Title: Blood for Blood 2. Texas Dawn

(Riley/Graham)

Author: otsoko

Summary: Riley joins Graham on the mission to the jungles of Belize.

Rating: NC-17

Content: Riley/Graham SLASH! Mayan mutilation rituals. Totemic animal fights.

Category: Blood for Blood #2

Spoilers: BtVS, Season 5

Distribution: Help yourself, just let me know.

Feedback: It really helps to know someone is reading it. Criticisms welcome.

Disclaimer: Joss owns them. just playing. promise

ACK: For the beta-ing and encouragement, Mistress Ace and Wirrrn. May your storage baskets be always filled with corn, and may the Balamob, the jaguar-spirits, always protect your hearths and fields.

Blood For Blood 2: Texas Dawn

by Otsoko

We had a refueling stop at Lackland AFB near San Antonio. It was 0600 local time. Still pre-dawn. Most of the guys were sacked out. Riley was still up, still staring.

I unstrapped, and gave him a friendly slap to the shoulder, "Come on, let's get some air."

That hesitation, and then he nodded and stood up, and followed me out of the plane onto the tarmac.

He stared into the eastern sky, which was just beginning the glow light red, arms hanging loose at his side.

"You gonna be OK?"

Safe question, because it had to do with the mission.

He nodded, and then spoke for the first time, "Yeah. I'll be OK, Graham. I'll be good to go."

He broke his gaze from the glowing sky, and looked at me. "I fucked it up. Bad."

He was fighting back tears, barely holding it together.

I saw the Colonel watching us. Shit. I couldn't let the Colonel see him fall apart. The Colonel was no-nonsense when it came to a mission. He'd boot Riley off the plane and leave him here in Texas if he didn't keep his shit together. OK, from the Colonel's point of view, maybe he was right, Riley shouldn't be here like this. But I knew, I *knew*, that he needed to be here, and that I needed him to be here. With us. With me. I studied his face. Dude was wearing a fierce mask.

I glanced back at the Colonel, who was talking to some Air Force guy, but looking in our direction out of the corner of his eye.

"Sir!" I call over to him.

"What is it, Miller?"

"We got time for a cup of coffee, sir?"

He glanced at his watch and nodded. "You got maybe twenty minutes."

"Yes sir." I turned back to Riley, and put a hand on his shoulder, "Come on."

He nodded and let me lead him to the terminal. We walked in and nodded at the Air Force guys, who like all good Air Force guys, totally ignored the two Marines. I nodded inquiringly at the coffee urn to a sergeant who was standing around, he said "Help yourself." and turned his back on us, which was fine with me.

I handed Riley a styrofoam cup and then poured myself a cup, and waited for him to do the same. We walked over to a table in corner and sat across from each other. I took a sip and watched his face. He took a sip and grimaced, "The coffee hasn't gotten any better."

I was glad for that taste of the old Riley. "Nope," I replied with a grin and took another sip myself.

"You gonna be OK for this mission? My ass is kinda on the line here."

He looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time that night. "Yeah, I'll keep it together. I'll be good."

"You'll let me know if ... ya know..."

Another of those damned hesitations, then the nod.

I nodded back. Good enough.

I stared at the cup of coffee. "I'm here for you. You know that, right?"

I had to look up to see if he was nodding. He wasn't. He met my eyes.

"Yeah, I know." He took another sip. He sighed. He stared down at the table, unable to meet my eyes. "I really fucked it up." He repeated. I nodded for him to continue. I needed to hear this, and more to the point, I needed him to say it, he needed to say it.

"Look, Graham, I just always kind of thought that if I found the right woman, I could ... you know, make it work."

I nodded, pretending to understand where he was heading.

His eyes pierced mine. "I found her, and I couldn't make it work. I mean, she was perfect. Beautiful, strong, smart. Her own person. Everything I thought I always wanted."

"But ...?"

"It wasn't enough. No matter what I did, no matter what I said. It didn't work. She never bought it. Never bought me."

"I kinda thought you two ... " I gave him a macho buddy grin.

He shrugged. "Yeah, teenager fantasy time on the sack front, Gray. When she was up for it, it was amazing. But the rest of the time she was always half-there, ya know."

"And you?"

He sighed. "Maybe she was half there cause I was half there. I couldn't take it, Gray, I just couldn't take it."

I nodded. Without thinking, I reached across and put a hand on his shoulder, near his neck, and gave him a reassuring squeeze. His eyes met mine for just a second like he understood.

Then they flicked back to the cup of coffee in front of him. I let my hand fall away, slowly, reluctantly.

"You know, I'm sorry about that time in the park ..."

"Yeah, I know. It wasn't you."

"I was just so fucked up, Graham. Totally fucked up. I thought I could make it work with her. I needed it to work with her."

"Hey, Ri. Come on. Yeah, it didn't work out. It's not the end of the world. I know it feels like it, but it's not."

He looked at me, like I didn't understand jackshit. Maybe I didn't. Never had a relationship thing, so I never fucked one up.

"She was the one, Gray. She was the one."

He was on the verge of totally losing it. I gave him my best good buddy smile and gave him a squeeze on the shoulder, doing it a little roughly, so he'd know I didn't think he was a wuss.

"Fuck, I am just so pathetic."

I nodded solemnly.

"Ya could argue with me a little!"

"Wouldn't dream of it." I let myself smile at him.

I nodded at the scars on his arm. "You still been fighting the HSTs, though."

He looked at the arm, and quickly turned it over so the scars weren't visible. I dropped the subject.

"So what happened? She seeing somebody else?"

He shook his head. "I started ... Listen, can we not talk about this. I fucked up, big time. I had my shot at ... at her, and I just fucking blew it, OK? Can we leave it at that?" His eyes were begging me.

I nodded.

More than anything else, I wanted to hold him right now, hold him tight and tell him to cry, to get it out. That wasn't gonna happen. Unless maybe we got drunk enough. And I knew that one real well. Get the guy drunk, and watch it all pour out. I was pretty much the expert at getting guys drunk. Pretty much had to be, given that it was the centre of my social life.

Like that joke the guy in San Diego told me after we had shared an intimate yet anonymous drunken moment in the bathroom of some sleazy bar:"What's the difference between a straight marine and a gay marine?"

I knew the answer to that one: "A bottle of tequila."

Maybe it might be nice to have sex with someone who wasn't falling-over drunk. I kept telling myself I'd try that some day.

I looked up at the guy I wanted to try it with. I swallowed hard. I was pretty sure I could get him. It might take two bottles of tequila with good old agent Finn, but I knew I could get a leg over. It almost always seemed to work, it just took enough alcohol and persistence, and whispering the right stuff in the guy's ear.

Course, it was fun when the other guy turned out to be playing the same game, too.

But my whole romantic life seemed to involve that kind, well ya know, kinda the whole "Who let the dogs out" thing. Fun for a while, definitely fun while it was happening. But the next morning, it was just dirty sheets and a hangover in some dingy cheap motel, and a guy who couldn't even look you in the face, if he hadn't skipped out before you woke up.

I looked over at Riley, and yeah, I wanted to get the boy drunk and get down and dirty with him. Not like I hadn't planned it all out any number of times in my head. The lines I'd use that I thought would work on Riley, what I figure he'd be willing to try, and how I could lead him to what I wanted to try. I had it all pretty much figured out.

It would probably destroy him though.

Shit. I wanted to do it anyway. Put two drinks in me, and I know I'd fucking go for it. Play on him owing me for bringing the doc for him, for testifying for him at the Court Martial, get a little payback for that right cross when I had only come to Sunnydale to save his life.

I looked over at him, sitting there looking totally defeated and ... vulnerable. I sighed. I knew what that kind of vulnerability can mean: it meant that it would be all the easier to make him think he needed me, if only for the night. I'd seen it before, I'd used it before.

I shoulda been ashamed of myself for even thinking all this. OK, maybe I was. Didn't mean I wouldn't try it, though. Because I don't think I've ever wanted a guy as much as I wanted him. I was rock hard just thinking about it. Thinking about having him beneath me, writhing as I pounded into him, barely able to get out even a few pathetic moans.

Because all I knew is that I was ready to do anything to get this guy. It was like I had this need to be with him. He was creeping into all my fantasies, my daydreams, and even my thoughts, even when I was doing it with some other guy, wondering whether it would feel different, be different doing it with him.

Maybe that was obsession, or maybe that was just being horny and seeing a hot guy right next to you, or maybe that was love.

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Lord Chak Reigns!