Title: Drunken Conversations

Author: Caliadragon

Fandom: Buffy/Angel

Category: AU

Pairing: Xander/Everyone

Spoilers: None really.

Warnings: Drunken stupidity, Mpreg, Mush

AN: I have no idea where this came from. ME and Joss suck. I can not believe they hurt Xander like that! BASTARDS!!

Archive: Any list I send it to, those with prior permission and BC

Disclaimer: Not mine, only the situation is.

Series/Sequel: I hope not.

Summary: People get drunk and discuss everyone's favorite Sunnydale Slut.

Thanks to Edi for the beta.

Drunken Conversations
By Caliadragon

A group of slightly drunk men and women sat around a table talking about the boy who had been the focus of their lives for so long. Some of them had just recently returned from time away from their old fighting grounds. Life and tragedy had brought them home. The places they had gone no longer held appeal for them.

Cordy leaned forward, grabbed the bottle of whiskey and poured herself another shot. Her mind still wasn't numbed enough to get over everything she had heard and seen in the last few hours. Beside her Spike knocked back his own shot and went for more. "I can't believe it! Xander's gonna be a Daddy," Buffy said from her place across the table.

"Don't you mean Mommy?" Wes drawled drunkenly. The others snorted out laughter.

"How does he keep falling into this kinda stuff? Shit! He manages ta get in trouble all the time," Faith slurred. "It really sucks ya know? I mean how do you protect 'im if he's always in trouble?"

The Scoobies nodded in agreement. "It's hard, cause Xander doesn't like it when we try ta protect 'im," Willow said. "Not my fault this time, magic all someone else's fault. Thank God, he was totally pissed."

The others giggled hysterically. The fire and the explosion had been pretty impressive, but way scary. "I never knew Harris had it in 'im." Angel hiccupped, then grinned.

"He woulda made a beautiful vampire," Spike said wistfully. Angel nodded in agreement.

"Angelus was gonna turn him, but I came back, both times," he added.

Buffy wasn't the only one to look at him in horror. "Oh my," Giles breathed, dismayed.

"He ruined every plan I ever had, the little shit," Spike growled with affection.

"He does seem to attract trouble in all its forms. I think it's cause he's sexy," Wes told them. The others were quiet, then nodded in agreement.

"How come you call 'im a Viking in the sack Anya?" Graham asked stupidly.

Anya grinned wistfully, she missed getting orgasms from Xander.

"He has lots of stamina, we had sex for three hours straight one time and he stayed hard even though he came several times. Then there's that thing he does with his tongue. Oh and when he touches you it's everywhere, like yer a new map to be studied." Anya nodded and smiled smugly at the jealously she could sense from the others.

"He's a great kisser too, don't forget the Xander kisses," Cordy burst out.

"Oh yeah," Willow, Buffy and Anya added.

Spike grinned at them, "He's a real enthusiastic bottom too." *hiccup* "The way he begs and demands more." They looked at Spike again in shock.

"You had sex with Xander?" Buffy demanded. Spike sneered.

"Yeah, everyone here has. Including the two soldiers. He's an excellent lover. Ask Wes, they usually work as a team," Spike snarked.

Wes grinned in fond remembrance of the times they sandwiched Spike between them. The others all blushed and looked away from one another. Leave it to Spike to strip aside all secrets. Gunn snorted in amusement. He was one of the few not embarrassed. He had helped Wes with a Xander sandwich on more than one occasion since they moved from LA.

"I still want to know who knocked him up," Connor said from where he was leaning against the wall.

They all turned to look at him and Willow actually fell out of her chair. There was laughter and hysterical giggling at that. Kennedy pulled Willow back up into her chair. Willow tried to look put out at the laughter, but ended up joining in.

"Coulda been any of us," Willow slurred between giggles.

"Don't ya mean any of the guys?" Faith asked, she was hungry and not nearly drunk enough.

"Nope, the magic from Amy's spell woulda knocked 'im up the first time he had sex after the spell." Willow hiccupped, and grinned stupidly at everyone.

Giles' eyes bugged out and he looked over at Andrew, who had 'eeped'. "When did she say that spell was worked again?" Andrew asked. He, Connor, Dawn and Xander were the only ones not drunk. Xander and Dawn were upstairs ignoring everyone else.

"The last full moon," Willow answered, not noticing Andrew's shocked look. Wes was rapidly sobering up as he stood and stumbled from the room. Andrew and Connor were behind him. The three men grinned in unison, and went off to tell Xander he was having triplets.


The End