TITLE: pop tarts

MAIL: zusblue@yahoo.co.uk

FEEDBACK: you can let me know if it sucks- Not beta read (mostly), but NO FLAMES PLEASE - flames *will* be beta read and returned with appropriate suggestions

ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: I'd be gob smacked if anybody wanted it

SUMMARY: Spike, Xander, whammy spell (Xander's been dumped by Anya)

SPOILERS: season 5

CONTENT/WARNINGS: adult, very down un dirty.. Don't read it!

RATING: NC 17

DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, I'm not making any money from this (is that a shock?)

Pop Tarts
by zusblue

He wasn't sure if he'd taken pity on Spike or Spike had taken pity on him. Sure he was cut up about Anya. He never though she'd do it, but he didn't think he was hart broken. Hart broken involved much beating of the manly breast and all he felt was kinda numb, like someone had hollowed out his insides.

Padding to the kitchen and opening empty cupboards he felt a sharp pang he'd never needed to worry about this shit with Anya (was that love?) Reaching in for the sole box of pop-tarts and ripping one open with his teeth he felt the orgasmic sugar rush that made him love *love* junk food and fished out a couple of beers. Guys night, two sad duds mopping into beer over the TV on a Friday night. Could his life be any sadder (ye, he could be mopping in a basement).

A loud hammering at his door broke Xander out of his reverie and still chewing he made his way over and peering through the spy hole. He could see Spike looking back. WAY scary!

'Let me in Whelp'. Once inside Spike was the picture of ease and flopped onto Xander's sofa.

Still holding his pop-tart Xander watched Spike pick up the beer waiting for him and pull a face (no hard liquor in this house!). Spike looked the picture of nonchalance but over the past couple of months he'd gotten to know him pretty well. The Bleach Freak wasn't happy.. Women trouble beginning with a B and ending with Y.

Spike took a drink of his American bear (tastes like piss) and narrowed his eyes at chewing Xander.

'Give us one'

Xander nearly choked 'Hu?'

'Pop-tart ya pillock'

'Oh right, pop-tart' blushing Xander handed one over.. Definitely spending too much time with the Bleached one (or watching too much Black Adder on cable).. Where was his mind today? Oh ye, in the gutter with the rest of the smutty thinkers.. and when did Spike and smut (which equalled sex talk) get connected??? Oh dear Lord!

Spike gave him a quizzical look as he bit his prize. Did he just miss something cos the Whelp nearly choked and he's looking decidedly flushed. *I nearly chocked on a pop-tart* red suited him.

'Right then, get the popcorn out Whelp the match's on in half and hour'

'I'm taking a shower Spike. You want popcorn? You know where the microwave is'

'What did your last slave die off?' Spike called after him.

Xander could hear the muffled cursing through the bathroom door as he dried off. That loud bang earlier sure didn't bode well for his cleaning deposit. Pulling on some clean clothes and running fingers through damp hair he surveyed himself. What did he have to pretty himself up for? A bleached Vamp with an oral fixation.. jez!

Can of American piss, bowl of burn popcorn (shame about the microwave) and a working telly, Spike sighed. He'd had a really crappy day. Slagged off by the slayer (as usual and I don't give a shit), beaten up by some 12 year olds for his wallet and thrown on his arse out of Willies,. OK, humiliation overload. Master Vampire reduced to spending *quality time* with the slayer's lackey. Bugger!

The two guys settled on the sofa to watch the match.

**

A few beers later (ok, quite a few) Xander watched the credits. Who'd have thought English Football could be so exciting? 'Hate to say it Bleach boy but that was pretty good'

'Pretty good?? It was bleedin fantastic!' Spike was bouncing, he'd enjoyed himself. Watching the match, drinking beer, screaming at the referee, talking to the Whelp. It almost made him forget about the Slayer and his chip for a while. Natural exuberance fuelled by the beer came and said hello. 'Fucking great match. Did you see that last goal and the pissin referee?? Blind as a bloody badger'

'Course I saw it. Hello? Sat next to you.' Xander shrugged 'it was ok'

Spike nearly fell off the sofa 'OK? What do you mean *OK*, Bollocks, it was brilliant. That ref must have shit for brains to call that offside '.

Xander watched Spike splutter. Making an impression here, getting a very definite impression.. Xander sniggered Outrage!! Cool!!!!!

HOW TO GET ONE COMPLETELY OUTRAGED VAMP!

Take one slightly inebriated young man.
Mix with more beer.
Add one chipped Vampire, also slightly inebriated.
Stir in one game of English Football and a tirade of insults directed against said game.
Sprinkle liberally with insults directed against those of British nationality,
And stir!

Xander's brain took a holiday and his mouth made the most of it by taking babbling to new heights, he had one *WAY* pissed off Vampire.

'I cannot *believe* you! How the hell can you think that poofy American game can compare?' Spike was pacing 'Do English blokes wear all that Nancy padding? I don't bloody think so..' Spike raged on.

Xander had beer glow, watching Spike wave his arms around and stalk gave him a gooshy warm feeling in his chest, he'd succeeded at something and he didn't know why but it *really* mattered.. He needed a hug.

Spike blinked. I minute he was giving the Whelp what for the next he had an arm full of fruity human.

Xander snuggled rubbing his numb cheek against Spike's neck 'Ummm'. That warm fuzzy feeling he had just seemed to grow and he really didn't want to move, in fact..

Spike felt Xander give a wiggle and drape his body. Bloody hell, he had two choices, drop the lad or grab hold. Getting a better grip he looked at the sleeping human, little sod. Pissed me off right good and proper and here he was all innocent looking and sleepy. Spike smirked scooped him up and carried Xander off like the heroine in a romance. Dumping him on his bed Spike took stock Peter Pan style surveying the room and trying to decide what next? This was too good an opportunity to miss (and the little bugger deserved it).

The heady aroma of warm human mixed with salty fresh sweat assaulted Spike's nose bringing memories of times past and he could feel his Demon twisting. To a vampire this was the equivalent of a three-course dinner but with this *bloody* chip! Letting out the unnecessary breath he'd been holding Spike shrugged never one to dwell (and there was lots of other fun to be had). Humming God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols cos it had a good tune he started by removing Xander's shoes and worked his way up.


A pile of clothing later and he was down to Xander's underwear, cotton shorts with large love harts. Spike snorted disgusted, must have been a present from the ex-demon no self-respecting bloke would buy these he thought, then he remembered the shirt! Anticipation tingled through him as he looked at the thin cotton, he'd been surprised by what lay beneath Xander's baggy pants and shirt. Nicely defined torso, well shaped legs, honey skin. Spike licked his lips and reached out a finger tentatively hooking the waistband of Xander's shorts and pulled eyes darting upwards waiting for a reaction. Non-forthcoming he carried on..

Sitting back on his haunches legs either side Spike took a good look at the items on display. Definitely *not* Wall-Mart, more your quality goods store with 25 percent extra, Verrry nice Pet.! Xander lay wanton, sensuously naked as Spike contemplated what to do next. Picking a daffodil from the vase by the bed he tapped his teeth thoughtfully enjoying the feel of the firm stem. Rubbing the yellow petal across his cheek taking pleasure in the tactile sensation an evil grim broke free and he scooted forward to grab the bottle of coconut body oil he'd spotted earlier and set to work..

**


Xander woke with the usual disorientation that follows too much beer. His head felt, ew, awful and his mouth felt like he'd swallowed a whole sand box between last night and his morning. Un-sticking his tongue he lifted his face out of the pillow and propped himself on shaky elbows and smelt. stale beer (check), cigarette smoke (ye, I guess check) and coconut (hu?).

Why am I nekid.. and slippery? Sniffing his arm, why do I smell coconut fresh? and reaching a hand behind him to bare cheeks a wallop of dread hit as he pulled out the foreign object that defiantly didn't belong there. and how in hell did I end up with a daffodil stuck up my ass? The events of the previous evening came back with a thud. TV, football, beer. Spike... *Spike*.... *S*P*I*K*E!*..

Xander dropped his head cheeks flaming and glared at the wilted daffodil.. I am SO gonna stake his undead ass!

REVENGE IS *SWEET* AND BEST SERVED COLD!


Walking into the magic shop later that day Xander struck a cheery grim and bitch slapped his hang over back to where it came from. Seeing Willow and Tara and ignoring Anya (Hey, she dumped me) Xander walked over 'A cheery hello to you ladies and what ya all doing?'

Willow looked up from the her book 'We're just doin the research to you know, get em before they get us. We figure there should be some spells to help us kill the Bads or maybe you know confuse em' she smiled.

Xander had this whole throbbing ball of anger looking to give some ouches to evil and as the specific Evil wasn't in sight.. 'So, no evil to heroically vanquish???' he asked hopefully.

'Nope, just your common garden human variety of evil. But hey. We have found this really cool spell that sort of makes the demons drunk (but without the alcohol). We thought it might come in handy' Willow lifted the book to Xander.

'Ha' Xander smiled disappointed 'Kill em but send em out happy. I like it!' an evil thought climbed it's way over the bitch slapped hangover 'Have you got the stuff for that?'

'Sssure' said Tara looking through down turned lashes 'It's kinda easy just a few things from Mr Giles's shop and some incantations'

Pretending indifference and trying to suppress GIVE ME NOW Xander said 'Don't suppose I could have a copy?' seeing the surprise in their faces he added 'Mr Super Powerless guy remember? Might be good to have a little Witchiness in reserve'.


Willow and Tara shared the look reserved for things Giles wouldn't approve of.

'If we do you promise not to use it unless we're there? Just take it home un practice?' said Willow putting on her concerned face.

Xander pulled out his best innocent look and dusted it off 'Mwa?' throwing his arms wide 'As if!' It must have worked because as he walked into the Saturday sunshine he touched his pocket and felt the crinkle of paper.

**


The sunlight was just starting to fade as Xander leant against Spike's crypt and laid out his ingredients (he'd pay Giles's later, honest). It was pretty easy just mix the stuff together, stick in some spit (ew) pour half a cup of urine (double ew) and have spite read it over intended victim. Three cans of Dr Pepper later and he was good to go.

Pushing the door to Spike's crypt Xander held his breath. He could just make out the shadowy form of Spike. Paybacks a bitch Mr *Daffodil* he thought as he slipped inside. Looking at Spike in repose all the harsh angles softer, face peaceful Xander wondered how something so pretty could be such a pain in the ass.

TOX PARA NEMATODE. SHRODKAN SIB SIALOLITH, DETRITUS TRAPEZIUM. ZYM BASOPHILUS (pause) SHIRODKAN SHIRODKAN SHIRODKAN.

As the first drop hit Spike his eyes flow open. Unfortunately that was all it needed after the incantation. Spike was SO a goner. Still not fully awake he focused startled eyes on Xander 'What the bloody hell do you think your doing?'

Xander had taken an automatic step backwards.. Had it worked?

Spike dropped to the ground as the world started to spin, managing to land on his feet he staggered sideways using hands for balance and focused on both of Xander. What the bloody hell were two Xander's doing in his crypt? And Jesus he stunk. Spike frowned it was his t-shirt, Christ it reeked, get *rid* of it! Like an exotic male dancer Spike lifted his arms in slow motion and did an impromptu strip.

Watching spike drunkenly sniff himself was so cool! He was *Master Xan* Ha Har Spike you are at my mercy!!! Xander smirked as Spike struggled clumsily.

After getting rid of the stink Spike watched the Xanders merge, taking a couple of drunken steps forward he asked 'What have you done you *Pillock*.' Spike was nose to nose with Xander 'You done a bloody spell on me?' he could see the excitement on Xander face, smell the adrenalin coming from the lad like fumes from petrol, shit he could practically hear the blood rushing..

Xander watched transfixed as Spike practically head-butted him, he couldn't help it he smiled 'Something like that Spiky!'

Pulling his head back Spike squinted, he felt drunk, his head felt like it was wadding through treacle. Something wasn't right but for the unlife of him he couldn't work out what! He felt strange, weird, hungry.. Horny.

Still smirking Xander asked 'How do you feel Spike? Got the insane urge to do something *really* stupid cos hey, I'm here to help! Want-a punch out the Slayer or maybe call Angel un-stiff that British stiff upper lip and let out some repressed emotions?'

'Now why would I want to do that? Wouldn't waste my time on the Slayer' Spike's voice trembled 'Silly cow.. and wouldn't waste my bloody *breath* on the poof' an idea pushed it's way through 'but you've got the right idea about letting out emotions Pet. Why keep em in when you can let em out and have some fun!!'

Xander watched Spike still smiling, gosh darn this was fu-nny!

'Talking about letting it out Whelp' Spike peered into Xander's eyes 'you've got lovely eyes' Xander gulped 'and the rest of you's not too bad either, from what I saw the other night.' Spike slid closer. Xander smelt bloody lovely. Spike just had to lean in and take a good long sniff feeling the hairs tickle his nose, like excitement and adrenalin all mixed together with an undercurrent of fear. He suddenly just wanted to take a big mouthful of Xander, feel him roll over his tongue, slide along his gums and warm the roof of his mouth. lick all the salty human sweat off him, taste him slowly all over.

This was So *not* what was supposed to happen. Xander took a sharp breath as his smile took its suitcase and left. He hadn't really through about what would happen but Spike trying to seduce him? (he was trying to seduce him right?) 'WhoHa, hold on a minute Spike' he stuttered trying to push away as a wet tongue invaded his neck and started to lathe long wet strokes. 'Wouldn't you like to maybe go for a walk, we could find some old ladies to mug?' Xander could feel his hart to race as slim hands snaked around and took a hold of his hips pulling them firmly inwards. Xander's hips met Spike's with a thud as Spike continued around to grab his ass.

Xander could feel himself going into full fledged panic. Ok, so this wasn't such a good idea! Wild Monkey sex *NOT* fair exchange for a daffodil and EW Spike rubbing coconut oil in places reserved for Xander and beings of the Anya persuasion.. Double EW!

Spike rubbed his nose along slick Xander neck this was nice, pulling a warm human close, feeling the racing hart beat, grabbing tight. But it could be nicer. Sliding his fingers inside the waistband of Xander's pants probing downwards to baby soft skin feeling it twitch, sooo good, tight. He could feel the muscles clench as he squeezed.

Xander let out a girlie squeak as Spike squeezed. 'Hold on a minute Spike, you really don't wanna do this.' voice rising 'How about I open a vein??'

Spike just grunted too busy enjoying the sensual pleasure of a young warm body and flashing back to a sleeping slippery oil slick Xander laid out like a sacrificial virgin Oh ye!!

Xander felt a moment of hysterical relief as Spike pulled his hands away just before meeting his Viking long sword (hahah), which was rapidly replaced with shock as he realized Spike had managed to undo his pants and push them below his knees.

PANIC PANIC PANIC

Xander had never moved so fast.

Spike felt a tug just as he was getting to the goodies, his fuddled brain registered loss of skin as the Whelp turned and made a bolt for the door. Not so bloody fast! Grabbing the back of the boy's pants he tumbled him to the floor.

SHIT SHIT SHIT

Spike moved on automatic following Xander down landing with a soft thud on top. He could feel the heat burning into him like fire and the weight of his body pushing his groin into Xander's backside.

Wriggling trying to get to his feet Xander wished he'd done more push-ups with Riley cos *Really* handy right now! He could feel Spike rubbing himself along his back like he wanted to crawl inside. Definitely not trying to kill me, stake me maybe.thought Xander with rising hysteria (oh shit shit, shit)

'Spike come on. Let me up! This is *so* not funny!'

Spike rubbed his shirtless back into Xander harder feeling his nipples peak with shocks of pleasure. Sliding his hands under Xander's shirt he grabbed and ripped. Pressing his face into suddenly sweaty skin he felt Xander squirming under him and just had to move rubbing and pushing his groin at Xander's ass .

Xander stiffened when Spike started to move, he could feel him pressing and rubbing his rough jeans into him. He let his head fall forward as spike started to suck his way along his shoulder and gently bite the lobe of his ear, small breathy moans and grunts sending air fluttering into the sensitive shell. Xander could feel his breath start to quicken despite himself, it did sorta feel nice, hot and he felt himself start to harden against the floor. Bad, Very bad!

'Spike stop! You have to stop. I did a whammy thing on you and you're *so* gonna be mad at me tomorrow and you know GUY!'

Spike's mind floated, he could hear Xander speaking but this was just too good. It had been to long and he could smell arousal, taste it in the boy's skin. He rubbed soft circles on Xander's hips to relax him and carefully pushed hands into cotton shorts reaching inside the leg lifting warm thighs to push underneath.

This was intense, must be Vampire pheromones because No-way could Spike do this to him, he gasped and felt Spike touch him. Jesus he was so hard 'Oh Dear Lord!' he hissed as Spike lifted his thighs and brushed fingers where no man had gone before touching stroking. This is so WRONG but Xander had to relieve the pressure had to move and push up on shaky elbows because otherwise he was just gonna explode.

Spike felt himself lift as the lad pushed up and pressed his lips against the soft flesh of his cheek wanting him so badly and pushing harder with his hips needing more.

Xander knew he had to stop this, it was WRONG and he had to do it now otherwise it was SO gonna spiral out of control. He could feel Spike needing his balls and pulling at him matching the rhythm of the hips pushing at his backside. Spotting the phone Giles's had given him lying on the floor where it had fallen he reached out grabbing it, hitting redial with a shaking thumb and praying..

Brrrrr

'Hello'

'Willow? It's Xander'

'Xander? You sound kinda funny are you ok? You need Buffy?'

Xander squeezed his eyes shut trying to concentrate 'Nooo, negative on the Buffy. I'm fine Will, I just need your help. Now.'

'What have you done?' Willow sounded concerned 'Ow, you didn't do it did you? Xander I told you not to do it without us... Are you in trouble?'

'Kinda.. (un I'm trying Way hard *not* to do it!) ah, I sorta did on Spike un now I really need you to turn it off. Please??' Talking to Willow while being jerked off and dry humped by Spike.. holy batman. nuns, nuns and little old ladies .. (Shit now I'm gonna need therapy.)

'Will how do I stop it?'

'Oh, you can't'

'WHAT?'

'You just have to wait for it to wear off. Do you want Tara un me to come rescue you?'

Xander nearly screamed '*NO*'

'Well knock him out. Hit him on the head. You know KABAM . Xander, you still there?'

'Ye thanks Will'

Xander pressed end call. Shit!

He could feel Spike really going for it and it was hot.. very hot.. BUT WRONG. Date rape man - No! Coming to a decision and asking the Gods for forgiveness he turned over.

Spike was in a world of pleasure rubbing and pushing into the Whelp and feeling all kinds of sweet sensation and now the Whelp was turning over. Oh this was good. Acting quickly he let go of swollen flesh and pulled on the boy's shorts getting them down and watching the flesh spring free. Jesus he was beautiful all hot flushed skin. He looked up into startled almost black eyes and watched Xander lick moist lips. He needed to taste. Moving upwards and fumbling with the buttons on his jeans he wished to buggery he wore zips.

Xander watched with sick fascination as Spike pushed down his pants fumbling with the buttons one handed and felt an electric shock as Spike's flesh touched his own and Spike's hand moving under him pushing and when Spike squeezing himself between his legs and starting to move and rub and softly probe with a finger and he had to do something and fast because Spike was moving way too quickly and he was so hard he just might let him and this was WRONG.

Smiling Spike brought his head down sucking a peaked nipple and moved up to capture lips and used his legs to push Xander's thighs to give him the room he needed to finally get into that place, that place he really needed to be in. This was so good too good and he had push in had to Mark (Mine).

As Spike leaned down to kiss him glazed blue eyes filled with lust he felt pressure pushing his legs apart and felt hot flesh rubbing at him, pushing down between his cheeks and his ass being lifted and he had to do it now. He could feel it pressing trying find a way in and Spike spreading his cheeks and this was way out of control and he had to STOP! No thrusting now, no movement apart from shallow human breaths and low Vampire growls and Spike pushing, pushing. STOP!

Xander's breath hitched as he felt something start to give and felt pain and Spike kissing him deep hot kisses as Xander tried to catch his breath and he had to do it now because Spike was lifting his legs higher and further apart and stroking him rubbing around that spot pushing with slim fingers trying to stretch him and he could feel the tip just pressing at the entrance wet, making him slippery and if he didn't do something Spike was gonna really push

He could feel Spike trying to find a better angle and it hurt and Spike was rocking slowly trying to stretch him enough to get in and burning him and he could feel the pressure building because Spike really wanted in there.

He had to do it NOW and he was moving his arm up in a jerky arch and bringing it crashing down into the back of Spike's skull.

Spike fell forward pinning Xander underneath him as the mobile phone shattered against the back of his head. Xander closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath as he felt his legs fall. He could see his pants still wrapped around the ankles. His whole body throbbed, he was so hard it was painful and his ass felt sore and How in hell was he gonna face Spike tomorrow?

***

Spike looked warily around the Magic Shop shifting in his seat. The whelp hadn't shown up yet. Spike was grateful. He didn't understand it.

He'd woken up in his crypt feeling hung over and sticky. The most erotic dream he'd had in, well. Ever! And Xander Harris was the star. He must be in a parallel universe that was the only suggestion he could come up with. His mind flashed back to silky honey skin and soft brown eyes.

Shaking his head he tried to focus on the conversation flowing around him.

'So you think it's a brain eater?'

'Well, from your description I would say very possible'

'Ye, un the books say that it can only be killed by a sharp object through the brain.'

'Um, something that only eats brainy people! I guess that's you and me for the patrolling Spike ...... Spike?'

Spike tried to focus.

'Hello, earth to Spike!'

'What?'

'Spike, Brain eaters, pointy objects'

'Oh, right Slayer. Ye Brain eaters. Seem um around. Big scaly buggers.'

Willow looked up from her book catching Tara's eye and looking down again quickly. Spike seemed kinda off and she hadn't heard from Xander since a quick phone call yesterday to let her know he was ok. Where was he and what exactly had happened in Spike's crypt?

'Has anyone seen Xander?' Giles's voice seemed to ring out above the scattered conversation in the shop. Anya telling Dawn how to rig the cash register to short change customers (not that she would), Buffy telling Tara about this really cool shirt she'd seen on sale at the mall.

Three pairs of eyes focused Giles ward. Two pairs looking guilty, one pair confused and slightly uneasy.

***
Xander took a deep calming breath. Breathing was good! For some reason he seemed to have forgotten that, could it have been when he'd peaked through the Magic Shop window and seen Spike and Willow talking?

'So, have a good time last night did ya Spike?'

'Oh ye. Wonderful. The Whelp covered me in pee and then took advantage of me.'

'He didn't?

'Oh yer he did. Did the Whammy on me and got me to do all kinds of disgusting non-heterosexual things.'

'God. That's terrible Spike'.

'You're telling me luv'

'Are you OK?'

'Well, I'm emotionally scared and should be in therapy....'

'Oh Spike. I'm so sorry.'

'Don't worry about it luv, I'm just gonna pack up me smokes and take a walk in the sun as soon as it's light'

Xander squeezed his eyes shut. No, not gonna happen.

When did payback get so darn complicated?

It was supposed to be simple. Do the spell, get spike acting all stupid and make him look a dork, easy!... and anyway he hadn't taken advantage of him. Oh Spike was whammed but the touchy feely stuff was all his idea. Why should Xander feel guilty? He'd tried to stop him, ended up hitting him on the head to stop him. Xander stood looking at the Magic Shop door. A little voice in the back o his mind asking if Spike would still have wanted him if he hadn't done the Spell?

Breathe breathe breathe (and hit the voice over the head with whatever's handy).

The bell tinkled as he pushed open the door and walked in. He could see Anya standing behind the counter talking to Dawn and felt a sharp pang of resentment. If it hadn't been for her ripping his hart out and trampling on it he wouldn't be in this mess. No guys night watching TV, No Vampire bating, no daffodils and defiantly no payback!

'Hi An, Dawnster' he smiled, and pushing the feeling away with the contempt it deserved. Taking another forgotten to breathe breath he walked into the shop and sat down.

'G-Man, Tara, how goes the Death to Demons?' he asked giving the patented 60-watt Xander smile. 'Willow, Spike, Buffster...a very good evening to you all' he bowed his head with mock gallantry.

Relaxing into his seat he turned to Giles 'Whole gangs here I see, so what gives G-Man?'

Giles looked up from the textbook he'd been studying and placed a large leather bound volume in front of Xander. It was one of those books that seemed to say Don't touch me. I'm old, cranky and you're not going to understand anyway!

'Brain eating demons. We're looking for haunts and nesting places' using one hand to steady his own text Giles leaned over and opened Xander's book to a picture of a scary looking ugly with large mucus dripping teeth.

'Hey, who's been raiding my family album?' Xander quipped. Quipping Xander. Ten quips a day keeps the (Loony) Doctor away!

'Please be serious Xander, they are very dangerous' Giles admonished.

'Sorry G-Man'

'and don't call me that...'

***

Spike watched Xander saunter into the shop. Same gangly un-coordination, same baggy pants and large loose shirt, but this time it wasn't the same because this time he'd seen underneath the loose clothing. He hadn't just seen the body, he'd done that before. This time he'd seen the body animated by the man within. He'd seen the flushed cheeks and watched the muscles ripple under tanned skin. He'd heard the breath hitch as he ..... No.

Spike gave himself a mental shake. It wasn't real!

... and heard the breath hitch as he ran his hand over smooth silky skin, felt the tremble as he hooked his finger under the waistband of ...

'Spike. You're Zoning on me. You OK?' asked Willow.

Spike hadn't realised he'd closed his eyes. Shit! 'Ye I'm fine red' he took in a ragged breath and tried to turn down the warmth building in his belly. He could see the research session winding down. Books were closing, coats being gathered.

'Buffy, Anya, Dawn. You patrol the Northern end of the cemetery. That seems to be a likely place for a nest. Willow, Tara, you come with me. I think the remnants of the initiative caves are fairly probable. Spike, Xander ...'

...Warm toned skin, eyes' dilating to black as passion grows. Pupils large lakes of heat....

'Spike, are you paying attention?'

....Lips wet with perspiration, bottom lip trembling as small hitching breaths escape. Licking the succulent skin tasting of warmth and sweat and sunshine...

'You take the southern end of the cemetery.'

***

Xander watched Spike walking in front of him. He hadn't said a word! Not one word. He'd expected snide comments or maybe a little blackmail, but nothing, he just seemed... distracted.

Every now and then a backwards comment *Watch your step Whelp...... Keep your eyes open mate*. Nothing. He'd been so nervous back at the Magic shop dreading the patrol with Spike, feeling that sickness in the pit of his stomach when you known something bad is gonna happen and there's nothing you can do about it.!

Maybe Spike just wanted to pretend it hadn't happened? Well that was fine with Xander. One big check in the 'Didn't happen' column was okay with him. Not like it was something he'd want to repeat, No sir!

Spike could feel the whelp behind him. Hot, human., vibrating with life...Cool skin rubbing against rough denim quivering muscles as he.. STOP ...pushed his fingers down into tight material pulling firm flesh towards him burying his face in tender skin, lapping at the spot just at the base of the neck feeling the blood rushing underneath. Hearing the hart beat start to escalate. Sucking and nibbling travelling down tender flesh, latching onto a pebbled areola raking teeth gently over sensitive skin. Feeling the body tremble and jerk at each tiny nip...

Xander could see Spike head down concentrating, eyes darting side-to-side watching the darkness all black leather and tension. Coiled! He trudged behind him stake in one hand sword in the other. Maybe he didn't remember? That would explain it because no way would he let this go. He'd been hot for the Xanster, defiantly hot! Boiling.

Xander flashed back to a dark crypt and a staggering Spike, drunken smile on his face and leer in his eye licking his lips and sliding up to him. Wrapping him in cool hard body. Rubbing tight black jeans against his thigh. Sensually sliding his chest against him gathering his heat. Just for a second he could feel Spike against his backside body moulded to him....

No way could he pretend that hadn't happened!

Xander took a swing at the grass with his sword and mused.. Amusing! Maybe Spike thought it was Amusing! Xander contemplated, maybe he was just messing with him, string the Donut Boy along and wind him up so tight he's gonna explode then watch his mouth run on empty!

He poked at a clump of dried weed. He could hear Spike up ahead, soft rustlings in the darkness. He didn't really pay attention when the noise came closer concentrating on the little hole in the earth he'd created with the tip of his sword. Pushing the shorn grass out of the way and scooping little fragments of earth worrying the soil.

He finally stopped when the noise ceased a comment half formed on his lips as he looked up. His breath froze inside his chest, paralysis travelling upwards to capture the words as he came face to. Snout? Neck? TEATH! .of something that was *defiantly* NOT Spike.

Mouth forming an 'O' he gaped as the world stood still, just like when he went to the movies that time and the reel stuck but instead of watching the film start to bubble and melt. a second of stillness than a blur of motion. A huge bubble of adrenalin seemed to explode inside his chest sending energy every which way. His arm came up in a flash of steel and his sword arched through the air, knees bending assuming fighting stance as suddenly all his attention focussed.

He could feel his hart pounding inside his chest, any moment now that sucker would thump one time too many and pop! His body seemed to move with the beet ringing in his ears as he fought to keep his brains very firmly inside his head.

**

Spike moved through the graveyard like a silent spectre, a shadow in black leather watching, listening. Ears attuned to the noises around him, the occasional cricket, the muffled rustle of small animals foraging.

Realising he'd left the Whelp behind a good while ago he turned and headed back. Spike was distracted. He must have been otherwise *No Way* would he not have spotted the huge scaly monster trying to use it's teeth as a tin opener on Xander's head!

Breaking into a run he surged forward eyes taking on a feral tint, face morphing into hard angles and sharp shadow. He could smell Xander's blood already coating the air with it's heady sent. As the aroma hit he zoomed forward becoming a blur of motion hitting the creatures' back with a sharp thud. He felt it stagger backwards as the added weight knocked it off balance, digging in with teeth and nails as it shook itself like an oversized dog to dislodge him.

**

Xander could feel himself falling as a red haze obscured his vision. He was one mass of thumping light and blinding pain. He could hear someone yelling, screaming, but it was too far away. He expected to hit the ground but just kept on backwards and down. His vision contracted like Alice down the rabbit hole growing smaller and smaller until . nothing.

**

Spike stood panting one foot on the still twitching demon's head, bone crunching twist echoing through the night signalling one less brain eater. Pulling the sword out he felt his demon recede and focussed on Xander.

He could see blood everywhere, smell it. Feel it. It always amazed him how much blood a human held. He watched as one white hand twitched and the light dimmed in brown eyes.

'Oh bloody Christ' Spike dropped to the earth beside the still form 'Oh Jesus' he whispered voice trembling '...He's dead?'

***

If Spike had a hart beat it would have stopped. So much blood.

He looked around wildly not sure what to do. If he's dead the Slayer'll..... Don't you die on me whelp. Don't you bloody dare! He gathered up the still form pulling him to his chest, head on his shoulder arm supporting him.. and felt a flutter through the thin material of his t-shirt and an almost imperceptible whisper of breath against his cheek. *Not dead.* The buggers not dead! Acting on instinct Spike started to move.

**


Buffy walked into the Magic shop followed by Anya and Dawn. Patrol had been short and quiet. Looking over to Giles and Willow at the research table she shrugged 'No brain eaters guys.. Nada!' and frowned 'Do you think I'm not tempting enough? Non-college Buffy not brainy enough for the brain eaters?' pouting she walked over and flopped beside Willow. 'Next time you come with us Will, you've got enough brains for ten brain eaters!!'

'I take it patrol was uneventful?

'Apart from standing in the middle of the cemetery shouting *here brainy brain eaters* . nothing!' Buffy examined her hands 'See? Not even a broken nail!'

Giles frowned 'Well, the initiative caves were also amazingly empty. Astounding really considering their proximity to the populace and desirability to, er, certain kinds of creature'. Polishing his glasses Giles looked thoughtful 'has anyone seen Spike and Xander?'

Buffy picked a peace of lint from her skirt 'Oh they'll be OK, Spike hasn't even got enough brains to be a snack'.

'Hey, that was *way* harsh' said Willow looking up from her book 'Spike has lots of brains OK, he doesn't use em much .... and Xander's not stupid!'.

'No, *Xander's* not stupid. He's a caring, intelligent man who just needs someone to appreciate him' said Buffy giving Anya a glare.

***

Spike burst through the magic shop door like a hurricane a blur of black leather face harsh in the electric light and smeared with blood. 'Need some help here. NOW.' Pushing the books off the research table he laid Xander down. 'Bloody demon got him, killed the bugger but not before it got itself a snack.'

Giles could see the situation was dire. From the pallor and blood loss he knew he had to act quickly. 'Willow, Tara, get the first aid supplies. Spike help me take his coat off.' Pulling Xander's arms out of his coat and cleaning the blood gave a better picture of his injuries. A couple of severe gashes, a row of puncture marks ringing his forehead like a parody of Christ's crown of thorns and a head wound.

They'd taped the gashes and cleaned the wounds but that still left a huge chunk of Xander scalp hanging loose from his skull.. How were they gonna fix that? Wiping his hands Giles surveyed his handiwork. Xander was breathing easier but still not out of danger and he'd done all he could for him.

'Tara, could you bring my car around? I think Xander needs to visit the hospital.'

Carrying him carefully they loaded him into Giles's male menopause mobile and arrived at the hospital a jumble of bodies. Dawn crying and Anya awkwardly trying to comfort her, Willow looked scared and concerned and clinging to Tara like a drowning man to a lifesaver. Giles standing polishing his glasses and pursing his lips and Buffy looking.

Spike felt a stab at his hart. Buffy looking like the world was about to end. He could see all the emotions this place dragged out playing across her face. He wanted to go to her and tell her it would be ok, nobody was gonna die this time. But it was his fault and she didn't want him. Shit!

The waiting seemed to go on forever, every time the door to the emergency room opened seven pairs of eager eyes looked up. Eventually a serious looking man in blue overalls came over. Singling out Giles he asked 'Are you Mr Harris's father?'

Giles looked him in the eye and lied through his teeth 'Yes I am. How is he?'

'He's lost a lot of blood. It says on his admission sheet he was attacked by a dog? Is this right?'

Giles stammered 'Er, yes. Yes a very large dog I believe'

'Oh. Well that would account for the teeth marks.' (God bless the people of Sunnydale). 'We've given him a blood transfusion, sutured his lacerations and re-attached his scalp. The most serious injury is a fractured skull so we'll have to keep him in'..

The man stopped and smiled expectantly. What does he want a bloody medal? Thought Giles 'So he's going to recover?'

'I would say so. A couple of nights in hospital and some TLC at home. He should be right as rain in a couple of weeks'

Giles breathed a sigh of relief 'Thank God! Can we see him?'

'Just immediate family and only for a few minutes.'

***


Xander felt like he'd been in hospital forever. Four days at Sunnydale's finest seemed to go on for an eternity and now here he was at home in his own apartment. Relaxing into his sofa he closed his eyes. Apart from a throbbing at the back of his head and aches and pains from his ouches he felt fine. Having his own personal Chipped Vampire was just a bonus. He'd been astounded when Giles told him *Spike* was going to move in until he was mobile.

'Xander it's the logical solution. You need someone to take care of you, Spike has nothing better to do.'

'But. Spike! Giles he'll hog the remote all day, whine about being stuck with me and drink me out of blood and beer.'

'I'm sure it won't be quite as calamitous as that Xander.'

'G-Man. He's *not* gonna want to be stuck fetching and carrying for me.'

'Well actually Xander it was his idea. He mumbled something about nobody dieing on his watch and earning his blood.'

Xander smiled. Since he'd arrived home Spike had fluffed his pillows (snarf) actually*GIVEN* him the remote and made a pretty sold attempt at cooking. He'd also growled at Willow and Tara when they tried to take over the kitchen, snarled at Giles when he wouldn't leave and practically thrown Dawn and Buffy out..

Ah!... Quiet. Quiet was good!

'You want anything?'

'Wha?'

'I said *Do *You *Want *Anything*?'

Xander pried an eye open. 'That would be a *no*'

'So, don't want a cuppa then?'

'Again, for the hard of hearing.. *No*'

'Fine, just make me self one then.'

Xander could hear Spike in the kitchen bashing around, probably looking for the teapot he didn't have. A picture came unbidden of Spike wearing Anya's 'Demons do it Doggy' apron and holding a spatula.. Now that was just plain disturbing!

**

Spike didn't know what possessed him to offer to look after the whelp. Maybe it was the fear in Buffy's eyes when she's seen him on the magic shop table a stone's throw from death. Whatever the hell it was he was stuck with it now so he might as well make the best of a bad job! He looked over the kitchen counter at the cause of his troubles, he could tell by his hart beat Xander was asleep. Shrugging he headed over to put the boy to bed. He'd done enough nurse maiding with Dru to know how to look after an invalid.

Picking him up he took him to the bedroom, he could still smell the rich scent of coconut from his last visit. Laying Xander on the bed he took in the hospital gown he was still wearing and reached out to remove it. Just as his hand connected he flashed back to the last time he'd undressed the lad, cursing Spike gave himself a shake. None of that now, the whelp's sick leave him be. Contenting him self with pulling the covers over Spike stood back and surveyed the room. He didn't want to leave the lad on his first night but bugger it, he wasn't going to sleep in the floor. He'd slept on enough sofas, floors and (in) bathtubs to last him his unlife so the lad would just have to lump it! Pulling off his t-shirt and jeans he fished out a pair of Xander's boxers and climbed in beside him.

**


Xander was in a happy place. He was warm and cosy and snuggled. and he was dreaming he was back in Spike's crypt only now it was daylight and Spike was wearing a suit. A suit? Spike? Why was Spike wearing a suit?

'Xander luv, glad you could make it. Do you want to dance?'

'There isn't room Spike, we're in a crypt.'

'Look again luv, we're at the Bronze un it's just the two of us.'

In Xander's dream blue eyes sparked and moved closer. Xander's subconscious told him this was a *Good* dream so just go with it and in his sleep he smiled.

'Spike I don't wanna dance'

'Sure you do luv, everybody wants to dance.' Xander felt cool arms circle his waist and soft skin against his cheek.

'Spike we're Guys. Guys don't dance together.'

'Some do luv, when the music takes them.'

'Where's the music gonna take em Spike?'

'Anywhere they want luv'


Xander could feel Spike pressed against him. Hard body moulded like a second skin they moving to the soft music. He took a deep breath and smelt old leather and cigarette smoke and Spike and felt a warm tingle move down. This was *good*. Letting out a breathy sigh he pushed his hands up under tight t-shirt (Spike in a t-shirt again?) and felt smooth skin, so smooth and needed to touch more. Looking up into two blue eyes he felt his breath hitch. Spike was so beautiful.

'Spike, your beautiful'

'See if I taste as good as I look Pet'

Soft kisses, gentle succulent wet kisses, long kisses, harder more demanding kisses. Xander's moan vibrated though his chest, need. He needed more, lapping a wet trail across Spike's cheek, pushing worn leather from strong shoulders, pulling at tight t-shirt. More. His hart pounded as he took in Spike standing, waiting, inviting?

Brown callused fingers pushing at tight black jeans feeling the hardness waiting for him, just for him. Squeezing and biting his lip because this was so good. Shaking hand unfastening buttons and watching Spike's arousal spring free and having to touch it. Needing to touch it. Feeling it hot and heavy in his hand and *NEEDING* to taste. Licking the tip softly, cat licks lapping.

More.

Pushing down denim digging fingers into soft cheeks pulling Spike towards him because he needs . Becoming bolder, teeth gently nibbling tender flesh, sucking like it's the best candy in the world and feeling Spike bucking and this is just too good.

He can feel his own arousal throbbing harder with every buck and strangled moan and has to move. Rub. Wanting to take Spike as far as he can feeling him speed up and loose his rhythm the fingers wound in his hair tighten and knowing that he isn't gonna last and this isn't gonna last because it's so good it's almost painful and sucking harder, bobbing his head along the thick shaft because he has to make Spike come before he does and bringing his hands around and touching Spike's sack because he needs to know he's doing this right. Feeling Spike buck and shudder and tasting him, swallowing because he wants to own him, wants part of him forever and feeling himself follow.

***

Xander woke heavy eyed and stirred at the ceiling. He could feel the bed dipped beside him and knew he had company. Since when did his life get so fucked-up? He had this tight little ball of emotion sitting in his chest and he didn't know what to do about it. Spike?.. Oh boy!!

***

Listening to his own breathing he could feel that ball of emotion throbbing along with the part of him that *always* got him into trouble. Xander with the smart mouth and *stupid* stupid dick and he thanked whatever gods were listening that Spike was asleep. <He was asleep right?> The urge to look itched behind his eyeballs but somehow he couldn't. Somewhere in that back of his mind a little voice told him if he turned he'd see Spike looking back smirking because he'd *know* and right now DeNile was a good place to be. Somewhere between fighting for his life in a graveyard and waking up in a white room at the Sunnydale General Spike wanting him, *really* wanting him started to matter.

He'd know, and in the real world no way would a hundred plus Master Vamp waste time on a Dumped-by-everybody he's*ever* been with Donut boy! He was good enough to hang with and listen to the Bleached bad obsess after Buffy but knew he couldn't compare to the Buffster, she was all strength and light and Super Hero gal and he was Joe Average. By the time he'd finished ripping what ego he had to pieces Xander could name every crack in the ceiling and the sun was way past spotty adolescence.. He knew he'd lost a couple of hours someplace between pulling out his insecurities and trying them on!

**

Spike drifted from sleep to clean sheets, soft pillows, warmth and a heartbeat. A rhythmic thud telling him the Whelp was awake and hard! He could smell it, smothering the air like molasses rich and strong and pulsing off the lad in waves. <Must be thinking about the ex-demon> thought Spike. Opening his eyes he could see Xander staring at the ceiling, Whelp didn't know he was awake; probably a good thing didn't want him getting all flustered. Doc said to keep him quiet and being caught with a woody by the vampire houseguest, who just happened to be in bed with you uninvited, wasn't the path to Nirvana.

Spike watched him quietly in the dim light seeing a clear profile and soft mouth and skin stretched too tightly over pale cheeks. Poor bugger, it was a long time since he'd been human but he still remembered the mugging that gave him his one sexy yet interesting scar.

Walking home with a book of poetry, head in the clouds thinking of Cicely.

*Your beauty brings my heart a-flutter
Your grace and goodness shine
I would give the world to you
And make my heart your shrine*

Down a crowded street oblivious pencil in hand and turning down a dark alley because mother did *not* approve of tardiness.

Bloody pillock.

Spike closed his eyes. For the first time in a *long* line he felt needed. A lot of things in his unlife were gong to hell in a handcart, but Xander? Xander was a spark of warmth on a cold night <someplace to hide when the shit hits the fan>.. And that was a good thing, right?

They were friends, buds, talking about women, drinking <rubbing warm oil into smooth> BEER, Drinking beer! And this, this was good. Taking care of him <sleeping with him> sleeping *SLEEPING*. Spike gave himself a mental punch. OK, he wasn't getting any.. Yes! All right he was horny and smelling the Whelp all musky and *hot* wasn't helping any, but this was.. nice <vomit!> *Nice* un why push his luck?. <maybe he could just roll over in his, ahum sleep and just accidentally..>

BAD VAMPIRE. BAD *HORNY* VAMPIRE!

He had all these conflicting emotions churning around inside of him, love, hate, want, need? Pushing his confusion away he concentrated on the rhythmic drum of Xander's heart to lull him back to sleep.

**

Xander must have fallen asleep again because waking later and opening his eyes with a snap Xander had to take a minute. In bed, my bed. That's good . and pain. AW .. And *no Spike*, just.. Spike pillow. Xander turned stiffly and buried his nose in the soft feathers taking a breath. Spike smell, nice and Spike being all Protecty Vamp. *MY HUMAN. UG!* sort of gave him a gooshy feeling. Xander could feel a goofy grin trying to break free..

"You awake then?"

WHOHA!! Other side, <heart? Get outer my mouth and back where you belong> and there was the bleached Menace himself, all broody yet sexy lounging on the side of the bed watching him <gulp> and smoking.

<Smoking?>

"Spike have I mentioned the "*No Smoking* in the bedroom" rule I just invented?"

Spike blew a smoke ring "Have I mentioned I don't *give* a shit?" and smirked.

Xander screwed his face in manly concentration while waiting for his heart to travel back down. Pushing aside the throbbing body parts.. <No not *that* body part thank god!> Xander took a breath "How can you *Give* a shit Spike. I mean, GROSS! .. *So* not the kind of gift I'd want ta receive. and who first said that? Because, you know. *Disturbed much* and AW!" Xander tried to sit up "AW OW . AW" pushing his elbows behind him.

Spike watched Xander trying to push himself up, he liked the way the Whelp looked all-vulnerable laid out in that starchy gown. Stubbing his cigarette on the floor he reached over and pulled him up. Xander let out a breathy "Oof" as his head connected with the wall (see all the pretty colours?) and groaned. It was the kind of groan that usually came with a Free Hangover (or lack of prescription medication). <DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS.>

"Spike?"

Spike took a good look at the dishevelled specimen. Xander looked all pale sweaty skin and bed head, face all puckered, bandage askew and 5 o'clock shadow coming out way too early.

"You need a bath!"

"Spike?"

"You really bloody stink"

"*Spike*?" Xander nearly shouted.

"*What?*"

"Kind of in pain here?" Xander tried to lean forward and use the Willow stare.." Medication?. Needing some relief, from the ouches?"

Up went the eyebrow, (just couldn't resist it) feigning surprise . "Oh, *that* kind of relief."

Xander's eyebrows followed Spike's. Spike was being all flirty? <Definite flirtation vibes here!>


Wriggling out a plastic Meds bottle from the pocket of his jeans Spike flicked two white pills into the palm of his hand and reached across the night stand for a glass of water.

Xander just stared at the white pills in one hand and the glass of water in the other.

"I think I can feed myself my own pills you .. Ouf"

"OK, Pills in" said Spike as he finally found a way to shut that smart mouth.

"know . Ugh" <Nasty> "How come they only make the nice sugary stuff for kids?"

As the medication started to dissolve on his tongue "Sike? Warer, Kow." Xander gulped the water like it was going to disappear .. <Hey, it has!> And watched as Spike put the empty glass back onto the night stand.

"Right, pills done. Bath time!"

Water dripping from his open mouth Xander stared. If Spike thought he was getting out of bed for anything short of a apocalypse he had another thing coming, *BUB*!

"I *so* don't think so!"

Spike wrinkled his nose "You Stink!"

"I do *Not* stink. I have a manly odour, which some women find strangely attractive!"

If the Whelp wasn't going to get off his backside and take a bloody bath. NOW!

"Well, *I* don't find it strangely anything. You *stink*!"

"I'm *Not* getting up. I'm all, achy un sore and."

"And if you're not getting up I'm just gonna have to *get you up!"

Oop, Flash. Spike, Up!. <Xander Down!>

Being carried across the apartment by Spike should have been material for any number of Xander wet dreams but being slung over Spike's shoulder like a sack of potatoes somehow didn't cut it! <but it did give him a *real* good view of Spike's butt>

Perching Xander on the closed toilet seat Spike checked the temperature of the bath he'd run earlier.

"OK mate, get em off"

Suddenly Xander felt shy. OK, so Spike had seen him naked,.. Ok, *felt* him naked. But that wasn't in the cold light of (sobriety) day!!

"Er, you gonna leave now or what?"

Spike pulled his hand out of the warm water and looked at the Whelp perched on the toilet seat. Voice taking on a softer tone. "How you gonna get out of that" Spike gestured toward the elegant yet sexy white number with decorative *full* back split "Thing! If I don't help you?"

Xander paused mouth open. Ok, Spike had a point. Another thought crawled across.

"How am I gonna wash?" Xander could feel himself blushing starting at the neck and travelling Alll the way down.

Spike picked up the sponge sitting on the side of the bath and the soap keeping it company.

"*You*, You are *NOT* giving me a bath!"

"Don't be a pillock"

"I'm *Not* getting in the bath with you"

"That's alright then because I'm not *getting* in the bath with you"

"You're not *washing* me" Xander spluttered "I, I'm a grown Man. I have Manly parts and I'm *not* being given a bath like a baby!"

"*Get* in the bath!"

"*No* Way!"

Spike was beginning to loose patience.

"GET IN THE BATH"

"*NO*"

"*GET.IN THE BLOODY BATH*" Reaching out so fast it was a blur Spike grabbed Xander by the front of the hospital shirt, hauled him over to the bath, plopped him in and pulled off the gown.

"AHH" Xander's hands flew to cover the parts that were currently floating flaccidly in the water.

**

God! this was *SO* embarrassing. Spike rubbing soap across his back like it was nothing. Xander sat legs stretched out and hands trying to cover what was left of his modesty. Stripped bare, literally.!

"So, come here often?" followed by girlie giggle.

"Lift your arms"

Xander looked down, looked back, looked down again and gave Spike a pathetic stare.

"Oh bloody hell" Spike tossed the sponge at the lad "Here!".

Pulling his knees up Xander wedged the sponge over his lap and tentatively lifted his arms. Spike soaped his hands and started to knead stiff muscles working along arms and back, over his chest and shoulders, working out all the soreness with deft fingers.

Oh, this was *really* nice. Looovely pain meds kicking in, the rhythmic splash of water and Spike kneading his neck muscles, pushing him back and rubbing across his chest. <Huh?>

"Spike, I think we're done here"

"What?"

Xander licked his lips "You've *done* here already!"

Spike stopped, the Whelp's chest was a mass of bubbles.

"Sorry, er.. sorry!"

"Spike? Did you just *apologise* to me?"

"No!"

"You so did!"

God, what was he thinking? "Did not!"

Xander closed his eyes just before Spike smeared his face, spitting bubbles he opened a stinging eye. He could see Spike, arms completely covered in bubbles a frown pulling at his face. He looked, again, distracted? disturbed? .. lots of words beginning with "D" <distressed?>. "Sure you did.. you ok?"

Was he Ok? <Good question their mate>. "Fine. Course I'm fine. I'm the *Big bloody Bad* . I'm always fine"

Hallmark moment! as blue eyes locked with chocolate brown.

"Love sucks hu?"

Spike nodded.

"But, hey. You've always got me". A bubble covered smile and Spike felt a lump in this throat and smiled a lopsided grin back.

"Yeah, I've always got you luv".

*******

Nearly a whole day of looking after the Whelp. Helping him take a bath (dopey grin), feeding him.. and being checked up on by the Slayer!

**

Dumping a bag of groceries by the door Buffy almost expected the Big Bad <ha> to pounce on her. He'd been acting real strange around her lately, being all *Nice Spike* and *Nasty Vampires can change!*, weird! It was really giving her the wiggins.. and the *love* thing? Just plain .. Ugg.. TOO gross to even *think* about. Pushing back her hair she picked up the TV remote and muted the sound just as Spike popped his head up from behind the kitchen counter.

"JEEZE.... Spike! Is that your new way to bag yourself another Slayer? Scare me to death?"

Spike felt his heart do that lurch thing it did lately whenever she was around. Grabbing the mug of blood on the counter and taking a drink "Would it work?"

"Almost as well as you *other* cunning plans!" Buffy smiled sweetly and sat.

Spike studied the mug in his hand as the silence grew..

"So.. Want a drink then?"

. "Sure.. I guess. Where's Xander?"

"Asleep"

"That's good right? He's OK?"

"Yeah, he's fine. Taking care of him aren't I?" <Why did she always make him feel like he wasn't good enough?>

"That's why I'm here. Willow sent me over with some stuff" pointing with her head "food and stuff, over there"

Spike followed her gaze "Watcher send me anything?"

"A stake with *For Spike* written on it?"

"Ha bloody Ha!"

"Whatever. He sent you a couple of bags of blood and a bottle of Jack Daniels. They're all in the mini cooler"

Spike smiled. <Good one Watcher> and headed over to rummage. Dumping the blood he cracked the booze and took a mouthful.

"Gee Spike, they don't have glasses where you're from?"

Spike wiped his mouth "Why, you want some?" and held the bottle out.

Buffy pulled a face "Ew! Hygiene much? and No.." frowning "I hope your not exposing Xander to all your disgusting Vampire coodies"

"Told you. I'm taking *good* care of him"

"Well, I'm watching you. You hurt Xander and.."

"And what? You'll bore me to death? Doing that already pet"

"Don't call me *Pet*!"

Spike could feel annoyance start to bubble. How could he love somebody who irritated him so much?

Buffy sighed "Look. I *really* don't want to fight Spike. I appreciate what your doing for Xander, we all do, un I'm having a really good day so..."

**


Spike almost threw the bottle of JD at the wall. Nearly a full bottle of booze and an hour brooding <Not brooding .. *NOT* bloody brooding> after the Slayer had sashayed her arse back where it came from and Spike was ready to explode.
.

<The bitch>

He could feel his body trembling, the big bad almost crying? <Bitch, bitch bitch>. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand closing his eyes. <Bitch!> Taking a mouthful to clear the sour taste. He was here for her looking after the Whelp and she comes strolling in all long nails and tight clothes sprawling on the sofa telling him about this bloody bloke she's met like he's nobody. Nothing. <Bitch> He could feel his breath hitching, tears trying to push their way out.. <Bitch!>

He needed to do something, needed to show her, wipe away the sick feeling in his gut and the pain in his heart.

He took another mouthful feeling the burn as it slid down his throat, he needed. something. Looking around the empty apartment passing over the fucking TV still showing Passions on mute his eyes travelling to the bedroom, he could hear the heartbeat calling to him.

Pushing the door open with the back of his hand and standing in the entrance smelling warm clean human. He could see the Xander lump under the covers.

"What do you want Spike?" sleepy voice.

Licking his lips taking a shaky breath "Invite me in."

"What?"

"Invite me in Whelp"

Xander tried to focus through the drug happy. He could see Spike lounging in the doorway bottle swaying looking dangerous..and unhappy?

Concern pushed it's way through Xander's tired brain "Spike, have you been drinking?" <obvious much>

Spike looked down, Xander could see the grimace pulling at his mouth, shoulders hunching forward. He could almost feel the tension.

"Are you gonna invite me in?" Blue eyes looking up through down turned lashes. Blue, very blue.

Xander felt something strange coil it's way up through his gut and contract in his belly "Spike, you are always welcome in my home" spoken quietly each word hanging in the air. Seeing the relief flash across Spike's face, <relief?> As he came over watching as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Spike felt the tension release through him as the Whelp invited him in. He needed!!!

"Spike, what's the matter?"

Spoken quietly. Need. Spike could feel his unbeating heart contract.

"Xander, I.." his voice broke. Now wasn't for thinking, wasn't for taking his feeling out and examining them. Now wasn't for pulling his beat up heart out and looking at the shattered pieces, now was for forgetting.

"Xander, I.." Now was for taking what he could..

He'd called him Xander?, <when had Spike *ever* called him by his name?> Something was going on, something he'd missed but Spike talking to him like he mattered made Xander's heart feel painful.

"Xander I."

Xander couldn't help it. He reached out stroking Spike's back, soothing. "What's the matter?"

Spike could feel tears pricking.

"Spike?"

"I'm lonely Xander" voice hitching <Un I'm cold>

Xander had to do it, had to reach up and pull Spike to him, had to hold him.

"It's OK Spike" rocking him "It's OK".

Spike closed his eyes pushing back, warmth and broad hands encircling him. Warm chest pressing to him, soft hair touching his cheek, tenderness.

"W want to."

"It's OK Spike.. It's OK" and Spike had to turn, had to grab and hold, push his fingers under cotton to sleep warm skin, had to push his face into warm flesh breathing life and comfort.

"Xander, I want.." what did he want?.. "I want you"

Xander felt his heart jump. Spike wanted him. *Him*, no spells, no magic. HIM.

"Xander I want you"

Xander felt the air rush out. He wanted him! Whatever the cause he wanted him for real, no whammy, no Buffy. Him!

"It's OK Spike, it's OK"

He could feel Spike pushing at his sleep shorts, working them down over his hips, sliding them down his thighs. Spike wanted him.

Spike pushing back the covers and licking the inside of his leg long lathing strokes. <Spike wanted him!>

Moving up and sucking him in rubbing his tongue working his jaw, sucking down to the root feeling soft lips nuzzling wiry hair and Spike working his throat muscles around him swallowing. Feeling Spike pull back with a wet slurp and move between his legs pushing them apart and having to focus to prove to his brain this *was* real and looking down seeing himself standing to attention and Spike kneeling between his legs paying homage to the Xander Penis. <Shit!>

Xander closed his eyes for a moment needing to catch his breath as Spike gently took a hold and flipped him over running soothing hands over him, around him. Rubbing softly just above where he needed it most making him suck his quivering belly in and feeling his wet dick bounce between Spike's hand and sleep warm sheets.

Feeling the loss of contact for a moment as Spike pulled away and hearing the soft pop of buttons. Feeling him pushing his hand back to were it belonged around Xander's weeping flesh and feeling a wet tongue snake out probing between the crack in his ass cheeks working down to find his entrance.

Spike *wanted* him.

Feeling knees nestled under his thighs pushing his butt up and Spike finding his goal and licking, nibbling with this teeth *there* using his tongue to stroke and tease, wet strokes following down to his balls and pulling each in chewing, sucking on them softly, working his way back to his entrance pushing his tongue into the tight pucker, pushing making him need to move because it feels strange, unfamiliar.

Tickling and stretching and Spike pulling his backside higher and grabbing a pillow shoving it under his groin. Moving up and over his back, cooling his heated skin with whispered endearments telling him he's beautiful.


Xander could feel his heart start to race, this wasn't real, Spike wanting him! This *So* wasn't real!

And Spike moving up and rubbing him, teasing his nipples, soothing his belly. "I need you"

<Oh shit!> And Spike rubbing his groin into him. Real! This was real!

"Xander, let me in" said with want, <desperation?>_

And he could feel himself get harder, <Oh shit!> And his breath coming in pants "Oh shit!"

"Spike" coming out a gasp because this *is* real and so out of control.

"Xander?"

And just hearing his name sends electric currants of want straight to his groin.

"Xander?"

And whatever the reason is he doesn't care because this is what *he* wants, this is what Spike *needs*.

"Xander?"

"Oh fuck Spike.. *DO* it!" and knowing somewhere at the back of his clouded brain that this isn't right. Knowing he's gonna get hurt but not caring because Spike is rubbing at him, into him and it's so fucking good!

Feeling Spike working around his entrance, rubbing his dick, sliding it. and he's lost. Feeling himself relax because this is what he wants and feeling his dick rasping against the sheets because this is *Spike* and he *wants* this and feeling Spike start to push. <Oh shit>.. and it's stopped?

<It's stopped?>

Smelling peanut putter . <Peanut butter?> And Spike back and pushing at him and Xander's head falling into clean sheets, dick softening, <but he *wants* this?> And Spike pushing at him and no pain apart from a moment as Spike pushes through the tight entrance. Smooth, gliding all the way.

This is too much, just too much. He can feel Spike covering him like a blanket all cool skin and desire and Spike waiting for him to adjust <because this is just too much> before he starts to move.

Pulling out and ramming back in almost painfully but not because Spike is hitting someplace that sends sparks to Xander's brain and shivers down his back and he's bucking and gasping and can't help it because this is so good.

Arms straining against the bed as Spike pummels into him. Wet sliding as Spike pulls out and slams back in hitting that spot and grinding hard against his ass before pulling out. It's so good and so hard and he's pushing back and it's almost painful. But Spike's not touching him now just holding on to his hips hard, digging his fingers.

It's almost like he's not connected and that isn't what Xander wants, almost like Spike isn't there, like Xander isn't there just two bodies pushing at each other, pounding into each other.

Animalistic rutting, just sensation and pressure with no emotion, no *feeling* and Spike's tensing against him body stiffening, thrusting hard pushing Xander forward throwing his head into the pillows and Spike's shuddering as he explodes inside of him and Xander's soft <but it's good?> and Spike isn't talking to him, isn't connecting.

Feeling the soft pop as Spike pulls out and it feels almost painful this emptiness after being so full and <what does it mean?> And he's still soft as Spike pulls him to his chest and wraps his arms around him tight, like he's scared to let go!

Staring blindly into the darkness feeling Spike holding him and wondering What the *fuck* he's gone un done and why he's done it and Spike burying his face against his neck and moulding himself to his body, Spike pressing his face into him and clinging to him and Xander feeling a funny kind of hollow in the pit of his stomach as he feels damp lashes flutter across his back and hears himself telling Spike that it's alright and everything's going to be OK.

**

Spike's dreaming. Standing inside his crypt, no chip, looking all manly and cool and Buffy standing inside the doorway looking at him like he's the last pair of shoes at the mall with 75% off. She wants him, she's *hot* for him.

Licking her lips and looking hungry and he can see her chest heaving through her tight blue top with "It's A Gas" written over the breast every breath making the "G" stretch obscenely.

"Oh Spike, your so hot with your cool leather and tight, *tight* pants!"

She's doing the pout thing moving in on him and he's paralysed. He can feel himself taking sharp unneeded breaths as she slides up to him and pushes her arms under his duster pressing small strong hands around his ass and rubbing her cheek against his chest.

"Spike.. I want you. I need you to kiss me until I pass out and run your hands over my body. I need you to fill me up with *love*" love coming out all breathily muffled because she's rubbing herself hard against him and squeezing.

This is what he's wanted for so long. All the rejection and disgust, that wasn't real. *This* is real as he reaches down to kiss her hot lips duelling with cold and this is so good.

but he had to stop.

Kiss bruised lips "Spike I want you"

Looking down at her he's exposed, vulnerable " But do you love me Pet?" softly spoken with need and hope mingled together.

Do you love me? echoing in the corners of the crypt and she's pulling way and backing towards the door and sunlight where he can't follow "I could *never* love you Spike" and he can see loathing in her face, hear disgust in her voice. "I could never love *you!*"


****


OK, he felt guilty. Sitting on a mouldy gravestone feeling the cool night breeze wash over him.

He'd slept with him, 'had Sex' with the Whelp. He was drunk and mad and he'd had all this rage eating at him and emptiness inside and he'd used him <bollocks, bloody bollocks>, but waking up that was all gone. Feeling the lad next to him, holding him he'd felt this tenderness start to grow so sweet it was almost painful and he'd panicked alright? A huge stab of fear had ripped through his belly and squeezed his heart and he'd panicked.

Spike looked down at the hands trembling in his lap, hands that a couple of hours ago had been holding warm flesh and running across smooth skin touching places he never though they'd get to touch like that.

He squeezed his eyes shut. Loving the Slayer was so much easier. Hot angry love that itched at him and gnawed at his belly, he could deal with that. Wanting her, burning for her, that was all the Big Bad, but this tenderness? Wanting to hold the Whelp beside (inside) him, kiss him? That was pure William and it scared the *shit* out of Spike.

Shifting on his gravestone he pulled a cigarette out of the crumpled pack in his duster absentmindedly knocking the base on the back of his hand settling the tobacco. He'd got himself into a right mess. He should have seen it coming when he offered to look after the Whelp but no, as usual he'd left his common sense back in the crypt with his spare lighter. He couldn't go there again, couldn't let somebody inside that core of humanity where William lived. He'd been there with Dru and it had almost destroyed him.

A little voice inside of his head piped up <coward). Spike gave himself a shake <Piss off.. Why are you feeling bad? OK, you had a shag, so what? Not like you just buggered off, left him a note didn't you?> 'Thanks Pet that was lovely' written on the back of an empty cigarette packet and propped against his pain medication. <Hell, probably didn't mean anything, I was horny, the lad was horny (he was out of his head on drugs). *shut up*, git!. Just a shag and hey, I'm Evil get used to it>.

Maybe he should get a tattoo 'You are Evil' to remind him every time he took his shirt off .

"Spike? What are you doing here?"

<Oh great, just bloody wonderful.> Fixing a smile 'Well, hello Slayer and what brings you out on a lovely night like this?.. Oh yeah, killing my kind"

<What the hell was Spike doing lounging on a gravestone?> "Why aren't you taking care of Xander?"

<Oh, I've *taken care* of him alright> "Just taking a break, no need to get your panties in a twist"

<Smart-ass bleach freak> "My panties are firmly *untwisted* and *Mr Pointy*' waving the stake in front of him "is just itching for some action".

"Well far be it from me not to help you *scratch* that *itch* luv" standing tossing the unlit cigarette away feeling that spark start to dance. It was all her fault, if she'd wanted him like he wanted her none of *this* would have happened!

<Gees, what's the matter with him?> Buffy could see Spike was angry. Why was he angry? Droolly un letchy, irritating and sarcastic, but angry? "What is it with you? Xander take the remote off of you, wouldn't let you smoke?" pouting "is Spiky having nicotine withdrawal?"

Licking dry lips feeling the rhythm start to flow between them "Well, if you want me to practice the *withdrawal* method luv" stepping closer and stopping <bloody hell>. "You know what Slayer? This little dance we're having? Go do it solo cos *Spiky* isn't playing anymore!"

"Hu?" Buffy watched confused as Spike stalked away <and what in hell was that about?>

**
<Il hate her, I still hate her. She's a bitch that thinks she's too good for me un I *still* hate her> Spike charged through the graveyard and out the gates purposefully heading, where? <I'm an evil git.. an evil git whose belly is grumbling louder than Dru that time I took her dolls away..> Spike rubbed his stomach and took in where his feet had taken him. Right back to the Whelp's.

Stopping with a jolt outside the door, how was he gonna make this right? <OK Spike. Just a shag, no problem> . Suddenly his docs felt lead lined and his feet wouldn't move. <Just a shag. Just SEX. What's a quick roll between friends?> His mind raced <pretend all that emotional stuff was just a way to get in his knickers>, make the lad think all the *need* wasn't real. <Tell him, tell him your Evil and you were horny and you wanted a shag>. Spike squared his shoulders and finally got his feet moving.

<Right. Sorted! Evil Vampire, just sex, no *emotional* stuff ... and don't let him touch you, don't give him any more baths, don't feed him, don't watch him sleep, don't dream about sliding into that hot tight body and don't *don't* fall in love with the bugger!>

Saying a silent prayer to whichever gods looked after wayward Vampires Spike took a hold of the Whelp's door and let himself in.


**


Xander woke feeling sore and sticky! 'Ugh!'.Very sore! Sorer than when he'd gone to bed a couple of hours ago.

< Ah, *Spike*! > Spike an peanut butter and *sex*; he'd had sex with Spike!

Un-sticking himself from clammy sheets and wincing, < Oh boy! > His ass felt throbby, hot-thumping throbby. Yes sir, he'd had The Sex with Spike. Wild Monkey Sex and guess who the butt monkey was? He focused on the empty pillow beside him.

Spike had had sex with him and gone? 'Spike?' he called.

Silence

'SPIKE?' Where in hell had he gone? No way would he just up and leave. He wouldn't do that. He couldn't, could he?

'*SPIKE!*' .He could! < The ASSHOLE, The undead PRICK! >

Xander felt humiliation fighting with anger fighting with absolute boiling RAGE.

'*SPIKE!*...' < THE PIG, PRICK, ASSHOLE. >

Anger fighting with rage fighting with absolute humiliation! Xander slumped back into dirty sheets, dirty used sheets for a dirty, used Xander. <The prick!> He closed his eyes, blocking out the empty room, as he felt the throbbing in his body move up and settle behind his eyes, pushing tears through closed lids.

Voice hitching, 'The prick.. Prick, prick, prick!' Lashing out with his hand, feeling it hit the bedside table and hearing the clatter of pill bottles falling and the soft flutter of a cigarette packet dropping to the floor.

**

A whole week since the peanut butter (which he was *so* never gonna eat again) sitting in the park with Buffy and Willow, watching the itty-bitty birds and listening to the background chatter. Xander stretched on the blanket covering the short grass. His bandage was off and his ouches felt better; he should be feeling great but he wasn't.

A whole week of avoidy from Spike, a week of 'it didn't happen'. A whole week of 'don't touch the dirty Xander'; 'don't sit near him'; 'don't talk to him unless you *have* to' and 'don't *don't* connect with him'.

Xander felt like crap. All the sun and sandwiches (made by Buffy) weren't gonna make it better.

He watched a small bird poking at a worm: biting at the plump body and tossing it in the air with a shake of its head; watching as the worm hit the ground and darted its eyes furtively before taking another nip, cutting it into pieces like a knife through butter. He could be really philosophical now <I am the worm!>

'Hey Xander, you gonna eat that or just watch it evolve?'

'What? Oh, yeah, Will, just ya know, enjoying the sun.'

Willow watched Xander take a bite out of his sandwich, he looked tired. 'Hey, you tired? Cos we can, you know, head back and get ya all snugly on the sofa?'

Xander chewed his jelly sandwich <Oh great> somehow the thought of home wasn't too appealing, but he was tired 'Yeah Will, home would be good.''

Buffy grabbed the plastic cups and folded the picnic blankets, this whole week had been strange. Spike and Xander had always got along OK but this last week at Xander's apartment they'd barely been speaking. <Too much Spike can be a bad *bad* thing,> she thought. 'Xander, you want Spike to pack his blood bags?' frowning and grabbing the largest basket, 'Cos I know you un Anya broke up but she's been really worried about you.' Matchmaker Buffy, Xander and Anya *alone*, maybe that was just what they needed? Xander was miserable, Anya still cared. All she needed to do was get Spike out of the picture.

'She has?'

'Oh yeah, big-time worry'

'You think she wants to get back together?'

'I don't know but she does want a come by and check on you. If you're feeling well enough maybe it's time to, you know, send Spike on his way?'

'Do you mean in the *sharp pointy object* way or the kick him out on his ass way?'

'Kick him out on his ass.'

'Can I do the kicking'

'Yaha!.. Xander, what is it with you un Spike, he done something to you?' Was it Spike making Xander miserable?

<Made me act like a girl, made me feel like shit?> 'No Buff, nothing outta the ordinary'

Buffy gave Xander an appraising look 'Cos you'd let me know if he did right?'

Xander saluted plastering on a smile 'Yes sir, Buffy, ma'am!'

'Uhhum.' Shaking her head, Buffy grinned and headed out leaving Willow and Xander lingering behind.

All through the picnic Willow had been thinking, you didn't need to be a witch to know that something had been going on between Spike and Xander, something that had gotten worse after the *whammy*. 'Xander, what happened at Spike's crypt? Has it got anything to do with you and Spike being all avoidy?'

Xander opened his mouth and stopped. He really wanted to tell his best friend, wanted to open his heart and spill out all the festering emotions, wash himself clean.

'Will it's nothing, don't worry'. Maybe he could get back with Anya? If she'd take him back everything would be fine.

Willow pursed her lips, something was wrong, *big time* wrong. Xander was too quiet and if he wouldn't tell her what was going on, maybe it was time she asked somebody else!

*

Xander, I've been such an idiot. I'm sorry, I was a pillock, this last week has been hell.

That shag (try again), that night we... < oh bloody hell! > Spike rapped his head against the wall behind Xander's bed leaning into the pillows. He could still smell < bugger vampire noses > he could still smell sex, that musky odour just under the surface.

Dear Xander... Spike looked down at the note pad in exasperation. He used to be a bloody poet for god's sake; why was this so hard? Concentrating on the white paper mocking him with its nudity, he didn't hear the apartment door open or the muffled voices that followed.

'Spike?'

'What do you want, Red?'

Willow stood in the doorway taking in the bare feet and casual ease, Spike looked so at home she felt kind of guilty having to tell him he wasn't needed anymore; that they'd talked it over on the way home and decided it was time for Spike to pack his stuff and move on. 'Spike, erm...' It was easier to get it all out in one go, 'We were talking on the way home and kind of agreed that Xander's OK now. You've done a good job, and everything, but he's OK now so maybe it's time you went home?'

Spike felt a huge lump rise in his throat and lodge in his vocal chords. He'd really blown it. Jesus, he'd blown it; it had taken him a week to admit to himself that he didn't want the Slayer anymore. A week to take a good look at what he really felt (and for who he felt it) and now it was too late.

Willow watched a flash of emotion cross Spike's face, almost too fast to see but she'd caught it. She didn't know quite what it was but she'd caught it.

'Right then, fine.' and in a second Spike was up taking the pen and note pad with him and pushing past her out the door.

Brushing by Willow, he could see Buffy and Xander busy unpacking picnic baskets and talking quietly. He could feel that lump still lodged in his gullet as Xander looked around and caught his eye; for a second the hurt he'd seen all week flashed across brown eyes and was gone.

'Spike! Will told you I'm taking it like a man an' standing on my own two feet?'

Spike swallowed 'Yeah, she told me.' For a second he felt something pass between them, some secret knowledge separating them from the rest of the world.

'So, it's back to your deluxe hovel in the sky, graveyard... whatever!' said Buffy smiling, and the spell was broken.

'And you know how much I'm gonna miss your wit and repartee shoved down my throat everyday Slayer ... Oh wait, I'm *not!*' Throwing the pen down and ripping the half-scribbled letter from the pad, crushing it in his hand with all the disappointment self-revelation-too-late brings and dropping it to the floor, 'Best be on my way then,' and grabbing his duster looking blindly for his Docs.

'Spike? Hello! It's still light out.'

'What? Oh yeah...'

'You can borrow the picnic blanket.'

Focusing on Buffy walking towards him as he huddled on the floor pulling on his boots, and grabbing the blanket from her.

'Thanks luv, nice of you to care.'

'Oh, I don't but we hoovered before we left and Anya's coming over.'

'Anya?'

'Oh yeah, she's coming by to *check*,' watching her raise her eyebrows suggestively, 'On Xander!'

Xander watched Spike stalk over and grab his stuff < don't worry, Bleach Boy, Xander is outta your hair > but he couldn't help the depression that hit as he saw the alacrity with which Spike took the blanket and headed out of the apartment door.

Getting rid of Buffy and Willow hadn't been so easy. Willow kept giving him worried looks and Buffy kept smirking every time she managed to stick the name *Anya* into the conversation.

'You'll be OK right? You need anything you've got my mobile?'

'Yeah, Will, everything's fine. I got your number, if I need anything I'll call.'

'And don't forget Anya's coming over later.'

'I won't forget, Buff.'

'So we're going, cos your tired and....'

'Go. Willow, Buffy, ladies, it was fun, nice to see you. Call again... Go!'

'Right, we're *so* gone. Come on, Willow.'

With a sigh of relief, Xander finally closed the door and padded over to the sofa 'oh great. He had to make my life miserable *and* drop litter.' thought Xander, picking up the crumpled paper from the floor and retrieving the note pad and pen. Kicking off his shoes, he grabbed the remote and flicked onto the cartoon channel.

Watching the credits roll from the second episode of PocaMan in a row he idly plucked at the rumpled paper as he thought about Spike and Anya. Did he really want Anya back? Would she make everything OK? Smoothing the paper with his fingers, he contemplated the two *others* in his life. Correction, ex-others or maybe even one *other* and a Big Bad mistake. Looking down at the now-smooth paper, he traced the fold pattern decorating the sheet like crazy paving and focused on the words covering half the page like a drunken spider trail < he doesn't even *write* neatly > and then the words hit.

~ Dear Xander, ~

Xander sat, stunned looking down at the black writing as it swam hazily at him..

~ Dear Xander, I've been such an idiot. ~

Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand he felt a huge thud of emotion-soaked adrenalin hit home. Spike!

He had to get to him, had to find him *now*.

Swinging his legs off the sofa, he was suddenly more awake, more alive than he'd been in a long time. He could feel his heart thumping inside his chest. It *had* meant something; *he'd* meant something. He could feel every part of his body sparking with life, every nerve, every fibre pulsing with the need to find Spike.

He could almost feel his fingers reaching out and touching smooth cool skin, pulling it towards him where it belonged. Pushing his hand through white-blond hair and tasting soft lips.

He could hear his ragged breathing as he flicked off the TV and grabbed his coat, still picturing high cheekbones and blue eyes half closed (with love, passion?) and his hands exploring down and under. Pushing inside tight clothes and feeling the smooth skin, running them back to muscled belly and feeling it contract with his touch. Stroking over the belly button, teasing a finger inside the tiny crevice and pushing down past the hard band of pants working inside and resting his forehead against Spike's *Spike's* neck.

Imagining himself telling Spike about this need he's been feeling, this emptiness he's had and knowing, *knowing* that it's returned in kind by the hardness his hands have finally reached. Touching reverently, stroking lightly through the constraints of denim.

Xander could feel himself throbbing with anticipation, growing hard at the thought of where that small piece of paper was taking him as the doorbell rang.

'Shit, Anya!'

**
END 6A