Author: Kiara
Email: Kiara_Rogue@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Spike/Xander eheh...*snicker*
Website: http://www.angelfire.com/ks/kiararogue/Buffyfanfic.html
Disclaimer: Um.If you think I own this stuff, yer lame. Or very simple and therefore worthy of coddling and people going "Awwww".
Notes: Hehe...thought I'd post the story that tormented Bonster into her Switchy story! er...I've never posted anything on a list before so if I do something wrong, let me know and I'll flog myself viciously...If its too long, tell me and I'll just...not post it..er something...
Summary: OO! Wacky sex changes, sexy murals, big explosions, second-hand impalings, stolen RVs, lecture halls and Smoochies! And them thar shiny thingies in that thar sky...
Warning: er...yeah...starts somewhere in the fuzzy land of 4th season and goes into lalaland from there
a/n: On guard, me mateys! thar be scooby bondage ahead! Arrrr.....
Manly Girly-Giggles
by Kiara
Chapter One: There was a beginning and it, uh, ensued.
Xander slammed an uncoordinated hand in the general direction of his alarm clock. he thought fuzzily as he fumbled for the right button. He lay for a moment, processing the taste of cotton and sandpaper in his mouth and the throbbing of his head, trying to remember the night before.
<Drinking.at the Bronze.> His brain finally offered up. <Anya dumped me and I went drinking.> He groaned as he was forced into recalling Anya's passionate declaration that he was a "spineless, heartless, inconsiderate man-pig". Apparently she was finding him unequal to the task of reminding her of what it was to be a human woman. He groaned again and rolled out of bed. He blinked blearily at the world. Everything was wrong looking, but he couldn't place how through the sleep/hangover funk he was in.
He stopped on his way to the bathroom long enough to glare resentfully at his houseguest. Spike was sprawled out on the obnoxious orange chair by the stairs. Xander knew that the chair was uncomfortable but somehow the vampire managed to make it look like a hammock on the beach. He blinked and yawned and stumbled on to the bathroom. Once he'd had a shower he'd feel better.
Spike was half asleep after registering the wretched beeping of the alarm. His eyes remained closed as he half listened to the routine sounds of Xander's rising and shining. He woke a little more when the twit stopped in front of his chair but pretended to be asleep. He could practically feel the irritation on the boy. <Ingrate.> He thought, remembering how he'd dragged the boy's drunk ass back to the basement the night before. The boy moved on to the bathroom, his scent wafting over Spike's sensitive nose.. His eyes snapped open as he scented something out of place. He looked to Xander just as the bathroom door shut.
Spike got to his feet, sniffing as he headed toward the door. Something was definitely off about the brat's scent. It wasn't as musky, and not nearly as unpleasant as it usually was. As he stood by the door sniffing curiously, he jumped, startled as a scream came from inside. A high pitched girly scream.
"Bloody Hell, you scream like a woman!" He accused as he shoved the door open to see what was wrong with the boy. "What're you on about now you stupid git?" He was met with a rather pleasant sight. A young woman stood in the bathroom staring at the mirror. She was wearing only a pair of oversized boxers. She turned big brown eyes to look at him before said eyes rolled up into her head and she fell unconscious.
"Right then." Spike muttered and went back to his chair, flipping on the TV. He settled down to watch infomercials until the idiot woke up again.
"Owowowowowowowowow." Xander yelped as he rubbed the back of his head. He'd smacked it on the floor when he'd fainted. "Wait." He blinked, looking down to see two perky full breasts where his pecs used to be. He resisted the urge to scream again, merely blinked again and pulled himself upright using the sink.
After a moment of staring at himself in the mirror, he did what any guy would've done and groped himself. <I don't make a half-bad girl.> He thought idly. His eyes were the same chocolate brown and his hair was dark but it was long now, falling to his shapely rear end in gently waves. He was shorter, far shorter, now the same height as his best bud, Willow. He was pretty too. He was full pouty lips and thick lashes and smooth porcelain skin. He finished studying himself and climbed into a nice hot shower.
He was due at a Scooby meeting in an hour anyway, he figured they could investigate this wonderful new development then. He wasn't too worried. Weird shit like this happened all the time on the hellmouth. Giles or Willow would find a spell to fix him and Anya would try and get him to give her lesbian orgasms before... He frowned.
Had Anya done this? He quickly Pert-Plussed his long hair and rinsed it, marveling at the long silky mass of hair. It was strange, being so short, having to reach pretty far to pull the towel down over his new body. He dried himself off, unable to resist pinching and certain portions of his new anatomy out of curiosity. He was still too shocked to really worry about it though. He left the bathroom wrapped in the towel and headed for his clothes pile.
After he looted through his pile for a moment he felt eyes on him. He sighed and turned to face the demon in his basement. Spike was studying him with his sharp blue eyes, curiosity and smirking humor evident on his face. "Not a word, Moochy." He warned. Spike's smirk grew but he didn't comment. Xander turned back to his clothes, picking out a bright red and white Hawaiian print shirt and buttoning it on over the towel. He then found a pair of relatively clean khakis and a belt. When he was dressed in the oversized clothing he checked his watch. It was 7:15 p.m. He's slept most of the day after his post-Anya-drinking binge. He'd been lucky his alarm was set to remind him of his Scooby Meeting at 7:30.
Spike got up, still smirking obnoxiously. "Right then, ducks, lets go show everyone your pretty new outfit." He said, chuckling. Xander dropped his towel and growled, stomping barefoot over to the vampire, intending to get in his face. He stopped, disconcerted, when he had to look up at the bleached blond instead of slightly down.
Catching the hint of weakness, Spike pushed it, stepping into Xan's personal bubble, trying to look intimidating. He was rewarded with a look of startled fear before he recovered his now absent bollucks and pushed the vamp back. "One more joke, Mr. Chomp and Scream and I'll tell Buffy you put gum in her hair yesterday." He threatened, his now silkier voice purred. I sound so sexy! He resisted the urge to grin and bounce around the room. He put on a pair of huge flip-flops and headed out the door. Spike followed, still smirking.
Spike followed behind the huffy brunette and got in the car, despite the little woman's glares. Xander finally drove off for Giles' place with him still in the car. Spike really wanted to see this meeting. He also needed to bum a few bloodbags off of the Ex-Watcher. He cast a few looks toward the moron during the short drive, snickering at him/her the whole way.
*
*Xander*
I wasn't really sure how or why I became a girl but I had a few theories worked out by the time we reached Giles' apartment. My first and most likely theory was Anya. She must have regained her powers and gotten vengeful on my ass. Another theory was Willow. She may have botched another spell with me as her victim again. I didn't really suspect any outside forces for this one. Its not like I'm big muscle or mojo in the Scoobies.
I was getting damn annoyed with Spike's laughing at me all the way to Giles'. He was enjoying this far too much. I made a point to slam Giles' door in his face as I entered. It was almost worth being of the female persuasion for the startled looks on the group's faces. Willow's eyes grew to almost saucer-size in surprise. I love it when she does that. Buffy looked at me warily, clutching a stake. Giles just blinked at me from the couch and Riley gave me a curious yet vacant look.
"Can I help you, miss?" Giles finally choked out. I smirked and nodded as Spike shoved past me to head for a perch on the stairs. Getting good seats to the mayhem, no doubt.
"Yeah, you can help me, Funk Master G, give me a sex-change." At this I couldn't resist bursting out laughing and wasn't too surprised when Spike's low chuckle joined my girlish giggling. <Giggling? Heh.I giggled.> I stopped though when Buffy stepped threateningly toward me. I guess she figured me for a demon or something.
Wills, however, was as sharp as ever. She must've caught the "Funk Master G" I threw out and being my bestest buddy since forever she must've recognized me. "Xander?!" She squeaked. I nodded, watching her, she didn't look guilty when she jumped up and raced over to me. So Anya it was.
"Yup, it's the Xan-man, here in the flesh...female shaped flesh, that is." Buffy finally caught up and came over, followed by Riley.
"What happened?" She turned toward Spike suddenly, angry. "You did this, didn't you?!" She accused the startled vamp. I stepped forward and put a dainty, girly hand on her shoulder.
"Wasn't him, Buff," I told her, wondering at her amazing ability to leap to conclusions miles away.
"I've got easier ways to get my entertainment, Slayer." Spike responded, still smirking at the sitcom before him.
"I think it was Anya." I explained. "We kind of broke up last night and I woke up with nice perky breasts as punishment for not knowing what it's like to be a woman." Giles took off his glasses and started to clean them. Willow was circling me, poking at me. She poked me in the boob experimentally and I crossed my arms protectively over my chest.
"Hey gitcher grubby paws off the merchandise." I groused then grinned at Wills. "Its kind of neat being on eye level with you." I said and gave her a nice squishy hug. She swatted me and then got serious again.
"So how do we fix this?" Buffy asked Giles as she slid into Riley's lap. Giles was already flipping through a big dusty volume of demony goodness. I sighed, realizing the entirely obvious lack of response to the Anya issue. What a lovely group. Sorry your heart got torn out, Xan, but can't we get back to the important slaying stuff? <I feel so loved.> I was actually getting choked up about it.
I blinked back tears frantically. Crying in public was a no-no. Why was I feeling so emotional? I normally had great control of my emotions. You had too when raised in a family where to cry was to say, "I'm a weak defenseless victim! Shred me now!"
Giles settled us all with books to look through (except Spike, who just kept smirking at me). I flipped through pages, looking for anything about gender bending but found nothing of any use. I was even surprised at myself for not making any jokes. I was upset but my usual defense mechanism of humor was fritzing out or something. I wasn't too worried about being a female. I knew enough about the Scoobies to know that we'd find a solution no matter what. It was just a matter of time. I was more worried about the now overwhelming urge to break down and cry like, well, a girl.
I slammed my book shut at the same exact time as Buffy shut hers and we looked at each other with understanding smiles. "Brain hurt. Patrol now?" She pled with the group in general. Riley nodded in agreement as Buffy slid off his lap. I got up as well. Giles continued flipping through a volume as he waved us on absently.
"We'll keep looking here," Willow said, smiling at me. "We'll find something, don't worry, Xan." She reassured me. I nodded and turned to Buffy.
"Hey, can I borrow some shoes?" I asked, holding up my foot with my oversized flip-flop. "Walking is hazardous." She grinned.
"We'll drop by the dorm before we patrol and play dress up." I scowled at her. When Riley led us out of the apartment, I found Spike following quietly. I looked at him questioningly.
"Wot? A bloke can't go out for some demon pounding when 'e wants?" I rolled my eyes and fell into step beside Buffy. She linked arms with me and started babbling on about the adorable outfit that she wanted me to try. I pretty much tuned it out, still depressed that everyone had brushed off my Anya news. They'd already forgotten. I sighed as Buffy went on obliviously. Riley and Spike followed silently.
*
"Oh hell no!" I backed away from the psycho slayer, hands out to hold off her advance. "No skirts! No dresses!" She followed me around the bed holding up the black mini-skirt.
"C'mon Xander! It'll be adorable on you!" I shook my head frantically. I tried darting around her to the door. Maybe if I screamed real scared-like Riley would let me out and hide me from his insane girlfriend.
"Nonononono! All I need is shoes!" I pled. She finally gave up and returned the skirt to her closet. She pulled out a pair of nice, normal jeans instead and tossed them too me.
"Fine, be a wuss." She pouted as She tossed me a black tank top. I glowered at her but decided that it was impossible to defeat a Slayer bent on blackmail. I changed quickly, briefly struggling with the top which had a strange bra-like layer in it which established it as an offshoot of the sports bra family. The jeans fit snuggly and I felt like a freak going commando in such tight pants. It was strange to feel the fabric clinging to me. The shoes she gave me were luckily a simple pair of worn black Nikes.
Buffy helped me dress myself and we managed to only burst into "this is insane" giggles a few times. Its amazing, the ability the female has to giggle. It's hard to stop sometimes and the sound is amazing.
"You're going to have to stop touching your ass before we leave." Buffy pointed out as I ran my palms over my firm butt again. I sputtered.
"But its so...firm. I like it better than my other butt." I said and resolutely put my hands back at my sides. I waited tolerantly as Buffy brushed and braided my long hair after she'd agreed to give me five Twinkies payment for my cooperation. I even let her give me lip-gloss. It was fairly traumatic. When she finally pulled me from the dorm room I was completely dreading the outside world.
Riley grinned at me. "You look ravishing." He said, snickering. I growled at him, hoping that Spike'd gotten bored waiting outside and had wandered off to scare old ladies or something. Buffy beamed at her boy toy and kissed him. "Let's go kill things...please?" I pled, my mood slipping down to something darker. <Heartbroken man here, I don't really need to watch you make out, do I?> I scowled and started for the exit. I burst from the door into the night, walking fast, no longer caring if Spike mocked me. All I could think about was how Anya had looked the night before. She was beautiful as always, and tactless. I wished I could go get drunk again.
Chapter Two: And there was more, and we said yeah.
*Spike*
I was lighting up another cigarette when the whelp finally burst from the building. I'd wanted to see what the Slayer would pretty the boy up in. When I saw though, I was shocked for a moment. Bleedin' Hell the boy looked good. I choked on that thought. <The git makes a good chit, s'all.> I reasoned with myself, inwardly snickering at my inane rhyme. <Prolly since he's such a poncey lil girl to begin with.>
He was upset too, by the look of him. Not strange considering. The simpleton got dumped by his girl then turned into one and not one of his pals notice how upset he is. Bloody stupid lot, they are. I'd watched him trying not to cry the whole night while the rest just went on about the obvious problem.
I followed him into the night world of SunnyHell as discreetly as I could. After dropping back to tell the Bitch Queen and her Lap Dog that I'd patrol with the runt, she'd nodded and said something mildly insulting so I took off after the fleeing boy.
Amazingly enough, the boy's ability to draw demons from miles around by looking the right proper victim was doubly effective in his female form. I caught up to the puppy as he was being jumped by four fledges at once. Normally he'd be able to keep off at least one of them with his stake and holy water, but the whelp had been diminished in size and strength. (Yes I'm making him sound stronger than he is. Shut up. My way is more sportsmanlike.)
I watched him struggle futilely for a moment before jumping into the fray to stake the buggers.
*
*Xander*
I was so upset when I finally ran into the pack of vamps that I didn't even stop to consider that Buffy and Soldier boy might not be behind me. I didn't consider my being smaller either. In the past I'd been able to handle a fledge on my own. It was always scary as hell and hard, but I'd managed to stay alive somehow. And so I stupidly charged the closest vamp, stake drawn.
The fledge caught my wrist easily enough as I plunged my stake toward its heart and pushed me off of him like I was a fly. I leaped up off the ground again as the vamps surrounded me and jumped on one, hoping to knock it off-balance. It merely deflected me. That's when I realized that I was small. And alone.
That moment of terror only lasted a second before a bleached vamp in black leather appeared and fought off my attackers with relish. I watched as Spike dusted each of them. He was so much stronger and more graceful than I was. I wished for a moment that I were a super-hero, so as not to require rescuing from evil dead people. Spike turned through the drifting dust and looked at me, his face vamped out, eyes yellow, glowing eerily at me. His eyes flicked over me, probably hoping to see me gushing blood or something, then he looked over my shoulder. His face registered surprise then annoyance before he was moving with preternatural speed to stand next to me.
I turned around to see what he was looking at and yelped. There was a pack of about fifteen vamps in black suits bearing down on us, all in game face. "Who the hell are they? The Vamp Mafia?!" I asked, looking around frantically for Buffy.
"Don't know." Spike hissed, pushing me behind him. "I hope you don't run like a girl." He added and shoved me into a run, dragging me along with him as he ran in the direction we'd came from. He changed directions after a moment of full out sprinting before we crashed through some bushes and into a clearing where I saw Buffy and Riley turning to look at us in surprise.
Spike skidded to a halt and whirled to face the direction from whence came our pursuers. "What is it?!" Buffy demanded, holding her stake ready, Riley ready for action beside her. I stood panting by Spike, waiting for the vamps to burst through the bushes.
"Friggin' flock of vamps." Spike spat out at her, slipping a stake into my hand just as the 'flock' appeared. The vamps all yelled at once, bellowing "For Aesop!" Then there was a flurry of fighting, in which I staked one vamp and got thrown into two different trees, then I stood again with Spike, watching as Buffy staked her final vamp and helped Riley off his ass where he'd fallen.
"Who were they?" Buffy demanded of Spike. She advanced on him, murder in her eyes. I blinked. <Oh sure, like Spike would lead a bunch of buddies to Buff's stakes.> I rolled my eyes. <I mean, yeah, he's an annoying ass-munch, but he's not stupid.>
"I haven't a bloody clue, Slayer." He said and glanced at me. His scarred eyebrow rose and he smirked. I realized that I'd been clinging to his sleeve. I jumped back as if I'd been slapped and looked everywhere else in the world.
"Okay, then, looks like its time to go back to Giles and research some more because research is good and leads to knowledge and that helps with knowing things." <Smooth, Xan, babbling stupidly will make you look more manly to the vamp you just clung to.> I mocked myself as brutally as I suspected Spike would when given the opportunity.
"Yeah, good idea." Buffy said absently, pocketing her stake. We set out towards Giles' again. "You okay, Xan? I mean, aside from the whole being a girl thing?" She asked. "You're shaking." She observed. I cursed colorfully in my mind, aware that both Riley and Spike, the only fellow male-types around would hear my answer.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Buff." I lied. "Just a little freaked out. I'm so much smaller now. I never realized just how oogy it is to be attacked by things taller than you." It was kind of the truth. It was the reason why I'd latched onto Spike. I'd been terrified and he'd been all tall and not trying to kill me so I'd clung. I probably would've done the same to Riley or Buffy if they'd been close enough.
"I can see how that'd be wiggy." She said, linking arms with me. "At least you didn't scream like a woman." She pointed out cheerfully. I let out a sigh of relief. I hadn't been too sure about that. Spike patted my shoulder with a snarky grin.
"No, pet, you just screamed like a little girl." He said and dodged away from the stake I swung at him. After a moment I blinked. <Spike patted me.>How much weirder can things get? I was so busy brooding about that, that I forgot to be depressed about Anya or my friend's lack of consideration.
*
*Spike*
I felt weird heading back to the watcher's place after the fight. It had been strange, dealing with the lackbrain. My instincts and my demon saw him as a poor defenseless little woman, the dark hair didn't help by reminding me of Dru. I'd accidentally referred to him as 'pet' already and I patted him. I'd done it without thinking. I'd already felt like a bloody poofter for protecting the git, but now I was being nice and touchy feely as well?
I realized what a ponce I was being and took off away from them without an explanation. They ignored me anyway. Stupid bunch of gits. I headed back to the girly-man's basement, hoping to get some time in front of the tele. Channel nine had reruns of Passions after ten.
*
*Xander*
I felt the world wobble strangely for a moment before falling down on my ass. I tried hard to focus on what Willow was telling me in her nervous babbling. "Wait...wait." I begged feebly. I stared at her worried face.
"So Xander's going to be a girl forever?" Buffy clarified. I was suddenly very grateful for Willow's babbling.
"Anya came by when you were out," Giles explained. "She said that she did it because she believes you deserved to know what it was like to be a woman. She refused to break the spell and left before we could stop her." I sat numbly, letting it sink in. The almost tears that I'd been in most the night were suddenly gone. <I want to cry.I need to cry, why aren't I crying? I want chocolate and I want to cry dammit!> I was going to be a woman for the rest of my life, and then I wanted to react like a woman and cry!
Alas, no tears came. Willow and Buffy both hugged me repeatedly, promising not to give up on my manliness. I followed them numbly outside and let myself be settled in the passenger's side of my car. Giles drove Willow and me to my house while I stared blankly. Willow kept squeezing my shoulder and patting me.
By the time we'd arrived I had put on my goofy Xander armor and hugged Willow and grinned at her. "I'll be fine, Wills! I just need some sleep and I'll be back tomorrow, trying to find ways to reestablish my masculinity!" I reassured her. "I just gotta go, y'know, take a loooooong shower and find out just what this body can-" She smacked my arm.
"Xander! That's disgusting!" Giles just scowled at me. I grinned at her and shoved her toward Giles.
"Take my car back, I'll get it tomorrow. Go on, myself and I need to be alone." I teased, wiggling my eyebrows. They finally left and I let myself into the basement. I locked my door as habit demanded and went down the steps, ignoring the vampire that was sprawled across my bed watching Passions.
I made my way to the fridge and opened it. <Yum! Rancid milk and bloodbags.> I glared at the contents a minute. I was so hungry. There was nothing to eat and I didn't want to go out and I had no money anyway and I was going to have to quit my job and mom and dad would kick me out of the basement and I would be homeless and none of my clothes fit me anymore and couldn't keep mooching off of my friends and Anya was gone and I had no one to help me feel better and I wouldn't be getting any orgasms for a long time and was I a lesbian now and was I going to get my period and dear god I'm hungry and I want to die!
Needless to say, I found my tears again.
*
*Spike*
I'd ignored the whelp when he entered, preferring to watch Theresa and Ivy bicker, but I found the boy a little more interesting when he fell to his knees in front of the fridge sobbing. I blinked at him for a moment before getting up to see what turned on the waterworks. When I stood over him he blinked up at me, not seeming to recognize my face. I took one look at those huge chocolate doe-eyes and dropped to my knees beside him.
I pulled the small body into my lap and started purring loudly, while rocking the hysterical female. I guess a century of tending to hysterical Dru-ness had trained me to respond to dark-eyed bints like a poofter. "Shhh, pet, what's wrong?" I asked quietly. The whelp sobbed and mumbled something about being hungry and lesbian orgasms. I blinked. <Lost 'is bloody mind 'e 'as.> I rubbed his back soothingly until he was merely hiccuping.
After a moment the boy looked up at me with his huge sad eyes and blinked. I resisted the urge to drop him on his ass when I felt my evilness being called into question by those chocolate eyes. Instead I waited for him to react.
*
*Xander*
My brain felt fuzzy with despair and all kinds of fun stuff like that when I was finally finished weeping like a little girl it took me a minute to realize that I was being held. I looked up slowly in confusion when I noticed that the chest I was being held against was vibrating. Eh? I took in the face that looked down at me with an alien expression of compassion and wondered if I was trapped in a hell dimension where nothing made sense. I watched, in shock as panic then determination flit through his deep blue eyes.
"Why can't I turn invisible when I want to? I mean there was a girl in high school that did the invisible thing and it made her kinda crazy homicidal but I think I could handle the invisible thing if it happened right about now..." I babbled as I eased myself out of Spike's lap. He actually chuckled at me in a non-mocking way. I watched him warily as I got to my feet and went to the bathroom. Once inside I splashed cold water on my face. "Well I seem to have lived through my first hissy fit." I commented more to myself as I dried it on a towel. I came out of the bathroom to see Spike on the phone ordering a pizza. "Spike, what're you doing?" I demanded a little shrilly.
"Getting dinner. You said you were hungry." He said with a shrug. I resisted the urge to start weeping again.
"I don't have any money, Spike! Food requires cash and I have less than pocket lint!" I insisted. I fell backward on my bed and squirmed in the too-tight jeans. Spike held up a wad of cash that he'd dug out of his duster pocket and turned his attention back to the TV.
I groaned and rolled off the bed to loot through my laundry in search of some relatively clean sweatpants. I couldn't breathe in Buffy's skintight pants of doom. I changed in the bathroom and then sprawled on the bed again, my rumbling stomach triggering a few more waves of despair and pain. "We're going to be homeless by the end of the month." I informed my undead roommate.
"Why?" The vamp asked, keeping his eyes on the TV. I took his inattentive moment to shimmy out of the tank top and into a T-shirt that looked far more comfortable. It was bright red and came to my skinny, girly knees.
"They can't fix me. I'll have to quit my job and I'll be booted out of here since I'm not 'Xander' anymore. I'm screwed. Completely and thoroughly fucked." I said and lay glaring at the chipped and peeling ceiling.
"I'm sure ol' Rupert'll find a cure." Spike said, shrugging off the seriousness of my situation. "That's what you Hero Gits do. You fix who's broken. If they deserve it, that is." The last part was mumbled but I caught it anyway. He was right, though. We hadn't exactly busted our asses trying to fix his problem. The chip had totally destroyed his way of life, just as my involuntary sex change was doing to mine.
I sat up, staring at him for a moment, finally realizing just what the chip had done to the vampire. I actually started to feel bad for him. I guess that happens when you can identify with someone, evil or not. I had half an urge to apologize to him but I kicked it into death quickly. He'd only get pissed and mock me. I merely decided to shut up instead. The last thing that I would want to hear in his position was someone else whining.
I sighed and lay back down, pondering my new revelation about the vamp. He wasn't quite so bad to be around anymore. I had gotten used to him being in the basement and he did help out every so often. I guess it was getting to be like those stories about hostages starting to side with their captors. Sure, he was evil, but he was also a person to us now.
<Ooh! Look! I distracted myself by thinking about other stuff! Yay! Now back to brooding about my current doomedness.> I jumped a mile when there was a knock on the door. Spike answered it before I could even look up and a moment later the delicious and heavenly aroma of pizza filled the hellhole I lived in. My stomach growled in triumph.
Spike paid the pizza guy quietly and came back to the bed. "Save me a few pieces." He insisted and shoved the large Canadian bacon and Pineapple pie of Heaven into my hands. He went into the kitchen area and grabbed some paper plates off the top of the fridge. I shrugged off the issue of 'Omigawd Spike is being quiet and nice and he bought me pizza and my favorite flavor too!' and viciously attacked a slice of heaven .
"I think you're my favorite vampire now because Angel never got me pizza and all the other ones try to eat me." I informed him around my dinner. He merely snorted and started on a slice of his own. When I was full (which happened way sooner than it used to) I cleaned up then flopped on the bed again.
*
*Spike*
It was a strange night. Wonky all around. First I comforted the moron when he broke down and wept like a baby, then I bought him food with my own dosh. I even soddin' reassured'm. That was more'n any of his crew ever did for me. It made him think though.
I stayed awake long after he fell asleep trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I figured it was his form. Always before, Harris had a way about him that just screamed 'victim' to any whom observed him. It was in his body language and the way he always deferred to everyone else. A real submissive git, he was, and that just made him a demon magnet.
Apparently his change from male to female only increased the effect. He was small, pretty, and everything from his scent to his stance said, "Corrupt me?" As a predator, I was finding it difficult to resist that siren's song. The dark hair and eyes that I'd always been partial too didn't help either. My demon wanted to chomp the lil pretty and the rest of me wanted to protect him like I did Dru.
After coming up with a plausible explanation for my un-Big Bad-like behavior, I decided that I'd done far too much thinking for one soddin' night and went to sleep.
*
*Xander*
I woke up early the next day, my internal clock still set for work and lie staring at the ceiling for a while, wondering what I was going to do. I eventually called into work to quit. It took me a second to realize that I couldn't even be Xander any more. I was forced to tell my boss that I was a friend of Xander's and that he'd had a "personal emergency" and wouldn't be able to work any more. He complained a bit, but I simply hung up.
It hit me then that I no longer existed to the state of California either. My Driver's license and social security number and birth certificate were now useless. I didn't even want to think of those implications. If I did I would start sobbing again and I really didn't think Spike would want to hold a sobbing Xander again. I know I had to be bright red at that thought. And then the memory of Spike purring stirred of this strange strangling sensation and I thought I was going to choke until I exploded into rather hysterical girly-giggles.
<So that's why the girls are so hard to calm down when they see something "cute".> I thought, curled on my side, giggling. It was kind of scary. I had the urge to go "Awwww." As well but that was easier to fight than the giggling.
"Oi, Shaggy, what's with the giggling? 'm tryin' to sleep 'ere!" Said vampire complained. I just giggled harder and rolled over to face him. He was in game face and everything, yet I continued to giggle insanely for a minute before I was able to calm myself enough to speak.
It was difficult but I managed to choke out a few words. "Estrogen is scary." Then I was off again with the insane giggling. He rolled his eyes and fumbled for the phone. He dialed and after a moment spoke.
"Oi, Rupert! Did you find a cure for Harris yet?" He demanded. "He's getting girlier by the minute. Soon 'e'll be playin' with dolls." He didn't seem happy with what Giles was telling him. "Oi, pet, Watcher wants to talk." He said finally, tossing the phone to me. I picked it up, firmly restraining any further giggles.
"Xander, are you all right?" Giles asked immediately. I actually thought about it.
"Um...I'm alive and I've discovered the joy of teenage girl-type giggles." I told him, forcing myself to be cheerful, goofy Xander again. "Did you find anything after I left?"
"No, I'm sorry, Xander, but the most we've come up with is a summoning spell to bring Anya back here. The only way to break a vengeance spell by a vengeance demon is to have the demon itself lift it." I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach. It was a slim chance. Anya wouldn't like being summoned and wouldn't be easy to convinced. She was impossible to coerce once she'd decided on something. "Xander?" I realized that I'd fallen silent.
"Alright, sounds like a plan! When do we get to it?" I asked with feigned enthusiasm. I ended up agreeing to be at Giles' place at five that afternoon so they would have time to prepare for the spell. "Seeya then!" I hung up and counted to ten before screaming at the top of my lungs and pounding my bed as hard as I could. I didn't care if Spike saw me flipping out. I knew that he'd understand. I'd seen him do the same when he was newly chipped.
"No luck then?" The vamp asked quietly when I finally lay face down, trying to convince my body that smothering myself in the pillow was a good thing. After a second I flipped over, gasping for breath and jumped up out of the bed.
I took Buffy's jeans and tank top and a nice big Hawaiian shirt into the bathroom to shower and dress as quickly as possible. I came out of the shower, trying to braid my long hair with no luck whatsoever. I finally gave up and pulled it up into a sloppy ponytail and pulled on the black shoes. "I'm going for a walk." I announced and left as quickly as possible.
Speed walking down the sidewalk, no destination in mind, I took deep breaths to try and calm myself. All right, so Alexander LaVelle Harris was dead. Anya was more than likely to refuse if she even showed. I was going to be a girl forever. I was going to have to get used to this new person that I was and it wasn't going to be easy. I didn't know what to tell my parents. I somehow doubted that I could get away with telling them that they've been drunk since my birth and I was always a girl.
That meant that come rent time in a week and a half, they would boot me, refusing to shelter one of Xander's friends. Not to mention I didn't exactly have enough money for rent. I was going to make it just barely this month, but now that my job was a no go, I was short.
There was also the issue of clothes. I had no clothes that fit me anymore. Just what I'd borrowed from Buffy. That meant that I needed a whole new wardrobe, which brought up the whole "no money" problem again. I supposed I could get a few outfits from the goodwill to hold me over until I had another job, but just the thought of shopping made my mouth go dry. I knew the girls would help me, but still, gah.
A teenage boy yelled an obscenity as he drove past; making me jump and that brought another problem to my attention. Would I still like girls? Would my body be attracted to men now? It was giving me the wiggins just sitting down to pee (really weird) but would I end up having sex with a man someday? And what about my period? What the Hell was I going to do when that happy day came? I shuddered. Would I get p.m.s. like Buffy?
What other scary hormonal issues did my new body have just waiting to appear and steal my sanity?
I lost my train of thought when I reached a crowd of students walking. I looked around and realized that I must've walked to UC Sunnydale. I blinked. Long walk. I kept walking through the crowd. I kept being elbowed and brushed against and nudged aside. It seemed like no one saw me. I felt like I was being squashed under the press of people, all oblivious to my personal space.
I started to get scared, feeling like I was going to be trampled. I looked around frantically, trying to get out of the press. I think I was starting to hyperventilate when a large hand settled on my back and I was steered clear of the group of students.
Once clear I looked up and saw Riley looking down at me, concern on his open face. "What are you doing here, Xander? You look like you're going to run screaming into the night or something." He asked. I shook myself forcefully, regaining my composure.
"I don't know.I was walking and then everyone was so in my personal space bubble and I felt like a squirrel stuck in traffic or something and it was so freaky and I'm so short!" I babbled for a moment before Riley suddenly had the look of one who'd seen the light.
"Calm down, no one's going to squash you, Xander." He said, directing me to walk with him toward Stevenson Hall and Buffy and Willow's dorm room. "You're just experiencing first hand the instinctual differences between the social standing of men and women and.." He leapt into a psychobabble explanation that when on for a while until I stopped him.
"So yer saying that girl space bubbles are small and boy space bubbles are big." I said, simplifying it into more Xanderish terms. He stood with his mouth open for a moment before grinning.
"I guess if you want to put it that way." I suddenly felt bad for every girl I'd ever stood too close to. We started up the steps to the girls' dorm; me being careful to avoid contact with people we passed. We knocked on the door and entered to find Buffy pondering a box of clothing. Riley stepped over to her and they kissed while I pointedly looked at the Chocolate poster on the door.
"Hey Xander, how're you feeling?" She asked after a century of snogging. I put on my Xander goofy grin version 3.2.
"Effeminate." She grinned and gave me a tight squishy hug. Okay, maybe being a girl isn't so bad if I keep getting such nice warm squishy hugs. <Hooray for boobies!> I grinned more genuinely. "What's that?" I asked, pointing to the box. Her grin faded a little bit. <Uh oh.>
"Well you're about my size now," She started. "Your chest is a little bigger, which is sooo not fair, but I figure you'd fit in my clothes and a lot of Wills' so we grabbed all the stuff we don't wear anymore so you'd have something to wear until we get this fixed." She explained. I nodded numbly at her slightly nervous delivery. She didn't have much more faith in Anya than I did.
"I feel like such a cross-dresser. Thanks Buff. That's thoughtful." I blinked. <Did I just say thoughtful?> I cleared my throat to forestall any further nervous babble from her. "Its like Christmas or something!" I bounced onto the bed and started digging through the box. A bunch of fairly new-looking clothes filled it. I smiled a little more. Buffy went through clothes as fast as she could buy them.
"So was Spike really obnoxious last night? I could stake him if he teases you too much." Buffy offered as she held a few shirts up to me to see how they looked. I frowned.
"No. Actually he was being pretty decent for a soulless beast." I answered. I didn't want to go into detail about my bout of sobbing in his lap. Gotta distract her! "Hey, no undies?" I asked with a leer. She swatted me (ow) and threw a green button-up blouse at me.
"Ew no, you have to buy that for yourself, you perv. Put this shirt on and we'll go shopping and get lunch. I don't have any classes for the rest of the day and I wanna shop!" I groaned at the same time as Riley.
"Sorry, Buff, but I don't really have any cash to spare right now. Rent and all that." I said, hoping she wouldn't ask about that too much either. "I'm so poor that Spike had to pay for dinner last night." I said, pulling off the Hawaiian shirt and buttoning the blouse over the tank top. <That'll distract her.>
"What?" Riley asked, shocked. Buffy's mouth flopped open and flapped like a fish.
"SPIKE paid for something? For someone else?" She gasped. "Did he poison it? Are you feeling okay?" She clutched my arms a little too tightly (also ow) and studied me for evidence of illness.
"No, I'm fine, he just got me a pizza. Probably to thank me for providing such mockable material. I'm never going to live down being a girl." I squirmed until she released me and got up.
"Or maybe he thinks you're cute." Riley suggested with a teasing grin. I razzed him and Buffy laughed.
"I am a hottie, aren't I?" I patted my ass. We both laughed and allowed Buffy to drag us outside.
"Well lets get lunch at least then go see if Giles and Willow need us to get anything for the Anya spell." Buffy insisted. I sighed. I HATE mooching off my friends.
We ended up at Panda Hut for lunch and Riley picked up the tab, teasing that he was being a proper gentleman. I glowered at him until Buffy dragged us to Victoria's Secret next door. Then I was busy trying to escape Buffy's iron grip as she dragged me through the displays.
"This is soooo not fair using super-strength to make me shop!" I insisted. "I can't afford this stuff! At these prices I think it's unreasonable for women to wear underwear! I think they should all go on strike and wear no bras for a year." Riley agreed vehemently to that statement but Buffy just dragged me into a dressing room stall and started stripping me.
"Hold still, Xander!" She held up the frilly lace bra she intended to put on me and I darted for the door, regardless of my state of shirtlessness.
"Help me, Riley! It has LACE!" I pled. He just cackled from outside, making Buffy and I blink at each other. "Did Commander in Chief of the Sweet Innocent Brigade just cackle?" I asked her. She nodded eyes wide. "Maybe he's possessed?" I wondered. Buffy merely shrugged and put the bra on me, which was a strange experience to say the least. I had visions of lesbians in my mind, but for some reason I didn't feel turned on like I usually did. Just very uncomfortable when the lace prison of the bra closed around me.
"How's that fit?" She asked. I squirmed a little. Looking in the mirror I registered the fact that I was indeed pretty, but I wasn't turned on at all. I shook off that thought.
"The lace is itchy." I whined. She nodded and looked thoughtful. Her eyes held a shrewd glimmer that reminded me of the look she got when slaying. Apparently shopping was a very serious thing to Buffy.
"How does it feel otherwise?" She asked and I thought about it. Sighing I resigned myself to going along with her. Her Slayer powers were far stronger than my Whining like a little kid powers.
"Its okay, I guess." I answered with a shrug. She nodded and had me try on a few more. I obeyed her and when we finally left that hellhole she'd gotten three satin bras in crème, black, and white, and six pairs of matching panties on her Victoria's card, telling me that I could just pay her back when I had the cash. I went along with it because I had no choice. I felt a little better about it all when I saw the look of extreme boredom on her boyfriend's face.Riley looked about brain-dead from the mindlessness of shopping.
We walked to Giles' from there, me wearing my new white bra under the blouse instead of the tank top which now resided in the pink and white striped bag. I felt bound up and uncomfortable, but I was getting used to the constant brushing of people against me and the squash of tight clothing.
I was now worried about how to hide the damned bag from Giles and Wills when we got to the apartment. I finally handed the bag to Buffy with a pleading look. "I don't think my masculinity can handle being seen with that quite yet." I told her. She nodded and carried it without another word, much to my relief.
After we hit Giles' place and got instructions to get some ingredients for the spell from the magic shop, we headed out again and Riley got his car. He drove us to the shop and Buffy's dorm to get my clothes and then we headed back. My new acquisitions stayed in Riley's car for later and the rest of us piled inside the apartment.
I sat nervously on the couch next to Buffy, clutching her hand while Willow and Giles set up the spell. Riley sat, observing it all on the other side of Buffy, a little worried about the fact that we were summoning a demon, ex-girlfriend or not.
When the spell was done and the smoke cleared, all that stood in the circle of candles that they'd carefully set up was a piece of folded notebook paper on which was written in pencil: "You're a woman, deal with it." We all kind of stared at Giles when he read it before falling to cleaning his glasses. Willow collapsed onto me, hugging and apologizing for everything and Buffy joined her while I just kind of stared at my chest.
<Don't break. Don't break. Don't break.> I chanted in my head until I managed to look up with a forced grin and say, "Well then I guess it was a good thing I got all that lingerie." I cracked, getting nervous laughs from all around. Willow was sniffling on me so I gently disengaged her hands and stood up. "Riley, man, could you give me a ride home?" I asked as calmly as possible. He nodded and jumped up.
"I'll be back in a few." He told Buffy and led me outside, pointedly closing the door before any of the others could offer to come along.
"Thanks man." I said, getting in the car. The trip was silent and I noticed Riley casting a few of his patented concerned big brother looks at me, but he stayed quiet until he pulled into my driveway.
"Hey, Xander, if you need to talk, or do manly things like get drunk or watch contact sports, I'm here." He offered quietly. I nodded and gathered my box and Victoria's bag and slid out of the car.
I walked around back to my door and unlocked it, pushing it open. I shut it behind me and leaned against it for a minute, letting my eyes adjust to the dark basement. Spike hadn't bothered turning on a light when the sun went down, being the vamp that he is. Soon I was able to make out his figure sprawled on my bed, holding a book, but looking up at me expectantly. I took a deep breath, then threw the box and bag as hard as I could at the washing machine to my right. The box bounced off spilling the hand-me-downs across the rug I'd decorated the cement with. The bag tore, spilling the under-things as well. I stood shaking for a minute then smiled my secret-non-goofy-about-to-go -over-the-edge smile at him. He actually shivered. I guess that smile is a little creepy.
"I need alcohol." I informed him. "Lots of alcohol." He blinked at me. "Therefore, I need your money." He stared at me for a moment, then was on his feet, grabbing his duster and pulling it on.
"Right then, lets go." He said and followed me out into the night. Spike kind of led me to the bar we ended up in. By then I was on autopilot, but he got us a table in the back of Willy's and saw that I had alcohol. Lots of alcohol.
*
*Spike*
I've never seen a mortal as scary as Xander when he smiled. The expression was something I'd seen on Drusilla or Angelus. It gave me the willies. He looked like he was waiting to snap. That's why I didn't hesitate to grant his wish.
I took him to Willy's, knowing that any drunken babble from this boy would be too strange for normal bars. I saw that his hand was never without a drink and that none of the bars other patron's approached him. The last thing he needed right now was a leech demon hitting on him. I drank light, mostly sipping at a glass of O-neg. while I watched him. I'd expected him to talk, to rant and weep and curse the world or at least the demon bint that changed him, but he was silent. He drank until he was drunk, then passed out, then I picked him up and carried him back to his basement without a word between us.
When I had him stretched out on his bed I removed his shoes and jeans and tucked him like I used to do for Dru. It was strange how protective I felt for him. He hadn't been rude to me at all since I'd tried to reassure him before. Maybe the silly git grew a clue? I shrugged off my duster and hung it lovingly over the clothesline that ran over the laundry area. I considered picking up the clothes that were strewn across the floor but one whiff of them told me that they had been the Slayers and that reminded me that I was supposed to hate them all. I settled myself in the chair that I swear is more evil than the Master with a cup of blood and considered my future.
When would we get kicked out? Would the poncey ex-watcher make me move back there? Where would the whelp go? I had enough dosh put away to get myself a nice place wherever I wanted to go. Maybe It would be a better idea for me to stay with the Scooby brats. The Initiative bastards were still out there, including the Slayer's boy toy. I couldn't defend myself from humans like the soldiers, but I was sure that the Slayerettes would protect me on principle, bleedin' morons that they are. If I moved out, Captain Cardboard would find out where from Slutty and his buddies would be on me in seconds.
I started to formulate a plan while the boy slept and even made a few calls to some old buddies of mine. When I was done planning the whelp was still sleeping and the sun was rising outside. Satisfied with my actions, I sprawled out in the Master's Evil Chair of Pain and went to sleep.
Chapter Three: The ascent from madness
Chapter Four: Cute Wittle Bloodsucker
*Xander*
<Gah! Eep! Blah!> I wasn't quite sure what noise to voice so I stuck with shocked silence. I stared at Spike, my hand clapped to my neck where he'd licked me. "What the hell did you do that for, Spike?!" Buffy demanded from behind me. I jumped a mile.
Spike shrugged casually from where he was sprawled lazily like a giant cat. He looked so smug. I continued staring, hoping that my brain would start functioning again. Maybe I should have Wills look at it, she's good at dealing with faulty computers, maybe she'd be able to fix a faulty brain?
"I put my scent on 'm. They'll keep their soddin' mitts off him now." Buffy huffed at his answer but looked around the room.
"They left?" She asked, confused. "You can do that?" She demanded. He rolled his eyes, sipping his beer bottle.
"I'm a Master Vampire, Slayer. I can do whatever I please and they bloody well have to listen." He explained, watching me with sharp blue eyes. I felt flustered suddenly and did something that I never in a million years thought I'd do.
"Hey Riley, wanna dance?" Hey wow, I didn't stutter or anything! Said soldier blinked in surprise then jumped to his feet, realizing that I wouldn't ask something so strange for no reason.
"Yeah, sure, lets go." He followed me out into the crowd of dancers. Moving close he spoke in low tones. "Was his tongue cold?" I blinked and laughed incredulously at him as I started doing the goofy Xander dance.
"What?!" He grinned sheepishly at me and shrugged. "I'm just curious." He explained. I laughed again and leaned close. "No, it was room-temperature. Cool but not cold. And it was definitely one of the most unexpected close encounters of the undead kind that I've had." I informed him. He laughed and grabbed my shoulders suddenly.
"Stop, you're hurting me." He laughed. I looked up at him, confused. "You're dancing like a guy, but really badly, when you look like a girl. Its really quite painful to my fragile psyche." He told me. I frowned, crossing my arms and pouting.
"Well fine! You show me how to dance like a girl. Since you're so womanly, Ms. Finn." He grinned at me, somewhat evilly, then froze, looking behind me. "What? Is it Buffy? Is she jealous? Is she gonna hurt me?" I asked him. He shook his head, releasing my arms and stepping back. Confused, I turned to see the advancing figure of my new, tongue-happy roommate.
He was moving toward us with the most intense predatory look in his eyes. It made me shiver. <Scary vampire gonna eat me Eep!> I stepped back beside Riley.
"H-hey! Um. Spike, shouldn't you be at the bar licking innocent beers or something?" I cracked nervously. Riley shifted so he was standing half in front of me. I growled. As much as his protective stance made me feel better with all the primal "gonna eat you" vibes zinging around, I was still a guy and the only person I hid behind was Buffy, dammit. <And Spike.> My subconscious reminded me. I killed it. Bloodily.
I pushed protective commando boy to the side and stepped forward, reminding myself that Spike was chipified and therefore nothing to cause raised heartbeat or sweaty palms or that funny electrical charge in my tummy that actually felt kinda good and hey! Bad body! I'm a man and Spike is a man-shaped evil roommate thing! I don't need this shit! I resisted the urge to adjust a woody that didn't exist. <Oh hey, Spike's answering the question I asked! Wait.what was the question? Huh?>
"I feel like dancin'." He said with a shrug. His eyes were still all creepy with that 'gonna eat you' look, but he smiled almost sweetly. I shivered. Riley tried to reassert his manly 'protect the little lady' act and put a big paw on my shoulder.
"She's dancing with me, right now Spike, she's not going to dance with a demon." He snapped. I restrained a good ol' hyena laugh at that. I smiled sweetly at Spike, who for the second time, shivered, then turned to Riley.
"She?" Riley blinked at me, clueless. I turned away from both of them and stalked over to where Buffy was pouting on the couch. "Buffster, will you please dance with me so I'm not forced to castrate anyone tonight?" She looked a little confused, but nodded, getting to her feet.
She passed by the two testosterone-insane males as they threatened each other and pulled me into the fray with an annoyed sigh. The song was slow and sultry. And she started to move in the Sexy Slayer Dance that used to send me to the table to find a convenient book or jacket to hold. Now I just absently appreciated her grace and beauty while she moved. I moved a tad more awkwardly than usual, remembering Riley's comment, until Buffy stopped me and smiled.
"Move your hips separate from your shoulders." She advised. I tried and she sighed, putting her arms over her head so I could see her body unobstructed. "Copy me." She ordered. I nodded and imitated her body's movements. She demonstrated a few different moves before announcing that I was okay, then she pulled me real close and whispered. "Lookit the couch." I followed her gaze and saw Riley, Wills, Tara, and Spike all staring at us, practically drooling. "We are sooooo very hot." She giggled. I giggled too, to my manly shame. Minutes later we were doing the super-sexy Slayer-Slayerette grind on the dance floor.
I pouted and she asked me why as she slid against me. "Y'know, a week ago, this would've given me a majorly embarrassing happy, but now here I am, Mr. Bump and Grind and I'm barely turned on." I whimpered. "I think I'm gay now...or straight...or something I don't know but its creepy and my brain hurts!" Buffy slowed her dancing and pulled me off the floor to the bar to get waters for us.
"I'm sorry Xan. I know all this is majorly freaky." She hugged me. "Y'know we're looking for ways to fix you. It'll just take time." She rubbed my back and I leaned on her strong Slayery-ness. "Not to sound too much like Giles, but maybe you should use this as a learning experience. Y'know, figure out exactly what a woman wants so when you go back to the other side, you'll have a secret weapon or something." I blinked at her. I hadn't thought of the plus side to this whole thing yet.
"I mean, sure, things aren't how they should be, but its how they are for now and you should, I dunno, try and enjoy what you've got?" She added. I grinned. I felt so much better just pondering the ways that I could annoy people.
"Sounds like a good idea, Buff, thanks. Wait, can I still torture Riley for calling me a she?" She grinned.
"Why do you think I was dancing with you? Now he has to deal with the fact that watching Xander Harris dancing with his girlfriend made him horny." Her grin was pure evil. I hug-squished her again.
"I love you, you evil Slayer, you." I said and chugged my water from the bottle while she preened. "Hey, we just had a moment and I didn't feel like someone was going to catch me being unmanly." I said suddenly. She grinned and patted my arm.
"Isn't it great? When you're a chick you get to have emotions!" She laughed and started pulling me back to the dance floor. "Now lets torture them some more while we come up with ways for you to make Spike's life miserable. We can't let him think he can lick people without severe retribution.." I laughed and joined her with round two of the lesbo-lambada.
~~~~~~~~
*Spikey*
Right then, the pup isn't ready to dance with a bloke yet. Doesn't mean he has to get his knickers in a twist and go hump the Slayer for revenge! It was horrible! Indecent! Disgusting! And it was the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my unlife. It was way hotter than when I got to see Darla and Dru go at it in the old days. When they stopped Soldier boy and I slumped to the couch in relief from the assault.
I started to worry though when the Slayer and the whelp started scheming. I could tell that my unlife was now in jeopardy. When they started dancing again I couldn't handle it anymore and practically ran out of there, leaving the Farmboy to fend for himself.
When I got home it took me twenty minutes in a cold shower to recover from the Slayer's latest attack. I managed to trip around the apartment to get myself some hot blood and finally settled in some comfy black pajama pants that I had found. I sprawled across my new leather couch and turned on the big-screen. At least this Gilly did right. I growled absently at the huge version of me.
It wasn't bad. I am an attractive bloke, I just could have been spared the humiliation of the whole cartoon gang seeing it. Oh well. I fell to channel surfing until I found a Stephen King TV-movie. I liked the stuff that git wrote, he had a good amount of dementia going on.
~~~~~~~~
*Xander*
After scheming with Buffy and eventually Wills and Tara, I came up with a list of quite a few ways to torment my live-in corpse and any other man who irritated me. I ended up dropping by a 24-hour market for some groceries courtesy of my credit card before heading to my new home.
When I shoved the door open after a struggle with far too large and heavy grocery bags, I tripped and scuffled my way to the kitchen in the dark to the sound of a fierce storm and screaming from the immense TV in the corner. I ignored it while I put away the groceries and fought exhausted yawning. I finished and went to see what the Licking Fiend was watching.
As I approached I identified the movie on screen and grinned. "Storm of the Century" was one of my favorite Stephen King's. I went around the couch and sat on the cold concrete floor with a sigh. I was never going to have carpet was I? Looking at Spike, sprawled across the entire black leather couch, I sighed again. He was ignoring me, watching the movie with a frequent blink and drooping eyelids that made him look like a little boy trying to stay up late to prove to his parents that he could. It didn't help that his bleached hair was fluffed into wild curls and smooshed on one side. <Cute wittle bloodsucker.>
I looked away before he noticed me staring and went back to watching the movie until I started dozing off as well. I took a deep breath and hauled my ass off the floor and staggered around the couch again to my room and shut the door. The bed that was really a fold out couch was set up but not made, and seeing as I was exhausted. I just unfolded the sheets and wrapped them around me instead of the bed and fell onto the mattress.
I woke suddenly the next afternoon completely disoriented. I rolled off the bed, tripped on a box, landed on something sharp and pain inducing and ended up crawling through the pitch-black room to open the door and sprawl across the threshold to the rest of the apartment. It took a minute for my sleep-clouded eyes to register that Spike was standing in the kitchenette to my right, holding a mug half-way to his mouth, staring at me like I was wearing a tutu and polka dots.
"Gmorble." I greeted him and fell back asleep, my face smooshed into the concrete. My head shot up two minutes later and I staggered to my feet. "Merf nork!" I informed the vampire who was sitting on the kitchen counter. He started laughing at me while I stumbled into the bathroom. I tried to slam the door at him but it bounced off my heel (ow).
Fifteen minutes later I emerged a bit more awake and wrapped in a towel. A short skimpy towel. A towel that would make Pamela Anderson blush. Attack #1 in the Spike Torture Arsenal. I bounced into the kitchenette and made coffee while Spike stared at me, scowling. I finally left the machine to do its thing and went back to my room to dress. Buffy had warned me to take the torture slowly to prolong his suffering so I put on a nice comfy pair of black track pants and one of Wills old t-shirts with little kitties on the front. I wasn't planning on leaving the house until the next day anyway for job searching. I came back out of my room and got some coffee and poptarts (the food of kings) and settled cross- legged on the floor against the fridge. I pulled out the classifieds I'd snagged at the store and started the easy part of my job search.
Meanwhile, Spike was watching me, a perplexed look on his face from where I could see him leaning on the couch out of the corner of my eye. Finally I looked up at him. "What?" I asked. He mumbled something and in a lightning move flipped over the side of the couch and turned the TV on. Oooooh lookit how he uses his vampire speed and agility to become the Master Couch Potato. I rolled my eyes and went back to my breakfast and job-hunt.
Chapter Five: He kind of swaggered.
*Xander*
It took a week and some help from Gilly, of all people, before I was able to snag a suitable job at a clothing store. Gilly talked the owner into hiring me on the grounds that I wouldn't freak if someone less than human came in. I wasn't sure about the not freaking part myself, but after a few days I managed to stop staring at the demons who shopped there. I suppose I did okay seeing as my boss, a human named Gaz, soon was very fond of me to the point of hitting on me at least once a day. It wasn't too bad and became something of a joke after a while so I ignored it.
Spike refused to tell me what the rent was on the apartment or how he got his own cash so I ended up paying for food, blood, cigarettes and other things while Spike covered that end. Knowing Spike, though, I figured that he owned the building and was probably paying nothing to stay there. I asked Gilly but the friendly Incubus with-held the information on Spike's orders.
I was actually getting to like my demon landlord. Gilly was actually a sweet guy...er demon.thing. He cooked gourmet feasts as a hobby and so I was always finding amazing meals in the fridge when I returned from work. He also had far better taste in clothes than I. He bought me little gifts of clothing while shopping for himself so I wouldn't have to. My breasts certainly did not come with any urge to shop attached. I mostly liked him because he didn't treat me like a male or a female. Gilly treated everyone the same because in his eyes, they were all equally shaggable.
To my continued irritation Buffy, Wills, Riley, and Giles all treated me like a girl. They'd accepted my new gender easily and were already referring to me as a she. Because it did little good, I learned to restrain my annoyance around them but it wasn't easy. What helped was knowing that when I got home I would be welcome to sprawl out on the couch with a beer and some pretzels and watch sports or whichever movie with big explosions and blood and guts that Spike would pick out for us.
Spike acted strangely toward me. He was still sarcastic and rude and snarky beyond belief, but now our banter was all in good fun. After my Spike epiphany in the basement I no longer mocked him for his chippedness and he never cracked any jokes about my being a chick. Everything else was fair game. We became a lot more comfortable with each other physically as well. We frequently pushed each other around the apartment and when I was pissed I'd yank his cigarette out of his mouth or flick him on the nose and call him a "Bad puppy!" To this he'd respond by snarling at me and lighting up another, or smiling sweetly and saying something perverted like, "If I'm a bad puppy, then when are you going to be a good pussy and spread'em?"
It was strange living with him. I knew that he was attracted to me, this he didn't hide. He commented on my looks frequently enough. Strangely for me, everyday the vamp started to look a little more yummy. We both used this as a weapon in our everlasting war. I'd taunt him by wearing tiny little shorts and sports bras around the apartment while he would walk around in boxers, his pallid glory evident to all. And damned if the bastard wasn't perfectly built.
There were days when he'd come home from a Scooby meeting or patrol hissing and spitting about seemingly nothing. I knew that he was still trying to come to terms with his handicap and so on those days I discovered that having a yelling match with him about something obnoxious he did helped him calm down again. If he felt he was being at least a little bit unpleasant then he was content. So I always tried to find reasons to bitch at him. I also had my days when I'd come home beyond angry because Giles'd referred to me as "her" one too many times, or because Riley'd checked me out a little too obviously. Those times Spike would take me on patrol and allowed me to beat on and get beaten on by, demonic ickies.
All in all, we'd settled into a good calm, uneventful life...which of course, meant that shit was coming.
~~~~~~~~
"Spike!" I hissed, trying to push him out of the way. I was standing outside Giles' apartment carrying a huge box of heavy books that Willow needed carried in from the car. I had, in trying to prove my manliness, offered to carry the box in. The only problem was that it was way too damn heavy and Spike decided to put me in my place or something by blocking the door. "Move you big evil space-hogging people licker!" He turned to consider me just as I shoved at him again. He stared at me with that scarred eyebrow raised, smirking at me.
"Having trouble there?" He asked sweetly. I glowered at him. The box was slipping so painfully through my fingers. I winced, trying to get a better grip on it. He didn't move, looking at me expectantly. I sighed, feeling my palms being shredded by the harsh box edge. I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to admit that I wasn't as big and strong as I used to be. He had started this argument during patrol the night before.
I'd taken on a vampire about the same size as my former body and had gotten trounced. Spike saved me and then lectured me all the way home about using better judgement when it came to my new body's strengths and weaknesses. He'd sounded like Giles always did when Willow did something to risky magic-wise.
I could see that he wasn't going to let me through until I admitted weakness. I growled at him and then smiled sweetly. "Buffy, there's a vampire shaped piece of dust in my way, help?" Buffy wrapped her arm around Spike's neck and pulled him inside, clearing my path. Buffy tossed Spike at the couch easily while he bitched, and I dropped the box on the table. With a gasp of relief I saw everyone else settling in their seats and decided to go to the kitchenette to get some ice to put on the now bleeding blisters on my palms.
I finally settled cross-legged on the couch next to where Spike was sprawled, glaring at Buffy. I held onto the ice cubes in a baggy and glowered at him until he looked at me and smirked. Leaning over he whispered in my ear. "You still asked for help from someone stronger than you." He said then settled back, his hands behind his head looking smug. I growled at him and while Giles cleared his throat and began to speak, I slowly worked an ice cube out of the baggy. I will have my revenge.
"From what we've seen, the past week has been unnaturally quiet which is suspicious in itself." Giles informed us, he chewed the earpiece of his glasses thoughtfully. "I'd like to focus or research on prophecies, perhaps we have overlooked an explanation of something to come."
"Yay! Maybe we'll have another apocalypse. We just can't get enough of those." I said dryly and casually palmed my ice cube and stretched my arms across the back of the couch. Now to wait for the perfect moment. Hopefully it'd come soon since my hand was starting to drip.
The phone rang, it was the distraction I was waiting for. All of us turned to stare at the phone that almost never rang when we were all present. I attacked as his head turned and then suddenly I was sprawled across my victim's legs with the ice cube shoved down my shorts. I yowled and squirmed off of him onto the floor, trying to dig it out of my underwear. As I struggled I could hear his evil laughter.
Once I got it out I jumped on him and shoved it down the back of shirt while he tried to protect himself. Triumphant, I raised my arms to the ceiling, reveling in the glory that is me. Spike pouted and squirmed, trying to remove the ice cube. It was then that I realized that Buffy, Riley, and Wills were all staring at us in consternation. Buffy was even clutching a stake, after seeing Spike seemingly assault me. I guess we looked a little strange with Spike squirming in his seat and me straddling his lap with my arms in the air.
I grinned innocently at them as Spike finally extracted the ice cube, "Ice cube." I said as if that explained everything. They continued to stare. Spike tapped me on the nose with it and I looked back at him. He wiggled his eyebrow and stuck it on Giles' seat next to us. I snickered evilly with him and climbed off his lap onto the cushion next to him and settled down again, recovering my ice baggy for further hand treatment.
Everyone was giving us wiggy looks though, except for Giles. Giles was on the phone looking extremely worried. Seeing his worry, I redirected everyone's attention to him and we all waited for him to finish. He did with a "We'll be ready. Thank you for the warning, Angel." I started to worry. Angel was warning us about something?
"What did Angel want? What's up, Giles?" Buffy asked anxiously. Giles flicked the melting ice cube off of his seat then sat down, his hand going to pinch the bridge of his nose.
"Apparently Cordelia just received a rather straightforward vision from the Powers That Be. Angel has been instructed to get as many residents of Los Angeles as possible out of the city as soon as he is able. Apparently something really big is on its way that can't be fought by normal means. Angel asserts that the human authorities seem to know something is up as they have started to close down public places. Angel is focusing on the harmless demon population for now, then he's going to be heading here to regroup." I stared at him. We all did. Except Spike.
"Right then, did the mighty Vamp Detective want 'elp or not?" He asked. I blinked at him. He was ready and willing to help the helpless. I scowled at him suspiciously. Giles nodded.
"He says that he could use some help rounding up enough transportation for those needing to be evacuated. Apparently Cordelia's vision included instructions to create a kind of caravan of vehicles. The Powers seemed to stress mobility more than anything else."
"How're we supposed to get the vehicles we need?" Wills asked, concerned. I fidgeted with my ice baggy, suddenly feeling really troubled about this whole situation.
"I am assuming that this is a situation where we must take what we need to survive and answer for it after the trouble is over." Giles answered her.
"So we get to loot and pillage for the good of humanity?" I asked with a fake grin. Buffy scowled at me. "Oh c'mon, you can't tell me you've never wanted to just take what you wanted before." She shifted uncomfortably.
"Yes I have but in that way lies the inner Faith." She answered. "Angel's only helping the demons?" She asked suddenly.
"He was going to focus on the demonic population, but that doesn't mean he won't be helping the less able of the human population." We all kind of sat thinking for a moment before Buffy jumped to her feet with her "Me Slayer, you Slayerette" face on. I sighed in relief. That was the face she got when she had a plan.
"Okay we gotta get a move on then, Angel needs us." Spike snorted and I elbowed him. "Alright Wills, Riley, Giles, you guys stay here. Giles, Wills, you research, try and figure what the hell is going on. Riley, sweetie, can you get a hold of your Initiative buddies and see if they have any clue what's up?" Riley nodded the affirmative. Buffy turned to me. "Xander, I'll need you to come with me to L.A. to help Angel." I nodded and she looked at Spike, waiting for him to blow us off.
"You'll need someone experienced at the looting and the pillaging and such." Spike said with an easy grin. "Sound like fun." I could tell Buffy was trying not to look grateful.
"Alright, Xander, Spike, and I'll head for L.A." She finished her plan and we all jumped to. Except Spike. He kind of swaggered.
"Hey Angel! How's life serving Queen Cordy?" I called into the cell phone. We were just entering the chaos that was West Hollywood. We needed to talk to Angel, since it was his show but Buffy was being too girly to talk to her ex and Spike was driving, and who'd let him call anyway? So I was calling the vamp with a soul.
"Who is this?" I grinned at his pissy response.
"Its your favorite Sunnydale resident! Its Xander the Magnificent."
"Why do you sound like a girl?" He sounded suspicious.
"I'm a woman now. Get over it." I winced as I nearly quoted Anya. "We're on Sunset headed East. Where do you want us and what do you want us to be doing?" I almost dropped the phone when Spike violently changed lanes. I smacked his arm and Buffy grumbled something from the back seat of my car.
"Report to the office, Wesley is coordinating everything. Do you know how to get there?" I turned and looked at the others.
"Do either of you know where his office is?" Both nodded. Buffy looked a little sad and frayed around the edges.
"Yeah, we're good. Seeya soon, that is, if Spike doesn't drive us into oncoming traffic like he seems to be trying to do." Spike grinned evilly at me and I laughed.
"Spike? Spike's driving? Are you insane?!" Snickering I hung up and gave the phone back to Buffy who scowled at me. I smiled at her.
"We gotta get to the office and our favorite really annoying, and/or girly ex-Watcher will tell us how best to assist the de-demonizing of this fair city." I explained. Buffy's scowl turned into a frown and she sighed.
"Doesn't anyone else think its weird that we're helping to save demons?" She whined. I smiled and reached between the seats to pat her knee.
"Yes, Buff, its weird, but not all demons are bad. Take Spikey, for example." I smirked evilly. "He's a harmless, sweet, adorable little puppy." I punctuated my words by reaching over and mussing Spike's slicked back hair. He cursed and swerved on the road, flailing his free arm at me. I ducked the arm and winked at Buffy. "Doesn't he make you feel all maternal?" She laughed despite the fact that she was clutching the seat like any second we were going to roll.
I was less nervous though. After driving with Spike at the wheel a few times I learned two important facts. 1) Spike has complete control over his vehicle at all times, despite his appearance of dangerous stupidity, and 2) Spike has vampire reflexes that allow for exact maneuvering in any situation. After I'd realized these things, I'd learned to relax in the car despite the seemingly reckless driver behind the wheel.
Buffy, however, didn't know this, and I was having too much fun watching the Big Brave Slayer look scared to tell her. Its not like she'd believe me anyway. Also, to tell her would be to compliment the grumpy froufy-haired vamp behind the wheel and we couldn't have that. I settled down in my seat and looked out the windows at the streets. There were quite a few cars on the road but almost no pedestrians. The only people I saw on foot were the cops and they were near their squad cars.
"Is anyone else getting a majorly oogy vibe from this place?" Buffy asked suddenly from the back. I shivered. I had been hoping that it was just my imagination but if Buffy was picking it up with all her Slayeryness, and looking at Spike scowl and nod, I knew we were in trouble.
"Lets make this trip a fast one then, right?" Spike suggested, making a few lane changes and speeding up even more. "I'd like to be safely back at home before whatever is making us twitchy arrives." I nodded. I had no problem helping but not at the cost of our lives if we could help it. We fell into a strange silence, seeing as the three of us were so well known for our bickering, but none of us wanted to break the silence that lent itself to the citywide tension.
~~~~~~~
*Spike*
I don't quite know why I volunteered to help out Angel and his yippy dogs, but as I drove deeper into L.A. I started to get the odd feeling that something big and not conducive to long happy unlife was going to happen. Only Xander's jokes and teasing kept me from saying "Sod it" and turning the car back toward home with or without the damn Slayer. If she were smart she'd come with.
Unfortunately, Xander's presence kept me from following my instincts. I couldn't very well leave my roommate to face whatever the Really Bloody Huge Big Bad was alone. I made him my responsibility at the Bronze and had reaffirmed it every night after when I helped the git patrol.
Now, looking at how he was fidgeting nervously beside me, I began to wonder at what a powerful thing, this urge to do good, was. I couldn't remember the burning desire to help from my own mortal life and I certain had no contact with it as a demon. It seemed to be strong though. Strong as love, going by the insanity that was driving into a city that was feeling by the moment more and more doomed.
Maybe it was love that drove the heroic morons I found in my company lately. The Slayer seemed to be in love with complaining about her duty. Giles was in love with his own duty. Red and Xander seemed a little purer. They both seemed to be in love with goodness, with the thought that they were making a difference. They were in love with helping, which seemed necessary to me, seeing as they stuck around as sidekicks to the self-absorbed bint who was really supposed to be fighting. Soldier boy was obviously in love with the bint as well, but anyone who really looked would see that it was pointless as long as the old Ponce was still undead and kicking.
Vampires aren't supposed to love. We don't have souls and I suppose that's the reason why only souled Vamps with stupid hair wish to do good. That's where I always get confused. I love. I loved Dru for a century and I still do love her. I love very well, thank you. So why don't I feel the need to help the stupid helpless morons in the world? Is it because I don't love them? Or I don't love the ideas necessary to make me a "good guy"? Maybe vampires just can't love ideas. I seem to love people alright. I soddin live with one for-
A hand smacked me upside the head and I turned in gameface to snarl at the adorable female grinning beside me. "You were brooding so hard I thought your face'd stick that way." Xander smirked. I turned my attention back to navigating the crowded streets, still growling at him.
"I'm just trying to figure-" I leaned my head out the window, "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ALL THESE SODDIN TITWICKS ARE DOING IN MY WAY!!!!!!!" I bellowed at the crawling traffic. I glanced at Xander when I heard a giggle.
"What's a titwick?" He asked in the most childish innocent voice possible. I couldn't help but grin at that. I patted him on his pretty head.
"Big Daddy Spike'll tell you when you're old enough to turn tricks on your own, luv." I snickered when he swatted my hand away. The Slayer suddenly leaned forward between the seats, an intense expression on her face. She looked constipated.
"What was that?" She demanded. Xan turned in the seat to face her. I kept my eyes on the road, we would be at the Froufy One's offices in about five minutes.
"What was what, Buffster?" Xan asked her, confused. I waited for her to start yelling. I could feel the waves of anger coming off her.
"I've seen enough. I kept my piece before because you were 'coping' but I have to know now. What is with you, lately Xander?! Yer being all bosom buddy with Spike! Did you forget that he's a soulless demon?! Hello! Evil guy!" I suppressed a wince. There goes the normally easy mood Xan always worked so hard to maintain. I didn't even look at him, waiting for him to agree and shun me like he always used to.
"Yes, Buffy, he's a soulless demon and he's always reminding us how evil he is." Xander began, the soft female voice low and almost sexy. And pissed? "I think what's gotten into me lately," The voice turned her words into a sneer, "is the fact that the woman I love ditched me and made me a woman and the only person that has the slightest inkling as to what that means is Spike." My demon got a little pissy at how they were talking about me as if I weren't there but I knew better then to speak up.
The git has always been loyal to a fault and now, to my amazement, that loyalty applied to me. "He's just using you Xander!" The Slayer insisted. I smirked. Damn right I was using him. That's was evil people do!
Xander's derisive snort caught me off-balance. "Yeah, sure, he using me. Cause you know Spike, he has this burning desire to take in homeless Scoobies and help them patrol every night and help them cope with sudden sex changes." I was almost proud of the level of sarcasm in his voice. He had to have learned such cruelty from me. "If anyone is being used here, its him, Buffy." I blinked. Bloody Hell. He was right. I looked over at him, shocked at this new revelation. He saw my face and smiled weakly. "And I probably shouldn't have said that in front of him because now he's going to kick me out on my ass and let other vampires eat me." He squeaked lamely.
Chapter Six: The Poncey Side of Spike
*Xander*
<Oh shit.> I stared at Spike's profile. He was pissed. I could see his jaw twitching and his muscles were even jerking as he clutched the steering wheel. When I spoke I had assumed that Spike was already aware of the unfairness of our relationship. Apparently not. Now I'm going to die. Horribly. He was fuming and even flickered to game face and back before we slammed to a halt in a parking space in the underground garage of the building I assumed Angel's offices were in.
Spike got out of the car and slammed the door shut so hard that the car shook. I scrambled out of the car and followed him timidly, wondering what was going to happen. It took me a minute to realize that Buffy was next to me and that she was speaking. I jerked my attention away from Spike and looked at her, irritated. All was not quiet on this front and it was her fault. "What do you want to screw up now, Buffy?" I snapped at her. She grabbed my shoulders and yanked me around to face her.
"I said I'm sorry, Xander." She said, sounding pissed, herself. "I'm sorry that we weren't there for you as much as we should have. I thought everything was okay when this whole time you've had to go to Spike-" There were tears in her eyes. I sighed. This was all going soooooo wrong. I wish this were a video game. Then I could just hit reset and start over from my last save point.
"Listen Buffy, its okay now, really!" I pulled her into a hug. "I'm dealing, things are actually going pretty good. I'm not sorry that I had Spike to help me. I'm actually kind of glad that it was. He can identify with having his entire life stolen from him." I rubbed her back comfortingly. "He's my friend now, or he was until a minute ago."
"B-but he's a demon!" She insisted. I nodded and sighed, pushing her back so I could look her in the eye.
"That may be, but he's also a person. There's more to him then just killing, shagging, and being annoyingly British." I suddenly snorted. "Wow, how corny does that sound? Demons are people too, Buffy." I snickered and she gave me a watery smile. "He's not going to be very person-like now though since I just pointed out how wonderful he's been. He'll probably hire someone to torture me until I tell him what a terrifying bad ass he is." Buffy wiped her tears away and grabbed my hand.
"I'll protect you from the Big Bad Puppy." She said with a smirk and we turned to the garage exit again. I groaned and hid my face in her shoulder when I saw Spike standing not ten feet away leaning against a wall smoking. He's obviously heard what I'd said and he didn't seem to know what to make of it, going by the slightly confused expression he wore.
"Right then, done sobbing on each other like the soggy bints you are?" He said, harshly. I looked at him, hurt when he referred to me as a "bint". His expression had turned stone cold and revealed nothing. I guess I'd crossed too many lines earlier. I sighed and brushed past him to the sidewalk, holding Buffy's hand tight.
The inside of Angel Investigations was pure chaos. A rainbow of demons and humans ran around like headless chicken's shouting orders and information at each other. When we stepped inside the demons in the place all seemed to stop and turn toward the door. They all looked straight at Buffy with fear and near panic on their faces. <Uh oh.>
"She's here to help." I told the general mass loudly then suddenly they all seemed to relax and return to their previous insanity. I turned to Buffy and grinned. "Looks like you've got quite the rep, Buffster." I smirked and then caught Cordelia out of the corner of my eye. My beautiful, sophisticated ex-girlfriend was on the phone and writing something down while bouncing a baby of the red and scaly variety on her knee. She looked completely ruffled, her hair mussed and her make-up smudged, but somehow she radiated authority. I pulled Buffy over to her desk and waited for her to hang up.
"The Scoobies have arrived, where do you want us and how?" I announced. She looked up at me and blinked, then turned her attention to Buffy, then Spike. She looked back to Buffy.
"Are you aware that Spike is standing behind you?" She asked as if commenting on her clothing ensemble. Oh how I'd missed my Cordy. "And who's she?" She asked bluntly, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Spike's a Scooby now," Buffy said, smiling when he snarled at her. "And you don't even recognize your ex-boyfriend Cordy?" Cordy frowned and stood up and stared into my eyes.
"Xander?!" She squeaked and suddenly I had my arms fully of squishy Cordy. "I like your new look, very chic!" She grinned, balancing the demon baby thing on her hip. She turned and hugged Buffy enthusiastically. "Thanks for the help, the PTB knows we need it." Then she hugged a very startled Spike. "Thanks for not being here to kill us." She said and was back behind her desk again. Spike was sputtering so I stepped in front of him and leaned on Cordy's desk.
"What's the word on this big impending doom?" Buffy asked her. Cordy shivered and patted the red demon baby.
"I don't know. All I know is that the PTB are worried enough that they're not even bothering with the cryptic anymore. They are just giving instructions." She looked really worried by this. I decided that we'd better get to work then.
"Maybe we should get too it then," I suggested. She nodded and turned toward the next office space behind hers. "Wes, the Sunnydale crew are here!" She called. Wesley Wyndham-Pryce appeared in the doorway looking flustered, yet somehow more confident than I always remembered him, dressed in impeccable Snooty British Style. He looked immensely relieved to see us.
"Excellent. Please come into my office." He said, returning to his desk when we followed. Buffy leaned against the desk, inspecting the map that covered the surface. Spike took the only chair when I went for it and then smiled at me viciously. I growled at the bastard. The world is ending again and all he's doing is trying to prove he's still evil by being petty while helping the good guys. What an idiot. I rolled my eyes. <Evil, petty wittle vampire.> So I sat on him.
I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and saw his confused look and grinned my own evil grin. Then I was distracted when Wes dove right into a complicated evacuation plan that Angel and he had figured out and what Angel was doing at the moment and blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. I wasn't real good at the strategy thing, but Buffy seemed to get it all, she even asked a few questions, as did Spike.
Finally I cut in. "So, dumb it down for me of the lesser brain." I requested pitifully. "Where do you want us to be, when, and what do we do?" Wesley blinked at me owlishly for a moment then pointed at the map. "First off, all our people are moving in pairs as it is far too good of a time for an attack. Spike and Xander, you will be taking a few of the more humanized demons to this RV dealership here," He tapped out the spot on the map and Spike leaned forward in the chair to look, snaking his arm around my waist so I wouldn't fall off his lap. "After you have acquired as many of the vehicles as can be driven, you will meet up with Angel here. He will give you locations for where you can pick up passengers for the evacuation."
Spike nodded and I relaxed a bit, knowing he was good at remembering plans and things like that. His problem had always been with patience. As long as we got to the action right away, he'd be okay. He sat back in the seat again, pulling me with him, when Wes turned to Buffy. "We'll have a chance to chat then, won't we, pet?" He rumbled in my ear. I shivered. I soooo wanted to sit the coming conversation out. Maybe Cordy wanted to trade jobs?
"Buffy, you will be teamed with the Host for your part." Wesley said after a moments thought. "I was going to send him out alone but I think this will be much safer for him." Wes went to the doorway and bellowed for "Lorne" to come to his office.
He returned to his desk and a moment later a green, scaly demon with red eyes, yellow horns and wiry yellowish hair joined us. He was smiling pleasantly. Buffy was instantly on guard with his arrival but he smiled charmingly at her and she seemed to relax. This guy radiated the opposite of scary demon violence vibes. He seemed to have a relaxing effect on all of us, including Spike, who loosened his grip on me a little and relaxed back into the chair.
"Lorne, this is Buffy Summers, the Slayer and her companions," Spike snorted, "From Sunnydale." Wes introduced Buffy. I smiled at him and waved with my fingers.
"I'm Xander, and my chair is named Spike." I said cheerfully. Spike pinched my side but Lorne smiled at me cheerily enough.
"I'm Lorne, the Host of Caritas, at your service, sweets," He said with a bow. I liked him instantly. He may look completely demon, but he reminded me of Gilly so much that I overlooked his greenness like I overlooked Gilly's horns and wings and stuff. "So am I set to go, Wes?" He asked our new commander in chief. Wes nodded.
"Yes, you will be taking Miss Summers with you for protection on your mission." Wes informed him. Lorne smiled again at Buffy. "Try to contact everyone on your list, Lorne, we must get everyone to safety as soon as possible." Wes nodded grimly to us all. I shared a look with Buffy, both of us wondering what happened to sniveling, useless, pansy Wesley.
"Right then, lets get on with it all, shall we?" Spike finally said, getting up and setting me on my feet. "Hair boy is waiting and we can't have that now can we?"
~~~~~~~
*Spike*
Right then, about five minutes of Xan's perfect round little ass in my lap and I forgot that I was mad. Angelus once accused me of have the attention span of a small confused puppy. I disagree. I have the attention span of a horny vampire. I remembered my anger though when the poncey Watcher-type finished with my part of the plan. I got a kick out of Xander's obvious worry when I warned him of our upcoming confrontation.
Now I need to worry about it, because to tell the honest to bleedin' truth, I was still confused. Between what Xan-pet said in the car and in the garage, I had no clue what I was mad about anymore. <He's got you actin' like a Good lil soldier for humanity!> My demon-ruled portion of my mind reminded me. I shrugged that off for the moment. <He's using me like a bloody serving boy!> I fumed. <He doesn't give a shit about you except for how useful you are! Ungrateful git!>
I drove a van full of demons through the streets, headed for the RV dealership where I was going to get to do fun illegal things and I wasn't even happy about it, no thanks to the pert little brunette sitting on the bench seat beside me. Xan was fidgeting nervously, obviously waiting for me to break the silence between us. I remembered suddenly what he'd told Buffy when he'd thought they were alone. He was right that I understand the whelp. He should be much more appreciative! <He called you his friend.> The wuss part of me mentioned. That was the same part of me that held the boy when he cried and brushed his hair. The Poncey side of Spike. I snorted. It sounded like a commercial. My twat of a roommate would get a kick out of it. "Come see the Poncey side of Spike." Good thing I wouldn't say anything because I was mad. See? "Grrrrr."
~~~~~~~~
*Xander*
Uh oh. He's glowering at me in game face and growling. Or kind of growling. It sounds like he's just saying 'Grrrrr'. Maybe his demon side just isn't in it. I resisted the urge to laugh to myself. <Okay, Xan-man, time to defuse this bomb that is fizzing in here courtesy of Miss Tactful Summers. Think, man, think!>
"Um, Spike, you really are evil and scary and even though you're really sweet and helpful and stuff, I'm still very scared of you." And the U.S.S. Xander's Brain has crashed into the Sandbar of Stupid Wording. Luckily, Spike didn't push me out the window. <Did I just call him sweet?>
A minute of waiting stoically for my demise went by before I chanced a look at him. His gameface was absent, leaving his handsome smooth human face. As I watched he was trying hard not to smile. I felt a little bit of hope. He glanced away from the road long enough to make eye contact and the smile won the struggle of Spike's pouty lips. He grinned at me and I slumped in relief. It wasn't an evil smile, or even a "I'm gonna kill you in two minutes" smile. It was a happy, "I'm laughing at you because you're a dork and that's okay with me" smile.
"So you're just using me? Pretty evil of you, luv." He said after a moment. I blinked at him. He seemed almost hurt. Weird.
"Well its not like you're getting anything out of our um...thing." I pointed out. What did we have anyway? I was tempted to call it a relationship but that was just waaay too girly. He started to fidget uncomfortably at that. I watched him curiously.
"How about you trust me that I'm getting something out of it and leave me be...and I won't pawn your Babylon 5 collector's plates?" He said suddenly, adding the threat on as if it were an afterthought. He smirked at me and I sighed. Farewell, Serious Conversation! Hope you had a nice stay! Please visit again soon? Please?
"I'm bugging you about this after this apocalypse is over." I said snappishly, my arms crossed over my chest. He sighed.
"Yes dear." He quipped as he calmly drove the van through the parking lot of the dealership and proceeded to drive through the glass window into the building itself. Wes had claimed that the police were too busy to respond to calls of theft and vandalism but I was still nervous. Spike led the nine other drivers and me into the back office to a safe. With the assistance of a yellow fuzzyish guy, he pulled the door of the safe and sorted through the conveniently labeled keys.
After we'd selected eleven keys and distributed them he grinned at us. "Run along and play now children." He said and as I walked past him to go find my happy new rig, he swatted me on the ass. Outraged, I whirled on him.
"Spike!" I growled angrily. He waited before all the others were out of the room before pulling me close. It was a strange yet not entirely oogy experience being pressed into his chest as he whispered in my ear.
"Keep an eye on the Glifter, he fancies you a little too much." Spike warned me. I raised an eyebrow. He's smacked my ass so that I'd get pissed and stay behind? Manipulative Bastard thy name is Spike.
"Um, which one's the Glifter? The demon or the other demon?" I asked him, grinning. I loved it when he was all protective and licky. I'd seen that side of him plenty on patrols. He was always worried that some other demon would snatch me and he was just cute when he was being "all splotchy and possessive" as he'd once called me so long ago when I was with Anya. Kinda. I froze. Spike was acting like an overprotective boyfriend. <Processing.>
"The red furry one. I can smell his pheromones stinking the bloody place up whenever he looks at you. 's damn annoying, it is." He answered me, despite my frozen brain state. I reset it with a different question.
"You can smell that sort of thing?" I asked. I didn't know vamp noses were that sensitive. Woooo what must b.o. be like to them? He nodded, another Spikey smirk in place.
"Yes, luv. I can smell everything you feel, from arousal to fear. So can most other demons. I think it'd be best if I marked you again just so those stupid gits outside know to keep there hands off while we're at it." I felt his cool breath on my neck before he slowly ran his tongue and blunted teeth over my collarbone. He nibbled his way up my jugular to my ear and that's when I snapped out of my Spike-proximity stupor and shoved myself free of his grip. I was panting a little bit as I whirled toward the door and started out.
"Thanks for um, yeah, maybe you can use that marvelous sense of smell to scent out our new wheels?" He frowned but followed me out into the parking lot. <Wow am I glad I don't have any obnoxious body-parts to "adjust" right about now.> I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, carefully avoiding the Spiked areas. <Spike likes me. Or at least wants to shag me. But he still refers to me as a he. I wonder if that confuses him?> I guess I was only capable of inane thoughts at the moment.
Hey look! A bigass motorhome/mansion on wheels! I'm gonna drive it and not think about Spike-tainted thoughts for like two whole minutes and it'll be fun!
Chapter Seven: Doom that Impends
*Xander*
I used to have long vivid dreams about how much fun it would be to tear through the streets of a big city in a tank. I think that now I prefer the Winabago approach cause...Damn...tearing through the streets of L.A. chasing Spike's matching rig and being chased by nine more is the closest to heaven I've ever been.
I didn't come down from my high until we met up with Angel in a small park. We parked our rigs in a row on the street behind his Angelmobile. I jumped down from my mammoth perch and didn't stop grinning until I saw what looked like an entire neighborhood of young black kids, all twentyish and younger. A lot of the older males were carrying guns and stakes and were grouped together near Angel. The Brooding Queen was dressed all in black as usual and he was speaking quietly with a young black man with a blue bandana on his head and torn jeans and T-shirt. Upon closer inspection, the young man looked like he's been through a wringer as did most the other men.
"Oi! Sunbeam! We've come to rescue you!" Spike bellowed as he came up next to me. I winced. The vampire had the tact of a fish. Angel was instantly on guard, as were the group around him. Hoping to diffuse the situation, I grabbed Spike's arm and pulled him close.
"Keep your mouth shut Spike, or I'm going to tell Gilly you want his tight ass." I threatened. He glowered at me but stayed silent so I turned to Angel, hold my hands out, palms up. "Hey Angel, its me, Xander. Wes sent us here with the transportation." Angel was instantly a foot away, brooding at me. "Who else did he send?" He asked urgently. I shrugged, surprised. He grabbed my shoulders and shook them rather painfully. "Who else?!" I was going to inform him that he was denting me when Spike stepped forward and placed himself between Angel and me.
"Don't touch him." He growled. I collected my brain to me again and peeked over Spike's shoulder at the glaring Angel. This was going so very badly.
"Angel, its Spike and nine other demon dudes and me." I told him in a soothing voice. Spike and he continued their stare down so I reached up and put my hands over Spike's eyes, effectively ending the testosterone battle. Angel turned and started speaking in low tones to the bandana guy. Spike whirled on me and gave me a look that'd melt stone. I just grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him down to eye level.
"Thank you for protecting my arms but we've got bigger things to worry about right now than whose cahones are bigger." I hissed at him. <He has purty eyes.> My mind commented idly, I shook it off. "Anyway, mine were bigger than both of yours so drop it." Spike was scowling and looked like he was about to mutiny so I kissed him on the cheek and released him. He stared at me for a minute then he relaxed, shoving his hands in the pockets of his duster and looking around with a bored expression. I turned back to Angel and then blushed bright red.
"Uh, Xander, this is Gunn, he's in charge of the group here." Angel introduced me to the Bandana guy. I nodded to him and he smiled grimly. "We have a little problem with our present drivers." He said. Looking back at the rigs I saw that the drivers had all stayed inside of their vehicles.
"They're a little colorful, but I don't see how that's a problem." I commented. Gunn looked at Angel a little angrily.
"These people are somewhat, xenophobic." Angel told me. I nodded, recognizing the word from an episode of Star Trek.
"Well then we'll have all demons in Spike's rig and get these lumps of manflesh to drive." I suggested, gesturing to the nearby angry, armed youths. Gunn nodded in agreement.
"Can you and Spike get them all to his without being seen?" Angel asked. I nodded and glanced at Spike. He shrugged, lighting a cigarette.
"The doors are all facing the street so it shouldn't be a problem." I reassured him. "Get your people ready, Gunn, I'll go round up the uglies." Gunn nodded and turned to his men shouting orders. I dragged Spike to each of the rigs and relayed the plan. Soon enough we were ready to head out. A few demons bitched about giving up driving privilages but Spike growled them into submission quickly enough.
I ended up piloting the second rig with Gunn as my navigator, Angel rode in the demon rig driven by Spike, and Gunn's refugees handled the rest. As I followed Spike through the city I managed to speak with Gunn.
"So you seem pretty comfortable with demons." Gunn commented, whispering the D word. I grinned at him.
"I grew up on a hellmouth. I've seen pretty much anything. Hell my ex- girlfriend was a vengeance demon before I dated her." I told him. He got this obnoxious gleam in his eye that meant he was envisioning lesbians. I rolled my eyes. Was I ever that horrible? "That was before she decided that I didn't understand women well enough. She turned me into a woman." He stared for a minute. Then he started laughing.
"That's a good one." He gasped, laughing hard. I sighed.
"No, really. I was a guy until about, oh, three months ago." I insisted. He believed me that time.
"Woah. Dude. Sorry, man." He managed. I shrugged and decided that a change in conversation was in order.
"You seem pretty uncomfortable with demons." I said, eyeing the stake tucked in his belt. He nodded, grim.
"Someone has to protect the humans no one cares about anymore." He shrugged. I nodded.
"You'll like my friend Buffy. She's the Vampire Slayer." At his confused look I elaborated. "She's like a superhero born to fight vamps and other unfun things. I've been on her team since my sophomore year of High School, we fight evil and solve mysteries like Scooby Doo. We've got Buffy, the Slayer, Giles, the Watcher, Willow the Witch, Spike the irritating Vampire that can't bite, and me, the uh...chick." Bubbye good mood! I'll miss you! I sighed.
"Wait, that bleached guy was a vampire?" Gunn asked, startled. I nodded, shifting in my seat to make a tight right turn.
"Yup, he's my roommate too. The government put a chip in his head that zaps him if he tried to hurt anything that's alive. He requires violence though, so he helps us keep the demon population under control." Gunn looked totally confused. I reached over and patted his arm. "It's a bit disorienting, I know, but if you keep in mind that demons are just like humans it helps. Some are good, some are bad, and some just want to be left alone." He looked suspicious but I suppose it gave him something to think about.
"So what do you think is going on? City-wide clam bake?" I asked him, changing direction. He shrugged and leaned forward to look out the windows.
"I don't know but it looks like the cities called for a complete evacuation." I sighed. Oh the chaos. And traffic. Luckily Spike was leading us through nearly empty backstreets. "Why're we going to this Sunnydale if it's a hellmouth thing?" He asked curiously. I shrugged.
"Well the rest of the our crew is there. They're working on figuring out just what's going on there. We're really good at this sort of thing. Its why we're the 'Scoobies' and not the, uh, dead people." I said, trying to sound confident. He nodded thoughtfully then grinned.
"Which Scooby are you? Thelma?" I snorted and grinned back at him.
"Hell no, I'm Shaggy! And Spike up there is Scooby." Gunn laughed at that. "Only place you can get a pet Vampire is the wonderful city of SunnyHell." I smiled and watched as two figures that could only be Buffy and Lorne flagging us down.
There was some conversation between the Demon fold and the Slayer before Lorne joined them. Suddenly Angel shoved a struggling Spike out onto the sidewalk and gestured emphatically at him. I groaned. "Bad Puppy!" I whined, making Gunn smile. Buffy looked over at me and then at Spike and rolled her eyes. Then she grabbed the offending vamp by the ear and dragged him back to our rig and pulled him through the door. "Hey it's the Buffinator! How goes it General?" I called to her as she hopped in and settled on the floor between Gunn and me, she waved Gunn back into his seat when he would have offered it. I decided to ignore the errant vamp as he settled on the floor behind my seat, leaning against my chair so I could feel his weight.
"Keep following Angel, we're going to meet Cordy and Wes and their refugees at a rest area halfway between here and SunnyD." Buffy instructed me. "We've gotten everyone we can right now, its time to get out of here." She sounded extremely weary and somewhat annoyed. "And if you can't keep your pet vampire under control, Xan I swear I'll stake him so hard Drusilla will be dust." She added, glowering at Spike.
"What'd you expect, pet? I was locked up with that lot listening to you old boy toy go on about impending doom and what. I had to say something! It's my duty as a vampire." He said, as if he could make me feel bad for him. What I noticed was the amount of suddenly nervous passengers sprawled on all the open spaces in my rig. I sighed.
"Buffy, reassure these people of Spikey's harmlessness?" I whispered to her. She turned and took in the frightened looks on the people and nodded in understanding. Grinning dryly she stood up and started lecturing the poor people on how she was a Slayer and Spike was harmless and she would stake him if he tried anything. Meanwhile Spike slid around the seat and took her spot on the floor between Gunn and me.
Gunn was listening to Buffy with half a grin on his face but still regarded Spike with curiosity and not a little disgust. Spike ignored him for a moment then finally looked up at him in irritation. "Its mutual." Gunn scowled at him and turned his attention back to the outside world. I sighed and reached down to pinch the ear that Buffy had dragged Spike by, knowing that it probably still hurt. He yowled and turned his glower to me.
"I told you to drop the macho shit, Spike." I growled at him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him wrap his leather-clad arms around his chest and he slumped against my seat. <Is he pouting?> I risked a look at him before turning my attention back to the now clearing road. <Omigawd, he IS pouting!> And suddenly the new part of me that led to girly giggles and 'Awwwww's tingled. He was so pathetically cute! I growled at myself. < He's a man! A Vampire Man!> I sighed and let my right hand run through his gelled hair where it was on the level with my thigh. <A cute, loyal, protective, licky, Vampire Man.> I amended. Oi, I'm soooo gay! Or, uh, straight? I dunno. I'll ask Willow later, she'll figure it out.
Spike relaxed into my hand and I smiled to myself. <Cute wittle bloodsucking puppy.> I decided that next chance I got I would throw away his hair gel. It was far to stiff. I bet he looked a lot better with soft fuzzy hair than gelled slickness. I pondered hair idly for a while, not really paying attention to my pet.
Then he purred. Looking at him again, I saw that his eyes were closed. I restrained the urgent need for giggling building in my chest and exchanged a look with Gunn. He had a look on his face that said "Damn, that's cute in a twisted Omigawd its an evil soulless beast kinda way." I smiled at him and turned back to my driving, right hand still combing through my pet vamp's hair.
~~~~~~~
*Spike* (First four paragraphs are Spikey thinking)
<If I get any bloody higher I'm not going to be able to soddin' think. First the nummy thing just sits still in my grip while I taste his skin, marking him with my scent to all those horny bastards we were traveling with. And then the boy kisses me on the cheek. I can see how I was acting like a puffed up possessive arse, but Angel was hurting him and bollocks if I'm gonna sit still while the Poofter crunches my pet.
And that was bloody hilarious, covering my eyes so I couldn't finish my stare down with Angelus. I should teach that boy some manners to go with his perky new tits. And to claim that he had bigger knackers than me? He's off his nut! Made me entertain a few chip-zapping thoughts, he did. But then he looked at me with those big innocent doe-eyes and kissed me on the cheek. Pointed out that there were bloody great reasons for acting like a ponce.
I was good too, kept my mouth shut and behaved like he wanted, too. Wasn't my fault that Peaches tried to start something as soon as Xan-pet was out of sight. Said he knew what I was thinking about and that I better keep my claws off of the boy. He didn't even like the boy last I checked, and here he was puffed up and threatening me because he smelled my scent on the boy. I'd hardly gotten into the discussion when the Slayer flagged us down and suddenly she's going maternal on me, telling the Bastard that she'd watch me. Bitch pulled me by my ear like a stupid child.
Then Xander was picking on me too and I was about ready to start a much- needed fight with that Gunn bloke when he snapped at me. So, poofter I am, I pouted. And suddenly there's a soft hand in my hair, soothing me and making me loose coherent thought and I hope I don't start purring, that'd be bloody fantastic in front of Slayer and Sundry and purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Bloody Hell.>
"What is that?" I heard Slutty ask from behind me. I tried desperately to stop the insane sound but its one of those things that's easy to start and hard to stop. Especially when it can embarrass me. I heard Gunn shift in his seat to look at her. I just kept my eyes clamped shut.
"Just Xander's little kitty." That worked. The purr turned into a growl. I opened my eyes. Xan's hand froze mid-pet.
"No, what is that?!" Bitchy repeated herself, pointing up. "Do you hear that?" Gunn shook his head and Xan shrugged, his hand going to the wheel. I stopped growling and concentrated on what I was hearing. Sure enough there was a rumble that would only be audible to vampire or Slayer ears. I got to my feet, bracing myself on the seat backs.
"I hear it, Slayer, don't know what it is though." I told her. Xan started turning the wheel and slowing down. We were on the freeway maybe twenty minutes into the hilly desert between L.A. and Sunnyhell.
"Looks like Angel hears it too, we're pulling over." Xan said, sounding a little worried. I squeezed his shoulder and looked back at the Slayer. She was turning her head this way and that, trying to identify the eerie thrumming. She looked like a little dog. I restrained a chuckle knowing that it would get me slapped and Xan would get mad.
By the time we were all piling out onto the shoulder, turning to see what was causing the sound, everyone could hear it. It sounded like a great big engine idling or something like it. We couldn't see the city because the portion of road we had stopped on was the type that had been chopped out of the center of a hillside.
We all climbed up the hill as quietly as we could under the strange press of the thrumming and stood on the hilltop looking back at the mostly empty city. What I saw made the cigarette drop right out of my mouth and onto a small dead weed, which caught fire.
~~~~~~~~
*Xander*
Jeez! Spike can be such a moron sometimes. He just drops his cigarette, who cares where it lands. He just stood there too while I stomped out the fire he started. He could've caught himself on fire and that DOES hurt vamps. <Dumbass> I grumbled and finally was able to pay attention to what everyone was staring at. I looked up and burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. Just the idea, having seen so many monsters and demons through the years and always wishing they were aliens because the sci-fi geek that I am, I KNEW about aliens. They were my frigging hobby!
And now there was a huge Independence Day-esque saucer lighting up the sky, hovering over the sparkling city of L.A... I giggled. Cool. I realized then that no one else got the joke. Everyone, from Buffy to the littlest of Gunn's refugees were staring at the saucer with expressions ranging from fear to confusion and even to irritation. That was Buffy. She broke the silence.
"Can we go home now? Alien invaders are soooo not my jurisdiction." I started laughing again and a few people turned to look at us. Okay, so maybe we're a little hardened towards life-changing revelations. We both learned long ago that to try and decide what can't possibly happen was to invite it to. Hell, I'm a girl.
"What do they want?" A young woman next to Gunn asked worriedly. He put his arm comfortingly around her shoulders. They kind of looked alike so I figured her for the little sister.
"Xan-pet, you're a geek, what're they going to do?" Spike asked from right behind me. I shrugged and decided that maybe leaning on him would be understandable, given the circumstances. We'd been working all night and I was beat, not to mention the freakin' spaceship. I leaned. <That's nice. I'll have to think about what this means when there isn't an ominous thing in the sky.> I sighed and he slipped his arms around my waist and set his chin on top of my head. I tried to think of a suitably tension-breaking, Xanderish thing to say.
"Not sure. Either they'll provide us with oh so gruesome deaths, enslave us all, do both, or they present us with a new flavor of chocolate and be on their merry way." I answered him. I sighed. Not quite as positive as I hoped it would be.
"I vote for option number three." Buffy said from next to us. I smirked, we were the only ones really able to converse everyone else's voices were low whispers. All eyes were on the ship. Buffy got annoyed again. "Why are they just sitting there? Are they going to do something this century?"
"Give'em time, Slayer, they'll attack, the soddin Powers wouldn't have evacuated us otherwise." Spike pointed out. I tensed at that thought. Ah hell. He was right. And there had to still be people there.
"Oh crap." I whispered. "There's still people there. We have to go back." I said, turning to look at Buffy. She started to agree with me but stopped with the thrumming of the ship's engines changed pitch. We all looked back at it, dumbly waiting for something to happen.
Chapter Eight: Naked Doom
*The Xaninator*
When we were staring at the ship I started to worry even more about our proximity to the city. Were we too close? We really weren't that far out from it, wedged behind a hillside. Well our vehicles were between the two halves of the cut out hill. We, stupid morons that we are, were standing at the top of the hill just begging for and attack.
A little scared, I started pushing back on Spike and looking at all the people and demons who were standing on the hill, oblivious to each other. "What is it, pet?" Spike asked me, his eyes still on the ship. I turned in his grip to face him.
"We really should be somewhere with a little more cover, don't you think?" I watched him turn his blue eyes first to me then to the people all spread over the hilltop. His brow lowered in thought. <Purty Spikey...> I mentally smacked myself. <Scared first, attracted later, think, Xan.>
"You're right." He transferred his grip only to my arm and started pulling me down the hill. I rolled my eyes and squirmed free of his grip. "Spike! There're other people here!" I said with a little girly stomp. Wow. I'm a pansy. It was Spike's turn to roll his eyes. He marched up the hill again to Angel.
"Oi, Hero-Man, Xan-pet thinks we should all be takin' cover." Angel tore his eyes away from the ship and looked at me. I tried to express my urgency with my eyes. I suck at that sort of thing though so I shrugged and climbed over to Buffy.
"Buff, we need to get these people down the hill," I told her, she looked at me, waiting for an explanation. I swear, the population of America gets dumber by the minute. "If L.A. explodes, think of all the shit that's going to be flying around?" She nodded then in comprehension and turned to Gunn. I started walking back toward Spike and Angel, yelling for everyone to get back down to the cars. That was when L.A. and its surrounding cities blew up.
I wish I could have watched it happen, the miles of city just going ka-boom, but I was too busy sliding down the hill knowing that in about two seconds the Shockwave and its friend, Debris, would be hitting us. Oh yes and the inane thought was stuck in my head, <How many pretty cars just died?>. When I hit the bottom of the steep hill I lay on my back for a second, looking at the sky. Then I was up again, turning to see how long I had to get to safety, just in time for the WHUMP of the shockwave to slam me two feet back into the side of a motorhome.
I saw nothing for a moment, my vision blacking out, but when it returned I saw a collarbone? Glancing up I saw Spike pinning me to the motorhome like a big man-shaped shield. I know I whispered something to him but I'm not sure what as I was a bit out of it and the roaring of the explosion was pretty much making discussion pointless. Glancing over his shoulder I saw snapshots of people flung around, or huddled in different positions against the hillside. I hoped they were okay which was kinda pointless, considering.
Concrete dust whirled through the air making me wonder if I would be able to breathe for much longer. After that, I had a whole two-seconds to register the first of the big debris hitting. I ducked my face back down in the protective hollow made by Spike's billowing duster and clung to his shirt, praying to pretty much anything that my Vampire Fortress wouldn't be hit.
Upon completion of that thought Spike was slammed into me and I couldn't breathe due to my air being squished into the atmosphere. I guess I prayed in the wrong direction. I stared at the piece of rebar that protruded from just to the left of his heart and stuck into my own chest. <Damn.>
I stood still, clinging to Spike's black shirt and closed my eyes. Gasping for air through the dust, I tried hard not to cough. I had no idea how deep the rebar was in me. Luckily I was numb from about the nose down due to the insanity of it all so I waited. I waited for the storm of debris and dust to end so I could see if I was going to die or not. At least Spike was alive. Convenient that vamps turned to dust when they died. It reassured me a little bit.
I risked another look around. It wasn't nearly as dusty inside of Spike's duster so I was able to see the blood running down both our shirts. I glared in disgust at the rebar. Why the hell can't construction workers use glue? I've seen far too many people impaled by rebar in my life. As I glowered at Spike's wound I noticed the roaring noise start to lessen. After a few more minutes of tense waiting I could make out the sound of my own harsh breathing. I waited until I heard the first sound of life before peeking over Spike's shoulder again.
The sound I'd heard was Angel, plastered in gray dust, beginning to shift some rubble. I attempted to call out to him and was rewarded with a strange croaking noise. He heard it though and turned to look at me. A second later he was behind Spike and trying to see what my problem was. When he saw the rebar he winced. "Hold still, I don't think its too deep." He told me and before I could do or say anything he'd pulled unconscious Spike off me and the rebar out of my chest.
A second later I watched him settled Spike face down on the ground. He braced a foot on Spike's back and yanked the rebar out using the chunk of concrete it was attached to as a handgrip. I winced, telling myself that Spike was undead, he'd be okay. Inspecting my own wound, I saw that it wasn't very deep, just really bloody. I still didn't feel any pain thanks to the excessively high amount of adrenalin that was no doubt pumping through my system so I turned around to look for people to help.
It was almost impossible to see farther than five feet in any direction thanks to the concrete dust cloud and breathing was extremely difficult. As I stumbled toward where I remembered seeing people I was forced to breathe through the bottom edge of my tank-top. The first person I came across was the person I was hoping to find uninjured and helping. Unfortunately Buffy was sprawled unconscious at the base of the hill surrounded by rubble.
Kneeling beside her I checked her vitals, which were strong and then checked for what had knocked her out. A big blood-soaked patch matted the blond hair on the other side of her head. I winced. She was going to be way grumpy later. I made sure she was comfortable and moved on, trusting her Slayer healing to take care of her.
I spent the next indeterminate amount of time digging up bodies in the dirt. Overall, It appeared that Spike and Buffy got hit the worst of all the refugees. They had all ended up pretty close to the hillside when the shockwave hit so they were less affected by the larger debris. I'd been thrown back merely due to bad luck and Spike had gotten impaled only because he was protecting me. <Wait.>
I turned from where Gunn was counting dust-covered heads and looked at Spike, now conscious, being supported by Lorne. The soulless demon did something selfless. For me. < This sense makes does not.> I garbled at myself. Okay, so my brain wasn't exactly functioning properly. I stumbled over to the two, staring at Spike. Why would he save me? He always talked about killing me. He could've let me die and no one would have blamed him for it.
I guess I was looking at him funny because he quirked his scarred eyebrow at me. I shook off my confusion and looked to Lorne as I moved to support the Vampire's other side. "Where're we moving him?" Lorne smiled his thanks for my help.
"Out of the way, Angelcakes wants to check the RV's to see if they'll still run after that fun little explosion." I nodded and helped him settle Spike against a rock for him to rest. Lorne moved off to help Angel and I turned to Spike.
"Stay here, Spike." I ordered. "If I find out that you started wandering around bleeding on everyone I'm going to fill your wounds with lemon flavored pixie stix." He nodded dumbly, looking out of it. I stared at him for a second, trying to figure out his non-vampirey behavior. He started to grin and he pointed and bloody, dust-caked chest.
"You've got a hole in you, Xan." He slurred. I snorted.
"Yes, Spikey, I'm aware of that. You have one too." He just kind of grinned so I got up and went to check in with Gunn. When I got to where he was holding court I found him trying to calm down a pushing fight between a demon and one of his crewmates. I took a deep breath, got myself a big hefty shield of pure anger and stepped forward, shoving the combatants back into their friends.
"What the fuck is wrong with you people?!" I demanded. Suddenly everyone was staring at me. "L.A. is DUST!! And all you can think of to do is pick on each other?!" I glared at them all so no one would feel left out. "I know you're all dealing with shock but HELLO we have bigger things to worry about, like getting the hell out of here before they come after us!"
"We have wounded here! You, you, you, and you! Get in those RVs and find the first aid kits." Surprisingly enough the punk asses jumped to. I guess rage is a persuasive emotion. I turned to the demons on my left. "You guys go help Angel see how bad off our rides are." I ordered. They moved a little slower but went all the same. I blamed the species barrier.
Turning to Gunn I continued in a quieter tone. "You find everyone?" I asked him. He moved closer to speak with me, something I rarely see in his eyes. I think it might have been respect. Either that or he had gas.
"We've found everyone plus a few others lucky enough to be behind cover when it hit." He reported. "Nothing too serious. We should have everyone patched up in an hour or two. Hey, man, you do know that there's a hole in your chest, right?" I nodded and dismissed it from my mind.
"Get everyone injured taped up. I mean EVERYONE. Humans and demons. We're all in this shit together and the enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that." I told him. "Make that clear to your crew. Make sure they know that the only reason they're alive at all is because a vampire chose to help them if that gets your point across. Demons are strong and we may need them if we're going to fight these evil alien dudes." Gunn nodded understanding and turned to relay orders.
I turned again and went to where I'd left Buffy. She was sitting up when I found her. She was blinking owlishly at the dust covering everything. I knelt beside her and she blinked at me. "Hey Buff, how's your head?" She wrinkled her nose and put her hand to her head in confusion.
"My head? Oh! Guess I got hit in the head then." She said, wincing as she inspected her wound. "Ugh. My clothes are soooo ruined." She said in disgust, wiping futilely at the dust layering her skirt. I smiled and helped her to her feet.
"We're patching everyone up over there." I reported, pointing to where Gunn was directed said activity. "And Angel's trying to get us mobile again." I said throwing a thumb over my shoulder at the RVs.
"Xander, did you not notice the hole in your chest?" She said suddenly, staring at my wound. I rolled my eyes.
"Yes I know, I'm fine. Go over to Gunn so he can check your scalp." I said annoyed. She followed my direction slowly, still looking a little dazed. I made my way to the front RV, looking for Angel. I found Lorne instead. He was leaning on the driver's side door of the RV looking like he'd been run over. "You okay man?" He nodded slowly.
"Just got a bit of a nasty bump that started to catch up with me. How're you holding out, cupcake? You did see that nasty hole in your chest, didn't you?" I resisted the urge to grind dust into my eye sockets.
"Yes, I'm perfectly aware of the gaping hold in my chest." I said a little forcefully. "You go sit down for a bit, get your second wind or something. I'm going to go kick Angel." I sniped. He pat me on the shoulder and stumbled on his way. I made my way down the line of RVs until I found Angel talking to the red fuzzy demon guy. "So what's the verdict, we mobile or what?"
He turned to look at me, irritation on his face. "I don't have time for this now Xander." He bitched. I sighed. No respect.
"The injured will be moveable in about an hour or so, we've collected a few extras from other cars though. Do we have the ability to take said injured to Sunnydale or will we be hoofing it?" I asked him, using my newfound no- nonsense tone of voice. Angel stared at me, being all judgey with his eyes before answering.
"We have nine of them running fine. Rizz and Glork are checking the other vehicles in the area to see what we can use. They'll be back in a minute." He reported. I nodded, redividing the survivors between the nine RVs left. Two more demons trotted up and made hissing and clicking noises at Angel who apparently understood. "Rizz found a big rig. The driver's dead but the rig works." I sighed in relief.
"That should work then. We'll have to empty out the cargo though. I'll go gather some of Gunn's men, to help." I started away but Angel stopped me with a hand on my arm.
"Is that wise. They aren't exactly demon-friendly." He asked worriedly. I smiled the smile that always makes Spike shiver. He stepped back, startled.
"It'll be okay. I had a talk with them a few minutes ago. Buffy'll probably be up and running by now too. She help keep them in line." He nodded, still looking worried and broody. He then looked at me again with concern.
"Xander, your-"
"Chest? Yeah I know, I was there when it happened. Get your guys ready, I'll send the muscle over in a sec." I slipped between two RVs and found Gunn. "Okay dude, get as many guys as you can trust to work around demons as you can. We lost two RVs but there's a big rig that we can use that needs emptying." He nodded and started calling out names.
I turned to find Buffy kneeling by a first aid kit. "Okay Buff, I'm ready to fix that hole now." Surprisingly enough, when I stepped toward her my leg didn't carry my weight and I fell until my friend caught me in strong arms and lowered me to the ground.
"Have I told you lately what an idiot you are, Xander?" She scolded worriedly and I nodded once before passing out.
Chapter Nine: That Accursed Feeling
*Xandita*
"Xander?" No Mom go away I don't wanna run to the liquor store! Owwwwwwwww. What's going on with all this pain? I blinked my eyes open and stared at the arm that was my pillow. Hey, I guess arms have gained the ability to speak, what else is new and wacky on the hellmouth? The whisper came again. "Xander? Are you awake?" The hand didn't move and the noise seemed to come from behind me. I sighed. I really wanted to see a talking arm, too.
I decided to extend my investigation beyond the arm, not quite ready to turn all the way over. There was a hand. A pretty big man-sized hand. With chipped black nail-polish. Huh. That's odd. Beyond that was a wall. Okay I wore out that side of my resting place. Time to turn and face the now insistent whispering. I shifted oh-so-slowly onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. Oh hey, I'm still in an RV. I shifted again, careful not to move my chest from whence the biggest pain came. Oh look! Spike! I blinked. He was on his side facing me, providing the previously mentioned arm and hand. After a moment's groggy consideration I decided that since Spike was asleep, he couldn't possibly be saying my name so I looked past him and saw Buffy leaning toward me, concern on her face.
"Xander?" I nodded and gave her my best 'What the hell do you want can't you see I'm snoozing with my pet vampire' face. "Oh good, you're awake, we're at the hospital, Gunn and his crew are stopping here before heading to the RV park that Giles found. You want to get patched up inside or just go on to your apartment?" I blinked and looked down at the bandaged wound on my chest. I managed to form a few coherent thoughts.
"Take us home. I have some nice super-strength pain-murderer at the apartment. Spike needs blood too." I looked down at the dust covering Spike and me and grinned dryly. "And a shower..damn I need a shower." I smelled like several different flavors of dirt with a little chemicalness on the side from my bandage.
"Okay, I'll wake you when we get there." She agreed, vanishing from my vision again. While I was awake I took the opportunity to study Spikey where he lay on the RV's bed. We were in the empty bedroom compartment in the very back of the rig with the gray curtains and door shut to block out sunlight.
Through the dim light I inspected his chest wound, carefully peeling back the bandage. I was prepared to see disgusting goryness but I was pleasantly surprised to see it had healed to half it's original size. Must be nice to be undead. I smoothed the bandage back in place and glance up to see his sharp blue eyes watching me, eye-lids only half-open.
Once again I was reduced to simplistic thoughts by his blue, blue, blue eyes. <Der-her...purty.> He was pretty. Handsome didn't really cut it as a descriptive word when applied to Spike. He was beautiful. I'd acknowledged that he was good-looking when I was a totally straight normal man, and forgot it when faced with his extremely irritating attitude. Now, though, he was different. I was different. The world was friggin' different. And Spike is beautiful, dammit. Even when covered in a layer of gray concrete dust. It just served to make him look like a perfectly detailed sculpture.
As I studied him, forgetting that it wasn't normal Xander behavior to stare in awe at injure vampires, I started getting that cursed feeling again. The feeling that caused me no end of annoyance. The pressure began to build in my chest in such a good yet evil way until I was left with no choice. Giggle or go 'Awwwww'. I was forced to attempt the 'Awwwww' without remembering to open my mouth so somehow it came out as something akin to puppies whine.
His perfect full lips quirked to the side in his trademark smirk and the feeling came back for round two. It was stronger to. I whined again and buried my face in the nearest surface, which just happened to be his taught, washboard abs, thank you very much. I felt his muscles jerk with silent laughter. <I am such a friggin dork! Why did I just say "Hi Spike!"? Noooo I had to go and get all giggly about how fucking pretty he is!> Deeeeeeep breath. I looked up at his amused expression and turned bright red. "Hi Spike!"
~~~~~~~~~~
*Spikamus*
<Well, Spike, old chap, now's the time to make a move while he's giggling.> I studied the whelps red face. He seemed so ready to offer himself up as a sacrifice to the dignity gods. He was giving me this pathetic "Please don't kick me repeatedly while singing 'God Save the Queen', Spike?" expression. I sighed. He was such a pretty woman. Dark dark brown eyes always big and expressive. Even covered in dust and wounded he managed to exude such an air of pure goodness that I wondered if my demon was going to complain, but it didn't. It wanted instead.
I gave him my most non-evil smile and dragged him forward and against me so he was stretched along my side, his pretty head nestled on my chest. I held him there until he relaxed and started to pet his filthy hair. "Just sleep, kitten, think later." I ordered him. I felt him sigh and settle down further. Not too long after he was sleeping peacefully. I, however, was stuck wide awake and plagued by thoughts.
<Did I really take a piece of soddin metal through the chest for the boy?> I shook my head, incredulous. Obviously I was losing my bloody mind. The demon too. It was him that was in control when the blast hit. It was the demon that threw himself over the whelp. <I saved his life and I don't have a soul like the poofter. I don't think I'm in love. I'm definitely in lust with the lad, but love?> I looked down at the sleeping body tucked around mine. <Well maybe the demon's in love with him. I like him but I'm not quite that far gone yet.> I thought about that for a while.
<Okay so if my demon is in love with the whelp, why am I, the other part of me, helping the boy?> Where did this need to protect him and care for him come from? I knew that I'd started acting like a ponce about two months before the demon took any real interest in the boy beyond the licking adventures which were just chipped versions of a claiming bite. I frowned. <So if I really do love him then does that mean that I'll start acting like I have a soul?> I took a deep breath. <My soddin' head hurts.>
Too avoid any further high-intensity thinking I decided to re-live past episodes of soaps to promote mindlessness.
When we finally reached the underground garage to our apartment I had to watch in complete paranoia as the Slayer carried my unconscious Xan inside and to his bedroom. My left arm had refused to lift anything other than itself. Once I shooed the Slayer out and sent her to report to the Watcher, I heated up two bags of blood and settled on the couch.
I turned the telly on to the news and kept it low so I could keep an ear on my boy while he slept. I watched a little stunned as some daft chit kept on about the aliens in front of a real shoddy view of a saucer. What got me wasn't the stupid bint on the camera, it was the words scrolling across the bottom.
Apparently every major city in the bloody world was now dust and the giant flying saucer that destroyed L.A.? Yeah, the thing had friends. I stared at the scrolling casualty reports and wondered if maybe I could get a few demon buddies to hide me and Xander and maybe Willow in another dimension for a while. The idea was lent merit when the screen flickered to a shot of the rubble that was once the Vatican. A smaller saucer hovered above the rubble as the enemy marched onto the Earth's soil. The cameraman was moving quickly away from the beings that seemed to glow a cold blue. I nearly flinched when the cameraman died a painful death on screen.
Chapter Ten: Flawed Cleavage
*Xander*
I woke up slowly, convinced that I had to get going or I'd be late for work. Sleep induced amnesia is a wonderful thing. I managed to get all the way in the hot steamy shower before the soggy bandage on my chest and the dirt blackening the bottom of the stall brought me back to the present and unfortunately, a waking state. I washed my hair and body absently as my mind replayed the past twenty-four hours.
Needless to say, those thoughts depressed me. When I left the shower, I dressed quickly in some blue jeans and a white button up blouse that I left undone. I needed to tend my wound before I could worry about decency. Grabbing the first aid kit, I went out into the main room. I didn't see Spike until I went to sit on the couch. He was lying facedown on the black leather still in the clothes and dust that he'd been wearing in the RV. Looking up at the TV I saw new footage of the alien menace.
I watched the lists of cities worldwide that had fell victim to L.A.'s destroyers. After I'd seen enough to know that there was a really scary invasion going on, I called up Giles. "What's up G?" I greeted him as if it were just another day on the Hellmouth.
"Xander, Buffy says you were injured, how are you feeling?" I sighed. Why was everyone so preoccupied with the hole in MY chest? I mean, sure I have a nice rack, but seriously...
"I'm fine, Giles. What's the plan, what do we know, how're we going to eject our unwanted visitors? Give them a gift basket full of fruit cake leftover from Christmas?" I could practically hear his frown.
"I do not believe that would be as effective as we all would think. Apparently there is a large ground force moving south from Sacramento. They are killing all who resist them and taking all who submit as prisoners. We should have a couple days before they reach us but I'd like to come up with an effective attack that will stop further destruction before then." I glanced at the TV noticing the anchorwoman, normally quite beautiful, without make-up and her hair everywhere. She made quite the hag. Ahhhh the joys of public emergencies. The last time I'd seen that sort of thing was when I was in junior high and a late night earthquake had everyone watching unprepared news crews.
"Xander?" I blinked. Oh yeah, I'm talking to Giles! Its not that I wasn't listening. I was just, um, not. I got the general gist of it all.
"Yeah?"
"We're going to hold a meeting at six o'clock in the science building at the college. In the lecture hall where we discussed the Gentlemen." I snickered at his choice of words. There'd certainly been a lot of discussing going on then! "Please bring Spike with you and anyone else that you think might have met at that dreadful shop you work in. I'd like to involve as many of the more friendly demons as possible. They just might be our edge against these attackers." I nodded, then, feeling stupid, decided to vocalize my response because that's what works best when conversing via telephone.
"Right, Xan-man'll get right on it. Seeya at six, and Giles?"
"Yes, Xander?"
"May the Force be with you." I deadpanned and cut off his pained groan by hanging up. I stopped myself from feeling guilty at the horrid crack. I had a hole in my chest, I was entitled to all the sci-fi jokes I could come up with. Snickering to myself I turned back to the TV, putting off checking just how nasty my wound really was.
Apparently the press had war correspondents in the fray despite the fact that they were dropping like flies. I stared at the screen as I saw my first extraterrestrial lifeforms. The evil bastards looked like the little gray aliens from X-files but pumped up on steroids. They wore what looked like shining blue bubbles around themselves. My science fiction trained mind identified them as energy shields of a sort. Nothing got through those shields. I watched human soldier shooting at the advancing alien army through the rubble of a building. In the background a voice droned on about how we were all going to die. I just stared.
Soldier after soldier was snuffed out using weapons that shot energy of the same shining blue as their shields. The camera jerked around then before falling sideways and one could hear the sounds of a man dying off-screen. There was silence for a moment before the shooting took up again. From where the camera dropped I could make out the sound of someone yelling in Latin? A prayer? The news channel switched to another handheld camera from much farther away.
I blinked. Not a prayer, a spell! One of the few remaining soldiers, now obviously a warlock, had dropped his weapon and had his hands thrown toward the attackers, palm out. I could only see him from the rear and to the right, but I saw enough to know he was casting a spell. It was kind of obvious when a huge wind whipped up from his feet and slammed into the aliens, throwing them back into their ranks. I smacked at Spike's leg to wake him up.
"Wha?" He asked rolling to look at me; I pointed at the TV without looking at him. The Warlock Commando was now directing lightning from his hands into the alien's shields. Said shields brightened to a blinding white then shorted out leaving them open to attack. That was when the warlock ran out of energy and collapsed to the ground. His confounded companions snapped out of their shock then, pouring hot lead into the exposed enemy. It only took out about five of the hundreds of invaders before the soldiers were killed. However, now those who knew what they were seeing had the info that they needed. Namely us.
Spike blinked at the TV for a while, shrugged and pulled himself into a sitting position. I looked at him and grinned. He must've been sleeping on his hand or something because now there was handprint in the dust on his cheek. He was adorable. I growled when I felt that Accursed Feeling again.
"Stop it!" I demanded. He blinked at me, giving me his half-asleep confused expression. "Stop it right now! It's not fair!" I glowered at him. He blinked some more.
"Stop what?" He asked. He wrinkled his face into an adorable pout. I whined. "Tell me what I'm doing so I can be sure to do it frequently. It must be good to get your knickers in such a twist." He grinned mischievously. I buried my face in my hands.
"Pleeeaaaase just stop looking at me!" I pleaded from the safety of my fingers. He snickered.
"Kinda hard for me to do with your top hanging open and your soft parts showing so temptingly." I groaned refusing to relinquish my hands as face guards long enough to cover myself. <Why must I be tortured so? Wait. Why am I torturing myself? Spike likes me! Obviously I like him! We should be getting it on!> I snorted. <Sure, cause its perfectly acceptable to shag soulless demons. Just as long as you're in chick form.> I clutched at my self-righteousness and used it to regain my sanity.
"Must you ogle me? I'm not a piece of meat." I demanded, falling back on the words of women everywhere as I looked up finally. He grinned at me so sweetly. My face flamed and I lost grip on my self-righteous shielding. "Foul beast! Why must you torture me so?" I whined. He grabbed me by the arms and pulled my unresisting body into his lap.
"Torture's fun. You should try it." He murmured as he peeled back the wet bandage on my chest. Not wanting to see the wound, I leaned my head back on his shoulder and sighed because, as luck would have it, the damned mural filled my vision.
I glowered at his painted face while his soft gentle fingers prodded my flesh. It hurt quite a bit and I think I even whimpered once, but I'm not sure because all true memory was wiped away when he ran his fingers in a comforting caress from my collarbone to my waist. I shivered and clamped my eyes shut. <Not happening!> I reassured myself. Unfortunately my self knew better and it made my heart race.
Instead of going any further, as I expected the demon to, he simply used the first aid kit on the table to rebandage my wound. When he was done he turned me in his lap to face him and slowly buttoned my blouse from bottom to top. I watched him, wishing that the fingers were moving in reverse while trying to figure out what he was doing. Maybe he didn't want me? I mean I WAS a guy and he knew it. I frowned and he misunderstood the cause.
"Don't worry luv, the scar won't be too bad." He reassured me. I suddenly realized that my new perfect female body was ruined! I broke it and now I'd have a horrible scar right in my CLEAVAGE! It just wasn't right! I guess he saw my added distress, what with my freaking out. "Think of it like a man would, love. You'll have this amazing battle scar to show your grandkids someday." I sniffled.
"I AM thinking like a man! There won't BE grandkids because I have flawed cleavage!" I burst into tears. I think there was a little more to my very manly tears than just the scar. I think it had something to do with the thing where the Earth was being invaded and people all over the world were dying horrible deaths and "We're all going to diiiiiiiie!" I wailed and Spike pulled me into a tight hug and I sobbed into his neck, getting dust all over me, I'm sure.
"Shhhh. S'okay, ducks, we won't die. I already did that and I don't think it'd suit you so I won't let it happen." Spike whispered comfortingly as he rubbed my back. "Why do you think I got impaled, luv. I'm not bloody well going to go through that and then let some stupid alien kill you." He was so nice and comforting and his neck was nice and cool against my hot tears and it made me SO frustrated. I didn't get him at all anymore and that was really annoying when you lived in a world where nothing else made sense.
"Spike?" I pushed back so I could look him in the eyes. <der-her purty bluuuuuue.> I mentally slapped myself. "Stop!" He blinked at me confused. "Stop being so nice! I don't get it! Be evil! I don't want to like you so be evil dammit!" I demanded. His mouth straightened into a grim line and his eyes hardened. Good! Mad Spike is scary and not sexy! <Oh sure...tell me another.>
"No."
"What?" Can he do that? Can he refuse to be evil? That's like against the rules for vampires, right? He shook his head once.
"Don't want to." I stared at him, not understanding. <Spike is refusing to be evil.> The phrase was in my brain but it just wasn't processing. I really need to get this crappy brain looked at. The processor is obvious shot.
"Well why not?!" I would have stomped my foot girlishly if I weren't snuggled in his lap. I settled for pouting.
"Because I don't bloody well feel like it." He growled, getting annoyed. I grinned brightly. Mad Spike! Spike of anger! I GET mad Spikey! He made an exasperated noise at my smile and kissed me.
It was very startling and I wasn't even aware what he was intending by coming so close until I had lips of Spike latched onto me. Unfortunately for my delicate sensibilities, I reacted like any teenage boy would when kissed by an excessively yummy man. Er, any gay teenage boy. I kissed him back. Enthusiastically!
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him closer and let my mouth fall open in invitation. He accepted and I had his tongue in my mouth tasting every surface of my mouth, running over my teeth and sliding against my tongue. Nothing about it was timid. He pushed in and claimed the space leaving me to wonder if I ever kissed a girl like that or if it was just a Spike/Vamp thing. His hands were just as bad, running down my back to my rear end, which he squeezed and used to pull me tight against him. It was strange and possessive, but not 'Obey me now, sex toy' possessive that Anya and Cordelia always were. This was different, like he was just letting me know that I was wanted and taken, all at once. Whatever it was, it made me feel a different and far better sensation than the Accursed Feeling. This one was like electricity leaping from deep in my middle to connect with my nipples and the general area below my waist.
Unaccustomed to this new form of body-wide extreme arousal, I freaked a little. Grabbing his shoulders, I pushed him back and looked at his semi- protesting frown. "What?" He groused. His blue eyes were almost dilated to black with pure lust. I blinked at him, forgetting my reason for stopping for a moment. He reminded me by licking his lips, sending a few more strange sensations through me.
"Wait! No more. Must think!" I managed to say. He scowled.
"Xan-pet, you know how cruel it is for a girl to tease." He said, his voice carrying a warning. That reminded me of some less fun memories of make-out sessions with my ex-girlfriends that left me unsatisfied. That in turn made me aware of just what part of Spike's physiology that I was straddling. I gulped. <Can I just add EEP!> I jumped off his lap and backed toward the kitchen.
"Sorry, Spike, I just need to, uh, eat." I hid my face in the fridge. Trying not to completely panic, I picked through the sparse contents of the fridge. <Hmmm. Blood, blood, blood, or Ooo! Blood.> I closed the fridge and looked in the pantry. <OoooooOOOOOooooo! Fruit-by-the-Foot!> I took my prize and retreated to my room, blushing at the low laugh that came from the couch.
<Okay, I need to talk to Wills!> I thought, unwrapping my fruity treat and starting to unroll it into my mouth. <But Wills is probably more concerned about the whole alien thing and she needs to concentrate on the whole not dying thing now.> I sighed. <Alright, no consultation on this one quite yet, Xan-man.> I found my personal phone book in my messy room and started making calls to the group of demons that I'd learned to call friend in my new life as a girl. I needed to let them know about the meeting. I started with Gilly.
I intended to give Gilly the facts and go on with my list, but my Spike- induced insanity won out. When Gilly answered the phone I responded with "He kissed me and I liked it a lot and it was scary."
"Well its about damn time, sweetheart!" Gilly said with a laugh. "By the way, did you notice this whole invasion thing?"
"Yeah yeah, I helped evacuate L.A. and Spike and me got impaled by building materials. Focus Gilly! He KISSED me!" I insisted. The demon chuckled.
"Did you kiss him back?" He asked. "Oh and are your Slayer and you going to be doing anything about this new alien menace?"
"Yeah, I kissed him back and it felt soooooo, um, too good? Like full body electric wake-up call. Oh yeah, there's a meeting of the more militant denizens of SunnyHell at six at the science building at the college, if you wanna come with be here in fifteen and we'll go together, tell your friends." I reported.
"I'll be there. So this kiss, standing, sitting, what?"
"I was in his lap and I felt IT! And I don't quite know how I feel about that but I don't think its negative but I don't know!" Gilly was laughing at me again. "Omigawd! I'm soooo gay! Or straight! I don't know! What am I?!" I wailed. Gilly laughed harder.
"Just say you're bisexual. It works both ways." He advised me. Despite my inner turmoil I burst out laughing.
"Thanks, Gilly, that helps oh so much with my vampire-lovin' issues." I snarked at him.
"Love? Oooooo! You love him! I knew it! I knew it! You're always staring at the mural when I'm over. You love Spike!" I was too busy staring at the freshly showered half-naked vamp in my doorway with a smirk on his adorable lips to do much more than drop the phone. I knew quite well that he could hear Gilly's babbling. I waited silently for the aliens to hurry up and blow me to smithereens.
Chapter Eleven: The Xandered Eye
*Spike*
It was actually quite funny, the expression on the whelps face, when he saw me in the doorway. I'd been standing there, quiet as a vampire can be, listening to good-old Gilly get the run-down on our little encounter for a few minutes before the boy noticed me. When he did I could easily sense his changing emotions. First there was pure fear, followed quickly by good old fashioned lust and then annoyance.
I could understand the fear. He's been caught admitting to being a Poofter, as if that kiss hadn't been admission enough. I understood, though, in my infinite wisdom gathered through a long life, that such admissions must be made to oneself before any real shagging could be gotten to. I definitely understood the lust. How could my studly self all wet and handsome, wrapped loosely in a rather small towel not arouse him? I admire his restraint. If I were the whelp, I'd have been all over my luscious self. What I couldn't get was the annoyance.
Sure, I'd eavesdropped on a private conversation, but it wasn't like he didn't know I would. Hello! Vampire here, I'm evil and I have damn good ears and bollocks if I won't use'm. If Xan didn't want to get shagged by the likes of me, he'd have worn more about the flat and wouldn't have acted like Dru, all vulnerable and vicious at once. He was beggin' for a good seein' too and seein' as I'm falling in love with the wanker and Gilly claims that my pet loves me, why shouldn't I use every opportunity to move in on him?
I waited calmly, arms crossed over my impressive chest and leaned on the doorframe, waiting for him to invite me into his bed. After a moment he stood up and smoothed his long pretty hair down, then hung up the phone that he'd dropped. "You should go get dressed, then get a hold of some of your more militant buddies for the meeting at six. Giles wants everyone to be there." He said, soft voice taking on an edge. I could still smell the lust on him, but there was also indignation right along with it. I straightened up.
"But pet, we were-" He cut me off with a Angelus-like glare.
"Go get dressed. We have a world to save and I doubt your flashing the enemy will have the desired effect." I started to protest again but he stopped me again. "Go!"
Yeah. I bollocks'd up the whole shagging thing, but I would have my Xander sooner or later and what can I say? Being denied and ordered around by such a cute little mortal managed to make me want him more. I'm a bitch like that. I left to get dressed and grinned at the relieved sigh I heard. He'd crack soon enough.
~~~~~~~~
*Xander*
Sometimes pain is to be preferred to other things. Things like thought. I finished beating myself up with my mangled copy of an old Star Trek novel called "Q-in-Law" and picked up the phone again. On autopilot, my mind still on Spike's scantily clad appearance, I called my work friends and told the ones I could reach about the meeting. When I was done I brushed my hair quickly, put on some lip-gloss, told myself to stop acting like a sissy-girl and that primping for Spike was WRONG, then I went out into the main room to collect my vampire for a fun-filled night of "How the hell do we not get dead?"
Spike, of course, was being a pain in the ass about being collected and I had to threaten him with the death of his duster by zippo lighter before he came down from his loft. He snatched my hostage out of my hands and shrugged it on before he locked the door and followed me into the hall. Gilly ran to catch up with us from his place down the hall and we all walked in silence to the car ignoring the Incubus's "Inquiring minds want to know!" looks.
Spike took the keys from my hand when we reached my car so I shrugged and went to the seat behind his, giving Gilly shotgun as was polite. I really didn't want to get into the "I drive MY car" argument just then. I couldn't see Spike in the rearview mirror but I was sure to shoot many angry glares in his direction just in case he was looking during the trip to the college. How dare he just assume that because of one extremely hot tasty, lust-causing kiss that I would fall all over his almost naked extremely lickable, very well built sexy body! I frowned when I started getting hot and flustered again. <Dammit! Maybe Wills can do a de-lusting spell on me or something.>
I glowered at Gilly too. He should have known Spike would be listening! I don't care if he wasn't in the room! He should have known! I blinked. <Great, now I've mastered girl-logic. I should have just flung myself at him. If I were really still a man I would've listened to what passed for my dick these days. 'Oh Spike, you undead sex god! Take me! Take me hard!'> I started laughing at the scene in my head earning a curious look from Gilly. I razzed him and went back to glowering at Spike.
<I'm right, though!> I insisted to myself. <He shouldn't be pushing me so quickly! This isn't something I should just leap into on a whim because sex with vampires on a whim is soooo not a good thing. Sex with vampires is hazardous and should only be done with much forethought and planning!> I shivered, trying out a little forethought. <Oooooo that would be nice...> I smacked myself.
Climbing out of the car, I waited for my friends to join me in the post-dusk dark and then set out toward the lecture hall, waving greetings to people and demons that I recognized. Gilly quickly broke off to rendezvous with a green thing with fuzzy horns. The night air had a desperate flavor to it, making everyone nervous. Or it was the whole alien invasion thing that made them nervous and not the air because that was just silly if not overly dramatic. I was forced to smile at my own inner musings, still too huffy to share with my vampire-shaped shadow.
"Xander! Spike!" At the familiar voice I instantly felt my irritation and worries melt away. My co-conspirator against reality had arrived. Willow jumped on me for a marvelous squish-hug and then surprised us by hugging Spike. "I'm so glad you're okay! Angel told me what happened to you two and I can't believe you're okay already, Spike, thank you so much for saving Xander I would die if something happened to him and I think I'll bake you some cookies when this is all over and Xander Buffy said something to me that I'm confused about, should I give Spike the shovel talk? Or is it too soon for that? I won't if its not what Buffy and I think it is but if it is what we think it is then I should give him the talk because Riley got the talk and I wouldn't want Spike to feel left out since he's a Scooby now and I hope that's not too offensive to your Big Badness for me to say that but I think its perfect!" I think she hit a record for longest babble on lease amount of air. She was!
looking at me and Spike, a suspicious look in her green eyes, but with the slightest trace of a grin waiting on her lips that was visible only to the Xandered eye.
"Uh, I don't know about the shovel thing, Wills. I guess if you feel the need to threaten him, go ahead. Or you could skip that part and go straight to the beating." I answered her when my Willow-babble translation circuits caught up. I was keeping my answer vague. I didn't want to give Spike the opportunity to make fun of me, which he definitely would if he knew what the shovel talk actually meant. I glanced at Spike who was staring at her with wonder and confusion in his <der-her purty> eyes. He turned to me.
"What?" He asked. I grinned and Willow mock-scowled. She knew very well how confusing she was. I took pity on the vampire and translated.
"She means 'Thanks for saving Xander and do I have to threaten you?'" I informed him. He nodded sagely and turned back to Willow who waited impatiently, bouncing slightly on her feet. He studied her, seemingly running through her words again, a shrewd look on his beautiful face.
"I want chocolate chip cookies and I think I'll require the infamous shovel talk by the end of the night." He told her with a wink. I growled at him. Willow blinked at him in shock then smacked his arm.
"Shame on you, Spike!" She scolded then turned to me and put her arm around my shoulder, leading us toward the now crowded lecture room. "I'm not baking him cookies anymore if he's going to act like such a-"
"Evil vampire?" I offered. She frowned.
"Well I was going to say 'man', but yours works too." She agreed with a bob of her red head. I allowed her to steer us to the row of reserved seats in the front where Angel was speaking with Giles and Wesley in hushed tones. The lecture hall was filling up pretty quickly so I was glad there were seats saved for us. I pulled Wills with me to Giles' little group.
"Hey General Giles, you been watching the news?" I asked him. He nodded, looking more distracted than usual. I think it might've been the aliens. Or the fifty or so demons in the room. Whatever. "Did you see the Warlock take out those soldiers?" I asked him. Wesley and Angel diverted their full attention to me as well.
"Warlock?" Angel asked intensely. "Where? What happened?" He was looming over me. It was quite annoying. I stepped back as Spike stepped even with me and slipped an arm around my waist, growling at Angel. The shorter vampire was much better. He may be a presumptive ass, but he didn't loom.
"Earlier there was footage of a bunch of soldiers getting their asses kicked and one of them was a warlock. He knocked out ET's shields with lightning and knocked them around a bit with wind. It took him out of the fight but it gave his men a tiny little opening." I reported to Giles, ignoring Angel.
Giles nodded speculatively. "This is good news. So far the invaders have been impervious to any sort of physical attack. Their shielding is just too powerful. If we could remove the problem then our military could perhaps regain control." He turned to Wesley and began jabbering on in that crazy non-translatable Watcher-speak. I shrugged and looked at Wills and then up at Spike.
"I've made my unexpected contribution of the day, anyone want donuts?" I grinned. Wills poked me in the belly and Spike frowned.
"Alright everyone, please be seated, we would like to begin!" Giles announced in a surprisingly loud voice. Everyone began shuffling to his or her seat. I followed Wills to the row reserved for the Scoobies and their cousins from Angel Investigations. Buffy caught me before I could sit, though and glaring at Spike to stay, dragged me to the side of the room.
When I faced her on the sidelines she gave me a freaked out look that instantly had me worried. "Buff, what is it?" She pushed her slightly mussed hair back with a shaking hand.
"Xan, I know this is a bad time but I need to go for a few minutes. Riley's being called back into service and the whole Initiative is being disbanded and transferred to regular service. He has to leave in a few minutes. He has to go to the front lines." Seeing how upset she was, I was finally struck by the seriousness of what was going on. This was a full out war and we were all fighting it. Us Scoobies were used to this kind of thing, but normal people were being sent to die without a choice. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. I hugged Buffy tightly and gave her a now fake smile.
"Go see him off, Buff, I'll let you borrow my notes for the final." I told her. She gave me a grateful look and slipped out a side door. I took a deep breath and turned to see Spike's eyes on me from his seat in the middle of the front row between Willow and Buffy's mother, Joyce. That really surprised me. Joyce just seemed so out of place in a war council. I frowned then. Spike didn't save me a spot. There were no free seats left in the place. As it was people were standing along the walls as well.
Giles had already began to explain exactly what we knew about the enemy and just what we had on our side. I looked back at Spike. He shrugged, a smirk on his face. I sighed. Yet another wonderful moment of Spike trying to prove he was still evil, despite the fact that he was patting Joyce's hand reassuringly. I stifled my smile. Those two were the strangest pair of friends I'd ever seen. I resolutely made my way to Spike's seat and slumped onto the floor in front of him, making myself comfortable against his legs.
As Giles started to give us the estimated number of casualties as of this afternoon, I reached up to my right and found Wills' hand. Gripping that, I listened, a sick feeling in my stomach as Giles began to take notes on the blackboard of what kind of support the SunnyHell had from its varied residents. Witches, Warlocks, and Demons volunteered their assistance in such surprising numbers that I began to feel a little better. We were forming a plan. Everyone that normally fought and killed each other was behaving and helping. Those aliens didn't have a clue the can of worms they opened by attacking Earth. They might wield fancy ships and energy weapons, but we've got the residents of hell dimensions and those made to fight them.
<We've got people like Buffy and Angel and Spike protecting us. They're going to die painfully.> I told myself, leaning my head on Spike's knee and squeezing Willow's hand reassuringly. I was still scared shitless.
<They have fancy ships and energy weapons. I am so going to end up not living.>
Chapter Twelve: People Not Wanting To Die
*Xandito*
The war council ended shortly before midnight leaving the majority of those who attended with designated jobs to carry out and numb asses from all of the sitting. As it was, I doubted I would be able to get up again after being folded up on the cold hard floor so long. I was forced to growl at Buffy, who had rejoined the meeting about half way through. She'd sat next to me, leaning on her mother's legs for the rest of the time but due to Slayerness, she'd been able to bounce to her feet at the end with relatively little stiffness.
I was lucky that Spike chose to help at that moment because there was no way I was getting up by myself at that point. Every bruise and joint had begun to ache, protesting my activities of the previous night (slamming into an RV, for one,) and I was seriously considering crawling to the car. Unfortunately for me, home would have to wait for some time. We all had our orders and mine had to be carried out for the good of mankind or something.
Spike hauled me, wincing, to my feet and when my legs refused to function, he wrapped an arm around my waist and held me upright against his side. "What's up with you, pet?" He asked me, annoyed. <Why's he annoyed? He gets to snuggle up to luscious moi!> I glared at him.
"I'm a weak fragile human thing. The explosions, bleeding, stress, and now this floor have all kicked my ass." He frowned and pulled me closer.
"You'd be best at home so you can rest a bit." He decided. I rolled my eyes.
"I wish, but I've got research to do. I'm supposed to be helping with the world saving, not sleeping through it." I tried to step towards the group of witches, warlocks, and snooty educated people that I was supposed to be organizing. It was hard moving forward when a far stronger vampire was holding you in place against his side. "Either be a good vampire-crutch and take me to where I need to be, or let me go." I ordered him. He just raised an unimpressed eyebrow. The yummy scarred one that just begged to be licked. I sighed in desperation as I felt my face flush.
"Xander, are you coming?" Willow called from the group of research-bound people. I looked pointedly at Spike. The bleached wonder gave me the sort of look a mother gives her child when she lets him stay up for just five more minutes. This time when I started to walk, I was escorted.
"Alright, people, we're going to set up in the school's library." I began to relay the instructions that Giles had given me during a break in the meeting. Strange that I was put in charge of research. I mean, I've been doing the research boogie for years now, but it wasn't exactly my forte. "We're focusing on spells that effect electric energy. If you have any magical references of your own feel free to pass them around but we've got a good amount of materials already set up in there. We'll get started as soon as possible and this endless party of magic fun will go until we've gathered enough spells to be effective against our enemies." I looked at the group of eighteen attentive faces and had a nasty flashback to the briefing I gave just before the Mayor's Ascension. Like I did back then, I wondered why I was the one giving out orders.
"When you find a spell that might be big mojo against the bad guys bring it to this cute little redhead and she'll see that it's checked out in further detail." I made sure everyone could see the blushing little Willow. "Any questions?"
No one said anything so I released my grip on Spike's waist to clap my hands together. "Alright, my pretties! Let us learn what we may so we might live another day!" Several people looked at me funny and a few groaned at my horrible rhyme but they all turned and followed Wills to the library. Spike was standing behind me, his hands loose about my waist in case I needed support. He leaned forward to whisper in my ear.
"That, luv, was horrible." He told me, his lips moving against my ear. My body temperature raised a few degrees. <He's evil! He's a cruel teasing evil thing that has been taking care of me and protecting me and supporting me since Anya wigged on me and dammit.> I tried so very hard to get mad at him for teasing me and assuming that he could do as he pleased with me, but I failed miserably. He'd been a better boyfriend to me these past months then Riley had to Buffy ever and we two weren't even together!
It was pretty obvious to me then, standing with Spike's mouth inches from my throat, that I trusted him. It didn't really have anything to do with the chip either. I'd always been nervous around Spike, never knowing when he might regain his bite, worried that the chip might malfunction and we'd all be dead. I didn't feel that now. I felt safe and comfortable, if a little giddy, in his arms. He wanted me, too, which was apparent from what I felt with him wrapped around me. That didn't frighten me as much as before. I realized that he was probably the best match I'd ever find for myself in my new form.
He knew who I was, who I had been, what I'd been, and he still wanted me and cared for me. And hell, if I could have sex with a homicidal Slayer and a 1100+ year old demon, I could handle sex with a male vampire. Its not like he'd bite my head off and feed my body to his young like past prospects planned to.
While I'd been pondering so strenuously, the subject of my thoughts had turned to Joyce who'd came back over to us to say goodnight. I watched him and he smiled sweetly at her and kissed her cheek. "You be careful going home now, Joyce." He told her, his sincerity evident in his softened eyes.
Spikey had a soft spot for the woman that was nothing if not cute. To think the vampire's closest confidant was the Slayer's mother. It was unexpected and I knew that Buffy didn't understand, nor trust Spike's affection for the older Summers woman. I did though. I'd seen Spike after his visits with her over the past months and those were some of my favorite times. He'd come home smiling and a lot calmer than his usual hyperactive self and would sit and talk with me about work and such or just watch a movie with me without his snarky comments or squirming.
"Are you feeling okay, Xander?" Joyce asked me, snapping me out of my memories. I nodded and gave her Xander Goofy Grin # 4.
"I'm fine, Joyce, just a little beat from the world save-age." I told her. She nodded and smiled fondly, hugging me and then Spike. She said goodnight and drifted off to go check on Buffy. Her daughter had thrown herself into full battle mode to avoid moping about her man going off to war so I pitied Joyce her task of caring for her.
"Liar." I looked up at Spike. He was smirking at me. I frowned.
"What? I'm not tired?" I asked him, giving him an amused smile. He growled, his face suddenly dark. I blinked.
"You are, but you're also thinkin'. Don't think I don't know what goes on in that daft little head of yours, pet." He warned me. I crossed my arms and scowled at him.
"Yeah, and when I don't bring things up it means I don't want to discuss them before what's left of the world." He faced me, mirroring my stance, arms crossed, scarred brow raised. <What, does he expect me to regale Joyce with my Spike related fantasies?>
"Why do you do that?" He demanded.
"Do what? Think? Sorry, I'm not as adept at not thinking as you are." I rolled my eyes letting him eat sarcasm. He growled again and was ten feet away before I realized that he was moving. <Gah! Stupid vampire!> I stomped after him.
Following him, we rejoined the leaders of our band of People Not Wanting To Die. Giles, Wesley, Angel, and Buffy stood around an overhead projection of a world map, making notes and discussing strategy for the actual violent part of our campaign. Spike insinuated himself in a discussion of the merits of battle-axes when faced with unknown armor between Wesley and Buffy and ignored me completely. I sighed and turned to Giles.
"Hey G, Wills has the witchy people starting in the library, she'll report anything worth reporting to you or Wes. Did you need anything else, or should I go pretend like I understand their strange magic gibberish?" Giles was trying to make the world go away by fiercely scrubbing his glasses, but, alas, the world remained.
"Xander, I was hoping you'd join us." He said finally, not looking like he was hoping for anything other than a long nap. "Despite the horrors going on outside the city, there are still horrors within, would you mind terribly going on patrol for a bit? I've got a few more things I need to discuss with Buffy before I can spare her." I sighed.
"You let him patrol by himself?" Angel asked, incredulously. I scowled at him for doubting my competance, but at least he remembered that I was a he. Giles shook his head.
"She and Spike do quite well on patrol." Giles informed him. I pouted. I didn't ALWAYS go with Spike, did I? <Yes, yes you do.> I hissed at my brain to shut up. Angel's next outburst caught the other's attention.
"You let him patrol with SPIKE? Do you WANT the boy dead?!" I blinked at him. <Why's he so anti-Spike all the sudden?> I was so used to the Scoobies trusting Spike to keep me safe that it threw me when it was called into question. It threw me, and then it pissed me off. Apparently it pissed Spike, Buffy and Giles off as well. Buffy beat us to getting in Angel's face.
"Do you think I would allow my best friend on patrol with Spike if I didn't know that Spike would keep him safe?!" She huffed. "I'm not stupid, Angel! Spike may not like us very much but he would never hurt Xander or anyone else here because he knows that as soon as he steps out of line, he's dust!" The last she added on a little less vehemently than usual.
"Spike has been working with us for some time now, Angel, he has proven to be a strong ally to Buffy and a good friend to Xander." Giles informed the souled vamp just as vehemently if not louder. He turned to Spike and me without waiting for Angel to respond. "Spike, Xander. Patrol." He snapped. We were out the door in half a second, hoping to avoid Ripper ripping us a new one.
As we set out towards the cemeteries I glanced at my silent shadow. He was fuming. I thought fast. If he was feeling too "Good" right now I should start yelling at him for acting like an ass hole in order to improve his mood. However, if he was pissed about what Angel said, he would need sympathy as well as a few stupid fledges to beat on. I decided to test the waters.
"Nice that the stupid wanker was worried about me. Made me feel all warm and tingly inside." I commented dryly. Spike snarled but remained quiet. <That was a whole world of pointless.> I tried to think of something else to say. I decided to keep it simple and straightforward. <Honesty is something that people like me are supposed to advocate. Not hide from like a sissy girl.> "So are you pissed that Angel doesn't think you will keep me safe, or are you pissed because Buffy does?" I asked.
"You're bait." He snapped and vanished into the shadows. I huffed and puffed and tried to look helpless. This was an old game of ours for patrol. I walked along looking sweet, innocent, and yummy and Spike got to beat up the bad guys I attracted. Spike used to compliment me on what wonderful bait I made, and somehow that never made me feel good about myself. Must be the whole "Not insane" thing.
I walked in silence for two minutes, wondering why bad guys still fell for this act. I mean what kind of girl wandered through the graveyards after dark without protection? It took about five fledges before Spike stopped doing that angry jaw clenching thing, and two more before he moved back into step beside me. <Violence solves everything I 'spose>
"Are you going to talk to me now or are you going to snarl some more?" I asked him. I was tired, hungry, thirsty, and I wanted to know what was up with my pet vampire.
He lit a cigarette before answering. "What do you want to talk about then?" His voice was low and rough. I watched him move, wondering why he was being so cold. He was walking four feet away rather than right on top of me and he wasn't looking at me. It was very un-Spikey of him.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked him then rolled my eyes at myself. I sounded like an insecure little girl with quivering lip and anime eyes. Spike snorted but didn't look at me.
"'m just thinkin'." He said, a sharp edge to his voice. "I don't have to share every bloody thought in my head." I scowled. <Oh no, mister! No turning situations back on me!> I halted and stood glowering at him with my hands on my hips. After a few steps he turned to see why I'd stopped.
"You're still pissed at me because I didn't tell Joyce about my lusty vampire thoughts?!" <Just how old IS he? Two? He's supposed to be the grown up! I should kick him in the- Why is he looking at me like that?> He was staring at me, his expression half confused and half mad. "What?" I snapped.
"That's not it! You know bloody well why I'm mad! You always act like everything is peachy when you don't have to! Try acting like a bloody human for- You were thinking about shaggin' me, pet?" His rant lost its momentum when he registered what I'd said. I felt my face turn bright red and stared at the grave stone to my right. <I can't believe I said that out loud! I feel so stupid its like I'm back in High school! Next Spike'll publicly denounce me while we make out in broom closets....> I shivered at that thought. <Mmmmm making out with Spike-> I mentally slapped myself as was getting to be habit lately.
I saw him staring out of the corner of my eye and realized that I was supposed to answer him. <What? What do I say?! What do I say?!> I risked a real look at him. He was watching me intently, his full yummy lips curved in a small smile. "Well, duh." I managed, going with a classic. His cute little smile turned into a full on sexy grin. "Stop it?" I pled. <Stop or I may be forced to kiss you senseless?>
*Spikichi*
"I'm gonna do what any man would do about it: something damn manly."-Xander
<What the bloody hell is with him telling me to stop?!> Every time things start getting good and I'm looking into those pretty chocolate eyes of his, he starts this. What am I supposed to soddin' stop? I'm not allowed to look at him? "Stop what?!" I growled at him. <He's going to make me crazy as my!>
He was bright red now and my nose told me that he wanted me. I took an involuntarily step towards him, still wanting an answer, but not ignoring body language while waiting for it. "Stop looking at me like that!" He demanded again. I snorted. <How else do I look at you, you silly git?>
"I'll look at you however I bloody well please." I informed him, stepping forward again, toe to toe with him. He leaned toward me, annoyance evident in his eyes.
"But you're making me feel like a girl." He pouted. His little lip stuck out and I couldn't help but reach up and run my fingertips across those full lips and up his smooth cheek. "Not that I really mind being like a girl around you." His lips curved into a small smile as he leaned into my caress.
"And why would that be?" I asked him. I felt so calm at that moment. Just touching him gently as I was made both my demon and I feel like there was no reason to rush. The boy would make the first move here, I knew, and it would make everything right. There was no room for doubt or greed. Nothing to worry about for William the Bloody tonight.
"I can be a girl around you because you don't forget what I really am. That's really amazing of you, Spike, and I don't think I've ever really thanked you for keeping me sane and of the living." He answered softly and moved onto tiptoes to kiss me. For once it didn't chafe me to have someone think I was good. <I can be good for my boy.> I decided as I pulled him toward me. The demon agreed vehemently as I settled my hands around his hips.
I felt his fingers slide through the hair on the back of my head and smiled against his soft, searching lips. Another of his hands slipped around my waist to my back inside my duster and hugged me hard enough that I hardly had to hold the soft body against me to stay in contact.
Throughout the kiss, I kept it light, allowing my pet to call the shots for the moment. He never took it beyond the lips, yet somehow that light teasing contact had me just as hard as if he'd shoved his tongue down my throat. When he finally pulled back to breathe, I searched the graveyard for something solid to take him against. My lusty plan, however, was thwarted when he slithered out of my grip and grabbed my hand in his, bring my attention back to those dark, dark eyes. He smiled sweetly at me but looked a little uncertain.
"I think that we should finish our patrol and report back in to Giles." He said timidly, as if waiting for me to snap on him. I would have, too. My demon was screaming for me to throw him to the ground and shag him mercilessly, however, something in his eyes told me that now was not the time to scare him off. Scared Xander was not a horny Xander and violent brutal sex would leave me with Scared Xander and a headache rather than a case of blue balls. So I convinced myself to do the one thing I did worst. I decided to wait for the boy to come to me. <Remember, Will, be good.> I thought in desperation as Xander pulled me through the cemetery, hand in hand.
I growled in frustration as he pointed out a fresh grave, his graceful movement tightening his shirt against his chest. But then he flashed me this knowing, yet rueful smile reminding me that he knew just what I was going through and I calmed. His regretful expression showed me that he felt bad about getting me worked up but that he really needed to wait. <I can be good.> I decided firmly. I staked a fledge and took his hand again and continued on patrol.
Chapter Thirteen: I wanna muffin, dammit!
*Xandra D*
"Xander?" A hand nudged my shoulder, jerking me back to wakefulness. Pushing my hair back and discreetly checking for drool, I turned to face she who interferes with sleep.
A sweet looking blond girl smiled shyly at me and blushed, looking at the floor. <Uncomfortable girl! Must help!> My brain jabbered at me. So I gave her a goofy grin of the generic Xander type and made a big show of stretching. "Did you need the Mighty Xan-Man to help drool the fierce books into submission?" I asked her cheerfully. A part of my fuzzy mind pouted because my crack sounded wrong in a female voice.
She smiled a little and twisted the bottom of her shirt. "N-no, Willow told me t-to bring you to the f-front." She told me. At Willow's name it clicked in my mind that I recognized the girl.
"You're Tara, right? Willow's witchy friend?" Willow had introduced me to her after the incident with the Gentlemen and she'd been seen around a few times since. She nodded, still blushing. I walked around the table and walked with her to the front desk where Wills was listening intently to an elderly woman go on about how lightning spells were hazardous to cats. Willow was smiling and nodding reassuringly, but she gave me a look that was a plea for help over the woman's shoulder. I grinned at Tara. <Xan-Man to the rescue.>
"Excuse me, ma'am, I could help but overhear you speaking to Willow. Are there any spells to keep a cat's dish full while you're stuck helping save the world? Y'see, I keep wanting to get a cat but some nights I just can't get home, what with the getting thrown around by big scary demon guys..." The woman turned to me, her wrinkled eyes lighting up.
"Why yes, young lady, I believe there are several spells that could help you with that, would you like me to make you a list of references?" She asked kindly and little excitedly. I smiled sweetly.
"If you could, that would be wonderful!" She trundled off to a table to write down what I asked for. "Shall I bring it to you when I'm done?" She asked me, distractedly. I grinned a little evilly and winked at Wills and Tara.
"Oh, I'll probably be running around, why don't you give it to my boyfriend. He'll be hanging around. He's hard to miss. Vampire, black leather and bleached hair." She nodded and went back to her oh-so exciting work. I turned back to Wills and Tara.
"Xander, I swear Spike is having a horrible influence on you!" Willow scolded. I grinned at her and winked at Tara again. She was cute when she was flustered. "Is he really your boyfriend? Should I start with the threats of bodily harm? Is he behaving?" Wills asked excitedly. I grinned at her.
"Willow Rosenberg, you know I don't kiss and tell!" I said, mock-serious. She gasped and covered her mouth, hopping up and down, squealing. It used to be that I could watch the Hyper-Girly-Squeal-Out and laugh. Now I had no choice but to join in with the hopping and the squealing. It was a strange, happy disease that I'd lost my immunity for when I became a girl. So we hopped and we squealed and we giggled, then we made Tara join us for more hopping, giggling and squealing. It was an exhausting process, but I'd learned that it was necessary to the female when faced with exciting boy-related news.
After we'd calmed a bit I turned to Wills again. We were all flushed and grinning like maniacs, but there was still a crisis going on. With our experience with impending death, we Scoobies had all learned that one must continue the living process even when shadowed by fear or the whole point to saving the world was lost. We had also learned that there was a time for girly giggles and a time for action and the action part was now. "What d'you need me for, Wills?" She cleared her throat and smoothed her skirt and picked a CD up off the desk.
"I've compiled all of the spells that Giles, Wes, and I agreed would work best onto this disk." She told me, her sweet voice going boss-like. "I need you to go print up about thirty copies and distribute them to all our witchy people. I'm going to have to run in a sec. Giles wants to go over some spells with me in a couple minutes." I snapped to attention and saluted her.
"You can count on me, General Rosenberg, sir!" I said crisply and took the disk. I gave her a big grin as I turned on my heel and marched from the room. It was just past dawn as I crossed the campus to carry out my mission and the sun had a strange orange tint to it. I whistled as I walked. I may not have any special powers or anything, but damn was I good at coping with ominous signs and ticking clocks. No one can ignore certain death on the horizon like Xander Harris!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Dr. Spiketapus*
I ended up leaving my little pet at the library on campus just before dawn and retreated to the classroom that had become the War Room to meet with the other fools in charge of all this insanity. I was in a pretty mellow mood as I sat in the windowless room with Angel, Wesley, Giles, Gunn, Cordelia, and Buffy. Unfortunately my Xander-induced calm left the instant Angel demanded to be told why I was being involved in the battle and Buffy, Giles, and even Cordelia jumped to my defense. I felt like some sort of demented mascot for the Slayer.
I was so tempted to abandoned the pillocks then and there, but I kept up the mantra, <Be good for Xander.> in my head and forced myself to stay and listening to their scheming.
Overall their plan wasn't complete rot. There would be plenty of help on the magical end of things seeing as Rupert had found himself an army of folks who dallied in the dark arts. What surprised me was the other watcher, Wesley. Bloke had a real talent for strategy. The others just kind of followed his lead as he suggested the angles to attack from and who should be doing the attacking.
I just sat back in my chair, half pondering the prospect of massive violence to come, and half remembering just how my boy had tasted and how soft and warm he was. I was barely paying attention until the subject of who was going to be in charge of each portion of the demonic/human army we were raising. "This would be easier if we had anyone with military experience in our ranks but the government has drafted anyone younger that eighty with experience." Wesley lamented, taking a sip of the noxious brew that Cordelia had created and dubbed "coffee". The man seemed to have built up an immunity to the sludge after working in her office so long.
"What units still need commanders?" Buffy asked, in problem-solving mode. Cordelia started flipping through the notes she'd been taking through the meeting.
"Well, we've got Giles and Willow in charge of our magic unit. Buffy, you've got the ambush unit. Angel's leading our demons for the frontal. Gunn, you've got the second human contingent. Wes and me will be coordinating everyone. We just need someone in charge of our snipers and someone to help coordinate the medical personnel." Cordelia smoothed down the pages of her notebook and turned her attention to the others, poised to write what they decided.
"When we led the attack on the Mayor, it was Xander who gave a lot of the orders. Perhaps he would be a good choice to command the snipers." Giles suggested. I sat forward in my seat, not liking where this was going.
"Giles is right, Xander did do a pretty good job at Graduation." Angel agreed quietly. I growled softly, wondering just what happened at the whelp's high school graduation. That was a story I hadn't heard. I also had to wonder where the hell they were getting their artillery. Did the Watcher keep sniper rifles with the Slayer's crossbows and stakes? Also, what was going to happen if we won this battle? There were still the ships and the other armies in other parts of the world. And how the hell am I going to be protecting my boy if he was right in the middle of the fighting?
While I was thinking, my poor Xan-pet had been assigned his own force of four men and six women to command. This was not going very well. I decided it was high time for me to open my mouth. So I did. And that was how I found myself in the hallway outside the room tied to a bench. <Bunch of soddin' bullies they are.>
I tried to get free, but my Watcher and Slayer were far too adept at restraining me these days. I gave up and pouted. Hopefully Xan would show up and untie me and then give them hell. And maybe while he was yelling, he would get all flushed and his eyes would sparkle in that pretty way and his chest would heave to catch his breath after yelling and I would-
"Hello there! I'm Mrs. Goital, but you can call me Erma. Your pretty little girlfriend told me that she was interested in these spells so that she could get a cat." A cheerful little old woman sat next to me on the bench, oblivious to the ropes and chains. "I really think you should get her a kitten, she seems like she needs something small to cuddle with after dealing with so many dangerous demons..."
<Bloody Hell.>
Chapter Fourteen:Prebattletravel-Prebattletravel-Prebattletravel-Prebattletravel-Prebattletravel(Don't ask.)
*Xander*
I found myself sitting on a rock in the middle of the desert with the sun beating down on me. It was disconcerting, somehow, just sitting on a rock. In the desert. I blinked. How was it disconcerting? I didn't know. But damned if I wasn't disconcerted. I looked around at the excessive amount of dirt and sun-baked half dead plant life and scratched my head.
A moment later, to my right I saw Buffy limping toward me, her leg covered in blood. She was smiling brightly and holding out her arms to me. I jumped to my feet and noticed how tall I was. I was a boy again! I did the Scooby dance before turning back to Buffy, but she was lying on the hard ground, a pool of blood around her. Her body turned into a gravesite complete with grass and tombstone. I shook my head sadly and turned to Anya who stood beside me dressed in black.
"She was elegant." She told me and then her hair shortened and she grew to just below my height, her face lengthening and shifting until Spike stood beside me in the bright sunshine. Wearing a bright pink sweatsuit.
"Right then, I'll just be off on my walk now. S'what I deserve, bein' evil an' all." He told me and turned on his heel to set out across the roasting desert. As he walked Mrs. Brady from the Bunch appeared beside him and took his hand. I watched, still disconcerted as they skirted a cactus patch. At that point I realized that this had to be a dream, because, Duh, like Spike would ever hold hands with Mrs. Brady! I turned to Angel who was beside me to point that out, but he was too busy making out with Willow to notice. I shrugged and turned back to Spike and Mrs. Brady just in time to see her stake Spike with a Captain Picard action figure, which was soooo not made out of wood, but Spike disintegrated anyway.
I stalked over to her to scold her for staking him with a non-stake but she patted me on the arm. "I'm sorry, dear, but pink just wasn't the appropriate color for the occasion!" She informed me, gesturing to Buffy's grave. I blinked. Well it did make a dream kind of sense. I shrugged and walked past Angel who was now making out with Oz.
I went to the grave and sat in front of it on another rock then woke up.
Blinking, I unstuck my face from the window it was pressed against and blinked out at the terrain that flashed by the passenger's side window in the front seat of an RV. <Look. Desert. Huh.> I scrubbed at my face and turned in my seat to see who was driving for this shift. It was Buffy. She smiled distractedly at me.
"Have a nice nap, Xander? Your snoring was very...enthusiastic." She asked. I shrugged and wondered if there was anything in the back that could get the construction paper taste out of my mouth. Chocolate maybe? Or Spike? Was he awake?
"My nap was marvelous, only two of my closest friends died in it." I shivered, the dream started to wig me out since I'd left the nonchalance of the dream world behind. I got up and leaned over to give her a half hug. "watch your legs tonight, Buff." I told her. She looked up at me with one of the most worried and sad expressions I'd seen on her yet. I kissed her on the forehead and headed through the aisle, stepping over the limbs of our sleeping fighting force.
Slipping into the back bedroom compartment I had to wait for my eyes to adjust before I could make out those who were sleeping on the two twin beds that were attached to the walls of the moving fortress. On the left side was Angel, looking at me through half-open eyes. I remembered my dream and had to stifle a laugh. I managed to nod to him and then crossed to the other bed where Spike was doing his level best to slip between the mattress and the wall despite it being bolted down.
Spike blinked blearily at me when I lay down on the bed beside him. Across the small room Angel had the decency to turn onto his side facing the wall giving us some semblance of privacy. "W'a's up, luv?" Spike slurred, looking confused at my presence. That made sense. I didn't exactly slip into his bed when we were at home. I knew I should feel weird, but I didn't, seeing as I was half asleep still and had just seen him dusted by Mrs. Brady.
"Don' ever where pink sweats." I told him, curling up against his chest. He snorted and settled his arms around me, pulling me close.
"Don' plan on it, pet. Sunshine over there might, but not me." I giggled and rubbed my nose against his collarbone.
"Naw, he was making out with Oz." At that I felt the confused eyes of two vampires on me. "Was a dream..." I explained with a yawn and hmmed when Spike started to chuckle, his chest vibrating. That made my nose tickle and reminded me of the other tricks he could do. "Purr." I ordered him, my eyes closed, already drifting towards sleep. I felt hands stroking my hair as he obliged me. The thrumming in his chest made me giggle again. "Big kitty." I murmured, in the comfortable floating place between sleep and waking. "Wake me when we get there. I don't wanna sleep through dying." I told him, pressing my cheek against his vibrating chest. The arms around me tightened for a moment but I was slipping slowly into sleep.
~~~~~~~
*Spike*
I looked up at Angel across the way and saw his look of sorrow directed at my Xander. Apparently he didn't have much more faith in our chances than Xan did. I kept up purring and nuzzled my boy. He was so warm in my arms. <I could get used to an arrangement of this sort.> I glanced up at Batman again to see him in full on brood-mode. I rolled my eyes, which he didn't see because he was too busy looking inside his woefully tortured soul. "Angel?" I spokes in tones so low that only his vampiric hearing could pick it up so's not to disturb my pet, curled in my arms.
Angel looked up at me, torn from his new and exciting hobby of staring inward. "Where am I goin' to be fightin'?" I asked him. He frowned at me. At least I thought he did. He never was much on facial expressions. He considered it for a moment.
"You'll be with me." He said after a moment and turned back to face the wall, ending the most civil conversation we'd managed in over a hundred years. I nodded and smiled to myself. Maybe I'd get to 'accidentally' trip him during the fighting. Against my chest, Xander murmured in his sleep something about 'Captain Picard' being made out of plastic. I kissed his forehead and he settled down again.
Chapter Fifteen: I'm thirsty. I'm gonna go get some water.
*Xanderina*
Energy weapons are a lot scarier in person than they are on TV. So are aliens. And seeing Willow's eyes turn black? Could have done without that experience. Oh yeah, and the part where the alien foot army suddenly had air support? I'm glad I'm a girl cause, damn, did I scream like one.
Okay, the battle began completely different then I imagine Wes envisioned it. We had a lot of surprises before we could be organized and even then I had surprises because I was only in on part of the planning. But I'm certain that was just so I could be pleasantly surprised mid-battle when I thought we were all going to die painful deaths.
The battle itself took place in a grassy valley just south of Bishop, which was just below the beautiful resort town of Mammoth Lakes, California. The biggest surprise was the location. There wasn't supposed to be flat ground. We were supposed to be in the city itself before the aliens arrived. It was okay, though, we dealt. At least it was just after dusk so our nocturnal allies could leave the RVs before they were blown up.
The magic folk began their attack at once, bringing down a huge lightning storm that was strong enough to take out more than half of the advancing army's shields. Angel advanced with my Spike at his side, backed by a surprisingly large amount of demons which just grew larger as more arrived from different parts of the state. Apparently our plea to the underground worked quite well.
The next attack by the magic folk was in the form of huge roots growing from the ground to wrap around the legs of the rear portion of the immense force of glowing blue aliens. This tripped them up for quite a while as they had to tear free and the thorns that grew on the vines were poisonous as well. I don't quite know if the poison really effected the invaders, but the thorns still snuck through their armor in some places.
By that time my group of sharpshooters had given up staying out of sight. There were absolutely no shots available to us from our position. I ordered them forward through Gunn's human ranks even as Wesley sent the same order to my mind through a spell he'd set to allow him to communicate with the leaders in the group. I gave up my unit's distinction and we hit the front line with other humans and learned close up that the aliens were quite vulnerable to gunfire when their shields were down.
I don't know how long it was before we heard the horrible rumble from above that we recognized from the death of L.A. We were pretty much screwed, so I shrugged and leapt bodily on the nearest alien that I saw and found it easy to the point of disappointing, to snap it's neck. It fell dead and I landed on top of it, scrambling to grab up the creature's weapon. It looked like something from the Men in Black, its barrel shiny metal and rounded where a human gun would be flat. I looked up, to see my fellow humans and a few demons fighting hand to hand with the creatures without shields. I spotted a dark force approaching from the right and sighed with relief.
The real soldiers had arrived. The army that Buffy and Riley had commandeered from almost willing officers crashed into the alien army and began to decimate it. I let out a soft cheer and ducked the arm of an overzealous green demon thing fighting next to me.
A flash of blue brought my attention back to myself in time to face one of the critters with its shield still functioning barreling through those still fighting near me. The thing was running, shooting as it went, and as I watched, it took out more than ten of the good guys. I'd thought I was frozen in fear, watching it approach, until I realized that I was shooting at it, my fingers scrabbling at the strange shape of the trigger. Apparently my hands can think without me. And apparently the energy weapons can punch straight through their shields.
Huh.
It didn't take long after that before most of us were toting enemy weapons. It kind of made me wonder. Why didn't their shields protect them? Was friendly fire not a problem for them? Hadn't any of their other opponents done this? Or was resourcefulness merely an Earthling trait?
I didn't have much more time to wonder because Wesley ordered a retreat. I blinked. Why? We were winning! But then I noticed again the familiar whining above us in the night sky and I bellowed the order, hearing Angel's voice yelling the same from nearby. We all ran, trying to dodge the bodies spread over the terrain as well as the continued enemy fire. There was no way we'd get clear in time. All of L.A. had been decimated by the last blast. This one would come down right on our heads. We kept running anyway.
We hit the circle of RV's and all turned as one to see our death's coming to us, but that wasn't what happened. That was when I saw the formation of magic users. They were to my left and as I turned I saw five circles of seven in formation of a pentagram with none other than my sweet, loving, beautiful little Willow at the center, her eyes glowing an eerie black. I shivered, seeing black lightning race towards and then into her as she rose into the air, her arms raised above her head and toward the ship.
That's when everyone hit the deck under Wesley's order. The next few minutes I spent staring at patch of grass that my face was smooshed into. I listened to roar of several explosions, the supernatural whisper of magic and the frantic beating of my own heart. I felt winds push at me before rubble of the dirt and stray body part variety rained down upon us. Wesley ordered us to our feet again and I jumped up, turning to see what happened. I blinked in surprise. The enemy ship was in flames and no longer quite as airborn as is had been. In fact it was buried halfway into the ground a football field away surrounded by rubble and corpses of who knows how many species of demon and alien and human.
<Alright, citizens of Earth! Finish what you started!> Wesley commanded and those of us who could stand were running back towards the much reduced alien force to put an end to the battle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Spikettios*
It was bloody amazing, the spell Red used to take out the ship. It was like she reached up and plucked the thing out of the sky and smashed it down smack on the main group of alien buggars. I didn't get to see much of the destruction, though, seeing as my froufy sire chose that moment to remember what a tight and tasty arse I've got and decided to save it. He practically threw me into the ground and hovered over me. Annoying? Hell yes! Convenient? Hell yes! I didn't get hit with any of the dirt and body parts flying around.
I didn't have a chance to really appreciate the carnage after because Angel was already yanking me to my feet and dragging me back into battle, shoving one of the critter's guns into my arms, like I was some stupid fledge needing him to show me how to fight. I just snarled at him and jumped into the fray.
I didn't pull out of my demon's bloodthirsty rage until I noticed that the alien bastards were retreating into the wreckage of their downed ship. As I watched, trying to figure out how the battle was going to progress I caught sight of a familiar figure running in my general direction. I watched as Riley Finn fought his way through a few alien survivors in the area and then looked at me. He opened his big obnoxious farm boy mouth to say something undoubtedly stupid. When he jolted to a stop, a flash of blue blearing by him.
He caught and held my eyes, giving me the look of pure agony and fear that I hadn't seen on a human face in so long, his eyes loosing focus before he tore his eyes downwards. I looked at where he was staring and shivered despite myself. The soldier was lacking his entire right arm. It was shorn off by the stray blast from just below the shoulder, leaving nothing there. Riley just stood, staring at the place where his arm was supposed to be.
Unconsciously, I sniffed for his blood, but smelled nothing beyond the little caused by the scrapes and cuts he'd sustained before now. I took a few steps closer, pausing to kick and then snap the neck of a charging alien, and took another look. The wound on his shoulder was cauterized neatly by the heat of the energy blast. No blood. Lucky for the git, he wouldn't bleed to death. I noticed the way he was staring at the slightly mangled arm on ground that still clung to the alien rifle he'd been carrying.
No, the git wouldn't die from blood loss. He'd die of shock in a minute. Or get mowed down while he just stood there, staring at his arm. Or lack thereof. Stupid fragile humans. That reminded me of what I'd been trying to forget since the beginning of the battle. Xander could just as easily be one of the mangled corpses lying on the broken ground. Or standing somewhere, defenseless, staring at the stump that was his arm or leg. That thought drew me over to Riley and had me pulling him bodily back towards the RVs where that Lorne bloke had set up the medical staff.
I must've killed three more aliens on the way and even one vamp who figured Soldier-boy for a quick snack mid-battle. I blew its head off with my alien gun and continued on towards the medics. By some miracle, a human male, covered in what smelled like four different people's blood, appeared at my side and took control of the absent soldier. I nodded to the medic and turned to charge back toward the front lines. I preferred a healable vamp or demon up front than these fragile human fools.
When I'd reclaimed my place at my sire's side, I had to do a double take, as a small warrior took her place beside me. I stared for a split second as my fragile, human, tiny love shot the head off an alien and then made an oh-so-familiar "ick" face as she stepped over the body to meet another enemy head on. The lithe female form slammed the butt of the gun into an opening in the creature's armor, causing it to curl downward. Xander took the opportunity to slash the critter's throat with a wicked looking knife after it'd leaned far enough down for him to reach.
Now I've seen Xander in battle before, especially in the past few months as I supervised his taking his frustration out on the demon population of the hellmouth. I'd seen the whelp take out his fair share of enemies, but I'd never seen him move like this. He was pure grace and efficiency in a tight little package. He moved like the Slayer. I guess after watching her fight for so long, my boy had started picking up tricks.
Seconds later I was at his side, holding one of the few aliens left that wasn't running for cover. I grabbed the top of its scaly gray head pulled it back, offering its throat to my Love. He looked up at me, confusion in his dark eyes, then understanding as he sliced the alien's throat open. I dropped it and turned to look for another victim, my pet falling into step beside me.
We were disappointed though. By then, most of the enemy survivors had made it to the cover of the ship wreckage and were holding our forces off. Our army stood just out of range of their guns and took stock of the situation while those of our forces who breathed caught their breaths.
Chapter Sixteen: Mr. Crazypants
*Xandelete*
"This is so many different species of gross that I'm not sure if ever going to eat, sleep, or watch TV ever again." I commented idly and I dragged the oozing carcass of an alien by its leg towards the wall of corpses we were erecting between the bad guys' ship and our surviving few RV's that made up our field hospital. Every once and a while a shot of blue energy hit the ground nearby. The futile warning shots had ceased to make me jump several hours earlier.
"True, the extensive ew-factor of this totally cancels out any previous ew we experienced in High School." Jonathan agreed with me as he helped me, gripping the other leg. With all the armor the aliens were a lot heavier than they would be naturally. I had been surprised to see Jonathan in the ranks of those who had fought, but hey! Short help is still help, no? Plus, Jonathan seemed to take my apparent gender-bending in stride.
"Pity these buggers taste like radioactive flowers. All that blood goin' to waste." Spike commented idly as he took the corpse from us when we reached him. He took hold of the two legs and slung the body up on top of the pile he was building using his vampiric strength to toss bodies around like bean bags. I wiped my hands on my already slime/blood covered jeans and shrugged. Another human team brought another corpse for Spike to fling upward.
"Shouldn't we be using all these bodies for something besides a wall? I keep getting the urge to strap on their armor and paint my face in their blood. It just seems like a properly warlike thing to do." Spike cocked his scarred eyebrow and gave me a heated look. <Okay, Spikey likes the bloodthirsty side of the Xan-man.> I filed that thought away for future reference. Jonathan wrinkled his nose in distaste.
"Wouldn't that give you acne or something?" I snorted and clapped my hands together.
"Break time!" I announced. "Time to go find out just what our illustrious leaders have planned for us." I marched off toward the campfire where Angel, Giles, Wesley, and Gunn all stood speaking quietly. "What's going on?" I asked them ask they looked up at me.
"We are attempting to plot out a course of action that will not result in our deaths." Wesley informed me, using his 'I'm a snooty Brit' voice. I nodded and stood with my hands on my hips, feeling Spike just behind me to my left and Jonathan to my right.
"We're getting out of here, right? Cause I don't wanna be here when they drop more ships on us. Or when the sun starts to cook our battlefield out there." I gestured toward where we all knew a field full of both sides' dead lie. I got distasteful looks from Giles and Wesley, but Gunn and Angel just nodded.
"We may have no choice but to stay here for now." Wesley said, scowling. "We haven't the means to transport more than twenty. They focused their attacks on our transports. We have sent men south to Big Pine. Its about half an hour away. They will try to attain transportation.
"Um. I remember when we drove through there." Jonathan spoke up, his voice a little squeaky. "Everyone was gone. They aren't going to find much." He told us timidly. I winced along with him when Wesley snapped irritably at him. He was a geek in school like me, it'd been brave of him to speak up.
"We know that, but there's nothing we can do about this now!" He snarled. I stepped forward, slightly in front of Jonathan, feeling protective.
"Chill out, Wes-man, he's not an alien." I said in a soothing tone, then shot and suspicious look at Jonathan. "You aren't, are you?" I stage whispered. He shook his head emphatically. I turned back to Wesley. "See, all human-er...relatively human, here." Angel put a hand on Wes's shoulder and the ex-watcher visibly relaxed.
"Hate to interrupt your little group therapy session here, luv, but shouldn't we be doin' somethin' to make smaller targets while we wait?" Spike said, stepping forward into the firelight. And there goes Xander's brain into a puddle of mush. I stared at him. Even rumpled and bloodstained, he was beautiful. <Okay, Xan-man, this is getting ridiculous!> I growled at myself. I wasn't going to last very long if I was reduced to staring every time my roommate stepped out of the shadows. I stared pointedly at Giles' shoes. Giles' nice safe, sooooo not sexy shoes. He was wearing nikes. Huh.
"As much as it pains me to admit it, Spike has a point." The owner of the nikes said, making me stare at him. <Well of course Spike has a point! Erk.> I dissolved into slightly hysterical giggles that only happen when you've been running on pure adrenaline for the previous eight hours of your existence. I received strained looks from everyone except Spike. He just moved closer to me and slid an arm around my waist, which was quite of the good since I felt my legs trying to give out on me and I giggled helplessly. After I'd managed to quiet myself somewhat, leaning against my pet vamp, the conversation continued.
"We need to make smaller targets of ourselves. That means scattering. If we remain in one large group running will be as pointless as staying put." Giles told us.
"What about a spell? Something to cloak us from the air?" Angel suggested. I almost started giggling again, seeing entirely unfunny Romulan Warbird in my head. I guess my brain was fritzing on the actual connecting part of my thoughts. Wesley shook his head, sighing.
"Won't be possible until our magic users have regained their energies. Rupert here is the only one of them that's conscious right now. That last spell took everything we had." I took another look at Giles, noting the deep circles under his eyes and the way his hands were shaking unsteadily. He looked far better than my Wills, though. I'd seen her earlier, just after the battle. As the focus of the spell, she'd had the energies of dozens of people pushed through her as well as her own considerable power. She'd looked like a truck had hit her. She had been lying unconscious amongst the other magic-users who had sprawled out, drained, like accident victims.
"So we scatter." Gunn said, finally piping up. He looked at each of us. "We head into the hills in small groups so they don't know who to follow. I'm sure we can draw attention away from our wounded until we can get them back to Sunnydale."
"Agreed." Wesley said, nodding. "I fear separation is necessary at this point for our non-wounded as well. I've had a few complaints of our more demonic forces attempting to snack on their fellows. Perhaps if we divided by species?" I looked around, suddenly wondering where Buffy was. I'd not seen her for a few hours.
"Where's Buff?" I asked Spike. If he didn't already know, his vampiric ability to sense her could help find her. He kept his voice low, answering.
"I imagine she's tending to Riley." I blinked up at him. I'd never heard him refer to the soldier by his real name. It worried me.
"Why? What's wrong with Riley?" I asked, ignoring the continued conversation around us. Spike looked uncomfortable before he responded.
"I had to drag the git out of the fight. He lost an arm and wasn't taking it very well." I felt sick suddenly, like the ground was dropping out from under me. Spike caught me up, lifting me into his arms. I tried my hardest to breathe as I started seeing flashes in my minds eye of the horrors I'd witness in battle and afterwards, in shifting the wounded. I lost the last shred of mental shielding that I'd built. Riley missing an arm was one of the least horrible images I had flitting through my head.
~~~~~~~
*Spike*
Being a vampire, I've caused plenty of trauma to human victims in the past, but very rarely let them live long enough, or stuck around long enough to see them deal with it. That's why it scared the hell out of me, watching my boy shake in my arms, gasping for breath. He had his face pressed into my neck so I couldn't see a soddin' thing on his face. I thought he was dying.
I never thought I'd be so grateful for Rupert Giles. The Watcher was in front of me in a flash, his hand squeezing my pet's shoulder as he spoke to him. "Shhh, Xander, its over." He repeated to the quivering human in my grip. I was at a loss, so I took his lead and started purring and rocking him comfortingly. It seemed ages before the shivering stopped and was replaced with silent tears. <Maybe bloodshed doesn't suit my pet as well as I thought. If it does this to 'im, I'd rather he stay behind the lines.> I looked up to Rupert's worried face.
"He'll be okay with some rest and food." He reassured me. I nodded and turned to Angel who had approached.
"We're going to give the order to head out now." He told me in low tones. "Take Willow, Xander, Buffy, and whoever else you can fit in one of the rigs and head into the mountains east of here. We'll contact you as soon as we can magically defend Sunnydale. Make certain that Willow rests. She needs to have her full strength before we regroup for she is vital to our efforts. If anything happens to her, we might as well be dust." For once I didn't bother to argue with the Poofter. "I'm holding you responsible for all of them, William. If any are harmed it'll be on your head." I growled at him and gestured for the little guy Xan was friends with to follow. I turned on my heel, striding away, carrying my love in my arms.
It took me bloody forever to get an RV emptied of sleeping wounded and even longer to get Xander settled on a bed in the back. I left him sleeping with the little guy to watch over him and started picking through the mostly unconscious group of witches. Near the center of them I found Red curled up with a little blond I'd seen her with a few times in SunnyHell. They were wrapped around each other so tightly that I decided it would easier to move the both of them together. I carried the two as they were back to the rig and settled them in the bed that had taken the place of the table. I headed back out again and concentrated long enough to sense the Slayer not too far away.
I found her kneeling over her soldier boy, face red and puffy from too many tears. He was asleep with his head in her lap, his torso covered with a gray wool blanket. "Slayer, time to go." Her head snapped back to look at me with an icy glare.
"Go away, Spike!" She hissed. I rolled my eyes. The only way to get through to people today seemed to be through poncey behavior. I knelt across the soldier's body from her and looked her in the eye.
"I have orders from Queen Angel to get you and your sidekicks out of here. I'm not leaving until I have all of you so get moving." She looked down at her beloved beefcake pointedly. "Right then, the git counts as a Scooby. Move." Before she could protest I pushed her aside and picked him up. I started walking, ignoring her sputtering. She was following me so I didn't care what she said.
I put him in the bed across from the kitchenette and took a head count. I had my humans on board. Ignoring the urge to check on Xander in the back room, I headed up front and started the engine. It took a long bumpy ride to get the rig back to a clear portion of highway 395 and get heading south again, and by the time I got us going the sun was on its way up.
I called the short kid forward and gave him the wheel. "Keep driving until we get to the next town. Find a grocery store, we'll need supplies for about a week. Make Bitchy help you. When you've got it all, head into the mountains first chance you get. We need to find someplace to hole up for a little while. Got it, mate?" He nodded, looking a little nervous, but it had to be good enough. I headed back to the bedroom compartment before I'd get singed and shut the door, checking that all the curtains were closed.
I turned to the bed and saw Xander sitting up, blinking at me, confused. I smiled at him.
~~~~~~~~~~
*Xandetta*
"Wasn't I just outside? I mean I was a little stressed but I coulda sworn I was outside dragging around alien corpses and ew." I wrinkled my nose at that thought. And then I wrinkled my nose at the smell still on me from the aforementioned corpses. Spike smirked at me and took off his duster. I watched him sit beside me and then bend down to untie his docs. He pulled them off and then tugged his blood and scum covered T-shirt over his head and flung it at the door. "I take it, its bedtime?" I asked him then, trying not to look at his pale, extremely nice-looking muscular back. He quirked an eyebrow at me and I squirmed, made uncomfortable by his silence and half-nakedness.
"Are you planning on speaking at all? Or should I just keep going on and on about how much we smell and how I have gooey stuff in my hair and my clothes are drying into a nice crunchy exoskeleton that will protect me from the elements or further attack?" He was just sitting there watching me, his expression changing from amusement to concern as I spoke.
"You don't remember talking to the Watchers and their lot earlier?" He finally asked, his voice soft. I blinked at him. <What?>
"Noooooo, Mr. Crazypants." I answered him, resisting the urge to run my fingertips down his spine to see if he'd shiver. He frowned and pushed my battle-crusty hair back from my undoubtedly filthy face. His touch was so soft, like he was afraid to break me. "I remember playing with dead bodies and then-" I froze, remembering my freak out finally. "And then I wigged." I forcefully shook off the memories that tried to invade my mind again.
"Are you alright, love?" Spike asked, his knuckles stroking my cheek. I took a deep breath and nodded like the brave little toaster that I am. <I'm a man and men don't cry because they've killed and maimed and oh wait, yes they do.> I looked at Spike, studying him, trying to decide what he would do if I burst into tears. Would he worry a lot and hold me? Would he get frustrated? I didn't want him frustrated or worried. I wanted him to smirk at me with his pouty lips and look at me with his gorgeous eyes. I firmly clamped down on any urge to cry and gave him a brave little toaster smile.
"Kiss it better?" <Where did THAT come from?!> His blue eyes went wide in surprise. My hand flew up to cover my mouth. <I guess my mouth knows what it wants!> "Heheh. Funny thing, my mouth, sometimes it just talks without me giving it leave to do so! Don't worry. I'll punish it accordingly. No chocolate for a month!" I babbled nervously. At that point he quirked his brow at me and gave me a sexy grin that shot that same strange electricity through my gut. I dropped my hand back to the blankets beneath me and gave him a hopeful smile.
"I think that from now on, I should be in charge of punishing that naughty mouth of yours." He practically purred. I felt my spine turn to goo. What's a guy to do? I stuck my tongue out at him, as it was the only prudent course of action for me to take. When he moved I barely had time to squeal before I was straddling his lap with him nibbling on my lower lip.
I took that golden opportunity to act on my earlier impulse. I ran light fingertips over his bare shoulder and traced the bumps of his spine down as far as I could reach before dragging my fingernails back up. I was rewarded not with a shiver but with a moan as he straightened his back, pressing his chest into mine. I smiled at that and he took that as a cue to deepen the kiss.
He angled his head to press his tongue deep into my mouth and stroked it roughly across my palate. He began to explore my mouth roughly, catching me somewhat off guard. I was so used to soft tongues and lips after so long with Anya and before that Cordy. He made it clear with his mouth that he was in charge of this shindig and who was I to argue? I quickly rediscovered breathing through my nose as a skill as I let him lead me through the exploration of our lips and tongues and teeth.
I used this golden opportunity to get a feel for the cool body beneath me. I took my time, running my hands over his shoulders and down his arms to squeeze his biceps then back up to his collarbones and down again over his very nice chest. I'd never spent much time with a male body not my own and I felt a thrill of the forbidden as I explored.
Spike just sat there and let me play while he kissed me, one hand on my waist and one splayed against my scalp. His hands were so much bigger than mine and in relation I felt so small in his grip. It reinforced the knowledge that he was a zillion times stronger than me and made me decide that he would definitely be in charge here. It felt good to give up the responsibility.
I waited patiently for further direction from him and it came soon enough. He paused to lap at my lips and his hands went to my ass, tugging me hard against him. I smiled against his lips and responded by flicking my fingers against his nipples. I was rewarded with him bucking his hips a little, pressing his hard jeans covered length into my crotch.
He tore his lips away from mine and looked me in the eye. He was panting without really needing to and it made him more human and made me feel more comfortable. His eyes were dilated so far to almost be black and his mouth hung open, tempting me to start in with the smoochies again. He took a deep breath as he studied my face before he spoke. When he did his voice was low and rough, half a growl and half a purr. "You going to be a cock tease again, love?" He asked, uncertainty entering his eyes. I considered it my last chance to flee, and then gave him a shrug and a grin.
"I'm ready." I told him. He gave me an exultant grin that I'd never seen on him before and suddenly my shirt was across the room and my bra was torn off and flung after its covering. I blinked and his grin turned wolfish.
A second later I was on my back and moaning because there were lips and teeth attached to my nipple. I found my hands in his bleached hair, holding him in place as he did amazing and moan-worthy things to breasts that I was thanking Anya for. After a few minutes of his mouth torturing me I became aware of a new sensation.
As guy, during sex, you try for friction of any kind on your cock. As a woman I noticed a similar need for friction, but the need came from two places. One was what I new was my clit. That I'd dealt with before in the shower out of curiosity but not enough to get too aroused. The second feeling came from inside. I started to squirm, knowing that there was no way to ease that need without Spike. I tugged him back up to eye level and kissed him hard before looking him in the eye.
"Need you inside." I managed to say, feeling so strange to be saying the woman's lines. Spike's reaction made me feel better. His moaned and flashed to gameface for a second, then he was kissing me hungrily. It was incredibly hot seeing him lose momentary control and not at all scary after seeing him vamp out for various mundane reasons around the apartment so many times. As he kissed me, his hands were unbuttoning my jeans so he could pull them and my underwear from my body, leaving me naked.
Impatient, I tugged at his jeans, trying to undo the irritating button fly. Why he wore them I'll never know. Must be the soulless thing. No one with a soul would inflict such torture on his lover. Finally, he was naked and I was flinging the evil pants at the wall. I made myself calm down a little, then, so I could appreciate the sight of the beautiful figure kneeling in front of me.
He was a lot more attractive than I ever was as a man, that much was obvious. I had always been too big and clunky. This beautiful creature fit his form so well that I was reminded me once more of his more cat-like traits. Only cats were that confident with themselves. He was hovering over me, waiting to pounce as I studied him, but I knew that he was ready to pound me into the mattress. I knew this from experience, seeing how hard he was and how his muscles bunched, waiting for me to signal that I was ready for the next step.
I smiled at him, appreciating his consideration. I was pretty sure that, had our roles been reversed, I'd have lost control ten minutes ago. I held my arms out to him and he pounced, sprawling over me, cool skin to hot, flushed skin. He kissed me softly and tenderly as we rubbed against each other for a moment, then I gave him the next signal. I brought my knees up and apart, allowing his lower body to fall between them. He nipped at my lip, as he drew himself up, bracing his arms on both sides of my chest..
"Ready, luv?" He growled. I nodded, trying not to squirm. He kissed me again as he began to push inside. Suddenly he stopped, barely in at all, his head falling to my shoulder. "Shit!" I blinked.
"What? What's wrong?" I asked, wanting to know why my happy fun feelings weren't happening. He lifted his head at looked at me, giving me a slightly pained smile.
"You're a virgin, love." It took me a moment to catch on, but when I did, I groaned. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then opened them to look up at him again.
"What do you wanna do? This'll probably hurt you more than me." I asked him. He nodded and took a deep breath and without warning, thrust hard into me. I whimpered and squirmed around the sudden invasion, but the pain was quickly fading. Looking up at him, I saw him clenching his jaw, agony in his eyes. I reached up and pulled him down, to me.
He rested his forehead against my shoulder for a moment while I gently massaged his scalp like I'd seen him do after a chip zapping in the past. In a moment, he lifted his head again and kissed me gently, thanks in his eyes. I gasped into his mouth when he moved again, pulling out of me then pushing slowly back in. The sensations were amazing, like electric current clutching my belly, making me arch my back against him. I needed more. He obliged, continuing to move slowly until I reached around him and scraped my nails over his skin. With that, he hissed and started thrusting harder, grinding whispery moans out of me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Spikalicious*
It'd been an eternity or two since I'd last been inside a living breathing hot human body and I'd nearly forgotten how it felt. I was almost grateful for the pain that came from that bloody chip, thrusting into the warm, soft body that writhed beneath me. If there hadn't had been pain at that moment, I probably would have came already leaving my beautiful Xan out of luck.
It was amazing to me, as it was, that I was lasting beyond the first couple thrusts. I was grateful that my love was already moaning and panting, nearing his own completion, eliminating the need for me to hold on much longer. When he reached his climax as I stroked into him again, I felt control of my face slipping and the demon came forward. I thrust hard twice more and kissed him hard as I came.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Xandoritos*
When I finally came down from my high, panting and still feeling the odd pulse inside, I realized that if Spike didn't move soon, I was going to be pancake Xander, which may taste good with buttery syrupy goodness, but that's not the kind of breakfast in bed that made the Xan-man happy. Fortunately Spike moved before I could get up the energy required to speak. He pulled out of me and moved onto his side, still wrapped mostly around me.
I watched him nestled his still Grrr face into my chest, his eyes closed. After a moment his face regained its human features and his blue eyes opened, looking up at me with the most innocent expression I'd seen on anything moving. He looked like an angel, bright blue eyes and beautifully angled cheekbones, pouty lips. Even his peroxide-tortured hair added to the effect, mussed prettily. His features managed to drown out the smudges of dirt and blue goo that covered us. Buffy would be envious of that talent. "So what was it like? Better than a guys? Not as fun?" He asked, curiosity and excitement flickering through his eyes.
I smiled, getting a monster case of the warm fuzzies. I twirled my fingers in his curly hair. "It was incredible, but I'm not sure how much was from being a girl and how much was just you." I answered, truthfully. He gave me this incredibly intense look after that.
"I love you." He said earnestly. I stared in surprise. I knew he like me, but I didn't think he really loved me quite yet. I think I gaped at him like a dying fish for a minute. After far too long under his burning gaze I managed to speak.
"Wow." I managed. "That just came right out of nowhere." He was going to burn me up with his eyes if I didn't say something good soon. I guess I floundered a little too long because his expression turned to that of a kicked puppy. The power of that face made me want to burst into guilty tears. I kissed his forehead reassuringly and stroked his face with my fingertips, desperate to make that heart-rending look disappear. "Spike, sweety, you just shocked the hell out of me!" I tried to explain my reaction while marveling at just how open he was acting. Snarky Spike was nowhere to be seen. Just beautiful angelic insecure Spike. "Give a guy a chance to reel!"
A second later the door burst open and Buffy stood staring at us. "Okay, just so many different flavors of ew!" She gasped, averting her eyes. Spike growled and pulled a blanket over us.
Chapter Seventeen: Xanmart and Spikeway
*Xanderas*
"Buffy! Sheesh! Make with the knocking!" I yelped, certain that I was several different shades of red. She had her hands up to block us from her view.
"Ugh! So gross, Xander!" She seemed to remember why she was there after a few moments of gagging noises. "We're stopping for supplies, do you want to get some clothes and stuff while we're here? It's Wal-Mart-wannabe but what can you do? This place had all of two stores and Ewwwwww I can't believe you had sex with Spike! He's like the punkass big brother that your parents really should kick out but they can't cause they're dumb!" She reverted to her gagging while I pulled my jeans back on and pulled my shirt on.
"Yeah, I'll go with you, Buffs, I need a new bra too seeing as Spikey killed mine." I glowered at the vampire who was settled back on the bed, blanket going to his waist, smirking at me, still looking like an angel. An evil angel.
I couldn't resist. I crawled over him and gave him a quick, chaste kiss, while he settled his hands behind his head. "Be careful, love." He whispered. I nodded, blushing because this time he really meant 'love'. I then ushered Buffy out of the room.
As we headed for the door behind the driver's seat I leaned down to check Wills and Tara. They were still asleep, curled up so cutely together. I wished I had a camera. Across from them Riley was sleeping, looking flushed and not entirely healthy. I lost my happy mood. I had to resist the urge to crawl back into Spike's arms again and forget. I met up with Buffy and Jonathan outside in the empty parking lot instead.
"Xander, you and Jonathan take care of the food, I'll get the clothes." Buffy said as she easily pulled open the locked doors of the small market. She trotted off down the sidewalk to the pathetic attempt at a Wal/K-mart. Jonathan and I snagged two carts and went inside the dark grocery store.
"Um, I'm thinking canned stuff and those big things of water." I said, pushing my cart fast and jumping up on it to ride it down the aisle.
"I'll start at the other end!" Jonathan called after me and disappeared from sight. I started filling the cart with soups and other canned goods that we could eat. After about twenty minutes I met up with Jon in the middle of the store, both of our carts were full. We went to the checkout area and started bagging our loot so we could carry it easier. As we worked, I stopped periodically to snag some candy for myself and then a carton of Spike's brand of cigarettes.
Jonathan finished before me and started back to the RV, leaving me alone for a minute. I started loading the last bagfull into my cart when I heard a popping sound from behind me. I whirled and came face to face with my ex- girlfriend. I yelped, of course, manfully.
Anya stood, her face in its demonic state, her hands on her hips. She was wearing a long flowing blue gown and blue satin pumps that I would never wear even under penalty of death. On top of it she wore the necklace that was her reclaimed power center. "Hello, Xander." She said with a smile. I backed up against the cart behind me, giving her a nervous smile.
"Anya! Long time no see! Drop by to share fashion tips or to tell the aliens where I am?" I couldn't help the bitterness that forced its way through my nerves. She rested all her weight on one hip and crossed her arms. She looked like she was patiently waiting for something. I'd never really seen patience on Anya before. I shivered.
"I'm very disappointed in you Xander!" She said, a familiar whine in her tone. "These aliens have been here for almost a week, Xander! Why haven't you gotten rid of them yet?" I let out a relieved sigh, shoving my fingers through my dirty hair. <Oh good, she just came to be annoying, not to injure me.>
"We're working on it, An." I said, turning around and pushing the cart out of the store. She followed on my heels, going on about how the aliens were bringing people together which greatly reduced the amount of scorned women in the world. I was just trying to figure out why seeing her again didn't hurt nearly so bad as it should have. I'd loved her, but now I was just annoyed. I wanted to tell her to make me a man again or go the hell away, but I couldn't risk pissing her off again. So I let her follow me to the RV.
When I got there I saw Buffy passing things through the door to Jonathan to store in cabinets. When she saw Anya, her jaw dropped and she immediately fell into battle stance. "Anyanka, what're you doing here?" She demanded. Anya rounded on her, hands on hips.
"I'm here because you aren't doing your job! You haven't gotten rid of the aliens yet!" Buffy glanced at me over her shoulder. I just rolled my eyes and mouthed 'Whine whine whine!'. I took Buff's place handing things up to Jon.
"Anya, if you aren't going to help us fight the bad guys, then go hide or something. We don't need your whining." Buffy said firmly. "Turn Xander back into a man and leave." Anya turned to look me over.
"No. I don't think he's suffered enough yet." I shoved a can of soup at Jon and turned back to her, pissed.
"What exactly am I suffering for?!" I demanded. She got right in my face and hissed at me.
"For what you did to me!" I growled in frustration and kept from hitting her by clenching my fists at my sides.
"What did I do, An?" I asked, my voice forcedly calm.
"You refused to give me orgasms when I was menstruating!" There was a collective 'ew' from those who were listening. "That's why I made you a woman! So you would understand!" I took a deep calming breath and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to push back the headache I felt building there.
"Anya." I said, trying to calm her with my soothing tone. "I've had my period twice now. It was unpleasant and painful and not good in any way. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. But I think I've learned my lesson." She studied me for a moment.
"Alright. I believe you. I'll come back to you and we can kill the aliens together and have many orgasms." I winced. <Why the hell does she think I'd want her back after she destroyed my entire life?!>
"Um. Anya?" She looked at me impatiently, her hand already raised to switch me back to my original form. "I don't think that you and me would be such a good idea." I said, ready to duck behind Buffy if I needed to. Slayers are supposed to protect you from demons, right?
"Why not?!" She asked petulantly stomping her foot.
"You screwed up his life, Anya! None of us want you around anymore!" Buffy raged. I cringed. <Wait to go, Miss Tactful!> Anya gaped at her for a moment then straightened up, her demonic face cold and hard to read. She turned to me.
"Is this true, Xander?" I fidgeted, trying not to meet her eyes.
"I would have taken you back a month ago, An, but I've had time to think about things and I'm happier without you screwing with my life." I suddenly got an idea. A convoluted, dangerous, stupid idea, but hey, who am I if not stupid? "I've gotten used to being a girl and I'm happy now. I've even got a boyfriend that loves me!" I watched the gears turn in her head as she went from hurt to pure rage.
"You like being a girl?! You have a BOYFRIEND?!" She roared. I was proud of myself for only cowering a little. Buffy was gaping at me, wondering at my stupidity, no doubt. "Fine, then, Xander." My ex-girlfriend hissed. "I hope you'll be very happy without me screwing with your life!" She gestured at me and vanished with an atmospheric pop.
I waited a few minutes to make sure she was gone and then burst into a triumphant holler. "WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!! She's a MAN, bayBEEEEE!!" I did the Snoopy dance as it was meant to be done. By a male Xander. I bounced over to Buffy and hugged her, lifting her off her feet in my enthusiasm. When I set her down again, she was sputtering at me.
"Y-you did that on purpose!" She accused. I bounced around her.
"Guilty as charged, Judge Buffy, lock me up and put away the key, I'll just be over in the MAN's prison for MEN!" I picked her up for another whirl in the air. When I set her down I turned and grabbed little Jon in a hug and then set him down. My only thought now, was to go share the fantastic news with my best friend. I bounded through the RV to the back compartment.
Whipping open the door, I barged in and found Spike sitting on the edge of the bed, fully clothed. I took half a second to be disappointed at that. He looked up at me, cigarette in his mouth, a half smile on his face that didn't quite reach his gorgeous eyes. "Congratulations, I heard it all." He said, before I could do any more ecstatic yelling. I really wanted to jump in his lap and kiss him silly, but something in his tense posture warned me not too. That's when it hit me. I was man again.
~~~~~~~~~~
*Spikeway*
I saw the realization hit him. His whole body deflated like some kind of soddin' balloon. <That's it. He just realized that he doesn't want or need ol' Spikey anymore.> I told myself. I'd been waiting for the return of the original Harris since I heard his ex-bitch's voice. I knew what would happen. The whelp would return to his original shape and realize that he didn't need me to take care of him anymore. Then it'd be, 'Spike, buddy, it was fun, lets forget that we ever shagged or that you love me!' Well maybe not in those exact words, but I knew that's how he'd feel, if not completely disgusted.
Looking at him sagging in the doorway, I felt like I'd been doused in holy water. He was still beautiful, with the same dark eyes and sweet lips. It didn't help that his shirt and jeans were shredded from his change in size. I took a deep drag at my cigarette, trying to figure out how to get him out of my doorway before I started weeping like the ponce he'd turned me into. After a minute of avoiding those dangerous eyes, I heard the Slayer calling for him. "Xander! Come change your clothes! You look like a less green Incredible Hulk!" She ordered him. He straightened up and turned and left without a word.
I went to lie back to try and sleep, but the bed still smelled of what we'd done there. I jumped to my feet and tried to pace in the limited space. I knew I'd be batty as Dru by the time the sun went down.
~~~~~~~~~~
*Xan-Mart*
I was seriously going to go batty soon if something didn't distract me. I fidgeted with the radio, trying to find a radio station, but only static filled airwaves. I tried humming depressing country music while I drove, but that wasn't helping either. I wished Buffy would finish feeding the witches and Riley soon. I needed to talk to her badly.
I sped up, heading for the mountains. Some instinct in me screamed for us to get into the hills and out of the open valley. I knew it was a stupid instinct, seeing as the aliens could make smores out of us no matter where we were, but I still needed rock walls and trees around us. I considered cheering when we made it into the foothills, but restrained myself. Then I wanted to cheer because I'd distracted myself from thinking about Spike. Then I wanted to slap myself for ruining a perfectly good distraction by thinking about not thinking about Spike. Sigh.
Buffy finally came forward and settled in beside me. I gave another nice long tortured sigh to make sure she knew I was in turmoil that required her assistance. "The big manly-man is sad. Why for?" She asked, turning to sit sideways in the passenger's seat.
"Before you came into the back room without knocking-" Glare. "-Spike told me that he loved me." I began. I could see her eyebrows shoot sky-high out of the corner of my eye. "But now I'm a guy again and he had the kicked puppy face-well he was trying not to have it, but it was there-and I just wanted to kiss it better but he probably doesn't want me any more and I don't know if I'm still gay, or man-liking, or whatever and I'm scared 'cause I think I love him back!" I panted for breath while she processed my freaked out babbling.
"Wow. So, yeah, lets see if I've caught the gist." She said after a moment. "You love Spike and he loves you, but you don't know if you can be together anymore? Right?" I nodded, wondering at her freakish ability to summarize my pain. "Alright, first thing's first. Do you think I'm sexy?" I blinked. <Wha-?> She explained. "I'm just checking to see where your lustiness lies." <Oooohhhhhh. Duh.> I made sure I wouldn't crash the RV, then looked her up and down. She was beautiful, as always. She even leaned over so I could see some cleavage. I felt the familiar lightning bolt to my dick.
"Yeah, straight Xander is back in order." I told her, staring at the road, trying to calm and control the body that I hadn't had to command in so long. I grinned happily for a moment just because I had my proper equipment again.
"Okay, now think about Spike," She ordered me. I brought a picture of him up in my mind. "Remember what he looked like when you really wanted to jump him." I blushed and glowered at her, but envisioned how he'd sat on the bed, shirtless, his blue eyes looking at me in concern. Okay, big reaction! I shifted uncomfortably when I noticed Buffy eyeing the obvious bulge in my sweatpants. "Okay, so you still want his sexy bod!" She announced triumphantly. "Now you just have to go back there and tell him that you love him and you want to have lotsa gay sex!" I shot her a shocked look. "What?"
"Buffy, you are seriously perverted." I informed her. She grinned proudly. I changed tracts. "Okay, so I still want him. What makes you think he wants me?" I asked her.
"Duh, Xander, vampires'll have sex with anything. Just don't forget that he's a demon, Xan. I know from experience that such things'll bite you in the ass right when you need your ass bitten the least." She patted my arm. "I won't tell you I approve of your choice in man-flesh, but I'm trusting you to remember to ask for help if you ever need it." She stared out the windshield for a second, a distant look in her eyes. "Thats where I always trip up.
She shook herself out of it and got up. "I'm going to go sit with Riley for a while." Her face became a study of worried misery. "Tell me when we get to that Glacier Lodge thing that was on the sign." I nodded, already consumed with Spike related doubts. Hopefully my Vamp-thing would go better than Buff's. I didn't think I could take him out if I ever had to...emotionally...god knows he'd kick my ass if I ever tried.
~~~~~~~~~
It was about forty-five minutes later that we reached the Glacier Lodge's main building. As were most cities that were known to be in the path of the now decimated alien army, this small village was completely deserted, its inhabitants evacuated to 'safer' locations. I pulled in to park in the Ski lodge's parking lot and turned off the engine. Buffy and I left Jonathan to watch Riley and the girls while we scouted the lodge itself.
Finding a group of nice cozy rooms all close in to each other, we chose them to house us. The hard part came next. Buffy broke open all the electronically locked doors with a little useful Slayeryness and then we began shifting the contents of our RV to their new resting places.
Buffy was able to handle Riley, who was sleeping, by slinging him over her shoulder, looking so much like an ant carrying a big piece of food that I had to stifle my laugh. Now was not the time. Riley was in pretty bad shape.
I ended up carrying my little Willow inside, cradling her against my larger, manly chest. (Yay!). I settled her in a double suite on one bed and Buffy brought in Tara and put her on the other bed. Reassured that they were still quite unconscious, we went out again and started carrying all the food inside, Jonathan organizing it in the industrial sized kitchen. We needn't have gotten so much food, we realized, the lodge's inhabitants had left a fully stocked supply. We shrugged it off though. Better safe than really hungry.
When I finally went back to fetch my vampire, it hit me that we had no blood for him. Worried, I went to the back of the RV and opened the door. Spike looked up from where he was shredding the pillow into teeny-tiny bits and blinked at me, game-faced and a little glossy-eyed. I gulped. Confinement and Spike are not a combinable thing. Suddenly he was on his feet and in my face, and for once I didn't have to look up at him. He was at a nice eye level, if not a little shorter.
"Come to tell me to sod off, then?" He growled. I had hoped that our little conversation could wait until we were settled in the nice lodge with a vampire slayer next door just in case. Oh well. I pushed back the automatic fear I felt from having a vamp suddenly in my personal space and wrapped my hands around his biceps, pushing him back just a little so I could make eye contact without going cross-eyed.
"I don't want to." I told him softly, looking into disorienting yellow eyes. I tried to make it light, as was my custom. "I hear that vampires'll shag anything." I commented, giving him a teasing grin to hide the way my heart was setting up shop my mouth. He stared at me, calculating, judging with his eerie yellow eyes. I knew he could hear my heart going a zillion beats per second. After an eternity his face melted into his human mask and blue eyes replaced yellow. The look in those blue eyes was far too intense for me too handle so I looked down and tried to think of something to say. "Would you shag a poodle? I don't think you would cause that'd just be ew and the poor poodle would be so traumatized. If you did molest a poodle I think I'd have to have Buffy stake you for the good of poodles every-"
I did the mental snoopy dance as he cut me off with a hard kiss. <Score two for Xander the master of manipulation! Xan-Man the Puppet Master!> He pulled back after a second and rested his forehead against mine. "Now why would I shag a poodle when I've got a git like you following me around like a lovesick pup all the bloody time?" I scowls and poked his firm stomach.
"I am not a pup! I'm a full-grown hot piece of manflesh and I believe YOU are the one that follows ME around." He smirked his wonderful 'not mad at Xander' smirk and I grinned like the goofy idiot I am for a second before going serious. "Just lets not rush anything? I'm sure you've been shagging the menfolk for ages. I'm still a little wiggy on the man on man thing. Rushing would be bad which is opposite of good." He let me babble that time, just watching me with an amused expression that made me want to jump up and down and squeal like a girl. <God, I'm gonna miss girly giggling.> I thought and settled for flinging the blanket over his head. "Time to go see our new headquarters!"
~~~~~~~~~~
A/n: Ah, well, there you go, m'dearies! Manly Girly-Giggles in its completeness can be found on my page at: <http://www.angelfire.com/ks/kiararogue/Buffyfanfic.html>
Fear not, my intrepid eye-baller friends!
You didn't think I'd leave it at that didja? Pfft...Hey, I'm a slash-freak and I have no clue how this became all gender-bendy, but I am NOT letting these boys(*snerk*) go without some hot m/m action! That and I have more cities to blow up....and flowers...*shudder*
Anyway, the sequel series, Radioactive Flowers, is on its way!
Chapter Seventeen: Xanmart and Spikeway
*Xanderas*
"Buffy! Sheesh! Make with the knocking!" I yelped, certain that I was several different shades of red. She had her hands up to block us from her view.
"Ugh! So gross, Xander!" She seemed to remember why she was there after a few moments of gagging noises. "We're stopping for supplies, do you want to get some clothes and stuff while we're here? It's Wal-Mart-wannabe but what can you do? This place had all of two stores and Ewwwwww I can't believe you had sex with Spike! He's like the punkass big brother that your parents really should kick out but they can't cause they're dumb!" She reverted to her gagging while I pulled my jeans back on and pulled my shirt on.
"Yeah, I'll go with you, Buffs, I need a new bra too seeing as Spikey killed mine." I glowered at the vampire who was settled back on the bed, blanket going to his waist, smirking at me, still looking like an angel. An evil angel.
I couldn't resist. I crawled over him and gave him a quick, chaste kiss, while he settled his hands behind his head. "Be careful, love." He whispered. I nodded, blushing because this time he really meant 'love'. I then ushered Buffy out of the room.
As we headed for the door behind the driver's seat I leaned down to check Wills and Tara. They were still asleep, curled up so cutely together. I wished I had a camera. Across from them Riley was sleeping, looking flushed and not entirely healthy. I lost my happy mood. I had to resist the urge to crawl back into Spike's arms again and forget. I met up with Buffy and Jonathan outside in the empty parking lot instead.
"Xander, you and Jonathan take care of the food, I'll get the clothes." Buffy said as she easily pulled open the locked doors of the small market. She trotted off down the sidewalk to the pathetic attempt at a Wal/K-mart. Jonathan and I snagged two carts and went inside the dark grocery store.
"Um, I'm thinking canned stuff and those big things of water." I said, pushing my cart fast and jumping up on it to ride it down the aisle.
"I'll start at the other end!" Jonathan called after me and disappeared from sight. I started filling the cart with soups and other canned goods that we could eat. After about twenty minutes I met up with Jon in the middle of the store, both of our carts were full. We went to the checkout area and started bagging our loot so we could carry it easier. As we worked, I stopped periodically to snag some candy for myself and then a carton of Spike's brand of cigarettes.
Jonathan finished before me and started back to the RV, leaving me alone for a minute. I started loading the last bagfull into my cart when I heard a popping sound from behind me. I whirled and came face to face with my ex- girlfriend. I yelped, of course, manfully.
Anya stood, her face in its demonic state, her hands on her hips. She was wearing a long flowing blue gown and blue satin pumps that I would never wear even under penalty of death. On top of it she wore the necklace that was her reclaimed power center. "Hello, Xander." She said with a smile. I backed up against the cart behind me, giving her a nervous smile.
"Anya! Long time no see! Drop by to share fashion tips or to tell the aliens where I am?" I couldn't help the bitterness that forced its way through my nerves. She rested all her weight on one hip and crossed her arms. She looked like she was patiently waiting for something. I'd never really seen patience on Anya before. I shivered.
"I'm very disappointed in you Xander!" She said, a familiar whine in her tone. "These aliens have been here for almost a week, Xander! Why haven't you gotten rid of them yet?" I let out a relieved sigh, shoving my fingers through my dirty hair. <Oh good, she just came to be annoying, not to injure me.>
"We're working on it, An." I said, turning around and pushing the cart out of the store. She followed on my heels, going on about how the aliens were bringing people together which greatly reduced the amount of scorned women in the world. I was just trying to figure out why seeing her again didn't hurt nearly so bad as it should have. I'd loved her, but now I was just annoyed. I wanted to tell her to make me a man again or go the hell away, but I couldn't risk pissing her off again. So I let her follow me to the RV.
When I got there I saw Buffy passing things through the door to Jonathan to store in cabinets. When she saw Anya, her jaw dropped and she immediately fell into battle stance. "Anyanka, what're you doing here?" She demanded. Anya rounded on her, hands on hips.
"I'm here because you aren't doing your job! You haven't gotten rid of the aliens yet!" Buffy glanced at me over her shoulder. I just rolled my eyes and mouthed 'Whine whine whine!'. I took Buff's place handing things up to Jon.
"Anya, if you aren't going to help us fight the bad guys, then go hide or something. We don't need your whining." Buffy said firmly. "Turn Xander back into a man and leave." Anya turned to look me over.
"No. I don't think he's suffered enough yet." I shoved a can of soup at Jon and turned back to her, pissed.
"What exactly am I suffering for?!" I demanded. She got right in my face and hissed at me.
"For what you did to me!" I growled in frustration and kept from hitting her by clenching my fists at my sides.
"What did I do, An?" I asked, my voice forcedly calm.
"You refused to give me orgasms when I was menstruating!" There was a collective 'ew' from those who were listening. "That's why I made you a woman! So you would understand!" I took a deep calming breath and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to push back the headache I felt building there.
"Anya." I said, trying to calm her with my soothing tone. "I've had my period twice now. It was unpleasant and painful and not good in any way. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. But I think I've learned my lesson." She studied me for a moment.
"Alright. I believe you. I'll come back to you and we can kill the aliens together and have many orgasms." I winced. <Why the hell does she think I'd want her back after she destroyed my entire life?!>
"Um. Anya?" She looked at me impatiently, her hand already raised to switch me back to my original form. "I don't think that you and me would be such a good idea." I said, ready to duck behind Buffy if I needed to. Slayers are supposed to protect you from demons, right?
"Why not?!" She asked petulantly stomping her foot.
"You screwed up his life, Anya! None of us want you around anymore!" Buffy raged. I cringed. <Wait to go, Miss Tactful!> Anya gaped at her for a moment then straightened up, her demonic face cold and hard to read. She turned to me.
"Is this true, Xander?" I fidgeted, trying not to meet her eyes.
"I would have taken you back a month ago, An, but I've had time to think about things and I'm happier without you screwing with my life." I suddenly got an idea. A convoluted, dangerous, stupid idea, but hey, who am I if not stupid? "I've gotten used to being a girl and I'm happy now. I've even got a boyfriend that loves me!" I watched the gears turn in her head as she went from hurt to pure rage.
"You like being a girl?! You have a BOYFRIEND?!" She roared. I was proud of myself for only cowering a little. Buffy was gaping at me, wondering at my stupidity, no doubt. "Fine, then, Xander." My ex-girlfriend hissed. "I hope you'll be very happy without me screwing with your life!" She gestured at me and vanished with an atmospheric pop.
I waited a few minutes to make sure she was gone and then burst into a triumphant holler. "WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!! She's a MAN, bayBEEEEE!!" I did the Snoopy dance as it was meant to be done. By a male Xander. I bounced over to Buffy and hugged her, lifting her off her feet in my enthusiasm. When I set her down again, she was sputtering at me.
"Y-you did that on purpose!" She accused. I bounced around her.
"Guilty as charged, Judge Buffy, lock me up and put away the key, I'll just be over in the MAN's prison for MEN!" I picked her up for another whirl in the air. When I set her down I turned and grabbed little Jon in a hug and then set him down. My only thought now, was to go share the fantastic news with my best friend. I bounded through the RV to the back compartment.
Whipping open the door, I barged in and found Spike sitting on the edge of the bed, fully clothed. I took half a second to be disappointed at that. He looked up at me, cigarette in his mouth, a half smile on his face that didn't quite reach his gorgeous eyes. "Congratulations, I heard it all." He said, before I could do any more ecstatic yelling. I really wanted to jump in his lap and kiss him silly, but something in his tense posture warned me not too. That's when it hit me. I was man again.
~~~~~~~~~~
*Spikeway*
I saw the realization hit him. His whole body deflated like some kind of soddin' balloon. <That's it. He just realized that he doesn't want or need ol' Spikey anymore.> I told myself. I'd been waiting for the return of the original Harris since I heard his ex-bitch's voice. I knew what would happen. The whelp would return to his original shape and realize that he didn't need me to take care of him anymore. Then it'd be, 'Spike, buddy, it was fun, lets forget that we ever shagged or that you love me!' Well maybe not in those exact words, but I knew that's how he'd feel, if not completely disgusted.
Looking at him sagging in the doorway, I felt like I'd been doused in holy water. He was still beautiful, with the same dark eyes and sweet lips. It didn't help that his shirt and jeans were shredded from his change in size. I took a deep drag at my cigarette, trying to figure out how to get him out of my doorway before I started weeping like the ponce he'd turned me into. After a minute of avoiding those dangerous eyes, I heard the Slayer calling for him. "Xander! Come change your clothes! You look like a less green Incredible Hulk!" She ordered him. He straightened up and turned and left without a word.
I went to lie back to try and sleep, but the bed still smelled of what we'd done there. I jumped to my feet and tried to pace in the limited space. I knew I'd be batty as Dru by the time the sun went down.
~~~~~~~~~~
*Xan-Mart*
I was seriously going to go batty soon if something didn't distract me. I fidgeted with the radio, trying to find a radio station, but only static filled airwaves. I tried humming depressing country music while I drove, but that wasn't helping either. I wished Buffy would finish feeding the witches and Riley soon. I needed to talk to her badly.
I sped up, heading for the mountains. Some instinct in me screamed for us to get into the hills and out of the open valley. I knew it was a stupid instinct, seeing as the aliens could make smores out of us no matter where we were, but I still needed rock walls and trees around us. I considered cheering when we made it into the foothills, but restrained myself. Then I wanted to cheer because I'd distracted myself from thinking about Spike. Then I wanted to slap myself for ruining a perfectly good distraction by thinking about not thinking about Spike. Sigh.
Buffy finally came forward and settled in beside me. I gave another nice long tortured sigh to make sure she knew I was in turmoil that required her assistance. "The big manly-man is sad. Why for?" She asked, turning to sit sideways in the passenger's seat.
"Before you came into the back room without knocking-" Glare. "-Spike told me that he loved me." I began. I could see her eyebrows shoot sky-high out of the corner of my eye. "But now I'm a guy again and he had the kicked puppy face-well he was trying not to have it, but it was there-and I just wanted to kiss it better but he probably doesn't want me any more and I don't know if I'm still gay, or man-liking, or whatever and I'm scared 'cause I think I love him back!" I panted for breath while she processed my freaked out babbling.
"Wow. So, yeah, lets see if I've caught the gist." She said after a moment. "You love Spike and he loves you, but you don't know if you can be together anymore? Right?" I nodded, wondering at her freakish ability to summarize my pain. "Alright, first thing's first. Do you think I'm sexy?" I blinked. <Wha-?> She explained. "I'm just checking to see where your lustiness lies." <Oooohhhhhh. Duh.> I made sure I wouldn't crash the RV, then looked her up and down. She was beautiful, as always. She even leaned over so I could see some cleavage. I felt the familiar lightning bolt to my dick.
"Yeah, straight Xander is back in order." I told her, staring at the road, trying to calm and control the body that I hadn't had to command in so long. I grinned happily for a moment just because I had my proper equipment again.
"Okay, now think about Spike," She ordered me. I brought a picture of him up in my mind. "Remember what he looked like when you really wanted to jump him." I blushed and glowered at her, but envisioned how he'd sat on the bed, shirtless, his blue eyes looking at me in concern. Okay, big reaction! I shifted uncomfortably when I noticed Buffy eyeing the obvious bulge in my sweatpants. "Okay, so you still want his sexy bod!" She announced triumphantly. "Now you just have to go back there and tell him that you love him and you want to have lotsa gay sex!" I shot her a shocked look. "What?"
"Buffy, you are seriously perverted." I informed her. She grinned proudly. I changed tracts. "Okay, so I still want him. What makes you think he wants me?" I asked her.
"Duh, Xander, vampires'll have sex with anything. Just don't forget that he's a demon, Xan. I know from experience that such things'll bite you in the ass right when you need your ass bitten the least." She patted my arm. "I won't tell you I approve of your choice in man-flesh, but I'm trusting you to remember to ask for help if you ever need it." She stared out the windshield for a second, a distant look in her eyes. "Thats where I always trip up.
She shook herself out of it and got up. "I'm going to go sit with Riley for a while." Her face became a study of worried misery. "Tell me when we get to that Glacier Lodge thing that was on the sign." I nodded, already consumed with Spike related doubts. Hopefully my Vamp-thing would go better than Buff's. I didn't think I could take him out if I ever had to...emotionally...god knows he'd kick my ass if I ever tried.
~~~~~~~~~
It was about forty-five minutes later that we reached the Glacier Lodge's main building. As were most cities that were known to be in the path of the now decimated alien army, this small village was completely deserted, its inhabitants evacuated to 'safer' locations. I pulled in to park in the Ski lodge's parking lot and turned off the engine. Buffy and I left Jonathan to watch Riley and the girls while we scouted the lodge itself.
Finding a group of nice cozy rooms all close in to each other, we chose them to house us. The hard part came next. Buffy broke open all the electronically locked doors with a little useful Slayeryness and then we began shifting the contents of our RV to their new resting places.
Buffy was able to handle Riley, who was sleeping, by slinging him over her shoulder, looking so much like an ant carrying a big piece of food that I had to stifle my laugh. Now was not the time. Riley was in pretty bad shape.
I ended up carrying my little Willow inside, cradling her against my larger, manly chest. (Yay!). I settled her in a double suite on one bed and Buffy brought in Tara and put her on the other bed. Reassured that they were still quite unconscious, we went out again and started carrying all the food inside, Jonathan organizing it in the industrial sized kitchen. We needn't have gotten so much food, we realized, the lodge's inhabitants had left a fully stocked supply. We shrugged it off though. Better safe than really hungry.
When I finally went back to fetch my vampire, it hit me that we had no blood for him. Worried, I went to the back of the RV and opened the door. Spike looked up from where he was shredding the pillow into teeny-tiny bits and blinked at me, game-faced and a little glossy-eyed. I gulped. Confinement and Spike are not a combinable thing. Suddenly he was on his feet and in my face, and for once I didn't have to look up at him. He was at a nice eye level, if not a little shorter.
"Come to tell me to sod off, then?" He growled. I had hoped that our little conversation could wait until we were settled in the nice lodge with a vampire slayer next door just in case. Oh well. I pushed back the automatic fear I felt from having a vamp suddenly in my personal space and wrapped my hands around his biceps, pushing him back just a little so I could make eye contact without going cross-eyed.
"I don't want to." I told him softly, looking into disorienting yellow eyes. I tried to make it light, as was my custom. "I hear that vampires'll shag anything." I commented, giving him a teasing grin to hide the way my heart was setting up shop my mouth. He stared at me, calculating, judging with his eerie yellow eyes. I knew he could hear my heart going a zillion beats per second. After an eternity his face melted into his human mask and blue eyes replaced yellow. The look in those blue eyes was far too intense for me too handle so I looked down and tried to think of something to say. "Would you shag a poodle? I don't think you would cause that'd just be ew and the poor poodle would be so traumatized. If you did molest a poodle I think I'd have to have Buffy stake you for the good of poodles every-"
I did the mental snoopy dance as he cut me off with a hard kiss. <Score two for Xander the master of manipulation! Xan-Man the Puppet Master!> He pulled back after a second and rested his forehead against mine. "Now why would I shag a poodle when I've got a git like you following me around like a lovesick pup all the bloody time?" I scowls and poked his firm stomach.
"I am not a pup! I'm a full-grown hot piece of manflesh and I believe YOU are the one that follows ME around." He smirked his wonderful 'not mad at Xander' smirk and I grinned like the goofy idiot I am for a second before going serious. "Just lets not rush anything? I'm sure you've been shagging the menfolk for ages. I'm still a little wiggy on the man on man thing. Rushing would be bad which is opposite of good." He let me babble that time, just watching me with an amused expression that made me want to jump up and down and squeal like a girl. <God, I'm gonna miss girly giggling.> I thought and settled for flinging the blanket over his head. "Time to go see our new headquarters!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Fear not, my intrepid eye-baller friends!
You didn't think I'd leave it at that didja? Pfft...Hey, I'm a slash-freak and I have no clue how this became all gender-bendy, but I am NOT letting these boys(*snerk*) go without some hot m/m action! That and I have more cities to blow up....and flowers...*shudder*
Anyway, the sequel series, Radioactive Flowers, is on its way!