Title: Noel the Naughty Elf.

Author: Shadith

Fandom: BTVS

Pairing: X/?

Rating: G to NC-17

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Summary: What's a poor elf to do when Santa sends him on a special mission?

Notes: Thanks. C. Cross for the idea. Thanks Sans and Vo for the run through.

Noel The Naughty Elf.
by Shadith

It's not my fault! It's not like I set out to ruin anything! Machines just hate me! And I know this time I'm gonna get canned. Who knew the N'sync dolls were so susceptible to fire? Anyone could have acidentally turned all the GI Joe dolls pink. Right?

But this last one... lets just say paintball guns and reindeer don't mix. Santa may be a saint and all but I think even this time I'm done for. But what's an elf to do? I don't wanna leave the North Pole! Have you SEEN the outside world?!

Noel Ivy shuddered visibly. Noel fidgited outside the doors, trying desperately to figure out what the boss was going to do to him. Being called to Mr. C's office wasn't usually a good thing for him, and this morning's incident....

It wasn't like he tried to do things wrong, quite the opposite, in fact... Noel just wasn't mechanically inclined. He swore the others kept inventing clever new devices just to spite him.

Noel bit back a groan. This was it. The last time he'd stood in this very same place, after the tragic Shrek mishap, Mr. C had told him he would have another chance. There was no doubt that he'd blown that chance today. Noel's mouth went dry. What was going to happen now?

He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Noel stepped through the door and met the very serious gaze of Mr. C himself. He tried to choke down the lump of dread in his throat.

Oh gods! Mrs. C too! This is so not a good sign.

Mr. Claus breathed deeply, straining his red suspenders. "Noel, there's no two ways about it. You aren't working out among the elves on the floor." The genile old man frowned, pushing his spectacles further up on his red-as-a-cherry nose. Noel had never seen him so solemn, not even the time when he'd lost an entire batch of Tickle-Me-Elmos.

"We can't have elves who don't contribute to the bottom line," he continued, "especially at this time of year, when we're heading into very heavy production."

"It's bad for morale, dear," Mrs. Claus interjected. "And we can't have that when everyone has so much work to do."

"Please, Noel, we're asking you not to go back on the production floor," Mr. Claus said.

"Ever," Mrs. Clause clarified.

"Under any condition."

Noel fought the panic that was rising steadily. That could mean only one thing. He was being fired. From the North Pole workshop. Noel was quite certain that elves in this world didn't get work just anywhere else. And the places that used elves were places he, sure as reindeer shit, didn't wanna go!

"Now, don't look so worried. We know it's not really your fault," Mrs. Clause quickly continued, wringing her hands in her apron. "We know you have a heart of gold, Noel. You just haven't found your niche." She bit her lip and frowned. "There's just something about you that makes everything run amuck. You have some kind of... gift, luv."

It didn't feel like any damn gift to Noel.

"Damndest thing." Mr. Claus scowled. "And very inconvenient."

Mrs. Claus gave him a sympathetic smile. "So, dear, you'll just have to stay out of the workshop for good."

Noel finally found his voice. "But what'll I do?!"

Mrs. Claus face brightened considerably. "We've found just the thing for you. Go on. Tell him, Kris."

"Very tricky job," Mr. Claus said gruffly. "But you just might have the necessary talent to get it done."

Noel wondered bitterly whether they needed something broken somewhere.

Mr. Claus pulled off his glasses and stared off into space for a moment. "There's a situation in a little town called Sunnydale," he said slowly, "A young man there hasn't had the best of Christmas. He's become rather disenheartened about the whole thing."

Noel knew there was a blank look on his face.

Mr. Claus sighed, putting his glasses back on. "You see, I believe your just the elf to bring him the spirit of Christmas."

Now, Noel knew he looked clueless. "And just how do I do that? Won't he notice I'm an elf? I mean, the ears do give it away." He fingered the telltale points on his ear.

"What we want you to do is go down there and set things in motion. There are a few things he's desperately wanting. You just have to give them to him. We've got a nice identity all set up for you, already. It's the seventeenth of December, and Christmas is an awfully nice time to get a marriage propsoal."

Noel paled and swayed dizzily for a moment. How in Santa's sleigh was he gonna find somebody to marry the boy in a weeks time? He opened his mouth to voice his doubts.

"What do you say, Noel? This could be the beginning of a bright future for you."

As he looked back at them, Noel knew that he held in his grasp what was truly his very last chance. He had to make this work or he'd be a very unemployed, yet still immortal, elf. It would be tough to scrap by for all eternity. He had to succeed. He swallowed and nodded with false confidence. "I'll do it. When do I start?"

The pair before him smiled. "Right now," said Mr. Claus. Before Noel could say anything more, he lifted his hand, with his palm flat. He saw the glitter of fairy dust for just an insant before Mr. C pursed his lips and blew.

Then Noel was surrounded by dancing crystals, not unlike swirling snowflakes. A warm wind pickd him up and tumbled him along with them as though he weighed no more than the snowflakes. He rolled helplessly, surrounded by fluttering sliver and light and wished with all his heart that he would succeed.

When the flurries cleared he was standing in front of sign that should have read 'Welcome to Sunnydale.' Instead it was crossed out and beneath in blood red letters was 'Welcome to the Hellmouth.'

Noel threw his head back and screamed. "Oh, shit!"

After several minutes of venomous cursing, the elf calmed down, heaving a huge sigh he left off the pity trip. He glared momentarily in the direction of the North Pole from his seat on the curb.

"Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"

Finally resigned to his fate he stood to survey his new surroundings. Noel paused in front of a storefront to take in his new look. It was like looking at a double image.

His elf eyes could see what he really looked like, plus the glamour Santa had created. He pretty much looked the same.

Slender almost to the point of willowy, but just the right side of lean. Tall, which was another sore point. Most of Santa's elves had been 5"5' at the most while he stood at a whopping 6"2'. Midnight black hair with wicked silver-gray eyes.

He sighed, those were going to attract attention no matter what. No amount of glamour would dull the fey quality of his gaze.

The only real difference where his ears and coloring. He couldn't help running a hand across the tops. They looked so strange, no longer pointed. Holding out his arms he admired the golden tan. As an elf he tended to be not really pale but luminous. Turning his magic inward he quickly scanned himself.

He shook his head sadly at the cover his bosses had setup. It was like something out of one of those trashy bodice-rippers women's digest. He was not only a watcher but a well-to-do-long-missing-cousin.

"There's no place like home," he muttered clicking his heels together. He rolled his eyes, it was worth a try. A quick roll of the
shoulders to loosen tense muscles and the elf was headed to the Magic Box.

<><><><><>

Dawn sat on the counter happily swinging her legs as she watched the adults. There were only eight days till Christmas. Being the only child in the group she was pretty much set in the gift stakes.

She focused on Xander as he watched the others. She didn't sigh even though she wanted to. He was so lonely. It wasn't fair. Everyone's life seemed to be getting better but his.

Willow and Tara had made up after the red-head had sworn off magic. Riley had finally made it back into the States after learning about Buffy's death.

He and her sister had quickly become an item again. Seemed they grounded each other. She fought the urge to gag. Spike had left Sunnydale shortly after the soldier's return.

He'd decided to 'reacquaint' himself with his sire. Aside from Xander she was the only one who knew where he'd gone. Even Giles had returned. Turned out that kiss with Anya held more truth, than either had known at the time. The two were getting married next year.

That left only her and Xander single. Actually that only left Xander, she had a boyfriend she'd been waiting for the perfect time to introduce to the gang.

She gave a little sigh. She'd do anything to make Xander happy. The teenager glanced away as the shop bell jingled alerting everyone to the man's entrance.

Xander looked up as the elf entered the store. His breath caught at the other-worldly beauty of the stranger. He wasn't the only one the man's looks had affected. The jealous gleam in Riley's eyes was almost enough to make him grin, as Buffy walked towards the visitor.

"Hi. Can I help you?" asked Buffy, smiling brightly up at the man.

"Actually, I think you might. My name is Noel Carrington-Ashley the third. I've been sent by the watcher's council. After the Glorificus incident we'd like to insure co-operation between our groups. The Council has decided that this petty disagreement has gone on long enough. They wish to better relations between us." Noel's smile was almost stunning in its sensuality as he threw himself into the role of the rich, hell-raising, cousin.

Buffy's mouth turned down in a slight pout. She'd really rather not deal with anymore watchers no matter how cute they were. Noel sighed inwardly. He could see the displeasure on the slayer's face. That just wouldn't do.

"On the other hand, they did send me. Honestly, I think it was supposed to be a punishment for you as much as me. As far as they're concerned, I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people." A wicked smirk made the silver-gray eyes flash. An almost synchronized wave of sighs flooded the room.

"Why's that?" asked Riley a look of distaste on the rugged face.

"Well, I'm a bit of an embarrassment for the council. Seems I'm something of a rabble-rouser. Course that might have had something to do with me agreeing with what you'd done. Personally I think the council's become way too Ivory tower of late." He moved closer to Buffy, grinning at Anya before turning his attention back to the slayer.

"If they ever tried to do what you did, they'd run crying home to mother." Noel shuddered inwardly at the British tone. He'd have to tone it down a bit. He smiled coyly as the girls crowded around him.

Giles frowned. "If you don't approve of the way their handling things why'd you join?"

"Well, mum was a watcher and her mum before her. Plus, I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks."

Xander snickered. He just might like this guy. Never mind the fact that he thought he was gorgeous.

Noel turned in a slow circle, surveying the room. "Now, I know this beautiful blonde is the slayer, Buffy Summers. And I know Rupert Giles, is her watcher. But who are these other lovely Americans?"

Willow giggled as Tara blushed shyly. Anya pushed her way closer thrusting her hand out. "I'm Anya. That's Willow and Tara," she said pointing to each in turn.

Xander hid another snicker as the guys fumed while the girls fawned. He didn't want to be bitter but the dissension among the ranks was putting him in the best mood he'd had since the break-up. And that was saying a lot since the girls had taken to calling him Scrooge.

Noel's eyes locked on Xander as he stepped away from the crowd of females. "Ah... it seems you've left out a couple."

Anya looked puzzled before remembering the others. "Oh that's Dawn. She's too young for sex."

The others groaned loudly but no one bothered to correct her behavior. Xander's gloom lifted for the third time that night, as he realized it no longer fell on him to teach Anya humanity.

Dawn however was oblivious to the conversation. The teenager's eyes had widened in disbelief the second they'd landed on Noel. She hadn't looked away not once, watching silently as he made himself welcome. She knew somehow she wasn't seeing what the others were seeing.

Noel groaned as his eyes flickered towards the teenager. Mr. C hadn't said anything about kids. This could ruin everything. But maybe not... perhaps she was too old to see him. Now a days children were a lot more cynical, sooner.

As the elf turned toward her, Dawn finally caught a glimpse of the eyes everyone else had found so fascinating. Awe filled the girl as she stared into eyes that shimmered like stardust. They glowed and sparkled with an inner light. Her breathe caught as she glimpsed a pointed ear before a lock of hair covered it again.

She almost bounced in place as she realized what she was seeing. "Buffy! Buffy..."

The slayer turned a distracted gaze towards her sibling. Noel's thoughts raced frantically for something to distract the girl. Moving closer to the counter he sighed in relief as his *gift* struck again.

The sound of the fax machine firing up startled the scoobies as it began to beep an error message to the tune of 'Grandma Got Ran-over Buy A Reindeer'. More than five feet away and still the machine reacted, Noel didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Giles cursed and hurried over to reset it. He arrived just in time to catch the blank sheet of paper the fax spewed out before it could hit the floor. To everyone's surprise, that was just the beginning of a barrage of paper that shot across the room like missiles.

Dawn giggled as the watcher ran around snatching paper out of the air as Willow hurried over to help. The red-head pushed the Reset button, and frowned as the machine beeped merrily and kept on flinging paper with what seemed to be joyful abandon.

"Willow really, could you do something?" the watcher pleaded as the shop began to look like the inside of a giant snow globe. Coming out of their stupor the others quickly began gathering the flying sheets as well.

"I'm trying," she snapped, pushing Reset again and again, with no success. The machine blithely ignored her efforts to silence it. Dawn laughed harder as the fax began a rousing rendition of what was certainly Alvin and the Chipmunks 'Santa'. Finally, the witch leaned over and yanked the plug out of the wall.

To everyone's relief, the machine subsided with one last defiant beep.

When Dawn could finally stop laughing her eyes fixed on Noel, who held one slender finger to his lips. She nodded willing to wait until later for answers. Though she had a pretty good idea of what was going on. She forced herself to sit still, ignoring the urge to squeal with glee. She couldn't believe Santa had actually answered her letter. Unlike a lot of kids her age she still believed in Saint Nick.

And why not? If demons, vampires, werewolves and witches existed, why couldn't a jolly old elf? Hmm?

So when she'd posted the letter like she did every year she'd only asked for one thing. Somebody to make Xander happy. She wriggled like a puppy unable to keep from showing at least some excitement as she sat back to watch the show.

While she had been distracted the others had finally gotten up all of the free-floating papers. Giles stared in disgust at the infernal machine before turning to Willow. The red-head shrugged in answer to the question in his eyes. The watcher rubbed at his nose in frustration, "I'm sorry. Things usually aren't so ridiculous."

"Errors have been made. Others will be blamed," said Xander stepping forward. He grinned holding out a hand for the man to shake. "Xander Harris, resident demon-magnet and donut-guy."

"Noel Ashley, watcher extraodinare and distant relation," he replied, grasping Xander's hand. Xander frowned unable to see any branch from the family tree, Noel might have come from. Noel nodded in agreement with the boy's disbelief. "I know hard to believe. Here's hoping my American cousin is a lot better than the rest of the lot. Now let's see if I remember how this goes."

His brow wrinkled in thought as he tried to make the connection distant enough, yet still believable. "Your uncle Rory's third ex-
wife's stepson. No blood relation but he was my stepfather for hmm I guess three months."

A distant look entered Xander's eyes as he tried to remember his uncle's third ex-wife. A vague image of a well-groomed, dark-haired woman flirted with his memories then vanished. "Well, let me be the first to welcome you to the Hellmouth."

Noel gave an elegant bow before kissing the hand he still held. Xander blushed but didn't bother removing his hand. "Well cuz, if all the ladies and... gentlemen around here are as attractive as you lot I think I'm going to enjoy this."

Drawing his hand from the strong grip he turned to the rest of the scoobies. "If you will excuse me I must be off."

Buffy frowned her mouth settling in a sulky pout. "So soon."

"Well I was in such a hurry to meet with you, I hadn't the time to arrange accommodations. Now I must seek lodgings before nightfall, if I don't wish to be a foreign delicacy for the natives."

Dawn bounced up and down excitedly. "Oh I know. Why don't you stay with Xander? He's got plenty of room cause he's a bachelor. I'm sure he wouldn't mind seeing as your family and all."

Before he could protest, not that he would, everyone quickly agreed that Noel would stay with Xander while he was in Sunnydale.

"I guess its unanimous. You'll be staying at Casa de la Harris," said Xander moving towards the door. "Do you have any luggage?" he asked, voice fading as they moved further away.

Dawn giggled madly as her favorite scooby left, followed by Noel.

END PART 4