Title: Fardles Bear

Series: What Dreams May Come 10 Author: Xandria

Fandom: BTVS Highlander and Star Trek

Summary: An alternate ending after Lover's Walk. Spike attacks Xander and kills him. Xander is an Immortal and goes away to be trained by Adam Pierson, an old friend of Giles. Xander is a half-human half vampire, enough to obey Spike as his Sire. As a half human he can be easily influenced by Spike so has little choice but to do as he says. He meets up with the Maquis and joins.

Five years later he has just been on the Crazy Horse for a month after being rescued by Chakotay from a Cardassian prison. The crew ends up on Voyager and Xander is wondering what will happen with the other immortal on board, Tom Paris. Xander begins to train Paris and settle into a routine on Voyager.

Xander breaks down after the Bothan's psychic assault and is dealing with that. He ends up kissing both Paris and Chakotay.

Archive: Go for it, just let me know where.

Rating: NC17+ m/m

Warning: noncon issues as Xander talks about his family. Child abuse. Violence. Underage sex. Not a nice one at all.

Pairings: X/S X/D X/D/S X/his parents X/Rory Harris X/C X/P

Feedback: Does the Colonel serve chicken? Does Maccas serve beef? No wait...

Spoilers: Lovers Walk Graduation 1 and 2. Any of season one of Voyager.

Notes: I freely admit I know nothing about counseling whatsoever and am taking liberties by using my own ignorant common sense.

Disclaimer: They ain't mine, they were never mine, but the plot is mine and if you try to rip it off I will send my attack squad of rabid teddybears and my flock of Outer Mongolian Vampire Skunks after you!

Date: 1/08/00

By Xandria

I gasped and pushed Chakotay away. He stared at me, dazed.

"Wha...?"

"Chakotay, this is wrong! I can't do this!"

"Because it would be cheating on Paris? I'm sorry, Alex, I never meant, I mean..."

"No, I mean getting involved with anyone. You were right, before, I'm too confused. If I can kiss you and then Paris within minutes of each other and equally enjoy both, then I'd better stop!"

"Why?" I stared at him. Had I suddenly moved into some parallel universe?

"Because I don't know what I want! Well, I do, I want you both, but I can't have both!"

"You don't like the idea of more than one partner?"

"Have you ever known me to be with someone?" He shook his head and frowned.

"Not really. I assumed, as a spy, you were just very good at being discreet." I looked at him and sighed.

"It's not that. I never really felt the urge before. I guess it's time for a little personal history again." We sat down and I stared at the wall. Chakotay spoke suddenly and I jumped.

"Well?"

"I told you about my father and my other father, didn't I? I've only been with five people. The first time I was four. My adoptive father came in and had me suck him. A couple of years later he decided to use me the other way. When my adoptive mother found out she yelled and began hitting me. I was seven. Then she taught me how to pleasure her.

"I began to spend more and more time at my best friend's place. But I had to go back eventually. So I did, they'd hit me and begin again. When I was twelve my Uncle Rory moved in and he walked in one day on my father and me. He smiled and unbuttoned his pants, joining in.

"A few years later my other father came on the scene. He not only claimed me but he claimed me. I could get away from my adoptive parents, but not from Spike.

"He has an occasional girlfriend, you know? She wanders in and out of his life, getting involved with others. But she always comes back to him and he always accepts her.

"When she's around he pretty much leaves me alone. But sometimes she wants to get in on the act, and does. I have been with two women and three men. I have never liked it and I didn't think I ever would. So why am I suddenly so interested, not in one man, but two?"

Chakotay stared at me, stunned. I felt better for talking. Adam had tried several times to get me to speak about my home life. I always thought if I did ever tell it, it would be to him as he was more likely to relate.

"Alex...I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. And you're right, you aren't ready. But you are beginning to heal. There may be a time in the future when you can deal with being involved with someone. I think you need to see the doctor., though." I glared at him. No way.

"If you think I told you this just to fobbed off onto that patronizing piece of smug..."

"Alex! That's an order, Crewman. Paris suggested it last night, actually. Now I'm not sure but I think you should see him, just in case. As a matter of fact, let's go right now!"

My captain stood up and I followed him glaring at him.

***

Reaching the Medical Bay we entered. The Doctor appeared and I glared at him as well.

"Commander. And Crewman Rosenburg. How good of you to visit. Please state the nature of the emergency."

"Alex needs to be examined."

"He does. Especially as he's ignored my messages for the last month to get a physical."

"What!" Chakotay turned and glared at me. I looked down, ashamed.

"I don't like doctors. And I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me."

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that. Please get up on the biobed. Commander? Was there something else?" Chakotay stared at me for a moment before speaking.

"Please let me know as soon as possible when you're finished, Doctor. Alex is in my custody until I know he'll be fine." I jumped off the biobed and moved to my captain, glaring up at him.

"I'm under arrest?! What for?!" Chakotay glared back.

"No. I said it wrong. More like a watch on you, as your counselor."

"At this stage I'd almost prefer Tuvok!"

"Get over it. Now get back up on that biobed!" He pointed to the thing and I walked over and hopped on again. Chakotay left and I was left alone with the doctor.

"That was enlightening. I've never seen the Commander like that before." He Doctor said as he moved around.

"He has a lot on his mind. And I don't exactly make it easy on him."

"Easy on him? Are you two lovers then?" I turned and stared at him.

"What?! No! Not exactly anyway." The Doctor smiled as he moved closer with a hypospray.

"Almost then?" I watched the hypospray get closer and closer. I don't care if it's a painless air pressure or not! I still hate needles of any kind.

"Crewman?" I jumped. The Doctor was looking at me with concern, now.

"Yes?"

"I asked you a question."

"Oh. None of your business!" I glared at him and he looked affronted before glaring back. He almost seemed...hurt.

"Very well. Please lie down." I did so and he moved this large thing over the top of me, holding me down on the bed. I began to breathe deeply, trying not to panic too much. Too many memories of being held down on a bed.

"Please calm down. I couldn't hurt you if I wanted to. You're interfering with my readings!" "Can't help it. Too many bad memories of this, Doc."

"Ah. Why didn't you say?" He moved the scanner away and I began to feel better as he ran a hand held tricorder over me instead. "This will take a little longer. What are the memories about?"

"I was in a Cardassian Prison for six months. And they decided to try out a few medical experiments on me." Like how many ways it was possible to kill a human being, or how long they can endure pain. Never thought I'd be grateful to Spike for anything, apart from the extra strength.

"So that's why you don't like doctors?"

"One reason." Uncle Rory was a doctor, struck off because his drinking had nearly killed a patient he was treating. When he moved in they didn't have to be so careful about hurting me. He could treat me for burns and give me stitches if I needed them.

"Well, you can go now. But not until Commander Chakotay comes and fetches you."

"That's it?" I stared at him. Fifteen minutes for a complete physical?

"Yes. Unless there's a problem you need to talk to me about? You are very healthy, a lot better than many on this ship. However, I do the see the indications of a lack of sleep. I can give you this neural emitter to help?" I looked at the device, then at the doctor and smiled suddenly.

"Thanks Doc, you're not so bad." I went to sit down while the Doctor went into his office, looking pleasantly surprised. Kes came and sat with me. I smiled at her as well.

"I did tell you he was a nice man."

"You did. So, what are you doing here?"

"I help the doctor at this time. Alex, I am only beginning to learn how to use my telepathy but I can see you do need help. All you have to do is ask." Kes is such a good friend. So kind, sweet, and ready to accept you as you are.

"Thanks Kes, you're a good." I said to her. She frowned in bewilderment as she left and I laughed. Kes had trouble catching on to Earth terms, especially four hundred year old ones.

"What's so funny?" Chakotay asked as he returned.

"Nothing really. Sorry I yelled at you before."

"Well, I could have been calmer."

"Hey, if you didn't have me to yell at, then who? At least you know I'll yell back."

"This is a good thing?"

"Of course it is. You can't be the mystic warrior to everyone!"

"Mystic Warrior?! Who came up with that one?"

"B'ellanna, I think." Chakotay smiled suddenly and I stared at the way his face lit up. Then I followed him back to my quarters so we could prepare for seeking my spirit guide.

end: FARDLES BEAR