Title: Mortal Coil

Series: What Dreams May Come 8

Author: Xandria

Fandom: BTVS Highlander and Star Trek

Summary: Chakotay's POV as Xander breaks down

Archive: Go for it, just let me know where.

Note: Angsty Xander competes strongly with both Angel and Duncan for the Broodboy awards. He has a lot of issues.

Rating: MA Swearing!

Feedback: Does the Colonel serve chicken? Does Maccas serve beef? No wait...

Spoilers: Lovers Walk Any of season one of Voyager.

Notes: I freely admit I know nothing about counselling whatsoever and am taking liberties by using my own ignorant common sense. If anyone has any difficulties like these, see a professional. As for the alcoholic bit, the same goes there, too. I mean no disrespect to anyone recovering or trying to overcome alcoholism in anyway whatsoever. {As the child of an alcoholic, I know it's a touchy subject.}

Disclaimer: They ain't mine, they were never mine, but the plot is mine and if you try to rip it off I will send my attack squad of rabid teddybears and my flock of Outer Mongolian Vampire Skunks after you!

by Xandria

Date: 20/01/00

First Officer Chakotay Personal Log

One of my former crewmen, and close friend, Alex Rosenburg, had been having problems since the Bothians Psionic attack two months ago.

Unfortunately it seems to have brought up a lot of bad memories he is now having to deal with.

End log.

Alex yelled in anger and started to try and pick up the broken pieces of glass, swearing as he did so. "I thought you came here so you wouldn't drink it anyway"

"That's not the point, do you know how many replicator rations that thing cost me?!"

"Then you shouldn't have done it. What on earth did you replicate it for anyway?!"

"I don't know! To relax, I couldn't sleep, not without more dreams..." he trailed off when he saw my face. He'd told me the dreams had stopped weeks ago.

"How long have been lying to me?"

"Chakotay..." I lost my temper. What with everything else happening and now one of my closest friends can't even trust me to counsel him?!

"How long Alex?! How can I help you if you wont' tell me what's going on?! I would have thought my friend could even if the Captain..." I stopped. Even though he's my friend, some things have to be a matter of rank. Whatever the Captain and Tuvok seem to be leaving me out of, that's nothing to do with Alex.

"Blast it, I don't know! I thought they'd gone but I've just realised they hadn't. I want to get through this, I want you to help. I know I need the help, I just can't seem to let go enough." Alex sat, his head hanging down and his hands dangling loosely between his legs.

Just when I get angry for once that boy manages to take it away, every time. I sat down beside him, putting my arm around him. He tensed slightly and then let it stay there. Good. That usually means he'll talk to me.

"Alex, you know drink is not the answer. Look, children of alcoholics tend to end up drinking themself or avoiding it. A lucky few find a medium between the two. Now you, usually, are one of the lucky ones. What's changed recently?"

"Nothing really. Just that time two months ago when we all had those visions. I have some bad memories I thought I had under control, but I've been reliving them in my dreams."

"Cardassia?"

"No. You and I talked over that when it happened. Yeah, one or two dreams covered that as well, but just because of the similarities." I felt sick when he said that. How could some ones life be so bad that a Cardassian prison was an average experience.

"What kind of life have you led, Alex?" I whispered. Finally, he's opening up to me. Maybe now we can get to the heart of the problem and start helping him. Alex opened his mouth and the door chimed. Great timing as usual. I wonder what it is this time.

"Enter." It was Commander Tuvok. My anger began to come to life again at the sight of him.

"Commander Chakotay. Crewman Rosenburg. I have been informed of yelling coming from in here and I wish to make sure everything is fine."

"What on earth do you think either one of us could be doing, Tuvok?" I demanded.

"The potential for destruction by either one of you is quite high. As the leader of the Maquis part of this ship you could be encouraging them to work for their cause even here. Crewman Rosenburg has a history of deception and espionage for the Maquis. He also has a physical strength rivalling my own, unusual for a human."

We stared at him. Logical, but cold. I have worked hard to try and integrate the two crews, to get us all back to the Alpha Quadrant. As for Alex, it is possible for him to do something if you look mat it logically. Emotionally, neither one of us would or could do so.

"Get out." I finally said, glaring at him.

"Acting emotionally..."

"You have interrupted a counselling session, Tuvok! That means there is yelling sometimes. I'm sorry I woke people but I was asleep myself when Alex had to see me and I forget to soundproof my quarters. An honest mistake. Now get out of my quarters!" I glared at him and Tuvok left.

"I guess there's no point in going on is there" I stated rather than asked Alex.

"Not really no. What a mood killer. Good thing we weren't doing something else." I laughed.

"Idiot! You're as bad as Paris."

"Hey! I was doing this before he did. Look, I better go and get ready for my shift. At least I'll be early for once." Alex left and I stared after him. Hopefully when I see him next he'll be willing to still tell me about it.

One hour later

"Tuvok to Chakotay" What does he want now?! Great. All this anger is building and building. I need some time to meditate, think about this.

"Chakotay here."

"Have you finished your counselling session with Crewman Rosenburg yet?"

"No. You interrupted us, remember? We postponed it and he left just after you did. Why?"

"Crewman Rosenburg has not reported for duty and the computer said he was still at your quarters."

"Well he's not here now. Wait a minute. His commbadge is, on the floor." Wonderful Alex, what have you done now?!"

"You said you were counselling him. What was the nature of it?"

"You know I can't tell you that!"

"I merely wish to ascertain whether he is a danger to the ship or to himself."

"I don't know if he is or not. If he does hurt himself I'm holding you fully responsible!" What did he know about emotional trauma anyway?! I took a deep breath. Reacting this way was not going to find Alex.

"I will initiate a search for him." The Vulcan signed off without saying anymore. Blast him for interfering anyway! Then I left to look for my friend myself. I finally found him sitting in a corner of the Airponics Bay, knees to his chest and just staring into space. I began to move forward but was stopped by Kes.

"Commander?"

"Yes?"

"Be careful with him."

"I usually am."

"If you need any help, let me know. He often comes down here and talks to me. He's hiding alot of pain."

"Thank you, Kes. Alex needs all the help he can get." She walked away and I sighed before sitting down in front of my friend. He was looking right at me but didn't see me. I hate it when he does that. Not that he does it all the time, but every now and then he gets this sad, lost look in his eyes. And this was even worse. I waved my hand in front of his face and he followed it.

"Come on, Alex I know you're in there." Suddenly he focused on me and he launched himself at me. Next thing I know is I'm lying flat on the floor with a crying crewman on top of me. I sighed and tapped my comm badge.

"Chakotay to bridge. Emergency beam out to my quarters."

"Energising."

"Chakotay to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here."

"I found him."

"Very well. I will inform the searchers."

Eventually I managed to get Alex up and into my bed, to lie down. Then I finally commed the captain.

"Chakotay to Captain Janeway."

"Janeway here."

"I need to request the next two days off for both me and for Crewman Rosenburg."

"I heard about what happened. Are you sure you can do this?"

"Captain, if something isn't done right now then we could lose the boy! Alex can't stand the Doctor, and he's not really enamoured of Tuvok for some reason either. At least as his friend he can talk to me. And I can relate a little to some of his memories. I'm surprised it's taken this long to come out really."

"What do you mean?"

"He survived six months in a Cardassian Prison. Please Captain, I have to help him."

"Yes, you have it. Tuvok's told me what happened earlier."

"I'll bet." I muttered. It was getting to the point where we would have to have a talk. As the first officer I was entitled to more trust then I seemed to have. I've earnt it! "Thank you Captain. Chakotay out." I sighed and went into my bedroom to see how he was.

Alex was tossing about in his sleep and muttering. I was glad I had I put a soundproof shield on my quarters this time as he began to get louder. Then he screamed. He shot up in bed, eyes wide, seeing something in his memory.

"Please don't, don't do it don't do it. I can't, I don't want to, it's not right, why can't you leave me alone?!" He began screaming more of the same, getting more and more hysterical. I sat down on the bed and lightly touched his shoulder to try and comfort him.

He threw me. Through the doorway and I ended up against the wall. I always forget how physically strong he is, he just looks like a kid. Groaning, I got up and shakily made my way to my bedroom, staring at Alex. It was time for other measures.

"Chakotay to Sickbay."

"Sickbay here."

"I have a hysterical crewman and I can't move him because he might get more upset. I need help."

"I'll send Paris to see what needs to be done. Sickbay out."

Wonderful, just what I need. The King of Comebacks himself. The smart Alec of the Delta Quadrant. Why can't he just take things more seriously? How come he gets under my skin so easily? There must be something of value in him or B'Ellana wouldn't have become friends with him. Or Gregor, or even Alex. The door chimed and I opened it to see him standing there.

"Come in Lieutenant."

"Commander. What's the problem?"

"Alex is. He has a lot of bad memories and he's still upset after the Bothan incident. He's had nightmares for a month now, at least. This time around."

"So that's why …Let me see him" I waved at my bedroom door and I followed him when he entered, leaning against the door as he slowly approached the bed.

"Don't hit me. Please, I'm sorry. Tell me what to do! Please, what am I doing wrong? If you tell me then I can do it right next time. I want to be good. Please, I'll be good. Please don't hurt me." Alex hadn't stopped talking like this since he woke up.

I glanced at Paris and saw a similar look in his eyes to Alex before a mask settled over his features. What else could he be hiding to be that good at it? He sat down carefully on the bed before speaking in a low, gentle voice intended to soothe.

"Alex? Look, you haven't been bad. You were a good boy, you did nothing wrong. Here. Let me give you something to help you sleep. A good night's sleep will make you feel a lot better." Paris spoke on in this manner and gradually got closer to Alex, eventually able to use a hypo on him. Alex sighed and then slumped over onto Paris. He gently lay him down and put the covers over him.

"Thank you." I said gratefully. Then I winced. Paris smiled at me in surprise then frowned at me suddenly.

"You shouldn't be standing, Commander, not in your condition."

"What are you talking about?" Paris stared at me, then got up and pulled me over to the sofa, sitting me down on it. Then he pointed a tricorder at me.

"What happened? You have a fractured wrist, head trauma and lots of bruising."

"Alex threw me."

"He threw you?! Where?!"

"Across both rooms." I had been more concerned with his mental health rather than with my own physical wellbeing. "Will he be alright?"

"I gave him a sedative to sleep. I think you'll have to take him to sickbay, though. I'd recommend some sort of ant-depressant but that's what the Doc has to do, not me."

"Won't the counselling help?"

"Yeah, talking is always good. But he should see the Doc as well just in case. He may not need them. But I'm not the one qualified to say."

Well, I've learnt a couple of things today. I've found in myself a deepseated anger, and I've seen that there's more to Paris than just the Flyboy, that he has hidden depths.

"I think you're right. I should have got him to see one before."

"He's done this before and you didn't make him?!"

"Firstly, no one makes Alex do anything! Secondly, it wasn't this bad. A few nightmares, a bit of brooding and not eating, then he's fine. It's never gone on for this long and never been this intense either! If you know anything about him you know how much he hides things. I should have made sure!"

"Commander, I never meant for you to take the blame! I'm just concerned about him, blast it!"

"Yes. He has a good friend in you. Thank you. Is there anything I need to do?"

"Not really. He shouldn't be left alone. And you need to rest that wrist, give it time. Just take him to the Doc when he wakes up." I thanked him again and he left. Then I sighed, suddenly tired. It had been a long day and I decided to lie down on the couch and take a nap.

-end MORTAL COIL-