Author: Kate R
Disclaimer: Xander et al belong to Joss and Darius et al belong to Davis/Panzer.
Rating: PG13 to R.
Pairings: N/A for now
Summary: Xander does something and has a break down. To help him they have to contact someone who understands and factor in the Hellmouth in his therapy.
Mending The Zeppo
By Kate R.
Prologue: Silence Is Not Golden
When Rupert had first contacted him through Adam he wasn't sure he could do anything but this boy meant something to his old friend and he knew he would try. He had not been a counselor in nearly ten years but this was important. He had met them at the airport with a car with blacked out windows due to the circumstances of the one who had brought Xander. Rupert was not up to a trip like this yet so he had sent Xander with someone he trusted: the vampire known as Spike.
For three days the boy had say rocking in the corner. Darius had left him to himself knowing that when the time was right the boy would speak to him. In the meantime, he worked on rebuilding and restoring this temple.
He owned this land and so could do pretty much whatever he wished with it. He had chosen this place because it held a temple to his God: Ares, the God of War.
He waited as he worked, sensing the boy moving finally and he handed him a hammer and some wooden pegs. The temple would be restored to it's former glory and then modernized but he had to get it back to what it looked like in order to then make it over with modern tools and things.
Darius worked in silence. He knew the first step had to be the boy's. He knew it better than any psychologist, which he suspected, was why Rupert had wanted him and not Sean burns. Sean tended to talk at people and offer platitudes and Darius knew that was not what the boy needed. He by needed time so he would give it to him and he would wait. 1500 years in a church had taught him how to wait.
They worked steadily all day and into the dark of night and Darius finally called it a day. Xander joined him and Spike in the camper he was living out of and ate with them. He then went back to looking at the sky but it was a change from looking at nothing.
"Goodnight, Xander," Darius said gently as he led the boy to his bed. Xander lay down and the vampire joined him. Darius went to his own bed and lay down to think. He rarely slept because he did not require such as others did.
It was blacker than black when he sense the presence by his bed and he came back from his meditative trance. His eyes opened and Xander was standing by the bed watching him.
"What is it, Xander?" he asked softly. He held his breath as he looked at the boy. He saw it then, the first tear, followed by others and he sensed it was time.
"I beat him," Xander whispered as he fell to his knees. "I beat Giles. I did it. I hurt him. I'm sorry. I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry."
Xander then turned and fled the camper, stopping to vomit on his way into the partially restored temple. Darius got up and followed along with the vampire.
It was time.
Chapter 1: Therapy
"Xander," Darius said as he approached the boy who was hammering on one of the benches trying to get the metal reshaped into what it had been before whatever had destroyed this temple had come.
"Xander!" Darius yelled. The boy kept hitting the metal and there were tears running down his face as he kept hitting and crying. Trying to fix the bench he way Darius knew he wanted to fix to Giles
"I can't," Xander sobbed as he threw the hammer away. 'I can't make it better. I can't fix it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can't fix him. Can't."
"Shhh," Darius soothed. "Shhh. All things in their time, Xander. All things can be mended but it takes time. I have been working on this temple for a year and am just getting to this part."
"A year?" Xander hiccupped the question. Darius nodded and sighed as he set down.
"Would you like me to tell you a story? All you have to is listen since I can see you are not ready to talk yet."
Xander nodded so Darius built a fire in the fire pit area and sat.
"Rupert told you how old I am correct?" Darius asked. Xander nodded mutely so Darius took a breath as he looked around.
"A Very Long time ago, I was a Warlord of Ares. I was a special Warlord because I have within me the power to control and manipulate fire. I can also create it, which is what makes me so damn dangerous, if I get mad. Anyway, I conquered things in His name even after the Twilight. One day, I came across Rome, I saw Rome and it's religion as the reason that everything had gone to Tartarus literally. You see their Way had killed a good portion of My Lord's family. I was not pleased. Then, they made it worse. They took a child of one of my soldiers, a little child, and raped he and killed her. She was ten. In that instant I was over come with a rage so severe that even my soldiers got out of my way. I stared at Rome and I incinerated it. Everything flammable in that city caught fire. Fire flew from the air on my command as I heated the air enough to ignite dust particles. I incinerated people as well as things. I destroyed the entire city in my rage. I wiped the city down to smoking ash. And then I went mad. I cut a swath of pain and destruction though all of Europe before being stopped at the gates of Paris by a man who was willing to die to save me. A man who gave me his Quickening to calm the rage in me. He died and I discovered something when I took his head. I had killed my own Father. He died for love of me. He died for my sake.
For 1500 years I atoned, remaining on Holy Ground and trying to atone for what I had done. And then one day I realized something: I couldn't fix it back to what it was before I went crazy, but, I could make it better if I was actively out there doing something. And I realized something else: My Father's love was unconditional. He loved me and forgave me for everything I had done. He cared enough about me to give everything for me. That is a True Parents Love: A True parent will love and forgive you no matter what you do. They will help you rebuild yourself from all the broken pieces. Giles forgave you the moment you did it just as my father forgave me the second my sword bit into his neck. The point here is, the difference between us is you can hear Giles say it to you while I cannot. I trust in the love I know he had for me and I find my absolution there. Your absolution is here, in your own heart, and I suppose in Giles' words to you. When you are ready to hear it, you will. I know you will."
"Does it still hurt?" Xander asked softly after several moments of silence. Darius thought a moment before he nodded.
"When I am tired and the burdens are heavy, yes, it hurts. Because I have no one to help me carry them. Unlike you and your friends, I do not have a Giles to help me and be father if I need it. You still have it, Xander. Don't throw it away in self hatred."
"I'll try not to," Xander said. "But after what I did, how could he ever forgive me?"
"Because he loves you," Darius said softly. He is your father in your heart and he loves you."
"But what I did..." Xander began.
"And what did you do?" Darius asked. "What did you do that he won't heal from? Xander, you are the one who is broken here. Giles is strong enough to hold all of your pain. That's why he allowed you to exorcise it on him. You have to get yourself together. Tell me what you did to make him hate you. You beat him? You raped him? What did you do to him that you think he won't forgive you for?"
"All of it," Xander whispered as he got up and went back to working on the wall units where candles would normally sit. 'I did all of it."
The young man became silent again and so Darius sighed deciding to let him work it out in his own time. He would talk soon, Darius could feel. He just needed time to get it all together in his head.
"Rupes was right," Spike said as Xander worked and Darius wet to work on the twisted metal heating it and bending it back into shape. "You are the one he needed mate. No one else could relate."
"No, I seriously doubt they could, William," Darius said as he worked. "I really seriously doubt they could."
Chapter 2: What He Did
They were working again. 2 days had passed since Darius had told Xander his story and he waited. He knew eventually Xander would speak. It was all in the waiting. Two days later he got his wish. On that day they were getting the wall scones back into place and realigning the benches to the exact places they needed to be as per the instructions for building a temple.
Xander was staring at him as he shifted a bench and then he looked at the boy.
"Yes, Xander?" he asked.
"Can I tell you a story now?" Xander asked.
Darius chuckled and nodded and led him to the padded benches they had here around the fire pit and they sat. Spike joined them and he and Darius waited for Xander.
"It starts with a boy," Xander said. "Lets say his name is Alexander. Lets say his biological father abused him and beat him and belittled him and raped. Lets say this was going on all his life and he hid it. He blamed his friends for not seeing but then realized after something terrible happened because of him hiding it and holding the hurt in that he couldn't blame them because he was the one who hid it. He was the one that reused to admit he had a problem. More than one actually but well, this is the biggie for right now. Anyway, he was so angry with them for not noticing that he started to become the man who had hurt him. He didn't realize it until the bad thing happening I mentioned. The bad thing. The thing he did to the man who loved him. He hurt that man. He made that man scream and beg him to stop and he laughed and said no just like his own Biological father had. He got a rush out of having that power. He got a rush until the man who loved him stopped moving. And then, He, Alexander, got something else. He got violently Ill as one of the members of his group of friends pulled him off the man he was fucking into the wall. The man was torn and bruised and unconscious. He had been screaming how much the man wanted it not even hearing the man begging him to top. Not hearing his friend...his Giles yelling in pain. He just kept hitting and kicking and raping until one of his friends grabbed him off the man. Giles...and he...I just stared at what I had done. I stared and I couldn't... I couldn't understand why Giles wasn't getting up. I stopped. I always got up when my dad stopped and I didn't understand it was because Giles was no longer conscious and I just...I stared as Spike cleaned him up and everyone covered for me and my mind just shut off and I stared at Giles, lying there covered in blood and bruised like I had been and I remembered how it hurt and I couldn't understand why I did it. I couldn't...Giles is the best and I..."
"Xander, start again," Darius said. "Tell us how you started hitting him. Tell us, Xander. Exorcise this as you need to."
Xander sat quietly or a few moments and he got the detached look Spike had told Darius about being on his face when he'd beaten Giles as he began to speak.
"Dad was hitting me again," Xander began in a mechanical voice. "I was mad and I wanted...I was hurt so I decided to make someone else hurt as much as I did. Buffy could stop me with her Slayer Strength, same as Spike could with his vampire strength. I'd never hurt Dawn or Willow. That only left one person: Giles. I went to his house and knocked.....
FlashBack
The door opened before him same as it always did and he was moving faster than anyone would credit him or. He was in and slamming the door and locking it. He threw the older man against the wall hard and he landed on his side. He looked down at the older man and smiled as he kicked him. He heard the grunt and he grinned.
Then, he got started.
Systematically inflicting every hurt he'd ever received at his father's hands on the man on floor in front of him. He used his belt, his steel toed work boots and then the ultimate, and he raped the man over and over. All through it he made Giles beg him to stop and the laughed telling him no, the party was just getting started.
Giles hit his head on the wall too hard while he was fucking him because he went limp but the Xander did not care. He just kept going until he was yanked off the Giles by cold hands and held him to the floor until his rage passed and he stared around wondering where he was and how he'd gotten here and then he realized his pants were open and Giles was lying on the floor with his pants down and bleeding.
He'd stared up at the bleached blond holding him to the floor and then he felt ill. He began to vomit uncontrollably until the stomach was empty. By that time, Spike was cleaning Giles up and washing all traces of Xander off of him. He took him to the bed and hen tucked him in.
Giles did not wake up for two days and when he did, Xander saw only forgiveness in the eyes he had hurt so badly. And then...Then his mind had shut off.
End Flash Back
"Then I remember vaguely being brought here to you and then you waited until I was ready and then you talked and now I'm talking and I'm sorry. God, Giles, I'm sorry."
"I forgave you the moment you did it, Xander," the voice he had needed to hear for more than week said. Giles had been unable to speak for a time after he woke because his throat was bruised. Ethan had contacted Darius for them.
"Giles?" Xander asked as he slowly turned around.
Standing in the doorway of the temple was indeed, Giles. He still looked a bit pale but he was there, on his feet and his eyes shone with love.
"Hallo, Xander," Giles said. He was staggered a moment later by the weight of Xander hitting him full on.
"GILES!" He cried. 'You're okay!"
"I wasn't the one who was broken, Xander," Giles spoke softly. "Come; sit by the fire with me. The others will be here at sunset. Angel can't travel during the day. He gave the ring to Spike for him to get here to help you."
"Angel's here?" Xander asked.
Giles nodded as he pulled the boy down next to him.
"All of the family came. We are alone family, Xander. Ever forget that. And we can take your hurt and pain and give you our love in return. I trust you with me, Xander. Trust yourself. You wont hurt me. I know it and I trust you."
Xander stared at Giles and saw he was serious. He felt tears stinging his eyes as he realized Giles truly forgave him. Slowly, he laid his head against Giles' chest and let his tears come. He sobbed then, for everything. All his hurt, all the hurt he'd caused everyone around him from Angel with his lie to Wesley with his stupid, petty jealousy nod Giles held him through it all.
Always Giles there. Like a father. Like a True Father.
"That's it, Xander," Giles soothed. 'Let it out now. Let it out. I'm here and I can take it. I'm strong enough."
Chapter 3: Family
"Giles?" Angel's voice called an hour after sunset. "You here?"
"In here, Angel," Giles called. Xander watched as they came in, all of them. Angel and Wesley, Cordelia and Doyle, Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Gunn. He saw Tara and Anya and Ethan there as well as they all came in.
"Hi, Xander," Willow said. "How are you?"
"I'm better," he said. He looked next to him at Giles who smiled gently and bushed his hair off his face.
"We have work to do here," Xander said quietly. "Please? Help me finish? If we are a family?"
"We are," Angel said as he moved into the room now lit by a generator so they could work at all hours. "We are a family, Xander. No matter what ha gone between us."
"I'm sorry," Xander whispered as he looked at Wesley as well as Angel. "I am sorry for how I treated you guys. I was a jealous kid. It had nothing to do with you being a vampire, Angel or Wes replacing Giles."
"I wasn't trying to replace Giles," Wesley said softly. "I can fight and I can win but that was my secret. You all Needed Giles. Not me, Giles."
"And I understand jealous teenagers," Angel reassured. "Don't recall ever being one but I understand. So, what are we doing?"
"We're rebuilding this temple," Xander said. "Right Darius?"
"Exactly right," the ancient Warlord's voice said from the shadows where he had retreated and allowed this last healing to take place. "We have a lot of work yet to do and I would appreciate all the help I could get. If you all are amenable."
"Yes we are," Angel said. "Where do we start?"
"Well," Darius said. "I'd like it if you and Wesley could find the Altar stone and maybe clean it up? The rest of you there are weapons buried around here. Perhaps you could look for them and maybe also help clean the walls down?"
"On it," Dawn said grabbing a bucket of warm water and gentle soap and getting to work on the walls. Buffy and Faith who Xander was just now seeing went to work on looking for weapons. He and Giles and Ethan and Darius continued the work on the furniture He and Darius had been doing. Darius was reshaping the metal that had been twisted and then, once it was cooled in the water, Xander and Giles would stretch material on it and Ethan was magic it into place. Ethan was very good at crafting, Xander saw. Seeing it he wondered why Ethan didn't make a career out of it and Giles gave him the patented "none of your business" look. That look Xander knew meant this was one of those things Ethan only shared with those he liked. He was hand painting several things as well as helping magic things into place until they could be placed permanently by needle and thread. Willow and Tara were gathering plants and that was how it progressed for several days. They worked and they bonded. They built and the healed and that was how it was meant to be.
"They are the ones, Father?" Darius asked a statue. No one heard him or saw his smile as he moved back to watch. "Excellent."
Chapter 4: The Awakening of War
Joyce had arrived the next day. She had begun helping Dawn with cleaning down the walls and getting the sconces set up. Then, they worked for another week getting everything ready. When Joyce had
arrived they felt complete. As if they had been waiting for something that was now upon them.
The temple was restored and they were preparing. Twilight was upon them so they all moved unconsciously into a circle around Darius who stood in the center of the circle. Embedded in the floor were
gems and each of them took a place by one those gems.
"We are gathered this night to call upon a great Force For Good in the world, Giles intoned. He did not know where the words came from but they felt right.
"We are gathered here to restore the One who is our Strength in our battle against Evil," Spike called out.
"We come to return to him that which is His," Angel spoke.
"He who is above all the Guider and Protector of Humanity," Tara spoke.
"He who is the Leader of True Wars," Joyce said.
"He who is the granter of Peace," Wesley intoned.
"Ares, Father of Slayers," Buffy called.
"Ares, Granter of Justice," Faith called.
"Ares, most Compassionate God of War," Cordelia summoned.
"We come to give back that which you gave," Doyle spoke.
"We come before your altar to renew your life and the lives of your Family," Ethan called.
"The Young," Dawn said.
"The Old," Xander added.
"The Wronged," Anya intoned.
"The Human," Willow completed.
"Ares, we call upon you. Ares!" They all spoke together
"War!" Angel called in a fierce voice. His stone began to glow a deep, blood red.
"Peace!" Wesley called. His stone glowed a soft blue.
"Wisdom!" Giles called. His stone shone white.
"Justice!" Faith cried. Her stone shimmered green.
"Vengeance!" Anya spoke. Her stone whistled and pulsed Orange
"Protection!" Joyce called. Her stone shone a warm gold.
"Defense!" Spike called. His stone emanated a grayish color.
"Slayers!" Buffy cried. Her stone pulsed a yellow color.
"Compassion!" Cordelia called. Her stone flared soft Lavender.
"Love!" Tara called. Her stone shone pink.
"Mischief!" Xander called. His stone flared from black to red.
"Forethought!" Doyle yelled. His stone glowed a dark crimson.
"Youth!" dawn called. Her stone glowed a rose color.
"Humanity!" Willow called. Her stone flared a dark, royal purple.
"Aggression!" Gunn bellowed. His stone shone a wind whipped bluish-white.
"Change!" Ethan called completing the circle. From his stone there was a warm brown hue that joined the others in to a rainbow of the light that swirled around the temple and then flashed into one
Bright white flash over the throne.
When everyone could see again, there was a new person in the temple with them. He sat upon the throne seeming to be asleep and Darius then moved forward.
"I call this circle and beg my father to awaken," Darius said cutting his hand and laying the bleeding appendage over the man's heart.
"Blood!"
A surge of power ripped through everyone and when it was completed, there he was awake and watching them: Ares, God of War, lord of Mortals, Keeper of Aggression, granter of Peace, Wisdom, Justice
and Humanity. Balancer of Change.
"Greetings my children," Ares spoke. "I have hard your call and answered. I am here to aid you in whatever you may require. As is my Family." "HOLY SHIT!"