TITLE: Harboring Hope

AUTHOR: Ragna

writinggoddess@aol.com

RATING: PG

CLASSIFICATION: Buffy/Lindsey; mentions of Wesley/Lilah, former Buffy/Spike and former Buffy/Angel; Spike/Dawn friendship.

SUMMARY: Lindsey returns to Los Angeles to help Buffy run Wolfram & Hart, but someone really dislikes the idea.

SPOILERS: Set after BtVS's "Chosen" and A:tS's "Home," but A:tS's "Conviction" never happened, so nothing in A:tS's season 5 has happened except the arrival of Spike and his corporealization.

DISTRIBUTION: Any sites with my fic up; you all have unspoken permission. I write it, you can post it. Everyone else just keep my name on it and let me know.

DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, chances are it's my own creation. If you do, I don't own it. Joss Whedon, Kazui Sandollar, The WB, UPN, et. al. most likely do.

FEEDBACK: Please send it offlist and let me know it's feedback; I do rapid delete on my account due to a lot of spam.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: My answer to the Buffy/Lindsey Ficathon. My assignment was:
For: D.M. Evans
Pairing: B/L
Requests: Post Chosen episode, Lilah's ghost
Restrictions: No evil Lindsey, no overly graphic sex

It's also slightly based on a challenge I submitted to Heightened Passions, a B/L group I'm in, but it is not an actual answer since I won't be using all of the requirements. And it's the first part of a new series I'll be starting called "Reconstruction," basically rewriting season 5 of A:tS.



Harboring Hope
By Ragna
***

It was strange to be back.

Lindsey set down his briefcase and looked around the Los Angeles offices of Wolfram & Hart. It had been...what? Three years? The last time he'd been here, it was in the boardroom when he'd ultimately given the middle finger to the firm by killing...someone...and letting Lilah get that prime partner position.

Not that it really mattered. When he got the call that his help was needed, Lilah was one of the first people he asked about. Wesley told her she was dead, and Lindsey could have sworn he actually sounded sad about it.

Come to think of it, Lindsey was surprised they'd found him at all. He'd driven to Nashville, not really intending to go there, before his truck's engine blew up. But he'd settled down, helped to co-finance a very popular blues & country bar there and played a gig at least once a week, sometimes going to Bottomed Out just to listen to the bands and not necessarily to bartend. He had enough money to make his job at the bar a hobby, not a career.

His name wasn't on the lease and, other than paying his taxes, there wasn't much of a trace of him, and he filed his business and personal taxes through the business, and had told the other bartenders never to tell anyone he was there. But when Wesley called, his partner Chris handed him the phone. Whatever Wesley had told him must have persuaded Chris to hand over the phone...or else.

And speaking of the former Watcher, Lindsey realized he was heading his way.

And trailing behind him was Lilah. Only it wasn't; she was see through and floating off the ground, maybe an inch or two. In fact, Lindsey could see a few dead employees he recognized.

Funny. He's never seen ghosts at the firm before. Hell, he'd never seen ghosts, period.

And it didn't look like Wesley saw her.

"Hello," Wesley said, the look on his face a very serious one. "You've...changed."

Lindsey shrugged. It was the first time he'd ever been inside the firm without wearing a suit and tie. He was just in jeans, a T-shirt and had on a leather jacket; the briefcase was the only sign that he had ever been a business professional.

"So have you," he said. And then he nodded to Wesley's side, causing Wesley to turn. "You can't see her, I take it."

"See who?"

"Lilah." He grinned a little when he saw Lilah move her hand up to her throat and pull her finger across it, indicating she was going to kill Lindsey. He figured it was more of a figurative threat. "And I don't think she wanted me to tell you she was behind you."


Wesley actually smiled, and without turning around, said, "I'm glad to know you're still here, Lilah. I thought maybe they'd let you move on."

Suddenly, with the recognition of her, she appeared. "Damn. And I'd just wanted to stay invisible and keep an eye on you." She closed her eyes and shook her head, then opened her eyes again and glared at Lindsey. "Thanks a lot, McDonald."

"No problem." He saw the new blonde secretary moving towards them, her jaw hanging. "Who's she?" he asked Wesley.

"Harmony, Angel's secretary. Or rather, she was."

Lindsey nodded as the blonde hurried over. "Oh, shit," Harmony said, before she realized the words were out of her mouth. "Sorry. I mean, oh. Another ghost."

"Another?" Lindsey asked.

"Yeah. Spike's a ghost, too, except he can touch stuff." She shrugged. "He's corporal."

"You mean corporeal," Lilah said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, I guess." Harmony stopped for a second. "What's corporeal mean?"

Lilah bunched her fists together. "If I hit you, maybe you'll get it."

"So you're corporeal?" Wesley asked.

Lilah nodded. "I can be, if I want to. When the idiot vamp got that package, a lot of us ghosts got the ability to corporealize. We just chose to stay invisible."

"What package?" Lindsey asked. "And where's Angel?"

"Perhaps it would be best if you...well, there's someone I'd like you to meet." Wesley said. He nodded towards what had been Angel's office. "The others are waiting."

***

Lindsey recognized some of the people in the room, like Lorne, Fred and Gunn, even though he was wearing a suit now. But there were two women sitting next to each other, only one of whom he vaguely recognized, and a man sitting near the two of them.

One had medium blonde hair with other shades of blonde and a little light brown in it. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she wore black pants and a white shirt that clung slightly to a small and muscular body. Lindsey swore she looked familiar, and then realized her picture had been in Faith's file. She must be Buffy, the original Slayer of this generation.

Next to her was a girl with brown hair who looked taller than the Slayer. She wore a deep purple top and black pants, and there was a leather jacket draped on the back of her chair. She was saying something to the man, a blonde haired guy with a long leather duster, black jeans and a red shirt. He also looked vaguely familiar, but Lindsey couldn't place him until he listened to what the girl was saying.

"Damn. Next you'll be telling me that you walked through walls and doors and stuff, Spike."

Spike. The name rang a bell; this was Angel's grandchilde. Drusilla's childe. And...that made him Darla's great-grandchilde. He realized it still hurt to think about her, even now, even after what he'd helped do to her.

Spike nodded. "And let me tell you, Nibblet, I never want to be like that again. Ever."

Wesley cleared his throat and they all turned to look at the four people who walked inside. Well, two people, one vampire and one ghost was a bit more precise, Lindsey thought, but he didn't voice that opinion.

"For those who don't know each other, I suppose we should make introductions. This is Lindsey, and the woman behind me is Lilah." He pointed to the two former lawyers.

"Thought you were dead," Gunn said to Lilah.

"Still am," Lilah said. "I'm just like Spike now, thanks to Lindsey and his big mouth."

"Take it he recognized you then," Spike said, and Lilah nodded.

"Lindsey," Wesley added, pointing to Buffy and the other woman, "this is Dawn and Buffy Summers."

"I'm taking it you two are sisters," he said to Dawn. "But I thought Buffy was an only child."

"How do you know who I am?" Buffy asked. When everyone turned towards her, Lindsey began to wonder if she had said much since arriving at the firm.

"When I was a lawyer here, I had a file on Faith," he said, realizing telling her the truth would be best. "I was the one that helped get her locked up, actually. Not necessarily the brightest move I could have made, but at the time..." He spread his hands, his briefcase hanging from the replaced one. "You were mentioned in the file."

"I remember that," Lilah said. "And I thought the same thing."

"Well, I'm a long story," said Dawn. "Not really her sister, more like a Key with a capital K. Though I'm not a Key anymore and now I really am her sister."

"I'd say that was a pretty short explanation, Nibblet," Spike said and Dawn grinned at him.

Wesley shook his head, a small grin escaping. He wasn't sure if this entire situation would work out, but now, he had a little hope that it would. "Well, we're gathered here for the reading of Angel's will."

"Bloody hell. The poof had a will?" Spike said.

"Eventually, even vampires go, I guess," Gunn said. "And Angel did have some stuff."

"So...let's begin," Wesley said. He pulled out a piece of paper.

***

To whom this may concern, or whoever is left to read this.

Upon my death, you will notice a few memories creeping back into your thoughts, memories about a son I had. Don't look for him; he's happier where he is now. Maybe when he's older he'll remember me. Lilah never told me.

I suppose I should start out with what I'm going to give to everyone. So, for starters, to Spike. You get all my leather clothing. Maybe then you'll get
rid of the duster; then again, maybe not. You're also going to get one of the apartments here at the firm. I made Drusilla and she made you, and since I have no idea as to her whereabouts, I'm responsible for you.

To Lorne, Gunn and Fred. You are truly special. There isn't much I can give you that Wolfram & Hart hasn't already, but you're welcome to take a few of my possessions from my apartment, things that will mean something to you. You too, Wes, but there's something else for you.

Harmony, you get that mug of mine that I have my blood in that you keep trying to steal, since I know you want it so badly. More than that, though, you get to keep your job. I know it's made you feel important and...well, that's important.

Dawn, though I barely remember you and I know you remember me, I leave to you a special job. You're going to teach the Slayers you find, here, at this building. It's an important job, but from what Spike has said, I'm sure you can do it.

I'm hoping Lindsey's standing there, because this pertains to him and Wesley. You two have the duty to guide the new owner of Wolfram & Hart through what's going to be a really rough job, but I'm sure someone who's saved the world as many times as she has can handle it. Lindsey's in charge of the legal matters and Wesley...guess you get to be a Watcher again.

Buffy, you are now the owner of the Los Angeles branch of Wolfram & Hart. There's also a box in my room for you; it's all yours.

If Cordelia ever wakes up, and I hope she does, there is a box of things for her as well. She also will help Wesley and Lindsey, because I need her to.

And one last thing...I know for a fact my death wasn't an accident. It was planned. You need to find out who. I was told I was going to die, and it wouldn't be an accident, but I was never told who was going to carry out this whole thing. And it's important you get the answers.

I'm sorry. I wish I could have told you all.

Sincerely,
Angel

Witnessed by
Wesley Wyndham-Pryce

***

"So you knew?" Buffy asked quietly.

Wesley shook his head. "He wouldn't let me look at what I was signing. It wasn't that uncommon. I trusted him, you know." He cleared his throat and looked around. "Is everyone settled?"

Lindsey shook his head. "No one told me I would be here for a while. I have a bar to run. So...thanks, but no thanks. I gave this job up a while ago."

Everyone stayed quiet until Buffy said, "What would it take for you to stay?"

"More than you could pay me."

Buffy nodded. "Would you give it a chance? For...a month?"

Lindsey thought about it, and then stared into her eyes. She looked sad, lost...she'd get eaten alive in an environment like this. "Fine. One month."

***

That very afternoon, everyone got to the task of settling in. It was decided no one would go into Angel's room until the next day. Buffy, Dawn, Spike and Lindsey all took apartments in the building, making it easier for them to start getting to work on whatever it was that they had to do.

Later that evening, Lindsey and Spike sat in Lindsey's apartment, watching the sunset. Over the course of the day, the two of them had talked a bit, and when Lindsey had said he wanted to know more about Buffy, Spike said he'd tell him.

"She's got you, you know," Spike said, taking the top off the Corona Lindsey had handed him. "I'm betting all you were ready to go till she looked at you."

"Yeah," Lindsey said, shrugging.

"She does that. It isn't a bad thing, necessarily, but..." Spike shrugged as he took a drink. "I loved her. Lusted after her. I hurt her, too, and it isn't something I'm proud of. But when she looks at you, you want her. Somehow." Spike grinned a little. "Unless you happen to be Dawn Summers, and then you want to be like her, but be yourself."

"You seem close to her sister."

"I was. I mean, I was rather a close friend until I hurt her sister. I think things are forgiven, now. Lost my life saving theirs."

"How?"

"Helped close up a Hellmouth. Angel got sent an amulet that had to be worn by a champion, Buffy wouldn't let him wear it, so when the big moment came, I was in the Hellmouth wearing the damn bit of jewelry, destroying vampires by the millions while the Slayers hauled ass away from Sunnydale."

"Slayers? You mean Faith was there?"

"Ah, so you know the little trumpet. Well, she was there, too. But there were more Slayers than just her and Buffy. They did a spell. All the Potentials...they're all Slayers now."

Lindsey whistled and took a drink of his own beer. "Damn. What a nice move. Hundreds to thousands of girls suddenly having Slayer powers."

Spike shrugged. "That's why Buffy and the others were looking for them. To train them. And then this happened with Angel..."

"What happened, exactly?"

Spike downed the rest of his drink, watching the sun set through the special windows. "I'm not sure, mate. Angel told us he had to go to a meeting, and after three days, we got his jacket sent back to us along with a pile of ash and a videotape. It showed them taking off the jacket, staking him and then brushing up the ash and putting it in the Mason jar we got it in."

"Who did it?"

"Well, they were wearing masks. So we don't know."

"Damn." Lindsey took another drink. "So now he's gone and Buffy's in charge?"

"That's about the way of it."

Lindsey nodded. "I think I'll avoid the scene at Angel's tomorrow, get started on sorting out legal matters."

Spike nodded. "Heard you weren't one of his favorite people. Wonder why he wanted you here."

"Because," Lindsey said as he stood up to get another drink to hand to Spike, "no one knows this firm better than I do. And he knew that."

***

The soft knock at his door was a surprise. He didn't think anyone knew where he was except Harmony, who was taking messages while they had a day of mourning. It was mostly for Angel's friends because there were still those at the firm who were glad he was gone, but it provided a good excuse to get some work done without distractions.

"Come in," Lindsey said.

"Shouldn't you ask before you use my office?" a feminine voice said.

"Sorry, Buffy," he said. "Just wanted to see the open cases and the other legal stuff so I'd know how to advise you."

He stood up, and both of them spent a moment or so staring at each other. Lindsey was wearing a suit and tie, both dark. He may not have liked Angel, but he'd show his respect for his loss. Buffy was wearing a knee length black skirt and black wrap-around top, form fitting but not overly showy.

"It's okay." She walked farther into the office. "I'm still not sure if I should stay here. I mean, this was his office."

"You should, unless you want Holland's old office or something."

"Holland?"

"My old boss. He died. Darla killed him, I think." Lindsey shrugged. "Maybe getting an office near Wesley wouldn't be a bad idea, either."

"Yeah." She wrapped her arms around herself. "Thanks for staying."

He shrugged again. It seemed to be becoming a bit of a habit when he was around his new boss. "I promised you a month. Might as well make it productive."

She smiled, just a little and motioned to the seat Lindsey had been sitting in. "You can finish. But..."

"Yes?"

"Would you mind if I stayed here? You know, to pick up on some stuff?"

Lindsey shook his head. "Fine by me."

Buffy took one of the chairs facing the desk and placed it near Lindsey on his side of the desk, sitting down carefully. She reached for one of the papers just as Lindsey did and their hands met. Buffy withdrew her hand like she'd grabbed a candle by the lit part. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Honest." He handed her the paper. "It's a case involving a woman named Gwen and an attempted theft..."

***

The month flew by. To be honest, as much as Lindsey loved running his bar, he loved doing legal work again; this time, however, it was the legal work that he *wanted* to do, not what he was *told* to do.

But there was a decision to be made, and he wasn't sure what to do.

***

The day finally came. And Dawn was getting sick of her sister pacing around their two bedroom suite.

"Buffy! Stop it. You're wearing a path in the carpet."

Buffy stopped and unceremoniously flopped herself on the bed. "He can't leave," she said, her voice muffled by the thick bedspread.

"Who can't leave?" Dawn asked.

"Think," came the muffled reply.

Dawn thought for a moment. "Oh," she said when she realized it was Lindsey's last day. "Oh! Buffy...do you like him? I mean, *like* him like him?"

"Take a wild guess." Buffy flipped herself back over. "And I feel bad, too, because of Spike. And, Angel's dead..."

Dawn shook her head and stood over her sister, who had been staring at the ceiling. Dawn made sure she was in her line of sight. "Don't be."

"Why?"

"Well, love," Spike said as he stood by the opened door, "if you like the bloke, it's fine by me." He shrugged. "He likes you too. He's been checked out. And he's a damn good lawyer from what I can see. The firm, you especially, need him here."

"And how would you know this? And why did you...how did you get in?"

"Lil' Bit gave me a key a while back."

"You have your own apartment."

Spike shrugged. "Dawn and I..."

"Please tell me you aren't interested in Dawn?!?"

"Hey, I'm standing right here," Dawn said, moving her hands in front of her, close to Buffy's face. "And no, he's not. But we talk, and sometimes I forget to leave the door unlocked, so I gave him a key."

"Oh." Buffy sat up, almost hitting Dawn's hands. She absently pushed them away and looked at Spike. "How do you know he likes me?"

"The other blokes and I go out drinking sometimes. Last week, Lindsey got pissed and started letting his guts spill."

"Pissed? Why was he angry?"

Spike shook his head. "'Pissed' is slang for drunk where I'm from, love. Anyway, he admitted he wasn't sure he wanted to leave because of you." He grinned slightly. "Told him that from day one, myself. Told him he wouldn't want to leave."

Buffy shook her head. "Where is he?"

"Packing." He moved out of the way as Buffy dashed out of the room. He looked over to Dawn. "Had breakfast yet, Dawn?"

"Nope."

"Let's go downstairs. I think Gunn's got donuts."

***

Lindsey knew she was there before she said a word. He'd gotten to know when she was around, just by her presence.

"I need to go, I think," he said.

"You think?"

"I have a life that I left to be here. I need...to go back...see if that's what I want." He didn't want to turn around and look at her because then he'd stop packing and stay. It was easier if he left. That's what he'd been telling himself for the last week since his drunken confession to Spike.

Not that he really believed it, of course.

"Is it open to negotiation?" She walked into his apartment, walked closer to him.

"No...maybe. Buffy..."

She crossed the rest of the room and put her hand on his shoulder. He was forced to turn around.

"I'm not asking you to stay just to work here, even if you are a great lawyer and you're doing good work. You...you hold this place together. You really do. The old employees follow your directions, you're getting them to deal with all of us...Wesley can't do that if you leave. Lilah can't, either, because she's still just a ghost and not many people outside our group like her much anyway."

"Buffy..."

"And, besides, you could always open a bar here, right? I mean, there'd be a lot of competition, but you could do it. And you could do your music here, too. You don't need Nashville for that."

"Buffy..."

"Please, don't go." She stopped and turned away, wiping what he supposed was a tear from her face. "I...I want you to stay. Even if it's just for another few months. Please."

Lindsey put a hand on her shoulder. The reversal of positions didn't surprise him, nor did the intimate feel of his gesture. It seemed natural; it seemed right.

"I really want to stay. But...I'm a distraction."

Buffy barked a harsh laugh. "And you think if you left I wouldn't be distracted? Then you're an idiot."

"Then I guess I'm an idiot," Lindsey said, removing his hand.

Buffy turned and faced him, looked him in the eye. She was crying. "You aren't an idiot. You know what you want. You just don't want to admit it."

"I don't, do I?"

"Yeah."

Lindsey couldn't stand it anymore. She was right, he was wrong. And if he did what he wanted to do, he could screw everything up... But if he was still going to leave, he might as well do it anyway. Then he wouldn't regret the missed opportunity.

He pulled her close to him, gently, and looked down at her face. "I want to kiss you."

She blinked once. "That's what you want?"

"For the moment." And then he kissed her. It was a soft kiss, but there were red-hot currents of passion, something he'd kept bottled up inside him and reserved only for his music, running beneath the softness. And, he sensed when she pressed herself closer, he wasn't the only one that felt that way.

The kiss seemed to last for hours. When Buffy pulled away, she stared up at him. "Wow."

Lindsey grinned a little, still holding on to Buffy. "Yeah. Wow."

***

"Shh!" Spike whispered to Dawn, who was staring to do Xander's patented Snoopy dance.

"Well, they finally realized what the rest of us had figured out a couple of weeks ago. Why shouldn't I celebrate?"

Spike shook his head and grabbed Dawn's arm as they headed to the elevator. "You are a snoop, you know."

"I wanted to make sure everything went okay!"

"What would you have done if it hadn't?"

"Gotten you to force him to stay while I yelled at her for being stupid?"

Spike shook his head and put his arm around Dawn's shoulders. "Just wait until you fall for someone. Can't wait to see how stupid *you* get."


END