Just Breathe

by Zadi

DISCLAIMER: None of these wonderful characters belong to me - unfortunately. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and a bunch of other suit-types I don't know. Joss, if I promise to return the boys to you when I'm finished playing with them, will you promise not to sue me? Lyrics to "Breathe" by Faith Hill are owned by Holly Lamar and Stephanie Bentley.

RATING: R (for naughty language and very adult situations)

ARCHIVE: Sure thing, if you really want it. Let me know where it's going, tho!

CATEGORY: Spike/Xander (futurefic)

SUMMARY: Spike contemplates his lover and the past.

FEEDBACK: Yes, please!!! zadislash@comcast.net (please don't make me beg . . . it's so undignified!)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Because one or more of the characters in this work of fiction is a vampire, they are immune from the effects of HIV and STDs. If you are sexually active (like, duh!), please play safely. I want you all around to read my stuff.

ANOTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE:
*Indicates a character's thoughts or silent monologue.*
ALL CAPS indicates emphasis on that word or phrase.
* * * * * indicates a passage of time.



Just Breathe
by Zadi

As Xander slept, his lover of over a century watched. Skin that was once kissed by the sun to a golden tan was now rivaling with Spike's for the description of 'alabaster.' The now still chest gleamed in the moonlight that shone through the open window. Taking a very unnecessary breath, Spike settled a hand on his mate's chest. Yes, the skin was cool, just as his own. How he occasionally longed for the warmth the human Xander used to provide.

"Sometimes I wish you hadn't convinced me to turn you, Pet," the blonde vampire whispered as he placed a gentle kiss in the middle of Xander's chest. Xander mumbled something in his sleep, and then turned on his side. Spike spooned up against the brown-eyed man's body and drifted into slumber.

In his dreams, Spike saw the Xander of so many years ago. The whelp with little self-esteem and even less confidence. The teenager that Spike ridiculed and tormented. The doughnut boy who suddenly found himself sleeping with a former vengeance demoness. The man who fell in love with a master vampire, and with whom a master vampire fell in love. In his dream, he recalled the first time he and Xander slept with each other. Metaphorically speaking, of course. There was no sleep to be had at all that night. Spike dreamt of their lovemaking - no, that night it had been fucking, pure and simple. Sex only, nothing more, nothing less. Xander had fucked Spike, and Spike had relished in the realization that he, the Big Bad himself, was allowing a mere mortal to penetrate him in his most intimate of places. It was then that he knew he'd found his mate, the one he would spend the remainder of his unlife with.

Spike's dream turned to their first trip to Los Angeles. Xander had not been very keen on the idea of visiting 'Deadboy,' as he was so fond of calling Angel. In fact, he had been downright petrified. Spike did everything he could to assuage the mortal's fears, and he had ultimately been successful. Truth be known, Spike had been just as nervous, if not more so. He had not been completely confident that Angel would give them his blessing. In the end, it had taken the words of a green demon from another dimension (now Angel's lover) to persuade the vampire with a soul that Spike and Xander were destined to be with each other.

After receiving his Sire's blessing, Spike and his new mate had relocated to Los Angeles. They began working with Angel, Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn, fighting the good fight and ridding the greater Los Angeles area of the more nasty demons. They kept in contact with their friends back in Sunnydale. They settled into a routine that was comfortable. Slay the baddies, come home and shag, watch the occasional 'kick butt' movie on the tube.

Ten years passed. Angel Investigations grew into a large and well-respected detective agency, with over twenty-five employees (of the human and demon variety). Wesley finally came out of the closet and, much to everyone's surprise, fell in love with a certain attorney who used to work for a demon-controlled law firm. Seeing the error of his ways, Lindsey McDonald had returned to Los Angeles, begged Angel and gang for forgiveness, and opened a small office that concentrated on cases of the more 'ethereal' nature. Soon after that, Wesley announced that he and Lindsey were dating. Cordelia had a field day giving Wesley hell, but secretly she was happy that he had found someone. A few months later, Wesley and Lindsey were sharing an apartment. A few months after that, Cordelia and Gunn announced their impending nuptials, much to the surprise of everyone else. Fred, the poor girl, was still somewhat loony from her extended stay in the Pylea.

All things considered, things were going well. And when Willow had excitedly called Angel to tell him she'd found a spell to anchor his soul permanently to his body, and that the spell would forever rid him of that pesky curse the gypsies had placed on him centuries before, it seemed as if the Powers That Be were finally smiling down on the Los Angeles contingent of the Scooby Gang. Willow came to Los Angeles, with Tara and Dawn in tow. Dawn had become a powerful witch in her own right, and she insisted on being a part of the spell casting. Upon their arrival, they'd sat down with the Los Angeles group and explained the spell.

"It's really very simple," Willow said, the excitement in her voice belying her age. "I won't go into the specifics, but suffice it to say that you'll be able to keep your soul and . . . ahem . . . have a happy again." Spike snickered as the redheaded witch blushed. Even after all these years, she still got embarrassed when talking about sex.

"Well Angelcakes," Lorne said, holding his lover's hands tightly. "I say let's get on with the spell casting. We've got some major lovemaking to make up for!"

"Wait," Xander said, almost whispering. All eyes turned to the brunette, who sat at the end of the sofa, his blonde vampire lover next to him. They held hands, their fingers intertwined with each other's.

"Yes, Xander?" Willow asked.

"Will the spell work on a vampire without a soul?"

Willow thought for a moment. "Yeah, sure," she finally answered, nodding her head emphatically. "There's no reason why it shouldn't. I'd have to re-write a couple of lines in the spell, but it should work. As a matter of fact, I can probably bind the vampire's soul back to it's . . . umm . . . his or her body. Why?"

"I want you to do the spell on Spike . . ." Xander said, before he was interrupted by his mate.

"Oi, wait a bleedin' second, Pet!"

Xander looked at Spike. "And then I want you to turn me, " he said, his voice shaking. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and if that means spending my unlife with you, then so be it." He turned to his best friend. "You might as well do it three times, Willow."

Willow furrowed her brow. "Xander, are you sure?"

Spike turned his lover toward him. "Pet, this . . . this is a big step. Are you sure?"

Xander nodded, his eyes filling with tears. "Spike, I love you. I want to be with you as long as I can." He turned once again to Willow. "Yes, I'm sure."

And that, as they say, was that. Spike, tears flowing down his pale face, turned his lover that very night. "I love you, Xan," he repeated over and over as he cradled Xander's lifeless body in his arms, waiting for his beloved to awaken as a creature of the night. When Xander awoke, Willow performed the spell three times, binding and anchoring souls to the three vampires. Of course, being a non-souled and non-chipped vampire, Xander had tried to kill everyone. It took the strength of Angel, Spike, and Lorne combined to subdue him as Willow, Tara, and Dawn chanted the magical words.

As the years flew by, the two vampires saw their human friends whither and die. First Wesley, in a battle with a Grendal demon. And then Willow and Tara together, in a senseless car accident - struck down by a drunk driver. Dawn lived a long and full life, marrying and having two children (Buffy and Alex), and was lucky enough to see her grandchildren grow into adulthood. Cancer finally took her life in the end. Cordelia and Gunn also had children and grandchildren before both succumbed to the ravages of old age and simply passed on. Lindsey was unlucky enough to fall into the clutches of Wolfram and Hart once again, but this time as dinner for a nasty Qjarlian demon. Of course, Angel was still alive, as was Lorne (it turned out that one of the benefits of dimension jumping was a longer lifespan). At one-hundred-and-thirty-two years old, the green demon was still belting out Patti LaBelle and Celine Dion to packed houses at Caritas. He had even recorded a CD that sold remarkably well at the sci-fi conventions.

Spike and Xander's entire life together replayed itself in the blonde's dream. The ups and down, highs and lows, good times and bad times, quarrels and making up sessions. The intense fucking, the sweet lovemaking, the mornings spent telling each other their dreams, the nights working side-by-side battling evil. All of it. As the dream finally drew to a close, Spike turned over in bed, sleep finally giving up its hold on him.

Xander awoke to find himself spooned against his mate's back. He kissed Spike's back, and felt the blonde vampire's body shaking. "Spike?" he asked. "Spike, what's the matter?"

Spike, his face stained with tears, shook his head. "Nothin'," he replied.

"Spike." Xander's voice was filled with both tenderness and pleading. He grabbed hold of Spike's shoulders and easily turned the slender body around. He could see that his suspicions had been correct. Spike had been crying. "Tell me." He pulled his lover into a tight embrace, running gentle fingers through unruly blonde hair.

"I had a dream," Spike finally replied.

"A bad dream?"

Spike shook his head, another sob taking control of his body. "N-no, it w-was our life."

Now Xander was perplexed. "Our life?"

"Yeah," Spike said, nodding his head. "Our life together, from the start, the very beginning."

Understanding, Xander pulled Spike in closer. He stroked his mate's back, soothing him with cooing sounds and tiny kisses. "It's okay baby," he whispered. "I know. I miss them too."

Spike wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Damn Red," he said, his voice still shaking. "Wish she'd never found that bleedin' spell. If she were still alive, I'd drain her dry."

Xander chuckled. "No you wouldn't. You're a big ol' softy."

"Am not," Spike snorted indignantly. "The Big Bad, I am."

"Sam I am, with green eggs and ham," Xander replied with a
laugh.

"Silly ponce," Spike whispered, snuggling into his lover's embrace again.

The lovers held each other tightly. After a few moments, Spike began humming.

Xander looked down at his bedmate. "What are you doing?"

"Humming."

"Well, duh, Blondie," the brunette responded, gently spanking the blonde on his behind. "I know that. What are you humming?"

"Dunno," Spike said, and continued to hum.

Xander listened intently for a moment. "It sounds familiar."

Spike stopped for a moment, and then began singing, almost soto voce. "Caught up in the touch, the slow and steady rush. Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be? I can feel you breathe, just breathe."

Xander looked down again at his lover, the surprise evident on his face. "I didn't know you could sing."

Spike shrugged.

Xander sat up in the bed. "How come you've never sung for me before?"

Spike looked up at his lover. "You never asked me?"

The brown-eyed vampire smiled. "Well I'm asking now. Sing for me Will. Please?

Spike smirked and scooted up against Xander, letting his fingers ghost across his lover's pale skin. "Rather shag."

"Sing first. Then shag."

Spike smiled and then sang the final words of an ancient love song long forgotten. "I can feel the magic floating in the air. Being with you gets me that way." He leaned into his lover for a kiss.

And then they made love.



The End