to get back to them. To be with them.” Macy looked at Angel with quiet wisdom in her bright eyes.

Angel looked away from her probing, knowledgeable eyes. “Well, I didn't like your little test,” he muttered to the floor.

“Too bad!” Jack replied cheerfully, bouncing up from the bed. “C'mon we got a wedding to plan for.”

“Okay, Willow...oooookay, let's get something clear. I am not a female. Therefore, by process of elimination that means I'm a dude. Which, of course, means I am not a bride. And you know what that means?! It means I can see Angel WHENEVER I WANT! Now unseal this damn door!” Xander screamed at her from his temporary dressing room and hammered on the solid wood with his fists.

“NO! The wedding starts in less than 15 freaking minutes so you're gonna wait if I hafta sit on your freakin' behind and make you!” Willow shouted back from the other side just as angrily.

“You just wait until you and Spike get married! I'm gonna make your life miserable planning your wedding!” Xander seethed in a furious harsh whisper. His nerves were shot from the intense planning for his wedding. He was shaking like a leaf, he was so nervous and he needed Angel's presence to calm him down. He just needed to see his soon-to-be husband's face to ease his pre-wedding jitters.

His head jerked up at the sound of music playing. Then a soft glow surrounded the door and his hand shook when he grasped the doorknob, turning it easily now that Willow had unsealed it. And there was Willow's happy, tear-bright eyes steadily watching him as the door swung open.

“Willow, I think I'm gonna be sick!” Xander whispered hoarsely, clutching a hand to his roiling stomach.

“Xander, you're just making yourself sick,” she said soothingly.

“Where's my mom? Where's dad?!” Xander looked around in panic, feeling absolutely elated yet terrified for some odd reason.

“We're right here, son,” Jack answered huskily. He cleared his throat and gestured for Macy to Xander's other side. This ceremony was naturally vastly different from a Earth style traditional wedding. For one thing, all their friends would never be able to come to Earth to see the ceremony. This was was far better. They had video cameras set up the entire way to the altar to capture everything.

He gazed admiringly at Xander's attire. The dark blue pants that faded slowly upwards to a rich, pale creamy blue. And a long tunic top that slipped over his son's head and covered his upper chest, it echoed the simple coloration of the pants. His boy looked so handsome, he felt his chest puffing out with pride.

“Are we ready?” Willow said softly, winking at Xander.

“Yeah...let's do this so I can relax,” he muttered under his breath, feeling his knees knocking.

“Are they coming, yet?” Angel hissed to Spike. His eyes were wild and kept flickering between brown and solid gold. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his side. He was glad that he was dead and couldn't sweat or he would be standing in puddle of water right about now.

“For the tenth time...NO!” Spike whispered back snidely, making sure Angel saw the smirk on his face.

“You know...I can always change my mind about you being my best man,” Angel threatened his grandchilde.

“Yeah, right,” the other snorted in derision. “The ceremony gonna start in about five minutes and you think you can find another best man? I'd like to see you bloody well try,” Spike said. He knew he was annoying the older vampire but it was the only way to stop Angel from panicking and running off to find Xander. Which would cause him to quickly get his ass kicked by every last person that helped plan the event.

Then both vampires relaxed as Holly entered the long hall. Her face was screwed up in one of intense concentration as she walked with careful steps down the aisle carrying the ring on its velvet pillow. And the two men smiled at the cute picture she made in her blue and cream-colored outfit of pants and tunic top. It matched her fathers in miniature, except her pants and top were solid colors, with the tunic a rich creamy blue and the pants a solid dark blue.

Angel inhaled softly as Xander came into view a few steps behind Holly. Accompanied by his parents on either side of him, giving him away and Willow walking just behind as his honor guard. He smiled at Willow and Spike's attire. They also matched in dark green and glacial blue, with Spike in Willow's trademark forest green and Willow in the vampire's icy blue.

Master el-Traken looked over the crowd of individuals gathered to witness the nuptials of Alexander Harris and his Travel Mate. He smiled fondly at the studious look of concentration on Holly's face as she fought to stand still. She knew this day was important to her fathers and she was desperately trying to behave. He wondered how long she would last. He had some serious coins riding on her getting into trouble within the first 45 minutes.

He cleared his throat. “What is marriage? Is it just the union of two individuals deciding on a whim to join their lives together? Or is it something deeper? There is a poem I remember reading some time ago about marriage. It was called the Art of Marriage.”

He flared his throat scales to form a dignified hood, and to make Holly smile, then he began quoting from memory...

//It is at no time taking the other for granted;//
//The courtship should not end with the honeymoon, //
//it should continue through all the years//

//It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives//
//It is standing together facing the world.//
//It is forming a circle of love that gathers//
//in the whole family.//
//It is doing things for each other, not in the//
//attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.//

//It is speaking words of appreciation and//
//demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.//
//It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo//
//or the wife to have wings of an angel.//
//It is not looking for perfection in each other.//

//It is cultivating flexibility, patience,//
//understanding and a sense of humor.//
//It is having the capacity to forgive and forget//
//It is giving each other an atmosphere//
//in which each can grow.//

//It is finding room for the things of the spirit.//
//It is a common search for the good and the beautiful//
//It is establishing a relationship in which the//
//independence is equal, dependence is mutual//
//and the obligation is reciprocal.//
//It is not only marrying the right partner,//
//it is being the right partner.//

el-Traken saw all the joined partners nodding thoughtfully in agreement. “Now Xander and Angel will read their prepared vows. Gentlemen...”

Xander turned nervously to Angel and felt all his shaky feeling flow away when he met his lover's sparkling eyes.

“I know you think words come easily for me, but they really don't. You don't know how much I really learn from you. How much I lean on you. From you, I find the strength to succeed even when I think I can't go on. And here today, before our family and friends I make these promises...”

He took a shaky breath for courage and spoke...“To stand beside you, no matter what; To be honest at all times with you; To accept you as you are and not try to change you; To forget the past and focus on our future.”

“I will love, trust, honor and respect you for the rest of my life. No matter what is ahead, I will always be there for you. Through the laughter and tears; Through the darkness and light; Through misery and happiness. We are one soul, united in love. No matter the struggle or pain, I will never leave you. I will always be there for you.”

Angel looked at Xander with tears in his eyes. And never taking his eyes from Xander, he began to speak...

“You know that I'm not very good with words but I love you more than I have ever imagined loving someone. You brought light into the dark room where I was hiding. When I sat silent and brooding in my room, you would drag me kicking and screaming to a place of laughter and fun.”

He swallowed hard and continued speaking. “I will make this journey with you, with an unfettered soul. I give you my promise, my vow for all eternity to stand by your side, to listen faithfully, to comfort you when you are troubled and joined in your laugher.”

Willow leaned against Spike as tears rolled down her eyes. He slid an affectionate look down at his Red Witch, though he did make sure he didn't look too loving. Didn't want people to get the wrong impression. He was still evil. He was just...undercover...yeah... he was hiding in plain sight. And when they lowered their defenses then POW!

His red-hair love cast a look up at him and kissed his lips gently. “You'll always be the Big Bad to me. The greatest evil the world has ever known,” Willow whispered softly to her lover.

Spike turned his attention back to the ceremony. Firmly denying the tears in his eyes...it was due to the dust in the marble room. Yeah, obviously somebody forgot to dust the soddin' room. When he found out who's job it was, he was gonna snap their neck or necks if they had more than one.

And he covered Willow's hand with his.

T'mar leaned against Tamen, blinking sleepily. He felt exhaustion weighing him down but he was determined to remain awake. He was fighting his Change with every ounce of strength he had. He wanted to see Angel and Xander get married, and he wasn't gonna leave until el-Traken said his friends were joined.

Shelby gave a worried look to Tamen over T'mar's head. And as she read the bonedeep terror in his purple eyes, she absolutely positive that her eyes reflected the same fear as his. And she wrapped her tail tightly around their Mate's waist for comfort, feeling Tamen's joining hers around T'mar's waist.

Tamen felt like picking T'mar up and shaking some sense into his brother. Both he and Shelby was overjoyed when it became evident that T'mar was sleeping more and more. But unfortunately, no amount of begging, screaming or shouting would sway his unnaturally stubborn brother to forgo this ceremony. T'mar was set on seeing the two men joined and that was the end of the discussion as far as he was concerned. Anything having to do with missing out on the ceremony he simply pretended like he didn't hear them screaming and yelling at him. Dancing and humming that stupid song about some girl called Nandy or something like that!

Tamen knew exactly where to cast the blame. And he cast a dark look at an oblivious Angel. It was hanging around that damn these vampire was where T'mar picking up those nasty habits. Like arguing, stubbornness and being independent. He pulled the softer body of his twin closer to him for comfort...and he was so proud of the character T'mar was developing, he didn't want to stifle it. He only wanted to see it grow and flourish, to finally witness the man his 'brother' was destined to be.

And the second el-Traken said Angel and Xander were joined, he was throwing T'mar over his shoulder and heading for their suite.

“....I now pronounced you Joined!” And the hall erupted with cheers as Xander pulled Angel down for a long thorough kiss before they turned to the joyful crowd.


Xander kept touching his thin, golden wristband in awe. He couldn't stop looking at it in fascination.

Married.

He was actually married to Angel!

He had been married for two freaking hours to Angel. The congratulations, the handshakes, the kisses went by in almost a blur for him. Hell, he could barely remember his own damn name, he was still gobsmack...

“Holly, get off Zedna back this instant!” He exclaimed in a hoarse yell. Her trouser leg catching his eye. Unfortunately, her leg was currently at eye level with him and that meant trouble.

“But Daddeeee...” Holly whined, a sulky look on her face. “He said I could.” And she clutched firmly at the reptilian legless Warrior with a look of defiant stubbornness on her tiny face.

“Peace, Xander. I have no problem with her riding on my back,” Zedna hissed calmly to his young friend. He reared up, enjoying Holly's shrill laughter as he towered over the crowd. Then he allowed his body to curve in an arch, letting her slid down his back to the floor.

“I know you don't mind but Willow and my mom is gonna kill one of us if Holly gets her outfit dirty. And it ain't gonna be me,” Xander replied grimly. He scooped her off the floor and frantically began checking to make sure she hadn't dirtied herself.

“Oops!” Zedna coiled in a defensive pose when Willow appeared with a set look on her face. And all three quickly turned to faced her...radiating pure innocence.

Willow eyed the three narrowly, carefully looking them over. Especially Holly. She knew they were trying to pull one over on her, Zedna and Xander just didn't mix that guileless look on their faces. Willow checked to make sure Holly was still clean before she departed with a muttered hurrumph just under her breath.

“Whew! That was a close one!” Angel remarked to Spike from a few feet away.

“Too right, mate. Red's gotta right mean streak in 'er when she get her feathers all riled up,” Spike replied with feeling.

“Hey, have you seen T'mar and the others? It's almost time for us to leave and I wanted to say goodbye,” Angel asked his grandchilde worriedly, giving another glance around the room for his friends.

Spike took a sip of champagne as a delaying tactic. And began searching frantically for answer that wouldn't have Angel and Xander delaying their honeymoon. “Oi! I think Shelby was feeling a bit under the weather.” And he leered at Angel meaningfully, just praying that Shelby wouldn't kill him for his little lie. Shelby had told him earlier about T'mar imminent Change and the fact that the unusually stubborn boy refused to stay in their suite.

“Oh....OH!” Angel blinked, casting a look at Spike in disbelief. The other vampire wiggled his brows and elbowed him, man-to...well, vampire-to-vampire.

“Well, okay let me go find Xander and we'll make a quiet getaway,” Angel said and began looking around for his husband.

“I thought I saw him heading out to the gardens with Old Mane,” Spike jerked his head to the open balcony doors. “He'll be back inside in a minute.”

Angel raised a brow. “Whose Old Mane? I don't remember Xander or anybody else mentioning him before.”

“Oh, he's a Hunter. One of the best. Don't much care for people gawkin' at him so he'll avoid places where lots of people are at. Likes his solitude, ya know,” Spike replied, waving his glass vaguely at the chattering crowd of well-wishers.

“Uh huh.”

“Don't worry, your boy'll be back any minute,” Spike snorted sardonically. His eyes sparkled with electric blue fire of amusement at the annoyed look on Angel's face at the delay in his plans.

“Are you sure about this, Mane? I know you want to help and all, but I don't want you taking chances with your life.” Xander paced back and forth worriedly, darting a look into the shadows of the gardens with red eyes peered coldly back at him.

~“It is my 'wedding' gift to you and your mate,”~ the darkness shifted. Dappled shadows flowed smoothly across gleaming skin. Light gleamed on the long two curving horns.

“Well, I've changed my mind,” Xander snapped abruptly. He was wringing his hands as he whirled to face the shadowy being. “I don't want you going over there. It's too dangerous and...”

~“And I was born there. Besides, this is not your choice to make. It is mine,”~ came the soft, dry whisper in his mind.

~“I have lived thousands of years. I have been a Hunter since I snapped the neck of my father, may he Hunt forever in the Shadowland, and took his place. This is my destiny and my calling. I am the only one that can do this. I know the terrain and territory.”~

“But what if you die, huh?! What if you get killed? Did you ever think about that, huh, Mr. Smarty-pants? No, you didn't, did you?!”

And there came a dry chuckle from the darkness before Mane glided forward and fondly regarded his one-time pupil. Xander would never make a true Warrior such as he. He cared too much. He was not one for making dispassionate decisions. He was not one to relish the hunt, the kill. The feel of blood coursing down one throat. He did not howl in triumph at being victorious, to defeat ones enemy.

~“It is nice to know that you care, but whether or not I die is immaterial. I am a Hunter. It is what I do, it is what I live for. To feel the wind against my skin, to glory in the intoxicating joy of the Hunt. Pitting my wits, my skill and knowledge against the prey...wondering if this will be the time that I
become the prey and Hunted to my death. And there would be no finer death for me than to fall to the claws, teeth or knife of a worthy prey.”~

Xander gritted his teeth in futile rage. Mane was a stubborn old fool. No wonder him and Spike got along so well! They were too freakin' much alike with all their talk about hunting and preying and shit!

“Well, if you get yourself hurt don't say I didn't warn you! And if you get yourself killed I swear, I'll Hunt you down in the Shadowland and kill you
again,” Xander replied hoarsely, reaching up and hugging the reptilian neck of Master Mane-tonw-y.

“Please be careful,” he whispered in Mane's ear.

~“As careful as I have always been,”~ the other replied. Mane carefully folded his arms around the fragile human body, being especially careful with his claws. ~“Now go, your husband calls for you.”~

And with many backwards looks, Xander left. He had a unmistakable feeling that Mane's idea would result in tragedy, but for who?

Mane snapped his long teeth together as he stared after the child. And his eyes shifted, gazing up at a still figure gazing down at him, white-blonde hair brilliant in the lights from behind. Then Mane nodded his great head in acknowledgment before he turned and lumbered off to the departure point. To begin his journey and search.

Angel and Xander returned two weeks later from their honeymoon. Wide, happy smiles of bliss wreathe their faces as they stumbled into their suite where family and friends were gathered.

“So I take it that the honeymoon was a glorious success,” Tamen smirked at his two glowing friends.

Xander merely snickered, while Angel looked puzzledly at the man. He sniffed lightly, “T'mar?”

“No, it's Tamen,” Xander answered slowly. He gave his husband a confused look. He had never heard any rumors about too much sex causing memory losses. Maybe too much sex on the brain short-circuited the brain?

“Actually, it's Timar,” came an amused voice from the kitchen.

Xander swung his head to the right and blinked. Tamen smirked at him from the kitchen door with a look of lavender-eyed amusement.

He turned his head back forward, looking incredulously at the other man in front of him.

Blink.

Blink.

“T'mar? Oh shit! You fuckin' Changed!” Xander howled and ran forward touching their former daytime slow friend wonderingly.

“Yep!” Timar snickered, delighted to have surprised his friends.

Angel gave a joyous whoop of his own and simply opened his arms. And with a glad, fierce yell Timar leaped into his arms, laughing excitedly.

“Dammit, when did this happen?!” Angel shouted, hugging the purple-eyed man in disbelief.

“The stubborn fool was going through the initial Changes the week of your wedding. Then he went into the Secondary phase during the ceremony but refused to leave. He wanted to see you two joined,” Tamen calmly sold his brother out as he strolled out of the kitchen. He smacked Timar's ass with his tail in passing, giving him a evil smirk at the angry look Timar gave him.

“You WHAT?!”

“Are you insane?!”

Both Xander and Angel screamed furiously at the newly Changed man.

Timar glared at his twin. “Blabbermouth!”

And amid much screaming and yelling, Timar conceded that he might have been a little rash in his decision to see the two married. However, he blamed it all on not being his 'self' at the time. Tossing a little smile at his dumbstruck audience...there was moment of silence before they started laughing.

*

Xander sighed as he looked around their familiar apartment in L.A. He regarded his wristband for a brief moment then looked up as Angel came out of the shower.

“So, what do we do now?” He asked his husband quietly as he sat cross-legged on the bed.

He felt the mattress dip when Angel sat down. And when he felt the press of his lover's lips against his, he gladly allowed himself to be pressed back down to the pillows with a throaty groan of desire.

“Okay, how about we start like this: I go back to the hotel, tell Cordy everything, let her beat the shit out of me, and then introduce you to the rest of my people. After that we'll just have to wing it,” Angel murmured softly against the warm pliant lips, feeling them curve up in a crooked grin.

Xander drew back to regard Angel with serious eyes. “You're ready to introduce me to them?”

“Baby boy, I'm literally 'dying' for you to meet them,” Angel chuckled at the amused annoyed roll of Xander's eyes.

“Sweetie, I think you better leave the jokes to me. You are just not funny,” he groused and punched Angel in the arm, then tried to roll away.

Angel grabbed his laughing mate and rolled them over until Xander rested on top of him. “Hey, I made you a promise to start laughing. I take my vows very highly, Mr. Xander Harris,” he protested with mock injured look, that faded to a more solemn look.

“Angel Harris...sounds absolutely beautiful to me,” Xander whispered before diving into his lover's mouth for a scorching, beguiling kiss. He was drowning in the luscious taste that exploded in his mouth from Angel's erotic tongue and began to slowly suck on the supple muscle.

He pulled his head up, gazing down at the heavy lidded look on Angel's face and rolled his hips against the very interesting bulge growing under the towel. And enjoying the developing golden eyes on his mate.

His husband.

His.

From the top of Angel's spiky hair to the toes of his feet...it was all his. And he never really knew just how possessive he felt.

Angel felt a shiver course down his spine at that look darkening Xander's eyes to black, before his mouth was taken with a hungry force. And somewhere in the hind part of his mind, where all his primitive emotions lurked, demon and human, he recognized that look. It was the same look that he knew was often in his eyes whenever he looked Xander.

Absolute possession.

He groaned huskily and humped urgently against Xander when he felt blunt teeth nibbling at his neck at the marks his husband made during one extremely passionate encounter while on their honeymoon.

“Sex now, or later...” Xander whispered shakily to Angel, trying to still his needy hips.

“Huh?”

Xander slowly pulled himself back from the edge of fabulous Angelsex and quickly rolled away from his vampire's tempting body. “Were you going to the hotel now to talk to Cordy and the rest or maybe you can go tomorrow?”

Angel raised a brow, slowly coming down off the sensual mood he was in. “Hmmm, let me think about this. Making love to you or talking to Cordy? Decisions, decisions!”

“Get over here!” He tried to snatch a now laughing Xander into his arms, but his lover twisted out of his clutching fingers.

“Seriously, think about this...go talk to Cordy now, and we can have all day tomorrow of doing nothing but be with each other...in each other. Loving each other...again and again,” Xander whispered, giving Angel a sexy grin as he crawled closer to his mate.

“Fine! All I'm saying it better be some fantastico sex!” Angel grumbled, knowing it was a losing battle to try to talk Xander out of one of his worse ideas yet.

“Of course it will, it's gonna be with me, ain't it?” His mortal lover grinned delightedly at him.

*

Angel rolled his eyes and stomped back into the bathroom, but he had a wicked smile on his face as he stepped back into the shower stall. As he turned on the cold water, he began to send steamy images of them...of making love to Xander. Chuckling at the yell, then hungry moan from their bedroom before he got caught up in the blistering sensual imagery that Xander began sending.

~“Ha! Two can play that game, Mr. Angel Harris!”~ came Xander's lustful thought.

Later as he entered the hotel, Angel was amazed at Xander's skill in playing their little sex game. It was the first time he had ever lost to the boy!

“ANGEL!” Cordy looked up from talking to Groo and saw her friend enter the hotel. She ran to him and pulled him into a warm tight hug.

“I am so sorry about what happen! Gunn and Fred told me everything that happened last week. Are you okay?” She asked him softly, her eyes gentle and concerned.

“Yeah, I'm...okay,” Angel replied hesitantly and it was true. He wasn't quite there yet...but he felt himself slowly creeping to that place where he didn't feel like his heart had been carved out with a blunt knife. He felt a pillar of strength course through him. And he sent gratitude speeding Xander's way.

“Good...that's good.” Cordy replied. Then she punched him, doubling him over with a pained gasp. “Don't you ever do that again! The next time
something like this happen you call me IMMEDIATELY!” And she hit him again.

“I'm your fuckin' friend! That means I goddamn well care about your brooding, sorry dumb ass!” But this time he managed to catch her hand before she was able to hit him a third time.

“Thanks...it's nice to feel the strength of your care. It was just....” He smiled painfully at her and looked away.

And Cordy inhaled, struggling to gain control of her grief. “I know...well, actually I don't know, but I should have been here with you! That's what friends are for...to be there in good times and bad times. You've always been there for me and you should have let me be there for you.”

“I'm sorry,” was all he could say.

“You should be...and if you got something else you want to say that's gonna fuckin' piss me off, I suggest that you wait until I'm not quite irritated right now!” She snarled, looking at him with narrowed eyes. Then Cordy turned and walked away, disappearing up the stairs with a stiff angry back. But he heard the watery sniffle she gave, and smelled the salty reek of tears.

Groo looked uncomfortably at Angel. “Welcome back,” before following after his princess.

Gunn and Fred peeked out from the office, checking for Hurricane Cordelia before they strolled over.

“Angel.” Gunn gave a short nod of acknowledgment to his friend. Discretely making sure his friend was okay.

Fred gave the vampire a tight hug. “Angel...she was just worried about you when we told her you disappeared from the hospital and by the way how did you do that? Did a dimensional portal open and you got sucked in? How long were you there? Were there strange fantastical creatures?”

And Angel began laughing, he was definitely home. After talking with Xander, they decided to postpone the talk with Cordy. They weren't in any hurry... they had time.



The end

The adventure continues in Becoming II