Title: Complicated

Author: Ashley Mist Malachi

Feedback: it's my first fic...tear me a new one! Send it, good/bad, & ugly to: moonsparkler13@yahoo.com

*If you send flames, I'll make a bonfire, and fix smores...lol*

Pairing: Spike/Xander yeah baby!

Ratings: um, how's bout PG-13 soon to be NC-17 *eventually*

Spoilers: Season 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing..just a computer and a desire to write slash. All hail that which is the amazing mind of Joss, and those Childer of his… Mutant Enemy Inc. for whom without, we would have nothing to write about in this fun slashy world. *We are but his minions*

Summary: See below, *huge paragraph thingy*

Warnings: May contain the following: certain pet words, oops, that's one of ‘em! Also *gasp* m/m sex! lots o' slashy goodness...um angsty goodness..

Dedications: See below the huge paragraph thingy..

"Complicated"... um, I was listening to Averel Levein's new song, and, this Bunny kept biting me. It sang to me.*bunny has voice like an angel…no, really, like Angel....the LA kind?! Bad bunny! It gnawed on my leg, my arm.(it threatened to tie me to the comp and withhold chocolate! (*SOB* I HAD NO CHOICE!!) *Heavy sigh* I tried to give it away, but those other writers that I approached screamed, LOUDLY!! and ran very fast in the opposite direction. But, it (the evil plot bunny) threatened me with bad dreams until I wrote it. It’s is huge...so, buckle up kiddies, it's gonna be a bumpy ride....*evil Cassie grin* yeah, (JUST) like the one she gave to Willow at the end of Season 7's Conversations With Dead People…Bwahhahahah!* sorry, just like doing that...Oh, and um, in the first part, ONCE YA GET PAST THE FIRST -FIRST PART..um.. 'someone' is being told a very, very, very, long story by Spike......*after they leave, the real story will begain...Bwahhahaha! h! heh…sorry, just luv ta do that! Oh, and um, blame it on my Cassy Love...U know her as James Chick, cause she just HAD to send me that little thingy called, 'Ask Clem'…damn bunny, it bit me realy hard.

This series is dedicated to: Dina, 'surprise!...To Cassy Love… all those late night talks helped..ty.*wink* To MY Lara, um, well, I just hope you're proud of this...cause your opinion means so very muchly.<big g> To Lazuli, for making me feel 'exceptional'...and giving me the courage to try...To Buddy, well, um, I hope ya like it.<g> And, <g> special props to my Meleesa...ty for everything, and for believing in yourself, thus showing me, how to believe in myself as well. *um sorry bout all the nagging, but isn't this FUN!? I'm so very glad Escribe went down when it did, cause I made a new and wonderful friend…This site rocks, and I'm happy to be a part of it! ty...I can't wait to watch it grow...And to Lara, *Velvet Crypt* thank you for being my friend, for loving me, and for caring, and for giving me a home in your heart, and on your web page. Your @shy kitten I'll always be. ;)

Archived at: http://www.geocities.com/kiwileesa2000/enter.html and at: http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/firebird_ascending/ both very talented and amazing writers! Go, check em out!

**Sunnydale, California. Friday night, 8pm.**At a location that Spike has keys to. Heh**

*BANG! *BANG! *BANG!*

Spike sighed. He'd known it'd be but a matter of hours…minutes…before someone came. "Soddin' nosey do-gooders!" he grumbled underneath his un-needed breath. The room became suddenly smaller as he paced it, back and forth. He glanced longingly at the rumpled bed in the corner and sniffed.

*BANG *BANG*

"Spike! Let me in! Clem said I could find you here!" Spike felt trapped. *Quick! Think! Where to run? Hide? Wait a minute! Master Vampires don't hide...!

*BANG!*

"SPIKE!" the voice roared.

*Damn nosey demon! Ppsshht!* "See ifin' I ever confide in you again mate!" These words he muttered a bit more loudly to a spot on the floor; a spot in the fabric of time that had once been where his friend Clem had stood not more than one hour ago. He glanced at the clock on the wall. Hmm. Didn't take news long to travel fast in Sunnyhell. AAAHHGH! Why did I stay? Why did I come back? Why??

<You bloody know why> his inner voice smirked.

"Gah! Shut the bleedin' bloody hell up!" he growled back at the irritating nemesis, that was now himself. *BLOODY-FUCKIN' HELL!! Big-mouthed loose-skinned wanker! How could he! How could Clem betray me like this?! He thinks he's bloody Ann friggin' Landers or Bloody Dear friggin’ Abby now that he has that spiffy new job as an advisor-for-the-lovelorn columnist at Today’s Demon, the new demon newspaper in town. Ask Clem. bah! (it was also on the net!) It was there that he'd finally had his truth revealed...wow.

Clem had stopped by earlier, dropping off some of Spike’s things that he'd left behind when Buffy had forced him to quickly pack a bag and then practically drug Spike to Xander’s apartment. Clem had started to say something in Spikes defense, but at the quirk of Spike’s well-arched, scarred brow and a scowl, he'd fallen silent. He instead had given the sulky Vampire a quick hug goodbye.

Buffy nearly all but jerked Spike's arm out of his socket in her hurry to get to the unsuspecting slayerette’s home. Spike barely had time to grab at his duffle as she moved them both quickly out of the crypt. As they power walked through the graveyard, Spike did his best to tune out the babbling Slayer, but damn Vampire hearing. Unfortunately, some (well, most of it, seeped through) and he was forced to endure her whining, nattering, nails-on-a-chalk-board vocals. *Just hope none of my fledgling minions hear you, soddin' bint!*

"Now Spike! You let me do all the talking. This is Xander. He is kind, and he'll…um…he'll take you in. He's been…well, lonely…um…since he…um…ya know…left Anya at the…er…at the alter. And I'm sure he has forgiven you for sleeping with her. I mean, they were already broken up. And…er…well, I mean you just can't stay in that dark nasty basement! You just gotta get outa there! It's killing you Spike! And, since…since, you gave Clem your crypt…" Buffy rolled her hazel green eyes.

"Honestly Spike! What were you thinking!? That crypt was perfect for you! And, by the way, why the hell didja hafta go clean to Africa to find your soul? I mean, this is the Hellmouth! Was there not anyone here that could have helped ya? I mean, blam! Wow! You make just one little mistake, and…hey, I've already told you, I forgive you. I mean it was my fault. With the…um…handcuffs, the…er…weird sexual vibes…ah…the strange havings of the hot sex places you and I…um...we…well you would of had so much the reason to think…er…that I…um…wanted it again."

The incessant babble fest slowly came to a halt as Spike snorted. *Hrumph! Only one, just one person I want to hear babble, and it sure as fuck ain't her!* Buffy slightly cringed as the hand holding Spike’s tightened.

"OW! Spike!"

*heh* Spike loosened his grip, a bit. "Sorry luv." he smirked. His face, hidden by a shadow, darkened. *hah! Me crypt was just fine, until you and soddin' solider boy decided to play, 'grenade, grenade, who's got the bloody grenade!' Oh, wait! Me! *BOOM!* ggggrrr.

Bloody hell! PPULEEZE! Silly bint…m' not a bloody vibrator, though she sure did ride me like a man sized one! Silly cow!

"Spike! Are you growling at me?!"

*oops!...musta let that slip.* Spike gave Buffy his most enduring smile…while still speed walking, and looking at her sideways. "Er, no. M'hungry thas'all. Musta been me stomach."

Buffy shot Spike her own look and replied, "Oh, rrriiigghhtt, you were hungry."

Spike, looking for a distraction, gulped and pointed. "Hey, um, lookey there…er, it's the 'whelps' place." Buffy slowed down and bopped Spike on the arm. "Now, Spike!" she admonished, "Name calling will not get you a room at chez Xander’s." She giggled at her own wit.

*Cause she's sssoo witty! Not! Oh, channeling my inner Dawn...Bloody Hell! Speaking of...* As Buffy moved forward, dragging the still resisting vampire along with her, Dawn ran up and quickly hugged Buffy, shooting a death glare at Spike over Buffy’s slender shoulder.

"Ello Nibblet." He said hesitantly, cringing inside. He felt the tiny pieces of his non-beating heart crumble when he saw the hurt, anger and loathing in that beautiful sky-blue gaze.

"Spike." Dawn replied crisply, coolly.

Buffy rolled her eyes, giving Dawn a small shake, her slim hands holding both of the teen’s shoulders firmly. "What?" was the irritated, cranky result.

"Now Dawn, we've discussed this. Even Willow agrees-"

But the stubborn girl quickly cut her off. "Willow," she hissed. "Willow was not almost raped by him. You were." Spike shot a quick look to Buffy, his body showing signs of a real flinch. He wished for once, for fucking once, she'd tell the truth. She was no different, just because she was the chosen one…the Slayer…she was no better than his ripe wicked plum Dru, or his poufy Sire Angel. Heh, still Angelus…a soul does not make you a good person, or give you a 'get out of jail free card.'

This was not a game…this was real life...his life, or un-life…and, he should of known by now, nothing good ever came his way. It was both of their faults. Her’s for the way she'd used him like a tissue, and his for opening up the damn box. But, where she'd always been concerned, just like his Sire, she had fascinated him. But, it was more. Simple really...yeah that…she's used him, just like they did…and then left him, just the same. She'd even called him 'William' when she'd broken it off. Gawd! Oh, well, on with the new and all. Yeah, he needed to look the old Irish prick up. Have a 'soul to soul' talk…heh.

Buffy, her own eyes cloudy with regret, a sudden sadness for what could never be between them, looked back at him then at Dawn. "Dawn," she gently said, reaching out to tuck a loose curl behind her sister’s ear. "It's…it's complicated." She looked up at Spike. That one glance held so much. He had to look away. She can never know. She would stake him on the spot if she ever found out about…

As he returned the look, his heart hardened and now, it is he who is moving them all along the sidewalk, around the bushes, up the stairs. Leading to his new home. In the outside hallway, Buffy stalled them, her 'more superior than thou' attitude shining through.

"Now, Spike." Buffy began, yet again for what felt like the hundredth time to the ancy Vampire who, inside, was doing the Snoopy Dance. It was Spike’s turn to roll his eyes. Even Dawn could not help it, cause he looked so damn cute doing it.

She giggled. Spike smiled slightly, and then added a weird contortion to his handsome face. Dawn laughed.

Spike felt encouraged, and wanting nothing more than to see that sunny smile…to see the beauty in those eyes...in the pretty little face of one whom he'd held so dear. So dear that he'd even promised her big sis to protect her until the ends of time, as if she were his very own. Not that Spike would ever have the chance to have one of his very own...what with him being a Vampire...undead an all.

All silly faces aside, Spike stopped, opened up his leather clad arms, and smiled his tiny smile…the one he knew would matter to her...only to her. It was the one he'd used all that sad, sad summer, when big sis'd took one for the team, a sudden leap of faith. They had agreed to only give tiny smiles to each other in hopes of one day being able to give big happy smiles. Someday.

Dawn saw said smile, and her face crumpled up. She flew into the Master Vampire’s arms. Back into her haven...back to her friend…back into the arms of the guy that she'd been once crushing on and, in the end, had come to rely on like oxygen...her big brother-father figure…Spike.

As he curled his arms around her, he buried his nose in the softness of her hair. Breathing her in. His little bit…his nibblet…the one dawn he loved to greet...and had missed so very much. He watched the emotions play across Buffy’s face as she watched her ex-lover hug her little sister like tomorrow would never come. Only now, seeing them like this, she realized, just how miserable they had been without each other.

Spike’s eyes were very bright as he gently moved the clinging girl out of his arms, and set her carefully aside, his hands never leaving her arm. It was as if to let go would mean losing her all over again. Dawn smiled a tiny smile, and wiped at her eyes with the backhand of her free arm. Sniffling, she tried to gain control of her emotions, as she gave Buffy and Spike a watery smile. Carefully she removed the Vampires grip.

"Hey! I'm good. Lets get Spike a home, 'k'?" Squaring her shoulders, she reached up to Xander’s door, and knocked...loudly.

"Shit, shit, shit"..! Spike suddenly stopped in mid stride, his memories screeching to a halt as he gasped out loud. "OH! OH HELLS NO!" His ramblings were getting louder. "I'm even beginning to sound like him!" *Okay, time to come clean…time to stop all of the hiding, the misconceptions. Just say it…get it over with...Open the door. Face this.*

Spikes long, slender, pale fingers shook slightly as he reached up and removed the chain from the door. Reaching a bit lower, he then turned the knob on the brass deadbolt...his last thought…*can I trust this human?* He slowly opened the door and stared at the slightly peeved face of his un-invited houseguest.

"Um, come on in." Spike told his un-expected guest. His visitor pushed past him, taking in the surroundings with a critical eye. His gaze followed the pointed look at the wet, white towels that sat in a clumpy mess at the edge of the bathroom, by the open door.

"Laundry much Spike?" was smirked at him, following a classic nose wrinkle and an "eew!" Spike felt the warmth of embarrassment creep up to his face.

"Ha, bloody ha!" he mumbled, walking over and gathering up the offensive pile. He went into the bathroom and dumped it into the sea-foam-green wicker hamper. Wiping off his hands on a clean 'dry' white towel, he headed back to his guest. Said guest was busy being nosey: touching stuff and looking around the small but classy apartment.

"Careful pet..." Spike winced as his guest sat back down the priceless statuette so carelessly picked up. <If anything happens to this stuff, I'm dust! The owner of this place would make sure of it. Yeah, 'Dust In The Wind' would be more than just a song.> "Can I get you anythin?" He asked hopefully.

"Naw, I’m good."

"So." Silence.........Spike hated silence.

"Yeah…um…so, why didja leave like that?"

"Wot?"

"Don't play dumb with me Mr. Vampire."

"That's Master Vampire to you, love."

An eye roll from his guest. "Whatever, Spike. Now answer the damn question."

"You really wanna know pet?" As his guest gave him a 'duh' look, Spike motioned to the black leather love seat.

He, in turn, settled down in the black, crushed velvet EZ-Boy, propped his Doc's on the small Victorian ottoman, and picked up his silver lighter off of the glass and bronze tea-cozy table next to the chair.

His pale, slender fingers wiggled out a cigarette from his near empty pack. He placed it between his lips. With a flick of his wrist, and a 'click', the lighter flared suddenly…the flame touching the tip. He inhaled, looked thoughtfully at nothing in particular. In fact, he looked like he wished he could just put the past few hours behind him. He took one more drag, and then looking pointedly at his guest, he drawled. "Are you sure ya wanna hear this luv? Cause it's a long story."

"Spike, I'm not leaving till I know everything."

'Everything pet?"

Spike had to bite back his laughter at the 'resolve face' his guest suddenly sported.

<Ah, yes, where to start? Where indeed.> He did not feel like reliving that little scene from Hell that he'd experienced at Xander’s apartment earlier that evening. But, his mind had different plans.

After knocking loudly on the door, Dawn had 'eeped' at the irritated way Xander had thrown open the door, nearly knocking her over in the process. He clearly was not happy. Yet, being 'good ole' Xander, he had ushered them in, pointedly leaving Spike out of the invite. No, instead, he'd seemed almost gleeful that Spike could not enter. Heh.

And rude? Wow, if Xander had been any ruder, Spike thought Buffy was gonna bop him on the head, just like little bunny fu-fu. Buffy had been very 'rah-rah' about Spike living with Xander. Telling the slayerette all of the plus reasons for living with the Vampire. When Xander did not look properly impressed, Buffy had hit him with the heavy arsenal. Thus, bringing about her victory and his defeat.

But, Xander being Xander, (and realizing that no matter what he said, Buffy was gonna get her way) had not disappointed them all as he bowed low and quipped, " I invite you in." Spike had to hide his smirk as Xander muttered "Nimrod." Then, Buffy had told them that he had a soul. Dawn and Xander seemed dubious, but cheerleader Buffy had in the end won them over.

Spike on the other hand was feeling claustrophobic. A closet? They expected him to sleep in a bleedin' closet? Spike had had enough. Especially after the way Buffy had practically jumped 5 feet and all he'd done was lightly touch her arm. That'd made up his mind for him. "Sorry, I'll go, this can't work." And, after a few well-placed "Bollocks" He had stormed out the door, into the night.

He had come back to this apartment, and decided to cool his heels, while he tried to make sense of it all. He had been in the middle of a very lovely memory when a knock at the door had interrupted his chain of thought. Reluctantly, he'd opened the door to find Clem standing there, his arms full of a big box with a small sack placed precariously on top. It was full of snacks, and other things for a nice housewarming gift.

Spike had removed his burden from him and had invited the loose skinned demon inside. Clem had taken the cold beer Spike offered him and draining it, had asked for another. Spike looked at him, suspicion mounting. Clem only drank like that when he was upset. After the fifth beer, Spike had helped the tipsy demon to sit down on his black leather love seat. With shaking hands, Clem had told Spike about his latest job, the Internet gig, and in a rush had mentioned to him the news that would soon change his un-life. The real reason he'd stopped by.

An argument had soon ensued, leaving both demons upset. Then, Clem had issued his ultimatum: "Tell him, or I will!"

So, Spike had been left with no other alternative than to usher his friend out, before he punched him out. Clem had then left, still threatening to 'tell." Spike had no doubts that he would do just that. Obviously he had, cause looky who was here! Slender fingers snapped in front of his aquiline nose.

"Spike!"

Blinking rapidly, he waited until his eyes adjusted. <Bloody Hell!> He'd been staring at nothing. Well, not 'nothing', more like through someone…heh. And that 'someone' was beginning to look very pissed. Okay, time for the big guns.

Spike pouted. A tiny, pink pout. And, just for good measure, he added the anime eyes. Who could resist those cerulean blue eyes of his?

"Spike!" It was said softer now. <Heh, the pout and the eyes…gets em every time.> Another drag off of the nearly gone ciggie, and then he tamped it out in the crystal ashtray on the tiny end table.

"Okay, if I do tell you, you haveta promise not to tell the Slayer."

His guest thought for a moment, eyes twinkled softly, "Okay Spike, I promise! Now, gimme the dish!" Grinning, his guest tucked in long legs and leaned forward, so eagerly, Spike half expected to watch a topple off of the couch.

Smiling, Spike shook his blonde head. "Sshh, pet, all in good time. This story is a long one, won't they be worried about you?"

"Na, got it covered. Now, stop stallin' start spillin'."

Spike leaned back deeply in his lounger, steepled his long fingers, and looking straight at his guest, he began.

"Well, it started a long time ago, before you came. I saw him out on the dance floor, dancing by himself, and wished I could dance with him. But, I was there for a different reason. Still, I'll never forget how cute he looked, shaking his ass." Spike smiled at the memory.

"Uh, Spike?"

"Yeah luv?"

"Um, ya got a bit of drool..."

Wiping off his mouth, he glared at his guest."Ha, bloody ha." His guest said nothing, merely smirked and crossed slender arms, settling in for what was sure was to be a long, yet entertaining story, if the drooling Vampire was any hint.

END PART 2