Title: A Day Without Her

Author: CaliaDragon

Fandom: Buffy/Angel

Category: AU, pre-slash

Spoilers: Seeing Red

Pairing: Dru/Angel/Xander

Warnings: High Angst

AN: This is an AU, Xander and Anya broke up before the wedding, but she still became a vengeance demon again. Spike has never loved Buffy, but he does care for her and all of the Scoobies. He is, however, still protective of Dawn. He also never went to get a soul and the whole bathroom scene never happened.

Series: Healing Xander. Part 2, follows The Precipice

Feedback: On list or at caliadragon@myself.com

Archive: Any list I send it to, those with prior permission, also at http://www.brain-insane.com/beyondcanon

Thanks to Edi for the beta.

Disclaimer: Sadly they are not mine or Tara would never have died and Doyle would be alive in more than just this fic.

Summary: Xander awakens to Dru and another day without Willow.

Rating: R



Healing Xander 2: A Day Without Her
by CaliaDragon

Xander opened his eyes slowly. For a moment he was confused as to where he was. He knew that he wasn’t alone; he could feel a body pressed against his. Xander knew it wasn’t Dawn, even though she had taken to sleeping cuddled up against him when she stayed with him at his apartment. For a moment he thought perhaps Spike had taken her place, but realized that whoever was holding him was female. Turning his head slightly he was shocked to see that he was being held by Dru.

The dark-haired seer opened her eyes and smiled gently at him. “Hello, my Kitten.”

“Hello,” he rasped. She crooned to him softly and kissed him gently on the lips. When she pulled away he looked at her, confused.

“Where am I?” he asked, surprised by the pain in his throat.

“You’re in my hotel,” Angel said from his place in a chair at the foot of the bed. He was marveling over the fact that Xander didn’t seem afraid of Dru.

Xander slowly sat up and looked at the elder vampire. “Why didn’t you kill me?” he asked, though his voice was distant. It was as though the conversation meant nothing to him.

“I don’t want you dead. I want you alive and fighting me and everything around you, the way that you always have. I also know that you lied about the reasons that you sent me to hell. Though I do believe you when you said you didn’t tell Buffy about the spell,” Angel told him calmly.

“Why do you think I lied?” Xander asked almost harshly.

“Willow; Angelus threatened her, he hurt her. The others may have ignored it, but Angelus knew. It was always about Willow. You liked Buffy, were even attracted to her, but you loved Willow. Every other female always paled in comparison to her. You never let on; you even ignored the fact that she had a crush on you. All because you knew the real Willow, the one that she hid. You knew that the person she was meant to be with wasn’t you. Angelus may have taunted you about Buffy, but he wasn’t stupid enough to threaten Willow in your presence. I’m sorry that she’s gone, but I will not allow you to follow her.” Angel spoke with quiet conviction.

Xander just looked at him for a moment, before turning away. It was true what he said about Willow. It may have been wrong to lie to Buffy, but he didn’t care. If he had told Buffy about the spell she would have hesitated and maybe even lost. Buffy had shown that she couldn’t kill Angelus and Xander couldn't, wouldn’t take the chance that he would lose his Willow to the demons, because Buffy couldn’t kill Angelus. He had already lost Jesse to the demons; he wouldn’t lose Willow as well.

Now, though, he had lost her. He wanted to die, but it looked as though no one was going to allow him the peace he so desperately craved. He was surprised when Dru gently cupped his face and turned his chin until he faced her. “I need you to live, Kitten. The stars say I can’t take care of myself any more and that you and Daddy have to take care of me.”

Xander looked over at Angel and saw his nod. “I live in Sunnydale, are you going to go back there with me?”

“No, you live here, with me and Daddy. The pretty demon will send all of your things here and Daddy needs you to help with his broken home. Everyone needs you here, I need you,” Dru told him.

Angel watched as Dru wrapped Xander around her little finger. Angel wasn’t quite sure what it was about Xander and women, but when one said she needed him, Xander did everything in his power to help her.

Angel had sat for the last few hours just watching his Childe and the boy who had grown up so quickly. Angel regretted not being around to see those changes, but at the same time he knew that leaving Sunnydale was the best thing for everyone in volved.

Dawn and Spike had left earlier with threats of returning; well threats on Dawn's part and smirking on Spike's. Even Gunn was impressed with some of the threats the little spitfire had come up with. Spike had preened like a proud parent. Angel was left to wonder about the secretive smile that had crossed Dru's face as they watched Spike lead Dawn out of the room.

His attention was drawn back to Xander and Dru. His child was gently rocking Xander in her arms and Xander was allowing her to help him heal. Perhaps it was her own vulnerability, but Angel could see that Dru was already helping Xander in a way that he would not have been able to. “Come,” Angel called, making Xander look at him as though he had lost his mind while Dru giggled.

Cordy opened the door and glared at Angel. “That is really annoying, Batman.” Xander didn’t even rise to the bait; he merely smiled slightly. Dru giggled, though.

Behind Cordy, Faith walked into the room and smil ed at Xander. The dark haired slayer didn’t even think twice about plopping herself down beside the pair. She reached over and took Xander’s hand in her own and smiled slightly at Dru. “Hey, Xan-toy, you hungry?” she asked.

Xander just shook his head. “We’ll be down in a moment. Did you order him the food I suggested?” Angel asked, making Xander glare weakly at him.

“Yep, there’s even chocolate cake for dessert,” Cordy answered. When Xander looked up at her she resisted the urge to curse Willow’s name. None of the usual fire or light shone in Xander’s eyes. The twinkle that usually shone there was gone, the one that said he was thinking of something to make you laugh. Cordy hated it. She wanted her sweet, annoying ex back.

Dru hummed softly, then carefully eased away from Xander. Once she was standing she turned and held out a hand. “Come, Kitten, we must eat.”

Faith let go of Xander’s hand and bounced off the bed. She walked to the door and came to a stop beside Cordy. The two women watched as Xander sighed and climbed off the bed and took Dru’s hand. Angel also stood and the group made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

The rest of the AI staff was gathered around the table. When Xander saw Oz he froze, his face paling. When Oz stood, Xander braced himself for recriminations and anger. Oz, Dru and Angel could smell Xander’s emotions and Oz couldn’t help the sorrow from coming forward. “I’m sorry I let her die,” Xander told the other man.

Oz wasn’t the only one to jerk in surprise at Xander’s words. Cordy growled and Angel sighed. Oz stood and made his way around the table to Xander’s side. “You didn’t let her die,” Oz told him with quiet conviction.

“I...I was there, I should have stopped her. I didn’t and she died, that was my fault,” Xander whispered.

“No, Xander, it was Willow’s. I love, loved her. She was someone that you couldn’t help but love, but it was Willow who took her lif e. It was Willow who left you to deal with her death. Don’t ever think that you’re at fault, because you’re not. She killed herself, but she wounded you,” Oz told him gently. Xander shook his head and Oz sighed. Xander refused to believe him and it hurt to see that the younger man didn’t even get angry over the things that Oz had said about Willow. There was no spark left in the other man and Oz found himself mourning its loss.

Wesley looked at Xander and he too mourned the young man he remembered from his time in Sunnydale. Xander had never gone easy on him; Wes had to earn his place in Xander’s life. Just as everyone in the group had had to. However, once he had made his place in the group Wes was treated just like the others, with affection and unmerciful teasing.

Doyle, Fred and Gunn only knew about Xander from what Cordy and the others had told them, but he didn’t seem the way that he had been described. The three figured it was because of the death of his clos est friend. They watched as his friends tried to convince him that he wasn’t guilty, but failed to do so.

Doyle could have told them that it would not work. He had seen such things before and it either destroyed the person or made them stronger. Doyle only hoped that it would make the young man stronger, though he had a feeling that neither Angel nor his Childe would allow Willow’s death to destroy the boy.


The End For Now