Title: Quantum Xander II: In Wake of the Curse

Pairing: Xander/Spike friendship, Xander/Spike romance, hints of Buffy/Spike

Rating : NC17 over all

Summary: Sequel to Quantum Xander. Now that Xander is home, how has his life changed?

Previous story found at: http://www.geocities.com/kiwileesa2000/quantum or https://www.squidge.org/vigsvale/cassy/quantum_xander/index.html

Feedback: If you want to.

Disclaimer: If I were Joss, Spike and Xander would be naked 24/7. They aren't? Guess I'm not Joss then ;-p

Distribution: I never say no, I'm easy that way!

A/N: A huge thanks to Alex, the bestest beta ever!

Quantum Xander II: In Wake of the Curse

by Cassy

It had been two weeks since Xander had been back home. He had convinced his boss not to fire him by explaining that he had left his bride at the altar and felt it was safer to hide out for awhile. His boss laughed and told him he was insane for leaving a hot dish like Anya, then he asked for her phone number.

The evening had been spent tracking down a giant worm demon; Anya's work, obviously, and being surprised by the appearance of Spike. He just showed up out of the blue offering help and prattling on about something big coming from below. They dealt with the problem and now Xander was lying awake in his bed staring at the ceiling. Sleep would not come to him.

Spike was back. He was back in Sunnydale and living in the basement of the new Sunnydale High. That was the thought that kept Xander awake, he had only just found out. Buffy, it seemed, had known for a whole week and didn't see fit to share this information. That wasn't the only thing though. Spike was acting crazy, like he wasn't in his right mind. Like he was...

"Oh, God!"

Xander quickly pulled on his jeans and t-shirt. He stuffed his wallet and keys in his pocket, stepped into his sneakers and left his apartment. He ran down the stairs and out to his car. As he drove toward the high school, he had only one thought on his mind - Spike had a soul. He was in pain and he was all alone living directly over the mouth of hell.

"Hang on Spike, I'm coming."

Xander parked the car and used his passkey to enter the building. Being foreman had its perks after all. He remembered that Buffy said Spike was living in a room in the basement. He made his way downstairs carefully. He was on alert for anything oogy that might be down there as well.

"Spike? Hey buddy, you down here?"

Xander flicked his flashlight around the walls and then stopped as he saw something move in the far corner of the room. He watched the spot but there was no further movement.

"Spike?"

"M'not here. Go 'way."

Xander chuckled at the vampire's reasoning. Only a crazy person would tell you they weren't there and expect you to believe it.

"Spike. I know you're here. I can hear you."

Xander walked closer to where the blonde had screwed himself into a corner, trying as hard as he could to be small and invisible.

"I can see you, too. Come on, Spike. This place is making you nuts; let me get you out of here."

"Can't leave. I don't have a pass."

"Then I'll give you one."

Startled blue eyes looked up with wonder. Spike studied the intent look on Xander's face and then smiled shyly.

"You'd do that? For me?"

"I would. I will. Come on, time to go."

"They won't like it. Change the walls they will, make it impossible to leave. Can't leave when the doors disappear."

"Hey, I have a map. Blueprints actually, don't worry. We'll be fine."

Xander smiled as Spike took the hand he held out, and he helped him to his feet. He steered the vampire out of the room and back toward the stairs to the main floor of the school. At the door to the stairwell, Spike turned back and stared in horror at something Xander couldn't see.

"Not skipping. I have a pass! He said so, said I could leave now. Please."

Spike began to tremble and Xander just caught him before he dropped to the ground. He scooped the shaking vampire into his arms and headed up the stairs. He didn't let go of him until they were back at his car, and then only to open the door and strap him into the passenger seat. Xander got in behind the wheel and started back toward his apartment.

"It'll be okay, Spike. I'll help you get through this."

"Why? I hurt the girl. Shouldn't help me, I'm a bad man. William's a bad, bad man."

"No, William is a good man. You stopped, Spike; you stopped yourself before you went too far. You got your soul back just to punish yourself. You're not a bad man. Give yourself time to adjust. You'll be okay, and I'll help if I can."

"Who are you?"

Xander looked over at the vampire and blinked rapidly; he was scared for a minute that Spike had completely forgotten him.

"I'm Xander, Spike. You know me; we used to live together in the basement of doom."

"No. Not Xander. Xander hates me; you're one of them, here to trick me, hurt me."

Spike began to pull on his lap belt, Xander was afraid he'd jump out of the car while it was still moving. He locked all the doors and put on the child safety lock so there was no way Spike could get out of the car.

"I am Xander. I'm just different than before, changed."

"You got your soul back, too?"

Xander laughed softly.

"In a manner of speaking, yeah. I grew up, Spike, learned some valuable life lessons. Let's just say things aren't so black and white for me anymore. I know who you are, who you really are and I like that person. I won't hurt you. I promise."

Spike nodded and then turned his head to stare out the window. The rest of the drive back to the apartment was made in silence. Xander parked the car in his spot and then unlocked the doors. Spike didn't make any move to get out of the car, so Xander walked around to his door and opened it.

Spike had fallen asleep in the car. It was kinda cute actually. Xander realized that this was probably the only sleep the vampire had gotten since returning to Sunnydale and taking up residence in the high school. He reached out and gently shook the vampire awake.

"Spike, we're home. You wanna wake up and walk, or am I gonna have to carry you?"

Spike merely blinked in confusion and closed his eyes again. Xander smiled again and gently lifted the vampire out of the car.

"Carried it is then."

He took the stairs up to his apartment, and then set Spike on his feet while he unlocked the door and pushed it open.

"Come inside, Spike. You are welcome in my home."

Xander nudged the vampire inside and then closed and locked the door. He looked around and realized that he had nowhere to put Spike now that he was here. He hadn't thought that far ahead.

"Why don't you take a shower and I'll fix up the bed for you."

Spike gave Xander another one of those confused looks but headed towards the bathroom to shower as Xander had suggested. Once the door closed and Xander could hear the water running, he stripped and remade the bed with fresh sheets. Then he raided the linen closet for extra blankets and a pillow to make up the couch.

Spike peeked his head around the bathroom door and called out for Xander. Xander left the blankets on the couch and made his way back to the hallway. He looked at the tousled blonde head peeking out of the bathroom and bit his lip to keep from grinning.

"Yeah, Spike?"

"Um, do you have anything I can put on? My clothes... well they kinda smell."

"Oh, sure. I put some sweatpants and a shirt on the bed for you. They might be kinda big but they're clean and warm. I'll pick up some stuff for you tomorrow. Okay?"

Spike blinked, nodded and then closed the bathroom door in Xander's face. Xander shook his head and walked away. Insane Spike with a soul was going to take some getting used to. He wondered if Buffy knew that Spike had a soul? No sooner had he thought it then he realized she must know. He wondered how she could leave him there, knowing what he was going through. He heard the bathroom door open and then quick footsteps across the hall before the bedroom door closed with a bang.

Xander put the kettle on and got two mugs down from the cupboard. He didn't have any blood in the house - something he would fix first thing in the morning - but he did have hot chocolate mix and mini marshmallows.

"Hey, Spike! When you finish dressing, come on out to the living room; I'm making hot chocolate."

By the time the kettle boiled and Xander made the drinks - adding extra marshmallows to Spike's - the vampire came out of the bedroom dressed in a pair of Xander's soft grey sweat pants and a long-sleeved navy blue t-shirt that was at least two sizes too big. He smiled shyly at Xander and then sat on the couch.

Xander handed him a mug and sat down next to him. They sipped at their beverages in silence for a while - Spike occasionally hooking a melted marshmallow on his pinkie finger and slurping it into his mouth. Finally, Xander had to ask.

"Why did you get your soul back, Spike?"

Spike looked up at him in alarm and then slumped in defeat.

"Told you, did she?"

"No. I can see it. So, why? Were you cursed?"

"Asked for it. Wanted to give Buffy what she deserves. Be the man I was."

"I see."

They finished the hot chocolate and Xander stood and stretched. He looked down at the miserable vampire on the sofa and his heart went out to him.

"She'll come around, Spike. Give her time."

When Spike didn't answer, Xander pulled him to his feet and walked him to the bedroom. He gave him a gentle shove toward the bed and told him to get some sleep. Then Xander went back out to the living room and flopped down on the sofa. He'd need to see about getting Spike a bed of his own tomorrow.

~PART 2~

Xander called in sick the next day. He showered, quietly sneaked into his room and liberated some clean clothes from his dresser, dressed and then headed out to procure some blood for Spike so he'd have something to eat when he woke up. He went by Willy's as well as the butcher?s, figuring that human blood was better for the vampire than animal; and seeing how thin Spike looked, he could probably use it.

Once he got home, Xander quickly put the blood in the refrigerator and went into the bathroom. In his haste, he had forgotten to perform his scent-masking spell before he left. It wouldn't do him any good to confuse Spike more than he already had, by smelling like him.

It was a relatively simple spell. A few words and a couple drops of a mixture of herbs and pomegranate juice applied to his throat where the scar was. The only drawback was that he had to do it every morning, and with Spike now living with him, he'd have to be extra careful not to forget again.

Xander cracked his bedroom door open and peeked inside. Spike was still sleeping, though it looked as though it hadn't been a completely peaceful night for him by the way the sheets and blanket were tangled around his legs. He still had a few things to do today, so he backed away and closed the door.

The en suite storage in his apartment was almost as big as a second bedroom except without the closet or window that would usually be found in a bedroom. In other words, it was perfect for a vampire.

Xander moved everything out of the storage room and carried it to the living room. There wasn't a whole lot in there to begin with, just some tools for around the house, the Christmas decorations and a few boxes of comic books. He figured he could easily store these things in his bedroom closet now that he didn't need the space for all of Anya's things.

Once the room was empty, Xander swept it out and washed down the floor. He knew Spike was sensitive to strong smells, and the room reeked of dust and newsprint. He propped the door open with one of the kitchen chairs and then sat down at his desk and logged on to the Internet.

It was easy enough to order a bed and dresser on-line and arrange to have it delivered. He figured he had time to run out to Wal-Mart for sheets and pillowcases for Spike's bed before the vampire woke up. Just in case, he left a note on the coffee table telling Spike where he went and that there was blood in the fridge.

Wal-Mart was hellish, as usual. He smiled at the old man in the blue frock and accepted a shopping cart. The one bright spot to being practically guaranteed a short life and a painful death was that he wouldn't have to be that guy when he was old.

Xander stood dumbfounded in the linen aisle. He had no idea what kind of sheets to buy. Obviously plain white cotton was out. Spike would practically disappear on white sheets. If it were his Spike, it would be obvious - blood red silk sheets, or even black. Hell, if it was the Spike he knew before the soul, it would have been the same. Now he had to wonder what William would like to sleep on.

He decided against the typical vampire colours and settled on two sets of cotton sheets - one in navy and one in a deep hunter green. Manly colours, but not vampy.

He headed to the checkout before realising that Spike had no clothes other than the set he'd been wearing. Xander shook his head at the strange turn of events and headed for men's wear. He never would have pictured himself willingly buying clothes for Spike. At least not before his entire world was turned upside down.

He wasn't sure what a newly-souled vampire would want to wear, so he picked up two pairs of jeans - one black, one a faded blue, a package of black t-shirts, a few pairs of boxer briefs - just in case - and a jean jacket - also in black - since he hadn't seen the vampire's duster anywhere.

Having picked up everything he thought he needed, Xander headed for the cashier and got in line. He had just finished emptying his cart when he was touched on the shoulder by a small feminine hand. He spun around to see an amused slayer and younger sister.

"Hey, Buff. Dawnie. Shouldn't you guys be at the high school? Making with the learning and the earning?"

"It's a P.D. day, Xander; no school for me."

"I'm not exactly a professional so it doesn't apply to me. So, whatcha doing?"

"Oh, just a bit of shopping. You?"

"Same thing. I sort of ruined an entire load of towels the other night. I got that orange goop from the demon all over my hands and my hair, and well, let?s just say water and demon slime? So not a good combo in this instance. Oh, that reminds me. You think you could come by later and look at the washing machine?"

Xander smiled.

"Sure, Buff. I'll be by after dinner."

"Okay. Hey? Since when did you start dressing like... Oh. My. God. Xander, tell me you are not buying clothes for Spike."

"I'm not buying clothes for Spike."

"Are you lying?"

"Yes."

Buffy sighed and looked at Xander in confusion.

"This isn't what I expected from you, Xander. I thought you'd be angry, that you'd want to stake him."

"Hey, Dawn? You want to go out to my car and get the package out of the glove box? I was going to give it to you later, but since you're here..."

"And since you so obviously want me to go away."

"I'm sorry. You're right. But I do have a present for you in the glove box."

Dawn smiled and took Xander's keys and rushed for the exit. Xander watched her go with a wistful smile on his face. He wondered what had happened to the Dawn of that crazy mixed-up world. Had she survived after Halfrek put them back there?

The cashier began to ring up Xander's purchases and put them in bags. Xander handed over his credit card, signed the slip and then collected his shopping bags. Buffy walked him out of the store.

"You should really watch what you say in front of her, Buffy. She's a lot like you; she'll hold onto a grudge tighter than Anya holds onto a dollar."

"When did you get so wise, Xander Harris?"

"I did a lot of growing up over the past year, er, two and a half months, Buffy. A lot of things happened while I was away."

"Like what? Why won't you tell us? We're your friends, Xander; we love you."

"I know, I'm just not ready to talk about it yet."

"Okay. But clothes shopping for the evil undead? What's up with that?"

"Not so evil anymore, Buffy. I know about the soul."

Buffy sighed in frustration.

"And what? It changed your whole opinion of Spike? Angel has a soul; I don't see you out shopping for him."

"I couldn't afford to shop for him. The bill for hair products alone would break me."

Buffy shook her head and smiled fondly at Xander. She saw Dawn approaching and quickly asked,

"Is he okay, Xander?"

"Yeah. He just needs some time."

"Okay."

Dawn was grinning like a kid at Christmas. She threw her arms around Xander and kissed him on the mouth. Buffy and Xander both gaped in shock and then closed their mouths at the same time. Buffy looked at Xander and quirked an eyebrow at him.

"What did you buy her?"

"Just a little gift."

"A little gift? She smooched you, Xander. That must have been some gift."

"Go on, Dawn. Show her."

Dawn pulled an envelope full of gift certificates to some of the trendiest stores in town out of her coat and handed them to Buffy. Buffy looked through them, adding them up mentally and gaped at Xander.

"Xander! There's $500 worth of gift certificates here!"

"I know."

He threw an arm around Buffy's shoulders and walked her a few feet away from Dawn before bending to whisper in her ear.

"I know things are rough for you right now, financially as well as emotionally. I just thought... well, I don't have to spend money on An anymore and I had the extra cash. Look at her, she's happy. I did that. And if it takes some stress off you, then all the better, right?"

"Xander..."

Buffy's eyes welled up with tears and she buried her face into his chest. Xander stroked his hand through her hair, offering her comfort the only way he knew how.

"I love you, Xander. You're the best friend a girl could ever have. I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Buffy."

Xander was amazed to realise that for the first time, there was no ache - no tinge of jealousy at being called 'the best friend' from the girl he had loved since high school. He was happy that she loved him as a friend and nothing more, for as much as he loved her, she was no Spike. And all he wanted now was Spike.

"I have to get going; I have a delivery coming this afternoon I have to be home for. You want a ride home?"

"Nah, I still need to buy those towels, and I think Dawn's just dying to spend your money."

Xander kissed the girls and then jogged off toward his car. He hoped he got home before Spike woke up or the delivery guys arrived with the furniture for the vampire's room.

 ~PART 3~

Spike was improving. He was no longer as crazy as he had been that first week after Xander had brought him home. Now, midway through week two of their cohabitation, the vampire seemed almost back to his old self - annoying habits included.

"Spike! God damn it, I thought I asked you not to leave your wet towels all over the floor?"

"You did."

"So why are there towels all over the floor?"

"Just because you asked, doesn't mean I'm gonna listen, now does it?"

Xander stopped. Thought about it and burst out laughing. Spike stepped away from him and eyed him warily. He wasn't sure if he had finally driven the boy around the bend, but if that was the case, he wanted space to run.

"You know what? You're right. I should have expected this."

"You're not gonna yell at me some more? Take a swing at me?"

"Over wet towels? Nah, not worth it. Why? You want me to hit you?"

"Deserve it. After what I did."

"Spike, I already told you, I understand what happened with Buffy, I don't like it, but I do understand it."

"Not her, was talking about your girl."

Spike paused and looked at Xander in confusion.

"Didn't they tell you?"

Xander watched as Spike backed away from him, a look of horror on his face.

"They didn't tell you!"

"No, they didn't. I assume you mean Anya, so why don't you tell me?"

Spike sagged onto the couch and put his head in his hands. Xander sat next to him and waited.

"Well, now I know why you?re being so decent to me. No one told you; I shagged your girl. I'll just be gettin? my things now."

Xander gaped at the mental image of his ex-fiancée and Spike... together... doing things.

"Wow, um, how did everyone find out?"

"Was caught on camera. The geek patrol that was stalking Buffy set up a camera at the shop. Just happened that the witch was trying to track the signal back and came upon the broadcast."

"Ouch. Bet Buffy was pissed."

"Well, not so much, actually. More hurt than anything else. Why haven't you hit me yet?"

"Why would I? Anya's not my girl; not any more. I lost the right to be pissed about her having sex with anyone else when I left her at the altar. So what happened? You guys break up?"

"What!? No, wasn't like that. It was... solace. She was hurtin', I was hurtin'. Just sorta happened."

There was silence for the next few minutes while Xander pondered the idea of Spike and Anya. It was definitely a better match then him and Buffy; at least it would have been, before the soul.

Spike, meanwhile, was using the silence to try and figure out who this new Xander was. The boy he'd known would have torn him apart for touching his girls; either of them. He wondered if he'd ever find out just what had happened to him when he'd disappeared. He hadn't had the guts to ask him just yet. Maybe now would be a good time?

"Xander? Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

Xander smiled and Spike rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Can I ask you something after asking if I can ask you something?"

Xander smiled beatifically at him; Spike was even starting to think like one of them now.

"Sure, Spike. Ask away."

"Where'd you go? Before I left, everyone was looking for you, it was like you'd dropped off the face of the earth."

"Long story. Let's just say that the word 'wish' should be stricken from my vocabulary."

"You made a wish? After leaving your ex-demon fiancée at the altar? Not to mention the fact that there were a bloody lot of vengeance demons at that ceremony. Are you insane?"

"Insane. Drunk. Don't really remember making a wish. But there you go."

"What'd you wish for?"

"I wished I knew how my life could have been different. Spent about ten months jumping around to different realities."

Spike was shocked. He hadn't really expected Xander to tell him anything. And the idea that he had spent the last ten months - to him, two and half months to everyone else - hopping from world to world was mind boggling. He wanted to ask what he had seen; if he thought he had made the right choices in his life after seeing what could have been.

He wondered if there were places where he had made different choices, like not leaving that damn party over a century ago and getting turned. Was there a reality out there somewhere, where William the bloody awful poet had lived; maybe married and raised a family? Maybe a world where he and Dru hadn't gone to Prague and therefore never had reason to come to this damnable little California town. Were they still together? Happy?

"Don't do it, Spike. Trust me; finding out isn't worth the price you have to pay."

There was a note of pain and longing in the young man?s voice that brought Spike out of his contemplation. Something had happened during Xander's time away, something that had fundamentally changed him, something that had hurt him beyond his endurance. Spike was determined to find out what it was.

"Wasn't gonna do nothin'. Was just thinking about the possibilities."

"Well, one possibility was you being recaptured by the Initiative. It wasn't pretty, trust me."

"How'd that come about? What have you got to do with me being recaptured?"

"I wasn't here, in Sunnydale. Therefore no cosy basement to hide out in. It's all interwoven. My life affects everyone else?s, in some way or another. So does yours. Think about the implications of that before doing anything stupid. I'm going to my room. Goodnight, Spike."

Xander left the vampire sitting on the couch with a lot to think about. He stripped off his shirt and pants, crawled into bed and liberated the CD player from his nightstand. He popped in the first disc he grabbed and the not-so-soothing tones of The Ramones blasted through the tiny ear buds. Xander closed his eyes and remembered his mate dancing around the room listening to this and singing along. It was a good memory and it made him smile, even as the tears rolled down his face.

Spike heard the muted music coming through the headphones and tilted his head in confusion; he didn't know the boy liked classic punk rock. He walked down the hall and stopped just on the other side of Xander's door. He could smell tears and grief, as well as hear his muffled sobs. He made a decision; tomorrow while Xander was at work he was going to find out what had happened to him. He felt he owed him; for his friendship these past couple weeks, for his own sanity - the power of the hellmouth was making him even crazier than the soul - and his understanding about not only Buffy but Anya, as well.

Spike had no plans for the night so he heated some blood and settled in front of the TV. A&E was doing a biography on twentieth century poets, and if Xander wasn't gonna be around to take the piss with him for watching, he was going to do just that - watch.

The next morning, Spike waited until he was sure Xander was gone for the day before leaving his room and going down the hall to Xander's bedroom. He knew that snooping through the man?s things was wrong, but he didn't know how else to help him. Besides, he might have a soul now, but he was still evil; just not in the 'killing, maiming and eating of people' way that he used to be.

The first thing he did was to open the closet. He knew from living with Xander in the basement that the boy hid all his personal things in his closet. He had been impressed by the sheer number of wank magazines the boy had had. This time, however, he was searching for something other than porn; although, he had made good use of those skin mags.

Xander's clothes were mostly jeans and shirts that went in his dresser, so there were only a few button-down shirts and two suits hanging on the rod. Spike pushed them aside and froze at the sight of his beloved duster. Only, it wasn't his. He could tell his own coat, and this one, while identical to his, wasn't his.

For one, it had a rip on the left shoulder; his coat didn't. For two, he had left his at the slayer?s and it was likely still there. And for three, there was a pair of Doc's sitting on the floor directly beneath it. Spike knew that his Doc's were in his room, under his bed where he kicked them off last night. So, if the boots weren't his, then it made sense that the coat wasn't his either. And that meant that Xander had brought back the duster and Doc's of some other Spike. But why?

Curious, but not really wanting to know any more, Spike righted the clothes in the closet and closed the door. He stood silently in the middle of the room and wondered if he shouldn't just leave this alone, let Xander tell him in his own time. If he told him. It was the 'if' that made his decision.

Next stop, the bedside table. Spike opened it and looked through the contents. A few CDs - decent bands too, some rather interesting sexual accessories - Spike took a moment to appreciate the softness of the leather cuffs before putting them back, and two leather-bound notebooks. Figuring that these would hold the answers he sought, he sat down and opened the first book. Noticeable shock registered on his face as he recognised his own handwriting.

~PART 4~

Xander was sitting at his desk eating his lunch and going over some invoices when the door to his trailer opened and Willow stepped inside. He looked up and saw her watching him with interest. He hoped that she couldn't feel the magic on him the way he could on her; otherwise he wouldn't be able to keep his secret.

"Hey, Wills. What brings you by? Scooby business?"

Xander tried to ignore the feelings of hurt and mistrust that washed over him. He really needed to try and get past this thing he felt for Willow; everyone made mistakes in their youth, after all, and if it weren't for the spell he never would have been cursed and met his mate. Everything else aside, it was worth it; he would go through it all again if given the choice. What he had - hopefully would have again - with Spike was worth everything.

"No. Friend business. Xander, you've been acting weird with me ever since you got back. Why?"

Xander took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He stamped down on the part of him that wanted to leap across the desk and throttle her for everything he had been through. The pain of the bond had been unusually high today and he was in no mood for her to interrogate him. Instead, he turned the tables on her.

"Were you going to tell me about An and Spike?"

Willow flushed and guiltily looked at the floor. After a moment she raised her head and defiantly looked at Xander.

"No, not at first. Spike was gone so it wasn't really an issue, then he was back but crazy so... and now, he's living with you, and Buffy thinks we might need him for whatever is coming so we didn't want to take any chances that you'd dust him."

"And what? You figured what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me?"

"To be honest? Yes."

Black rage filled him. He couldn't believe she had just said that to him. Like he was better off having other people make his decisions? Hardly! From what he had seen of the other Xanders he'd met, the ones who had control of their lives had done pretty damn well for themselves. And yet, Willow stood there in front of him basically telling him that he wasn't able to make the right choices on his own. That it was better to leave him in the dark.

"Who gave you the right to decide what's good for me? I don't think I want you making decisions for me anymore, Willow. I'd rather be hurt and learn from the pain than to have the decision taken from me. Now, if you don't mind, I have a lot of work to do today and you're taking up my time."

Xander hoped she would leave. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold back the rage that was building inside of him. Willow looked at Xander strangely but turned and left. If she had stayed a few minutes longer she would have noticed how his eyes had turned black and his hair began to blow away from his face like a strong wind had suddenly swept into the trailer. She was back in the car and pulling away from the site when the explosion happened.

Xander hadn't realised how much power he had been drawing into himself as he tried to control his anger with his oldest friend. He was fast losing control over it and knew he had to channel it into something before it got away from him. He hoped to hell that no one was in the porta-potty, and let his power loose on it. He probably should have picked something less... messy.

Thankfully, being on the hellmouth, the crew had seen stranger things than an exploding toilet and were quick to come to the conclusion that it must have been the combination of the sun's heat and methane gas that caused the accident. Xander wasn't about to correct them. He was just glad that Rodney had exited the outdoor toilet before he blew it up. Although, he wished he had waited the thirty seconds it would have taken for the man to move out of range of the... spill. There was nothing sadder than seeing a grown man covered in shit and crying.

For the rest of the day, Xander fought with himself to remain at work. He was in utter agony; the loss of Spike was bad enough, but add to that the backlash from the power he had thrown around earlier and he was surprised he was still functioning. He thanked God that he was no longer on the crew and had a nice desk job now; he'd likely kill himself if he were expected to use tools today. He looked up as Jeremy rapped on the door and stepped inside.

"What's up?"

"Just wanted to let you know that Rodney's wife came and picked him up... in an open bed truck; said she was gonna hose him down in the yard before she let him inside."

Jeremy grinned. Xander couldn't help but smile back. The man was a sight, and you had to know Rodney's wife to fully appreciate the situation. She was proud of her home - very proud. He was surprised she let Rodney inside on good days. That house was a sterile environment if he'd ever seen one.

"With what? A power hose?"

"Yeah, probably that and a whole shitload of bleach. I'm bettin' Rodney is platinum blonde by the time we see him again."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, the temp guys got the mess cleaned up. We didn't lose much in the way of materials."

"Good. Thanks for the update, Jeremy. Might as well tell everyone to pack it in for the day, nothing?s gonna get done with that smell out there."

Jeremy nodded and left. Xander put his head down on the desk and tried to will away his pain. He was seriously thinking of biting his roommate if he didn't find a way to relieve the pain soon.

After the crew had left, Xander walked out of the trailer, taking time to lock it up, and then headed for his car. He wanted nothing more than to just go home and crawl into bed. Unfortunately, he had several errands to run that couldn't be put off. He had to go to the bank and deposit his paycheck, pick up some spell ingredients - he was going to try a healing spell on himself and see if it helped at all, and there was a book he had on order at the occult bookstore that had arrived this morning.

He was beginning to feel like Michael Douglas in the movie Falling Down. Traffic was never this bad in Sunnydale. He could picture himself just leaving his car in the street and going on a rampage. His day had started off bad and got steadily worse. By the time he got to the bank, it had just closed, leaving him no way to cash his paycheck other than the auto-deposit. He hated that option as it took at least two days before the money actually showed up in his account. Grinding his teeth in frustration, he pulled out of the bank parking lot and headed for the magic store on the other side of Sunnydale.

It wasn't as nice a place as the Magic Box and the stock wasn't always the best quality, but since he had no other options, he made do. The older man - though Xander suspected he wasn't a man so much as he was a demon - who ran the shop was always pleasant to him when he came in. After getting the requisite herbs and other ingredients, Xander headed for the bookstore; if he was lucky, it would still be open - he was later than he had hoped he'd be. The owner of the shop - a small Asian woman - was waiting for him when he pulled up.

"I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner. Traffic was unusually heavy today."

"That's alright. For this book, I stay open."

"What's so special about this book?"

"You will see, young one. So much to learn still."

Xander looked at the woman curiously. She was older, but not old enough to be calling him 'young one'. All the same, he wanted the book so he followed her inside. She led him to a small table and then offered him tea. As she poured, she looked intently at Xander - it made him feel as though he were naked, that she could see right through him, to his very soul.

"You are touched by darkness, but it hasn't consumed you. The book will wield its knowledge to you. But not until you are ready."

"What does that mean?"

"Open the book. Tell me what you see."

Xander opened the book and looked up the woman; confusion was clearly written on his face. He turned the page. Then another. Then another and another. He looked at her and she smiled.

"It's blank."

"I told you, not until you are ready."

"You sure this isn't some way of charging me a hell of a lot of money for a book full of blank pages?"

The woman laughed and smiled softly at him.

"I would not do that to someone of your power, young one. When you are ready, the book will reveal itself to you."

"Okay. I uh, I need to get home. My ah, roommate will worry."

"Yes, the vampire. He worries even now."

"How do you..."

"I, too, am more than I seem. Fear not, I wish no harm to you or your vampire; he is no longer one of the hunters."

"Uh, okay."

Xander paid for the book and went back to his car in a haze of confusion. He sometimes wondered if he should take the advice that alternate-Willow had given him and leave Sunnydale. His life just got stranger the longer he stayed here.

 ~PART 5~

Spike sat on Xander's bed and read the first entry in the journal in his hands; he had no doubt whatsoever that it had been written by an alternate version of himself. Not only was the penmanship identical, it smelled like him.

Love? Spike was shocked. He hadn't expected this. He read on.

Xander, I don?t know what possessed you to help me, but I am deeply grateful to you. You will never know how close to the end I was, how easily I could have given up hope on ever having a better life. You saved me. Poncy as it sounds, I owe you my unlife.

I can?t tell you all the things that I?ve been through; reliving them just isn?t in the cards for me right now. Might just send me right around the bend to think of some of it. The lesser extent of the damage, you already know. I was raped, beaten, tortured, mutilated. I?ve had things inside me that no vampire should ever have inside them, crosses, holy water, stakes, UV lights.

Spike growled as the words on the page played out in his mind. That kind of torture was unheard of; even demons wouldn't do that to one another. Who the hell had put his other self through that?

You?re probably wondering right now what?s going on between us, wish I could tell you. Truth is I don?t know. I know I want you, I need you - so bloody much I?m afraid of what will happen when you realise how pathetic I am and decide you?re better off without me. I know that I don?t deserve you, but I?ll do whatever it takes to keep you with me as long as I can.

Since this is my book, and I don?t have to let you read this unless I want to, I can admit to myself in here that I love you. Don?t know when it happened exactly, but I do. Won?t tell you though, too scared of running you off.

You?ve given me back my life, my freedom. You gave me safety, security, loyalty and friendship. You gave me the sun, Xander;

"What? How the hell?"

Spike knew that whoever had done these things to his double had caused him more than just physical damage. They hurt him emotionally; the big bad feared nothing. He'd survived Angelus, for Christ sake. Once again he wondered who had done this.

Meeting you as a vampire has been an enlightening experience - you make a bloody gorgeous demon, love. A part of me wants to turn you so badly it makes my teeth itch. My demon screams out for you. Not because I want to kill you, because I want to claim you, keep you forever. I don?t know what I?d do if I lost you now. I need you so bloody much it scares me. The rest of me though, well, the rest of me wants you forever as well, but as you are, warm and human and so bloody perfect. I love dipping into your body, feeling all that heat surrounding me, holding me tight. Bloody amazing. Don?t want to give that up any time soon, or at all.

Spike adjusted himself in his jeans and read on.

I know you?re eager to get home, to get back to your mates and all, but I hope we don?t get there too soon. I don?t want to share you just yet; I?m selfish that way. I like having you all to myself, holding you close, watching you sleep. I?m afraid I?ll lose you when we get to your world. To your friends, your life, your Spike. He must realise what a fine man you are, even if he doesn?t say anything. I?m jealous of myself, bloody ironic, innit?

Spike chuckled. Before the soul, that would have made him laugh out loud. Now though, the way Xander had been taking care of him, he could almost understand the sentiment.

You gave me so much, my life, my freedom, your trust, your? innocence. You give and give, Xander. And I take and take. What the hell do you get out of this? I?m no prize, pet. I know that. Wasn?t when I was human, nor after I was turned - Angelus wanted to stake me so many times it wasn?t funny, even worse now. I can?t even be a proper vampire, can?t protect you from other humans.

Worthless. That?s what I am. I won?t tell you that though, figure it out on your own sooner or later. Me, I?m hoping for later. I want to have as much time with you as I can before it all gets blown to shit. Don?t know what I?ll do then, just wait for the dawn I suppose; ring comes off, after all.

"Ring? What ring? Bloody hell! He had the gem of Amara?"

Spike turned the page and read on. He was partway through the next entry when he vamped out and began snarling at the things he was reading.

Riley Finn had done those things? It was almost unbelievable; the Finn he knew was no rapist, he was nothing more than a submissive little shit who got his jollies off having vampires feed from him. He had his head so far up Buffy's ass he could see what she'd eaten for breakfast.

"What the hell turned Farmboy into a psycho?"

Spike continued to read the journal. He was shocked at the way this Spike wrote about Xander, about the things he had done. It wasn't the boy he remembered; the Xander he knew would never torture a human being. But from what he was looking at, Xander had done just that.

God, my pet bloody amazes me! For a white hat, he has some wickedly cruel ideas in his head. Hells, even Angelus was impressed by him. And that?s saying quite a bit; my sire doesn?t impress easily.

Xander never even balked once throughout the whole thing. Not when Angelus poured acid on Finn or when he pulled off his fingernails, not even when he rammed the hot poker up his ass. Hells, even I was a bit nauseated by the smell of that; burnt flesh and excrement, not a nice aroma.

The boy seems to have a particular fondness for pulling Finn?s teeth. I think he?s got all of them now. Kept them too. Don?t know why, souvenirs I guess. Like that about him, sentimental fool.

Spike continued reading through the journal wondering if he shouldn't have started with the other book instead. Reading the thoughts of his other self was more than a little disturbing. Knowing that he had been in love with Xander, that Xander had been... intimate with him. He hadn't ! even known the boy was bent.

The second to last entry in the journal made Spike sit up in alarm on the bed. He desperately wished for a cigarette as he read.

"Soddin? hell. The boy mated to a vampire? An alternate-reality version of me? A non-souled version of me? What the hell was he thinking?"

Spike had heard of vampires taking humans for mates, but it didn't happen too often. Usually the vamp would just turn the human; being the sire gave them the right to claim them as a mate, as well. He never understood why a vampire would want to claim a human as mate, not until Buffy, anyway.

Xander's treatment of him was beginning to make more sense to him now. He only hoped that he wasn't looking to replace what he had lost. He wasn't that Spike, never could be. He had fought too hard, endured too much, to the point of getting his soul back to earn Buffy's love. He wouldn't give up on her loving him. He couldn't.

The last passage in the book was rather detailed and personal. It was enough to make the soul blush in response to the images the demon conjured up to go along with the words. As he read, he knew he'd never be able to look at Xander the same way again.

The rest of the book was empty and Spike felt like he had been left dangling over a cliff. He wanted to know how it ended, what had happened to his doppelganger, how he had been killed. It was obvious that whatever had happened, it had happened not long after this entry, likely the next day. He knew the only way he would get the answers he wanted was to read through Xander's journal. It just felt wrong. At least he had been able to tell himself that because this was Spike's jounal, and he was Spike, he had some right to read it.

It was a flimsy excuse and he knew it, but he had no excuse for reading Xander's. He decided to go and have that cigarette; maybe the nicotine would help him think up some validation for invading the man's privacy.

~PART 6~

Spike stood on the balcony and smoked. He'd gone through seven cigarettes already and still had no excuse for what he knew he was going to do. He looked around the shaded-off area of the balcony he was standing on and smiled. Xander had been adamant about him not smoking inside; but instead of simply expecting him to go without a smoke during the day, he had carefully screened off a section of the balcony for him to use. It was little things like this that had made him wonder what the man was up to in the first place.

The first morning he had awoken in Xander's bed he was disoriented. He had a nagging feeling that something major had happened and he didn't remember any of it. Slowly it came back to him; being in the basement, seeing Dru, Angelus, The Master, A.D.A.M., Glory, even Buffy. All of them taunting him with his failures. He began to lose himself, his grip on reality. Then Xander came.

He remembered being crazy, saying the most insane things about hall passes and disappearing doors. Xander had dismissed his worries and taken him out of there, going so far as to carry him when he collapsed in grief.

He remembered Xander sending him to shower, giving him clean, warm clothes and making him hot chocolate before sending him to bed - his bed. The fact that Xander had taken the couch for him said a lot. As he lay there that first morning, he wondered when it was that Xander had been replaced, and who this new Xander was. He wondered if the scoobies were aware of the change.

Things only got worse when Xander came home. He had not only brought Spike a mug of warm blood, but he'd given him clothes - new clothes - that he had paid for himself. Then he told him about the spare room. Spike had been stunned by the gesture, and wanted to know what he had done to the real Xander, and the boy laughed in his face and told him he was sorry.

That was the strangest thing ever. Xander had apologised to him, for things he had no reason to feel bad about. It wasn't as though he had been any better to the kid before or after the chip. Spike had accepted the apology, made a few of his own, and they seemed to move on from there. But he still had no idea why Xander had changed, or what it meant. It made him uncomfortable; if he had changed, he could change back. Spike didn't want to get comfortable only to be thrown out on his ass.

That was why he wanted to know what had happened to Xander. Finding out about the curse had answered some of his questions; he knew how situations like that could make you grow up fast. He had still had too many unanswered ones though, so he'd resorted to snooping. Now, knowing that Xander had been mated to his alternate - one of his alternates - he had to know the whole story.

Spike - the one who'd written the journal - had mentioned a couple of times that they had taken a third into their bed, or the hotel lobby, in Angel's case, and Spike had damn near choked reading that. The very idea that Xander would fuck Angel, of all people, made him doubt his sanity once again. The thing about him and two Spikes was much easier to understand. If he was attracted to one, why wouldn't he be attracted to another? Which brought up the question of 'what exactly did Xander want from him?'.

Spike ground out his cigarette and went back inside. He walked straight back to Xander's room and picked up his journal. He was damned already, so he might as well read it.

As the minutes passed, Spike read through Xander's words and felt like he was there with him. Xander babbled on paper the same way he spoke. He could tell the young man was frightened but trying to deal with this new situation the same way he always did; accept it and move on - with humour, if possible.

The way he wrote about his one double and the crazy slayer - Faith - made him chuckle; he just couldn't see the boy settled down as Joe Normal. He snorted at his opinion of Angelus after the demon reality; of course he had cursed after reading what the boy had been through there, and the nightmares that followed. He was kind of glad his other self had comforted the boy. He was still freaked out about the being-owned-by-Riley thing. He couldn't hold in the laughter at the image of Xander and Wesley Wyndham-Pryce together. Angel's watcher was a bigger prig than Rupert.

The time seemed to fly by as he lost himself in the story Xander had woven. He felt the highs and lows of the man's journey, blushed at the imagery some of the pages produced and cried along with him as he read about his pain after losing his mate. The tears of pain turned to those of amusement at the idea of a female Xander carrying his child. He bet the boy wasn't too happy about it, especially as it was Buffy that had cursed him.

He wondered how the boy had survived all that, no one to lean on, not knowing if he'd ever get home. It was no wonder he was being so kind to him. This man knew who he was - who he really was. There was a reason why he still acted so much the same even now that he had a soul; William had always been a part of him, and now Xander knew that.

He wasn't sure how to deal with this information. He was being given an opportunity here to let someone see the real him, the man he had always been underneath all the fronting and bravado. Someone who already knew who he was and accepted it. He could finally just be. All he had to do was let Xander in.

He read the entry about him and Buffy. How Xander had finally figured it out. He felt a mix of joy and pain. Joy that Xander would accept the fact that he loved her, and that if Buffy ever gave him another chance he would be supportive of them; but he felt pain for Xander, for having even a slight chance of being happy when Xander's mate was dust. He turned the next page and saw that it was the last entry of his journey. He sighed and debated on turning the page. He had his answers, and anything else in that book was about the here and now. He knew he had to put the book away but he watched as his traitorous hand turned the page. He read.

I do find him attractive; I mean he's Spike. Physically, he's identical to my mate. But he's not him. I can't pretend he is, either. I don't want to. I didn't bring him home for that. I took him in out of friendship, out of compassion. I only want my Spike, no others. There has to be a spell out there somewhere, and if there is, I'll find it.

Spike closed the book and put it away. He had some ideas of how he might be able to help Xander, but he didn't know how to go about it without telling him he had read his journal. If that other Spike's blood had helped with the pain, then he was more than willing to bleed for him. And of course, there was the little issue of Darla. If some hotshot law firm was able to bring her back, then there had to be a spell to raise the undead. He just needed to find a way to let Xander know without tipping his hand.

 ~PART 7~

Xander pulled into his parking spot and turned off the engine. He really liked his new car; it was such an improvement over his Uncle Rory's old wreck. He stepped out, retrieved the book and the bag of herbs and then locked the car. As he turned around, he let out a very unmanly shriek as Anya appeared right in front of him - demon face to the fore.

"Jesus Christ, An! What are you trying to do? Scare me to death?"

Anya laughed and reverted to her human guise. She shook her head fondly at the man she had almost married.

"No, if I were trying to do that, I would have succeeded by now. I just came to see how you are doing. So, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Really."

"No you're not. I know you, Xander; something is wrong. What is it?"

"I found out about you and Spike."

"Oh. Are you angry? Because you have no reason to be. You left me, and Spike was just as sad as I was. It was comfort. And really none of your business, as I already said."

"I'm not angry. Not at you, or Spike. I understand why, I just... well, I found out, and when I asked Willow if she had ever planned on telling me, she told me that they were keeping it from me on purpose. That they decided I was better off not knowing. I'm so tired of other people making my decisions, of not having control over my own life."

"How did you find out, anyway?"

"Spike told me."

"Xander, I think you should tell them what happened. If you want to keep your friends you have to be honest."

"The way Willow was honest?"

"No. What she did was wrong. But keeping the truth from people won't make your problems go away."

"I know. I'm just not ready yet."

"All right. But do it soon, okay? Maybe you could start with Spike. He'd be the easiest to talk to, and once that's out of the way, you could find out if he's interested in having orgasms with you. He's very good."

Anya nodded her head emphatically and Xander choked. Then he smiled at her.

"I don't want to have orgasms with Spike. I just want to be friends. And no, before you say it, I don't want to be orgasm-friends with him, either. He loves Buffy, and he's not my Spike."

"Well, okay. I'll see you later, Xander. We'll have lunch."

Anya disappeared and Xander headed for the front of the building. He honestly missed Anya's strange ways. For all her bluntness, she tried to be a good friend to him, even after he'd left her at the altar. Not many women would forgive a guy for that. Not many vengeance demons, either.

He made his way up to his apartment, still mulling over the strange conversation he had had with the woman at the bookstore and then the even stranger one with his ex. He wasn't sure if he should talk to Spike. He wasn't sure he could talk to him. Spike had enough problems right now; he didn't need Xander adding to them.

As he walked inside, he smelled a familiar scent that prickled at the back of his mind. He followed it and found the vampire in the kitchen, a bloody knife in his hand, a few chopped vegetables in a bowl and a puddle of blood on the counter. He frowned at the scene. Spike spun around, pushing the bleeding digit into his mouth and smiling sheepishly at Xander.

"Sorry. Was going to surprise you with dinner, but I made a right mess in here."

Xander smiled indulgently and went into the room. He pulled Spike's finger from his mouth with a wet slurping sound and examined the wound. He had to stop himself forcefully from licking the tip where blood began to well up once again.

"Maybe you should go clean that out. I'll tidy up in here."

"Ta. Sorry 'bout the mess, pet."

"Don't worry about it. I'll call for pizza, no biggie."

Spike headed for the bathroom and Xander grabbed a roll of paper towels and the spray bottle of all-purpose cleaner. He looked at the puddle of crimson liquid on the counter and then decided ?what the hell?. He was desperate, after all, and he ran his finger through the sticky mess and brought it to his lips.

He closed his eyes as the taste washed over him, taking him back in time to the first time he had drunk from his mate. His cock leapt to attention and his eyes snapped open. He quickly finished, swiped his fingers through the blood again and licked them clean before spraying down the counter and tossing out the vegetables. What the hell had Spike been thinking anyway? Who ate cucumbers and eggplant together?

Spike watched from his vantagepoint in the hallway. It had been a good plan on his part, clumsy kitchen accident. No fuss no muss. Xander got what he needed and Spike didn?t have to confess his crimes. He still felt bad about snooping, but knowing he could help Xander made it worth it. It gave his soul some peace. Unfortunately, the wall of pheromones that had hit him had left him rather in desperate need of a wank.

He waited until Xander had finished cleaning up the blood and throwing out his admittedly poor attempt at dinner - he could actually cook if he wanted to - before going back into the room. A quick glance down told him Xander was just as hard as he was. He smirked.

"So, pizza for dinner and then what?"

"Um, well, I suppose patrol and then home."

"Right. Uh, want company? Been a few days since I whaled on anything. Could use a spot of violence."

"Yeah, I'm sure Buffy won't mind."

Pizza was ordered and eaten, Spike dipping his crusts in his blood. They suited up and headed out into the night. The walk over was made in companionable silence, interrupted occasionally by easy banter. Xander thought that Spike might be starting to open up to him.

Buffy was surprised to see Spike at her door; since the night of the giant worm demon, he had kept a pretty low profile. She knew he was trying to give her time and space and she appreciated it. She knew that the Spike standing in front of her now was not the same man who had attacked her. He had changed - willingly, for her.

"Hey guys, come on in."

They followed Buffy into the house and looked around at the grim faces of the other scoobies. Tara and Willow were curled up together on the end of the sofa; Willow was stroking her hand through Tara's hair. Dawn was sitting in the chair by the far side of the room looking decidedly green.

"Hey, what's up?"

Xander hadn't seen the gang this down for some time. He wondered what in the hellmouth had happened this time.

"Dawn and Tara found a body."

Buffy was in full-on slayer mode. She hated it when her vocation affected her sister's life. It was just not fair as far as she was concerned; Dawn was just a kid, she shouldn't have to deal with all of this.

"It was... flayed."

Willow's contribution to the conversation. As soon as the words left her mouth, Tara shuddered in her arms and she resumed soothing her. Xander looked at Spike and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't look at me, pet. I'm strictly a fluids man, myself."

"Ewww, and gross, Spike. I was simply wondering if you had any clues on what kind of demon eats skin."

"Well, there's Clem... "

As the scoobies all stared in horror, Spike continued.

"...but he prefers the extra-crispy chicken variety. He wouldn't eat a human if you paid him."

Spike seemed to consider what he'd just said.

"Well, maybe if you paid him. But it'd have to be a bloody lot of money. You people aren't as clean as you look, you know?"

The collected group of 'eeww' faces made Spike wonder if he'd said too much. Then Xander laughed, followed by Tara's delicate giggle, finally followed by an unladylike snort from Dawn.

"What? S'bloody true! Humans are full of diseases, and you sweat, and your skin attracts dirt and..."

"Spike, I think they're laughing at the irony of a vampire - a creature who haunts cemeteries and claws its way out of the grave lecturing about cleanliness."

Buffy raised her eyebrow at him and then smiled as Spike realised she had a point. While he himself preferred to be clean, he had to admit that hygiene wasn't your average vamp?s first priority. Or their tenth priority, to be honest.

"True enough. So, what's the plan then? Books, or do we go hunt?"

"We hunt. They..."

Pointing at the girls.

"...do the book thing. Xander? You with us or staying to help with the research?"

It was a casual offer, but Xander could tell she wanted him to accompany her. He shrugged his shoulders and walked toward her and Spike.

"You know me, not so much with the book thing. Think I'll accompany you guys, maybe I'll get a chance to throw myself at something particularly nasty."

The trio headed out into the darkened streets of Sunnydale while the three who were left behind hit the books and checked out the demons on-line. It was Dawn who finally found something.

"Look! Right here it says the demon Gnarl is a parasitic demon who paralyses his victim with a poison secreted through his fingernails - more like claws actually, and then cuts strips from their skin. Oh, yuck. He does this while they're still alive."

"B-but there was no skin? I didn't see any skin."

"You wouldn't, he eats it. And furthermore, he drinks the blood, licks it up like a cat. There was no blood; this is our guy. Come on, we gotta find the others and tell them what we've found."

It was several hours later when they all stomped wearily into the Summers? house. They had found the demon; he had been hiding in a cave. Unfortunately, he was having dinner when they got there. It was too late to save the girl; she was already dead, but they killed the demon.

"I still don't think that was very funny!"

Dawn - hands on her hips and a scowl on her face - stared at Xander and Spike. They grinned and shrugged their shoulders.

"Oh come on, you would have laughed if it happened to someone else."
"But it didn't, Xander. It happened to me, and you guys... posed me! Like I was a life-sized Barbie doll or something!"

Xander grinned. He couldn't help it. Buffy was fighting the demon and he and Spike were guarding Dawn after she had gotten too close and the demon had scratched her. It was purely an accident that he realised she was moveable. It had been Spike's idea to pose her like Buffy. Putting a stake in one of her hands, placing the other one on her hip and then moving her mouth into a scowl. It was funny. He had to play too.

"Well yeah, but at least I didn't make you stick your tongue out and go cross-eyed."

"Oi! You were the one who tried to make her look like some soddin' B-movie vampire. Honestly, Xander, claw hands and a big show of teeth? I thought you were more familiar with us vamps than that."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Come on, blondie, let's go home."

"Right. Night all."

Dawn watched as the two men left the house together, talking and laughing as they went.

"Is it just me, or does anyone else think Xander has a thing for Spike now?"

Dawn smirked as three women stood gaping at her. Oh yeah, she still had it. She smiled and headed up to bed.

 ~PART 8~

The next week was crazy. Xander had felt more like himself since Spike's accident in the kitchen, but the vampire was acting more than a little bit weird. Xander would catch him smelling him sometimes, and he stared at him a lot. Especially at his neck. It was giving him a wiggins. Not that he thought Spike would bite him; it was just that soul or no, he was a vampire, and Xander understood that a whole lot better than he used to. The worst part was, Xander remembered how a bite felt when it was done right, how it made him hard and left him wanting; he wasn't sure if he'd even defend himself if Spike attacked. Again, not that he thought he would.

After the incident at the site, Xander had tried to keep a tight rein on his anger. He certainly didn't want to end up losing control or doing anything like that again. So, he put aside his anger and mistrust of Willow and tried to fit back into the goofy-Xander place he had vacated when the curse came into effect. It seemed to be working; no one noticed that his efforts were half-hearted at best. No one, that is, except Spike.

They had spent the evening tracking down some high school punk who was using a magic-ed jacket to get all the girls to fall for him. It worked well, as not only was Dawn swooning over the creep, but Xander had walked into a Mary Kay Letourneau situation with him and the Buffster in one of the empty classrooms.

He had taken Spike with him to get the coat, seeing as how RJ had shown up at the Summers? house and mojo-ed both Willow and Anya as well. Good thing they had stopped by; Willow was all set to turn him into a girl. God only knows what An had been up to. Something involving grand larceny, he was sure.

So with the coat in his hands, Xander led Spike back to Buffy's place where they burned it. Just your average evening's entertainment here on the hellmouth. He wondered why it was they didn't have more tourism. "Come for the sun. Stay for the possession!" They could make a fortune selling novelty shirts that read "My parents vacationed on the Hellmouth and all I got was this stupid t-shirt, an extra eye in the back of my head, and the memories of an ex-Green Beret." It was catchy if not original.

Now they were home, two men vegging in front of the TV, drinking beer and watching soccer - Xander refused to call it football no matter how many times Spike corrected him. It was... comfortable, easy, relaxing, and God he just wanted to scream with the frustration of it all.

Spike was miserable. Buffy had been making eyes at her boss, not to mention riding one of the students. Xander was miserable, as well. He felt uncomfortable around his friends because they all wanted to know what had happened and he wouldn't tell them. He was trying to learn how to control his magical powers but he wasn't having a lot of success - blowing up the john had been the only thing that had gone right, and he was horny as hell. He had gotten used to keeping up with his mate?s sexual appetites and he felt the absence of sex very acutely.

Spike was sniffing him again. It was very discreet, and if Xander hadn't been waiting for it, he wouldn't have noticed. As it was, he was highly irritable so he snapped at the vampire.

"What? What is it about me that you keep sniffing me?"

"I wasn't!"

"You were! You were so sniffing me, pal."

"Like I'd sniff you."

"Oh you would! You... Hey! No fair cheating. We were having an argument, buddy. You can't blindside me with humour."

"Alright, you smell nummy. Happy?"

"You. Are a funny vampire. Funny, funny vampire. Maybe we should put you on stage; you could be the undead Jerry Seinfeld."

Spike snorted and rolled his eyes. Xander squinted his in suspicion.

"Hey! You were doing it again!"

"Doing what?"

"Distracting me. Now out with it. Do I smell bad or something?"

"No. You smell... actually you smell fuckin? amazing. For some reason, you've always smelled good, like fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. But lately? It's... overwhelming. I'm surprised every demon on the hellmouth hasn't been gunning for you. You are the demon equivalent of prime rib, Xander - with all the trimmings."

"Oh. So when you said I smelled nummy, you were telling the truth?"

"Yeah. Now shut up and watch the match."

An hour later and the game was finished. Xander didn't remember much about it after talking to Spike. He spent the rest of the time trying to figure out how to mask his scent to the demon population of Sunnydale. The last thing he wanted was to go around smelling like a steakhouse while out on patrol. He switched off the television absently and closed his eyes. He was getting a hell of a headache. He tried a few of the meditative breathing techniques he had read about while trying to learn how to focus his control, hoping they would ease the pain a bit.

He was in a light doze when he felt cool finger at his temples, gently circling, applying just the slightest bit of pressure. Spike had amazing hands, Xander had almost enjoyed having headaches in the past because Spike would always scoot in behind him - just like he was now and ease the tension for him.

"Yeah, just like that. Fuck, you have the best hands."

Spike shook his head fondly; he could feel the tension radiating out of the man and knew this would help. He had waited until Xander was in a light doze before moving into position behind him. He admitted he had an ulterior motive; he was trying to see if Xander had a scar, since he couldn't smell a claim on him. He smelled like magic though, so there was a good chance he was masking it.

"Hmmm, love your hands. Don't stop, feels good."

Xander was in his happy place. Reclined against Spike's cool chest, gentle fingers rubbing small circles on his temples, he only wished for the purr; that would make everything perfect. He would fall asleep if only Spike would purr for him.

Spike gently moved Xander's head to the side and gazed into the open collar of his shirt. There it was, plain as day if you knew what you were looking for. A scar; a claim. His claim. It was identical to his mark - every vampire worth his salt knew the look of his own bite, as well as the bite of his family, and their enemies, for that matter. It kept you from mistaking another master's pet for a random meal. The demon within him reacted at once to the visual stimulation. Having felt alone and unwanted for so long, it grabbed onto this lifeline and held it tight. Spike felt the demon's satisfaction as it rumbled happily. It wasn't alone; it had a companion - a mate - even if it wasn't technically his. He was the only "Spike" in this reality.

"Mmm, purry. Nice vampire. Pretty vampire."

Xander mumbled happily and then fell asleep to the feel and sound of Spike purring - content for the first time since getting his soul - behind him. Eventually, all good things had to come to an end and Spike lifted Xander into his arms and carried him to his bed. He deftly stripped him out of his shirt and jeans and with a soft kiss to his forehead tucked him in and whispered goodnight. Xander smiled in his sleep and whispered back.

"Night, Spike. Love you."

Spike smiled sadly and left the room. He wanted to believe that the words were meant for him, even though he knew better. It wasn't as though he was in love with Xander; his heart still belonged to Buffy. But he was lonely, and having someone who loved him, even in friendship, would be nice right about now.

 ~PART 9~

Xander had woken early in the morning feeling refreshed and happy. He had had the best dreams; Spike had been here, talking to him, holding him and kissing him. They had made love over and over. He felt... sated. He rolled onto his back and stretched.

"Morning love, did you sleep well?"

Xander squeaked and sat up. He hadn't expected anyone to be in his room. He panicked, thinking that somehow he had taken advantage of his roommate in his sleep. But that wasn't Spike-with-a-soul in his bed. It was Spike - his Spike. Dark hair, twinkling blue eyes; he was beautiful.

"Spike?"

"Here, love."

"Oh, God! Oh God!"

Xander scrambled out of bed and stood trembling by his bedroom door. He wanted so badly to just throw himself into Spike's arms and cry in relief. But he couldn't trust what he was seeing. Spike was gone; he knew this.

"What's wrong, love? Not happy to see me?"

"No... yes, I mean, of course I am! But, you're dead. Dust, I mean."

Spike climbed out of bed and walked toward Xander. He was naked and hard and Xander looked at him and he wanted him. He stepped toward him holding out his hand. Spike stopped just out of reach and shook his head sadly.

"Can't, love. No touching; that's the rule."

"Why? Why can't I touch you?"

"Not corporeal, am I? Nothing but dust in the wind - or a pot as the case may be. Besides, you don't need me. Got a perfect replica across the hall. He's got a soul and everything; no reason for your mates to get testy or anything."

"Wha... Spike? No. He's not; he's not you. I love you."

"Really? Then why'd you tell him you loved him last night? Wasn't me that carried you to bed; wasn't me that undressed you, that kissed you goodnight. It was him. It was him that you smiled at, that you spoke words of love to."

As Xander tried desperately to remember the events of the night before, the image of Spike in front of him began to change. His hair lightened, his body thinned out and his eyes lost the spark of life within them. He looked like he had when they had first met. When he had been with Riley.

"No. Don't do this."

"Why? This is what I am, just a used-up replica of the demon you really want."

Spike's skin became mottled with bruises; scars appeared on his chest and abs, his skin began to peel away in strips. Xander shook his head in denial. He didn't want to see this.

"Why? Why are you doing this to me? I thought you loved me?"

"But I do love you, Xander. I died for you, didn't I?"

Spike's image changed again, this time to what he looked like just after his hand had been severed. Xander sobbed and stepped toward him again.

"I'm sorry, oh God I'm so sorry. I never meant... It was an accident."

"Hmm, doesn't help though, does it? I'm still gone, and you're all alone. Doesn't have to be that way, love."

Xander shook his head.

"I don't want him. Only you, Spike. Only you."

Spike smiled softly at him.

"Come with me then, Xan. We can be together again, just you and me. Forever."

"I... Wait. How?"

"Death isn't the end, love, it's just the beginning."

Xander didn't understand what Spike was talking about at first but when the realisation hit him, he backed away from Spike instantly. He looked again at the image in front of him.

"No. You're not Spike. He would never ask me to die. I don't know what you are but it won't work. Whatever it is you're up to, you will fail."

"Suicide thing was too far, huh? Hmm. You seemed so ripe."

"Who are you?"

The Spike-thing sneered at Xander and then affected a sad, pouty face.

"But I love you. I don't want him, only you. Please. I know what's really in your heart; you'd take him in an instant if he offered. Use him up; pretend he was the real thing. You're not the pure soul you pretend to be, Xander; I know what you're capable of - all that darkness inside you. You've got a taste for it now, don't you? It's the end of the world, lover. Whose side are you going to be on? From beneath you it devours."

Xander watched - shocked - as Spike's face distorted, his grin growing wider and wider until he turned inside out and disappeared. Xander dropped to his knees and wept. He was still crying minutes later when Spike knocked softly on his door. He didn't even register the door opening or the vampire crouching down in front of him.

"Xan? You alright?"

Xander's hand shot out and grabbed the startled vampire. He raised his eyes to look at him and sagged in relief.

"You're real."

"Er, yeah."

"You're real, you're real, you're real."

Xander chanted, as the tears flowed freely. Spike was starting to become increasingly worried about the man and pulled him up off the floor. He led him out to the kitchen and propped him on one of the kitchen stools before setting about to make coffee. When it was finished, he slid a heavily sweetened mug of it in front of Xander and waited for him to drink before asking what had happened.

"I can't... I just, I can't talk about it."

"Yeah, been hearing that a lot lately, Xander. You don't talk to your friends, you don't talk to me; you need to talk to someone, luv. You're fallin' to pieces here, Xan and it's worrying me."

Spike snorted in disgust.

"You hear that? You got me, the Big Bad, worrying about your sorry arse. Come on, Xander, out with it. What the hell's going on with you?"

Xander drank some more of his coffee and then looked at the vampire who was leaning casually against the counter. He looked the very picture of disinterest, unless you knew him, and Xander did know him - intimately.

"I, it's a long story, Spike."

"That's the beauty of immortality, pet. I have the time."

"It started with the curse and what happened to me during that time."

Xander began his tale starting with the morning he woke up in an empty apartment. Spike knew the basics, having read the boy's journal, but wanted to hear Xander tell it. It took awhile to tell, and Xander had stopped a few times in the telling, once to call off work for the day, and a couple other times just to gather strength before telling about a particularly horrid event. By the end of it, Xander was shaking and crying and being held by a very confused vampire.

 ~PART 10~

Spike sat at the bar and drank his beer in silence. He was trying to figure out what to do about his conflicting emotions. After hearing what had happened to Xander, all of it, including his visit that morning by something pretending to be his mate, he had held the man in his arms as he wept.

His demon felt the need to soothe him, and the man in him agreed wholeheartedly. Xander had been more than kind to him since his return and he wanted to repay him. But he was beginning to feel things for him that he had no business feeling. He loved Buffy. He had gotten his soul for Buffy. Of course he knew that Xander didn't want him; well okay, maybe he wanted him but he didn't love him. He was grieving for his lover - his mate - and was trying to find a way to bring him back. At least that had given him the chance to tell him about Darla. He expected Angel would be getting a phone call sometime soon.

A pretty blonde girl slid onto the stool next to him and set a package of cigarettes on the bar in front of him. He nodded to her and she smiled. They started talking, small talk - decent band tonight, that sort of thing. All the while Spike was wondering if Xander was all right. He had convinced him to take a sleeping pill and make an early night of it before leaving the apartment. He needed time and space to put his head on right.

Buffy would be out there right now somewhere in one of the many cemeteries this quaint little town had. She'd be patrolling, fighting for her life possibly, and he should be there with her, protecting her. He stood to go; the girl stood as well. He offered to walk her home and she accepted.

He didn't remember much after that. He had woken up at home in his bed. He felt unusually well. Full, and his demon was sated. He got up and wandered across the hall to check on Xander. He quietly pushed the door open and peered inside.

Xander was sleeping peacefully. He was glad for that; after hearing what he had been through and about the visit from the evil that had pretended to his lover, he wondered if the man would sleep at all. That was the reasoning behind the sedative.

Spike closed the door and went out to the living room. It was just a few hours before dawn and he knew from experience that there would be nothing but infomercials and repeats of Gilligan's Island on the television. So, he dug a book out of the couch cushions where he had stashed it a few nights ago and sat down to read.

Xander was dreaming

Xander reached out and slapped ineffectually at his alarm clock. He could still feel the effects of his dream. The sound of Spike's voice, the taste of his lips. He sighed and rolled over, grabbed his clock and turned off the alarm. He didn't want to go to work today; he wanted to go back to sleep and dream of his mate. But he had taken yesterday off and if he wanted to keep his job, he had to go in today. Besides, he had to see Buffy as well. He would drop in on her at lunchtime and tell her about his visit yesterday.

The morning had crawled by. Every time Xander looked at the clock, he sighed. He didn't want to talk to Buffy, but he knew he had to. He just didn't know what to tell her. That he had been visited by something that looked like his dead lover? Not gonna happen, ?cause hello? No one knew about his Spike, or anything else that had happened while he'd been gone. So what then? Tell her he had been visited by a dead person who said the end of the world was coming? Yeah, that'd go over well.

"Fuck it. I'll think of something when I get there."

Xander picked up the phone and dialled Sunnydale High. He waited to be connected with "Miss Summers?" office and smiled. Whoever thought Buffy would end up a guidance councillor? Not him, that was for sure. It made sense though, that the slayer's day job would be directly over the hellmouth. Actually, it was a bit too much of a coincidence for his liking. Maybe he'd do a little poking around into the new Principal's history. Make sure he wasn?t evil or anything.

"Hey, Buff. You doing anything for lunch? .... Great. You want me to pick you up or meet there? .... Okay, I'll see you shortly."

Xander grabbed his jacket and left the trailer, locking it behind him. He nodded and waved to various guys on the crew on his way to his car. He couldn't help but chuckle at poor Rodney. Whatever he had used to wash with had dried his skin so badly it was red and blistered. He wondered if Jeremy hadn't been right after all - he could see Rodney's wife dousing him with bleach.

As Xander drove, his mind drifted back to earlier that morning. He had staggered out to the kitchen to set the coffeemaker before getting in the shower. On his way past the living room back to the bathroom he had noticed Spike asleep on the couch. He had a book resting open and face down on his chest, one arm over his eyes, the other dangling off the couch and resting on the floor. His legs were straight, feet crossed at the ankles and he was barefoot. Actually he was bare-chested as well, just wearing the light blue denims that Xander had bought him.

With the feelings the dream had brought on so close to the surface, he found himself subconsciously moving toward the sleeping vampire. Then his mind threw up the image of that thing that had impersonated his mate - telling him that he was dark, that he would use this beautiful creature in front of him to satisfy his own needs. That was just the bucket of cold water he needed. He had left the room rather quickly and jumped into the shower. Turning the water on cold. By the time he'd come out, Spike had gone to bed. Xander poured coffee into a travel mug, grabbed a couple of packages of blueberry muffins and left.

As he entered the parking lot for the high school, he took a couple of deep, fortifying breaths and tried to be calm. Buffy waved to him from across the lot and he slowed the car as she came toward him. He pulled to a stop and she opened the car door and climbed in.

"Wow. You look like I feel"

Xander looked at her and grinned.

"Well if you feel like shit run over twice, I'd have to say you were dead on."

Xander knew he looked washed out. The bags under his eyes had luggage of their own; he hadn't bothered to shave, and he barely bothered to finger comb his hair after his shower.

"Xander. I need to ask you something. It's about Spike."

"Okay. What is it?"

"I talked to this vampire last night on patrol, he went to school with us - Holden Webster; ring any bells? Anyway, we fought for a while, then we talked - it was way weird - he was a psychology student or something before he died."

"Wait. You were being head-shrunk by the evil undead?"

Xander shook his head and chuckled. Buffy laughed softly, as well.

"Only you, Buff."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. Anyway, he helped me to realise a few things about myself, but that has nothing to do with what I need to ask you. Xander, he told me he was sired by Spike."

There was a deathly quiet in the car while Xander absorbed that bit of information. Then Buffy dropped another bomb in his lap.

"That's not all. You remember Cassie, that girl I was trying to help, the one who died? Well Willow had a close encounter of the scary kind with her last night. She tried to trick her into killing herself, telling her that Tara had sent her, and that she wanted her to join her in the afterlife."

"Wow, um..."

"There's more. Dawn saw mom. At least she said it was mom, but it might have been whatever it was that Willow saw."

"I saw someone, too. He told me it was the end of the world."

Buffy looked at Xander long and hard.

"What else? I know there's more to it than this Xander. I can see it on your face. You have something-face."

"He tried to convince me to die, as well. He was very convincing; up until that point, I believed he was really..."

"Who was it, Xander, who did you see?"

When Xander didn't answer, Buffy got impatient.

"Xander! We don't have time for this; what you saw - who you saw might be very important to figuring out what's going on. The Cassie-thing said something about "from beneath you it devours". I've been hearing that in my dreams lately; that and seeing girls die. We don't have the luxury of secrets anymore. You are going to have to tell me."

Xander pulled off to the side of the road and thumped his head on the steering wheel. Buffy was right, he had to tell her the truth, but he so didn't want to. This was going to be bad. Very, very bad.

"It was Spike."

 ~PART 11~

Instead of lunch, Xander and Buffy ended up sitting in his car while he told her everything. He told her about the curse, about the spell Willow had put on him in high school, the alternate version of Riley and what had happened to Spike. He told her about Spike, how they had fallen in love, how he had died. Buffy was shocked and saddened for her friend. She couldn't imagine having to go through what Xander had been through. She also found herself a bit worried.

"Are you and Spike - this Spike - together?"

"No. It's not like that. He loves you, Buffy. And even if he didn't, he's not the vampire I fell in love with. I do care about him, though; if he's siring people, he isn't aware of it. There's no way he could hide something like that from me."

"I believe you. But we can't ignore this, Xander. We need to talk to him about this. Soon."

"You're right. I'll pick you up after work and we'll sit down with him, try to figure this out. Ah, Buff? About what I told you? that stays between us, okay? I'm not ready to deal with Willow yet; it's too painful and I don't want to end up doing something I'd regret later."

"Okay. It stays between us, for now."

"Oh, and Spike. He knows the whole thing."

Xander was intrigued by the momentary flash of jealousy he saw in Buffy?s eyes. He wasn't sure if it was because he had shared his story with Spike before her, or because it was obvious he and the vampire were close now.

Xander dropped Buffy back at the school and went back to work. He wasn't looking forward to their talk with Spike tonight. As he unlocked his trailer and stepped inside, he was startled to see Anya sitting behind his desk.

"Anya? What are you doing here?"

"Lunch. I told you we'd have lunch when we talked a few days ago. Where were you?"

"Buffy. I was with Buffy, we were going to have lunch but something came up."

"Good!"

Anya smiled and Xander watched curiously as she pulled a large picnic basket out from under the desk.

"If you didn't have lunch with Buffy, then you're hungry, right?"

"Starved. What did you bring?"

"Roast beef sandwiches, potato salad, lemonade and fudge brownies for dessert."

Anya pulled out plates and began unwrapping sandwiches. Xander sat in the chair on the other side of the desk and watched her. He really was glad they were friends; he couldn't imagine his life without Anya in it - even though she was a demon again.

"So, what was so important that you spent your lunch hour talking to Buffy and not eating?"

"There's a possibility that Spike is siring vampires again. Buffy was talking to a vamp last night..."

"New boyfriend?"

"No. And can we not start on the Buffy-dating-the-dead issue right now? As I was saying, she talked to this vamp and he told her that Spike had sired him."

"So he's killing again? Didn't see that one coming. And at some point, someone does need to address Buffy's infatuation with dead guys."

"Anya."

"Alright, alright, I'm just saying, I know all about her and zombie-Xander."

At Xander's pointed look she changed the subject.

"Well, maybe you should search his room for clues."

"Like what? Blood stains on his clothes? He's a vampire; he drinks blood and he spills it all the time."

"Well, trophies then. Killers like to keep trophies of their victims. Like teeth; maybe he has a necklace of his victims? teeth."

Xander swallowed as he remembered presenting his mate with a fine silver chain strung with Riley Finn's teeth. He shuddered at the implications of his actions. Touched by darkness - yeah he could see that.

"Oh - sorry, Xander. I forgot."

"That's okay; I'm sure a tooth necklace rates pretty low on the things you've seen - or done for that matter."

"Well, yeah. But for you, that's a big thing. It was a good present though. If I were Spike, I would have appreciated it."

"Thanks An, you always know just what to say to make me cringe."

The smile he gave her softened the criticism, and she shrugged her shoulders and passed him a plate of food. They ate quietly for a few minutes and then Xander sighed.

"Anya? Have you heard anything about a new big bad coming this way? Something from beneath?"

"No. But my contacts in the demon community aren't what they used to be. Being human has ruined my reputation. Nobody takes me seriously anymore; they all think I've gone soft. Not to mention that I helped you all with the killing and the world save-age. I have a faryl demon stalking me ?cause he thinks I killed its cousin. I mean, really, do I look like someone who would get anywhere near a faryl demon?"

"Nope. You look too smart for that."

"Exactly."

After lunch, Anya disappeared - literally - and Xander got back to work. His mind wasn't on his job though, and it showed. He had messed up the weekend reports as well as the work detail. He knew he would end up taking it home and working on it there, after the confrontation with Spike, that is. He really wasn't looking forward to it.

By the time his day was finished, he was beyond tired. The last two days were beyond stressful and he seriously just wanted to go home, have a hot shower, a cold beer, and fall into bed and stay there all weekend. Thank God it was Friday.

Buffy didn't look any happier about their task than Xander did; they barely talked on the way to his place, both of them pondering the outcome of the talk they were going to have to have with the vampire. There was one thing Xander had to make perfectly clear to Buffy though, before he let her in his apartment.

"Buffy? Before we go in I have to warn you; no matter what, I won't let you dust him."

Buffy turned and looked at Xander appraisingly. She now knew he was practising magic and had power - although he had admitted he wasn't very good at controlling it yet - but she also knew he wouldn't use it on her. She hoped it wouldn't even be an issue. She didn't want to dust Spike either, not unless she absolutely had to. She owed him too much.

"Xander, I don't think it'll come to that."

"I hope not, ?cause I really don't want to blow my apartment up."

Xander shook his head and then they both got out of the car. They walked in silence into the building and waited for the elevator. They rode up to Xander's floor without even looking at each other. By the time they reached Xander's door, Buffy was chewing on her fingernail in a nervous gesture. It reminded Xander of the girl she had been when they first met. He smiled at her and pulled her into his arms.

"Hey, it'll be okay. We'll figure this out."

"I know. It's just..."

"I know. You don't have to explain to me, Buffy."

Xander chuckled as an insane thought popped into his head. Buffy tilted her head and looked at him like he was crazy.

"Sorry. Funny thoughts."

"Well, I could use some funny. Share?"

"You probably won't see the funny."

"Xander."

"Alright. I was just thinking that we now have something to bond over. We've both slept with the male half of the Scourge of Europe. How many people can claim that and live to tell the tale?"

"Oh God. That's right! You... you and Angel, I forgot. Oh, you have to let me be there if you ever tell him. Promise me that and I'll give you anything! Even Mr. Gordo!"

"Deal. But you can keep the pig."

The pair stood for a few minutes longer just holding onto one another in the hallway outside Xander's door. Xander smiled and kissed Buffy's head. This was what he had wanted to come home for, this closeness. He was glad he had opened up to Buffy and told her everything. He had missed her.

The door opened and Spike looked at the two humans with their arms wrapped around each other. He was instantly insanely jealous. Only problem was, he wasn't sure of which one. He looked at Buffy and his inner voice cried out 'love her' then he looked at Xander and the demon raged. One word coming to mind, 'MINE'. He was torn. The demon loved Buffy, but Xander was his . He wore his mark, his claim. He had no right touching another, especially someone that Spike was in love with.

"Well, well. Isn't this cozy."

Xander and Buffy both jumped and turned to look at the glowering vampire in the doorway. They hadn't been doing anything wrong; they were friends, and friends hugged.

Xander realised he was feeling guilty and rolled his eyes. He had no reason to; he could hug Buffy if he wanted to, and he didn't have to answer to Spike, anyway. He wasn't his Spike. If anything, the vamp was Buffy's - if she'd just make up her mind one way or the other.

"Hey, Spike. We should go inside. We need to talk."

~PART 12~

Xander closed the door behind him and took a good look at the vampire in front of him. Spike was rigid; jaw clenched and muscles coiled in readiness for a fight. He wondered what had upset him so much, and then he realised that he was probably jealous about him hugging Buffy. He shook his head sadly. If those two would just open their eyes and see what was right in front of them... well he would be a little hurt by it but it would be okay.

"Spike, we need to talk to you."

Xander tried to keep the nervousness out of his voice when he spoke.

"There was this vamp that Buffy was fighting last night..."

"He said you sired him."

Xander rolled his eyes at Buffy in exasperation.

"Way to soften the blow there, Buff."

"We don't have time for soft, Xan. If he's siring vamps, I need to know."

Spike looked at her with curiosity.

"Siring? Er, you do realise I have a chip in my bleedin? skull, don't you?"

Spike turned and walked a few steps before turning back and addressing her again.

"And besides that, even if I didn't, I have a soul now. Or did you forget that? 'Cause I sure as hell haven't. Why would I want to make more vampires? This town is already chock full of 'em. If I had any use for minions, I could just round a few up and beat them into subservience. Your informant was barmy."

Buffy looked like she wanted to believe him; Xander did too. But there had been no real reason for Holden to lie to her. Other than the fact that he was an evil vampire now. But he didn't even know that she knew Spike, so she had to assume he was telling the truth. Which meant that Spike was either a very good actor - which she doubted - or he wasn't aware of doing it.

"Have you been dreaming about killing?"

Spike raised en eyebrow at her sardonically.

"Well, duh. As you lot would say. I have nightmares, yeah. Reliving past sins and that rot, all part of the soul-having experience, innit?"

"No..."

Buffy shook her head.

"...not reliving past kills, but new ones, current ones."

Xander watched with rising dread as Spike's brow wrinkled with tension. His shoulders slumped in defeat and he walked away from them. He stepped onto the balcony and lit a cigarette. Buffy and Xander stepped outside with him and waited for him to talk. After a few drags, Spike looked up and locked eyes with Xander.

"I've been blacking out. Losing track of time every now and again. I went out the other night, was talking to this bird at The Bronze, cute little blonde thing. I walked her home, think I did anyway - don't really remember much. I woke up here though, in my bed. I think... I think I dreamed about a house. A basement. There were... Oh God. Oh Xander, tell me I didn't!"

Xander stepped toward Spike and laid his hand gently on the man's shoulder. He gave it a reassuring squeeze and Spike lowered his eyes in defeat.

"What is it, Spike? What do you remember?"

"I killed her, turned her. My God, how could I forget something like that? How could I do something like that?"

Buffy felt like a voyeur. She was witnessing an obviously private moment as Xander wrapped his arms around Spike and tried to comfort him. She wondered if there was more between them then simple friendship. She had never seen Spike so open with anyone - not even her, though she supposed she hadn't exactly given him a reason to be.

"It'll be okay, Spike. We'll figure this out. I promise. Do you remember where this house is?"

"Yeah. We gotta go, Xan. They'll be rising soon."

"They? There's more than one?"

"Yes, I don't know how I could have... the chip, my soul. Xander, how'd this happen?"

Buffy cleared her throat and when the two men remembered she was there they broke apart and turned toward her. Spike couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes; he was ashamed by his behaviour. How could she ever love him when he was still just an animal? Even with a soul and a chip he was killing.

"We can figure the how of it later; right now we need to clean up the mess."

The three armed themselves with stakes and Buffy and Xander followed Spike as he led them to the house and down into the basement. Things were okay at first; as the vampires rose, Buffy began to slay. It was fine until all of a sudden Spike snarled and flew into a rage at Xander.

For one brief minute, Xander thought he was going to die. Spike had him in his grip, his head tilted to the side and his teeth on his throat. Then he just... stopped. He snarled and held Xander in a bruising grip but he didn't bite. Xander was glad he had told Spike about his mate, about the claim. It meant he no longer needed to use the masking spell. Right about now he had no doubt that it had just saved his life.

Buffy was surrounded by vampires. They were strong; being sired by a master gave them an edge over the average fledgling she was used to facing. She saw Spike attack Xander but was helpless to prevent it. She continued to fight her attackers and hoped that Xander could hold Spike off until she could get to him.

Xander felt Spike stiffen as he began snuffling into his exposed neck. He gently petted the back of the vampire?s head as his cold tongue snaked out and laved over the tiny claim scar.

"Spike. Spike, it's me, Xander. You don't want to hurt me, remember?"

The vampire trembled and loosened his tight grip. Xander relaxed a bit and put his arms around Spike. He felt the vampire sag into his embrace as he continued to lick the mark. Xander had to fight with himself very hard not to allow this to arouse him. He saw that Buffy had dusted the last vampire and was watching them curiously.

"Xander?"

"Yeah, Spike. It's me."

Spike jumped back, a look of horror on his face.

"I almost killed you!"

"But you didn't."

"Only ?cause I sensed my claim. His claim."

Spike scrambled away from Xander and sank to his knees. Buffy stepped toward Xander but then stopped and went to Spike instead. She crouched down in front of him, and when he looked up at her she gasped at the tears that were running freely down his face.

"Make it quick, eh, love? No pain?"

"What are you talking about?"

"He said you'd do it; have to now - I'm a killer, aren't I?"

Buffy looked back at Xander in confusion and then turned to Spike again.

"Who, Spike? Who said I'd do it?"

"Me. He was here; he said I failed, that you'd kill me now. He was talking... singing. There was a song."

"What song? Spike, what are you talking about?"

Buffy touched his shoulder and he wrenched away from her. He turned and looked at the far corner, at something the others couldn't see.

"Make it stop! I did what you wanted; make it stop! I don't want this, don't want to remember. Make me forget."

Spike hung his head and cried in shame and defeat. Buffy looked at Xander, determination clearly visible on her face.

"There's something here. Something is playing with us, all of us."

"What is it, Buffy? And why is it doing this to Spike?"

"I don't know, Xander, but we have to help him."

Spike turned his tear-streaked face to look at the two of them.

"Will you? Will you help me?"

Buffy stepped closer to him and reached out her hand. Spike grasped it and she helped him to his feet.

"I will. We both will."

She looked at Xander who nodded his assent. The three of them turned to leave when Xander noticed a hand sticking up from the dirt floor of the basement.

"Uh, Buff?"

He pointed out the struggling vamp who couldn?t seem to dig its way out of the shallow grave. Buffy walked over, pulled the elderly-lady vampire from the dirt and shrugged her shoulders.

"Sorry ma'am, it's my job."

Then she staked her and walked back to Xander who had wrapped an around Spike and was leading him up the stairs.

~PART 13~

Xander walked into his apartment and sighed. It had been one hell of a night. After they had left the basement of that house, they had gone back to Buffy's place. She explained what had happened to Willow and Dawn and then announced that she thought it would be best if Spike stayed there - chained to a wall in the basement.

Xander had freaked. Told her that it was out of the question, that Spike wasn't some fucking animal to be put on a leash. She pointed out that Spike had attacked him, that he could have killed him. Xander argued that he hadn't, that he had stopped himself, but Buffy had only shook her head sadly and asked if he would be able to do that with any one else. Xander didn't have an answer for that. He knew it was the claim that had stopped Spike from hurting him, and that none of the others had that protection. Then Spike himself had sided with Buffy and told him that he was better off restrained where he couldn't hurt anyone.

Xander had to admit defeat. He set up the cot and drilled the holes to attach the metal rings into the wall. Then he carefully chained Spike's wrists and ankles before asking if he wanted anything from home. Spike declined the offer but tried to crack a joke about Xander owing him for the lesson in how to properly restrain a vampire. It was a good effort, but neither man felt in the mood for jokes.

Xander hadn't stayed long after that. He just wanted to go home, shower and fall into bed with a bottle of Jack and his diary. He had a lot of things to work through and desperately needed the clarity his journal provided.

After a short, lukewarm shower, Xander grabbed a bottle from the liquor cabinet and adjourned to his room. He set the booze on his night table and reached inside the drawer for his journal. He brought out Spike's instead.

For several long moments he just held it in his hand and stared at it. He was suddenly desperate to read it, to see his lover's handwriting, to read his words. He pulled out the Queen CD and put it in the player on low volume, opened the bottle of Jack and took a good swallow, and then sat back against the headboard. He opened the book and began to read.

Tears slid down his face as he read. He could hear Spike's voice, as though he were sitting next to him, reading this to him. He reached over for the bottle and drew on it once again. He was glad it was Friday night and he could sleep in tomorrow because he was sure he was going to need it.

When he got to the entry Spike wrote about the reality where he was married to the Buffy bot, he smiled, and then laughed out loud as Spike's words came to life on the page.

The tears continued to flow steadily down Xander's cheeks as he drank and read. The track on the CD changed over to something soft and slow and he hummed along as he turned the pages, lost in his lover?s words. He had to stop and wipe his eyes as he looked at the page in front of him; it was the entry Spike wrote about the first time Xander had been inside him.

By the time he got to the last page, Xander was very drunk. The bottle was nearly three-quarters empty and the CD player had turned off some time ago. He took a deep steadying breath and looked at the last words his lover had ever written.

Xander wiped his eyes on the back of his hand and clutched the bottle to his chest. He couldn't help the choked off sobs that were wracking his body. He thought he was ready for this, that it would bring him closer to Spike, if only for a little while. It did - it had - but the price he had to pay was a high one. He felt his heart breaking at each word he read; each letter on the page was another rip in the fabric of his very soul. He missed his mate desperately, and now he was all alone; not even Spike was here to keep him company.

With shaky hands, Xander set down both the book and the bottle. He curled up into a ball on his side and cried himself to sleep. He only hoped he would dream of Spike, that his mate would hold him again and make every thing better.

~PART 14~

Xander woke up with the mother of all hangovers. He dragged himself into the shower and sat on the tub floor while the water cascaded over his limp form. He would have stood up if he had had the strength. He barely managed to wash himself and crawl out onto the floor. He must have fallen asleep because he woke sometime later, naked, shivering and sore all over.

Calling himself a fool, he slowly stood and made his way back to his room. He looked at the mostly empty bottle of Jack on his nightstand and felt his stomach roll. Then he looked at the book - his mate's journal - and the memories of the night before washed over him. He ran back to the bathroom and threw up.

After brushing his teeth and getting dressed, Xander put Spike's book back in the drawer and headed out to the kitchen. He brewed a pot of extra-strong coffee and then set to work fixing the week-end reports that he had screwed up the day before.

It was almost dark when he left for Buffy's place - having put off the trip as long as he thought he could get away with. He wasn't sure why he was avoiding going there. He felt a bit upset over Spike's choosing to remain there, chained like an animal, over coming home with him but that wasn't reason enough to avoid going there.

Xander let himself in and headed for the basement. He heard voices and stopped to listen.

"Buffy, you have to kill me."

"You don't understand. When I left the room earlier, I heard you talking to someone..."

"Do you have any idea what I'm capable of?"

"I was in the cellar with you. I saw what you did."

"I'm not talking about the cellar. The people in the cellar got off easy. I'm talking about me. Buffy, you have never met the real me."

"Believe me, I'm well aware of what you're capable of."

"No, you got off easy, too. Do you know how much blood you can drink from a girl before she'll die? I do. You see, the trick is to drink only enough to know how to damage them just enough so that they'll still cry when you... 'cause it's not worth it if they don't cry."

"It's not your fault. You're not the one doing this."

"I already did it. It's already done. You wanna know what I've done to girls Dawn's age? This is me, Buffy. You've got to kill me before I get out."

"We can keep you locked up. Keep you here and we'll figure it out."

"Have you ever really asked yourself why you can't do it? Off me? After everything I've done to you, to people around you. It's not love. We both know that."

"You fought by my side. You've saved lives. You've helped... "

"Don't do that. Don't rationalise this into some noble act. We both know the truth of it. You like men who hurt you."

Xander had heard enough. He turned back toward the stairs and quietly walked away. Whatever was going on between Buffy and Spike, it was for them to work out. He wasn't going to get involved this time; he'd just hang back and be supportive of both of them - no matter what decision they came to.

Xander was startled by the appearance of Anya as she materialised right in front of him. He got over his shock enough to smile at her and she shook her head at him.

"They're coming. Get Buffy now!"

Before Xander had a chance to react, the window was smashed and the front door broke open. Figures in long, black hooded robes carrying sharp knives rushed into the house. Xander and Anya fought off their attackers as Willow and Dawn did the same. The robed figures continued to pour in through the doors and windows; some heading upstairs to the upper level of the house where Tara was last seen.

Buffy came up from the basement and saw that everyone was holding their own; Willow yelled out to her that Tara was upstairs alone and Buffy took the stairs two at a time. She got up in time to stop one of the attackers from stabbing Tara. She pulled off its hood and looked at its mutilated face - where eyes should have been, there were only scarred symbols.

"Bringers."

Buffy whispered horrified as the creature lunged past her and escaped out the upstairs hallway window. She helped Tara to her feet and escorted her back downstairs. Willow ran to her girlfriend and took her in her arms. Buffy looked around for Dawn.

"Dawn?"

"She's okay."

Xander pointed to the corner where Dawn sat on the floor holding her arm against her chest.

"Are you okay?"

"It's just a scratch. I'm fine."

Buffy nodded and watched as Xander headed for the basement. In all the excitement, she had forgotten about Spike. She followed Xander down the stairs.

"Oh God."

"They took him."

"Why? Why would they take Spike?"

"I don't know Buffy, but we'll get him back."

"How, Xander? We don't even know where they are."

"We know what they are, that's enough to start with."

Xander held Buffy while she cried into his chest. He could feel the rage building up inside himself; he would not lose Spike, not again. He needed to get out, to blow off some steam, to find the bastards that had taken Spike and make them pay.

~PART 15~

While Xander stalked the streets of Sunnydale, the others tried to find any information on the "First" that they could. It wasn't going at all well. There was nothing written on the First, at least nothing that they could find. Buffy went off to try and call Giles; if anyone knew where to look, it would be him.

Xander was surprised to see the streets empty of demons. It wasn't normal for a Saturday night on the hellmouth; it was usually crawling with supernatural activity. He really wanted to kill something - after he beat it for information on where the Bringers were holed up. With nothing on the streets, Xander made his way to the Alibi Bar - Willy was always good for information.

The place was pretty full - various demons and quite a few vampires were scattered about the room. Xander walked directly to the bar and glared at the bartender.

"Willy."

"Hey, kid. What you brings you to my humble establishment?"

"I need some information on the First."

"The first what?"

Xander reached out with a lighting quick move and dragged the little man over the bar and right up to his face. He stared directly into his eyes and saw the man's face pale as his eyes darkened with power.

"Don't play me. I want to know where the First is hiding out - where those robed freaks took Spike. And Willy? I want to know this five minutes ago."

Willy swallowed and nodded his head. Xander let him go and he ran a hand back through his greasy, unkempt hair.

"Geez, I thought you were the token normal guy. Do all the slayer?s friends have superpowers?"

"Willy, I'm getting angry. You won't like me when I'm angry."

Several of the bar's patrons quietly made their way toward the door hoping to slip out before the crazy human did anything... well, crazy. A couple of them almost made it before Xander noticed. He turned away from Willy and looked at the door. With a grin and a wave of his hand, the doorway became a solid brick wall.

"No one leaves until I find out where Spike is."

A Fyral demon who thought he was tougher than brick tried his luck at ramming through the wall. It didn't get him anything other than a headache. Xander tsked at him and then remembered his conversation with Anya.

"You wouldn't happen to be the same Fyral demon that's been stalking Anyanka, would you?"

At the demon's growled reply that she killed its cousin, Xander grinned and turned it into a kitten. Knowing full well what most of these demons did with kittens, he was prepared for the frightened reactions of the bar's patrons.

"Now, anyone want to tell me where Spike is, or do I leave Willy here with one large litterbox instead of a bar?"

A young girl - vampire if Xander guessed correctly - stepped out from behind a group of Kaliff demons and approached Xander warily. She looked up at him from beneath her eyelashes and Xander smiled at her. She couldn't have been any older than Dawn when she was turned.

"You're good, honey. If I didn't know what you really are, I would fallen for that little innocent act of yours."

"Really? Thanks, I've been working on it."

"You just flirting here or do you know something?"

"What's it worth to you?"

"What do you want?"

"I want to walk out of here - as I am; no fur, no tail, no... soul."

"Done."

"Those robed freaks? I saw them go into the high school. They had a vamp with them - could be the one you're looking for."

"Bleached blonde, blue eyes, sexy as sin?"

"That's the one. I can see why you'd want him back."

Xander just smiled and nodded his head in thanks to her. He looked over the rest of the bar's clientele.

"Anyone want to share with the group? Anyone at all?"

When no one made any move to speak or step forward, Xander sighed and shook his head.

"That's really too bad."

Willy saw Xander's eyes darken and ducked behind the bar. There was a tremendous burst of power throughout the room and when Willy finally got up the courage to peek over the counter all he saw was Xander and the female vampire. He stood up straight and looked again. Kittens. Everywhere he looked were kittens.

"What's your name, honey?"

Xander addressed the vampiress who was staring in awe at the room full of furry animals.

"Kailey, sir."

"Kailey, I'm going to give you some advice. Get out of Sunnydale, and don't look back. You won't get a second chance; if I see you again, well, I hope you like mice."

Xander waved his hand at the brick wall and it turned back into a door. The vampire wasted no time in using it. Xander turned back to the flummoxed bartender.

"Look on the bright side. You can always sell them to the pet store and make a few bucks."

Xander turned on his heel and left. He stopped outside and pulled out his cell phone and dialled Buffy's house.

"Hey Buff. I got some information on Spike and the Bringers. Can you come pick me up? I'm at Willy's. Take my car; Anya has a spare set of keys. Oh and tell her I took care of her Fyral problem."

Xander hung up the phone and slumped against the wall. He was exhausted. He had never used that much power for anything - he wasn't even sure how he had done all that. All he had to do was think about what he wanted and then... do it. It was very cool, yet scary at the same time. He hoped he never let his temper get the better of him; he could really hurt someone.

~PART 16~

Buffy came, but she wasn't alone. Willow, Tara, Dawn and Anya were all with her. Xander sighed and opened the driver's door and Buffy scooted into the middle between him and Anya.

"They insisted on coming with."

"No big."

"So, where to?"

"Where do you think? Back to the hellmouth, source of the big evil. Some vamp said she saw a bunch of robed guys dragging Spike in there earlier."

Willow popped her head in between Xander and Buffy.

"And you believed her? 'Cause I'm thinking, you know, vamps not so big with the honesty."

"There's a lot of that going around."

Buffy put her hand on Xander's thigh and squeezed it in support. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little frustrated. Yes I believe her; I have my reasons to, and can we just go and check this out without the second-guessing. Please?"

No one said anything else until they were at the school and standing in front of the blood-covered wheel that was positioned in front of a big bronze-looking thing in the floor.

"The Seal of Danthazar."

"Huh? The seal of who?"

"Danthazar, Buffy. It's bad. Very, very bad."

Xander looked at his ex-fiancée and saw the way she was slowly backing away from the seal.

"What's this thing do, An? I mean other than sit here and look evil."

"It opens. And then bad things happen. If it's been opened - and by the blood I'd say it has - then trouble is on its way."

"Okay, that doesn't tell me a whole lot, An."
"I'm sorry, Xander. But that's all I know. If I hear anything, I'll let you know."

Anya teleported out and Xander was left standing there looking down at the seal.

"Okay, people. What say we bury the satanic manhole cover and call it a night?"

Xander left the room and returned shortly with an assortment of shovels. Everyone grabbed one and got to work. Xander was silently going insane; he could smell Spike's blood on the wheel and he was scared something horrible might have happened. By the time the seal was buried, everyone was tired and Xander drove them all back to Buffy's house.

After Dawn went to bed and Willow and Tara were immersed in books researching the seal, Xander slipped out the back door and sat wearily on the step. Buffy joined him moments later.

"Hey, Xan. How you holding up?"

"Okay. Well, I could be better. You?"

"About the same. What happened at Willy's? You look like you haven't slept in days."

"Just a bit worn out. I kinda turned a bar full of demons into kittens."

Buffy gaped at Xander and then snorted in laughter. She tried to cover it with her hands but couldn't hold it in. It was infectious and Xander soon found himself joining in despite the desperate situation they were all in.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry, it's just... Kittens? Cute, fuzzy, little kittens?"

"Yep, cute and fuzzy. Now imagine Willy having to clean up after all those kittens."

Xander smiled and Buffy laughed again. Soon her laughter turned to sobs and Xander pulled her close and held her. He rocked her and made soft shushing noises while she pulled herself together.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't keep doing that. I need to be focused; strong."

"Nothing wrong with leaning on a friend, Buff. It's what makes you better than other slayers, your ability to trust others to be there for you. Besides, if anyone knows how you feel, it would be me."

Xander looked at her seriously.

"How do you feel, Buffy? It might be none of my business but ... Do you love him?"

"I... I don't know. I care about him, Xander. But I don't know if I love him."

"That's okay. You don't have to make any decisions yet. But just so you know, it's okay if you do."

"Thank you."

The pair sat in silence for awhile longer. Then Tara opened the back door and they looked up at her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. Willow and I were thinking - maybe a locator spell would help? We could use it to try and find the First - I could try it."

Buffy and Xander both stood. Buffy smiled at the shy witch and nodded her head.

"It couldn't hurt, right?"

Xander groaned noiselessly. Leave it to Buffy to jinx the whole thing. He followed the two women back inside where Willow was sitting in front of her computer still researching the seal. He knew she had sworn off magic - only performing the one spell since his disappearance and that was a locator spell to find him. He was proud of her, even if he was still angry for her actions. Perhaps he could learn to forgive her in time - as long as she stayed away from the magic. He didn't trust her when it came to spells - she abused her gifts.

While Tara set up the spell, Xander watched Willow. He could see her resolve not to participate, and it melted some of the ice that had formed around his heart. He still wasn't ready to forgive and forget but this was as least a step in that direction. He was brought out of his musings by Tara's screams.

Xander was shocked by what he saw. It had to be the First; there was no other explanation. Tara slumped to the floor crying, saying that she could still feel it - that the evil was inside of her now. Buffy and Willow both held her and assured her she would be okay. Xander shook his head ruefully. It wouldn't be okay, not for any of them. This was way more than anything they had ever faced before.

"Hey, Buff? I'm gonna head home."

"You sure? We could make up the sofa?"

"Nah. Thanks anyway. I got a few things I have to take care of at home."

"Okay. Xander?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful. Don't do anything ... stupid. Okay?"

"Okay. Nothing stupid."

Xander drove home at breakneck speed and took the stairs up to his apartment. He knew there had to be a way to find Spike. They should have done the spell on him instead of the First, but after what had happened to Tara he couldn't ask her to try again. No, he would do it himself this time. Then, he would get Buffy and they would rescue the vampire.

~PART 17~

Xander was back at Buffy's house before daybreak. He knew where to find Spike, where he was being kept - but he wasn't stupid enough to try and rescue the vampire by himself. A bar full of demons was one thing but the evil that all things evil were afraid of? Nuh uh, no way. He was smarter than that. Besides, he knew Buffy needed to be involved in this. Even if she wasn't ready to admit it, she felt something for Spike. It was obvious she was jealous of the closeness that he shared with the vampire.

He was a bit surprised to find Buffy up and alert at this hour - it was no secret that the slayer was not a morning person. He had to assume that like him, she hadn't bothered going to bed.

"Morning, Buffy."

"Xander. Come in, did you..."

"Did I what? Do anything stupid? No. But I did do a locator spell on Spike. I know where he is."

Buffy sagged in relief.

"Thank God. Alright, where is he?"

"I can show you."

"Let?s go then."

Buffy opened the door again only to step back in surprise.

"Giles."

"Buffy."

Buffy smiled and was about to reach out for her former watcher when she was elbowed aside by a strange teenage girl - followed by two others. Giles smiled somewhat sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Sorry to barge in. We have a slight apocalypse."

Xander groaned and followed behind Buffy as she trailed Giles and the three girls into her living room. He just knew something like this would happen. He really wanted to just leave Giles and the new girls and drag Buffy off to find his vampire! Roommate! His vampire roommate! He was not feeling possessive of this Spike.

"I'll go wake the girls."

Xander sighed as he trudged upstairs to wake the other members of the estrogen brigade. How the hell Spike could stay in a house full of women - even if he was in the basement - was beyond Xander. He loved them all dearly but he did not want to cohabitate with them.

He knocked on Dawn?s door and grinned when she sleepily muttered 'bugger off' at him. He just knew she had picked that up from Spike. He knocked again and then covered his eyes before opening the door - he didn't want to see Dawn in any state of undress; she was like a little sister to him.

"Xander!"

"Ah, the high-pitched shriek of a startled female. I've missed that sound."

Xander grinned goofily and continued to hold his hand over his eyes.

"You decent, Dawnie?"

"Nope. I'm completely naked here. Wanna see?"

Xander opened his mouth to reply but only managed to squeak as he brought his other hand up to cover the first one - just in case his fingers moved of their own volition.

"Relax, Xander; I'm kidding. Although, I think I'm insulted. What's so horrible about the thought of me naked?"

Xander could feel himself blushing and wished that Dawn hadn't spent so much time around Spike. She was picking up very bad habits - embarrassing him being one of them.

"Oh. Uh, nothing. I - I mean, I'm sure you're very... attractive. Just not for me to ... see? I mean, you're like my sister. I..."

Dawn burst out laughing and shook her head.

"God, Xander. You are too easy. Like I'd want to be naked in front of you. Gross. You're like my big brother."

"Okay, good. Now that that's settled, I came up here for a reason. I'll be damned if I can remember what it was now, though."

"Hmm, the idea of me being naked just made you lose all thought, did it?"

Xander was about to stammer out a denial but then saw the smirk on the girl?s face. He shook his head and chuckled at her.

"You're evil. You know that?"

Dawn smiled at him.

"You say that like it's a bad thing?"

"Get up, brat. We have company - Giles and a bunch of teenage girls are downstairs; something hellmouthy this way comes."

Dawn groaned and flopped back down on the bed. Xander headed down the hall to Willow and Tara's room to wake them, as well. Hopefully Giles wouldn't take all day to tell them what was happening. He had a bad feeling about Spike and really wanted to get him away from the big evil thing that had him.

They were all assembled in the front room listening as Giles told them about the fate of the council. Xander was the only one not surprised by Anya's sudden arrival; the new girls screamed and ran for cover. Anya rolled her eyes in annoyance and turned to Xander.

"Did you find anything?"

"Yeah, but we haven't been able to do anything about it yet. Giles was just about to explain to us what happened in merry ole England."

Giles took a deep breath and then continued speaking as though he hadn't just been interrupted by the sudden appearance of a millennia old demoness.

"As I was saying, the council is gone."

Willow interrupted by asking a question.

"So does that mean all their records are destroyed?"

Giles motioned to one of the girls and she opened a pack and took out a stack of files and a couple of books. She laid them out on the coffee table and then stepped back.

"That is what is left."

Giles motioned to the table and then continued.

"The mystic secrets of the Watchers. And whatever I could find on the First. When I learned what was happening, I-I, um, I stole them."

"And you blew the council up! See, this is what happens when you're all stuffy and repressed. You overreact."

Anya looked at Giles and shook her head pitifully at him. She just knew he had a personality buried somewhere under all that tweed. And after Xander telling her about how happy she had been with the Englishman in another reality, she often found herself wondering what he was really like - what the man - Rupert - was like, as opposed to the watcher - Giles.

"I most certainly did not! It must have been an agent of the First. Demons do that sort of thing; but you would know all about that, wouldn't you, Anyanka?"

Xander interrupted before things turned ugly.

"Okay, G-man, so what do those files say about the First?"

"Very little. Only that it can change form. It ah, only appears in the guise of someone who has passed away."

Willow looked sadly at Dawn and then whispered,

"Our ghosts."

Xander and Buffy exchanged a look, as well. They had both assumed it was the same entity that had been messing with all of them - now they knew for sure. Xander was furious. The nerve of that thing pretending to be his mate. He would see it destroyed if it was the last thing he did. Giles snapped him out of his thoughts when he continued speaking.

"It has eternities to act, endless resources. How to defeat it ... I ... I honestly I don't know. But we have to find a way. If the slayer line is eliminated, then the hellmouth has no guardian. The balance is destroyed. I'm afraid it falls to you, Buffy. Sorry. I mean, we'll do what we can, but you're the only one who has the strength to protect these girls - and the world - against what's coming."

One of the newbies - Xander was pretty sure her name was Kennedy - stood up and looked at Giles as if he were crazy.

"And if this thing is the root of all evil, isn't the hellmouth its number one vacation spot? I mean, don't you think we should be hiding our asses on the other side of the globe?"

One of the other girls cried out in shock at her outburst, but Buffy was quick to step in.

"No. She's not wrong. We need more muscle. We need to find Spike. Xander? You're with me. The rest of you? Hit the books. I want everything you can find on the First."

Xander grinned and followed Buffy out the door. He loved it when she got into full-on slayer mode. He was well aware he had issues with dominant women. Faith, Buffy, Cordelia, Anya - it was a good thing he was gay now.

~PART 18~

Xander closed his eyes and sighed in frustration. This was getting him nowhere. He had hoped that if he wrote it down it would make more sense - that somehow the answer would just magically appear out of thin air. He stared at the blank page opposite of where he had written - willing it to fill with the answers he desperately needed. It didn't.

"A bit much to expect it to be that simple. Blank pages will remain blank... Unless they're in a spell book!"

Xander jumped up off his bed and ran to his closet. He pulled the book he had purchased from the strange Asian woman - demon - whatever, down and opened it.

He turned page after page; they were still blank. He was about to give up when he saw it. It was very faint, but it was there. He could see the words if he looked just hard enough. Xander concentrated and the words filled in before his eyes. It was a spell to banish a Turok Han.

"YES!"

Xander read and re-read the spell - committing it to memory in case the words faded once again. Once he was sure he wouldn't forget a single thing, he closed the book - put it back where he had hidden it in the first place - and left for Buffy's house. He would need some supplies and he would need Buffy to keep it distracted while he cast the banishment spell.

Buffy was wary about the spell, but having no other options at the time, agreed to Xander's plan. She wanted him to discuss it with Willow and Tara first, but Xander refused. He explained that he just wasn't ready for Willow to know about him and that even if he was, he just knew he had to do this on his own. The spell had appeared for him, after all, not Willow or Tara or anyone else.

So while Buffy fought the ubervamp, and the potentials - including a new girl who had shown up that morning - watched, Xander hid just out of sight and set up his spell. He had to wait until the vamp was in position before he could banish it. It was up to Buffy to get him there.

It was a hell of a fight. Xander was afraid - more than once - that Buffy would lose or that she wouldn't be able to get the Turok Han into position. But finally, it happened. The whole thing flowed together seamlessly and Xander couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe someone up there was looking out for them all.

With the final words of the spell still ringing in his ears, Xander watched as the vampire disintegrated as though he had been staked. He knew that to everyone else it looked as though Buffy had gotten him. That was exactly what they wanted them to think, as well. He cleaned up his supplies as the others rushed out of their hiding places and ran to the battered slayer.

Buffy got to her feet and staggered toward Xander. They smiled at each other and then sent the girls back to the house with Tara and Willow. They had a vampire to rescue.

Spike opened his unswollen eye and glared at Buffy as she walked toward him. He knew it wasn't her - that it was just that thing that liked to pretend it was her. Or Dru, or Angelus, or Glory, or any number of the thousands of people he had killed. But without its pet vampire, it was unable to hurt him. He waited for the verbal taunts, knowing that that was the worst it could do to him.

"Come to tell me I'm a bad dog? Won't work any better than last time. I won't join you. They will come for me."

Buffy pulled a knife out of her sleeve to cut the leather straps that held him in place. Xander watched them from a few feet away. He wanted to give Buffy some privacy, just in case she decided to come to any decisions.

"Knives now, is it? You can't hurt me; you're not real. Just a figment of my bloody imagination."

Buffy cut him free and he touched her face. He felt her skin and smiled.

"You came for me?"

"We both did."

Buffy pointed to Xander who stepped out from the shadows.

"Xander."

"Hey, Spike. Let's go home."

Spike nodded and let Buffy and Xander help him walk out of the underground cavern. He looked back and saw himself standing in the far part of the room. He knew it was not over yet, but he was too tired, too relieved that they didn't abandon him, too hurt and weak to care right now. He just wanted to leave this place, to go home.

~PART 19~

By mutual agreement, Xander took Spike back to his place for the day. With the new girls and Giles all staying at the Casa de Summers, it made more sense for Spike to not be there. Xander was doing a little happy dance in his head at the thought of having Spike to himself again. Then he mentally slapped that thought right back out again.

As they entered the apartment, Xander pushed Spike toward the shower with a gentle nudge and then headed for the kitchen to warm up some blood for him. He wanted nothing more than to take the blonde in his arms and hold him close. He knew that Spike must have been terrified by what he had been through, but he also new that he would never admit it, not even to him.

By the time Spike emerged from the bathroom, clean and looking better than he had when he'd gone in, Xander was waiting for him with a mug of warm blood in his hand.

"Drink up, plenty more where that came from. You probably haven't eaten in awhile."

"Thanks, luv. I'm bloody starved, plus I'm hurtin' something fierce. Don't know what the hell that thing was but it was stronger than it was ugly - an' it was plenty ugly."

Xander snorted.

"Turok Han. The Neanderthal of vampires. Or as we so affectionately named it - Ubervamp."

"What happened to the bloody thing anyway?"

"Banished it. But as far as the others are concerned, Buffy slayed."

"Got it. Still not ready to out yourself to the group, then?"

Xander choked and Spike laughed.

"I meant about the magic, pet. Not the sexual issues. Although, I doubt you have anything to worry about there either. The witches are together and Rupert and that wizard of his were more than friends back in the day. Slayer doesn't seem to have a problem either."

"I know, but if I bring that up then I have to bring up the spell, and I'm not ready for that yet."

"Alright, fair enough. But don't leave it too long; these things have a way of festering if you don't deal with them."

"I know."

They spent several minutes in silence while Spike heated and consumed more blood and Xander watched him. Finally, Spike had drunk enough to feel his body start to heal and he looked over to see Xander watching him with concern.

"What's up, Xan?"

"Nothing. I was just... "

Xander broke off. The emotions of the past few days were catching up to him. He could feel his eyes well up with tears - tears he hadn't allowed himself to cry before. He was so scared that he was going to fail this Spike as well. That he would be too late to save him. He felt cool arms wrap around him and he let himself go, leaning into Spike and allowing the smaller man to support him as he wept.

Spike was relieved. This was a long time in coming. Xander had been so strong for so long he was afraid the man would never let himself grieve. He knew that his capture had only brought up painful memories for Xander of his mate?s capture and subsequent death.

"Shh, s'oky, luv. I'm fine. I never doubted that you'd come for me, not for a moment."

Spike rubbed soothing circles on Xander's back and then walked him toward his bedroom. He gently undressed the man and tucked him into bed.

"Sleep, luv. You'll feel better for it."

Spike turned to leave and Xander grasped his hand.

"Stay? Please, I... I don't want to be alone."

Spike studied Xander quizzically. He wasn't sure what Xander was asking of him, and he wasn't sure what the answer would be either. After a minute he gave up on trying to figure it out for himself and gingerly sat on the edge of the bed.

"What are you asking, Xander? I mean is this just about not being alone or are you looking for..."

"No, I just want to hold you while I sleep. Nothing else, I promise. I want... comfort, Spike. Don't you want comfort?"

Spike thought it over for about all of thirty seconds before stripping down to t-shirt and boxers like Xander and climbing into bed beside him. He did want comfort; it was all he had wanted since he'd gotten the damn chip in his head. Now that he was souled, it was even worse.

"Comfort sounds... bloody comforting, mate. Yeah, could use some of that about now."

Xander smiled softly and pulled Spike into his arms. He breathed in the familiar smell of the man in his arms and smiled. It was a bittersweet feeling - having this familiar and well-loved body in his arms again. He missed his mate, but that wasn't what this was about. This was about gleaning comfort in the arms of a friend. Maybe more than a friend. He sighed and then leaned up on his elbow and looked at Spike.

"Are you okay? I mean really? I know you don't believe me, but you don't have to pretend with me. You can be yourself here, Spike. I promise you, I won't think any less of you if aren't the Big Bad all the time."

Spike studied the serious expression on Xander's face and then felt his resolve crumble. He knew Xander was serious, that he was offering him a place to just be himself, where he didn't have to be "Spike" all the time; where he could be William or Spike, or as was most often, a combination of the two. He could relax and let down his guard. It was an attractive idea, but at the same time it scared the hell out of him.

"I don't know if I can do that, luv. It sounds like an appealing offer, but I don?t know if I can let it go. I feel like I've been in a play for the last century or so. I've been playing this part so long I don't remember how to stop. What if I switch it off and I can't get it to come back? Buffy doesn't need a snivelling poet right now; she needs a master vampire. She needs Spike's strength, Spike?s viciousness, Spike's cunning."

"Are you sure about that? I mean, you got the soul for her; don't you think she'd want to see it?"

Spike fell silent for a moment and then sighed.

"I don't know. I mean, after what I did, it was the only thing I could think of to do that would show her how bloody awful I felt about it. I wanted to give her the man she deserved. William - I - was a pathetic mother's boy with allusions of grandeur, but I knew how to love; I was a good man. I wanted Buffy to have a good man. She deserves that much, you know?"

Xander nodded and waited for Spike to continue.

"I'd like to be William for her. I can see that Spike still scares her, that she hasn't forgotten what I did, what I almost did to her. She's never going to love me, Xander. Not in the way I want her to. You know, I once told her and Angel that I was "love's bitch"; I really and truly am. All I ever wanted was for someone to hold me in their arms and tell me they me they loved me and mean it."

Spike closed his eyes before the tears that had welled up had a chance to spill over. He might be a souled poof now, but he was not going to cry like a chit. Xander pulled the cool body closer to him and placed a soft, chaste kiss against his pliant lips.

"I love you, Spike. And I'm not just saying that; I do. Not the same way I love my mate, but I do love you. You?re Spike. How can I not?"

Spike shuddered in Xander's arms and felt the tears rolling freely down his cheeks. He didn't even care that Xander could feel him shaking, that his tears were soaking into the man's shirt. He was loved. Not by Buffy, but by Xander. Not as a lover, but as a friend - as a person. It wasn't everything he had hoped for, but it was more than he had expected.

"Give Buffy time; she does care about you. Maybe in time she'll come around. She won't let herself love Spike because he's a demon, but now that you're William, as well... Give her time Spike; don't give up hope."

Spike nodded into Xander's chest and allowed himself to relax into the warm embrace. His demon felt content lying in the arms of its mate - its claimed, and the soul felt at peace for the first time in longer than he could remember. He wasn't alone in the world; he had a friend who loved him. He felt himself purring and for once didn't care that it might make him look soft. Xander loved him, accepted him for who and what he was. He could be himself here.

Xander relaxed to the sound of a soft, rumbling purr coming from the man next to him. He had a dopey grin on his face as he drifted off to sleep.

~PART 20~

Xander woke with Spike crushed to his chest and tears in his eyes. He gasped and then opened his eyes, hoping beyond all hope that his mate was here in his bed, in his arms. He saw blonde hair and tried very hard not to be disappointed. After all, it wasn't Spike's fault that he wasn't the vampire Xander was hoping for.

Luckily, Spike was still asleep and didn't see the tears in Xander's eyes or the disappointment on his face. Not to mention the evidence of his dream that stuck to the inside of his boxers. Carefully, Xander climbed out of bed and stumbled across the hall to the bathroom.

Xander turned on the taps and stepped into the shower. He quickly washed away the evidence of his climax and then began his regular shower activities on auto-pilot. He couldn't help wondering if he was going crazy, or if he was just so miserable that he was conjuring up visions of his mate in his dreams.

He squashed down the tiny flicker of hope that it was more than that. That somehow, he still had a connection to Spike and that he really was there, that he was in his dreams - not some figment of his imagination.

After stepping out of the shower, Xander dried his body and hair and then wrapped the towel around his waist and went to the sink. He got his razor and his shaving cream and was just about to make himself presentable when he noticed it.

His mark was bleeding.

He had been bitten.

It was fresh.

"Oh fuck!"

~PART 21~

Spike was disoriented when he awoke. He couldn't remember where he was; at first he hadn't remembered Buffy and Xander coming for him. He thought he was still being held captive by the First. Of course the nightmares could have had a lot to do with that.

He sat up in bed and grimaced. He was alone and the room smelled like tears and semen. He wondered where Xander was, if he was okay. It was obvious the boy had been crying.

"Probably dreaming of his Spike - good dream too, I'm betting, by the smell of things."

Spike got up and pulled his jeans on. He left the bedroom and stopped in the hallway. Xander had left the bathroom door open and was now just standing in front of the mirror wearing only a towel.

Spike took in the appearance of the man in front of him. Xander had filled out nicely, had muscles in all the right places. His hair was damp and fell in tousled waves around his face, the ends curling where they rested on his shoulders. He was touching his neck with the first two fingers of his right hand, right over the scar Spike had seen the night Xander fell asleep on the couch with him.

Not knowing what was going on, Spike scented the air and his eyes blazed as he picked up the fresh blood smell. Xander's blood. He raked his gaze over the man but didn't see any injuries; needing to know that he was okay, Spike walked into the bathroom and stood behind Xander.

Xander was still staring off into space, his eyes fixed on the mirror, so he didn't see the vampire come in and take up position behind him. He was trying to work out what had happened. How he had been bitten. It could be a coincidence; maybe Spike had bitten him in his sleep - he might have been having dreams about claiming Buffy. It might be one of those manifestations - like stigmata, or an hysterical pregnancy. He almost laughed at that - remembering pregnant-woman Xander. He didn't dare hope that it was his mate's bite - that what they shared in his dreams was real - that Spike wasn't really gone for good.

Absently, Xander pulled his fingers away from his wound and looked at them. Without even thinking, he sucked the bloody digits into his mouth. He heard a strangled groan from behind him and turned to see Spike looking at him. The vampire's eyes were flecked with gold and he had a hard on that could pound nails. For a minute he stupidly wondered what had happened to cause such a reaction. Then of course he realised. He was bleeding, and had just licked blood from his own fingers in front of him.

"Er, morning, Spike."

Spike blinked and tried to find his voice. He couldn't. His demon was screaming at him that his mate was bleeding, that he should be allowed to taste - to clean up the enticing trail of blood that was slowly making a path down over Xander?s shoulder and heading for his nipple. He tried to fight it - he really did - but instincts overruled his better judgement and with a growl he grabbed Xander by the waist and hauled him close.

Xander gasped as Spike?s mouth latched onto his chest, sucking and licking a trail up to his shoulder. He couldn't suppress the moan that escaped as those cool lips ran over his wound. He tilted his head back and grabbed the vampire - tugging him closer as Spike sucked on the mark, bringing more blood to the surface.

Somewhere deep down - buried under the force and need of his demon - William was crying out that this wasn't right. That they were jeopardising the only true friendship they had ever known. Unfortunately for William, the demon wasn?t listening.

Xander was lost in a haze of sensation. He wrapped his arms around Spike and pulled him impossibly closer. He could feel Spike's erection pushed hard into his hip; his own cock was throbbing in need as well. He knew it was wrong, so very wrong, but he did it anyway.

"Spike, please."

Xander cradled the blonde?s head and pushed it further into his neck, hoping Spike would understand what he was asking for. He groaned as he felt the tiny pinpricks of pleasure-pain as Spike morphed and sank his fangs into his neck. He felt the vampire thrusting against him and wrapped one leg around him to get a better angle on his own aching need.

Spike was mindlessly humping against Xander as he drank from him. It had been so long since he had tasted blood this good. He was in no danger of draining him; his demon recognised that the man in his arms was not food, but rather his mate - his claimed. He savoured the last mouthful of blood, tasting Xander's orgasm, then removed his fangs, threw his head back and roared as he came in his jeans.

Panting, he rested his head on Xander?s shoulder. He could still smell his blood and looked at the wound. It was still seeping slowly so he dragged his tongue over the holes, closing them with his saliva. He came back to himself with a start as he realised what he had just done.

Spike leapt out of Xander?s arms.

"Xander. Oh hell, luv. I'm sorry - so sorry."

Xander shakily took a breath and looked up at Spike through his tousled bangs. He looked the very picture of satisfied debauchery and Spike felt himself begin to harden again.

"I don't know what came over me. The blood and the smell and then you sucked your fingers..."

Xander chuckled weakly and shook his head.

"It's okay, Spike. It was my fault just as much as yours. Maybe more."

"I bit you, Xander. How is that your fault?"

"You're chipped, Spike. You couldn't have forced me, I wanted it; hell I asked for it."

Spike thought that over and then looked at Xander closely.

"Why did you do that? And why were you bleeding in the first place? And more importantly, did you know what would happen? That this would happen?"

Spike looked pointedly at the stain on his jeans and then the matching one on the front of Xander's towel. The towel that must have magical properties to have remained on during all that humping and thrusting.

"Yeah, sorta. I... God. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking - it just... when you grabbed me and starting licking my chest..."

Xander dropped his eyes and blushed as he thought about the way that had felt.

"It felt good. Really good, and I sorta just stopped thinking at that point. I'm sorry."

Spike leered playfully at Xander.

"I do tend to have that effect on people, Xan. You can't be blamed for finding me irresistible. After all, you're just a man."

Xander laughed and then let out a relieved breath.

"So, we're okay then? This isn't going to be a problem?"

"Yeah, we're good. But we have to be more careful, pet. This can't happen again - I love Buffy, and I'm not the Spike you want, anyway."

"I understand. So, still friends?"

"Yeah, luv. Still friends."

"Okay. Well, I need a few minutes in here to clean up and then you can have the shower."

"Right. Try to be quick, eh? Not looking forward to peeling these jeans off if this mess dries."

Xander laughed and watched as Spike grimaced in distaste as he left the bathroom. He cleaned up quickly and decided to forgo shaving today; he didn't want to take any chances that he might slip and cut himself.

Spike stood outside the bathroom door and frowned as he realised that Xander had skirted the question of how he had come to be bleeding in the first place. Oh, he knew he'd been bitten - it was obvious, as was the fact that it was his bite. But how did it get there? He certainly didn't remember biting Xander, well not that time anyway.

Spike licked his lips; he could still taste Xander in his mouth. It was causing all sorts of reactions in him. He wanted to taste him again - he wouldn't because it would only confuse both of them. He wanted to fall at his feet and beg forgiveness - he assumed this was the soul?s influence as the demon didn't think it had done anything wrong. Mostly, he just wanted to ask if Xander loved him. If he could still love him after what had just happened.

~PART 22~

Xander was never so thankful for a Monday morning in his life. After he left the bathroom, he quickly dressed, scribbled a note for Spike letting him know he'd be working late and he'd meet him at Buffy's later that night, and left.

So now here he was, after spending the entire day worrying over what had happened between them that morning - where that left him when it came to his Spike, what would happen if - no when - he got his mate back, and where the hell Buffy fit into all of this. It wasn't as if he were averse to having both Spikes in his bed - he'd done that once before and a good time had been had by all. Hell, throw Buffy in the mix and it was "High school fantasy meets Grown-up Xander fantasy" and it was doing nothing to make his erection go away.

But he still wanted to know if it was just a dream. Of course, he could always just go home, open his night table drawer and take out Spike's journal. If it had been more than a dream - if Spike was really there in his sleeping hours - then he would find poetry in the back pages of that book. But if it wasn't real, if the book was empty, how would he ever be able to face dream-Spike again, knowing that it was all just in his head?

Xander still hadn't made a decision on that by the time work had ended. He drove to a little out-of-the-way diner and parked the car. The truth was, he wasn't actually going to be working late, he just wasn't sure he could face being alone with Spike just yet. So he went inside, sat in the farthest corner booth and perused the menu. He really wasn't even hungry - eating alone had always depressed him.

Xander didn't even jump when Anya materialised in the seat across from him. He just looked up at her and smiled. She seemed to have a knack for showing up when he needed her; he really felt bad about their doomed romance - she deserved so much better.

"God, am I glad to see you."

"Really? Thank you; you know, most men still scream and cower in fear. It's a good thing I don't have an inferiority complex or this would be devastating."

Xander smiled one of his biggest, happiest smiles and then leaned across the table to whisper conspiratorially to her.

"Yeah, but most men don't know you're deathly afraid of bunnies; see, I have a secret weapon."

Anya mock-glared at him and he solemnly swore to take her secret to his grave. She smiled then frowned at him.

"What happened? Something's wrong, isn't it?"

"A lot of things are wrong, An. We're being stalked by the uberevil, I have mysteriously appearing wounds, and I've developed... feelings for my vampire roommate. Which one would you like to discuss?"

Anya took a minute to think about that. The waitress came over and took their orders and then disappeared again. Finally, Anya looked at Xander and nodded her head affirmatively.

"Spike. I think we should talk about him first."

"Why?"

"Because I have news, but I'm not going to tell you yet because it will make it even harder for you to figure out your feelings."

"What news?"

"Not yet, Xander. First, tell me about Spike."

So Xander did. He told her about everything, actually - the dreams, the bite, the bathroom incident. By the time he was finished he felt a lot better. Like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It was nice having a friend you could confide in.

"Okay, so you had sex with Spike in the bathroom after he attacked you."

"No! It wasn't sex, and he didn't attack me."

"Whatever. And what is it with him and bathrooms?"

"Anya."

"Sorry. Anyway, it was sex. You came, he came, there was rubbing and thrusting. It was sex."

"Fine, it was sex. Happy?"

"The question is, are you?"

"I... "

Xander trailed off and thought about that. Was he happy? No, not particularly. He wasn't not happy, but he wouldn't call the way he felt happy. More like confused.

"No. I'm more confused than anything. I mean, I shouldn't want them both."

"Why? You love Spike, and they're both Spike. It makes sense. When you were split in two, I loved both Xanders. I'm still angry that you wouldn't sleep with me, though. It's not fair; you got to have sex with two Spikes at once. Hypocrite."

Xander chuckled.

"Yeah well, I was also under a pretty heavy compulsion to ignore my homosexual urges at the time. Besides, that would have been like sleeping with my twin."

"Well, I wasn't asking you guys to have sex with each other. Just me."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be. You deprived me of a very erotic experience."

Of course, that was the moment the waitress chose to come back with their dinners. Xander was out of practise for dealing with Anya's bluntness and couldn't help but blush and stammer apologies at the waitress until she shook her head and walked away. He looked back over at a grinning Anya and sighed.

"What?"

"I missed that. You were so cute when we first started dating, all the blushing and stammering."

Anya sighed and Xander glared at her.

"I wasn't cute. I was embarrassed."

"Yeah, but you're cute when you're embarrassed."

Xander picked up his fork and started picking at his food. He still wanted to know what news Anya had, but he knew she wouldn't tell him until she was ready.

"Xander? Do you love Spike?"

"Which one?"

"Both."

"Yes. I love my Spike - I'm in love with my Spike, but I love this Spike too. He's... well my friend, I guess."

"Could you fall in love with him?"

"No. I... maybe. Yes. Yes, I could. But that's not going to happen. Besides, he loves Buffy."

"So, you're sure that whatever happens, you and this Spike will never end up together?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Without my Spike, I'm not sure I could be with this one - not without using him as a replacement. I won't do that."

"Okay. Then I'll tell you my news."

Xander waited while Anya took a drink of her iced tea. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, not after all that. He just knew it was going to be bad news.

"Hallie lied."

 ~PART 23~

Hallie lied. The words were still ringing in his ears hours later. He was distracted - that was the only explanation for why he had let everyone go on thinking that Dawnie was a potential. If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed right away that it wasn't her. Dawn didn't give off the same vibe as the other girls, she was definitely something more than normal, but it wasn't slayer power that made her hum - it was something else entirely.

Buffy had commandeered Spike to help train the potentials, and he was left with Willow and Tara while Tara performed a tracking spell to find the newest potential - one of Sunnydale's own, even.

If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed when Dawn slipped out; he wouldn't have just sat there while the poor girl went through her own personal hell. It was bad enough knowing that you were the creation of monks and mystical energies. It was bad enough to have had a hell god try to kill you and open the barriers between worlds; but to finally think it's over - that you?re just another teenage girl now, only to find out you?re a slayer-in-waiting? He couldn't imagine what she was going through. He waited while Tara did another spell to find Dawn; Willow had gone off to call Buffy on her cell phone. Dawn was at the high school - big shock there.

It was good that Buffy and Spike had arrived when they had, otherwise Xander would have blown his cover for sure - there was no way he would have let that vamp or the Bringers touch Dawnie. No way.

So, now here he was, after all the excitement had died down, still reeling from the words Dawn had spoken - that maybe his power was knowing, seeing things. She didn't know how right she was. He did see things - like that spell to banish the ubervamp. He knew things, too. When it counted, he knew exactly what to do without even thinking about it. He had a barroom full of kitten demons to attest to that.

All in all, it had been a hell of a night. He was glad to be home - even though Buffy had decided to keep Spike at her place tonight. Maybe it was for the best; they were both acting like skittish virgins around the other right now. Some space just might be the thing. Xander took out his journal; he looked at Spike's and debated on checking it for poems. Shaking his head, he opened his own journal; he wasn't ready to know yet. Maybe after he came to terms with what Anya had told him.

Xander closed his book, put it back in the drawer and turned off the light. He snuggled into his pillow, breathing in the lingering traces of Spike's scent and drifted into a peaceful slumber.

~PART 24~

Xander sat slumped dejectedly on Buffy's couch. His call to L.A. had been a bust - not only was Angel not there, he was once again Angelus. So, now he had the added pressure of having to find a way to quietly get to L.A. without Buffy knowing about it. She was needed here, and he could handle Angelus on his own.

Spike sat next to him and opened his mouth to speak, only to grab his head and scream in pain. Xander panicked and pulled Spike into his arms and tried to soothe him. After a minute Spike fell still and silent and Xander let out a breath.

"What the hell was that?"

"Chip went off."

"For no reason?"

"Yeah, does that now and again."

"How often?"

"Lately? More than I like."

Xander realised he was still holding the vampire and rubbing his hand up and down his back - at the same time as Spike noticed. They both drew away from each other somewhat reluctantly and smiled softly.

"How often, Spike? Once a day? Once a week?"

"Used to be just every now an' then. It's happened three times already today. Slayer made a phone call earlier, there was a whole "Ghost Busters" moment and everything."

"Who did she call?"

"Put in a call to Captain Cardboard."

Xander growled at the mention of Riley, and Spike pulled away in alarm.

"Sorry. I have issues."

"Yeah, I get that. You do know that this Finn never touched me, right? I mean other than the fake stake through the heart. I wasn't... violated, or nothing."

"I know. But he was capable of it. If circumstances had been different..."

"About that, I've given it some thought and I think I know what was different in those realities. The Initiative was still active, yeah?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Well, they were pumping him full of drugs here, weren't they? So what's to say that they didn't continue there. Give the soldiers something to make them ruthless, uncaring. Easier to control. No sense of right or wrong, no conscience to make them question what they were doing?"

Xander had to admit that Spike could very well be right. He didn't care what had driven Riley to do those things to his mate; he did them all the same. He would not regret what he had done in retribution.

"Alright. I'll give you that. But I still don't like him."

"Makes two of us; but if he can get this soddin' chip to stop firing off, I might just bend over and offer it."

Spike abruptly found himself on his back with Xander looming over him.

"No. You will not bend over for Riley fucking Finn."

"Joke, pet. You really think I'd let farmboy stick it to me? Please. Never been buggered by a human before and he's the last one I'd give that privilege to."

Xander sat up and ran his hands through his hair.

"Sorry, Spike. I don't know what came over me. Just the thought of you and him ."

"I know, pet. No worries, eh?"

Just then Buffy came into the room and looked sadly at Spike and then Xander.

"Did he tell you, Xan?"

"About the chip? Yeah. So what's the scoop? They gonna tell us how to fix him?"

"No. They said that the chip was never meant to be in use this long, that Spike should have starved to death by now or fried his brain. There's no way to take it out, no way to turn it off, and no way to fix it."

Xander swore a blue streak that impressed even Spike. He looked back at the sofa where the vampire and the slayer sat side-by-side, both depressed by the news, and felt his anger rise. He couldn't believe they weren't even going to try to help him. Spike had a soul now; he wasn't "just another demon" not that he ever was, but that's how they thought about him.

Spike gasped and sat up in alarm. Buffy looked at him then followed his line of sight. She too gasped as she saw what had startled Spike. Xander was surrounded by an aura of magic; it crackled like lightning.

Without even thinking about it, Xander grabbed Spike and hauled him to his feet. His hands came up on either side of the vampire's head and then they were both floating about a foot off the ground. The lightning enveloped Spike's body and he screamed. Buffy watched, helpless, as Xander and Spike both fell to the floor, the strange light still flickering around them. Finally the light faded and the two men slumped into unconsciousness.

It was over an hour later that Xander stirred and sat up. He glanced around, surprised to find himself on the couch. He immediately looked for Spike and saw Buffy watching him.

"Hey, Buff."

Xander fell back on the couch. He felt like shit - like he hadn't slept in days.

"What did you do to him, Xander?"

"I fried his chip. I think."

"You think?"

"Well, I'm not exactly a doctor here, Buff. Or a scientist. I just... I had to, you know? I couldn't let it kill him."

"I know."

"How is he? Where is he?"

"He's still out. I put him downstairs."

Xander struggled to get up and finally gave up on doing it unassisted.

"Hey, Buff? Help a guy out here? I want to check on Spike."

Buffy helped Xander to his feet and together they went down to the basement. She was just glad that Giles and the S.I.T.'s were off in the desert, and Willow and Tara were out picking up food and spell supplies. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep Xander's secret.

~PART 25~

When Spike came to, he was in agony. He felt as though he'd gone ten rounds with a whole pack of ubervamps. He groaned and tried to sit up only to be pushed back by warm hands and told to stay still. His senses were all working just fine though, so he knew it was Xander who was holding him down and that Buffy was nearby.

"Xan? What the hell'd you do t'me?"

"Not entirely sure, Spike. But I think I might have fried your chip once and for all."

Spike lay still and let the repercussions of this wash over him. Okay, firstly, he was ecstatic; he hated that damn thing and not having it go off for accidentally stepping on someone’s toes would be a relief. But it was the chip that had made him slow down and take a good long look at the people around him. It had made him realise that there was more to them that just blood, that they weren't cattle. He had fallen in love with the woman Buffy was; the slayer part just made it poetic in his mind. He had come to care a great deal for the witches, and Dawn had become the sister he'd never had. Would he lose them now that he was... unfettered? He had a soul, but then hey, so did Hitler. A soul could be corrupted; he had killed recently despite having both a chip and a soul. With the loss of one - would his little adopted family still want him around?

He wasn't worried about Xander. He knew he'd still have the boy's friendship if no one else's. He loved - was mated to - an unsoulled version of himself. Although, he wondered what Xander would do if his Spike suddenly found himself unchipped? Would he still trust him not to hurt innocents? Not to kill his friends? The other version of himself had no ties - no loyalty to these people. The only thing that would keep him from feeding on them was his love for Xander. Spike knew it was enough, that the vampire wouldn't do anything to upset his mate, but he wondered if Xander did?

"What exactly do you mean by 'not entirely sure'?"

"Damn it, Spike! I'm a warlock not a doctor!"

Xander feigned his best McCoy accent and grinned when Spike laughed weakly.

"Been waitin' long to use that one, luv?"

"You have no idea."

Buffy watched with sad eyes as the two men carried on joking and laughing in front of her. It wasn't all that long ago that she would have had to talk Xander out of staking Spike. Now here they were, the best of friends. Possibly more from the looks they were giving each other. She decided to interrupt before anything she didn't want to think about could happen.

"Well, as much fun as this has been, we need to find out if it worked."

"How d'you suppose we do that, love?"

Xander interrupted by sticking his arm out.

"Bite me, Spike."

Spike drew back in alarm.

"Er, Xan? Haven't we already walked this road one time too many? It's not a good idea. 'Sides I had me chip last time and it didn't go off."

"Wait. You bit Xander? When? Why? How?"

Both men groaned as they realised they would have to explain. Spike turned panicked eyes to Xander and felt a flood of relief when Xander nodded his understanding. Buffy wouldn't find out about the sex.

"I was bleeding, there was some just-awakened confusion going on and I asked Spike to do it. Practically forced him to. Mistaken identity; right vampire, wrong version."

Buffy frowned thoughtfully.

"Oh. So, you and the other Spike... There was biting? Like he ate you?"

Spike snickered and Buffy blushed at the double entendre.

"So not what I meant."

"Wasn't like that. I'm not Spike's food. Biting isn't always about feeding, Buffy; sometimes it's about love, about expressing things that you can't say with words. I have a bond with my mate - the blood sharing just reaffirms it, makes it stronger."

"So, what? Now you're, like, bonded to Spike? This Spike?"

"No. I'd have to take his blood as well for that to happen..."

Xander trailed off with a horrifying moment of clarity. He had taken Spike's blood. He had bound himself to this Spike as well in a moment of passion-induced stupidity. At least Spike didn't know what he'd done.

Spike could barely stop himself from growling in frustration. He should have realised this earlier; he had known about the blood sharing, about what would happen, but he hadn't allowed himself to make the connection. No wonder William was screaming at him not to bite. Damn foolish demon - always thinking with heart and cock instead of brains.

"Let's just do this then, yeah? Try not to want it this time."

In his anger at himself, Spike morphed and bit savagely into Xander's forearm. The blood streamed forth and he swallowed it with a sense of awe and dread. He could taste it, that little part that said Xander was his. Abruptly he closed the wound and pulled away.

"Ow! Fuck, that hurt."

"Well, that tears it then. So, now what?"

"Now nothing. Nothing's changed, Spike. So your chip's gone; big deal."

Spike looked at Buffy to see what she thought about the matter. He was surprised to see her smiling at him.

"Slayer?"

"Spike, what I said to you before still stands. I believe in you. You can do good things, this doesn't change that."

"Thank you."

Spike swallowed hard and really wished it were night time. He needed some time alone, time to figure out what was going on inside of him. He was mated to Xander as surely as his double was, and yet he still loved Buffy. He needed to figure out what he was going to do about it.

Xander could sense that something was troubling Spike; it didn't take a genius to see that. The painful bite on his arm was testament enough. If he didn't know better, he'd think the vamp knew what he had done.

"I'm sure Spike's worn out. Why don't we let him rest for awhile."

Buffy nodded and followed Xander to the stairs. She had a feeling there was more going on than they were telling her, but she had too many things to deal with right now to try to find out. If they survived the First Evil, then she'd get to the bottom of whatever was going on between Spike and Xander.

 ~PART 26~

Xander was dangling from the large wheel. The large wheel that Spike had been hung from once before. The large wheel that was at this moment hanging over the satanic manhole cover he and the girls had buried not too long ago.

"And how did you get yourself into this one, Xan man?"

Xander sighed as he remembered how that had happened. He had left Buffy's place after the realisation of his bond with Spike. He wandered for awhile, eventually went home and unplugged the phone and crawled into bed. When he woke up, he decided to just ignore all things hellmouthy and have one normal day. So he went to the building supply store - they were putting on a demonstration that sounded interesting.

He had a conversation with an attractive woman over rope, and being the nice guy that he was, he offered to help her string up her kayak. Next thing he knew - he was the kayak. This was ridiculous; if he had still been under Willow's spell he probably would have been dating the nice demon lady by now.

The nice demon lady who had stuck a knife in his belly. He was never more happy in his life to see Spike and Buffy - even if they did bring her boss along. And what the hell was up with that?

Of course the seal had to start opening at that very moment. Buffy was fighting with Lissa - the demon lady - and so was Spike. She was tough. The principal was cutting him loose, and even through his pain and confusion he worried about Spike. He had been knocked for a loop by Xander's abductor.

Buffy and Lissa struggled over a sword before Buffy got a hold of it and beheaded her. Xander watched as she went to Spike and crouched down beside him. As she held his hand, he watched Spike look at her, his love laid bare to her eyes. Of course she immediately got up and came toward him and her boss.

"Hey, Buff. What's this? Bringing your work home with you?"

Before she had a chance to answer, Spike broke in.

"She was on a date - they were on a date."

"Oh."

It was the only thing he could think to say. It was obvious that Spike was hurting but that he was trying not to show it. So Xander just shrugged and asked her if it was going better than his was.

"You... you were on a date too?"

Spike looked about the room incredulously.

"Bleedin? hell, what is it with you and demon women?"

Spike stalked toward the door and Xander hurriedly caught up to him.

"I wasn't on a date. I went to a demonstration at the building supply store this morning, and met Lissa - the demon. I didn't know she was a demon; she was looking at rope and I asked if she needed help. Long story short - I offered to help her string up her kayak and woke up here. Tied to that. Not a fun experience."

"Yeah, I remember. So, not a date?"

"No. Definitely not a date."

The drive back to the Summers' house was pretty quiet. Xander didn't much care for the looks that Buffy's boss kept giving Spike, but he figured he'd let it alone for now. He hadn't turned up anything suspicious on the man so he was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Back at the house, everyone was quiet. Buffy and Spike weren't talking to each other - hell they weren't even looking at each other. Tara and Dawn were in the kitchen making tea and Giles was talking to the new girl - she spoke Chinese and they weren't exactly understanding one another. Willow made a crack about Xander always attracting demon women and Xander bit his lip to keep from yelling at her. He wanted to tell her that he knew exactly why that was, that he was more powerful than she could even imagine, that he wouldn't be in this predicament if it wasn't for her interference in his life. But then he saw a chance to lighten the mood and went with that instead. Everyone looked as though they could use a bit of a laugh. It was time to be the zeppo.

"Yeah, you?re right. What is it with me and demon women? That's it. I've made a decision. I'm going gay. I've decided to turn gay. Willow, gay me up."

Willow looked at Xander like he had just asked her to turn him into a frog.

"What?"

"You heard me. Just tell me what to do. I'm mentally undressing Scott Bakula right now. That's a start, isn't it?"

Spike snickered from his spot in the corner and even Buffy smiled.

"Come on, let's get this gay show on the gay road. Help me out here."

Buffy giggled at him.

"What if you start attracting male demons?"

Dawn laughed too, an impish smile crossing her face.

"Yeah, Clem always liked you. Or hey, you could always hook up with Spike now that he's not with Buffy anymore."

Buffy glared at Dawn, and Spike and Xander both looked away from each other. Giles cleared his throat to interrupt but was cut off as Xander began talking again.

"I'd need some stylish new clothes..."

He knew he was on the verge of a major babble and was actually thankful when Giles yelled at them to shut up. Okay, yeah, so they were all in danger and it really was no laughing matter but they weren't kids anymore; they understood what was going on.

Later on, as Xander sat alone in his darkened living room, he heard the door open and then a moment later Spike sat down next to him.

"Anyone fill you in on what's been happening?"

"Yeah, the First, blah blah yadda yadda."

"I talked to Buffy, offered to go."

"You what?"

Xander could feel the panic rising in his chest. He couldn't do this. Not again. It was bad enough that he had unwittingly bound himself to this version of his mate, but to lose him now, as well?

"Why? Spike, you can't."

"I'm not, I won't. Slayer asked me to stay."

"Good."

Xander let out a relieved sigh. He was glad Spike wasn't leaving, but he was also a bit angry that he was only staying for Buffy. Would he have still gone if he were the only one to ask him not to?

"Spike? What about me? I mean... If I had asked you to stay would you still have left?"

"I dunno, Xander."

Spike tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He didn't want to do this, but he had to. He owed Xander the truth.

"I arsed things up here, between us. What happened in the bathroom, it was more than just a suck and grope session, pet. That bite? It meant something - means something. You're mine, Xan. As much as you?re his, you're mine now, too."

Spike didn't open his eyes; he didn't want to see Xander's face when he realised what he had done to him. He swallowed and then carried on so softly that Xander almost missed what he said next.

"Just as I'm yours."

 ~PART 27~

"You're mine?"

Xander tilted his head as he looked at Spike. Yeah, he knew it was a two way street, he just didn't know how Spike knew. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Yeah, but you knew that. These things are never one-sided. I could taste it the second time I bit you, in the Slayer's basement. I'm in your veins, Xander just like he is - just like you are in mine."

"I know."

"So, now what?"

"I don't know Spike. I don't know."

They sat in silence for a long time. Xander desperately trying to rationalise what he was feeling. He was mated to two Spikes. Two versions of the same vampire. One souled and one chipped. One here and one gone. One he missed desperately and one sitting right beside him. He was so confused. Hurt. He just wanted someone to tell him what was the right thing to do.

Finally, Xander decided that now was not the time to make any decisions; cooler heads would prevail in the morning. He wanted sleep. He wanted a break from his thoughts. He wanted someone to hold him.

"I'm going to bed. You coming?"

Spike was startled by the question and it showed clearly. Xander smiled and shook his head.

"Not for that. I'm tired, confused, I feel like my head just might explode and I want someone - I want you - to hold me."

Spike nodded and got to his feet. He could relate; he was confused as well, and his demon was looking forward to holding its mate - especially now that the blood bond was his own, not his by proxy.

"Right. That I can do."

There was no awkwardness as they shucked off jeans and t-shirts and climbed into bed. Spike opened his arms and Xander gratefully sank into his embrace. They were both in need of something they could only get from the other. Complete and total understanding. Spike didn't even blink when Xander brushed a light kiss across his lips; he just smiled and tightened his arms around him a little bit more. There was nothing sexual in the kiss or the way their bodies were intertwined. It was natural, comforting. Spike purred softly and felt Xander relax into sleep. He wasn't far behind him.

He was in Spike's arms again; the waves crashed against the shore and the salt air smelled wonderful and clean. He determined that he would take his vampire to the beach as soon as he got him back.

"I do love this place."

"Yeah, love. I know."

"I'm sorry."

"Shh, don't be. I know, I understand."

"You do? How? I don't even understand?"

"You need him, love. The bond draws you to him; he's me."

"The bond? Is that all it is, am I using him to try and replace you? God, I don't want that! I don't want to use him; he deserves more than that. You deserve more than that."

"It's not like that, Xan. I know you wouldn't do that to him, or to me. He's me, yeah? And you love me, right? So it was only a matter of time, pet. Whether I was with you or not, if you spent enough time with him this would have happened. You remember the other one? The one we took to our bed? If we'd have stayed there for awhile you would have felt it with him, too."

Xander relaxed back into Spike's arms. He was still unsure of what he was going to do as far as things with him and the Spike in his bed were concerned, but knowing that his Spike wasn't hurt by it, or angry with him, helped a lot.

"What about when you come back? What happens then?"

"We deal. Don't worry so much, love. Things will all work out in the end."

"I love you."

"I know, pet. I love you too."

"Spike?"

"Yeah, love?"

"How much do you know?"

"All of it."

"All of it?"

"Yes, pet. I know about the bite, the bond, the... what did you call it? Oh right, sort-of-sex. I know about that, too." Xander felt his heart breaking. He had done an unspeakable thing and he couldn't believe that Spike wasn't angry with him. Didn't he mean anything to him?

"Don't even think it, love. You mean everything to me. You're my everything, Xander. But why should I be angry? He obviously needs you. I know what that feels like. You gave me back my life - my sense of self worth - he needs someone to do the same for him. You are that someone." Spike kissed the side of Xander's neck - directly over the fresh scar.

"You may be the only one who can help him, Xander."

"But Buffy..."

"Is the slayer. She knows how to kill demons, love, not how to love them. And don't even bring Angel into this. If she had known what he was when they first met, she never would have fallen for him."

"He loves her."

"He loves you too."

"Not the same way."

"Give him time."

"I don't want to hurt her; she's my friend."

"But she doesn't love him, Xander. Not the way you could, if you'd let yourself."

Xander laughed. He shook his head and then laughed some more.

"I'm rationalising my own wants. It all makes sense now. I dream that you’re real, and you tell me it's okay to want Spike, to love Spike. That I can be with him without feeling guilty. It makes perfect sense now. I'm not going crazy, I'm already there."

"You're not crazy, love. I'm as real as a magically-linked, dusted vamp can be. Read the book, love. Find the poems, and believe me."

Xander woke with a start and opened his eyes. It was still dark in the room but he could see that the dawn would come soon. He gently slipped out of Spike's arms and rolled out of bed. He quietly took Spike's journal out of the bedside table drawer and made his way to the kitchen. After making a cup of coffee, he sat down and steadied himself. He opened the book, turned to the back and felt his eyes fill with tears. He read.

If my heart could beat,

it would pound in rhythm to your own.

If my breath could catch,

it would at the very sight of you.

Sable eyes and a gentle smile

pain deep in your soul that matches my own

you feel like a bit of heaven

a place I never dared hope to see.

for decades on, death was my art

blood my medium of choice.

I was a master, few could outdo me.

now I am nothing.

beaten and torn, pillaged and raped

a shadow of myself

my sense of self - non existent

I waited for oblivion

craved it

Then you, with one simple word

changed everything.

hope

'd almost forgotten

what it was to be myself

my life such as it was - restored

Still broken, I try to recover

I fail time and again

but you, you see through me

see who I am underneath it all

you love me - demon and all

why

I don't understand you

you make me feel things I shouldn't

things I couldn't

not before, not ever again

only you.

my Xander

my lover

my mate

~PART 28~

Spike woke alone. He sat up and fixed his senses on the rest of the apartment. He smelled coffee, tears, and Xander. He wearily got up and pulled on his jeans. He wondered what had set the young man off this time.

After getting himself a cup of coffee, Spike joined Xander in the living room. He noticed right off that he was holding his mate?s - his other mate?s - journal. At least he now knew the reasons for the tears.

"You okay, Xan?"

Xander shook his head and thrust the open book at Spike. The vampire just shrugged and took it. He'd already read it, so he wasn't too concerned about what he'd see. Then he noticed the poetry. With an audible groan, he read the words.

"Okay, so he wrote poetry. It's horrible poetry, hardly enough to bring tears to your eyes. Is it?"

Xander laughed at the edge of uncertainty in Spike's voice and shook his head.

"No. It is awful, but it's the most beautiful thing I've ever read. He wrote it for me."

"So why the tears then?"

"Because the dreams are real."

"Dreams? What dreams?"

Xander took a deep, fortifying breath and told Spike everything. He told him how he could still be with his Spike in his dreams, that somehow, they were still linked even after Spike's dusting. He told him about the bite - how it had happened in his dream yet was there in the real world, too. Then without making eye contact, he told him about his conversation with his Spike last night. How he said it was only a matter of time before things progressed between them. When he finished, he kept his gaze averted from Spike. He wasn't sure what the vampire would feel after learning all that.

"Xander."

When Xander didn't look at him or even acknowledge that he'd been addressed, Spike spoke again.

"Look at me, love."

Xander looked up and saw Spike smiling at him. He was instantly relieved that Spike wasn't angry.

"He's probably right. Buffy's moving on with her life, she still needs me, yeah. But not the way I want her to. I love her. I probably always will, but I'm not stupid. I'm not going to keep throwing myself at her. She doesn't want me; she made that clear. You and me, well we're friends. Okay, obviously there's more to it then that, but I don't want to rush anything. If it's meant to happen, it will; but as long as we stay friends, that?s enough for me. I don't want to be a replacement; I know you don't want that either, but until we?re both sure that that isn't going to be an issue, I think it best if we spend some time apart."

Xander nodded. He was both worried and relieved at the same time. Relieved that Spike understood what he was feeling, and worried that he was going to avoid him.

"I'm going to go back to Buffy's house to stay for awhile. I think it's the safest solution - I don't know that I won't just give in to the demon?s demands to claim you physically, otherwise. You're too much of a temptation, especially sleeping right next to me."

"Yeah, I get that."

Xander chuckled as he noticed that his eyes had barely left Spike's mouth the entire time he had been talking. He had to restrain himself from kissing him. Time apart sounded like a good idea.

"I'm going to L.A. Will you cover for me with the gang?"

Spike looked taken aback and blinked in confusion.

"You don't have to go away, Xander. I have some self control, you know."

Xander chuckled.

"It's not about you - us. Angelus is loose again. I need to go, but I don't want Buffy involved. She's dealing with enough as it is. I can restore his soul permanently, but I don't want to tell her that. After it's done, it can be his call whether he tells her or not."

At Spike's stricken look, Xander rolled his eyes at his own stupidity.

"God. I'm sorry. Jeez I'm such an insensitive asshole sometimes. I didn't even think about what this would do to you."

Xander put his arms around Spike and squeezed him tightly. He wanted to take the last two minutes of his life back and reword them. He felt Spike bury his face into his neck and press his lips against the scar. He knew he was reaffirming that he wasn't alone anymore, that even though he didn't have Buffy, he still had Xander. He would always have Xander.

Xander lifted Spike?s head and looked at the miserable expression on the vampire?s face. He just looked so hurt and lost and in need of reassurance that Xander didn't question what he was doing as he leaned in and kissed him.

It was meant to be a reassurance, comfort. It started out that way, but quickly it became a lot more. The kiss deepened and Xander pulled Spike onto him so that the vampire was straddling his lap. Xander's hands tightened on Spike's waist as the vampire's hands fisted into his hair, tugging lightly. They bumped their teeth together in their urgency, trying to climb into the other man?s mouth.

Xander tugged on Spike's waist, pulling him impossibly closer. The movement sent their cocks sliding over one another?s and they both groaned into the kiss. Before Xander knew what was happening, he was on his back; his boxers somewhere around his knees and Spike was on him.

The blonde?s jeans and boxers were rucked down and he was grinding his erection into Xander's hip. Xander wriggled until he had freed one leg and wrapped it around Spike's waist. With the added leverage, he pulled Spike down onto him and returned the frantic movements. He was reluctant to end the kiss but he wanted something else more, something that the vampire seemed to instinctively know as he moved away from Xander's mouth and buried his fangs into his neck.

They both cried out as they came almost at the same instant. Xander let his leg slide bonelessly back to the couch and held Spike to him as the vampire licked over the fresh wound and purred contentedly. They were still lying that way five minutes later when the phone rang. Spike reluctantly rolled off Xander and grabbed the phone. Tossing it to Xander over his shoulder he pulled up his boxers and jeans and headed for the kitchen to get a proper breakfast.

Xander answered the phone.

"Hello? ... Oh, okay... Uh sure, no problem. I'll be there in an hour, gotta shower first... Really? Okay then, give me fifteen minutes... yeah, okay. Bye, Wills."

Xander hung up the phone and turned to see Spike watching him from the kitchen while sipping on a mug of blood.

"Take it that was Red?"

"Yeah, some girl from Angel's office called and asked her to come down and resoul him. She needs a ride, so I guess you won't have to cover for me after all."

"You should get ready then, jump in the shower and all that."

"No time. Gotta grab a few things and go."

Xander dashed off to the bedroom to dress and get his journal. It was where he had written the permanent soul restoration spell. He also brought his spell book. Just in case.

After packing these things into a bag as well as a change of clothes, he stopped briefly to kiss Spike goodbye and then left. He didn't see the satisfied smirk on the vampire?s face or he might have rethought his "no time to shower" policy.

~PART 29~

The drive to L.A. was uneventful. Xander and Willow made small talk, not really wanting to discuss Angelus, The First, or anything else that was going on. At least Xander didn't want to. He could tell Willow wanted to ask him about what was going on with him. He knew her well enough to know she was practically bursting with concern for him. It almost made him laugh. He wondered if she would still be concerned if she knew the truth.

After parking the car and gathering their things, the two Sunnydale natives made their way to the front of the hotel. Xander whistled and looked up at the big hotel.

"Damn. Deadboy sure likes to show off, doesn't he? No old factories for this vamp, eh? Gotta be mansions and huge abandoned hotels. Although, you gotta wonder where he gets the money for these things. I mean, does being evil really pay that well? 'Cause if it does, Spike must have missed the memo."

Yeah, he had already seen the hotel in another reality, but Willow didn't know that. So he played along, acting as though this was his first time to the Hyperion.

Willow just giggled at Xander and headed up the steps to the door.

"Come on. The sooner I do this, the sooner you can ask him about his investment portfolio."

The pair walked undetected into the hotel. Xander was suddenly inundated with images of him and Spike and Angel having sex on the floor right where the others were standing. He shook off the images and tried to pay attention to what was going on in front of him.

There was an argument in progress - obviously about Angelus. They listened for a minute, but when the teenager started talking about putting Angelus down, Xander figured it was time to announce their presence. Willow beat him to it.

"I don't think so. I think you need a witch."

Everyone turned to look at them and Xander smiled goofily and then asked,

"So, who's the brat with the hard-on for staking Angelus?"

Willow scowled at Xander and walked towards the others.

"Did I come at a bad time?"

Wesley looked at her and then spoke her name. Connor gave her a disgusted look and asked if she was a witch. Willow just smiled and replied that yes, she was a witch.

"And you must be Angel's handsome-yet-androgynous son. Oh look, and the sneer is genetic. Who knew?"

Xander grinned at the look of outrage on the kid?s face.

"It's Connor."

The skinny brown-haired girl stepped forward and introduced herself, then Willow babbled on about Wesley?s new look - something Xander had to admit was working for the guy. If he had looked like this in that other reality, he might have been better able to understand that Xander's attraction for him. The Marlboro Man image looked good on him.

Willow wanted to look in on Cordelia, so she and Xander headed for the stairs. About halfway up, Xander stopped and concentrated on the uneasy feeling he was getting.

"Hey, Wills? You go on up, I'm going to go back down and talk to Wes; I don't think Cordy would want me to see her if she's not well. You know, if she looks bad?"

"Oh. Right. Good idea. I won't be long."

Xander went back down the stairs and motioned for Wesley to join him. When the older man came over, Xander threw an arm over his shoulder and drew him away to the furthest corner of the lobby.

"You're good with the magics, right?"

"Yes. But I am nowhere near the level of Miss Rosenburg. Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's just... Look. Some things happened over the summer, and I can feel things. There is something wrong here, upstairs. I think it might be Cordy."

Wesley stepped back in shock from Xander. He looked at him as though trying to read his mind. Xander sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Look. I don't have time to explain everything, okay? I was cursed. By a vengeance demon. I spent two and a half months - here time, ten months - my time, hopping from one reality to the next. I learned a few interesting facts. One, I know that you are not as straight as you'd like everyone to think..."

Wesley?s eyes bugged out and he looked frantically over at Gunn. Xander just continued speaking as though he hadn't just outed the man.

"Two, I have an uncanny ability when it comes to magic. Three, I can restore Angel?s soul to him permanently. Four, I'm not as straight as I thought I was. And lastly, I learned to trust my own instincts. My instincts tell me there is something off about Cordelia."

"You, you won't say anything to them about me, will you?"

"No. But you just keep this conversation between us, all right? I haven't told Willow what happened over the summer. She doesn't know about the permanent soul spell, either."

"But won't you have to perform the ritual then?"

"No. Willow can resoul him, I'll anchor it afterwards. So, do we have a deal? I keep your secret and you keep mine?"

"Of course. But what about Cordelia?"

"One crisis at a time Wes. First we get Deadboy back among the soul-having, then we'll figure out what Cordy's deal is."

"Very well. I suggest you keep an eye on Connor; he is very protective of Cordelia."

"Yeah, and he seems to hate daddy dearest, too. What's up with that?"

"Long story. If we have time, perhaps I'll fill you in later."

Just then a green-skinned man came down the stairs and headed towards them. Xander's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline and he whispered to Wesley.

"Um, is that a good demon, a bad demon, or the love-child of Kermit the frog and Liberace?"

Wesley laughed and shook his head.

"Xander, this is Lorne. He's an empath demon - he reads auras."

"But only if you sing something for me."

Xander thought about what he should sing. Then he smiled and sang softly.

"No, please don't. No need to go on and on and on, sugar. I'm reading you loud and clear. When the shit has finished hitting the fan, you and me? We need to talk."

"About what?"

"About a certain former-blonde with bad teeth, if you get my drift. I think I can help you."

"Cool."

Wesley had no idea what they were talking about. He figured it had something to do with what Xander had told him, but he also knew Lorne wouldn't betray a confidence so there was no point in asking.

"How is Faith?"

"The same."

Xander broke in.

"Um, excuse me. Did you say Faith was here?"

"Yes, she apprehended Angelus. She's changed a great deal, Xander. She's not the same girl you knew back in Sunnydale."

"Okay. Anything I can do to help? What's wrong with her?"

Lorne glared at Wesley and the Englishman returned the look. Xander knew whatever it was, they were not in agreement over it. He wasn't so sure he wanted to get involved in all of this. He was supposed to just come down here, resoul Angel, find out about spell options for bringing his Spike back, and go home. Things were never simple. Not even this far away from the hellmouth.

~PART 30~

Xander sat at Faith's bedside and watched over her. He had been angry when Lorne told him what had happened, but he understood it. Faith was just doing what she thought was best. Angel was her friend, and she wanted him back. Enough to risk her own life in the process of saving his. He would do what he could to help her recover.

Xander placed his hand on her forehead and channelled energy into her body. He couldn't do much, not with the limited amount of information they knew about this mystical drug she had taken. But as long as she stayed strong, she stood a chance of recovering.

Xander felt the magic start to build up in the hotel. He knew that Willow was beginning her spell so he focused on helping her channel her energies. She was good, and had done this before; but there was something else, something blocking her, trying to stop her from completing her task.

Xander left Faith's side to see what was happening in the lobby. He saw what appeared to be a huge head. A very ugly, very big head. It was growling and shrieking, and everyone was freaking out. Not Willow though; she was still chanting, still doing her job. Xander felt something for her at that moment that he wasn't sure he'd ever feel again - pride.

He noticed Connor break away from the group and run up the stairs toward him. He should have known, should have seen it before. The boy was obviously infatuated with Cordelia. Xander shook his head and snorted. He was in the same boat once, a very long time ago. All of a sudden the magic swelled and then blinked out. Xander frowned and went in the direction Connor had headed. He was stunned by what he was hearing.

"Oh Connor, I'm so sorry. I thought it came back. That horrible floaty head."

"Did it hurt you? Is the baby..."

"We nearly got killed!"

"Willow's spell, it must have opened a gateway to something."

"Evil. If she keeps at it there's no telling what will happen. She already let hell itself into this hotel."

"I know. I've seen it. It's not safe for you here. I'm gonna make her stop."

"Connor, you can't! She's too powerful. But you can stop it. The reason for all of this. You have to kill Angelus."

Xander blinked rapidly. Cordy was pregnant? Why didn't anyone tell him? And why would she want Angelus dead? Last he knew she was in love with Angel. Things were definitely fishy.

He tuned back in to hear Cordelia tell Connor that killing Angelus was the only way to ensure their family's safety. His jaw dropped open. He couldn't believe it. Cordy and Angel?s son? Eeew! That was just gross. He went off to find Wes; they definitely needed to talk.

He found Wes sitting with Faith. He was just about to lay into him about not telling him about Cordy when Faith woke up. She blinked as she saw Xander standing there, but then suddenly cursed and took off.

"Well, that was rude."

Xander and Wesley followed after Faith, but she was too fast to keep up with. By the time they got to the lobby she was nowhere to be seen. Xander saw Willow and Fred talking together and called out to them.

"Hey, either of you see Faith come through here?"

"Yeah, she ran down to the basement. Lorne went after her."

"Thanks, uh... Fred, right?"

"Yeah, it's short for Winifred."

"Oh. Okay."

Xander and Wesley headed for the basement, Willow and Fred close behind them. What they found when they got there was an unconscious Gunn, a recently-resouled Angel holding Connor by the neck through the bars of his cage, and Faith who looked better than she had earlier, but still really bad by slayer standards.

"Um, does someone want to let me out of the cage now?"

Angel looked around and then his eyes rested on Xander. He cocked his head and sniffed the air. Xander suddenly realised what it was he was smelling, and smacked himself on the forehead. He should have known better. Not only did he not mask the claim, he hadn't washed after fooling around with Spike. Too bad Wesley was already unlocking the door.

Xander turned and made a run for it. He got two steps away from the stairs before he was slammed face first into a wall by a snarling vampire. He heard the gasps from behind him, and Willow assuring everyone that he was Angel and not Angelus. He chuckled at his own stupidity and let Angel turn him around and press him back against the wall again.

"What. Did. He. Do?"

"Huh?"

"Don't play stupid with me, Xander. Spike. What did he do?"

"Oh! Um, not what you're obviously thinking. Can we talk in private? Please?"

"I don't think so."

Angel wrenched Xander's head to the side and tore open the front of his shirt. Everyone gasped as they saw the bite on his neck. Willow stepped forward, tears in her eyes.

"Xander?"

Xander sighed in defeat. This was not the way he wanted this to come out. Not here, and not like this. Then again, when had things ever gone the way he wanted them to?

"It's okay, Wills. It's not what you're thinking."

"Good, 'cause I'm thinking Spike's been using you as take-out."

Xander growled - actually growled - and Angel let him go. He didn't move away from him, however. Xander looked Angel in the eye and then smiled as a truly wicked idea came to him. He leaned forward and whispered in his ear.

Angel's eyes went wide and he staggered backwards from the smirking human. He couldn't believe what Xander had told him. But it had to be true. How else would he know that?

"Um, perhaps we should take this discussion upstairs. There is no need for alarm; Xander's fine."

Xander nodded his head in thanks and headed upstairs. Who knew that Deadboy would scare so easily? All he had to do was whisper a few words in Gaelic, and Angel was putty in his hands.

The others followed behind as Xander made his way back to the lobby. He wasn't looking forward to the explanation, but didn't see any way of putting it off. It wasn't likely that Angel was going to drop the subject entirely. Once he was seated somewhat comfortably on the round sofa-thing, Xander took a deep breath and began.

"Okay, some of you know exactly what this is."

He looked pointedly at Angel and Wesley, then at Lorne who nodded his understanding, as well.

"So I don't need to explain it you. But the rest of you just see a vampire bite. Am I right?"

At the collective nods, Xander smiled slightly and continued.

"Alright, first off, let me tell you that I am not a happy-meal. Spike isn't feeding from me; he's my mate. We're bonded."

Xander looked at the faces of the people assembled. Lorne didn't seem bothered at all, Angel was still in shock, and Wes looked like he wanted to say something but was biting his tongue to remain silent. Connor looked at him with pure revulsion, and Fred merely looked curious. It was Willow's reaction he was worried about. She was the one he had to see everyday, after all.

"Wills? You're awfully quiet."

"I... I don't know what to say, Xander. I mean you disappear for months, then you come home and you won't talk about it, you avoid me like the plague, and now you're gay? And with Spike? What about Buffy?"

"Buffy has nothing to do with this. This is about me and Spike."

"Okay, fine. How did this happen? What the hell happened to you in two and half months that made you seek out Spike as a boyfriend?"

Xander just knew this was going to turn ugly if he didn't do something soon. He looked around and his eyes settled on the door to the office. He stood and headed for the door.

"Deadboy? Is it okay if Willow and I talk in private?"

"Fine. But I want a word with you alone, as well."

Xander smirked.

"Okay. But remember, I'm a married man now. No funny stuff."

Xander laughed at the look on Angel's face and headed into the office with Willow right behind him.

 ~PART 31~

Willow couldn't believe what she had just heard. Xander had been gone for almost a year. He had had to fight for his life, had seen things that no one should have to see, and had no one to share it with. Well, not at first anyway. She was still a bit confused on the two Spikes issue, but it was her own role in the whole thing that really upset her. She had done this to her best friend.

"I didn't mean to. Oh Goddess, Xander. I would never do that to you; you have to believe me."

"I'd like to, Willow. I really would, but how do you explain it then? I was under a spell. You put it on me. You changed who I was. How do I get past that?"

"It... It wasn't like that. Will you let me explain?"

"Sure. Explain to me how you didn't mean to take away my choices, how denying who I am was suppose to help me."

Willow couldn't stop the tears that ran down her face. She had never seen Xander behave so indifferently toward her. It hurt. A lot. She remembered back to when it had happened and began speaking.

"It was just after Jesse died. I found out what happened, that you had staked him. Oh Xander, I felt so bad for you, having to go through that. I just wanted to help you. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

Xander motioned for her to continue, and Willow ducked her head before speaking again.

"I loved you. I think I always have. I saw the way it was hurting you, tearing you up inside and I only wanted to make the pain go away. So I did a spell. It was supposed to make you forget - purge the feelings of guilt and regret you had over Jesse. It was supposed to make it so that you would never feel guilt over Jesse again. I didn't know that you were in love with him. That changes everything."

Xander just continued to watch his best friend from childhood as she tried to make sense of what had happened. He was beginning to figure it out for himself as well. It didn't make this any less painful, but it did make him feel a bit better about Willow. She had only been thinking about him, not herself, after all.

"I guess, the spell made it so that you would never fall in love with another guy, therefore you wouldn't feel any guilt about being with him and betraying your memory of Jesse. Goddess, Xander. I only wanted to help you. I wanted to take your pain away, and all I've done is cause you more. I'm so sorry; I should never have done it. I was stupid and immature, and I'm a bad witch. I should never use magic again; I only end up hurting people."

Willow began to cry and Xander gathered her in his arms. He couldn't be mad at her anymore - well not a lot anyway. They were just kids then, and Willow had only been trying to help him.

"I understand now. But Wills, you can't make decisions for people like that. It's wrong to take a person?s pain away from them. I would have come to terms with Jesse's death on my own. I know you learned your lesson after you and Tara broke up, and I'm proud of you for not doing magics anymore. Well, other than today anyway, but that was an extenuating circumstance. You have to let people live their own lives; just because you can do something doesn't mean you should . Look what happened to Buffy? Everything that has happened since she came back was because of us. If we had just accepted her death, her sacrifice, none of this would be happening. She'd be in heaven, Spike wouldn't have gotten a soul just to try and win her love, and The First Evil wouldn't be about to spring loose on the world."

Willow nodded her head and sat up. She knew that Xander was right, that she had messed up big time. She had no way of making the past right, but she could do something to make things better between her and her best friend.

"Whatever happens, Xander, I'm on your side. If Spike makes you happy, then I'm all for it."

"Thanks, Wills. But I'm not entirely sure what's going on there. We... Our bonding was kind of an accident. It wasn't supposed to happen, but now that it did, I kinda like it. I mean, he's not my Spike... except that he is now, I guess, but not the one I fell in love with... except that I did. Damn it. This is hard to explain."

Willow giggled slightly and patted Xander's shoulder.

"I get it."

"Okay. So he's not the first one I loved, but he's here now."

Xander placed his hand over his heart and smiled at Willow.

"And I don't want to change that. But I want the other one back, too. I need him. Does this make sense to you?"

"Yeah. If I lost Tara, and then found another Tara and fell in love with her - which I would, 'cause she'd be Tara, you know? I'd still always want the first one back as well. Just because you love someone new, it doesn't mean you stop loving the first person."

"Exactly."

"So, how do we get your other Spike back?"

"No we, just me. I don't want you involved in this. You and spells are not a good idea, especially one as powerful as this one would have to be."

"I know that. I just meant I could help you look. I am research girl, you know."

"Oh. In that case, thanks. I need to talk to Deadboy first, and the green guy said he might have an idea."

"Okay. Should I go and get Angel?"

"Yeah, guess I should get that over with."

Xander ran his hands back through his hair and sighed. He really didn't want to have this conversation. He knew that Angel was only doing what he always did - sticking his nose in where it didn't belong - but he really wished he didn't have to deal with this right now.

Xander looked up and smiled grimly as Angel entered the office and closed the door behind him.

"Xander."

"Angel."

"You plan on explaining?"

"Which part? Spike, or the Gaelic?"

"Both. Start with Spike, I don't think I'm ready to hear the explanation for the other. Not yet, anyway."

Angel sat behind his desk and took a bottle of Irish whiskey and a couple of glasses from a cabinet behind him. He handed one of the glasses to Xander and poured them each a drink.

"Well, I suppose the first thing I should do is welcome you to the family."

Xander blushed bright red and looked frantically at the door.

"Um, can we maybe skip that part? I mean, you're kinda noisy, and they're all right out there in the lobby..."

Xander trailed off as Angel blanched and set down the bottle. Xander realised with a start that that wasn't the kind of welcome Angel was talking about.

"And you meant you were going to welcome me with a drink, didn't you?"

"I guess I'm ready to hear about the other now."

"Um, alright but I still think it would easier if I explain about Spike first."

"Alright. As long as you explain."

Xander started at the beginning. He told Angel about how he had woken up that first morning, confused and not sure of anything. How he had jumped around to different realities - including one where Acathla was in charge. When Angel asked why he hadn't attempted to stake him, Xander blushed and told him that it was kinda hard to stake someone who you'd been intimate with. Angel refrained from asking questions after that and just let Xander continue with his tale.

Finally, Xander came to the end. He told him about what had been going since he'd been home - he left out the bit about Spike having a soul; that was his story to tell or not to tell. Then he told him he could make his soul permanent.

"You... How?"

"I got a spell from another me. He and the Angel of his world have been together since high school. He found it, and used it to anchor your double?s soul after Angelus was turned loose following their first time. It works. I can do it right now if you want."

"I... You're sure?"

"Uh huh. I wouldn't suggest it otherwise. I'm the last guy who wants to see Angelus unleashed - I'm family now, and I know how he treats family."

Angel nodded his consent and watched as Xander walked to the door.

"I just need my bag. I'll be right back."

Angel closed his eyes and smiled. If this worked, he could finally tell Cordelia that he loved her. He could finally be with her the way he wanted to be, the way he hoped she wanted him to be. Just the thought was almost enough to make his soul disappear.

Xander came back into the office and opened a worn out old gym bag and pulled out two books and set them on the desk. Then he started rummaging around in the bag again. Angel looked at the books and his eyes bugged out at the title on the larger book.

"My God. Xander, do you know what this is?"

"That? Yeah, it's a spell book. I got it from some Chinese-looking demon lady."

"Ming Chi?"

"I don't know. She owns a bookstore on Wilkins Street."

"Xander, this book... Have you used it?"

"Yeah."

"You... You can read it?"

"Yeah. But only sometimes. I guess I'm not ready yet."

"Holy shit. This book only reveals itself to true magic users. You have to be of both dark and light - balanced, or it remains blank. Even I can't see the words and I'm a demon with a soul. How much more balance is there than that?"

Xander just shrugged and put the spell book back into his bag. He didn't need it anyway; he was trying to get it out of the way so he could find the ceramic bowl and the lighter he had stuffed in there before leaving that morning.

"Aha! There it is."

Xander pulled out the little black Bic lighter and set it on the desk next to the saran-wrapped ceramic bowl full of herbs and other less pleasant ingredients.

"You ready?"

"Yes. What do I have to do?"

"I'm going to light this..."

Xander pointed to the bowl.

"...And then I'm going to start the spell. When I point to you, I want you to let three drops of your blood fall into the flames. No more, no less. Got that?"

"Sure. Um, what happens if I screw up?"

"Don't screw up."

Angel swallowed and then took a deep, relaxing breath.

"Okay. Let's do this."

~PART 33~

We're on our way home. I gotta say I'm glad Wills didn't do that to me on purpose. I missed my best friend, and finding out that she only wanted to help me get over having to stake Jesse - it's a load off my mind. It was still wrong, but she realises that now, so it's done. No more feeling bitter and hateful towards Willow.

Angel's soul is secure; we didn't test it, but I know it is. Still, he plans on coming down to remedy that after Spike and I finish our bonding. I don't know when that'll happen, but it will likely be soon. I have mixed feelings about that. I want him, no doubt there, but I still can't help but feel I'm betraying my Spike by doing this. Plus, there is the fact that Spike even admitted he's never bottomed for a human before. He made it sound like it was something he wasn't interested in changing either. I don't really have a problem with that, I enjoy it either way, but if this is going to be a long term thing between us - and from what I understand about mates, it is - then it needs to be on equal footing. Something we'll have to talk about sooner or later.

Then there is Angel. Christ, when he first twigged to what was happening - and I will so be having words with Spike when I get back, I mean he could have warned me - he was furious. I had to resort to whispering things in Gaelic to him just to get him to let me go! It's a good thing he's a predictable vampire - Spike says he always gasps out the same phrases during sex. It was enough to get him off of me and give me time to explain a few things.

So much has happened. I don't even know where to start. Cordelia was possessed by a ... not real sure what she was, but damn, was she ugly. Willow helped me to cast her out of Cordy, and with no host body she just sort of... fizzled out. It was kinda gross. Oh, and Cordelia's not preggers anymore now, either. Turns out the thing was trying to give birth to herself. Yuck!

The green guy - Lorne - gave me some good news. He knew of a spell that will bring my Spike back. It calls for some really out-there ingredients, though. Not the least of which, being blood of the sire, the subject and the sorcerer. So, Angel, Spike, and I assume the sorcerer is me. That I can do. I have Angel's blood - he was really good about giving it to me after what Willow and I did for Cordelia; I'm pretty sure that Spike will give me his blood, and I already have my own. It's the other stuff that's gonna be difficult. I mean, the powdered Racashka's horn alone is going to take time to track down. I don't care, though. I have a way to bring him back now. Finally, he'll be here with me the way he should have been all along.

The only thing that worries me is how is this going to work? I love my mate and I missed him so much, but now I have this other Spike and he's my mate now, too. I don't want to hurt him. I love him, as well. How is this possibly going to work? I know that my Spike said it'd be fine, that everything would work out in the end, and I believe him, but it's the beginning and the middle that has me concerned. Spike is very possessive; both of them are. And with this Spike having a soul, he's so damaged right now that I'm afraid anything that my Spike says or does to him could hurt him. It's no secret what my mate thinks about having a soul, and then there is the whole "falling for a slayer" thing.

I should just go and buy myself a black and white striped shirt. I'm going to be playing referee quite a bit, I can tell. I mean the idea of being in the middle of them sounds good in theory, but not when it's going to be to keep them from killing each other.

Then there's the ring. It belongs to Spike. I gave it to him and I wouldn't even think of taking it back, but what about this Spike? I mean, doesn't he deserve to walk in the sunlight too? How are Spike and I ever going to enjoy a day out in the sun knowing that he's back at the apartment -or worse, at Buffy's - trapped inside?

I kinda wish this had never happened. Not because I don't love this Spike; I do. It's just that suddenly my life is way more complicated than I ever thought it would be. I mean, the gay thing took me by surprise, the Spike thing was even more of a shock, but two Spikes? One souled and one chipped? How am I supposed to deal with this?

Thank God Willow is a better driver than Buffy. I need this time to sort things out and I would never let Buffy drive my car on the freeway. We're probably an hour away from Sunnydale now. Faith is coming back with us since there is no big evil in L.A. that needs her attention right now. And hey? First Evil? I'm thinking there's no such thing as too many slayers!

So, all I need now is for Cordelia to come on down, and then I can sit around with all my past lovers in front of my current one. Gee, uncomfortable much? But Angel says Faith has changed, and from what I've seen, I believe him. I just hope Buffy can accept her; we need the extra muscle and I'm a firm believer in second chances. If Angel and Spike deserve another chance, why not Faith?

I keep coming back to Willow. God, if I had just told her everything in the beginning, I could have saved myself so much grief. How is it that the demons in my life know more about human relationships than I do? I mean both Anya and Spike told me that I should talk to my friends, tell them everything and get it sorted. But not me; no, Xander has to hold onto a grudge and let it fester. I can be such an ass at times. I hurt Willow. I didn't trust her, and I let my suspicions harden my heart against her. Thank God she loves me.

She's pretty forgiving, my Willow. She told me she didn't blame me, that if it had been her, she might have reacted the same way. After seeing her go all "Evil Willow" in that one reality, I really hope that that is a side of her I never see in this Willow.

Faith is being pretty cool about the whole thing. Even the "Spike as my mate" part. I think she has her ideas about Angel and me, as well. She gave us this weird little grin when we came out of the office and later she made some cryptic remark about Sunnydaler's getting all the hot vamps. If she only knew!

Wills and she are chatting away in the front seat. Discussing the First, Angelus, Cordy's possession and pregnancy. Faith told her about the dream-sharing with Angelus, and I gotta say I laughed at the puppy rescue. Only Angelus would consider that a nightmare. Although, I have to admit, the Angelus I met - the one that tortured Riley - was nothing like the crazy fucker we all knew and hated when he was loose in Sunnydale. He was different, more in control. Spike said he used to be like that before the curse. Now, he's just crazy. But maybe not as crazy as we think. He did take out the Beast after all, ended the no-sunlight issue. It's a moot point now though, what with Angel's soul being permanent.

That's the other thing. Before the spell, Angel was all "I don't want to know about you and me" and after? He was all hands and lips and "Welcome to the family". I mean, what's up with that? Maybe he's channelling his inner demon? I should have had Tara or Willow look over the spell for me. I think I might have blended a bit of Angelus into Angel's personality; either that or the man was a horn-dog before he was turned. I'll have to ask Spike about that. What Liam was like before he ran into Darla and met death at the end of sharp, pointy teeth.

Then again, maybe bringing Angel up when Spike and I haven't even had the sex yet is a bad idea. He's still sore about Angelus taking Drusilla away from him, and about the fact that Buffy still loves Angel. He might get a bit... Angry? Growly? Possessive? I don't want to be the cause of any more of his pain. Maybe I should tell him what Angel said, about being over Buffy. It might help. Then again, do I want to offer any false hope? Plus, hello? Mated to me now? How the hell would he and Buffy ever make it work when he belongs to someone else?

I don't think I'd be very good about it either. Just the thought of the two of them together now makes my stomach twist. I can feel my anger and jealousy rising to the surface. I have to remind myself that it isn't real, that there is nothing going on between them. That they weren't... together while I was in L.A.

Damn this bond thing is hard!

Xander closed his book with a sigh and watched out the window as the dark scenery blurred past them. He was looking forward to going home, but at the same time, he was dreading seeing the Welcome to Sunnydale sign. He wondered if Willow would let him drive now? He kinda wanted to run the sign down on his way into town, sort of a tribute to his mate. Both of them.

~PART 34~

Xander didn't end up driving over the sign; he didn't end up driving at all. Willow drove them all to Buffy's place where they sat inside the car for the better part of twenty minutes trying to work up the nerve to go inside.

Willow was still in shock after hearing everything that Xander had been through, not to mention seeing exactly how powerful he was now. What he did to Cordelia - even though she had helped - was beyond anything she had ever seen.

Faith was scared. She wasn't too stubborn to admit that anymore. She wasn't afraid of dying; it was what slayers did. She was afraid of how she would be accepted. Or not. She had done some horrible things to these people, facing them wasn't going to be pleasant.

Xander was afraid to see Spike. They had agreed to take things slow, but what happened before he had left was not taking things slow. It was fast, very fast. They went from comfort to naked in under sixty seconds. He was afraid that he would jump the blonde as soon as he saw him. For all his protestations, he wanted him. It didn't help that he was still aroused from what Angel had done to him back in L.A. - not to mention his promise of what they would do once Spike had claimed him properly.

Finally, Faith broke the silence as she muttered 'fuck it' and opened her door. Xander gave Willow a small smile and followed suit. The three of them mounted the steps together and then stood outside the front door. No one wanted to be the first inside.

"Hey, Faith? Look. For whatever it's worth, I forgive you. No hard feelings."

"Thanks, Xan. It's worth something, believe me."

"I do. You ready?"

"No. But I'll deal."

"Come on then. Let's get this over with."

Xander opened the door and stepped inside. It was not a happy scene. The potentials were all glowery and depressed and there was a strange kid standing in the corner wearing oven mitts. Xander looked around for Buffy but didn't see her.

"Hey, where's Buffy?"

Everyone turned to look at Xander, but it was the new kid that answered.

"She went out. Well, after yelling at everyone and pissing Spike off."

"Thanks. And you would be?"

The guy looked at Xander strangely.

"I'm Andrew. Remember?"

"Um, yeah. You look familiar."

Xander and Andrew continued to give each other strange looks. Willow put her hand on Xander's shoulder and frowned at him.

"Xander? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, you don't seem to remember Andrew. He's been here since just after Spike came back. He's been helping, trying to make amends for the whole stalking Buffy thing he got dragged into by Warren. You don't remember any of this?"

"No. I remember Warren killed his girlfriend and tried to pin it on Buffy. I remember he got arrested and Andrew and Jonathan got arrested as well, for helping him."

As Xander looked around the room, he noticed that everyone was looking at him like he was crazy. There was something definitely off about this whole thing.

"I... I'm gonna go. Home. I have things... Sleep. I must be overtired. Yeah that's it. I just need a good night's sleep."

Xander shook his head and left the house. He got into his car and drove towards his apartment. He didn't know what the hell was going on but it felt familiar. Like he was in a different reality again - albeit one very close to his own.

After parking and taking the elevator up to his floor. Xander stood outside his apartment door afraid to go in. He was terrified that he would already be in there. That he had somehow ended up back on his nightmare trip through dimensions. Knowing that he wouldn't get any answers standing outside in the hallway, he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

It looked like home. It smelled like home. It was quiet and dark; there were no obvious signs of anyone else being there. Xander turned on the hall light and went towards his bedroom. He looked in his closet and let out a breath of relief. Spike's duster and Docs were there. He opened the bedside table and saw his mate's journal - along with the flogger, the cuffs, and the other trinkets he had picked up in that one reality.

"Thank fucking God."

"Why?"

"Aaack!"

Xander turned around to find Anya smiling at him.

"Damn it An, are you trying to scare me to death?"

"No. I came to answer your questions. Scaring you is just an added bonus."

"Questions?"

"Yeah, you know, why is Andrew at Buffy's house? Why does everyone seem to think he belongs there? Why don't I remember any of this?"

"Oh. Those questions."

"Yeah. So where should I start?"

Xander sat on the bed and Anya sat down next to him. She put an arm around his shoulders and squeezed.

"You're not in a different reality, Xander. This one has just been... altered."

"By who? Why? How?"

"Hallie. It was a wish. Andrew."

Xander was furious. He went away for a day and everything changed. He hated that damn Halfrek; she had put him through hell. Now this?

"What did Andrew wish for?"

"He wished for a different life. One where he was included, where he made a difference. He wanted to help Buffy."

"So now he's there? What the hell does he do in a house full of girls?"

"Cook, mostly."

"And this is what he wanted?"

"Yeah, he's rather simple that way."

"Okay. What the hell all have I missed since I went to L.A.?"

"A lot. Come on, you can buy me dinner and I'll tell you what's happened."

Xander shook his head fondly at his ex-fiancée and followed her back out to his car. They got inside and he drove toward the Chinese food restaurant she liked. Once they were inside and had ordered, he gave her a pointed look and she sighed.

"Fine. You missed quite a bit. Turns out that Wood guy is the child of a slayer. He had some stuff of his mother's that he gave to Buffy. Included in that stuff was a shadow caster. Before you ask, it's a magical storyteller. This one tells the story of how the first slayer was created. Buffy went into the past to talk to these shadow men and see if they had anything to help with the First."

Anya took a sip of her drink and then shook her head.

"Like a bunch of men would be of any use. They weren't. Buffy disappeared and in her place we got a big ole stinkin' demon - Spike had to track it down and kill it. The only way to get Buffy back was to send the demon back through the portal. Of course this was after Buffy told Spike how useless he was now. After she lectured everyone on how they weren't pulling their own weight. She even accused me of not doing anything to help! I mean, hello? I am a demon."

Xander smiled at Anya.

"Yes, you are. And not that I'm not grateful, but why are you helping?"

"Because it's the right thing to do. You were my first friend, Xander. My first lover, my first boyfriend, my first everything. You taught me what it is to be human, and even though I'm not human anymore, I don't want to see you hurt. Any of you."

"Good enough for me. Thanks, An."

They shared a smile and then Xander frowned.

"Buffy told Spike he was useless?"

"It was awful. She told him she wanted the old Spike back. The one who had tried to kill her when he first saw her. He was devastated, Xander. You would have been proud of him, though. He didn't show it. He reminded Buffy that he did all of this, the soul and whatnot, for her and she just told him she didn't want the soul, she wanted the demon."

"Oh God. Poor Spike; where is he?"

"Where do you think, Xander? He's out being the "Big Bad", trying to prove that he's demon enough for her. It won't work. Buffy doesn't know what she wants, and she's making everyone else crazy because of it."

Their dinners arrived and they ate silently for a few minutes.

"An? Did Buffy tells the others about me?"

"No. Not in so many words, but she was pissed about keeping your secret. She thinks you should be doing more on the magic front instead of hiding behind Tara and letting her do all the work. I'm sorry, but I have to agree with her on that point. Tara doesn't have your power. You would be a better choice. It almost killed her and Giles when they had to open the portal to bring Buffy back. You would have been able to do it easily."

"Point. Well, I'm done hiding, anyway. I talked to Willow; we're all good now. I fixed Deadboy's curse and I brought Faith back with us. I think we stand a chance against this thing now."

"Faith? Isn't she the crazy slayer that tried to kill you for foreplay?"

"Yep. One and the same. She's changed though. She's on our side now."

"If you say so."

They didn't talk much after that. Xander was worried about Spike, and it was obvious. Anya finally told him to just go find him and take him home. Xander thanked her, paid the bill and left.

~PART 35~

It was almost sunrise by the time Xander made it home. He hadn't found Spike, and he had run out of places to look. He figured the blonde was probably home by now, that or at Buffy's. He'd check his place first; if Spike wasn't there then he'd call over and see if he had gone to slayer central instead.

The apartment was still dark and quiet. Xander felt his disappointment like a lead weight. He really wanted to see Spike, to tell him that he knew what Buffy had said, and that she was wrong. That Xander didn't think he was useless, that Xander loved him just as he was - soul and all.

Xander sighed and picked up the phone. He dialled Buffy's house and rolled his eyes when Andrew answered. That was another thing he was curious about - why he wasn't affected by Halfrek's magics.

"Andrew, it's Xander. Is Spike there, by any chance?"

"No. He hasn't been back since Buffy yelled at him. Yelled at all of us, actually. I don't blame him; she was harsh."

"Thanks."

Xander hung up on Andrew, feeling a small pang of guilt over it, but too worried about his vampire to give it much thought. He headed for his room, stripped off his clothes and padded naked across the hall to the bathroom.

The shower was a blessed relief. He felt like he hadn't been clean in forever. He smiled as he remembered the look on Angel's face when he smelled him. Xander shook his head and grinned; Spike knew that Angel would smell Spike on him and had sent him off like that anyway. Possessive, thy name is Spike.

Xander stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. He was still scrubbing his hair dry when the bathroom door opened and Spike stepped inside.

"Have a nice trip then?"

"Ahhh! Damn it, Spike, when did you get home?"

"Been here for a couple hours, was sleeping 'til some git turned on the water and woke me."

"Oh. Sorry."

Xander just then remembered he was naked and quickly covered himself with the towel. Spike snorted and rolled his eyes.

"I've already seen it, Xander. No need to play shy with me."

"Oh. Right."

There was something off about Spike. Xander couldn't pinpoint what, but he knew it was there all the same. Spike felt... aloof, indifferent, closed off.

"You were in your room?"

"Where else would I be? It's where I sleep, isn't it? Or do you want me to leave?"

"Er, no. I just thought... I mean, you were sleeping in my... never mind."

"Oh, I see. You thought I'd be waiting for you, didn't you? What did you think, Xander? That you'd come home and I'd be lying in your bed just waiting for you to climb in and roll me over?"

"NO! Damn it Spike. I didn't think that. I thought we were friends."

"Demons don't have friends. I don't need a friend, Xander; I'm not human."

Xander wanted to slap Buffy. This was her fault. Spike was fine when he left that morning. In the span of less than twenty-four hours, everything had gone to hell. All the progress he had made with the vampire had been undone. Well, at least he wasn't crazy-in-the-basement-guy.

"Do you still have your soul, Spike?"

"Does it matter? You love him, and he doesn't have a soul. Buffy wants the demon, you want the demon, why not be the demon?"

"Because you don't have to be? If that's what you want, Spike, I'm okay with that. But you don't have to be anything for me. I love you just the way you are."

Spike cocked his head to the side and studied Xander closely. In a move so fast that Xander didn't even see it, Spike was in front of him - demon face to the fore. He tilted Xander's head to the side and brushed his fangs over his neck.

"Mine."

"Yours."

Spike sank his fangs deeply into his mark and pulled Xander into a crushing embrace. He brought his hand to his own throat and made a cut with his fingernail. He cupped the back of Xander's head and pulled him to the wound. As soon as he felt Xander's lips close over the cut and begin drawing on his blood he removed the towel from Xander's waist.

Xander felt himself harden as Spike's cool fingers closed around him. He moaned into his neck as he continued to suckle at the slow trickle of blood. He fumbled with the drawstring on the vampire's pants and finally got them untied. He pushed them down over slim hips and felt them pool at their feet.

Spike's hand moved with a purpose, expertly bringing Xander closer and closer to orgasm. It didn't take long, and Xander would have been embarrassed if this had happened with a woman, but Spike being a guy, knew exactly how to touch him; how to bring him off quickly. He had barely registered Spike's fangs receding before he found himself on his knees; Spike's cock in his face.

"Suck me, pet."

"Yeeesss."

Xander didn't waste any time. He licked across the head of the pale cock and moaned at the taste of the fluids there. He had missed this taste; it had been too long since he had done this. He swiftly took as much of Spike into his mouth as he could. He brought his hands up to caress Spike's balls and pump his shaft as he continued to suck. He could hear Spike's moans of encouragement and sank down further until he could feel the head of his mate's cock against the back of his throat. He swallowed.

"Fuck! Xander, do that again!"

Xander did. He swallowed again and then pulled back until only the tip of Spike's cock was in his mouth. He played over the slit with his tongue and then slid one finger into his mouth to lubricate it. He sank down on the vampire's cock again and swallowed continuously as he worked the now wet finger between Spike's cheeks and pressed it into his ass. Spike screamed and came. Xander swallowed and then licked him clean before getting to his feet.

Spike blinked at Xander and then shook his head. He pulled his sweats back up and walked away. Xander grabbed his towel and followed after him with a frown. He found Spike in the kitchen heating blood.

"Spike?"

"Yeah, pet?"

"You alright?"

"Fine. Why d'you ask?"

"No reason."

Spike looked at Xander and then shrugged before drinking his blood and rinsing the cup in the sink. He walked past Xander and headed down the hall.

"I'm going back to bed. If you're staying up, try to keep the noise down, eh? Need my beauty sleep and all."

Xander just stood there in shock as Spike went into his bedroom and closed the door.

~PART 36~

Xander blinked and then snapped out of his shock. He didn't know what the hell had just happened. Well, sex, yeah. Biting too - at least on Spike's part. They had reaffirmed their blood bond. So why the cold-shoulder all of a sudden?

Xander went down the hall and stopped outside of Spike's bedroom door. He thought about knocking, about demanding an explanation for what had just happened but he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear it. Spike was hard to figure out on good days, and this wasn't a good day. What had happened in the bathroom was good and all, but he was still horny and he really missed sex.

"I should have just let Angel fuck me."

Xander muttered to himself and walked away. He barely got a foot inside his bedroom door before he was pressed face first against the wall.

"Gee, this seems familiar."

Spike pressed harder and Xander stopped talking. He didn't know what this was all about, but he wasn't going to do anything to aggravate the blonde further.

"Should have let Angel fuck you?"

Spike snarled and then dug his fangs into Xander's neck. He didn't drink; just left them buried in the flesh as he kept Xander pinned to the wall. Xander didn't know whether to try and break free or push himself further into the possessive embrace of his mate. Spike withdrew his fangs and licked over the seeping wound to close it.

"I don't know how that other Spike feels, but I don't share. You're mine, Xander, body, blood and soul. You don't fuck with anyone but me!"

"I didn't! I told him that we hadn't... that he couldn't. Not without you."

"Want to be claimed then, Xander? Want me to finish what you started? Take what's mine?"

"Yeeessss!"

Xander pushed his ass back against Spike's naked groin. He could feel Spike’s hard cock as it twitched against his towel-clad ass. He groaned as Spike growled softly in his ear.

"You gonna scream for me, Xander? Scream my name as I fuck you hard and fast?"

"Yes, Spike. Oh God, yes!"

The towel was suddenly gone and so was Spike. Xander had only a moment to protest the loss of that cool strong body before it was back, and wet slippery fingers were probing him. And none too gently either.

"Gonna take you, Xander. Fuck you; claim you all proper like. Gonna make you scream, make you mine. No one can take you from me after this."

Spike's fingers withdrew from Xander’s body and were instantly replaced by something much larger as Spike pushed his way inside. Xander muffled his scream by biting on his tongue. It had been awhile and he could have used a little more preparation than that. Still, it was good. It was rough and hard and fast, but it was Spike inside him, inside him and making him his.

"Fuck! Oh God! Right there, Spike. Shit yeah!"

"Like this, love? Like my cock inside you, splitting you open? Gonna stay buried in you all day long, Xander.

Gonna wake you up every hour and just fuck you and fuck you." Xander clenched around Spike's cock and screamed as Spike wrapped his fist around his cock and stroked him hard. He was so close, so fucking close. If Spike would just bite, he would be in heaven.

"You like that idea, Xander? You want me to sleep buried inside you? Want to wake up to the feel of me stretching you open? I can do it, you know. Stay hard while I sleep. You want that, Xan? Answer me."

"Yes. Fuck yes. Please, Spike."

"Yeah, you like that. Gonna scream for me, love?" Spike bit Xander hard and Xander screamed as he came. He was pretty sure his neighbours wouldn't call the cops; they'd gotten used to the noise when he had been with Anya, but all the same, he needed to try and remember not to be so loud. He felt Spike's orgasm as it washed through him and then the emptiness as the vampire pulled out of his body.

"Relax, Xander. Just gonna put you to bed. You might have lost a bit more blood than what's good for you. Stupid of me to drink from you again. Sorry 'bout that."

"Mmm, s'okay. Love you."

"Yeah, pet. Love you too. Into bed with you." Spike laid Xander down and then left the room. Xander worried that he wasn't going to come back, but before he managed to sit up, he heard the vampire return.

"Just gonna clean you up a bit." Spike wiped him down with a damp cloth and then climbed into bed beside him. He pulled Xander back against his chest and wrapped his arms around him.

"Sorry, love. Didn't mean to be so rough on you. Demon was clamouring to be inside you; it's not natural to mate with someone and not claim him or her physically. You okay?"

"Mmm, better than. Was good."

"Sleep, love."

"You'll stay?"

"Yeah, pet. I'll stay."

"Um... What about..."

Xander trailed off but rubbed his ass into the vampire again. Spike chuckled, lifted Xander’s leg and slid inside of him.

"Better?"

"Yep. Night, Spike."

"G'night love."

Xander drifted off to sleep almost immediately. Spike stayed awake for the better part of an hour just marvelling in the fact that Xander was his. That he had finally claimed him. And all it took was Buffy to tell him he was useless.

He snorted, and Xander stirred briefly. Spike grinned and slowly withdrew his cock until it was just barely inside before sliding back in. Xander moaned and pushed back against him. Spike pulled his mate closer and peppered kisses all over his shoulder and the side of his neck. He did tell the boy he was going to wake him up and fuck him; wouldn't want to lie to his mate now would he?

~PART 37~

By sunset, Xander had been woken several times - just as Spike promised. He was sore, but it was a good kind of sore. The kind of sore that made soaking in a hot bath feel like heaven. Even better when you were joined by your lover.

The two were silently reclined in the large tub, surrounded by hot water and sandalwood-scented bubbles. Xander was resting against Spike's chest with his eyes closed. Spike was running his hands gently over the human's chest and purring softly. It was the very picture of domestic bliss. But Xander being Xander had to ruin it by speaking.

"What happened last night, Spike? You were... strange."

"Not so much. Just not the Spike you're used to."

"Huh?"

"You remember a few years back when we first met? The night Angel wanted us to eat you - and not in the fun way? That was me. That was a century of being a demon, socialising with demons, living in Angelus' shadow. It's who I was, all I was."

"And now?"

"Now I'm different. Even before the soul, I knew that I had to be more than the demon if I was going to survive the chip - If I was going to keep the slayer from staking me. Had to draw on my human memories; that little part of William that survived my turning. I came to realise that you lot were not what I had thought you to be. I mean, a bunch of bumbling teenagers kept spoiling my plans? I was embarrassed for my entire species."

Xander chuckled and Spike kissed the top of his head.

"Then I got to be part of the group, saw how things worked. You were just children, yet you fought things that would scare the living hell out of most adults. And you did it because you wanted to. Had to respect that. Made me take a closer look, and when I did, I liked what I saw. I fell in love with Buffy because she's more than a slayer, more than a killer of my kind. She's unique, our Buffy. Had to give Rupert credit as well; for a watcher, he's an all right bloke. Taught his charge to think for herself, not to just blindly follow orders like most other slayers. Red's always been a bit of all right. Stood up to me even when I was drunk and out of my head with grief over Dru; would have kept her that night in the dorms. Probably not what you want to hear though, is it?"

Xander shook his head.

"Not really."

"Right. It's the truth, though. Always liked Anya, too. Fellow outcast and all that. 'Sides, she embarrassed the hell out of you and Rupert. It was better than telly some days."

"And me?"

"Couldn't stand you."

Spike chuckled as Xander tried to pull away from him. He held him tighter and shook his head.

"No you don't. You asked and you're going to listen. Got that?"

"Fine."

"The reason I couldn't stand you was 'cause you were always bein' smart with me. You called me names, constantly reminded me that I was damaged - impotent. By the way, I really should smack you for that. I'm not - nor was I ever - impotent."

"Yeah, I know."

Xander squirmed slightly, his tender bum reminding him all too well of how not-impotent the vampire was.

"I think, if things had been a little different- if you hadn't been so outwardly hostile to me - we might have been friends. We did have the most in common. You being the only male in the group. Well other than dear old Rupert, but he doesn't count 'cause he's like the father figure to all you pups."

"Yeah. You're probably right. The one Xander I met was already gay and he and that Spike got together right after they had been forced to live together."

"Mmm hmm. See, so if you had only been a little nicer to me, we could have been shagging each other these past couple years and saved ourselves a lot of trouble. There would have been no almost-wedding, no me falling for my natural enemy, I certainly wouldn't have run off and gotten my soul for someone who doesn't even want me."

Xander turned his head and kissed Spike lightly on the lips. He didn't want to hurt Spike, but he couldn't regret the last couple years either. His time with Anya was something he would always treasure, and if not for her, he never would have met his Spike.

"Yeah, but even with all of that, I wouldn't change anything. I've seen my other options and I like my life just fine the way it's turned out. Curses, broken hearts and all."

"Suppose you would. You have any luck in L.A. with that spell you were looking for?"

"Oh! Shit I forgot to tell you. I have it. Angel has some weird green demon guy that works with him. He reads auras if you sing for him, so I sang. He gave me a spell, but it has some really rare ingredients and if it weren't for the fact that he's you, it wouldn't even work."

"How's that?"

"It calls for the blood of the subject of the spell. Actually it needs my blood, your blood and Angel's blood. Dru's would have worked too, but Angel was willing, so it was easier."

Spike didn't say anything while Xander rambled on about the rare things he'd need to perform the spell. He was still stuck on the fact that Xander had found a spell. He wasn't so sure he wanted the other him here. He had only just fully claimed Xander and he wasn't sure if he was ready to share him just yet. Truthfully, he didn't know if he wanted to share him at all. He'd done the three-way relationship before with Dru and Angelus. It hadn't worked out in his favour. Even decades after Angelus had left them, he was still first in Dru's heart. He doubted things were any different here.

If it hadn't been for the other Spike, he wouldn't be with Xander right now. They never would have shared blood and accidentally started this bond. It was obvious by the excited chatter Spike could still hear, that Xander was looking forward to having the other one here. Spike wondered briefly what Xander would do if he refused to give him his blood.

"Water's cooling off, pet. We should get out."

"Mmm, I guess so. I like it in here though; you're comfy."

Spike smiled and squeezed Xander tightly before shifting him forward and standing up. He pulled Xander to his feet and led him out of the tub. After drying himself off he turned around to find Xander looking at him with a strange expression on his face. He cupped the man's cheek and stepped closer to him.

"What's wrong, love?"

"I'm sorry. I just... I realise how hard this must be for you, what with me prattling on about the other you, but I miss him, you know?"

"I know. It's fine."

"No, it's not. I hurt you, didn't I? Just now?"

Spike lowered his eyes and nodded his head slightly.

"A bit. It's just... What are you gonna need me around for once he's back? I've been through this with Dru and Angelus once before; I don't think I can do it again."

Xander pulled Spike into his arms and held him. He kissed his head, his shoulders, his neck and then tilting his head up, he kissed his mouth.

"It won't be like that. I promise. I love you for you, Spike. Not because you're him. You really aren't, you know. He's different. You're different."

"I just don't want to be pushed aside. I don't handle rejection well."

"No? Really?"

Xander grinned and Spike had to chuckle at him.

"Alright, so when do you need my blood?"

"I have to make a few calls, try to find some of the stuff. Wills gave me a list of people to call, so hopefully it'll only take a few days."

"Alright. Well, come on. We have to go see the slayer and Rupert. Christ I hope that Andrew isn't there. Bleedin' git keeps giving me the eye."

"Hey! I wanted to ask you about that..."

Xander followed Spike out of the bathroom and into what he was now thinking of as their room.

"... How long has he been at Buffy's?"

"Since just after I got back from Africa; why?"

Xander groaned and hung his head in his hands.

"Because he doesn't belong there, and I seem to be the only one who realises it. Well, other than Anya."

"Another spell?"

"Vengeance wish. Halfrek."

"Eh, the kids harmless. Who cares?"

"Yeah, you're probably right."

~PART 38~

The last couple of days had been better all the way around. Buffy had apologised to Spike - and to Xander for what had happened in his absence. Xander came out - both about his magic and about Spike. Giles was stunned and asked a million questions; Buffy looked hurt, like she had just realised what Spike meant to her and that she had lost her chance with him. Dawn squealed and jumped around the room chanting 'I was right' over and over again. Willow smiled. She was just happy to have her best friend back.

Faith and Buffy were getting on okay; things had been a bit strained at first, but they came to an understanding. They were slayers, and they needed to work together on this.

Xander kept a close eye on Andrew; he soon came to the conclusion that he was harmless. Andrew just wanted to belong to something - a feeling that Xander could identify with - so he left him alone about the wish and just let him carry on caring for the S.I.T's. He wasn't a bad cook, either.

Tonight however, Xander was on his own. He had to go to L.A. again, this time to pick up some supplies for the spell. He had wanted to take Spike with him, but Giles insisted on doing some ritual to reveal what the trigger was that the First was using on him. He assured Xander that it was harmless and Willow agreed. Spike told him he'd be fine and to go to L.A. without him, but not before taking him aside and making sure he knew to avoid Angel while he was there. Spike wasn't ready to share with his sire yet - head of the clan or not.

Xander had chained Spike to the wall as requested, kissed him softly, and then whispered in his ear about getting a set of manacles for their bedroom before he left. The smouldering look Spike gave him in return was enough of a reason to conduct his business quickly and get back home as soon as he could. Ever since Spike had taken him that first night, they had spent every spare moment they had in bed wrapped around one another.

It didn't take nearly as long to get everything as he thought it would. In fact, there was only one more ingredient he had to wait for before he'd have everything he needed. Willow's contacts were amazing; if they didn't have it, they knew where to get it. Even the final ingredient - something called gherystic, -which turned out to be a plant that only grows in a certain demon dimension. He was glad he had worked things out with Willow, otherwise he never would have gotten everything so quickly. It could have taken months of searching to find that - as it stood, it was being shipped from somewhere in China that night and should arrive in a couple of days.

Xander headed home with a smile on his face and a song in heart. He was happy. Happier than he had ever been in his life. Yeah, he knew things wouldn't be easy at first - living with two Spikes was going to be a real test of his patience - but the pros would far outweigh the cons of the situation. He would finally have his Spike back, and he wouldn't lose this one either. Xander had never pictured himself as the kind of guy to get involved in a triad relationship, but then again, before the curse, he'd never pictured himself as the kind of guy to get involved with another man, either. Or a vampire. Now he was involved with two of them. Yep, he was definitely a demon magnet.

He pulled into the driveway of the Summers' house and got out of the car. He was met by Buffy on the front porch. She didn't look happy, and Xander wondered what had set her off.

"Hey Buff. Spike here?"

"No. He's probably at your place."

Xander nodded and turned to go, but Buffy called after him.

"Xander, wait. Can we talk for a minute?"

"Sure, Buff. What's up?"

"Actually, that's kinda what I wanted to ask you?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's the deal with you and Spike? I mean, you told me you were trying to find a way to bring back the other one, so why did you hook up with this one, and what happens to him when the other one gets here?"

"Ah."

Xander sat on the step and Buffy joined him.

"It's not easy to explain, Buffy. I love Spike, both of them. I never considered getting involved with this Spike at first; he was in love with you, still is, but things changed. There's a lot about vampires that you don't understand; claims being one of them. When I lost my Spike it nearly killed me - seriously. There's a link between us, and when it was severed it affected my health. One of the other Spikes I met up with helped me. He gave me his blood."

Buffy scrunched up her nose in a classic 'eeew' face and Xander smiled softly at her.

"I knew you wouldn't get it. The point is, when I got back here I was okay for a little while because of what that other Spike had done for me. Then it started again; it might have been worse because I had been practising with my power as well, but I'm not sure. Spike... he cut himself - now that I think of it, it was probably on purpose which means he somehow knew before I told him, and boy are we going to have words about that - and I took his blood. That was the beginning. Then there was the incident where he bit me - you remember I told you about that?"

"Yeah. So what? That made it final? He drank from you and that's it? You're mated?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, there were words and all that with the other Spike, but we knew we were doing it - claiming each other. This was sort of an accident. It wasn't complete either. Not until... "

"I get it! No need for details! Um, when did you ... complete it?"

"The morning after I went to L.A. I came home and ran into Anya; she told me what happened, what you said to him. I looked for him all night but finally gave up and went home - he was already there."

"Oh."

"I didn't do this to hurt you, Buffy, I did this because I love him. Because he was hurting - you have no idea what you did to him that night - and because I wanted him. It would have happened sooner but he was still hoping that the two of you had a chance."

"And you were okay with that? You're his mate, Xander, and would have just stood back and let me be with him?"

"Yes. If he was happy, if you both were happy, then yes. But that time has come and gone Buffy. I can't do that now. Not now that we've completed the bond. It would destroy me."

Buffy shook her head sadly and leaned into Xander's side. Xander put his arm around her and squeezed.

"I really screwed up, didn't I?"

"Yeah, Buff. You did."

"I've lost any chance I ever had with him, I know I told him it was over, that we could never be together, but I was scared. I loved Angel and looked how that ended. Every time we see each other we cause the other pain. Then Riley; I pushed him away because I was afraid to let him in. Now I've done it again with Spike. Am I ever going to find the right guy, Xander? Or have I already found him and let him go?"

"Nah, you'll find him. The right guy is out there; you just have to wait till he finds you. Or maybe..."

Xander trailed off and grinned at her.

"You ever think about switching teams, Buff? That Kennedy seems to have taken a shine to you."

Xander ducked as Buffy threw a playful punch at him.

"Go home to your vampire, Xander. Things got a bit out of control tonight; there was an incident with Robin..."

Xander tensed and turned cold eyes on Buffy.

"He's fine. Robin's mother was Spike's second slayer, he was looking for a little payback; he didn't get it. Spike could have killed him, but he didn't. He won't try it again, I made sure of that."

"Thanks, Buff. I'll see you tomorrow. Oh, and tell Robin, that if he does try again, he better learn to like Cat-Chow."

Xander jumped back into the car and drove away. Buffy shook her head and stood up. She looked up at her front door and wondered if she had done the right thing by not telling Xander about Giles' involvement.

"My life just keeps getting more and more complicated. Things were so much simpler when I was dead."

~PART 39~

When Xander got home, he found Spike sitting on the sofa and staring at the television. He had a half-full bottle of beer in his hand, but it looked as though he had been holding it for some time. Xander sat next to him and gently removed the bottle and set it on the coffee table. Spike turned his head and looked at him.

"Things go alright in L.A.?"

"Yeah, fine. How was your night?"

Spike barked out a bitter-sounding laugh and shook his head.

"Peachy. Had a nice trip down memory lane, nearly killed Buffy's boss, and oh yeah - got the trigger taken care of."

"Er, that's... good?"

Spike snorted.

"Yeah, well, I'm my own man again. No more being the First's bitch."

"What was the trigger?"

"A song my mum used to sing to me. Was her favourite."

Xander took Spike's hand and intertwined their fingers. He knew that this had to be hard on him.

"You alright?"

"Fine."

"And Wood?"

"I let him live. On account of I killed his mother."

"The slayer back in the seventies?"

"One and the same. Bugger tried to off me tonight. I walked him home - he led me into his garage to kill me; it was full of crosses. He played the song. Unleashed the beast in me."

"Fuck."

"Yeah. Made me relive my first night as a vampire. I sired my mum, she was sickly and I wanted to make her better, stronger, like me. I killed her, gave her a demon, and then I had to dust her."

Xander didn't know what to say to Spike. Sure, he had dusted his best friend - a boy he was in love with but didn't have the guts to tell him. But to have to stake his own mother?"

"I never was a good demon - too soft. Angelus always knew; he saw right through me. I became Spike to erase the man that I was, the man who even as a vampire wanted his mother. He never called me Spike - always William. I hated him for it. For reminding me of who I was, of what I had done. The things she said to me, Xander. They were horrible."

"Shh. It wasn't her. It was the demon; your mother loved you. I'm sure of it."

Xander pulled Spike into his arms and held him. The vampire went willingly. He knew that Xander wouldn't judge him for his weakness, for needing the comfort of being held.

"She did. I figured that out tonight. All these years I've been carrying that around with me, thinking that my mum didn't love me. The First used that, got inside my head and brought out all that rage and anger."

"But it can't now? The trigger is inactive?"

"Yeah. It's gone. I know now that that wasn't my mum that said those things to me. I've made peace with my past."

"I'm glad. You want me to turn him into a kitten? You could bet him in a poker game and purposely lose."

Spike chuckled.

"Nah, pet. Bloke did me a favour actually. I guess I owe him for making me figure things out. 'Sides, Buffy's right pissed with him; he's blown his chance with her - should be punishment enough."

They sat in silence for a little while, Xander holding Spike to him and running his hands up and down the vampire's back in a soothing motion. It was comfortable, relaxing. Spike shifted a bit till he could look up at Xander. He smiled at him as their eyes met, and slowly leaned in to kiss him.

The kiss was soft, a mere brushing of lips. When it was finished, Xander licked his lips and grinned.

"That was nice."

"It was. Let's go to bed, love. I want you."

"Okay."

They turned off the television and the few lights that were on. Xander locked the door as Spike emptied the remainder of his beer into the kitchen sink. There was no mad dash for the bedroom. No frantic kissing and pulling at clothes. It was routine - domestic. The bedroom door closed and they both helped the other to undress. There were kisses and soft words of love exchanged and when they were finally naked, they climbed into bed and reached for each other.

Lying on their sides, face to face, they held each other and kissed softly. It wasn't about passion this time, it was about love. It was Spike finally accepting that he was loved by Xander, no matter what happened. The world could end tomorrow, but tonight they had each other and that was enough. More than enough; it was everything.

Spike withdrew from the kiss and buried his face into Xander's neck. He sucked on his mark and then kissed his way up to his ear. He ran his tongue along the shell of his mate's ear and then nipped the soft lobe.

"I want you to take me, Xander. I'm ready. Make me yours."

Xander moaned at the husky tone of his lover's voice.

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure. I want this, love. I want you."

"Okay."

Xander rolled them over so that he was on top of the smaller man and resumed kissing him. He really liked kissing Spike; it was something they hadn't done very much of before the other night, but after the first night that Spike had taken him against the bedroom door, they had shared a lot of kisses.

Xander reached blindly for the nightstand and managed to get the drawer open and find the lube while never leaving Spike's lips. He opened the tube and squeezed some out onto Spike's belly. The vampire jumped slightly at the cold sensation on his skin but quickly forgot about it as Xander moved his lips across his cheek and down to his neck.

As he licked and kissed and sucked on the pale skin of Spike's throat, Xander coated one of his fingers in the puddle of lube and gently began circling Spike's pucker. After a moment he slowly inserted it.

"This okay?"

"Yeah, love. S'good. More."

Xander withdrew the finger and returned it a moment later with another one. He began to slowly pump them in and out of his lover, stretching him carefully. He twisted them suddenly and Spike arched off the bed.

"Fuck! There again! Do that again!"

Xander smiled and repeated the action, rubbing his fingers over Spike's sweetspot. He lowered himself so that he was lying between the vampire's spread legs and could watch his fingers as they disappeared into his mate's body again and again. Spike was purring and thrashing his head on the pillow.

"More, Xander! Please!"

Xander added another finger and at the same time moved up so that he could take Spike's cock into his mouth. The dual sensations were too much for Spike and he vamped out and screamed as he came. Xander swallowed everything and continued to finger-fuck his lover as he brought him to full hardness again with his lips and tongue.

"Are you ready for me, Spike?"

"Yes, love. Ready. Now."

Xander slicked himself against Spike's stomach and then positioned his cockhead at Spike's opening. He locked eyes with his mate and then slowly pushed inside.

"I love you."

"Love you too, pet."

Spike wrapped his legs around Xander's waist as the man slowly thrust in and out. The heat was like nothing he had ever felt before. He could feel Xander's pulse beating inside of him, as if they were one being.

Xander never wanted this feeling to end; this connection he felt with the blonde was overwhelming. He leaned forward further and captured Spike's mouth with his own, kissing him deeply as he continued to make love to him. He didn't care what problems tomorrow brought because right here, right now, everything was perfect. Spike was perfect.

"You are so perfect, Spike. So right and beautiful. I love you. So much."

Spike closed his eyes and felt his chest constrict with emotion. He had never felt so cherished and loved as he did at this moment, with this man. He knew then, that no matter what the future held, whatever happened when the other Spike came back, he would still be wanted by Xander, would still be loved. It was enough to bring tears to his eyes.

Xander saw the tears as they leaked from the corners of Spike's eyes. He kissed them away gently and then kissed each closed eyelid.

"Spike?"

"M'fine, love. Just... that was ... no one has ever said such things to me. Thank you."

Spike leaned up and pressed their lips together again. Xander smiled into the kiss and reached between them to grasp Spike's erection in his fist. He felt like he had been hard forever and desperately needed to cum. He wanted his mate to cum with him.

"Can't last much longer, Spike. You feel too good. Cum with me; I want to feel your muscles as they squeeze me tight."

"Fuck, keep talking like that and I will."

Xander chuckled and picked up his pace slightly. He kissed Spike again as he shifted slightly to make sure he was hitting the vampire's prostate on every thrust. Spike growled and bucked up to meet each thrust as Xander began to pound into him harder and faster. Spike's eyes bled to yellow, his fangs dropped and his ridges came out. Xander purposely nicked his tongue on one sharp canine and thrust his tongue deep into his lover's mouth. Spike sucked on it eagerly as he bucked and thrashed underneath him. Finally, he released Xander's lips and tongue and roared as he came.

Xander watched his lover's face as his eyes flew open in unseeing ecstasy. He felt Spike's muscles clamp down hard on his shaft as Spike roared and spilled over his fist. It was too much and Xander threw his own head back as he came inside of his mate for the first time, claiming him as his own. He collapsed on Spike's chest, panting for breath. He felt Spike's arms come up around him even as his legs flopped down to the bed.

"Bloody hell, Xander. That was amazing. I could feel your heart beat inside me."

"Mmm."

"You're so damn warm, too."

"Mmm."

Spike chuckled softly and hugged his mate tight.

"That all you can say, love?"

"Nope. Love you."

"I love you too, Xander. Thank you."

Xander lifted his head and looked into Spike's eyes. He frowned a bit and then asked,

"What for?"

"For accepting me. For loving me. Even when I'm acting like a git. I'm sorry about the other night; I was being an ass."

Xander was still confused. Then realisation dawned on him.

"Oh, you mean when you walked away from me right after the blow-job without so much as a kiss or a thank you?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that."

"I'm not. It got us here didn't it? I mean, if I hadn't been a little pissed at you, I wouldn't have made that crack about Angel, and you wouldn't have stormed in here and taken me against the door. True?"

"True."

"So it's all good then. No regrets."

"None at all."

"Not even Buffy?"

Xander had to be sure that Spike was okay with not ever being with her again. He needed to know that it was over from Spike's perspective, as well.

"Not even Buffy. She'd never love me the way you do, the way I wanted her to. When she looks at me, she'll always see the vampire who tried to force her to love him - the monster who tried to kill her again and again. She's a slayer; I'm a demon. It would never have lasted. I still love her, Xander. But I'm no longer in love with her."

Xander rolled off of Spike and pulled the smaller man into his arms. He tilted his head up and kissed him. When he pulled away he smiled.

"I'm glad you're not in love with Buffy anymore. I understand that you love her; I do too, but I'm not in love with her either. I'm in love with you."

Spike's shocked expression made Xander laugh and he rolled out of bed and pulled Spike to his feet.

"Come on, we're in desperate need of a shower. I'll wash your back if you do mine?"

Spike nodded and followed him into the bathroom - a goofy smile on his face.

~PART 40~

Things were going to hell. There was a new player in town; a preacher, named Caleb. He sent Buffy a calling card in the form of a half-dead potential. She had an interesting scar burned into her neck.

Buffy had been fired from her job as counsellor at Sunnydale high - something about being where she was needed the most, and the kids all skipping anyway. Xander was pretty sure it had more to do with Robin using what little control he had over Buffy to prove a point to her. Either way, it didn't matter; people were starting to pull out of Sunnydale like rats leaving a sinking ship and Buffy was needed at home.

So here they all were, gathered at Buffy's house and about to go into battle. Caleb said he had something that belonged to Buffy and she was dead set on getting it - whatever it was - back. Which was why Xander was now giving the S.I.T's a lesson in weaponry and where to hit to cause the most damage.

"Now remember, we're looking for killing blows only, people. So, chest and throat if it's a vampire. Stomach, chest and face if it's a Bringer."

"What if it's something else?"

"Could happen. Something otherworldly. And here's a handy rule: don't go for the flashy tentacles just because they're waving 'em about trying to get attention. Go for the centre - brains, heart, eyes. Everything's got eyes."

Dawn spoke up from the corner of the room.

"Except the Bringers."

Xander nodded his agreement.

"Except the Bringers."

"I don't want there to be tentacles. I'm not good with squishy."

One of the potentials - Xander couldn't remember her name.

"I don't care if it's Godzilla. I want to get this thing."

Kennedy. She was all warrior, that one. If anyone was taking this whole calling thing seriously, it was she. She would be a good slayer someday. When she realised it wasn't about the fight, it was about what she was fighting for.

"Godzilla's mostly Tokyo-based, so he's probably a no-show."

Xander turned to look at Andrew and shook his head sadly. He wondered how much like him he might have turned out if it weren't for Buffy opening his eyes to the real world around him and giving him a purpose. He couldn't help but take Andrew's side after Rona started in on how Mathew Broderick killed Godzilla so he couldn't be all that tough.

"Matthew Broderick did not kill Godzilla. He killed a big, dumb lizard. That was not the real Godzilla."

Rona started a whole big conversation on how they were all nuts, that she came here for protection not to go looking for the bad guy in his own lair. Xander reminded her that she signed on to fight - that they all did. Then he started to tell them a little bit about Buffy - about the slayer who had died twice to save the world, and about the girl who held the lives of her friends and family above everyone else's, including her own.

"I've been through more battles with Buffy than you all can ever imagine. She's stopped everything that's ever come up against her. She's laid down her life - literally - to protect the people around her. This girl has died two times, and she's still standing. You're scared? That's smart. You got questions? You should. But you doubt her motives? You think Buffy's all about the kill? Then you take the little bus to battle. I've seen her heart, and this time - not literally. And I'm telling you right now, she cares more about your lives than you will ever know. You gotta trust her. She's earned it."

"Damn, B. I never knew you were that cool."

Everyone turned to see Buffy and Faith standing in the doorway. Xander smiled at the look of honest love and friendship on her face.

"Well, you always were a little slow."

"I get that now."

Buffy turned and addressed the room.

"All right, let's saddle up."

The walk to the old vineyard was quiet and tense. Buffy and Faith took point, the S.I.T's in the middle and Xander and Spike brought up the rear. They were all nervous; this was the first time the girls were going into battle and for all his faith in Buffy and her abilities, Xander didn't like the situation at all. It smelled like a trap.

"Spike, I don't like this. It's too easy."

"Yeah. Seems like it, doesn't it? You want me to talk to Buffy? See if she'll pull out?"

"Would it do any good? She's hell-bent on this, Spike. Whatever it is this guy has, Buffy wants it."

"All right. We follow the slayer into battle, then. But, Xander? Don't die on me."

"Same goes for you. You be careful."

"I will."

Spike kissed Xander and headed off to the front of the group with Buffy. Buffy turned and looked over the group.

"Okay. Set up a perimeter. Guard the door. I don't want anything getting in behind us. My team goes in first; we check the place out. You guys are our safety net. If this place is a trap, we give the signal, you guys come in, guns a-blazing."

Xander cleared his throat and waved his hand at Buffy to get her attention.

"So, what's the signal?"

"I'm thinking lots and lots of yelling."

"Got it."

Buffy turned and led her team inside. Xander stood outside the door, waiting for the signal - hoping it didn't come. He felt a charge in the air around him - one he had come to associate with Anya when she 'popped' in on him. He turned around to greet her with a smile and it dropped off his face as he saw Halfrek standing there.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Vengeance. What else is there in life?"

"You've had yours, now fuck off."

Xander turned away from Hallie and hoped to God that she would just go away. He didn't have time for that.

"Is that what you really think? That you suffered enough for what you did to Anyanka?"

"Anya has forgiven me for leaving her at the altar. She's a happy little vengeance demon again and all is right with her world, so your need to avenge her is misplaced."

"Is that what you think? You think this was about you not marrying her? Honestly. It was never about that. It was about you ruining her. You made her human, all of you with your little plans and spells and smashing her amulet. You took her away from me, and then you made her want that existence. Teaching her to love and be happy and how to fit into society. You ruined her."

Xander was honestly confused. He had no idea what Halfrek was talking about.

"Look. I'm extremely busy right now. My friend and my lover are both inside fighting big evil. Can we do this later?"

"No. We can't. Do you realise it's been weeks since Anyanka has granted a wish? And the last one she did grant? Hrumph; the woman wished her husband to be turned into a frog. Do you know what Anyanka did? Well, do you? She made him French. From France. Not a single wart or anything. You made her soft. D'Hoffryn is not going to put up with that kind of behaviour. He'll replace her, and you don't want to know what they do to defunct vengeance demons."

"So, let me get this straight. You cursed me because I loved Anya, not because I left her?"

Xander crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her.

"Yes. Your love made her want mortality, if you had only acted like a man and used her for your own sexual pleasure and then discarded her, she would have returned to the fold years ago and none of this would have happened."

"So, what do you want me to do about it?"

"Make a wish. Wish that you had done just that. I'll even let you remember enough of this timeline to leave Buffy dead and buried so none of this will happen. It's your decision. Your happiness or the world's safety."

Xander looked around him at the frightened girls in his care and then back toward the door where Buffy and Spike and the others had gone. He could spare them all this horrifying ordeal. All it would cost him would be Buffy and his mates. They could lose this battle and the whole world would suffer, or he could agree - make the wish - and get to start over. It was a hell of a decision to have to make. Keep his mates, let Buffy live and possibly set the First Evil loose on the world, or give up Spike - both of them - and leave Buffy to rest in peace, and possibly save the world.

Xander knew what the right thing to do was… Buffy wasn't supposed to be alive; the world shouldn't have to suffer because of his and Willow's mistake. If he did the right thing, he would lose his mates, but his happiness would be a small price to pay for the world's safety. He took a deep breath, looked Halfrek straight in the eye and spoke.

"I've made a decision."

~PART 41~

Hallie was almost salivating as she watched Xander think over his options. She knew he wouldn't disappoint her; he was always the noble one - putting everyone else first. He would do it this time, as well. She was sure of it.

"I've made a decision."

"All you have to do is say the words, and it will all be over."

"Go to hell. I won't wish, no way no how."

Hallie waved her arms and smiled.

"Done!"

Xander silently counted down from three and grinned as she turned and glared at him.

"What?! What do you mean you won't do it? You would let the world suffer just so you could keep fucking a vampire?"

"Yep. See, I have faith in Buffy. She'll defeat the First and the world will be fine."

"And Anyanka?"

"She knows the score. If she isn't happy with her job, she should quit. Being human isn't a bad deal, Hallie. In fact, I think you should try it."

In a move that Xander wasn't even sure how he pulled off, he ripped Halfrek's necklace from her throat and smashed it under his boot heel. Hallie screamed.

Just then, screams from inside the building brought the others toward Xander and the newly-human Halfrek. Xander didn't even spare a backward glance at her as he led the charge inside to help out his friends.

What he found inside was carnage- pure and simple. Rona's arm had been busted and two of the other girls were dead. Buffy was unconscious on the far side of the room and Spike was looking a bit worse for wear. Xander looked at his mate; Spike nodded and Xander went to help Buffy.

Faith engaged Caleb, but she was no match for his strength - none of them were. Xander knew that they had walked into a trap, and that they needed to retreat. He began pulling Buffy toward the stairs.

"Xander, get them out of here. Do it."

Xander nodded and started to gather the rest of the girls. Buffy rushed back into the fight with Caleb, trying to buy Xander enough time to get the others out. She saw what he did to Molly - one of the girls he killed and she lashed out at him in fury. Caleb sailed across the room with the force of the blow.

Spike and Xander were helping the girls to the stairs when Caleb got back up. He grabbed Xander and turned him around to face him.

"You're the one who sees everything, aren't you?"

Caleb reared his hand back in front of Xander's face.

"Well, let's see what we can do about that."

Xander could see the thumb coming towards his eye almost as if in slow motion. He heard Spike's roar of rage and turned his head to see him running toward him. He knew Spike wouldn't make it; he could see that Spike knew it too. Not even knowing how it was that he was doing it, Xander merely stepped to the side, and then time started to return to normal all around him.

"How did you..."

Caleb didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as Spike tackled him to the ground, pouring all his rage and fury out on the man who tried to hurt what was his. Xander quickly grabbed Spike and pulled him away. Buffy was still waiting for them.

"Xander, Spike. Come on!"

The trio headed outside to find the others waiting for them. They were all in bad shape - some worse than others - and they needed to get some of the girls to the hospital. Buffy pulled out her cell phone and called home. Willow said she'd be there in a few minutes with the car.

Xander looked around but didn't see Hallie anywhere. He wondered whether he did the right thing in destroying her power center. Anya had had help acclimating, she had the scoobies and she had him, Hallie was wandering around Sunnydale at night by herself. Xander didn't have time to worry about Halfrek, though; he had to help the others. They needed to get as far away from the vineyard as they could.

Spike was helping Rona; the girl was minutes away from passing out. Xander saw a couple of the other girls who looked like they would collapse any minute and headed toward them. He placed a hand on each of them and sent a small burst of energy through them. He smiled at the shocked look on their faces and headed off to see if Buffy and Faith were okay.

Willow showed up minutes later; Xander didn't want to know how fast she must have been driving to get there that quickly. They piled Rona into the front seat with Willow and a couple of the other girls into the back. Willow drove off to the hospital and Buffy turned to Xander.

"Can you and Spike take the girls back to the house? I want to make sure the others are okay."

"Sure thing, Buff."

"Thanks."

Faith shrugged her shoulders and headed after Buffy. Xander rounded up the rest of the girls and he and Spike walked them back to Buffy's. They answered Giles' questions, reassured Dawn that Buffy was fine, and then headed home.

Once inside the door, Spike grabbed Xander and pushed his back against the door before attacking his mouth. Xander yielded to his mate's desire and kissed him back just as aggressively. When Spike finally pulled away to let Xander get some much-needed oxygen, he buried his face into his neck and sucked on his claim scar.

"Spike? Not that I'm complaining, but what's this all about?"

The blonde released the patch of skin from his mouth and pulled Xander away from the door. He began leading him back toward the bedroom as he answered.

"Almost lost you tonight, pet. Scared me."

"I'm okay; not even a scratch."

"I wasn't fast enough, love. If you hadn't made with the mojo, he'd have gotten you. Blinded you, maybe even killed you. Can't lose you, Xander. Not now; I've only just found you."

Xander kissed Spike and then grabbed the hem of the vampire's t-shirt and slowly began pulling it up - exposing a smooth, flat stomach that just begged to be touched, a well defined six-pack that Xander desperately wanted to explore with his tongue.

Spike raised his arms and Xander pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it aside before slowly lowering his mouth to Spike's collarbone. He nipped it lightly and then traced all the way across to the other side of his chest, stopping in the middle to suck on the hollow in between. Spike groaned and let his eyes fall shut as he felt his mate's warm lips slowly move to his right nipple.

Xander teased the little nubbin of flesh into a hard peak and then bit down softly. Spike made a strangled keening noise and Xander soothed the small hurt by laving it with his tongue before repeating the process on the left nipple.

Spike sighed and threaded his hands through his boy's hair as he felt the tip of Xander's tongue trailing wetly across his abs. He moaned as Xander's hands trailed up the backs of his legs and then squeezed his ass firmly. He could now see why Anya had called Xander a Viking in the sack. There was just no describing what it felt like to be the focus of this man's attention. Spike had never felt so cherished or wanted as he did when Xander took his time exploring his body.

The man in question had finished his exploration of Spike's abdominals and was now contemplating his navel. He dipped his tongue inside and swirled it around, causing Spike to jump slightly and emit a tiny squeak. Xander chuckled against the firm flesh under his lips and then sucked lightly on the small indentation. Knowing that Spike's bellybutton was sensitive, he decided not to overstimulate it and kissed his way down the light dusting of hair that disappeared into the waistband of the tight, black jeans.

"Mmm. Happy trail."

Xander smiled as he remembered the confusion he had felt the first time he had heard that phrase. It had been Cordelia who had finally explained what it meant. He remembered blushing profusely when she told him.

"What was that, love?"

Xander looked up at Spike, his bangs falling into his eyes and grinned.

"Happy trail."

He licked said happy trail in explanation.

"Why do you call it that?"

Xander just grinned and popped open the button of Spike's jeans with his teeth. Spike watched as his zipper was slowly lowered the same way. Xander peeled back the open front of the vampire's jeans and was smacked in the forehead with his lover's hard cock. He shook his head fondly and moved back a bit.

Starting at Spike's navel again, he licked his way down the trail until he reached the base of his mate's cock. He looked up to see Spike watching him, a look of lust and longing on his face.

"Happy trail - 'cause when you get to the end of the trail, you get a happy."

That said, Xander swooped down and sucked Spike's penis into his mouth. He heard a soft 'Oh' from above him before the hands tightened in his hair and Spike groaned loudly.

~PART 42~

The next morning, Xander was awakened to a banging on his front door. He rolled out of bed and grabbed his robe on the way to answer it. Usually the only person who came around this early in the morning was Buffy, so it had to be important. Needless to say, he was stunned to see a strange man in a brown uniform standing in the hall.

"Alexander Harris?"

"Yeah."

"Sign here, please."

The man thrust a clipboard and a pen at him, and he blinked sleepily. He took the proffered items on reflex and scrawled his name on the dotted line before handing it back.

"Here you go. Have a good day, sir."

The man handed Xander a package and walked away. Xander closed the door, set the package down on the hall table and crawled back into bed. He wrapped himself around Spike's cooler body and drifted off to sleep.

He was in the park. The sun was shining and he was sitting on a chequered blanket, a picnic basket beside him. He could feel his mate's body nestled against his back and he sighed softly and rested fully against him.

"No beach this time?"

"Hey, love. Thought you might like a change of scenery."

"Mmm, Spike. Missed you. Don't care where we are, as long as you're here."

"I missed you too."

"Why haven't you come sooner? I sleep every night, you know."

Spike chuckled and kissed Xander lightly.

"I know. I wanted to give you and him some time to adjust. Things are drawing close, love. It's almost time."

"I know. I can't wait to see you again - for real."

"Me too, Xan."

"I've done things, strange things. I'm not the same as you remember."

"I know, love. I know everything that happened. I'm always with you, even when you can't see me, I can see you, feel you, hear you. I'm always with you, love. I told you I'd never leave you, and I never did."

"The whole time? You've been here - seen and heard everything?"

"Everything. Now don't go blushing. I enjoyed watching. Very much so. You have no idea how hot you are, how unbelievably sexy you can be. Watching as you kiss him, touch him, taste him... Fuck Xan, I can't tell you how hard I get. I can't wait until it's my turn again. I miss feeling you inside me. I miss filling you up, sliding into you oh-so-slowly and making you beg for more."

Xander groaned at the words being whispered so seductively into his ear. It had been far too long since he had been with this Spike, and he wanted so badly to feel him again, feel him do all of those things that he was saying.

"God, Spike. Touch me? Please."

"Always love, always.

There were no clothes to get in the way as Spike's hands came around and roamed greedily over Xander's chest. He pulled and plucked at small brown nipples until they were hard little points. One hand drifted lower to stroke lightly over his cock and balls while the other trailed tiny circles over the two small puncture scars on his throat.

"I can't wait to mark you again, love; sink my fangs into your sweet flesh and make you mine all over again. Will you scream for me, Xander, scream for me the way you did for him? I loved that; it was so fucking hot, watching him as he took you hard and fast. Wanna do that myself, plunge into you and ride you hard, taste your blood, make you scream."

"Yes. God yes! Oh fuck, Spike. Please."

The hand on his cock began to move with more purpose now and Xander bucked into the grip. He was so desperate to cum, but he wanted more. He wanted to feel his mate inside him.

"Spike, in me, please, in me. Need you; fuck, want you so bad."

"Yeah love, you beg so pretty. Turn around, Xan. Ride my cock. Let me see you."

Xander didn't need to be asked twice. He quickly spun and straddled his mate's thighs before kissing him deeply. He was so glad that he didn't need lube or stretching while in this dream state and quickly impaled himself on Spike's thick shaft.

"Fucking hell, Xander. Yeah, like that love. Ride me."

Xander was too close to take things slow, he set a brutal rhythm; riding Spike hard and fast. He watched as Spike went into game face and his yellow eyes rolled back in his head.

"Fuck, Spike. Gonna cum, can't wait, haf'ta cum now."

"Yeah love, cum for me; I wanna watch you."

Spike grabbed Xander's cock and tugged it. Xander arched and came with such force that it painted Spike's face and neck. He felt Spike release himself into his body, the cool splash of his cum coating his insides.

Spike licked his lips, tasting Xander's pleasure. He watched as Xander's eyes darkened in lust once again and chuckled at him.

"Mmm, love. You taste good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Spike pulled Xander down and kissed him deeply, sharing the flavour of his release with him. He wanted nothing more than to roll them over and pound into him again and again. He eased away from the kiss and smiled as Xander tried to capture his lips again.

"Christ, pet. I want you so bad."

"Have me, take me. Please."

"Can't love. No time. You have to wake up."

"I don't want to. Why do I have to?"

Spike shook his head fondly and sat up, taking Xander with him.

"Don't you want to know what's in that package, love?"

"Wha... Huh? Package? What package?"

"The package on the hall table, the one you signed for this morning? The one from China?"

"China? Shit! Spike! It's the gherystic! I can do the spell!"

"Yeah, Xan. You can. So, you still wanna stay here or do you want to wake up and bring me home to you?"

Xander kissed Spike quickly and hugged him tight.

"I wanna wake up now. I want to hold you in the real world."

"Good."

"Um, how exactly do I wake up?"

Spike smiled and kissed Xander again.

"You just do, love. You just do."

Xander opened his eyes and looked around his bedroom. He grinned and leapt out of bed. He didn't even bother with the robe - just ran out to the front room naked and grabbed the package off the table. He tore it open and whooped with happiness.

Spike had woken up when Xander leapt out of bed. He grabbed his jeans off the floor and pulled them up over his hips; he didn't bother to do them up. He was halfway to the living room when he heard Xander shout out loud. He peeked around the wall and saw him holding the container of dried gherystic plant. He sighed to himself, painted on a cheery smile and walked out to the front room.

"That the thing you were waiting for, love?"

"Yep! I have everything I need now."

Spike shook his head at Xander.

"Not everything, Xan. You still haven't taken my blood."

Spike held out his wrist to Xander and waited. Waited to be bled, to be cast aside, to be forgotten. Regardless of what the boy had said, Spike couldn't believe that he'd still be wanted once the other Spike was here.

Xander took Spike's hand, turned it over and placed a soft kiss on his wrist.

"I do love you, Spike. Whether you believe me or not, I'm not going to forget about you just because he's back. I promise."

"I know, pet; I believe you."

Xander shook his head sadly; he could see the misery on his mate's face, even behind the fake cheeriness. He wished that Spike could believe him, but knew that he would have to prove to him that he loved and wanted him for himself - not because he was a convenient stand-in.

"Liar. Come on, breakfast first, bloodletting second."

~PART 43~

"Huh. I didn't realise this spell was so involved."

"What's that, pet?"

"Oh, just reading over the spell. I never realised that it would take so much time. And I think I might need help."

Spike looked over Xander's shoulder and read.

"Hmm, does seem a bit ... involved, doesn't it?"

"Yeah."

"I'll help if you want. Can't say as I'm any good with the mojo, but I can crush herbs and mix stuff."

Xander turned and kissed Spike before smiling at him.

"Thank you. Are you sure? I mean I know you said you were okay with this, but I can see that you're not. I wish I knew how to convince you that I love you, that I will still love you, after the spell is done and he's back."

Xander stood and took Spike into his arms. He kissed him deeply and then looked into his eyes. He smiled.

"I love you. You. And if anything ever happens to you, I will work just as hard to get you back as I am to get him back. Please Spike, you have to believe that."

"I want to, love. I do, but experience tells me that this won't work, no matter how much we want it to. What if he wants me gone? What happens then, if you have to choose between me and him?"

"Won't happen. He knows, Spike. I don't know how, but he's here, all the time. He can see me, hear me. He knows everything that's happened. He's good with it. I saw him this morning - in my dreams again. He told me he enjoyed watching us together, that it got him hot."

Xander chuckled at the slightly shocked expression on the vampire's face. He knew it had to be William's influence there, 'cause Spike was never embarrassed when it came to sex.

"He... he watched us?"

"Yep. He really liked it when you took me that first night. The way you made me scream for you."

Spike leered at Xander and then licked the side of his throat before nipping it lightly.

"I liked that too, in fact I think I'd like to do that again. Now."

Spike spun Xander so that he was facing the wall and then pressed up against his back. He opened Xander's robe and let it fall to the floor before peeling off his jeans and rubbing his hardness against Xander's ass.

"Think he's watching now, love? Want to give him a show he'll never forget?"

Xander just groaned and pushed back against Spike. He knew that Spike needed this, and in all truth he did, as well.

"Yeah, Spike. Do it; make me scream."

Spike didn't waste any time. He was desperate to be inside Xander, to feel him hot and tight around him. He pinned Xander's hands above his head and nipped him on the shoulder before whispering in his ear.

"You move those and I'll stop. Got that?"

"Got it. No moving, promise. Touch me?"

"Yeah, pet. I'll touch you alright."

Spike lowered himself until he was kneeling behind Xander between his spread legs. He ran his hands reverently over the swell of his mate's ass and then gently parted his cheeks. He could hear the man's heart rate increase and smelled his arousal. He licked over the small rosette and then blew chilly air across it.

"Spike! Gods, please don't tease."

"Hush, pet. Putting on a show remember? Be a good boy now."

An evil grin crossed the vampire's face as Xander whimpered above him. If this was going to be the last time he'd have the boy all to himself, he was damn sure going to make it unforgettable.

Xander kept his arms pinned above his head as he was teased into a frenzy. Spike licked over his hole, occasionally pushing inside him and making him cry out in pleasure. It was maddening; he was so turned on, he was desperate to cum. He knew that Spike had no intention of giving him release any time soon, though. He could only push back against that maddening tongue and beg for the sweet torture to stop.

Spike was quite enjoying himself; he had Xander at his mercy - begging for him to stop teasing and just fuck him already. He had to grin though; the boy never moved his arms from where Spike had placed them. Reluctantly, he moved away from Xander's sweet ass and stood. He was too hard to wait any longer; if he wasn't inside Xander soon, he was going to embarrass himself.

"Gonna fuck you hard now, Xan. Gonna make you scream."

"Gah."

Spike chuckled and grabbed the bottle of olive oil from the cupboard. It was the only thing handy and he wasn't going all the way back to the bedroom for the lube. He poured some into his hand and smoothed it over his erection. He shuddered and stilled as that touch alone was almost his undoing. He used his still-slippery fingers to oil and stretch Xander's ass before driving into him without warning.

"Fuck!"

Xander yelped and then moaned as Spike began to piston in and out of him. He was so close, too close. He didn't want it to be over so soon.

"Spike, shit, gonna cum."

Spike grabbed Xander's cock at the base and held it firmly.

"No you're not! Not until I say so."

Xander groaned and felt himself grow incredibly harder at the command. He was glad that Spike was holding off his climax for him or he would have been done for at the sound of that voice, speaking those words, in that tone.

"Ungh. God. Feel so fucking good. Harder, please."

"You want harder, love? Beg me. Tell me what you want, Xander, what you need."

Spike stopped moving, holding himself completely still, buried balls-deep inside his mate. Xander had tears leaking from his eyes he was so desperate to cum. He couldn't believe how turned on he was by being denied.

"Please, Spike, fuck me hard. Make me scream, make me bleed. Anything, just fucking fuck me already!"

"Yeah, pet. That's nice. Squeeze me love, let me feel how desperate you are."

Xander sobbed as he clenched Spike hard and felt the vampire begin to move again. He screamed as Spike smashed into his prostate and then bit deeply in his neck. He still couldn't cum, Spike's hand having tightened its grip.

"Fuck, Xan. Feels too good. Gonna fill you with my cum, pet. Want to feel me cum inside you?"

"Yes! Fuck, Spike, let me cum! Please?"

"Not yet, love."

Spike pounded into Xander and then roared as he came. He didn't stop, though; he just kept fucking him as he remained hard inside him. He could smell Xander's tears and frustration but it was buried under such a thick haze of lust that he knew his boy was enjoying it.

"So hot, love; so tight and so good. You make me want to cum too soon, Xander. I'm so close again already. Do you want to cum with me this time? Shall I release your cock and let you cum?"

"Please, oh please. Spike, fuck! I need to, please let me cum."

"Alright, love. I'll let you cum."

Spike released his firm grip on Xander's cock and began stroking it lightly instead as he thrust himself hard and fast into Xander's tight channel. He whispered softly in his ear,

"You may cum now, pet."

And then buried his fangs deep inside his mark.

Xander screamed as he shot his climax all over the wall and Spike flooded his insides again with cool liquid. He barely heard the phone begin to ring as he passed out.

Spike pulled out and gently scooped Xander into his arms. He carried him into the bedroom and lowered him onto the bed. He cleaned him gently and then lay down beside him. He looked around the room to see if there was any sign that they were indeed being watched.

"I don't know if you're here, but if you are, know this. I won't leave him. Not for you, not for anyone. If you want me gone, you'll have to stake me. Xander's mine, as much as he is yours; I'm not giving him up."

That said, Spike kissed Xander softly and headed out to the living room to check the answering machine.

~PART 44~

"Xander. Xan, love. Wake up."

Xander stirred and blearily opened his eyes. He gazed up at Spike, blinked sleepily and then smiled. It was one of the most beautiful smiles Spike had ever seen, as it was full of love and directed at him.

"I have to go, pet. Rupert called, he wants me to go check a lead he has on our preacher."

Xander sat up in alarm and grabbed Spike's hand.

"By yourself? No way! I'm going with!"

"Xan, I appreciate the thought, but don't you have a spell you need to do?"

Xander was torn. He desperately wanted to bring back Spike, but he didn't want this Spike to go off on a dangerous mission without back-up. Damn, these decisions were going to kill him.

"I do, but I don't want you to be in danger."

"Hey, I can hold my own against Bringers, and thanks to you I can defend myself against any humans, as well. I'll be fine, love. Trust me."

"I do. I just worry; I love you."

"I know, and you offering to come with means a lot."

Spike kissed Xander and then backed away from the bed. He stopped in the doorway and shook his head. He couldn't believe he was actually passing up the opportunity to spend more time alone with his mate.

"I asked Red and Glinda to come by and help you out with the spell, since I won't be able to assist."

"Thanks. Oh, hey! How are you getting there?"

"Rupert's lending me 'is car. Some little shit-box rental he has."

Xander chuckled and got out of bed. He went to the closet and rummaged around in the other Spike's duster pockets. He pulled out a set of keys and tossed them to Spike.

"Take the bike. It's in the storage locker in the basement. It'll be faster than Giles' car and easier to make a hasty retreat on."

"Ta, love. 'Cept of course if it's daytime, perhaps I should take the watcher's car, just to be on the safe side."

Xander frowned at that. He was well aware that Spike could look after himself, and had been doing so for over a century but he didn't like this situation one bit. Everything about this Caleb had, so far, been trouble.

"Hang on a sec."

Xander reached back into the coat. His fingers closed around the object he was searching for and he withdrew his hand from the deep pocket. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then held out his hand to Spike.

"I wish I could let you keep it, but I can't. It was his first, and it's still his; but right now I want you to wear it. Wear it and be safe."

Spike looked at the ring in Xander's palm. It was the gem of Amara, the vampire equivalent of the holy grail. He had held it once before, worn it for almost an entire day, until he had stupidly gone after Buffy instead of hopping a flight to Aruba.

"You've had it? This whole time?"

Xander nodded sadly. He didn't know what to say to make this better. The fact that he could have let Spike wear it, that he could have spent time with him in the sun this whole time and hadn't, it was stupid of him, but he hadn't actually given it any thought until he was coming home from L.A.

"I sorta forgot I had it for awhile there, and then when I did remember, I had the spell. I didn't want to give it to you, only to have to take it away from you. It seemed... cruel. I'm sorry, I wish I had another one."

Spike inched closer to Xander; he looked at the ring and then looked at the saddened expression on his lover's face. He wasn't angry with Xander - far from it. He was shocked; amazed that Xander was giving him this wonderful gift, even if it was only on loan. He understood that Xander had kept the other Spike's things and held them somewhat sacred. He himself still had mementoes of Drusilla and Angelus that he would never part with.

"This is so fucking unfair!"

Xanders shout of frustration startled Spike back into the here and now. He watched as his lover paced the room suddenly, fists clenched at his sides.

"I love you! Both of you. I want you to be safe. How the hell can I keep you both safe with only one ring? Not to mention the problems this is going to cause after the spell. How am I ever going to enjoy being out in the day with him, while you're stuck here inside in dark? I won't, that's how!"

Spike slowly backed away from Xander as his eyes began to darken and his skin began to glow. He was torn between wanting to rush to him and protect him from whatever was happening, and fleeing in terror from the powerful mojo he could feel coming from him.

"Er, Xan? You all right there, love? You're getting kinda..."

Spike trailed off as Xander turned black eyes on him and his hair began to stand on end.

"...scary."

Spike swallowed and hedged a little farther to the door. He knew Xander wouldn't hurt him, but he had a powerful preservation instinct and right now it was screaming at him to run and hide.

"I can't do this, Spike. I won't. I won't be forced to choose!"

"Alright, love. No choosing. I'll make it simple for you, his ring - he keeps it. Alright?"

Xander closed his eyes as he felt his entire being surge with strength, he didn't register anything Spike had said. He was blind and deaf to the world around him; the only thing he was aware of, the only thing he felt was the power as it surged throughout his being.

Spike panicked as Xander began to float a good two or three feet off the floor. He had only seen and felt power like this one other time in his life and that had been when Willow took on Glory, and he was pretty sure that what he was feeling now was even stronger than that had been.

"Xan?"

There was a flash of blinding white light and Spike had to turn away under the onslaught lest he be blinded. When he turned back, Xander was lying on the floor, perfectly still. Spike rushed to him and gathered him into his arms.

"Bloody hell, love. What have you done now?"

Xander was still for several minutes while Spike carefully monitored his breathing and heart rate. He knew that the man was okay physically, and hoped it was just exhaustion that was keeping him from waking up, not something more complicated.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Xander opened his eyes and sat up. He blinked and looked around the room before finally settling his gaze on Spike.

"Are you okay, Xan? You scared the living hell out of me."

Xander looked down at his left hand; the one that he had been holding the ring in and slowly opened it. The ring was still there. He then opened his right hand. Sitting in his palm was an exact replica of the same ring.

"Holy shit."

Xander whispered in awe.

"I did it."

~PART 45~

Xander was smiling and whistling a happy tune as he answered the door and let Willow and Tara into his apartment. He had just watched as Spike roared off down the street on the motorcycle in broad daylight. He had been kissed so hard his lips were bruised. It was totally worth the physical exhaustion he felt, just the look on Spike's face when he stepped out into the sunshine and then turned his face to the sky. Xander had only seen such a beautiful sight once before in his life, and that was when he'd given the same gift to his other mate.

"Xander? Are you okay?"

"I'm great Wills, never been better!"

"Good, so what do you want us to do? Spike wasn't very specific."

Xander grinned stupidly at the sound of his lover's name and led the girls into the kitchen where he had the spell and the supplies laid out on the table.

"I'm going to need some help getting everything ready, plus, I might need some extra oomph in the casting department. I kinda overexerted myself earlier. The girls both blushed and he laughed at their misconception.

"Not doing that! Geez, Wills. I did something... I'm not even sure what or how, but I made a copy of something - an exact duplicate - it drained me pretty good."

"What did you copy?"

"The gem of Amara. For Spike."

Both girls looked at Xander in awe. Tara blinked and then smiled at Willow.

"He's a born mage - wizard, warlock, whatever you want to call it, Xander is one. He was born to it, like my Grandmother was. You remember I told you about her?"

"Yeah, but Tara, you said that only women were born to the power."

"No, I said it's almost always women. I haven't heard of a man being born with the power for centuries. In fact, I think the last one was almost a thousand years ago. Xander?"

Tara turned old, knowing eyes on him and seemed to look straight into his soul.

"You do realise that this power comes with great responsibility. You have to make a choice, and soon. If you continue to use your gift, you will change; in a way, you'll ascend. Become something other than a regular human being. The power you have, it's too much for a human body to withstand. You have to decide if you are willing to accept it. If you can't, you have to stop using it."

"What happens if I can't accept the changes, I mean, if I continue to use the power but don't accept the changes?"

"It will kill you. If you're lucky."

Xander swallowed and nodded his understanding. There were a lot worse things than dying, after all. Willow looked at Xander with wide eyes and began to cry. Xander and Tara sandwiched her between then and tried to soothe her tears.

"Hey, none of that now. I'm not going to die, and I'm not going to do anything stupid, either. I'm an accepting guy, Wills. I accepted that I'm Bi, that I'm hopelessly in love with not one, but two vampires, two Spikes - of all vampires, and that I'm apparently some kick-ass warlock dude. I'm all for changes, if they bring about good. Well, so long as I don't sprout horns."

Xander raised an eyebrow and looked questioningly at Tara.

"There won't be horns, will there?"

Tara giggled.

"No, Xander. No horns."

Willow breathed a sigh of relief and the three separated. Tara winked at her lover and then turned a sly gaze on Xander's bum. Xander noticed where here eyes were and cleared his throat.

"Is there a problem?"

"No, I was checking to see if your tail was coming in yet."

At Xander's startled look, both girls burst out laughing. Xander joined them for a minute and then shook his head.

"Alright, enough of the messing around; let's get down to business ladies, I have a vampire to resurrect."

For the next hour the threesome carefully measured ingredients, crushed herbs, chanted, and double and triple checked until they were sure everything was in place. Xander retrieved the urn of ashes from his bedroom and carefully poured them out onto the floor inside the circle Tara had set up. He poured the combined blood of himself, Angel and Spike into the centre of the small mound of dust and sprinkled the crushed herb mixture over the top.

After closing the circle, he was joined by Tara on one side and Willow on the other. Xander would draw strength from the two wiccans to replenish his own so that he could cast the spell without faltering.

"You guys ready?"

Willow and Tara nodded.

"We're ready."

"Hang on to your hats then."

Xander closed his eyes, took a deep, calming breath and began to chant. It felt like he was on one of those gravity-inducing rides at the yearly carnival. His body felt unusually heavy and he had trouble forcing his lungs to work, but he pushed on. He could feel Willow and Tara's strength seeping into him and he was glad that he hadn't tried this on his own without them. After several minutes of chanting, he could barely stay on his feet; Willow squeezed his hand, letting him know that she was still there, and that he could draw more strength from her if necessary. He did so, and felt instantly better.

There was a soft gasping sound and Xander opened his eyes to see that the dust had begun to move. It filled out and slowly took on a distinctively humanoid form. Willow and Tara watched with him as it became clearer and clearer. Bone formed and then muscle covered the skeleton. Eyes filled previously empty sockets and skin started to grow.

Throughout the entire thing, Xander never faltered in his chant. His voice was a steady accompaniment to the miracle they were witnessing. Hair and nails completed the picture, and Xander watched as stunning blue eyes flew open and locked on his. The chant stopped. He held his breath. The girls blushed at the picture of a naked Spike sitting up in the circle. Xander dropped both their hands and stepped forward. He stopped at the edge of the circle and waited.

"Xander?"

"Spike."

Xander smiled and broke the circle before grabbing the naked vampire and pulling him into his arms. He held him tightly and then as two strong, pale arm came around him in return, he wept.

"Shh, love, it's alright. I'm here now, and I'll never leave you again."

Willow and Tara smiled at the dark-haired version of Spike and then gathered their things. Willow quietly got Spike's attention and motioned that she would call Xander later. Spike nodded once to let her know he would pass it along and then turned his attention back to his mate. He lifted Xander's chin and placed a soft, reverent kiss on his mouth as he heard the apartment door closing behind the two witches.

"Thank you, love."

Xander just shook his head and hugged him again; he was too overwhelmed to form words. Spike lifted him into his arms and carried him to the bed. He undressed him slowly and then crawled in beside him.

"You're exhausted, love. Sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up."

Xander nodded his head, wrapped his tired body around his mate and drifted off to sleep. Spike smiled and held Xander close. He wasn't tired, but he couldn't think of any other place he'd rather be than right where he was. In bed, surrounded by his mate.

"I love you, Xander."

He whispered to him softly and pressed a kiss to his temple.

"And when you wake up, I'm going to show you just how much."

~PART 46~

While Xander slept, Spike took the time to go over his options. He knew that he would have to learn to share Xander with his double, that he owed the other vampire a debt of gratitude for keeping Xander sane and making him feel loved and wanted while he was unable to do it himself. He also knew that he wouldn't get rid of the other one easily, either. Xander loved him, and Xander was very protective of the ones he loved. He had a necklace of soldier teeth to prove it.

Thinking of that made him wonder where those teeth were; he gently disentangled himself from his mate and went to the closet. He searched through his duster pockets, finding first his ring and slipping it onto his finger. He found his smokes, his lighter, some change and a rumpled bandanna - but no necklace.

"Hmm, wonder where the bloody thing is?"

Quietly, so as not to wake Xander, Spike began rifling through the contents of the nightstand. He grinned lasciviously as he found the cuffs and flogger. He remembered well the night he had used them on his lovely boy. He grew hard just thinking about it.

Spike set the leather items on the bed and continued his hunt. He looked under his journal, snorting at the fact that his double had read it and knew what a ponce he was. It was one thing for his mate to know; his double was an entirely different matter. Of course, it had led to him taking care of Xander, so it was forgivable, after all. Anything that helped Xander was forgivable as far as he was concerned.

"Ah hah!"

In the back corner of the drawer, Spike found his chain. He put it on, feeling the cool enamel against his skin and smiled. He remembered the night Xander had given it to him, how nervous he had been. He chuckled and looked at his sleeping lover. Xander was such a contradiction - he was so gentle and loving and kind, but he could be the meanest, most vindictive, cruel bastard, that he had ever met if his loved ones were harmed or threatened.

Watching Xander these past weeks, seeing him interact with his friends, he began to understand what Xander meant when he said that these people were not like the ones from his reality. They really weren't. The stood by each other through thick and thin; they were family. And now, he would be a part of that, if he accepted them.

Spike sat on the end of the bed and just looked at Xander. He looked worn, like he hadn't slept in ages, but he looked happy too. Like, despite everything that was happening, all was finally right with his world. Maybe it was.

Several minutes passed while Spike lost himself in just watching Xander sleep. Eventually he snapped himself out of his daydreaming and snagged his journal out of the drawer and opened it to the back of the book. He found a blank page and began to write.

Xander woke to the soft sounds of pen scratching paper. He opened his eyes and took in the sight of his lover's dark head bowed over his journal. He smiled. This was a sight he had thought he might never see again, and he was reluctant to move lest he break the moment. But he wanted to touch Spike. To hold him in his arms, kiss him breathless, make love with him. He had to move, had to touch, had to prove to himself that this was real, that Spike was real and whole, and back with him.

"Spike."

It was whispered, but it made the vampire look up and smile. The book was forgotten; the pen fell to the floor and Spike found himself with a lap full of happy, grinning Xander before his mouth was covered by soft, warm lips. He lost himself to the kiss, the feel so much better than all those nights when he visited his boy in his dreams. Dreams could never compete with the reality that was Xander. Spike reluctantly tore his mouth away from that of his mate to allow him to draw air into his lungs. Xander panted harshly as Spike turned his attention to the smooth column of his lover's throat instead, nipping, kissing and sucking on the warm skin. Tasting his mate's unique flavour.

"Missed you, Spike. God, missed you so much."

Xander lifted the vampire's face from his neck and kissed him again. The kiss was full of love, caring, tenderness, all the pent up emotion of months of loss. Spike held his mate tightly to himself, sinking his hands into his hair and deepening the kiss. He had wanted to play with Xander, get up to no good with the cuffs and the flogger, but that was going to have to wait. He needed to be inside his lover, and he needed to be there now.

Xander blinked in shock as he suddenly found himself flat on his back and naked. He smiled widely as Spike pulled the drawer out of the nightstand in his haste to get the lube. His smile was quickly replaced by a look of pleasure as slick fingers found and entered his tight little pucker.

"Need you love, need to be in you."

"Yes! Please Spike, oh please."

Spike withdrew his fingers and lined himself up. He pushed forward and stopped at the slight gasp of pain from his mate.

"You okay, Xan? Did I hurt you?"

"No. Fine. Don't stop. Please don't stop."

Spike leaned down and took Xander's mouth in a fierce possessive kiss as he plunged the rest of his cock deep into his mate. Xander arched and howled into his lover's mouth. Spike didn't stop; he couldn't stop. The feel of Xander, hot and tight around him, made him growl and he felt his face shift.

Xander watched as his lover's face shifted and moaned in anticipation. He turned his head, baring his throat to his mate and pulled his head down and into the crook of his neck.

"Please, oh please, Spike. Bite me, claim me, make me yours again."

Spike growled and bit hard. Xander came screaming Spike's name and the vampire followed right behind him, not retracting his fangs until the last tremors of his orgasm subsided. He licked over his mark, closing the wound and began a deep rumbling purr. Xander ran his hands up and down the vampire's back and kissed him softly on the temple. Spike lifted his head and looked into his mate's deep brown eyes.

"Mine."

"Yours."

"Forever."

"And always."

"Love you, Xander."

"Love you too."

Spike slipped out of Xander's body and rolled them so they were on their sides, face to face. He kissed his forehead, his eyelids, the tip of his nose, and finally his mouth. Xander smiled at him and repeated the gesture.

"I'm glad you're back, Spike."

"I'm glad to be back, love. Thank you."

There were no more words after that. Only the soft sounds of two people making love for hours on end.

~PART 47~

"Still don't see why we couldn't just stay home and shag each other senseless."

"Apocalypse, Spike. We're facing an apocalypse; I need to check in."

"That's what the phone is for. You don't have to get dressed and out of bed to use the damn phone."

Xander smiled at the vampire's grumbling. He had missed this; the other Spike didn't snark so much anymore.

"We'll go in, find out what's been going on and then if I'm not needed..."

"You're always needed, love. I need you."

"Thank you. But as I was saying, if I'm not needed here, we'll leave. I seem to recall promising you a day at the beach, after all."

Spike leered at his mate and kissed him soundly. Xander opened his car door and stepped out into the street. Spike followed suit. They made their way up to the front door of the Summers' house and Spike held Xander back for a minute. He cocked his head, frowned and then pushed the door open slightly so that Xander could hear what was being said on the other side.

"...still able to make me see cartoon birdies all around my head? You betcha. The short lack of consciousness was nice. I feel rested. So...how did those police files work out? Were they helpful?

"Uh...uh... yes. Very much so, I think. Um... there's evidence that Caleb may have established a foothold up north.

"That's great. That's..."

"I, um... I sent Spike to look into it."

"Spike? Is this a mission from which you intend Spike to return alive?"

"Yes. I sent Andrew with him."

"Again I ask the question."

"Buffy, you weren't here. Decisions have to be made in your absence."

"Yeah, well, those are the ones that have been scaring me."

"I did what I thought was right."

"You sent away the one person that's been watching my back - again."

"We're all watching your back."

"Funny... that's not really what it feels like."

"Buffy..."

Whatever Giles had been about to say dried up in his throat as Xander - followed by Spike - strode into the room. He looked from Buffy to Giles and then back again.

"I have questions. I want answers, and I want them now."

Buffy looked guiltily at the floor and Giles swallowed down his rising panic. He had known that this might happen, and after careful consideration, he realised that trying to kill Spike had been a foolish idea. The vampire was no longer any threat to his slayer, and Xander was powerful enough to hold his own. He should have never listened to Robin Wood.

"Very well, Xander. What would you like to know?"

"First off, what did Buffy mean when she asked if you intended Spike to return from this mission?"

Giles looked Xander in the eye and told him.

"I was an accessory to Robin's attack on Spike. I kept Buffy otherwise occupied, whilst they fought."

"I see. And this time? Is this a set-up?"

"No. This is a genuine fact-finding mission. I - I can show you the proof if you like."

"We'll get to that; why Andrew? Why send him along?"

"Truthfully? The boy was getting on my nerves; I saw an opportunity to get him out of the house for a couple days."

"You don't think Spike'll kill him and give you an excuse to have him put down?"

Giles' eyes bugged out and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Good Lord. I never even thought about that. I do hope Spike has more patience than I. If the situation were reversed, I'm not entirely confident that I wouldn't ring the little prick's neck."

Xander chuckled and shook his head.

"We have a problem here, G-man."

"Yes, I do realise that, Xander. And please refrain from calling me that insipid name."

Giles sighed and wished for his glasses. He needed something to busy his hands with.

"You must realise my position, Xander. My slayer was deferring to a vampire. Granted, it's not the first time such a thing has occurred, but this time, I didn't trust her motivations. She has a blind spot where Spike is concerned."

"Hello? In the room here." Xander and Giles ignored Buffy's outburst and continued to glare at one another.

"Spike is with me, Giles. Not Buffy. You needn't concern yourself about that."

"But she loves him!"

"She loves all of us. What's your point?"

"She couldn't be trusted to make important decisions where he was concerned."

Buffy rolled her eyes.

"And I'm still standing right here. Think you two could talk to me and not about me?"

Spike snickered and shook his head. This was quite entertaining, almost worth getting out of bed for.

"You do realise what I am, don't you? What I'm capable of?"

"Yes Xander, I'm quite aware of your abilities."

"Then you know that I'm not joking when I tell you that if you threaten my mate again, no matter what your reasons for doing so, I will stop you. However I see fit."

"Are you threatening me, Xander?"

"No. No, Giles, I'm not. I'm just making sure you are aware of the consequences of your actions."

By this time Buffy had given up with a snort of disgust and stomped into the kitchen. Spike followed after her and perched on one of the breakfast barstools.

"Not nice being ignored, is it?"

Spike spoke softly, but Buffy heard him anyway.

"Not particularly, no."

She studied the vampire carefully, taking in the dark hair and shook her head.

"It's ... weird. You look like Spike, but I can tell you aren't him."

"Oi! M'so Spike. Just not the one that's native to this reality. Make no mistake, slayer, I am Spike."

"Sorry, not what I meant. I just meant that, I thought it would be hard to tell you two apart, but it isn't."

"Well, only cause of my poncy hair. But I plan on fixing that right soon."

Buffy smiled.

"It's not just the hair. Although, it is a different look for you. I can see it in your eyes; there's something different in them. It's hard to explain."

"Could be the lack of soul, I suppose."

"Maybe. So, you and Xander have plans today?"

Spike smiled as he thought of his plans for Xander. Sunny beach, warm water, no swimsuits. His thoughts must have been easy to read, for Buffy giggled and shook her head.

"Please don't tell me. I don't think I'm old enough to hear it."

Spike tried for an innocent expression, but failed miserably.

"What? We're jus' going to the beach is all."

"Mmm hmm. And likely have sex on the sand, in the water and again in the car before going home, right?"

"Well, yeah. If I get my way."

"And you usually do, right?"

Spike grinned and waggled his eyebrows. This all seemed far too easy; here he was, sitting in the slayers kitchen, talking with the chosen one herself as if they were old mates.

"What are you really thinking, slayer? It can't be this simple. I'm a demon, without a soul, and I'm shagging yer best friend. You can't tell me you don't have a problem with this."

Buffy let out a sigh and rolled her head on her neck. She grimaced as the bones cracked.

"It wasn't. Not at first. But I've had time to get used to it, and Xander is far from helpless. I know that you wouldn't hurt him, and even if you did he could defend himself. But the reason I got over it is because I know Spike. If you are half the man he is, then I know you would never do anything to hurt Xander - 'cause he loves you too. That's good enough for me. And right now, I have more pressing issues to deal with."

"That preacher fellow?"

"Yeah, for a start. Him and his boss. We could use another fighter."

"I'm in."

"Good."

Xander strolled into the kitchen and stood behind Spike's stool. He leaned down and kissed him on the cheek.

"Nothing doing here right now. You wanna take off?"

"Sounds good, love."

Spike stood, nodded to Buffy and followed Xander out of the kitchen. He snorted at the watcher on the way out the door and followed his lover to the car.

"Gonna let me shag you senseless on the sand, pet?"

Xander smirked and unlocked the doors.

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Two words - gritty lube."

Realisation crossed the vampire's features and he rolled his eyes.

"Fine. But I am gonna shag you in the water."

~PART 48~

Xander hung up the phone and turned to his mate.

"Giles says that Spike came back about an hour ago. It seems there was some sort of disagreement among Buffy and the others while we were at the beach. Long story short, Buffy is gone and Faith is in charge."

"Ouch. Bet that went over really well with Buffy."

"Yeah. Apparently Spike didn't take it too well either; he and Faith came to blows over it. Giles thinks Spike's out looking for her."

"You want to see if we can help?"

"No. I think Buffy is hurting right now, and she doesn't like her friends to see her weak or in pain. Spike will find her, and he'll help her. She trusts him; so do I."

"If you're sure; I mean, I don't want to hold you back from helping your friends."

"You're not."

Xander sighed, he had been having a wonderful day; he and Spike had spent hours at the beach, laying in the sun, holding hands, kissing, making love in the waves. The nice thing about Sunnydale being abandoned was that the beach was empty. Seeing a naked, hard, Spike in the sunlight was definitely a sight worth savouring. Then they had come home, and when Spike wasn't there, Xander called Buffy's house only to find out that everything had gone from bad to worse while he was off having fun with his lover. He felt horribly guilty.

Spike knew Xander well enough to know when his lovely boy was brooding. He put an arm around Xander's waist and led him to the sofa. He sat and pulled Xander down beside him and pulled him close. After tucking his mate's head under his chin he began to rub soothing circles on his back.

"This is not your fault, love. What could you have done to change anything?"

"I don't know, but I should have been there, should have defended her."

"And said what? Yes, Buffy, I believe going back into the bad man's lair is a good idea. We didn't lose nearly enough people last time?"

"Well, no..."

"Xander. She may be the slayer, and she may be your friend, but she's still human, and as such she is capable of making mistakes. Don't you think this might be one of them?"

"Maybe. But what if she's right?"

"Then she'll prove it. Come on love, let's get you a cuppa hot chocolate and then into bed. You look exhausted."

"I am."

Xander yawned widely and Spike smiled and headed for the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway and turned around to look at his lovely mate. He was so damn happy to back in the real world with him, that even knowing that he had to share with the other Spike didn't bring him down.

Xander felt like he must have drifted off, for what seemed like only seconds later, Spike was back, sitting beside him and holding a steaming mug of chocolate under his nose.

"Mmm, chocolate."

"Yeah, love. And if you sit up and open those lovely eyes of yours, you can have it."

Xander sat up, opened his eyes and reached for the cup. He sipped the hot beverage and sighed.

"This is good. It would be better in bed though."

"Alright then, lets get you and your chocolate to bed then."

Spike led a sleepy Xander into the bedroom and stripped him down before tucking him into bed. Xander didn't even manage to finish his hot chocolate before drifting off to sleep.

Spike went back out to the living room and turned on the television. He wasn't tired, and if he had stayed in the bedroom with Xander he would have ended up waking him; he couldn't be around Xander without wanting to be inside him, and Xander needed his sleep. So while his mate slept in the next room, Spike flipped around the channels and finally gave up with a sigh. There was nothing on - literally. It seemed that since there was no one in Sunnydale anymore, there was no one running the cable station.

Spike went outside and lit a cigarette. It felt strange still, being there. He had grown accustomed to shifting from one place to another in a matter of days while he and Xander were together. Now though, they were finally at a standstill. This was where Xander belonged, where this reality's Spike belonged. He snorted and shook his head. He was as bad as the other him; he just couldn't help but feel concerned. Xander had been with his double for weeks now, they were mated, in love, and relatively happy considering the world was possibly coming to an end. Where did that leave him?

Yeah, he was there first, and he knew that Xander loved him. But he had seen everything that had happened, how his mate and the other Spike looked when they were locked together in passion, how Xander's eyes smouldered just watching the other vampire walk toward him. Plus, that little speech The First made - about him just being a "used up replica of the demon Xander really wanted" had struck a nerve. It was the one thing that Spike had worried about when they were still shifting - what would happen when they got to Xander's home dimension, whether or not Xander was interested in his world's Spike. He wondered if things would have turned out this way if he hadn't been dusted. If he had made it back here with Xander, would the other Spike even be here?

Of course, he knew he would, that Xander would never have left him in the school's basement. But would he be sharing Xander's bed? Xander's body? No, probably not. There would have been no need for the other Spike to spill blood for Xander, no accidental suck and grope session in the loo. No claiming, and no mating. Xander would be his and his alone. Spike - the other Spike - would still be chasing the slayer's skirts; maybe she might have even admitted she loved him by now.

Spike flicked the end of the cigarette away and came back inside. There was no point in dwelling on what might have been. The reality now was that he had to share his mate with his double. So he had better get used to it. It wasn't like he hadn't shared Xander with Angel, and with another version of himself before. The only difference was this time it was permanent.

Spike reached down between the sofa cushions and pulled out the book he knew his double had stashed there. With nothing else to do, he figured he might as well read for awhile. With any luck, his souled doppelganger would return before Xander woke and they would have some time to figure out how this was going to work.

~PART 49~

Spike had drifted off on the couch with the book hanging limply in his hand. The ringing of the telephone startled him awake. He grabbed up the receiver before it could wake Xander and snarled into the phone.

"What!?"

There was silence on the other end of the line and then finally a quiet voice, one that Spike recognised as the slayer's sister spoke.

"Spike?"

"Yeah, what do you want?"

"Did you... did you find Buffy?"

"Not that Spike."

"Oh. Oh! I forgot, sorry. Is Xander there? I, I need to talk to him."

"He's sleeping. Can this wait?"

"N-no, not really. We, we found Halfrek. She's been ... changed."

"Good. Why does this concern Xan?"

"She's a Bringer."

"Yeah, and?"

"And Giles wants to question her - find out what, if anything she knows about Caleb and The First. He thinks Xander might be able to do a spell as she can't talk - her tongue has been ripped out."

Spike blinked. Well, this was unexpected.

"Right. I'll wake him; we'll be there in a bit."

Spike hung up the phone and shook his head. Served the bitch right, after everything she had put his Xan-pet through, she deserved her fate. Hells, she deserved a hell of a lot worse. Being human and then made a mindless servant for evil was nothing compared to what he would have done to her.

Spike was not looking forward to having to wake Xander. He looked so peaceful lying there on the soft blue sheets. Nevertheless, he knew the young man would be angry if he didn't wake him. His friends needed him and Xander needed to help his friends. Spike sat on the edge of the bed and kissed Xander's slack mouth.

"Xander. Xan, love. Wake up."

Xander stirred and then opened one sleepy brown eye.

"Spike?"

"Yeah, love. Slayer's sis just called. Seems they need you to do a little mojo for them. They have a Bringer in custody and want to question it."

"K, why me though?"

"Her tongue's been torn out; they need some kind of mind link or something."

Xander snorted.

"What do they think I am? A Vulcan? Geez."

Spike chuckled.

"Something like that. I'm guessin' you should take a gander in that book o' yours. Might have just the thing you need."

"Oh yeah, good idea."

Xander climbed out of bed and retrieved his book. He flipped idly through the pages until he came to a stop on the one page so far that actually had words on it.

"I'm never going to get used to this."

"What's that, love?"

"This ... words-appearing-before-my-eyes stuff. It's creepy."

"Yeah, well you won't get an argument from me. All mojo is creepy as far as I'm concerned."

"Even when it brings you back to me?"

"Never said I wasn't grateful for it, just that it's creepy. Is that the spell you need?"

"Yeah, but I'm gonna need someone to act as a voice for the Bringer. Talk about creepy."

Xander shuddered and closed the book. He handed it to Spike and picked up his clothes off the floor. He got dressed and then took the book back from his mate before tilting his head in question.

"No word from Spike yet?"

"No. Dawn thought I was him, asked if I'd found her sis."

"Hmm, well, if he hasn't shown up by the time we're done with the Bringer, we'll go look for them."

"Xander?"

"Yeah?"

"The Bringer, it's... it's Halfrek."

Xander's eyes bugged out in shock and then he shook his head sadly.

"A fitting end, I suppose. Come on, let's get this over with."

It didn't take long to drive to the Summers' house. The streets of Sunnydale were deserted so there was no point in stopping for red lights or stop signs.

They walked into slayer central and took a good look around. The place seemed somewhat different, as if by Buffy's leaving, the whole feel of the place had changed. Xander shook himself out of his thoughts and headed to the basement. He nodded to the young girl - Vi, he thought her name was - who had told him where the others were waiting for him.

He wasn't quite prepared for the sight of Halfrek chained to the wall and sitting on Spike's old cot. He felt the calming presence of his mate's hand on his shoulder and closed his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened them again, he was under control.

"Alright, let's do this."

Spike watched the others as Xander performed the spell. He didn't know a whole lot about this group, but he knew what they meant to Xander. The witch, Willow, was paying special attention to the spell; her lover was paying attention to her. The watcher and the dark-haired slayer were keeping an eye on the bound Bringer, and Andrew was sitting a ways back in the corner, looking like he didn't want be there - which was probably true as Xander had designated him to be the voice for Halfrek.

"It's done."

Xander's quiet statement brought them all back into focus. Giles turned his attention to Halfrek.

"Speak to us."

"I am a drone in the mind that is evil."

Andrew spoke.

"I say I'm part of the great darkness. I'm only a fragment of the we. We work as one to serve the First."

Giles interrupted with a question.

"Okay, what do you - the we - do for the First?"

"We work to prepare for the inevitable battle."

Kennedy grabbed a knife and put it to Halfrek's throat.

"How? Tell me exactly what the Bringers are doing."

Giles sighed.

"Kennedy, she can't see the knife."

"We can feel the knife."

Andrew answered.

"We attend to the needs of the infinite evil. We exterminate girls and destroy the legacy of the slayer. We build an arsenal beneath the dirt. We obey the commands of our teacher, Caleb."

Giles took the knife from Kennedy, and Spike spoke up for the first time.

"Hang on, go back to that dirt thing."

"We build weapons to prepare for the coming war... at the farthest edge of town. We are everywhere. We are like the ocean's waves. We watch your efforts and are not scared. We will laugh at you as you die."

Giles, having heard enough, took the knife and slit Hallies throat. Andrew jumped up from his chair holding his neck.

"What the bananas?! You are so lucky that you did not just... magically decapitate me."

Giles put the knife down and addressed the group.

"We have what we needed. Gather maps, we need to find a subterranean space large enough to house an armoury."

Everyone began to file out of the room and Andrew - who was still rubbing his neck muttered softly,

"I feel used and violated, and... I need a lozenge."

Xander shook his head a little sadly at what he had to put Andrew through and then smiled as Spike stepped up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"You alright then, love?"

Spike kissed Xander's neck.

"Yeah. I am now."

~PART 50~

They were alone in the basement. Just the two of them and the dead Bringer - Hallie. Xander didn't want to think about that right now, though; he refused to feel guilt over her death. He had, most likely, saved thousands of people from experiencing worse things than death by making her human. Besides, she knew what it was like in Sunnydale at night - she was a demon, for Christ's sake; she should have run like hell.

Spike's hands began to wander on Xander's body, effectively distracting him from thoughts about Bringers, The First Evil, and ex-vengeance demons. He turned in his lover's arms and kissed him.

Who knows how long the kiss would have continued if Anya hadn't picked that particular time to show up and interrupt them.

"Excuse me. If the two of you could stop sucking face for a moment, I'd like to talk to Xander."

Spike growled, vamped out and pulled Xander behind him. Anya rolled her eyes and took a step closer to the snarling vampire.

"Relax. I'm not here to cause trouble. I just want to talk to my ex-fiancée, and then I'll be leaving."

Xander squeezed Spike's shoulder, kissed his neck and stepped out from behind him. He looked at Anya and smiled somewhat sadly at her.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry about what happened to Halfrek."

"Don't be. It was her own fault. After you guys all left, she went inside and looked for Caleb. She thought he would help her; he did this to her. Some help."

Xander blinked in shock. He hadn't expected that.

"She said she wanted to help him get the slayer and her group, especially you. She said she didn't want to be human, and would he be able to change her. He did. Just not the way she wanted. You know, that guy has serious issues where women are concerned? Too bad I can't find any of his victims; I'd love to wreak a little vengeance on his ass!"

"I'll bet. So, um, if you aren't angry with me, why are you here?"

"I came for Hallie. She was my best friend for a very long time and I can't just leave her like this. Also, I knew you would be blaming yourself and I didn't want that. So don't. Okay?"

Xander nodded and then frowned as Anya sighed.

"What's wrong, An?"

"I can hear them. Upstairs, all of them; Willow and Tara, Faith and the principal, Kennedy and one of the other girls, all of them, making love. I miss that. It was the nicest thing about being human. You made that nice for me."

"Wha... you can't have sex now that you're a demon again?"

"I exact revenge on men, Xander. Who in their right mind would sleep with me, knowing what I am? They'd all be too scared of what I might do to them if they were lousy."

"Oh. I never thought about that."

Spike didn't like the way she was looking at Xander, it was one thing to share with the other Spike, but he was not going to share with Xander's demon ex-fiancée.

"I think it's time to go home, pet. This is hardly the place for the things I want to do to you."

Xander swallowed as his pants suddenly got tighter. His eyes locked with Spike's and he licked his lips. Anya sighed again.

"See, this is why it was never gonna work with us, Xander. You never looked at me like that. Spike did once, but it was only the once and he was drunk. Of course, so was I, and we did have some great sex, but that wouldn't have worked out either."

Spike spluttered.

"You shagged me - er the other me?"

"Yes. It was caught on camera and everything. Very embarrassing for both of us."

Spike looked at Anya, then looked at Xander.

"Is there anyone who hasn't slept with me?"

Xander laughed. Anya smiled and shook her head. Spike just rolled his eyes and headed for the stairs.

"Forget I asked that! I don't think I want to know… Next thing I know you'll tell me I shagged the watcher's wrinkly arse. Or that idiot Andrew!"

Xander hugged Anya goodbye and headed after his mate. He stopped halfway up the stairs and watched as she gently lifted Halfrek's body from the cot and disappeared. He heard Spike pacing in the kitchen and hurried to catch up to him.

Now that he was upstairs, he could hear what Anya was talking about. Then again, he was pretty sure everyone could hear Faith. That girl never was the shy, quiet type. Spike's nostrils flared and his eyes flashed. He looked at Xander and leered.

"I don't know if I can wait 'til we're home, love. Might have to just take you right here and now, where anyone could come down and see. Think I could make you scream louder than the slayer up there? Make you shout my name, let them all hear it?"

Xander was slowly backing toward the door. As good as Spike's words sounded, there was no way he was having sex in Buffy's house, in the living room, where they would get caught. And possibly by Dawn.

"No way, not here. I'm all for public displays of affection, but we are not having sex in the same house as Dawn."

"Then you better get us home right quick, love."

Xander nodded and bolted for the car. He was in the car and had the engine running before Spike even opened his door. As soon as the passenger door closed, Xander squealed away from the house and sped all the way back to his apartment building. As soon as they were out of the car, Spike scooped Xander into his arms and ran all the way up to their door. The two men fell through the doorway kissing and laughing.

"You are an evil, evil vampire."

"Why thank you, love. But what for?"

"Making me consider having sex in Buffy's living room."

"Oh, well, how about our living room?"

"Yeah, that can be arranged, though the bedroom is just down the hall."

"Hmm, true. But I wouldn't want to get boring, you know?"

"Ah, but the lube is in the bedroom."

"Right then, bedroom it is."

Spike practically dragged Xander to the bedroom and began removing both their clothes. Once they were naked he gave his mate a gentle push onto the bed and then pounced on him.

"I want you inside me tonight, Xan; I need to feel you."

"Yeah, I want that too. Need to be in you, Spike. Been way too long."

Both men were too far gone to draw it out. Xander retrieved the lube as Spike rolled onto his back and hooked his arms under his knees, spreading himself open to Xander's hungry gaze.

"Fuck, Spike. I could cum just looking at you like that."

"You bloody well better not, love. Told you, I want you in me tonight."

Xander shook his head to clear some of the thick haze of lust away and then flipped open the bottle of lube. He poured some into his hand, slicked his fingers and then introduced them one at a time into his mate's waiting entrance.

By the time he had worked three fingers into Spike's hole, the vampire was moaning and thrashing on the bed, begging to be taken. Xander poured more lube into his hand, coated himself with a shaky hand and then lined himself up. With one slow, smooth stroke, he buried himself inside his mate and then froze.

"Xander, move!"

"Can't. Hang on, if I move it'll be over."

Spike chuckled and clenched down on Xander's shaft. Xander's eyes rolled back and he bit his lip.

"Spiiiike. Don't do that."

"Then fuck me already, Xander. I need you to move."

Xander nodded his head and took a deep breath. He slowly pulled out before pushing back in. Spike wrapped his legs around Xander's waist and pulled his face down for a kiss.

Xander sped up his movements and reached between their bodies to stroke Spike's erection. The vampire bucked up into the new sensation and then bared his throat to his human mate. Xander didn't hesitate; he sunk his blunt teeth into the pale flesh of Spike's neck and drew on the wound. Spike howled and came, his cool seed coating both their bellies. Xander withdrew his teeth, thrust one last time and flooded Spike's body with warm liquid.

Panting, Xander fell onto Spike's chest and licked over the still-seeping punctures. Spike held Xander tight and purred his contentment. They would have to get up in a few hours and go look for the missing Spike if he hadn't shown up by then, but for now, Spike was happy to fall asleep with his mate in his arms and still inside him.

~PART 51~

It was daylight when Xander awoke. He groaned and then rolled off of his mate, wincing as their glued-together bodies pulled apart. He saw the vampire's eyes flutter open and then close again. He smiled and climbed out of bed.

"Come on, Spike. I can't believe we overslept! We have to get up and go find Spike and Buffy. Come on."

Spike grumbled but nevertheless got out of bed and followed Xander into the bathroom. He started the shower while Xander relieved himself and brushed his teeth. By the time Xander got in, Spike had already washed his hair and was in the process of rinsing it. Xander took the opportunity to ogle.

Spike stepped out of the spray and picked up the bar of soap. He began to wash himself and noticed that Xander hadn't yet made any move to even get wet.

"You plan on washing, love? Or does the idea of running around Sunnyhell smelling like spunk appeal to you?"

"Oh. Right."

Xander shook his head and stepped under the spray. He didn't dawdle; now that his mind was back on track, he was worried about his other mate. He hoped that nothing hellmouthy had happened to him.

Spike didn't even try to molest the wet, soapy human as he watched him bathe, which for an evil creature such as himself was a testament to his self control. He handed Xander a towel and then began to dry himself as well. He knew that Xander was worried about the other Spike, so he decided to be less than evil and play nicely.

"Where should we start the search, pet?"

"Dunno. I think we should check in with the others first. See if they've heard anything."

"Good idea. You call the slayer's house and I'll make coffee."

Xander went to the living room and picked up the phone. He put it back down and cursed. Spike popped his head around the doorway.

"Problem, Xan?"

"Phone's dead. Forget the coffee, let's just go. Okay?"

"Sure thing, love."

The two left the apartment and headed to the car. As they were driving toward Buffy's place, Spike watched the tense set of his mate's jaw. He frowned; Xander was obviously upset.

"What's got your knickers in knots, love? Are you that worried about them?"

"Yes."

"Why? Buffy is a slayer for Christ's sake, and Spike... well, he's me. And without a chip, I might add; nothing he can't take care of."

"It's not that; okay, it is that, but it's not just that. Spike, Buffy has been the strongest person I've ever known. For seven years she has kept me and everyone I love - mostly everyone - alive and sane. And they all just turned on her like that. I should have been there - regardless of not being able to change anything, I should have been there - at least to tell her that she still had me."

Spike nodded; this made sense to him. Xander always took on too much and now was no exception. But still, there had to be more to it than just the slayer.

"What else? That's not the only thing bothering you."

"I fell asleep. I said I would - we would - go and look for them - for him - and instead we went home. We made love and we fell asleep. I should have made sure he was alright first."

"Ah."

Now it all made sense to the brunette vampire. Xander was feeling guilty for enjoying himself, for being with him instead of out looking for the other Spike.

"No, you don't understand. He was afraid this would happen, that once you were back I would forget about him. I promised that it wouldn't - that I wouldn't do that to him. But I did; I fell asleep and God knows what might have happened to him."

"I get that. Do you think I haven't wondered the same thing? That you would choose him over me now that we're all together? He has a soul, love. Something I don't have - and don't want either - but it's something that makes him more acceptable. Your friends trust him; they don't have a problem with the two of you being together. I have a chip, Xander, but Spike already proved that a chip isn't enough to make us not behave like a demon. It seems that both of us have insecurities where you're involved. Can you really love both of us? We aren't the easiest vampires to get along with, you know."

Xander snorted.

"I know that! But yes, I can and I do love both of you. I want both of you. I don't know if that makes me perverted or greedy or what, but it's the truth. I fell in love with you during the craziest time in my whole life. You made that whole thing bearable - enjoyable even. If I hadn't found you, I don't think I would have made it home; I don't think I would have had the strength. And Spike? Shit, that wasn't supposed to happen, but I'm glad it did. He's a part of me now, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. He needs me, and I need him. I need both of you."

As Xander finished speaking they had arrived outside the Summers' house. He parked the car and turned off the engine. Spike leaned across the seat and gave Xander a gentle kiss.

"You have me, love. And I'm pretty damn sure you still have him as well. What say we go inside now? If no one knows anything, we'll set out on foot. See if I can track him down."

"Okay. Thanks, Spike."

The two men exited the vehicle and went inside the house. The gang was all grouped in the front room going over strategy. It looked as though Faith was ready to lead the girls into battle.

"Xan, new Spike. Love the hair, by the way."

Faith smirked at the brunette vamp who growled and flashed his eyes at her. Xander gave Faith a warning look and she returned it.

"What? I can't make a crack about his look?"

"Not unless you'd like me to change yours, slayer."

Spike may have agreed to help, might even want to, but he was not taking shit from a girl who under different circumstances would just be one more notch on his belt. In fact, the more she looked him over, the more he itched to make her number three.

"Ooo, tough words from the chipped vampire. Might I add that I kicked your double's ass even without the chip? So you'll excuse me if I don't tremble in fear."

Xander could see this was going to turn out all kinds of bad as Faith stepped up and got in Spike's face.

"Or should I be worried that you'll try to lick me to death? Seems you have a sweet spot for slayers going by how your blonde half trails after B."

"I have a sweet tooth for slayers. The only thing I want to sink into you is my fangs, luv."

Faith's eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to reply, but Spike was quicker.

What's the matter, pet? The principal not doing it for you? Not enough of a man to satisfy you? Tough shit, girlie. I wouldn't shag you with Angelus' dick. 'Course you'd probably like that, wouldn't you? Always picking up Buffy's leavings. First Angel, then her soldier boy, yeah I heard all about that one; now you want a piece of the Big Bad, eh?"

Spike licked his lips in a lascivious manner and cocked his head to the side. Everyone in the room moved as far back from the pair as possible - except for Xander, who stepped closer to his mate and tried to draw him back toward the door. He didn't want them to trash Buffy's house, and he was pretty sure Spike no longer had a chip, and this was not the time for him to discover that.

"Pretty full of yourself for a guy who's taking it up the ass from Xander Harris, aren't you? I mean, if you were all that, you could do way better. I've had him, and believe you me, he was nothing to write home about."

Xander heard Willow mutter 'Oh shit' from the other side of the room just before Spike exploded. It was one thing to insult him, but no one insulted Xander.

Xander wasn't sure who was more shocked when Spike's fist connected with Faith's jaw and he didn't go down in blinding pain, the vampire or the slayer. All the same, the shock didn't last long as they flew at each other with intent to kill.

"Xander! Do something!"

Willow again. Her voice broke through his stunned paralysis, and without thinking, he shot his arms out toward the two combatants and yelled.

"SEPERATE!"

Faith went one way and Spike the other. They soon realised that neither could move from where they were sprawled on the floor. Xander walked toward Faith and crouched down in front of her.

"I realise that you are under a lot of stress right now, and that it's not easy filling Buffy's shoes. For that reason, and the fact that we need you in this fight, I won't let Spike make you his third slayer. But if you start it again, I won't stop him next him."

Spike snickered from his spot on the floor. Xander turned his glare on him and strode across the room. He looked down at the vampire and shook his head.

"You don't get off that easy, mister. We came here for Spike, not for you to make Faith your chew toy. Yeah, she's an obnoxious, arrogant pain in the ass, but you know better. This is not the time."

Spike nodded his understanding.

"Sorry, love."

"I know. And if it were any other time, I might have let you play with her a bit longer, but right now we need to find Spike and Buffy."

He turned around so that Faith could see him.

"Now, are you going to behave or do I leave you down there on the floor for awhile?"

Faith set her jaw and nodded her assent.

"Good."

Xander waved his hand toward her and then turned back to Spike and pulled him to his feet.

"Now, has anyone seen or heard from Buffy and Spike?"

~PART 52~

The search was a bust. They had tracked Buffy's scent to a house a few blocks away but it was empty by the time they had gotten there. Xander was becoming increasingly worried, and even Spike was beginning to get concerned. He was still pumped up from fighting with Faith - the realisation that he was no longer chipped was making him want to celebrate. And he could think of no better way to do that than to throw Xander down and shag him into the middle of next week. Of course he couldn't do that until they found the missing blondes.

"Let's try back at the house again. If she was here and left, it's a good possibility that she went back there. If for no other reason, she'd want to check on her sis, right?"

"We don't have any other ideas, so let's try that one. But Spike? No fighting, okay? We'll need every fighter we have if we're going to beat The First."

"I know, love. She just really pissed me off insulting you like that."

"Don't take it too seriously. She's probably right. It was my first time and she basically just threw me down and climbed on board."

"Oh."

"What? Like you were some big stud your first time?"

Spike laughed.

"Hardly. I was sandwiched between two vampires, and one of them was draining the life out of me. Hardly my best performance."

"Geez, and I thought my first time was traumatic."

"Come on, pet, let's go back and see if the peroxide twins have made an appearance."

Xander smiled and slung his arm over Spike's shoulder.

"You know, if you keep insulting Spike's hair, I'm going to remind you of it once you're all shiny and blonde again."

"Wouldn't have it any other way, love."

The walk back to slayer central was made in silence. Xander had a niggling feeling that something was wrong. Terribly wrong. He just didn't know what. By the time they reached Buffy's house, Spike was starting to feel it too. They were met at the door by Robin Wood - who took one look at Spike at sneered.

"Oh, it's just you."

Xander rolled his eyes at the idiot.

"You know, for someone who was raised by a watcher, you don't have much of a survival instinct do you? I mean, first you go and try to kill my blonde mate, and then you go and insult my brunette one. Did you not see him kick your girl's ass earlier? And if that doesn't scare you and make you think twice, just think of what I could do to you. The only reason you are still in one human-shaped piece is because Spike figured he owed you for the trigger being disabled. That debt has been paid. Next slip up, you're gone."

Xander let his eyes go black to make sure the former principal got the message.

"Now, where is everyone?"

"They went after the weapons. If you had stuck around, you'd know that. They should be back anytime now."

Xander rolled his eyes and looked at Spike.

"Survival instincts of a lemming. Did I not just warn him?"

"That you did, love. But give him a break; it's not easy being left behind, knowing that your lover would rather put her trust in a bunch of children to watch her back."

Robin scowled and walked away. Xander smiled at Spike and leaned in and kissed him.

"You're evil, and I love you."

"Glad to hear it, pet. What say we go take a look-see at what the girls are up to?"

"Good idea."

Walking through the tunnels toward the location of Faith and the S.I.T's, Xander started to get that uneasy feeling again. He looked over at Spike and saw that he too was frowning and looking around the tunnel.

"Something's not right."

"Bringers. I can smell them."

"Let's go."

They took off running and as they got closer, they heard the sounds of battle. Spike shifted to game face and sprinted ahead; Xander followed him and hoped that they got there in time. The last Bringer fell by Spike's hands just as Xander exited the tunnel into the small dug out room.

"Yo, Faith. Check this out."

Kennedy was shining a light on a doorway in the corner. Faith went to investigate, followed by the rest of the girls. Xander and Spike took up the rear guard and made their way down as well. They watched as Faith broke the padlock off an old wooden box. Inside there was a detonator counting down.

"Everybody get down!"

The explosion rocked the cavern and Xander barely had enough time to throw up a shield. It wasn't a very strong one but it did protect them from the worst of the damage.

"Is everyone okay?"

Various girls responded that they were, but so far no response from Faith. Seeing as she had been the closest to the explosion, Xander went toward the last place he had seen her and began to dig through the debris. He found her face down in a puddle of water.

"Well, this looks familiar." Xander quickly pulled her up and checked her vitals. Her pulse was steady and after coughing up some water, she was breathing all right, but she was unconscious.

"Alright. Everyone, clear out."

The girls all did as Xander said, and Spike watched as Xander carried Faith toward the staircase. He shook his head, rolled his eyes and then reached out to stop him.

"I'll take her, love. I'm stronger than you are."

"You promise not to eat her? Um, I mean... "

"I know what you mean, git. And yeah, I promise. Where's the sport in killing an unconscious slayer?"

"Okay then."

Spike took Faith from Xander's arms and motioned for his mate to precede him up the stairs. They found Buffy waiting for them at the exit to the tunnel with the potentials all crowded around her.

"Buffy! Thank God!"

Xander grabbed her and crushed her to his chest.

"Are you okay? What happened? Where were you? Have you seen Spike? And oh yeah, what the hell is that in your hand?

"Fine. I was relieved of duty so I left. I spent the night in a house a few blocks away, and Spike was still there when I left this morning. He stayed with me. I, I asked him to. I'm sorry, Xander. I just didn't want to be alone - I needed a friend. As for this..."

Buffy held up a nifty looking axe thing with a stake on the bottom.

"I got it from Caleb. I knew he was hiding something, and I was right."

"I knew you would be; I'm sorry I wasn't there to defend you."

"I'm a big girl, Xander. I don't need you to stick up for me, but thanks. You sure you're okay about last night?"

"Yeah. I understand. I sort of figured that Spike was with you, that you'd need a friend. But uh, we tracked you to the house, and it was empty when we got there."

"Oh. Maybe he went home?"

Just then one of the girls screamed as a Turok Han came charging toward them. Xander released Buffy, Spike handed Faith off to a couple of the potentials who were also less then battle ready and the rest of the girls formed a barricade in front of the two injured girls who were crouching protectively over Faith.

"There's another one!"

One of the girls shouted, and sure enough there were now two of the Uber vamps making their way toward the group. Spike grinned wickedly; he was looking for a good fight, had been since Xander stopped him from pounding Faith earlier in the day.

"Xander, stay back. Let the slayer and me handle these two poofs."

"Yeah, sure, you do that. But uh, there are now three of them to handle."

"Right."

Spike turned to Buffy and grinned.

"What do you say, luv, feel like working off a little tension?"

"Oh yeah."

"Just remember, no staking the friendly vamp, right?"

"No problem there."

Spike and Buffy made short work of the Uber vamps; that new axe of hers was the perfect weapon for defeating them. Spike had pouted after it was all done since he didn't actually get to kill any of them, but he had had fun beating them up. When it was finished, Buffy looked behind her at the group of young girls, all standing ready to defend Faith and the two other slightly wounded girls, and felt pride in them. They had come a long way in a short time.

"Get the wounded. We're leaving."

Spike took Faith back from the potentials and walked to Xander. Kennedy looked around nervously and then turned to Buffy.

"Are there more?"

"There're always more. Let's move."

In silence, they made their way back to Buffy's house and through the front door. Robin was on his feet and heading for Spike as soon as he saw him with Faith in his arms. Buffy placed a hand on his chest and gave him a hard shove back into his chair.

"Spike, Xander. Take Faith up to my room and get her comfortable. Giles, I think Amanda might have a sprained elbow. Can you look at it? Rona, find Andrew; tell him I want to know everything he and Spike saw at that church."

"I thought Spike would have told you?"

"He did. But I want to hear it from Andrew too; he might have seen something Spike missed."

Rona shrugged her shoulders and went to find Andrew. Buffy headed for the stairs to check on Faith.

"Um, Buffy? What's with that axe thing?"

One of the girls who had not been in the raiding party spoke up.

"I took it from Caleb. It might be important."

"Let's hope so."

Buffy nodded and went up the stairs. She found Spike and Xander in the hallway outside her bedroom door.

"How is she? Any change?"

"No, she's still out of it."

"Send Giles up when he finishes with Amanda."

"Sure, uh, Buff? There was a bit of a... fight earlier."

Buffy sighed.

"Who was fighting, and why?"

"Faith and Spike."

Buffy laughed.

"She seems to have a thing for pissing off Spikes, doesn't she. Apparently the other one went a couple rounds with her last night. What happened this time?"

Spike interrupted.

"She insulted Xander. Up until that point, I was just playing with her."

"I see. And I assume since neither of you are dead, your chip went off and Xander stopped her?"

"Yer half right."

Buffy looked at Xander for an explanation.

"Spike doesn't have a chip, Buff. He came back without it. But yes, I did stop it, and it won't happen again."

"Fuck. I don't need this shit right now. Look, Spike,"

Buffy turned to the dark-haired vampire.

"I'm going to trust you to keep your fangs in check. I need all the help I can get right now. Can I trust you?"

"Yes."

"Good enough."

Xander blinked in shock and Spike grinned.

"I can see why he fell for you, ducks. You're alright for a slayer."

"Gee, thanks, Spike. You're alright too, for a bloodsucking demon."

Buffy went into the room and Spike and Xander went back downstairs. Spike was feeling a little caged in what with all the humans in the house, so they went out on the front porch. Spike dropped onto the step and pulled out his cigarettes. He lit one and blew the smoke out through his nose.

"You want to go home? See if he's there?"

"Yeah. Do you mind?"

"Not in the least. Let's get out of here."

Just as they were heading for the car, a familiar blonde-haired figure came strolling up the street.

~PART 53~

"Spike! There you are!"

"Hey love, I went by the apartment but you weren't there."

"I was - we were - out looking for you, then there were explosions and Turok Hans, and Faith being unconscious and Buffy has a neat new weapon she stole from Caleb and we came back here, and we were just heading home to see if you were there and God I missed you!"

Xander trailed off as Spike's arms came around him; the blonde pressed a kiss to his lips to further silence him.

"I missed you too, love. Remind me to never go anywhere with that Andrew again, would you? He's lucky I have a soul now, or I might have given in to temptation and had him for lunch. Bloody annoying, he is. Git never shuts up."

"Mmm hmmm. Can we go home now? I've had enough excitement for one day."

"You sure about that, love? I was kinda hoping to get you excited once we got home."

Xander's eyes glazed over and he jumped as the other Spike came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist and licked the side of his neck.

"Now that sounds like a bloody brilliant plan to me. Always knew I was a smart bloke."

Spike grinned cheekily at his double and then began to pull them both towards the car.

"Faster we get there, the faster we get you all excited, love."

Xander didn't need to be told twice. He dug his car keys out of his pocket and tossed them to the dark-haired Spike before being unceremoniously shoved into the backseat and then pounced on by the blonde one. The brunette Spike chuckled and climbed in behind the wheel. As he pulled the car away from the curb, he turned to the occupants of the backseat and spoke to his double.

"Oi, don't wear him out before we get home."

The blonde lifted his head from Xander's neck where he had been sucking and nipping a path up to his ear and grinned at his dark-haired doppelganger.

"No worries, mate; was just getting him warmed up."

Xander groaned and Spike went back to work teasing the skin of his mate's throat before sucking his earlobe into his mouth. Spike reluctantly tore his eyes off the rather erotic sight in the backseat to pay attention to the road. The streets might well be deserted, but he could still run them into a pole if he wasn't paying attention.

By the time they got home, the darker of the two Spikes was ready to shag Xander right there in the parking lot he was so turned on by the little show in the backseat.

"Inside. Now."

Spike opened the door to the building and the other two raced inside. Xander broke away from the blonde Spike and sprinted up the stairs to his apartment. The two Spikes looked at each other, shifted into their demon forms and grinned.

"Nothing like a good chase to get you in the mood."

The other Spike nodded and they proceeded to hunt down their prey. It wasn't much of a hunt, as they found Xander in the bedroom, naked and sprawled out on top of the sheets. In tandem, both Spikes discarded their clothes and pounced on either side of him. The brunette vampire - who just happened to be on the side closest to the nightstand - grabbed the leather wrist cuffs and waggled his eyebrows at the blonde. Blonde Spike smirked and proceeded to distract Xander long enough for his double to get the cuffs on his wrists and secure him to the bed.

Xander quickly realised his situation and swallowed hard. He looked from one Spike to the other, taking in their matching leers.

"Ho, boy."

Blonde Spike licked his lips and looked at his lovely mate laid out naked, hard, and restrained to the bed. He turned to the other vampire with a smirk and a raised brow.

"Now, I seem to recall there being other toys in that drawer. Think we might find a use for them as well?"

"I said it once, and I'll say it again, I always knew I was a smart bloke."

Spike reached back into the drawer and pulled out the flogger, the anal beads and a tube of lube. He tossed the lube and the beads to Spike and then ran the soft leather tongs of the flogger through his fingers.

"Mmm, all that lovely skin, and me with no chip. Whatever shall I do?"

Xander might have panicked if he didn't trust Spike implicitly. But since he did, he merely groaned as his cock twitched, and then arched off the bed as the blonde between his legs inserted a slippery finger into his ass. He looked once again to his dark-haired mate and smiled nervously.

"Won't hurt you much, love; and I promise you, it will hurt so good."

Xander just nodded his head and then his attention was drawn back to the other Spike who had begun slowly inserting the beads inside him, one at a time.

"Oh, fuck."

Xander let his eyes close and his head fall back to the pillow.

"That's what those are for?"

Both vampires chuckled at the innocence of their mate.

"What did you think they were, pet?" Blonde Spike asked.

"Wasn't sure. Never seen them before."

"Never had a chance to show him before the accident," the brunette replied.

"We'll make up for that now. Just relax, Xan. We'll take good care of you."

While Xander was distracted by the sensation of the beads being fed into his ass, Spike attached the cock ring and then stood back to look at his work. He wished for a minute that he had grabbed a set of nipple clamps while they were in the sex-shop, but figured he'd purchase some at another time.

Xander's eyes flew open as the leather connected with his thigh. It hurt, but it was only a small sting. Spike moved around the other side of the bed and struck the other leg in the same spot. Xander watched as his mate looked him over, deciding where to strike next. He tensed his stomach muscles as the flogger made contact and then moaned out loud as the blonde Spike chose that moment to pull the first bead from his ass.

"Christ!"

The sensual torture continued for some time; the vampires switched places and Xander learned about the sweet sensation that was pleasure/pain. Finally, The brunette Spike crouched between Xander's spread thighs; lubed cock in hand and slowly entered him. Blonde Spike straddled him and when Xander had expected to be presented with his cock to suck, he was instead given a sweet, slow kiss and then Spike turned around - facing the other Spike and impaled himself on Xander's aching shaft.

At that moment, Xander was extremely grateful for the cock ring. The feel of having both his mates at once was beyond anything he could have imagined. Blonde Spike rolled his hips and at Xander's groan, looked over his shoulder and winked at him before turning back and kissing brunette Spike.

Xander watched in shock and lust as his mates kissed each other passionately. Then they both began to move at once and Xander's eyes rolled back in his head. Not for long though, 'cause the sight of his mates hungrily kissing one another while they fucked him was too hot to not watch. He wished he wasn't still cuffed to the headboard; he was desperate to touch them.

The vampires moved in tandem, never faltering as they increased their pace. Xander spared a moment to marvel over the wonders of demonic strength and flexibility - knowing that he would never be able to pull off the position Blonde Spike was in - before he lost all ability to think as the catch on the cock ring was released and he was screaming his completion.

Both Spikes were lost in their own pleasure, bloodied lips smashed together as they came in unison. Blonde Spike toppled off to one side of Xander and the darker of the two lay down on the opposite side. They each reached a hand up to undo one wrist cuff before flinging arms and legs over their mate and purring happily as they drifted off to sleep.

Xander looked down at his sleeping vampires and smiled. This had gone a lot better than he had expected, but he knew better than to think it was going to be this easy all the time. Sooner or later, one of them was going to snap.

~PART 54~

He was awakened by the sound of the telephone ringing. He crawled over the form of his dark-haired mate and headed for the living room to answer it. He stopped briefly in the doorway and smiled at how the vampires had curled into one another in his absence. He shook off the look of fondness, and suppressed the urge to "Awwww" and went to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Xander, it's me, Buffy."

"Hey Buff, what's the up?"

"Uh, I need you to do something for me. Something important."

"Anything, Buffy. You know that."

"Can you come here? This isn't an over the phone kinda favour."

"Sure. Should I bring the Spikes? Or let the sleeping dead lie?"

Buffy giggled.

"Totally up to you, but if you do bring them, try to keep the hands-in-naughty-places to a minimum, okay?"

"Ah, not sure what to tell you there, but I'll do my best."

"All I can ask, Xan. Thank you."

"No prob. I'll be there in a few, with or without company - I don't know yet."

"Okay; bye, Xan."

"Bye, Buff."

Xander hung up the phone and then blinked in confusion. Hadn't the phone been dead the last time he'd checked? He shrugged his shoulders and headed back to his room. He smiled at the sight of his lovers - naked and intertwined on the bed. He wondered how long the peaceful feeling in his body would last.

Blonde Spike opened sleepy blue eyes and then sat up in alarm.

"OI! Ya bloody pervert! Get off er me."

Xander sighed. Apparently the feeling would only last until they woke up. Brunette Spike scowled at his twin and then crossed his arms.

"You weren't calling me that when you were snoggin' me earlier. Poof."

"Oh, you bloody bastard!"

"Souled up wanker!"

"Poncy haired git!"

"Slayer-shagger!"

Xander saw that this was going to go very badly and decided to step in before anyone said anything that couldn't be taken back.

"HEY!"

Two sets of gold-tinged blue eyes turned to him.

"Enough. You guys are going to have to learn to get along. I'm not giving up either one of you, so I suggest you kiss and make up."

He tapped his foot impatiently as he watched his two mates continue to glare silently at one another. Finally the blonde shook his head disgustedly, muttered something under his breath and looked the darker vampire in the eye.

"You're not a pervert. Just wasn't expectin' to wake up next to ya, is all."

"Neither was I."

At Xander's annoyed look he continued.

"And yer not a poof."

Spike snorted. The other one did too. Then they both cracked a grin.

"Well, technically,"

The blonde looked at the other two men in the room.

"We all are. But I don't exactly see that as being a bad thing."

"True, and I'm sorry I called you a souled-up wanker."

"'Kay, I'm sorry I made fun of yer hair."

"No you aren't.

"Okay, I'm really not. But I shouldn't have said it."

"I shouldn't have called you a slayer-shagger."

Pause.

"Even though you are. Well, were anyway."

Xander just shook his head. At least they weren't fighting anymore.

"Buffy called. She needs to see me, so I'm heading over. You guys coming with? Or can I trust you to stay here and not kill each other?"

The Spikes looked at Xander and then looked at each other. With matching grins they leaned in and kissed gently, tongues brushing sensuously together, hands coming up to run gently over each other's body. Xander watched in wide-eyed fascination, his breath catching as his cock filled almost painfully. He made a small sound of protest as they ended the kiss and turned their heads to look at him. Brunette Spike climbed out of bed and handed the blonde his jeans and t-shirt before pulling on his own clothes. Xander was still standing slack-jawed and glassy-eyed as the blonde stood in front of him.

"Xander?"

The blonde vampire tilted his head and then tried again.

"Xander, love? Didn't you say you were needed at Buffy's?"

Xander blinked, shook his head and then looked at his lover in confusion.

"Wha... huh? Buffy?"

The vampires both chuckled and Xander glared at them.

"Oh, very funny. Get the human all worked up and then send him to a house full of women he thinks of as sisters and little annoyances."

Brunette Spike smirked at him.

"Well, you did say we had to kiss and make up. We were just doing as we were told."

They both nodded solemnly and put innocent expressions on their faces. Xander couldn't help but smile. He caught the clothes that were thrown to him and began to dress as he wondered if he would ever get over the sight of the two of them together. Their pale, perfect bodies touching, their lips pressed together, the expressions of passion etched so clearly on their faces. He was definitely a lucky man.

"Come on, let's go. I'm driving."

At the car, Xander rolled his eyes heavenward and prayed for strength as his mates both grinned at him and climbed into the backseat together, leaving him to try and drive to Buffy's house without wrapping them around a pole because he kept looking over the seat to watch them. It wasn't as though they were really doing all that much; just kissing and touching each other above their clothes, but it was almost too much for Xander to bear. He desperately wanted to just stop the car and climb over the seat. When the sounds of a zipper being lowered and a low moan met his ear, he swore under his breath and pulled the car to a stop.

"That's it! You two are the evilest vampires I've ever known!"

He shook his head at their chuckles and opened his door. He stepped out into the dark street and walked around the car to the back passenger side door. He opened it, reached in and hauled the closest vampire he could reach out into the cool night air. There was a muffled complaint from inside the car before the other one joined them.

"You two did this on purpose, didn't you?"

They both wore "who me?" expressions on their faces and Xander couldn't help but laugh.

"Innocent really isn't a believable look for either of you."

And then Xander crushed his mouth to that of the dark-haired vampire in front of him. He then spun him around so he was up against the car and pushed his duster up over his hips.

"I know you carry it with you, where is it?"

Spike smiled, reached into his pocket and drew out a battered-looking tube before passing it back to his mate. Xander wasted no time in undoing Spike's jeans and pulling them down. He nudged the vampire's feet apart and then began preparing him to be entered.

"Here."

Xander said as he passed the tube back to his blonde mate and wiggled his ass.

"Want you in me."

Spike groaned at the desire in Xander's voice and took the tube from him. He had to admit, having the other vampire around was proving to be a hell of a lot of fun so far. He undid Xander's Dockers and slid them down his thighs. He took a moment to appreciate the beauty of the man in front of him. Half naked on the side of the road in the moonlight, and Spike had never seen Xander look so sexy.

"Spiiiike."

At Xander's whine, the blonde stepped closer and began to ready Xander. He opened his own jeans just enough to free himself and slicked his cock before pushing slowly inside the tight heat that was his mate. He heard twin groans as his thrust pushed Xander into the Spike in front of him.

"Fuck! Oh God, not gonna last long!"

Xander was sandwiched between two hard, cool bodies; he was pretty much naked from the waist down, and he was fucking and being fucked up against a car outside, on the side of the road. He knew at that moment, that he was well and truly corrupted. But he really didn't give a shit.

Spike sped up his thrusts, pushing harder and faster into Xander, in turn making Xander thrust harder and faster into Spike. Xander's hand came around Spike's waist, his fingers encircling the dark-haired man's erection. Spike howled at the extra sensation and came with a roar. Xander followed behind him and then finally, as the blonde Spike sank his fangs into Xander's skin, he too came with a muted howl. The three men slumped against the car, Xander panting harshly and the vampires using their tongues to clean both him and each other up.

Finally, Xander pulled himself away from the side of the car and fastened his pants. He climbed into the back seat and stretched out across it. The vampires climbed into the front of the car - blonde Spike driving - and pulled back out onto the road.

~PART 55~

"You got it?"

"Wait. I'm not to the "got it" place yet. I'm still in the neighbourhood of "you've gotta be kidding".

Buffy sighed.

"You know it's for the good."

"I don't. I have power now; finally I have something to offer in the fight against evil besides my wicked carpentry skills. Buffy, do you get that?"

"I know. That's why I need you to do this. Xander; I need someone that I can count on no matter what happens."

Xander shook his head.

"I just always thought that I would... I would be there with you... you know, for the end."

Buffy looked indignantly at him.

"Hey."

"Well, not that this is the end."

Xander babbled and then grinned at her.

"Thanks a lot."

"No, no, no. By the end, I meant, uh... a heroic, uplifting way."

Buffy smiled at him.

"I know what you meant."

"I should be at your side. That's all I'm saying."

"You will be. You're my strength, Xander. You're the reason I made it this far. I trust you with my life. That's why I need you to do this for me."

Xander's shoulders slumped and he shook his head sadly.

"I'm sorry Buffy. I can't. I need to be here for this. I can't explain it, but I just know that my place is here. I promise I'll do whatever it takes to keep Dawn safe, but I can't leave. Besides, do you really think she would leave willingly?"

Buffy smiled a bit sheepishly and pulled a bottle of chloroform out of her pocket.

"I kinda doubted it."

Xander laughed a bit and shook his head.

"You thought I'd actually knock her out?"

"Hey, it's not as if all the women are jumping at the chance to run away with you."

Xander looked at her affronted.

"Don't look at me like that. You're the one who said I'm gonna die."

Buffy walked toward the door. Xander followed her, scowling playfully.

"I never said you were gonna die. I-I implied that you were gonna die. It's totally different."

"Yeah, Okay. Sure."

"Besides, if you die, I'll just bring you back to life."

Xander shrugged his shoulders.

"That's what I do."

The two vampires had overheard the entire conversation and were both at odds with their feelings. On the one hand they both wanted Xander by their sides where they could watch out for him, but on the other hand, if he had agreed to take Dawn and run, then he would be safe. The fact that Xander had power, that he was more than capable of looking out for himself, never crossed their minds. As far as they were concerned, it didn't matter. Xander belonged to them and they protected what was theirs. Of course, the wanting Xander beside them won out over any other feeling so they were both relieved by his refusal to leave.

Spike - the darker of the two - had no qualms about leaving with his mate if he had decided to run. He didn't owe these people anything; the only reason he agreed to fight was because of his mate, and because he liked the world as is, but if Xander had left, he would have gone too. It wasn't so cut and dried for the peroxide vampire. These people were family to him. Okay, so Buffy and Dawn were family to him. The others - Giles and the witches - were merely people who abided his presence and didn't actively try to kill him. The potentials were just scared little girls learning that the world was a crueller place than they'd thought. He pitied them. But moreover he pitied himself, 'cause if Xander had agreed to leave with Dawn, he knew he wouldn't have been able to follow. He owed Buffy far too much to just abandon her in her darkest hour. Whether she thought she needed him or not, he knew that his place was here, just as Xander did.

As Buffy came into the room, her eyes locked on those of the blonde demon and she smiled hesitantly. She looked behind her and saw the other Spike pull Xander into his arms and kiss him. She shook her head at the weirdness and then after another look at the blonde vampire went back into the kitchen. Spike stood and followed the silent summons. He found her holding the scythe and staring out the window into the darkness.

"So you did it. Fulfilled your mission. Found the Holy Grail. Or the Holy Hand Grenade, or whatever the hell that is."

Buffy turned away from the window and faced Spike.

"Right now we're going with scythe. You like?"

"Well, pointy and wooden is not exactly the look I wanna know better, but it does have flair. Can see why a girl would ditch a fella for one of these."

"I'm sorry about that."

"It doesn't matter. You're back in the bosom. All's forgiven. And, uh, last night...was just a glitch. A bit of cold comfort from the cellar dweller. Let's don't make a thing out of it."

"Great. I have work to do."

Buffy turned her back to the vampire once again.

"Oh, yeah. Another solo mission, of course."

"Yeah, it is."

"That's fine. You don't have to get shirty about it."

Spike turned to leave the room. He suddenly wanted to feel Xander's arms around him, to remind himself that he had someone real, someone who loved him, who he loved in return. He didn't understand why being around Buffy made him act this way. He was over the slayer. So why did she still have the capability to make him so damn defensive?

"I'm not shirty. And what is shirty? That's not even a word."

"All right. All right. Big secret mission. It's fine."

And it was fine. He knew she was more than capable of looking out for herself. She didn't need him, and truthfully he wanted to be with Xander anyway, not off trolling around in the dark with Buffy on some secret mission.

"It's not a secret. Well, I mean, it is, but that's the point of the mission. Find out the secret. This thing was forged by - I don't even know. I mean, something about... a tomb on unconsecrated ground. That's what I have to do. I need to find out what this is and why I have it."

Spike looked closer at the weapon and then looked at Buffy.

"And that's the thing the preacher man was so anxious to keep out of your mitts?"

"That it is."

"Well, maybe I'll swing by the vineyard when you go, take Xander and the other me; make sure he's sitting tight."

"Great."

"Okay."

Spike headed for the doorway again only to be stopped by a soft hand on his shoulder.

"Spike, You're a dope."

"I'm a what?"

There was genuine confusion on his face as he turned to look at her.

"You're a dope. And a bonehead. And you're shirty."

"Have you gone completely carrot-top?"

Buffy just smiled.

"Do you see this?"

She held up the scythe.

"This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. Because you held me and told me you believed in me. Because I really needed a friend and you were there for me. You made me believe in myself again. I don't know what you felt, how you feel about last night but..."

Spike cut her off.

"Terrified."

"Of what?"

Spike took a moment to think about what he felt, how last night had changed him, changed how he felt about Buffy, how he felt about Xander - hell, how it changed how he felt about the other Spike coming back.

"Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this."

"Spike..."

"It was one of the best nights of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but..."

"I just told you it did."

"I've never really had a friend before, Buffy - well not before Xander, and now I feel like I do. I loved you, still love you, but last night, I held you in my arms as you slept and I realised that as much as I loved you, I love Xander more. I didn't think I could ever love anyone more than you. I was gonna stake Dru for you! So, terrified pretty much sums it up, but at the same time, I feel free. You freed me."

"From what?"

"Fear. Of not being good enough. You trusted me to keep you safe when your world was falling apart. You made me realise that I'm worth something, that I have value. That I didn't need to be afraid that Xander was gonna forget about me now that the other Spike is here. That I can be loved for myself. He tried to tell me, but I was too afraid to listen."

"He does love you. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you, when he talks about you. It's real, Spike."

Spike ran his hands through his hair.

"Did you ever love me, Buffy? Even a little?

"I... I don't know. What we did, what we had, it was so..."

"Messed up? Wrong? Doomed to fail?"

"Yeah. I used you, and I regret that. I'm not the one, Spike. Xander is. I get that now. If things were different now, maybe you and I..."

"No."

Spike held up his hand to stop what she was about to say.

"Let's just leave it."

Buffy sighed but nodded her agreement. Maybe she did love him, but he wasn't her one either, and deep down she always knew that. She just wasn't sure who her one was anymore.

"We'll go be heroes. It's what we do."

Spike nodded and followed her back out to the living room. Xander reached out for him, and Spike allowed himself to be pulled into his mate's arms. He felt the gentle press of warm lips on his neck and smiled. Yeah, Xander was definitely the one. He turned his head slightly to the other side and blinked at the open look on the other vampire's face. Then he rolled his eyes, realising that he had overheard every word he had spoken to Buffy. Too late to change anything, and he'd just blame it on the soul if he gave him a hard time over it.

"You're not the only one with fears, mate."

The unsouled Spike leaned in and whispered to him. Spike nodded his understanding and felt that he was one step closer to letting go of the last of his apprehension.

"Well, as much fun as this is."

Buffy spoke up.

"I have to go track down the maker of this scythe. Spike? You still planning on swinging by the vineyard?"

Spike looked to Xander and his double and at their nods he answered.

"Yeah."

"Good, let's move then. We don't know how much longer we have."

Xander stood and followed Buffy into the dark night, his vampires on either side of him. They climbed into the car and drove toward the vineyard as Buffy set out on foot. He really just wanted to go home and fall into bed between his lovers and sleep until the apocalypse had passed once again.

~PART 56~

The vineyard was empty - not even a Bringer in sight. It made sense, Xander figured; now that Buffy had the weapon, there was nothing there to guard. The question was, where was the crazy preacher now?

"Well, I'm figurin' Buffy took something that he wanted to keep away from her, right?"

The darker-haired Spike spoke when they left the abandoned building.

"Yeah. So that means...?"

"It means, he's gonna try an' take it back. I know I would."

"He's right, Xan."

Blonde Spike agreed.

"We find Buffy, we find Caleb."

Xander sighed and then nodded his head.

"Alright, I'll drive; you two can ride with your heads out the window and play bloodhound."

He received twin looks of consternation from his mates, but ignored them and got in the car. The vampires scowled but did as Xander suggested and began scenting the air for traces of the slayer's scent. It eventually led them to a cemetery where Xander parked the car and got out with a huff of annoyance.

"Why am I not surprised? Just once, would it be too much to find the answers to your questions at the Dairy Queen or maybe the video store? I mean, why does everyone in this town hang out in the graveyards?"

The brunette vampire snorted his amusement and kissed Xander lightly on the throat. The blonde Spike opened his mouth to reply but then closed it with a snap as his eyes bled to yellow and he growled low in his throat. Xander spun around to look at him and asked what was wrong. The other Spike sniffed the air and a look of comprehension crossed his face.

"Angelus is here."

"A-Angelus?"

Xander squeaked.

"No, it's Angel."

The blonde answered sullenly.

"Can sense he has a soul; doesn't explain why he's here though."

Xander's face flamed as he remembered what Angel had told him back in L.A. the day he had secured his soul, about welcoming him into the family properly. He blushed even harder as his cock twitched at the memory of Angel's lips on his, his hands roaming over him. It was obvious his mates had picked up on both his embarrassment and his arousal. The un-souled version of his lover just smirked at him and waggled his eyebrows, while the souled version pulled Xander to him and continued to growl.

"Stop that. We'll never be able to eavesdrop on them if you keep up that noise."

The brunette Spike grumbled. The blonde ceased his growling but did not lessen his hold on his human mate as they crept closer to the tomb in which the slayer and the elder vampire were ensconced. They heard Caleb speaking from inside.

"You know, I gave you ample warning. Told you not to interfere, but you chose not to heed. I was kind of hoping it'd go this way."

Then they heard another voice, an all too familiar one.

"Hey!"

There were sounds of flesh hitting flesh and then...

"I was never much for preachers."

"Angel."

"You look good."

"You look timely. And also good."

"Heard maybe you needed a hand."

There was a scuffle and they didn't hear anything other than the sounds of battle for a few minutes. Then Buffy's voice again.

"See? Under control."

"Well...at least you could tell me you're glad to see me."

The threesome sneaked closer and peered inside just as Buffy pressed up against Angel and kissed him deeply. Xander blinked. Brunette Spike shook his head in disgust and the blonde just closed his eyes and turned away. He knew he was never the one she wanted, but to see her kissing his sire... it still hurt for some reason. Xander seemed to sense his distress and pulled him closer. He kissed his temple and then whispered in his ear.

"Let's go home."

"Ta love."

On the way back to the car, brunette Spike sidled up to his blonde half and leaned in to talk to him so that Xander wouldn't hear them.

"Are you still in love with her?"

"No."

"Then what's with the brooding?"

"It's... I don't know what it is."

"Can I offer a theory?"

"Could I stop you?"

They exchanged pointed looks and finally the brunette grinned.

"Probably not. So, here's my theory. You ever wonder why you went after her? What it was about her that made you want her? Besides the not being able to kill her bit?"

He didn't wait for Spike to respond.

"What if she was your link? Like Dru was. What if you saw in her a way to keep Angelus in your unlife? What if the reason it hurts you to see them together is because of him, not her? Did you ever consider that?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"'Cause, I hate the bloody poof! No way am I still pining after him, not now. I gave up on Angelus years ago."

"Yeah, I used to think that way too. Then he dropped everything and came for me. He stood up to the Initiative and the slayer for me. Soul or not, he's still Angelus. And he's still our sire. Think about that, Spike. If we still feel it, don't you think he might too?"

Spike gave his double a look that clearly said he was serious about this and left the blonde to consider what he had just told him. It wasn't easy for him to accept his feelings about Angel either, but he had. He had not only made up with his own sire, he had shared his lover with another version of him in a different reality. He remembered well what had gone on between this Angel and Xander a few weeks ago in L.A., and was expecting Angel to show up at their door at some point tonight.

Spike was unusually quiet on the drive home. He was thinking over what the other him had said. While he refused to believe that the only reason he had fallen in love with Buffy was because of Angel, he had to admit that it might have been one reason why he had pursued her in the beginning. Whether it was to piss Angel off by taking her from him, or to try and feel close to him again by being with her, he wasn't sure. He knew that with Angel in town, he was bound to show up looking for them. He had unfinished business with Xander, something Spike wasn't wanting to dwell on.

Back at the apartment, the dark-haired vampire sent their human mate off to shower so he could have a moment alone with the other Spike. He fetched them both a beer and paced the room as he tried to figure out what to say. Finally he came to a stop and just looked at the other vampire.

"This is stupid. You know he's going to show up here tonight, and you know why. What happens then? Are you honestly going to turn him away? Not allow him to accept Xander into the clan properly?"

"Yes. No. Argh, I don't know. I haven't come to this great understanding that you have. Your sire might have come for you, taken you back to L.A. and coddled you, but mine never did. I was chipped and left defenceless, and he didn't do a damn thing to help me. Yes, I know you had it way harder than I did, but it doesn't change the fact that he didn't even care enough to check up on me. This Angel doesn't give a rat's arse about us. The only reason he wants to welcome Xander is 'cause he wants to get his end down and make sure his soul is stuck on tight before he slips it to the cheerleader. Or Buffy. Or that wannabe watcher of his. Trust me, it has nothing to do with the lore, nothing to do with us, and certainly nothing to do with Xander. He doesn't even like the boy."

Just then the shower turned off and the two vampires eyed one another before silently agreeing to table this conversation for now. Thoughts of Angel would have to wait; there was a warm, wet, clean-smelling Xander available - and they planned to take advantage of that.

~PART 57~

After unsuccessfully trying to get Xander into bed, the two vampires sulked as they watched their lover consume the better part of a large frozen pizza and a litre of cola. Xander knew that there were things they needed to discuss - namely Angel and the fact that he was liable to show up looking for them - but he didn't want to get into it on an empty stomach. Plus, any stall tactic he could come up with was all good, as far as he was concerned. Finally, as his stomach protested the consumption of any more food, he wiped his hands and face and then cleared his throat to get his lovers' attention.

"We need to talk about Angel."

The dark-haired Spike nodded his agreement, while the blonde snarled in annoyance. Xander turned his gaze on him and smiled softly. He knew that Spike didn't want Angel touching him, and he was fine with that decision, but they needed to present a united front to the older vampire when he arrived. Xander knew - it had been made painfully aware to him back in L.A. - that he was no good at reasoning with his lovers' sire, especially once he was distracted with the touching and the kissing. He didn't want to risk them doing something that Spike would regret.

"I know you don't want him to touch me; I understand that. I promise you, he won't - not unless you say so."

Spike dragged Xander onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him before burying his face in his mate's neck.

"Mine."

"Yours."

Xander carded his fingers through the short, blonde locks and waited for Spike to calm himself. The other Spike watched all this with a cold look in his eyes.

"Do I get any say in this?"

Xander looked up at him and blinked.

"Um, huh?"

"Do I get any say in this? I may not be this reality's Spike, but nevertheless, I am Spike. Therefore, Angelus is still my sire - therefore I should have some say as to whether you get a formal acceptance into the clan or not. So, do I?"

Blonde Spike looked up at his darker-haired double with hate-filled yellow eyes. Xander could hear the fan starting up; could smell the shit approaching. He just hoped he could pull the plug on it before it hit.

"Whoa! Hold up; everyone calm down. First, explain to me what the big deal is about getting the Angel seal of approval, then we'll go from there. Okay?"

Both vampires nodded and the blonde continued to hold Xander on his lap as the brunette thought about the best way to explain why he wanted his sire's approval of his choice of mate.

"If I had claimed you unwillingly - if you hadn't wanted it - I would need Angel's approval to keep you, but since you accepted my claim, and claimed me back, it's not necessary."

He saw the triumphant look on his double's face and continued.

"However, it's my right as a Master vampire of the line of Aurelias to have my sire acknowledge my mate. I've never taken a mate before, Xander - never wanted to - but now that I have, I want that approval, that acceptance. I want every demon out there to know that you are a member of the Aurelias line, that to mess with you is to mess with not only me, but the entire clan, as well. You know I would never do anything to hurt you, love. And if you really don't want this, I won't force the issue. I just... I want this."

Xander nodded his understanding and then turned to face his other mate. He could tell that the blonde was torn, that at least a small part of him understood, and maybe even felt the same way.

"Spike? Why don't you want this?"

"I... "

Spike blew out a frustrated breath and stood up; he set Xander back down on the sofa and paced the length of the room. He couldn't explain why; he didn't know. He was still coming to terms with having his soul back, Xander being the only thing keeping him sane, the world coming to an end, having an evil twin from another dimension, and being mated to a human. Throw in the complications of still having feelings for Buffy, and now Angel showing up - not to mention that his double might possibly be right about what he still felt for his sire; well, he was so confused he didn't know which way was up.

"I don't know. I don't know how I feel about Angel; I resent the hell out of him. I hate him with every fibre of my being - the thought of him touching you makes my cold blood boil. He's taken everything from me, my life, my princess, the slayer, and now he wants you. I know it's not the same - Dru was his to begin with, so was Buffy - but you... You. Are. Mine. I don't want to share you. Not with him."

"Then you won't."

Xander looked at the dark-haired Spike and begged him with his eyes not to make an issue of this.

"Well, this is just fuckin' peachy!"

Spike spun on his heel and stormed out of the apartment. Xander looked from his lover to the door and then back again. He felt his eyes fill and then hot, salty tears were running down his cheeks.

"He'll be back, love. He just needs to blow off some steam."

Xander nodded. He hated this - having to choose between them.

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's not your fault. You have a right to feel this way; he has a right to feel the way he does. We're just going to have to learn to deal with these things - compromise. This obviously means a lot to him; more than I realised."

"It does. I just... I think a part of me - maybe - still loves him. What happens if I let that part out, if I allow Angel into my heart again? He doesn't love me. I was chipped and left defenceless, love. He didn't care. Didn't come to see if I was getting on all right, if I was feeding. He just turned a blind eye, ignored me. If I let him, he'll destroy me. I just don't know if I can take it again. Not now with this... soul in here. I'm too weak."

Xander kissed Spike softly and then looked into his eyes.

"Not weak, Spike. You are the strongest man I know. And if it helps... Well, Angel knew about the chip. Giles called him after it first happened; Angel offered to come and take you back to L.A., but at the time, we were still trying to find out about the Initiative, and you were so sure you could find a way to get it out... "

Xander sighed.

"I guess we should have told you, but we all assumed that you hated Angel, and that you wouldn't go anyway. I'm sorry."

Spike blinked and looked at Xander with wide, astonished blue eyes.

"He offered? Really?"

"Yeah, he even asked about you a few times after that. At the time, I thought it was because he was worried you were bothering Buffy, but I've come to know him a lot better since then. He was worried about you. He does love you, I'm sure of it."

Spike's mouth twitched up at the corners and he struggled not to smile.

"You sure you aren't just saying that so's you can get to shag him again?"

Xander spluttered indignantly and Spike lost the battle not to grin. In fact, he laughed out loud.

"Alright, we'll do it then. When Spike comes back, we'll tell him that Angel can do his Master of the line of Aurelias shtick, and welcome you properly."

"Are you sure?"

"I am. He's right, you know; it is our right as Master vampires to have our mating acknowledged by our sire and the head of the line. Besides, it gives you an added measure of protection - not that you need it now, what with you being Mr. Wizard an' all - but the more people looking out for you, the better I like it."

"I love you."

Xander kissed his mate deeply, savouring the taste of him in his mouth. Finally he had to pull back for breath and smiled at the look on the vampire's face. The door opened and a sullen Spike strode back into the apartment and flopped down on the sofa. Xander smiled at the blonde Spike and then crouched down in front of his sulking brunette mate.

"You okay now?"

"No."

Spike pouted and crossed his arms in a childish manner. Xander felt his lips twitch and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning.

"Couldn't even find something to pound on. This town is bloody dead."

"Spike, Spike and I talked while you were gone. He's changed his mind. When Angel shows up, we'll go through with the ritual or whatever it is. Okay?"

The brunette blinked and looked at the blonde sceptically.

"You sure, mate?"

"Yeah. I am."

Spike grinned and launched himself at his blonde doppelganger and kissed him soundly on the mouth. Xander smiled. Things were never going to be easy among the three of them, but it would always be worth the small conflicts to see them together like this. Blonde Spike blinked in shock when his double first kissed him, but then gave himself over to the gentle pressure on his lips. Xander was just about to suggest they take this into the bedroom when a knock at the door broke him out of his thoughts of naked Spikes.

~PART 58~

Angel stood outside the door and waited. He was still in shock after what Buffy had told him; Spike had a soul. He wondered why Xander had neglected to mention that fact when he had been in L.A. Hell, for that matter, he wondered why no one had called him when they first found out. Angel remembered all too well the way he had felt when he had first been cursed - the crushing guilt, the insanity, the nightmares, the visions of every single person he had ever killed coming back to haunt him over and over again. He could only image how much harder it had to have been on his childe.

The First had tried - and almost succeeded - in getting him to kill himself years ago. It was only Buffy's dogged determination that had kept him from following through on it. He had been used to having his soul at that point, so when he thought about Spike - being newly souled and up against The First as well - he had to admit his childe was stronger than he gave him credit for. It did hurt though, that their relationship was so non-existent that Spike wouldn't turn to him for guidance. It was his fault; he was the one who had walked away, abandoned his childer and lived on the fringes of humanity for decades on end. He knew that even though Darla had shunned him, Drusilla and William would not have.

Angel shook himself out of his thoughts of what could have been; he needed to focus on the here and now. On the other side of that door was his childe - two versions of him, actually, one souled and one not. Plus there was Xander. Xander, who was mated to both versions of his childe, who had secured his soul and then gone back to Sunnydale. Xander, who was still not an official member of the family, something Angel was planning to remedy tonight. If he ever got up the courage to knock on the damn door.

There was a noise in the stairwell and Angel ducked into the empty apartment across the hall and watched through the peephole as a dark-haired Spike walked into Xander's apartment and slammed the door behind him.

"William?"

Angel whispered. He had expected both vampires to look the same, but it made sense to him now that he thought about it. Of course Spike would have changed his appearance; he would want to distance himself from what he had been before. Gathering his courage, knowing that his childe surely needed him, Angel walked across the hallway and knocked on the door to Xander's apartment.

Xander watched, fascinated as his lovers both shifted momentarily to game face and then back again as they looked at the door. He had a pretty good idea of who it was on the other side, even before they both confirmed it was Angel. He took a deep, calming breath and opened the door.

"Angel."

"Hello, Xander. May I come in?"

"Sure."

Xander stepped aside and Angel entered the apartment. Both Spikes were already on their feet and watching the by-play. It was quite unexpected though, when Angel walked directly to the dark-haired Spike and drew him into his arms. Xander and the blonde both blinked as Angel began to speak.

"I'm so sorry, William. I didn't know; if I had, I would have come sooner. You have no idea how proud of you I am; you're much stronger than I gave you credit for. Are you all right? Is there anything I can do for you?"

The brunette had finally gotten over his shock and looked up at the older vampire with a smirk on his face.

"Well, for starters, you could tell me what the hell you're talkin' about."

Angel looked at him in confusion, then looked at the room's other two occupants hoping for some explanation. They too looked as if they wanted an answer to Spike's question.

"Buffy told me about your soul."

The brunette jumped back as if he'd been burned.

"Oi! No soul here. You've mistaken me for the other Spike."

Spike pointed to the blonde who was now snickering in Xander's arms.

"He's the one with the soul."

"But your hair...?"

Angel trailed off as the blonde started to howl with laughter. Even Xander couldn't help but giggle.

"Oh, that's it! I'm getting rid of this damn hair just as soon as I can find a box of colour."

He turned and glared at his lover and his twin.

"Quit yer bloody snickering. This is not funny."

Angel finally seemed to clue in to the fact that he had just embraced and tried to comfort the wrong Spike. He took a closer look at the blonde and shook his head.

"Well, I suppose there's no point in repeating what I just said to him, to you, is there?"

"Maybe not, but you could try it anyway."

Spike looked at Angel, searching his eyes for any trace of the affection that he once had for him; he must have found it for he smiled and stepped closer to him.

"Well? What are you waiting for, Peaches?"

Spike smiled at his sire and Angel smiled back. The older vampire quickly pulled Spike into his arms and breathed in his scent.

"I've missed you, boy. I'm sorry I've been such a horrible sire."

"S'okay, I get it now. I don't think I'd be able to be around my childer either now. If I had any, that is."

"You don't hate me then?"

"No. I did though; thought you hated me, so I hated you back. It was easier than admitting that I still loved you."

"Oh, William. I'm so sorry."

Xander and Spike watched the reunion with smiles on their faces. They both understood what this meant for the other two; a century-long rift was finally being mended. Spike knew how miserable he had been when he'd lost Angelus, and how he had buried any feeling he still had for his sire behind his budding feelings for Dru. He had made her the centre of his world, knowing that she needed him. It was the only thing that kept him from greeting the dawn those first few months. He turned to Xander and tilted his head toward the kitchen; Xander nodded and they quietly left the room - giving sire and childe some privacy to reacquaint themselves.

Eventually, Angel let go his death grip on Spike and stepped just slightly away from him. He cupped the side of Spike's face and tilted it up as he slowly lowered his own, giving Spike time to withdraw if he didn't want this.

Spike stood still, his eyes never leaving those of his sire, waiting for the one thing he never thought he'd feel again - his sire's kiss. Finally, Angel's lips brushed over his own and he sighed with relief. He hadn't realised quite how much he still needed Angel, not until that moment. He parted his lips in invitation, and was thrilled when Angel pulled him closer and deepened the kiss.

In the kitchen, Xander and Spike stood with their arms around each other, heads resting on each other's shoulders. They were both wanting to do more than just hold each other, but didn't want to distract the pair in the living room from their reunion. Finally, Spike pulled back and kissed Xander softly on the lips.

"I think it's time we move this to the bedroom, love. Come on, we'll gather the other two en route."

Xander licked his lips and nodded his assent. He followed Spike out of the kitchen, stopping dead in his tracks, his mouth going dry at the sight of his blonde mate and his sire devouring each other with lips and tongues. The brunette was watching the scene with more than just a casual interest as well.

"Gah."

Xander whispered, and Spike grinned at him.

"You can say that again, pet."

"Okay, gah."

Spike and Angel broke apart, both turning feral gazes on the other two men before stalking toward them. Angel grabbed the other Spike and kissed him almost brutally as the blonde demon claimed the lips of his human mate. Both couples continued the kiss as they walked toward the bedroom.

~PART 59~

Xander found himself suddenly the focus of three master vampires. His brain wasn't quite sure how to react to this, but his body seemed to be carrying on just fine on its own as he grew impossibly hard, his breath hitching in anticipation. His mates approached him slowly, circling him as they trailed light caresses over his still-clothed form. Gently they began to remove the barriers that kept them from seeing all of Xander until he was finally standing naked before them.

Xander swallowed down the sudden burst of panic and embarrassment that overcame him at being the only one who was sans clothing. He figured this had something to do with the ritual or whatever it was they were about to do. He looked over at Angel as his mates left his side and made their way toward him.

With heads bowed in supplication, they began to undress the older vampire, being careful to fold and stack his clothing as each piece was removed. Xander's eyes swept over Angel's naked form and he grinned. While he was not the lean, sculpted perfection of his mates, Angel had a classic beauty, and certainly nothing to be embarrassed about below the belt.

Angel allowed Xander to study him, enjoying the frank admiration he could read in his hungry gaze. It had been far too long since he had taken anyone to his bed, and longer than that since it had actually meant something. Eventually though, he had to break the silence.

"Go lie down on the bed, Xander."

Xander nodded, looked toward his mates who were watching with aroused expressions on their faces, and then walked to the bed and crawled over to the middle of it. He lay on his back, head propped on the pillows, and waited. Angel turned to his childe - childer - and they both nodded and stripped out of their own clothing.

Once naked, the two younger vampires joined their mate on the bed - one on each side of him. Angel watched as they petted and kissed and stroked Xander into a frenzy of lust and need. As the blonde slicked and stretched Xander's opening, the brunette reached into the bedside table drawer and removed a cock- ring before quickly attaching it to the writhing human.

"Enough."

At Angel's soft-spoken command, both vampires ceased their attentions and moved to flank Xander's sides. Angel crawled up the length of the bed until he was hovering just over Xander's prone form. Without any encouragement, the younger vampires each took one of Xander's legs and opened them up revealing him to their sire and master. Angel sat back on his heels and looked at the image Xander presented. He was hard, sweaty, and flushed with arousal. Angel could hardly believe that this was the same boy that had made his life a hell while he was dating Buffy. He shook his head in wonderment and then promptly forgot all about the slayer as Xander moaned and thrust his hips up wantonly. Angel swallowed.

"Xander, by taking you, I am acknowledging you as mate to my childer and accepting you as one of my clan. You will be a member of the line of Aurelias, and expected to hold to the lore. You will be mine as well as my childer's and be expected to treat me accordingly. Do you understand the commitment you are making, to not only your mates, but to myself and the clan, as well?"

Xander nodded his head, but when Angel remained silent and simply watched him, he realised that he probably had to say the words. He licked his suddenly dry lips and cleared his throat.

"I understand. I accept that I am yours as well as my mates; I will uphold the lore and will submit to you as Master of the line of Aurelias."

Angel nodded once, looked at both versions of his childe and then smiled.

"Welcome to the family, Xander."

Then he drove himself into the young man in one swift stroke. Xander cried out and arched his back, baring his throat to the hungry gaze of the three vampires. Angel growled low in his chest and then struck swiftly. As his fangs pierced Xander's throat, he felt the human's muscles clench around him and knew that Xander would have cum, had he not been wearing the ring. Gently he removed his fangs, bit into his wrist and presented the dripping wound to the writhing man beneath him.

"Drink, Xander. Accept my blood as your own."

Xander fastened onto the wound and drew on it as Angel roared and spilled himself deep within him. As soon as Xander let go of his wrist, Angel slid from Xander's body and the brunette Spike moved into his place. Xander's eyes widened in shock as Spike slid deep inside him and began to move with hard, fast strokes. He bared his throat and Spike bit directly over the mark left by Angel. He didn't take much blood - barely a mouthful - before removing his fangs and biting his wrist. He, too, presented it to Xander who fastened his still-bloody lips to it and drank. Spike barely managed another stroke before he, too, came.

Xander, who was still hard and desperate for release, turned his head in time to see that Angel had pinned the blonde vampire to the bed and was fucking him through the mattress. Spike turned his head to look at Xander at the same moment. Their eyes met and then they both leaned forward a fraction until their mouths met as well.

Xander could taste Angel's blood in Spike's mouth; he wondered if his mate was being reclaimed by his sire while he was being reclaimed by the other Spike. Then he had no time to wonder as Angel pulled Spike's mouth away from his and the two Spikes changed places. This time, before Xander was entered, Spike leaned over and placed a soft, reverent kiss to his lips.

"I love you."

Was whispered against his mouth and then he was taken once again. Xander wondered if he was ever going to be able to cum. Not that he wasn't enjoying this, but he felt like he had been hard forever.

Spike looked over to Xander's other side and saw that Angel and the dark-haired version of himself were likewise engaged and grinned; Angelus always did have stamina. He brushed his lips over Xander's again and then nudged his head to the side before placing a soft kiss over the angry-looking bite mark on his throat.

"Last one, love; don't worry, you get to cum too, this time."

Spike chuckled as he heard Xander's softly-muttered "thank God" and then he sank his fangs into the mark. He withdrew his fangs, slashed his wrist, and as Xander's mouth fastened over the wound, he reached between them and released the clasp on the cock ring. As Spike increased both the force and the speed of his thrusts, Xander finally came with a loud scream, his back arching off the bed, and then fell back to the mattress just as his mate spent himself inside of him.

There was a muted howl and a loud growling noise to the left of him. Xander barely managed to turn his head in time to see his dark-haired mate lick the blood from his lips before they were covered by Angel's - as the eldest man in the room kissed his other-dimensional childe. The blonde vampire sprawled across Xander's chest, sated and at peace. He had his mate - now a fully accepted member of the line of Aurelias, and he had made up with his sire.

Xander smiled as the vampire on his chest started to purr. Much like cats, the other two vampires curled into his warmth and echoed the rumbly noise. Xander wondered if this was just going to be a one-time thing, or if he could expect to be sharing his bed with Angel again anytime in the future. He had read the watchers' diaries - along with anything else he could get his hands on that had to do with Vampires - and he fully understood the commitment he had made tonight. Angel was now his master - his sire in a way - and he knew that as such, he was entitled to do whatever he wished to him, including taking him to bed.

"You're thinking too much, Xander. Go to sleep."

Xander blinked and turned his head to see Angel smiling at him.

"Eh, you know, just practising up on my brooding. Thought I'd get an expert's opinion on whether I'm doing it right or not."

Angel chuckled softly and Xander smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry... Master."

Angel's eyes bled yellow and he growled softly.

"Unless you want to be taken again, I suggest you don't call me by that name."

Xander swallowed and shook his head even as his cock twitched at the thought. Angel sniffed the air, smiled and moved closer to the wary human.

"Angel... I… The spirit is willing, but the ass is sore. You know?"

Angel laughed and shook his head.

"Sleep, Xander. Anything else can wait until morning."

"Okay. Are you staying then?"

"I thought I might. You don't mind?"

"No. No, of course not."

Xander smiled softly and closed his eyes; he was somewhat startled when the man on his chest began muttering.

"Good; now that that's settled, can we shut up and sleep now?"

"I second that."

Came an identical voice from beside him.

"Okay. G'night Spike. G'night Angel. G'night Spike."

"Night, Xander."

"Good night, love."

"Go to sleep, git."

There were soft chuckles and then silence as the foursome drifted off to sleep. The only sound in the apartment was Xander's soft snores.

~PART 60~

When Xander woke the next morning, Angel wasn't in the bed. He carefully extracted himself from the tangle of bodies without waking his mates and made his way to the kitchen. He found Angel - wearing only his slacks - making coffee.

"I'm sorry, Xander. Did I wake you?"

"No. How come you're up?"

"Sorta used to keeping human hours - Cordelia insists that I do the office stuff during the day."

"Ah."

They were silent for a few minutes, both watching the steady drip-drip of the coffee until Xander finally broke the silence.

"Angel? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What's going on with you and Buffy? I thought you and Cordy..."

Angel looked uncomfortable for a moment and then sighed softly.

"She slept with my son. I know that she was being influenced, but that doesn't change what happened. Besides that fact, Conner loves her.

He's my child; I won't be the reason that she hurts him. I can't hurt him that way; he's already lost so much because of me, I can't take Cordelia too."

"But if she doesn't love him..."

"She doesn't. But I won't be the reason she ends it with him."

"I get that, but what about Buffy? I mean you guys were kissing."

"You saw that?"

"We all did."

"She was just saying hello."

"Most people don't say hello with their tongues."

Angel gave Xander a pointed look and the man realised what he just said.

"Never mind. Not what I meant. So, what now? With Buffy I mean.

"Buffy and I... I love her; I will always love her, but she isn't ready. She needs to live, to grow, to... finish baking."

Xander blinked.

"Baking?"

Angel smiled sheepishly.

"There was a cookie-dough analogy; I didn't really understand it myself at first. She said she wasn't ready to be eaten."

Angel grinned and Xander did as well.

"I have time to wait for her; when she decides she's ready, if I'm the one she wants, I'll be there. Otherwise, well, I've been alone for the better part of a century. I'll survive."

Xander had a sudden pang of sympathy for the vampire right then. Being in love with someone like Buffy couldn't be easy. She would always have to put her duty before her personal feelings; it made Xander glad that Buffy had never returned his boyhood affections.

"Hey, you have us. You don't have to be alone."

Xander said that in all seriousness. He was surprised to hear his statement confirmed by his lovers. He hadn't realised they were awake.

"Hey, did we wake you?"

"Nah, love. Smelled the coffee."

The brunette kissed Xander on the cheek on his way to the kitchen. He grabbed two mugs out of the cupboard and passed them to the blonde Spike who had followed him into the kitchen before grabbing another two out of the cupboard for Angel and Xander.

The vampires drank the blood that the dark-haired Spike had prepared for them before refilling their mugs with coffee. Xander just sipped at his own overly-sweetened beverage and watched them as they interacted. It was amazing how easily they all seemed to get on with one another. He wondered where the angst, sorrow, and anger from the night before had gone. Then again, they were vampires; maybe it was just easier for them to accept change and move on.

"You're brooding again, love."

The blonde whispered in his ear before nipping the lobe softly and then kissing it better.

"Gonna give Peaches here a run for his title of Brood Master, you are."

"Sorry, Spike. Just thinking."

"About what, love?"

"How easy this all is. Shouldn't it be harder?"

Spike chuckled and turned Xander around so he could look at him.

"It's simple, pet. I love you. Spike loves you. You love us, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it's the same thing with Angel. He's our sire. We love him, he loves us. Not the same as it is with us, but it is love. You are part of us now, a full-fledged member of the line of Aurelias; we're all family here, Xander. That's why it's so easy. Family forgives you. Family loves you, protects you, and fights for you. Family drifts away sometimes, but it always comes back to you. Always."

"Always?"

"Yeah, you'll never be alone again either. No matter what happens with The First. None of us will be alone again; we're all family now."

Xander smiled and kissed his mate soundly. He didn't want to think about The First or the battle ahead of them. He knew that they wouldn't all make it out alive, that some of them would be lost. He just hoped to God that his little family - scoobies included - would survive it.

"Let's take this to bed, love. I want to feel you inside me."

Xander nodded and began walking his mate back toward the bedroom, his lips never leaving the vampire's for even a moment. Angel and the other Spike exchanged a look and then silently followed behind them.

Spike and Xander had torn off their clothes and were already sprawled across the bed. Xander had the blonde pinned beneath him and was pistoning two slick fingers in and out of him. The blonde was panting, begging his mate to hurry.

Angel and the other Spike wasted no time in removing their own clothes and joining the couple on the bed. The elder of the two newcomers took up the discarded tube of lubricant and began preparing Xander thoroughly. The human continued to stretch and tease his mate while moaning and pushing back onto Angel's fingers. Finally, the blonde vampire could take no more.

"Xander, if you don't shag me now, I'm going to go shag myself."

Xander giggled at the silliness of that statement but then decided to take pity on his mate and removed his fingers and pushed his cock inside of him. He felt Angel move behind him and held still while he was filled as well. He looked over at the dark-haired Spike who was slowly stroking himself and watching the three men on the bed. Xander grinned and beckoned him closer.

Spike allowed Xander to move him into position and then smiled. He was sitting astride his double's face while Xander was sucking him off. It wasn't the easiest of positions, or the best blow-job he'd ever had, considering Xander was being fucked by Angel and fucking Spike at the same time. But it was getting more interesting by the minute, especially when he felt the tip of his doppelganger's tongue flick over his hole.

"Fucking yes! Oh hell, do that again."

Angel was slamming himself into Xander; which made Xander slam into the vampire beneath him. It also made Xander moan a lot - something that felt incredibly good on Spike's shaft as he sucked him. The blonde vampire was rimming him with abandon and he couldn't remember when he'd ever felt this good. Having someone who knew exactly how to touch you was amazing.

Xander couldn't hold back any longer. Having all three vampires taking their pleasure from his body was such a turn-on. He wondered if he looked as hot as he felt at that moment. His passionate cries were muffled by the cock in his mouth, but still loud enough that had he still had neighbours, they would be wondering what the hell was going on in his bedroom.

Xander's climax triggered Angel's and he stiffened suddenly, his eyes bleeding yellow as he howled and emptied himself into the warm channel that surrounded him. The blonde Spike was next to let go; he, too, changed to game face as his orgasm ripped through him, turning his head and burying his fangs into the other Spike's thigh, which, of course sent him over the edge as well.

Soon enough, the four men lay sprawled in a tangle of limbs on the messy bed. Xander could barely keep his eyes open; he was sated and exhausted. His mates curled up on his chest and Angel spooned behind the blonde Spike. He wished that it could always be this simple, that they weren't facing the possible end of the world. He kissed the top of each vampire's head - even Angel's - and drifted off to sleep.

~PART 61~

It was just before sunrise when Spike woke up. He noticed right away that Angel wasn't in the bed; he extended his senses and sighed when he realised that he wasn't even in the apartment any longer. Not wanting to disturb his lovers, he slid out of bed and padded naked to the kitchen. He was just sitting down with a mug of heated pig's blood when he spied the paper on the table. He picked it up and began to read.

My dearest William,

Or should I say Williams? This is very confusing, and I extend my sympathies to Xander. I can't imagine how he copes with the two of you every day. Not that it would be a hardship having two of you, just confusing, and maybe I should start over?

I had to leave this morning before the sun came up; I have responsibilities in L.A. and I had to go back. I would have awakened you - all three of you, but you looked so peaceful, so serene. I couldn't bring myself to disturb any of you.

Buffy has asked me to head up the second line of defence - in case this thing gets past her and the rest of you, I'll be there to try and stop it. I know it's a foolish idea; if two slayers, a bunch of potential slayers, two master vampires, a warlock, two witches and a watcher can't stop this, what chance do I have? None, but who am I to argue with Buffy?

Spike, Will, what happened between us, it was more than I ever expected. I have missed you, terribly. I know that doesn't make up for everything that you have been through, but it's true. If I had the chance to do it over again, I never would have left you. I do love you. Both of you; you are both my childe, my William, my sweet boy.

As for Xander, I have to say that I am impressed by him. He has come a long way from the boy I first met, and I am proud to call him family. You have chosen well, Will. Xander is a fine man, and will be a great addition to our family.

If we all survive this, and I have every confidence that we will, I hope you will come to L.A. to visit with me; I'd like to introduce you to my son - even though he hates me. Maybe if he sees that I have people who love me - you do love me, right? - then he might think he could love me too, one day.

I have to admit that I am jealous of you. You have been given a rare and precious gift, my boy, unconditional love. I wandered for decades, lost in my own grief and pain before I rejoined the world once more. The guilt I felt over my actions was a constant source of pain and I had no one to share it with, no one to help me adjust. You have had your soul for only a short while and you seem to have come to grips with it so easily; I envy you your support, your friends and family. Hold on to them, Will, for they are precious.

I wish you only the best in life, and I hope you will take me up on my offer to come to L.A. I would love to see you all again. If there is anything I can ever do, anything, please don't hesitate to ask. I owe Xander the biggest debt of gratitude - a debt I will never be able to repay, but I will try to. Please, all of you, be careful when you go up against The First. I don't want to lose you, not when I've just found you again.

Will, there is something you should know. When I came here, I brought with me an amulet, I don't know what it does, but I was told that it would be an asset to the fight. It can only be worn by a champion - a souled being, who is stronger than a human. I thought it would be me. Buffy said that she wanted you to have it. That you had earned the right to be a champion. To be her champion.

I don't know if this helps you, but she chose you - not me - to be at her side for the end of the world. You have proven yourself worthy, and for what it's worth, she thinks of you as a friend. Buffy doesn't consider just anyone a friend. Go see her today, Will. Get the amulet, wear it with pride; you've earned it.

With love,

Angel.

Spike folded the letter and got up and put it in his duster pocket. If it all went bad, he wanted these words to go with him. Angel had said he loved him, said he was worthy, called him a champion. It was more than he had ever hoped for when getting his soul back. So, he didn't get the girl, so what? He got more than that. He got Xander, he got his sire back, he got an interesting bed partner in the form of his double, and he got to save the world - be a champion - not bad for a former evil, soulless bloodsucker. Not bad for a soft-hearted former poet, either.

Spike went back to the bedroom and stood in the doorway. He watched his mate and his double sleeping entwined together in the bed and smiled. He was surprised at the lack of jealousy he felt toward the other vamp. The fact that Xander was still his, still loved him, made all the difference. And he knew that the other Spike would fight just as hard as he would to keep Xander safe. It was good for Xander, having them both here, and that was enough to make Spike accept him.

Shaking off his morose thoughts, Spike slipped back into bed and spooned against the warm back of his mate. Xander stirred briefly, reaching behind him with one arm to pull Spike closer before falling back into a deep, restful sleep. Spike sighed in contentment and let himself drift off as well.

When he woke later, he was lying on his back with Xander sprawled across his chest and the other Spike was absent. He listened closely and determined that the other him was in the kitchen, it sounded like he was cooking.

Xander shifted in his sleep and rubbed the lower half of his body enticingly against the vampire. Spike reflexively bucked his hips up against him and groaned softly. Xander wriggled closer and thrust against him again.

Spike knew that Xander was still asleep, he was merely reacting to his close proximity. He wished he were awake; he wanted him. Then again, he always wanted him these days. He thought about all the wasted years they could have been together and kicked himself mentally. When Angel had offered him up at the high school, he should have taken him then, but he'd been too wrapped up in Dru.

"And look how well that turned out."

He muttered softly. Then there was the kidnapping; he had thought about turning Red, but never even considered Xander. After the chip, he had been forced to live with Xander, and through careful observation, learned a lot about him. How brave and loyal he was, how he always thought about others before himself. At the time, Spike had ridiculed these traits, thinking it would be the young man's undoing.

Now though, now he could look back and see that Xander had always been more than a mere acquaintance; they had a weird sort of non-friendship thing going on. They traded barbs and insults, laughed at each other's jokes. When Spike had been at his lowest - wearing Xander's clothes - the boy had tried to cheer him up as though they were friends. Then he saved his unlife by dragging him out of the wreckage. They should have been friends, but Spike's vampire nature rebelled against it, and Xander was too insecure at the time. He saw any male as a threat to his status in the group. Then again, if he hadn't been under that spell, things probably would have turned out differently.

It had to be like this, though; he knew that. If Xander hadn't been cursed, he never would have learned about the spell on him, he never would have found his own power, and he never would have fallen in love with a damaged vampire - which ultimately led to falling in love with him. For Spike's part, he needed to go through what he had, too. If he hadn't been chipped, he never would have gotten to know these humans who stood up to evil on a nightly basis. He would never have fallen in love with Buffy, never gotten his soul back, and never had to be rescued from the basement of the high school by the man who was slowly coming awake in his arms. All in all, things worked out fine.

"Mornin', love."

Xander lifted his head and placed a soft sweet kiss on Spike's lips before snuggling back down on his chest.

"Morning, Spike. Where's Spike and Angel?"

"Angel's gone back to L.A., pet. He had to go before the sun came up. Spike's in the kitchen making brekkies."

"Hmm, so we're all alone?"

Xander accompanied that question with a small roll of his hips. Spike groaned and shifted underneath him so that Xander was settled between his thighs.

"That we are, love; any idea on what we should do to pass the time?"

"I can think of one or two things we could do."

Xander began rubbing against his mate and Spike brought his legs up and wrapped them around Xander's back. Their cocks brushed together and both men moaned.

"Just like that, love. Keep going."

Xander continued to rub their erections together as he thrust and writhed against his mate. He bared his throat in invitation, wanting to feel Spike's fangs in him, drawing on his blood, connecting them in the most primal of ways.

"You too, love. Please."

Spike brought Xander's lips to his throat as he turned his head enough to reach his mate's neck as well. Xander clamped his blunt human teeth onto Spike's flesh and bit deeply even as he felt Spike's fangs penetrate him. He tasted blood in his mouth and sucked hard. Spike bucked and writhed beneath him as he quickened the pace of his rutting. Xander released the vampire's throat as he threw his head back and screamed with the force of his orgasm. Spike thrust twice more and then he too came with a howl.

The sound of clapping brought both men out of their post-orgasmic haze, and as one they turned to look at the doorway where the darker-haired Spike was leaning against the open door, slowly fisting his cock and looking at them appreciatively.

"Bloody good show you put on."

He leered at them and stalked toward the bed.

"But I'm left somewhat ... unsatisfied. Think you could do something about that?"

"What did you have in mind?"

Xander looked at his flaccid penis and hoped that Spike didn't want to be fucked; he wasn't sure he could manage just yet.

"Hmm, thought perhaps I'd like to bury myself in that pretty arse of yours. If you've no objection to that?"

He quirked his scarred eyebrow at Xander and then chuckled at how fast he rolled over and spread himself.

"Want me, love?"

"Always."

It was the blonde's turn to watch as his double leaned in and claimed their mate's lips in a possessive kiss. He reached into the drawer and pulled out the lube, passing it over to the dark-haired vampire and then propping himself up against the headboard to enjoy the show.

Neither the dark-haired vampire nor the human minded the audience. In fact it was kind of hot, knowing they were being watched. As Spike stretched Xander he watched his double take himself in hand and start stroking his renewed erection.

Spike knew that he was a narcissist; that wasn't news to him, but he'd never thought that watching himself could be so erotic. He was even entertaining thoughts of fucking, and being fucked by his souled doppelganger. Not something he would normally consider. He'd only been willingly topped by Angelus and Xander. He hadn't thought he'd ever want that with anyone else, but the remembrance of how his double had rimmed him, the self confidence in his technique - knowing he was doing everything exactly the right way - was making him wonder what it would feel like to be taken by him, to take him in return. He knew he could make the other vampire scream from pleasure.

He locked eyes with his double as he slid into the warm body of their mate. Hooking Xander's feet over his shoulders, he set a relentless pace, driving into Xander again and again. Xander cried out as he felt Spike's cock ram into his prostate. He felt his orgasm building and bared his throat to his dark-haired mate. He felt the sharp ivory points tear into him and he screamed out in ecstasy.

Spike tore his mouth away from Xander as he howled out his climax. He turned his head in time to see the blonde stiffen and then spill his seed over his own fist. He licked the blood from his lips and then lowered Xander's legs before collapsing on top of him.

"I don't think I can move."

Xander muttered weakly. The brunette vampire chuckled and kissed him before rolling off to the side of him.

"Well, I was coming in here to tell you I made pancakes, but if you're too tired to eat them..."

Xander was up and out of bed before Spike finished speaking. He pulled on his boxers and then looked at his lovers, who were both still naked and lounging in the bed.

"Food? Please?"

The blonde smiled and got up; he pulled on his jeans and then tossed the brunette his pants as well.

"Alright, love. We'll feed you, but then we have to go to the slayer's. Turns out she's got a prezzie for me."

Xander and the dark-haired Spike exchanged looks of confusion but followed the blonde out of the bedroom.

~PART 62~

They were all gathered in Buffy's living room; Spike had the amulet tucked safely away in his duster while he watched his mate and his former lover having a heated conversation across the room.

"Well, Xan? What do you think?"

"That depends. Are you in any way... kidding?"

"You don't think it's a good idea?"

Buffy tilted her head in question and Faith took the opportunity to cut in.

"It's pretty radical, B."

Giles stood up from his place by the window and approached the small group.

"It's a lot more than that. Buffy, what you said, it-it flies in the face of everything we've ever-every generation has ever done in the fight against evil. I think it's bloody brilliant."

Buffy beamed at her mentor and former watcher.

"You mean that?"

"If you want my opinion."

Giles returned the smile.

"I really do."

Xander shook his head and took a deep breath.

"Whoa, hey. Not to poop on the party here, but I'm the guy that's gonna have to pull this thing off."

"It is beaucoup d'mojo."

Faith again. Xander nodded and looked over at his mates before continuing.

"This goes beyond anything I've ever done. It's a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, my boyfriend knows how to wield a flogger, kinda way."

Xander looked over at Dawn and ducked his head in embarrassment. He heard his lovers snickering and silently vowed to get even.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't think you could do it. Xander. I know you have the power; you brought Spike back from dust. You can do this."

"I had help. I had Willow and Tara."

"I'll help you, Xander. So will Willow."

Xander - as well as everyone else - looked over to where Willow was trying to blend into the background.

"I-I'm not sure that I'm stable enough."

"You can do this, Willow."

Dawn's eyes widened and she looked at Xander.

"Oh! Flogger, I get it now."

"Dawn needs to do a research thing."

Buffy was in full-on panic mode. Xander shook his head fondly. Sure, let the kid stay and fight The First Evil, but anything to do with sex and Buffy didn't know what to do. Giles, it seemed, was no better.

"Yes, you do."

"That's cool. Watcher junior to the library."

Giles went off with Dawn and Buffy and the two vampires approached their mate and wrapped him in their arms.

"Hmmm, wholesome and flogger. Not two things I'd ever put in the same sentence. How about you mate?"

"Nope, we must be doing something wrong. Think we'll have time to remedy that later tonight?"

"We'll make time. Won't we Xan-pet?"

Two pairs of crystal blue eyes looked up at him in anticipation. Xander swallowed and cleared his throat.

"Okay."

It still came out as a squeak. The brunette Spike threw his arm around Xander's shoulders and led him toward the doorway.

"Come on, love. We'll go assemble the cannon-fodder."

"Um, Spike? Let's not call them that, okay?"

Xander ducked out from under Spike's arm and walked out. Spike shrugged his shoulders and put his arm over the blonde vampire's shoulders and together they followed him.

After rounding up all the S.I.T's, Xander and the Spikes were sitting around in the living room, the vamps a little miffed that they weren't going to get any alone time with Xander anytime soon. Buffy had decided, and Xander had agreed, that it would be safer for everyone to stick together. Therefore, they were spending the night at Casa de Summers.

Xander had sent Andrew downstairs to bring up a bottle of the whiskey that he knew Spike had stashed down there, and his mates were currently enjoying the intoxication; soon they would be enjoying the unconsciousness, once the alcohol kicked in.

Willow and Tara were sitting on the stairs, Tara was calming Willow, telling her that she would be fine, that this wasn't a misuse of her power, but a necessary glitch in her recovery, and that she would be right there with her, every step of the way.

Dawn was curled up in the corner chair with a large dusty tome. She looked like she was really getting into her junior watcher title. Xander wasn't surprised; she needed to fit in somewhere - feel like she was contributing something to the effort - and with all these potential slayers around, fighting was pretty much covered.

Giles, Andrew, and Amanda - one of the S.I.T's - were sitting around the table in the kitchen. Xander decided to join them. He kissed his mates and then left them to their disgruntled drinking session.

A while later, they were still there. Xander and Giles were bent over a map, Xander trying to explain the situation to the older man.

"Xander? I'm-I'm-I'm all turned around. You're here?"

Xander pointed to an area on the map.

"By the pillar, yeah. I'm protecting this area."

"That puts me over by the door. Demons around the perimeter- Right! I open the door."

Andrew reads aloud from a book on his lap

"You go through the door and are confronted by Trogdor the Burninator."

"Oh, bugger it. Fight. "

Giles rolled the dice before taking a sip from his glass.

"Adios to 5 hit points. Trogdor has badly wounded you."

Andrew smirked at the older man.

"Well, wait a minute. What about my... "

Giles put on his glasses and then continued

"... bag of illusions?"

Andrew scoffed at him.

"Illusions against a Burninator? Silly, silly British man."

Amanda cut in.

"I invoke a time flux on Trogdor."

Andrew looked at Amanda like she had just said Janeway was sexier than Seven of Nine.

"Step down, girlfriend, you can't just..."

"Ninth level sorcerer, and I carry the emerald chalice. Trogdor is frozen in time. Deal with it."

Xander laughed and looked at Andrew, taking in the sight of his red cloak and wondering if he was ever this much of a geek.

"Smackdown on Red Riding Hood. This could get ugly."

Giles spluttered and put down his glass.

"Could it possibly get uglier? I used to be a highly respected watcher, and now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily. I just wish I could sleep."

Amanda turned and rolled her eyes at him.

"What kind of person could sleep on a night like this?"

Xander looked into the living room where the two vampires were curled up together on the couch and smiled softly.

"Only the crazy ones."

~PART 63~

They took a school bus to Sunnydale High. Xander wasn't asking where they got it from; he really didn't care. It was the possible beginning of the end of the world. What was a little grand theft auto? He climbed down the steps and took a deep breath of hellmouth tainted air. He wasn't sure if it was just him, or if everyone could now smell the evil that emanated from the school. He'd ask about it later - if there was a later to ask about it.

They all followed Robin into the school. Xander was actually shocked that the man was still there, seeing as how he had been dissed by his girl, threatened by Xander and his lovers, and had Buffy push him aside as if he were nothing. But then again, he himself was still there, and he'd been in that position at one time too. Sometimes, having a sense of duty really sucked.

"Welcome to Sunnydale High. There's no running in the halls, no yelling, no gum chewing. Apart from that, there's only one rule."

Robin stopped walking, and turned to look at the crowd.

"If they move, kill them."

Spike snickered softly and rolled his eyes. Buffy shot him a look and addressed the potentials.

"OK, potentials, in the basement. Follow Faith and Spike."

At their confused looks she amended.

"The blonde one."

Xander clapped his hands together and faked a cheery grin. Truth was, he was terrified. And having one of his mates out of his sight was not helping matters. He was grateful for the cool hand that rested reassuringly on the back of his neck.

"If you have to go to the bathroom, it's to your left. If you don't have to go to the bathroom, picture what you're about to face. Better to go now."

"Xander, my office is straight through there."

Robin pointed the way and Xander nodded. Willow and Tara gave him an understanding smile before heading in the direction that Robin had pointed.

"We'll start setting up."

"Thanks Wills, Tara."

Robin cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

"Okay, civilians. The vampires get upstairs, we have three areas they could get through to another building and then down into the sewers. Down the hall in the atrium, the north hall there, and the primary target, through the lounge straight to the science building. Now odds are, most of them will head there."

Giles nodded.

"Teams of two then. I suggest Spike and I take the lounge."

"Sounds good to me, Watcher."

Buffy looked torn but then finally gave Dawn a gentle shove towards Xander.

"Dawn, I want you with Xander."

Dawn made to protest, but Buffy cut her off.

"I can't do this if I don't know you're safe."

"Okay. But I do this under protest."

Buffy smiled and hugged Dawn tightly.

"Duly noted."

"Besides, it's not like we won't get to fight. After the spell, we'll head to the atrium."

Xander grinned at Dawn whose eyes lit up at the chance to fight. She was all Summers, that girl was.

"So that leaves me and the dungeon master in the north hall?"

Robin looked less than impressed at being teamed up with Andrew. Andrew looked like he was ready to take on the world - or die trying. Xander had admit he was beginning to respect the guy.

"We will defend it with our very lives."

Xander nodded his approval and Spike snorted. He looked at Andrew and then motioned toward the principal.

"And don't be afraid to use him as a human shield. Least he'd be useful for once."

Andrew looked at Spike in shock, and then smiled as he saw the glint of humour in the vampire's eyes. He got serious again and spoke up, breaking up the tense atmosphere in the hallway.

"I just want to say how proud I am to die for this very special cause with you guys. There's some, um-there's people I'd like to thank, both good and evil. Um, a shout out to my brother Tucker, who gave me the inspiration to summon demons and also..."

"No one cares, let's go."

Robin grabbed Andrew by the elbow and led him down the hall towards their post. Dawn headed for the office and Giles discreetly turned away to offer Xander and Spike a moment of privacy. The vampire wasted no time in drawing Xander into his arms and kissing him possessively.

"Don't you die on me."

"You neither. Spike, I... "

"Don't, love. Anything you say will just sound like goodbye."

Xander nodded and pulled the vampire into his arms again.

"I love you."

"And I you. Forever, Xander. No matter what. If something happens to me, you and Spike go to Angel. If neither me nor him make it out of this, you go to my sire, love. Promise me."

"Okay, I promise. But only because I know you'll make it. Both of you, you have to."

"Better get going. Else the slayer'll be up here to kick you in the arse."

Xander and Spike exchanged a soft smile and turned away from each other. Spike stomped past Giles on the way to the lounge.

"Get yer arse in gear, Watcher. The world ain't gonna save itself."

Giles chose to ignore the rough sound of the vampire's voice and after a smile to Xander, followed behind him.

"Well, if you're its last hope, the world is definitely doomed."

Xander walked to the office, hoping against all hope that he was able to pull this off. He opened the door and saw that Tara and Willow had gotten everything set up and were currently sitting on the floor in the lotus position. He cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow in inquiry when Tara opened her eyes.

"It's relaxing. It helps you focus."

"Hmm, maybe I should try it?"

Willow giggled and gave Xander a pointed look.

"I don't think you're flexible enough, Xander."

"That's not what Spike tells me."

Xander clapped his hand over his mouth as he realised what he just said. Willow and Tara both laughed and got to their feet.

"Can we pretend I didn't just say that?"

"Never heard a thing, Xander."

"Thanks Tara. Willow?"

"Nope. I'm planning to use this as blackmail material."

The two lifelong friends shared a smile and then they all got to work.

~PART 64~

Spike stood back and watched as Buffy, Faith and the others each cut their hands and let their blood flow onto the seal. This was something he remembered all too well. The seal opened and a staircase was formed. With one last thought and yes, he admitted, a prayer, for Xander's safety, he followed them down into the ground.

Spike took the amulet from his pocket and hung it around his neck. He waited. When nothing happened, he shook it, then he held it up to his face and scowled.

"Not to be a buzzkill, love, but my fabulous accessory isn't exactly tingling with power."

Buffy looked from the amulet to the vampire wearing it and with a look of determination answered.

"I'm not worried."

Spike looked around and saw the millions upon millions of Turok Hans in the large cave system below them and gave Buffy an incredulous look. Deciding to play along, he smirked at her and offered up his own unique brand of humour.

"I'm getting zero juice here, and I look like Elizabeth Taylor."

Faith snorted and shook her head.

"Cheer up, Liz. Xander's big spell doesn't work, it won't matter what you wear."

Buffy looked down at the seething mass of Uber vamps and repeated her earlier statement.

"I'm not worried."

She looked back at the young girls behind her and repeated it again. More to assure herself than them.

"I'm not worried."

"Really? 'Cause I'm flashing back to Xander's whole bathroom speech."

Rona. Spike didn't like that one. She was too cynical.

"I'm not worried...as long as Xander can work his spell before they see us."

Too late, as the Turok Han looked up and saw them. Buffy's eyes widened and she whispered under her breath.

"Oh God; Xander, hurry."

The Turok Han rushed toward them, their fierce battle cries echoing off the cave walls. Spike stood ready, Buffy and Faith at either side of him. Behind them the potentials were in battle stance - looking more sure of themselves than they felt.


In the office upstairs, Xander was holding the scythe in front of him, his hair blowing out behind him and his eyes black with power. Willow and Tara were holding hands behind him - each of them with one hand on his shoulder, feeding him their power. Dawn was standing guard at the door, a sword firmly clenched in her hand.


A ripple of energy swept through the cavern; the potentials could all feel it and they stood just a little straighter.

"I can feel it."

"Me too."

"These guys are dust."

Buffy sighed in relief just as the first of the vampires reached them.


Xander collapsed to the floor - Willow and Tara were quick to flank him and get him back on his feet. Dawn rushed toward them but stopped short at what she saw.

"Xander? Oh my God, Xander. Your eyes."

Tara looked at Xander's face and smiled.

"You've ascended."

"I have. Hurry, get this to Buffy."

Xander thrust the scythe toward the two witches and they ran out of the room. Dawn watched Xander with a frown on her face.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I'm fine Dawnie. In fact, I've never felt better."

Dawn looked into his glowing blue eyes and grinned.

"You're going to have to see about coloured contacts after this. Come on, we have to guard the atrium."


The vampires were everywhere; for every one they killed, there were more just waiting for their turn to come at them. Willow came rushing down the stairs - the scythe held firmly in her grip.

"Buffy, catch!"

Buffy caught the scythe and began dusting the Uber vamps left and right. Willow went back up the stairs to Tara as the slayers engaged the enemy with renewed vigour.

"B! They're getting past us!"

"That's what the others are for! Keep fighting!"


Turok Han flooded the hallways; Willow and Tara were still too close to the seal and started fighting. Out in the hallway, Giles and the dark-haired Spike stood back to back, their swords slicing through anything that got close.


Dawn and Xander were engaged in battle as well. Xander didn't even have to raise his weapon; he incinerated the vampires with a few words. Dawn stared in awe and then quickly decapitated one of the few who actually got close enough for her to reach.


In another hallway, Andrew and Robin weren't doing so well. The Uber vamps outnumbered them and were stronger than they were. As one got too close to Andrew, Robin tripped over his sword and fell into its arms. The vampire broke his neck and tossed him to the floor.


The blonde vampire was in the midst of the battle when he felt something change. He looked down at the amulet and then called out.

"Buffy! Whatever this thing does, I think it's..."

"Keep the line together! Drive them to the edge! We can't let them do..."

Buffy looked down to see that a Turok Han had stabbed her with a sword from behind, piercing her abdomen. She stumbled forward and collapsed to the ground, face-first. Faith noticed that Buffy was down and ran to her side. Buffy leaned up on her elbow and passed Faith the scythe.

"Hold the line."

"Count on it, B. I'll make you proud."

Faith jumped back into the fray as Buffy grunted in pain.

The First appeared - as Buffy - in front of the downed slayer and pouted at her.

"Oh no... ow! Mommy, this mortal wound is all... itchy. You pulled a nice trick. You came pretty close to smacking me down. What more do you want?"

"I want you... "

Buffy spit out between clenched teeth as she dragged herself up off the ground.

"...to get out of my face."

Buffy caught the scythe as Faith tossed it back to her and instantly used it to take out several of the Uber vamps. All around her, the new slayers were fighting, taking out the Turok Han.

"Oh, bollocks."

A bright blue light shot up from the amulet, knocking a hole in the ceiling, going up through the floor of the hallway near Xander and Dawn, up through the ceiling and through to the open sky. The light turned a warm orange colour.

"Buffy!"

Spike looked from the glowing amulet to the slayer and his eyes went wide as he realised what was going to happen.

~PART 65~

"Xander, what is that?"

"I don't know, Dawnie... Shit! Spike!"

Xander grabbed Dawn by the hand and ran toward the seal. He encountered Willow and Tara near the door and handed Dawn off to them.

"Get her out of here. Now!"

As Willow and Tara ran, pulling Dawn behind them, Xander ran down the stairs and into the seal. He saw the carnage, and frantically looked around him to make sure that Buffy and Spike were okay. He saw that Buffy was favouring her side but otherwise looked fine, then he saw Spike.

"Holy shit."

Xander whispered in awe. He was never more grateful for having been cursed than he was at that moment. Spike was bathed in sunlight, and if it weren't for the ring, he would surely be on fire.

Xander watched in awe as the Turok Han began disintegrating before his eyes. He saw Buffy trying to get to Spike, and he realised that he'd just been standing there. He started running toward Spike, dodging the clouds of dust as he went. The ground began to tremble and Faith looked around - eyes wide in realisation.

"Everybody out!"

She yelled and the new slayers began filing out of the cave; Faith looked back at Buffy, worry written clearly on her face.

"B?"

"Get them out; I'll be right behind you."

Buffy turned back to Spike just as Xander reached them.

"I can feel it."

Spike looked at Xander in awe. Buffy and Xander exchanged worried looks.

"What, Spike? What can you feel?"

"My soul. It's really there; it kinda stings. Xander? What happened to your eyes?"

"I'll tell you later."


As the potentials ran through the hallway, they passed a battered and bloody Andrew who was stumbling toward them. Faith grabbed him and carried him toward the exit. As they passed Giles and the dark-haired Spike, the vampire called out to them.

"Where's Xander?"

Kennedy stopped and answered him.

"He's in the seal, with Buffy and the other you. I don't think the vampire can leave."

Spike growled and took off, leaving Giles to follow after the girls.


Outside, Dawn was standing beside the bus waving her arms and yelling.

"Over here! Hurry, get on the bus!"

Faith made sure everyone got on the bus and then looked behind her for Buffy. Finally, she knew they couldn't wait any longer. She climbed the steps and boarded the bus. Giles gave her a sad, knowing look, and then pulled the bus away from the curb.


Spike was glowing. He knew without a doubt that without the ring he would be on fire; he could feel the heat from the light even with the protection the gem offered. The funny thing was, he knew that even if he didn't have it, he would still be doing this. This was his destiny; he was meant to save the world.

"Go on then, you need to go. Both of you."

"Spike..."

"It's okay, slayer. This is the way it has to be."

Buffy blinked the tears from her eyes and took Spike's hand in hers.

"You remember when you asked me if I ever loved you?"

"Yeah."

"I did. I do now."

"I know, love. As a friend."

"As a friend. Is it enough?"

"More than. Time to go, Buffy. Take care of the lil' bit for me, okay?"

"Okay."

Buffy turned to look at Xander.

"You're not coming with me, are you?"

"No. My place is here."

"I love you, Xander."

"You too, Buff. Go."

Buffy nodded and ran up the stairs, she passed the dark-haired Spike on his way down and smiled. She should have known he was just as stubborn as the blonde.

Spike scowled at Xander and pulled him close.

"You bloody thick-headed git. You could have gotten out."

"I could have. Too late now. I won't leave you."

"And I won't leave either of you."

A new voice joined the conversation. The other two men looked over to see the dark-haired Spike walking toward them even as the cave ceiling fell down around them.

"What took you so long? I thought you'd never get here?"

"Would have been here sooner, but the seal was almost buried. Had to dig my way in."

Spike looked closer at his mate and frowned.

"What the hell happened to your eyes?"

Xander threw his head back and laughed.

"I've become."

"Become what?"

Xander shrugged his shoulders.

"Something more. Doesn't matter. Come here."

Xander held his mates to him tightly and spoke softly. A soft blue light emanated from him covering the three men in a protective bubble as the latest tremor brought the entire cave down around them.


Outside, Buffy ran from rooftop to rooftop, finally getting close enough to jump onto the top of the bus. Dawn sat at the back looking out the window as the town collapsed behind them. A lone tear rolled down her face as she thought of Xander and Spike.

Andrew was sitting beside Faith mumbling about how sorry he was, how it should have been him that died and not Robin. Faith just shook her head and held his hand.

Giles finally stopped the bus on the outskirts of town. They all got out and looked back at the crater that used to be Sunnydale. Giles looked around with confusion and asked no one in particular.

"I don't understand. Who did this?"

Buffy smiled as the Sunnydale sign fell into the hole.

"It was Spike."

Just then Anya appeared out of nowhere and took off her necklace. She held it out to Giles and smiled at him.

"I was scared. I wanted to do this sooner, but I was afraid I would lose you. Would you... I want you to break it. Even if you don't want me right now, I'll prove myself to you."

Giles blinked, smiled and took the chain before smashing it beneath his heel.

"Welcome back, Anya. I have missed you."

Anya smiled and Giles folded her into his arms.


In the centre of the crater, the earth trembled, a soft blue bubble of light burst free and the three men inside of it looked up to the sky and smiled. Xander lowered the shield and they looked around them. Off in the distance there was a figure walking toward them. As it got closer, Xander squinted to make out the form of a woman dressed in an impeccably tailored suit.

"Alexander Harris?"

"Yeah. And you would be?"

"Lilah Morgan. I believe that..."

She reached out and snagged the amulet from around Spike's neck.

"... belongs to my firm. But, I'm here to make you an offer. Sort of a thank you for a job well done."

"Not that I'm not interested, but where the hell did you come from, and why are you dead?"

"Funny you should ask. My employer would like to thank you for ending world peace by offering you the Los Angeles branch of Wolfram and Hart."

Xander looked at his lovers who merely shrugged their shoulders. He turned back to the woman and asked.

"Um, world peace? I didn't end world peace. I closed a hellmouth."

"Not now, that thing with Cordelia. Her spawn would have brought about world peace; you took care of that. My bosses want to reward you. So, will you come back to L.A.? We could discuss this further?"

Xander shrugged his shoulders and turned to his vampires.

"What do you guys think?"

"Why not. We can drop in on Peaches while we're there."

"Up to you, love; where you go, I go."

Xander turned back to Lilah and grinned.

"Sure. Why not?"

Lilah smiled the smile of the truly evil and turned away.

"Gentlemen, if you'll follow me?"

The trio followed Lilah as she walked off into the distance.



THE END