Fic: CPA4
Author: norgco
Type: X-files/Buffy/smallville crossover, f/f included Among other things
RAting: NC-17 for violence
Summary: Jonathan Kent thinks a ménage a troi is something You keep monkeys and tigers in, Xander has a Theseus moment
Disclaimer: I own only the Karnak demons
Feedback: Please?
CPA4
By norgco
The Kent Farm, Smallville Kansas
Clark Kent had been called many thing in his time, but moron was not one of them. Or at least not by anyone who honestly believed it. So when this was one of the names Dawn Summers called him for responding to her proposition with 'Chloe handles all those arrangements, ask her', he took it for a simple insult and not a carefully weighed assessment of his intellect. Many people would have taken turning down a girl as cute, friendly and sexually rapacious as 'the key' stupid.
Those people were not sleeping with both of the women he had always fantasized about, PLUS the other women that they took home and DEMANDED he 'service', to prove his loyalty and love for them. Lana Lang had developed a serious appetite for cheer leaders, while Chloe Sullivan kept bringing home women Lex Luthor referred to as 'most intriguing'. No, Clark was an alien, he was a naive farm boy, he was, to be honest, not a straight A student, but the kind of stupid that sours a sweet deal like that he was not. Explaining this to his parents, who thought Norman Rockwell was the greatest painter of the twentieth century, if a bit of a social radical, was the tricky part.
"Why was that poor girl crying when she ran out of your room Clark, I know you didn't hit her, so what was it." Jonathan Kent knew Clark had not hit her for two reasons. One, Clark was his son and no son of Jonathan Kent was going to beat up women. Secondly, if Clark had hit her in real anger her head would now be in low Earth orbit, perhaps accompanied by the rest of her body, perhaps not.
Clark had the look of someone who was thinking about his answer very carefully, which is a bad look to have when trying to avoid trouble. He would work this out eventually, by himself, but at this point in his life his experience with lying was very limited. Still his parents knew something was up, something that he was worried about their reaction to. What was it, Murder, Rape, Voting Republican, what?
"She propositioned me and I turned her down." Said the interstellar refugee; it at least had the virtue of being true.
"Clark, you hang around Lex an awful lot, is there something about your 'relationship' with him you need to tell us?" Martha responded.
"I'm not gay mom, its just that I don't want to upset Chloe and Lana."
"Son, if you can't decide between those two maybe you should date someone else." Jonathan said, a man of the twentieth century, if not the nineteenth. "You have to decide between them sooner or later, you can't have both after all."
"I AM having both of them."
"WHAT!" From the Kent's in unison.
"Chloe is my girlfriend, and so is Lana."
"Son, when they find out they'll kill you." Pronounced the elder male of the group, appalled that his son was cheating on such nice girls. "Chloe will at least try, and she knows about the funny effects those meteor rocks, she'll invent something to get it done."
"No dad, Chloe is my girlfriend, and SHE is the one who insists I sleep with Lana." Clark said. Maybe if he left out some of the details he could get away with his dignity in tact. Trying to explain his living arrangements was likely to get him grounded for a year.
"Chloe TOLD YOU to have sex with Lana." Martha Kent was from Metropolis, and had a wider and more experimental social circle as a teenager. Not that she had ever told Jonathan about it, but it was there. The sneaking suspicion was there that her eldest had not yet told the whole story, and that it had better come out now. "Is that all, is this a ménage et troi?"
"A menagerie, what are you talking about Martha?"
"Dad, it means where two women have sex with each other and a man as well, and yes, that is the basic idea mom."
"BASIC IDEA, just how depraved is this THING you've gotten into." Dear dad demanded to know. Dave at the feed store had commented about 'your son getting involved with these damn dykes', and Jonathan had simply assumed his son was studying irrigation systems. His elder brother had introduced the term to him after his Vietnam service, dykes were small dams and sat higher than the paddy fields and sometimes had mines planted on them. "DID YOU SUGGEST THAT POOR GIRL JOIN IN TO THIS, THIS, THIS..."
"No dad, she suggested just me and her, and I told her that she would have to get Chloe's permission." Perhaps if he explained things properly he would not be disowned by the family entirely. It was worth a shot. "You see dad, Chloe and Lana bring in other women some times, but they asked me to not do that, just to let them handle it. I don't touch other women without Chloe's approval, and they don't touch other men at all."
Jonathan had nothing in particular against lesbians, in the sense that he had nothing against life on Mars. He had never thought about it, never for a moment considered gay people would ever be part of his life. This was Smallville Kansas, after all, not San Francisco. Now his eldest son was part of some strange menagerie thing that involved two girls who brought Clark extra women from time to time. He could see why Clark had been in an unusually good mood for a while now, anyway.
"Clark, Dawn is staying for a while because Faith brought her, is she a part of this mystical anti demon force?" Martha asked, partly to change the subject. Partly because she didn't want either of the men present to start wondering how much she actually knew about threesomes, and how. It was a long time ago, Katherine was married to a dentist in Cleveland...anyway it was a long time ago.
"She's a slayer, they both are." Clark hoped that made a difference, the TV news had covered 'the war against evil demons' to a degree, but Clark did not know how much attention his parents had been paying. With visits from Werewolf guru's, an alien eldest son, a genetic super something youngest son, and Chloe working part time for Karnak demons he assumed they knew more than average.
"Dawn is so young to be involved in this terrible thing." Stated the maternal one of the three.
"Mom, Dawn is OLD, for a slayer, most start at 15 and die within six months. She's 18, older than 78% of the slayers that ever lived." Clark had discussed it with Giles over the phone once; anything about near human's fascinated him.
They had forgotten, it was something hard to take in, that the survival of the world had depended for millennia on girls with primitive weapons that rarely lived very long. And the death rate had been compounded by hormone imbalances, slayers were more human than Clark, but still different enough to be killed by being treated like a human. They were thinking of Dawn as an 18 year old girl like any other, but she wasn't.
"Son, I'll call Chloe and get her permission, you go find Dawn." Jonathan Clark said.
Sunnydale, the park near some caves
Red team moved through the entrance and down the cave to where it split in two directions, then secured the area and prepared for green and blue teams to move through and down the tunnels. Green went down the left tunnel, and blue the right one. The ceremony was down one of the tunnels, but the sacrifices were being held down the other. By 'a large group of mixed demons,' who were in a bad mood from being forced to hide here, or so intel said. Which tunnel was which they did not say.
Buffy was moving with blue team, Xander with green, Vanessa Peters, Willow and Giles with Red team in reserve. The red head could still do some magic in emergencies, it was a '...a Jedi uses the force for information and defence, never attack...' sort of deal. Mulder and Scully were back in LA with Angel, dealing with another crisis, after the souled vampire had given up on solving the 'Xander puzzle'. Gunfire roared out the left tunnel, radio reception was terrible and so Willow was relaying information with special spells.
"Green team reports contact with a large force of demons, with human prisoners. They request
re-enforcements urgently." Willow repeated, since only she could hear the information and Lieutenant Peters needed to hear. It was obvious if you thought about it, but had had to be practised because people forget the most basic things in a real combat situation. So drill and repetition make habits of what is needed. "Blue team have the ceremonial area in sight. Nothing much happening, they are setting up a crossfire and appear not to have been observed."
"Red team move down the left tunnel and re-enforce green team, they have command priority." Since the teams normally worked independently, teamwork WITHIN teams was excellent, but between teams tended to break down, hence clarifying that green team commander was in charge. "Yellow team move into the tunnel complex and get SWAT to secure the entrance."
Red team jogged down the tunnel, it was large enough to drive a small truck down and had no problems accommodating them standing up. The roar of massed shotguns was punctuated by screams now, not all of them from demons. Green team was in trouble, holding the tunnel entrance into a large cavern, and under heavy attack at close quarters. Red team started chanting 'red team, red team' as they approached, to let the other cops know the pounding footsteps approaching from behind in the dark were friendly. There was no sense risking a 'friendly fire' incident.
"Red team, red team, red team." And suddenly they were avoiding wounded green teamer's, and forcing their way to the front. Green team fell back and reloaded, there was not enough room for both teams at the front. Harris, nominally a 'civilian advisor', was in command, since no-one senior to him was alive, or at least not too injured to handle it.
Xander Harris was wielding a broad sword coated in blood, while wearing I.R goggles it was impossible to know what colour, since everything looked green anyway. He had slashes down his left arm and chest, bleeding but not too bad. The demon head he was holding, by the hair, in the other hand looked faintly surprised, and bruised, since he had apparently been using it as weapon, as he did again, swinging it down viciously to knock down something big with too many arms and a determination to attack despite the loss of a leg. It rose up on its arms again, and he hit it again before stabbing something in front of him. A shotgun double tap blew away the thing stuck on his
sword, and then the other thing on the ground.
"Hernandez, so glad you could make it to the party." Harris shouted into the other mans ear, barely discernible over the noise. With a fresh team a zone was being cleared in front, and something could be seen of the battlefield. Or perhaps slaughterhouse was a better term, there had to be enough pieces here to account for hundreds of demons. The teams had been brought to full strength for this assault, a dozen men each. Green team seemed to be down to 4 plus Harris, who was clearly a dangerous maniac, but a USEFUL, dangerous maniac.
Firing a shotgun that close to someone's arm - someone friendlies arm - was a violation of common sense and several close combat regulations. Xander seemed to prefer not being eaten and/or disembowelled, however, and stepped back to provide room for red team. The teams now had a good 10 feet clearance, and the survivors of green team moved into the line, pushing the demons back another few feet. Then suddenly there was a clear space, as the demons in front of them were gone, and the whole cavern came into view.
"Oh, wow." Was all anyone could say, it was from the greenest member of Red team, transferred in the day before from SWAT. The cavern was filled with bodies, or rather the remnants of bodies, most piled within a short distance of the entrance green team had come in. There were more scattered around the area, where they had fallen from the initial cannonade. None of the sacrificial victims were visible, or at least, none were recognizable as once having been human. "Look at the connecting tunnel."
A report was made to Lieutenant Peters, who told them to be certain there were no hostiles alive in the cavern before pushing through the connecting tunnel into the sacrifice chamber. That took what seemed like forever, but there was no gunfire from the other cavern so presumably blue team was still quietly waiting for the main show. Eventually the last of the demon wounded was finished off, and the teams assembled ready for the next phase, clearing a path down the access tunnel to the sacrifice chamber.
"Oh wow". The green kid said again. And he was green, from demon blood and bits. The connecting tunnel was where the demons that had retreated had staged a mass panic, trampling any who fell or were to injured to stand. The ones at the bottom had been ground to a paste, like some strange meaty substance that might be squeezed out of a toothpaste tube. Xander was still carrying the head, clearly having forgotten it as anything other than a useful weapon.
"Lieutenant Peters says advance to the ceremonial chamber." The message just appeared in the radio headphones they were all wearing, like a radio signal, but not. It was Willow. Harris gave a hand signal and they advanced, green team ahead slightly to scout, red team in three lines of four behind them. Wading slowly through the ankle deep goop, the colour teams headed down the rock passageway. It was eerie waiting for something to happen, creepy, then it did happen. Green team made contact again, so loud in this confined space as to be painful.
"Advance to contact, then lying, kneeling and standing as practised." Xander had been there for the practice, he had been careful to work with green team regularly so that they thought of him as part of the team, because he was. It was his idea to form three short lines in these narrow tunnels, at different heights, so they could fire over each other's heads. He had sold it to Lieutenant Peters as necessary for the mission. "Green team to the sides, DO IT PEOPLE."
There were Sixteen semi-auto 12-gauge shotguns, with 30 round magazines firing in the narrow tunnel into the tightly packed demons guarding the ceremonial chamber on this side. Each was rigged to fire a double tap, two closely spaced shots, one incendiary, the other Armour Piercing High Explosive. They left burning pieces of meat, looped intestine, and splashed blood. Treacherous underfoot, always likely to make you fall face down into it, but better than doing this with swords and crossbows. as the Scooby Gang would have had to without police support. And still one attack wave got close enough that Xander waded in with his sword and 'club'. The last surviving members of several demon species was here, determined to open the hellmouth and end the humans once and for all, or die in the attempt.
Well, they were achieving the 'die in the attempt' part of it anyway. The three lines did not all fire at once, there was always one reloading. Each man had entered the tunnel with a full, 50 lb backpack, with nothing but ammunition in magazines. With the ammunition brought in during the cavern cleanup by regular beat cops detailed for that purpose they were back at full loads before this attack.
Which was good, because they were chewing up ammo like it was in infinite supply. Green team had been down to their last magazines when red had arrived, but there was no one to back up anymore. If they ran dry they died, and then the human race died. End of story. Then it stopped.
"Kemosabe, me think it too quiet." Someone commented. The teams loaded fresh drum magazines, and walked slowly down the tunnel. They reached the ceremonial area without problems, and saw why. There had been a pitched battle here too, but with the noise of there own fight it was impossible to hear it. After all this it might be impossible to hear much anyway, though Giles had contacts who insisted the magical protection given would prevent noticeable loss of hearing. Everyone wanted to help, now that the battle against evil was in the open.
The Magic Box. Evening of the next day
"Giles, we made seven entire demon species extinct last night. Whatever happened to the PTB maintaining a balance." It was Willow, not critical, but raising a concern many in the magical and mystical community had felt. The Powers had put so much effort to 'maintaining the balance', and here they were tilting it in their favour, without so much as a visit from Whistler to say back off. "And Xander, maybe you should have put the head down before doing the press conference."
"Hey, I forgot I was carrying it, and they were right there talking to Peters, it's not like I had time to think about it." He was bandaged and a little sore, but otherwise ok. Another advantage of his Super Soldier genetics, the blow that snapped his shotgun early in the fight and slice through his hard plate Kevlar like cardboard would have killed a normal human. "And you've never complained about my head before."
"Children please, if this keeps up I will send you to bed without desert." Every so often Rupert Giles thought he as back dealing with 15 year olds, and tonight was one of those times. "Willow, the consensus seems to be that with the final battle for the entire plane of reality occurring in a year trying to maintain the balance is pointless."
"And if they want the balance restored and kept right up to the last day?" The former witch asked.
"Presumably they kill us all in our sleep. I intend to not worry about it, and you shouldn't either. We have a son at home to spoil rotten, and Faith and Dawn get back tomorrow, so you need your sleep."
It was 12 months and 11 days to Armageddon.
END