Title: I Can't Make You Love Me

Author: Margie

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Xander/Spike

Spoilers: Through Buffy S7.

Summary: A sad Xander POV on Spike right around the time of the ep "Chosen". Based on the song by Bonnie Raitt - "I Can't Make You Love Me."

Dedicated to secondverse for her birthday. Sorry I couldn't make it a happier fic. This is what my muse decided to go with. Enjoy!

Warning: Does NOT end in schmoop. Very sad. ::sniffle::

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Joss owns it all damn him! Also, no infringement was intended on Bonnie Raitt for her song "I Can't Make You Love Me."

Feedback: Yes please! margaritagomez1@msn.com

Archive: If you want it just email me to tell me where it's going. It will eventually be on my own website when I get the chance to update (http://www.angelfire.com/indie/margarks/index.html)

PS - Thank you to Edibbea for the beta!


I Can't Make You Love Me
by Margie

~
Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me
~

Xander watched Spike strip with casual ease before slipping into bed. It's something he'd done now for weeks, not every night, though Xander wished it had been. Wished that Spike wished it, too.

But 'casual' is exactly the word Spike would probably use for their relationship, or whatever the Hell it was they had together. Xander only knew that three weeks ago he'd done what he'd been fantasizing about for years.

When Buffy had brought Spike to him, he'd barely even recognized the vampire. He wasn't just slim; he was gaunt. His hair was a mess of riotous curls, no trace of his trademark gel in evidence. Xander had loved it.

What he hadn't loved was the pain Spike was going through. The soul had obviously done things to him. And living in that basement... Xander shivered, he'd known there was evil there.

He'd pretended to be mad, like he always had before. Pretending to hate the bleached blond, even when he longed to hold him and promise that things would get better. He knew none of them would understand. None of them would want to know what he felt, or who he really was.

Buffy's revelation last summer, that she'd been sleeping with Spike? It had nearly killed Xander. But he'd pushed through it, was there for her and Dawn, and everyone. Like always. When in reality he'd waited every day for Spike's return. Wanting to know what had happened, how he could have... but Xander shook his head. Buffy and Spike were combustible. And he guessed that Spike had gone up in flames that night.

But as the First began to make its presence known, Xander began to wonder what the hell he was waiting for. Spike was here. And so was he. And who knew whether either of them would survive after this battle. So he took what he wanted. What he'd always wanted.

~
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
~
He remembers their first night together so vividly. Spike had been with him nearly a week, and had been getting better every day. One night they'd been sitting on the couch together, flipping through the three or four channels they could still get on TV. Just a typical night, but then Xander suddenly decided that it was now or never.

He moved closer to Spike, slowly, until he was close enough to touch. Landing a work-roughened hand on Spike's shoulder, he waited until the vampire turned to face him. Then he leaned in quickly and took his lips in a fierce kiss. He was afraid and trembling when he pulled away, searching Spike's face for a reaction.

When Spike remained silent, Xander's heart plummeted all the way down to his shoes. But then those ice blue eyes flickered briefly to his lips, and Xander watched with growing arousal as Spike licked his own in preparation. Then slowly Spike leant forward until their mouths met.

***

~
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
~
Tonight Spike was more quiet than usual, but tender as well, almost loving really. And it made Xander ache. He knew what tomorrow was. What it could mean for them, for all of them. Hell, they could all be dead before the day was out. And maybe Spike just wanted a little...comfort. A little loving, before he faced potential dust. And Xander would be glad to give it to him.

"Come here, Spike." Xander opened his arms, and when Spike snuggled into them he kissed the crown of the vampire's head. "I love you." Xander felt Spike stiffen, and wished that he hadn't. But if he was ever going to say it, it had to be now. Before they went up against the First, before one or both of them died. He wanted Spike to know, at least, whether he returned Xander's feelings or not.

"I just wanted you to know," Xander whispered. His hand moved slowly up and down Spike's side, until the vampire relaxed against him. "Will you...will you make love to me?"

Spike was silent for a long moment, and Xander wished he could take the words back. Maybe ask something like, "Will you fuck me?" instead. But he couldn't. Then, just when he thought it was time to pull away, to run away really, Spike turned.

His lips landed first on Xander's jaw, then nibbled their way up until he could nip at Xander's lower lip. They kissed for several long minutes, just tasting each other lazily, until Xander couldn't take any more. Groaning, he pushed Spike away and pressed him down into the mattress with his own body. Shifting, Xander brought their cocks together, separated now by only one thin set of boxers since Spike slept in the raw. At times like these, Xander wondered why he still bothered with boxers at all.

Spike's hands traveled down Xander's spine until those long, lithe fingers were touching the skin where the curve of his ass began. Xander shivered, pushing back and arching; begging for those fingers to move lower. To cup and massage his cheeks, maybe play a bit with his oh, so sensitive crevice.

"Spike!" Xander moaned, already so hard he couldn't see straight. "Touch me, please!"

Spike let his fingers move then, pressing into that deep crevice, seeking Xander's opening. Moving along until puckered flesh was reached, making Xander gasp.

"Yes!"

Spike's fingers were inside him, and Xander didn't have time to wonder where or when Spike had gotten the lube. But apparently he had, because those fingers were cool and slick and stretching him just right. Xander humped against Spike's leg wanting more friction, wanting more pressure, fuck, just wanting Spike.

Spike growled low in his throat; the vibrations rumbling through his chest sent a delicious thrill through Xander's body. Bending, Xander took one dark, dusky nipple into his mouth, working it with his tongue. He loved the sounds that escaped Spike's lips as he bit then licked then sucked. He treated each nub to a long, thorough bath, before moving back up to kiss those beautiful pouty lips.

Finally, he pulled away, and Spike pulled his fingers out. Xander was still on top, and wondered whether Spike was going to shift them or what. Because fuck, if he didn't need Spike's cock in his ass now. But then Spike looked at him, deep blue eyes just staring. And Xander hoped for just a moment that he was going to hear the words he'd longed for since before the First, before the soul, before... everything.

"Ride me." Spike's words are accompanied with cool palms on Xander's hips, lifting, positioning then guiding home.

The disappointment was washed away by the incredible wave of desire and lust crashing through him. Groaning almost ferally, Xander sank back down onto Spike's cock. Taking the shaft in, feeling the press of silky pulsing skin against his inner walls.

Xander moved so that he'd gotten enough balance to lift and drop onto that thick piece of meat he'd impaled himself on. He was bouncing, up and down, up and down, angling just right so that he hit that sweet spot every time. It felt so good. So incredibly good, and suddenly Xander was crying. And he knew why, and Spike knew why, but neither said a word.

Instead they continued to fuck. Xander bouncing. Spike groaning. Cool fingers digging into warm flesh, bruises, sweat, and tears mingling on Xander's skin.

And then Xander came. Cock pulsing, shooting hot spunk all over Spike's cool skin. Within moments Spike was joining him, Xander's tunnel filling with Spike's seed.

Xander lowered himself at last. Spike's rapidly softening dick easing gently out of his hole. And Xander gave one last quiet sob, as he sank into Spike's arms. Letting the vampire embrace him, hold him. Even if both of them knew the truth of what is, what's coming, and exactly just what they are to each other.

~
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
~


END