Title: Reversal

Autjor: Meagan

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've had this little scene running around in my mind ever since I read a certain little spoiler that supposedly came from the mouth of Charisma Carpenter. An interviewer asked what was going to happen to Cordelia at the end of this season given the whole _Angel_ thing, and she made a statement that I'll be paraphrasing (since I can't remember the exact words) in the header part of this story. If you don't want to know what the rumor is, don't read past here. I don't know how real it is, but here's space just in case...

Summary: Cordelia has been wounded and will die without a certain sort of assistance. But it's not really about her. She's just a convenient way of getting these guys in this situation.

Spoilers: everything including the following rumor: When asked what was going to happen with Cordelia at the end of the season, Charisma Carpenter said something to the effect of, "Well, she's going to be dead and all that."

Disclaimer: Of *course* they belong to someone else. I could never some up with characters like this. Specifically, they belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, WB, and anyone else I forgot.

Rating: G, I think.

Distribution: Please ask. I'm not too sure anyone would really want it, though.

Feedback: Um, sure, I think. I'm not really a writer. I'm just trying to sort out what the voices in my head want me to do. There are just so *many* of them, telling me all sorts of different things, and I'm not sure

which ones to listen to. Feedback would probably help. So would therapy, but I can't afford that right now, so I'll just try to keep on writing. The big question is this: Does anyone want to see any more of this?

By Meagan

The scene was familiar to the conscious participants: Two men standing over a woman's body. Just two years ago, the men faced a similar tableau. The woman in question at that time was blonde, rather than the brunette at their feet this time. But one thing was the same: Only one of the men had the abilities necessary to save her. The other -- the one who loved her despite his best efforts to convince himself otherwise -- would forever remember the night as one of the darkest of his life. And he had many dark nights to remember.

"Please, Angel?" The terror was clear in his voice. Not terror at the night's events, which was a bit odd considering the massacre going on above them, but terror at the possibility that the woman would die if nothing was done and that he could do nothing to save her. "Look at her. You wouldn't even have to bite her. You could just kind of suck at her neck." Blood seeped out at an alarming rate, forcing Xander to beg his now-former enemy for help. "Buffy said it's a sucking thing. So you suck her blood, then maybe she'll be able to suck yours, and then she'll be better, right? Please? I don't know what I'll do if…"

Shoulders slumping, Angel quickly considered his options. Xander knew full well what happened when someone became a vampire. You don't just get better. Angel dimly recalled another time that someone else -- dying in a slow and painful manner -- had gone to a vampire to seek help. He could refuse this plea, thereby saving the world the pain of enduring another vampire. Or he could let her die. Which guilt would you like tonight? The knowledge that he allowed this girl -- woman, really; now that he considered everything she had done for the rest of the group, he realized that she could not be considered a child -- to die, or the knowledge that he unleashed another killer on the world? Of course, new fledglings don't just automatically come to life immediately after the exchange of blood, so he would have a bit time to make certain arrangements. He still had the chains at the mansion used on, well, just about everyone. If the blood exchange happened now, he would still have time to take Cordelia to the mansion and chain her up before the demon came forth. Then he would talk to Giles and get his advice. At that point, they could decide what to do -- keep her captive, stake her, try Willow's soul restoration spell So many options, not enough time to decide. One thing was clear: The pain in Xander's eyes caused by Cordelia's situation -- once again, on the edge of death, caused by him, like so many months ago at the factory -- was real. And so was the pain in Angel's stomach. He just wasn't sure what was causing his pain.

"Okay. But I'm taking her back to the mansion so I can watch her until she wakes up. And you can't come with us." The last thing he needed was a despondent youth allowing himself to be attacked by his former girlfriend-turned-vampire out of guilt.

Xander's response was to turn around and walk away. For a moment, the vampire thought the human was going to run out or grab a stake or something similarly impulsive, but the youth simply walked over to the wall and slumped against it, as if he would crumple to the ground without the support. "Thank you," he whispered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the exchange was made, carrying Cordelia's body back to the mansion to wait out the change, Angel had time to reflect on the events of a similar night two years ago. At that time, the body in question was Buffy's, and the only person who could save her was Xander. In that instant that felt like three lifetimes, his mortality was a gift. Angel knew what it was like to watch an enemy -- on your side, to be sure, but still a rival -- save the life of the person you loved. He decided that the plan that seemed so *right* just thirty minutes ago would not be acceptable. He had to go back to Xander and make sure that he didn't kill himself out of guilt and grief. A quick call to Giles to explain Cordelia's presence at the mansion, and he was on his way back to the place he felt that he was truly needed.

Gingerly making his way back through the rubble that used to be the school's basement, he finally found what he had been searching for. He watched the gentle rise and fall of Xander's shoulders. Only two things could be happening at that moment -- crying or sleeping. Somehow, sleeping did not seem to be an option. Angel sat down quietly next to the smaller man, stroking his back in what was intended to be a soothing manner. "Shh, everything is okay." It was funny how things were turning out. He had imagined this evening would end with tearful goodbyes with Buffy. He had to get away from her. Things were just not right for so many reasons.

"Angel, I really did love her." The voice was small, filled with awe and wonder, as if this was something he just realized. "And now she's gone. And it's all my fault."

What should be the response? Agreeing with the first two statements but disagreeing with the third? Telling him some soothing story about how Giles had everything under control? The truth? He went for option d, none of the above.

He wrapped his arms around Xander, gently stroking his head and back as he would a small child. "It's okay, Xander. Really, it is. You're safe, and that's all that matters." As he uttered the words, he realized that he wasn't lying. It really *was* all that mattered. Xander was alive and well. He may be heartbroken at the loss of Cordelia, but he wasn't dead.

In that instant, Angel suddenly realized what had flashed through his mind two years ago as he watched Xander administer rescue breathing to Buffy, saving her life so she could march off and save the world yet again. It wasn't Xander's ability to save Buffy that he had been jealous of. It was Buffy's need to have Xander save her.

And now here they were, places reversed. The least he could do now is be there for Xander while he cried through the night. At least Angel's presence would prevent any rash actions on Xander's part.

And so they remained where they were, the smaller man tangled in the arms of the larger man, deep in their own separate thoughts, drifting in and out of sleep as exhaustion reared its head, until Willow picked her way through the chunks of cement that used to be a building. She smiled at the sight -- Xander with his head resting on Angel's chest, Angel's hands resting on Xander's back and head as if he was holding his own infant son, both sound asleep. She wanted to walk away and let them finish the night in peace -- anyone who survived that ordeal deserved the rest -- but she was under orders from Giles to deliver the news about Cordelia. Besides, as they had proven time and time again, even if the world was supposed to end tonight, they would always have tomorrow. "Hey there, sleepy guys. I have news for you."

~~~~ the end ~~~~