Title: One Moment More

By: Nora

Email: Litaschick@aol.com

Website: http://www.beautiful-elegance.com/desires

Pairing: Tara/Spike, Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya, Buffy/Willow, Dawn/? (It's a surprise right now)

Rating: PG-16 but parts have a tendency to get R/NC-17

Spoilers: Season 6, Entropy/Seeing Red, around there is when I changed everything, I changed it there after.

Warnings: Death (sort of), magic abuse, kinky vampire sex, F/F, M/F and anything else I decide.

Summary: Warren's bullet brings new 'life' to one of the Scoobies. Will they ever be the same? Will they stay together or fall apart?

Archive: Fire and Ice, Deepest Desires (My site), anyone else please ask. I will say yes most likely ;)

Changes: The show went as is except for a few things, Buffy and Spike stopped sleeping together after Dead Things, Spike never tried to attack Buffy, Xander did leave Anya at the alter but she declined to become a demon again, Spike and Anya never slept together. Also Dawn is 17 in season 6

Authors Notes: This is my first time writing something not totally smutty so feedback is so appreciated.

Thanks: My beautiful Red for betaing for me when I knew she wanted to smack me upside the head with all my questions. To my 'nervous Fic readers' that I tirade with questions and feed me and my ego.



One Moment More
By Nora


It was early in the day, or late in terms of vampires and their habits, as Spike paced around his crypt unsure of what he should do.

"Come on, how bloody hard is it to tell her how you feel?" he shouted to himself.

"You're a vampire for shits sake! You have charmed your way into the pants of numerous women in the past. But…" He stared at the mirror that cast no reflection, "She's different. Special." He fell to his knees, not knowing what to do next.
He ran his fingers through his platinum blond hair and thought about the conversation they had had a few nights ago.




["Spike?" Tara said quietly.

They were curled together on the couch watching a movie in his crypt. She had snuggled closer to him at some point during the movie for warmth.

"Yes luv?" he said softly, secretly enjoying the closeness of the blond witch, though he was unsure if he would ever admit it to anyone.

"You could say that we have become 'friend's' lately right?"

She sat up from her previous position of being entangled in his arms. He nodded. "Well I wanted to talk to you about something," She blushed a bit "maybe even ask some advice…"

"Anything pet."

"Well…I've been thinking about things; namely things with Willow and I." Tara looked down at her hands and played with the hem of her skirt nervously "I-I love her, but with the magic's and everything I don't know if we could ever make it work the way it used to be again. But part of me wants to keep it the way things are. Separate and be just friends."

"Nothing wrong with that, it seems as though you and Red weren't meant to be, could be fate or it could be all that karmic crap you all are always going on about." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cig. "Do you mind?" he questioned her, meaning the cigarette.

She shook her head.

"It is your place after all."

She looked around and smiled a bit at that statement. It seemed as though it was her place just as much as his these days. After she and Willow had broken up, she had moved back into the dorms. That was a nightmare, due to her roommate from hell and she spent more nights at Spike's then in the dorms. That was blatantly apparent by the various personal items of hers that were scattered around. It seemed a natural, she and the vampire being buddies. Heaven knew they both needed someone to hang onto these days.

After a rather nasty fight with Buffy a few weeks ago, Spike had ended up at the Espresso Pump, bruised and badly beaten. Tara found him and brought him back to his crypt, patching him up and watching over him; she didn't leave his side for nearly 3 days.

They had become close friends during that time, talking, confiding and venting to each other, totally candid.
It was a relationship that did them both a world of good.]




Spike looked around at the various items that decorated the room; a garment of clothing here, a crystal of some sorts there. Everywhere he looked he was haunted by images of the woman he wanted but didn't think he could ever have.

Deciding enough was bloody enough, he stood up.

"That's it, I can't just sit here like a soddin' sap and not say anything. I need to get to her before she meets up with Red."
He pulled on his leather duster and walked to the back of the crypt and down into the sewers.




Spike headed to the Summers house. Tara was bound to be there, since she wasn't at her dorm or in class. This was the most logical place that he could think of.

As he jogged towards the house, jacket covering his head from the peaking sun, he saw an ambulance screech past him coming from the Slayer's home.

Moments later he saw Willow, looking pissed as all hell, her shirt covered in blood. Before Spike could think he ran towards the house, hurrying inside through the open door. Throwing his coat aside, he franticly searched the house for Tara.




"Tara?" he called out repeatedly, desperately hoping that she would answer him.

If he had a beating heart it would have stopped when he walked into Willow's room. He stared in disbelief as he saw the beautiful blonde lying twisted and lifeless, a bullet through the chest,

"Oh bloody…Tara!"

He fell to his knees and gathered the lifeless woman in his arms.

She was still warm and was it not for the blood soaked shirt; he would have thought she was sleeping. Leaning down, he listened for a heartbeat.

"Yes! Soddin' hell, yes!"

It was so faint, only a vampire's ears would hear it, but it was there. Willow…the chit no doubt thought her girlfriend was dead. His eyes stayed on Tara…Tara who was barely still alive.

"Oh pet, I shouldn't have let you go. I should have told you the other night how I felt. But I was afraid…yes the big bad vampire was afraid. I was afraid I would lose you forever...but now none of that matters." His voice broke as he put his head against hers; brushing the hair away from her face he placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"Too late, bloody too late no-" A thought hit him so hard, he nearly fell over. A solution…a way to save her. But could he do it? Could he really do it? Could he even think of turning her even if it was to save her?

He was afraid…afraid of losing the woman he loved. Even if she still 'lived', would she be the one he so desired? Her heart …all would be different. Still, could she keep the beauty of her inside? Would she lose her essence, every fiber of her being that radiated off of her that made him want to be closer to her; the Ying to his yang.

Looking at her, it didn't matter. He knew that. What did matter was not letting her leave this earth. If it meant a change, so be it. He couldn't let her go.




"I'm sorry luv, I can't lose you; I've just found you." he said, cutting his wrist open on his vampire fang and putting it to her lips.

As he watched his blood trickle into her mouth, he willed with every undead bone in his body that he wasn't too late.



Part 2

“Will, Willow stop!” Buffy shouted to the red headed witch as she stormed off through the hospital parking lot.

It was obvious the girl was ready to wreak god only knows what havoc on whoever crossed her path. Buffy wasn’t exactly sure why, although her recent being shot did come to mind. She had shown up moments earlier and magically saved the Slayer who was near death thanks to Warren and his gun. The bastard had shot her in her own backyard while she and Xander were discussing a fight from the previous morning. They had just patched things up when BANG!




Willow spun around, her eyes blazing darkly.

“What? I don’t have time for this! He has to pay for what he’s done.”

“Willow, we will take care of it. Warren will pay for what he did,” Buffy gently said, putting a hand on her friends’ shoulders. “But you need to calm down. It’s not as bad as it could have been. I mean, look at me; because of you I’m alive.”

“I’m still having problems wrapping my brain around that one,” Xander mused. “I mean how Willow, I thought you were done with all the mojo.”

“I was. Till he shot her,” she replied, her eyes growing darker.

“Will, look at me, I’m fine. Everything’s going to be ok. We’ll find Warren and he will pay…the right way.”

“Everything’s not ok.” Willow glared at her two friends, although she realized she had no reason to be angry at them. They didn’t know. Her face softened, though it conveyed a hurt deeper than the Slayer had ever seen.

“Will, what’s going on? What happened that we don’t know about?” Buffy asked.

“Tara. Warren killed her. S-she died in my arms up in my bedroom.”



Sheer horror covered her friends’ faces as they heard the news of Tara’s death.

“H-how?” Buffy gasped; shocked that one of her friends was gone.

“When he shot you…another bullet came through the window and hit her.” Willow’s tears and hurt turned to anger “Now he’s going to pay.” She turned to walk away but Xander grabbed her arm. “Let go.” She snapped.

“No, Willow, you need to stop, we need to get back to the house. We need to take care of things there.”

“There's nothing that needs to be taken care of. Warren needs to be dealt with; he needs to pay for what he’s done; for what he’s taken.”

“Tara. That’s exactly why we need to go back to the house.” Buffy moved in front of her friend and placed her hands on Willow’s shoulders “We need to go home and take care of things Will. We can’t leave Tara at the house like that. What if Dawn comes home? Do you really want her to walk into your bedroom and find her lying there? You know Tara wouldn’t want that.”

Willow looked down at her blood soaked shirt and slightly nodded her head, Buffy was right, she couldn’t leave Tara’s body lying in the bedroom like that. She couldn’t believe that she went storming off and leaving her lover’s body where she fell.

“Y-you’re right,” Willow said quietly, her voice cracking. “How could I have been so stupid? How could I just go and leave her there?”

Buffy hugged her tight as she felt Willow’s body start to shake as she cried. Xander walked over and wrapped his arms around his two friends, wishing he could erase the day and take all of their pain away. He kissed the tops of their heads softly.

“We should head back now. Dawn will be home in about an hour.”

Willow nodded as she walked huddled with Buffy towards Xander's car, crying in the back seat on Buffy’s lap the entire way home. Her heart hurt so much she didn’t think she could ever breathe again. Her love was gone.

Willow was afraid to close her eyes, for every time she did, she saw Tara getting shot all over again.

In her mind, she saw the bullet rip through her lover’s chest, the blood soaking her light blue shirt. Willow watched as Tara fell to the floor, her body lifeless.

Tara was gone and there was nothing she could do to change it.



Before long, they had reached the Summers house. Dread flooded her at the thought of entering the room where her love lay dead. Her eyes found Buffy’s.

The Slayer looked at her best friend with helpless eyes. She desperately wanted to say something, anything to make her dearest friend feel better. But she just couldn’t find the words. And in all honesty, she didn’t think there were words. All she could do was take her friends hand.

“I’m here, Will, always.”

Willow nodded through tears and steeled herself. Xander moved to her other side and together, they entered the house through the open front door.

To the average person, everything would seem just fine. But they knew better.

Buffy looked into the living room from where she stood and was flooded with memories; both good and bad.




She saw the couch where she had found her mother dead from a brain aneurysm. It was the same room where her sister Dawn had given her a frame, made with shells they got at the beach, for her birthday.

Turning, she saw the dining room table where they had all gathered time after time, enjoying food, fun and late night research parties.

Sighing, she turned her hazel eyes to the stairs, dreading the steps they were about to take almost as much as Willow. Almost. The Slayer sadly realized that none of them could truly know the pain their friend was in at the moment.

They began making their way of the stairs, when Buffy tripped on a black leather jacket. A familiar black, leather jacket. Xander bent down and picked it up, looking into one of the pockets. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and looked at Buffy.

“Spike.”

Willow took off running up the stairs and to her bedroom, barely noticing the blonde vampire crouching in the corner, away from the sunlight and staring intently at the fallen witch.

Willow gathered Tara into her arms, overcome with grief as she sobbed openly.

“Why, goddess I don’t understand… we were supposed to be happy together.”

She ran her hand down the side of the blonde’s cheek, brushing the hair away from her face. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide and she leaned down close.

There was blood on Tara’s face, trickling out of the corner of her mouth. Willow wiped it off with her fingers. It was cold…very cold. She didn’t remember seeing blood on her face…

She looked at Buffy and Xander who were still standing in the doorway, both in shock at the sight of their dead friend. Again, the Slayer wished for some words of comfort for the witch, but as before, found none. She turned away, unable to face the sight of Willow holding Tara’s lifeless body in her arms. That’s when she saw the vampire.

“Spike, why are you he-” she stopped short when she noticed the small but fresh gash in his wrist. “Oh my god…what did you do?”

Xander looked at him, saw his wrist and instantly knew what happened.

“She was alive when you got here wasn’t she?” he quietly said, his anger rising as the events started to sink in. “She was alive and you…you fed her…you fed her, you sick bastard!”

He charged the vampire, reaching down, yanking him up by his black tee shirt and slammed him into the wall.

“No...no, you wouldn’t…you…” Buffy’s head was spinning.

“You fed her?” Willow’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it drew all eyes to her. “Did you? Spike, did you change her?”

He nodded.

“Had to, Pet, couldn’t let her die.”

“You killed her!” Xander growled, slamming him against the wall again. “You had to drink your fill!”

“Xander,” Buffy said, reaching out to him.

“I’ll kill you myself!”

“Xander!”

“Thank you.”

Once again, Willow’s soft voice brought their eyes to her.

“Will?”

“He saved her, Buffy,” Willow continued, a small smile forming on her lips. “He saved her…he saved Tara…now we can be together forever. Goddess, Spike, thank you!”


part 3

"Hello?" Dawn called as she dropped her backpack down onto the dining room table and headed into the kitchen. "Xander?" She grabbed a few pretzels from the bowl in the kitchen. 'He's got to be here, his car's outside,' she thought to herself, chomping away on a pretzel.

Turning, she started to head up the stairs when Xander came bounding down, pulling her back down with him.

"Come on Dawnie, Anya needs us over at the magic box."

"Is something wrong?"

"N-no, we just need to be there now."

He snatched up her backpack and ushered her out of the door and into his car. Buffy looked out of the bathroom window and sighed with relief as she saw them drive away, her little sister no doubt very confused.



"They're gone," she said, her eyes still gazing out the window." Now the three of us need to talk."

She turned around to find Willow busying herself around the room, picking up and cleaning. It unnerved her when she saw how chipper her friend was.

"You know Spike, I owe you everything," Willow said, very upbeat as she picked up the last of the clothes from the floor. "I do, because of you and what happened I'm getting my baby back. I'm getting my Tara back."

She headed to the bathroom, her arms overloaded with garments that were scattered about the room the night before, coming back with fresh sheets. "I know there's a lot to do," she continued, stripping the bed of the old ones. "First we need to get her situated and such and then we need to get her soul back…hmmm I wonder if I can use the same spell I used on Angel a few years ago? Heck, I can write one just for her."



Spike looked at her with bewildered eyes. Red had really lost her marbles. Not that he blamed her, though. He didn't know what he would have done if he had lost Tara completely. Sighing, he prepared himself for the possibility that he in fact, did lose her, knowing she wouldn't be the exact same after the change. Nobody ever really is.

He looked over at Buffy, who was staring at her friend as she tossed the old sheets aside and replaced them with red heart ones.

"Tara loves these," she noted, tucking the end in. "Says they're soft and comfy and cute."

The Slayer turned her eyes to him. In all his many years on this earth, all the evil he had seen as well as done; nothing had ever frightened him more than the stare she was giving him.

"Spike, hall now," she ordered, walking into the hall.

He followed without complaint, careful of the sun's fading rays and found her arms crossed, waiting for him. He was dreading the talk he knew was unavoidable.

"What where you thinking?!" she baulked, verbally attacking him, "How could you even think of such a thing? Did you see Willow in there? Do you realize what you have done?!"

Spike looked up at her, keeping his anger in check because this wasn't the time or the place for a knock down drag out.

"I couldn't see the lady die like that…"

"So you saw fit to give her a death sentence?!"

"I didn't, I can teach her, I can help her and she doesn't have to be a killer."

"No, so now instead of Warren being the one to kill her, you changed it so I am the one that has to do that task. What possessed you?"

"The lass and I became closer after what happened a few weeks ago," he looked up at Buffy with accusing eyes. "Remember that night you decided to use me as a punching bag?"

Buffy looked slightly wounded "I-"

Spike lifted up his hand. "Save it, Slayer. We have other things to worry about now." He gestured to the bedroom and they both they saw Willow fluffing the many pillows that now decorated the bed. Spike turned back to Buffy. "We each have a woman to worry about now, Slayer," he noted, his voice honest. "Save the fighting for later."

Buffy watched Willow. It broke her heart.

"She thinks you gave Tara back to her." Her voice was barely above a whisper and her eyes were cold as they found his. "The truth is you took her away from her."

"I did what I-"

"You made her a vampire!" Buffy pointed towards the bedroom; she fought to keep her voice low. "Soul or no soul, she won't come back here…back to her." She paused, then said," Will she?"

Spike was quiet, feeling genuine sympathy for the redhead and, even a bit for the Slayer and what she was in for with her best friend.

"Will she?"

He shook his head. "No, she won't come back to Re-…here, she won't come back here."

Buffy felt her heart rip in two. Only when she had watched Angel disappear into the smoky night, that graduation years ago, did she feel this way.

“So what happens now?” Buffy’s voice was small, almost defeated. “D-do we have a funeral or…”

“No, we don’t have too. I do suggest bringing her back to my crypt.”

”Why so you can seduce her and show her violent ways and have her doing your evil dirty work because you’re neutered from that initiative chip.”

“Bloody hell slayer, what do I have to say or do to convince you that I’m not like that anymore?!” Spike closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. “First, I think that I can teach her and help her, maybe even keep her from becoming a horrid creature. Second, this place isn’t exactly vampire friendly; you have so many bloody windows in this house, she’ll burn up before she can wake up!”

“You’re not wrong there.” She sighed. “Alright, it will be dark in about half an hour. I’ll gather up some of her things. Does she need anything ‘special’?”

Spike somberly shook his head.

“Just some clothes; best to keep the personal effects to a minimum. Gonna be hard enough for her to start with and we don’t want to make it worse.”

Her eyes drifted back to the bedroom, where Willow was trying to decide which nightgown to lay out for Tara's return. As the sick feeling flooded her stomach, she decided that from then on, she would do whatever it took, to take care of Willow.

Her eyes still on the red head, Buffy said “Worse is unavoidable…”


Part 4

Xander held open the door to the Magic Box for Dawn and followed her inside.

“Dawn, I’m sure there are shelves in the back that need restocking.”

“Bu-”

“Please Dawnie, don’t argue.” Xander looked down at her with pleading eyes.

“Ok.”

She walked into the back room, discarding her backpack on the big round table that served as the centerpiece of countless late night research sessions.

“I’ll be with you in a minute!”

Anya’s voice came from behind the counter, although she was nowhere in sight. A few seconds later, she popped up and found her ex staring at her.

“Xander,” she said flatly. “What do you want?”

Xander looked at her, he effects of the day weighing heavy on his heart. He shed his jacket, revealing a yellow shirt stained with blood, dropping the jacket on the floor.

Anya’s eyes got wide.

“Xander are you ok?” She fixed her shirt. “Not that I care, really, but I don’t want you bleeding onto my newly polished shop floor.”

He stumbled, as if drunk, to the nearest chair at the big lighted table and collapsed.

“An,” he weakly began, looking down at his hands.

Traces of blood still decorated them. He looked up at the ex demon with tear filled eyes, the day’s events finally catching up to him.

Anya was now concerned. Dropping her pen, she came out from behind the counter and went to him.

“Xander, what happened?” she placed her hands on his. “Are you hurt?”

She started to pull up his shirt, her eyes searching for wounds. He shook his head, his own eyes moving back to his stained hands.

“I-I’m not hurt.”

“Then what’s going on?” She tilted her head like a confused puppy, her eyes searching Xander for some sign or clue as to what was happening.

“It’s Tara.” He whispered and watched as Anya walked over to the sink and brought back a clean wet cloth. “Warren came into the backyard this morning and shot Buffy and Tara.”

Anya’s hand flew to her mouth, obviously shocked “Oh my gosh, are they dead? Was there a lot of blood? Certainly there was blood, I mean look at you, you’re covered in it.”

“No, Buffy’s alive. Tara’s well…”

“Tara’s what Xander? Is she ok? Is she alive?”

“Sh-she was dying and for god only knows what reason Spike was there and…” Xander's voice broke. Anya put her hand on his face and made him look up at her.

“Xander tell me.”

“Spike was there and he took it upon himself to change her.” Xander could feel the anger rising in him again and clenched his hands into fists. “Willow was at the hospital with me and Buffy; she saved her, brought her back, magic. She was about to go after Warren but we talked her out of it.” He took a deep breath. “We came home and found Spike near Tara’s body… he fed her. Before I could kill him, Dawn came home and Buffy begged me to bring her here.”

Surprisingly calm, Anya placed her hands on his and simply said, “I’ll call Giles.”



Buffy watched quietly as Spike walked down the pathway out of the Summers home and made his way to his crypt, Tara in his arms. The two of them had had a rational conversation and convinced Willow that for Tara’s sake, it was best the vampire take her to his place. Willow, so happy her love wasn’t going six feet under, surprisingly agreed with no fuss. After all, she knew the house wasn’t vampire safe and figured the day or two would give her time to fix that problem. She happily packed a bag for her lover, including the cell phone Xander gave the blonde witch for Christmas. It would be easer and quicker for them to contact each other this way.

Buffy hoped sending her friend to Spike’s crypt, putting her in his care, was the right thing to do. Turning around, she saw Willow at the top of the stairs, her eyes eerily wide with excitement. Sighing, the Slayer decided to get on with it.

“Will, we need to talk,” she said.

“Can’t now Buffy, I have to prepare for Tara’s coming home party.”

She made her way down the stairs, waving her hands in the air and muttering something Buffy didn’t understand but knew had to be an incantation.

The living room was instantly filled with party streamers and balloons. A chill ran down Buffy’s spine as the room now resembled the way it looked the night of Xander and Anya’s engagement party.

Buffy walked over to her and placed a hand on the red heads shoulder.

“Will, sit. We really need to talk.”

Willow looked at her friend with a smile on her face “I Okay, but I can’t be too long, I have a lot to do.”

Buffy ushered her over to the couch and sat down on the coffee table in front of her, a wave of sadness overcoming her. Between the loss of her friend and the obvious denial state of her best friend, the Slayer was ready to lose it.

Buffy looked at the redhead on the sofa and couldn’t help remember the night a few weeks ago, when she had confessed her dark secret to the blonde witch... She remembered breaking down into tears, wanting to know why she let Spike get to her like he was.

Tara was the only one that knew about the ‘relationship’; but assured Buffy that there wasn’t anything wrong with her; that she didn’t come back wrong like she thought.




“So what did you want to talk to me about, Buffy? I need to finish getting things ready for Tara’s homecoming. You know there are a lot of things that we have to do around here. Say, do you know where you put those hunter green curtains that your mom used to have hanging in Dawnie’s room? Hmm, maybe Xander can put shutters or something on these front windows.” Willow looked at her friend. “You know Tara can’t be in the sunlight anymore. Guess I’m gonna get that, midnight picnic I always wanted now, huh?”

“Will. Stop. You need to calm down.” Buffy placed a hand on her friend’s knee. “We need to talk, you have to stop this.” She gestured to the cheerfully decorated living room. “You’re preparing for a party as if Tara is coming back from vacation or something. Will, sweetie,” Buffy leaned in and placed a hand on her friends’ cheek. “If this works with Tara, you know it won’t be the same. She’s not human anymore. She’s a vampire. Nothing will be the same.”

Buffy stared at her friend, who didn’t seem to get what she was being told.




Xander watched Anya as she moved about in the Magic Box, ushering out the last few customers before locking the door and moving the sign to ‘closed’. It was all very surreal to him; like this was just some horrible nightmare that he couldn’t wake up from.

Anya walked back over to him and sat on the chair across from his.

“Try to calm down. Giles has been called and he’s going to get into contact with Buffy and then decide from there. I closed the shop down for the afternoon. I’ll probably stay open later on the weekends to make up for the loss but never mind that right now, there are more important things to deal with right now.”

Xander nodded, and had the situation not been so bad, would have made a comment or two about the world coming to an end because she was closing the store. As it was, he merely nodded and tried to form sentences. Feeling weak, he rested his head on Anya’s lap.

“W-why?” he mumbled, feeling everything finally catch up with him as the tears he held in finally fell “I can’t believe what’s happened, I can’t believe she’s dead.”

“What?! Who’s dead?” Dawn cried in alarm, dropping the books and trinkets she had in her hands. “Xander, tell me!”


Part 5

Spike laid Tara down on his bed, pushing the hair away from her face and kissing her forehead lightly.

“I’m so sorry pet,” he whispered. “I didn’t know what else do to. I was probably foolish to think that I could have you the way you were. Maybe this was for the best. I know you could never love me when you were human.”

He took a deep, unneeded, breath and stood up. He looked down at her; she looked like she was sleeping but, sadly, he knew better. He knew she was changing; turning into a demon, becoming stronger and more aware, losing her soul.

That’s what killed him the most. Yes, he did bring her back but the consequence of that was losing her soul.

However, he knew that if anyone could find a permanent soul restoration, it was Willow. He just hoped that he didn’t make anything worse by trying to save Tara the way he did. The way the redhead was acting, he wasn’t so sure he didn’t.



Spike busied himself around the crypt, trying to make the time go quicker. He was excited as well as dreading Tara waking up. He picked up the bag that Willow had packed and moved his items to make room for hers. He wanted to do anything he could do to make the transition easer.

That wasn’t going to be easy, this he knew, but he was determined to try.




Tara’s mind swirled; Willow, their friends, her family, Spike; all flowed though her head.

She had a flash of memory, Willow’s smile, and then a piercing pain ripping through her chest; blood splattering Willow’s shirt; her falling to the ground and then black.

She wasn’t sure where she was now. Even though she wasn’t awake she could smell and feel her surroundings. They were very familiar to her, comforting.

Her mind started flashing again and these were memories she never lived. They belonged to someone else.

She saw a young man who strikingly resembled Spike, with someone who seemed to be his mother. They were reading together by candle light. She saw a raven haired woman approach the man, it then flashed to the woman vamping out and biting the man. She then flashed back to the young man and his mother, without seeing she knew that her son had turned her into a vampire at some point, and Tara watched as his mother verbally beat him with insults, nearly reducing the young immortal to tears.

Her heart broke as she watched as he was forced to stake his own mother to protect himself as well as preserve her memory.

Tara continued to see flashes of memories that were not her own, but his, the man and his triumphs, conquests and kills. As the memories continued to flood her mind she came to realize that this wasn’t a man that resembled Spike but WAS Spike.

She was watching her William become Spike.

She was very confused as to what and why all this was happening. Why she would be dreaming about Spike’s memories? Why would she see things that he refused to talk about with her?

Most importantly, why did she feel this urge, this hunger like she had never felt before. She felt angry, filled with the lust to hunt and kill. And she craved blood. She needed blood desperately.



Tara then heard voices, although she didn’t see anyone’s face. They were telling her things about Buffy and Faith that she already knew. It was very surreal.

Suddenly, she shot awake with a jolt and her eyes flew open. She went to take a deep breath but realized it wasn’t necessary.



“What’s going on?” she softly asked, her eyes finding Spike on the bed next to her. “Where am I? Where’s Willow? Spike, what’s happening?”

The vampire felt his heart breaking. What had he done?




Xander and Anya stared at Dawn, neither knowing what to say or how to say it.

“You guys, tell me what’s going on!” Dawn, obviously panicked, stood by the counter. “Who died? Is Buffy ok?”

Anya calmly got up and walked over to the panicked youngest Summers.

“Dawnie, come sit down and we will explain everything.”

Dawn ripped her arm away from Anya’s gentle grasp.

“No! Not till you tell me if Buffy’s ok.” She looked at Xander. Seeing the obvious pain and confusion in his eyes, she moved next to him and knelt down, tears in her eyes. “Xander, please.”

He looked at her, mirroring her tears with his own.

“Something bad has happened, Dawn. “Something really bad.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Warren came to the house this morning while Buffy and I were talking. H-he shot Buffy.”

The tears started to fall faster. “This can’t be happening. W-we just got her back. I can’t lose her again.”

He placed his hands on her shoulders.

“No Dawnie, Buffy’s not dead. She’s ok. Willow did what she does best, she saved her. But she couldn’t save-”

“Tara.” Dawn finished Xander's sentence for him.

“Yea,” he said softly, dreading telling Dawn the rest of the news “That’s not all. Dawn sit.”

Dawn nervously sat down next to Xander. Anya sat behind her and put her hand around her shoulders for comfort.

“What else?” she said quietly and nervously.

“Spike was at the house.”

“Is he ok?!” In spite of Spike being a vampire, she loved him as if he was part of the family. He always talked to her as an equal and not someone lesser then him. It seemed, at times, he didn’t even notice the age difference between the two of them.

“Unfortunately, yes.” He cleared his throat. “Never mind that; he did something unspeakable Dawnie, he…he changed her."

Dawn leapt from her chair.

“He what? He would never do that, Xander what are you talking about?! Spike would never do that, especially to Tara.”

Anya finally spoke in a low voice.

“It’s true. He changed her because he thought it would be a way to save her.”

“He said he did it because it was better than losing her all together,” Xander stated, looking up at her. He shook his head and looked back down. “Willow’s a total mess. She’s happy…actually happy, about it. She seems to be in denial. Buffy and I don’t know what to do.”

Dawn fell to her knees and placed her hands over her face as the tears fell. She felt like her world was collapsing around her.


Part 6

Tara stared blankly at Spike as he explained what happened to her.

“I-I was shot. And you were at the house, and you turned me. Right? I’m sorry. I’m just trying to wrap my brain around all of this.”

Spike ran a hand through his blonde hair.

“Bloody hell, Pet, what was I supposed to do? Sit there and watch the life drain out of you? Sorry, just couldn’t do it. You deserve a lot more than that…than to leave this world by that soddin’ bastard’s gun! You deserve a long, happy, wonderful life…a life as beautiful as you! Damnit, Tara, I know I probably shouldn’t have sentenced you to this…bleedin’ hell, wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy…but I had to do something! I love you so much; that’s what I came to tell you this morning, that’s why I was there at the house. I couldn’t wait any bloody longer…and then when I got there and saw what happened I just couldn’t watch you die! I couldn’t be without you any longer! I couldn-”

He stopped, realizing what he had just said. The look on her face puzzled him, as did the cool touch of her hand on his. It became somewhat clearer when she leaned in and pressed her lips softly onto his.

Spike instinctively kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her cool body closer to his. He didn’t want this moment to end, he had waited for so long to have her and now he did; but at what price?

He grunted and pushed her away gently when he felt her nails dig into the flesh of his back.

“Luv, stop. We need to talk. We can’t just start something.” He looked into her eyes and saw something he had never seen there before. Hunger.

Tara grinned at him.

“You are my sire, right?” he nodded. “Then I belong to you.” She moved closer to him, nearly on his lap. “I am yours totally and completely, do with me what you wish.” She licked her lips. “Please, sire.”

Spike bit back a groan as he closed his eyes.

“Tara, you need to listen, please. Things are different now. Just last night you made up with your bird and now you’re all over me. You need to ask yourself what’s going on. You can’t have it both ways, Pet; you need to make up yo-”

Spike’s words were cut short as Tara lunged at him, kissing him hard and deep. “I feel different, yes,” she purred, when she finally removed her lips from his. “But I know what I want. Right now, I want you.” She growled “Now.”

Before he knew it he was pinned flat on the bed and Tara was ripping his black button down shirt open.

Spike closed his eyes and felt her lips on his chest. He knew this was the wrong place and the wrong time but he couldn’t bloody help it, he needed her! Part of him hoped that maybe this would elevate some of his guilt. Another part wanted to be inside of her, damn the guilt, the redhead, everything! And at the moment, that seemed to be the part he was listening to. Nothing else mattered…right now he liked what was happening and decided to selfishly enjoy it.




“Buffy I told you, I understand what you are saying,” Willow said as she got off the couch and started cleaning up the living room. “I know that Tara is a vampire now, but I already thought about it and I know it will be ok. Tara can be a good vampire. I mean, look at Angel and heck, even Spike. Yes, I know Spike doesn’t have a soul but he has proved to be changing his ways.” She looked over at her friend. “Buffy, it will work.”

Buffy just stared at Willow. Although she was unsure of what exactly was going to happen, she knew that her friend was in for a very rude awakening.

“Will, listen to me. Things won’t be the same. I don’t know how to make you understand that everything has changed.” She sighed as she watched Willow make her way upstairs, no doubt to clean something else in the house that wasn’t suitable for Tara’s return.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a phone ring. “I’ll get it.” She shouted as she picked up the cordless.

“Hello?”

“Buffy?

“Giles? Oh thank God!”

“Anya phoned. Buffy…” He stumbled for the words.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know.”

She was grateful to hear his voice. Somehow, no matter how bad the situation he always made her feel better.

“Are you alright?”

“That’s a trick question, right?”

“How are you holding up?”

“I’ll be ok. I always am, remember. I’m not worried about me right now. I’m trying to hold all the pieces together because Willow is going to need me. She’s going to need all of us.”

“I agree, completely. What is she doing right now?”

“Running around the house cleaning, preparing everything for Tara’s homecoming. Giles, it’s like she believes Tara’s coming back from a camping trip or something… as if Tara was ok… on vacation or something. She even decorated the living room just like she did that day at Xander and Anya’s engagement party.”

“Oh dear.”

“Exactly. What are we going to do?”

“We could temporarily bind her powers; keep her from hurting herself or doing something really bad.”

“So liking that idea. Xander and I had to stop her from flying off the deep end and going after Warren. Thankfully we were able to get through to her.”

“I’ll perform the spell immediately. Several members of a local coven are on their way as we speak. Within the hour she will be totally magic free and, although that might not be the best thing for her physically, it-”

“It’s for her own good,” Buffy finished for him. “I agree.”

“I will fly back as soon as the binding spell has been done.”

“Believe me, I’m too tired to even play argue with you not to come. The help is very much wanted.”

They talked a bit longer then said their goodbyes. When Buffy hung up, she hurried up the stairs to see how Willow was.

“Willow?” She walked into Willow’s bedroom, shaking off a chill when she saw the blood stain and the shattered window.

She looked around the room. Willow was nowhere to be found. Her eyes moved to the computer and found a note taped to the screen.




Buffy-
Went out to go see my Tara and thank Spike again for everything.
I’ll be back. Can you please make sure that everything looks all pretty and nice?
I did my best…just want to make sure it’s good enough for my girl. Thanks, you’re the best friend ever.
Love,
Willow


Buffy dropped the paper onto the desk.

“Oh Willow,” she sighed, her heart heavy.

Thank Spike? Her Slayer speed in full swing, Buffy bolted down the stairs, out the door and ran for her life to the crypt.




Part 7

Spike climbed off of Tara and fell back against the cool sheets, sweat dripping off of his naked body. He looked over at his new lover, his eyes searching her.

She looked like Tara, smelled like Tara, but part of him knew that all of his Tara wasn’t there anymore. It was his fault, he did this to her…

He was pulled out of his thoughts by her voice.

“Yes, you did, but you gave me something that I nearly lost forever; time.”

Tara turned to look at him, the sheet barely covering her nakedness. “Spike, I know things are different, they are very different. There is a lot that I need to learn an-” Tara closed her eyes and groaned in pain.

He sat up quickly.

“What’s wrong pet?”

“I-I don’t know, I feel strange, I feel this pain inside.”

“Damnit, how could I be so bloody stupid! You need to eat.”

Jumping out of bed, he hurried over to the fridge, returning a few seconds later with a container of butchers’ blood.

“Here pet, drink.”

Tara looked at him mischievously, and then pulled him down on the bed, spilling part of the blood onto his hand. She took the container and placed it on the night stand. She then intertwined her fingers with his blood soaked fingers and looking him straight in the eyes, brought their intertwined fingers up to her mouth.

Spike watched, as if in a trance, as she intently licked each drop of blood off of his fingers, moving her tongue all around his sensitive flesh.

“Tara luv, you need to eat. I don’t need you getting sick. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Yes I am, for you.”

She placed her other hand behind his neck and forcibly drew him closer.

Tara’s face changed. She vamped out and bit down on his neck, her fangs sinking deeply into his flesh. She was careful, an artist, he, her canvas…much as he had been with her not long ago when they made love for the first time.

She inhaled his scent mixed with blood. It turned her on, made her crave more. Everything inside her was on fire, heightened and she was more aware of everything around her.

She continued to drink from him as she moved her legs until she was straddling his lap. Spike groaned, pulling her closer to him, enjoying the sensation of their closeness. He wrapped an arm around her waist and thrust deep into her as he heard her grunt, felt her bite harder. She drank hungrily from him, sucking harder each time he thrusted deeper into her.

She growled as she pulled away from his neck, licking the new wounds, her eyes finding his. They were heated, lust filled, mad with desire, an animal devouring her prey.

Her fangs bared, she ground against him hard.

“Come on, baby, you know you just dying to take a bite.”

She grinned wickedly, thrusting her chest and neck in his face.

“Luv,” he panted. “I’ve been dying to bite you since I first saw you.”

His face changed and he showed his fangs. He wrapped his fingers in her hair and pulled her down for a kiss. It was rough and hard, the kind that left you bruised for days.

He loved her with every part of his soulless body but this wasn’t about love; this was about wanting something and taking it for his own.

Spike broke the kiss and pulled her head back, his hand still in her hair as he bit down on one of her luscious breasts. His bite was hard, passionate. He was marking her, making sure his childe knew who she belonged to.

He drank, but not nearly as much as she did from him. He could survive on less than she could, especially because it was her first feeding.

Spike withdrew from her breast and licked the two fresh puncture marks just as she did earlier to his. He looked deep into her eyes, her face human again and gripped her hips, thrusting fiercely as they came together. He was slightly caught off guard by the look in her eyes. The lust and passion were still there, but with them, he saw something else. Maybe she could love him the way he loved her.




Willow joyfully walked through the cemetery towards Spike’s crypt. She couldn’t wait to see Tara… her Tara.

She lowered her head and smelled the flowers she had picked up on the way. They were a present for her goddess…her new goddess.

Buffy was right, things weren’t the same. But that meant they could only be better. Her love had escaped death…it was a sign. A sign that they WERE destined to always be together…forever. Not even death could keep them apart. They belonged to each other.

Her smile grew as the crypt came into view and she ran the rest of the way.



Spike lay on the bed, weakened slightly from the night’s events and loss of blood. Actually, he wasn’t sure if it was weakness or if he was in some sort of state of bliss. It had been so bloody long…

Tara got out of the bed, bent down and picked up Spike’s torn and disregarded shirt. She put it on over her shoulders and buttoned the only button remaining near her breasts; the fresh bite wound still clearly visible. She walked over to the drawer that held the few items she had started keeping here weeks ago. Spike had suggested it after one of their movie nights. He said it just made sense. She started to grab a pair of jeans but then changed her mind and chose the thong she had bought awhile ago. It had been Willow’s idea, but the blonde witch had been too shy to actually wear it…much to the redhead’s dismay, and they had broken up before things had changed. Now, however, with her newfound desires and lack of inhibitions, she didn’t have to worry about such mortal things anymore.

She slipped it on then took a walk around the darkened crypt, observing things and studying her new home. With all the newness of her vamped state, she now saw things differently. It was as if her eyes were brand new, the clarity of all her senses finely tuned-Her thoughts came to a screeching halt as a familiar scent flooded her body.




“Tara? Baby, where are you? I’m here, sweetie.”

Tara looked at Spike, who was now out of bed and jumping into his pants.




All Dawn could do on the way home was cry in Anya’s lap. She still couldn’t understand what was going on. She couldn’t understand everything that had happened.

“How did everything fall apart so fast?” she looked up at Anya, half expecting a wise answer or something to comfort her. “They were happy, they just got together, and everything was going to be ok.”

“I know sweetie,” the ex-demon said softly. She ran her hand over Dawn’s hair, hoping to somehow calm her down. “I wish I knew what to tell you, I wish I could take it back and make it all better again.”

Wish, Anya cynically thought; that’s a word I don’t hear often anymore. She remembered the night that he came to her…




“My dear Anyaka, haven’t you learned that you don’t belong here? You don’t belong with the mortals; can’t you see that you belong with us?” D'Hoffryn said looking down at Anya as she cried in her apartment, still wearing her dress from the wedding that never was.

“I-I just don’t understand. What did I do wrong?”

“He doesn’t understand our kind. You know you don’t belong with him.” He stopped and looked down at her. She looked up at him with a tear stained face, her makeup running down her cheeks. “Come back to the fold. You know it’s for the best. Become on of my beloved again…”




Anya remembered his anger when she refused him. She thought he was going to kill her or turn her into something awful. Instead, he shunned her and said that the days of her as a vengeance demon would never be spoken of again.

She reached out a hand and placed it on Xander’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He looked over at her with blood shot eyes, smiled weakly then looked back at the road. Rebello Drive was just ahead. He pulled into the driveway of the Summers house. They got out of the car and headed to the front door, none of them sure of what lie ahead.





Part 8

“Quick, get dressed before Red comes down here and goes all black eyes on us.” Spike tossed her a pair of her jeans as he zipped up his.

Tara looked down at the clothes.

“I can’t worry about that,” she replied, her eyes gazing at the bite mark on her breast. It was already showing signs of healing. “I have more then pressing things to worry about right now.”

She looked up and saw Willow climbing down the ladder, flowers in hand. The redhead turned around and smiled gleefully at the new vampire. Tara felt a pang of regret and longing; part of her still loved the red witch and always would. However, she knew she couldn’t put her in this situation. The tales Willow herself had told her, of Buffy and Angel danced freshly in her head. She would not be a sequel. Willow would have to deal, as much as it would hurt, with the cold fact that they could no loner be together. Inside her crowded head, the blonde witch felt a measure of comfort in knowing that Buffy would take care of her former lover. It was odd…a part of her seemed to always know that in the end; the Slayer would be the one by the redhead’s side.




Willow rushed to Tara and pulled her into her arms.

“Oh baby, I’m so glad I have you back! I’d be so lost without you. Now I never will!”

She held Tara tight, closing her eyes and inhaling the sweet scent of her lover. Tara felt different, cooler, somewhat firmer, but she didn’t pay much mind to it. After all, she was now a vampire…things would be different.

Tara looked down at the human witch, felt how warm she was and found herself staring at Willow’s neck. She could see and almost feel the blood pumping. Her first instinct was to drink but she knew it was wrong.

“Willow,” she whispered softly, struggling not to act on instinct. “We need to talk.”

The witch didn’t budge; she was too overwhelmed. She was afraid if she let go that Tara would disappear.

She was pulled out of her revere when she heard someone clear their throat. Opening her eyes, she saw Spike standing on the other side of the room near the bed. She looked at him, noticing that he wasn’t wearing a shirt and his chest was covered in scratches. Her emerald eyes moved over him, studying and she saw a fresh bite mark on his neck. Looking at the bed, she saw the crumbled sheets. Instantly, she pulled away from Tara.




“Tara?” she said softly and very confused.

She finally saw what her girlfriend was wearing and gasped in shock. Tara always refused to wear the thong when they were together no matter how many times Willow tried to talk her into it. With it, she wore one of Spike’s shirts. There was only one button left that was closed, not leaving much to the imagination. She saw the bite mark on the breast she knew so well and felt her heart break.

She looked into the blonde’s eyes, questioning her without words and saw something that was, what she thought, only meant for the two of them.

Desire and passion flooded Tara’s eyes. Willow knew that look all too well. She had seen it a lot… in the bedroom.

“Tara, what’s going on “I-I thought you were mine. I thought we would be together, forever, especially now that Spike saved you and you’re a vampire.”

”It’s not that simple.” Tara‘s voice was soft, although she was growing impatient with the witch. It hurt her, feeling that way and she felt bad for feeling upset and angry at her former lover, but something inside of her couldn’t help it.

“Willow, you knew that things would change when Tara did.” Spike finally spoke up, walking closer to the witch. “Buffy and I spoke to you about this before I left th-”

Willow waved her arm and sent Spike flying across the room. “I was talking to Tara, not you.” She shouted; feeling the anger rising inside of her.

Tara crossed her arms. “Willow you can’t do this. It’s not right.” She stepped closer to her. “Things are different now, I’ve changed, everything has changed.”




“Why? It can be just the two of us, the way it’s supposed to be!” Willow felt tears well up in her eyes as she looked back at Tara. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”

Tara felt lost. She wanted to go to Willow, comfort her, but she couldn’t. It wasn’t fair, none of it was…not her pain, not Willow’s pain, neither of them deserved to feel like this. It was his fault…Warren Mears.

“None of this is supposed to be, Will, but guess what, it is. We can’t change what has happened. We can only grow and move on.” She placed her hand on her cheek and brushed away Willow’s tears. “I need to move on. I can’t learn and adapt unless you give me the chance.” Her voice was gentle. “And you, Will…you need to move on…you need to go on with your life.”

Spike slowly, and painfully, got up and started to head over to the girls.

“Red, you need to listen, I’m sorry for everything.”

“Sorry?! You’re sorry!” she growled, pulling away from Tara. “This is your fault, you neutered vampire!”

Willow seethed, closed her eyes and started to chant a spell. She opened her eyes and held out her hands; palm side up, “Be gone!”

Spike shielded his face instinctively and braced for what was going to happen. He waited a moment for the spell to work and when nothing happened, he sighed deeply.

Willow had a confused look on her face.

“What’s going on? That spell should have sent you straight to the sun. I don’t understand.” She looked to Tara, “What’s going on? I don’t understand anything any more. We were happy last night. And now you’re rolling around in Spike’s bed, wearing his mark!!”

“He’s my sire, I belong to him now. Willow, we have already been over this. We can’t be together. Everything is different.” Tara tapped her foot impatiently, getting increasingly tired of the redhead’s question and tears.

Her face changed and she showed her fangs. “This is what I am now Willow. You need to see that!” she snarled. She closed her eyes for a moment and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, not you, too…” Willow’s voice was shaky, rough with raw pain. “I can’t be without both of you. No, no, Tara, no…you can’t leave me, too!”




Buffy raced down the street towards Spike’s crypt. ‘I hope I’m not too late, I hope that Willow doesn’t go off on Spike once she realizes the truth and I so hope Giles is quick with this spell. I’m sure I’m not the only one not looking forward to the possibility of her going over the edge.’

When Buffy got to the crypt, the door was open and she walked in. Nobody was around but she heard voices in the tunnel.

“Bedroom?” she said confused. “Why would they be down there?” she stopped short when she heard the voices more clearly.

‘Things will never be the same.’




Back at the summers house…

“Hello? Buffy?” Dawn called out. She looked at Xander when there was no answer. “Where could they be?”

“I don’t know. They might have gone out for a walk or something,” he softly said.

Dawn weighed his words for a moment then rushed upstairs to Willow’s room, stopping short at the doorway when she saw the bullet hole in the bedroom window. Taking a deep breath, she turned on the light and walked slowly in. Her hand went to her mouth and she gasped when her blue eyes fell upon the blood stained carpet.

“Come on Dawnie,” Anya gently said, taking her arm and leading her down the hall to the bathroom.

She sat the girl down on the toilet and wet a washcloth with cold water.

“It’s just all so …” Her voice was small and trailed off

Anya patted her face softly with the cloth, hoping it would ease her and make her feel somewhat better.

“Better?”

Dawn nodded. “Maybe I’ll lay down for a bit.”

“That sounds good. Would you like me to stay with you, maybe read you one of those fake fables you humans enjoy so much?”

She stood up and smiled. “No, thanks…for the story offer. But the company would be nice.” Dawn hugged the ex-demon, grateful she was there.




Buffy crouched down to get a better listen as to what was going on, when suddenly the voices stopped and she heart a thud.

She jumped down the hole, not paying attention to the ladder and looked around. She took in the scene before her.

Tara was half naked and looking battered. Spike was kneeling in the corner, half naked and very bloody. Willow was passed out on the floor. The Slayer fumed. Willow on the floor, out? Immediately, she ran to her best friend, her eyes searching for a pulse. Finding one, she checked for bite marks and found none. She did, however, find a bruised cheek. A low growl escaped from her lips and she glared at the newly vamped witch.





part 9

“She was losing it,” Tara explained, both her demon and what was left of the old Tara, knowing better than to piss the Slayer off. “It had to be done.”

Buffy listened quietly as they told her what had transpired. Despite the coolness of the witch’s tone, she could see the pain in her eyes. This woman in front of her may not have been her old friend…may have been a vampire…but she wasn’t evil. She was different, changed; it was obvious by just looking at her. The old Tara would have been five shades of red at having been caught in her underwear. This Tara was anything but embarrassed. In fact, she seemed quite the opposite.

It didn’t take a brain surgeon to see what had been going on here. The half nakedness, the scratches, the bites…the witch was almost proud standing there, wearing her sire’s scent loudly. But despite this, Buffy just didn’t get the big evil off of her. Maybe she was too close. She hadn’t caught Angelus.

“So what happens now?” she asked, her eyes on Tara.

“Take her home Buffy. She doesn’t belong here, you know that. Everything has changed.”

Tara sighed deeply, laughing cynically to herself once she realized that it was no longer necessary. She looked at the Slayer, her eyes pleading. “Please, Buffy, I can’t do this to her. I won’t be another Angel. I won’t do to her what he did to you.” She brushed her hair away from her face. “Besides, I have someone now…someone who understands, who can give me what I need. Will can’t do that anymore.” She paused a moment, the words that were coming next, nearly choking her. “I don’t love her, Buffy. Not now…not anymore…she’s nothing to me.”

Normally, words like these would have had the Slayer ripping out throats. But Buffy saw the pain behind Tara’s cold eyes…felt the ache echoing in every syllable. The pain Willow was in was mirrored in her former lover.

“Take her home and take care of her, Slayer,” Tara added, her voice suddenly warm. “I may have been in her bed, but you have always been in her heart.”

Tara’s words topped the list of ‘what the…?’ of the past days events.

“What?”

Tara didn’t answer her, merely turned and walked to the further side of the crypt, sitting on the bed facing away from everyone.

Spike slowly walked over to Buffy.

“I did the best I could. Always liked Red, you know that. I tried to talk to her but she went happy with the mojo…well at least she tried too.”

“Giles called. Her powers are bound for now. That’s one for the plus side. Hopefully, we’ll be able to keep her from going off the deep end.” She looked down at her friend, then added, “Although I’m not so sure if the deep end is avoidable.”

Spike looked at her, genuine sympathy in his eyes.

“I know. I’ve been there…think we’ve pretty much all been there.”

They stood in uncomfortable silence for a few moments then Willow’s moans brought them out of their lull.

“I think I should take her home now, before she wakes up.” She looked over to Tara and then back to Spike. “Will you be ok? Do you need anything?”

He shook his head.

“We might fancy pints of blood in a few days but I think were good now.” Buffy looked at him suspiciously. “Animal blood only,” he quickly reassured her.

She nodded and gave him a weak smile.

“Take care of her,” she softly said.

“I will,” he replied, just as soft. “You do the same with Red.”

She scooped Willow up in her arms, carefully placed her over her shoulder and left.




Spike watched as Buffy left with Willow and once out of sight, he returned his attention to Tara. She was his main concern right now. He could feel her agony and uncertainty as everything weighed down on her. He approached the bed and sat next to her.

“Pet,” he began. But before he could say another word, she broke down in tears. He quickly gathered her up in his arms and stroking her hair.

“Shhh…it will be ok luv,” he whispered. “You have me.” He pulled her closer, not wanting to let her go. “In time, you will be ok. I promise you, pet.”

“No it’s not ok!” she cried out through her heavy tears. “I can’t feel, yet I feel too much!” She moved away from him and looked at him. “Spike, I hate that I’m hurting her…and at the same time, I can’t feel how I used to. I love her…goddess, I always will…but I want you now…I need you, not her! And damnit, damnit, I just want everything to stop spinning in my head! Everything feels strange. I don’t understand it. Do you know how I hated saying those things? How it feels to see her broken like that and know that I’m the reason? And how the demon in me hates me for caring?! I feel so empty. I feel dead in side.” Her voice was now small and childlike and it killed him.

“I’m sorry pet. I’m sorry I ever did any of this. I’m sorry I gave you a living death sentence of eternal hell.”

“Don’t be sorry Spike, please don’t. I need you.” She kissed him gently. “I need you now more then ever, not just as my friend. As my sire, I need you to show me, show me how to balance all the things I’m feeling, the urges. Spike teach me, love me.”

“But you don’t love me. I’ve been down this one way street before; it’s not to my liking.”

She lowered her head. “No, I don’t love you.” She shook her head and looked back up at him. “No you’re wrong, I do love you Spike, and you’re one of the closest friends I have. But I’m not IN love with you.” She placed her hand on his cheek. “But I know I could be, some day.”

He smiled slightly. “Really? You really think you could love me like that?”

“Yes,” she smiled coyly. “We have forever.”

Spike placed his hands on the sides of her face, brushing away the falling tears. “Forever.” The word was heaven to his ears.



Two Days Later…

Giles looked out the plane window as he flew over the ocean.

‘I hope it’s not too late to save dear Willow,’ he thought, sipping the tepid tea that was served to him on the flight.

Once he heard the news of Tara’s death and change, he knew he was needed in Sunnydale. The past few nights he had been unable to sleep. He felt horribly guilty for leaving when and how he did.

‘Buffy didn’t need me any longer. How foolishly selfish I was. I didn’t even think about any one else. I should have considered them… especially Willow.’

He removed his glass and placed them on the tray in front of him, pinching the bridge of his nose in hopes of making some of the tension in his head disappear.
‘I see now I should have stayed. Just because I was Buffy’s watcher didn’t mean that the others didn’t need me.’ He sighed deeply.

‘I hope my mistake doesn’t have any more dire effects and that the damage done is reversible.’

He prayed harder than he had ever prayed before.




Buffy made her way up the stairs, a tray of food in her hand, and headed towards Willow’s room.

“Willow, sweetie?” She knocked on the locked door. “I brought you some food.” There was no answer. “Will, please, open the door, you’ve been in there for days. You need to eat.”

She waited patiently, fighting the urge to just break the door down. She wanted to give her best friend time, she didn’t want to push. Giles would be here soon and together they would fix this…fix her. She glanced down at the bottom of the door frame, hoping to see a shadow or something, but saw nothing. Buffy realized that Willow must have all of the curtains shut because there was not a drop of light to be seen. Worry overshadowed patience.

“Willow, let me in,” she said firmly. “I WILL break down the door if I have to.”




part 10

Anya walked around Xander’s apartment, picking up clothing and beer bottles.

She had been staying in the apartment with him the past few nights, making sure that he slept and ate.

Even though they weren’t together any more, they both loved each other dearly and she secretly even hoped they would get back together one day.

She dropped the cloths into the laundry basket and walked over to the bedroom door, slowly slipping in and walking over to the bed.

Putting a hand on his head, she brushes his dark hair away from his face, a weak smile on her face.

‘I’m glad he finally got to sleep. It’s been a rough few days.’

She pulled the covers up over his nearly nude body, pausing a moment to admire what was once hers, then headed out to the living room. Sighing, she plopped down on the sofa and looked out the window.

“I wish there was some way to turn back time and make everything ok,” she murmured aloud. “If I had taken D’Hoffryn’s offer, I could have rewound the day and Xander and everyone else wouldn’t be hurting.”

She sighed and picked up a picture frame from the end table. Her eyes welled up with tears as they stared at the photo that was taken before everything had fallen apart. The whole gang was in it…well, save for Spike, who actually took it.

Anya wiped a tear from her cheek.

“I never understood these mortals but I know I don’t like seeing them hurt and upset.”

She held the photo tightly to her chest, as if that would piece everything back together and protect it. Her eyes stayed glued to the photograph as she wept quietly; the tears falling onto the glass.

She never knew if she could understand humans, even though she was now one of them. She had their feelings and emotions but never their understanding.

She continued to stare at the photo and the now tear stained glass, studying the faces.

It was taken at the Magic Box...the Halloween sale...Xander was in his pirate gear, looking very sexy, as always...Giles had on that horrid wizard costume Willow had insisted he buy...Dawn, Tara, Buffy and Willow had chosen to come as members of the moral majority...that was Willow’s way of putting it. Anya knew, however, that they just knew they couldn’t compete with Xander's angel.




“I’d do anything to make it better.” Her voice was soft, aching with pain.

“Just you being here helps more then I can ever say,” Xander said, surprising her, stumbling out of the bedroom; his eyes bloodshot.

He walked over and knelt down next to her.

“I know we aren’t together An, but it really helps knowing you’re here. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t.”

He gently ran his thumb across her cheek and their eyes locked for a moment. He leaned in and his lips gently met hers. Then, the phone rang.

Sighing, he got up to answer it.

“Buffy, hey, what’s going on?”

Anya watched as they talked, his eyes growing dark with sadness. After a few minutes, he hung up the phone and hung his head, returning to the couch and sitting next to her.

She looked over at him, concern on her face.

“Xander?” she said quietly.

“I-it’s Willow,” he answered his voice nearly lifeless. “She won’t come out of her room and she hasn’t eaten since Tara was changed. I just don’t know what to do.”

Anya pulled him into her arms and tried to comfort him.

“I’m a horrible friend,” he continued. “She’s my best friend and I can’t do anything… I’ve known Willow forever, since kindergarten. Why can’t I help her?”

Anya stroked his hair and continued to console him the best way she knew how.




Giles got out of the taxi in front of the Summers house, tipped the driver and gathered his bags. A deep sigh fell from his lips as he made his way up the walk, his heart heavy with pain. His eyes glanced around, the recent tragedy invisible to the untrained eye. But he saw it, all around, embracing the place with a morbid grin.

He reached for the bell, but before he could ring it, the front door swung open and he was nearly tackled by the eldest Summers girl.

“Oh Giles, I’m so glad you’re here!” she exclaimed, hugging him tightly.

Dropping his bags, he returned the hug, glad to be there but wishing it was under different circumstances.

“Buffy.” He gasped, somewhat, for air and wondered if she truly knew just how strong she was.

When Buffy finally let go, they looked at each other. The Englishman saw the love for a father, love in her eyes and mentally chastised himself for ever leaving.

“Here, let me help you,” she said, grabbing a few bags

She placed them by the stairs and looked at him

“Where would you like to talk?” he asked pulling his jacket off and placing it on the railing leading up the stairs.

“The living room is fine. Can I get you anything to drink?”

“No, thank you. I would ask how you are doing, but it seems rather pointless, I’m afraid.”

She managed a small smile, but that smile faded when he asked about Willow.

Sighing, she sat down in the chair across from where he sat on the sofa.

“The words, going through hell, have taken on a whole new meaning,” she said, shaking her head ever so lightly. “She hasn’t come out of her room in days, she won’t eat, you can hear her late at night sobbing and…” She looked at him. “and trying to do spells.”

He felt more than a little pang of guilt and it played across his face like a neon sign.

“Don’t Giles, it had to be done. “

He nodded, but the pang remained.

“How long do we keep this up? How long till we tell her what we did?”

Giles sighed and pulled his glasses off.

“I honestly don’t know Buffy, until she gets better. Right now she’s on the path of destruction and this was the only way to keep her from hurting herself and others.” He saw the guilt on her face and added, “This is for her own good, Buffy. You know that.”

“Yes I do, but I can’t help it. I feel horrible for not telling her. I feel even worse about the other night.”

Giles sat up and looked at Buffy with concern in his eyes.

“What happened?”

He stared at her as she told him everything that had happened that night. She told him how Willow was acting delusional and had gone into a rage at the crypt.

“Thankfully the binding spell worked in time or we would have one blonde dust pile.”

“Precisely, although, I must confess, I am finding it hard to see the bad in that particular situation.” Buffy managed another small smile and he continued. “Heaven only knows what could have happened if we hadn’t bound her powers; this Warren, he could have been skinned alive.”

The Slayer nodded her agreement.

“You know Willow would do anything for Tara, she loves her.”

“Precisely why we need to discuss what is going to happen with Tara.” He placed his glasses back onto his face. “Where is Tara now?”

“She’s with Spike and before you start, let me explain,” Buffy stated, watching the displeased look on her watcher’s face. “I think Tara being there is what’s best now. She can’t stay here, not with Will like she is. Spike can help her…it’s gotta be hard waking up…dead.”

An ironic smile passed over Giles lips, but then his face grew serous once again. “I understand, but are you sure she is safe with him? He is a vampire after all.”

“Yes, as is Tara now.”

“True. However Buffy, he doesn’t have a soul. The only thing keeping him from being how he used to be, is a piece of metal the initiative imbedded in his brain.” He sat up and clasped his hands together. “Who is to say or keep Spike from using Tara, who neither has a soul or a chip, as an instrument for his evil work.”

Buffy nodded.

“You have a point, Giles, I know that. But I’ve seen how he acts around her. He loves her; in his sick and twisted mind he really loves her. I don’t think he would do anything to hurt Tara.” She shifted in her seat so she was now sitting with her left leg tucked under her right. “Giles, he changed her. He could have just let her die; he could have drank from her and let her die but he didn’t. He saved her the only way he could. If he had breath, I believe he would have done mouth to mouth on her. He doesn’t, so he did what he thought was the next best thing. Besides…” She paused and ran a hand through her golden hair. “The truth of it is, the bullet went right through her, through her heart. Her blood, it’s all over the carpet up there, Giles. That bastard gave her a death sentence. There was no other way.”

Giles nodded, realizing that as sad as it was, Spike truly was the best person to help Tara right now.

“Alright, I see your point. Although, I confess, I am concerned about the possibility of another Angelus on our hands.”

“I know and I get that. But from what I saw, it’s weird, I know, but I really don’t think Tara’s like that. Honestly, if she wanted to, she could have ripped Will’s throat out.”

“When Angel lost his soul, he was cool and calculating. You didn’t even see it when you saw him at first.”

The Slayer felt a pang of guilt at the reminder. Giles noticed and quickly added, “Neither did Willow or Xander…and I wouldn’t have, either, Buffy, because he was a genius of pure evil. That’s what I meant.”

Buffy shook her head.

“I know evil, Giles…been there, sent that to hell, remember? Tara, she’s not...I know she’s not the Tara we knew, she’s not the same...but...she’s not evil. I know evil. I saw her eyes, the pain that was there. She was as torn up as Willow. For a moment, I swear I saw tears.” She paused for a moment, then said, “In a way, Giles…in some weird, no longer breathing, now one of the undead way, she is the same. It’s hard to explain. Ya just gotta trust me, Giles. Tara is no Angelus.”

He thought for about what his slayer had said. Furrowing a brow, he replied, “Then what is she?”

Buffy shook her head.

“Confused, angry, unsure and in pain; gosh, a lot of pain. Maybe it’s the slayer in me, special senses and all, but it just poured off of her. She’s hurting, Giles.”

“I do not doubt you but I need to assess the situation myself. When would it be best to go to Spike’s crypt and see Tara?”

“We can head over there now.” Giles stood up, started for the stairs then stopped. Turning back to face Buffy, he said, “This Warren, the one who’s responsible for all of this... What are we going to do about him? He’s mortal so that’s a bit out of my area; and we can’t exactly call the cops because there's no body.”

A smile crossed the Slayer’s face and she looked up at Giles.

“I’ll be right back; I need to order some flowers.”



Part 11

Willow flipped through her last spell book, the anger rising in her. Green eyes landing on a small incantation at the bottom of the page, a flicker of hope fell upon her and she took a deep breath.

“This is going to work…this is going to work.”

She read over the spell silently a few times then began chanting out loud. She started soft and got louder. Still, nothing happened. She threw the book across the room and screamed.



At the bottom of the stairs, Giles and Buffy exchanged a worried look.

“I’m beyond worried,” the Slayer said her eyes deep with fear. “I can’t lose her, Giles…not again.”

The Englishman’s brow furrowed slightly at her words, but she didn’t notice. Her eyes were glued to the ceiling, as if they could see through the floor and into the redhead’s room. His brain raced. If something wasn’t done soon, this was going to get much worse…




“Damnit! Why can’t I do any spells?”

She pulled roughly at her unwashed hair.

“It’s me…I’m no better than I was back then. Oh goddess, I’m her again…Willow the loser…”

She jumped up and began pacing the room.

“Maybe I never stopped being her…maybe I never had the power…maybe it was all her. Tara, she’s the one with the magic kiss, not me….I’m nothing…always have been, always will be…” She stopped, mid-pace, an idea popping into her head. “Unless…she bound them…she bound my powers! She’s afraid I would do something, something to keep her away from Spike! GODDESS! How could she? How? She sleeps with…with, him…rolling around like some wild animal in heat…tells me it’s over, that I can’t give her what she needs! But he can? He doesn’t know her…he doesn’t love her. He’s using her…his Buffy replacement…he never loved her…I love her…I love Tara…I loved Buffy, longer than he’s known who she is! He doesn’t know how to love! Stalking, that’s what he knows! Undead bastard! He could never come close to love, with anyone. Goddess, even Drusilla left him! She’s a hell of a lot smarter than I thought! Damn him! Damn them both! Taking my power! His idea, has to be. But she did it…she listened to him!”

She stormed across the room and slammed her fist into the wall.

“That bitch!”



Buffy and Giles walked back down the stairs. They had put his bags in Dawn’s room, where he would be staying.

“Now you can see why I’m so concerned about Willow,” she said.

“I never doubted you, Buffy.” He looked down at her. “Perhaps I thought you were worrying a bit more than necessary, being as close as you are to her, I admit. However, having heard what I just did, well, immediate action is needed. I don’t suggest leaving her here alone while we go see Tara.”

“Neither do I. I’m glad Dawn is staying with Janice for a few days. She’s worried enough the way it is. Seeing Will like this will only make it worse and believe me, Giles, one outta control gal is all I can handle at a time.” He nodded in agreement, smiling slightly. “I’ll call Xander and have him come and stay while we’re gone.”

“Excellent idea. If anyone can tend to Willow, it’s him.”

She headed toward the phone, stopping when he called her name.

“Buffy…I believe we should get Willow to England as soon as possible; for her own sake.”

Buffy nodded. “Agreeing with ya there, Giles…so agreeing.”



Half an hour later, the doorbell rang and Xander walked in, followed by Anya.

“Hello?” he called out, not seeing anyone in the living room.

“In here.”

He heard Buffy’s voice calling from the kitchen and they hurried in, smiling at the site of Giles.

“It’s great to have you here, G-man,” Xander said, hugging him. It was somewhat of a comfort, having his father figure and his wisdom around to lend a hand when it was needed most.

Despite his loathing of the boy’s nickname for him, Giles returned the hug, happy to see both he and the ex demon.

“Giles you’re back!” Anya exclaimed hugging the older Englishman tightly. When she broke the hug, she held him at arms length. “You’re not getting the shop back; you signed papers and everything.”

Giles smiled softly and patted the girl’s head.

“Not to worry.” Turning to Buffy, he said, “Shall we go then?”

Buffy nodded and they walked to the front door. Giles suddenly stopped and turned to Xander and Anya.

“I almost forgot.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, velvet pouch. “These are for Willow, to keep her calm.” He handed the bag to Xander who looked at him confused. “Buffy and I have decided that it’s best to keep her calm right now. At least until we know more.”
“Ok, how do we do this? She’s not going to exactly let us.”
“Let Anya mix the potion and put half into a glass of juice. That should work.”
“Sedation through oj, a classic,” Anya stated, taking the pouch from her ex. “Not to worry, by the time you two return, Willow will be sleeping like a baby.”

Giles managed a small smile.

“Xander, may we borrow your car?” he asked.

“Sure.” Xander handed Giles the keys, ignoring Buffy’s outstretched hand. “Sorry, Buf, but I love my Saturn.”

The Slayer frowned and went outside, Giles following. Xander closed the door and looked at Anya.

“Guess it’s up to us,” he sighed, worry showing on his face.

Anya placed her hand on his shoulder.

“It’s ok, I’m going to mix the potion and you can take it up to her. She’s going to be okay, Xander. She’s tough.”

He smiled. “You can leave, after ya mix it up. You don’t have to stay.”

“I want to. I care about Willow…Tara, too.”

Xander watched, as his ex busied herself around the kitchen, mixing up the potion. She never ceased to surprise him. In no time the potion was mixed and added in with the orange juice.

Anya sighed and looked at Xander. “Ready?”

“Never.” He took the glass from her hand and headed up the stairs. Anya watched him, her heart aching.

“And I care about you too, Xander Harris,” she breathed.



Tara slowly sank down onto the bed, Buffy standing next to her.

“It’s that bad?” she asked, looking up at the slayer.

Buffy nodded.

“She won’t leave the room; she hasn’t eaten or slept the past few days. Giles gave Xander and Anya a sedation potion. If they can get her to drink it, it will put her out for awhile. She needs the rest. She’s a wreck, Tara.”

The vampire sighed, then remembered she had no breath. Would she ever get used to that?

“I know she is, Buffy, goddess, I know! What about her powers? She doesn’t need to be doing any magic right now. She could hurt herself!”

“It’s ok, been taken care of. Giles did with the whammy and at the moment, she’s bound…which is best for everyone right now.” Buffy looked over at Spike, who was arguing with Giles in the corner. Most likely about his intentions with Tara. “Especially him. Sweet little Willow was using adjectives I’ve never heard of.”

Tara had to smile at the thought of Willow Rosenberg saying anything stronger than, hell. Her smile, however, quickly faded as the situation they were in sunk back in.

“I know, I saw her throw him across the room. He would have been dust if…” Her voice trailed off, the thought of losing the blonde vamp, causing a pain in her heart.

Buffy stared at her, the mixture of pain in her friend’s eyes, killing her. How much longer could she watch two people she cared dearly for, hurt so bad?

“Oh, I almost forgot.” She handed the blond a grocery bag. “This should hold you for a few days.”

Tara eyed Buffy nervously as she took the bag and put it next to her.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to…I mean, I don’t plan on hunting.”

“Yeah, I kinda had the feeling that wasn’t on your, to do list. That’s the good stuff. Angel’s favorite. He used to call it, ‘champagne for the souled’.”

She cracked a grin and Tara did too. They were quiet for a moment, until Tara finally spoke again.

“Thank you…I appreciate it. Spike will, too. He doesn’t like leaving me alone, but he’s had to, to…you know…”

“Pick up dinner?”

“Sorry, it’s all so weird. I feel so…”

“Awkward?”

Tara nodded. “I am one, sorry vampire, huh? Feeling guilty over the store bought stuff.”

Buffy smiled but it was bittersweet. If there had been any doubts about her friend’s state of evil, they were now wiped totally away. Vampire or not, Tara Maclay was not evil.

“So, how are you doing? I mean, well, with everything.”

“I’m trying to adjust. It’s the simple things, you know? I woke up yesterday morning and thought I was late for class. I got dressed, opened the door and burnt my hand. Scared Spike, as well as myself. I’m so not used to this, Buffy and I’m afraid I never will be. I was alive three days ago…breathing, sunbathing alive, back together with the woman I love more than anything. And now…now she’s a wreck because of me, the person I should hate, is bringing me food and asking me how I am.” She paused, put her head in her hands and added, “I feel so lost, Buffy.”

Buffy put a reassuring hand on Tara’s shoulder, wishing more than anything she could take back the past few days.

“It will get better in time. I know that sounds lame and I’m sorry. But Spike…” She glanced over at the vampire still arguing with Giles. “Spike, he’s going to take care of you, help you, teach you. And I can always call Angel, if ya want. He might be good to talk to.”

Tara smiled. “Thank you, for the offer. But I think calling Angel may make Spike a little…well, more stressed than he already is.”

“Good point. Still, the offer stands, anytime.”

“Thank you. And I know I have Spike and he is going to take care of me. He’s been doing a wonderful job so far…all worried, fussing over me day and night. He won’t even let me clean up the place. He saw me picking up some clothes and carried me back to the bed and proceeded to give the place the most thorough cleaning.”

Buffy looked around and furrowed a brow.

“It does seem less messy than usual. Is that pine?”

Tara nodded and giggled, and the Slayer felt a little peace inside. Tara would be alright.




Part 12

“Bloody hell, ya ponce, I have no plans on using the bird for my evil bidding! How many times do I have to bleedin’ tell you…I have no evil bidding to bloody do!”

“You have a chip, Spike, that’s the only reason there’s no evil for you to bid. You feel pain if you hurt. Tara has no chip therefore she can do as she pleases to whomever she pleases.”

“She doesn’t want to do a damn thing to anyone! Can’t ya see that? She’s not like the rest of us…not like Dru or Angelus or…”

“You?”

Spike nodded. “This isn’t fun for her, mate. She’s going through hell.”

“And who put her there?”

“I did what I had to do.”

“Why? Why did you turn her, Spike?”

“I couldn’t sit there and watch her die anymore than you could’ve.”

“You could have left.”

Spike glared at him. Giles glared back.




Xander knocked on the door to Willow’s room.

“Will, its Xander. Please open up. I brought ya some juice…oj, your favorite.”

He listened for a moment, hearing the door unlock but not open. Taking that as a good sign, he opened the door slowly, finding his friend standing by the broken window. She needs to be out of this room, needs to be away from the reminders.

“One tall glass of oj, coming up!” he quipped, flashing a patented Xander grin and extending the glass to her.

She just looked at him, her eyes deep with pain.

“Come on, Will, drink…for me, please?”

Willow took the glass and he relaxed, slightly.

“Drink up, Will. Yummy for the tummy.”

She walked away from the window, her eyes never leaving him. He stepped over to the bed, praying she would drink the juice. When she reached the other side of the room, she raised her hand and hurled the glass across the room and into the broken window. Glass shattered everywhere and Xander covered his eyes, diving onto the bed.

Willow saw the glass hit the bullet hole, sending shards all over the place. Her mind raced back to the moment one, tiny piece of lead changed her life and she began sobbing.

“Is everyone alright?” Anya clepped, running into the room.” Willow walked over to what was left of the window. “Willow, be careful, you’ll cut yourself.”

The redhead turned to the ex demon and Anya felt a chill go through her body.

“Will, are you okay?” Xander asked, getting up from the bed.

“I’m sorry, Xander, if I hurt you,” Willow softly said, her sad eyes looking at him. “I didn’t mean for the glass to hit you.”

“I’m fine, Will, cut free. Besides, never a complete day if I don’t get a little, bed divin’ in.”

She started walking towards the door, but Anya stepped in front of her.

“Willow, where are you going?” she inquired, her senses screaming red alert!

“Xander has a cut on his cheek. Take care of it, of him. I know you still love him. He still loves you, too.”

She put her hands on Anya’s shoulders and gave her a shove in Xander’s direction. Anya fell into him, sending both of them tumbling over the bed and onto the floor. By the time they got untangled and on their feet, Willow was gone.




“You okay?”

Tara nodded. “Just feeling a little…weak.”

“You need to eat.”

Buffy picked up the bag and pulled out a pouch of blood. Tara immediately vamped out.

“Oh goddess, I’m sorry!” she cried, embarrassed.

“It’s okay,” Buffy gently said, handing her the bag. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

Tara stared at the pouch and the Slayer could hear her stomach rumbling.

“Tara, eat.”

The witch put the pouch to her mouth and opened it with her teeth. Still, she couldn’t quite bring herself to drink.

“Do you know,” Buffy began, sitting down next to her. “How many times I had to clean Angel’s mouth after dinner?” Tara just looked at her. “No reflection. And I sure wasn’t going to a movie with him when he had blood all over his chin.” Tara couldn’t help but smile. “Sweet guy, snappy dresser…not always with the neat.”

Tara had to giggle, which made Buffy feel better than she had in days. Maybe things WOULD get better-




“Tara?”

They all heard Willow at the same time and had the same reaction. Buffy was the first to hit the ladder, Tara right behind her, Spike and Giles in tow. The Slayer found her best friend standing in the middle of the crypt, a large knife in her hand.

“Willow, what are you doing?” she gently asked, knowing calm was the only way to go.

“Oh goddess, Will,” Tara gasped, her blue eyes falling on her former lover.

“I CAN give you what you need, baby,” Willow said, grazing the knife over her arm. “See? I can feed you…you can feed from me.”

“Dear Lord.”

“Bloody hell.”

Drops of blood fell onto the crypt floor, filling Tara’s senses…as well as Spike’s. He repressed his demon, somewhat easily. Tara, however, was fighting to keep her demon face from showing. Buffy looked at her, knowing the struggle she was having.

“Will, you can’t do this,” she began, taking a step toward the redhead.

“Stay back! I mean it, Buffy! This doesn’t concern you! This is about Tara and I…Tara, baby, it CAN work. I have what you need. You can feed, as much as you want…and change me. Then we can be together forever!”

Tara growled under her breath but both Buffy and Spike heard it.

“Pet, come here,” Spike said, his blue eyes on Tara. “Come on, luv, let’s go back downstairs.”

“She’s not going anywhere!” Willow cried, slicing her arm again, this time deep.

“Willow stop!” Buffy ordered, calm quickly fading.

She was NOT going to stand there and watch the woman she loved cut herself up.

“No, Willow.” Tara’s voice was low and husky and very, very firm. “I will NOT feed from you…not now or ever.” She locked eyes with her. “And I will never, ever, ever change you into this.”

Spike unconsciously put a hand on Giles’ shoulder and squeezed. The Englishman, so concerned for the girl he had come to care for as a daughter, didn’t even notice.

Willow made another slice, this one even deeper, wincing as she did. Buffy made a move toward her but stopped as Willow put the knife to her wrist.

“You won’t have a choice,” Willow said, smiling eerily. “You won’t let me die. Once this blade goes across my wrist and the blood pours out…you won’t be able to repress that demon.”

Buffy reached out and took Tara’s hand, holding it tight, willing her strength to fight the demon. The vamp/witch was grateful and willed her demon to stay down.

“You’ll taste, drink, savor…” Willow smiled wickedly. “And then you’ll slide this knife over your own vein and put it to my lips.”

“NO!” Tara screamed.” Damnit, Willow I will NEVER, hear me, NEVER, TAKE YOUR LIFE!!!!!

Willow looked at her, saw the pain, the truth in the words she was saying and knew that her Tara was gone for good. Her heart fell and she began dragging the blade over her wrist.

“Buffy!” Xander’s voice echoed in the air, startling Willow and giving the Slayer the break she needed.

Letting go of Tara’s hand, Buffy ran and tackled her best friend, knocking the knife out of her hand and taking them to the ground.

“Get off of me, Buffy!” Willow screamed, kicking and punching.

Buffy was on top of her and had her pinned, but Willow wasn’t about to give up…much to the Slayer’s dismay.

“Damnit, Willow, stop fighting me!”

“No! Let me die! Let me fucking die!!!!”

Buffy had heard enough. As much as she hated doing it, she slugged the redhead. Not with all her strength, but with enough to knock the witch out.

“What the hell?” Xander baulked, as he and Anya stood in the doorway of the crypt.

“Excellent timing,” Giles stated, taking several deep breaths.

Spike was at Tara’s side, his arms wrapped around her tight.

“It’s okay, luv, it’s over now,” he soothed, gently rocking her.

Anya looked at Buffy, who was atop the unconscious Willow on the floor.

“Oh, I see Willow went crazy again.”



END PART 12