Title: Still Haunted

by Cassy

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC17

Disclaimer: Still not mine, but I'm trying!

Feedback: Yes please!

A/N: Once again, thanks to Alex for the super beta!

**This is partially in apology for the latest chapter of Quantum Xander. Sorry!**

Still Haunted

by Cassy

In his dreams he is still haunted. Every night since the night it happened he relives the entire thing. He can feel those soft, cool lips on his own, the slide of the silky skin against him as they tumble to the mattress. He tries to deny it, to suppress his desire for the snarky blonde vampire. It doesn't work.

Every night he remembers the feel of sliding into that snug, soft channel, burying himself in Spike's body again and again. He can still taste the vampire's skin, still hear the way he sounded - the way he begged - while he tongued him. He longs to make him sound that way again, when it is him and Spike - not two spirits who had temporarily possessed them.

He remembers blue eyes staring into his own, the way it felt to be stretched and filled and taken. He wants to feel that again - he needs to, and he does, every night in his dreams.

He finds himself daydreaming about him, as well. He closes his eyes at work and sees yellow-flecked eyes filled with lust and longing. Knows that it's Spike looking at him now, the spirits having abandoned them in these final moments. Hears himself saying, "don't stop," feels the cool length of the vampire's cock push into him again and again. He remembers the way Spike kissed him. Soft, sweet, and filled with something that made his knees weak and his dick hard.

He has to hide his hard-on under baggy trousers and long work shirts. Sometimes he has to go into the men's room and relieve himself. But it's always a cool hand in his mind that touches him. Longer, thinner, softer fingers that wrap around his aching flesh. It's always Spike that brings him to completion.

Xander thinks he's losing his mind. He's not sure if that's such a bad thing these days. Everything else is crazy, so why shouldn't he be crazy as well?

On the way home from work, almost every night, he finds himself turning down Bathurst Drive and stopping in front of the house. A few times he's gotten out of the car and gone up to the front door but he's never gone inside. He's always come back to his senses before that and headed home. He's thankful that Spike has been staying in Buffy's basement. He knows he couldn't share a place with him right now. Not with the dreams he's been having.

He still has a scar on his throat. It's not very noticeable if you don't know it is there. But Xander does; he knows it's there, and he has to stop himself from touching it. He had to wear high collared shirts and ties for a week after that night. He doesn't need to hide it anymore, and sometimes, he thinks he can feel Spike's eyes on him. Staring at his neck, at his scar. It makes him hard and he has to leave the room.

Tonight he skipped out of work early. He was supposed to go to Buffy's place - big Scoobie meeting - but instead he wound up back at the house on Bathurst Drive.

Just as Xander was about to step out of his car he saw someone approaching in the newly darkened street. He squinted his eyes and strained to make out the person?s features. He smiled. Blonde hair and leather coat over red silk shirt. Black jeans and t-shirt. Spike.

He watched as the vampire came to a stop in front of the house and looked up at the window to the master bedroom. Xander looked up, too. He wondered if Spike was remembering what had happened between them, as well. Not what the spirits had done with their bodies, but what they had done of their own free will.

Xander was so lost in his own recollections that he almost missed the sight of Spike entering the house. He opened his car door and stumbled out onto the street. After locking his car, he walked on shaky legs up to the front door and turned the handle.

The door stood open and Xander peered into the darkness. He wasn't sure why tonight was different - why he was actually going to go inside tonight when every other time he had been here he'd turned and walked away.

That was a lie. He knew why he was doing this tonight. Spike was here. Inside the house. Spike was inside and Xander wanted him - felt drawn to him, maybe just felt for him, period. That was why he was slowly creeping up the stairs. Why he was walking down the hall toward the master bedroom. It was why he was opening the door and stepping into the room.

The vampire was draped across the bed on his belly. He was completely naked and looking at Xander like it was the most natural thing in the world. The man had haunted him every day as he slept. It was all he could do to keep away from him whenever Xander showed up at the slayer?s for meetings or patrol. He had followed him one night after he'd left the slayers. He had been pleasantly surprised to find himself being led to this place. Spike had come back almost every night since, waiting for Xander to gather the courage to come inside.

"'Ello, pet."

"Jesus! Spike!"

"Nope. Not even close. So Xan, took you long enough. I've been waiting for weeks now."

Xander looked at the vampire with confusion.

"B-but I just saw you come in?"

Spike smiled. A real genuine smile.

"Not what I meant, git. I've been by here pretty much every night. I've seen you standing out there, looking up at the window. I know what you want, Xander. I want it too. I want you."

Xander moaned low in his throat and stood frozen in place as Spike rose to his feet and stalked toward him. He couldn't help but tremble as those same cool hands he'd been dreaming about reached out for him and began to unbutton his shirt. He toed off his shoes and stepped out of his jeans as the vampire lowered them down his legs.

Spike could smell the man's arousal thick in the air. It wasn't the first time he'd smelled it since the night they had sex. Every time they were in a room together, he could smell it. It wasn't one-way either; just one look at his mark on Xander's throat and he was hard. Christ, he wanted him.

Naked, they stood before each other. Spike took a moment to appreciate the beauty of the man in front of him; the demon in him wanted nothing more than to throw him down and bury both cock and fangs into his warm, soft flesh. But the soul wanted words. William needed to hear that he was wanted, desired.

"Xander?"

"Gods, Spike. You look ... "

Xander reached out and tentatively touched Spike's chest. His index finger scraped across a taut nipple causing the vampire to moan and arch into the contact.

"... beautiful."

The vampire smiled again and stepped closer, Xander's hand still on his chest. He cupped the back of the human's neck and brought their mouths together - gently, softly - and kissed him.

"Do you want me?"

"Yes, I want you, Spike."

"Would you call me Wil?"

"If you want me to."

"I do."

"Okay. I want you, Wil."

They kissed again and slowly made their way to the bed. Spike laid Xander down gently and covered his body with his own. He kissed his mouth, his chin, and then spent several minutes mapping out his throat with lips and tongue. Spike kissed his way up to Xander's ear and nibbled on the soft lobe before whispering to him.

"How do you want to do this love? Top or bottom?"

Xander responded by rolling them both over until the vampire was under him. He looked into cool blue eyes and blushed a bit at what he was about to say.

"I-I want to ... Do you remember ... I mean, when the spirits ... "

Spike chuckled and kissed the flustered human.

"I remember all of it, Xander. What is it you want, love? Wasn't a thing that I didn't enjoy."

Xander took a deep breath and lowered his eyes before speaking.

"That thing, with my tongue. You know...?"

"Ah, that. You liked that?"

Xander continued to blush but nodded. Spike lifted the man's chin so he could look him in the eyes.

"I liked that, too."

Xander smiled then. He relaxed his stiff posture and rested against the cool, hard body of the man beneath him for a minute before lifting his head and kissing him soundly. Spike closed his eyes and melted into the kiss. He had been dreaming about warm, full lips. About a soft, probing tongue. He remembered this part so well. Being kissed by Xander was like being worshipped by a god.

Xander reluctantly tore his mouth away from Spike's. He drew in a few much-needed breaths and kissed his way down the smooth skin of the vampire's throat. He nibbled his way across prominent collarbones and then suckled briefly at each nipple until they were stiff little peaks.

Xander shifted down the bed; he dipped his tongue into Spike's navel and mimicked the act of sex. The blonde growled and Xander could tell he had shifted to his true face. He pulled up to catch a glimpse of yellow eyes and sharp teeth before bending lower and licking across the swollen crown of the vampire's cock.

Spike gripped the sheets and willed himself to not thrust into the boy's warm mouth. He knew that Xander had other plans; not that he was complaining about getting a rimming, but he really wanted those lips on his cock.

Xander licked a path down the large vein on the underside of Spike's cock to his balls. He took each one into his mouth and sucked gently. He was gratified by the squeak the vampire let loose. It gave him the needed incentive to continue. He parted Spike's legs further and bent them up toward the blonde's chest.

"Hold yourself open for me, Wil."

Spike groaned in desire and hooked his arms under his knees. He could hear the desire in Xander's voice; and hearing his name, his true name on Xander's lips was making him even more aroused.

"Please, Xander."

"Shh, Wil. Just a minute."

Xander looked at the tiny pink pucker just inches from his face and marvelled at the fact that he had had his cock inside there. He blew across it and smiled as Spike moaned and tried to thrust his ass toward him. He gave into the desire that had been plaguing him for weeks and licked the wrinkled skin lightly.

Spike made happy noises and Xander licked his lips. He leaned in and began to rim the vampire in earnest. He couldn't believe how turned on he was getting by doing this, but the way Spike moaned and thrashed was really making him hot. He grabbed the vampire's hips and pushed his tongue in as far as it would go and wriggled it around. Spike howled and grabbed handfuls of his hair.

"Fuck! Again, Xander. Do it again!"

Xander obliged him and felt Spike shudder all over. He knew that he was doing something right because after a few more seconds of this, the vampire froze and then his inner walls were clamping around his tongue as Spike screamed out his name. Xander pulled his tongue out slowly and looked up to see that that vampire had climaxed. Xander was pretty impressed with himself. By the look on Spike's face, the demon was impressed as well.

"Bloody hell! You sure you've never done that before?"

Xander shook his head and smiled. He then looked down at his still erect penis, looked at Spike's slick open hole and then raised a questioning look to the vampire's face.

"Wanna fuck me, Xander?"

The smirk on Spike's face did little to hide the heat and lust that blossomed in his eyes. Xander crawled up over him and kissed him aggressively. He swept his tongue inside the vampire's mouth and then caught his lower lip between his teeth and bit down gently.

"No. I don't want to fuck you. I want to make love to you, Wil. Can I?"

Spike gasped at the truth of Xander's words. No one had ever wanted to make love to him. He had been fucked in every way you could think of, consensual or otherwise, but never had he been made love to. He wanted to know what it felt like to be made love to. He wondered if he'd be able to tell the difference.

"Yes. Yes Xander, you can."

"Thank you."

Spike was still feeling tremors from the intense orgasm he'd just experienced. In over a hundred years of existence, he'd never had a rimming like that. No one had ever made cum from just rimming him. Then again, he'd spent most of his time with women, and they weren't all that into the idea of it. Dru had tried it a time or two, but she much preferred to be on the receiving end of oral pleasure.

Xander dipped his fingers into the puddle of semen on Spike's chest and slipped them into his opening. Once he was sure that Spike was slick enough, he used the rest of the vampire's cum to slick himself before pressing the head of his cock into Spike's body. Both men groaned at the sensation. Xander bent down and kissed Spike's lips as he slid home.

This was different than anything the vampire had ever felt. It wasn't the hard, frantic fucking he was used to. Xander was taking his time, making sure he had the right angle to stimulate his prostate. He was kissing him and touching him with gentle hands. He could hear soft words in his ear, telling him how good he felt, how beautiful Xander thought he was.

When a warm, work-rough hand wrapped around his cock and began to stroke him, Spike lost the battle to hold off his orgasm. He spilled himself across their bellies as Xander's hot seed filled him.

This was the part he always hated. When the sex was over and his usefulness had run its bounds. Now would be when his lover would pull away from him. They always did - Angelus had merely used and discarded him like so much trash; Drusilla never wanted to cuddle afterwards. She would always leave the bed in search of "Daddy", even decades after he had left them. Harmony wanted to cuddle, but she didn't count. Spike could hardly stand her; she was just one step up from masturbation. And Buffy; she never stuck around. Hell, she left as soon as she got her rocks off, whether he was finished or not.

So Spike was shocked and surprised when Xander gently pulled out of him and then rolled them so that Spike was lying beside him, pressed tightly into his side, head resting on his chest. Even more surprising was the hand that came up to card through his hair, and the kiss that was pressed to his head. The vampire remained tense, waiting for the moment when the human would push him away.

"Wil? You okay?"

"M'fine."

A few more minutes passed in silence and Spike gradually began to relax. He wasn't sure about what was happening here. It was uncharted territory for him. Just as he thought he might actually fall asleep in Xander's arms he felt the man shift and start to move away. He called himself a fool and abruptly rolled away from Xander and sat up.

Warm hands gently massaged his shoulders and then soft lips fastened themselves to the back of his neck. Spike couldn't help but moan; his neck was extremely sensitive.

"What's wrong, Wil?"

Spike sighed. He didn't know how to answer this without sounding like a complete nonce.

"You pulled away from me."

"No, I was sitting up. I didn't think falling asleep in a haunted house was a very good idea. I wasn't pulling away from you."

"Oh."

Xander chuckled and got out of the bed. He walked around until he was in front of Spike and dropped to his knees on the floor. He looked up into the vampire's eyes and smiled at the confusion he found there. He looked so much like an innocent, he could almost forget that Spike had spent a century maiming and killing people. One act of kindness, and the vampire was lost.

"Hasn't anyone ever held you after making love?"

Spike shook his head and mumbled something Xander almost didn't hear.

"No one's ever made love to me, let alone held me afterwards."

Xander stood up and pulled Spike to his feet. He gathered the blonde into his arms and held him for a minute.

"Well, I hope you don't mind it, because I'm a big cuddler."

"Yeah?"

The blonde looked up at him and Xander could see the conflicting emotions in his eyes; hope, suspicion, longing, fear.

"Yeah. Let's go home. I want to hold you some more and I don't want to do it here."

"Home?"

"Yeah, if you want it to be."

Spike gave him a shy smile and started dressing. Xander pulled his clothes on, as well. They held hands on the drive back to the apartment and were still holding hands as they stepped inside. Xander closed the door and pulled Spike into his arms.

"Welcome home, Wil."

Spike smiled and closed his eyes. This was what he'd been looking for, for over a century. And to think it took a haunted house and being possessed to finally find it. Only in Sunnydale.

THE END