Title: Shattered

Author: Caliadragon

Category: AU

Rating: PG 13

Fandom: Buffy

Pairing: Mentions of Xander/Larry, Xander/Anya, Xander/Oz

Warnings: None really, though there is mention of rape

Disclaimer: They're all mine; and if you believe that I have ocean front property in Oklahoma I'll be glad to part with for a reasonable price.

Summary: Xander has a private talk with an old friend, but it's not as private as he thought.

AN: This is an AU people. The defeat of the First happened differently in this universe.

Thanks to Edi for the beta.

Shattered
by Caliadragon

Shattered, broken, left to mourn
Empty heart, ripped apart
It's easy to see
Loving you will be the death of me

My friends all mourn the man
I used to be
I scream in the rain
And cry in the sun

I'm going crazy
I guess that's easy to see
But they're not living with
The knowledge you'll never fill me

Shattered, broken, left to mourn
Empty heart, ripped apart
It's easy to see
Loving you will be the death of me

I wish I could kiss you
One last time,
Tell you I love you
One last time

Shattered, broken, left to mourn
Empty heart, ripped apart
I'ts easy to see
That loving you will be the death of me

Xander sang the song not realizing that he was being watched, or that his words were touching a heart shattered nearly beyond repair. Or the other two that watched and hungered for the one they could never think to have. He didn't see the friends he thought he had lost or the guilt in pretty, green eyes.

However, the biggest danger was in the two vampires that hungered for him. One cursed with a soul that was merged with the demon that lived within him. One who was only held back by a bit of technology.

Xander finished singing and stood slowly. His audience realized he held a single white rose in his hands. As they watched he leaned over and placed the bloom on the grave in front of him. "Happy Birthday, Larry. I miss you. Things haven't really changed since the last time I came by. We beat the First. Angel and his crew came in and helped us kill the bitch. Tall, dark and pretending to be broody saved my ass again. Kinda hard to hate a guy who continually saves your life. My friends still aren't talking to me. Buffy's still pissed that I didn't keep Dawn away from the final battle. As if she could hate me more than I hate myself. Dawn's doing better now. She's walking, and the doctors say she can leave the hospital in a couple of days. Anya left town; at least this time she waited until after the apocalypse. I miss her, she was the only friend I really had left.

I never told anyone that we were never really lovers. Anya got too much fun out of teasing them about our so-called sex life. Guess it's better that way. I don't have to explain that I can't imagine having sex with anyone after being raped by a vampire and a slayer. That would come off real manly, wouldn't it?

I miss you, Larry. I miss your friendship and I miss the fact that you were the only person that gave a damn about me. Since high school and the whole kissing Willow thing, I haven't had anyone to hold. God, I'm pathetic. I...I hope you're happy in heaven. I know you're there, no matter what the religious fanatics say. I love you."

Xander stepped over the grave and walked off into the night. The watchers were stunned by what they had heard. Buffy felt her heart clench and tears welled up in her eyes. What had she done to Xander?

*