Title: Strategies Of Attack

Author: Xandria

Rating: NC17+ eventually

Fandom: Buffy / Hercules / Xena Crossover

Spoilers: None

Summary: Summary: Buffy and the Scooby gang stop Ethan casting a spell. Xander grabs the crystal used to initiate the ritual and is transported back in time to ancient Greece. He tries to find a way home and is taught by Ares to fight. this is a crossover between Buffy and Hercules the Legendary journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess. I started thinking about how talented Xander is at the army stuff and I also wanted to see two of my favourite guys together. Xander and Joxer. Of course, Strife playing a part in this along with Ares is an added bonus.

Feedback: Yeah baby!

Archive: Yes. Let me know Where though so I can go look

Notes: In Buffy it is after the third season and before the fourth. None of the gang have left to go on their various summer vacations yet and are all there. In the Herc/Xenaverse it is just before Callisto kills Strife with the Hindsblood dagger.

Notes 2: Ares/Joxer and Xander/Strife

Disclaimers: Other people own them all (Sob!) They ain't mine, they were never mine, but the plot is mine and if you try to rip it off I will send my attack squad of rabid teddybears and my flock of Outer Mongolian Vampire Skunks after you!

Date: 20/01/00

By Xandria

Sunnydale 1999 AD

They were all gathered in one of Sunnydales graveyards fighting Ethan. He had turned up in Sunnydale just after graduation and broken into Gile's house. He'd taken an old Watchers diary, and a box of books and occult artefacts recently sent to the former Watcher by the Watcher's Council.

The dark sorcerer had then allied himself with the remnants of the gang of vampires who had joined the Mayor. They held the Scooby gang back while Ethan chanted a ritual and waved a large purple crystal in the air. Ethan wore thick metallic gloves while doing so and the crystal left purple lines in the air behind it as it was moved. Just as he finished chanting the last of the vampires was taken care of.

Xander eagerly leapt forward and grabbed the crystal in his bare hands. Then he yelled in surprise as a purple glow started to cover him. He stared at Ethan as the glow grew brighter. Finally, with a bright flash both Xander and the crystal disappeared.

"That wasn't supposed to happen!" the sorcerer exclaimed. Buffy grabbed him and they all surrounded him angrily.

"Where is he!?"

"I have no idea. Well really, if someone interrupts a ritual like that then what could you expect? He could be anywhen."

"Anywhen?! You were doing the Rite of Chronus?! Why!?" Giles snarled, grabbing the sorcerer from Buffy and shaking him.

"Money and power of course. What else? And such lovely mayhem too."

"What's a Rite of Chronus, Giles?" the Slayer demanded. "Is Xander alright?!"

"It's a time travel spell. It could take him anyplace, any time. But…he belongs here with us! If I had it I would …" Willow said. She stopped when she realised how everyone was staring at her.

"Willow, I thought I told you to be careful."

"I am Giles! I read about it on the Net." She grinned suddenly. "You wouldn't believe some of the Rites they have on there. Last Tuesday I found… I'll be quiet now." She said as Gile's glare intensified. Ethan stared at her until Giles started squeezing his throat.

"Bring him back!"

"I can't, Ripper."

"Can't or won't!"

"Can't! He has the stone remember?!"

"What stone?!"

"Remember the big purple stone I used? It was a Chronus crystal." Giles threw him down on the ground in disgust.

"Didn't you have a back up of some sort? What kind of idiot are you!?"

"That's why the gloves, Ripper. And the open air."

"Giles, can we get Xander back at all?"

"I don't know, Buffy. I have no idea at all." He said, glaring at Ethan as he started to laugh.

"This is what I love about the Hellmouth. Unexpected Chaos!"

"Giles, what are we going to do with him?" Willow asked.

"Oh, the Watcher's Council has been wanting to speak to him for some time now." Ethan stopped laughing abruptly.

"Ripper…"

"This is one thing I agree with them about."

"But what about Xander?!" Buffy almost wailed.

"He's fine. More than." A new voice said unexpectedly. They all turned around in surprise, including Ethan. It belonged to a tall young man with dark hair that stood up as if he had been shocked and skin paler than a vampire's. He wore a black leather outfit with silver studs and zippers placed at random all over. And he was cleaning his nails with a large knife. Buffy began to stalk towards him.

"Who are you and what have you done with Xander?!" She demanded. He looked at her with a great deal of amusement and smirked, his blue eyes glowing.

"Ya know, you remind me of one of my uncles. Hit first and get the details later. And hey! He won the bet! Xan said you'd say something like that. I said nah, you'd ask if he was alright, was safe first."

"Well is he!?" Giles exclaimed

"Course he is, dude." The young man turned around and began to walk away.

"Wait! Where is he?!"

"Don't you mean when?" The young man laughed. Than he suddenly wasn't there.

"Marvelous!" Ethan exclaimed. Giles turned around to look at him and smiled suddenly. Walking up to the dark sorcerer he swung his fist and knocked him unconscious.

"That's better" Giles said. His young companions stared at him and then at Ethan's body.

"Huh" Oz said, his first and only contribution to the conversation. Buffy hoisted the body onto her shoulders as they all prepared to go.

"No need to bother, we'll take him off your hands, Slayer" The leader of a large group of vampires that had surrounded them said.

Buffy immediately dumped Ethan onto the ground and threw a stake at the vampire, dusting him. The other vampires stared at where he had been as the rest of the Scooby gang began to move.

Willow levitated a stake and sent it flying through the air after various vampires as Giles lifted up his crossbow. Buffy started to demonstrate her Slayer abilities as she fought two vampires at once while Oz moved in and staked where he could.

Slowly the Scooby gang began to retreat, moving away from Ethan's body as they sought a more defensible position. As they backed into each other one group pressed in on them while another made off with the sorcerer.

Suddenly the vampires surrounding them began to disappear as they were dusted by silver daggers that were unexpectedly flying through the air. The person who threw them jumped in with a yell, wielding a sword that was able to dust several more vampires. The rest of the group, being attacked still by the Scooby Gang as well, fled, leaving them to stare at their rescuer.

He was tall, with dark shoulder length hair that was tied back to reveal an earring in his right ear, and had a slight beard. He bent over the ground as if looking for something and exclaimed something as he picked up a dagger before hiding it on his body. That's when they realised it was Xander. A taller Xander with broader shoulders. He wore black leather pants and boots, and a black velvet shirt. As well as the earring, he wore a silver pendant around his neck, both with the same symbol. A sword with a spider on the pommel.

Ancient Greece BC sometime

Callisto, Ares and Strife were in the War God's Hall discussing the dagger. The mad woman turned towards Strife and began to move the Hind's Blood dagger.

"How do I know this will work?" She held the dagger up and began to thrust it at the startled God of Mischief. Then Xander appeared in a purple flash, causing Callisto to stagger back. With a shriek of fury she rushed towards both of the younger men, aiming the dagger towards Strife still. Xander yelled and tackled Strife just as she was about to stab him and the two men rolled over in a tangle of limbs.

Ares in the meantime threw a fireball at Callisto, and she turned on him with another shriek of fury. He hit her with another one as she laughed and made up one of her own and threw it back before disappearing. Ares roared and disappeared as well, looking for her. Xander, who had been trying to untangle himself from Strife, froze in astonishment as he stared after them.

"And here I thought it was gonna be a boring day." Strife giggled.

"Me too. Hey, this is cozy and all, but I need to stand up."

"Oh! Sorry!" Xander quickly got up, blushing. Strife stood and stretched, yawning.

"Thanks for the save, I don't want to see my other uncle for quite a while."

"What's with Bondage Barbie anyway?' Strife giggled again.

"She's nuts! But Unc' thinks she'll get the job done. Hey, who are you anyway?"

"I'm Xander. Um, where is this place?" he said, waving the Chronus crystal about.

"Unc's place. Oh yeah, I'm Strife."

"And I thought my parents were bad."

"My Mom's a freak, but I don't' know about my Dad cause I don't know him"

"If he's like mine, you ain't missing anything anyway. Anyway, I meant what state am I in"

"Um, I dunno, you look pretty good to me." Strife leered and Xander blushed again.

"Hey! That's not what I meant! I wanna know where I am so I can get home, ya know? I'm gonna have to call and borrow some money if it's too far." Xander scowled.

"Okay. This is Ares hall in Thebes. But who ya gonna call?"

"Gee, I don't know, but not Ghostbusters." Xander began to walk away, frustrated. Strife hurried after him and grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"Hey wait, where are you going?"

"To find a phone." Xander tried to shake him off but when he couldn't glared at the God. He opened his mouth to say something else just as Callisto reappeared right in front of them. She laughed and threw a fireball at them and they screamed as the flames washed over them. Both threw up their arms and the fire passed over them. Strife huddled into it and endured, knowing it would soon end. Xander screamed in agony and disappeared in a bright purple flash of light.

A river somewhere, near Corinth.

Joxer the Mighty sighed and stared at the water gloomily. Xena and Gabrielle had left him alone again, telling him bluntly to leave them alone for a while.

//It's not as if I want much. Just to hang around and pick up a few pointers on being a hero. It seems as if my times with them just gets shorter and shorter.//

"I wish I had some one to talk to for a while." He muttered. Suddenly there was a loud splash and he was drenched with water. He spluttered and realised that someone was in the river, and screaming. He tossed off his armour and dived in. Joxer was never good on the land but very good in the water, almost as if he should have been born there instead.

He reached the spot he had heard the scream and saw nothing, so dived. There was someone there underwater, so he grabbed them and pulled them back to land. The stranger began to sit up water then began coughing before passing out suddenly. Joxer stared at him and began to haul him to his campsite, tripping over and falling on the body once or twice before reaching it.

Once he got there he had a closer look at the stranger. It was a young man wearing strange clothes and clutching a large purple stone. He found a couple of blanket and wrapped one around himself, hanging his clothes up. Then he took the other blanket and began to pull off the boy's clothes, when he woke up suddenly. He yelled and scrambled back from the warrior.

"Hey it's alright. I was only going to dry you off, nothing else. You were in the water and I got you out." The boy stared at him warily for a moment before speaking.

"Okay, now this is definitely weird. First Ethan, then Bondage Barbie and Zipper lad, now this. Where am I now?"

"Um, near Corinth. Greece?"

"Oh man, how am I gonna get home from this?! Giles is gonna kill me. But I had to grab the crystal, didn't I? Trying to prove myself and mucking it up. Why bother?"

"They must be good friends if you want to try so much.'

"Huh? Yeah. Oh, thanks for saving me. Umm, could I have that blanket?" Joxer handed it to him and Xander went behind a bush to get his clothes off, hanging them up on a bush to dry. Joxer stared at them in wonder for a moment.

"So how did you end up in the water? My name is Joxer, by the way."

"I'm Xander, and I have no idea. I just seem to be doing the Star Trek thing today." He said, waving the crystal around.

"Star Trek?"

"The TV show? C'mon, surely even Greece has heard of Star Trek?"

"No. What's a television show?"

"Oh boy. Look, when my clothes are dry could you tell me where the nearest town is? I'd better find a phone as soon as possible."

"I guess its Corinth. What's a phone?"

"Wonderful." Xander said, clutching his head. He opened his mouth then shut it when two other men suddenly appeared. One was a large man with light brown hair and the other a shorter one with a sunny smile and golden curly hair.

"Joxer. Fall in the water again?"

"Hi Herc, Iolaus. No, I saved Xander's life."

"Sure you did" the blond man said, winking at Xander in disbelief.

"Hey he did! Why would he lie?! He may be a little strange but he did save my life" Xander said. They all looked surprised at that, even Joxer.

"Sorry Joxer. It's just that you do like to tell stories a lot."

"Don't worry Iolaus, I'm used to it."

"What's that?" Hercules said, pointing at the crystal, which Xander had waved at them in anger. Xander looked at it in surprise.

"You know, its funny, but I keep forgetting I have this. It's a Chronus crystal. How did I know that? I didn't before. I grabbed it from a black sorcerer just before things started to go weird. Damn! Now I know why."

Xander hit himself in the forehead muttering stupid.

"A Chronus crystal! Do you know how dangerous those things are?!" Hercules exclaimed.

"No. Hey, I'm just doughnut boy. I get the food while Willow and Giles research, and Buffy's the muscles. I'm just ordinary guy here, helping out.

I thought if I grabbed it off Ethan before he finished his spell it would help. But I don't know if it has. I don't even know if my friends are okay."

"Let me get this straight, Someone was going to use that in a spell and you stopped them?"

"Me and some others. We do that. Buffy does cause its her destiny and we're her friends so we help her. Look, if it's that dangerous, do you know what I should do with it?" Xander said, waving it around again.

"Don't let anyone else touch it. How long have you been doing so?"

"Um, I'm not sure. I grabbed it off Ethan, appeared in this weird hall with Bondage Barbie and Zipper lad, she threw a fireball at me and Zipper lad, then I was suddenly underwater in the river over there and Joxer rescued me.

I didn't know what way was up by then. And now I'm here. A couple of hours, why?"

"Herc, what's going on? What's a Chronus crystal?" The golden hunter interjected.

"There is a cave in which the Chronus stone originally was hidden. It was there for a long time and the crystals that lined the cave became suffused with some of its power. Using a special ritual, the crystal could take the user any place, any time. So when the stone was removed Zeus ordered the crystals destroyed. How did you get a hold of his one?"

"I grabbed it off Ethan. I told you. We fight the bad guys and Ethan's one of those. Look, if it's a bad thing, I don't want it, you take it!" Xander said then, throwing the crystal down at Hercules feet before starting to walk away. Hercules grabbed a hold of him to stop him and Xander flipped him over his shoulder, throwing the hero on the ground. They all stared at him in astonishment.

"I'm sorry are you okay? I don't even know how I remembered to do that. Let alone on a big guy like you!" Xander exclaimed. He went over and easily lifted Hercules up.

"Xander, I think somehow you had better keep the crystal. It's already affected you."

"Is that a bad thing? Cause I think I've had my fair share of that."

"Dad!" Hercules suddenly yelled. Zeus appeared in a flash of white light and smiled at everyone.

"My son. Iolaus. And Joxer too. But who is this ? You look like..."

"Autolycus!" Joxer exclaimed, then blushed when they all turned and stared at him.

"Hey, he does, a little. If you added a beard..." Iolaus said.

"Not Autolycus. Though as a son of Hermes, they are related, of course."

"Auto? And Hermes?" Joxer said.

"Of course. The King of Thieves would be the son of the God of Thieves.

"What are you all talking about? I look like me only! And there's that vamp me in that other world...Okay, but no one else! They're all blondes or redheads in my family!" Xander said, a large scowl on his face.

"Yes, they are. With a very few exceptions" Zeus said.

"How would you know? I mean, you know them?"

"Yes, we are family"

"What?! Another one, Dad?"

"Not one of mine. But I recognise him. Look at him, son. He is family."

"But how? I mean, why?"

"Excuse me, but aren't you old enough to know that already? And sir, I'm sorry, but I am the son of Stephen Harris and Niobe, and that's it, no more. I'm sure someone would have told me if we had relatives that could do the StarTrek thing. And I think we're getting kind of sidetracked here. Hercules asked for you to give you this thing. If it's so dangerous I don't want it, 'cause danger is not me. No, I'm more like scared guy with a rock, or running guy who trips. Why doesn't someone just stop me before I really make a fool of myself?" Xander had been waving the crystal around as he spoke. When he finished he abruptly handed it to the bewildered king of the Gods and sat down on the ground next to Joxer.

"What's your name, boy?"

"Xander, sir"

"And where are you from?"

"Sunnydale. Via this really weird hall and the lake. Joxer saved my life."

"He did? I knew he had it in him,. What was the hall like?"

"There were all sorts of weapons stuck everywhere, and people wearing leather. Bondage Barbie, Zipper lad, and the Big Guy"

"Big Guy?"

"Yeah, almost as big as Hercules. Lots of muscles, black leather, big scowl. Yells a lot. He and Bondage Barbie had a fight just as I got there, just after she tried to kill Zipper Lad."

"Who on earth is Zipper Lad?" Iolaus muttered. A giggle erupted around the clearing then, just before Strife materialized. Iolaus shouted and crouched, prepared for trouble, Hercules sighed, Joxer looked bewildered and Zeus looked impatient. Xander looked at him and then pointed.

"That's him. Zipper Lad."

"Zipper Lad? Ya called me that?!" Strife said as if angry, walking right up to the boy.

"Yeah. Electro Lads taken, and Stud Boys just not right. What else am I gonna call you if you have those things all over, anyway?" Strife stared at him and then giggled.

"You're right! So have you come up with any names for any one else yet?"

"Well…"

"Strife…" Zeus said warningly.

The god of mischief turned around and then kneeled down in front of him and spoke respectfully. "Sorry Granddad. Xander's an interesting guy. And he saved MY LIFE. I came to report that there's a problem. Callisto has the Hinds Blood Dagger. Your.. I mean the plan is stuffed big time. She's gone back in time and is gonna kill Alcmene."

"What! I have to go and save her!"

"You can't, Unc. She's going to a time when she's carryin' you."

"But I have to help. I cant' just let her..."

"I'll go, Herc." Iolaus said.

"but how can you get there? How did Callisto?"

"Two words. Chronus Stone"

"By a strange coincidence, we happen to have a Chronus Crystal. I can send you back in time to save Alcmene, then you can use it to come back when you're done."

"Great. But Dad, what plan was this anyway? I…" the hero's words were cut off by a vortex that unexpectedly opened up and sucked Hercules in before shutting.

"Herc! Herc! Oh Zeus, please, get him out!"

"I will, but you must go and save Alcmene"

Soon Iolaus left and Zeus did too, to leave Xander, Joxer and the god of mischief alone to stare at each other. Strife's face was covered in a large, manic grin as he slowly walked around the two sitting on the ground. Then he knelt down in front of Xander and placed his hands on the blanket covering him.

"Hey! I'm not gay!" Xander yelped and jumped up. Joxer jumped in surprise and fell over, flat on his back.

"Whataya doin'? I ain't gonna hurt ya or nuthing. I just wanna see what you look like."

"You can see enough of me right here." Xander scowled.

"Hey! Now I see who Zeus means." Joxer exclaimed suddenly. Xander turned to say something but before he could, Ares appeared in a flash of red light.

"Strife! I told you to tell Zeus about Callisto. What are you doing here with these…mortals?"

"Hey! Mortal here, not liking your implication!" Xander said. The God of War strode over to the boy and glared down at him. Xander glared back, an identical scowl on his face. Strife giggled and waved a hand.

Xander jumped, distracted, when he found himself wearing clothes instead of a blanket. Black leather pants and boots, topped off with a black leather vest like Ares. The whole outfit was identical to Ares, and both swung in unison to glare at the god of mischief.

"Strife!"

"Sorry Unc, gotta go!" And he left, his giggle echoing around the little clearing Joxer had set up camp in.

Xander and Ares stared at each other.

"So, this is a good look for you, I'm thinking, but could I have my own clothes back?" Ares walked around the boy, staring at him.

"No. But the vest goes. I think this looks better." With a wave of the War Gods hand, Xander was changed again. He still wore the same pants and boots, but a black silk shirt topped them with a sleeveless leather coat on top, and leather braces tied at his wrists. On a sheathe around his waist Xander had a knife, and around his neck a silver pendant, a sword with a spider in the pommel.

"Okay, this is better? Thanks? Do you people just go around clothing strangers at random, or what?" Xander said, folding his arms as he glared at Ares again. Ares stared at him in surprise then began to laugh.

"Well, you've got spirit, anyway. I like that. And can you fight?"

"Umm, yeah? I help Buffy, anyways. We've stopped the world from ending a few times. And I stopped these Zombies from blowing up the school.

I did ask for some help with that but they were all too busy with their own lives. You know, I've helped out so many times and now all they want me to do is get the food. Doughnut Boy, that's me. Not a witch, a slayer, a werewolf or a watcher. Just Ordinary Guy, out to help the best I can. I helped so much, I didn't get a chance to really study for the SATs. And they're going to college while Ordinary Guy sells cones at Wendy's!"

"What's Wendy's" Joxer asked. Ares strolled over and walked around him as well. Then waved his hand so Joxer was dressed too. Joxer wore brown leather and a white shirt identical to Xanders. Ares looked at them thoughtfully and waved his hands again. Both suddenly found themselves wearing shoulder length hair.

"Okay, what's with the dressing up?"

"As my student, you'll dress the way I say. And one that will not make you or anyone else look a fool."

"Hey! You're not the God of me! Actually, who is the God of me? Would I have one if I come from the future?"

"You do. I am your God. And your father."

"This isn't some StarWars thing where we end up fighting and you cut off my hand is it? And hey! What about Joxer?"

"He is too."

"I'm your son?"

"No you idiot! You are both my students. Xander because he's my son. Joxer because its obvious Xena is not going to train you properly and someone has to before you get yourself killed!"

"Oh Ares, That's real nice…'

"Nice?! I don't do nice! I'm War! There's nothing nice about it! But you were dedicated to me by your father as a child. Its time I did something about you. And you saved my son's life, too."

"If you don't do nice why bother with me just because you say I'm your son?" Ares stared at him.

"There is no other reason. As my son I must make sure you are able you are able to survive in the world. I wouldn't put a child through what my parents did."

"So your childhood sucked? Mine too. It's not as if my parents were any good to me. One reason I helped Buffy a lot was because it was better fighting vampires and demons outside at night then staying in and facing them!"

"I told you, I am you father!" Ares said, glaring at the boy. Xander glared back.

"So where were you when I needed you? When I was being hit? When I slept outside at night because it was safer out there with the demons. Where were you when Stephen and Rory Harris wanted me!" Xander turned around and sat down, hugging his knees.

Ares moved around and knelt down in front of him "I didn't know where you were! You mother and I loved each other. You were born and I was so happy. A son! But I was also sad, because your mother died in childbirth. I named you Alexander after the warrior. I had to direct a war, so I left you in Hera's care. When I came back you were gone. Mother said it was best you were raised elsewhere as you was only a half mortal. I never knew where she sent you."

Xander looked up at Ares. "So how do you know I'm your son?"

"When you were born I imprinted your essence, I linked to you so I could be there if you were in danger. It's still there. I felt it go, but not break, so I knew you were alive, but out of reach."

Xander reached out and lightly touched his face.

"Okay. I don't know how to get home and I'm not sure it ever was one anyway. Actually, I've always liked reading about wars, as a kid I used to play being a soldier."

"This is so beautiful." Xander jumped, he'd forgotten Joxer was there.

He turned to look at him. Joxer had tears in his eyes as he pulled out a piece of cloth and noisily blew his nose. Ares rolled his eyes and Xander grinned at him.

"So what do we do first?"

"I want to see what you can do. Then, I am going to put you in the care of Strife, while I take care of Joxer."

"You…you're going to teach me personally?" Ares stood up and went over to him, smiling down at him as he invaded his space.

"There's a lot I want to teach you, Joxer." Ares put his arm around his waist.

Xander shut his eyes. "Okay, now that gives me the wiggins."

The God of War turned to look at his son. "What?! How else can I move the mortal without touching him?! Strife!" Ares yelled, and his nephew reappeared.

"Hey Unc. Whassup? Hey, nice threads." He leered at Xander and Joxer, giggling when Xander crossed his eyes at him and stuck out his tongue.

Ares glared at them both.

"We're going back to my Hall. I want you to take Xander while I take Joxer."

"Okay. Hey, can't he just take himself?"

"No he can't. He was a mortal until touching the Chronus Crystal. They say it can give godhood to mortal descendants of ours, but I don't know yet. It might just be the crystal. Whether he is or isn't, he could get hurt without learning how to do it properly."

"Fine."

"I might be able to appear and disappear anywhere?"

"Sure."

"Wow. Into Buffy's closet, to watch her get dressed. Or Angel's to…wait! Deadboy?! No, not him, don't like Deadboy, not all."

"Hey Xander, do I hear denial?." He glared at Strife.

"Not!"

"Denial!" Strife sang. Xander glared and bunched his fists up.

"Not!"

"If you don't mind, lets just go shall we!" Ares glared at them both. Strife suddenly grabbed Xander, who yelped in surprise and they both disappeared.

"I don't know, Ares, it sounded like denial to me, too."

"Probably." They disappeared, only the sound of Joxer's voice remaining in the clearing. "Who's Deadboy anyway?"

Two weeks later Ares and Joxer were sparring with a sword while Strife was showing Xander how to throw a dagger. For some reason he felt the best way to do so was by holding Xander from behind and having Xander mirror his movements.

"I think I got it now."

"Okay then, try it."

"Could you let go first?"

"Why? If you do it wrong I need to feel what you're doing wrong."

"I just want to see if I can get it this time without you." Strife smirked and let go. Xander lifted up the dagger, took aim, and threw. It hit the target dead on. The boy jumped up and down, whooping.

"I did it! By myself!" He hugged Strife and jumped up and down some more. Strife held on and his grip tightened as he moved his head down…

"Strife!" Both young men jumped apart from each other and looked at the War God.

"Unc?"

"Why don't you two go out for the night, celebrate?"

"Hey, you want to come with?"

"No. Joxer and I have other things to do." Xander, about to say something else, yelped in surprise as Strife grabbed him and they disappeared. They reappeared in a marketplace, behind a food stall.

"Hey Xan, when Unc says go, ya do it right away. Otherwise he might change his mind and decide to give you another job. Me, I need a break. I'm not only training you and the Mighty One, but I still have to get my other duties done too."

"I'm sorry it's…"

"Hey, don't be sorry 'Cuz. It's been fun."

"I just realized, how come you're teaching Joxer a different way?" Strife smirked at him and they began to walk around the market, looking at various stalls.

"It's more fun that way. And I wouldn't dare anyway."

"What?"

"Jox may not know it yet, but he belongs to Unc. I may be crazy, but not enough to get between him and his property.

"Hey! He's not property! Wait a minute, if you think that means I'm available for you to…"

"I'm just having a little fun here, no harm done."

"I thought you were interested in Feather Boy any way."

"What? Cupie? You gotta be kidding me!" Strife stopped and turned to glare at his cousin.

"Oh wait, do I hear a little denial?" Xander smirked at him. The God of Mischief glared at him.

"No, it's not denial! So what if he's got a really hot bod! And smile! And those Wings!"

"I can see it, ya know? Feather boy and Zipper boy, meant to be! Hey, gods can get pregnant can't they? Wouldn't you like to have his baby? Or have him bear yours?" Strife halted for a minute and he smiled, his eyes glazing over.

"Yeah, that would be…Wait a minute! I don't have a crush on Cupie!" He yelled, drawing attention from everybody around them.

"Okay."

"And I am not…What?!"

"I said okay. Ya don't have a crush on Feather Boy. Sure. I believe you."

"Aargh!" Strife screamed and jumped on Xander. He smirked and flipped the angry god over his shoulder, into a food stall. Strife stood up, crushed tomatoes oozing down his body as he stalked towards the laughing boy. He leapt again and Xander rolled under him as they punched and kicked each other. People leapt out of the way and some one began taking bets on the outcome as they crashed into people and stalls.

Xander and Strife were having a really good time fighting each other, as neither one could reaslly get hurt. Then a pair of hands reached down and pulled them apart.

"Hey, what did you do that for?!" Xander glared at the woman.

"Hi Xena, how's tricks?" Strife said brightly. The Warrior Princess glared at the two as she held them, dangling slightly above the ground.

"What do you think you two were doing?!" they looked around at the devastation, the wrecked stalls, the shattered people. Strife giggled and disappeared, leaving Xander to face them by himself. He looked at Xena and weakly tried to smile.

"Oops."

"Oops! Is that all you can say? Between you, you two utterly destroyed the marketplace!"

"Sorry?" Xander said as he wriggled in Xena's grasp.

"Look at all this damage. I know Strife wont, but can you even come up with the money to pay for this?!"

"I don't have any." Xander said sullenly.

"You're wearing silk and leather, and you don't have any money? And what about this jewelry?"

"Look, put me down so I can think straight will you? These clothes were given to me by my father, like the jewelry. I'm sorry this happened, I got carried away. I'm perfectly willing to help clear up the mess, though."

Gabrielle caught up to them and glared at Xander.

"Just what do you think you were doing there?"

"What is this, an echo? I already told Leather girl there I'll help clear up!"

"You can't just go around wrecking markets at will!"

"I didn't set out to wreck this one! I just got a little carried away fighting Strife, is all."

"Strife! Where is he?"

"He left. I'm gonna get him good when I catch up to the weasel, too!"

Strife reappeared.

"Weasel!"

"Yeah, you just weaseled out of putting up with Leather Girl and Blondie here!"

"Xena! Gabrielle!" the god of mischief smiled widely at the two irate women.

"Strife, you can't just go around destroying marketplaces…" Xander interrupted Gabrielle.

"Wait a minute! This is Gabrielle? And Xena?! You're fine ones to talk, aren't you!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Me and Strife, we caused a little property damage, no biggie. You, between the two of you, have managed to destroy a man. It may not be a biggie to you, but it is to anyone who cares about him!" Strife stared at him and waved his hand, fixing all the damage.

"Leave it alone, Xan. They can't hear ya."

"But look at what they've done to poor Jox. It's just like my friends were doing to me back in Sunnydale."

"I know. But they think they know best and wont' hear anything else. Xena maybe but Blondie…"

"Wait a minute! You know where Joxer is?

"I do. But I'm not telling you where he is. He's happy, and he's beginning to recover form your so-called friendship!"

"Recover?!"

"Where's Joxer?" Xena demanded.

"What do you want with Joxer?" Xander said suspiciously.

"Where is he?!" she demanded again.

"I don't see why I should say anything to you!"

"Xander. That's Xena."

"Yeah. And?" Strife got a big grin on his face.

"Ya forgot already? No, let me introduce everybody. Xander, the little blond is Gabrielle, an Amazon Queen,the woman who is currently threatening us is Xena, Warrior Princess. I'm Strife, God of Mischief. Xena, the boy you are trying to hurt at the moment is Xander, your brother. Xena stepped back in shock.

"Brother?"

"Yeah. Remember Ares, Big Bad God of War, you're Dad? He's Xander's, too."

"Are you sure she's my relative through Dad, Strife? She acts more like a member of my adoptive family."

"No. She's your sister."

"Great. Another psycho in the family. I think I like your Mum better."

"Wait until you know her more. Even Gabby's better than my Mum."

"Wait a minute. How come I've never heard of you before?" Gabbrielle said suspiciously.

"Yeah? Well, I remember what I heard about you. You psychos lay off Jox! He still has nightmares because of you two!" Xander glared at them and began to walk away. Gabrielle ran forward and tried to twist his nose. Xander grabbed her wrist instead and glared at her.

"Let her go!" Xena demanded.

"When she apologizes. What, she thinks she can go around and just hurt people at random and get away with it?"

"I only want to know where Joxer is. He's our friend." Xander let go of her in disgust.

"Some friend! Who needs enemies with a friend like you! Hitting him, making fun of him, breaking his heart!"

"You go boy. Tell 'em all about it."

"No. Strife, get us out of here. I just wanna get away from these two." Xander glared at them both, not looking away when Xena glared back.

"Come on Xan, let's go." Strife put his arms around Xander and disappeared in a flash of purple and silver sparks.

Ares Hall

"You've improved quite a bit, Joxer. Its time make this a little more interesting." Ares smiled at Joxer who nervously returned it.

"If you say so Ares."

"Very good." Ares attacked suddenly with his sword and Joxer held him back for a moment, until Ares did a sideways thrust and his sword went flying.

"Oh dear. Guess you pay the penalty for that."

"Penalty?"

"Didn't I say? Each point lost, you lose an item of clothing." Joxer swallowed and took off his vest. The God of War smiled again and handed him his sword.

Thrace

"Come on Xan, cool down."

"You know, I thought Buffy was the most selfish, inconsiderate bitcah around. Gabrielle comes pretty close."

"And Xena?"

"Probably more inclined to give a fair hearing. I dunno, now I'm just so…"

"Look, I'll buy you a drink, you'll feel better." Arms still around Xander's shoulder, Strife took Xander into the nearest inn. A hooded man in the corner took one look at Strife and got up to run.

The God of Mischief giggled and shot a small fireball over the door, causing a vase to fall on the man's head. He fell down and Strife walked over to him.

"What did you do that for?"

"He ran from me. I gotta see who it is."

"Ya knocked him out for curiosity?" "Yeah. And?"

"Never mind. It's a God thing, right?" Strife giggled and lifted up the hood. Underneath was a tall handsome man with a beard and brown hair. He opened his eyes then and smiled weakly at Strife.

"Hi Strife. Kid."

"Autolycus? What ya hiding from me for? I got no problem with you."

"Oh wait, you don't know about…nothing Strife, nothing at all"

"Ooh, a secret, I love secrets." Strife said, sitting on Auto's waist and reaching his hands down. Xander stopped him.

"Strife, could we eat first?"

"Ya don't mind the questioning then?"

"Why should I?"

"Hey kid, what did I ever do to you?"

"Nothing. But I know Strife won't really hurt ya. Much."

"Don't count on it."

"Look, I want food and I want it now!' Xander glared at Strife and sat down at a table. Strife scowled but sat down too. Auto followed out of curiosity and sat with them.

"You're gonna let him talk to you like that?"

"What can I say? He's beautiful when he's angry." Xander glared at Strife as he burst out laughing.

Ares Hall

Joxer had nothing left on but his leather pants, and was wet with perspiration when he called for a break.

"This isn't fair. I'm nowhere near good enough to fight you like this."

"Hey, all's fair in war and love. So, you don't want to play anymore?"

"No. I'm too tired."

"So you concede. Good." Ares stepped forward and swept Joxer up into his arms, kissing him. Joxer wrenched his head back and stared at him.

"What was that for?"

"I won the game. And the winner takes all, including the loser."

"Oh. Okay." Joxer lifted his head up and kissed Ares, moving his hands inside his vest to his back.

Ares smiled and transported them both to his bed, Joxer underneath as he nibbled on the mortal's flesh.

Thrace

"Can it Strife!"

"Or what? What ya gonna do? Huh? Come on Xan, let's see what you've got!"

Xander yelled and produced a fireball, throwing it at Strife. It knocked him back across the room and he slumped down against the wall. Xander stared at Strife, then at his hand, before running to the God of Mischief.

"Strife! Strife! Are you okay? How did I do that?!" He bent over close to the god's face. Strife opened his eyes suddenly and grabbed Xander, pulling him down before kissing him. Xander struggled for a minute then sighed and put his arms around the god. They pulled back, gasping for air.

"Ya did it Xan!"

"Did what? And how did I do it? And do I want to admit to it?"

"Of course ya do! You're a god, Xan, a fully manifested one!"

"How?"

"Well, Unc wasn't sure if you'd been around the Chronus Crystal long enough, but you have! He wanted me to try and get ya going, see if ya would. It's easier to start it with extreme emotion, usually rage. So, you're a god."

"I'm a god?! Hey, that beats the witch and werewolf thing!" Xander bent forward and kissed Strife, hard.