*Xander, Lover of Mr. Tasty and Yummy*(that’s his official title)

"Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass."-Cordelia

While I’d been He Who is a Girl, I’d been perfectly used to Spike’s physical presence. We’d wrestled for just about anything of worth back at home, from the remote to my Princess Leia Collector Lithographs. If it was a mobile object in our home, we wrestled over it and these battles had often led to smacking(me) and pouting(him) and sometimes falling asleep on each other(both). The thing was, I was comfortable around him.

Now that I’d gotten back my oh-so impressive musculature, I wasn’t quite so comfortable. I was attracted to him, sure, but I wasn’t comfortable. Whenever I looked at him I expected him to be bigger than me. I’d grown to like his protective height looming over my shoulder. His presence in our apartment had often kept me from my usual nightmares of my stupid family or Anya. Simply put. I kept expecting Spike to be much bigger than me, and now he wasn’t and it kept throwing me off.

I was nervous as hell when we all came together in the witchy room, worried about what else had gone wrong. I just wanted to curl up in Spike’s lap and feel safe if only for a moment. Instead I had to face the fact that I wouldn’t be able to have that feeling again. Still, I needed to be near him, so I settled on the floor beside the chair he adopted. When Tara started to explain about Willow, I found my arm wrapped around his leg and my cheek on his knee while he ran fingers through my hair.

"Well if she’s not here then where is she?" I asked nervously. "She’ll come back won’t she? Wills isn’t exactly the veggie type so she has to." I pleaded with Tara to say something, anything, good at all.

"Tara, can you do a locating spell to try and find her?" Buffy asked from where she leaned against the wall. Tara looked troubled for a moment as she thought it over.

"W-well. I could try, but I h-have almost no power. S-so much was used in t-the attack." She shrugged helplessly.

"The rest of us still have some energy." I pointed out. "We’ve all participated in a spell at one time or another. Couldn’t you show us how?" Buffy seemed to pick up my train of thought.

"Yeah, me an' Spike have loads of energy, being supernatural as we are!" She grabbed up Tara's hands. "Please, show us what to do, we have to get her back!" Tara nodded slowly, looking a bit nervous. I smiled at her, hoping to encourage her and me at the same time.

"I'll need some materials...M-most of them should be at the grocery store..." She said, returning my smile. Buffy tugged her hands, drawing her attention back.

"Make a list and I'll take Jonathan to fetch them." She ordered. Tara nodded. I hopped up and went to hunt up some paper and a pen.

*Spike the Almighty*

"I don't think Spike's icky."-Dawn

I stood in the witches room for what seemed like eternity, looking at Red, hoping for some sign that she was in there. The Slayer and her little friend had taken off for town to get supplies and I was stuck here babysittin' the witches and the one-armed man. I was pretty sure that we'd get the witch back. It was a strange feeling. I had faith in somethin' for once. I snorted to myself. A vampire with faith. And I didn't have faith in God or all that. No, William the Bloody had to have faith in the Slayer and her minions. It was funny if you thought about it hard enough.

Despite the Slayer's thoughts to the contrary, by the time our lot was dismissed, I was ready to collapse into a soft comfy mattress and not wake up for a few nights. And I was hungry. Bloody well starvin'. Not that I'd tell my boy that. He'd just get all motherly on me, and as cute as that would be, I just needed blood. And sleep.

"Spike, did you get any blood at all?" Does the git read minds or somethin'? I looked over to the doorway where he was standing, looking exhausted and concerned and gorgeous.

"I'm fine, love." I told him with a tired smirk. I watched him smooth a hand back through his hair, leaving a sprout sticking up in the middle.

"You sure, Spike? Cuz I don't want you trying to snack on me in your sleep." He said with a yawn and a scowl. "You look pale. Well pale-er. Maybe you should go to bed. We won't be able to start the spell until we're rested anyways." I concentrated on the subtext behind his concerned words. So the whelp wants to be in nibblin' range when we sleep? I grinned and stalked over to him, enjoying the way he sucked in his breath as I approached. Pure sex, I am, not a man or woman who can resist William the Bloody on this earth.

"Want to make sure I get well rested, kitten?" I asked huskily. Under my advance he backed out into the hallway then bumped into the wall. He looked somewhat scared and extremely hot. It was perfect. I stepped into his larger form and ran my hands up over his chest. I kept my eyes locked on his so he couldn't look away from me. He made the cutest squeak when I leaned forward to nip at his jaw.

*Xander the Magnificent*

"I hear ya. Stay British. You'll be okay."-Xander

Nope, I hadn't forgotten how good it felt to have my very own soulless demon nibbling at my neck and jaw. Its quite nice, actually. So nice that I may have just moaned. Yup, I do believe there was a moan. Sighing, I grabbed hold of his shoulders and pulled him off my neck. He whined at me, looking up at me with those stupifyingly blue eyes. I whimpered. "Stop looking at me like that, Spike!" I commanded, averting my eyes to the ceiling. He took the opportunity to slide his arms around my waist and pull me close.

"Wanna lookit you like that." He grumbled, his tongue lapping at my chin. I sighed again.

"If you don't stop that then we'll never get any sleep and we won't be able to find Wills." I explained to him patiently. He scowled up at me, then his look turned pitiful. I smirked. "When my best friend isn't astral-plane walking, then maybe I'll suck on your...neck." He growled playfully at my choice of words and nipped at my chin again. I smiled at him and bent my head down to kiss him affectionately. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to do some quality sleeping." I told him, taking his hand and leading him down the hall to our bedroom. I left the door open so we could hear any trouble coming and to discourage wandering hands. Well it discouraged my hands anyway. Being a soulless demon, Spike could care less what kind of show he put on for passing Slayers and pals.

Finally, though, I got him settled and we fell asleep curled around each other, Spike's face nestled into my shoulder, lips still on my neck. His arms were wrapped around my shoulders and for a moment I felt so very briefly, safe and comfortable. Then his stomach growled and he started nibbling. Guess comfort from is a vampire is fleeting at best.

Chapter Three: Mr. Throat Tear

*Willow*(Dear God! I've changed view points! AAAHHHH!!!!!)

"Well, I’m not dead or unconscious, so I say ‘Bravo’ for me." - Giles

"Okay, that’s yucky." I whispered to myself as an alien dragged a rotting demon corpse past me. I knew I wasn't in any danger even if they did see me, but having freaked out aliens shooting blue bolts through my barely visible body had lost its charm hours ago. I'd resorted to the covert method of observation to avoid drawing attention to myself by hiding in the bulkheads of the downed ship.

I'd seen quite a few things in the couple hours since I'd woken up in the alien ship surrounded by wounded and dead aliens. I'd wandered aimlessly through the ship, exploring, and trying not to ponder the fact that I was astral-planey. I didn't think I was dead, I'd done the ghost thing before and this felt different. The fact remained, though, that I was definitely not solid.

I sighed and wished for a nice warm bed. Astral planes were boring and uncomfortable with only a floor to stand on and definitely nothing to sleep on. I decided to myself that watching the enemy from the safety of another plane of existence was the perfect way to distract my mind from thoughts about my friends and family and the fact that I'd yet to find my body.

And so, to keep the major wiggins at bay, I spied on the enemy and wished fervently for the ability to understand what the heck they were saying. Stupid Aliens. I'm glad I smooshed their ship and squashed 'em like bugs… Just wish it hadn't resulted in an out of body experience…

*Xander*(ahhhh….back to the classics…)

"I'm insane. What's your excuse?"-Spikey (A marvelous new quote from season 7!)

When I finally blinked myself awake again, I felt far more rested and kind of in need of a shower. And a toothbrush. And some food. And a…

Well anyway I lay in bed looking at the ceiling cataloguing all my needs for the moment. I didn't even really register at first that there was a sleeping vampire draped perpendicularly face down across my stomach until I got to the part in my list where I needed to go to the bathroom. A vampire on you bladder'll do such things to you. I looked down at Spike and grinned. He looked excessively stupid. His face was smashed into the mattress in a way that only the non-breathing can manage, his arms were tucked so close to his sides, he looked like he'd been tied that way, and his cute rear-end was elevated to provide quite the view.

"Spikey?" He didn't respond. He was a deep sleeper, which surprised me sometimes. I mean, you'd think someone with such a dangerous unlife would jump at every little sound. Back at the apartment I'd taken to playing all the usual pranks on him if he fell asleep on the couch. He'd wake up snarling, shaving cream all over his game face, or with his socks on his hands or once, for old times sake (and for revenge on him for illicit groping), I'd tied him up and left him on the couch while I was at work.

Spike was unresponsive so I manhandled him until he was sleeping like a relatively normal person, on his back beside me. When I was done I arranged his arms so his hands were clasped across his bare chest like a proper dead person. I grinned to myself and I sat next to him, smoothing down my hair and composing myself. Then I started to sob dramatically with much sniffing and woe. "Oh no! I killed him! I killed him! He's not breathing!" I flung myself across his chest and beat at it none to gently with my fist. "Why? Why did you leave me Spike?! Now I must raise our children on my own!" I fake cried a river.

"If you're done, pet, you're denting my ribs." I stopped pounding on his chest and looked up to see him staring at me through half-lidded blue (der-her perdy) eyes. "Why'd y'move me? Was comfy." He pouted like a little child. I resisted the urge to tousle his already sticky-outy hair for him.

"You looked too undignified for a corpse." I informed him, snuggling down at his side, setting my head on his shoulder. "Dignified Corpses…sounds like the name of a band…" I mused. He bent his head down to try and shut me up with a kiss but I halted him suddenly enough to have him kiss my palm. "I know for a fact that my mouth tastes like I've been licking the dignified corpses so it is my duty to warn you against further action." He growled a little at being thwarted and gave me a condescending look.

"Kitten, I tear the throats out of demons with my teeth. I think I can handle a lit'l morning breath." He told me. He had a good point, but me, ever so resourceful in Battles of the Witless, had a clever response to that.

"Ewwwww….There's no way I'm going to kiss you now, Mr. Throat Tear. That's nasty." He blinked, adorably befuddled for a moment then he growled again, swooping down to steal a kiss anyway. He stopped halfway there at the sound of a scream.

*Spikey the Wonder Vamp!*

"Oh, leave that one. He looks like he's ready to drop any minute, and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead."-Spikey

If Xan hadn't jumped up after that initial scream, I'm certain that we'd b having a nice snog. But, alas, my love remembered that he was infuriatingly good and leapt out of the nice comfy bed to go check on who was screaming. I sighed and followed after him to Soldier Boy's room to see if I was needed. Such are the trials we endure for a hot piece of ass.

"Riley?" Xan was trying to hold the oversized soldier down to the bed unsuccessfully when I arrived. The one-armed man was struggling blindly, thrashing my pet pretty good while he tried to help. I sighed and pounced on the twit, using my oh-so-useful vamp strength to hold him in place on the bed. There was plenty of painful twinges in my head to remind me of the chip during that time, but I kept hold of him while Xan tried to wake him up. Calling his name didn't really work, but after a moment the soldier calmed back into sleep again.

That was when Xander caught my eye. "Why's isn't Buffy here? Its been too long for them to be gone still." He looked worried. "Stay here and watch him. I'm going to go look for em. Check on the girls too." He was out of the room before I could protest being made to baby-sit. After a moment I realized protesting was pointless anyway seeing as it was daylight and I'm rather undead. I sighed and took a moment to glower at Captain Cardboard. He looked better without the arm, in my opinion.

Chapter Four: Tantrum Time

(Or, Invasion of the former Scoobies!)

*Xander*

"Boy, I'm scared. And excited. And consumed with dread. I'm glad you're here." -Kate

It took me almost an hour to find what I was looking for. Unfortunately what I was looking for had become something unexpected. Or something. Anyways. I nearly tripped on Jonathan where he lay sprawled in what the little resort had that passed for an alley. Said alley was really the slightly shaded place between the grocery store and the gas station. Jonathan was lying in an unconscious heap next to a raunchy smelling trash barrel.

I only had a moment to register his presence before I became aware of a low growl coming from the other side of the trash. I grabbed up a stake from my pocket and waited anxiously for something to move. After about a minute I heard a surprisingly familiar voice come from where the growling had originated.

"Xander?"

*Buffy*(AAAAH! I did it again!)

"Cowering the a closet is starting to sound like a reasonable plan." - Oz

My room smells funny. And my bed is curiously not squishy. And there's no warm Riley pillow… With a groan I decided that it was time that I face facts. I must've fallen off the bed again. With a sigh I pushed myself up off the cold floor and blinked fuzzily at my surroundings. Everything was blue. Light, seamless blue. I took a moment to get the sudden vertigo from staring at the seamless blue out of my mind. Why can't I wake up in a nice cheerful meadow with sunshine and chirping birds with Riley and Angel frolicking naked in the marigolds? I sighed. No rest for the slayer-types.

Getting to my feet I looked around the blue I was in. There wasn't much of anything to look at. Just a blue floor and a cornerless blue…blueness. "Okay, I already hate blue." I grumbled. I was starting to remember the events leading to my capture. I remembered spell-ingredient hunting with Jonathan and meeting up with Oz. Then there were flashes of (ick, blue) light and voila! Waking in the land of the un-blue challenged.

I stretched myself a bit, making sure I wasn’t too stiff. I didn't seem to have any permanent damage to deal with, so I figured that the aliens had just knocked me out and dropped me here to take a nice nap. Shrugging to myself, I started walking forward, hoping to locate a wall in the blue. It took me a minute and a half to give up and flop onto the floor again. "Okay, so the blue is there to make me crazy, there're no walls, and the floor isn't even hollow." I considered trying to punch through the floor but decided to wait until I was desperate to risk bodily harm.

Five seconds later the aliens presented a new shock for my perusal. A whole opened in the blue ceiling and a body fell through to land with a solid smack on the floor in front of me. The whole closed up before I could react, and so I was left with a body to play with. Great.

I took a good look at the unconscious figure, hoping for some help. Lying facedown, all I could make out of it was that is was female with shaggy dark brown hair. After a moment I turned the body over and jumped back to land ungracefully on my ass. "Faith?!" Faith groaned in response and her eyes flickered open briefly. "Faith, wake up!" I demanded. Well its not the best company, but its better than endless blue I suppose. I waited impatiently while the other slayer blinked blearily and tried to focus on me.

"B?" I rose my eyebrows at her, waiting for a more intelligent response. How the hell did she get out of prison before the zap? She just went in! "Oh my god Buffy!" She gasped suddenly and promptly burst into some very un-Faith-like tears. Before I could answer her disturbing sobs, a tennis-ball size hole opened in the ceiling and a tube lowered into our prison. Greenish gas started to filter in through the tube. Faith started to wail in pure terror, crawling across the floor to cling to my legs.

"Don't let them take me! Don'tletthemtakemedon'tletthemtakemedon'tletthemtakeme!" She murmured into my pant leg while I tried to shake her off. Despite my efforts not to breathe, alas I fell, for I am human, and not an unbreathing nylon-polyester blend.

*Spike*

"But I just got so bored!" - Spike

Between smoking and pacing and singing to meself, I managed to keep distracted from the fact that my pet was out looking for imperiled folk alone in the day where I couldn't help him or watch him or reach him to lock him up in a dark cave for all eternity so he would never be out of my sight again for about three minutes. After those three minutes I started cursing the stupid unconcious soldier git and his mum and his mum's mum and his mum's mum's mum. After that I don't really remember all that I said to him but I finally resorted to poking him in the calf with the tip of my pocket knife and saying "Ow." to the subsequent pain in my skull for entertainment.

To say the least, when my boy returned from his search an hour later, I was ecstatic enough to forget to cover the now bleeding spot on the soldier's calf and managed to drop my knife on my boot at the perfect angle for it to bounce off the toe and stick me in the shin. Ow. So Xan was met with a scene that made him ask stupid unnecessary questions like:

"What the hell happened to his leg?", "Why are you hopping?", and the favorite, "Did you just stab yourself?". I, of course, had a bloody genius answer to all these things.

"I...er...was bored." This illicited red-faced 'I'm going to kill you!' face on dear Xander. "The git'll be fine...it'll take his mind off 'is lack of arm!" And why? Why must I try to defend myself? I should just run for my unlife while he's distracted figuring out what I did wrong.

"You got bored so you decided to stab Riley?" Xander asked in a slow, meant for children voice. I nodded, rubbing at my shin. "And you didn't think that was a bad thing to do?" I tried out my innocent face. "Of course. It makes perfect sense. You don't have a soul, so it makes no difference to you. Stab the wounded and defenseless! Just a game like Go Fish!" His voice had risen until he yelled the last bit. Then he did something he'd never done before his stint as a woman. He closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath before continuing in a more normal voice. "Alright. This is my fault. You're a vampire. I should've known better to leave you in charge of anything." He said, the anger in his eyes turning into hurt. Thats when I felt a very un-vampire-like pang of guilt, which in turn made my cold blood boil.

"Damn straight I'm a vampire! I'm evil, love. You forget that?!" I knew it was a stupid thing to say and I got confirmation of that when those expressive brown eyes closed off. No more hurt, no more anger, just hard emotionless brown.

"Right, stupid me." He answered in a small voice. Then he turned his head to look to someone in the hall, reminding me that he'd been gone. "We've got more wounded. We need to move everyone to the lounge. Do you think you can set up a few beds without killing anyone?" The pure disdain in his voice made me wince. I turned to fix up the soldier to be moved but he stepped between me and the bed. "Beds only. You've done enough damage."

"Right." I hissed and left the room. I'd almost gotten to the lounge before containing my frustration failed and I buried my fist in the wall.

"Do you need help with that or is it dead?" A curious voice asked from the doorway to the lounge area. I turned my head to look as I pulled my bloody fist out of the wall. It was the wolf-boy that Red had been dating. He was looking pointedly at the hole in the wall. I took a deep calming breath and grinned at him.

"Nah, I think I got it." Oz nodded sagely and turned to limp into the other room.

Chapter Five: Taking Stock

(Or, "We are so screwed...")

*Xander*

"I sometimes like things that aren't good for me." - Xander

This is my fault. I was stupid. Trusted a vampire. What happened to my good old "Demons bad" philosophy? I'm a dunce. A brainless twit. Spike saves my life a few times, tells me he loves me, takes care of me, gives me hot demony sex and I automatically assume he's good...I should be shot repeatedly. I finished bandaging Riley's leg and sighed, staring at the first aid kit that I'd found in the kitchen. "When you wake up and are all coherent again, Ri, you can kick my ass, k?" He slept on, no doubt dreaming of Buffy or something equally good and happy. Why can't I date a normal human-person?

I looked around the room, avoiding looking at Spike who stood sulking and smoking on the balcony outside the lounge. Oz was finally sleeping, curled up on one of the beds Spike'd dragged in, looking small and defenseless, despite the story he'd told. Thanks to him, there was another bandaged figure sleeping on the next bed over. Jonathan had suffered a broken arm, but he'd be dead if not for Oz's wolfing out and biting their attackers. Apparently Aliens are highly allergic to a werewolf's bite. They'd fled with their prize after the first one imploded.

Riley was sleeping on the bed in front of me, as yet unaware of his girlfriends kidnapping. That was a thought I wanted to avoid... Buffy bagged by the blue beasties from the big black beyond.I sighed and flopped down on the couch that had been shoved into the corner to accomodate the total of four beds and five unconcious people. I scrubbed at my face in my hands and scratched at my itchy scalp. I still hadn't managed a shower.

I wanted desperately to go clean up, just so I could concentrate properly but I was afraid that the moment I left, Spike would start playing with sharp things again, but this time on Willow or Tara. I couldn't trust him and I didn't know how I was going to stay sane like I was. I looked around, begging for someone to appear and tell me what to do. But no one appeared. The injured slept, the vampire smoked, and I remained on my own. And itchy, dammit! I growled in frustration and got up to pace. I couldn't think properly with the crusty alien blood and dirt twitching my skin and Buffy was gone and maybe dead. Giles and Angel and Wes and Gunn and Wills were all gone and I had no clue what to do and Spike just stood there, beyond the sliding glass doors, smoking and staring at the outside world while I freaked out and wasn't he supposed to love me? I was pacing in the small amount of room there was to pace in between beds and trying not to pull my hair out.

"Hey man, you okay?" Oz's sleepy voice asked, stopping me mid-pace. I turned to look at him.

"Not exactly no..." I said with a slightly hysterical giggle. He looked so childish with his bed-hair and blurry eyes. "Can you...keep an eye on things for a minute...I need to go break something." Oz raised an eyebrow at that and nodded. I was outta there in a second.

Once I was out of the room and safely in the now demon-free bathroom, I felt a little less twitchy. I quickly stripped and climbed into the shower and slid to the bottom to sit under the scalding fall of water. I watched mindlessly as swirls of blue, brown, black, and blood red circled the drain.

After a few minutes of that, I took a deep breath and started to take stock. "Willow it missing. Buffy is missing or dead. Riley is out of commision. Jonathan is out. Tara is weak. Spike is..." My throat choked closed on a sob. After a moment of deep breaths I continued. "We've got Oz, Spike, and me." I took another deep breath. Be a man, Xander. At that moment I probably would've kissed Angel if he'd have just shown up and started bossing me around until I wanted to stake him.

I finally dragged myself to my feet and turned the water to scalding and started scrubbing at myself with the little hotel soaps. I tried not to think serious thoughts while I worked at my short hair with two little bottles full of hotel shampoo. When I was finally clean enough, I dragged my soggy ass out of the shower and dried off, wrapping a towel around my waist. I stood at the sink in the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror.

I looked like shit. Dark circles surrounded my bloodshot eyes, my face had grown a fierce forest of stubble, and the look of despair didn't help none. I smirked at myself. "I looked like I've been through a war. Fancy that." I frowned at my reflection. Something was off. It took a moment before I figure out what. My scars were gone. My body was perfect. Not a scratch on it. All the scars from wounds sustained in childhood or fighting demons with Buffy were gone. I frowned. Only one mark remained visible on my entire body and that was the gash I'd sustained in the explosion of L.A.

I ran light fingertips over the wound that was now merely a circle of raised pink tissue. Anya's body-switch had all but healed it. But why had it healed this one when everything else on my body had been swept clean? I pouted. All those years of fighting and being trounced by vicious beasties and I had all of one battle-scar to show for it. I could just see myself showing off at the beach. "Yeah, ladies...this one I got while in mortal combat with some deadly building materials..."I snorted. "And my boyfriend took most the damage anyway...aren't I manly?" I sighed and fell silent, remembering how shocked I was to see Spike standing over me, protecting me with his body.

I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, sinking out of sight of the mirror as I went. "Alright Xan, what're we doing about Spike?" I ran fingers through my hair while I tried to think. "So he's a soulless demon. He has no concept of right or wrong. He thinks the suffering of others is funny. The chip isn't controlling him completely." I listed the bad. "He's really sexy. He claims he loves me. He protects me and provides for me. He listens to me whine like a little girl and he really hot. I already said that. Um..." I gave up coherent thought for a minute and settled for knocking the back of my head against the wall repeatedly until I was rudely interrupted by the one who induced the brain squishing in the first place.

*Spike*

"Look at you. Shaking, terrified. Alone. Lost little lamb." - Spike

"Open the soddin' door, we need to chat." I growled at the bathroom door after knocking on it loudly.

"Do you have a gun?" He called back. I scowled.

"No. Open the bloody door!" There was a noise of movement from the other side then his voice came back.

"Go get one."

"What?"

"Go get a gun."

"What for?" I stared at the door, confused.

"I'm gonna shoot myself and stake you, then I'll shoot Oz and Jon, and Tara and Willow and Riley...maybe not in that order...and then we can all go to our respective homes in heaven or hell." A slightly disturbing giggle followed that announcement. "You think Buffy's already up there, waiting for us? She'll be mad at me for going to hell with you but I don't think they let murderers in upstairs. Maybe she can visit us...they prolly have one of those rooms with the windows and phones that they have in prison. She'll come to visit us in Limbo and we'll whine and bitch about how raunchy the food is in hell and she'll be all glowy and pretty..." I pulled the door open regardless of the lock.

My boy was standing leaning on the sink, staring at the mirror with a glazed look in his eyes that suggested that he was already seeing the Slayer glowing on the other side of the glass. I ignored the unrecognizable feeling in my belly at the thought of the Slayer being dead and focussed instead on the look in Xan's eyes. He looked lost. Broken. It was worse than when he'd snapped over being a girl.

"Xan-" He shooked himself violently and turned to face me.

"We are so screwed..." He told me in utter seriousness. I shrugged.

"Been screwed worse. Just have to regroup is all." I reassured him absently. "Get all yer ducks in a line an' all that." He gave me a weird look.

"Are you a duck, Spike? Or are you one of those mean guys that shoot the ducks?" I blinked. Sometimes the kid's brain went in loopy circles that I doubt even Dru could comprehend.

"I'm neither, sweets." He frowned and pushed his fingers through his wet hair, starting to look a little less freaked.

"I need to trust you Spike or my brain is going to implode before we can stop the baddies." He said after a deep breath. I winced. I'd harbored a small hope that he'd forgotten about our little spat in the light of his freaking out.

"Don't know how you're goin' to manage that, kitten. 'm a soulless demon." I mumbled a little bitterly.

"Do you really love me, Spike?" He asked out of nowhere. I blinked up at him. He held my gaze steadily, demanding the truth. I cursed under my breath.

"Against my better judgement, yes." I told him. Why did the git always make me act like a nancy boy? He nodded.

"Prove it. Until we beat the aliens, or they beat us, I want you to pretend to be a duck." Eh? A duck? He wants me to quack? He rolled his eyes at my expression and sighed. "Don't do anything that I wouldn't do."

I thought about it for a moment. I could go as I was. Be me and keep trying to be as evil as possible. Or I could do as I originally planned back in that Sunnydale cemetery. I could be good for my boy. I sighed. Just how much was I expected to sacrifice for a good shag? The git hasn't even put out in the past fourty-eight hours! I scowled at him as he waited expectantly.

"On one condition." I began. He frowned.

"Your love it conditional? How romantic." He snorted. I took a deep calming breath.

"My love is as yet unreciprocated and therefore conditional until further notice so shut your gob and listen you whiney li'l shit." His eyes kinda bugged out a little.

"Wow Spike...those were some big words..." He snarked. I cursed the chip. The git really needed to be smacked. I growled at him and he shut his mouth.

"One condition. Sex. When I want it, how I want it." He blinked at me.

"But..."

"Thats my condition. Take it or leave it." Please take it? Pleeeeeaaaase? He scowled at me.

"Fine. But only at appropriate times. I'm not screwing you when I need to be saving the world or something." I nodded once.

"Right then. Get out. I want a shower and the Wolf needed help changing his bandages. Don't enjoy it too much though..." I shoved him out of the bathroom and shut the door on his sputtering face. Turning to the mirror I grinned evilly at my lack of reflection. I've met some mean ducks in my time...almost lost my finger to one when I was a boy

*Willow Wall Walker*(AAAAH! I did it again!)

"I don't have a pulse. so technically I don't have a heart."-Angel

"Mission accomplished! I kick soooo much butt!" I cheered with an abbreviated version of the snoopy dance. After much fleeing and spying and guessing, I'd somehow managed to sneak on board a shuttle-type thing that was leaving the wreckage of the ship I'd killed. With any luck, I was headed straight for the mother-ship and once I got there, who knew how much useful intel I'd be able to gather!

I settled down on the floor between two different compartments of the shuttle, hoping that no one would see me and tried to relax enough to take a nap. It was strange. I was tired. How was I tired? I didn't have a physical body. Wherever my body was it was most likely sleeping anyway so why were my metaphysical eyelids drooping? I frowned. And how am I able to give myself a headache thinking about it when I don't have a physical head? ARGH!

I sighed and started counting little blue color swirlies on the bulkheads around me.

Chapter Six: I Smiled

(Or, The Truckstop Floozy)

*Xander*

"The count of three is not a plan, it's Sesame street." -Faith

"So what are our orders?" Riley asked frustrated. I sighed and beat my head on the back of the couch. The soldier had been awake and coherent for all of twenty minutes and all he seemed to say was: "Where's Buffy?" and "What're our orders?" I really wanted him to pass out again and I could tell that Spike was about a second from decking him, chip or no chip.

"Spike, what exactly did they tell you to do when they sent everyone into hiding?" Oz asked calmly. I smiled at him greatfully. Oz was a wonderful marvelous person.

"Hide the kids until further notice and keep the Uber-witch safe." Spike snapped at him and continued with his endless pacing. I resisted the urge to tackle him to the floor and sit on him until he stopped moving, except I had a feeling that any sitting on Spike would result in lots of movement that wasn't suitable for public consumption.

"Okay so our orders are to protect Willow. And seeing as Willow is..absent, then we need to get her back." Oz pointed out. I nodded enthusiastically. YAY! Oz's taking charge! I don't have to think any more!

"How do we do that?" Riley asked. I inwardly danced in joy. Everyone was getting a grip finally!

"We can still do the s-spell? We can use the same basic working to find Buffy as well." Tara pointed out in a small voice. She looked nervously at Oz and then at me.

"Well yeah, that makes sense, if we can get the ingredients without being abducted by aliens." I pointed out. I sighed. I'm going to have to go, aren't I? I always end up severely imperiled. "Volunteers for the wicca shopping?" I asked hopefully.

"Well, I'm not exactly Greased Lightning with my leg being hacked up and all..." Oz pointed out.

"I'm still weak..." Tara pointed out. Riley just went back to staring blankly and where his arm used to be. Jonathan blinked at me, eyes still glassy from his fun injuries. I sighed and shot a glance to my undead counterpart.

"Right then, I'll just run to the store and be back in no time." Spike said and started for the door. I blinked and grabbed his duster as he strode past.

"You aren't going by yourself, dumbass." I told him, climbing over the couch back to face him down on foot. "Its too dangerous and you don't have the list." He growled at me. Its so cute when he thinks he's intimidating.

"Gimme the soddin' list and I'll run out real quick like." He said, sounding rather frustrated. I shook my head.

"Sorry Sweetcheeks, you're not going alone." I turned to Jonathan. "List?" He dug the scrap of paper out of his pocket and gave it over, all without losing the dazed look in his eyes. "Lets go." I said to Spike, slipping the list in my t-shirt's breast pocket. I smiled at the others. "If we're not back in an hour, hide under the covers." With a goofy grin I shoved Spike out ahead of me.

The tiny little town of Glacier-something-or-other was silent when we walked out of the lodge. It was kind of creepy. No dogs barked, no cats meowed, no vamps growled. Not like Sunnydale at all. Except maybe the growling vamp part. Spike was doing his part to make up for that happy lack.

"Quit it." I snapped at him. He just growled louder, walking slightly ahead of me. He was sniffing at the air like a great big hunting dog between growls. "Smell anything or do you have the sniffles?" He didn't look at me but I just knew that he was rolling his eyes at me. He always exhaled and dropped his chin when he did that. It was a Spike thing.

"Nothin' but us here, love." He said finally and dropped back to walk beside me. I shrugged non-committally and looked up at the night sky. It was beautiful and empty. The emptiness of it was beautiful. Just stars, no aliens. I smiled at the little illusion and let my shoulder and arm brush against Spike's.

I looked over at him when I heard him grunt. "Left my smokes." He grumbled and started towards a locked up and quiet truck-stop. I followed, unhappy that we were wasting time, but knowing that arguing was pointless.

He broke into the store portion of the stop and started looting through the cigarette stash. I leaned on the counter and watched him. It struck me then, just how familiar he was to me. It seemed that I knew every movement he would make before it happened. The way he tossed the pack into the air and caught it, grinning in triumph when he found his brand was familiar. I knew that he'd hop up on the counter and sit next to me while he lit up. I knew that he'd start relaxing and talking to me again as soon as he'd had two good drags off of the cigarette.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye, pretending to study the keychain rack next to the register. One drag and he visibley loosened, his posture relaxing to a near-slouch. Two, and he looked at me. "Should we take some liquor back in case the mojo don't work?" He asked with a smirk in his voice. I smiled to myself, somehow happy that I probably knew the vampire better than anyone in the world aside from Dru, and she didn't really count.

"Nah, we'll just grab a shotgun and a 2x4." I said dryly. I knew it'd only take one more comment to push him to argue and I wanted him to. Maybe just to prove that he cared, even though I knew already that he did. He grabbed my arm, squeezing almost painfully tight.

"No more of that talk, love. No offin' yourself or anyone else." He commanded, his attitude suddenly fierce. I smiled again.

"You're goin' to stick around. I still haven't gotten a proper shaggin'..." He leered at me and used the grip on my arm to pull me in front of him where he sprawled on the tall countertop. I looked up at him disbelievingly when he wrapped his legs around my back and pulled me against him.

"You aren't serious..." He sure looked serious. "I'm not having sex with you here, Spike...I-I'm not some truckstop floozy giving blowjobs in the men's room!" Spike just leered at me and answered in a horrible southern accent.

"Open up, sweet pea! You's haff a perty mouf..." The accent and the wiggling eyebrows were too much. I burst into some disturbingly girly-sounding giggles.

After a couple minutes of laughing uncontrollably, I lifted my head from where it was resting against his stomach and looked up at him, my eyes streaming from laughing so hard. "Sometimes you scare me Spike, and it has nothing to do with you being evil." He preened as if I'd paid him the highest of compliments. I couldn't help but grin at him.

His expression turned serious and he lifted a hand to wipe the laugh-induced tears off my cheeks. When they were gone he smoothed my hair back. He smiled slightly, his eyes softening. He leaned down and brushed his lips over mine teasing me. I leaned further into his grip and wrapped my arms around his waist, waiting for him to deepen the contact.

"Ahem!"

*Spike*

"Hey look at us. We came up with a plan, a good plan." -Buffy

"Angel?!" Xan jumped a mile and whirled around to face the hovering image of the Souled Wonder. Am I ever going to get sex? I growled in annoyance at the magical image.

"Wes can only hold this connection up for a moment. Give me a report." Angel ordered gruffly. Xander glanced up at me, obviously expecting me to do the reporting. I sighed and hopped off the bench to come face to face with the glowing image of Angel's head.

"Right then, Slayer's been nabbed by the baddies, we picked up a werewolf, and the Witch is wondering around somewhere sans body." I reported. Angel frowned. Actually, his face stayed the same as always, but it seemed like he was frowning. Poof needs new expressions.

"The aliens got Buffy?" I growled.

"They took her. We're going to do a spell to find her and try to locate Willow. We think the fight knocked her out of her body. We found Oz here too." Xander reiterated for the moron.

Angel turned and looked like he was conferring with someone else before he turned back again. "Do the spell. We have to get Willow back, she's all we've really got that can take a ship. We're all heading back to Sunnydale to regroup and plan our next attack. Try to be there in two days at the latest." Xander glanced at me as if to make sure I was listening. I nodded at him. The git had no memory for plans unless they were written down or beaten into his head.

"Okay, got it. Seeya in two days." He told the other vampire. Angel nodded and blinked at Xander.

"When did you change back into a man again?"

"What? I've always been a man..." Xander answered him, a perfectly composed look of confusion on his face. I stifled a grin. Angel shook his head, looking a little lost and turned away again.

We heard, "Xander was a girl right, Wes? I'm not losing it am I?" as the connection fizzled out. I grinned and tugged the boy into a quick kiss. He was grinning like a loon.

"There is nothing more entertaining in the world then screwing with Angel's head." Xan said smugly. I shook my head at him.

"I know a few things that're better..." I leered at him. He swatted my arm and started out of the truckstop.

"No sex now, must save world." He stated, pulling the crinkled list of witchy things for our scavenger hunt.

I sighed and followed along obediently with a grumbled "Quack."

Chapter Seven: Devious Dead Dude

*Buffy the Abductee*

"He makes my head go tingly."-Willow

"Faith?" I crawled across the blue floor, wincing. It wasn't that I was in pain. My body was quite numb, but the fact that I was naked and covered in bruises and bleeding wounds made me worry about the numbness. Was it permanent damage? It could just be drugs to keep me comfortable while they dug around my body looking for something. But why keep me comfy? I'm the enemy, remember? So once again I'm wondering if they damaged my nerves or something....or was my whole body in shock? Wouldn't I be cold or something? I tried to remember how people acted when they were in shock in the movies and my own slayery experience.

Meanwhile, I'd made it over to Faith, who was if similar shape to me and curled into fetal position. "Faith, c'mon, wake-up?" I poked at her ribs and she started shivering uncontrollably. I poked her again and she whimpered. I sighed. She was useless if she was just going to lie there and shake. What kind of Slayer was she? An evil-bitch-that-lies-there-shaking kind, I guess. I frowned at her, thinking back on all the horrible things she'd done to me. After all she put me through, she should be begging to help me out, but instead she just lay there all useless and traumatized-looking. I pouted.

"Faith, if you don't get up and tell me what's what right this second I'm going to poke you sooo hard...." I threatened, then snorted at how childish I sounded. I poked her anyway. I poked her right in the middle of one of the skinless patches on her hip. She jerked upright and slapped at my hand.

"What the hell is the matter with you, you stupid bitch?!" She demanded, he eyes no longer looking quite as glazed. She looked normal, aside from the naked, bruised, and bloodied thing. I did a happy dance in my head. I fixed her!

"Now that you've rejoined the awake and aware world, tell me what the hell is going on!" I demanded. She scowled at me, edging further away.

"What do you think? We've been abducted by aliens." She snapped, wrapping her arms around her knees. I sighed again. I should have just left her in lala-land. Suddenly I shivered, my slayer-senses wiggling so slightly in the familiar tickle in the bottom of my spine that usually indicated that a familiar vampire, like Spike or Angel was around. I blinked, and looked around me but saw nothing before the sensation passed. I shook it off and frowned. The aliens probably had a vampire on board for experiments too...but if it were just any vamp it'd feel differently. I started to worry. Did this mean that they'd caught Angel? Or Spike?

*Xander*

"Spike, you diabolical fiend."-Xander

"So, I just have to sit here and think about Buffy?" I asked again, just to be sure. I just knew I'd screw up the spell. I'd think the wrong thing at the wrong second and then someone would turn into a duck or a frog and then I'd have no clue and we wouldn't be able to find Buffy or Wills and we'd be excessively screwed and I hate magic its scary and I want to go home and look! I'm hyperventilating again.

"Breathe, kitten." Spike said with a strange smile on his face. He'd been watching me since I'd sat down with him, Oz, Jonathan, and Tara. I gave him my Are-you-insane-this-is-never-going-to-work-we're-all-going-to-die look. He just gave me another smile. It was almost...sweet.

"Everyone join hands. All you have to do is picture Buffy in your heads. I'll do the rest." Tara told us, her voice growing a bit more confident as she started doing witchy stuff, making sure we were all sitting in the correct spots and such. I wiped my nervously sweating hands on my pants and held them out.

Oz took my right hand and gave me a calming smile. Everything about him exuded calm. He looked so comfortable and easy, that I felt my eyelid twitch. Its not fair! I wanna be calm and cool and non-freaky-outy! I pouted and turned to look at Spike, since he'd yet to take my other hand. He was scowling at Jonathan who was staring at Spike's other hand like it was a rattlesnake. I smirked. Spike opened his mouth to say something undoubtedly rude and mean but Tara cut him off.

"Jonathan, could you switch places with me? Spike has the most energy right now and it'll be easier for me to draw on it through direct contact." She said sweetly. Jonathan scrambled over quickly and took Oz's hand with a lot less trepidation. I looked back in time to see Tara wink at Spike. Spike and I blinked at her startled. I guess she was a lot more confident when dealing with magic.

She sat down in the vacated space and leaned forward to light the candles in the center of the circle. Spike slid his hand into mine when I wasn't looking and squeezed it when the spell preparations started to freak me out again. I looked at him and he smiled softly again. I melted. If he kept doing that I was going to be a puddle of goo before we got the spell done. Maybe that was his goal? Puddle-Xander wasn't Freaked-Xander. Spike was one Devious Dead Dude. I beamed at him and he chuckled quietly. Wow...Lookit us with the non-verbal communicatin'! We're so...coupley. Huh.

"Now, everyone, close your eyes and envision Buffy." Tara instructed. I pouted as I closed my eyes. She expects me to be able to think about Buffy when Spike's being so sexy with the smiling and the deviousness? I mentally slapped myself, reminding myself that my friend could be dead in a ditch somewhere. That thought got rid of all the nice Spike imagery and brought to mind one of my most frightening memories.

In my head I saw Buffy on the night of the Harvest so long ago, floating face-down in the water, dead. I shivered, and made myself focus on how awesome and beautiful she looked after I'd brought her back to the living. A badass in a white gown. In the back of my head, I registered the sound of Tara chanting in latin, then the sudden pull of energy from what felt like the pit of my stomach, then I heard Tara call out new instructions.

"I found her, now concentrate on Willow!" She sounded strained and my arms felt weak, held up only by my grip on Oz and Spike. I switched my thoughts to my sweet Willow. I had quite a few memories to draw from. I brought up a few of my favorites, Willow scolding me for not studying in High School, Willow smiling when I did something right...

I was startled out of a sort of trance when my head hit the floor. I jerked myself back upright, looking around to see the others, pulling themselves up. Oz and Jonathan looked sleepy, blinking a lot, heads nodding, but Spike and Tara looked the worst. Tara looked pale and shakey, and my Spike was paler than usual and his eyes were a bit glazed-looking.

We all turned to Tara, expectantly. "I saw them." She confirmed. "B-Buffy's on a ship. In a b-blue room with another girl. She's alive but p-pretty beaten up...but I think she sensed us." She looked a little confused but then she had lightbulb face. "She can sense vampires and other d-demons right?" Spike grunted an affirmative, still looking a little dazed. "She probably felt S-Spike's energy." I shrugged. I blinked at her.

"Okay. So um...explain it when we're more awake?" I said with a smile. She looked at me, startled, then smiled sheepishly.

"S-sorry. Um...I saw Willow too...she's on a different ship. A smaller one, b-but they're n-near each other." I nodded and blinked as Spike fell over with a thud. "I used a l-lot of his energy..." She added, looking at him worriedly. I nodded and smiled reassuringly at her.

"We should get some rest if we're going to figure out how to save our buds." The others nodded and climbed wearily to their feet, using each other and crutches and staggered over to the beds where Riley and Willow slept. Oz tossed a blanket to me and I used the last of my energy to curl up around Spike and pull the blanket over us on the floor.

Chapter Eight: Interlude to Doing Stuff

*Xander*

"Okay, so, uh....How're we going to get to them if they're on alien ships?" I asked. I felt it was necessary to put that obvious out into the air. I got a few annoyed looks from, oh, everyone, but better out than in, right?

"Some kind of teleportation spell?" Oz suggested, looking to Tara. She immediately and quite vehemently shook her head.

"N-no. We barely had enough st-strength to find them. Teleportation requires locating and pulling them through time and s-space to bring them here." She shrugged helplessly. "W-Willow did not even think she would manage teleportation and she's more powerful than anyone I've ever met." I sighed and poked at the delicious and nutritious soup dinner we'd all sat down to. We were all sitting around a dining room table off the main room. Well the human/werewolf population of our party were sitting. Spike was adding new depths to the meaning of "nervous pacing".

It was kind of funny though, from my seat. I was sitting directly across from Riley, who was still rather out of it, and he was watching Spike pace over my head with a bit of a glazed look in his eye. As he watched, his head turned from side to side like someone watching a tennis match. Shock and major limb loss did odd things to a man. I should know. I was without my favorite limb for a long time and look what I did! I fell in love with a psycho-neutered vamp with ADHD. I smirked to myself. I better keep Riley and Spike apart, don't want to lose my bloodsucker.

Spike stopped behind my chair and leaned forward, his forearms resting on my shoulders. "I say we hunt down some aliens down here, kill'em with much gore and screaming, then steal their bloody ship and then go fetch the bints." He announced. I sighed.

"Perfect! I'm even licenced to pilot alien ships! And while we're there, we can download a virus into their computer core that'll take down all their shields cuz everyone KNOWS aliens are MAC-compliant." I snarked at him. Tara smiled shyly and Oz snorted. Spike stayed silent as he usually does when he doesn't want to admit that he didn't catch a pop-culture reference.

"Well can't bloody well stay here! Lets go DO something." He demanded, returning to his default setting of pacing the room and growling. I turned to watch him for a moment, considering offering to "DO something" in the other room, but it was hardly the time for such things. I sighed. I missed sex and I missed not having to think. I was good at not-thinking.

"Um. We...could....er..." I started talking before I had any ideas, hoping for sudden inspiration, but was forced to trail off when none struck. I sighed. "Problem solving hurts."

*Wesley*

"Wesley?"

"Yes?"

"Go to bed."

"No." I scrubbed at my face as hard as possible, trying to return full awareness to my exhausted mind. "No time. Aliens. Must plan." I mumbled at the vampire that stood over my seat in the empty Summer's family dining room. He had his arms crossed over his chest, looking down at me.

"You can hardly plan well when you're falling over exhausted." He pointed out. I sighed. He was right and I knew it, and he knew it. But what if something horrible happened while I was sleeping? What if the aliens attacked and we all died because I was face down on a bed somewhere? It was almost dawn and the city and its gathered troops would be visible if they flew over even if the army set the command post here up with camou tents but the aliens would still have heat sensors wouldn't they and then we'd all be dead! "Go to bed, Wesley." I scowled at him for interrupting my internal panic attack.

"Do you want me to go get Cordy?" He threatened. I smirked.

"Won't work. She's with the military group and you would burst into flame before you got that far." He glowered at me for a moment, then shrugged. I smiled. He was giving up! I turned my attention to the map that marked the positions of all the camps spread throughout the California area. I needed to find a way to get the minions of the Master of Sacramento close enough to the front in San Francisco so they would be able to do some damage without eating all the regular human troops on the way... "Angel, what're you doing?" The world shifted and I found myself being slung over the vampire's shoulder as he left the room.

"You need to sleep or Cordy will tear out my spine. She made me swear on my hair gel." I laughed at that. Exhaustion making me giggly. It always shocked me when he would crack a joke. It just wasn't....Angelic. I let the hulking brute carry me through the lower floor of the house and up the stairs. He didn't put me down until he reached the guest room and then he tossed me on the bed. "Sleep." I sighed and gave up.

*Buffy*

"Okay, I know that experiment didn't have a purpose! They're just picking on us now." I whined, inspecting the rather large patch of burnt skin on my stomach.

"Sounds about right, B. So, shouldn't your minions be bustin' us loose 'bout now?" Faith asked from the crumpled heap that was her body. She hadn't even bothered getting up and checking the damage.

"They probably have no clue where we are. They probably think we're dead." I said and went into full depression mode. "We might as well be. We can't fight in here, we can't help." I flopped ungracefully onto my relatively unmarred back. "They'll probably blow us up on accident when they kick these slime-oids asses." I didn't bother looking up when I heard Faith dragging herself over to me.

"Never thought I'd wish for prison food." She said quietly and stretched out beside me. Her left arm rested against my left as if to remind me that she was there. It was strangely comforting. Well, seeing as all I wanted at the moment was to hug my Mommy, I guess anything tactile would be comforting.

"I never thought I'd miss the Hellmouth." I replied and dropped my eyes shut. "Wake me when they serve ice cream."

Chapter Nine: Unplanning and Good News

*Xanakin Not-so-Solo*

"Okay." We all looked up from wherever we'd spaced to when Jonathan spoke up. "We're expected back in Sunnydale soon, right? Lets just go there and make the smart people think. I mean, they've got that Wesley guy and some other people. They'll know what to do, right?"

"Sounds good to me! I'm always a fan of the not thinking." I seconded his notion.

"So, we just drive home?" Riley chimed in as if he were unsure if it was wise. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"Go home. Its genius in its simplicity." Oz added. Tara nodded silently and Spike remained out on the balcony smoking in a very helpful manner. I knew he could hear us and he didn't have any loud Spike noises to make about the idea, so I nodded.

"Sounds like a non-plan! Lets do it!" I got up, rubbing my hands together eagerly. "Um...do it now? Or later?" Spike finally returned to the room and the discussion then. He was smoking slightly in a non-cigarette-y kind of way, so I don't think it was a voluntary choice.

"Suns up." He informed us. Duh. I smirked at him and he just did that eyebrow thing at me.

"D-do we want t-to travel by day?" Tara asked, looking from Oz, to Spike, and then to me. As if I'd know. Psshh. "I-I mean, won't they b-be able to see us easier by day?" Stop stuttering, Stanley, we aren't going to hurt you if you speak! I tried to give off Supporto-rays in her direction, but I don't think she was receiving. She was staring at me, though. They all were, looking expectant. Like I'm some sort of alien expert or something. I tried a goofy grin but they kept expecting.

"Hell if I know! They probably have heat-human-victim-enemy censor thingies. I mean, they have spaceflight, they've got to have night vision too. Even Spike has that and he's-" A growl sounded behind me in warning. "-he's the latest thing in enemy hunting, very high-tech and manly." Jonathan stifled a snicker and Tara even smiled a bit.

"The point is, they'll be able to target us whether its night or day." Riley piped up. We all turned to him, wondering when he got rational. He looked excessively grim, but it was only his third apocalypse so I'll forgive him.

"If something happens, I'm stronger at night." Oz informed us. I nodded and glanced around at my Vampire where he leaned against the wall behind me.

"Spike'd be useless in a day attack. I vote for night. Ashes fight bad." And kiss bad. And lick bad. Definitely don't want ashes in a romantic situation. I looked around for support and got shrugs and "I guess so" looks all around. I scooched my chair back and leaned forward against the table, hoping to come off dramatic and serious and not at all "I just put my hand in my soup bowl". I ignored the unfortunate placement of my hand for the moment. "Alright! We set out at dusk! Everyone prepare accordingly!"

Riley blinked at me. Tara looked at my hand in my soup and blushed in what I assumed was pity. Jonathan yawned at his soup. Oz just nodded, but I saw a smirk lurking behind his eyes. Spike was...I turned to see what he was doing, while cooly wiping the soupy hand on the tablecloth. Spike was rather busy staring at my ass. Hee! He likes my ass! I giggled internally, then frowned. Or he's wondering why its so lopsided...or flabby, or saggy! I had a quick silent panic attack. He won't want me any more because my butt's not as high or firm as it used to be and I don't have perky tits and I want to diiiiiie!

"I'm going back to bed." Jonathan said, snapping me out of what I realized was a rather girly train of thought, which had been crashing into a parked car labeled "self-esteem". I took a few deep breaths to calm myself. And realized that Spike was now looking at me with a questioning expression on his perdy face. Its okay! I just need to take control of the situation! Be a man!

"I'm going to bed too." I squeaked and scampered away.

*Willow-wisp*

I am such a secret agent! I'm so much cooler than James Bond or Tom Cruise in that movie where he wears leather and drives a motorcycle and plays with viruses. I am sooooo cool. I slipped through corridors on the immense ship like a shadow and peeked into every nook and cranny. I walked through walls to study the aliens in their barracks and stared viciously at the backs of their heads until they twitched in their sleep. I am the scourge of the mother ship!

I wandered down another corridor, following a group of rather shrimpy-looking aliens who were escorted by rather tall body-builder aliens. They looked like they were Up to Something and Willow the Uber-Spy was going to sniff it out. Or just see what it was because non corporeal beings don't do the smelling thing very well.

I followed them until they reached a dead end and watched curiously while they opened what seemed to be a solid bulkhead. Blue light filled the secret doorway as they moved inside. I scampered to catch up as the door shut swiftly, I was forced to use my Uber-Spy powers to continue. I timidly poked my head through the wall and look around. Fortunately all their backs were turned.

The evil critters seemed to be focusing on another figure on the ground, which they were kicking and taunting in they're clicking hissy gibberishy language. I winced and stepped silently into the room, trying to get a better look at they're victim.

What I saw made me freeze.

*Spike*

What, now where does he think he's going all on his lonesome? I stared at the door after my pet's quick exit. Bit daft now, isn't he? I started to follow him, but a big, solid, unsteady body got in my way. I glowered up at the soldier. "You're in the way, you git."

"Spike, I-" He looked flustered, rubbing at the back of his neck with his one arm. I waited impatiently for him to continue then get the bleeding hell out of my way. I imagined Xan, all lain out and waiting back in our room, waiting to be plundered. "I just wanted to thank you." I raised an eyebrow at that. "I-I remember you got me to the aid station when I was out of it. I-uh-thank you." I stared at him blankly for a moment. Did the git just thank me for hauling his stupid arse out of the way? The moron had lumbered away during the awkward silence, so I just shrugged it off. War makes humans act looney. Speaking of looney...I set off after my Xander.

*Wes*

"Is this the good news, or the bad news, Angel?" I asked calmly. The army-issue satellite phone was silent for a moment.

"I was thinking it could be both?" The vampire answered from the relative safety of a tent back at the military headquarters.

"Well, it looks to me that we've destroyed another ship. I would say good for us." I commented idly, staring at the subject of discussion from the roof of a bay-front condo's roof in the now disturbingly silent San Francisco. Angel grunted his agreement. "However, we seem to have broken the bridge. And the bay. Angel, where's the water?"

"It went out. Out and over to the left, I think. Oh yeah and there was steam." He answered me. I blinked at the ravaged bay, with its severe lack of water and the twisted hulk of bridge/ship in the center.

"Out and over to the left? Could you be a little more specific?" I could see why there was very little sea water getting in from the ocean itself. The crashing ship had kicked up a great amount of sea floor and created something of a damn with only a few areas letting in the water.

"I would say it went about where General Hawkinson had his headquarters. Pretty much over there." I raised my eyebrows at that.

"Oh."

"Yeah. Thats what Gunn just said." I nodded to myself.

"So I would say that aside from property damage, this is a very good thing." I concluded. I could practically hear the vampire's grin. I could also hear Cordy in the background saying: "Ding dong, the racist asshole is dead." I grinned to myself and turned my attention back to the remains of our second big victory.

"Send a helicopter back for me. I think San Francisco is safe, for now."

*Xan*

"Is there a reason why you ran away, love?" I shivered at the seductive purr coming from the doorway. I finished taking off my shirt in preparation for bed. I heard him come all the way in and shut the door. Why did I run away? I can't remember. I was being girly or something...oh dear god he's gorgeous. He'd stripped off his duster and approached slowly, unbuttoning his shirt as he walked.

"I didn't run away! I...walked quickly out." He just raised that severely lickable eyebrow. "I felt it was very important for me to get some sleep. Immediately." He was merely an inch away now, gazing at me with those eyes. "I-uh-I mean....perdy." I knew my mouth was still going but I had nothing to do with it. No sir, I don't know this mouth. It just followed me home.

"Its bedtime, poodle, not time for sleep." He said teasingly. He breathed in deeply, like he was smelling me. I couldn't help but lean toward him. "Now lets go to bed..." He reached up to kiss me and I twitched, jerking back.

"Is my ass lumpy, lopsided, or malformed in anyway? Does it...sag?" I had to know. It would haunt me forever if I didn't find out. He stared at me in almost comical shock for a moment before his forehead thudded to my shoulder. He made a noise that sounded like a frustrated but amused dying cow. "It does? Omigawd it does!" I whimpered in horror.

"Xander, lover, sweetness, light of my unlife?" His voice came from my shoulder sounding strained. "If you're serious I'll bloody well introduce your kidney to your tonsils." I frowned. Then pouted, hurt. He must hate me and my lumpy butt.

"Sorry." I sighed. He looked at me, a shocked look on his face.

"You are serious!" He looked so amazed. "But you're a git now, not a bint anymore. Why would you care about..." He trailed off, looking confused. Okay, now I feel stupid and girly and irrational. I squirmed and stepped back from him, intending to seek ignorant bliss in sleep. "Oi, 'm not done with you!" He grabbed the waistband of my sweatpants and tugged me back to face him.

"Sorry, I'm being all girly and stupid. I bet I sound like Buffy. Do these jeans make me look fat? Will you still love me if I gain five pounds?" I snorted derisively at myself, hoping to shrug off my embarrassing stupidity. "A year ago I didn't even think about my ass, now it hovers there like some stupid...ass thing." I risked a glance at his face. He had the corner of his mouth quirked in a grin. "What?"

"I guess we've got the same problem then. A year ago I didn't think about your backside either. And now I can't stop thinking about it. About how it feels in my hands..." He slowly slipped his hands passed the elastic waist of my pants and slid his palms down over my ass. "...how it moves in my grip..." Of course those words made me tense up in his grip and his grin turned a little more evil. He pulled me against him, inciting a groan. His cheek slid across mine and I felt his lips on my earlobe. "And I'll never stop thinking about how tight and hot it'll be when I'm inside you." I moaned and slumped against him, my arms moving to wrap around his deceptively slim body.

"You are a very bad man." I complained and moved my legs apart to more easily grind against him.

He chuckled. "I thought I was a duck?"

END PART 9

*gasp* How dare I end the chapter there?! Well I have to sleep sometime! I do have a final in the morning....ew.