Title: Reflections

Author: Caliadragon

Fandom: Buffy

Category: AU

Rating: R

Pairing: Xander/Andrew

Warnings: Angst, Slash

Archive: Any list I send it to, those with prior permission and BC

Disclaimer: Not Mine

Summary: Andrew reflects on what he's learned and devises a suitable punishment.

Thanks to Edi for the beta

Sequel to Some Secrets Shatter. You need to read that for this to make sense.

AN: In this, Willow and Xander will not be that close.

Reflections

by Caliadragon

Xander is asleep holding me like his own personal teddy bear. I couldn't believe that he told Buffy about us. I was so shocked and humbled. I've done bad things. Sure, I was under the First's control at the time, but still, I killed my best friend. Before that I stood back and let Warren do things that were horrible. Look what he did to his ex-girlfriend and Willow's girl friend.

Until tonight I never confessed to anyone just why I stood back. Xander and I have been dating, but we were both holding things back. Things we were too ashamed of anyone finding out.

Today, and that spell the girls did, changed it all.

When Xander and Buffy came back I was surprised to see her glare at Willow and smile at me. When Xander asked me to come back to his apartment with him I expected Buffy to say no, instead she said it was a good idea.

Willow was really angry when Xander told her he didn't have time for her. He then announced to everyone that we were dating. He also told them all that he was sick of them picking on me and that they needed to grow up. Again Buffy surprised me and told them to leave me alone.

Dawn actually smiled at me as we were leaving. Spike and Giles just rolled their eyes and went back to their poker game.

When we got back to the apartment Xander just looked at me for a minute, then asked me if I still wanted to be with him after I had seen what was revealed in the spell.

I was shocked, then I started crying. Xander held me and apologized for hurting me. I couldn't help it. The truth had festered in me for so long that it just seemed to explode from me.

I told him about Warren; how he separated me from Jonathon. How he made me swear that I belonged to him every day. How he raped me.

Through it all Xander just held me and let me cry out my pain and bitterness. We talked for a long time and then we made love.

I can't believe he touched me so sweetly. I mean, I heard about his sexual prowess, who hasn't? I think Anya even told the pizza boy. However, knowing how he loves I'm not sure I will ever be able to give him up.

The other thing that bothers me is Willow and Angelus. My rapist is dead and he's never coming back. Xander's, though, were never punished. I think that needs to change.

I'm going to talk to Spike tomorrow. He's had centuries to think of ways to punish people. Maybe he can tell me how to punish Angel and Willow.

For now, I'm going to sleep in my Xander's arms and not remember the pain and fear that came before him.

The End