Title: Finding the Reason

Author: Kate R.

abelard950@aol.com

Disclaimer: not mine and never will be. Only the idea is mine, the characters belong to the copyright holders.

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: Dawn/Percy, Giles/Ethan, Angel/Wes, Xander/Spike, Faith/Tara, (All Eventually)

Summary: broken Hearts need something special to heal


Finding the Reason
by Kate R.

Part 1: Suicide Is Painless

They'd come here for the same reason, he knew. Looking down at the water as if it would give up any secrets before they jumped into it and ended their lives. He was trying to escape an unbearable loneliness and aching emptiness. It was hopeless; he'd never be able to find out who he was supposed to be. He wasn't Bill or Charlie, this had been a stupid idea: Run from home to see if you could find the answers like they did. The others were right, he wasn't good at anything except books but he hated having to be the studious one that was perfect. He hated it. He hated it so much.

He hadn't noticed her at first. He was looking at the waters when he heard her crying. She was sitting back against the rocks, rocking back and forth sniffling as she looked at a picture. He didn't know what made him walk over to her and sit by her. He didn't know why he draped an arm over her shoulders and he didn't know why she laid her head on his chest and started crying in earnest as she looked at the pictures laid out in front of her.

Crying younger people he could help, he'd had years of practice after all. Not that anyone had ever been there for him but he'd always had to be there for those younger than him. Four kids to practice on. And this girl really needed him he knew. She was sobbing her heart out and he didn't know why but she needed someone and he was there so he sat and let her cry all over him.

"Why do you want to die?" he finally asked after her sobs slowed down and stopped.

"Everyone's gone," she sniffled. "Mom and Buffy are both dead, Willow died so no one can bring them back and I'm all alone. No one even sees me. They all see me s the one who should have died."

"I sort of know how that feels," he told her. As long as they were sharing secrets and things he figured it was only fair he be honest as well. "I feel like I'm the one who never should have been born. My family pretty much has no use for me. I'm not Athletic or outgoing or Funny or friends with the local hero. I'm just Percy. Percy who was supposed to be perfect. Why not end it?"

"Wouldn't someone miss you?" she asked.

"Ginny I suppose," he whispered. "My little sister. The only one who seems to care a whit for me. What about you? Surely there must be someone who'd miss you. I certainly would if you were a part of my family."

"Spike and Giles," the girl said. "I just want the emptiness to go away you know? Just to not feel so alone?"

"I know," he told her. "Me too. I'm all empty too. Everyone sees this image of me and they make fun of it. I see you though. I think your mom and sister would be sad if you went to join them now. You still have so much to give."

"So do you," the girl said. "I see it. You have potential but as long as you're trying to fit those people you wont fulfill it. You have to throw away what doesn't belong."

"You belong," he told her forcefully. She had to belong; he had to make her see that. She looked into his eyes at the vehemence at his voice and saw he meant it.

"To you," she said softly as her eyes briefly glowed unearthly green. "I belong to you."

"I-if you want to," he stammered. Percy sucked at this kind of thing. He was no good at emotions but…but hadn't he been good with Ginny? So what was different now? Fred and George always there. That was what.

"So what do we do now?" The Girl asked. "You wont let me kill myself an I wont let you do it either. So what do we do now?"

"I don't know," he whispered. "I guess we go to your family because mine most assuredly does not want me back. I failed to be the perfect son. I walked away from what mother wanted me to do all these years."

"How do we get there?" Dawn asked. "I mean it's more than 100 miles away and I'm out of money. Oh, I'm Dawn, by the way."

"Do you believe in magic, Dawn?" he asked as he stood up and pulled something from his satchel and enlarged it.

Dawn grinned and nodded.

He smiled at her gently "UP!" he commanded the broom. It jumped into his hand and he mounted it. He pulled the jean-clad girl on in front of him, shrank her bag and his and placed them in his pockets. She was his, rules did not apply here. Mother be damned, she was his.

"Which way?" he asked.

"South," Dawn said.

Percy nodded and turned the broom. 'Hold on Dawn," he said with a grin and then, all Dawn could do was whoop as the broom shot off at a fat speed. Her screams were of joy and exhilaration.

"FASTER!" She yelled over the whipping wind.

The broom lurched and shot forward and he gripped the handle tighter. She looked at him and grinned and he had no idea how to tell her she had done that. He let her lead, directing the broom and she shrieked with joy as they rolled the broom, did loops in the air. None of his brothers even knew he could do this. Ginny did because he'd flown her at one time when no one else would make time for her. He felt Dawn's exhilaration and he laughed with her. For the first time in his laugh he genuinely laughed while flying with someone not a sibling. Dawn pointed out the small town of Sunnydale below so he slowed the broom so they could find Dawn's house. Dawn pointed it out as the one with all the lights on. He landed the broom and saw dawn's face as she saw another car there that wasn't normally.

"Angel's here?" she asked s she dragged Percy behind her up the steps to the front door and very carefully unlocked it. She and Percy went into the living room and everyone stopped and stared at her for a moment before she was mobbed. Of course then the scolding started.

"Suicide would have been Painless," she said to Percy.

He chuckled as he stood behind her "Yeah, dear, but life's a Bitch."



END PART 1