Title: If You Could See What We Hear

Author: Belle Shadow

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Do we always hear, what we think we hear? Confused. Hope so. Set after the chip. Spike does not live with Xander at this time. **** Denotes what the girls are doing.

Archive: If you want it, just let me know.

Disclaimer: Not mine or they would have more fun.

Challenge: This is for the one line challenge by Calia. Must have the line "Oh my God, I can't use that... it's purple with polkdots!

If You Could See What We Hear

by Belle Shadow

*** Willow, Tara and Buffy were sitting around the dorm room. Willow was working on a new spell. It would allow them to listen in on the bad guys when they needed to find them. They were practicing at the dorm, because Willow knew Giles would not approve.

"Ok, everything's ready. Who should we try to spy on? How about Xander? No, no, he might be with Anya. I do not want to hear that. I know. How about Giles? He never does anything interesting." Willow was bouncing and babbling. She loved trying new spells.

"We could spy on Spike. See if he's up to something. You know we can't trust him, even with the chip. Maybe I can find a reason to stake him." Buffy had that gleam in her eyes. "If the spell hurts Spike, who cares?"

"Are you s-s-sure we should do this Willow? I don't think Mr. Giles will be happy."

"Come on you two. It's just a simple little spell. Nobody will get hurt. We'll just see if it works. That's all. We won't listen long."

"Well, all right, but I have a question. Will this spell last if we're on the move or will we have to stop and redo it every few minutes? That would slow us down."

"If it works right, we can still hear their conversations while we hunt them. The main thing is, we have to know who we're hunting. We need an image, in our minds, of the demon or person we want to find."

"Great. Let's give it a shot."

"Here goes." As Willow and Tara spoke the words of the spell, each girl had a different picture in her head. Although Willow didn't want to hear Xander with Anya, she saw his face. Buffy was thinking about beating up Spike. Tara was worried about Giles. She knew he didn't like Willow's experiments. In seconds a low hollow sound came through, then voices. ***

"Ow, ow, ow."

"Would you hold still. Just stand there until I can get your pants off. Then you can lay down and relax. Giles went to make a phone call. He also needed to get some gel or cream, and some supplies. Don't want you to get an infection from this, now do we? Of course I don't care. Nothing to me if you get sick. This is all up to Ripper."

"Spike, what are you doing on your knees? Making me nervous here."

"I'm trying to get your shoes and pants off. It'd be easier if you would lift your feet up whelp. Don't want to knock you down and set off the damn chip. There that's better. Now the pants. Why the hell do you wear these baggy things anyway? You're not that bad. Tight pants and normal shirts would make you look better. Not that I care what you look like anyway. --------- Xander, why don't you have any underwear on? Ready for the ladies, are you? Guess the demon bint likes you ready and willing all the time."

"I didn't do my laundry, ok? Spike why are you looking at my dick? You've seen it before. It doesn't look any different up close, than it does from across the room. I saw you watching me when you were tied up in my basement."

"Did not watch and I'm not looking at it now. Just trying to get you ready for Giles. There now, lay down mate. On your stomach. That's it. Just relax."

"How can I relax? This is my first time, and I know this is gonna hurt. You're an old pro. Bet Deadboy did it to you a lot. Oh hell! You didn't let Drusilla help did you?"

"I might be a vamp, but I'm not that crazy. Only an idiot would let Dru near them for something this important. And yeah, Peaches did it a few times. He enjoyed it way too much. Always was a wanker, well most of the time. Don't worry. Ripper won't hurt you. He'll be easy."

"Would you not call him Ripper right before he touches my ass. Gives me the wiggins. -------- I want a drink. You had a whole bottle before he did this to you, and it still hurt .--- Come on Spike, just a little drink. I know Giles keeps something around here."

"Ok, pet. Here you go. Bloody hell, slow down. Half a bottle in two seconds is way too much. Are you ok? Xander? Xander, are you all right? Answer me damn it."

"I'm juuuust fine, Spike. Couldn't be better. Come down here where I can see you. There you are. Sexy demon. Your hair is so soft, so's your skin. Pretty vampire. Pretty, pretty, pretty. Hot too. Everyone thinks so. ------- Spikey, I don't want Giles touching my ass. You do it. I trust you. Been saving it all for you. Giles is like a 'dad! type? person; only nice. Don't want him to see me naked or doing things to me. Come on Spike. Pretty please with cherries on top. Well one cherry anyway. Just me. On top. Or bottom. Don't care, just so it's you. Come on Spikey."

*** The girls looked at each other in shock. "What are they doing to Xander? He's not gay. At least I don't think so. They're gonna hurt him. We have to stop them Buffy.?

"Don't worry Willow. We'll stop them before they can hurt him. I can't believe Giles is in on this. And he's been doing things with Spike? That is so wrong. Xander would never do anything with Spike or Giles. And neither would Angel. Spike's lying as always."

"I-I-It sounds like Xander doesn't really mind. He seems to like Spike. I m-m-mean he is calling him a pretty vampire. I-I-I've seen the way they look at each other, when they think no one is watching."

"Tara! Xander does not like men, especially not Spike. He chases girls all the time. Of course most of them are demons, but there's also Cordilla and Buffy. You heard him. He's never done this before, and he thinks it's gonna hurt. He's even drinking and he never drinks. We have to save him." There were tears in Willow's eyes.

"It's ok sweetie. We'll save him." Tara gave Willow a quick hug.

The girls headed across town. They didn't have a car, but they went as fast as possible. They could hear the voices as they ran. ***

"Xander, would you stop patting my head. I'm not a bloody dog. And what do ya mean, you've been saving it for me? Didn't know you were bent. Thought you just chased women. -------- Listen pet. Rupert will not let me do this for you. Doesn't trust me you know."

"I trust you. You would never hurt me."

"Oi, I'm the Big Bad. I would so hurt you. Enjoy it too, I would."

"No you wouldn't. Oh shit, here comes Giles. Stay with me, ok? G-man! There you are. Gonna do it now? I want Spike to do it. You don't even have to watch."

"Spike what did you do to him? Is he drunk? And why does he have his hands in your hair. Xander stop that. Spike, I'm warning you."

"Just get it over with Ripper, before the booze wears off. He has to have this done, and he's relaxed right now. I'm trying to keep him from being so nervous. Xander are you ready?"

"Spike, it's gonna be bad. I remember how it hurt when Giles did it to you, and you're a vampire. Please don't let him hurt me."

"Xanpet, it hurt because he went so deep. And of course he didn't really care if he hurt me. Guess he thought I deserved the pain. It will be easier with you. He'll try his best to be careful. Now lay still and stay calm."

"Oh shit, oh, oh, oh. It hurts Giles. Spike, help me. I know I'm a wimp, but I don't like pain."

"You're not a wimp. I've seen you jump on demons twice your size. You're doing fine. Just hang on. I'm right here."

"Really Xander. I've barely touched you. -------- Will you two stop. It's worse than Buffy, when Willow did the 'will be done' spell. Hope she hasn't done another one. -------- And this will take twice as long if you keep distracting me!"

"I'll stop. Stopping now. My first time. Two first times. Never kissed Spike before, and never let anyone ------ Giles! Hurts, hurts, hurts. Pleaseeeee hurry up and finish."

"Spike help me back here. There's too much blood. It's so slippery, it?s slowing me down. ---------- Spike, I'm getting tired; you finish it. You can use this on him."

"Oh my God, I can't use that.... it's purple with polkadots. And it's so big and ugly."

*** "Damn! He's bleeding. What are they doing to him? Hurry up you two. I'll slay Spike while you take care of Giles. They will not get away with this." ***

Minutes later the door to Giles home burst open, and the girls tumbled in. Buffy had a stake and Willow's eyes were almost black. "Spike you're dust! Giles get away from Xander! Xander?"

Spike and Giles tried to hide a very naked Xander. He was face down on the table. Knives, tweezers and bloody rags surrounded him. Several huge splinters lay in a bowl. He smiled drunkenly over his shoulder, while one hand rubbed up and down the inside of Spike's leg. His bare butt was decorated with bandaids. There was a large purple one with pink dots on one cheek, several small blue ones on the other. Blue with green dinosaurs. He looked so cute.

"Girls, what is the meaning of this? Have you forgotten how to knock? Spike cover Xander up. Xander, will you stop groping Spike!"

The girls looked at each other. "We thought you were rap----uh, hurting Xander. When we overheard what you were saying, we came to rescue him. It sounded like you were forcing him to do something he didn't want to do. Of course we were wrong. Very, very wrong. We see that now. You were just helping him. We'll be going now. Back to the dorm.

"No problem. Let's go Tara. Buffy?"

"Might I ask a question? How did you hear us from the dorm? I'm a little curious about that. And did you really think I would hurt Xander?"

"Well you see, I was trying this new spell. To help with the slaying. We wanted to try it on someone we knew first. Just to see if it worked. It worked, but I guess what you hear is not always what you think you hear. Know what I mean? No biggie. No one hurt. Nothing going on.?

"We're sorry Mr. Giles. W-W-We didn't mean to bother you."

"It's ok Tara. I know whom to blame. Willow, we will talk tomorrow. Now if you three will go away, we have to get Xander dressed and take him home."

"But what about Spike? I want to stake him. He must have done a spell on Xander. Xander's straight and he hates vampires. He would never kiss Spike."

"Not straight. Slightly bent. Don't hate all vampires. I like Spike. Go stake Deadboy. Him, I hate. Spike is mine. My pretty vampire. ------- Spikey, take me home. My butt hurts. I want you to kiss it and make it all better.?

"Yew!"

"Oh God! I need a drink. Please tell me there's some scotch left."

The End.