Title: Comfort from a Dancer

Author: Caliadragon

Series: Pt. 7 of the Dancer series

Summary: Xander from Cordy's POV

AN: Cordy is still damaged from her ordeal so she will be OOC. I haven't gotten to see many episodes of Angel this season so there will not be many spoilers. Thanks to Edi for the beta.

Comfort From A Dancer
by Caliadragon

They brought him back to me. I can see him now. Buffy was surprised when he walked over and sat beside me. I climbed on his lap and he held me. I missed him, it was so dark without him here. I couldn't talk or breathe. I didn't know how to tell anyone what I needed. Connor and the others tried to make it better, but I just felt afraid and alone.

Willow told me what happened, why Xander was gone. I can't believe they did that. No, actually I can. Look at what happened in high school. I was a part of that. I didn't know then how important he was to my life. Or that he really did care about me. I was so snobby and caught up in trying to be better than everyone else. I lost him. I lost the chance to be loved the way that Anya and Andrew were loved.

That was Willow's fault. It took me a long time to get over what she had done. It took less time to like Anya and Andrew though. I couldn't understand why the three of them had stopped coming to see me. Now Anya and Andrew won't be coming back ever. No more Anya telling me about the newest shoe sale or seeing her fluster Xander by telling everyone about their sex life. No Andrew to read to me or blush so sweetly when Xander smiles at him.

The slayer wanna-bes all look at Xander with want and wonder even now, but he doesn't notice or smile shyly anymore. Anya was Xander's strength and confidence. Andrew was his heart and humor. Now they're gone and all he has is pain and sorrow. The look in his eyes hurts me and makes me want to cry.

He brought me back from the abyss and gave me the strength to go on. I wish I could do the same for him, but I'm not his hope or his love. I know Xander doesn't love me, not the way he loved Anya and Andrew. I know that I've said it before, but I can't tell you how much he loved them. They were all light and laughter, it was amazing. They were the missing pieces of Xander's puzzle. They completed him.

I hope you can help him. I hope you can be the one to pull him from his despair. Just... I hope you don't have to take him away. Just knowing he's near gives me comfort. I know it's selfish, but I'm not sure I'm ready or able to lose him yet.